I don’t know why I am crying. I guess maybe it is because I am afraid to not be accepted if I show my true self to everyone, but at the same time I want joy, love, and authenticity.
I'm right there with you. I hope you have found your joy, love and authenticity by now. I see you left this comment two years ago. I'm just now seeing this video for the first time. Eye-opening for sure.
Symptoms of shame: - When joy becomes foreboding or suspicious, - Disappointment as a lifestyle, - not wanting to get excited about things for fear of them not happening, - Perfectionism, - Faith - vulnerability=extremism, - Numbing But why are we intolerant of vulnerability? - scarcity mindset - nothing is safe/perfect/extraordinary enough, we‘re meaning less if all that‘s missing, sometimes the ordinary is a blessing (e.g. your family being normally healthy) How do we embrace vulnerability - practice gratitude - honor what‘s ordinary about our lives - play, play, play - nature - love, love, love
"In the ordinary moments of our lives is really when we can find the most joy." Wow! I needed to hear that! I'm so weary of all the "live your best life!" b.s.!
vulnerability refers to the willingness to be open and honest about one's feelings and experiences, even if it involves some risk or potential for discomfort. Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen, even when you can't control the outcome. Being vulnerable can involve showing one's weaknesses, fears, and insecurities, as well as expressing emotions and asking for help or support when needed. Vulnerability is not weakness, but rather the most accurate measure of courage. It's the foundation of trust, connection, and innovation. Great discussion on the dangerous impact of losing our tolerance for vulnerability in our culture. The fear of vulnerability causes people to avoid joy, experience disappointment as a lifestyle, disconnect, strive for perfection, and engage in extremism. The scarcity drives our intolerance for vulnerability because we live in a culture that tells us there is never enough and that an ordinary life is meaningless. Vulnerability is not a weakness but rather a strength that allows people to experience joy, love, belonging, creativity, and faith. "We are losing our tolerance for vulnerability." "Vulnerability is absolutely at the core of fear, and anxiety, and shame, and very difficult emotions that we all experience. But vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, of love, of belonging, of creativity, of faith." "One of the symptoms that we're losing our capacity for vulnerability is that joy actually becomes foreboding." "Perfectionism has nothing to do with striving for excellence and healthy-- it's nothing to do with healthy striving. People who I interview who are absolutely accomplished, and people who strive for excellence are the biggest negotiators and compromisers that I've ever interviewed." "Faith minus vulnerability equals extremism." "We live in a culture that tells us that there is never enough." "In this world, somehow, an ordinary life has become synonymous with a meaningless life." "What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful." Nailed it!
“We all want to believe that we are not going to get hurt and that bad things are not gonna happen and they are. There is a guarantee that no one talks about and that is If we don’t allow ourselves to experience joy and love we will definitely miss out on filling our reservoirs with what we need when those hard things happen.”
13:08: "...you cannot selectively numb emotion...let me tell you, if vulnerability is a sharp edge, there may be nothing sharper than joy." = mindblown 💥
@@Gaurav.P0 Being able to be hurt or affected by someone else is a very vulnerable place to put yourself in. If you allow someone to touch you, it's can be very sharp if they hit you instead. That's the sharp edge of vulnerability. The same thing happens with joy. If you find joy in something, and it gets taken away - it's can be even worse.
@@markdemell8056 Joy may be soft but the quote is making a point (no pun intended). She's saying that it's incredibly vulnerable to show and experience joy.
Isn’t being vulnerable just us being authentic? We learn as children that we are authentic and loved or authentic and rejected. That’s why so many of us grow up believing we cannot be authentic and or vulnerable.
Vulnerability doesn't change who you are It shows your capability for compassion being relatable. Makes you even stronger . One of the best videos ever
I think vulnerability and sincerity are closely related. People are also losing the ability to be sincere in their expressions because we're conditioned to think we have to 'finesse' others in order to get ahead.
This was so helpful for me. I keep feeling that feeling that I'm missing something and what is missing is the being in the moment by being vulnerable. My stomach is flip flopping just thinking of what that means. That is a good thing. I'm going to hug my sons really hard tonight.
@@Gaurav.P0 I Wondered/Wanted To Ask The Same! Makes Me Feel Good About The Direction The Collective Consciousness Has Gone In The Past Decade (For The Most Part).
I have a hard time crying. I realized that I've been running away from my sadness because I was afraid I would end up in a deep dark hole and unable to pull my out. I'm learning to let myself feel what I feel even if it is painful.
Who cares what amount of money she is making, she deserves to be making a whole lot as she has done with so many of us that are learning why we are like we are. Namaste Brene 🙏 I feel blessed to have been shown your work in rehab. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and research with US 💗
that last bit is so powerful just in itself. when i lost my dad, i didn’t want sympathy or sadness or pity or whatever, i wanted people to tell THEIR parents how much they loved them, it’s perspective and it’s crazy🥹
I spent 10 years working in ICU's and numbed my feelings to people's pain so I could do what it took to care for them or at least that's what I thought. It took another 8 years to start really feeling people. I remember the day when i could feel someone else's physical pain as I cared for them, it overwhelmed me it was so intense, and i still struggling with the emotional numbness that is part of medicine today. As she said numbness shuts down the joy in life as well and I miss joy.
My wife got sick and almost died. After years of medical, she finally got back on her feet but during that time I had to numb everything to take care of her and stay functional. Now that she's finally better, I have to figure out how to live again. I can only imagine how you must feel.
I was a nurse for 8 years. I also numbed my feelings and emotions there was no room for sharing it with anybody. There was no other way to keep doing my job than to shut down my feelings. It has resulted, 15 years later, in a breakdown. I've missed joy and trust for a long long time. I never understood what happened to me. And now I know. Thanks...
I have discovered the high cost of being invulnerable for the majority of my life. I’m currently cleaning up the wreckage that it left in its wake. Brené Brown has played a part in that process! ❤️ I love this human being !
