Why the Dutch don't say sorry - BBC REEL
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- Опубліковано 6 жов 2022
- The Netherlands may be a small country, but the Dutch are known for many things: cycling, cheese, coffee shops, windmills and being the tallest people in the world, but there's one thing they aren't known for... saying, 'sorry'.
Producer: Michelle Potters
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00:58 ‘I asked people from other countries…’ - second person: ‘I’m from Maastricht!’ 😂
Hilarious.
I came looking for this comment, fell of my chair laughing😂
Maastricht is in Limburg, totally different from the West of the country.
Typical people from Maastricht. They are known for their arrogance and chauvenism. Terrible people...
well in all fairness, she is the girl? friend from the Syrian fellow.
"Don't say sorry to me. Say it to the sun."
- some Dutch driving instructor
that was from an advertisement!
People who lack sorrow either conceal themselves from reality or are brutishly simplistic. If the Dutch are such, then it is indeed impertinent to express sorrow to them because they lack the depth needed to empathize. It is best to withold our feelings of sorrow for their shallowness.
@@daviddecelles8714clearly you don’t understand the Dutch. It is basically that it don’t make any sense to say sorry to a driving instructor if you make a mistake. We would typically think ‘don’t make that mistake twice’ of help to prevent making that mistake again. And a lot of Dutch are quite sarcastic (more in the West). I mean even I as a Dutch person from the East had to get used to it when living in Rotterdam, but I liked it! Directness combined with sarcasm. Nothing to do with empathy
Sometimes terminology is wrong. Excuse me - is more appropriate than "sorry" in many instances.
There are times I'd rather hear a person say to me, "I understand," after I've clarified a preference, for example. No one has to say sorry for not knowing something, nor for existing. I do dislike when someone says sorry to try to avoid the responsibility and the consequences of their actions; sorry isn't a magic word that makes everything okay.
Yes they say sorry in place of “excuse me.” Then push you aside.🤷🏻♀️
@@kimberlysoto6864 if you're getting pushed around 9/10 you're either standing somewhere you shouldn't be or you aren't aware how much of a road/path/area your blocking.
@@jesse9710 I have to screech my brakes to come to full stop to avoid someone cutting immediately across or in front of me. I am talking nose close they come to me on my way. When right behind me is a Gap of 20 yards. I don’t stand around nor Lollygag. Grocery store is another example. LEan over to pick something shelf and totally cut off by a person jumping in front. There is NO concept of personal space nor waiting YOUR turn, nor a line. Try entering a festival and or getting drinks at a bar. Elbows must be out to get your proper turn. If you live there , you probably don’t notice this is the habit.of locals . Look around with thought you will see it over and over. .
A line? Ha, forget it. What Line for your turn, non existent.
Assertiveness is in full when I am in Netherlands. 😁Coming for one of my annual event visits , my ADE WEEK IN A couple days AND FOR my space wherever I go. 😁
@@kimberlysoto6864 okay the line thing is just nonsense, I've been in this country for 25 years and the amount of times somebody jumped the line I can count on 1 hand so that is just utter nonsense and and EXTREME exaggeration. The festival part, yeah its a festival, what do you expect when there are hundreds if not thousands of people wanting to get their drinks asap while already being drunk? As to your bike/car part really depends on where in the country you are. Small village? Yeah it's rude. Big city like Amsterdam? Get over it
I'm a Dutch person, and for me personaly, saying I'm sorry is only done when you really want to apologise for something. Something you might have said that offended someone or something important you've forgotten. I think Dutch people in general are allergic to word inflation, we use certain words less often (I'm sorry, I love you, I hate this), because we feel that using these words too often degrades their meaning (word inflation). Whenever I watch American real life drama series for example I'm always suprised how the word love is thrown around so easily even with people who just met a few weeks ago.
I think a lot of other countries find American communication to be very shallow and fake.
As a Belgian, I look at this uninvolvedly but up close.
So convinced of your rightness, you rarely see a reason to apologize.
An innocent physical contact on the tram is not your fault but that of the other person. This somewhat arrogant attitude has already brought your country far. Or is it the other way around. But what are you going to say when Saint Peter asks you about the definition of modesty?
@@user-to9mm5cy6m I was actualy in Belgium this weekend, and the country is beautiful and I really like the people there. And for your information, if I bump into someone in the tram I will say sorry.
Judging someone before you've even met them as arrogant is not a moral virtue. Something to think about before you attempt to assert yourself as moraly superior.
@@XD-cr3du I judge no one, just a opinion on Dutch people from the period that I worked there. Was not looking for moral virtue, 'm not superior, hate ranking . have a nice weekend.
@@user-to9mm5cy6m You call an entire nation of people arrogant, yes you do judge.
I was not aware we did not say sorry. I’m sorry
Good comment! 😂 People don't know what they are talking about sometimes. There are always exceptions and extremes in all situations in life. I wrote a reply above yours. Tot ziens! ❤
This is so not true. Dutch people do say sorry. And I know that for I am dutch. Dutch people may be quite direct and/or frank and they mostly speak their mind. But do not confuse that with being rude or not being able to say sorry.
