I mean these people are selfish enough to hurt a relationship and be hurt when the face consequences. I think I'm selfish deep down, but that's just materialistic greed like food, games, and money.
That's not even the craziest part. Family thinking OP is wrong for not forgiving her and working on the "relationship" is really out of left field. In what world is it ever the responsibility of the victim in a cheating situation to mend and forgive what the cheater did?
"People think I'm evil for not giving my wife a chance." And why isn't SHE concerned evil for having an affair for 2 years?! "People make mistakes." No. If it was a "it happened and I came forward with it" kind of thing, MAYBE. But *TWO YEARS* is NOT "a mistake."
How dare he. He had a loving wife that cheated on him for ONLY 2 years, the audacity of divorcing just because your wife was taking another dick for ONLY 2 years. Ugh, i'll never understand these people.
It happened once, unplanned, had substances involved, and they told me with no lies involved. That would be the only things that would even qualify for a chance in my book. After that, it comes down to me and what I feel after some time
@@C.G.Gaster the only real reason you can try to work out cheating is when it was done againts cheating partner's will... even when it comes to substancess a lot of cases actually do not warrant a second chance because your partner used those specifically to reduce or completely remove inhibitions that would keep them loyal. Anything else is a direct message that your partner made a decision to abuse you... and even when we are talking about substance fueled one night stands... the decision was there the moment they decided to put themselves in such an environment without you and actually partake in the substancess.
@@knightsolaire8192 that's precisely why they have to meet a checklist, and meet all criteria to even get me to consider things. Cause as sad as it is, there might be times where drunk/drugged out side sees stuff differently. That's also why they have to be honest about it and not lie. Then ill be patient and consider of there were any signs before hand. If there were no outright signs, and it was only once, and they were blackout drunk, I had it in my heart to forgive them, and if I saw actual change and remorse. It would still be a chance. Cause as someone I saw post, cheating is like breaking a vase, you can put it back together but it's not the same. Hell I'd put a vase someplace that says trust and leave it there for out in the open. Then if I'm ever cheated on, I would break it and leave a note or say if you can make this good as new, no cracks or anything, I would consider it. Yes it's cruel, but if you cheat like ops wife. I'm gonna burn it down, and literally leave you to pick up the pieces.
@@C.G.Gaster The only absolute circumstance where its a good idea to work out after infidelity, DESPITE THE CIRCUMSTANCES, the honesty, involvement of substances, even abstinency, if the REASON. It does not matter if it was a one-nighter, girl was a bit drunk and desperate, and the day after broke down realizing the mistake and coming forward. If they did it because they felt better with their new parter, or because they find YOU lacking and wanted something better, thats an absolute NO. Its just plain, water clear proof that they're not happy, or at least, fully satisfied with you. Both outcomes would be worst-case scenarios. She either cheats again in the future after understanding she's just not satisfied, or out of fear/guilt commits herself to a relationship where she will leave miserably for the rest of her life, resisting temptations, and thus making the relationship suck as a whole. If the cheate genuinely cannot find a reason for cheating, not even trying to make out excuses, unless there were substances involved, its a green light in my book. Thats the only context where the "mistake" explanation actually makes sense. Maybe it was curiosity, and they realized it was disgusting (Has nobody honestly ever gotten huge temptation to try something, then realize its awful? I have.) or a shit ton of reasons that only therapy and CO-MMU-NI-CA-TI-ON can bring up. But one thing is clear. If they have a reason for it, and you're 100% sure its NOT your fault (Cant really blame it when betraying an all-work no-fun husband, even tho i prefer talking issues rather than cheating) then its better for you to drop it. It just means its not meant to be.
@@sneediumminer i mean it was 2 years and their daughter is 15. I'm not saying it's impossible, but unlikely. And even so, he's still their dad. He would still be the man that raised, loved, supported, and cared for them. To me that's stronger than any blood bond. Though yes it would point out how sh**ty she was if they weren't his.
Imagine hiding your affair and denying any wrongdoing while criticising the one you cheated on for being in contact with someone who also got cheated on. You get told it’s only to talk and support each other emotionally, but that’s to much since you can only think about a revenge affair? All while you state that your affair was “only sexual”? Brother, Run!
@@chrisbealonis4655im late but from how she talks I think the wife and him were lovers but like romantical lovers tbh when you see how she refers to him not only sexu1lly but also both of them were maybe secret dating or something like that
She didn't regret the affair. Just by the way she says it made her feel, she clearly didn't regret it. She only regrets the outcome. Ah so she'll coax him into sex then use it as 'proof' for 'reconciliation attempt'.
In every single one of these stories it always seems like the marriage counselors are on the cheaters side. Like.... "not able to listen to logical reason" ??? SHE CHEATED ON HER HUSBAND FOR 2 YEARS.
That's what I thought too, how come when the wife cheats she was in psychological distress, but the husband is somehow at fault here? I'm sure being drowned in petty pleasure for two years surely was just a healthy coping mechanism.
My guess is that bias is there. Idk this therapist or counselor, but it sounds like they don't actually aid in improving the person and just put a patch over the issues. Saying they victim of cheating to forgive, well what's the purpose to make the Client "feel better" and start the road to recovery? Cause that is my only other guess besides bias. I get these places will have bias on some level. Idc who you are, you have a bias that influences your decisions. Like when you go down the list, do you like/support/ believe x or y more is always on that list. Even if it's not, x and y influence that list since it's the first thing to be put there, and you just expand it. And u lost track of this. Oh well I'm not retyping it and gonna give people (hopefully) something to think about.
@@sneediumminer I think its a more ingrained biased that women need more aid than men. It's a horrible one that I see is slowing being changed. All things take time, and it won't ever be fully fixed.
I'm glad OP highlighted the gaslighting, abuse and neglect as additional fuel for the divorce. That often gets overlooked in affair situations in favor of the obvious, main crime of betrayal. Mommy didn't just break a promise to daddy. Mommy treated daddy like garbage for two years.
As a kid of a mother who cheated on her husband while their kids were fully in the know, i can guarantee you, she has ruined my trust in women for life. its a constant struggle. Even if you are completely truthful about jealousy and misstrust with your partner, it still does hurt just to feel that way and impact the relationship negativly in a profoundly unproductive way - without even acting on the feelings and thoughts at all.@@deathrager2404
I think that is the main point of the whole ordeal. If she remained caring and didn't project hostility towards him, a little slip like a one night stand could be spared for a life long effort of redemption. A two year long fucking around? That's like trying to fit the cube in the circle hole. I dunno, I'm not religious, but if a god came down from the heavens and told me she is determined enough to the point where it's either be good or go to hell to exist in a dimension made out of onion fumes for all eternity, then I might actually disregard my resentment and make the a tiny bit of effort for her. And I expect to be treated like I'm made out of meteorite ore.
It’s not better. It’s worse. And they know that, they’re just saying anything and everything they can think of to try to wriggle out of what they have done. Busted cheaters are like drowning people, desperately flailing for anything to save themselves.
Well the idea is that she was just selfish and still loved him. It doesn't even need to be gaslighting, it's a self-justigying escapism tactic, because while they understand they did wrong, they can't come to the conclusion that they're morally in decline yet. Saving the marriage is idealistic, but at this level of selfishness they were probably falling back on whatever reasoning they used to justify their actions, at least for the first few months. The years after it became habit.
OP needs to remove himself from many of the people in his life. How the hell are you a "bitter, resentful" person if you refuse to forgive your partner for stepping out on you and completely disrespecting your marriage?
Why does he need that? What does it mean? That he will be better off? Does not sound that way, his wife likely will be serving his every desire for years. Who says another relationship will be better?
@@lavrikmaksim1814 Yeah, sure, his ex wife would have been willing to enter that extremely unhealthy dynamic of near absolute servitude, but is it really so wrong to chose not to reconcile over something that severe? He was betrayed, emasculated, and abused by her until the discovery of the affair and serving of divorce papers. Anyone who questions a decision that is exclusively yours to make, should be removed or taken down a peg. It is your life, you get to choose who is in it and how close. Do not spend your life with people who have hurt you.
Yea, I agree 1000% anybody who thinks one who is cheated on is in the wrong are not only despicable but enablers and deserve whatever bad happens to them, they deserve to know how it feels to have your life turned upside down and be betrayed by the one person who's supposed to be there for YOU through "sickness and health, for good and for worse", ext, cheaters are almost NEVER remorseful, but if they are then they should leave the person they cheated on alone. Fix themselves and try again with a completely different person who has no ties to the victim, if there's ties, they're still a pos because it means the victim is losing another person.
the cheater wife is only ""remorseful"" because she fears that the other more attractive woman will steal him from her. If the other woman was ugly, you wouldn't see her this desperate.
And the worst thing here is she feels no one has to steal him from her but didn't feel like to stay faithful to him. I want to be my husband as close to me as he can but I want the freedom to do whatever I want without consequence because why not ?
@@supergonzales8257i have been cheated on before and i want to add it's absolutely crazy how these people think you're just like them and go into relationships almost expecting to be cheated on then proceed to do it themselves... my ex always used to say "i am so lucky to have you, you're such a great guy and i am really scared of losing you" and id add "how so dont i do enough(show enough affection and such) to make you feel safe?" and it would end with "i am just soooo scared of being cheated on you know..." yeah, that is a red flag for you guys, just so you know. mainly if they actually havent been cheated on before and it seems completely irrational of them to believe they will be cheated on. after that relationship i did one month of fighting and then i got really sick/grandma died/really important school year came around and i suddenly dont even have time for my hobbies, in all honesty it's been a bit of a down spiral with a friend constantly being suicidal and such too, sorry for going off the rails with this just ... i dont even know can't really express much of anything to the people in my life
Lol she essentially created a self-fulfilling prophecy. By always expressing insecurity about her, I feel like she continually pushed her husband away and planted the seeds of a future relationship between the him and OBS.
It's pretty satisfying that the OP ended up with the woman who was also cheated on, that he's so in love with her and happy, and is finally having his needs fulfilled by someone who actually desires him. I'd say being with the woman that his ex was so insecure over for being younger and an actual model or whatever is sufficent retribution. Also keeping the kids happy and going out of his way to deal with the ex maturely. Overall very well played.
Ex-wife: *scared OP will have a revenge affair with the woman * OP: *starts dating the woman after banging her the same day they divorced so it wasn't an affair *
@@uselessmoron6947 Yeah it all seems to work too well. Then again, one in 7 billion people will surely find themselves in this situation. But the other girl being super hot and really fun and into him, the other guy (who's essentially the opponent of OP) failing miserably while OP does great, the whole storytelling and what things he focused on. On the other hand, these posts were probably years apart, so really who tf would care to entertain a reddit community for that many years with a fake story?
