Gay Loneliness & The Grindr Hookup Culture
Вставка
- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- Check out our Pride Store: www.professorp...
Today on the show we’re discussing what makes gay and lesbian people feel more lonely than straight people and what makes our community fall into a culture of hookups and one-night-stands (using apps like #Grindr) more often than our straight counterparts.
See Bloopers & Become A Member: bit.ly/PBRMember
Check out this episode:
Grindrs My Gears: • The Problems with Gay ... Our Gay Music Channel: / @matthaslammusic
Social Media:
Gayborhood Online Community: • The Gayborhood - PBR's...
TikTok: bit.ly/PBRTikTok
Facebook: bit.ly/Faceboo...
Instagram: bit.ly/PBRInst...
Twitter: bit.ly/PBRTwitter
Sponsor The Show: bit.ly/SponsorPBR
The gear we use to make the show: • Behind The Scenes of H...
Powered By Rainbows and Professor Pride are registered trademarks of Matt Haslam Productions, All Rights Reserved.
Copyright © 2023, Matt Haslam Productions, All Rights Reserved.
SOURCES:
Stanford: web.stanford.e... Huffington Post: highline.huffi... Journals: journals.sagep... GLSEN: www.glsen.org/... Taylor & Francis: www.tandfonlin... Gallup: news.gallup.co... Guardian: www.theguardia...
#LGBTQ #Pride
UPDATE: This was recorded years ago but soon after this episode aired, I met a man named Michael on Grindr and we started dating. We later got married in 2023 and have an exclusive, monogamous relationship so it is possible to find on that app.
Here is an episode explaining how we met on the app: ua-cam.com/video/42vWSWKJAU4/v-deo.html
And here is our wedding video: ua-cam.com/video/dKU4VtuGXkU/v-deo.htmlsi=KUGfBEn_-pxi9zNe
Congratulations 🎉 & All the best ❤❤
yeah ofc but it’s literally looked down on, no matter how you look for it, to look for an actual romantic relationship and you’re weak for having any sort of feelings toward a hookup
anyway congrats but im glad im early to this comment… please no one install grindr ever
Yeah I was hoping for that too. I know as gay men, we don't have an easy way of finding each other. Even being on Grindr asking for a relationship shouldn't be looked down upon, because some areas, that's all you have when trying to find someone else.
I was with my first real boyfriend for nearly 7 years and I also met him on Grindr.
The sad thing is that, it seems that the gay community doesn't really like to talk about the problems we have within the gay community.
Well here on our show, we aren’t afraid to talk about anything. And if you have any suggestions on what we can talk about, we do take viewer ideas.
True. It's one of the many reasons I'm not on the community. Slightest criticism is often pushed away with the ultimate argument of you "having internalized homophobia" or being "too heteronormative". Not being into Casual Sex, polyarmory, Grindr etc. can get you shunned as a homophobe and it's absolutely ridiculous, toxic and harming. I'm seriously waiting for someone claiming that gay marriage is homophobic or too "normative" because open relationships are the only legit form of relationships for gay people.
@@PoweredByRainbows I'd suggest a video on the concept of open relationships, both the upsides and downsides for couples, and the idea it gives young impressionable gays about relationships (assuming that they have to be open)
That's because that community is forever pointing their fingers screaming at the straight community ESPECIALLY those transwomen but they cant get along at all and sometimes be the reason a lot of them get hurt or worse
I wonder too that sometimes that we as the gay community are worried that if we do point out the flaws within our own community that the right wingers will try to use that against us when in reality everybody has their flaws and pros and cons but we just get judged more harshly for them simply because of who we are.
I think the problem is that hook up apps like Grindr are addictive, it’s like a slot machine that can give you sex at any time. Sex can be wonderful, but I think the problem we aren’t talking about is that many men are now addicted to sex, either through hook up culture or pornography. And they’re substituting a quick high for a loving relationship, which is probably why you see so many open relationships now. Grindr essentially dehumanises men and turns them into a commodity, disposable and exchangeable. After using it for years, I can confirm it is damaging to mental health..
For my lonely gays out there: keep going. Keep living your life, keep an open mind open, keep your eyes focused on what's beautiful about the world, but acknowledge the suffering of it also. My therapist from my past once told me made an analogy about hiking regarding my personal issue, "there's always going to be good berries and bad berries, always pick the good berries." 🌞🌻 Hugs from SF 🌉❤️☮️
Berry, berry insightful ;)
@@petemavus2948 just ma 2 little cents 🙃
It's a messed up community. It's all about sex. Many gay men are least prepared for any long term relationship. I'm better being alone than to live with a toxic confused guy.
It's quite interesting because straight couples are also getting into this trend. Men seek for other men to be promiscuous with, women want different men to sex with, etc. etc.
@@winnied87 you can't compare gay men with straight women. On dating sites these ladies don't write no pic no reply. This shows that a gay man does not have any other criteria in finding a suitable partner other than looks. Moreover by 40s straight people are out of dating game but gay men always have the pressure to look the best of them. I have almost denounced this community that is very superficial and doesn't see anything beyond a quick sex. Maybe one night stand is okay few times but doing it for years with strangers without ever knowing their names and living double standard lives with fake names is not a sanity for me. As a human being a human interaction is all we need. I don't expect anything from this community anymore. In the name of love , sex is getting sold. People may celebrate pride parades but in the end they lead lonely lives.
It’s not just loneliness. These hook up apps are designed like casino games. There’s a science to it and everything from the trademark grindr yellow to the weird new message sound the app makes . It’s all designed to be addictive , enticing and keeps us coming back for more. These apps are addicting and shopping for men is a huge ego boost. It’s a lot more fun than reading a book before bed. Notice how so many men put up these Adonis like photos on their profile where they look like something they are not and they’re constantly online yet never really hook up? They just go on to collect compliments to boost their ego . This is the selfie generation and technology encourages us to want everything NOW. Grindr is a result of our vanity, obsession with beauty, sex and the glorification of ourselves. It’s very disturbing and nobody seems to care.
Very on point comment, and very sad that we've come to this point
Grindr has an almost monopoly hold because most apps dont market themselves for the lgbti community or are too expensive. grindr has a lot of free features where most other dating apps have limited features and even so Grindr caters for the sex-crazed. i would actually love to bring that app down for the harm they cause. Not just that but grindr is classified wrongly. Its not a DATING app, its a virtual brothel. It should fall under the RX category (porn) and app stores need to obscure it like that. With very little resources for gay kids their first go-to app is Grindr. Frankly, most gay people don't know where else to go (no matter your age). Gay people themselves have often exploited the gay community for personal power or influence or money by creating these apps/ venues etc. and dont give a fackel about the harm.
