The Psychology of Height - One Man’s Perspective
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- Опубліковано 28 чер 2024
- P.S. I could have (and probably should have) said a lot more about the psychology of height as it relates to women, as some of the things I said often don't apply to women -- such as when women grow tall very young and can get bullied and ostracized for it...
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ALL women know the truth of being judged and classified solely on your physical appearance.
As a shorter man, I found myself tearing up at the end of the video. As always, Daniel, you provide the world so much value with your honesty.
I am a short guy, people automatically think my personality will be childish, but I'm total opposite, then they realize I'm actually a threat competitively. It's tough to uphold my own self value, always has been. Not only do I have to overcome the physical world built for average height people, I have to overcome the negative connotation socially that is automatically placed upon me. After many many years, I now pretend I'm normal and treat everyone around me as if I'm average height and status, it's been working pretty well. Demand the respect via silence and persona, not directly.
Thanks for the reply, I'm 5'1" and It's been difficult over the years to always take the high road when I was made fun of by people who didn't know my character. I reached a point where I had to decide to fight the good fight, letting my good intent and character dictate how others perceived and treated me. It's interesting how smiling back at the ones who hurt me actually gave me strength and made them feel like they went over the line, light shines on darkness. I don't have to say it outload, they feel it and that's enough for me, the rage inside I used to carry now just falls away into a sense of relief and clarity. Some of my best friends growing up were the tall sought after people so I know it has nothing to do with the human bodies of which we are forced into living in. @@Ark-ys2up
As a 5'7" man who is also a recovering people pleaser, I deeply resonate with this. I was always the second or third shortest boy in my class. Most other boys would look down on me, and most girls would treat me like a little teddy bear ("He's so cuuuuute!"). I was bullied up to high school specifically for my height. By the time I reached college, I had internalized that I was just plain inferior as a person - not just because of my height, but being short definitely exacerbated my inferiority complex. I was so frustrated that very few people really took me seriously or saw who I was.
While my situation has improved and I've done a lot of inner work to build confidence and self-acceptance, even still I notice the stigma as someone two inches below average male height. It's like an invisible, unspoken rule. Height privilege is a real thing. Thanks for bringing up this topic, Daniel.
You're extremely handsome man 🙏
the kid who stole your ideas and repackaged them with more societal charisma is a jarring example and its something i went through in school a lot as well. great video
People earn more income for every inch of height. It’s vividly documented by more than a century of demographic study. It is outrageous but there has been no renaissance to embrace shorter individuals as an aggrieved class nor to enact policies that ensure justice in hiring.
How about in telehealth? Lol
Hey tay! I saw you in the comments at anton petrov, I think at thunderf00t, and now here! And I believe several other places. Such a coincidence!
To your point! Yes, that is weird in a time where there is so much talk about equality! Never heard anyone argue for equal pay/treatment for people of different height!
The main reason why this has never been considered is that it's mostly men who actually suffer from insufficient height. In a gynocentric world the short man is the last one to expect compassion.
Tall men reign...some stay fly while others feel the pain...
This applies to men only, obviously. Women get their own axis of injustice as I'm sure you can imagine.
Unfortunately, society will assign to you a personal value based on how attractive, by normative standards, you are. Even when you are not consenting to be an object of sexual objectification, that is part of what "salary" means. You gotta look good, beach. Under capitalism, you are a prostitute, or not at all. On "the market", your services include catering to the prejudices of the status quo, this is what increases your value as an object.
Regrettably.
I'm 5'6 and won't even bother to say anything meaningful here because no one would listen anyways.
Haha. People watching Daniel's videos would!
Feel free to share!
Dude 5'6 aint short im 5'2... should i just jump off then?
Good on you Daniel for realizing how superficial it all was and growing beneath it.
Many people in your same position don’t and use that “privilege” inadequately, they become arrogant and their egos get too big. You are a true gentleman.
I saw doing something that looked like a tick in the middle of the video, do you know what this was?
When you see through the fact of how much influence superficial things like height, weight and prettiness have on people you start to really despise our human race as a whole.
@@Ark-ys2up yes, I know. However - invalidating my experience won't also lead me or anyone else to your professed state of acceptance.
@@Ark-ys2up "the obstacles are the path" - yeah, like saying to someone that "your poverty leads you to being rich"...very validating indeed...Maybe you could conclude that in retrospect, however it's not at all helpful to the person when they are at their low. And yes, I've come a long way from my terrible childhood/teenage years, I'm in a much better spot and I still grieve all the lost opportunities and how different it could've been.
The double-standard in treatment that you noticed is spot on man. I'm glad you had that revelation, as some people are really blind to it. I'm a 5'7 guy and I doubt I will grow anymore. I've dealt with being seen as inferior, unimportant, invisible, a non-sexual object, ect.
While I couldn't change my height, I adapted by becoming physically strong and changing my attitude. I'll even wear some combat boots to boost myself a bit. Things have improved, but the overall difference is still there. People taller than me automatically get treated better, or will be listened to even if they repeat something similar to what I've said.
My question is, after integrating this revelation, how do you not give in to cynicism? The resentment? How do you get over the disgust at how shallow and monkey-like most people are with things like height? Like you, whenever i'm treated better because of my physical strength, I know the kindness is bullshit because it's related to my appearance. At this point i'll leverage my appearence if it means making things easier, but I ultimately do not trust in others and look down on them a bit now.
This hits close to home. I’m 5’7 and hit puberty very late in my junior year like you. When I’d walk into a new class or see new people I’d immediately feel them judging me before I even said a word. It made me a quite shy person even though I did have friends. I never bothered trying to date in high school because I always looked 4 grade levels younger than I was, and was usually shorter than the girls my age. I was basically always conscious of my height and size since I was in the bottom 1%.
When I was 12 or so my dad started taking me to a growth specialist and he ran some tests and determined I was in fact in the bottom 1 percentile of children my age in regards to height.
