Enneagram: The High/Low Side of Type 1
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- Опубліковано 20 січ 2020
- Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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Low side to 4 starts at around 15:20, High side to 7 starts at 24:50 (type 1 here, judging why this info is missing) lol. I agree with the “people are stupid” mindset. It is my fav sentence
Me too. I was shocked that someone knew my guilty conversation topic is explaining how stupid people can be.
I am only NOW discovering this. 1 here, too (at least best I can tell)
I like my healthy side, sometimes I feel like I'm not 'anal' enough though. I'm a Nine Wing Type One and sometimes worry the Nine Wing holds me back with it's slackness - I'd be really interested to know if anyone else thinks this too. Don't know if a Two Wing would have been better?
Many Thanks 🇬🇧
"...enduring and perservering, but not living" bingo! That statement resonated with me as a description of where I go when I feel overwhelmed and sit in 4. Interestingly though, I am able to sit in the meloncholy for awhile but ultimately my internal voice kicks my butt back to my "doing" of my 1.
7:40 - I would say that you CAN convince me that I am wrong, you have to hear me and empathize with me and it will disarm this self-righteousness because self-righteousness is a defense mechanism against danger for me.
Thanks for the clarification.
Yes! I’m a one. I can totally change my mind but you have to listen and understand my point of view.
Agree. Difficult but not impossible
Perfect! Sometimes I feel I just need my point to be heard and taken in account, and then, maybe, I can change my oppinion.
That’s interesting. Listening to me won’t make me accept being wrong. When I state something clearly, without question, it’s because I’m right. Typically, ones should only go off facts, reality and what is the best option. If you’re easily persuaded because someone empathized with you, you’re definitely not a one.
you absolutely nailed me. no wonder i scored a high 1 at 98%. it's such a difficult and stressful life.
Frustration more than anger is definitely true.
Absolutely. I feel often regularly depressed and just hopefuless
I feel you, fellow 1 😔❤
I'm a one and I felt like a true "ah ha" moment in my life (which of course is always obvious to the people around you) was "sometimes good enough is good enough"
But seriously, 80%? Can't we at least aim for 98?
"Don't let perfection be the enemy of the good." Was the one that got me. 😂
just had a meltdown not too long ago about how people just had it easy at home while I got to do all the things that had to be done every day. Most of the time, I like to work and get things done, but I don't like it when it seems that I'm the only one who puts the effort to get things in the right order. I've never felt so seen as I watch this.
"Have some compassion with yourself", that's great. Thank you.
Awesome, glad it helps.
I find that when I can show grace to others, it is easier for me to give it to myself when holding myself against my own standards.
“How do you know your way is the right way?” Because my way has proven effective and has produced results. While the other person’s way is unrefined, dysfunctional and accomplishes nothing, except showing how stupid they must be to fall victim to same patterns, again and again.
easy easy
Oh dear...... 😐
I’m a 1 and laughed the whole time because all of this is true of me at work 😂
Kn
Haha omg it’s scary how right this is
I'm a 1w9 and the 1 comes out at work big time
I'm a type 1. I lol-ed @ "People are stupid"
Help us get organized...we need 1's to keep us from destroying ourselves.
oh boy that o
ne little sentence or "Those humans tho!"
My phrase realized freshman year in college: the incompetent masses.
I think I’ve been so unhealthy for so long i mistyped myself as a 4, since that’s the direction of stress. In reality I don’t relate to the unhealthy behaviors of a 4 as much as I do the behaviors of a 1. My mind is kinda blown lol
As a middle aged type one, graduate student and mother of six, having a self care plan is vital to maintaining good mental health. As ones, we often feel that we have to do everything for those around us at the expense of our own needs. Making intentional time for ourselves really does help with diminishing the resentment we sometimes feel. Learning to GIVE UP CONTROL is extremely important. For me, this has been crucial in maintaining good and healthy relationships with my kids. I had to learn that they are each the leader of their own life, and I don’t have the right to make all of their choices for them, even when I think what they are doing is leading them down a bad path. It’s their journey to figure out, and who knows, I may be wrong. (Although I doubt it😂😂😂😂😂)
Oh my GOD. EVERY SINGLE TRAIT mentioned here is SPOT ON. I'm trying to be more okay with accepting when I'm wrong during discussions and arguments, or when someone else's perspective makes more sense.
I think once I realized changing my mind in the presence of new information is a quality I admire (and doesn’t have to be a judgment against myself), I can more easily be flexible and less rigid. It’s been a game changer.