This is one of the best from the ashes storys i have ever heard. OP really came back stronger then he ever was, and plus he wasn't petty enough to completely destroy his cheating ex-wifes life. Bravo OP Bravo
@@Zathren Just because you can doesnt mean you should. Especially when kids are in the picture. Sometimes its better to suck up the pain and be mature about things.
It's common with women to be unable to accept responsibility. Even when they do try to do so, it always comes with caveats. There's always that "You should" that slips in there.
@@trolioharambe2031 bold of you to make it a gender thing against women when Andrew Tate is able to literally scam thousands by spouting bs double standards about how its ok for men to cheat but it's bad when women do it... so who can't accept responsibility for their actions again? When it comes to cheating (regardless of gender), it's disgusting behavior from someone who is being dishonest in a very deep way. So, given that they're constantly being dishonest, it tracks that that same type of dishonest person is going to also be dishonest about themselves and say whatever lie or manipulative tactic they can to avoid the consequences. Are there ways that some will use to make this a gender issue? Obviously, given your comment (sidenote: gay couples can also experience infidelity. The straights don't have a monopoly on that). But it's not a matter of gender and debasing it to that is disrespectful of the overall issue. Do better.
Really hate when people say "it was just a mistake you can fix it" throw it back at them "so you would immediately forgive your spouse of an affair because if not f*ck off!"
What's even more gross is the fact that she sounds like (given what OP said) she was a very selfish partner, sexually. OP always initiated, OP always put in the effort... and yet she still has the audacity to say she cheated because she felt wanted by OM. Like, ma'am, maybe this has always been a you problem.
"...the affair was definitely a fantasy and would never last" HAHA yet *2 years* OP was more than right for saying she's only sorry she got caught haha
2 years is not a mistake, it's an ongoing choice and a decision to continue. She really is only sad she got caught. She would have been happy to continue the affair if there were no consequences.
If someone proceeds to insult you when they get caught, that’s a good indication that they aren’t truly remorseful about what they did to you. Someone that is truthfully sorry is not going to further berate you and tear you down, nor will they try to guilt you into staying. They will recognize that their actions caused you pain, and won’t want to add further to that pain. If this is their reaction when you tell them you are leaving, especially if they didn’t confess _until_ they got caught, run.
That makes zero sense. The natural reaction to critique is opposition. The more the accusations hit us, the more we oppose them. It takes a while to realize what's happening. But insulting someone when they criticize you means that what they're saying truly affects you. If it doesn't, you wouldn't start insulting them. Or do you usually insult people randomly for no reason?
@@LuLeBe wait….what? So you are saying that insulting someone after you’ve cheated on them is a good thing because it’s according to you “a natural reaction” ? Please explain it to me because i had a mini stroke trying to understand what you are trying to say 💀
@@takidsage1515this guy's literally here trying to explain why getting defensive/lash out when faced with honest and fair criticism of said actions is normal... it's not normal for emotionally mature well adjusted adults... it's actually quite the opposite. So, this dude is either 12 or very much in need of some therapy and maybe a new social circle of, like, actually emotionally healthy adults.
I find it amusing and horrifying in equal measure that everyone around this man keeps gaslighting him into believing the woman didn't treat him with utmost disdain - she didn't respect or love him, and she rebuffed every attempt he made to repair the marriage prior to serving her. If she loved him, she wouldn't have treated him like an unwanted stranger in his own home. She chose to change only when compelled by the papers.
The big lesson here is that you never should give yourself for free. He didnt put any price tag on his love... so she had enough time to get some more on the side. Only when he said that he is no longer going to perform his duties did she try to buy his love with her own... but at this point her love was worthless to him.
To this day I don't understand cheaters one bit, they cheat on their partner non-stop, they lie to them, they act cold and cutting with them, and when their partner finds out they start crying and asking for a second chance like if they deserved it. If it made them so sad, why the hell did they cheated on them in the first place? And they also have the nerve to blame their partner for find it out.
I think its just a case of feeling invincible, they got away once then twice then they feel like its all good. People are incredibly good at lying to themselves, so she probably legitimately felt remorseful afterwards after she realized consequences of her actions. Especially if she loves her kids she also probably realized that it affected them too.
I kinda always presumed it to be low-key a case of "you didn't want that thing you have when you had it, but the moment it's gone or someone else has it, suddenly it's the most important thing ever". Which is understandable with little sentimental items... less so when its actual relationships with actual people. It's taking their partner for granted. And tbh, it will never not give me satisfaction when those types of people inevitably lose that relationship they took for granted.
It's probably got a lot to do with their ego. A lot of cheaters admit they love the chase, so when their partner who has been chasing them all this time suddenly pulls away & rejects them, they worry they'll lose their biggest source of ego fulfillment.
@imnotyourvillainThey can ask for divorce or if there husband okey with it they can add some spicy stuff to there relationship to make alive and sparky with out need for third parties or cheating.. they are selfish cuz every marriage goes on shity phases.
Honestly even if he had a "revenge affair" would it even be an affair? She knows he's not taking her bs anymore and is leaving so why would she have the right to be mad by the consept
mental gymnastics. like when you hear of a cheater not having sex with their spouse because somehow it's cheating on their AP. Or cheaters look for evidence of cheating from their spouse. or the fact they only spend time in bed with their AP but somehow the AP knows them better then the full blown relationship they had with their spouse. It only makes sense in their heads because it's desperate, cheaters aren't usually full blown psychopaths. they do have to convince themselves they're not all that bad.
It is still an affair but lets be honest he doesn't seem like he wants that and it's 100% her projecting. If he wanted a revenge affair they would have had one already .
@@Tikiri266 after the divorce. at a certain point it's not revenge. They both literally waited for them to be single divorcees. They didn't start banging each other sending videos to the exs calling them pathetic, they aren't flaunting their new happiness in the exs faces. Honestly being way more respectful then the cheaters deserve.
I'm glad he recognized that, despite how much she seemed to improve, the divorce wasn't to punish her or get revenge, it was about his mental health and what he needs.
The ex-wife needs to get a grip because it's over and done. Nothing can change that, and you have kept true in your position. You have been able to retain a relationship with your daughter after everything that happened, quit projecting and go find someone else cares.
Whatever switch flipped at 19:04 really was drastic! Went from thinking about others to “Now she sees me as the King!” Which is so great to hear. I wonder what happened that made his perspective change?
I would imagine a combination of starting a relationship with the gorgeous ex wife of the affair partner, and all the support he had received from reddit. On top of that, immediately after this we find out the relationship with all of the kids is good with him, so I imagine it was a moment of clarity where he realised that his life is only going up, and hers only down.
@@randomperson8405 i think it is also fair to add to it the contrast beetwen how his wife treated him before and how she treats him now. Where before he didnt have any place in her life... he was basicaly some bystander... and now suddenly he is the main character of her life. And that change only occured when he decided to leave. All of his loyalty and effort were not worth anythig throughout those years... now that he no longer wants anything to do with her... suddenly he is worth the effort. It just adds insult to injury.
@@knightsolaire8192Many women get mad when you insinuate or outright state that they’re attracted to men that treat them poorly, but the examples are endless. When he was a loyal, doting husband, she got bored and screwed around with her boss, while belittling and abusing the man who was treating her right. When he distanced himself, became indifferent, and made it clear he was done, only then did she become smitten by him. What a crazy world we live in. He handled it (mostly) correctly, though. He stepped away gracefully and in doing so it became apparent to her that he wasn’t the pathetic simp she had him pegged for, and that not only could he replace her, he could replace her with someone far superior. Without raising a hand, without screaming and drama and trying to ruin her, he slapped her off her pedestal and put her in her place.
@adamalexander4883 Purely curious, what do you mean by he handled it mostly correctly, I personally think he handled it fantastically, I'm just curious of what you think he could have done differently
Never forgive a cheater, they will take it as weakness and will do it again. If you love her leave so she learns to not cheat. Edit, ops wife is toxic and the therapist is illogical. Edit have an open and honest conversation with your eldest children and let them speak and say what they need.
That therapist is being ethically dubious at best. For starters, it's pretty sus to be both a personal therapist to one party and then marriage counselor to both of them. Too much of a chance to create a conflict of interest. An actual good therapist would be making it clear that they are not in a position to be the marriage counselor to both of them since they're the personal therapist to one of them (but can make recommendations to a good marriage counselor to both of them). Biggest red flag is when the therapist was basically dismissing OPs statement that the only thing that could make him want to reconcile was a time machine... a good marriage counselor knows that you can't have only 1/2 of the relationship to want to reconcile. I would've honestly recommended reporting that therapist. They're not doing their job the way they're expected to ethically.
She's not remorseful. She's just sorry she got caught. She's also trying her best to keep the safety marriage offers, She's not fighting for OP. 2 freaking years. That's not a mistake
It's especially not a mistake when she admitted she did it all for an EGO BOOST, of all things. The affair was VERY intentional, and she HEAVILY justified it within her mind until she realized her biggest security was being taken away from her (ironically by the same girl she just "won a man from").
The second infidelity is committed in a relationship, it's over. There's no recovering from that, the damage has been done and there's no coming back from that, and anyone who says otherwise, or god forbid shames you for wanting to walk out of such a mess should be put under a microscope
2 years of cheating with not just multiple guys but one guy that your sorta friends with. That's even worse imo. She put more energy into her affair than to her marriage. Hell no, I too will end my marriage. There is no turning back from such massive betrayal.
Story: My boss at my work, a Mexican Restaurant, was a racist and creep who beat his wife a lot. After it came out he was trying to hit on the waitresses (One of which was underaged) she divorced him. He started trying to hit her again (And apparently tried to kill her) until she grabbed a shotgun. He went from big angry bully to blubbering wreck in seconds and started sobbing and begging for mercy so hard he fell down the stairs (He was in the process of backing away from her as well) and had either a heart attack or stroke. He got put in a wheelchair and Now he’s unemployed, homeless, divorced, and looks like frigging Hector from Breaking Bad. He stays on the street now and whenever I walk past him he glares at me. I then pretend like I’m about to shove him and he immediately looks away.