I began taking growth hormones via self injections for 2 years until I was 15. I had mixed and suppressed feelings about this but I did it anyway. I felt my dad just reflecting back the same judgement as I was receiving from the world by even considering putting me on human growth hormones which frustrated me, but I knew it might help me grow.
A year or two later my voice changed and I grew from around 5’2 to 5’7. I was still relatively short but I went from being an outlier to just an average short guy.
I suppressed my feelings of inferiority in high school which caused me to avoid unfamiliar situations and people when given the chance. After graduating and being forced to figure out my life I slowly had to start untangling all of these repressed emotions from years of people calling me a midget, girls ignoring me, and my peers judging me.
I was depressed for several years after graduation and still avoided dating even though I got my shit together financially and started a business. It wasn’t all related to my height of course but my chronically low self esteem stemmed from it.
At 25 I finally decided to confront my fear of rejection and started pursuing women I liked and I had some luck after 6 months and met the girl I’m going to marry.
I’m 28 now and I rarely think about height or size or any of that stuff now since I’ve done the internal work necessary and have developed my own confidence. This is the cross you have to learn to carry as a short man. You have to learn to be strong and hold your form in a world where you’re perceived as weaker and less capable.
Ironically as I started treating myself better and not reflecting back the judgement I felt from the world, and rather started from a base of acceptance, then love, my reality slowly morphed from one of being a slave to how I thought people perceived me, to acting with a baseline of unwavering confidence in myself.
The key to an inferiority complex is confronting the fear that everything you think and feel might be true, but that you should go after what you want anyway. You have to impose yourself on the world rather than letting it impose its rules on you. Short or not, this is very important for a healthy ego.
I kinda feel pity for those who go through the height extension surgery you mentioned. While I understand how they feel in day-to-day life because I'm a shorter guy myself, It's the disillusionment after the procedure that I'm worried about.
I've seen so, so many people sprint toward a career goal, a partner, a supercar, luxury apartment, and so on, only to find out they still feel the same. It's like we're self-medicating on false hope. Sure, after the operation life will seem to have changed for the better for a while, but It'd be devastating to feel that going through such a grueling procedure hasn't changed anything in essence.
Even adding insult to the injury, who know what kind of complication they'd have to suffer few decades later. After all, our body does not have warranty nor replaceable with another.
I'm 6'2" and sprinted toward a career goal, a partner, a house, and so on, only to find out I still felt the same. I was self-medicating on false hope. Problem now is there's no carrot on the stick. Cheers
Agreed. Self-acceptance goes a long way. Better to focus on the things we can control and learn to accept the things we can't.
Worst thing about the false hope is it sets us up to strive. A lot of people will strive until the bitter end, having shattered no illusions, because they never got a chance to prove the hypothesis wrong.
Indeed, succeeding in these goals leave us with nothing but at best social acceptance.
Social acceptance is not without its value, but is a notoriously unsafe holding environment. If you need THAT to be ok, you will never be ok!!
Hedonic adaptation
@@Earl_E_BurdPeace and Equanimity are very pleasant in the NOW.
Tall people have more visibility. As a female, the distinction is very noticeable, that’s why women wear heels. I’m 5’8, on the tall side for female. If I wear heels and walk into a room standing 5’11, every person I walk past looks at me. I grew up very short as well, when I was short it was very easy to be invisible, which I was comfortable with, short people usually have to be loud, funny, or have a very dynamic personality to gain the attention that tall people get simply by walking into a room.
"short people usually have to be loud, funny, or have a very dynamic personality to gain the attention that tall people get simply by walking into a room" This is not true. I'm not even aware I'm short most of time unless I'm around people taller or something reminds me of it. Most of the time I'm too busy doing things i like.
The track coach seeing this video: I've noticed your channel has *grown* beyond 100k. Looks like you are *finally* giving it your best effort, i've always believed you'd be able to *turn things around and change your ways* , Stan.
off topic but since you've mentioned the subscriber count, i wonder if youtube sends the silver / golden play button automatically after 100k subscribers or does one need to request it.
personally it warming and encouraging that a channel like Daniel's gets so many subscribers just because he is speaking his own truth without doing anything else or seeking views\subscribers.
to some extent, it is a reflection on the slow growth of society in the recent years and in general one of the better impacts of the internet on the world.
Height truly affects men - even their ability to achieve success. For women, it affects how much more often or less often we get attention from men, unwanted and wanted. It affects other things slightly - being a tall woman in leadership gets you a bit more respect, for example. But seems for men it affects every aspect of life severely.
Not accurate. It isn't that simple. It is much more complex. Taller women are also given more attention at work. Treated more professionally. Respected more than the childlike shorter women.
Being tall as a girl growing up sucks. You are treated as an adult way before your peers. Sexual attention sooner and often picked on for being big.
@@ginagjuniort for sure but men literally get denied jobs because of height. There is a lot of research on the several areas of life a man will be negatively affected in clear ways. I mean, it’s basically the closest thing a guy and get to experiencing misogyny
@UdoADHD Yeah, fair enough. I can imagine it's hell to be very short as a man.
Your story is legitimately enraging to me, even as someone who has always been pretty normal/average height. What do you even call stuff like this? It's not physical abuse. Mental abuse? Emotional? Social abuse? Bullying? Group bullying? Prejudice? So much of the abuse that goes on in the world doesn't even have a name, and that is how people are able to ignore it.
It's a flavor of prejudice, clear and simple. The abuse and alienation result from said prejudice.
I would call it neglect. Children learn to care for the big whiny and unpredictable adults, then repeat this in school. The bigger and louder the kids are, the more worthy of their attention they are.
This is why younger kids look up to their seniors. They don't trust or respect kids their age, because they haven't learned confidence and self-respect.
They learn to neglect those that are vulnerable to them, as they are neglected themselves.
Now don't get me started on bullies. Same dynamic, different kind of abuse.
