Yes! I have experienced this. Its so bizarre bc it was a person who was of rhe opposite sex, much older, who didnt take care of themselves and truly did not hold a candle to me in any way.
@@CheezInspector anbsolutely.After one year love bombing he announced he didnt want to date or get married.He insulted me in lots of ways and disappeared
My mother first triangulated me against my father from my toddlerhood, so I never had a relationship with him. So my older brother became my father figure. Then when I turned 20, she started triangulation against my brother, and completely ruined that relationship. It was only a family of 4, so all I had left was my relationship with her, and it took me until age 50 to start to realize she was behind the scenes ruining my relationships. Pretty crummy behavior
This video made me chuckle, in a "Yep, I experienced that" way. Yesterday, my narcissistic husband suggested the family go out to dinner, he'll pay, then we could go window shopping afterwards. Well, he decided not to dad during and after dinner, so I told him to take us home. Because I didn't acknowledge how "great" he was, or how "wonderful of an idea" he had, he raced us home--he could have killed us in a crash, really 🙄 And then he stayed out in the garage and fiddled with his car until bedtime, to avoid talking about the issue.... Narcissists only do things that benefit them, and if you don't go along with it, they rage.
Surprised that's all he did. My ex would have left and went out and screwed some stranger at a hotel. I found out that's what she had done multiple times. These scumbags will expose you to all kinds of STDs because you offend them. They are garbage. Period.
Sending you gifts on valentine day while having ignored your medical crisis just prior to that . To me it’s sacrifice that’s the key , are they willing to sacrifice something for you , if not , then their support or promises are all shallow or empty words
Accepting anything of kindness from the Narcissist is like accepting an act of kindness from prison inmates that you don't know. You will pay for that act of kindness . It was never an act of kindness, it was a fake act of kindness you'll pay for. That's the Narcissist.
Yes, you are correct…..there’s almost this sense of “Erie” niceness……like out of a Disney Movie but not necessarily Genuine or coming straight from the Heart….
Their support is just verbal , no real sacrifice , no matter how bad your situation msy be. And yes you feel them to be totally detached from your reality of pain , as you said , no warmth! If anything you can sense that you are a nuisssnce to them
You are brilliant and your videos are super helpful, thank you! After realizing my parent is a narcissist, I have been watching a lot of videos and yours cover things others dont. You are great at describing the common day-to-day narc behaviors that are hard to isolate, describe, and name.
The things you said about "help" was perfect. If I asked for help he ignored me yet often got angry and accuse me of never wanting his help. Really messed with my mind. Thank you!
Yess!! This is so accurate...I remember in the beginning of the relationship I thought that he was just very passionate....I also remember thinking about how angry he was and how it felt like he was almost...too angry? At some point it stopped being somewhat charming and was actually making me nervous to say or do something he didnt agree with....looking back I really did notice the lack of warmth but I kept justifying it...he was a musician that was his thing but anytime he tried to get a band together he'd end up criticizing the hell out of the other members...he would always say like if these fucks would just listen to me I could get us to the top...or something along those lines ..also yes!! He'd give me advice when I didn't need it and get upset when I made my own choice...he'd also act like the peacemaker and drama free but thats all that guy was was drama and he'd even get into verbal and physical altercations with his friends and he'd always play both sides of a conflict between two of his friends
This is a brilliant channel 💯 theres no warmth, their hands and feet are often cold too, guess the energy doesnt flow well. Theyre talking about how they always operate from heart but they operate from the lower chakras mostly. They dont feel empathy they just see every1 as potential competitors. Its definitely a no brainer for a spirtual empath
Oh my gosh, you are so spot on. Especially the helpfulness. My narc would do things, but only because he wanted it done his way or thought I wouldn't do it as good as he could. Otherwise, he does NOTHING to help. In hindsight, all of these qualities were more talk than actual action. I never really saw him do most of the things he professed he did that would indicate he was a good person or a nice guy. Everything is smoke and mirrors, manipulation.