I would have died if op said okay to one side open marriage and said that he was going to see other betrayed spouse , just see ex wife back peddle and be like “anyone but her “ lmao
2.. YEARS.. She was doing that shit for 2 fucking years! All while manipulating and emotionally abusing her then Husband. Sure, she may be trying to get better, but the fact it took her getting CAUGHT RED HANDED to give her that kick in the pants is telling. Glad on OP that he could move on, and glad on the Other Betrayed to do so as well. I'm happy that they've found actual happiness.
Good on OP for seeing right through her nonsense. You don't just suddenly see the light after 2 years going around indulging in "a fantasy", lying to yourself & to others. She was just scared of what she could lose. Who knows what she would have done if she actually won AGAIN?
The part toward the end about never tolerating disrespect from people you love hit me hard and damn is it important. Whether its family, friends, partners, or whatever. Remember that life is too short and too full of possibilities for you to accept disrespect from people who claim to love you.
As a person who once looked past the cheating of a girlfriend, out of experience, I promise you that trying to rekindle the relationship, only gives you temporary relief but each day will get worse until you can not believe what you put up with. a person who cheats while married needs a very specific type of personality to be their spouse (cuckold) and even then I think after many years it will take its toll all at once, especially if the cheater finds deeper connection with their affair partner as they have no reason to find connection with their spouse. And also if you and her boss's wife find the connection you have every right to pursue it.
OP should begin reading out loud the cheating texts every time that cheater tries to wear him down. Then say, I’ll throw a goddamn barbecue and read them to everyone if you don’t go peacefully!😂
You don’t deserve a second chance after a TWO YEAR AFFAIR! It’s crazy that people were crapping on HIM after what SHE did😵💫 I hate cheaters and cheater defenders 😂
Seriously though! How was he the problem for saying "hey, I'm actually uncomfortable being with this person who treated me like absolute garbage up until I called them out"?
A two year affair isn't a "mistake" two people getting hampered and sleeping with each other ONCE is a mistake. But a full on affair is that farthest thing from it
One thing I know is that the kids would be able to know if their parents don't love each other anymore and it is a horrible feeling to see them stay together anyway.
I felt so happy for the dude when he got that initial spark with the other victim of the situation. I hope they last for the rest of their lives. And the kids loving him and the other lady is so heartwarming.
Cheaters never cheat because they NEED to, cheaters only cheat because they WANT to. One-night-stand or 2 year affair. Cheating is cheating. Never forgive a cheater.
It's not that her boss could read her mind: She was OK with whatever he said. It's similar to how "all men are pigs" because the ones who aren't are invisible, or how the places that military vehicles need armor are the places you never have to repair when one survives and returns to base.
Anyone calling him evil for leaving her is either someone who is cheating on their partner or has done in the past or they haven’t considered the fact that they would be saying otherwise if they were in his position
Yeah, I really didn't understand that reaction. Isn't ditching your partner who cheated on you for two years & emotionally abused you the healthy response? Especially since, in the aftermath, she seemed VERY coercive towards OP (which is still emotional abuse-possibly physical depending on how exactly she "threw herself" at him).
Love the reaction pf mother of OP. How does a parent not unconditionally side with their child who has been cheated on? I know it is only a short section, but that was interesting.
As soon as I heard that part, I figured the stbx wife told a half-truth version. Given the update where his mother got the finer details, look like I was right.
I hope him and his new girlfriend do heal enough to get married and have a Happily ever after they deserve it for being so strong and going through this so gracefully
This is a happy ending. Kids are mostly alright, the cheaters are getting their own new lifes together, hopefully having learnt their lesson, and the cheated are happy together. Honestly, this is as good as a two year long affair can end up.
My wife and I know a couple who went through a similar experience to this couple. However, unlike this couple, the two non-cheating spouses ended up getting married to each other, and the cheating spouses also ended up married to each other. As a result, both couples now have spouses who are more like themselves. We haven't kept in touch, so things may have changed, but at the time we knew them, both sides seemed to be happier than they were before.
Yeahhhh seems sketchy to consistently see someone for two years & claim it's "purely sexual" 🤧 Especially when berating your partner for not matching up to your affair partner in areas OUTSIDE of the bedroom. There are clearly feelings outside of the bedroom here, but whatever helps her sleep at night lol
I guarantee that she wasnt just feeling desired from OM but she was also feeling desired in the fact that her husband was trying desperately to get her love and attention and she didnt have to try at all
Oh, 100%. OP was her safety net/rock/biggest source of her ego, so once that was pulled away from her, she panicked & desperately tried to get him back.
The fact that the therapist was willing to take on both OPs ex wife and both of them as a couple shows that they're not exactly ethically playing things straight. They honestly should have been reported for that alone.
There obviously is a strong bias in how OP recalled what the therapist said based on how he interpreted it. I would look at the section about the therapist with a grain of Salt.
I think couples therapy often done for reconciliation tho the op just went because of his wife’s desire and was not willing to compromise (understandably tbh) if you close off your emotions there will be no progress in sessions so pointed questions may had to be asked out for closed partner sometimes in order them to open up.
op should've asked the wife "if I never found out about the affair... Would it have gone on longer?" the answer to that question would have given op the real truth about her or not
What exactly would that tell you? Of course it would have gone fore longer. At least for another 6hrs, they just arrived at the hotel. Seriously, it's been 2 years, what are the odds that they would have randomly ended it at the same time they got caught? And what difference would it make if, after it ends, it has been 2 or 3 years?
2 years is not "a mistake". It is 730 days of making the same selfish choice. To put OP on the backburner and not having ever given the level of passion that Ex tried to give him after being caught...is evidence enough that she was either settling for him or taking advantage of him, and either way took him for granted. If she had won him back, the Ex most likely would've eventually stopped giving that passion, because it was never addressed whatever grievances she had to not treat him healthy in the first place. I believe that her reconciliation attempts were in fact, a trap. The Ex's only hope of making genuine change is to accept the consequences of her abusive choices. I hope she's able to become a more compassionate and less selfish person, now that she does not get to lull herself back into old patterns.
It seems highly likely that she would have started another affair once she found someone new to chase her/boost her ego, but she probably would have been better at hiding it the second time around. OP dodged an entire nuclear powerplant.
Hot take but I think OP should have been more transparent with his kids about why they're divorced- yeah he told them that the mom "did something bad (though lets be honestly he only told his son the childfriendly excuse and probably definitely told his 15 yr old daughter the truth about the cheating) but he should also have been honest with the fact their mom emotionally abused him for 2 years and then let the kids make a decision on if they want to still have a relationship with their mom. OP could put it in a child friendly way for his son that won't strongly impact his decision until he's older ("mommy hurt daddy really badly") and as for his daughter? She already didn't want to have a relationship with her mom and it feels like she was slowly coaxed into forgiving her because "family". Based off of how she's been described, she DEFINITELY would have not forgiven her mom if she was told the full story of how long the affair was for and how bad her parents' relationship was because of her mom's actions. Also like. The daughter is at an age where she should decide if she wants a relationship with her mom or not and coaxing her to forgive someone who's behaving the way her mom is is going to be damaging.
I sometimes wonder, in all of these cases of emotional abuse by a cheater, should it be normal to allow the kids to have interactions with that emotional abuser? I guess all cases are different, but I’ve seen a few where the divorced cheaters take out their anger and toxicity towards their kids. Hell, it even reminds me of that one Reddit case where the cheating ex literally killed the kids she had with OP.
The problem with being more transparent it can be seen as parent alienation which will get you in a lot of trouble. You have to prove that your words are warranted and if the court decides it's not he could be seen as unfit for trying to intently get the kids to hate their mom which means A she can spin the story because legally she won and B he could lose custody or get a worst custody split. Depending on the state at 15 she is old enough to decide what she wants so parental alienation might not apply but definitely the youngest you gotta be super careful. If that boy utters "I hate mommy because what daddy says" it's gameover for him.
I don't believe that you should do that to your kids. Kids deserve both their parents even if one is a cheater. But most of all they deserve to remember the good parts. Of course it's the cheaters fault for breaking up the family but that doesn't mean they can't still be good parents. And as long as they continue to be good parents I don't think it's beneficial to bad mouth them to the kids more than necessary.
@@jackoberto01 hot take, maybe, but cheaters are not good parents. Every minute, every doar, every gift, and every photo they shared with their affair partner was time, money, and care they could've been spending with their family. Kids included. So, boo hoo if cheating spouses get found out by the kids. They deserve to know the truth about how and why their family was torn apart.
@@YogiTheOne I always struggle with that, too. If your ex treated you so badly, who's to say they won't treat your children (who are almost infinitely more vulnerable than a grown adult) the same/worse????
Cheating is one thing. Cheating for 2 WHOLE YEARS is another. Cheating isn’t a ‘mistake’ under really any circumstances, but especially not when it’s gone on for that long.
I'm at 10:47 in the video right now. But my 2 cents rn are: The only reason she's trying so hard is because if she loses you, she will lose the battle she started. Once she wins you back, there will be nothing for her to gain and she will create another battle in which she will win in her own terms. Aka, she will lose interest in you and will cheat or divorce you. She does not care about you, only about herself. It's how cheaters are.
She acted as best as she could after a 2 year affair, but there's only so much you can do. It's the classic "sorry cause I got caught", it's used in courts all the time against the defendant, when they show remorse after getting caught, but until that point they showed none.
This is why as a man if you're dating/married you still need to make yourself as desirable as possible. Not saying you need to go out and flirt with women or anything, just make sure to keep yourself looking good. When your woman knows that other women are eyeing you, she will put in 110% to make sure you stay with her. Especially if she thinks those women are more attractive than her.
If you need something like this to keep your relationship going - you're dating wrong person. I don't say you can ignore showers and act crudely, but going out of your way only to keep your significant other with you is NOT the way.
@@siphonophoreVT Manipulation is a massive part of romance. When you court someone, that is at its core manipulation. You are using a number of psychological tactics (consciously or not) to get someone to fall for you and desire you. Now obviously this is not malicious manipulation, but it is manipulation.
@@FBernkastel Most people need this to keep their relationships going. You need to show that you have value. When you are valuable you are desirable. When you see people who's partners cheat on them, a lot of the times that's because they lost value in the eyes of their partners. You need to make sure your partner keeps seeing the value in you, otherwise don't be surprised if they walk out.