Compared to other cultures, you are rude and selfish. Typical, you can never admit it. Only direct when you want something.
I think what the video mean is Dutch don't say sorry when they don't feel sorry. Other cultures say sorry just for beng polite or diplomatic.
Its just you are more selfish and lack the class of other cultures.
Yep, you didn’t watch the vid right, the title is to lure you in. Sorry to say😅
Goedpraten
I would rather have a person be open and honest, than be polite to my face and talk behind my back.
they are pretty back stabbing there too..
I have just made a huge self discovery. My family is Dutch-Indo. I am the first American in my family raised by Dutch speakers. I am known to be a direct speaker. I also get impatient with long winded presentations. Now I know why!
Same here, can't stand it. Then I suppose you're not really one for outrage culture and all that victemo BS either. :p
Same, first gen Australian. Family is dutch and it makes sense
Canadian of dutch parents....drives me crazy when people beat around the bush or say what they think you want to hear....no just tell me what your thinking so we can get on with it. People my whole life say I'm rude and blunt....now i know its because its the dutch in me
Welcome to the club
Welcome to the club everyone
I am Dutch and I work in support. I do sometimes miss the real meaning of what a UK based customer says to me. Once I asked if they were happy with the answer, if all was clear, customer seemed happy to me, closed the incident in agreement, received a bad survey. I dont like to close an incident without being on the same page. So I did really miss that.
They cannot tell you that they don't like something about you or your ideas to your face. They think that lying and acting nice is more polite than just telling you their thoughts. Not all of them, of course; the working class everywhere will tell you what they think. Maybe it comes from the same place as "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."
But the Dutch aren't all that direct either. They're laden with their manners and class politics as well. As a New Yorker expat in Holland, I can say, in my experience, the Dutch might be forward compared to the rest of Europe, but not to the States, and certainly not to New York. They often search for the meaning between my lines, which are just not there; I said what I meant. And I think the answer's there: I generally don't use sarcasm. They are loaded with it. Everyone is, really, and I mean western civ at least. Maybe I'm the weirdo these days. Who knows.
That's quite bad. Creating the impression that everything's ok and just leaving a bad review online is plainly dishonest.
@@floepiejane no, that's a piece of the Dutchman in you, New York is an old colony of the Netherlands and the character of the New Yorkers has largely remained the same. The English left it that way because it works, but they thought Jan and Kees were weird. # yankees.
@@KaasSchaaf666 prove that. Lol it's wishful thinking
@@floepiejane somewhere a professor who has done research on it at a university, is of no use to you either, but I didn't pull it out of thin air.
I grew up in a Dutch household, in Canada.
I feel so awkward.
Sore-y
You probably say sorry all the time, speaking English, as a word without real meaning
Oh, so true! We Brits lived part-time in the Netherlands over 10 years or so. It taught us to laugh at ourselves, always saying sorry and being so self-effacing. We will never forget the day we heard a bus driver telling off a passenger for not saying good morning! She just walked past the driver and flashed her pass. He was not amused, and told her so. We were cowering in our seats at such a public display of direct feelings. It’s also hard for us to boldly take our place in a queue, like in a supermarket. Sometimes a nice Dutch person would tell off someone who took advantage of our hesitation. We really remember and treasure and laugh about these memories. Thanks for the video!
Haha the thing about the bus driver is so true. But it’s also not good to just flash your card and to say nothing when u entered the bus. Also the bus driver is a human being.
10 jaar in Nederland en nog geen woord Nederlands ? En dan hier zulke onzin opschrijven? Flikker toch op!
Aussie with dutch mum in the UK right now. Sometimes the talking around issues and saying sorry too much is insufferable
Dutchman here, that bit about the bus driver is very recognizable indeed. It's also a custom to tell the driver "goodbye" or "have a nice day" when you exit the bus. In some parts of the country strangers even say a polite "hello" to each other when passing each other (though this also happens in the Dutch speaking part of Belgium if I'm right). And the directness and sometimes downright bluntness of the Dutch (especially the Hollanders aka the westerners) is something that's appreciated as well as disliked by other parts of the country and of the world. Personally I prefer directness/bluntness and honesty over sugarcoating and beating around the bush, but I've seen some people who see the Hollanders' direct, no-nonsense attitude as a lack of social skills.
@@Ned-nw6ge Yes. I find being indirect very insincere and almost rude
We do say Sorry if we made a genuine mistake, we dont say sorry when we dont mean it. Thats a difference. Cause then u can get into a dialogue, and open about what ppl are feeling. Its just about directness and being open and not talking around the bush or how you say it.
Yea exactly.
Yes, but in England the environment has a huge impact on our emotions and we live very isolated that creates alot of overthinking and overeacting and depressing
@@beenishsadiq5870 Sorry to inrerrupt , I
am Canadian. We start sentences with Sorrry or excuse me. 😂😂😂
The British style of "politeness" is actually fraught with dangers. When the entire culture avoids saying anything confrontational, people start looking for hidden messages to signal disapproval in whatever others say, as if everything others say must be scanned to detect any 'passive aggressive' insults.
