I’m gay and a lot older than you. My generation was told repeatedly that being gay could only lead to loneliness. But I carved out my own path and came to understand that not being immersed in people and noise isn’t loneliness, it is clarity and tranquility. Learning to love my own company has been an incredible turning point and, as importantly, getting rid of needy, toxic people who are more interested in acquisition and superficiality than they are in creativity and depth. Expecting the gay “community” to have shared values is a mistake. Sexual orientation may seem like a reliable basis for bonding with others but it’s not. My advice to younger gay men is find your tribe on the basis of shared values and don’t feel like you’ve fallen short if that tribe is small in number. Social media seems to accentuate feelings of inadequacy and loneliness in young men (gay and straight) rather than alleviate them. For me, it’s been important to learn to love solitude … not to see it as a failure but as a source of contentment.
There's a deep seated loneliness in every gay man . I think it comes from never truly being ourselves for so many years we separate ourselves to avoid being rejected and hurt .
It's also fuelled by "gay culture" itself, putting a lot of emphasis on youth, physical perfection and the promotion of promiscuity. Why go to a library when you can go to the gym? Remember, there's a lot of money to be made out of people's insecurities.
Is it "deep seated" or "deep seeded"? Maybe lonliness grows from seeds: seeds of hate, intolerance, other-ness that society at large cultivates. It is there we learn to hurt from being shamed, rejected, abused and otherized by the straight culture. It was so terrible in the past, and even now is not at all ideal in the real, still sis-gender controled world. I let my anger about this energize me to be out there realizing my real self in all that I do. I am through with shame and guilt and feelings of inferiority and keeping secrets!!!! I embrace being alone at cetain times, but I am seldom feeling lonely because I work to remain connected, mostly to others who feel the pride I feel at cultivating my own version of the good life.
@@Karl-q4v Its 'deep seated' - thank you for your brilliant comment. For me, reading, seeing mainstream movies of people like me, seeing an openly gay man run for president and had a successful campaign (Pete Buttigieg) and self-consiousness have taken away that shame. Grateful to be born in this generation (not perfect yet) but way better for our community to feel alive and free. Grateful to the older generation who fought hard for us all.
@@angelangel1 I actually think these perceived emphases are excessively presupposed and to a good extent reflect an over-urbanized and “bar scene” conception of gay culture, largely promoted by televized stereotypes. I can honestly say most gay men I’ve observed desire boyfriends/monogamy, typically with someone their own age or older, and don’t go to the gym but should for the confidence and not the bod they’d gain as a consequence.
This two word are synonymous. English is not my first language. I hate who gives different meaning or point of view of the same words or 2 similar word. Is a bad game that teachers like to do with kids, but really unproductive. Facts are not word. I understand the meaning of communicate, but why do not use more words. I'm starting to put entire books in one single word, for once listen! Be gay is not specism, but nobody want responsabilities. How can not be solitude and loneliness?
@@eduardochavacanothat's what happens when all you care about is what someone looks like and not who they are. That's why I went with just staying celebate, I've hooked up enough and now it's more trouble than it's worth
I can't quite understand why so many comments say that being alone is good. Yes, all the sayings mentioned there are true. But he is a young man who wants to be loved. Who wants to be held, he wants to discover the world with someone. He wants to give love, he wants to put a smile on a man's face when they see each other. The fact that he makes a video like this shows that he is already settled, but it is also a desire for a life partner. I wish that he wakes up next to a great man in the morning, that he is woken up with a kiss and a smile, that he finds someone he can cuddle with, that he finds someone who spoils him with attention, that he can confide his worries and problems to a man at his side and that they can solve them together. I have had one relationship in my life that worked well - unfortunately with a woman. Unfortunately, relationships with men have never lasted long. I have just been living alone for years and I'm coping well with it, but I also have moments of loneliness.
Most of the people you read saying being alone is good are lying, they would do anything to find their other half, but it's a way to resign themselves and prefer to pretend they are alright alone, but deep inside them they aren't.
@@SeventhheavenDKPlease be open minded enough to know that you may be wrong in your opinion. People are different, have different needs. Maybe you’re just young.
@@SeventhheavenDKwe are born whole, we don’t need another half. Sure it would be great to find another person who completely understands you, but in this crazy world it’s not always possible. I have great friends and amazing pets and I’m never lonely. I’ve been in 4 long term relationships and I can honestly say I am at my best and happiness when I’m single.
I had companionship for 14 years with my husband but now he's a shell of what he wants was and now I feel utterly alone. It just shows the universe can give and take away in the same breath. Way to feel alone and wish and long for company love and affection..
Me 2 but sometimes its inevitably impossible as human is a social being. So I ask myself about where at certain point I might be responsible. Sometimes I am brave others it's like I can't and I dig in back to my lonely world. Wish I could make new friends but it's seems that relationships have became discardable as anything that have been manufactured. Once it's useless the discard does happen thus to avoid having more opened wounds I stay in my own shelter. But yet somehow the hope returns and the cycle re-start all over again. I m not looking for sex but good company for sharing the good n the bad things, each one of us goes thru. Love to yall I won't give in.
I'm so lonely. Alone for a decade. Nobody notices my existence. Even my parents. Complete absence. No calls, no textbacks, no invites. I let myself suffer from depression but still got nothing after a lot of effort, trying to reach someone, it's just nothing. And I just turned 30. My 20s gone with nothing and I have no desire to gain my life back because of lack emotional & financial support. Most people dont understand this. I didn't came into this world to survive. Yes I'm starving but I'm not a warrior. I can't fight back all the pressures coming from life and people. Yes. I'm alone. Wish it was easier...
I'm sure you're not "invisible"! You're important to yourself and to people close to you, no matter if it's one or two persons! And, yes, I can "feel" you, and "see"you, and feel "close" to you!
I am sorry you are experiencing life in the way you describe. Look for friends who have similar interests and hobbies. Get out and don't isolate. I suffer from depression and loneliness at times. I maintain a relationship with my parents and brother. Mind you they live quite far from me, so our contacts are via mobile. Yet, I do have a few friends who I consider family and this helps stave the loneliness. Being in relationship is nice, but not the panacea for life. A romantic relationship is certainly nice, but they take a lot of work--dedication, compromise and finding common pursuits to work toward as a couple. I've been single for a number of years. I'm certainly open to a relationship, but being in one will no longer define me. Being in relationship will not complete you or make you feel whole. Only you can make yourself feel whole. I hope these words help, my friend.
"You can been around people all the time and still be alone" That's my life, having never been in a relationship and living alone, the only person I rely on is myself , now I am older I find it is ok to be like this, would it be good to have someone there for me, someone to come home to? Absolutely! but at the end of the day, I have accepted this is my life and I am good with that, Tommy this is such a beautiful video, thank you!
I am 73 years young, a Vietnam vet, served with the Navy, and later in the Army, been married to women several times and divorced, after decades of denial of my own sexuality, but have finally accepted myself, and appreciate my own journey of self-discovery. One thing I've learned along the way is to love yourself, and not to seek love from others without having love within your heart to share with others. I love people, men and women, nature, and this living world we are blessed to call 'home'.
Thank you for this. I'm 61, and I came out at a young age. I came to realize a lot of what you've said many years ago. You're a beautiful person inside and out.
Thansk for being you, showing your vulnerability and confidence here is so special. I can so relate to you. I dont feel so lonely anymore since watching this video. God bless you throughout the journey of your life. ❤
Lonliness and being alone (they're not the same) are things I have had to deal with all my life. I've felt lonely in a room full of people.For me, discovering and accepting myselfwas the key to overcoming this problem. That was the best thing about Covid for me. Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this.
TODO LO QUE SE DIJO ES VERDAD, ...existimos muchos SOLOS, pero no amargados, pero como NO ENCONTRARE, mi medio naranjo, SERE SOLTERON, pero me dedico a meditar y conversar con NUESTRO SEÑOR, el tambken fue SOLO, pero nunca dejo de AMAR, y yo lo AMO A EL, y con eso soy FELIZ, pero no niego que el colectivo LGTB, no es mi partido y el mundo para mi, es complicado....pero....😮😮😮😮❤❤❤❤❤😮😮😮😮❤❤❤
Just turned 40. Gay and single. I spent my thirties working through two discards from dismissive avoidant and covertly narcissistic men. I realised that I didn't love myself, and I subconsciously sought relationships with men who would validate my core beliefs. It's taken me years to heal, but I'd rather be alone that living with an emotional vampire or someone who is using you or jealous of your qualities.
It’s honestly sad just how narcissistic people there are out there! I don’t understand what is leading so many people to grow up to be deceitful and lie without boundaries. I have had too many share of mine in my life.
I agree that you have touched on a subject that is very common wtih every gay man I have ever known including myself. When I first moved to Colorado and was trying to understand my gay feelings, I found a plaque with the following saying, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions perhaps it is because he hears the sound of a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears however measured or far away." I bought that plaque, framed it and it has hung in my living room for over 40 years now. For whatever reason, those words touched me deeply and finally set me on my path to accepting that I was gay which was my "different drummer". Although it did not entirely heal the loneliness I was experiencing, at least it helped me understand it better. Within just a few months of reading these words, I was finally brave enough to come out as gay and start a whole new wonderful path in my life and I have NEVER regretted it. Stay strong and know we are there with you and supporting you! 🏳🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜🏳🌈
Wow, unreal, Taz. I also bought that plaque as I also connected with that sentiment. I bought it in an old junk shop in New Orleans in 1999 (it is paper glued to a wooden board with thick urethane sealing it & it is signed "Greg Wallace prod. 1972"). It has a drawing of flowers and and it still hangs on my wall. Cool!
@@greenbeans575 I love that you felt connected to the saying as I did. My copy credits the saying to Thoreaux and was published by Janet Casey in 1982. I got my copy in a small souvenir shop in Central City, CO probably in 1983 well before Central City became a gambling town. Most of those shops have been gone for years now and were replaced with casinos.
In many ways when we are alone we must confront ourselves, learn about ourselves and be with our most authentic self. In this way our aloneness can sometimes be sacrosanct.
@@WoodlandAsh yes, when one's youth fades (usually around 26,) the gay is often abandoned for the next twink in the meat market. For those who have not developed their skills as a person tend to be stunted and become jaded and bitter as they have been kicked to the gutter). This is why I recommend that the gays try to go to university and have a career rather than spend all their time on Grindr and in mall bathrooms
When you said since childhood it really hit me, because it was really bad for me. And then when your parents are religious muslims, it gets so much worse as you get older. At least when I moved to New York City my sense of loneliness faded, but the scars from my childhood have yet to heal.
So beautiful and profound. Tommy, your message speaks to so many. I'm so happy for you that you love nature. And so happy for this positive message of hope for those who are lonely. ❤
Damn, I’m almost in tears. You’re expressing what I haven’t fully been able to develop yet in my mind. I remember as a kid seeing a Peanuts comic strip in b/w in the daily newspaper. Normally they were 3 panel cartoons, but this was only 1. Linus was in a crowd of people & simply said “I’m lonely.” I couldn’t understand the meaning those many decades ago, but this 54 year old understands it know. Thank you Thomas for putting it such a tender & beautiful way. The videos of yours that I’ve seen always show you alone. If that’s still the case, I hope that someday soon someone will come along that will be able to walk beside you.❤
First, what a beautiful video: a perfect tone, a quite reflection free of any self-pity and accusations. I deeply relate to your loneliness, that tract of ourselves that seems to come before any personal experience or particular conditions. Growing up, I felt more and more different from the "others", and increasingly aware that I did not possess that carefree quality so common to most humans, that lightness of passing through things without questions, reflections, or a deep awareness. Not for me, and for you, right? the constant distance between oneself and the world and the most primal emotions, to the point that even sex is almost an external experience. You see yourself from the outside, all the time. A spectator, unable to embrace things for what they are. Instead we "read" them with that omnipresent consciousness. The rare times I was "in" the events, intimate or social, my reactions were exaggerated, in the hope that I could change, I could be free and light and happy. Not so, it was just the other face of a lonely, dreaming soul. Finally, in my late 30s, I abdicated. That solitude exploded for what (in my case) was, lurking for years: a big unavoidable depression. Suicidal. I left my country, Italy, and landed here in California, not to start from zero, but to disappear. I went through panic attacks, medical problems, and all the desperation, with no end. One day, at my lowest point, forced at a party, I met a person, who felt in love with me, inexplicably, against any logic. I confessed him my situation, he didn't care. I fought him on almost every aspect of life, politics, believes. I put him in every sort of challenge: my anger, my negativity, my refusal to accept his very social lifestyle, his ability to celebrate the world. I criticized him constantly. We never had a great sexual chemistry, ( we were not consummated lovers, never part of the gay community, or the gay wild sex life). Was I in love? no, because I didn't love myself, I hated myself. And yet, he loved me, he proved me what love is, and what can do to a wounded, difficult soul like mine. After 26 years, we love each other more than we thought we could. Why I'm telling you my story? because I think you need somebody, a soulmate, the person able to love you for what you are. Learning to be alone is a first step (I love to be left alone) and the right direction to respect and love ourselves; but at the end we need somebody able to hug us, all the day long if necessary, one that can caress that very loneliness that will never disappear. Because we don't change; we need to be understood, one way or another. Bob loved me without understanding my depression for years, and yet he felt me, until he UNDERSTOOD. To you: look in yourself, try to understand if your loneliness might be moodiness, if deeper inside you is hiding a form of depression. I was probably born with that. A good way to take care of yourself is analysis, but even more a psychiatric evaluation, and some pills. We tend to elevate and manipulate our emotions, trying to find a reason, a key. Sometime though they are just symptoms of a condition that must be treated. Too simple ? but suffering is, in most cases, useless, if not indulging. I salute you now, and sorry for the length of my message and my imperfect English. You seem to me a rare person, intelligent and honest, a beautiful human being, apart from your great appearance. Let someone love and understand you, sometime against your will. It's an act of vulnerability toward the person that wants to love you.