Wow! This has really helped me to finally understanding my friend of 16 years. Our friendship has been challenging/tense over the years and with me being a type 2 I finally understand why I've had such a hard time with the dynamics of certain events. Prayerfully this will truly seal our friendship for a LIFETIME verses a reason or season. Thanks for the channel!
I live by the 80/20 ratio in all things. 80% of my effort at achieving my highest level, giving at work, to my family, eating clean, working out. But that last 20% is for me. It lets me be ok not being so perfect, not hitting that highest level everyday.
YEESS! I do this too
Spot on! That's me! It is very helpful to be aware of who we are and how we operate. Thank you, great video
the fact that 24 of the 32 minutes are devoted to the flaws of type 1 LMAO I feel personally called out 💀💀
Thanks for the detailed info of 1. I’m listening all your videos of 1. 😍🌈 it helps me to understand that I’m not wired and a loser and how to improve, give myself grace and do something to make myself happy. 😭💕
So helpful!! Here's a crazy dynamic: my husband is 1w9, me 4w5. When we've met I was disintegrated 2, but quickly became a self-efficacious, 1 integrated, 4. It went great for a long time, but then, it's like my w5 had me outshine his 1-ness (i.e. creative problem solving & much deeper analysis of methods, motives, beliefs etc), so in time he became competitive and resentful - envy - which spiralled into narcissism and a cycle of emotional & psychological abuse, actively pressuring me back into codependence.
Still, the key to my health was to remain in the energy of a grounded, boundaried, world oriented 1. Though I can't even begin to explain how utterly repulsed I am at the idea of trying to be more Type 1, like him. It triggers my self-hatred so often, then I compensate by becoming very 3 or 7 - surprise, surprise!
Any more insights into 1w9 - 4w5 dynamics, PLS?
Thank you so much for making this video! This was very eye opening!
Your description about how a 1 feel when he is "certain" about something is so precise! Haha Facts don't really persuade us, at least not immediatly.
It feels like you're Type 1, understands us so well! Actually, I think you're the only person who understands me at all. Thank you so much for your videos 🙏
I LOVE the analogy for integration and disintegration as an orchard and an outhouse. It really put it in perspective for me. Thank you so much! I watched this video to try to help me figure out if I’m a 9w1 or 1w9.
This really made sense for me and was touching, thank you.
Awesome.
"People are stupid" 100% HAHAHAHA! My husband, "you're angry" Me "I'm not angry, I'm frustrated." Again 100%. My MIL is a 1 as well, our fights whoa.... She's much more rigid than myself. She gets mad if we don't crumple up water bottles enough for the trash and she has two trash bags, so the main trash bag doesn't get dirty, yet she won't recycle... BUT when we get along which is most of the time, it's amazing. Her famous saying- "There are three ways of doing things, the wrong way, the right way, or Denise's way."
Interesting!!! My husband is a 1 & I’m a 7. You have pegged us for sure!!!
Thank you for this. Being a 1w9 sp, I want to keep everything in life in check and in order. So exhausting. Sometimes I need someone to tell me to relax.
These comments are so funny. They read with such a “matter of fact tone”. Lol. -type 4.
Lol
This is very validating. Thank you. Feedback is a gift and being able to take the good with the not-so-good is great for my growth. Still working on being less critical of others when they don’t meet my standards bc it’ll trickle down to me and showing myself grace. ❤ I also find that play really gets me in that healthy 7 space - being able to engage with my creativity and levity.
Awesome
Dr LaHue, I am a 1 and your videos have helped me tremendously in these recent weeks with difficult times. I really appreciate the videos you post. Thank you for helping me understand my personality more, and what I can do to lighten up. Thanks again! 🙏🏼
I need you to show me why my way isn't the right way haha.
Good luck. 😎
Being a 1 greatly appreciate your insights and encouragements. Bless you
As a 1w2 and a mother of nine kids with varying personalities.... married to a very stubborn 5w6.... I’ve had to learn what I can and can’t control. But I have certain things that I insist on keeping “right”.... my desk... the kitchen. And as a PICU and NICU nurse I think that my attention to detail and inspiring things are right is VERY useful!
I’d love to see (and if you’ve done it I will find it, I’m kind of binge watching) relationship tips...(in particular how a 1 can deal with a very stubborn 5!)
Awesome. I glad people like you are doing the jobs you do.
As an 8 I find ones hilarious. Their expectations & judgements far surpass their ability.