I have Asperger's and my brain is hard-wired to say what I mean and interpret what others say literally, and assume others do the same. I'm often left bewildered when people become angry because they think they see some criticism in what I've said -- even though the statement has a perfectly innocuous literal meaning.
One thing I think people don't know about is that Dutch is a direct language, but one that uses modal particles (I learned about them very recently). They're basically words that tell you the emotional meaning of what's being said while not blocking direct conversation. Dutch people are still direct and value honesty, but they greatly influence the way your critique/opinions/jokes are perceived.
Doe het raam open alsjeblieft (open the window please) vs Doe het raam eens open alsjeblieft (open the window please). They both technically mean the same, but the first one feels like an order/like they're angry, while the second one sounds more friendly and like they're asking you a small favor.
There are a lot of modal particles in Dutch (eens being one of them) and they all change the meaning of the sentence. They're aren't really translatable into English and people learning the language probably won't recognise them at first. There are combinations with different meanings and they get used subconsciously, but can have the conversation end up in a fight.
Doe het raam nou open alsjeblieft (sounds like an order and like you're annoyed with the person)
Doe het raam nou eens open alsjeblieft (sounds like you're annoyed and have asked them already at least once)
Doe het raam nou eens even open alsjeblieft (you've asked them several times to do a relatively small task and are starting to get kind of pissed of)
Doe het raam eens eventjes open alsjeblieft (implies that it is a small task, but you'd like them to do it quickly)
Wow nice
I'd say doe infront of a request sounds like an order either way, were as saying kan je het raam open doen sounds waaay more polite
This was helpful to me. As a Canadian who lived 6 years in Brabant, it was difficult for me to understand.
It’s the same in English. Saying „just open the window“ sounds like an annoyed command. „Could you just open the window „ sounds more pleasant.
Every language has that. Nothing special.
I wish more people were direct and clear. How much time we would save!
Oh no, they've got a bureaucracy that can send you in circles forever.
@@floepiejane That is a different subject, please don't confuse matters.
@@rientsdijkstra4266 it's not, though
@@floepiejane I am sorry, but the bureaucracy is not caused by the Dutch tendency to directness. If anything that reduces bureaucracy.
Directness, honesty and punctuality is also a way of respecting one another and showing integrity as a person. If you are not punctual, then you are not appreciative of the effort of the other person to be punctual. If you are not honest towards a person, then you are dishonest. In no way we wish to trample your feelings or self-worth, but bullshitting or lying is disrespectful. If you are not direct about some issue, then you don't take this issue seriously and you are basically wasting my time.
This is helpful, thanks. In English I would say that respect is shown by empathizing with the other person and giving them space to express themselves in a conversation, at the cost of room for one's own opinions. Punctuality is somewhat less critical.
Well actually the Dutch have a challange then to understand non verbal cues...as discussed in the video, because British ( coz they owned the world almost) and Americans (because they are self proclaimed king of the world) have had a huge impact on world and most people are not direct.. so the Dutch i think have a massive challange at hand to pick up non verbal cues.. like with the "hmm it's interesting, i will get back" example, most of the rest of the world work pick the cue that they probably not going to think of it and move forward with next steps the Dutch one may be left pursuing and hoping where as if they understood that everyone in the world is not Dutch, it would be nicer
True
I agree - I made a comment above that the Japanese operate through body language and subtleties. It is expected that you are sharp enough to pick up the cues.
I visited the Netherlands in 2016 and I was very aware of the directness of Dutch people. So, I was very prepared for "straight-to-the-point" answers 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I was OK, 'cause I knew they were not trying to hurt me. Plus, the country is so cozy and beautiful. There were happy days of vacation there!!
I agree that the Dutch are generally very direct in their communication style but people do use the word 'sorry'.
I think it's suppose that we only say sorry if we ARE. Not when we feel like we have to. In other countries, you often say sorry even if you aren't to escape conflict.
@@fseffefsfefe7996 as a dutch guy, I usually let people just walk over me and completely ignore them since it is just too bothersome to call someone out on their bs. Smiling sarcasticly agreeing with their reasoning knowing full wel im in the right, i say sorry daily bcause it saves me time not because i am.
I think the video wasn't too clear about it, but I feel it's more about using sorry as a general throw in word. If you're calling support and the line is bad, a Dutch person is more likely to say 'could you repeat that? the line broke up' rather than making it 'sorry, could you repeat that?'. It's not their fault the line is bad, so why should they apologize for having a hard time hearing what's being said, is the sentiment behind it.
Sorry, in the Dutch vocabulary, means admitting you did something wrong, or at least that whatever needs apologizing for was in your power to prevent. It also means it's more than just a mild inconvenience. Ask anyone who works in a support center that's closed in the weekends, and they'll tell you that it's always the busiest on Monday morning. It makes sense. So if you call on Monday morning and complain you had to wait longer than usual before being connected to someone, do not expect a 'sorry', expect a 'yeah, that's Monday mornings'.