Same. I am 61 ..... still lonely. However, solitude and loneliness are better than being with someone wrong. It is surprising how much you can enjoy your own company. You always get to do things you like versus gbing along because you feel like you have too or should.
Hugs! As a rather older gay guy, I can only offer my own experiences...and they're pretty messed up. I have always had more support, friendship and love from my straight friends that I ever have from gay people. The alleged "gay community" often (usually) isn't. It's tribal, petty, hateful, judgemental, cliquish and competitive...none of which is helpful, accepting or affirming. As loving and caring as my straight friends are, they'll never really understand the trials and tribulations I experience. And they'll be the first to admit it. They are supportive, sympathetic and will knock each other over to be the one to lend an ear. But they don't understand. And bluntly, sex is a big part of the problem. Gay men look at other gay men first as a sex object. Are they attractive enough? But not too attractive so that they might interfere with your bar experiences and hookups. Personality, character, and bluntly, utility are not even first order considerations. And for as allegedly "accepting" as the gay world is supposed to be, it is overrun with -isms. Ageism, racism, sexism, and on and on. Mostly it is covered up with the socially acceptable "preference" but it is such a impenetrable barrier that it's far more than just preference, and is used to justify horrible behavior towards others. So...I am lonely. COVID has worsened that for everyone. We have sort of lost our ability to interact, make small talk, and connect with others. For me, that has been something of a mixed blessing. I work in healthcare and it is awful. People broadly as just difficult to deal with. It's all me me me! God forbid for one second that you get something I didn't! And to make the point, I'm just going to scream...out loud, by text or social media and vomit just how badly I think I've been treated! I have made a lot of peace with myself by camping in the woods in a tent. Away from people. It's quiet and calms my soul. I can reflect and think. I can listen to the music of the moment and relax. I don't have to deal with the rudeness, incivility and hate of others. And I'm pretty ok with it. I grew up in a very different time as a very closeted gay man. I still am rather offended when my sexual preferences are the topic of conversation among people I don't care to have that level intimacy with. But i increasingly also don't especially care what others think either. I'm not out to offend anyone and sometimes the best way to avoid offending and avoid being offended is to just not be there. It's often much easier.
Thank you for speaking the quiet truth out loud. As a 42 year old gay man in Chicago circa 2000 -2002 involved with a much younger man (20), for the first time in my life I was exposed to the “gay community” in a large , urban setting. I was shocked at all the -isms. The Hispanics who couldn’t stand the blacks, the blacks who couldn’t stand the whites and the Asians who couldn’t stand anyone! It was eye-opening, and disappointing. I was in that relationship in Chicago for 2 years and it helped me to understand: hey ! none of us are perfect; there is good and bad in everyone. And the best we can do with our lives is to be patient and kind to everyone and to avoid negative, critical people as much as possible.
This comment is FACTS! I mean I never personally have received certain discrimination in the LGBTQ community but everyone has heard of it to some extent. Like NO ASIANS! Hasn’t everyone seen that one? They don’t even try to hide it or be friendly about it. I totally understand your point. I also work in healthcare. What department do you work in? I work in the operating room and the people can be super toxic at times! I’ve had horrible jobs but now I have a great one but my old terrible OR jobs definitely did not help my mental health when I was very new to coming out ❤️
Bullseye. 🎯 As an older gay man also, I can relate to every word you stated. I don’t know where I fit in and that’s fine. I’ve always been lonely even forty, fifty years ago and never really felt comfortable with my own “community”. We were cast down from the culture, religious factors that impact our own family networks where many of us weren’t accepted. A lot of other people don’t understand this. I had an eight year relationship with a man and he’s with another now for fifteen years. It’s left me ruminating and mistrustful to get involved with someone new. I’m not young anymore and your comment about a post Covid world affecting social interactions at large is very true. Something has changed and it’s most unfortunate.
This is absolutely spot on as if I had said it myself. I've been out since college and even then I didn't believe the gay "community" was a real thing. There were/are still so many divisions. I've experienced the "-isms" first hand because I'm Filipino. I've been lucky to have 3 relationships in my life but I went through many rejections, rudeness, and outright "-isms" cloaked as "preference", to get there. To me, nothing much has changed in this "community" other than how we find each other. Now, it's even more impersonal...swiping on a screen, looking at stats, photos of the merchandise and deciding if there'll be a transaction as if we're shopping for a Ken doll. If you don't fit the white, young, fit male, your odds immediately drop quite a bit. These apps have made us more connected and disconnected at the same time. As an only child, I'm comfortable with quiet solitutde but sometimes it's replaced by a true loneliness and wondering "is this it for my life?"....
Alone, widowed, very lonely, no family left, all friends either married or dating & no longer have a place for me in their lives. I haven't hung out with other gays in years. I have chronic pain as well and it has had a huge effect on my vitality, I have always been out but now I feel like I'm a stranger with my own kind. I have come to want release from this life, no wont off myself, but am just tired of being alone. For me loneliness will always be a sad thing, a personal purgatory that hasn't the slightest benefit to my existence.
@@TalShiar69 hello from the Philippines I don't know what you have a chronic pain ..there's no such no man is an island ..I'm here now if you like I'm Raphael de Los Angeles from the Philippines ❤️ enjoy life while you still have the time ...if virility is being hampered there are other ways to make your sex life active but be sure to be safe at all times
Your story was quite touching I'm a gay senior with a partner 36 years but pleasantly tolerate each other and loneliness creeps in on occasion moving from California to Idaho away from those few family left doesn't help. Sometimes would just like to have a friend to share life's stories with rather than having too much time to think about medical issues that never seem to leave me alone. Take care of yourself, Tommy
I can relate to you far too well on all your comments. How about "I won't give up, you don't give up"(?). These journeys we are on may not be what we saw coming, but life is still precious, and there is so much for us to experience and enjoy while we're here... even if we're limited. Peace Brother.
My GOD Mr. May! This is one of the most intense, heart-felt videos I have ever seen. So incredibly insightful. So genuine. And such a gift to younger or Teens just facing their sexual reality. AND even to Seniors like me! In the beauty of this remarkable 8 minute video, that is masterfully choreographed I will add, your words spoken give hope to those who struggle in their loneliness or search for self. You are a gift for the souls of many and looking at 87.3K subscribers; I am clearly not the only one who gets the message. Thank you.
@@cassey3063 Does it matter where this Gentleman makes his living? I got the message and my thoughts stand. Your bitterness and resentment are showing. Relax.
I’ve always been alone - I learnt from school at a young age that I wasn’t liked much at all and was often sitting by myself, often sad. It was particularly hard in high school when my belongings were always hidden/stolen from me and I was then left having to go look for them, often found in a garbage bin a few minutes away from where it was collected. Making friends was the hardest thing at school, could never trust anyone and was always picked on - the easy target. Now, in my mid 40’s and suffer depression and on medication, still lonely and finding it hard to just even exist anymore. 😢 Having a friend is just hard work now…. The amount of times I’ve been used or hurt, so you can imagine having a partner is impossible for me.
OMG I feel like I have such a repour with you as I too have been put through the same ringer as you have, by Not fitting in with your fellow classmates at primary right through till high school, being constantly teased by them. Sitting all alone by myself with constant stress, anxiety and feeling very depressed 😔 going through you. Even now every single person who I once thought was a friend ended up using and being emotionally abusing me. If you do want a friend you’ve got one in me and vice versa. 💋
I was an only child and don't mind being alone. As a matter of fact I prefer it. In the movie Looking for Mr. Goodbar Diane Keaton's character was accused of being lonely she screamed-Alone not lonely.
As a Moroccan gay refugee in Germany , Before when I lived in Morocco, I thought that when I came to Europe I would be surrounded by friendly and open people and would have many friends or even a boyfriend, but I was choked when I found life here more boring. I fought for many years with loneliness by trying to find a good friend who can accept me as gay or a boyfriend who deserves my love, but always failing to find the right person, now I give up and try to live happily as a single gay alone. enjoy yourselves and live the moment, life is short , be yourself and be happy whatever Circumstances. 😍😍😍🏳🌈🏳🌈🏳🌈🏳🌈 much respect and love to you habibi .
That's the best solution you could ever find. Having a boyfriend doesn't guarantee anything. Sometimes it can be hard when you're with with someone, too......
The longer your alone the harder it is to be with that someone special.... because you knowingly or unknowingly have your own space and make that space your own the longer you are alone. To go from single middle aged to having a full on life partner is going to be fought with problems that are just not there when you are both younger. There is the fact that having a partner to share life's moments makes them all the more special, and something you can both reminisce about together getting double the enjoyment to experiences on your own.... but everything is a trade off but that does not stop be being jealous of some of the wonderful gay couples who enrich each others existence with happiness! .
Thomas, this was an amazing video!! I'm turning 60, live alone, live in Vegas and travel a great deal for work. I used to have a dog, she kept me from being lonely. She had to go to heaven and due to travel I can't get a new one. I fired my toxic family and I'm surrounded by good friends. Finding confort in ourselfs is crutial This was a beautiful video! Thank you!
Wonderful message. Im gay and lonely as well. A big part of my loneliness was because I was raised in a religious mindset. My mom was a Southern Baptist and my dad (who was living separate from my mom) was a Jehovah Witness. I grew up exploring both religions all the while openly telling my mom and dad that I was struggling with homosexuality. For years I'd tell them that until one day I just told them Im gay and I can't change it. Now, many years later, no boyfriend and very lonely. I find myself laying in bed at night before I fall asleep saying "I love you" to no one at all, just because it feels good to say it.
Yeah I used to do that too, just say I love you and wish I had someone to say it to. Then I finally had my first relationship in my mid 20s with a guy a bit older. It was toxic and abusive for years. Because I needed to be able to say I love you to someone. Be careful what you wish for because it can show up like that too.
@@AmbrociousXP not necessarily, especially if you are open to age differences, keep yourself in shape and are financially stable. Some people are meant to be alone though, I realized I was one of those after the one attempt I had at a relationship that went on for nearly 7 years. I needed to experience it and because of that, I chose unwisely. It's a lot more likely to be good for you if you don't need it for your life because your life is already good enough, rather than thinking your life would only be great with someone else
@@BigBadJerryRogers I have only ever had 2 short lived relationships which both lasted for less than a month each. I've never know what it's like to be loved or to be able to love. I've been just fine being alone for all this time but I always thought one day I'd find someone. I don't want to be alone forever. People die without love eventually. I want to love someone.
