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You are so right, Daniel. Not fitting in society is really painful, but I see no other way to be my real self. And for me, that's important. Thank you for being the leader of outsiders :)
Well said. You have described me. I had a thought whilst listening that ultimately, l would like to be able to put my mind in a place of saying to myself and embracing this thought as l die, that l love myself. My world is inner. I find animals have more meaning to me than people. Watching and hearing birds is one of the most glorious things there is.
being an outsider in school is one thing but im scared that the friends that i made outside of school comes in to my school and fits in and has changed for the worse and havent been the same since then
One of the greatest thinkers of our times Jiddu Krishnamurti said " It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". And yet, this is the silent (or not so silent) message we have grown up to aim for; to fit in the society without questioning the state of this society. It is a blessing that there are some healthy outsiders like you out there. A reason to not loose hope... Like healthy stem cells that will regenerate any sick tissue, organ and system.
As an outsider myself, other outsiders like Daniel have opened my eyes to what society truly is. What we now consider "normal" is just sick and completely goes against human nature.
Knowing that there are other outsiders out there that get it is so comforting! And I so relate to what you are saying. You are very articulate in a very authentic way. I can’t thank you enough for speaking up. Thank you my friend !
in some way you’re still a therapist, i think it’s kind of your “call” to be a therapist and think in a certain way, you just stopped treating single patients. but you still have that therapy mindset and you now “spread the word” over the internet, that’s just evolution! :) also you look much younger than your age man, congrats
I'm a 22 year old Spanish student of psychology. I never comment on your videos but I just wanted to thank you for existing and sharing your knowledge. You motivate me to continue this career even though the system here makes me want to quit. I guess I decided to comment on this video in particular because I do too feel like an outsider. Thanks to you, I don't feel like one when you post.
I get that! I’ve quit many jobs to because of the whole system thing or places not being organized or bad bosses hopefully that’s not your case but I am finally happy for once at the job I like plus I took my safeserve training which took me forever to get through and found that this is what I want to do with my life be in the food industry. With whatever you do I hope it truly makes you happy it’s freeing to do what I love to do FINNALLy! And it took me forever to get here haha 😂
As a 77 year old outsider, I can report a good life. I still like seeming to fit in but like you say, the social fabric is so screwed up, it's not worth all the compromising. "The internal relationship with yourself" is more vital to one's well being than fitting in to any external relationship, even if it isn't (what is?) perfect.
89 here! I love every moment i’m alone. Life was a struggle morphing into others expectations of me. This so resonates with me. This video Daviid was spot on for so many people including me. You get me! You put my feelings/thoughts into words stuck deep inside. Thank you. The year my spouse passed was first experience in being truly alone. I miss him. He gave me space and unconditional love for 40 years. I was blessed! At 79yrs, hacked my way out…..stepped into MY world! A world of quiet solitude. Thank you again David. Peace be with you.
I like being an outsider because, deep down, society doesn't appreciate kindness or "being yourself". There seems to be this invisible wall of conformity or peer pressure that prevents people from being themselves. How you think and behave is based on society's expectations. I see this trend quite common in our education systems, workplaces, and even in our families. If you choose not to conform to society's expectations, well, be prepared to be gaslighted or seen as this weird freak. I digress to anyone who might have an opposing view, but this is what I have noticed and even experienced thus far.
I guess even more so, people crave deep down to be who they are, and as systems develop which allow people to have lives that don’t require conformity, maybe then we’ll see an outsider renaissance?
Interesting, I wonder if there's such a thing as an 'insider? There's a Woody Allen sketch where he's doing a street survey into relationships, one couple when asked says something like' I'm shallow and unimaginative'the other says 'I'm the same so we get along'
I am a happily, integrated plumber, pipes and pumps are my business, I have three successful children who are perfectly balanced, loving, yet natural and free, sorry I made this up
This is so validating. Abandoning the religion I was raised into. Becoming a vegan, opening up about my sexuality, leaving my family of origin. So many times I have found myself at odds with the world by choosing what's best for me. I appreciate you Daniel
As a vegan of 35 years, I was pleased to have the term "vystopia" coined recently by Claire Mann. Veganism is the philosophy of not exploiting and we live in a society built on speciesism and exploitation - to the point of the climate emergency and 6th mass extinction. We are surrounded by junkies, meatoholics, and abusers. Carnage. Terrible bullying for refusing to take part in that kind of society.
This is relevant to me as an immigrant in the US. I feel free of all the drama and political discourse going on here and just focus on my kids, job and education, while my american peers are sunk in office drama, gossip and fears competition. We, the outsiders, see things the locals don't realize are going wrong, but our views are ignored, bcz locals are sunk in their drama and just unable see a picture from the outside. Thank you for sharing.