And of course this is a general tendency, not a universal truth
This is a BBC video. The standard for them is saying sorry for absolutely any situation.
we use more '' Het spijt me'' because it has more and powerfull meaning to it! then sorry.
2:57 someone forgot the subtitles
Ooops. Sorry! 😋😆🤭
@@k.kangsar8305 lol
In Britain, "sorry" can be a passive/aggressive term. The use of "sorry" can often lead to a fight.
Sorry to hear that. Slap, ouch.
as can "excuuuuuuuuuuuse me"
sounds like fighting words to me.. lol
Sorry you feel that way
True,I lived in Uk for 20 years…loved it yet,one thing always let me down,most Brit’s uses sorry or apology to avoid communication
because of their fakeness
When we were on holidays in Great Britain, in 1979, we found the British people we talked to very friendly.
Example: me (9 year old kid) and my father were wandering around the country side, realizing we were a bit lost.
So my father stopped a random passing car. The English driver was very friendly and forthcoming in his directions.
After some more time walking, we stopped another car to ask for directions. Same experience.
I even said to my father, the British are rather friendly to foreigners, aren't they! My father agreed.
But perhaps this is because it was long ago and/or in the countryside? It was near Wind Mill Hill. Perhaps they were used to tourists getting lost and asking directions.
We're the tallest people in the world and look down on you.......😂
This is the most untrue BS i've seen in weeks. I would like to see what all these opinions are based on and what proof there is to this story. The Dutch don't say sorry when they don't mean it and that's the only difference. Saying that we never say sorry is just ridiculous. We even use the exact word in our language.
Those professional experts are hilarious in their simplicity. They barely rise above pub talk.
A 40 something looking Dutch woman cut me in line at the Jumbo supermarket 2 days ago.
And when I said, "Excuse me, I was next in line," she immediately said, "I'm so sorry."
And she continued to apologize, profusely, even so much as gently patting me on my shoulder, and was very kind.
Everyone I've met here in Amsterdam has been very kind. I've only met one person who could be considered rude.
Amsterdam is truly awesome.
Thanks for this look at the cultural differences in people, even when using the same language, or are so geographically close. Fascinating. :)
Its a BS video
@@tim3440 Ah, nice illustration of the typical Dutch directness!
@@rientsdijkstra4266 No problem. Love to illustrate.
As a foreigner married to Dutch and living in The Netherlands for almost 8 years, my perception is that Dutch people do say sorry when they make mistakes, they are very direct, and they can be very rude too sometimes. You dont need to comment EVERYTHING that comes into your mind and make unnecessary remarks about situations or people in a very DRY way, even if its true sometimes is better to be quiet.
Don't worry, even some Dutch people get tired of those ones lol.
That's just your opinion. Different cultures can think differently about this. Stop talking like you have the moral truth on your side. ✋️
@@nomoresunforever3695 you're the only one with a "moral truth" here.
@@floepiejane nope
@@nomoresunforever3695 Cope is spelled with a C.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but "sorry" in Dutch or German is more like a polite acknowledgment for bumping into someone in public or some minor faux pas. It's not some huge admission of guilt. The problem arises from the English word "apology" having so many meanings.
It can be used for both but it's more appropriately used for what you said first. If you did something really bad and you just say 'sorry' people can get annoyed.
Since when did the b b c use fair and frank reporting??? They pick and choose the countries to their benefit
I hope that they will stay like that! I like transparency and directness :)
wij zeggen: neem me niet kwalijk, niet vaak maar toch
I live in the Netherlands, and imho this is bulshit. Lots of times I know Dutch people talk behind other people's back, honesty my ass.
You must be living in the south.
@@MaartenVisser2920 haha in this you are correct, I live in Limburg xd
@@jumatm I suspected as much to be honest, especially Limburg.
@@jumatm Or "Limbabwe" as we call it in the North.
@@MaartenVisser2920 Strrrike,bullseye....je mag nooit meer raden,geweldig
actions speak louder than words
Excuse me! I'm a Dutch from South of the Great Rivers and known to say sorry when I apologise: "Oh, sorry!"
"Het spijt me" sounds so Calvanistic to me. But there are always "mijn excuses". Welgemeend, or not.
Then again, when there's nothing I can do about it, I often add a sentence like "[Sorry[, but I can't help it". (Ja, sorry, maar ik kan er ook niets aan doen)
And that's definately where some would reply: "then why are you saying sorry?". Out of politeness... So there you go. I do it, I guess.
Calvanistic? Well, do you not do-or fail to do- things for which you ought to be remorseful, particularly, if your misconduct or negligence actually hurt another? If so, is it not good to express that remorse to the harmed person?
@@daviddecelles8714PendelSteven tried to explain the difference in culture between the North (dominant Protestant area) and South (dominant Catholic area).
Cherish the directness of the Dutch! Say what you think and mean what you say. Excellent! Sounds like they are the global example to follow.
Reality is often complex, subtle, nuanced and ambiguous. How does one express such reality "directly?" "Direct" speech often betrays the speaker to be simplistic, brutish and insensitive. Are the Dutch such?