Thanks for sharing Thomas. As a 57 y.o gay man who is the 24-7/ 365 solo caregiver of our family elder, I have no friends, nor have I had any connection with anyone in over 7 years now. It's helpful knowing from the comments that I'm not the only one battling loneliness. Stay strong. You'll find that special someone who deserves your companionship. Stay safe ya'all
@@dr.baotran8448 hello I'm here no need to be lonely now I'm Raphael de Los Angeles from the Philippines ❤️❤️❤️ lovelots stay happy and positive in life
Thank you. This video calms me. As a 57 yo, widowed gay man after 23 years together, these past 14 months of relearning myself as an individual has been a difficult one. I have become reacquainted with the lonely kid I was at 13 and through my early adulthood. Only now have I started to be comfortable with being alone and always a little lonely.
Don't worry he always looking up u in heaven ..Your both amazing for loving each other unconditionally.I wish I had I'm really wanted to beloved and too served. Someone.
Ruufus, I am in a similar situation. My husband died last year and that was the most horrible thing ever. PTSD moved in and I was kicked out of our house. Luckily I have couple of friends who helped me and I am regaining my balance.
@@christopheranderson7649 Well, I went through 30+ years in the UK Police when such a 'lifestyle' was absolutely taboo. I was told I would never get promoted whilst I had a hole in my arse - which fortunately I still have - and I never was, and the bosses tried every trick in the book to get rid of me - but failed. Their attempts would be actionable nowadays. I stuck it out and now am living on a very comfortable pension - thank you. BUT, I made many good and true friends in the police who stuck - and still stick - by me........ but none of the bosses.
I'm feel the same as many of these comments. Being 65 and gay you might as well be invisible. Being alone for virtually my whole life has been a real challenge to say the least and it just gets harder by the day. I came into this world alone, and I will probably leave it the same way.
I have a dear friend with high functioning autism. For whatever reasons, he isn't intersted in dating anyone. We often go on vacation together, and out to eat. I couldn't ask for a better friend. He used to be very shy and withdrawn, never interacting with strangers at all. What has really helped him, more than anything, was getting a job at a liquor store where he has to interact with customers all the time. He sees that there are all kinds of people, and everyone is unique. It has really helped him to embrace himself.
@texasguysanantonio8295 I can relate. Working with others saved me. Being in the arts saved me (dancer) A liquor store would be a hot potato for me as I'm an alkie lol
I am a Gay man widow, after COVID life changed beyond anything I could ever expect. COVID to my husband of nine years and all my core friends. Shortly after my husband's death, my Father passed from lung cancer. I moved in with my parents to help them through this and was expecting to restart my life. Unfortunately, after Dads passing Mom had a serious life threatening advers affect from the COVID shot. So once again I have placed my life on hold to care for her 24/7, being she is bed ridden. I really have no friends to speak of, my little brother and I are well not close by any means and think he is ashamed of who I am and has been for the longest time. I have taken to being by myself socially for the last four years. I have two dogs that keep me busy and afford me tons of affection, but I would like a friend to go to lunch with being I am not looking for any relationship at this stage of my life. You are a very handsome young man and life always has twists that you will never see coming. Love is one of those things, it always come when you are least looking for it. Be happy in yourself as you mentioned in your video and life will reward you beyond measure! Hugs buddy, just be you!
Are there any community or volunteer groups in your area that you can go to? It's surprising the friends you can find in the places you might least expect them. If you lived on my side of the globe I'd have lunch with you, but you're probably not so all I can give you is my thoughts and best wishes.
I lost my husband of 54 years to cancer. Being a gay man you experience a new type of grief as we as a group are not supported by the heterosexual society. It’s been 5 months and the pain is still unbearable
Your story is like telling me my life, most true some just different somewhat, but, here I am … understanding being alone and being lonely … but, I am still older than you, but life happens and takes us on a journeys we would never expect and the results at the end basically is to same, just relax, love Your Mom like I do, take good care of her, always, life probably has something more to possibly show us … it would be great to meet you, I am in San Diego, California, USA 🇺🇸 where are you from?? Take care and God Bless You, you are a beautiful loving men❤🎉😊❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉😊
@@cnapier67 hello from the Philippines ❤️ want to visit our beautiful country for a different outlook and environment .you will love it and it will be your second home I'm Raphael de Los Angeles from my loving country the Philippines ❤️❤️❤️ make it count and you will experience a different kind of life you have been missing for a very long time...
I am going 40 and this really hit me so hard. I know this will be my path in the future, alone and lonely and no one knows who am I and what I really feel.
I feel you. I'm in the same (or a very similar) boat. Going on 40, gay, single, never been in a relationship, only have a few friends. For me, the loneliness is always there, slowly gnawing away at my core and I hate it.
We are all alone. Even if you share your life with someone , a person is still alone. I prefer living on my own. I enjoy doing what i want when i want. Being okay in my own company is good. Im in my sixties, and i really dont want other peoples troubles or issues.
I can definitely appreciate your message in this video. You speak from a soul that has 'grown' with wisdom not typical with those around your age bracket, and younger. Hell, that can apply to many who are much older than you, even. I'm a 60y.o. gay widower now. The loneliness I'd suddenly experienced a few years ago had become debilitating. Things are vastly different today, especially in the social world. I've discovered how non-inclusive the gay community is these days; fractured and unwelcoming. But, my will to live is stronger than I realized, and loneliness is a frame of mind that one does not have to accept as their end all. Striving to find peace within myself is an on-going determination that has made my life, not just bearable, but has given myself permission to enjoy life on my own terms that I was denying. Maybe one day I'll meet someone who will join me, or vice versa, on the same path of happiness, which would be amazing! But, until then, and if, that becomes a reality... I'm good with my own company, my dog, and experiencing those things that are tangible in my life that make me smile while I'm still here. Best wishes to you Thomas! 🧡
Good advice when you said, 'Take time to know who you are.' Sometimes people never figure that out. I am 63 YO, was married after high school (relationship lasted 9 years), followed by a male partner (which lasted almost a decade). But after terminating that relationship, I never found another partner (though I had crushes on several men and 1 woman). Luckily for me, I was okay never finding another person. After having had 2 terrific long-term relationships, I consider myself lucky.
The cure for my loneliness has been to recognize my role in life to bring compassion and love to others. It's when I'm too much in my own head that I feel a disconnect to the world around me. Get out there and give of yourself,
While it's true that we all feel lonely sometimes and that it is important to be your own best friend, the reason most men (gay and straight) feel so lonely is that society has gone to great lengths to assure that men have shallow friendships. For years, I have hosted interactive in-person workshops that provide a personal breakthrough experience. In fact, many life-long bonds and several gay marriages are the result. It's possible to have many shallow friendships and still feel very lonely.
Your words and thoughts- so beautifully put. Kind of teared up at times. I will never understand this world and why people have to diminish others who are 'different' from what has been defined as the norm. There is nothing in this world that is cut and dry: there are plants that grow only under water, trees that look like evergreens but lose their 'needles' each fall, trees that grow in the water, fish that walk out of water, mammals that lay eggs, birds with wings that cannot fly, birds that mate for life, foul that have sexual relations with deceased foul and the list goes on and on. My point is that nature is diverse. Live and let live.
This resonates so much.Thank you. “Being comfortable with who we truly are “ I’m 67 and have always felt different and it’s only in the last 2 years that I am fully aware of how that has impacted life so far.Much appreciated
Hey- I wish you all the love you deserve! You are such a wonderful, sensitive and beautyful man! A real man- being gay doesn't make you less male. I send you a million hugs. Robert
Definitely identify with this 100%!!! I mean, I couldn't have put it into words any better. This can be such a dark place but I try not to let the lonely feeling be a negative and turn it into a positive like you said. Also, it's just nice to know that I am not alone in feeling like this. No one ever talks about this subject and this is a really incredible, reflective and beautiful piece of art that you created to do so. You got me checking in this morning! Also, all of these shots are so beautiful! Love ya and thanks for sharing this! You are freaking awesome!😀🥰😍🔥💞
Oh my goodness. Another beautiful and powerful word-piece. You’ve had me crying. I am a generation (or two) from you, and I’ve never had a male friend. Loneliness is my defence against being hurt.
As a straight man I have gay friends and one is built like a brick house. I tease him about getting a girl friend and he teases me about getting a boyfriend. Sometimes we go camping and stay in the same tent. I don't worry about it because I am not his type just like everyone has a type of person to be with. He would jump in the lake nude and have fun doing it. He know I not attracted to him. I would not swim in the nude because I would probably scare him and all of nature but we do have fun. My straight friends have gay friends too. We don't tolerate bigots.
I really wish I had more straight friends because I don't have much in common with most gay guys. It's difficult for me because most straight guys I meet don't think I'm gay. So then when I have told a few they seemed to act like I was fooling them by not announcing it immediately, or they should have noticed something that they didn't about me and that basically ended things. So I stopped trying that.
@@rlrober I don't know if he has a cameraman or does it all alone. Either way, it is better than most films I see. I mean, Tommy has a bangin' body AND a great talent for the camera. I hope he can maintain humility. He is definitely a great catch!
@@timwilder9471 he is more than his looks. Unfortunately he will probably get banged and dumped by many men so he needs to find more than just the meat market. All young gay men should know that looks fade but wisdom and friendships/love only get stronger if you make the right choices
As another older gay man, loneliness and solitude seem to have become my middle name(s). Life doesn't turn out the way you hope or expect. There are not niches for everyone. I've unfortunately never found mine /gay friends or a (lover!?😂) that shared similar interests and values. But I wish you better luck In your life.
I grew up on a farm and loneliness was a natural state. It helped me prepare for being single as an adult. Oddly, I went from being middle-of-the-road in High School to HUGELY popular and well know in college... post-college making friends is harder and harder... and being single for 3 years now... I've turned it into a medium for my Instagram.
You have 110% ABSOLUTELY figured it out!!! I've felt this same way and went on your same journey about a decade( or maybe a pinch more) before.❤❤❤❤❤ I WISH more people had this insight to be able to be happy in their own company, flaws and all. That loneliness is the field of dirt to plant yourself and to bloom where you are planted. Have your roots grow in ALL directions and to learn to be confident, even while stuck in the mud. It's all part of the journey. I am SO glad that you're finding your way and spreading your seeds of wisdom across the land. May they land in other people's minds and germinate there to fruition. Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this message!❤
Same here, except I'm 42 and time is running out. I almost don't even care at this point. I'd rather be by myself and somewhat happy than try to find someone in the Gay community, which can be extremely superficial. Good luck to you, either way.
Thank you Tommy, since I was small and even now I know that felling you described so aptly and it is unpleasant, but simple techniques like just having a coffee, listen to good song or experiencing nature takes one out of there. Wishing bright rainbows!
I was solo for much of my 20s but not always lonely. Now in my 50s I crave alone time and wish I had not been so desperate for a relationship when younger. It definitely gets better.
@kevinwalsh9934 yes, if you get outside your head and just start living. Too often people obsess about what they don't have and create a never-ending neurotic cycle that keeps them stuck. Get out, do something, be something, whatever but don't fall into the trap of self pity. It's pointless & fruitless.
@@kevinwalsh9934For me it has. Luckily I have not had a major health issue or tragedy yet. But it would have been nice if I could have just enjoyed the benefits of being young when I was young.
Im 45 years old and GAY… I have done the clubs, the men, the drugs, and the sex.. Through life experience I now realize that I just need myself to be happy. I used to try to find happiness in a boyfriend.. I know now that it’s a dead end for me and im much happier alone… 😊❤
I feel the same way when it comes to feeling lonely. I have tried to focus my energies on my physical and mental health, hoping that will make things change on their own.
Your soothing voice is so therapeutic Tommy. I closed my eyes and listened to all the truth you said so gently. It helped me immensely as I'm also going through loneliness day in and day out and seeking love from a gay partner which I've failed to find and so I keep myself busy with things I love to do including practicing self love self care and giving to those who cannot find basic things to survive which makes me feel happy and not feel lonely and sad. There are times I like to be alone which is solitude that everyone need sometimes to discover their inner being and find peace with one self which is totally different from feeling lonely. I've been among crowds known and unknown including at parties where still amidst the big crowd I've felt all alone and sad. What you've expressed genuinely is very true Tommy and thank you so much for coming out doing this video to help others who go through this same syndrome. As you say at the end one finally has only himself to look after and love himself and take care. Nobody understands me better than myself.
It's the worst feeling. Go your own way is my favorite song of all time. Nobody can tell you how to live. Love yourself first. When you achieve that get a pet to share your life.