You're doing good. You're feeling. if you close it, what will happen? If you open it, what will happen? If you put your hand in fire, it will burn and hurt you, and you'll pull your hand away. If you think about how burned hand might feel, you'll be stuck in pain and suffer from the thoughts. So, if you can choose to avoid physical pain, why not choose to avoid emotional pain. At least you will not have scarves. Good luck with your choice .Good luck to be just YOU.🌹
Brené Brown is hands down one of my absolute favorite people on this planet. She is boldly going in to the most important topics... The most important fields for real life.
Wow! I work as an addiction counselor with active duty military! This is so helpful to present to them! To them, they are taught they being vulnerable is a weakness. I can present this to them as an educational! Thank you Brene' for your dedication to research!
My dad was military and he was unable to connect with us because he saw vulnerability as weakness for himself and us. It's really sad that they're trained that way
Excellent talk, this should be watched by everybody. In addition to what Brené showed, here is how I see vulnerability: Vulnerability is something we all need, because it opens the way in which our true emotions and feelings flow and as humans we cannon't keep them in ourselves. When you are vulnerable you are not thinking about what you are for the outside world but about what you are in you, and thus you break that barrier to release everything that comes right from the heart.
That's well said, I do agree, and calls to my mind an image from my Catholic upbringing of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and maybe why there's a barbed-wire like wreath of thorns wrapped around it
This is so true! for the longest time I couldn't watch a man making a fool of himself in a movie. I would just avoid that scene. But it's after listening to Brene, I learned my own tendancy to appear cool always and not let myself experiment and become a fool. It's still a challenge but atleast now I know where to work on!
I have the same experience. I can't watch people sing on the spot because I'm nervous for them. I'm scared they'll mess up and embarrass themselves. It's through your comments that I see now, I was projecting my fear and shame onto them. Thank you for this comment and for being vulnerable enough to share!
Going through life even afraid, but expecting good things based on faith and gratitude is fullfilling. We live in critical times hard to deal with for sure. Brene' articulates so well getting on... having a tight grasp on what's at stake, controlling herself and sharing her insights. Little gems sparkle around her. I am always delighted to hear her. Thank you.
I am having issues in my relationship because of this. I show up time and time again without fear of rejection. My heart is on my sleeve. Without vulnerability, you will never know how to love. Without love we will never find joy. We need to slow down and appreciate the ones that are most important to you.
After seeing so many videos on "how to be invulnerable" it is good to see one that tells you that you don't have to . If your goal is authenticity, then you have to include vulnerability in the total package. And as many of us know, living authentically comes at a price.
I finally softened and loved someone, faced vulnerability, and expressed it to that person. Blew up in my face and lost the person. Ughhhh. Goodness I lost joy... but trying to find gratitude in the situation. 😥❤️
Because of the title of this talk I had to listen very closely to her closing statement to understand . "...IN vulnerability weʻll find what really gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Thank you."
I've heard of Brene Brown for years, but more from pop culture than any personal experience. WHY did I wait so long to watch her videos? I watched the Netflix special last night. In her special, she referred to her UA-cam video that got so much attention from the original Houston TedTalks - so I just watched that because I was crazing more Brene. I am really connecting with the importance of celebrating my ordinary life. Seems I've been chasing extraordinary moments for a lifetime. It's quite amazing to be alive in 2020 with everything going on. I will most likely watch/listen to this again to remind me of this important message.
This is exactly what I struggle with. Every day I do well, I'm fine and then I go and ruin it by numbing out and not connect with myself and then I turn inwards in self hate, self pity, self shame, and victim hood. I'm like addicted to this pattern of running away even after working so hard on connecting with myself. Surrendering and Gratitude right now are my power tools for this.
In all of my healing and spiritual journey... The last, the hardest and yet the most important behavior that I have struggled with is, vulnerability. But when consciously allow myself to be vulnerable, I experience a world of beaut iful and rich emotions
By saying that its "most beautiful, rich and fulfilling lives possible." it suggests that you have seen all the lives possible and that was the best there is.Where i can surely say its not. I have been vulnerable and now i am not. I feel almost eternal peace and clarity of mind and i am able to progress in my life and seeking of knowledge with nothing that can stop me. I am still to meet a happy person with that level of... freedom for the lack of a better word.
excellent talk - she is spot on about all that perfection and invulnerability. it's a very thought provoking talk - I've watched it a few times already. Our lives are entirely vulnerable - we spend a lot of time trying to be secure and safe - which is to be expected but our emotions and hearts cannot be caged. that is the price of securing them.
After listening to two of Brene Brown's talks, she really strikes a chord, I live in the pacific north west, and i am lucky enough to have been exposed to a culture that has taught me to the to hear the music in the struggle of life, the west coast natives are always giving thanks, always honoring the ancestors, through participation and observation I have learned the power of vulnerability, i think they honor and respect it., it is nature.
When I became pregnant with my third child, I was so excited and told everyone right away. At nine weeks, I had a non-viable pregnancy and was grief stricken. Everyone was saying how you shouldn't tell anyone about a pregnancy until 12 weeks but I am so glad I did. I did not have to be alone in my sadness. I had the love and support of my family and friends and it got me through.I would never not tell anyone my joy just because it might not last.. I let my vulnerability heal myself.
I am not afraid of nothing and i dont think its a bad thing. I just say its not your only option.I am extremely proud of what i am and i am invulnerable.My life led me to this state and i can see how i am at better inner state than all happy people i know.I dont say not be happy i just say dont be blind abut the world around you.
I love her talks, but this is definitely the best one! I cried at the end. She really nails it on the head. My husband and I have been going through a crisis. He doesn't look into this kind of thing on his own. And part of the problem has been that he was no longer paying attention to anything I was about, therefore missing my attempts at self-help. It seems I'm always looking into self-help stuff, but not really getting anywhere. But today I asked him to listen to another of Brene's talks. One that didn't hit home in the first half; the one given at an artists' (?) conference. He did listen to all of it. And now THIS is the one thing, before anything else, I want him to listen to. I've already glimpsed into my own issues and he is just beginning. I truly believe this one talk will be the one to certainly put him on the path to healing himself, while I continue the same path, and then I believe we will be healing our relationship at the same time - to a degree. But we will be on the right path to finishing the work and being truly happy and content together. Thank you so much Brene. You are a gift!