@@daviddecelles8714 I disagree but perhaps we have different definitions of direct. To me it means do not expect others to know what you think, do not obfuscate and do not "put off" by redirection.Maybe one simply needs more expansive vocabulary. Native english only speaker so perhaps other languages don't have the nuance available in the english language.
Yes, the dutch are the epitome of human evoltuion. Lol, please listen to yourself. If they weren't emotionally constipated like most northern european countries, I'd humor your idea.........but a big chunk of this directness comes from them just being a colder people too.
@@daviddecelles8714 I really appreciate your considered thoughts, and style of writing. I'm thinking that the (straight-forward, saying-it-like-it-is) Dutch might miss the implication and think: 'Why did you end with a question?'
@@tarajoyce3598 I agree, certainly be clear. The Dutch vocabulary is rich and nuanced; it is the user that needs to avail themselves of this. I have a family member whose humour is brilliantly delightful because he has an unique grasp of how to encapsulate a lot of subtle meaning within a few words (direct) -- a refined gift.
The Japanese are the polar opposite of the Dutch when it comes to being "direct". So its fascinating hearing some Dutch people here speaking about their interactions with Brits when it comes to doing business with them Because it seems Brits use more nuanced language. This is certainly *more* the case in Japanese culture as being "direct" or "to the point" is potentially confrontational or comes across as rude or obtrude etc. One needs to "read" the situation.
In my experience the English are just fundamentally dishonest and uncivilised.
Funny enough the dutch have a trading relation with the japanese that goes back ~400 years :)
Lol thanks for spending the time to create and share this content
They say *less* sorry than british, french or even german (I grew up and lived in all these countries), but they do say it regurarly.
I often say to people around me, regardless of nationality: "You don't have to say sorry for that, it's all fine. We're all just humans."
“Het spijt me”, even my English husband says that when saying it is appropriate. So when you are really, really sorry. Usually that also means that further communication is required.
Je bent helemaal gek.
Dutch people must completely freak out when they go to Canada and hear “Sorry!” every couple of minutes in a conversation.
New Yorkers got this from the Dutch. We are so much more direct than the rest of America.
That would make sense. I really ought to visit NYC again.
Famous New York "places" have Dutch origins:
Harlem => Haarlem
The Bronx => Bronkhorst
Flushings => Vlissingen
Walstreet => Walstraat.
@@obimk1104 Absolutely and a bunch Upstate: Rensselaer, Kinderhook, Ghent, etc. The streams are “kills” and certain words such as cookie, stoop and boss. The Dutch influence in architecture is all around the Hudson Valley, too.
@@julieb750 Brits had a swearname for Americans derived from populair Dutch First names: Yankees => JanKees
@@obimk1104 Yankee was a slur for the Americans that the British soldiers used during the French & Indian War. They thought the colonists were rubes and made fun of them. Americans took ownership of it and it became a patriotic term. Of course NYC’s baseball team is named for it. And Knicks is short for Knickerbockers, another Dutch term. So much Dutch influence in New York State and City. Commerce, language, names, directness, architecture, religion, etc.
Sorry needs to be sincere, otherwise don't say it. It would sound Sarcastic
Directness or phallologic (literally 'piercing-knowledge'), 'to get to heart of the matter', 'to not mince words', 'to not prevericate', 'to not skirt around the issue.' etc. is a mark of all Western civilisation and patriarchy generally, though Dutch culture is most direct or, as we say, straight-through-sea (recht-door-zee)
you really had to add "patriarchy" there 🥱
they say what they mean and they mean what they say
It's a nice clickbait title but it's not true. Dutch people do apologise. It is true that we are direct, at least people in bigger cities like Amsterdam, Rotterdam, The Hague, Utrecht etc. In areas further away from the west/ bigger cities, people are usually less direct. But in general, I think Dutch people do care more about getting the message across than they care about the other person's feelings. Which can cause communication problems with the rest of the world :P
But we don't mind really what other people think,we are very assertieve
😄 That's how their boats reached far coasts, 'sorry' but I need to pass ;-) because my family has been drowning back home and our oldest brother doesn't want to share our father's heritage with his many siblings. Communication may be a 'survival and trade strategy' that can be drawn too far sometimes ? Just guessing, this was an interesting video.
Neither do the Danes! I was shocked when I lived there for a while. I thought it was rude but when it was explained to me, I got it.
I think other countries just say sorry to easily.
We just don’t overapologize
I like that tradition straight forward, transparency and honesty because the indirect communication is full of hypocrisy and betrayal which makes the community worsen.
Sorry but that's just nonsense. I've lived in the 🇳🇱 for half my life and Dutch people definitely say sorry. In fact it's a very common phrase that you can hear daily wherever you go.
It's a communication style. That's all it is. Nothing to do with the actual intent or niceness or character or Dutch being inherently rude or assholes. Just as we learned in school to write English emails or letters with 'would you' or 'if you would be so kind', start a sentence with 'I'm sorry to ask', etc. We don't do that in Dutch.