So spot on! My 1 son is exactly as you’ve described! Such a “good boy” always has his moral compass pointing N . Was always a “mother hen” to his younger siblings. Got straight A’s because he wanted to not because his parents expected it or pushed it. Very self directed. Very opinionated. There’s a right and wrong. His 7 sister is much different. And it’s so interesting what you’re saying because it’s like she kinda drives him nuts but it does feel like he kinda envies her on some level.
This is what you did and this is the consequence! Yes! It's not personal, not a punishment, just the result.
I could have protected you from it but learning from your mistakes will benefit you and society as a whole.
Great information! Thank you for sharing!
I absolutely love the analogy of the outhouse!
This was incredibly insightful. I understand a lot of things better now. I definitely know that when I'm at my best I joke around a lot and am easily delighted. A also enjoy hooking up with guys who are probably 7s during those times (or maybe 9s). They annoy me at some points, being so childish, because I can't just stay that way. But when I can access it, they're right there with me, only with more experience living that "forever young" life.
There was a lot I resonated with, but I think the one thing that connected for me building beyond what you covered is what it was like for me when I've experienced satori states (temporary spiritual enlightenment). I could heal people just by looking at them, and the way I did it was by simply knowing in my entire being beyond any shadow of a doubt just how perfect they were. My knowing of their perfection was so much stronger than their belief in their illness that their "illness hallucination" as I would call it, simply evaporated, leaving only their perfect health and well-being behind.
I believe that is the fulfillment of the 1. We have to learn to stop trying to work with our intellects to CREATE a world of perfection, and instead allow ourselves to embody the KNOWING of the perfection that already exists. Our knowing is creative.
I'm a One and this whole "you just know" thing is baffling to me. In grad school, my internship supervisor literally said to me, "Abra, you have a good gut. Just listen to it," to which I responded, "How?" as I was completely disconnected from my gut. Another example- in undergrad, my (still) best friend of 20 years (and also a fellow One) said, "what I don't like about you is when we are arguing. You always know why you think what you do and you expect others to know as well, but I don't. I know you're wrong, but I can't explain it, and it's frustrating."
I've learned to connect more with my gut over the past 10 years, but it's taken a full decade for me to say I think there is some merit to it. Feelings/instincts/beliefs aren't facts. They are, however, evidence. So, they're worth examining and exploring, but... I just strongly don't relate to this whole "I know it in my gut and can't explain it" thing and my One frustration is coming out in the form of a ranty message on here. I'm choosing not to delete it (strong urge to do so), in case it's helpful to others (2 wing to the rescue! lol).
Interestingly, I still get the, "I feel like I'm disappointing you all the time" from folks, which always makes me sad, because I don't want people to feel that way. I think the issue is that I feel my perspective is based in logic (and, largely, it is... Though it is also based in values as primary starting points for said logic which are specific to me). My desire for others to have a logical explanation for things means that I expect them to use the same process I do, rather than making decisions without logic (emotionally-based, for example). I find myself respecting others' arguments as logical, however, and still believing they are wrong because they don't follow my same underlying values premise.
So, my One'ness isn't really "felt" in my "gut" so much as overanalyzed in my mind, but the base premise is a gut thing (values). I would ask who doesn't base their perspective on their own values, though?
Anyone else a One who has figured out how this works? I'm struggling here. I want to understand this idea, but it doesn't really seem to fit based on my lived experiences.
Also, before anyone questions whether I'm a 5... Nope. I've been researching this stuff for 2 years and, unfortunately and with great regret, I am definitely a One. This is the first description I've heard where I didn't relate to One'ness.
I don’t trust my gut either. I’m learning to listen, but am always pleasantly surprised to be confirmed when I’m right. I think being an analytical researcher, I always hold what I know loosely, but that doesn’t mean I’m easily persuaded. I’m a sensory type in Myers Briggs, he is probably describing a more intuitive type. Some of what he is saying sounds more like an 8. “Good enough” doesn’t satisfy me much, but growth does and the gospel answer for perfection/imperfection.
@@abracadabra2395 My wife is a 1 and I tell her all the time that I feel like i'm never good enough for her. I have come to learn that I'm not actually right about that, but man, the way she says things, that's just how I hear it. I'm a 4, so the bad parts of me are where she ends up when she's not doing so well, so I think I should know better...but its not easy.
This was actually healing for me as a 4 living with criticism from a type 1 dad and and close friend.
What happens when type 1 s are not only under stress, but has a burnout. I feel I ve given up everything. Not even trying to correct things that I cant escape. Feeling like a 9, but my wing is 2
My mom and my sister-in-law is a 1. Explains so much.
I'm a 1 and this is a great video. I am definitely in an unhealthy place right now, working on getting back to the top of the hill. My husband is a 9, it's an interesting relationship at times lol.