@@vikinggeorge7007 Not then, but it's likely now. He had too much else on his mind and he's one of those who absolutely cannot think about more than one thing at a time. THings are much better, but still need work. We'll see. I'll have to listen again myself. We ALL can get lost too deeply in everyday stuff and need wake up calls.
Honest to good great goodness. When Brene asks 'What happens next?" my first and ONLY thought was, "The mother and father lean their heads slightly toward each other and give each other a slight smile." A crash never entered my mind. Omg... And it is TRUE. We cannot selectively numb the dark and not the light. Amen, Brene. Amen.
I also examine why certain situations make me anxious and try to get to the root of it (being accepted by others is a big one for me). But the quickest way is to connect with your internal sense of self (by meditating for instance). That in a way takes you out of the anxiety game altogether.
Almost 10 years ago I had to go numb so I can survive, and survive I did, well, some may say I excelled at it. Until COVID happened and I had to stop and sit with myself. I always hated days off school because I couldn't sit too long without being busy. I pictured my emotions of grief, pain, suffering, atc like a pressure cooker, can't just take one out without the lid blowing up and completely spilling it's content. I did NOT have time to slow down because we needed to survive every day. Until 2020 when it blew up and forced me to go in what I thought was going to be a couple weeks off work and became so much longer. I realized then I have mastered surviving at the expense of thriving. So I tried to put my energy into switching from surviving to thriving (not so easy when you still need to survive) and failed miserably no matter how and what I've tried. I have finally understood why in this talk and it makes so much sense.
Thank you so much Berne Brown for doing this talk. This is one of the truest, most closest to the heart talk I have heard in a long time. We numb vulnerability and most of the time it is project akin to being weak and unable to cope with life. Vulnerability is beautiful cause it exposes us to us and our feelings, connections, and everything that makes us what we are as people. Thank you, for talking about this.
Vulnerability can be both challenging and beautiful. It requires courage to be vulnerable, but it also opens up the possibility for deeper connections and understanding with others. Embracing vulnerability can lead to personal growth and stronger relationships.❤❤❤❤
I can't get enough of Brene' . Have her books all underlined like my Bible. Listen to her over and over here and with Oprah hoping to let it sink into my insecure brain! Keep them coming Dr.
Brene is one of my all-time favorite speakers. Her previous talks on shame and on vulnerability are incredible. I have used them in my team meetings and share that to be the best leader possible we need to lead from a point of vulnerability.
Thank you thank you thank you Brene for the clarity and compassion in shedding light on our numbing culture which is robbing us of love & joy when we so much to be grateful for. God bless you & your work💜
Brené, I love your talks. Thank you very much for all the research, analysis and introspection you do, then sharing your vulnerability with us helps us all to be empowered at whatever pace we can walk our path. For it's all a journey of self-awareness and other-awareness. Many of us haven't learnt to have gratitude, vulnerability, worthiness isn't instilled in all of us, quite the opposite, rejection, neglect, betrayal etc. So we wander down the wrong track or zigzag across it. You call it numbing. I call it escapism. I used to be forever running away from all of the pain but it always followed me. Eventually, I learnt that the only way to deal with the pain was to face it, embrace it and grieve through it and conquer it. Then it gradually diminishes, it loses control and power over me, then I can be vulnerable, because I realise that the darkness isn't as big as it seemed, it was decwption, it couldn't defeat me. Namaste.
I am escaping vulnerability because of severe traumatic experiences and I have developed my own coping strategies. No alcohol no drugs but other. I have been running away for years, moving 2000 km away and each time I move I imagine I start a new happy life. But I never worked this through so wherever I go it goes with me...the nightmares, the anxiety, the suffering. I just found out (at the end of this speech) that by doing all those things to "protect" myself, I am unable to feel joy anymore.
2020 Through the the past few months of lockdown due to covid 19 I reveled in the opportunity to slow down, learn about myself, be in the moment and to not use work as an escape to not feel, to numb, to ignore what was going on in my life and my families life that needed to be addressed. I am greatful for the slow down to reset my life.
Yes, everyone should learn about shame, discuss it, and thus overcome it. Her talks and her book "I thought it was just me (but it isn't)" are slowly helping me realize that I need to embrace vulnerability, and helping me accept the fact that one day this will happen (yeah, it's gonna take a while to really get it, and apply it). It's very educating and helps me change for the better. Thanks for sharing!
I like you definition of vulnerability. There's another way to decrease our vulnerability, and that is to learn ways to let go of unproductive emotions when they come up. Another is to develop a strong believe that even when something "bad" happens, we will be alright.
Foreboding joy This is so me. There is someone that I have such a connection with right now, and my mind keep going to "I'm going to f this up". By being in my joy over this person I am going to get pushed away and deeply hurt.
I can relate. Anytime I am set down and put in a position where I'm "forced to learn" something, or forced to participate in something I'm not particularly looking foward to, my mind shuts down and I freeze up and go blank. I didn't even realize I could put it into words until I read your comment, so thanks all who thumbed it up :-)
This is a very helpful sequel to her ‘power of vulnerability’ as it answered the question what makes vulnerability different from ordinary weakness. Also the somewhat hidden pride in proclaiming to be a ‘perfectionist’ is not justified as it is compared to a 200LB shield.. wow keep on carrying that around ..
Neat and so on point. I know that I have been numbing and it is hard to feel vulnerable when the ship is going down. Thank you for your topic today. My problem is I tell lies when I feel I need to create distance between myself and others.
The only way to really tackle any problem really, when we don't know how or what to do, is to do something differently. It's trial and error, but it is how we learn. If we do the same action, we can always expect the same end result. ie: "If I lie, I can create some distance I need." Ok, so we want the same outcome, but at a lower cost to our relationships with others? Try something different and see how it fares. It may succeed, it may fail miserably, or it may land anywhere in between. Take the ones that turn out how you'd like and repeat them. Eventually, you may find yourself at "If I define a boundary within myself, and openly state it, I can create the distance I need, but without causing lasting damage."
while trying to numb your vulnerabilities can cause a dysthymic lifestyle, embracing your vulnerabilities can make you paranoid and unable to get anything accomplished, which can lead to chronic unhappiness. I personally take a different course of life, where I'm well aware of the possible outcomes of life's decisions but i accept whatever happens, because if its meant to be or if its unavoidable then putting concern over it isn't worth the energy
I absolutely love you! Thank you for being vulnerable enough to put yourself out there ! Your knowledge and research is much appreciated ! Thank you for sharing !