I have 3 Blue Point Siamese, 1 Male, and 2 female, they are my babies, and they love ❤️ their Daddy, and they fill those moments when Loneliness may strike, not often, but it sneaks up on me … LOL … and my babies sense that and come near to me, and, and say, hey Daddy, don’t be sad, we are here with You now … they are so sweet and make me laugh everyday, and each personality connects with me in different ways, it is amazing but each one gives me their Love ❤️ & Loyalty everyday … my house burned down, and being reconstructed, we cannot wait to get home 🏠… yes, having a gay and/ bisexual friend is always icing on every cake, yes, I would like that, I am a big Holiday person, and In the future wonder if then I maybe alone, and I am o.k., with being alone, but still, I have my moments, like any Human Being, I LOVE 💕 BEYOND MYSELF AND THAT MAY BEING ME SOMETIMES TO A PLACE WHERE I WOULD LOVE ❤️ TO SHARE WITH A SPECIAL SOMEONE IT CAN BE WITH A MAN FRIEND ( POSSIBLY MORE THAN A FRIEND) and/or friends who still are friends from my passed … The one thing is I must watch out for men who want to extort money/finances from me … that has happened twice, and I will not tolerate that again … I hope for a man who is like me, and is not interested in extorting finances, but just can support his needs as I do, and we can be and do together … I also, would love to have things be like the sitcom, the “Golden Girls”, where we live together, and also look out for one another, but have great times, and be a family, and, some can be & have a secure boyfriend/partner within the group whom live together ❤😂😊 yes, there could be challenges now and then, but together we can remedy a positive outcome, especially when you all real care and love each other, always!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊❤❤❤❤❤❤love ❤❤❤
@@caesarbolchini6465 I have a blue point female Siamese and Turkish Angora Siamese he's pure white. They are my babies, ide probably go nuts without them. I sense conmen all the time. I ghost them they are not worth my time or energy . I've been used abused and now I refuse. That's why I'm alone. I don't celebrate Christmas anymore . It's too commercial. I love the spiritual meaning but the shopping and crowds it's just too much. Always care for people that ask for nothing. They deserve your time.
What a beautiful video and touching story. I had no expectations and was very touched by your message around loneliness. Thank you as this story will definitely touch and help many. BIG HUGS
Thank you so much Thomas for this Amazing Video. It has given us all hope. You are a Truly wonderful person. A true hero and inspiration to me. Thank you so much for everything you do. I hope your life is filled with Happiness,Joy,Luck, Laughter and so much love. Enjoy the rest of 2024. All the best from Fraser in a Scotland 🏴🌈♥️
this was a sad but beautiful video 🥺 I can relate to what you’re saying in someways, but my journey is very different. I came out of 23 and met my partner and husband of 20 years when I was 20 years old, so my entire adult life and it’s frustrating and sad because he died of glioblastoma brain cancer April 2022 and I have been struggling to find any bit of happiness since then. I did a nine month palliative care journey that literally destroyed me, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I think part of the problem is because I was with him for so long. I do a lot of things alone now like go see movies, walks, bike, riding, kayaking, and it just feels like a lonely experience because I can’t share it with him. I really don’t know who I am on my own. I really don’t enjoy life and it’s a struggle every day. I have a small group of friends, mostly straight, married couples that we were friends with, I’ve made a few new friends but not close friends. They’re mostly distant. It’s really hard to establish friendships at 42 years old and I have no idea what my life is going to look like in the future. i’m not into one night stands and random hook ups so I know my chances of finding anybody with substance is pretty slim. I just feel sad most of the time. I know I was incredibly lucky to have even found him in this life and spend 20 amazing years. It just feels like we were cheated time. It doesn’t sound like a lot of people, especially gay men experience this level of love in a long-term relationship. It just sucks because, my future looks to be lonely and isolated for the most part.
I’m so sorry to heart what you went through. I can’t imagine the pain of losing someone after being together 20 years. Although it’s up to you if you ever chose to be with someone again, 42 is not old, your life is not over yet. I hope you may rediscover your purpose here on this earth.
I Love your message ❤ I also Need Nature and Solitude to feel good with myself. I need deeper connection with others, so I have very few friends throughout my life and hoping for a true love & true friendship. A big hug from Utah
Hi, I understand what your saying, I'm lonely sometimes, I'm dealing with both mental and physical illness and the people id turn to aren't there anymore. I believe people are either a blessing or a lesson. I would be your friend 🧡
During school I was the weird nerd, I had few friends and we moved about every year and a half or so. By the time I hit high school my only close friends were in the church. I even tried the whole Ex-gay thing for nearly 10 years. When I came out, I lost all of my friends, my community. It took years to build up a new family and to try and find connection in the gay community, then my mental health failed me. I woke up from a coma to find my new family had decided I was "too hard" to be a friend to. So I had to rebuild again. Then came covid and friends moved or lost touch, the venues we frequented closed and staying in touch became harder. My Mental health took a new hit and I became afraid to go out, even when the venues reopened. and in the back of my mind I'm haunted by my parents telling me being gay meant I would be alone. I know there are no easy answers, and sorry to rant on your page. But sometimes I just need to find a space to cry out and express my sadness and fear. you made a beautiful video.
You could consider voice acting or narrating audio books. You've got a great speaking voice. It's a gift! Excellent video editing and film direction too! Good script too.
None of us are ever alone -- we have angels, spirit guides, and beloved family members/ancestors with us at all times, yet unseen. Animals also make great companions -- pets have souls just like we do. Being gay is a gift -- it helps us to learn more about ourselves and strengthens us from within. There are many wonderful gay communities -- I am a part of the Gay Men's Chorus of Washington DC which is like a large family and caused me to make many friends I would not have had otherwise. Gay religious groups like Dignity also help us to make friends with others. Divine Source loves each of us unconditionally and does not judge any of us for being gay -- only some human beings do that. We are all sparks of Divine Source and are all one and will return to that Oneness when we cross back over to the Other Side when our purpose here is completed.
Embracing solitude and the wonder we experience in nature is a process...and you put it so simply and beautifully. Thank you for that and may you continue to marvel at the joys you uncover within yourself and in the world around you.
Very much enjoyed your film and its ideas. I am 77 and know what you are talking about. I've always been kind of a pioneer in life--travel, careers, sports, etc. I do wish I had at least one real romance. Love is a very important element to completing one's humanity. Btw, you are a very handsome guy in a very natural way. I hope someone will appreciate that every day of your life.
I just heard your story and the r sult is that you've got me in tears. I can see myself in everything you say, in everything you feel. Thank you for being there.
Beautiful video, visuals and words. Love the way you shot the landscapes. The lighting was beautiful. Nature really does have a way of making you feel better. Glad you are doing better. Being alone does not mean you are lonely.
I also and surrounded by people, even a marriage and feel completely alone. It is a terrible feeling. 😢 I completely relate to you and this video… thank you sharing.
WOW! Virtual hug to you. I read thru some of the comments, and I think that i may be the oldest one- almost 72, I never came out- I was so scared of losing what I DID have. I have learned to live alone- yes, depressing sometimes- but sometimes, it is a blessing to me. I can feel good about myself, instead of hearing all of the bull s**t that homophobes speak. Please, Thomas, take care of yourself, and continue on your journey. If Destiny says, you will meet the man of your dreams. If not, be PROUD of who you are. You are one, intelligent, caring person. Wishing you the best. And yes, I subscribed to your channel. 😁
Thomas, They say timing has a lot to do with whatever one is doing or feeling at a moment. Feeling lonely, is something Ive been observing lately. Your Video has arrived at an appropriate moment of my life. Looking forward to another segment from you! You certainly are enriched with compassion for yourself and others! Thank you, Bill
I connected with him to a deep level, I tried searching for him on multiple social media accounts. As an empath, I can tell he has beautiful energy and guards himself by being alone to protect his own thoughts and feelings and I'm exactly this way as well. You're definitely a beautiful soul ❤️🥹🩷
I am 64 years old and gay and this is so true and beautiful and moving , thank you for posting. As I can see in my own family, this sentiment is also true among straight people, exasperated by the pandemic. The trick is learning to be content in our circumstances whatever they may be , and not imagining that a “romantic relationship” will solve all our problems . Relationships come with a whole new set of challenges , ones you may be better able to face after going through a season of loneliness. For most of us deep down - lonely or not - , we are always searching for something else, never realizing that our needs are always met, but our wants are never satisfied. It is like the old saying: “the poor want to be rich, the rich want to be happy, the single want to be married, and the married want to be dead!” God bless you for sharing !!
I’m gay and a lot older than you. My generation was told repeatedly that being gay could only lead to loneliness. But I carved out my own path and came to understand that not being immersed in people and noise isn’t loneliness, it is clarity and tranquility. Learning to love my own company has been an incredible turning point and, as importantly, getting rid of needy, toxic people who are more interested in acquisition and superficiality than they are in creativity and depth. Expecting the gay “community” to have shared values is a mistake. Sexual orientation may seem like a reliable basis for bonding with others but it’s not. My advice to younger gay men is find your tribe on the basis of shared values and don’t feel like you’ve fallen short if that tribe is small in number. Social media seems to accentuate feelings of inadequacy and loneliness in young men (gay and straight) rather than alleviate them. For me, it’s been important to learn to love solitude … not to see it as a failure but as a source of contentment.
This. So, so true. And well put too. ✨️✨️🎈
I agree with you completely and thank you for saying that so well.
Perfect. Thank you. I see so many gay men needing a noisy social circle. Enjoying tranquility seems to be a sign of depth and self acceptance.
Great advice
Well said
There's a deep seated loneliness in every gay man . I think it comes from never truly being ourselves for so many years we separate ourselves to avoid being rejected and hurt .
True. The book 'the velvet rage' explained it all and healed me. I felt seen. Every gay man should read that book
It's also fuelled by "gay culture" itself, putting a lot of emphasis on youth, physical perfection and the promotion of promiscuity. Why go to a library when you can go to the gym? Remember, there's a lot of money to be made out of people's insecurities.
Is it "deep seated" or "deep seeded"? Maybe lonliness grows from seeds: seeds of hate, intolerance, other-ness that society at large cultivates. It is there we learn to hurt from being shamed, rejected, abused and otherized by the straight culture. It was so terrible in the past, and even now is not at all ideal in the real, still sis-gender controled world. I let my anger about this energize me to be out there realizing my real self in all that I do. I am through with shame and guilt and feelings of inferiority and keeping secrets!!!! I embrace being alone at cetain times, but I am seldom feeling lonely because I work to remain connected, mostly to others who feel the pride I feel at cultivating my own version of the good life.
@@Karl-q4v Its 'deep seated' - thank you for your brilliant comment. For me, reading, seeing mainstream movies of people like me, seeing an openly gay man run for president and had a successful campaign (Pete Buttigieg) and self-consiousness have taken away that shame.
Grateful to be born in this generation (not perfect yet) but way better for our community to feel alive and free. Grateful to the older generation who fought hard for us all.
@@angelangel1 I actually think these perceived emphases are excessively presupposed and to a good extent reflect an over-urbanized and “bar scene” conception of gay culture, largely promoted by televized stereotypes. I can honestly say most gay men I’ve observed desire boyfriends/monogamy, typically with someone their own age or older, and don’t go to the gym but should for the confidence and not the bod they’d gain as a consequence.
There is a huge difference between solitude and loneliness...
Likewise living alone and being lonely are very different too !
@@lonelyrider606 how are you doing today
What’s your name
@@erosleroi7638That is probably just a lie. solitude can suck too.
This two word are synonymous. English is not my first language. I hate who gives different meaning or point of view of the same words or 2 similar word. Is a bad game that teachers like to do with kids, but really unproductive. Facts are not word. I understand the meaning of communicate, but why do not use more words. I'm starting to put entire books in one single word, for once listen! Be gay is not specism, but nobody want responsabilities. How can not be solitude and loneliness?
You speak for hundreds if not thousands of gays. Thank you for your articulated words that I personally could never form for myself.
"Better to fly solo than hang with the wrong crowd".
Well the wrong handsome person will make you compromise and later wish you were strong enough to just settle for a tub of ice cream.
It's better to be alone and enjoy a tub of ice cream than to compromise with the wrong person.
@@eduardochavacanothat's what happens when all you care about is what someone looks like and not who they are. That's why I went with just staying celebate, I've hooked up enough and now it's more trouble than it's worth
Preach... absolutely 100% don't EVVA have ANYONE Put you Down 😢 surrounding yourself with Positive People that lifts you're spirits is the Key here 😊
Being lonely since ...