This is honestly the best way to handle a cheater. Cheat them out of closure and serve them whiteout them seeing it coming. Also 6:25 you can’t unfuck someone so the marriage is done lmao
Her boss was bangin' her like a big bass drum for _2 years_ and he's "moving too quickly and you'll regret it"? "People make mistakes". For *two fucking years* bro? Really? His mom and those "friends" are all trash, he needs to expunge them from his life as well once that divorce is final. Sheesh
I'd say first be sure to set the record straight with the facts (considering that OPs mom heard a very watered down version of things from the ex, it's likely the same can be said for the others backing her up). If they keep defending it even with all the facts, then ditch em and maybe warn their partners
19:35 the time to do all that and be a good wife was when she was married, not after getting caught in a years-long affair. To the betrayed out there, I know how tempting it is to explode and immediately confront your treacherous partner the minute you learn the ugly truth, but this is some of the best advice I can think of: NEVER confront without evidence; and I don’t mean a suspicious text or “you’ve been distant,” I mean strong, concrete evidence. Solid proof would be better. Do your homework, get a PI if you have to, but if you confront them empty-handed, it’s an open invite for them to lie, manipulate, and gaslight you, as well as their friends and family. Also, they now know that you’re onto their cheating, and they’re going to do a huge purge of any possible evidence, and they’ll be more vigilant about hiding it in the future. You’re just making things exponentially more difficult for yourself.
good on him for staying strong and moving on! saving this in case i ever find myself in a similar situation as a reminder that they don’t deserve me and i can do and deserve better!
people need to understand that a person has to have very little regard for others for their conscience to reconcile a betrayal of this magnitude. It speaks to who they are as a person.
its always funny when they hold you to their own terrible standards, and then they act like you have no right to move on with whoever you want. even if you did want to get with her bosses ex thats your choice, she made her own bed and its only on her.
Honestly, she should've been laughed at uproariously for her "two wrongs don't make a right" speech. Ma'am your cheating a$$ only stopped doing the wrong thing when you got caught, the high horse has left the stables, fled the field and dragged you through the mud. Time to accept it.
This comment is about 80 miles long. I’m mostly taking examples of OP’s wife manipulating him, or looking at questions he asked. I’ll also break down the bullshit excuses that she and all other cheaters use. 5:19 - 6:35 I don’t see any apologies among these excuses. Also, all of the excuses are invalid. I’m not going to analyze and make rebuttals to all of them because there’s too many, but if any of you want me to look at a specific one, then I will do that in the replies. 6:45 Funny how OP’s STB ex is only now trying to repair the marriage with OP’s ideas and tools AFTER being caught. Just as OP worded it, “she’s sorry she got caught”. When it wasn’t too late to fix anything, all OP’s STB ex did was treat him like dog shit. Should OP have to go back into a life with this woman? 7:50 OP’s STB ex did not make a mistake. She made a choice. Now, she has to deal with the side affects of that choice. 11:18 In this entire rant, I noticed two main halves of OP’s STB ex that are becoming more prevalent. One half is the insecure, controlling half that doesn’t want OP to see the wife of the man that OP’s STB ex cheated with. She seems to stop at no length just to keep OP from seeing her. Hell, she even projects this fear into accusations against OP for cheating. The other half is the love-bombing half. Intentional or not, these are still both manipulative personality traits. Sure, she may be genuinely remorseful, but is her overall character quality changing? 14:54 “All marriages face problems…it’s how those problems are dealt with that show the strength of a marriage.” is a true statement. “… ranging from infidelity to death…” is a false statement. Infidelity isn’t a typical marriage problem, and it is laughable to think of it in that light. Infidelity is one of the scummiest manifestations of betrayal, and it is most certainly not a usual hurdle that married couples are expected to jump over. When infidelity strikes, the only person jumping is the betrayed victim. Meanwhile, the betrayer is the one setting the hurdles down. 18:30 Hell no! This could be used as a tactic to break OP down, and then OP’s STB ex will be seen in a magical, Godly light that will only build OP back up. I think it can also be used legally to claim that OP forgave her, so that there would then be no proper foundation on OP’s end for the divorce to happen. Lastly, why would anyone want to touch used trash?! 26:41 “I genuinely think both of them blame the other for how things turned out.” So, OP’s ex still hasn’t taken accountability? I’m glad everyone in this situation is healing. At first, I thought that OP was going to be weak enough to get back with his controlling ex. However, his epiphany that SHE didn’t deserve HIM was the great turning point of the story. As for OP’s ex, she still has yet to have the insane revelation that her puppet strings have been cut a long time ago. also glad that all of the kids involved are adapting to this situation, and are overcoming the difficulties. I’m hoping that OP’s relationship with his new GF turns out well!
Yeah fr, in most cases the person committing adultery is selfish, insecure, and manipulative (whether intentionally or unintentionally). For OP's mental health and wellbeing, it was definitely his best choice to have the divorce. Sometimes yes, people only start wanting to be better after experiencing the consequences of their horrible actions - that's not to say that OP should have given his cheating ex another chance. I can understand people being desperate to want another chance right after fucking up very hard, and I want to believe that in a good amount of cases that it's because they truly realized how much they fucked up, and not because they just want to manipulate their victim again (although unfortunately maybe I'm just unlucky I have seen more of the latter happen than the former). However, it still doesn't (and never will) excuse the horrible actions done - forgiveness isn't about giving the person who hurt you another chance, it's about not letting the horrible things done to you make you to a worse human being and/or stooping to the level of the person who did those horrible things to you. It is not OP's or anyone's responsibility to give their cheating ex another chance, even if they might deserve it. People should change to do better not to solely reconcile with the person/people they have hurt from their mistakes, but rather it should be to be a better person, a human being. No, just because you didn't get a second chance after genuinely wanting and acting towards improving, doesn't mean it's worthless to try to become a better person. People shouldn't have the mindset of being bitter for trying to improve when it doesn't repair a damaged relationship, and I do agree that deep down OP's ex wife has this mindset (all the more reason for OP not to get back with their cheating ex)
I hate when most women say "you should already know and you should just do it." No it takes two people to fix the relationship. It takes communication and effort. Most women thinks the man should be the one to make everything work and the woman should sit there and do nothing.. if you cant work with me to make this relationship work, then you should not get mad when we break up/ divorce..
I'm just happy that in the end you seem to be happy and better and the children are doing okay, and your ex is in a better relationship with your daughter because it's important that's at least in the mess there's a little light.
for the ones who says "it is just a s3xval thing, please give another chance" as I've asked one time in the past: "I'd ask you to think of a glass cup which represents our commitment, imagine that this cup you used it everyday from last years of our relationship." "When you cheat, you just broke that glass cup, barely maintaining anything intact." "Now I'd ask you to try to drink water from that broken glass cup again... could it hold water in it?"
What a world we live in when your cheating spouse calls you a "bitter, resentful person" for not seeing past their cheating!
And that's because cheaters will do anything and everything to justify their infidelity as nothing wrong.
I mean these people are selfish enough to hurt a relationship and be hurt when the face consequences. I think I'm selfish deep down, but that's just materialistic greed like food, games, and money.
its been like thar ever since marriage on paper has been a thing, its just far more known now that world wide communication is more publicly available
Fr like
That's not even the craziest part. Family thinking OP is wrong for not forgiving her and working on the "relationship" is really out of left field. In what world is it ever the responsibility of the victim in a cheating situation to mend and forgive what the cheater did?
"People think I'm evil for not giving my wife a chance."
And why isn't SHE concerned evil for having an affair for 2 years?!
"People make mistakes."
No. If it was a "it happened and I came forward with it" kind of thing, MAYBE.
But *TWO YEARS* is NOT "a mistake."
How dare he. He had a loving wife that cheated on him for ONLY 2 years, the audacity of divorcing just because your wife was taking another dick for ONLY 2 years. Ugh, i'll never understand these people.
It happened once, unplanned, had substances involved, and they told me with no lies involved. That would be the only things that would even qualify for a chance in my book. After that, it comes down to me and what I feel after some time
@@C.G.Gaster the only real reason you can try to work out cheating is when it was done againts cheating partner's will... even when it comes to substancess a lot of cases actually do not warrant a second chance because your partner used those specifically to reduce or completely remove inhibitions that would keep them loyal.
Anything else is a direct message that your partner made a decision to abuse you... and even when we are talking about substance fueled one night stands... the decision was there the moment they decided to put themselves in such an environment without you and actually partake in the substancess.
@@knightsolaire8192 that's precisely why they have to meet a checklist, and meet all criteria to even get me to consider things. Cause as sad as it is, there might be times where drunk/drugged out side sees stuff differently. That's also why they have to be honest about it and not lie. Then ill be patient and consider of there were any signs before hand. If there were no outright signs, and it was only once, and they were blackout drunk, I had it in my heart to forgive them, and if I saw actual change and remorse. It would still be a chance. Cause as someone I saw post, cheating is like breaking a vase, you can put it back together but it's not the same.
Hell I'd put a vase someplace that says trust and leave it there for out in the open. Then if I'm ever cheated on, I would break it and leave a note or say if you can make this good as new, no cracks or anything, I would consider it. Yes it's cruel, but if you cheat like ops wife. I'm gonna burn it down, and literally leave you to pick up the pieces.
@@C.G.Gaster The only absolute circumstance where its a good idea to work out after infidelity, DESPITE THE CIRCUMSTANCES, the honesty, involvement of substances, even abstinency, if the REASON. It does not matter if it was a one-nighter, girl was a bit drunk and desperate, and the day after broke down realizing the mistake and coming forward. If they did it because they felt better with their new parter, or because they find YOU lacking and wanted something better, thats an absolute NO. Its just plain, water clear proof that they're not happy, or at least, fully satisfied with you. Both outcomes would be worst-case scenarios. She either cheats again in the future after understanding she's just not satisfied, or out of fear/guilt commits herself to a relationship where she will leave miserably for the rest of her life, resisting temptations, and thus making the relationship suck as a whole. If the cheate genuinely cannot find a reason for cheating, not even trying to make out excuses, unless there were substances involved, its a green light in my book. Thats the only context where the "mistake" explanation actually makes sense. Maybe it was curiosity, and they realized it was disgusting (Has nobody honestly ever gotten huge temptation to try something, then realize its awful? I have.) or a shit ton of reasons that only therapy and CO-MMU-NI-CA-TI-ON can bring up. But one thing is clear. If they have a reason for it, and you're 100% sure its NOT your fault (Cant really blame it when betraying an all-work no-fun husband, even tho i prefer talking issues rather than cheating) then its better for you to drop it. It just means its not meant to be.
Hahahahahaha the affair was going on for 2 F*KING YEARS!!!! and people blame op for rushing into divorce, lmao the audacity
be nice, it was an "accident/mistake" that happened over and over and over again.