Beautifully stated. It takes a strong person to allow oneself to be vulnerable. However once one allows this to occur one can move forward in total authenticity and freedom from self and others. Thank you Dr. Brown.
Gratefulness unless you’re like me and I say, “I AM grateful but . . . I want more. It’s not quite enough. I may have a job that’s what I need in more ways than not BUT . . . there’s that annoying trait my boss has that drives me nuts.” Because I think I’m entitled to it all. I have to bump up against that whine, and focus in silence for what is good. Pull out the strand and just gaze at it. Before you know it, it’s bigger and brighter and better. There are always those strands. Every minute. It’s hard work but worth it.
I face it every second, and as we are as close as personal stories here is some more from my book. I almost died because a doctor miss judged me, i lied alone in a room with no windows in far away town with nobody beside me struggling for breath. My best friend was out there with a beautiful girl i found for him.And then my father died because of the same doctor his brother now wants to take every penny i have.My fathers last words were "you are not my son". Good game life :)
So if we do allow ourselves to experience joy and love, we will fill our reservoirs with those things we need to face the difficult situations when they come. Thank you Brené!
Gratitude, honoring the ordinary in our lives, embracing our imperfections, struggles,. ...ways to NOT numb our vulnerabilities...I love her insights on vulnerability...
What a blessing 🙏 ✨ I happened to stumble upon this on Christmas eve 2020 🎄 that's how she started this. A sign for sure. Thank you. Have been in therapy with a wonderful therapist for 14 years and I have come soo far because I'm committed to self love and working through my difficulties.
I got out of a traumatic experience and tried to numb the anxiety related and to wipe it from my mind by going blank whenever I thought of it, I ended up developing an involuntary trigger to go mentally and emotionally blank whenever I tried to think about anything and had to work for months to be able to think and feel again. it's dangerous stuff!
I so agree--when we numb vulnerability, we numb joy as well as the "dark" emotions. What's the antithesis to numbing? Pay attention to life. Practice gratitude and discover the joy and the love. Then, we stay with the joy, remain full of love, share it, and glory in it. Lovely talk. :)
I'm no expert, as seen from my first attempt to "fix" myself. But it took me time and the right people around me. Lost a lot of friends who couldn't support me (not everyone can give that much to another person), but found some truly amazing friends who stuck around while I was in a slump. Basically, I had to make sure I was in a safe place and start approaching all those feelings and memories again. I had to think about them tiny bits at a time. I still struggle with them.
On the start of that path i had friends, many friends in fact they are part of the reason i went that path.At a point i had so many knives in my back that even a hedgehog would not dream of. I can't really promote anything, i am just saying that you are dismissing it without knowing how it feels, while i was happy once just like you and now i will rather lose my right hand than to be happy again. And yet happiness is the way to go for the most people as it should be...
'We want guarantees, we want to believe that we’re not going to get hurt and bad things are not going to happen, and they are. But there is a guarantee that nobody talks about, and that is if we don’t allow ourselves to experience love and joy, we would most definitely miss out on filling a reservoir we need when those hard things happen'
I don’t know why I am crying. I guess maybe it is because I am afraid to not be accepted if I show my true self to everyone, but at the same time I want joy, love, and authenticity.
I'm right there with you. I hope you have found your joy, love and authenticity by now. I see you left this comment two years ago. I'm just now seeing this video for the first time. Eye-opening for sure.
@@amyrenee1361 , Me too. I'm in the same boat. I'm going to try though - I am going to try.
Maybe you are crying for all of us who were raised to put up those fake shields that limit us. It's beautiful you're tears. Bless you!
Start by giving all of those attributes to yourself, for yourself. Drop any emotional masks you may have felt were necessary.
You are loved, joyous and authentic. Just by this comment.
"We just stay so busy that the truth of our lives can't catch up. That's the plan."
Wow, that's the money quote right there. Nailed it, Brené.
Well it definitely caught up hard on the past few years 😐
I do this on purpose 😶 recently i went and got a second job
Who's grateful that they've heard of Brene Brown? And that she's doing what she does, of course.
I am definitely, thank you so much Brené
Symptoms of shame:
- When joy becomes foreboding or suspicious,
- Disappointment as a lifestyle,
- not wanting to get excited about things for fear of them not happening,
- Perfectionism,
- Faith - vulnerability=extremism,
- Numbing
But why are we intolerant of vulnerability?
- scarcity mindset
- nothing is safe/perfect/extraordinary enough, we‘re meaning less if all that‘s missing, sometimes the ordinary is a blessing (e.g. your family being normally healthy)
How do we embrace vulnerability
- practice gratitude
- honor what‘s ordinary about our lives
- play, play, play
- nature
- love, love, love
Thank you ❤️
Aniket Singh you‘re welcome ☺️
Thank you
Sounds like depression.
Useful summary, thanks for your help
"In the ordinary moments of our lives is really when we can find the most joy." Wow! I needed to hear that! I'm so weary of all the "live your best life!" b.s.!
Nice one
Exactly! I love the ordinary
vulnerability refers to the willingness to be open and honest about one's feelings and experiences, even if it involves some risk or potential for discomfort. Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen, even when you can't control the outcome. Being vulnerable can involve showing one's weaknesses, fears, and insecurities, as well as expressing emotions and asking for help or support when needed. Vulnerability is not weakness, but rather the most accurate measure of courage. It's the foundation of trust, connection, and innovation.
Great discussion on the dangerous impact of losing our tolerance for vulnerability in our culture. The fear of vulnerability causes people to avoid joy, experience disappointment as a lifestyle, disconnect, strive for perfection, and engage in extremism. The scarcity drives our intolerance for vulnerability because we live in a culture that tells us there is never enough and that an ordinary life is meaningless. Vulnerability is not a weakness but rather a strength that allows people to experience joy, love, belonging, creativity, and faith.
"We are losing our tolerance for vulnerability."