I can't quite understand why so many comments say that being alone is good. Yes, all the sayings mentioned there are true. But he is a young man who wants to be loved. Who wants to be held, he wants to discover the world with someone. He wants to give love, he wants to put a smile on a man's face when they see each other. The fact that he makes a video like this shows that he is already settled, but it is also a desire for a life partner.
I wish that he wakes up next to a great man in the morning, that he is woken up with a kiss and a smile, that he finds someone he can cuddle with, that he finds someone who spoils him with attention, that he can confide his worries and problems to a man at his side and that they can solve them together.
I have had one relationship in my life that worked well - unfortunately with a woman. Unfortunately, relationships with men have never lasted long. I have just been living alone for years and I'm coping well with it, but I also have moments of loneliness.
Most of the people you read saying being alone is good are lying, they would do anything to find their other half, but it's a way to resign themselves and prefer to pretend they are alright alone, but deep inside them they aren't.
@@SeventhheavenDKPlease be open minded enough to know that you may be wrong in your opinion. People are different, have different needs. Maybe you’re just young.
@@Samyhermes23 . Or you are just deluded.
@@SeventhheavenDK I will take delusion over being bitter, cynical and mean. Bless.
@@SeventhheavenDKwe are born whole, we don’t need another half. Sure it would be great to find another person who completely understands you, but in this crazy world it’s not always possible. I have great friends and amazing pets and I’m never lonely. I’ve been in 4 long term relationships and I can honestly say I am at my best and happiness when I’m single.
I’m gay & lonely, have been for many years. I’ve just accepted that’s how my life will be.
we never know when the universe unexpectedly give the companionship we are not hoping for. keep positive.
Same here and it's ok, I just wish I have someone someday to hold my hand...
@@obec_18luv19 someone will. let's focus on working on ourselves and that person will arrive when we are ready.
I feel you.
I had companionship for 14 years with my husband but now he's a shell of what he wants was and now I feel utterly alone. It just shows the universe can give and take away in the same breath. Way to feel alone and wish and long for company love and affection..
I rather be alone than be in the constant presence of unwanted people.
Me 2 but sometimes its inevitably impossible as human is a social being. So I ask myself about where at certain point I might be responsible. Sometimes I am brave others it's like I can't and I dig in back to my lonely world. Wish I could make new friends but it's seems that relationships have became discardable as anything that have been manufactured. Once it's useless the discard does happen thus to avoid having more opened wounds I stay in my own shelter. But yet somehow the hope returns and the cycle re-start all over again. I m not looking for sex but good company for sharing the good n the bad things, each one of us goes thru. Love to yall I won't give in.
I'm so lonely. Alone for a decade. Nobody notices my existence. Even my parents. Complete absence. No calls, no textbacks, no invites. I let myself suffer from depression but still got nothing after a lot of effort, trying to reach someone, it's just nothing. And I just turned 30. My 20s gone with nothing and I have no desire to gain my life back because of lack emotional & financial support. Most people dont understand this. I didn't came into this world to survive. Yes I'm starving but I'm not a warrior. I can't fight back all the pressures coming from life and people. Yes. I'm alone. Wish it was easier...
I'm sure you're not "invisible"! You're important to yourself and to people close to you, no matter if it's one or two persons! And, yes, I can "feel" you, and "see"you, and feel "close" to you!
this was hard to read i relate so much
I am sorry you are experiencing life in the way you describe. Look for friends who have similar interests and hobbies. Get out and don't isolate. I suffer from depression and loneliness at times. I maintain a relationship with my parents and brother. Mind you they live quite far from me, so our contacts are via mobile. Yet, I do have a few friends who I consider family and this helps stave the loneliness.
Being in relationship is nice, but not the panacea for life. A romantic relationship is certainly nice, but they take a lot of work--dedication, compromise and finding common pursuits to work toward as a couple.
I've been single for a number of years. I'm certainly open to a relationship, but being in one will no longer define me. Being in relationship will not complete you or make you feel whole. Only you can make yourself feel whole. I hope these words help, my friend.
Same here
I understand your situation. I feel the same way
Thank you for taking time to speak about this as profoundly as you did. I am 59 and so amazed that after hearing you're words I don't feel as alone.
"You can been around people all the time and still be alone" That's my life, having never been in a relationship and living alone, the only person I rely on is myself , now I am older I find it is ok to be like this, would it be good to have someone there for me, someone to come home to? Absolutely! but at the end of the day, I have accepted this is my life and I am good with that, Tommy this is such a beautiful video, thank you!
I'm 30 right now and I will be ready for this time to happen. 😢
I’m the same as you being gay where I live I destined to be alone till old age, fxxk it’s so frustrating and sad but I learn to accept it too.
Tôi có thể giúp bạn vượt qua nếu như được bên nhau tôi sẽ làm cho bạn tự tin và có được bước tiến lớn trong cuộc sống này ❤❤❤
Again thank you for posting this video whether gay or straight coping with these feelings is being human!
I live in NYC, near Time's Square, and even in the midst of all these people, I am alone and invisible
I am 73 years young, a Vietnam vet, served with the Navy, and later in the Army, been married to women several times and divorced, after decades of denial of my own sexuality, but have finally accepted myself, and appreciate my own journey of self-discovery. One thing I've learned along the way is to love yourself, and not to seek love from others without having love within your heart to share with others. I love people, men and women, nature, and this living world we are blessed to call 'home'.
@@WhiteTiger5151 u gat
You're awesome! I admire you!
Hi I'm gay
Thank you for this. I'm 61, and I came out at a young age. I came to realize a lot of what you've said many years ago. You're a beautiful person inside and out.
Still young..
@@laststopbeforeheaven are you gay
@@laststopbeforeheaven u gay
@@christopherneff1799 and why you care
Thansk for being you, showing your vulnerability and confidence here is so special. I can so relate to you. I dont feel so lonely anymore since watching this video. God bless you throughout the journey of your life. ❤
Lonliness and being alone (they're not the same) are things I have had to deal with all my life. I've felt lonely in a room full of people.For me, discovering and accepting myselfwas the key to overcoming this problem. That was the best thing about Covid for me. Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this.
TODO LO QUE SE DIJO ES VERDAD, ...existimos muchos SOLOS, pero no amargados, pero como NO ENCONTRARE, mi medio naranjo, SERE SOLTERON, pero me dedico a meditar y conversar con NUESTRO SEÑOR, el tambken fue SOLO, pero nunca dejo de AMAR, y yo lo AMO A EL, y con eso soy FELIZ, pero no niego que el colectivo LGTB, no es mi partido y el mundo para mi, es complicado....pero....😮😮😮😮❤❤❤❤❤😮😮😮😮❤❤❤
Just turned 40. Gay and single. I spent my thirties working through two discards from dismissive avoidant and covertly narcissistic men. I realised that I didn't love myself, and I subconsciously sought relationships with men who would validate my core beliefs. It's taken me years to heal, but I'd rather be alone that living with an emotional vampire or someone who is using you or jealous of your qualities.
It’s honestly sad just how narcissistic people there are out there! I don’t understand what is leading so many people to grow up to be deceitful and lie without boundaries. I have had too many share of mine in my life.
I agree that you have touched on a subject that is very common wtih every gay man I have ever known including myself. When I first moved to Colorado and was trying to understand my gay feelings, I found a plaque with the following saying, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions perhaps it is because he hears the sound of a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears however measured or far away." I bought that plaque, framed it and it has hung in my living room for over 40 years now. For whatever reason, those words touched me deeply and finally set me on my path to accepting that I was gay which was my "different drummer". Although it did not entirely heal the loneliness I was experiencing, at least it helped me understand it better. Within just a few months of reading these words, I was finally brave enough to come out as gay and start a whole new wonderful path in my life and I have NEVER regretted it. Stay strong and know we are there with you and supporting you! 🏳🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜🏳🌈
It's beautiful what you say!
Wow, unreal, Taz. I also bought that plaque as I also connected with that sentiment. I bought it in an old junk shop in New Orleans in 1999 (it is paper glued to a wooden board with thick urethane sealing it & it is signed "Greg Wallace prod. 1972"). It has a drawing of flowers and and it still hangs on my wall. Cool!
@@greenbeans575 I love that you felt connected to the saying as I did. My copy credits the saying to Thoreaux and was published by Janet Casey in 1982. I got my copy in a small souvenir shop in Central City, CO probably in 1983 well before Central City became a gambling town. Most of those shops have been gone for years now and were replaced with casinos.
@@greenbeans575 Hopefully, Greg Wallace is not a homophobe.
"Loneliness means you're yearning for more". So true. I love this. 🙏🏻🥰
Loneliness and being alone need to be differentiated. I love being alone, but on the odd occasion that I feel lonely, I seek the company of others.
Must be nice if it's only an odd occasion.
You will be ok young man. You have your whole life ahead of you. All the best.
I am gay and alone, but not lonely, I have a couple of great mates, but I am a loner by nature, so happiest when I am by myself…
Me too. I do good by helping animals in need. It gives me a sense of purpose and perspective on the world as it is, not as we want it to be
That’s good Ethan. 😃👍
In many ways when we are alone we must confront ourselves, learn about ourselves and be with our most authentic self. In this way our aloneness can sometimes be sacrosanct.
@@WoodlandAsh yes, when one's youth fades (usually around 26,) the gay is often abandoned for the next twink in the meat market. For those who have not developed their skills as a person tend to be stunted and become jaded and bitter as they have been kicked to the gutter). This is why I recommend that the gays try to go to university and have a career rather than spend all their time on Grindr and in mall bathrooms
I like being alone most of the times, but at the same time I'd like to have a lived one beside me to share both good and bad moments
I came out at 43 and now I’m 53. I’m way happier now that any other point in my life! Be true to yourself and love yourself!
When you said since childhood it really hit me, because it was really bad for me. And then when your parents are religious muslims, it gets so much worse as you get older. At least when I moved to New York City my sense of loneliness faded, but the scars from my childhood have yet to heal.
So beautiful and profound. Tommy, your message speaks to so many. I'm so happy for you that you love nature. And so happy for this positive message of hope for those who are lonely. ❤
Such a relatable video, thank you for sharing, and for the advice 😌 I’ve definitely been learning this the last few years.
Damn, I’m almost in tears. You’re expressing what I haven’t fully been able to develop yet in my mind. I remember as a kid seeing a Peanuts comic strip in b/w in the daily newspaper. Normally they were 3 panel cartoons, but this was only 1. Linus was in a crowd of people & simply said “I’m lonely.” I couldn’t understand the meaning those many decades ago, but this 54 year old understands it know. Thank you Thomas for putting it such a tender & beautiful way. The videos of yours that I’ve seen always show you alone. If that’s still the case, I hope that someday soon someone will come along that will be able to walk beside you.❤
First, what a beautiful video: a perfect tone, a quite reflection free of any self-pity and accusations. I deeply relate to your loneliness, that tract of ourselves that seems to come before any personal experience or particular conditions. Growing up, I felt more and more different from the "others", and increasingly aware that I did not possess that carefree quality so common to most humans, that lightness of passing through things without questions, reflections, or a deep awareness. Not for me, and for you, right? the constant distance between oneself and the world and the most primal emotions, to the point that even sex is almost an external experience. You see yourself from the outside, all the time. A spectator, unable to embrace things for what they are. Instead we "read" them with that omnipresent consciousness.
The rare times I was "in" the events, intimate or social, my reactions were exaggerated, in the hope that I could change, I could be free and light and happy. Not so, it was just the other face of a lonely, dreaming soul. Finally, in my late 30s, I abdicated. That solitude exploded for what (in my case) was, lurking for years: a big unavoidable depression. Suicidal. I left my country, Italy, and landed here in California, not to start from zero, but to disappear. I went through panic attacks, medical problems, and all the desperation, with no end. One day, at my lowest point, forced at a party, I met a person, who felt in love with me, inexplicably, against any logic. I confessed him my situation, he didn't care. I fought him on almost every aspect of life, politics, believes. I put him in every sort of challenge: my anger, my negativity, my refusal to accept his very social lifestyle, his ability to celebrate the world. I criticized him constantly. We never had a great sexual chemistry, ( we were not consummated lovers, never part of the gay community, or the gay wild sex life). Was I in love? no, because I didn't love myself, I hated myself. And yet, he loved me, he proved me what love is, and what can do to a wounded, difficult soul like mine. After 26 years, we love each other more than we thought we could. Why I'm telling you my story? because I think you need somebody, a soulmate, the person able to love you for what you are. Learning to be alone is a first step (I love to be left alone) and the right direction to respect and love ourselves; but at the end we need somebody able to hug us, all the day long if necessary, one that can caress that very loneliness that will never disappear. Because we don't change; we need to be understood, one way or another. Bob loved me without understanding my depression for years, and yet he felt me, until he UNDERSTOOD.