@@The8thblock not her fault she is so clumsy and keeps tripping and opening flies.
@@The8thblockThen i hope the kids didn't inherit that aspect of her
@@C.G.Gaster nonzero chance the kids arent his
paternity test NOW
@@sneediumminer i mean it was 2 years and their daughter is 15. I'm not saying it's impossible, but unlikely. And even so, he's still their dad. He would still be the man that raised, loved, supported, and cared for them. To me that's stronger than any blood bond. Though yes it would point out how sh**ty she was if they weren't his.
Imagine hiding your affair and denying any wrongdoing while criticising the one you cheated on for being in contact with someone who also got cheated on.
You get told it’s only to talk and support each other emotionally, but that’s to much since you can only think about a revenge affair? All while you state that your affair was “only sexual”?
Brother, Run!
Clearly wasn't an only sexual affair with how she compared op to the other guy.
@@C.G.Gaster very true gaster, shes was comparing him to her boss, i dont know about you, but it doesnt seem sexual, more personal
Bro the fuck? Why we got the whole font family here. We are missing papyrus and then we got them all
@@chrisbealonis4655im late but from how she talks I think the wife and him were lovers but like romantical lovers tbh when you see how she refers to him not only sexu1lly but also both of them were maybe secret dating or something like that
She didn't regret the affair. Just by the way she says it made her feel, she clearly didn't regret it. She only regrets the outcome. Ah so she'll coax him into sex then use it as 'proof' for 'reconciliation attempt'.
Even if that happened OP would still never respect her for what she did
Omg I didn’t know that was a thing 😮
@@rupom_1670 yeah but I think this comment is referring to the legal proceedings of the divorce, wife would use it to contest the divorce
That's the reason why divorce lawyers say 'do not have sex with your soon to be ex'
@@thabsmkhize2481 That and it could cost money and or losing items such as the home and what isn't in her name
In every single one of these stories it always seems like the marriage counselors are on the cheaters side. Like.... "not able to listen to logical reason" ??? SHE CHEATED ON HER HUSBAND FOR 2 YEARS.
That's what I thought too, how come when the wife cheats she was in psychological distress, but the husband is somehow at fault here? I'm sure being drowned in petty pleasure for two years surely was just a healthy coping mechanism.
My guess is that bias is there. Idk this therapist or counselor, but it sounds like they don't actually aid in improving the person and just put a patch over the issues. Saying they victim of cheating to forgive, well what's the purpose to make the Client "feel better" and start the road to recovery? Cause that is my only other guess besides bias. I get these places will have bias on some level. Idc who you are, you have a bias that influences your decisions. Like when you go down the list, do you like/support/ believe x or y more is always on that list. Even if it's not, x and y influence that list since it's the first thing to be put there, and you just expand it. And u lost track of this. Oh well I'm not retyping it and gonna give people (hopefully) something to think about.
Marriage counselors and marriage courts are always on the woman's side no matter what.
@@sneediumminer I think its a more ingrained biased that women need more aid than men. It's a horrible one that I see is slowing being changed. All things take time, and it won't ever be fully fixed.
the more sessions they have while dragging it on the more they get paid
I'm glad OP highlighted the gaslighting, abuse and neglect as additional fuel for the divorce. That often gets overlooked in affair situations in favor of the obvious, main crime of betrayal. Mommy didn't just break a promise to daddy. Mommy treated daddy like garbage for two years.
mommy also cheated on her kids. you dont just cheat on your spouse, but on your entire family you guys built.
As a kid of a mother who cheated on her husband while their kids were fully in the know, i can guarantee you, she has ruined my trust in women for life. its a constant struggle. Even if you are completely truthful about jealousy and misstrust with your partner, it still does hurt just to feel that way and impact the relationship negativly in a profoundly unproductive way - without even acting on the feelings and thoughts at all.@@deathrager2404
So true. This is an underrated comment imo.
I think that is the main point of the whole ordeal. If she remained caring and didn't project hostility towards him, a little slip like a one night stand could be spared for a life long effort of redemption. A two year long fucking around? That's like trying to fit the cube in the circle hole. I dunno, I'm not religious, but if a god came down from the heavens and told me she is determined enough to the point where it's either be good or go to hell to exist in a dimension made out of onion fumes for all eternity, then I might actually disregard my resentment and make the a tiny bit of effort for her. And I expect to be treated like I'm made out of meteorite ore.
"It was only a sexual affair"
_man how is that any better_
I would say that is even worse because if that means nothing to her then what about you?
One of the many things cheaters like to say. Thinking it somehow makes it okay.
It’s not better. It’s worse. And they know that, they’re just saying anything and everything they can think of to try to wriggle out of what they have done. Busted cheaters are like drowning people, desperately flailing for anything to save themselves.
Well the idea is that she was just selfish and still loved him.
It doesn't even need to be gaslighting, it's a self-justigying escapism tactic, because while they understand they did wrong, they can't come to the conclusion that they're morally in decline yet.
Saving the marriage is idealistic, but at this level of selfishness they were probably falling back on whatever reasoning they used to justify their actions, at least for the first few months. The years after it became habit.
Typical western schlore reasoning, what did you expect?
OP needs to remove himself from many of the people in his life. How the hell are you a "bitter, resentful" person if you refuse to forgive your partner for stepping out on you and completely disrespecting your marriage?
Also, what kind of therapist was that? It’s normal for a spouse to not want to reconcile after the other cheated for 2 years.
I think they might have just been told she cheated not how long or anything
Why does he need that? What does it mean? That he will be better off? Does not sound that way, his wife likely will be serving his every desire for years. Who says another relationship will be better?
@@lavrikmaksim1814 Yeah, sure, his ex wife would have been willing to enter that extremely unhealthy dynamic of near absolute servitude, but is it really so wrong to chose not to reconcile over something that severe? He was betrayed, emasculated, and abused by her until the discovery of the affair and serving of divorce papers.
Anyone who questions a decision that is exclusively yours to make, should be removed or taken down a peg. It is your life, you get to choose who is in it and how close. Do not spend your life with people who have hurt you.
Yea, I agree 1000% anybody who thinks one who is cheated on is in the wrong are not only despicable but enablers and deserve whatever bad happens to them, they deserve to know how it feels to have your life turned upside down and be betrayed by the one person who's supposed to be there for YOU through "sickness and health, for good and for worse", ext, cheaters are almost NEVER remorseful, but if they are then they should leave the person they cheated on alone. Fix themselves and try again with a completely different person who has no ties to the victim, if there's ties, they're still a pos because it means the victim is losing another person.
the cheater wife is only ""remorseful"" because she fears that the other more attractive woman will steal him from her. If the other woman was ugly, you wouldn't see her this desperate.
And the worst thing here is she feels no one has to steal him from her but didn't feel like to stay faithful to him.
I want to be my husband as close to me as he can but I want the freedom to do whatever I want without consequence because why not ?
@@supergonzales8257i have been cheated on before and i want to add it's absolutely crazy how these people think you're just like them and go into relationships almost expecting to be cheated on then proceed to do it themselves... my ex always used to say "i am so lucky to have you, you're such a great guy and i am really scared of losing you" and id add "how so dont i do enough(show enough affection and such) to make you feel safe?" and it would end with "i am just soooo scared of being cheated on you know..." yeah, that is a red flag for you guys, just so you know. mainly if they actually havent been cheated on before and it seems completely irrational of them to believe they will be cheated on. after that relationship i did one month of fighting and then i got really sick/grandma died/really important school year came around and i suddenly dont even have time for my hobbies, in all honesty it's been a bit of a down spiral with a friend constantly being suicidal and such too, sorry for going off the rails with this just ... i dont even know can't really express much of anything to the people in my life
Facts acknowledged
Lol she essentially created a self-fulfilling prophecy. By always expressing insecurity about her, I feel like she continually pushed her husband away and planted the seeds of a future relationship between the him and OBS.
It's all about ego, and she's trying to save it by inducing the husband that she's the favourable one
She ignored and humiliated her husband for two years and wasn't resentful untill she got caught? Wow. This man has a way too big heart
It's pretty satisfying that the OP ended up with the woman who was also cheated on, that he's so in love with her and happy, and is finally having his needs fulfilled by someone who actually desires him. I'd say being with the woman that his ex was so insecure over for being younger and an actual model or whatever is sufficent retribution.
Also keeping the kids happy and going out of his way to deal with the ex maturely.
Overall very well played.
What an upgrade!!!! This story is an emotional rollercoaster with the sweetest of happy endings.
Omg yes I was fucking happy as that was being read out loud fuck yes
Ex-wife: *scared OP will have a revenge affair with the woman *
OP: *starts dating the woman after banging her the same day they divorced so it wasn't an affair *
That what makes me think that this story isn't completely true, just my opinion
@@uselessmoron6947 Yeah it all seems to work too well. Then again, one in 7 billion people will surely find themselves in this situation. But the other girl being super hot and really fun and into him, the other guy (who's essentially the opponent of OP) failing miserably while OP does great, the whole storytelling and what things he focused on. On the other hand, these posts were probably years apart, so really who tf would care to entertain a reddit community for that many years with a fake story?
This is one of the best from the ashes storys i have ever heard. OP really came back stronger then he ever was, and plus he wasn't petty enough to completely destroy his cheating ex-wifes life. Bravo OP Bravo
Petty? She would have earned anything he dished out.
@Zathren true but he had the heart in him to not completely ruin her, which means he's a better man then me 😂
@@DayTPMagici think thats called weakness but idk.
Bitch isn't gonna learn shit from getting a slap on the wrist.
@@DayTPMagic😂😂😂
@@Zathren Just because you can doesnt mean you should. Especially when kids are in the picture. Sometimes its better to suck up the pain and be mature about things.
Absolutely fuming at how often the ex-wife tries to flip the consequences of her own action around and guilt trip the guy over it
It's common with women to be unable to accept responsibility.
Even when they do try to do so, it always comes with caveats. There's always that "You should" that slips in there.
@@trolioharambe2031 bold of you to make it a gender thing against women when Andrew Tate is able to literally scam thousands by spouting bs double standards about how its ok for men to cheat but it's bad when women do it... so who can't accept responsibility for their actions again?
When it comes to cheating (regardless of gender), it's disgusting behavior from someone who is being dishonest in a very deep way. So, given that they're constantly being dishonest, it tracks that that same type of dishonest person is going to also be dishonest about themselves and say whatever lie or manipulative tactic they can to avoid the consequences. Are there ways that some will use to make this a gender issue? Obviously, given your comment (sidenote: gay couples can also experience infidelity. The straights don't have a monopoly on that). But it's not a matter of gender and debasing it to that is disrespectful of the overall issue. Do better.