"Vulnerability is absolutely at the core of fear, and anxiety, and shame, and very difficult emotions that we all experience. But vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, of love, of belonging, of creativity, of faith."
"One of the symptoms that we're losing our capacity for vulnerability is that joy actually becomes foreboding."
"Perfectionism has nothing to do with striving for excellence and healthy-- it's nothing to do with healthy striving. People who I interview who are absolutely accomplished, and people who strive for excellence are the biggest negotiators and compromisers that I've ever interviewed."
"Faith minus vulnerability equals extremism."
"We live in a culture that tells us that there is never enough."
"In this world, somehow, an ordinary life has become synonymous with a meaningless life."
"What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful."
Nailed it!
My first step is to admit to myself THAT I am feeling something.
"... To let yourself soften into loving someone, into caring about something passionately-- that's vulnerable"
“We all want to believe that we are not going to get hurt and that bad things are not gonna happen and they are.
There is a guarantee that no one talks about and that is
If we don’t allow ourselves to experience joy and love we will definitely miss out on filling our reservoirs with what we need when those hard things happen.”
13:08: "...you cannot selectively numb emotion...let me tell you, if vulnerability is a sharp edge, there may be nothing sharper than joy." = mindblown 💥
I guess the joy then ‚when and if it comes‘ makes the calculated decision of going through the insecurity of vulnerability all worth it.
Joy to me is soft; not sharp!
Can someone explain those sentence of "Sharp edge" ??
@@Gaurav.P0 Being able to be hurt or affected by someone else is a very vulnerable place to put yourself in. If you allow someone to touch you, it's can be very sharp if they hit you instead. That's the sharp edge of vulnerability. The same thing happens with joy. If you find joy in something, and it gets taken away - it's can be even worse.
@@markdemell8056 Joy may be soft but the quote is making a point (no pun intended). She's saying that it's incredibly vulnerable to show and experience joy.
Finally someone who sees that striving for the extraordinary is not the only fulfillment one can have in life. Thank you.
Isn’t being vulnerable just us being authentic? We learn as children that we are authentic and loved or authentic and rejected. That’s why so many of us grow up believing we cannot be authentic and or vulnerable.
Vulnerability doesn't change who you are
It shows your capability for compassion being relatable. Makes you even stronger .
One of the best videos ever
I think vulnerability and sincerity are closely related. People are also losing the ability to be sincere in their expressions because we're conditioned to think we have to 'finesse' others in order to get ahead.
This was so helpful for me. I keep feeling that feeling that I'm missing something and what is missing is the being in the moment by being vulnerable. My stomach is flip flopping just thinking of what that means. That is a good thing. I'm going to hug my sons really hard tonight.
Hey, How are you now ??
@@Gaurav.P0 I Wondered/Wanted To Ask The Same! Makes Me Feel Good About The Direction The Collective Consciousness Has Gone In The Past Decade (For The Most Part).
I have a hard time crying. I realized that I've been running away from my sadness because I was afraid I would end up in a deep dark hole and unable to pull my out. I'm learning to let myself feel what I feel even if it is painful.
Ms. Brown has more wisdom than I can DREAM to have. I love to listen to her on repeat.
She’s making a good living, that’s for sure.
Who cares what amount of money she is making, she deserves to be making a whole lot as she has done with so many of us that are learning why we are like we are. Namaste Brene 🙏 I feel blessed to have been shown your work in rehab. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and research with US 💗
that last bit is so powerful just in itself. when i lost my dad, i didn’t want sympathy or sadness or pity or whatever, i wanted people to tell THEIR parents how much they loved them, it’s perspective and it’s crazy🥹
I spent 10 years working in ICU's and numbed my feelings to people's pain so
I could do what it took to care for them or at least that's what I thought. It took another 8 years to start really feeling people. I remember the day when i could feel someone else's physical pain as I cared for them, it overwhelmed me it was so intense, and i still struggling with the emotional numbness that is part of medicine today. As she said numbness shuts down the joy in life as well and I miss joy.
If you allowed yourself to feel all the pain of your patients - wouldn't that make you sick?
My wife got sick and almost died. After years of medical, she finally got back on her feet but during that time I had to numb everything to take care of her and stay functional. Now that she's finally better, I have to figure out how to live again.
I can only imagine how you must feel.
Even though she's speaking as a researcher, I find her talks touching.
Where?
Always
instablaster
I was a nurse for 8 years. I also numbed my feelings and emotions there was no room for sharing it with anybody. There was no other way to keep doing my job than to shut down my feelings. It has resulted, 15 years later, in a breakdown. I've missed joy and trust for a long long time. I never understood what happened to me. And now I know. Thanks...
I have discovered the high cost of being invulnerable for the majority of my life. I’m currently cleaning up the wreckage that it left in its wake. Brené Brown has played a part in that process! ❤️ I love this human being !
How's That Been Goin' For Ya?
Some days it feels like a can of worms I should have left alone.
You're doing good. You're feeling. if you close it, what will happen? If you open it, what will happen? If you put your hand in fire, it will burn and hurt you, and you'll pull your hand away. If you think about how burned hand might feel, you'll be stuck in pain and suffer from the thoughts. So, if you can choose to avoid physical pain, why not choose to avoid emotional pain. At least you will not have scarves. Good luck with your choice .Good luck to be just YOU.🌹
This human was brought to my attention years ago… and has inspired me so very much. I’m so grateful she does what she does.
Brené Brown is hands down one of my absolute favorite people on this planet. She is boldly going in to the most important topics... The most important fields for real life.
Wow! I work as an addiction counselor with active duty military! This is so helpful to present to them! To them, they are taught they being vulnerable is a weakness. I can present this to them as an educational! Thank you Brene' for your dedication to research!
My dad was military and he was unable to connect with us because he saw vulnerability as weakness for himself and us. It's really sad that they're trained that way
I repeat again and again, I am vulnerable. I am vulnerable, I am vulnerable, and I am OK with that.
"We cannot selectively numb the dark experiences."
Sure ya can. Drink prodigious amounts of alcohol.
That was the best message
That jumped out at me too
Excellent talk, this should be watched by everybody.