Another amazing video, full of insight and incredibly on point conversation! I was so led astray by the initial “kindness, generosity, vulnerability, and what I believed to be compassion that my narc ex had. As a therapist, I assumed he had to be genuinely mature, emotion-respecting, and fair minded as well. He was none of these things when the truth came out, but my beliefs held firm as I suffered trying to understand why he did NOT seem to ever feel regret, guilt, or shame, even when he dismissed my feelings entirely, ghosted me when I was sick, and eventually began cheating. He offered what he believed he HAD to, to lure me in. What was expected. What would allow me to let down my guard. Not what was actually in his heart! This was a tough lesson to learn and the hardest thing to come to terms with after 20 years of mental abuse, in both overt and covert ways. If you don’t know how to recognize NPD, you would misread or maybe even dismiss things that are critical to acknowledge from the start. Your life can be destroyed if you don’t read it properly and eradicate this person and all the fantasies you have about them which can NEVER actually be. Mine wanted companionship for travel, adventures, and sex. But he could trade you away first any other breathing female who would give the same and meet the same needs. His rush to intimacy, future promises, and love bombing were red flags I misread. The anger, resentment, hypersensitivity to anything he considered criticism all poured out any time I wanted him to talk about feeling hurt, threatened, or confused by the things he did. Always! Punishment would follow…birthdays ruined. Vacations cancelled. Silent treatment. Cheating. It is all fair game when they become disillusioned by the fact you expected them to be who they pretended to be.
recently found your videos-my God they are all so spot on!!! I hope your channel grows b/c your information is fantastic. You explain things in a very validating way for anyone who’s gone thru this hell. Thank you
I don’t think they give themselves , they give gifts , sends gifts on Valentine’s Day while having totally ignored the medical crisis their partner may have been under
You should now begin studying to be a psychologist or Masters Degree level Therapist You have insight others do not and the ability to communicate this in a “scenario” way to help people understand
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! Ive been trying to figure out a crazy dynamic at work. Why new employees are being trained on things i havent been trained on as a veteran. Now it all makes sense!!!!
Dad(narcissist) might ask about me, then, less than a minute later, the conversation, controlled by him, is all about him. One-way street! I gave up on his crap!
What you describe is called bread crumbing. When they give you just enough to stop you from leaving. Obvious first signs are usually ignored because of fear of being alone if you follow your instincts and run for the hills. I saw a narcissist say to a friend of mine who just lost his beloved wife after decades of marriage...oh well, sorry for your loss. I'd better go wait in the car now. I don't do grief. I stayed to watch him cry and complain to me that he's moving in with his parents because he can't stand to go back to an empty house with all those memories. Another case of a narcissist saying to a doctor in hospital after her husband of 50 years was mangled by a car while cycling, ...I don't do caring or sickness. Despite being called in as his next of kin I came into find out what time you want me to come back and drop of his shaver and pyjamas. A man told me about his narcissistic wife the next day saying...I gave you sex last night for the first time in 6 weeks and now I've been thinking that you are so good with money you could pay off my 10,000 pound debt so i don't have to stick with the 20 year repayments. For them nothing is free. Run as soon as you see the FIRST sign of one sidedness
Before the content even started and as much as I have heard the intro before, " as we try to make sense out of non sense " my dim bulb lit up. This is literally where the manipulation test began. That first time of being shot down not about something of personal preference, not about theory, but about a square being round. White being yellow. It made me realize the very first time you give up your intellect is where the downward spiral begins. The excuses i made up in my own mind for it were dead wrong. Add a minuscule bit of intermittent reinforcement and it levels off a bit. Next test....another trait assault. Pick a trait, any trait. They all show up sooner or later. Another thing I learned by observance is the gradual shift to lesser supply. I'm not degrading them in any way. But at first there was only the guys in German sedans. Then the mid range, imo thats when I showed up. Then there is the station wagon old van. Again I'm not disparging those operating within their means. Its actually admirable. But when you know its caviar taste at the country club - just for the record never once did I step inside narc land - you know that the least bit of supply is worth parading around with a sexual exhibitionist mindset, its all about control. Even just for the supply of someone being there to exhibit to. Omg e gads whatashitshow.
Love this video lot of information. Yes the cool calm and collective the wool was pulled over my eyes. Yes they love creating the drama and chaos The hands clean look is them.
"I was jùst trying to help",,,AFTER I start doing something that I've asked him to do for weeks. Like you said, he gets butt hurt when I'm like, 'nah, I'm good'.
Mansplaining is their Favorite activity It’s like the grand display of how utterly amazing they are They want to see your “eyes light up” adoring them fascinated with them It is hilarious yet incredibly sad. ☹️ Sad if you still love them Hillarious when you realize how much evil they INTENTIONALLY CHOOSE to control you JUST to get you ti be fascinated with them
I hope you would also do a video on sex with a narcissist. My experience with her was like she would just go through motions , as she thought it will further get me attached to her , but frankly I felt like I was having sex with a dead body and as a result I really didn’t feel any sexual fulfillment either. It was same with kissing , totally bland , no erotic arousal . I wonder if you have had similar experiences?