Right? What I’m finding to is that I’m in California and my co workers I’ll ask them how they are and they will tell me and yet not even ask how I am and what I’m doing with my life it’s so bizarre and is one of my worst triggers. Why do people do that? Yea and the drama and gossip it gets old and I try to refrain from it but then when I slip up I get kind of emberessed which is rare.
You are a breath of fresh air. I've been binge watching your videos and you've put so many of my thoughts into words. I have been unable to have deep, meaningful conversations with people because many seem to just enjoy gossip and whatnot. I am tired of society.
Thank you for bringing up being an outsider in the mental health industry. It's hard when everyone looks at the industry in mostly rose-colored glasses
It just goes to show how rigid and small the box you have to fit into is when Daniel is considered sooooo different. True health means you're a few standard deviations out from the norm.
Wow, you explained and expressed every facet of this very well, Daniel! Thanks from a 56 year old drifter who lives in his van...down by the river...i willingly embrace it all.
I attended a graduation ceremony once where Maya Angelou was a speaker. One of the things she said that I never forgot, was that you should never, ever strive to fit in. Instead, make others and the world fit themselves to YOU. Her words were more eloquent than mine, but that's the gist of it. What profoundly wonderful advice. It's an honor and a privilege to be an "outsider", folks.
Refusing a role in society and choosing to become who one really is can be seen as a challenge by those who are not strong or who are afraid of being rejected. No, Daniel, you are not an outsider. Having been able to establish such a large network of people who appreciate your thoughts and helpful contribution to the wellbeing of so many is a living proof that you have taken the right choice. Thank you for your inspiring videos.
Daniel though I've never met you in person, I feel like you're my best friend. You brilliantly verbalize what many of us have been through. Thank you for these videos🙏🙏🙏
This is so valuable and true, thank you for sharing your wisdom. I was choking up talking to my friend the other day and telling her how much I miss being part of a family and being part of a group - because over the years I have drifted from them because I want to follow my own mind. Yes it is painful to feel I am not part of a group, but the peace that I feel when I am alone and knowing that I am absolutely honest with myself and my life reflects my morals and values is just immeasurable, and so worth it.
The internal discomfort, discord, and pain of "belonging" is worse than being an outsider looking at the rest of the crowd. I remind myself of this anytime I get mistakenly lost in nostalgia of previously fitting into society's validation. Indeed being able to witness others in their unique gifts of being themselves is a reminder and a comfort that decreases that alienation. Appreciative of the video!
Your ability 2 talk about these subjects is brilliant. I have tried explaining these feelings 2 a lot of people in my time, but have never been able 2 put it over as well as U do. Thank U 4 who U R & what U do.
Phenomenal commentary! Thank you! Hannah Arendt articulated in one of her essays, which is actually derived from the writings of Plato/Socrates, that it is better to be at odds with the entire world, than to be at odds with oneself.
While we have to figure out what that is once we get beyond the conditioning. Hannah Arendt was great, but stopped her inquiry at some point, her questioning That made her excuse Heidegger just for the personal connection and intellectual leanings to find a reason why exactly such sciences can go so wrong. She was a human after all, but it's a bit sad that she stayed within those boundaries.
I feel like I am going through this now. I don’t fit in anywhere and I feel like I fit in with those that are more unhealthy then the healthy people. Makes sense though to me.
What I have found most shocking and hurtful is the gratuitous nastiness of others when the spell begins to break. A huge lesson. Best wishes to anyone going through this process. Give it time.
I really needed to hear this right now. I’ve lost everyone because I refuse to be who they want me to be and I’ve just been going back and forth wondering if it’s even worth it to be true to myself
When I was about 4years old, I realized that I was an outsider. It was a profound moment, I imagined being inside a bubble looking out. I have struggled with this in the past but mostly I’ve embraced it. I am so glad I don’t follow the crowd because it’s usually misguided.
It is so strange that most people CAN't accept that some of us are so transparent. We tell them everything they want to know even without them asking. That's just who we ARE. People make life so complicated when all you have to do is be real with yourself and others. People wear thick masks and are afraid to peel it off in layers. Life is so much easier if you just be genuine through and through. I suppose for some they may have to face themselves and work on some major junk. I've asked my son which was studying psychology why cant they heal themselves? He said they aren't taught that. In order for them to help others heal, the therapists have to heal themselves. I say coping skills need to be taught all throughout the school years and starting young. I feel as when you speak you are opening my mouth. Thank you for taking your time to make this channel. May I also add that my son calls me a narcissist because I tell him what I'm doing works and if most people thought like this, life would be much easier and more people would be sober and without pharmaceuticals.