Really hate when people say "it was just a mistake you can fix it" throw it back at them "so you would immediately forgive your spouse of an affair because if not f*ck off!"
A mistake ia an accident, not an intentional decision that was wrong.
@@zacharyrollick6169 And definitely a mistake isn't something done 2 years in a row
Even better: ask them if the situation was reversed, would they give HER the same advice to just forgive?
I find it hilarious that she’s apparently working super hard to get him to give her another chance. Like, where was that energy over the last 2 years?
Obviously directed at OM
What's even more gross is the fact that she sounds like (given what OP said) she was a very selfish partner, sexually. OP always initiated, OP always put in the effort... and yet she still has the audacity to say she cheated because she felt wanted by OM. Like, ma'am, maybe this has always been a you problem.
What does OM mean i was so confused throughout the story@@younghong4305
Love is just a feeling, loyalty is what counts.
-21 savage
-Kratos, God of War
-joe from burger king
-Ronald McDonald from McDonald
-Peter Griffin from Family Guy.
"...the affair was definitely a fantasy and would never last"
HAHA yet *2 years*
OP was more than right for saying she's only sorry she got caught haha
2 years is not a mistake, it's an ongoing choice and a decision to continue. She really is only sad she got caught. She would have been happy to continue the affair if there were no consequences.
If someone proceeds to insult you when they get caught, that’s a good indication that they aren’t truly remorseful about what they did to you. Someone that is truthfully sorry is not going to further berate you and tear you down, nor will they try to guilt you into staying. They will recognize that their actions caused you pain, and won’t want to add further to that pain. If this is their reaction when you tell them you are leaving, especially if they didn’t confess _until_ they got caught, run.
That makes zero sense. The natural reaction to critique is opposition. The more the accusations hit us, the more we oppose them. It takes a while to realize what's happening. But insulting someone when they criticize you means that what they're saying truly affects you. If it doesn't, you wouldn't start insulting them. Or do you usually insult people randomly for no reason?
@@LuLeBe wait….what? So you are saying that insulting someone after you’ve cheated on them is a good thing because it’s according to you “a natural reaction” ? Please explain it to me because i had a mini stroke trying to understand what you are trying to say 💀
@@takidsage1515this guy's literally here trying to explain why getting defensive/lash out when faced with honest and fair criticism of said actions is normal... it's not normal for emotionally mature well adjusted adults... it's actually quite the opposite. So, this dude is either 12 or very much in need of some therapy and maybe a new social circle of, like, actually emotionally healthy adults.
I find it amusing and horrifying in equal measure that everyone around this man keeps gaslighting him into believing the woman didn't treat him with utmost disdain - she didn't respect or love him, and she rebuffed every attempt he made to repair the marriage prior to serving her. If she loved him, she wouldn't have treated him like an unwanted stranger in his own home. She chose to change only when compelled by the papers.
The big lesson here is that you never should give yourself for free.
He didnt put any price tag on his love... so she had enough time to get some more on the side.
Only when he said that he is no longer going to perform his duties did she try to buy his love with her own... but at this point her love was worthless to him.
To this day I don't understand cheaters one bit, they cheat on their partner non-stop, they lie to them, they act cold and cutting with them, and when their partner finds out they start crying and asking for a second chance like if they deserved it.
If it made them so sad, why the hell did they cheated on them in the first place? And they also have the nerve to blame their partner for find it out.
I think its just a case of feeling invincible, they got away once then twice then they feel like its all good. People are incredibly good at lying to themselves, so she probably legitimately felt remorseful afterwards after she realized consequences of her actions. Especially if she loves her kids she also probably realized that it affected them too.
I kinda always presumed it to be low-key a case of "you didn't want that thing you have when you had it, but the moment it's gone or someone else has it, suddenly it's the most important thing ever". Which is understandable with little sentimental items... less so when its actual relationships with actual people. It's taking their partner for granted.
And tbh, it will never not give me satisfaction when those types of people inevitably lose that relationship they took for granted.
It's probably got a lot to do with their ego. A lot of cheaters admit they love the chase, so when their partner who has been chasing them all this time suddenly pulls away & rejects them, they worry they'll lose their biggest source of ego fulfillment.
When you lose something / are about to lose something, its true value haunts your mind
@imnotyourvillainThey can ask for divorce or if there husband okey with it they can add some spicy stuff to there relationship to make alive and sparky with out need for third parties or cheating.. they are selfish cuz every marriage goes on shity phases.
i love when they call a "two year afair" a "mistake" hahaha
Guyssss, c'mon, they're not a bad person who did a despicable thing, they're just a little ✨quirky✨ & they did a little 🤭oopsie🤭! (Heavy sarcasm)
Honestly even if he had a "revenge affair" would it even be an affair? She knows he's not taking her bs anymore and is leaving so why would she have the right to be mad by the consept
mental gymnastics. like when you hear of a cheater not having sex with their spouse because somehow it's cheating on their AP. Or cheaters look for evidence of cheating from their spouse. or the fact they only spend time in bed with their AP but somehow the AP knows them better then the full blown relationship they had with their spouse. It only makes sense in their heads because it's desperate, cheaters aren't usually full blown psychopaths. they do have to convince themselves they're not all that bad.
Revenge affair is when you have sex as some sort of way to spite your ex, this can even happen when separated, and is quite simply not healthy.
It is still an affair but lets be honest he doesn't seem like he wants that and it's 100% her projecting. If he wanted a revenge affair they would have had one already .
@@BaeBunniI'm watching it right now and apparently he did sleep with the cheated on wife so oop
@@Tikiri266 after the divorce. at a certain point it's not revenge. They both literally waited for them to be single divorcees. They didn't start banging each other sending videos to the exs calling them pathetic, they aren't flaunting their new happiness in the exs faces. Honestly being way more respectful then the cheaters deserve.
I'm glad he recognized that, despite how much she seemed to improve, the divorce wasn't to punish her or get revenge, it was about his mental health and what he needs.
The ex-wife needs to get a grip because it's over and done. Nothing can change that, and you have kept true in your position. You have been able to retain a relationship with your daughter after everything that happened, quit projecting and go find someone else cares.
Whatever switch flipped at 19:04 really was drastic! Went from thinking about others to “Now she sees me as the King!” Which is so great to hear. I wonder what happened that made his perspective change?
I would imagine a combination of starting a relationship with the gorgeous ex wife of the affair partner, and all the support he had received from reddit. On top of that, immediately after this we find out the relationship with all of the kids is good with him, so I imagine it was a moment of clarity where he realised that his life is only going up, and hers only down.
WHAT a roller coaster! My anxiety kept creeping up till that moment!
@@randomperson8405 i think it is also fair to add to it the contrast beetwen how his wife treated him before and how she treats him now.
Where before he didnt have any place in her life... he was basicaly some bystander... and now suddenly he is the main character of her life. And that change only occured when he decided to leave.
All of his loyalty and effort were not worth anythig throughout those years... now that he no longer wants anything to do with her... suddenly he is worth the effort.
It just adds insult to injury.
@@knightsolaire8192Many women get mad when you insinuate or outright state that they’re attracted to men that treat them poorly, but the examples are endless.
When he was a loyal, doting husband, she got bored and screwed around with her boss, while belittling and abusing the man who was treating her right.
When he distanced himself, became indifferent, and made it clear he was done, only then did she become smitten by him.
What a crazy world we live in.
He handled it (mostly) correctly, though. He stepped away gracefully and in doing so it became apparent to her that he wasn’t the pathetic simp she had him pegged for, and that not only could he replace her, he could replace her with someone far superior. Without raising a hand, without screaming and drama and trying to ruin her, he slapped her off her pedestal and put her in her place.
@adamalexander4883
Purely curious, what do you mean by he handled it mostly correctly, I personally think he handled it fantastically, I'm just curious of what you think he could have done differently
She was literally treating him like shit when she was cheating. Now that she got caught, she’s trying to be nice again? What did she expect?
writing this all on phone is more painful than having a cheating wife
6:00 it's nice how the wife could blame that it was the OP's fault that she got caught cheating. Victim blaming defies every logic of this universe
Never forgive a cheater, they will take it as weakness and will do it again. If you love her leave so she learns to not cheat. Edit, ops wife is toxic and the therapist is illogical. Edit have an open and honest conversation with your eldest children and let them speak and say what they need.
That therapist is being ethically dubious at best. For starters, it's pretty sus to be both a personal therapist to one party and then marriage counselor to both of them. Too much of a chance to create a conflict of interest. An actual good therapist would be making it clear that they are not in a position to be the marriage counselor to both of them since they're the personal therapist to one of them (but can make recommendations to a good marriage counselor to both of them).
Biggest red flag is when the therapist was basically dismissing OPs statement that the only thing that could make him want to reconcile was a time machine... a good marriage counselor knows that you can't have only 1/2 of the relationship to want to reconcile. I would've honestly recommended reporting that therapist. They're not doing their job the way they're expected to ethically.
@@khaleesireyna731therapist probably a cheater herself
I relate to the kids wanting their parents to stay together but also understand that it wouldn’t work
She's not remorseful. She's just sorry she got caught. She's also trying her best to keep the safety marriage offers, She's not fighting for OP.
2 freaking years. That's not a mistake
It's especially not a mistake when she admitted she did it all for an EGO BOOST, of all things. The affair was VERY intentional, and she HEAVILY justified it within her mind until she realized her biggest security was being taken away from her (ironically by the same girl she just "won a man from").
@@imnotyourvillain 💯 💯
The second infidelity is committed in a relationship, it's over. There's no recovering from that, the damage has been done and there's no coming back from that, and anyone who says otherwise, or god forbid shames you for wanting to walk out of such a mess should be put under a microscope
If someone in my life calls me evil for leaving because of infidelity, Ill show them the door and never look back for them either.
2 years of cheating with not just multiple guys but one guy that your sorta friends with. That's even worse imo. She put more energy into her affair than to her marriage.
Hell no, I too will end my marriage. There is no turning back from such massive betrayal.
There is so much gaslighting and victim blaming in this one. I salute this man for staying strong and not wavering in his convictions.