To you: look in yourself, try to understand if your loneliness might be moodiness, if deeper inside you is hiding a form of depression. I was probably born with that. A good way to take care of yourself is analysis, but even more a psychiatric evaluation, and some pills. We tend to elevate and manipulate our emotions, trying to find a reason, a key. Sometime though they are just symptoms of a condition that must be treated. Too simple ? but suffering is, in most cases, useless, if not indulging. I salute you now, and sorry for the length of my message and my imperfect English. You seem to me a rare person, intelligent and honest, a beautiful human being, apart from your great appearance. Let someone love and understand you, sometime against your will. It's an act of vulnerability toward the person that wants to love you.
Same. I am 61 ..... still lonely. However, solitude and loneliness are better than being with someone wrong. It is surprising how much you can enjoy your own company. You always get to do things you like versus gbing along because you feel like you have too or should.
I just turned 62 and find your words true. I wish you all the best and glad I am not alone in this world. Thank you!
@@dpaint6268 I’m 63 let’s talk
@@michaelr9710 hi how are you doing today
@@DennisLaird-lt2nh Hi I am doing great and you?
Alone is better than with someone you are attracted to or dont look good on a photo.
Nowadays, it is irrelevant to loneliness whether you're gay or straight
Hugs! As a rather older gay guy, I can only offer my own experiences...and they're pretty messed up. I have always had more support, friendship and love from my straight friends that I ever have from gay people. The alleged "gay community" often (usually) isn't. It's tribal, petty, hateful, judgemental, cliquish and competitive...none of which is helpful, accepting or affirming. As loving and caring as my straight friends are, they'll never really understand the trials and tribulations I experience. And they'll be the first to admit it. They are supportive, sympathetic and will knock each other over to be the one to lend an ear. But they don't understand. And bluntly, sex is a big part of the problem. Gay men look at other gay men first as a sex object. Are they attractive enough? But not too attractive so that they might interfere with your bar experiences and hookups. Personality, character, and bluntly, utility are not even first order considerations. And for as allegedly "accepting" as the gay world is supposed to be, it is overrun with -isms. Ageism, racism, sexism, and on and on. Mostly it is covered up with the socially acceptable "preference" but it is such a impenetrable barrier that it's far more than just preference, and is used to justify horrible behavior towards others.
So...I am lonely. COVID has worsened that for everyone. We have sort of lost our ability to interact, make small talk, and connect with others. For me, that has been something of a mixed blessing. I work in healthcare and it is awful. People broadly as just difficult to deal with. It's all me me me! God forbid for one second that you get something I didn't! And to make the point, I'm just going to scream...out loud, by text or social media and vomit just how badly I think I've been treated!
I have made a lot of peace with myself by camping in the woods in a tent. Away from people. It's quiet and calms my soul. I can reflect and think. I can listen to the music of the moment and relax. I don't have to deal with the rudeness, incivility and hate of others. And I'm pretty ok with it. I grew up in a very different time as a very closeted gay man. I still am rather offended when my sexual preferences are the topic of conversation among people I don't care to have that level intimacy with. But i increasingly also don't especially care what others think either. I'm not out to offend anyone and sometimes the best way to avoid offending and avoid being offended is to just not be there. It's often much easier.
Thank you for speaking the quiet truth out loud. As a 42 year old gay man in Chicago circa 2000 -2002 involved with a much younger man (20), for the first time in my life I was exposed to the “gay community” in a large , urban setting. I was shocked at all the -isms. The Hispanics who couldn’t stand the blacks, the blacks who couldn’t stand the whites and the Asians who couldn’t stand anyone! It was eye-opening, and disappointing. I was in that relationship in Chicago for 2 years and it helped me to understand: hey ! none of us are perfect; there is good and bad in everyone. And the best we can do with our lives is to be patient and kind to everyone and to avoid negative, critical people as much as possible.
This comment is FACTS! I mean I never personally have received certain discrimination in the LGBTQ community but everyone has heard of it to some extent. Like NO ASIANS! Hasn’t everyone seen that one? They don’t even try to hide it or be friendly about it. I totally understand your point. I also work in healthcare. What department do you work in? I work in the operating room and the people can be super toxic at times! I’ve had horrible jobs but now I have a great one but my old terrible OR jobs definitely did not help my mental health when I was very new to coming out ❤️
@@shawnknaack732 EMS
Bullseye. 🎯 As an older gay man also, I can relate to every word you stated. I don’t know where I fit in and that’s fine. I’ve always been lonely even forty, fifty years ago and never really felt comfortable with my own “community”. We were cast down from the culture, religious factors that impact our own family networks where many of us weren’t accepted. A lot of other people don’t understand this. I had an eight year relationship with a man and he’s with another now for fifteen years. It’s left me ruminating and mistrustful to get involved with someone new. I’m not young anymore and your comment about a post Covid world affecting social interactions at large is very true. Something has changed and it’s most unfortunate.
This is absolutely spot on as if I had said it myself. I've been out since college and even then I didn't believe the gay "community" was a real thing. There were/are still so many divisions. I've experienced the "-isms" first hand because I'm Filipino. I've been lucky to have 3 relationships in my life but I went through many rejections, rudeness, and outright "-isms" cloaked as "preference", to get there. To me, nothing much has changed in this "community" other than how we find each other. Now, it's even more impersonal...swiping on a screen, looking at stats, photos of the merchandise and deciding if there'll be a transaction as if we're shopping for a Ken doll. If you don't fit the white, young, fit male, your odds immediately drop quite a bit. These apps have made us more connected and disconnected at the same time. As an only child, I'm comfortable with quiet solitutde but sometimes it's replaced by a true loneliness and wondering "is this it for my life?"....
Alone, widowed, very lonely, no family left, all friends either married or dating & no longer have a place for me in their lives.
I haven't hung out with other gays in years.
I have chronic pain as well and it has had a huge effect on my vitality, I have always been out but now I feel like I'm a stranger with my own kind.
I have come to want release from this life, no wont off myself, but am just tired of being alone. For me loneliness will always be a sad thing, a personal purgatory that hasn't the slightest benefit to my existence.
@@TalShiar69 hello from the Philippines I don't know what you have a chronic pain ..there's no such no man is an island ..I'm here now if you like I'm Raphael de Los Angeles from the Philippines ❤️ enjoy life while you still have the time ...if virility is being hampered there are other ways to make your sex life active but be sure to be safe at all times
Your story was quite touching I'm a gay senior with a partner 36 years but pleasantly tolerate each other and loneliness creeps in on occasion moving from California to Idaho away from those few family left doesn't help.
Sometimes would just like to have a friend to share life's stories with rather than having too much time to think about medical issues that never seem to leave me alone.
Take care of yourself,
Tommy
I can relate to you far too well on all your comments. How about "I won't give up, you don't give up"(?). These journeys we are on may not be what we saw coming, but life is still precious, and there is so much for us to experience and enjoy while we're here... even if we're limited. Peace Brother.
My GOD Mr. May! This is one of the most intense, heart-felt videos I have ever seen. So incredibly insightful. So genuine. And such a gift to younger or Teens just facing their sexual reality. AND even to Seniors like me!
In the beauty of this remarkable 8 minute video, that is masterfully choreographed I will add, your words spoken give hope to those who struggle in their loneliness or search for self. You are a gift for the souls of many and looking at 87.3K subscribers; I am clearly not the only one who gets the message. Thank you.
Beautiful soul, 🔥💓😎
Couldn't disagree more. He makes his living from UA-cam revenue.. do be so naive 😕
@@cassey3063 Does it matter where this Gentleman makes his living? I got the message and my thoughts stand. Your bitterness and resentment are showing. Relax.
@@cassey3063 Exactly. Talking about loneliness while swanning around showing off his buttocks. Very credible. 😁
I’ve always been alone - I learnt from school at a young age that I wasn’t liked much at all and was often sitting by myself, often sad. It was particularly hard in high school when my belongings were always hidden/stolen from me and I was then left having to go look for them, often found in a garbage bin a few minutes away from where it was collected. Making friends was the hardest thing at school, could never trust anyone and was always picked on - the easy target. Now, in my mid 40’s and suffer depression and on medication, still lonely and finding it hard to just even exist anymore. 😢 Having a friend is just hard work now…. The amount of times I’ve been used or hurt, so you can imagine having a partner is impossible for me.
OMG I feel like I have such a repour with you as I too have been put through the same ringer as you have, by Not fitting in with your fellow classmates at primary right through till high school, being constantly teased by them. Sitting all alone by myself with constant stress, anxiety and feeling very depressed 😔 going through you. Even now every single person who I once thought was a friend ended up using and being emotionally abusing me. If you do want a friend you’ve got one in me and vice versa. 💋
Aloneness is a pleasure and enjoyed by people who love themselves and NOT at all like Loneliness
I was an only child and don't mind being alone. As a matter of fact I prefer it. In the movie Looking for Mr. Goodbar Diane Keaton's character was accused of being lonely she screamed-Alone not lonely.
@@DaninVa-gt9nj i get that ….i like silence and hours working my garden with my dog with classical music playing
Very nice hand som man ❤
As a Moroccan gay refugee in Germany , Before when I lived in Morocco, I thought that when I came to Europe I would be surrounded by friendly and open people and would have many friends or even a boyfriend, but I was choked when I found life here more boring. I fought for many years with loneliness by trying to find a good friend who can accept me as gay or a boyfriend who deserves my love, but always failing to find the right person, now I give up and try to live happily as a single gay alone. enjoy yourselves and live the moment, life is short , be yourself and be happy whatever Circumstances. 😍😍😍🏳🌈🏳🌈🏳🌈🏳🌈 much respect and love to you habibi .
I understand you bro. Where can we connect? Do you have telegram?
i was born in morocco and grew up in germany. many greetings to you my friend
That's the best solution you could ever find. Having a boyfriend doesn't guarantee anything.
Sometimes it can be hard when you're with with someone, too......
@@Mario-xr3jo You are right, thank you so much for your lovely comment.
@@MegaMayday16 thank you so much my friend, lots of love and respect.
You just made me see loneliness in a different light. It’s like the more we grow and take in knowledge, we’re becoming more self reliant.
It you don't embrace the idea of sleeping with a different person every weekend, then you're not embraced by the gay community.
The longer your alone the harder it is to be with that someone special.... because you knowingly or unknowingly have your own space and make that space your own the longer you are alone. To go from single middle aged to having a full on life partner is going to be fought with problems that are just not there when you are both younger.
There is the fact that having a partner to share life's moments makes them all the more special, and something you can both reminisce about together getting double the enjoyment to experiences on your own.... but everything is a trade off but that does not stop be being jealous of some of the wonderful gay couples who enrich each others existence with happiness! .
Thomas, this was an amazing video!! I'm turning 60, live alone, live in Vegas and travel a great deal for work. I used to have a dog, she kept me from being lonely. She had to go to heaven and due to travel I can't get a new one. I fired my toxic family and I'm surrounded by good friends. Finding confort in ourselfs is crutial This was a beautiful video! Thank you!
Wonderful message. Im gay and lonely as well. A big part of my loneliness was because I was raised in a religious mindset. My mom was a Southern Baptist and my dad (who was living separate from my mom) was a Jehovah Witness. I grew up exploring both religions all the while openly telling my mom and dad that I was struggling with homosexuality. For years I'd tell them that until one day I just told them Im gay and I can't change it.
Now, many years later, no boyfriend and very lonely. I find myself laying in bed at night before I fall asleep saying "I love you" to no one at all, just because it feels good to say it.
That's good to hear..
Yeah I used to do that too, just say I love you and wish I had someone to say it to. Then I finally had my first relationship in my mid 20s with a guy a bit older. It was toxic and abusive for years. Because I needed to be able to say I love you to someone. Be careful what you wish for because it can show up like that too.