It's peer abuse and when i was a special education teacher for kids with emotional disregulation i would often teach lessons to the kids themselves about their behavioral programming being delivered to them by the psychologists and behavior analysts. We would talk about human behavior and its motivations within a frame work of showing the kids that their own behavior wasn't nearly as different from everyone else's as they were being taught.
It's not or abuse. It's one of our, I hate to say human nature, because use that term to say bad point of the worst in humans. It's never mentioned when people do genuinely good things for other people. People who are larger, taller or very muscular are imposing. Theres something in our brains that automatically takes them more seriously, because we think they are might. There was a former cop named Ronnie Coleman, he was 320 pounds muscle. He said he never had any fights during career as a cop, not once. I dont think I have to explain why. He said lots of smaller guys and females even more, had more fights than bigger police officers.
@@tahiyamarome Oh I totally agree, it is abuse. Btw Daniel has good arguments in other videos to support the idea that neglect is a kind of abuse.
around 5'4-5'5 here. i kinda struggled with being short most of my adult life. now im 41, single, never had a long real relationship and am technically a virgin. i would say im generally depressed on the inside (various reasons). would being tall have made me have a wife, children, a balanced life? not necessarily, but do i blame my height at least in part, still, at the age of 41? yes. definitely.
I’m 5 feet flat and I’m always treated like a child, never treated with respect or taken seriously. Even though I’m in my early forties, earned degrees, raised three children and worked in education, I just look decades younger and cannot have attained or acquired. When I’ve told people I’m married and have kids or have a high degree they literally stand back and look with contempt.
Contempt? Interesting. Any idea why?
@@Paspaspas12 I think because I look young people don’t equate that with hard work or accomplishments. So I mirror back at them where they could be possibly at a younger age. Youth and wealth are the most coveted of things so I would guess it’s misinterpreted envy.
It seems hardwired, really. I try not to judge people for height prejudice because in truth, we are all judgmental in some way or another, conscious or not.
All social creatures may deal with this but the difference is we are supremely aware of it and can suffer from it more.
Being a short man places a higher strength threshold on the ego. Those of us that can meet that threshold can go on to live great lives. It’s all a mental game.
You’ve got it figured out!
I am also a 5feet 23y/o women feel like many people treat me child like. I am also younger in my family so my opinions aren't give much importance. Even in my friend circle I felt inferior. I have realised I have to put extra work in my personality so people see me a s a great personality. Confidence is the key and behaving professionally will make short height folks more appealing to others. Through our achievement we can change many things.
Do you act like a child? why would they treat you like a child? just because you are short? Kind better people to be around.
All I know is that in most jobs I've worked at, the 'higher up' management often were tall people. Coincidence? Who knows.
And most homeless people (especially men) are on the shorter side.
Most HR managers are women, women tend to REALLY like tall people
You make conclusions if you wish
You saw what you wanted to see.
Very interesting video. As a female who reached 5 feet 9 1/2 inches by the time I was 13, I got the usual questions, like "How's the weather up there?" etc, and the neighbors said my mom was feeding me too many brussels "sprout-ups" (the vegetable). Ha ha.
I do remember when I was 16, most of the boys shot upwards by about a foot within one year, like you did.
I caught the part where you said that your father competed with you emotionally, because my father never saw me as a daughter. He saw me as someone he felt he had to compete with. He was a classic narcissist. Whenever I was good at something or succeeded in something, he was pissed.
As far as height, a "not too bright" nurse in a medical clinic to me that I must be having a lot of pain in my knees because I was growing so fast, and she called me a liar when I told her that I wasn't having any pain in my knees or anywhere else. In my case, that whole "growing pains" thing was nothing more than an "old wive's tale".
Please keep these videos coming, Daniel. Your insights are spot-on and so refreshing.
Gwen
Evolutionarily, it does make sense as to why people, and especially women, would consider a tall man more credible in that he would likely be more able to protect others against some physical attack over a small man. His muscles would be bigger, his arms would commensurately be longer, and therefore allow him to strike out further in defense...I think it's some kind of genetic memory that's ingrained. Yes, I've heard that, especially among Chinese men who tend to be short, that they've resorted to that surgery a lot to improve their lives and livelihoods. It's crazy but understandable. It's cool and interesting that you for to experience it naturally from both extremes. Thanks for your thoughts and history on the matter dear Daniel
@@susha4511Thank you!! I've been holding my fingers back to not type "SURVIVAL OF The FITTEST" maybe???
This is very much like my story Daniel, but instead of being a fairly tall "ugly", "unattractive" guy i had a glow up as puberty finished and i became more attractive. There was such a massive difference in the way people treated me. I was heard more, i was given more attention but before i had my glow up no one ever even thought i might have something valuable to say or if they should pay attention to me. In my language there are separate pronouns for calling someone with respect, i noticed girls i met after my glowup started to call me by those respectful pronouns almost everytime, even though they are older than me and took me alot more seriously. I loved that but also saw it was unfair as well. I started to receive things that i thought no one would ever say to me such as you are so pretty and you are beautiful but all that still didn't help in loving myself, it has been your voice that has helped me love myself alot more and im thankful you are here making videos!
You're one of the most well-rounded people I know who is in touch with his consciousness and is a genuine heartfelt communicator. So spot on. Height is similar to one's attractiveness level. Society attributes power and authority to attractive and taller people, wealthy people, and even lighter skinned people. For better or for worse sometimes.
People see with their eyes and not their heart.. period
I'm 5'2 and a woman. For women, it's weird, because being shorter actually gets you more unwanted attention and maybe, let's say, more attention from men in general, but on the other hand, makes you seem less competent and intelligent in the workforce, as far as I read. There are always exceptions ofc. I actually felt the discrimination game due to my weight, I guess weight to women is like height to men. I grew up being overweight as a kid, and lost weight temporarily in Junior High School and I remember realizing how shitty people were treating me before lol. Including professors. It's like I had suddenly gone from nerdy fat kid who was invisible and often underestimated even intellectually as well(I remember instances when teachers accused me of cheating at tests or assignments because they didn't think I was "that smart", for no apparent reason), to "promising young woman", who was suddenly more worthy of respect and consideration. Unfortunately, outside of school being slim also came with unwanted attention and threats to my safety.