Very very well said! So insightful
@jmudikun
in a sense I wouldn't say "we".... the culprit is clearly the SHAREHOLDERS of Apps and other exploitative businesses like these. It all comes back to CLASS. We're being used like PAWNS in a game, at any cost to make the Rich richer.... In other words, let's focus the blame where it's deserved i.e. rage against the rich who have created the maze we all crawl through
Couldn't agree more, well said 😊
I think, the problem is that it's almost impossible to bond with otner gay men besides hookup sex. It's like many of us are guarded and don't want to open up.
Even though my loneliness issues are still strongly there, I still feel more happier now for NOT using Grindr over a year. While I was using it I felt like a freely available prostitute standing in a faceless dark crowd begging them to be my life partners. And that feeling was horrible.
Its absoluetly horrible thats how i felt too 😥 i keep telling myself there's gotta be another way then these apps there has to be 😥.
Proud of you!! Keep it up
What do you do now instead? Especially with a pandemic on. How do you meet people without apps or have you given up for good?
I used Tinder and found it way better than Grindr (but it was just to explore the apps, never met anyone)
I wouldn't give up there are some of us looking for something more. I starting hooking up last year when I came out gay and I don't know how people enjoy this.Using people as sophisticated masturbation toys doesn't feel right to me at all,but it's my only way of meeting other gay men until I move.When I did hook up I tried to make small talk and get to know them,but most of them didn't seem interested in anything but fucking.
I did manage to find some dates there so it's not impossible.If someone like me is searching sooner or later another person wanting the same thing will find me.
i hate gay apps, i want a boyfriend. i don’t like multiple partners 🥺
You look cute hmu 😋
@@angel2641 what’s your snap?
@@itsaaronlolz @ramirez0321.wtv
Awwwwww...will be a cute story if it works out❣️
Your a cutie Aaron, wouldn’t mind dating you. What is your IG?
Being Gay is such a PAIN!!
In my experience/life.
I'm straight edge, Masculine, emotionally available, chill gym rat. Not into the lgbt scene. I live in a nature area suburb between two major cities. Dating sucks, everyone plays games, just wants sex, or lives way too far!!
Turning 30 soon, I've honestly given up on dating. I just hit up grindr from time to time, & come to the conclusion this is what gay life is, sadly.
I live in Europe now, the Netherlands.. and there are many available men, but oh boy isn't it all about sex! It seems like that's what gay culture is all about.. as stereotypical as it seems. And let's not get started on the standards: I'm a a bit of a fem twink/geek and poc: you either get fetishized, are too fem, or too masc for most gay men. That's why I barely pay attention to the gay scene (Grindr) anymore. Dunno why I ranted but I had to 😅
@@nirmalsitaldin4056 Id love to live in Europe, lotta vacation spots!
I swear if I had a Penny for the amount of times I get called Daddy, followed by their wild kinky fantasies 😅
What you just said really speaks to me mate
Can I hook u up with my gay friend? He just got out of the navy and is a handsome nice guy! His snap is smirkcles ❤
@@MrTree93 For sure, but it sucks if you really are looking for more than what you described in your comment: the gay dating scene sucks everywhere.
As an older gay man, I really do feel that all gay dating apps should be banned, as aside from the dangers of meeting someone in real life, they are promoting a culture that is totally unrealistic, aside from the disgusting hookup culture that is cheapening the very concept of sex and human interactions between gay people
As someone who is a gay and very conservative. I will never understand why people like to hookup so bad. Like it makes no sense and it’s not always a good thing to do that.
I hookup for fun and sex, i cant stand relationships and ppl have become ultra selfish and entitled, why would i have to deal with all that crap, even the heteros are tired of that sht, and marriages are plummeted down, u cannot invest your life into other person, relationships ends but the time spent wont be recovered
Sexting, later ghosting...
In person hookups, later ghosting..
Is it what gay community all about??? Come on!!
I know exactly what you mean. It’s a vicious cycle.
Besides this you want to try more and prove yourself.. and then more.. because they all ghost you
Thats why I give up find someone for more than 10 years. Never had a boyfriend, and i lost my ability to believe in it. And I dont do hookups, so no sex with more than 10 years too. My life sucks because I can find happyness and just live my boring life without love. Sad (I have 34 years old)
THIS! I can't imagine ghosting anyone. Especially someone who actually likes me. Its so strange.
I am 39, Hispanic, and never felt lonely. I am perfectly comfortable living in my beautiful apartment all by myself. I don't need to be with anyone. I don't waste time on these sex apps. I love myself in every way.
What's your secret?
@Jacobyy V I feel that👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾
@@sammeni2911 I'm not him but I'm in a similar position. (Minus the beautiful apartment 😂) It took me decades of solitude to be comfortable with myself , being alone. I'm so comfortable that I don't even need human contact anymore. My collection of toys take care of my... urges. And hobbies and studies keep my mind occupied and away from stupid thoughts. Some people might find this oh no !!! SO SAD 1!1 !! but it's way better option than what the community offers: cheating, pain, hookups ,being used and thrown away like a toy, tears and neurotic oPeN pOliAmOrY relationships 😂 now THAT'S some truly sad stuff. 💯
I only had one Grindr hookup. But what was really happening was me not dealing with the suicide of my best friend, who was my first love.
This entire video is accurate beyond words, and unfortunately I've found that it's difficult for straight people to understand this, as well as gay men who don't see hookup culture as an inherent problem. I wish that this wasn't such a taboo topic, and I wish more individuals saw the mass inability to secure a gay monogamous relationship within the community as a problem to begin with. Sadly, I think this issue has had some form of manifestation long before Grindr was invented. Grindr just amplified it. the idea of hookup culture has been embedded into gay culture since the sexual liberation of the 70s given that many interactions between men were largely micro and quick to avoid stigmatization as well as law penalties at the time. This carried its way into the present moment given societal marginalization and backlash. Existing within a heteronormative society for centuries is largely to blame given that the overwhelming forces of religion and bigotry. The "ideal" image of men being seen as largely individual, unemotional and stoic has woven its way into gay culture given the overwhelming drive for hookup culture and unfortunately I don't think most people realize this, and if they do, many don't care. If you throw in the basis of traumatic experiences, a toxic culture, and the idea of residing in a society that was never meant for you to exist in, it becomes literally impossible to find a closed, committed relationship. I'll admit that I'm biased but the preconceived idea of coming out to find a supportive community where I will eventually find a committed partner who I will fall in love with is the biggest lie that I've ever been told, and at this point being out for six-ish years, I get the picture. Relationships aren't cool. People don't want commitment, relational development, or a life partner. Sadly, people want sex and want temporary love. I'm really glad you made this video. I think it's really important to talk about this and it's always a good thing knowing that I'm not alone in this experience.
I wish every straight girl who complains about men had to live as a single, non wealthy, non white, average built gay man for one year. She'd last maybe a week before begging to have her lady parts returned. They have no clue how much harder it is to date and live as a gay man. The only real benefit gay men have over straight women is we literally can't get pregnant, or get the other guy pregnant. I find this benefit to be more of a hindrance than a perk. If gay guys had to risk pregnancy or being put on child support for 18 yrs, we'd take relationships (and each other) alot more seriously.
