Enneagram: When Good Goes Bad For Type 3
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- Опубліковано 1 сер 2024
- Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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My notes
3:54 aggression in meeting goals-even deception
6:53 wants to reach higher goals
7:46 what is important to you in life
9:55 the beautifully wrapped empty present-molding to what other people want
14:00 when you don't feel appreciated
15:34 3s and 8s difference- 8s don't mold themselves to fit others
21:00 other's reactions to success
22:18 love=/= admiration
23:00 3 goes to 6- what can I do for the team
26:29 doing things for admiration instead of genuine reasons
28:55 a better version of you
29:38 being happy with what you have now
We 3s were inspired by listening to you describe us, took notes to look over, and relished in our accomplishments as we listened. We plan later look over what we need to change, decide which ones are the easiest and quickest areas to change, and possibly ignore the harder issues we have. We will keep the list of "great insights and things I need to remember" nearby for a few days for inspiration, and try to become a better us, trying hard not to quit and go back to our "normal" if we don't see immediate results.
Truth…sadly.
So accurate 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
And when your the favourite child... Its hard on your siblings if you keep playing to the gallery and not letting them be in the spotlight. From a sister of a 3
Enneagram threes accepting that they are egoistic and narcissistic are the most authentic people in the world.
3s can very much resemble scones. Large and puffy on the outside but you bite into them you get mostly air and puff. 4s are more like tiny pieces of fudge. Appear outwardly small but are quite rich within (As a 4, I flatter myself.) We 4s tend to get annoyed with 3s b/c they are the Masters of Convention. And 4s tend to feel overshadowed. Society values conventional success.
Also, I love how 8s are able to cut through the 3's BS. I love 8s for this reason. Their authenticity and desire for justice and truth.
Good analogies. Thanks.
3 become 8s when people don’t deliver as they should or get in the way of reaching their goals. They might exclude or give them a second chanse after some beating.
3 become 2s when people support and step in and deliver in delivering on the goals. They care for the people, bringing cakes, gifts, bonuses, giving vacation time, etc.
Nice!
My marriage…said the scone married to a brownie.
I wonder how personality disorders play into this. My ex husband was a 3 and was also a diagnosed narcissist and in the end he was an absolute nightmare as a husband and father who was incredibly destructive to me and our children while careful to maintain public perceptions.
According to the Enneagram Institute, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is correlated to 3's and 4's at their unhealthist level.
I’m a self preservation 3w2 that has slid into 9. I am usually very understated. I care for others as a leader. And for the last while I’ve been completely disengaged with life. I have lost the drive. Where can I find information on how to get out of this funk??
I am in exactly the same space as you were when you made this post. Did you get any insight or help to get out of that 9 space?
@@aalin5701 Thank you Aalin. It has been hard, but I'm doing better. I actually had a coaching session with Dr. LaHue so that was super helpful. I did some work from the nine perspective and it helped. Take care.
@@NatalieBrownMusic Yes I did thanks - had a coaching session with Dr. LaHue. I'm doing much better than what I was back when I posted, but it has certainly been an exercise in patience and self-compassion. I still struggle but I know more now about what I can do to help myself. I appreciate your response.
Great information! Thank you for sharing!
I'm 8w7 and I reframe too now that I'm in healthier place. I look at it as an opportunity for growth.
Bravo, Dr. Tom! You have nailed the 3 to a tee! I am a 6w7, so I go to 3 under stress. However, I am happy with being a member of the team. A blatant 3 in my Toastmaster's club was supposed to give a speech in tribute to someone he admired and who helped him. Robert chose to honor me. However, he ended up mentioned me only minimally and making the speech about himself! I did not speak up but did feel the hurt. Then, I realized Robert could not help it. He loves medals and accomplishments and is really driven. However, his family life, I think, has been affected. Thanks again. You are great!
Spot on. Coming from a 3
I agree with most of this video. Very good questions.. What is this success really adding to me? In the beginning is proving the worth, on the long term more importantly it make me independent. As you said, careers come and go.. when you have a manager.. what if you become or make yourself the highest manager? Then career stays!! It does not go! So it's a shift from a feeling of worth to a feeling of not being dependent on a looser of a manager that feels afraid of you or envy you all the time.
I prefer if the manager feels envy, that is the proof of success.
Question from me: What if the 3 goes to 8 and then later to 2 and builds his own fortress and then being kind? I see that move to be closer than from 3 to 6 and give it all away for nothing. The 3 has the tools, drive, focus and can build up the fortress and become a 8 in that fortress. What do you think?
In my opinion I see the connection between 3 and 8 is so much closer than between 3 and 6. Because the differences seem to be anger (8) vs hunger (3) level. But hunger can move one into anger and rage to feed the hunger.. so these are related. Hunger is the soft level of emotion, that is then escalated to anger and later to rage. Once goal is reached emotion goes down to anger and no more hunger and happiness and love (2).
Also if one looks at the extreme levels of the 3 and 8, they are rather related. What is you opinion on this Tom?
ALWIBE 3 -> 8 -> 2 can be seen as Achieving money (3) -> getting Power (8) -> having women love (2).
”In this country you gotta make the money first (3). Then when you get the money, you get the power (8). Then when you get the power, then you get the women (2).”
//Scarface
I would love to spend more time with my closest friends, but they live thousands of miles from DC. Covid has forced me to become comfortable with solitude, even though I seem to be running faster on the hamster wheel right now. Although I prefer being with people more often, I've had to stretch my introversion muscle.
i just stopped by, i think, i am a type 3, got to the Trading Floor, and hit my glass ceiling -- so i moved out , onto another goal - with my stomach ulcer from trading .. i think, we burn hot & burn out .. now, i just want a cabin in the Alps , and chill ..
Excellent information, but for visual learners, graphics or a list of your points on a sidebar, would make your lecture much more effective and easier for the listener to stay focused.
Thanks for the tips!
Me and my husband watched this and he said “he’s not a three is he? He definitely sounds like he hates threes.”
Mr Lahue hates threes! It’s obvious once you start to listen to other videos. Bad relationship somewhere along the line. Low self esteem? 🤷🏼♀️
Great stuff!! Thank you!
i realize it is kinda off topic but do anyone know a good website to stream new tv shows online?
@Danny Royal Try flixzone. Just search on google for it =)
@Deacon Jay Yea, I've been watching on flixzone for years myself :D
@Deacon Jay thanks, I went there and it seems like a nice service =) I appreciate it !!
@Danny Royal you are welcome :)
Thanks
Thanks
can 3s be lazy?
You didn't just say gooder, did you Dr. Tom? LOL 🤣 love your videos! I'm a 2 wing 1
No I thought so too, but he said (to paraphrase) “supply some good *or* service” haha 😂
Strengths overused leads to underdeveloped parts of self.
Cuts corners.
Admirable, desirable, charming, productive
3s become unglued/aggressive when don’t feel acknowledged
Style over substance.
Wrapping paper over gift.
If you have to earn it, it’s not love!
Thanks from 3W4 in Melbourne ❤
Superficial empty peoplepleaser that can murate to sharks i the egram...🤪