Wow that's great, thanks for making this all about you.
Now try to imagine being unable to do anything about your physical shortcomings outside of expensive, dangerous and traumatic surgery.
@@dustmemory9891that's not necessary when someone is sharing her experience. Having an experience you perceive as more unjust doesn't give you permission to kick out. The means are the ends. If you communicate with people violently or from a place of self pity you will only have violent communication and self pity in your life.
@@dustmemory9891 Being fat is for many people almost as impossible to change as height. I come from a family with a history of thyroid problems, and have had relatives who were on strict diets and exercise regimes for years and couldn't lose more than a few kg(or lbs), not to mention how many women have died because of taking dubious slimming pills and/or undergoing dangerous surgeries(like Lisa Marie Presley). I just shared my perspective to say I can empathize with being discriminated against for something you have little to no control over.
People also consistently forget that women's hormones in general make them way more prone to putting on fat than a man's. Testosterone is a hormone that transforms calories into muscles, whereas female hormones are geared towards storing extra calories as fat, and dieting causes them to weaken their metabolisms much faster than a man's -there have been studies about this. Fasting can work for a man to burn fat for instance but for a woman it just slows her metabolism to a point where she won't burn any fat at all.
@@dustmemory9891 How is telling her life experience and how she relates making it all about her? Is that not what the comment section is for. You probably want people to be empathetic to your issues but you can't even give it to others.
Another unique and insightful post. Sometimes I can feel a kind of “privilege guilt”. There are so many class advantages I have received. I remember in college back in 1989 feeling guilty for just being a man. It became a real problem for me. I remember just looking for the cause de jour bandwagon I could get self righteously guilty (and hence accusatory toward said privilege) over. As real as privileges are and worthy of comprehending in oneself, these can be problematic reflections for one deep in a scapegoat complex.
Anyway - thanks again Daniel. Love to hear your insights.
Don't be afraid to think critically about those who are encouraging others to feel guilty about their privilege(s)--do they really fully reject them in their own lives?
I noticed a lot of men make friends with people of similar height. Not as many cross height friendships 😅, but just an anecdotal observation.
Height is a huge advantage for climbing the ladder in adminstation. Average height for a ceo is closer to 6'
5'0'' 29 year old here! Ya for sure this stuff and other stuff sent me on the spiritual path to internal self-love, unity, and satisfaction. Which is all we are looking for ultimately.
This is very insightful and make a lot of sense. I only grew one inch since I was in high school. Now I am 26 years old and am 5 feet five inches and one thing I noticed when I was in high school is that I was never heard nor valued. I would become the target of easy bullying. My passive and people pleasing attitude during the time did contribute to this. But it makes a lot of sense why I was never talked about or heard. Everyone would not acknolwedge my "intelligence" during those stages of my life until I got on honor roll/principal list. Even today it is like that from the community I grew up in.
That did not change until I recently attended college and finally received recogonition for those things.
You always share such insightful, amazing videos, thanks Daniel. Means a lot❤
That was a terrific dissection of an issue most people refuse to acknowledge at all. It's like you were your own control group in an experiment. As a short guy myself, who has always been short, everything you say rings true to me. And it is rather obviously no coincidence that stature has two meanings. So thank you, Daniel, for speaking out seriously on a subject no one really talks about. Your honesty is remarkable and inspiring.
Still I would go further and expand upon the points you make to include other groups who are subject to such unspoken everyday prejudice. Fat women, ugly people more generally, and importantly, the stupid. That's not a joke. I honestly feel that people who are not as smart as average get the worst treatment of all.
Discrimination against the (words here are tricky because the dictionary is filled with the same prejudice) but let's say 'the less smart' runs deep throughout all societies. It is routine and literally institutional. They always get the worse jobs, of course, because they are unable to find other kinds of work they can do. This in turn results in much lower salaries and thus lower societal status and yet everyone thinks this is just fine.
It's as if the less smart have only themselves to blame. They didn't try hard enough. Or, if society is dressing it in politeness, they were disadvantaged. Keeping the less smart down is how meritocracy is supposed to function in fact, and meritocracy is obviously the fairest system around!
I love the end statement, go within to heal internally ❤😊🎉 congratulations, wonderful and just what i needed to hear in my own journey. Thank you for creating content, blessings.
Great point, love you man ❤❤
i'm 5'8 & grew up in school as the shortest & youngest looking boy in school. Was once friends with everyone & was considered the "funny guy" & a class clown than experienced depression for the first time when I was 14 & came to the realization that everyone around me that I thought were "friends" didn't even care what I was going through or even ask. This lead to me becoming very isolated & an outcast by the time high school came around. At the time I never even considered my height being a reason but now that I am older & heightism is becoming more & more talked about & less taboo I am starting to think that it might of had a significant role in people treating me differently.
Maybe if I was taller I would of been approached because I was seen as "important" unlike when you are smaller you kinda just live in the shadows & get out of the way. Today I never have the wish or genuine desire to be taller or any hatred with my height, on a personal level I actually like my body image & think if i was taller I wouldn't be the same person. But I do wish I would have the same benefits that taller men get which makes social opportunities more abundant.
I think in time this topic is going to be taken more & more seriously as the taboo is coming out & the whole world is waking up to the real feelings & thoughts the general public believes & thinks about shorter men & even taller women. Heightism is a real issue & it's gonna take a social movement to bring any sort of change & fairness to the world at large. To any guys who doom watch height shaming content or just feel really insecure about your height understand that what you are up against isn't an flaw within yourself, but a flaw in how society views you for not your true self. So do what you can to peacock & compensate for the lack of height in your other unique gifts.