Oh, no. When you ask him for help all of a sudden, it turns into their idea and they're gonna tell you how to do it. And you try to explain to them. Ok, it's my idea, my plan, I'm executing it. You are my helper so you're supposed to follow directions and do what I say like a helper desk got it
My "older" sister acts sweet + is in the background stirring up chaos in the family. She has our female "cuz" the flying monkey do her dirty work. Then pretends she cares + can fix it.
The one narc I knew said that kissing to him is more intimate than sex. He never kissed me and now I’m glad. He did kiss two more friends of his while I knew him and of course he had to share the details with me.
I knew a narc that triangulated me with a friend he was obsessed with and he would hand make special gifts for her but never for me. He loved rubbing it in, accepting or making video calls with her while we were spending time together, it really got under my skin. He even sent a gift to some guy he befriended through his work and only met maybe twice.
As I aim up as Jordan Peterson calls being excellent, I see who doesn't want me to aim up and be me. If they aren't for us, they are against us. Jesus trusted no one. He verified them and then trusted them to a point because he knew them. Not "trust but verify". Rather verify then trust. Judge everyone.
They don't want to be you, they want to be BETTER than you at BEING you!!
Yes! I have experienced this. Its so bizarre bc it was a person who was of rhe opposite sex, much older, who didnt take care of themselves and truly did not hold a candle to me in any way.
Or conversational narcissism. They just want a "friend" for 1-sided convos. A personal unpaid therapist and cheerleader.
They lie!
@@CheezInspector anbsolutely.After one year love bombing he announced he didnt want to date or get married.He insulted me in lots of ways and disappeared
@@ligyasouza755 Sorry to hear it. I hope you are healed and happy now.
Another thing with the gifts. So many times those gifts have strings attached
Yes! They love to hold it over your head so they appear like the virtuous giving person.
My mother first triangulated me against my father from my toddlerhood, so I never had a relationship with him. So my older brother became my father figure. Then when I turned 20, she started triangulation against my brother, and completely ruined that relationship. It was only a family of 4, so all I had left was my relationship with her, and it took me until age 50 to start to realize she was behind the scenes ruining my relationships. Pretty crummy behavior
This video made me chuckle, in a "Yep, I experienced that" way. Yesterday, my narcissistic husband suggested the family go out to dinner, he'll pay, then we could go window shopping afterwards. Well, he decided not to dad during and after dinner, so I told him to take us home. Because I didn't acknowledge how "great" he was, or how "wonderful of an idea" he had, he raced us home--he could have killed us in a crash, really 🙄 And then he stayed out in the garage and fiddled with his car until bedtime, to avoid talking about the issue.... Narcissists only do things that benefit them, and if you don't go along with it, they rage.
Surprised that's all he did. My ex would have left and went out and screwed some stranger at a hotel. I found out that's what she had done multiple times. These scumbags will expose you to all kinds of STDs because you offend them. They are garbage. Period.
😳
“cost” is so key- so important to notice that the kindnesses and gifts are easy giveaway for them. Look out if you reject a gesture of “kindness “
"You're so ungrateful! I did so much for you, and that's what I get in return."
Sending you gifts on valentine day while having ignored your medical crisis just prior to that . To me it’s sacrifice that’s the key , are they willing to sacrifice something for you , if not , then their support or promises are all shallow or empty words
@@gotinogaden😊
@@gotinogaden😊😊😊😊
Accepting anything of kindness from the Narcissist is like accepting an act of kindness from prison inmates that you don't know.
You will pay for that act of kindness .
It was never an act of kindness, it was a fake act of kindness you'll pay for.
That's the Narcissist.
The generosity bit is spot on….
HELPFUL IS ABOUT DOMINATION AND TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO, SUPERIORITY!
Yes, you are correct…..there’s almost this sense of “Erie” niceness……like out of a Disney Movie but not necessarily Genuine or coming straight from the Heart….
They always swim in the shallow end. I literally thought they did that to tease, thinking they were funny. No idea that there was no deep end.
She could be the nicest person I've ever know. Boy, she was slick with it. Actually she was mean as a snake.
Their support is just verbal , no real sacrifice , no matter how bad your situation msy be. And yes you feel them to be totally detached from your reality of pain , as you said , no warmth! If anything you can sense that you are a nuisssnce to them
You are brilliant and your videos are super helpful, thank you! After realizing my parent is a narcissist, I have been watching a lot of videos and yours cover things others dont. You are great at describing the common day-to-day narc behaviors that are hard to isolate, describe, and name.
The things you said about "help" was perfect. If I asked for help he ignored me yet often got angry and accuse me of never wanting his help. Really messed with my mind. Thank you!
She was using my resources to gain attention
Hobbies-right on the money.Mine kept finding new interests but nothing lasted much longer than 1 year.