Well a lot of dutch people use certain phrases for politeness as well, such as "Mag ik u iets vragen?". But maybe that illustrates even better that it's probably more of a communication style indeed.
@@B0K1T0 Yes, or what I often use: Zou je dit of dat kunnen (of willen) doen?
And as finishing touch, God created the Dutch 🌷💐
We don’t say it, if we don’t mean it.. if I’m wrong I’ll say it..
I'm an American married to a Dutch man and living in the Netherlands. The people are direct and sometimes blunt. It has helped me in the long run because I'm shy at heart. My husband has hurt my feelings on many occasions in the beginning of our relationship. I was even more hurt when he didn't apologize. But now that I know these things about the culture it takes the sting out. He says"sorry" in a formal way and "het spijt me" when he is truly sorry. But more than that he shows he is truly sorry by his actions. He may bring chocolate, flowers or have fish night or buy other nice gifts. He is a wonderful man with a big heart! ❤❤❤
Yes. No beating around the bush. Wysiwyg.
@@DRnova2023 I am Dutch.
In het Nederlands wordt ‘sorry’, een Engels woord, gebruikt als zwak excuus, zonder enige betekenis. Wanneer Nederlanders hun excuus menen, dan zeggen zij ‘het spijt me’.
I think in many situations the Dutch admit their mistake and saying 'sorry' that way is implied. So Dutch can be indirect in that way as well.
British can go overboard taking the blame even if it's not their fault just to be polite or defuse/diffuse the situation. The Japanese do this even more so.
As a Dutch i only say sorry if i mean it. If i said it to fast i will come back to you and say that i actually did not even mean it. I don't know if thats wrong, i just don't play games and like to keep it real with someone.
I'm Dutch but I have no issue with saying sorry even when I don't mean it.
If it makes the other side happy and means there won't be a confrontation, who is complaining?
However, in those rare situations where I am truly sorry and apologize, I do tend to react rather aggressively when the other side says something
'Huh it's too easy to say sorry.'
*I SAID I WAS SORRY*
And then they should be grateful for still being in one piece.
Thank you for the video. I just moved to the netherlands and the directness is my biggest culture shock. They keep it real here but at customer service level, they drop the bomb on u sometimes, esp the older generation, rudeness cannot describe it, it sounds like they have no empathy nor care of the misfortunate that occurred while using the service. Dont get me wrong, there is alot of pros here but bluntless translates to indirect messages for most people from warm cultures.
sorry for that but we Dutchies all love you 🤗🤗🤗
In no time you will learn to use the same directness to tell them off. Just a properly executed "Excuse me!?! ( Pardon!?!) will show them that you will now cower for them and that you're standing up for yourself. Strangely enough that will have you gain some respect in their eyes. In general, I crack jokes left and right, quickly creating that sense of comraderie which always helps me to get what I want from them.
Don't think that you will be perceived as rude when you tell those people off. Just say that they are rude and that you refuse being their punching bag just because they're having a bad day. A few times I've even said to certain people that they should consider getting another career because their current ones wasn't it with their nasty attitude. It always shuts them down when you act aloof, calm, and collected. If that doesn't help, demand speaking to a co-worker.
And now you also know why the Dutch love to cuss so mch. We can't stand rudeness. Directness isn't rudeness, keep that in mind.
All in all, most people - Dutch or not - don't like real confrontations, but one must be ready for moody people in order to survive emotionally. Hence why the Dutch often say, "Doe effe normaal, zeg!" (Act normal/behave yourself): it's the main reminder to the other person that they're being a jerk.
And on the positive side: when a Dutchie ask you how you're doing, thay actually mean it and are interested in your well-being. Don't say you're fine while they can tell you're not. It's okay to tell the truth, that you're not feeling well or having a rough day: they will show you compassion and will try to comfort/support you any way possible.
The thing is that the people from other cultures who are sugar coating their words more are not necessarily more empathic. Only difference is that they have learnt different ways of being not-empathic. And the advantage of the Dutch way is that it offers the other person an opportunity to react (as @myafelicia describes), where as in the English way the lack of empathy will remain undetected and can fester on (like the anecdote somewhere else in this stream of a service employee who thought her customer was content, only to receive a bad review...).
I'm curious, this 'warm culture' you mentioned in opposition to the Dutch culture, is that a nice thing to say to Dutch people or is it actually also rude?
*@lilyhk701* You're entirely correct about the lack of empathy in our so-called 'Customer Services.'
I used to commute by train on a daily basis so I had a Chipkaart.
When the card was nearing its expiration date, I thought it was time to request a new one.
When I called the Dutch railways (NS), they couldn't help me because the NS abonnement had a chipkaart and for that I should contact OV-Chipkaart, a different company. NS customer service were friendly, no complaints.
However, when I finally reached OV-Chipkaart, the lady on the phone told me that my current card would be invalidated as per direct and I would receive a new card
after a full week!
I asked, but how am I supposed to travel in the mean time?
The woman told me, very bluntly, I don't know, buy a ticket?