Beautifully put
I am tall and I consider this disgusting.
Interestingly, I've noticed that for a woman the opposite is true: when they are shorter they are more stereotypically feminine so they are deemed as more desirable and thus taller women don't get as many dates. But this could also be because women prefer men who are taller than them, so they naturally get less choices.
That's why most female super models are rather short, aren't they?
@@yurigansmithokay but supermodels are like the top 1% of all tall females. Not representative of the average tall woman’s experience.
@@Loopisus Tall women are not as undesirable as short men, it's not even the same. In fact, taller women get to have higher standards(a more masculine and taller man) whereas a short man must lower his standards significantly.
@@yurigansmithfemale models are tall.
great video. thanks for your honesty. youre a star.
Im 5'7. I guess im shorter than average guys. Idk ive never had a problem with being the shortest of my friends or people in the world.. i honestly love my height, lol. sorry to read a lot of you struggle. Hopefully, you get to the "who gives a shit about my height" point in your mind where you realize height literally doesn't matter, lol. If a woman or a man can't love you cause you're short, why would you even want that person anyway?
I absolutely love this, and find it funny that of all your deep and incisive videos, I find myself commenting for the first time on this one. It's interesting the line we play seeing with total clarity the privileges we enjoy unjustly--to not become inured to it and to throw the power we get onto the side of justice, essentially against our own interest in a worldly sense. And, as some of the comments illuminate, throw gender and race into the mix, and the implications are fascinating--and outrageous. I appreciate the simple acknowledgement of that with the thumbnail photo without comment of it in the video itself, as well.
Same thing with beauty or physical attractiveness. A friend of mine was once complaining to me that men treat her nicer and look at her longer when she wears make up and dresses up. I feel the same after I gained weight. But one piece is missing here. Its mot only this attractive Attribute that is causing the outside reaction. Its also that you feel more confident and people cant help but to feel attracted to confidance
I love your reflections (thoughts). Please keep in touch with us (your public). No pressure. Any thoughts on recent readings / movies? Wishing you well.
Thank YOU for existing Daniel 🙏🏼
6:00 I met a lot of blah blah people too
Thank you so much, Daniel! 💐 You are a beacon for me on my healing journey.
The topic resonated with me in terms of the competition we face in society. What do you think about competitions? Can they be a tool for healing or are they really an obstacle to it?
Never felt something more. Much appreciation to this man.
thank you for sharing your experience
Great insights as always Daniel! Was curious what were your thoughts on giving money and/or food to homeless people. Many restrain themselves as they fear they're enabling begging. But I think it's kind of neglecting that it's difficult to pull oneself out of that situation and a single sandwich won't hurt.
I'm almost 5'10'' and I found myself a lot of times attracted to shorter men. For me, it had more to do with personality and the eyes. Prince or Ariana Grande, tons of admirers.
Cool video. That tune at the end is great 13:32
Yeah, judgements from appearance have bothered me at least since I was 5. It just never made any sense to me. I'd always judge people back (mostly in my mind) with things like "Do you have so little significance in your inner world that your appearance matters more?"
Or when people would have obviously positive remarks toward me purely based on height (they'd sometimes even say it directly, like "wow you're so tall"), I'd be like "Why does that matter though?"
And people would react like I said the craziest thing ever. Sometimes they'd say "Why are you upset if I just gave you a compliment?" They never wanted a truthful response to that, and it seemed so obvious to me that I didn't think it even needed to be said in those moments.
Some people would rather win an arbitrary game they have no control over than to set a fair game that motivates positive behaviors without harming people who lose based on arbitrary factors. How has the concept of fairness been lost on so many people?
Weird point perhaps, but my guess is it's the same as the origin for Bayesian statistics. Trying to formally learn the math might make it sound complex, but the reason Thomas Bayes never published it is because he thought it was obvious, same as unfairness for height. But sometimes these basic rules for rationality are lost on most people. Like, maybe we should care about more than natural talent, intelligence, height, and attractiveness. Maybe we should make thought out decisions to create a better future by accounting for probabilities and game theory, because that little up front effort changes the world step at a time. If it helps, think of it like the trolley problem where the train will run over 5 people LATER or you intervene to kill someone NOW and save those people's future; then realize they're all YOU. A little mental discomfort can save a world of pain for you and for others, so being fair by patiently considering how choices are made by others from their perspective will save more lives in the end.
Or don't. Ignorance is a privilege that converts good times into bad ones when enough people choose to be weak in the face of meaningful challenge. Comfort from shallow compliments keeps the machine of society running "efficiently" as long as you are willing to sacrifice self-awareness and deeper personal connections. Choose your battles wisely.
Nicely said!! #internalhomework 🎉 I wish some people I know would do that instead of rely on outsiders for validation and self-love.
At the same time we often learn to develop resources inside ourselves by internalizing other peoples' responses especially at first.
Hi Daniel,
I was wondering if you could do a video on self-sabotage, please? This has been coming up for me as I read your books and ponder on previous therapy sessions. Basically not to give the self any excuses right?
Also, How do we teach our patients to incorporate my role into their personalities? By being an outstanding role model therapist? Letting them know it’s work, not just surviving.
What an unusual life blueprint I believe that U laid out for yourself before U incarnated here. U clearly got to see what it was like to be shorter and taller than average. Amazing, and i do think U planned this out before being born because you’re so obviously such a lifelong committed insightful person.
I’ve been relatively tall my whole life and have really no idea the trials of shorter people but it must be difficult but honestly everyone gets challenged here for sure no matter what your physique is.
I definitely agree with U about doing your internal homework but maybe possibly as a younger person U were too hard on yourself overall. I hope you’re more at peace with yourself these days and cut yourself a little more slack to have more fun and heal yourself more quickly from this endless learning experience we call life. By easing up on yourself, you’ll also ease up on others and achieve the greatest goal of all…creating more love in yours and others lives.