Yess!! This is so accurate...I remember in the beginning of the relationship I thought that he was just very passionate....I also remember thinking about how angry he was and how it felt like he was almost...too angry? At some point it stopped being somewhat charming and was actually making me nervous to say or do something he didnt agree with....looking back I really did notice the lack of warmth but I kept justifying it...he was a musician that was his thing but anytime he tried to get a band together he'd end up criticizing the hell out of the other members...he would always say like if these fucks would just listen to me I could get us to the top...or something along those lines
..also yes!! He'd give me advice when I didn't need it and get upset when I made my own choice...he'd also act like the peacemaker and drama free but thats all that guy was was drama and he'd even get into verbal and physical altercations with his friends and he'd always play both sides of a conflict between two of his friends
I think we were dating a carbon copy of a person!!!
Omg do I know your life because I’ve been living it too! I’m getting OUT!
@@finallydone391 Hell yeah! Getting out of that relationship was the best decision of my life.
This is a brilliant channel 💯 theres no warmth, their hands and feet are often cold too, guess the energy doesnt flow well. Theyre talking about how they always operate from heart but they operate from the lower chakras mostly. They dont feel empathy they just see every1 as potential competitors. Its definitely a no brainer for a spirtual empath
This is the most accurate video on narcissists I have seen (based on my experience with them) and I have watched a lot!
Oh my gosh, you are so spot on. Especially the helpfulness. My narc would do things, but only because he wanted it done his way or thought I wouldn't do it as good as he could. Otherwise, he does NOTHING to help. In hindsight, all of these qualities were more talk than actual action. I never really saw him do most of the things he professed he did that would indicate he was a good person or a nice guy. Everything is smoke and mirrors, manipulation.
I have watched a few of your videos and think you a great communicator and an impressive lady..
They never broke you, did they ? X
Another amazing video, full of insight and incredibly on point conversation!
I was so led astray by the initial “kindness, generosity, vulnerability, and what I believed to be compassion that my narc ex had. As a therapist, I assumed he had to be genuinely mature, emotion-respecting, and fair minded as well. He was none of these things when the truth came out, but my beliefs held firm as I suffered trying to understand why he did NOT seem to ever feel regret, guilt, or shame, even when he dismissed my feelings entirely, ghosted me when I was sick, and eventually began cheating.
He offered what he believed he HAD to, to lure me in. What was expected. What would allow me to let down my guard. Not what was actually in his heart!
This was a tough lesson to learn and the hardest thing to come to terms with after 20 years of mental abuse, in both overt and covert ways.
If you don’t know how to recognize NPD, you would misread or maybe even dismiss things that are critical to acknowledge from the start. Your life can be destroyed if you don’t read it properly and eradicate this person and all the fantasies you have about them which can NEVER actually be.
Mine wanted companionship for travel, adventures, and sex. But he could trade you away first any other breathing female who would give the same and meet the same needs. His rush to intimacy, future promises, and love bombing were red flags I misread. The anger, resentment, hypersensitivity to anything he considered criticism all poured out any time I wanted him to talk about feeling hurt, threatened, or confused by the things he did. Always! Punishment would follow…birthdays ruined. Vacations cancelled. Silent treatment. Cheating. It is all fair game when they become disillusioned by the fact you expected them to be who they pretended to be.
You may not be a professional, but you are totally on point with the subject. now I know how to protect myself from this people ☝🏻
omgg the accuracy
Passionate=Agitated
recently found your videos-my God they are all so spot on!!! I hope your channel grows b/c your information is fantastic. You explain things in a very validating way for anyone who’s gone thru this hell. Thank you
I don’t think they give themselves , they give gifts , sends gifts on Valentine’s Day while having totally ignored the medical crisis their partner may have been under
You should now begin studying to be a psychologist or Masters Degree level Therapist
You have insight others do not and the ability to communicate this in a “scenario” way to help people understand
Thank you. Maybe some day. For now, I’m just an accountant. 😂
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
Ive been trying to figure out a crazy dynamic at work. Why new employees are being trained on things i havent been trained on as a veteran.
Now it all makes sense!!!!
C all of this for 14yrs
Dad(narcissist) might ask about me, then, less than a minute later, the conversation, controlled by him, is all about him. One-way street! I gave up on his crap!