- edit: my then employer reimbursed my travel expenses but only for the usage of the card, not for buying seperate tickets -
I felt very disappointed as a Dutchman, thinking and hoping that if I called before my card expired, they could fix it so I would receive a new card when my current one expired. But no, my 'reward' for calling in time was that my card was immediately invalidated and I had to wait 7 days for the new card.
In the end, it got even worse. After waiting for a full week, I called OV-Chipkaart again to inform them I had not received my new card yet.
I don't remember them giving any explanation or even an apology. But I finally received my new card two days later.
So it was possible to get me new card in less than a week after all.
But due to OV-Chipkaart's incompetence and complete lack of empathy, I got my new card 9 days after making the first call.
I’m English and say what I think and feel and people are surprised by it. Bring direct saves so much time and misunderstandings
I'm English too, Sorry.
True, I'd rather hear the truth than being lied to. In the end you will find out and that's frustrating
I'm Indonesian. The Dutch do say sorry. They were the first to apologize for their colonial "mistakes". Not only the government, the Royal family too. And not just through a spokesperson, the King himself apologized...in Indonesia.
Now we enjoy a very close relationship.
But that is because we love Indonesia :) Back in the day the politics screwed it up.. and that is something the Indonesians and the average duch knows it too. If certain persons weren't that greedy, it all would be different..
@@xXTheoLinuxXx yes you do! Now apologize to the other colonies as well
You must be so happy belanda lover
❤
That was one heck of an insincere, stuttering apology. Means nothing to me. Glad it works for you, though.
My father was raised by his Dutch born grandparents. He NEVER EVER apologized for anything, and being human, he had a lot of apologizing to do. I don't attribute his lack of apologizing to his heritage, but rather to his raging narcissism (narcissists never apologize). He was very direct in his communication, and this was a good thing, but never apologizing - not good.
Id take narcists over fake politeness any day.
@@p4l4d1n7 lol, you can't mean that........unless you are a narc yourself.
What about body language? The expert says that Dutch people find it hard to understand whether English people are really interested or not, but to me (as an English person who has travelled a lot), it seems obvious that body language would provide the answer.
I’m not trying to be mean or anything, just genuinely curious. I studied linguistics at Uni and find things like this fascinating.
Finally a British person giving her opinion in a direct way and then she finishes her statement with the words: "I'm not trying to be mean or anything." Sounds like a sorry to me... As a direct Dutch person I would never say that after giving my opinion. I don't even understand to whom you are talking to when you say you are afraid to be mean. Mean to whom? Or is this just some random phrase that British people always say without thinking about it?
"We can both speak English, but it doesn't mean we get the real message"
I felt this a lot, I have spoken in Dutch with other L2 speakers from Uruguay, Thailand, Australia, Finland... and they all understand the Dutch communication style. We can apply this to English too, due to the ease of translation, however there are still a few rare Dutch words that throw me off as a native English speaker. One is "Pech" which I heard when I was struggling, and the other is "Hallo!" which was often more sarcastic than polite. "Toch" and "Gezellig" are easy in comparison.
I didn't understand that thing at 3:54. What do they mean by that terrace and noone showing up and having to confront people until they come?
The terrace is the patio outside of a restaurant where you can sit -- as long as you like -- enjoying your coffee, wine or beer and you practically have to beg the waiter/waitress if you can have the tab in order to pay. =) They don't rush you at all.
Maastricht
what planet is that?
This explains me and my dad, because my dad is tall sort of he’s like 6 feet tall and he told me once not to apologize for who I am I think he said that and I am very direct. I feel like a spartan sometimes with how short and concise I am with my words and I am not good with words because I have to be short, concise and direct and exact and articulate which I am and but I’m also, not. I catch myself saying sorry not sorry more often nowadays
Love the Dutch, love their philosophy on life! X:)
I need to move to Netherlands. I am so direct and kind.
Directness as a reason to move there? Yes, likely; but 'kindness?' May want to re-think that one. Nothing especially kind about the Dutch.
We say sorry , sorry this a fals info video . I’m dutch and I do say always sorry
When we say sorry, it means sorry.
Would it be so clear if the rest of the world do so too. To us it is rude to beat around the bush the whole time. Don’t waste people’s time.
I spent six month in the Netherlands on an internship from the UK. Lets just say I learnt very quickly about the "Dutch Directness" 😁
I'm so sorry for myself only 🤣
They have a word for it though,
het spijt me
Dutch people are direct, but by no means as direct as the Israelis. They are the champions in my humble opinion.
Greetings from Belgium, where we are not direct at all, we like to "turn around the pot" 😁.
I remember having heard people say "alstublieft" in a number of situations.
Because we are always right!
This is true for city people
we do say sorry :) and as always also in the Netherlands there are people who say sorry a lot and people who won't. As well as being direct. I am very direct, but my partner is not. And he says sorry even for things he doesn't have to. But nice video anyways ;)
This is how it really is.
I live in the UK and I’m so used to say thankyous and sorrys all the time. In fact, I say sorrys even when I’m not sorry. 😂 It’s not hard to get some Brits might struggle to get used to this.
I've always found Dutch people really nice to talk to and deal with. I never found them blunt or rude but my perspective is from an Australian.