Great.
Very helpful video. Thank you. 🖤
thank you for this video! I am TOTALLY A ONE.
You are BRILLIANT,,, thank you
Very helpful. Thank you
I'm a construction manager and someone told me to take the test today and got a 1. Insane how accurate.
So very helpful!!!
I am Blood Type A. Which many times looks like an Enneagram 1.But I am 70 and still
a Type 1. This lecture is solid. Good assesment. A lot of Type 1 are physicians.
You nailed it.
As a 1w9, can I try to correct (lol!!!) what you say about our gut here. Its more the opposite- usually I have all the arguments about why something is wrong for me, but if a stop and listen to my gut, it leads me orher ways, like, it tells me to relax, it tells "let things go"
Spot on for me
I'm a 4 but I relate strongly to the 1.
Thank you sir
I'm a one, and my son is a nine ...
I married a 4 ...
What a trainwreck ...
Ha I’m a 1 my husband a 9 and son a 4😂
As a type 1 the idea that I can't put 100% attention on all things does kind of break my mind a bit… even though it OBVIOUSLY makes sense! :S
Good enough is good enough 🙏
NEVER!!!
Then I wouldn't be a 1.
@@brendonsinger9859 Right. To me, "good enough" equals mediocrity. Why would anyone want to be mediocre?
When I know I’m right that’s it lol. As I’ve gotten older I don’t feel the need to prove to others I’m right. I will let you speak but do what I want lol
I'm 98% type 1. This video has been an eye-opener and a relief. 😌 I am 82% type 2, 51% type 3, 85% type 4, 76% type 5, 81% type 6, 51% type 7, 77% type 8, and 54% type 9. So, can you tell me what this means in a nutshell, please? 😄 I'm new to this type of personality rating. 👍
I love your videos. As a 1 I can tell you that that curtain behind you should be ironed 🤣
Yes
This is true.
With all respect to you, you don't seem to really "get" 1s - our true motivation - I think a lot of us have a genuine desire to be pure, holy, what God intended us to be - but we sin in trying to attain that by will power. I think something to know is that often ones feel so much pressure because we can live in extremes - on one side compulsive and controlling, while on the other procrastinating to the point of laziness and feeling guilty so overcorrecting back to obsessiveness. We are not so much interested in being right, but in the right thing. So if you approach us with respect and kindness and understanding, we're way more likely to see it your way and bend. Ones need encouragement and kindness because we are sdo hard on ourselves.
that is sooo true~~!
Joanie Jorash
Being pure is very close to having integrity... I think God wants us to live with integrity and truth in every way.
Maybe you have a very strong 9 wing; hence the procrastination. Or, you are actually a 9 with a strong 1 wing (like myself).. just a thought.
God bless you 😊
I'm a 9 married to a 1. If I try to engage with him with kindness and encouragement, he thinks I'm an idiot for not seeing all the things that are wrong. It's not OK to not live up to whatever impossible standard he has set for himself and I'm stupid and undisciplined for not seeing it and even suggesting such a thing. Then the anger and resentment gets turned towards me. Do any 1's have any suggestions on exactly how to approach him, phrases to use, or what not to do and why? What exactly would you like your significant other to do, when you are stuck in the outhouse?
@@sweetpeasandyarrowaranchdi8327 I'm a 9 married to a 1 myself... but I also have a strong 1 wing which makes me a perfectionist; yet can hardly meet his standards when he raises the bar (only under stress). The one thing I'd tell you not to do is criticize him in any way. Start by pointing out your mistakes casually when you do them and be Ok and confident that you're still worthwhile. Keep it light.. joke about it... It'll give him some example of how it's ok to make mistakes. Always be kind to him however unkind he might be, but give him some space and do your own thing dignantly. Hold your cool then discuss at a later time. Remember; don't stuff it as we usually do..we blow up in a nasty rage afterwards. I'm still working on it but the enneagram has helped tremendously.
One last thing, stick to your own standards if you're convinced they're suitable for you... insist that people can be different and both right and worthy and free. If has other standards he should be the one applying them; not anyone else. God bless you.
@@nohasamir3134 Thankyou for your reply, I just now saw it.
I'm not a hater i want to share my opinions, i love your videos they are so produtive and you have my respect:
You kind of being too hard to ones. You love explaining eights or nines i'm getting that bc of your mode. And all videos about explaining one are short.
Thanks
I see that some 1s completely agree with the video and other 1s (like me) feel that it is very critical.