Great comment. You put into words exactly how I’ve been thinking and feeling lately.
This makes me so sad, since I came out only some months ago, in my 28s, and I just wish to have a meaningful relationship with someone. :(
This in many ways is the “nail on the head”. The reason the culture is so sexually based too is because of LACK, not getting enough affection, love, intimacy or physical connection. Yes, men have high sex drives, but there are extremely limited outlets to express ourselves. Much of this life is spent in isolation, seclusion, shame and stigma due to the society at large and this not being accepted as a normal life. Gayness has slowly, very slowly become more visable in the mainstream. These apps have shown that indeed there is a much bigger population out there and more people coming out every day. Even thirty years ago, it was never this visible. Unfortunately, we have a LONG WAY to go as a society accepting this. Homosexuality currently is a marginalized minority, even further than the entire BLM movement. Black lives matter and gay lives matter too!
@@mastersuperblaster702 great comment. You are so right most women complain about men but have no idea how bad it is for gay men. I will always have a soft spot for the gays because I know it’s so hard to find what most women take for granted. I transitioned and I’m dating a cop now. Way better then the misery of Grindr
I hooked up recently and was left feeling numb / sad / depressed… I too want something more than that. But do any men want to build a relationship together? that seems rare….
I tried hooking up over a dozen times and felt meh. Had two brief relationships and the intimacy was amazing. Look for love but avoid hookup apps
Haven’t had sex in 3 years. I think the tears have drowned my heart. I don’t even want to be with someone anymore. I wish it wasn’t like that
No family, no friends, no great relationship, no hookups? Yah me neither. But we've made it this far without them. I say we keep going. Take care.
This is true but you can definitely work on having friends
I hate Grindr so much, I actually just deleted my account. This app siphons money out of desperate lonely people, and does nothing to solve the loneliness epidemic that's only getting worse.
@@elijah02 hello there. It's not a problem for me to use grindr though cause like i won't be doing the dating quite often because hey my mother might get mad and suspicious of me I'll be having my first hookup tomorrow too wish me luck huhu
as is the mostly hetero app Tinder
I couldn’t agree with you more on this. I experience depression and loneliness because of these apps that houses these superficial cruel men. I’m usually sad and constantly stressed out because of it. It’s sad that these developers only pushed for one night stands and not building relationships and friendships. I just hope it becomes a thing of the past and people like us can heal properly and find real love.
Literally same. Deactivated mines last year and my life has been way easier since
In my town, the majority of dudes on those apps arent even looking for hookups. They are just on there to show off or to see how easily they can get someone. Insecurities + anonymity= one big ego fest
Are you guilty of this yourself?
@@mastersuperblaster702 No
@@vegaswithdrawal4132 I wish every straight girl who complains about men had to live as a single, non wealthy, non white, average built gay man for one year. She'd last maybe a week before begging to have her lady parts returned. They have no clue how much harder it is to date and live as a gay man. The only real benefit gay men have over straight women is we literally can't get pregnant, or get the other guy pregnant. I find this benefit to be more of a hindrance than a perk. If gay guys had to risk pregnancy or being put on child support for 18 yrs, we'd take relationships (and each other) alot more seriously.
@@mastersuperblaster702 My resentment lies more on men. Especially bi men who act as if women are the only ones worthy of attention and affection while I'm just a living dildo they can use when they get the urge to take it up the ass. At least be a passionate bottom and not a stiff, boring one
Ewwwww they can look good but with that personality?yeah...no
Recently got out of the toxic hook up culture. I’ve learned to have more respect for myself and others. Too many men look at other men as just objects. Not looking for anything deep or meaningful.
Most of the gay men I know are fully sex and/or porn addicts, but the gay community is not ready for that conversation. If you bring it up, you're just sex-negative. The reality though is that I'm very sex positive, and am very comfortable having casual sex. I just don't need it consistently and would rather have consistent sex with a loving partner than find a new guy all the time. In the meantime, I can take care of myself better than most guys can or will.
I find porn boring. Always had to Fast Forward so gave up on it years ago. As to labeling anyone a "sex addict" that is more complex. A therapist should make that diagnosis based on the criterion in the DSM5 (or whatever number it is at now). Too many guys label other guys "sex addicts" out of jealousy. Not a term to be used casually or lightly. You may be sex positive but you have no biz diagnosing other gay men as sex addicts just because you haven't yet found your partner online. .
@@FriendofDorothy maybe try reading up on sex addiction. It’s blatantly obvious that most gays are sex addicts based on just a superficial understanding of the concept, but let me break it down for you based on my experience offline: most gays would openly and gladly have sex in their workplace if it was available. most gays would openly and gladly sleep with someone other than their partner whether or not they’re open. Most gays spend the majority of their free time on the apps or at gay bars focused primarily on finding a hookup. Most gays are openly and honestly obsessed with sex. Like they will literally shout it at you, and you somehow aren’t seeing the signs?
It doesn’t take a psychologist to understand that someone who so clearly has allowed their life to become dominated by sex, is a sex addict.
Edit: and before you say some BS like “hang with better people, you just aren’t finding the good ones”, like where are they? In the community I live in, this is literally all that there is. I’ve scoured the entire city, and I can find plenty of people willing to fuck but very few who are even interested in there being a date beforehand.
💯💯💯
@@FriendofDorothy I've witnessed the effects of sex addiction on plenty of gay men. It doesn't require a psychologist when they check off every single box of symptoms. The reality though is that it has become so normalized in gay culture that no one is going and getting the therapy they need, because they think what they're doing is normal and healthy.
Gay men are all searching for another gay man that shows none of the signs of effeminacy and flamboyance they dislike in themselves. The make up loving gay fem men are the FIRST ones to say they love breaking gender expression roles, yet they all would rather stay single then date another campy queen like themselves. Self loathing is ruining the gay scene. So many of my gay friends would rather take scraps from downlow men with blank Grindr profiles then date another flamboyant queen. So sad. Self love would help.
This deserves way more attention. Thank you for this. ❤️
Take my advice… NEVER DATE SOMEONE YOU MEET ON GRINDR OR SCRUFF.
You’ll be sorry 😅
I met my fiancé there so it’s not all bad, it’s just how you use it I guess.
@@PoweredByRainbows I’ve met nothing but sex addicts, drug addicts and very self-absorbed men. Though I guess that’s just really a issue for the community at large, not just the apps.
Also. You’re honestly never certain who you are really talking to on Grindr also (until you meet in person). I remember going to a few hookups when Grindr first came out and I was in my early 20s and the guy answering the door was definitely not the guy in the pics. I’m glad you had a good experience on it, it’s very rare!
@@PoweredByRainbows and it’s obvi I’m still on it… I’m just cautious 😇😅😅
@@Wickedpissah138 yeah few good rules.