In addition to what Brené showed, here is how I see vulnerability:
Vulnerability is something we all need, because it opens the way in which our true emotions and feelings flow and as humans we cannon't keep them in ourselves.
When you are vulnerable you are not thinking about what you are for the outside world but about what you are in you, and thus you break that barrier to release everything that comes right from the heart.
That's well said, I do agree, and calls to my mind an image from my Catholic upbringing of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and maybe why there's a barbed-wire like wreath of thorns wrapped around it
This is so true! for the longest time I couldn't watch a man making a fool of himself in a movie. I would just avoid that scene. But it's after listening to Brene, I learned my own tendancy to appear cool always and not let myself experiment and become a fool. It's still a challenge but atleast now I know where to work on!
I've avoided those cringe-worthy movie moments as well. Thanks for the verbalization!
I think men sometimes make fools of themselves, in movies or in life, to make women laugh. I think that is part of why those movies are popular.
I have the same experience. I can't watch people sing on the spot because I'm nervous for them. I'm scared they'll mess up and embarrass themselves. It's through your comments that I see now, I was projecting my fear and shame onto them. Thank you for this comment and for being vulnerable enough to share!
I never made that connection.
Thanks a lot for voicing that insight.
Totally get it!
It is safe for you, to be you!
Going through life even afraid, but expecting good things based on faith and gratitude is fullfilling. We live in critical times hard to deal with for sure. Brene' articulates so well getting on... having a tight grasp on what's at stake, controlling herself and sharing her insights. Little gems sparkle around her. I am always delighted to hear her. Thank you.
true. iv numbed many emotions in order not to feel pain due to some situations and i now realize that i have not felt joy in a really long time
People avoid talking about it. Well life is the whole package. Dive in, feel, play, eat, sleep🍫🍫
Great talk. i have been struggling with vulnerability for as long as i can remember, believing it to be weakness. I appreciate this talk.
I am having issues in my relationship because of this. I show up time and time again without fear of rejection. My heart is on my sleeve. Without vulnerability, you will never know how to love. Without love we will never find joy. We need to slow down and appreciate the ones that are most important to you.
There aren't enough...... videos/podcasts/etc of Brene Brown, presenting her work.
Nice one
The dangerous thing is as a society, we are losing our tolerance and capacity to vulnerability.
Yep
I c iiii
I don't think society has ever had a tolerance for vulnerability.
After seeing so many videos on "how to be invulnerable" it is good to see one that tells you that you don't have to . If your goal is authenticity, then you have to include vulnerability in the total package. And as many of us know, living authentically comes at a price.
I finally softened and loved someone, faced vulnerability, and expressed it to that person. Blew up in my face and lost the person. Ughhhh. Goodness I lost joy... but trying to find gratitude in the situation. 😥❤️
Because of the title of this talk I had to listen very closely to her closing statement to understand . "...IN vulnerability weʻll find what really gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Thank you."
I've heard of Brene Brown for years, but more from pop culture than any personal experience. WHY did I wait so long to watch her videos? I watched the Netflix special last night. In her special, she referred to her UA-cam video that got so much attention from the original Houston TedTalks - so I just watched that because I was crazing more Brene. I am really connecting with the importance of celebrating my ordinary life. Seems I've been chasing extraordinary moments for a lifetime. It's quite amazing to be alive in 2020 with everything going on. I will most likely watch/listen to this again to remind me of this important message.
THIS WAS AMAZING. Dear god this woman hit the nail on the head for everything.
Suzy Niederland I sure think so ! Amazingl introspection provoking.
“Practice gratitude. Honor what’s ordinary in our lives because that is what’s truly extraordinary. “❤️🙏🏼
This is exactly what I struggle with. Every day I do well, I'm fine and then I go and ruin it by numbing out and not connect with myself and then I turn inwards in self hate, self pity, self shame, and victim hood. I'm like addicted to this pattern of running away even after working so hard on connecting with myself.
Surrendering and Gratitude right now are my power tools for this.
In all of my healing and spiritual journey... The last, the hardest and yet the most important behavior that I have struggled with is, vulnerability. But when consciously allow myself to be vulnerable, I experience a world of beaut iful and rich emotions
By saying that its "most beautiful, rich and fulfilling lives possible." it suggests that you have seen all the lives possible and that was the best there is.Where i can surely say its not. I have been vulnerable and now i am not. I feel almost eternal peace and clarity of mind and i am able to progress in my life and seeking of knowledge with nothing that can stop me. I am still to meet a happy person with that level of... freedom for the lack of a better word.
excellent talk - she is spot on about all that perfection and invulnerability. it's a very thought provoking talk - I've watched it a few times already. Our lives are entirely vulnerable - we spend a lot of time trying to be secure and safe - which is to be expected but our emotions and hearts cannot be caged. that is the price of securing them.
Brene Brown is SO easy to love! Best Teds ever, thank you!
After listening to two of Brene Brown's talks, she really strikes a chord, I live in the pacific north west, and i am lucky enough to have been exposed to a culture that has taught me to the to hear the music in the struggle of life, the west coast natives are always giving thanks, always honoring the ancestors, through participation and observation I have learned the power of vulnerability, i think they honor and respect it., it is nature.
I'm located there as well and it's true ☺ amazing what we can learn from our local brothers and sisters
me too
I once read that you must accept at least your vulnerability to yourself, sharing it with others depends on many things, I try to follow my intuition.
When I became pregnant with my third child, I was so excited and told everyone right away. At nine weeks, I had a non-viable pregnancy and was grief stricken. Everyone was saying how you shouldn't tell anyone about a pregnancy until 12 weeks but I am so glad I did. I did not have to be alone in my sadness. I had the love and support of my family and friends and it got me through.I would never not tell anyone my joy just because it might not last.. I let my vulnerability heal myself.
I am not afraid of nothing and i dont think its a bad thing. I just say its not your only option.I am extremely proud of what i am and i am invulnerable.My life led me to this state and i can see how i am at better inner state than all happy people i know.I dont say not be happy i just say dont be blind abut the world around you.
2020 during covid, I feel so lucky to have come across this.