@@BigBadJerryRogers I hear ya. Im 41 years old and time is running out for me before NO ONE will want to be with me.
@@AmbrociousXP not necessarily, especially if you are open to age differences, keep yourself in shape and are financially stable. Some people are meant to be alone though, I realized I was one of those after the one attempt I had at a relationship that went on for nearly 7 years. I needed to experience it and because of that, I chose unwisely. It's a lot more likely to be good for you if you don't need it for your life because your life is already good enough, rather than thinking your life would only be great with someone else
@@BigBadJerryRogers I have only ever had 2 short lived relationships which both lasted for less than a month each. I've never know what it's like to be loved or to be able to love. I've been just fine being alone for all this time but I always thought one day I'd find someone.
I don't want to be alone forever. People die without love eventually. I want to love someone.
Thanks for sharing Thomas. As a 57 y.o gay man who is the 24-7/ 365 solo caregiver of our family elder, I have no friends, nor have I had any connection with anyone in over 7 years now. It's helpful knowing from the comments that I'm not the only one battling loneliness. Stay strong. You'll find that special someone who deserves your companionship. Stay safe ya'all
Can we be friends? I'm almost 26
I'm gay and I'm 49, I'm single, alone and it does get lonely sometimes.
❤
Hello
@@dr.baotran8448 hello I'm here no need to be lonely now I'm Raphael de Los Angeles from the Philippines ❤️❤️❤️ lovelots stay happy and positive in life
Me too. Everything you just wrote.
Love from Philippines ❤❤❤
This was a very touching declaration.
Being lonely is the absence of myself.
Being alone is the absence of others.
HUGE difference 🙏
Thank you. This video calms me. As a 57 yo, widowed gay man after 23 years together, these past 14 months of relearning myself as an individual has been a difficult one. I have become reacquainted with the lonely kid I was at 13 and through my early adulthood. Only now have I started to be comfortable with being alone and always a little lonely.
Don't worry he always looking up u in heaven ..Your both amazing for loving each other unconditionally.I wish I had I'm really wanted to beloved and too served. Someone.
Ruufus, I am in a similar situation. My husband died last year and that was the most horrible thing ever. PTSD moved in and I was kicked out of our house. Luckily I have couple of friends who helped me and I am regaining my balance.
@@ruufusdeleon1264 are you gay
I totally FELT every word. I am so lonely at times, I question my existence. Beautiful message from a beautiful person. Nice to know I am not alone.
Been there - but came out the other side. Not always easy being gay, but a lot easier being out and proud than it was years ago.
Beautiful and so uplifting
@@christopheranderson7649 Well, I went through 30+ years in the UK Police when such a 'lifestyle' was absolutely taboo. I was told I would never get promoted whilst I had a hole in my arse - which fortunately I still have - and I never was, and the bosses tried every trick in the book to get rid of me - but failed. Their attempts would be actionable nowadays. I stuck it out and now am living on a very comfortable pension - thank you. BUT, I made many good and true friends in the police who stuck - and still stick - by me........ but none of the bosses.
I'm feel the same as many of these comments. Being 65 and gay you might as well be invisible. Being alone for virtually my whole life has been a real challenge to say the least and it just gets harder by the day. I came into this world alone, and I will probably leave it the same way.
This is something I struggle with, especially with the intersections of being gay and autistic
Your comment is extremely interesting!! I'm on the spectrum, found I could not pairbond, resigned from dating
Oh yes ...
I have a dear friend with high functioning autism. For whatever reasons, he isn't intersted in dating anyone. We often go on vacation together, and out to eat. I couldn't ask for a better friend. He used to be very shy and withdrawn, never interacting with strangers at all. What has really helped him, more than anything, was getting a job at a liquor store where he has to interact with customers all the time. He sees that there are all kinds of people, and everyone is unique. It has really helped him to embrace himself.
@texasguysanantonio8295 I can relate. Working with others saved me. Being in the arts saved me (dancer) A liquor store would be a hot potato for me as I'm an alkie lol
Same here
This guy is young and handsome and well built. What is he complaining about? He could find a good partner if he wanted to. I wish I looked like him!
Same, I don't understand. He looks great and he clearly speaks well. How can he not find a boyfriend?
I am a Gay man widow, after COVID life changed beyond anything I could ever expect. COVID to my husband of nine years and all my core friends. Shortly after my husband's death, my Father passed from lung cancer. I moved in with my parents to help them through this and was expecting to restart my life. Unfortunately, after Dads passing Mom had a serious life threatening advers affect from the COVID shot. So once again I have placed my life on hold to care for her 24/7, being she is bed ridden. I really have no friends to speak of, my little brother and I are well not close by any means and think he is ashamed of who I am and has been for the longest time. I have taken to being by myself socially for the last four years. I have two dogs that keep me busy and afford me tons of affection, but I would like a friend to go to lunch with being I am not looking for any relationship at this stage of my life. You are a very handsome young man and life always has twists that you will never see coming. Love is one of those things, it always come when you are least looking for it. Be happy in yourself as you mentioned in your video and life will reward you beyond measure! Hugs buddy, just be you!
Are there any community or volunteer groups in your area that you can go to? It's surprising the friends you can find in the places you might least expect them. If you lived on my side of the globe I'd have lunch with you, but you're probably not so all I can give you is my thoughts and best wishes.
I lost my husband of 54 years to cancer. Being a gay man you experience a new type of grief as we as a group are not supported by the heterosexual society. It’s been 5 months and the pain is still unbearable
Your story is like telling me my life, most true some just different somewhat, but, here I am … understanding being alone and being lonely … but, I am still older than you, but life happens and takes us on a journeys we would never expect and the results at the end basically is to same, just relax, love Your Mom like I do, take good care of her, always, life probably has something more to possibly show us … it would be great to meet you, I am in San Diego, California, USA 🇺🇸 where are you from?? Take care and God Bless You, you are a beautiful loving men❤🎉😊❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉😊
I’m sorry for your loss!
@@cnapier67 hello from the Philippines ❤️ want to visit our beautiful country for a different outlook and environment .you will love it and it will be your second home I'm Raphael de Los Angeles from my loving country the Philippines ❤️❤️❤️ make it count and you will experience a different kind of life you have been missing for a very long time...
I am going 40 and this really hit me so hard. I know this will be my path in the future, alone and lonely and no one knows who am I and what I really feel.
I feel you. I'm in the same (or a very similar) boat. Going on 40, gay, single, never been in a relationship, only have a few friends. For me, the loneliness is always there, slowly gnawing away at my core and I hate it.
@@sciron524 hi where you from?
@@jayilagan1134 are you gay
@@jayilagan1134 Illinois, Chicago suburbs.
@@christopherneff1799 yeah but haven't into a relationship :)
We are all alone. Even if you share your life with someone , a person is still alone. I prefer living on my own. I enjoy doing what i want when i want. Being okay in my own company is good. Im in my sixties, and i really dont want other peoples troubles or issues.
I can definitely appreciate your message in this video. You speak from a soul that has 'grown' with wisdom not typical with those around your age bracket, and younger. Hell, that can apply to many who are much older than you, even. I'm a 60y.o. gay widower now. The loneliness I'd suddenly experienced a few years ago had become debilitating. Things are vastly different today, especially in the social world. I've discovered how non-inclusive the gay community is these days; fractured and unwelcoming. But, my will to live is stronger than I realized, and loneliness is a frame of mind that one does not have to accept as their end all. Striving to find peace within myself is an on-going determination that has made my life, not just bearable, but has given myself permission to enjoy life on my own terms that I was denying. Maybe one day I'll meet someone who will join me, or vice versa, on the same path of happiness, which would be amazing! But, until then, and if, that becomes a reality... I'm good with my own company, my dog, and experiencing those things that are tangible in my life that make me smile while I'm still here. Best wishes to you Thomas! 🧡
Good advice when you said, 'Take time to know who you are.' Sometimes people never figure that out. I am 63 YO, was married after high school (relationship lasted 9 years), followed by a male partner (which lasted almost a decade). But after terminating that relationship, I never found another partner (though I had crushes on several men and 1 woman). Luckily for me, I was okay never finding another person. After having had 2 terrific long-term relationships, I consider myself lucky.
Wow, amazing reading this.Thank you for sharing.
The cure for my loneliness has been to recognize my role in life to bring compassion and love to others. It's when I'm too much in my own head that I feel a disconnect to the world around me. Get out there and give of yourself,
While it's true that we all feel lonely sometimes and that it is important to be your own best friend, the reason most men (gay and straight) feel so lonely is that society has gone to great lengths to assure that men have shallow friendships. For years, I have hosted interactive in-person workshops that provide a personal breakthrough experience. In fact, many life-long bonds and several gay marriages are the result. It's possible to have many shallow friendships and still feel very lonely.
Your words and thoughts- so beautifully put. Kind of teared up at times. I will never understand this world and why people have to diminish others who are 'different' from what has been defined as the norm. There is nothing in this world that is cut and dry: there are plants that grow only under water, trees that look like evergreens but lose their 'needles' each fall, trees that grow in the water, fish that walk out of water, mammals that lay eggs, birds with wings that cannot fly, birds that mate for life, foul that have sexual relations with deceased foul and the list goes on and on. My point is that nature is diverse. Live and let live.
This resonates so much.Thank you.
“Being comfortable with who we truly are “
I’m 67 and have always felt different and it’s only in the last 2 years that I am fully aware of how that has impacted life so far.Much appreciated
Hey- I wish you all the love you deserve! You are such a wonderful, sensitive and beautyful man! A real man- being gay doesn't make you less male. I send you a million hugs. Robert
Definitely identify with this 100%!!! I mean, I couldn't have put it into words any better. This can be such a dark place but I try not to let the lonely feeling be a negative and turn it into a positive like you said. Also, it's just nice to know that I am not alone in feeling like this. No one ever talks about this subject and this is a really incredible, reflective and beautiful piece of art that you created to do so. You got me checking in this morning! Also, all of these shots are so beautiful! Love ya and thanks for sharing this! You are freaking awesome!😀🥰😍🔥💞
Oh my goodness. Another beautiful and powerful word-piece. You’ve had me crying. I am a generation (or two) from you, and I’ve never had a male friend. Loneliness is my defence against being hurt.
As a straight man I have gay friends and one is built like a brick house. I tease him about getting a girl friend and he teases me about getting a boyfriend. Sometimes we go camping and stay in the same tent. I don't worry about it because I am not his type just like everyone has a type of person to be with. He would jump in the lake nude and have fun doing it. He know I not attracted to him. I would not swim in the nude because I would probably scare him and all of nature but we do have fun. My straight friends have gay friends too. We don't tolerate bigots.
I really wish I had more straight friends because I don't have much in common with most gay guys. It's difficult for me because most straight guys I meet don't think I'm gay. So then when I have told a few they seemed to act like I was fooling them by not announcing it immediately, or they should have noticed something that they didn't about me and that basically ended things. So I stopped trying that.
The cinematography on this video was stunning.
@@rlrober I don't know if he has a cameraman or does it all alone. Either way, it is better than most films I see. I mean, Tommy has a bangin' body AND a great talent for the camera. I hope he can maintain humility. He is definitely a great catch!
@@timwilder9471 he is more than his looks. Unfortunately he will probably get banged and dumped by many men so he needs to find more than just the meat market. All young gay men should know that looks fade but wisdom and friendships/love only get stronger if you make the right choices
Yes, which makes the message seem all the more disingenuous. I get strong Zoolander vibes from it.
As another older gay man, loneliness and solitude seem to have become my middle name(s). Life doesn't turn out the way you hope or expect. There are not niches for everyone. I've unfortunately never found mine /gay friends or a (lover!?😂) that shared similar interests and values. But I wish you better luck
In your life.
I grew up on a farm and loneliness was a natural state. It helped me prepare for being single as an adult. Oddly, I went from being middle-of-the-road in High School to HUGELY popular and well know in college... post-college making friends is harder and harder... and being single for 3 years now... I've turned it into a medium for my Instagram.