1. Always meet at a public place first. Restaurant, park whatever.
2. Get their social account
It helps to know if who you're dealing with is xy or z.
3. Don't have sex on the first meet. Express sexual interest sure, but give it a day to assess how you feel.
I've met two long-term partners on grindr.
James of 5 years worked at the same Amazon as me, but I hit him up on grindr. I had a clear idea of what he looked like so I asked him to come hang out at my place. We didn't have sex tell the next morning, but it wasn't too bad in the long run.
Tyson of 2 years I met at a park near his house. Technically I had to pick him up and take him to the park. It wasn't until a few days later I was ready for sex.
Tldr if a guy can't be bothered to meet you before sex he's a catfish.
If he has no social account he's a closet case or cheater.
It's pretty simple.
I just hate that most viable guys run when I say things like "I don't have any nudes" like I'm 5'11" and 140 pounds, six pack abs and I do eventual send my man unsolicited d pics. I just gotta be okay with the fact that their aren't very many viable guys.
Yeah. We need more gay and lesbian counselors who are willing to help the community out to heal the loneliness trauma
The loneliness epidemic is really a faux socializing epidemic. Back in 1975, if you were sitting alone in your apartment on a Friday night with no friends, the discomfort would push you to go out, meet people, and build connections. Nowadays, apps offer a quick fix for those moments of loneliness or boredom, giving us the illusion of socializing. But too often, those interactions never turn into real relationships because people don’t actually meet up. Over time, all these superficial connections pile up, and before you know it, you’ve got no real friends.
Sure, you can quit using the apps, but the problem is that so many people are caught in this trap of faux socializing that it’s drastically reduced the number of people who are actually engaging in the real world. It’s a double-bind: either you use the apps and settle for fake socialization with very few real-world friends, or you avoid them and only interact with the shrinking group of people still out there.
The only way to break through seems to be by offering some strong incentive-whether that’s getting fit, wealthy, famous, or something else that forces people to break the cycle and actually meet. That’s where we’re at, and it’s not changing anytime soon.
Everything is fucked in the sense they couldn't make apps that facilitate pleasant interactions, they have to make us cranky, separate & isolated from one another. Ive even heard of grindr moderators storing nudes etc through messages that were supposed to be between 2 people
Grindr is a sea of headless torsos that never responds to questions or hellos! I don’t want an immature closet case where it’s all new. I want a bf!! I want to build a life with someone and I’m tired of being alone… There, I said it!
About cortisol: I think you have it backwards. Cortisol increases our stress response to a stressor. If we really did have less cortisol (which I doubt) we would be super chill in the face of a stressor.
I feel like I have always been at odds with this culture. I finally came out last year at 31 years old after I was tired of living as a man who wasn't true to himself.After finally coming to my friends and family I went straight to Grindr and precided to have many sexual encounters which satisfied an urge that I have been wanting.
After that I wanted to find a relationship and quickly realized that was a shitshow and my self worth was destroyed. I became incredibly bitter and went through an emotional time to the point where I needed psychiatric help.
I'm doing much better mentally now but I no longer trust men anymore and I don't want to go through that bullshit on these apps again. All I really want is a relationship I know im not owed anything,but it would be nice to have one. I realize though if I don't try to meet people again im going to be alone forever. I have my sister and nephew I care for but it would be nice to care for a man of my own. I have everything I want in life except a boyfriend.
I feel the same, I was lonely before I came out, & I am now lonely & hopeless since I got involved with the gay community. I went in Grindr just to look, & its made me really hung up & anxious about dating & sex. I am monogamous & demisexual, which seems to mean I an an aliean everywhere.
Join the club man 😏
Let a man care for YOU! Change your view from “care for a man of my own” to “have a man care for ME!”
You won't ever find love on Grindr. Get rid of this shit
Why do you say so?
Cause is the reality. You can find a lot of things on Grindr, but love is not one of them.
Where should we find love as gay people? What do you recommend?
That's the point man. We should not seek for love cause in the end we just get the love we deserve... in other words, we attract what we are. Anyways, I've already met so many awesome guys at the church, bars etc..
@@filipeferreira5087 can we chat on hangout?
The thing that I dislike is that the only option outside of gay dating apps to meet gay people is to go to places where everyone is going to be intoxicated. If you don't drink, you are literally out of luck.
I dislike drinking AND recreational drug use. Really widdles down options fast for guys, let alone women.
charity and community events folks ! ... Gather and DO something with like -minded
Yep, and all the gay events involve alcohol.
@@kalejuice5701 same here Caleb, but I’d still never use them apps.
Base any interaction on sex and you will be stuck with it. The route to love is an open mind and more importantly, time... the time to get to know a fellow human being.
I'm bisexual, and tbh i 100% understand the loneliness gay men are going through
@@BlackmageAku27 SAME
@Aquarian Dawn oh really? You got Discord?
@Aquarian Dawn Yeah i love Morrowind too
@@BlackmageAku27 I’m lonely af, but I don’t want hookups.
Imagine a time before the apps when you actually had to approach people, and mist people arent so forward as they are on apps as far as sex. Grindr killed the gay community.
Nope. Straight people did it long time ago
I hate it when Gay guys say to me That i Seek in the wrong Place. Like Then what is the Right Place? Is there a Place for Gay people That hast to do with getting to know someone Not just for Sex?
Yes there are, I met some great guys through gay sports leagues for example.
@@pizzazzsnudge7800 that is not a right answer as just apply to Europe o Usa
There is no place. I’ve done my research. Trust me 🤣😭
I believe that men, regardless of their sexuality, struggle with forming meaningful relationships that does not involve sex.
We have seen it’s all genders who struggle with this except for those that are asexual. So it’s not just men.
@@PoweredByRainbowsStole the words out of my mouth
Exactly. It's not exclusive to gays. I simply think men genuinely are not interested in emotional relationships.
If I can also chime in with one thing, I genuinely hate the amount of people looking for "friends with benefits." Like to me, I never liked the idea of mixing sex into just a friendship, it feels like it's just a disaster waiting to happen and I know myself I'd develop feelings for more than just a friendship. I believe the moment you introduce sex into any dynamic it kinda makes things impossible to remain as just a friendship, eventually someone is going to catch deeper feelings and make it awkward for the both of them. Or you get guys who kind of don't state their intentions up front and speak in vague terms to get you to sleep with them while keeping you at arms length to not make it a relationship.
Almost makes me want to swear off dating at all because I can't find anyone even close to me who wants to search for something more
So I'm a bit of a late bloomer meaning I was fairly unattractive in my teens and now at 22 I look wayyy better, working out, braces off, overall appearance and clothes etc. And I thought grindr would be a better experience and no. Firstly I'm black before I'm gay so white gays tend to over sexualize me. They can't go 2 msgs without asking about my BBC. I find that I get more romanticized attention & fun dates when I stay in other places like Europe or so. Gay dating sucks. Everyone is soul-less, dull & horny. Then they want to do open relationships because they want the privileges of having a partner (they barely want) while having everyone else. 0 discipline.