If you feel bad of not fitting in just accept that you play this "role" of being the social outcast, ask what your role is in this life and just be that, live your role. Don't be someone else's role, don't try to be someone you aren't. Being this true INFJ personality really makes me stand out and I'm living as I'm portrayed "the wise wizard" that's my role and that's who I will be.
🙏❤️🔥🥰 Numbers 6:24-26 King James Version 24 The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: 25 The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: 26 The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. John 14:26-27 King James Version 26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. 27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. Galatians 1:10-12 King James Version 10 For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. 11 But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man. 12 For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.
Outsiders like you, like me, we see and understand more than "people in the system". When you see it, you can't go back. It's a superpower and a curse at the same time. The curse part makes us seem sulky sometimes. I'd compare it to the sadness in the eyes on Madonna on so many religious paintings. But our superpower is that we aren't oblivious to what's going on and can fit in if and when we set our minds to it. I just don't want to anymore!😂
I don’t think being an outsider has to be this hard. I think Molyneux is right when he said back in 2009 that if you truly have yourself, you’ll never feel alone. Grieve and heal. Idk why I’m here on this floating rock but I’m gonna do everything I can in order to do just that, if anything.
I usually never comment but I just had to say, thank you Daniel. Thank you for speaking so honestly and eloquently for all of us and thank you for doing what you do. I’ve never heard anyone describe being ostracized so raw and accurate and I commend you for it. Stay true to yourself and never conform for anyone.
Looking at it from a spiritual pov, maybe you were meant to be an 'outsider', meant to have a difficult life so when you're nose is stuck against a window of a house, looking from the outside looking in, you can see what's going on from different angles. And therefore it makes sense that you're a counsellor as the emotional resilience you've gained as a result of the life you've had, is the reason why you can counsel - lots of empathy there
The critical messages on "why don't you seem happy, and why aren't you sorted out more" just shows that those people do not understand the path of healing from trauma. We can't just forget and move on because forgetting would mean to stop healing. And in another point, that I have written on your channel: this is your "job" and interest in helping others. So by bringing up the strive in your life, you can help. If you were just to smile and give some unreal "happiness message," we would all not be able to heal. I always smile when I listen to you because you pull faces on some traumatic experiences and open yourself up. Very few straight men would do that. My experience ist almost that even women "want this no emotion idol", that the most men out there are. Keep up what you are doing. We are all not looking for the fairytale life that some people think one has to have. But we all want to learn to become stronger in hearing what our inner voice is saying.
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself". Friedrich Nietzsche.
I am one of your people Daniel. So thrilled to have found you. So happy to SEE you and feel love for you. Thank you for putting into words what I knew but was unable to say.
Alan Watts had a great saying in one of his talks which I'll paraphrase- "the world needs the far out people as it needs the far in" to balance out interpersonal energies, social roles, etc for a society to keep going... I have been single and lived alone for quite some time; I liken my lifestyle/ values similar to that of a nun (which was one fantasy career as a lot kid, the other was being a journalist) - though I'm not officially or professionally either, I feel lucky I'm able to, as a single woman, pursue the arts and spiritual studies (yes, I have a 9-5 job; that's the challenging compromise, but for now, grateful to have access to a safe place to live, food, etc- I have no family support, of course no partner- so just me taking care of myself; yet it's freeing as well since I don't have to answer to anyone except myself and the Creator. The more I've been truly honest to myself and made decisions accordibgly- yeah, I had to deal with the haters and naysayers - but that's a price if rather pay than being a hater and naysayer to myself. Whoopi Goldberg once said something like if we are content and secure in just being our authentic selves, we gotta be prepared for some ppl not liking us. But that's on them- and who has time to give a crap for those who do not give a crap about us?
That last point is golden, Daniel. True growth can be the most painful thing we do, and it may look absolutely counterproductive in the eyes of society. To me, this became one of the most important road signs on my path, reminding me that I was heading towards authenticity.
And yet, this rejection of society of us is the source of the pain, not ourselves. On the contrary, we become the sources of hope and healing. There is a reason I enjoy listening to you so much, Daniel, and it's not because you're fringe - you do happen to be fringe, circumstantially, but you are such a breath of fresh air. When you talk, it's as if stagnant air escapes the innumerable gaslighted chambers throughout my life and I can revisit those places without being asphyxiated. I cannot think of a more important work on this planet Earth and I have deep respect for that. Thank you.
Reminds me of the quote by F. Nietzsche: “In his lonely solitude the solitary man feeds upon himself; in the thronging multitude, the many feed upon him. Now choose.”