Oh boy so true😂
'Sorry', 'Great', 'Amazing', 'Love', 'Hate', 'Best' and 'Worst' are all terms that should be used very carefully and NOT inflationary otherwise they completely loose their meaning.
Direct and honest communication is way more efficient and less prone to any types of misunderstanding
Our state and society pretty much existed from trading and making deals for centuries, it has influenced our culture a lot since then and at the time we were known to be very honest and direct. Sometimes close to coming over rude, we don’t like nonsense.
So in sort, being direct helps when dealing environmental pressures, while being manipulative helps when dealing with people.
In the Irish language, there are no words for "yes" and "no". As a result, we are generally quite indirect in our communication, with the other person often left to decipher what the speaker means. I imagine that the Netherlands may well present a culture shock in this sense to some of my compatriots.
Why are you guys so retard?
@@n.m4497 The word is “retarded”, dear. And try not to throw stones in glass houses.
Is Maastricht a foreign country now? 😅
Maastricht is foreign they don't even speak proper Dutch, they make all of the province of Limburg look stupid
It is on the border!
Their King said sorry to Indonesia actually for centuries of colonization..
It’s still more than the British queen did
All over the world there are groups of people that dont know how to say sorry or that have no sorry culture, this depends on how your parents have raised you.
Some say sorry and mean it
Some say sorry and dont mean it
It depends on the situation, and the person and his or her upbringing.
It is not something typically Dutch.
I am Dutch and I say sorry regularly. So do the people around me.
@@queenofnoonesheart that should have been my reply. But short was never my strong side
Sorry
I once went to a library in London during Covid times. The infodesk guy told me that the library was closed and I asked him why it still says it was open on internet. I had to hear 2 minutes of excuse and I was confused. Because I didn't think i owed an apology and I just wanted to understand the reasoning behind closing the library. I had to tell him that he doesn't have to apologize for it and that I just wanted to know why. The worse experience was with English recruiters, they always have nice words but are not professional: they don't give feedback, they don't call you back if there was a negative outcome and most of the time they are clueless. There is a tendency among non-English speakers to think that English people know much due to their beautiful accent and their mannerism but reality is different.
Error in reply:
Because I didn't think i owed an apology
*should have been:*
Because I didn't think I *was owed* an apology.
I think, like they say in the video, sorry is more for small things.. like, I say sorry when I bump into someone, but 'Het spijt me' means 'I feel remorse about this' (or at least it should), so that is more serious. But yeah, just say you are sorry when you are actually sorry and stop using it as a meaningless ploy to fill up silence or to get rid of people
I would love Dutch culture. I am South African British, Irish and European ancestry, but the British culture comes through strongly. Be polite and don't say what you think. I really hate that. I think Germans can be quite direct too. I prefer direct and to the point. I hate reading between the lines.
Yeah and I think it’s more polite to just tell your feelings, save time and don’t waste it with not telling your feelings.
Only difference I have experienced is that Dutch people tend to have more patience with non native speakers than German. When I am in Germany they do not even seem to try to slow down talking in there native language what makes it really hard to understand.
What are you talking about. We say sorry all the time.
“the dutch don’t say sorry”
indonesian peeking in the corner
The big difference is more like how the word sorry is used. We use it when we did something wrong and we know it. Like when i walk on the street looking at my phone and knock someone, sorry you then say. If that person falls and hurts himself you say sorry, het spijt me ( i am really sorry)
But not when someone says, my dad is sick, in many countries they respond with, i am sorry. We don't do that. Because it is not our fault, i did nothing wrong.
So, only sorry if we did something wrong.
I imagine dutch people suffering in Japan to the extreme, because in Japan speech is far more covert and indirect than it is in English or any other European culture. I'm from central Mexico were the communication is very indirect and we have great awareness of hierarchy and I still find difficult to navigate Japanese culture, so for the Dutch must be like a hellish nightmare.
What you see, what you hear, is what you get!! Honesty.
Coming from Canada, we do say sorry a lot but I think the rest of the world has a misunderstanding to why we say it. In 2009, the federal government past the apology act to protect a person from taking blame of a situation because the real reason why Canadians say sorry a lot is actually on the other persons behalf. It's a nice way of saying the other person is a fault without blaming them.
We can do that do. But we say something like. I am really sorry but I think you are wrong because of bla bla. So still direct.
For foreigners that struggle with directness it’s also our gateway to transparency and openness. Imagine that your are not direct and not know what you are up against. It’s a different culture for sure, but I always says you know what I am about. There’s no facade or anything. It’s just me. It should provide more trust to foreigners as well in that sense
Someone forgot to subtitle the Dutch guy in green at 2:58
As dutch people we have a lot of autism that hasnt been diagnosed lol
Hello Cj, how are you doing today.
Even when it is crystal clear to me that someone means the opposite of what they say, I go with their words. I am then confused in my willful ignorance until they finally say what they actually meant in the first place. Once finally on the same page, THE ANSWER IS NO....even if it wasnt a yes or no question. Be direct or be denied!
That's all...