Wow much, such good points. You hit the nail on the head!
I remember when I first came out in the early 90s before cellphones and apps. The bars were filled with those same guys that are on the apps looking for one night stands. So... I don't see how going to bars is going to solve anything. And spending time in bars usually means drinking and that can lead to all sorts of problems. The intenet in general and especially apps have lowered the bar on manners and polite communication, though.
Wouldn't know what it's like to have a relationship. Every time I try the dude just wants a hook up.
Exactly just enjoy the ride
Quit thinking like a woman and you will release yourself and enjoy yourself much more you'll meet some guy at some point or you'll make great friends
@em4227 yeah no. Maybe other people enjoy being the town bicycle taking it through the backdoor every night but that ain't me.
Those apps do what they do because they CAN'T give you love. I can't do hookups, I never could. And it means the chances of me finding any kind of relationship are incredibly low. It's lottery levels of possibilty at this point. I can logically understand how buying a lottery ticket is pretty silly considering the odds and I approach it in that way - or don't bother and save money! But I just cannot seem to give up hope - despite the odds - on meeting a partner. It's painful, soul destroying and it always seems to end with me feeling suicidal levels of isolation, despondency and loneliness. What purpose or meaning can these wasted lives possibly have?
I hear you. I know this pain too.
I am a 26 year old attractive gay male who regularly gets hit on or flirted with by both men and women, but mainly women. Beautiful women, who are around my age and have similar interests to me. It makes me feel even more lonely, because I see all of the options that are available to me and realize how much better my life could be if I was on the other side. It feels like I’m cursed, like my good looks are all a waste (not trying to sound cocky or anything). The only men that hit on me are older men. The guys that I like always end up being taken, are only looking for hookups, or are straight. I’ve only officially ever dated 2 guys and neither relationship lasted more than 3 months. This is a life full of loneliness, sadness, and emotional starvation
Yes we have it very rough.
But at least we dont have to endure the grossness of being attracted by women.
Straight men are enslaved by their biological injonction of reproduction, they are here to serve the other gender.
Homosexual men, despite their loneliness( created by the heternormativ society itself), are free from this real curse.
My straight friend have it very rough too with the other gender, oftenly feeling/being trapped into convenient marriage/family nightmare with a woman( I love woman, but I am happy to find them absolutely unattractive, I see it as a blessing).
Also many homosexual men were genius creators, emperors, artists, scientists, philosophers, our contribution to civilization is enormous.
I wish you find a good man, for sure he is there, dont give up on your right to love, and being loved!!!
@@blue-ck9ns The only men that hit on you are older? Where exactly are you at when this happens?
It sounds pointless to come out the closet unless you're actually dating someone.
Yeah I threw in the towel and just live my life as a loner. As a 50y/o, I say back then it was much easier meeting a quality guy for a relationship but nowadays, relationships are defined differently. With so many polyamorous, open relationships and marriages, I really don't even see the point in trying to date anyone anymore.
I’m 31 and feel the same way. It doesn’t even matter the age, there is just a culture of insecurity that surrounds the gay club scene
Aren't these "polyamorous" relationships about people who just don't want to commit to anybody? I agree with you as another 50something who lived through the HIV epidemic. Because people were dying around us, we found out necessary to form support networks because our communities were so hostile to us. I just watch what's happening and shake my head
I'm tired of dating apps
still don't think the apps are the problems at all. the problem it's the gay community itself. most of the guys I knew had this crazy ideia of deserving a really handsome guy with muscles, great body and masculine even if they self are out of shape, were ugly or toothless so they will probably finish up their lives alone for wanting people much over their league. anything less than this is just for hookups, never for dating. So I'm taking a time of this gay life to work on myself (gym) so in the future I can find someone special. gonna spend some time alone and also improve my mental health and them maybe my chances of luck will increase. wish happiness for all you guys. XO
Very good point (s)
Yes, we need to focus on ourselves. We expect to find the perfect guy when we should instead be that perfect guy.
You should be what you're trying to look for. If you like handsome muscle dudes you probably should look the same in the gay world
Well good luck ever changing that or waiting for the day it will. Gay Men and people in general seem to believe that happiness is result of making all the right choices (according to what they told was right) in life and thus earning happiness. Well quite simply it don't work like that at all. Happiness and joy are fleeting but also found in the places you least expect. It's not something you earn but a byproduct of actions taken reaching for your desires. Often it's not what you think it is, how it should look like, or even what you desire. It's something you find along the way that you weren't even aware of before. It's happenstance and things often right under your nose the whole time.
The one thing people don't talk about is the word "dating". Before these apps the word dating was actually going out on a date and get to know the person. Today people don't understand the difference between dating and hookups and call the apps dating. And the sad part is actual real dating apps have been grinderized which means going online to meet people who want relationships is hard these days. Especially profiles that say they want relationships but they themselves think relationship is a one night stand.
I have lost the concept of love through different hookups I've had in my life and despite being self conscious i have somehow given up.
I've been on grindr with a chubby unattractive body and even a slimmed down toned body. Regardless I was bombarded with dick pics, had multiple conversations that faded into nothing and a few hookups that also faded into nothing. I don't believe looks is the real issue because beauty is truly subjective. I think as gay men we over value sex to the degree that we approach dating through a sex lens. Speaking for myself, putting a pause on the sex allowed me to think clearly and actually invest time into the emotional parts of dating. I realised I was as emotionally closed off as the other guys and needed to learn self love to be open to accepting someone else's. The emotional part is what's missing.
Hey I was moved by your comment. I was just wondering what your self love mindset is like now compared to before? I think I need to learn the emotional component you mentioned.
Well said that man 😊
I saw profiles there saying dont send a message if u r short,fat,old,femme ect...
I feel as though the problem of being lonely as one ages, especially in the gay community is contributed to by many factors. The first one is that the primary mode of meeting is through hook-up sites, with algorithms that are aimed at just cashing in on individuals within the community. This, therefore, just creates a hookup culture, just as can be now seem even in the straight dating world. The issue mostly here is social media which upholds superficial standards, and toxicity. The other thing is the issue of activities and meet up places for gay individuals. Most if not all avenues for gay individuals to meet are bars and clubs. And the main aim of these is mostly to just get as much money from the clientele. And it must be pointed out, that there is a certain percentage of gay individuals who do not prefer hook ups or meeting up in bars. What this does, as can be imagined, is that they feel that there is nothing for them that the community can offer. The other thing, is that the primary modes of interactions, do not foster, the letting down of guards, for people to meet, be vulnerable and connect on a deeper, level so what one gets, is that the gay community, is forced to have an identity associated with promiscuity, sexually transmitted diseases, drugs, alcoholism and loneliness. I do think that in as much as there has been a push for protection for gay individuals, by various gay organizations, I feel that it is time, that some effort is directed, towards, improving the quality-of-life experiences for gay individuals, I sure, as hell know, that this is gonna take time, but it is well worth it.