I think it depends on where you are on your journey. I think the OP focused more on unhealthy 1s and/or 1s who are more outwardly critical and want perfection in their environment.
Some 1s are more inwardly critical and so this video feels incredibly hurtful because we are already so hard on ourselves. I’m an SP 1w9 and I had to turn this video off last time I tried to watch it because it sounded like my inner critic during the worst times in my life (“you’re bad and because of that no one wants you around”). It felt like I was being shit on LOL, especially the part where he said a lot of cops are 1s.
OP, also may have sounded critical because that’s how 7s get during times of stress AND if he has had a bad experience with an unhealthy 1, then he might be speaking to that person.
For my 1s who are more inwardly critical and strive to be morally good, I think the world sees your ambition. We aren’t just called “perfectionists” we’re also called “reformers” and we can do so much good for the world when we loosen our reigns. You are doing your best and that is beautiful :). You don’t have to have such a stronghold on things to be good or to be happy. You already are good ❤️. The world needs you and you are so very loved.
A song that I found to be really healing was “One” by Sleeping at Last. They also have a podcast episode that breaks down the song. Give it a listen! It will make you feel better
LOL, you guys why am I back here wondering if I was being too mean in this post. Ohhh, inner critic/parent. If you know, you know 😜
👁️ The comment section is a "spot the unhealthy 1" game for the rest of us. - 5w6
I’m starting to think I’m actually an enneagram 1. I don’t relate to a lot of frustration, or at least it never comes out, but I think I am afraid of being bad.
I'm most definitely a one, but I don't get the cop analogy, if you would have said a judge yes, but I dont believe ones take direction well from others, we are not good soldiers unless we agree with the orders
yeah I have kind of felt shitted on with this video, I’m not gonna lie. I’m an sp 1w9 and my values lie heavily with being kind to others, so that might be why some parts of the video resonate and others don’t but I don’t feel like 1s are just rule followers because they’re rules. We follow rules that align with our moral compass. We want to be good people, not just be ‘perfect’. Our perfectionism is more internal vs external
@@Ella-wp8bq I agree, we have our own rules that we try hard to follow and it's about our internal growth not making others follow our rules although sometimes it seems like it
My almost 30 year old son is a 1 and I’m a 4. Maybe why we seem to just get each other.
I’m a Type 1 balanced wing... I’ve never seen anyone else with a balanced wing before. What does this mean?
I'm a 1 balanced wing too!
@@elizabethashley6850 ahh! Finally, someone else! ✨☺️
As a 6... Somethings I understand about being a 1... And a lot that I don't quite understand the headspace of
6w5
I took the test today and found out I'm 100% type 1 with 84% type 6. Based on what you are saying i think I am far off of the 9 and 2 wings. Can someone be that far off?
I would read into type 1's and 6's and see which one resonates with you more! Also, type 1's have 2 and 9 wings and then 6's have 5 and 7 wings so that might be helpful too :)
Embracing perfectly imperfect ❤
Just remember, imperfections make us unique and interesting!
so what would it mean if my tritype is 174 based on what u said about 7s and 4s
I will have to think about that. I have not explored "tri-types" in great detail yet.
Really good video and very helpful to me. I really like you. And that's unusual for me. My favorite line I always say is I don't even like people. Lol. But you are understanding & kind in your explanations & I like that. And you. Thank you.
I need to get healthy as a 4 if I'm going to partner with the less-compatible 1!
This is worrisome. I have fallen deeply for a woman who is a 1. I am a 4. Am I chasing heartbreak?
@@gregaanes800 I read recently that the Enneagram tool was never meant to be for romantic compatibility, just personal growth. It's just a tool to help all types get to their healthiest, and any type can partner with any type.
In closing you said 7, now that I understand myself better. I am trying not to leave this comment but I am nitpicky in the morning sorry.
I am such a 1😂, I really felt like a 4
This is me to the T! Haha
Doctor of what.?
I’m so confused by this enneagram lmfao??? Imma 4 I lived with 1 actual hell
Not a lot of positives about ones according to this guy. Feeling worse about myself than before I watched. Almost the whole thing talked about the negatives of ones. I wish he had brought out a balance.
Prosecutors and police officers
Edit: more so prosecutors
IDK...
They are never wrong! 😱 You have to convince them they are wrong, I guess??? 😂
Why say "you know?" constantly? (The One talking. )
when he said 1’s are usually cops, big yikes
I'd never want to be a cop ironically, nor am I a huge fan of them.,
I think most are judges and lawyers, but that is of no comfort.
Wow. I am so so so impressive. I feel I am 200% understood.