Story: My boss at my work, a Mexican Restaurant, was a racist and creep who beat his wife a lot. After it came out he was trying to hit on the waitresses (One of which was underaged) she divorced him. He started trying to hit her again (And apparently tried to kill her) until she grabbed a shotgun. He went from big angry bully to blubbering wreck in seconds and started sobbing and begging for mercy so hard he fell down the stairs (He was in the process of backing away from her as well) and had either a heart attack or stroke. He got put in a wheelchair and
Now he’s unemployed, homeless, divorced, and looks like frigging Hector from Breaking Bad. He stays on the street now and whenever I walk past him he glares at me. I then pretend like I’m about to shove him and he immediately looks away.
Deserved
What a pathetic man, tragic.
Never forgive cheaters. It is not an act of mercy. It is a sign to other cheaters that there is a chance to get away with it.
I would have died if op said okay to one side open marriage and said that he was going to see other betrayed spouse , just see ex wife back peddle and be like “anyone but her “ lmao
2.. YEARS.. She was doing that shit for 2 fucking years! All while manipulating and emotionally abusing her then Husband. Sure, she may be trying to get better, but the fact it took her getting CAUGHT RED HANDED to give her that kick in the pants is telling. Glad on OP that he could move on, and glad on the Other Betrayed to do so as well. I'm happy that they've found actual happiness.
Good on OP for seeing right through her nonsense. You don't just suddenly see the light after 2 years going around indulging in "a fantasy", lying to yourself & to others.
She was just scared of what she could lose. Who knows what she would have done if she actually won AGAIN?
The part toward the end about never tolerating disrespect from people you love hit me hard and damn is it important.
Whether its family, friends, partners, or whatever. Remember that life is too short and too full of possibilities for you to accept disrespect from people who claim to love you.
As a person who once looked past the cheating of a girlfriend, out of experience, I promise you that trying to rekindle the relationship, only gives you temporary relief but each day will get worse until you can not believe what you put up with. a person who cheats while married needs a very specific type of personality to be their spouse (cuckold) and even then I think after many years it will take its toll all at once, especially if the cheater finds deeper connection with their affair partner as they have no reason to find connection with their spouse. And also if you and her boss's wife find the connection you have every right to pursue it.
OP should begin reading out loud the cheating texts every time that cheater tries to wear him down. Then say, I’ll throw a goddamn barbecue and read them to everyone if you don’t go peacefully!😂
She's not sorry about cheating, she's sorry she got caught, she would never be that different person if op never found out
You don’t deserve a second chance after a TWO YEAR AFFAIR! It’s crazy that people were crapping on HIM after what SHE did😵💫
I hate cheaters and cheater defenders 😂
Seriously though! How was he the problem for saying "hey, I'm actually uncomfortable being with this person who treated me like absolute garbage up until I called them out"?
"I want our relationship to be strong."
"Oh, sweety! As strong as your relationship with your boss?!"
“Oh she just made a mistake, we all make mistakes” a TWO YEAR LONG AFFAIR is not a “mistake” it is a deliberate decision that she continued to make
A deliberate decision she would have continued to make if she had never been caught/if she had never had to face the potential of losing her marriage.
Honestly I kinda like the fact that the mom doesn’t have much of a relationship with the daughter seems like karma 😂
A two year affair isn't a "mistake" two people getting hampered and sleeping with each other ONCE is a mistake. But a full on affair is that farthest thing from it
One thing I know is that the kids would be able to know if their parents don't love each other anymore and it is a horrible feeling to see them stay together anyway.
I felt so happy for the dude when he got that initial spark with the other victim of the situation. I hope they last for the rest of their lives. And the kids loving him and the other lady is so heartwarming.
Cheaters never cheat because they NEED to, cheaters only cheat because they WANT to. One-night-stand or 2 year affair. Cheating is cheating. Never forgive a cheater.
It's not that her boss could read her mind: She was OK with whatever he said. It's similar to how "all men are pigs" because the ones who aren't are invisible, or how the places that military vehicles need armor are the places you never have to repair when one survives and returns to base.
This story really makes me sad, I pray that everything works out for you. Cheating really affects everyone connected to the perpetrators.
Anyone calling him evil for leaving her is either someone who is cheating on their partner or has done in the past or they haven’t considered the fact that they would be saying otherwise if they were in his position
Yeah, I really didn't understand that reaction. Isn't ditching your partner who cheated on you for two years & emotionally abused you the healthy response?
Especially since, in the aftermath, she seemed VERY coercive towards OP (which is still emotional abuse-possibly physical depending on how exactly she "threw herself" at him).
Love the reaction pf mother of OP. How does a parent not unconditionally side with their child who has been cheated on? I know it is only a short section, but that was interesting.
As soon as I heard that part, I figured the stbx wife told a half-truth version. Given the update where his mother got the finer details, look like I was right.
I hope him and his new girlfriend do heal enough to get married and have a Happily ever after they deserve it for being so strong and going through this so gracefully
This is a happy ending. Kids are mostly alright, the cheaters are getting their own new lifes together, hopefully having learnt their lesson, and the cheated are happy together. Honestly, this is as good as a two year long affair can end up.
Correction, she doesn‘t wish this affair never happened. She is just sad she was found out. Make no mistake. She would have taken this to her grave.
Absolutely! She’s only sorry because she got caught, not because of what she did. She would have kept it hidden forever.
Really good story as always :)
The fact that you search for updates in other subs is really nice of you!
My wife and I know a couple who went through a similar experience to this couple. However, unlike this couple, the two non-cheating spouses ended up getting married to each other, and the cheating spouses also ended up married to each other. As a result, both couples now have spouses who are more like themselves.
We haven't kept in touch, so things may have changed, but at the time we knew them, both sides seemed to be happier than they were before.
They pulled the old switcheroo huh😂
To each their own, I guess
That's crazyyy🤣🤣
Never let your wife stop you from getting your soul mate 🤣🤣
No karma for those who cheated first wow
It was so satisfying hearing how OP and the betrayed woman hit it off quick 🙌
"It was just a purely sexual affair".........................
Yeahhhh seems sketchy to consistently see someone for two years & claim it's "purely sexual" 🤧
Especially when berating your partner for not matching up to your affair partner in areas OUTSIDE of the bedroom. There are clearly feelings outside of the bedroom here, but whatever helps her sleep at night lol
I guarantee that she wasnt just feeling desired from OM but she was also feeling desired in the fact that her husband was trying desperately to get her love and attention and she didnt have to try at all
Oh, 100%. OP was her safety net/rock/biggest source of her ego, so once that was pulled away from her, she panicked & desperately tried to get him back.
@@imnotyourvillainYep or why she didn't give much for the one who gave her more than just attention!
How are therapists this evil? How is he being blamed for not wanting to take back someone that has proven themselves to be untrustworthy?
Therapy in the West is biased in favour of women.
The fact that the therapist was willing to take on both OPs ex wife and both of them as a couple shows that they're not exactly ethically playing things straight. They honestly should have been reported for that alone.
There obviously is a strong bias in how OP recalled what the therapist said based on how he interpreted it.
I would look at the section about the therapist with a grain of Salt.
I think couples therapy often done for reconciliation tho the op just went because of his wife’s desire and was not willing to compromise (understandably tbh) if you close off your emotions there will be no progress in sessions so pointed questions may had to be asked out for closed partner sometimes in order them to open up.
op should've asked the wife "if I never found out about the affair... Would it have gone on longer?" the answer to that question would have given op the real truth about her or not
What exactly would that tell you? Of course it would have gone fore longer. At least for another 6hrs, they just arrived at the hotel. Seriously, it's been 2 years, what are the odds that they would have randomly ended it at the same time they got caught? And what difference would it make if, after it ends, it has been 2 or 3 years?
2 years is not "a mistake". It is 730 days of making the same selfish choice.
To put OP on the backburner and not having ever given the level of passion that Ex tried to give him after being caught...is evidence enough that she was either settling for him or taking advantage of him, and either way took him for granted.
If she had won him back, the Ex most likely would've eventually stopped giving that passion, because it was never addressed whatever grievances she had to not treat him healthy in the first place. I believe that her reconciliation attempts were in fact, a trap.
The Ex's only hope of making genuine change is to accept the consequences of her abusive choices. I hope she's able to become a more compassionate and less selfish person, now that she does not get to lull herself back into old patterns.
It seems highly likely that she would have started another affair once she found someone new to chase her/boost her ego, but she probably would have been better at hiding it the second time around. OP dodged an entire nuclear powerplant.
The mom saying he should forgive her is just crazy my mom would straight up kill the wife and the boss if she ever found out 💀
Hot take but I think OP should have been more transparent with his kids about why they're divorced- yeah he told them that the mom "did something bad (though lets be honestly he only told his son the childfriendly excuse and probably definitely told his 15 yr old daughter the truth about the cheating) but he should also have been honest with the fact their mom emotionally abused him for 2 years and then let the kids make a decision on if they want to still have a relationship with their mom.
OP could put it in a child friendly way for his son that won't strongly impact his decision until he's older ("mommy hurt daddy really badly") and as for his daughter? She already didn't want to have a relationship with her mom and it feels like she was slowly coaxed into forgiving her because "family". Based off of how she's been described, she DEFINITELY would have not forgiven her mom if she was told the full story of how long the affair was for and how bad her parents' relationship was because of her mom's actions.
Also like. The daughter is at an age where she should decide if she wants a relationship with her mom or not and coaxing her to forgive someone who's behaving the way her mom is is going to be damaging.
I sometimes wonder, in all of these cases of emotional abuse by a cheater, should it be normal to allow the kids to have interactions with that emotional abuser? I guess all cases are different, but I’ve seen a few where the divorced cheaters take out their anger and toxicity towards their kids. Hell, it even reminds me of that one Reddit case where the cheating ex literally killed the kids she had with OP.
The problem with being more transparent it can be seen as parent alienation which will get you in a lot of trouble. You have to prove that your words are warranted and if the court decides it's not he could be seen as unfit for trying to intently get the kids to hate their mom which means A she can spin the story because legally she won and B he could lose custody or get a worst custody split. Depending on the state at 15 she is old enough to decide what she wants so parental alienation might not apply but definitely the youngest you gotta be super careful. If that boy utters "I hate mommy because what daddy says" it's gameover for him.
I don't believe that you should do that to your kids. Kids deserve both their parents even if one is a cheater. But most of all they deserve to remember the good parts. Of course it's the cheaters fault for breaking up the family but that doesn't mean they can't still be good parents.
And as long as they continue to be good parents I don't think it's beneficial to bad mouth them to the kids more than necessary.