A bonfire of love is a pretty cool way of life. 💜🐬🎄🎶
Congratulations for your thinking. 🎉🎉🎉
Before i was skinny and small, and nobody respected me.
Now i'm muscular and 5:7. Now they are less aggressive but think i'm dumb.
It's so insane to be 130IQ+ and looked down by people because they are taller and looks better..
you're "130IQ+" and you write 5"7' as 5:7?
(It also reminds me of one of my lovers who had dated rather tall Parisian women in the past, and he said that we think tall people are strong, solid, reliable, whereas they have the same flaws and need for comfort as anyone else.)
That surgery is cost prohibitive, but I would 100% do it if I had that kind of disposable income. Broken legs and physical therapy isn't even that bad. I've had worse. I can love myself all I want and I can overcome any emotional trauma from my childhood, but it's very annoying in social situations when people who bring less to the table are treated with more respect because they are taller. The examples you gave mirror my life experience. And I'm of average height so I imagine the statistically short guys probably have it worse so the surgery seems like a smart move. In the same way I wouldn't judge a trans person for getting surgery that they think will improve their life I wouldn't judge someone for getting this surgery.
There is a big difference between worrying for someone's physical wellbeing and "judging". Surgery is a traumatic experience and may have deep long term negative psychological consequences, regardless of the motivations behind it.
When someone wants to change their body, by definition they do not love themselves as they are, or the state of their body brings them pain and suffering.
So I think people who consider this need to get to know themselves a lot and trust their gut feelings, as well as weigh rationally the pros and cons.
Dear Daniel, I had a question I wanted to get your thoughts on; I hope it's not too personal: What would have to change about either the world or your life, or both, for you to consider starting a family?
I ask as it is something I ask myself, and I would love to get your thoughts on it.
Thanks.
I guess I am "odd person out here". I agree with, and understand the video and comments, but for me personally, I have always been attracted to men about 5 feet 8 inches and shorter. The shorter the better. Don't know why. I have no desire to be controlling over anyone. I have just always found "the little guys" to be so sexy, cute, handsome, confident, successful and nice. I'm a female, 5 feet 9 1/2 inches. I once dated a man who is 5 feet 2 inches, until he moved to NYC so he could use his PhD. and work for a company there. Gosh, he was so good-looking. I never say never, but I have usually never been attracted to men who are tall ..... for one thing, I have trouble folkdancing with them. They end up "tossing" me all over the dance floor. The guys who are eye level with me or shorter are easy to dance with.
I am slender, have long red hair, and men are usually attracted to me, but it doesn't mean much to me, because I'm staring at the short, "compact", intelligent-looking, nicely-dressed, nice-looking guy across the room, who looks to be about 5 feet 4 inches or so. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
I am very saddened if anyone chooses to do that horrible surgery. It sounds like some surgeons just want the money for the surgery, without any regard to what the patient is facing down the road, and how it's probably not going to help them, anyway.
One of the biggest reasons for not getting that surgery should be this: I've always read that, when a bone is broken, painful arthritis has a good chance of developing in and around the broken places. I bet the surgeons don't tell the patients that. 😢
What about female friendships? Short people usually don't approach tall people for friendships because there's also a risk of rejection as so many tall people have superiority complex about their height and look down upon short people so they reject friendships with them. You seem like someone who doesn't have superiority complex about your height. So I'd like to know, do you have a preference of height in friendships, for any reason?
@@spirituallife3114 Thank you for your question.
No, I don't have any preference in height when it comes to female friends. Most of my femaile friends are shorter than I am, but not all of them. How tall or short any of us are plays no part at all in whether we become friends or not. It has more to do with making a connection, our personalities, do we have fun together, etc. The list is longer than this, but height isn't a factor. No one cares how tall I am, and I don't care how tall they are. It's not something that any of us even think about.
Sometimes I find myself thinking like this: There is always someone who is worse off than we are. I mean, if there is a man or woman who is, say, six feet tall and handsome or beautiful, who has a terminal cancer, or has to deal with toxic relatives, or just went through a bad break-up, and another person who is maybe 5 feet 2 inches, is happy, has supportive people around them, enjoys travelling or other hobbies, is healthy, and has good friends, who would you rather be? I would want to be the person who is 5 feet 2 inches. There are so many other things about people than their height.
By the way, there are a lot of women out there who are a lot taller than I am. Every day almost, I see women walking by who must be 6 feet two inches.
They tower over me. Doesn't bother me. Actually, I don't think I would want to be THAT tall, lol.
I hope this helped in answering your question, at least a little bit.
I understand, and believe, how it is for shorter people who feel they don't get the job or whatever, because they are shorter, and I feel badly about that. That has to do with the misconcepitons of the hiring people, not how competent, or incompetent the person would be in that job. But how do we change people's misconceptions and attitudes ???
I say, we should be happy with who we are and what we are. There is more good stuff to each of us than meets the eye.
Take care ......
Gwen
@@galaxy98765 Hi, Gwen! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It was insightful and wise. I'm 5 feet 3 inch tall. And I've no insecurity about my height. But in my life a few tall girls that I've met had superiority complex. They also have pretty privilege, so there's that. It's so rare for me to meet girls with pretty privilege who are not egotistical about it. And i also know some girls who are 5'10, 5'11 kind of tall and they're insecure about being that tall. As here (south asia) it's so uncommon for girls to be that tall. But i guess it's more common in your country. I wouldn't wish to be 6'2 kind of tall either 😅 I'm happy with being 5'3. But only thing that bothers me about being short and makes me wish i was tall is how people try to dominate short people lol. Like trying to rest their hands on my shoulder. Trying to intimidate me. Underestimating me. Stuff like that. As a tall person, have you experienced that people are just intimidated by you? I've heard that tall girls are less approached by guys than short girls because people are just intimidated by them or just assume they wouldn't be nice?