You have 110% ABSOLUTELY figured it out!!! I've felt this same way and went on your same journey about a decade( or maybe a pinch more) before.❤❤❤❤❤ I WISH more people had this insight to be able to be happy in their own company, flaws and all. That loneliness is the field of dirt to plant yourself and to bloom where you are planted. Have your roots grow in ALL directions and to learn to be confident, even while stuck in the mud. It's all part of the journey. I am SO glad that you're finding your way and spreading your seeds of wisdom across the land. May they land in other people's minds and germinate there to fruition. Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this message!❤
When I was younger I was very lonely no friends and when I came out gay when I was 15 years old I was very scared
Same here, except I'm 42 and time is running out. I almost don't even care at this point. I'd rather be by myself and somewhat happy than try to find someone in the Gay community, which can be extremely superficial. Good luck to you, either way.
Thank you Tommy, since I was small and even now I know that felling you described so aptly and it is unpleasant, but simple techniques like just having a coffee, listen to good song or experiencing nature takes one out of there. Wishing bright rainbows!
Such a beautiful man, your story resonates with so many, life as a gay man is very lonely but also very rewarding 💙
We can’t live in our heaven until we learn to live in our hell .
Very true. It took me a long time to begin to understand that.
wow, i agree, but when does heaven start?
Even talking about loneliness a gay man needs to undress before the camera. Voyeurs may help in our lonely destiny I guess.
I was solo for much of my 20s but not always lonely. Now in my 50s I crave alone time and wish I had not been so desperate for a relationship when younger. It definitely gets better.
does it?
@kevinwalsh9934 yes, if you get outside your head and just start living. Too often people obsess about what they don't have and create a never-ending neurotic cycle that keeps them stuck. Get out, do something, be something, whatever but don't fall into the trap of self pity. It's pointless & fruitless.
Ditto, exactly the same. In my 50s and I just want to say to people in their twenties, gay or straight, just enjoy being young!
@@kevinwalsh9934For me it has. Luckily I have not had a major health issue or tragedy yet. But it would have been nice if I could have just enjoyed the benefits of being young when I was young.
Im 45 years old and GAY… I have done the clubs, the men, the drugs, and the sex.. Through life experience I now realize that I just need myself to be happy. I used to try to find happiness in a boyfriend.. I know now that it’s a dead end for me and im much happier alone… 😊❤
Relationships are hard… been in one for 18
Yrs
I feel the same way when it comes to feeling lonely. I have tried to focus my energies on my physical and mental health, hoping that will make things change on their own.
Your soothing voice is so therapeutic Tommy. I closed my eyes and listened to all the truth you said so gently. It helped me immensely as I'm also going through loneliness day in and day out and seeking love from a gay partner which I've failed to find and so I keep myself busy with things I love to do including practicing self love self care and giving to those who cannot find basic things to survive which makes me feel happy and not feel lonely and sad. There are times I like to be alone which is solitude that everyone need sometimes to discover their inner being and find peace with one self which is totally different from feeling lonely. I've been among crowds known and unknown including at parties where still amidst the big crowd I've felt all alone and sad. What you've expressed genuinely is very true Tommy and thank you so much for coming out doing this video to help others who go through this same syndrome. As you say at the end one finally has only himself to look after and love himself and take care. Nobody understands me better than myself.
It's the worst feeling. Go your own way is my favorite song of all time. Nobody can tell you how to live. Love yourself first. When you achieve that get a pet to share your life.
I have 3 Blue Point Siamese, 1 Male, and 2 female, they are my babies, and they love ❤️ their Daddy, and they fill those moments when Loneliness may strike, not often, but it sneaks up on me … LOL … and my babies sense that and come near to me, and, and say, hey Daddy, don’t be sad, we are here with You now … they are so sweet and make me laugh everyday, and each personality connects with me in different ways, it is amazing but each one gives me their Love ❤️ & Loyalty everyday … my house burned down, and being reconstructed, we cannot wait to get home 🏠… yes, having a gay and/ bisexual friend is always icing on every cake, yes, I would like that, I am a big Holiday person, and In the future wonder if then I maybe alone, and I am o.k., with being alone, but still, I have my moments, like any Human Being, I LOVE 💕 BEYOND MYSELF AND THAT MAY BEING ME SOMETIMES TO A PLACE WHERE I WOULD LOVE ❤️ TO SHARE WITH A SPECIAL SOMEONE IT CAN BE WITH A MAN FRIEND ( POSSIBLY MORE THAN A FRIEND) and/or friends who still are friends from my passed … The one thing is I must watch out for men who want to extort money/finances from me … that has happened twice, and I will not tolerate that again … I hope for a man who is like me, and is not interested in extorting finances, but just can support his needs as I do, and we can be and do together … I also, would love to have things be like the sitcom, the “Golden Girls”, where we live together, and also look out for one another, but have great times, and be a family, and, some can be & have a secure boyfriend/partner within the group whom live together ❤😂😊 yes, there could be challenges now and then, but together we can remedy a positive outcome, especially when you all real care and love each other, always!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊❤❤❤❤❤❤love ❤❤❤
@@caesarbolchini6465 I have a blue point female Siamese and Turkish Angora Siamese he's pure white. They are my babies, ide probably go nuts without them. I sense conmen all the time. I ghost them they are not worth my time or energy . I've been used abused and now I refuse. That's why I'm alone. I don't celebrate Christmas anymore . It's too commercial. I love the spiritual meaning but the shopping and crowds it's just too much. Always care for people that ask for nothing. They deserve your time.
What a beautiful video and touching story. I had no expectations and was very touched by your message around loneliness. Thank you as this story will definitely touch and help many. BIG HUGS
Thank you so much Thomas for this Amazing Video. It has given us all hope. You are a Truly wonderful person. A true hero and inspiration to me. Thank you so much for everything you do. I hope your life is filled with Happiness,Joy,Luck, Laughter and so much love. Enjoy the rest of 2024. All the best from Fraser in a Scotland 🏴🌈♥️
That's good to hear the..
this was a sad but beautiful video 🥺 I can relate to what you’re saying in someways, but my journey is very different. I came out of 23 and met my partner and husband of 20 years when I was 20 years old, so my entire adult life and it’s frustrating and sad because he died of glioblastoma brain cancer April 2022 and I have been struggling to find any bit of happiness since then. I did a nine month palliative care journey that literally destroyed me, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I think part of the problem is because I was with him for so long. I do a lot of things alone now like go see movies, walks, bike, riding, kayaking, and it just feels like a lonely experience because I can’t share it with him. I really don’t know who I am on my own. I really don’t enjoy life and it’s a struggle every day. I have a small group of friends, mostly straight, married couples that we were friends with, I’ve made a few new friends but not close friends. They’re mostly distant. It’s really hard to establish friendships at 42 years old and I have no idea what my life is going to look like in the future. i’m not into one night stands and random hook ups so I know my chances of finding anybody with substance is pretty slim. I just feel sad most of the time. I know I was incredibly lucky to have even found him in this life and spend 20 amazing years. It just feels like we were cheated time. It doesn’t sound like a lot of people, especially gay men experience this level of love in a long-term relationship. It just sucks because, my future looks to be lonely and isolated for the most part.
I’m so sorry to heart what you went through. I can’t imagine the pain of losing someone after being together 20 years. Although it’s up to you if you ever chose to be with someone again, 42 is not old, your life is not over yet. I hope you may rediscover your purpose here on this earth.
I Love your message ❤ I also Need Nature and Solitude to feel good with myself. I need deeper connection with others, so I have very few friends throughout my life and hoping for a true love & true friendship. A big hug from Utah
The clarity and courage of what you're communicating is so resonant and meaningful for me, and, no doubt, countless others.
Hi, I understand what your saying, I'm lonely sometimes, I'm dealing with both mental and physical illness and the people id turn to aren't there anymore. I believe people are either a blessing or a lesson. I would be your friend 🧡
During school I was the weird nerd, I had few friends and we moved about every year and a half or so. By the time I hit high school my only close friends were in the church. I even tried the whole Ex-gay thing for nearly 10 years. When I came out, I lost all of my friends, my community. It took years to build up a new family and to try and find connection in the gay community, then my mental health failed me. I woke up from a coma to find my new family had decided I was "too hard" to be a friend to. So I had to rebuild again. Then came covid and friends moved or lost touch, the venues we frequented closed and staying in touch became harder. My Mental health took a new hit and I became afraid to go out, even when the venues reopened. and in the back of my mind I'm haunted by my parents telling me being gay meant I would be alone.
I know there are no easy answers, and sorry to rant on your page. But sometimes I just need to find a space to cry out and express my sadness and fear. you made a beautiful video.
I'm so sorry. Nothing is wrong with you. Hugs to you! If you are in Tennessee or close by, we can be friends.
@@okorochukwunonso2563 thanks for your hugs and kind words. I’m in Australia on the other side of the world, but I’m still happy to call you a friend.
You could consider voice acting or narrating audio books. You've got a great speaking voice. It's a gift! Excellent video editing and film direction too! Good script too.
It must be so hard being societally good looking. Thank you for being so brave.
None of us are ever alone -- we have angels, spirit guides, and beloved family members/ancestors with us at all times, yet unseen. Animals also make great companions -- pets have souls just like we do. Being gay is a gift -- it helps us to learn more about ourselves and strengthens us from within. There are many wonderful gay communities -- I am a part of the Gay Men's Chorus of Washington DC which is like a large family and caused me to make many friends I would not have had otherwise. Gay religious groups like Dignity also help us to make friends with others. Divine Source loves each of us unconditionally and does not judge any of us for being gay -- only some human beings do that. We are all sparks of Divine Source and are all one and will return to that Oneness when we cross back over to the Other Side when our purpose here is completed.
Embracing solitude and the wonder we experience in nature is a process...and you put it so simply and beautifully. Thank you for that and may you continue to marvel at the joys you uncover within yourself and in the world around you.
Very much enjoyed your film and its ideas. I am 77 and know what you are talking about. I've always been kind of a pioneer in life--travel, careers, sports, etc. I do wish I had at least one real romance. Love is a very important element to completing one's humanity. Btw, you are a very handsome guy in a very natural way. I hope someone will appreciate that every day of your life.
I just heard your story and the r sult is that you've got me in tears. I can see myself in everything you say, in everything you feel. Thank you for being there.
Beautiful video, visuals and words. Love the way you shot the landscapes. The lighting was beautiful. Nature really does have a way of making you feel better. Glad you are doing better. Being alone does not mean you are lonely.
It’s amazing that you can reflect this much about your life. Strangely enough, this centers you in your life and is a step to move forward.
I also and surrounded by people, even a marriage and feel completely alone. It is a terrible feeling. 😢 I completely relate to you and this video… thank you sharing.
WOW! Virtual hug to you. I read thru some of the comments, and I think that i may be the oldest one- almost 72, I never came out- I was so scared of losing what I DID have. I have learned to live alone- yes, depressing sometimes- but sometimes, it is a blessing to me. I can feel good about myself, instead of hearing all of the bull s**t that homophobes speak. Please, Thomas, take care of yourself, and continue on your journey. If Destiny says, you will meet the man of your dreams. If not, be PROUD of who you are. You are one, intelligent, caring person. Wishing you the best. And yes, I subscribed to your channel. 😁
You don't need to come out. Who made that rule? Just live your life fully, for yourself. One that you will be proud of!
Oh, the years it took me to figure this out. I appreciate you man. Feel like we'd get along well. Keep being you!
Thomas, They say timing has a lot to do with whatever one is doing or feeling at a moment.
Feeling lonely, is something Ive been observing lately.
Your Video has arrived at an appropriate moment of my life.
Looking forward to another segment from you! You certainly are enriched with compassion for yourself and others!
Thank you,
Bill
I connected with him to a deep level, I tried searching for him on multiple social media accounts. As an empath, I can tell he has beautiful energy and guards himself by being alone to protect his own thoughts and feelings and I'm exactly this way as well. You're definitely a beautiful soul ❤️🥹🩷
Solitude and isolation isn’t loneliness. Learn to absorb the energy around you from others and it will buffer loneliness. Live your best life. ❤
I am 64 years old and gay and this is so true and beautiful and moving , thank you for posting. As I can see in my own family, this sentiment is also true among straight people, exasperated by the pandemic. The trick is learning to be content in our circumstances whatever they may be , and not imagining that a “romantic relationship” will solve all our problems . Relationships come with a whole new set of challenges , ones you may be better able to face after going through a season of loneliness.
For most of us deep down - lonely or not - , we are always searching for something else, never realizing that our needs are always met, but our wants are never satisfied.
It is like the old saying: “the poor want to be rich, the rich want to be happy, the single want to be married, and the married want to be dead!”
God bless you for sharing !!