@@jackoberto01 hot take, maybe, but cheaters are not good parents. Every minute, every doar, every gift, and every photo they shared with their affair partner was time, money, and care they could've been spending with their family. Kids included. So, boo hoo if cheating spouses get found out by the kids. They deserve to know the truth about how and why their family was torn apart.
@@YogiTheOne I always struggle with that, too. If your ex treated you so badly, who's to say they won't treat your children (who are almost infinitely more vulnerable than a grown adult) the same/worse????
6:25 "they fucked up and would like a chance to unfuck the situation" IM DEADDDD
Cheating is one thing. Cheating for 2 WHOLE YEARS is another. Cheating isn’t a ‘mistake’ under really any circumstances, but especially not when it’s gone on for that long.
"They fucked up and are trying to unfuck the situation" is the best line I ever heard
Two years isn't a mistake, that's a choice. And the related parties are only sorry because they found out that choice had consequences.
I'm at 10:47 in the video right now. But my 2 cents rn are: The only reason she's trying so hard is because if she loses you, she will lose the battle she started. Once she wins you back, there will be nothing for her to gain and she will create another battle in which she will win in her own terms. Aka, she will lose interest in you and will cheat or divorce you. She does not care about you, only about herself. It's how cheaters are.
She acted as best as she could after a 2 year affair, but there's only so much you can do. It's the classic "sorry cause I got caught", it's used in courts all the time against the defendant, when they show remorse after getting caught, but until that point they showed none.
The wife guilt tripping him and the “therapist” suggesting he fall for it . This dude’s mental fortitude is admirable.
This is why as a man if you're dating/married you still need to make yourself as desirable as possible. Not saying you need to go out and flirt with women or anything, just make sure to keep yourself looking good. When your woman knows that other women are eyeing you, she will put in 110% to make sure you stay with her. Especially if she thinks those women are more attractive than her.
If you need something like this to keep your relationship going - you're dating wrong person. I don't say you can ignore showers and act crudely, but going out of your way only to keep your significant other with you is NOT the way.
How to manipulate your SO
@@siphonophoreVT Manipulation is a massive part of romance. When you court someone, that is at its core manipulation. You are using a number of psychological tactics (consciously or not) to get someone to fall for you and desire you.
Now obviously this is not malicious manipulation, but it is manipulation.
@@FBernkastel Most people need this to keep their relationships going. You need to show that you have value. When you are valuable you are desirable.
When you see people who's partners cheat on them, a lot of the times that's because they lost value in the eyes of their partners. You need to make sure your partner keeps seeing the value in you, otherwise don't be surprised if they walk out.
In a sense, the wife also needs to be kept in check, so I don't disagree with your argument. It's simply due to the times we live in now.
we knew we wuuuuuved each other. "get married at 20 and you'll be shocked who you are living with at 30" Dr House
This is honestly the best way to handle a cheater. Cheat them out of closure and serve them whiteout them seeing it coming. Also 6:25 you can’t unfuck someone so the marriage is done lmao
Should have fired the therapist for calling you illogical because you wouldn't forgive her for cheating.
really like the long-form videos that you do! please make more :)
Will do!
Homie was next level dedicated to fixing that marriage. He deserves the best in life truly for that amount of loyalty.
Cheaters are always selfish. They care about no one other than themselves, at times they aren't even capable of it.
It was this post that gave me the prompting to call my husband to let him know that he’s loved and I adore him.
Just have a revenge affair. Honestly the best thing you could do.
Nvm he did. I just didn't finish the vid 😅
@@HM-wn2in not an affair if they waited until way after the divorce.
Holy crap. I'm going to go hug my wife now and count my blessings
Her boss was bangin' her like a big bass drum for _2 years_ and he's "moving too quickly and you'll regret it"?
"People make mistakes". For *two fucking years* bro? Really?
His mom and those "friends" are all trash, he needs to expunge them from his life as well once that divorce is final. Sheesh
I'd say first be sure to set the record straight with the facts (considering that OPs mom heard a very watered down version of things from the ex, it's likely the same can be said for the others backing her up). If they keep defending it even with all the facts, then ditch em and maybe warn their partners
This was riveting to listen to. Glad he got to rebuild his life
19:35 the time to do all that and be a good wife was when she was married, not after getting caught in a years-long affair.
To the betrayed out there, I know how tempting it is to explode and immediately confront your treacherous partner the minute you learn the ugly truth, but this is some of the best advice I can think of:
NEVER confront without evidence; and I don’t mean a suspicious text or “you’ve been distant,” I mean strong, concrete evidence. Solid proof would be better. Do your homework, get a PI if you have to, but if you confront them empty-handed, it’s an open invite for them to lie, manipulate, and gaslight you, as well as their friends and family. Also, they now know that you’re onto their cheating, and they’re going to do a huge purge of any possible evidence, and they’ll be more vigilant about hiding it in the future. You’re just making things exponentially more difficult for yourself.
good on him for staying strong and moving on! saving this in case i ever find myself in a similar situation as a reminder that they don’t deserve me and i can do and deserve better!
How could anyone hate obs. It's literally a open source streaming a recording software. Im surprised your son even has a opinion towards obs
lol
people need to understand that a person has to have very little regard for others for their conscience to reconcile a betrayal of this magnitude. It speaks to who they are as a person.
its always funny when they hold you to their own terrible standards, and then they act like you have no right to move on with whoever you want. even if you did want to get with her bosses ex thats your choice, she made her own bed and its only on her.
Honestly, she should've been laughed at uproariously for her "two wrongs don't make a right" speech. Ma'am your cheating a$$ only stopped doing the wrong thing when you got caught, the high horse has left the stables, fled the field and dragged you through the mud. Time to accept it.
She's just mad the two people she stepped on to make herself feel better have an opportunity to get to a greater place than she was in.
lol this is written like an essay, there’s a thesis, intro, body and conclusion😂
This comment is about 80 miles long. I’m mostly taking examples of OP’s wife manipulating him, or looking at questions he asked. I’ll also break down the bullshit excuses that she and all other cheaters use.
5:19 - 6:35 I don’t see any apologies among these excuses. Also, all of the excuses are invalid. I’m not going to analyze and make rebuttals to all of them because there’s too many, but if any of you want me to look at a specific one, then I will do that in the replies.
6:45 Funny how OP’s STB ex is only now trying to repair the marriage with OP’s ideas and tools AFTER being caught. Just as OP worded it, “she’s sorry she got caught”. When it wasn’t too late to fix anything, all OP’s STB ex did was treat him like dog shit. Should OP have to go back into a life with this woman?
7:50 OP’s STB ex did not make a mistake. She made a choice. Now, she has to deal with the side affects of that choice.
11:18 In this entire rant, I noticed two main halves of OP’s STB ex that are becoming more prevalent. One half is the insecure, controlling half that doesn’t want OP to see the wife of the man that OP’s STB ex cheated with. She seems to stop at no length just to keep OP from seeing her. Hell, she even projects this fear into accusations against OP for cheating. The other half is the love-bombing half. Intentional or not, these are still both manipulative personality traits. Sure, she may be genuinely remorseful, but is her overall character quality changing?
14:54 “All marriages face problems…it’s how those problems are dealt with that show the strength of a marriage.” is a true statement. “… ranging from infidelity to death…” is a false statement. Infidelity isn’t a typical marriage problem, and it is laughable to think of it in that light. Infidelity is one of the scummiest manifestations of betrayal, and it is most certainly not a usual hurdle that married couples are expected to jump over. When infidelity strikes, the only person jumping is the betrayed victim. Meanwhile, the betrayer is the one setting the hurdles down.
18:30 Hell no! This could be used as a tactic to break OP down, and then OP’s STB ex will be seen in a magical, Godly light that will only build OP back up. I think it can also be used legally to claim that OP forgave her, so that there would then be no proper foundation on OP’s end for the divorce to happen. Lastly, why would anyone want to touch used trash?!
26:41 “I genuinely think both of them blame the other for how things turned out.” So, OP’s ex still hasn’t taken accountability?
I’m glad everyone in this situation is healing. At first, I thought that OP was going to be weak enough to get back with his controlling ex. However, his epiphany that SHE didn’t deserve HIM was the great turning point of the story. As for OP’s ex, she still has yet to have the insane revelation that her puppet strings have been cut a long time ago. also glad that all of the kids involved are adapting to this situation, and are overcoming the difficulties. I’m hoping that OP’s relationship with his new GF turns out well!
Yeah fr, in most cases the person committing adultery is selfish, insecure, and manipulative (whether intentionally or unintentionally). For OP's mental health and wellbeing, it was definitely his best choice to have the divorce. Sometimes yes, people only start wanting to be better after experiencing the consequences of their horrible actions - that's not to say that OP should have given his cheating ex another chance. I can understand people being desperate to want another chance right after fucking up very hard, and I want to believe that in a good amount of cases that it's because they truly realized how much they fucked up, and not because they just want to manipulate their victim again (although unfortunately maybe I'm just unlucky I have seen more of the latter happen than the former). However, it still doesn't (and never will) excuse the horrible actions done - forgiveness isn't about giving the person who hurt you another chance, it's about not letting the horrible things done to you make you to a worse human being and/or stooping to the level of the person who did those horrible things to you.
It is not OP's or anyone's responsibility to give their cheating ex another chance, even if they might deserve it. People should change to do better not to solely reconcile with the person/people they have hurt from their mistakes, but rather it should be to be a better person, a human being. No, just because you didn't get a second chance after genuinely wanting and acting towards improving, doesn't mean it's worthless to try to become a better person. People shouldn't have the mindset of being bitter for trying to improve when it doesn't repair a damaged relationship, and I do agree that deep down OP's ex wife has this mindset (all the more reason for OP not to get back with their cheating ex)
I hate when most women say "you should already know and you should just do it." No it takes two people to fix the relationship. It takes communication and effort. Most women thinks the man should be the one to make everything work and the woman should sit there and do nothing.. if you cant work with me to make this relationship work, then you should not get mad when we break up/ divorce..
I'm just happy that in the end you seem to be happy and better and the children are doing okay, and your ex is in a better relationship with your daughter because it's important that's at least in the mess there's a little light.
for the ones who says "it is just a s3xval thing, please give another chance" as I've asked one time in the past:
"I'd ask you to think of a glass cup which represents our commitment, imagine that this cup you used it everyday from last years of our relationship."
"When you cheat, you just broke that glass cup, barely maintaining anything intact."
"Now I'd ask you to try to drink water from that broken glass cup again... could it hold water in it?"
2 years isn't a mistake. Its over 700 days of deliberate choices and lies