I love her talks, but this is definitely the best one! I cried at the end. She really nails it on the head. My husband and I have been going through a crisis. He doesn't look into this kind of thing on his own. And part of the problem has been that he was no longer paying attention to anything I was about, therefore missing my attempts at self-help. It seems I'm always looking into self-help stuff, but not really getting anywhere. But today I asked him to listen to another of Brene's talks. One that didn't hit home in the first half; the one given at an artists' (?) conference. He did listen to all of it. And now THIS is the one thing, before anything else, I want him to listen to. I've already glimpsed into my own issues and he is just beginning. I truly believe this one talk will be the one to certainly put him on the path to healing himself, while I continue the same path, and then I believe we will be healing our relationship at the same time - to a degree. But we will be on the right path to finishing the work and being truly happy and content together. Thank you so much Brene. You are a gift!
Gena Howe wow.. how's it going now?, is your husband on board?
Well, did it put him?
@@SR-mv2mf He wasn't really ready when I wrote this as it turns out. I think finally now, he will be more receptive.
@@vikinggeorge7007 Not then, but it's likely now. He had too much else on his mind and he's one of those who absolutely cannot think about more than one thing at a time. THings are much better, but still need work. We'll see. I'll have to listen again myself. We ALL can get lost too deeply in everyday stuff and need wake up calls.
@@genahowe4206 Would you like me to talk to him if that would do any good? I have experience in helping people.
Honest to good great goodness. When Brene asks 'What happens next?" my first and ONLY thought was, "The mother and father lean their heads slightly toward each other and give each other a slight smile." A crash never entered my mind. Omg... And it is TRUE. We cannot selectively numb the dark and not the light. Amen, Brene. Amen.
"honor ordinary.."
thank you so much Mrs Brown
If you try to numb out negative feelings by default you numb out positive feelings like joy, be brave be vulnerable, be thankful
I also examine why certain situations make me anxious and try to get to the root of it (being accepted by others is a big one for me). But the quickest way is to connect with your internal sense of self (by meditating for instance). That in a way takes you out of the anxiety game altogether.
Almost 10 years ago I had to go numb so I can survive, and survive I did, well, some may say I excelled at it. Until COVID happened and I had to stop and sit with myself. I always hated days off school because I couldn't sit too long without being busy. I pictured my emotions of grief, pain, suffering, atc like a pressure cooker, can't just take one out without the lid blowing up and completely spilling it's content. I did NOT have time to slow down because we needed to survive every day. Until 2020 when it blew up and forced me to go in what I thought was going to be a couple weeks off work and became so much longer. I realized then I have mastered surviving at the expense of thriving. So I tried to put my energy into switching from surviving to thriving (not so easy when you still need to survive) and failed miserably no matter how and what I've tried. I have finally understood why in this talk and it makes so much sense.
Thank you so much Berne Brown for doing this talk. This is one of the truest, most closest to the heart talk I have heard in a long time. We numb vulnerability and most of the time it is project akin to being weak and unable to cope with life. Vulnerability is beautiful cause it exposes us to us and our feelings, connections, and everything that makes us what we are as people. Thank you, for talking about this.
Vulnerability can be both challenging and beautiful. It requires courage to be vulnerable, but it also opens up the possibility for deeper connections and understanding with others. Embracing vulnerability can lead to personal growth and stronger relationships.❤❤❤❤
I can't get enough of Brene' . Have her books all underlined like my Bible. Listen to her over and over here and with Oprah hoping to let it sink into my insecure brain! Keep them coming Dr.
Brene is one of my all-time favorite speakers. Her previous talks on shame and on vulnerability are incredible. I have used them in my team meetings and share that to be the best leader possible we need to lead from a point of vulnerability.
This one is where she takes a work trip and panics from overthinking and thinking the worst. 12:48 is where she addresses the numbing of emotions.
Men meeting up for a day together each carrying an opened bottle of beer - that‘s an example of ‚numbing‘. Hands up if you‘ve been there 🙌🏽
Thank you thank you thank you Brene for the clarity and compassion in shedding light on our numbing culture which is robbing us of love & joy when we so much to be grateful for. God bless you & your work💜
Brené, I love your talks. Thank you very much for all the research, analysis and introspection you do, then sharing your vulnerability with us helps us all to be empowered at whatever pace we can walk our path. For it's all a journey of self-awareness and other-awareness. Many of us haven't learnt to have gratitude, vulnerability, worthiness isn't instilled in all of us, quite the opposite, rejection, neglect, betrayal etc. So we wander down the wrong track or zigzag across it. You call it numbing. I call it escapism. I used to be forever running away from all of the pain but it always followed me. Eventually, I learnt that the only way to deal with the pain was to face it, embrace it and grieve through it and conquer it. Then it gradually diminishes, it loses control and power over me, then I can be vulnerable, because I realise that the darkness isn't as big as it seemed, it was decwption, it couldn't defeat me. Namaste.
Is it your personal experience that by facing pain..it get diminishes?? Can you tell me your process?
I am escaping vulnerability because of severe traumatic experiences and I have developed my own coping strategies. No alcohol no drugs but other. I have been running away for years, moving 2000 km away and each time I move I imagine I start a new happy life. But I never worked this through so wherever I go it goes with me...the nightmares, the anxiety, the suffering. I just found out (at the end of this speech) that by doing all those things to "protect" myself, I am unable to feel joy anymore.
I have only just discovered Brene, but I think she is a wonderful speaker in her simplicity.
Very true.. I just hope people like her or anyone in a financially secure situation can understand and empathize with the ones that aren't so lucky.
2020 Through the the past few months of lockdown due to covid 19 I reveled in the opportunity to slow down, learn about myself, be in the moment and to not use work as an escape to not feel, to numb, to ignore what was going on in my life and my families life that needed to be addressed. I am greatful for the slow down to reset my life.
Yes, everyone should learn about shame, discuss it, and thus overcome it. Her talks and her book "I thought it was just me (but it isn't)" are slowly helping me realize that I need to embrace vulnerability, and helping me accept the fact that one day this will happen (yeah, it's gonna take a while to really get it, and apply it). It's very educating and helps me change for the better. Thanks for sharing!
Tears at the end. Wish I could like it a million times.