Perfectly articulated what I couldn’t put into words. Thanks!
I’m 30 and have only been with 1 guy when I was 20 and have been single ever since
I'm so sorry to hear that, just remember your not the only one in this world, it is difficult being alone
There is literally no love or community on Hawaii island, so you are hot enough to get a date or you live alone and die alone
Wow. I have not used internet dating since the early 2000s. Before apps. Now my my kids are older and I want to date again, however, I am clueless how to date now because I will not do the apps. Before, I did internet dating it made me feel more lonely which was resolved after a relationship for 8 years. Thank you for this video! So true about the gay bar culture. Even if you had no luck at the bar, we formed a gay community. Even if the guy didn't like you, you eventually became friends and you had a chance to socialize, a human need.
I want to add one point too. Yes obviously the LGBT community is more at risk in general to loneliness. However, it is also a trickle effect that we had a porn culture and lack of proper sex education that created a hook-up culture. It is also in the hetero community too. Yes, I am Pansexual, but I am for the most part hetero passing so I see both sides. The difference is more nuanced.
I have never been fond of dating apps because it is polluted with the hook up culture. Not that I haven't benefited from it, but that I don't find what I need in partners. Being polyamorous has its friction too so to speak. I lean way more towards Kink or LGBT Networking sites are a far better tool for meaningful relationships, friendships, and in general finding the community.
Great video! Hookup apps bring out the worst in us: when we use it we become something we are not. We have all rejected or been rejected by someone because of their physical appearance, their height, their weight, etc… but are we really that cruel in real life? I don't think so! I’d love to stop using this apps trying to find love, but I don’t have any other choice.
Couldn't agree more 😊
Thanks so much. You showed me so many new perspectives. And I have been analysing this topic thoroughly for long myself
I can feel this, I am 30 yo and still in closet, my friends and family probably know that I am gay, because I didnt have a girlfiend, but I am so afraid to tell them, I work now and I dont need economic support but the idea of telling the truth to my friends or family terrifies me. The worst is that I am an only child and the only male in the household. I constantly feel lonely or sad because I wont do my "duty" as a man in my house. I have tried to find a friend or someome to talk in apps like grindr but it was bad, people just ask me for private photos, positions and stuff like that. I am not gonna lie I have had casual s*x encounters in that app, like you said if I can't find a friend or a secret boyfriend at least I will try to be less horny, but after that I feel bad again and I want the other dude to just go, and I feel kinda dirty. I dont know man, sometimes I wonder why I have to live like this, I wish I was like my friends and have a wife and a "normal" family.
Being gay isn’t abnormal or dirty. I understand where you are coming from but also remember the things that you are saying to yourself are only hurting you. You are a man and biologically men have sexual desires. You add two men together in a sexual situation and of course it’s going to be different and it’s going to seem dirty or whatever but it’s not. Just because you were conditioned all your life to believe in heteronormative standards does not mean that those standards are even healthy or realistic for heterosexuals. You are ALLOWED to have sex in what ever ways you are comfortable with. You do not have a duty to please anyone in your household. You owe nothing to no one in this life. This is your life you only have one of them. I understand the fear behind coming out. But there comes a point in time where you need to stop being irrational and in your head and just allow yourself to live your life without judgement of yourself. Find better friends who you can be yourself with, doesn’t necessarily have to be gay men but maybe straight females who will accept you. You can live your life at a distance to keep people happy but just fucking be yourself because when those people all die and its just you left are you even able to say that you ever lived for yourself?
I think it would help to find some queer friends online to talk to, tumbr has a large LGBT+ community and it's surprising easy to find queer friends on tinder.
Oh man. I so want to give you a big hug.
I prefer to be by my own. The last relation I had for 15 years, was enough for me to give up.
Im not a hookup male anyway.
This’s app’s are not simple, my best friend have it, and he always told me, about guys asking for nudes pictures at a very first time😳
I don't like how there's pressure to hook up I just want to snuggle up and watch a good movie
Same, especially since I have a low sex drive due to my depression. I just want someone to hangout with.
Oh my goddd I feel so fucking seen in this videos comment section. I wish this was talked about more. The pressure to hook up and then the regret from it. Absolutely awful. I found Tinder was a safer space to try and date :)
@@Baoaa123 I switched to Tinder and it's so much better. Better looking guys and you get to meet them first and not feel forced to fuck the moment you meet.
@@reyr.7439 I completely understand how you feel
This is why heteroromantic homosexuality exists
I’ve been using grindr for a year now and believe it or not I haven’t experience hookups. No one wants to meet me😅
Yes I have seen this too. But not on grindr since generally I am not looking for gay or bisexual men. After all, towards men I am demisexual. For me I found more people by finding networking in local and regional communities and going to their public events. Or just as Matt said, a Gay Bar is a wonderful place. Even for straight people, as long as they are open minded and good people.
😊
Yeah😅
Grindr and hookup culture is at least there. I’ve given up on ever finding an LTR. My 20’s are ending and I’ve never had one, so if ain’t no one want me I might as well have limitless sex.
grindr would be good if I had a 100% success rate with meeting every guy that i'm attracted to, but the truth is i'm probably not doing any better than 5%, and i know for a fact that many people don't even achieve 1% success - so now we are all seeking therapy apart from the hottest of the hot
This is creepily accurate.
He‘s preaching so much about me, loneliness, 24/7 stress.
To other hand, Grindr will never make you happy, if you ain’t the whole package w well sizing D, it’s over🙃
If it comes to rejection, better keep it far away from that culture.
The division between younger and older men is growing wider. The young are ruthless and older men are used financially and only that.
I barely know more homophobic places than grindr.............
Why does a fish go after a worm that has a HOOK in it?
Really great video! I think you got the loneliness and isolation of growing up gay 100% right. And I think not having healthy relationship rolemodels and not being able to be ourselves until we're much older has a huge impact (and not in a good way). While straight people are busy experimenting with dating and sex, we're usually still in the closet terrified that someone else is going to find out and utterly ashamed of ourselves because we're taught to believe that we are not good enough and that something is wrong with us because of our sexuality.
My question is - how can we use the dating apps (since there doesn't seem to be many other options for gay men) while also protecting our mental health and well-being?
Its unfortunate, seems like people just want the body count, one night stands and not interested in companionship. Some guys on there are only "gay" for the "weekend" too, so yeah it's hard finding a connection. A sociology issue really; gets harder with time.