Your channel is the perfect one that's really helped me. Thank you ❤
What you describe is called bread crumbing. When they give you just enough to stop you from leaving. Obvious first signs are usually ignored because of fear of being alone if you follow your instincts and run for the hills. I saw a narcissist say to a friend of mine who just lost his beloved wife after decades of marriage...oh well, sorry for your loss. I'd better go wait in the car now. I don't do grief. I stayed to watch him cry and complain to me that he's moving in with his parents because he can't stand to go back to an empty house with all those memories. Another case of a narcissist saying to a doctor in hospital after her husband of 50 years was mangled by a car while cycling, ...I don't do caring or sickness. Despite being called in as his next of kin I came into find out what time you want me to come back and drop of his shaver and pyjamas. A man told me about his narcissistic wife the next day saying...I gave you sex last night for the first time in 6 weeks and now I've been thinking that you are so good with money you could pay off my 10,000 pound debt so i don't have to stick with the 20 year repayments. For them nothing is free. Run as soon as you see the FIRST sign of one sidedness
Before the content even started and as much as I have heard the intro before, " as we try to make sense out of non sense " my dim bulb lit up. This is literally where the manipulation test began. That first time of being shot down not about something of personal preference, not about theory, but about a square being round. White being yellow. It made me realize the very first time you give up your intellect is where the downward spiral begins. The excuses i made up in my own mind for it were dead wrong. Add a minuscule bit of intermittent reinforcement and it levels off a bit. Next test....another trait assault. Pick a trait, any trait. They all show up sooner or later. Another thing I learned by observance is the gradual shift to lesser supply. I'm not degrading them in any way. But at first there was only the guys in German sedans. Then the mid range, imo thats when I showed up. Then there is the station wagon old van. Again I'm not disparging those operating within their means. Its actually admirable. But when you know its caviar taste at the country club - just for the record never once did I step inside narc land - you know that the least bit of supply is worth parading around with a sexual exhibitionist mindset, its all about control. Even just for the supply of someone being there to exhibit to. Omg e gads whatashitshow.
Love this video lot of information. Yes the cool calm and collective the wool was pulled over my eyes. Yes they love creating the drama and chaos The hands clean look is them.
Your are better than many professionals out there. Thank you.
“Unsolicited advices “ oh yes! Unsolicited opinions on the contrary , right after you shared an opinion after something happened to you .
"I was jùst trying to help",,,AFTER I start doing something that I've asked him to do for weeks. Like you said, he gets butt hurt when I'm like, 'nah, I'm good'.
Mansplaining is their Favorite activity
It’s like the grand display of how utterly amazing they are
They want to see your “eyes light up” adoring them fascinated with them
It is hilarious yet incredibly sad. ☹️
Sad if you still love them
Hillarious when you realize how much evil they INTENTIONALLY CHOOSE to control you JUST to get you ti be fascinated with them
Wow! Thank you for explaining the helpfulness. I understand now.
Spot on ✨
You are so good at this.
Thank you!
I hope you would also do a video on sex with a narcissist. My experience with her was like she would just go through motions , as she thought it will further get me attached to her , but frankly I felt like I was having sex with a dead body and as a result I really didn’t feel any sexual fulfillment either. It was same with kissing , totally bland , no erotic arousal . I wonder if you have had similar experiences?
Have you thought about podcasting? You'd be very successful.😊
Yes. Maybe someday. The thought of it is a little overwhelming right now. Haha. But thank you!
Oh, no. When you ask him for help all of a sudden, it turns into their idea and they're gonna tell you how to do it. And you try to explain to them. Ok, it's my idea, my plan, I'm executing it. You are my helper so you're supposed to follow directions and do what I say like a helper desk got it
My "older" sister acts sweet + is in the background stirring up chaos in the family. She has our female "cuz" the flying monkey do her dirty work. Then pretends she cares + can fix it.
Talk about they pretend to be so saintlyAnd also why they dont hold hands or kiss
The one narc I knew said that kissing to him is more intimate than sex. He never kissed me and now I’m glad. He did kiss two more friends of his while I knew him and of course he had to share the details with me.
Gifts are always cheap and you are spending 10 times as much on them, this is enfuriating!what a sucker me!
I knew a narc that triangulated me with a friend he was obsessed with and he would hand make special gifts for her but never for me. He loved rubbing it in, accepting or making video calls with her while we were spending time together, it really got under my skin. He even sent a gift to some guy he befriended through his work and only met maybe twice.
Said he'd made and "investment" In me. So Sorry you didn't get to the finish line, Bucko. Good try. But he was "So nice".
As I aim up as Jordan Peterson calls being excellent, I see who doesn't want me to aim up and be me. If they aren't for us, they are against us. Jesus trusted no one. He verified them and then trusted them to a point because he knew them. Not "trust but verify". Rather verify then trust. Judge everyone.
❤❤❤❤❤
So insightful, thank you.