I like you definition of vulnerability.
There's another way to decrease our vulnerability, and that is to learn ways to let go of unproductive emotions when they come up.
Another is to develop a strong believe that even when something "bad" happens, we will be alright.
Nice one
I love Brenè Brown! Such a brilliant mind! This speech is incredible!
Foreboding joy This is so me. There is someone that I have such a connection with right now, and my mind keep going to "I'm going to f this up". By being in my joy over this person I am going to get pushed away and deeply hurt.
I can relate.
Anytime I am set down and put in a position where I'm "forced to learn" something, or forced to participate in something I'm not particularly looking foward to, my mind shuts down and I freeze up and go blank.
I didn't even realize I could put it into words until I read your comment, so thanks all who thumbed it up :-)
This is a very helpful sequel to her ‘power of vulnerability’ as it answered the question what makes vulnerability different from ordinary weakness. Also the somewhat hidden pride in proclaiming to be a ‘perfectionist’ is not justified as it is compared to a 200LB shield.. wow keep on carrying that around ..
Neat and so on point. I know that I have been numbing and it is hard to feel vulnerable when the ship is going down. Thank you for your topic today. My problem is I tell lies when I feel I need to create distance between myself and others.
My problem is similar, but I tell my lies so that I don't appear less than my peers.
+Arianna Martinez Same here but how to really tackle this problem?
The only way to really tackle any problem really, when we don't know how or what to do, is to do something differently. It's trial and error, but it is how we learn. If we do the same action, we can always expect the same end result. ie: "If I lie, I can create some distance I need." Ok, so we want the same outcome, but at a lower cost to our relationships with others? Try something different and see how it fares. It may succeed, it may fail miserably, or it may land anywhere in between. Take the ones that turn out how you'd like and repeat them. Eventually, you may find yourself at "If I define a boundary within myself, and openly state it, I can create the distance I need, but without causing lasting damage."
I am not disconnected from my internal sense of self but thanks anyway! I appreciate your good intentions!
while trying to numb your vulnerabilities can cause a dysthymic lifestyle, embracing your vulnerabilities can make you paranoid and unable to get anything accomplished, which can lead to chronic unhappiness. I personally take a different course of life, where I'm well aware of the possible outcomes of life's decisions but i accept whatever happens, because if its meant to be or if its unavoidable then putting concern over it isn't worth the energy
I saw a nature video that made me feel joy and I wept. I have avoided watching it again. Now, I know why. ❤
I absolutely love you! Thank you for being vulnerable enough to put yourself out there ! Your knowledge and research is much appreciated ! Thank you for sharing !
So true!! And the best and most beautiful thing is that she shows vulnerability and at the same time she is so funny!!
Beautifully stated. It takes a strong person to allow oneself to be vulnerable. However once one allows this to occur one can move forward in total authenticity and freedom from self and others. Thank you Dr. Brown.
Gratefulness unless you’re like me and I say, “I AM grateful but . . . I want more. It’s not quite enough. I may have a job that’s what I need in more ways than not BUT . . . there’s that annoying trait my boss has that drives me nuts.” Because I think I’m entitled to it all. I have to bump up against that whine, and focus in silence for what is good. Pull out the strand and just gaze at it. Before you know it, it’s bigger and brighter and better. There are always those strands. Every minute. It’s hard work but worth it.
I face it every second, and as we are as close as personal stories here is some more from my book. I almost died because a doctor miss judged me, i lied alone in a room with no windows in far away town with nobody beside me struggling for breath. My best friend was out there with a beautiful girl i found for him.And then my father died because of the same doctor his brother now wants to take every penny i have.My fathers last words were "you are not my son". Good game life :)
She is such a bringer of sanity!
her speaking events feel like something that come from angle offing perspective on something I didn't know I needed.
I´m thankful for her heartwarming, thought provoking insights.
So if we do allow ourselves to experience joy and love, we will fill our reservoirs with those things we need to face the difficult situations when they come. Thank you Brené!
Nice one
Gratitude, honoring the ordinary in our lives, embracing our imperfections, struggles,.
...ways to NOT numb our vulnerabilities...I love her insights on vulnerability...
I have suffered with shame and listening to Ted talk she in our so helpful So
She is an awesome communicator. The symptoms had to ring some bells with viewers.
What a blessing 🙏 ✨ I happened to stumble upon this on Christmas eve 2020 🎄 that's how she started this. A sign for sure. Thank you. Have been in therapy with a wonderful therapist for 14 years and I have come soo far because I'm committed to self love and working through my difficulties.
I can't stress this enough. panic when its good is the fatalistic response
I got out of a traumatic experience and tried to numb the anxiety related and to wipe it from my mind by going blank whenever I thought of it, I ended up developing an involuntary trigger to go mentally and emotionally blank whenever I tried to think about anything and had to work for months to be able to think and feel again. it's dangerous stuff!
Nice one
I so agree--when we numb vulnerability, we numb joy as well as the "dark" emotions. What's the antithesis to numbing? Pay attention to life. Practice gratitude and discover the joy and the love. Then, we stay with the joy, remain full of love, share it, and glory in it. Lovely talk. :)
I'm no expert, as seen from my first attempt to "fix" myself. But it took me time and the right people around me. Lost a lot of friends who couldn't support me (not everyone can give that much to another person), but found some truly amazing friends who stuck around while I was in a slump.
Basically, I had to make sure I was in a safe place and start approaching all those feelings and memories again. I had to think about them tiny bits at a time. I still struggle with them.
Nice one
On the start of that path i had friends, many friends in fact they are part of the reason i went that path.At a point i had so many knives in my back that even a hedgehog would not dream of. I can't really promote anything, i am just saying that you are dismissing it without knowing how it feels, while i was happy once just like you and now i will rather lose my right hand than to be happy again. And yet happiness is the way to go for the most people as it should be...
'We want guarantees, we want to believe that we’re not going to get hurt and bad things are not going to happen, and they are. But there is a guarantee that nobody talks about, and that is if we don’t allow ourselves to experience love and joy, we would most definitely miss out on filling a reservoir we need when those hard things happen'
life-changing, brimming with truth & softness 💗😍❤