I'm pretty shook at Daniel's classroom story and all the comments here sharing how invalidating it is to be short. I knew height mattered in America from all those 6 foot memes I saw online, but I had absolutely no idea it was that extreme over there
The fact that Daniel is 6'4" and not around 5'10" ish as he was in my imagination is a shocker to me even though it changes absolutely nothing about anything. From now on I'll be stuck visualizing Daniel's knees protruding upwards and forwards every time I see him sitting on his couch in his videos
You may have grown bigger because your were trying hard the first two years of sports. I also did a lot of physical stuff prepuberty and grew much taller than anyone would have expected
All our individual challenges and ‘privileges’ point to the same thing - the need for us to do internal work to grow and develop. Thanks, Daniel, for being an inspiration 🙏 💙
5'6. Always felt like shit about it. Saw and learned the difference it made for men. Kept hearing it was in my mind.
Same height here. Don't fking stress about it. It's definitely a thing, but it doesn't have full control over what you do :)
I was checking the last few days if there was any new insightful video from our insightful man and there it is! What an amazing topic that not many people have talked about and how interesting to see the experience from both sides. I wonder if you were tall from a very young age, would that have been a hinder to your inner growth? Would you have seen the unfairness? And just when I was thinking where did you get your inspiration for such an interesting subject, you answered that! Hope you keep getting inspired and keep us inspired too... Gabor Mate was saying something similar on the subject of racism (being bullied for being a Jew in Hungary and then moving to Canada, where he was part of the supreme white race - in contrast to the indigenous people... He admitted that for a while he enjoyed the privilege, until he also realised that this is not right!
I just watched a video of Bedros Akkelian and he reminded me of you Daniel. I don't know what I saw there, but they way you speak and your facial expressions are somehow very similar.
I can relate to feeling like I am not listened and people stealing my ideas, becouse they are bigger and other notice them alot. I remember my frustration in class and peer group. I was also very tiny as a kid(now I am 187cm).
I also remember that when I was training soccer, that same mistakes that I made were ridiculed alot more than when some bigger guy made the same mistake. They were not ridiculed at all.
With girls I think its natural, that girls are not interested in you(romantically) if you are pre puberty, so I dont think its anything strange. The same goes for guys, who notice girls after they get into puberty. Its just hormones and sexual attraction. Its hard to blame nature for that.
Its the other thing with friends and your ideas in class - with teachers and authority figures like parents. They should love and respect you as you are.
It really highlights how we don't live in a true meritocratic system.
Love you ❤️ 💕 💗
Thank you 🌟🌟🌟
Bro when did you stop growing, and what do you think help you the most?
Yeah I was being laughed at for being shorter than my cousin who's 2 years older but after reaching my full height I'm now 4 inch taller than him now they stopped talking.
I hope you're having a great day
One of the great things about this form of media is that it often serves as a great equalizer, where what matters more is the information that is being presented and the manner in which it is being presented. Height, weight, and unalterable traits don't really factor in.
didn't even realize you were tall, sitting in front of camera and no other person relative to compare to.
wow food fir thought learned a lot from the video
Just pointing out that this experience is true for every woman during her whole life, especially if she is high ability. Unlike you we never get to grow out of it.
It takes time and effort to learn to manage and direct your personal energy and gifts. People who get it all on a plate from early on will have different challenges down the road. After all, they have so much more to lose and life generally does take most of what we value away eventually. All we really have is who we decide to be.
We are trying to reformat human beings to fit fashion and culturally stylized standards. Human beings have been doing this for centuries. This is a reflection of our failure to notice WE create society. It's not an immutable set of rules dictated to us by some invisible authority.
Competition brings out the worst in all of us. Collaboration and cooperation is much more lasting and productive.
Interesting topic indeed. While I definitely agree that height is way overvalued for men, don't you also think that maybe your confidence increased as you became more of "manly man", and this in turn influenced the way you were perceived?
After I developed idiopathic scoliosis, I was treated like I was stupid😢. Looks do matter in this superficial world.
If youre a short guy you get treated like absolute shit by society
@@Ark-ys2up This video is about hight discrimination, a topic that is almost never discussed. There are thousands of videos about gender discrimination you can comment on instead
@@Ark-ys2up Isn't it kind of unfair how these short guys get treated like little princesses? 😁
@@Ark-ys2up You shouldn't look down on incels only because they're treated almost as badly as women. Show some solidarity! 😉
@@yurigansmith you really think women are treated worse than incels? Lets put that to the test shall we. Create a male profile and post in a random comment section that you're proud to be an incel and see how much hate you get. Now try the same thing with a female profile but instead say that you're proud to be a woman and see how much hate you get
@@yurigansmith You live in a completely different planet if you think women are treated as bad as incels. You have no clue at all.
I am a woman, and I have been 5’10 since the age of 12. I have always experienced the very best treatment and the highest levels of respect - by peers and elders (such as teachers and professors) alike. It is certainly true that height plays a major role in others’ opinions of you… but it does NOT immediately change your OWN opinion of yourself. I had horrific self-esteem until only a few years ago, in my 20s.
Great video!
Beautiful dogs! Borzoi?
I haven't watched the video yet, but I just thought I'd note, i was always the tallest and biggest growing up, and it was horrible as i was a girl. I was bigger (and still am) than many men and women. I like my height now and there are many people my size and bigger these days. However, I'll never forget how outcast i felt growing up in the 90s as a little girl. For a long time, i felt like a monster and was told i was the size of one. 😂 my condolences to anyone who sits on the short end of the spectrum into adulthood. What's cute as a child quickly becomes unfavourable into adulthood, particularly for men. I have always dated shorter men. Lots of them seem to go for taller girls. I can honestly say it didn't bother me.
❤❤❤
Hugs ❤
Do you have any thoughts on ideology?
There has to be some kind of correlation to height in the subconscious.