Wow !! This was AMAZINGLY said ... you literally took the words out of my mouth. This is literally how I’ve felt about Grindr even when I used to use it but I was in a dark place and these apps are not here to help us. I really wish the older gay generation took better care of the younger gay generation, but it’s okay cuz we learned and are now going to make a difference. Really happy I stumbled upon ur video💜
its a difficult topic.. in some ways young guys have it worse off than us older guys. but it wasnt all that great for us either.. being gay was really misunderstood and in some cases it was illegal. we didnt have the internet.. my first contact was through a newspaper ad (that encounter didnt go well at all ) but we did learn how to be social we didnt have the cold connection of the internet.. i could go on but maybe what i should say is that i have hope for the future.. its gonna get better guys.. stay strong, rely on yourself and trust your instinct.. try to have fun and be ok by yourself.. its better than being in a bad relationship
Thanks for your comment.
May I ask you how do you deal with loneliness and sexual/sensual craving?
Personally( 36yrs old, growing up without the dating apps), I find it very difficult, and oftenly desperate, but meaby it gets better with age?
@@renacleerican7824loneliness and sexual cravings are not necessarily related. The best way to deal with loneliness is find how to value and be comfortable being alone. It's about personal growth. You can also reach out to gay clubs that focus on things you might be interested in. Personally, I like biking, playing tennis, trying new places to eat, hiking, etc. You'd be surprised. There might be another single guy you meet doing something you enjoy doing other than sex.
BTW, I very much enjoy spending time by myself at home or on the road or going away for the weekend. I love having a late breakfast on the weekends by myself too on a regular basis.
In terms of the sexual cravings, that's a much more personal issue. I'm not on any social media sites and have never used Grindr, but I've been tempted. In my younger years I was much more adventurous, but most of that ended in my mind 30s. After that it started to get harder to meet people because I no longer was interested in casual hookup sex. I did a ton of that all during my 20s and had a lot of fun and met some great guys. And even had a couple of serious relationships during that time.
In my 40s to now, I mainly use porn because the sexual cravings are not there like they were in my 20s. Now it's more about finding connections. Going to dinner parties, attending social interest events, being part of sports groups, etc. I haven't been to a gay club in about 15 years. What I miss the most is dancing. Even in my 20s I only hung out at gay places that had a dancer floor 😊
I live alone at the moment and I'm ok with that. Do I miss having great sex? Yes, of course, but want I miss the most is the one on one connection with someone special. I haven't given up. I'm always open to meeting new people to make a connection just not necessarily a sexual one at first. When you live your life with an open heart you rarely feel lonely and in that process you learn to value what you have instead of lamenting what you don't. Which makes it easier to also love yourself. Which goes a long way to not feeling lonely even when you're alone. I hope this makes sense and helps you a little. Be well.
@@renacleerican7824 at this point I'm not really lonely. And haven't been for a long time but I think that's because I've got a lot going on in my head when I was younger it might have been a different story having a pet was important back then having somewhere to place my affection and my negative experiences also made it easier to be alone I told myself often that you can't pick something up if your hands are full so while I didn't have a boyfriend I was at least free and available to experiences that presented themselves.. try to have faith.. work on yourself and respect yourself for all the effort you put into it
100% fact. Its insane how much happier I am then I was when I was younger, and I'm only in my 30s for gods sake. Avoiding the so called gay 'community' has actually done wonders for my happiness. I would never shame or bash someone who does honestly like it, but that's the thing - I've never met a happy person who is in that scene. Its all just some busy body parade and absolutely miserable people, who oftentimes hate themselves. Or at least thats been my experience.
I love your logical and empathetic perspective. I want to find a girlfriend in person,, but I isolate myself from any activities where I could meet a woman,, because I feel so lowly about myself. It's hard because I was damaged by circumstances that can only be reversed by being in positive circumstances, but the damages make me too afraid to try to be in circumstances where positive things happen. I am a hermit besides going to work
I consider myself a non-practicing homosexual. I am 38 and I gave up on practicing sexuality when I was about 30. Nothing good or lasting ever comes from it. Focus on your intellectual growth.
Wow interesting!
Im almost the same @anscobox
It's been 12 years since I've had intimacy with another man. Needless to say I now consider myself asexual. This promiscuous community doesn't want me anyway.
But the question is are you really truly happy
no more or less than if I were sexually active@@em4227
Thanks for speaking about these important issues! I can relate 100%! We can only find better ways of connecting by having these discussions! 👍
prior to these apps, gay bars sucked at least as much as the apps if not more… especially if you weren’t a drinker.. so not sure if it’s entirely the fault of the apps.
Agreed. I stopped going to bars about 3 months ago because I got tired of the toxicity in those environments. To me, it was actually worse than the apps! Too many drunk guys, very disrespectful and even if you meet a seemingly decent guy and exchange numbers, it never goes anywhere.
We should CRACK DOWN on these apps. Lobby state legislators to mandate warning labels (just like on cigarette packs) of the STI rates in your zip code when using the apps. As far as bath houses, just lobby to shutter them.
@@TwinFalls88 Yeah! Let’s make it like the Handmaid’s Tale! Then everything will be great again! Sex should be controlled by the government, so we can all be SAFE!!!
Thank you for this very well done and well thought out video. Isn't it ironic how the decriminalization of gay sex, and the legalization of same sex marriage coupled with these kinds of addictive apps lead to new forms of suffering for gay men, even in gayborhoods? It doesn't matter how much your physical appearances matches up to the unrealistic body ideals sold to us.
Great video! You’re doing the real work for the community. 🖤
This raised some really good points and was very well researched. 🎉
Yeah but he never really talked about the simplicity of all that if you have four testicles in the family things are different gays are not heteronormative we are different. And in that difference you get different types of relationships and we should grow on that not trying to be heteronormative. They statrd here that straight men don't hook up as much as gay men well obviously because women the other half aren't into that as much as men but getting back to the basics when you have four testicles in the family this is what you get. So why are we trying to give ourselves such a hard time with that reality gays are different as lesbians are different from gay men as well
@@em4227 "Guys will be guys" is not a good excuse for behaving like a wild animal and fucking hundreds of guys, especially if that is contributing to the unusually LARGE number of single and lonely gay men. How am I supposed to trust a gay guy to spend my life with if so many of them give excuses like that? When are they going to learn their actions have consequences? Consequences that affect other people! Monogamy isn't "heteronormative". I don't have "internalized homophobia" for wanting to have one partner to spend my life with. I have no sympathy for a lonely gay guy in his 40s-50s complaining about their own loneliness if they participated in this toxic hookup culture. They brought this on themselves, not straight people forcing heteronormativity on them.
I think both points are valid. I think the problem is that hook up apps like Grindr are addictive, it’s like a slot machine that can give you sex at any time. Sex can be wonderful, but I think the problem we aren’t talking about is that many men are now addicted to sex, either through hook up culture or pornography. And they’re substituting a quick high for a loving relationship, which is probably why you see so many open relationships now. Grindr essentially dehumanises men and turns them into a commodity, disposable and exchangeable. After using it for years, I can confirm it is damaging to mental health. Time to get rid.