Size in general
is that thumbnail image clicked in Nepal?
Northern Vietnam
Being 5"0 feet young women I don't know why I dont want to be friends with people who are more than 5'5. It feels probably they will make me feel inferior or won't give me much importance and by standing with them people will ignore me. Its rewired in my brain and I seriously don't seek any close friendship with a taller girl😅
Just listening to that part about your coach telling you how you've improved because of your attitude (and not your altitude) made me think, "What a sonuvabitch."
😂. Same
Life is not fair.
Making someone taller is easy for God. Every day children are born tall. If you not tall probably for a good reason. Don’t focus too much on that focus on what you can control. So much to do in life. It can be worse. If you really want to be tall get the surgery. You won’t be happy when you taller. You can pray for height too. He can answer it. He created you from nothing. Changing what is here is not harder than creating from nothing. If I was tall I wouldn’t be the man I am today. I will be just like everyone. Being short forced me to work on other aspects of me. Which is what matters. I love the person I am today. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I thank God for everything. 🙏
I've had the same experience after i had permanent make up done above my eyes. all of a sudden people saw me and were much more kind to me
Is good to know. I’m not tall but I wouldn’t want to be 6’4 either. That is too tall for me.
👍🏻
I’m ok with the way God made me. I will work on what I can improve. The life quality. The things within my control. You don’t seem that happy. Emotionally a bit out of control.
It may hurt, but life and evolution are not "fair" and it is good they are not.
The sooner one comes to terms with this, internalizes it, recognizes their true position, and stop to bemoan the uncharity of it, the sooner they are on the path to being whole and getting stronger.
Wanting to be loved for who you are in terms of some kind of nebulous internal self that does not change, cannot change and is unaffected by the world and results and performance in it, by anyone other than your parents, it is ultimately deeply pathological. The only love as an adult that actually has value is that what you have become worthy of, that requires you to change yourself.
Kind of different to your experience. When trying to be insightful in class. I hate how I tried to talk about time travel in history class. And in sciance class I said. Are frogs and worms related. They both breathe through their skin. And they pee through their skin too. They didn't have to say it. They were thinking I was waisting their time. The teachers didn't even try to make me feel better either. By not acknowledging my questions. That did lower my value socially. But I continue to answer questions. Cuz no one else does. It takes so long. For people to answer the teacher's questions.
@Ark-ys2up True, that's what the school system is based off of. Making factory workers. I still use my creativity. It's just sucks how I can mainly. Express myself comfortably with my friends.
@Ark-ys2up Thank you
I love you❤
It's long been observed that male CEOs are on average taller but this is something females CEOs do not have to worry about, lucky them.
Hi Daniel, on your site it has a link to hire you. The form doesn't work on my phone or computer, just gives an error. Is the service still available?
Wow $50,000 to get taller, the price of two bachelors 😂
If you are shorter and 6ft it's so ovER buddyboyos, br00tal
it is the so to call it ''Philosophy'' of the ''Pisgstry'' from ''1984'', the Title of a Novel that is an Essay by ''revolutionary, to restart and evolve'' Author George Orwell, also the
Author in this Case meaningful and directive ''Animal Farm'',
that generates ''Discrimination'' and ''very paradoxically enough'', the ''fake'' Philosophy indeed, named ''everyone is the same as another'', that is actually totally wrong, ''perverted'' or ''diverted from the straight, 'ortho' in Greek, correct Way'' which is, ''everyone is different than another'',
and because ''everyone needs to be the same as another'' who is ''smaller or taller'' is considered ''wrong'', while the only ''wrong one'' is the one who states ''everyone is the same as another'', a ''Pig'' from ''Animal Farm'', since ''1984'' of the christian Era, or before (George Orwell wrote it after the official End of so named '''2. World War'', that is to say, some 40 Years before mentioned Year ''1984''),
let alone the ''Perversion of the Perversions'' that is ''Materialism'' that says ''everyone is, the Way he, she appears'', that is to say ''there is no 'Psyche' beside the 'Soma' and the 'Soma' matters, indeed'', while the ''Psyché'' or ''Chayà'' in middle eastern Language, is even considered ''unexistant'', as if one was a ''Body, dead inside'', (''Chayà'' for ''Soul'' means ''Life''),
and this is equal to state that ''the Box of a Parfume is equal to the Parfume itself'' or ''the Cover of a Book is equal to the Content of the Book, the Text'' or ''the Clothes of anyone are equal to the Brain Activity and characterial Blood of the Individual'', and on this latter Subject some 700 Years ago in ''el Conde de Lucanor'' Don Manuel Juan, wrote the Novel ''the Emperor's new Clothes'' lately republished by Novelist Christian Andersen, some 200 Years ago, (after 500 Years from the original Version),
and this is the ''most clever, intelligent'' Version of a Tale that describes the ''Absurdity'' of Materialism, and habitually a ''fake'' King wears ''expensive Clothes'' to impress the Pubic and make the Public believe, that he holds ''royal Qualities'', moral Qualities of the Conscience, the Soul, while he almost totally lacks of them,
and the above mentioned Novel expresses the same Concept indicating that the ''fake'' King is actually ''nacked'', to show that he holds ''no Royalty whatsoever'', and only a ''Kid'' is capable of ''unmasking the Deception'', the Deception of the Public that believes that ''the King or Emperor wears expensive Clothes, that is why he holds royal, moral Qualities''.
''Salve'' and ''Caritas'' to everyone, for ''Wellbeing, Salvation'' and ''proper Capability to judge, in a balanced Way, provided with Integrity, Wholeness from Holiness,
any Occurrence of the 'existential Life' in order to act and react correctly, consequently''.
What would you say is the real you you were hoping these girls would know?
for the people who have avarage height
napoleon bonaparte was avarage height and he concqured the whole damn europe
and he becme empeoror of french while not even born in a france
don't be dispaired just becasue you have aavarage height LOL