Grindr is like a poison ivy. It destroys everything.
Like gay men?
@danielesteve8359 Short-term gratification is the best practice to turn you into a psychopath, by definition.
Yall blaming a software like is a real living entity pfff 😂😂 is the people using grindr not the app itself, how can grindr destroy nothing 😂 you are not the demographic grindr is intended for, thats it, move on 🤷
@@morelio7985 Ok, slave.
Why do we always talk about gay men? What about lesbians? Is it similar, or is their hookup culture different? I feel like it's more a male thing than a gay thing.
Lord, I can’t imagine what this life must be like to continue on for years. As a straight guy in an era where women are so hard to nail down for long, I just don’t think gay dating would even be worth it to me if that were my situation…
I'm gay and trust me, it's not worth it.
@@tkama2102 how old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?
Sadly women have been ruined by modern day feminism lol not all of us tho thankfully ! ❤
You did a really good job explaining this. But I believe it's far more wicked and sinister than we realize. I believe that you give away a piece of your soul with every hook-up and a lot of people know that the average number of partners a gay man can have could be in the hundreds or maybe closer to 1,000. I know my worth and this is why I haven't done anything for two and a half years. YES, it sucks, but I cannot allow myself to hand out my good services to people that don't deserve all I have to offer. I have always been attracted to women so maybe one day I'll get married to woman. I don't want anything to do with this wicked, evil life. Because people don't even know how to be people anymore. People are scared to talk on the phone, scared of any intense situation like they can't handle it and it's so weak to me.
When you say “wicked, evil life” what exactly are u talking about ?? Bcuz if you’re trying to say the “lgbtq life” is what’s evil and that you will be okay if u go the “straight life” then u probably need to do some more soul searching...
It’s good that you’re attracted to women. Be sure you will be faithful to her-it is a tremendous promise that cuts deep into the soul and it is the way you were designed to be. Men were made for women, their part for her part. It’s natural and wholesome and good.
Samantha oohhh no no no, you have it all wrong Samantha. For it is your fearful and mindless generation who has been brainwashed and misled. I know exactly who I am, still learning, but at least I know that the true key to happiness is by loving myself and achieving higher “godLIKE” consciousness and not by mindlessly following a male dictator that lives in the sky and was made up to control populations. It really doesn’t matter if someone is attracted to the same sex or opposite sex, bcuz all of that is merely PHYSICAL attraction. Our souls however don’t have a gender ... therefore when finding a SOULmate ... gender has absolutely nothing to do with that. Everything you know and worship is a LIE... come at me again.
M Rana and if he was attracted to men then that would be good too ... go look at what I had to say to Samantha up there 👆 cuz you need to see that shit too.
Samantha you’re right you didn’t mention god but by the way you cane for my generation, i had to defend ... and god is the biggest entity that controlled older generations, but anyway “indulging in lust at all costs” ... EXACTLY so that means STRAIGHT people too ... if you wanna talk about what’s wrong, then talk about lust as a whole ... it’s not just homosexuals and that’s what your first comment was getting at ... and of course that upset me, so you’re most definitely gonna sense my anger in that comment. Lust is not love and that’s something that straight people struggle with just as much as homosexuals ... unfortunately sexuality and love is not taught to the LGBTQ community, leading us to search for love in all the wrong places (the internet) leading us to lust ... there’s nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex ... what we need to overcome is this misconception that lust is love.
I used Grindr for about 5 years...looking for friends and intelligent conversation..plus of course, sex. About 3 years ago , on Grindr (and almost by accident) I met a 20 year old university student. We clicked and had great conversations and things rapidly became serious. And then Covid intervened....we don´t live in the same town so the enforced separation was painful, but our relation survived. We got married 8 months ago. We are monogamous and very happy. I am not a sugar-daddy, but yes, I am 73 and my husband is 23. Thank you Grindr!!!
I was glad for various reasons to get off of Grindr. At the time here in central Chile it seemed that about 80% of people on Grindr were there solely for selling drugs. I understand that now it is even worse.
That is so sweet. Remember he is still very young. Give him some free passes from time to time, he will need it.
@@timothyxosullivan please make sure you guys stay on the same page and re-evaluate your relationship status every once and a while to stay on the same page and communicate honestly, hiding any uncertain feelings will boil over and cause much hurt if left unsaid, am happy for the both of you.. 🙂
That's wonderful. As a 52 year old man I'd love a 23 year old boyfriend 😀
🤢
Trying to find a relationship on grindr is hard af (no pun intended) its just blow n go's hookups or bots I just want to settle and find love
Hey buddy. You made my day today and I want to hug you xx
This is excellent. You are unique in your insight, where as some of these other videos about loneliness are just venting.
Good for you for standing by your values. You have inspired me to take another look at myself : )
dont try to 'find love', simply BE love , starting with yourself ... this is esoteric but foundational. save yourself a lot of heartache by putting the actual 'horse in FRONT of the proverbial Cart" !
Yes, you are correct. It is a 'karma' thing. Be loving and nice to people, animals and the earth.
Very true
True ❤️❤️❤️
I think its also just because men have a higher sex drive and its easier for us to have more casual hookups bc both of us want the same thing
Exactly what I'm saying but this guy doesn't talk about that. He's still trying to keep gays by the standard of straight people. There's not a woman in the equation things are different That's why straight men cheat more than women but not as much as gay men because gay men it's nothing but men 🤪
I met a guy started a relationship and he lied to me and was using meth - He is now lonely and I’m moving on I need to meet people - Tinder is a mix bag and Hinge is better -
If you think gay relationship seekers feel lonely or rejected!? gay friendship seekers feel just as lonely. So who to blame!? to be fair both the dating apps and those who use them!!
They are worse than homophobes.for me,being gay isnt easy because of that.not because of homophobia not because of self accpeting .just because of that
Here is the thing with this type of video: What is the alternative. Sure, Grindr is problematic so where do we go.
I say facebook because that's where I met someone. Depending on your preferences, they have groups like "single gay men over 40/50" and other various targeted groups for single gay men looking for potential long-term partners.
i’m 16 and i know that i am def not old enough for grindr and i am so not experienced in hookup culture but loneliness genuinely scares me and i don’t know what i can do if i don’t have someone to love, i feel like all my straight friends girls or boys are so ahead of me and im always so behind in that category, idk where to start or where to go and i feel myself slipping from all my other friendships and myself
THIS. But honestly 16 is too young like we shouldn't be worried about all that even if our straight besties r already dating. Like we still got time and the right ones come along. Like take care of urself first and these things aint under our control so dont worry about it
Don't rush yourself.
Give time to time.
The president of grindr is a litteral supervillain by keeping the cycle going kind of iconic
It's a dangerous app for lonely people
Want true love? Get a dog.
Or cat.
😂 haha it's true... don't fall into the trap of thinking you MUST have a partner to be happy.❤