I relate to almost all of this. I could see that my parents were extremely immature and disrespectful, despite being considered perfectly "normal" parents by most people's standards. And it's true, my parents are normal - there's lots of immature parents out there. I was so sick of having my boundaries disrespected, and I always wanted something better for myself.
I think I enjoy simple things that I never did when I was trying hard for approval. It's much easier to make conversation and actually enjoy the conversation when you allow yourself the be vulnerable enough to be genuine. As I open up and become curious about the lives of others I can now start to make the little connections I could never make before. I also find that people are curious about me. I can't believe it took me 37 years. Lol
I totally agree. Being an insider in the mainstream world always comes at a price. And i also get that belonging/exclusion is not a choice when we are born into a certain family and culture with its history. However, as you seem to be saying too, we may choose how and where we want to belong (be insiders with) later on.I also get that inner peace and truth (being insider to yourself) are more important than comfort. And again, I also feel like it is important to have a sense of community of people with similar values and sensitivity. We need a sense of home as the inner and outer feels like a duality trap. Belonging with difference is a big theme.
For my clients in their 20s, the experience of feeling like an outsider seems to mostly revolve around the thought process of relating to others and finding a place where they can belong. It's a difficult topic to go through, as I feel this way myself. Many many people feel this way, yet are too scared to dive into that feeling. It's like you said, strap on your seatbelts. It can be a wild ride but definitely a fulfilling one once you get some momentum. Thanks for the video
I have a 6 month old. I constantly think about her coming home from school one day, crying, that her peers were picking on her for not wearing the right clother.... I try to imagine what would I tell her, that wouldnt further hurt her. But damn it, I am so disgusted by these trivial things that mean absolutely nothing, but everything to todays society. I hate it
@@goldenhoneybee8128 homeschooling is ok if you trully know how to do it. also, completly expelling a child from society is not going to do them any good. they will have no idea how to function in our world
@@RelaxxationStation Hilarious. So many resources. So many groups get together bi or tri-weekly for their children to 'socialize'. If you had any idea.what horrors are going on in government schools, you would recognize the horrific abuse and destruction of children occurring. Every year worse than year before.
@@goldenhoneybee8128 well, Im not from America, so I wouldnt go so far. I had a wonderful time in school. nowdays is a little different. its more about what you look like, then who you are
i think the number of such outsiders, or at the very least people who understand and appreciate them, is slowly growing. it might be luck but i've started to notice more and more people are understanding of childhood trauma. there's is a simmering shift going on, very slowly but steadily of healing and growth of individuals in our society which gives me some hope in the bleakness of the world and it's future. That just maybe the currently outsiders will be the fabric and the core of a healthier society.
For 47 years I thought I was a failure/black sheep/outcast of not only family system but also as a member of the society until I read these very liberating words by Bert Hellinger: The so-called black sheep of the family are, in fact, hunters born of paths of liberation into the family tree. The members of a tree who do not conform to the norms or traditions of the family system, those who since childhood have constantly sought to revolutionise beliefs, going against the paths marked by family traditions, those criticised, judged and even rejected, these are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations. The black sheep, those who do not adapt, those who cry rebelliously, play a basic role within each family system, they repair, pick up and create new and unfold branches in the family tree. Thanks to these members, our trees renew their roots. Its rebellion is fertile soil, its madness is water that nourishes, its stubbornness is new air, its passion is fire that re-ignites the light of the heart of the ancestors. Uncountable repressed desires, unfulfilled dreams, the frustrated talents of our ancestors are manifested in the rebelliousness of these black sheep seeking fulfillment. The genealogical tree, by inertia will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which makes the task of our sheep a difficult and conflicting work. However, who would bring new flowers to our tree if it were not for them? Who would create new branches? Without them, the unfulfilled dreams of those who support the tree generations ago would die buried beneath their own roots. Let no one cause you to doubt, take care of your rarity as the most precious flower of your tree. You are the dream of all your ancestors. Yes, we are the dream of our ancestors!
Nice 🙏 It makes me think of a quote I like from a fellow named Terry Real.. "Family pathology rolls like a fire in the woods from generation to generation taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow."
Thank you for this. Indeed, it is not easy. But when there is no other choice, we end up alone and an “outsider.” I teach language and literature, I make music, I read, I write, and I have very few friends. I turned 50 this year and have been living alone for three years now (in Tokyo - left the U.S. years ago, but I do not totally “fit in” here either, alas!). This video hit home. Thank you.
Hi Daniel, I'm a psychoanalytic psychotherapist but I hope you don't hold that against me. I love your videos and I had a feeling-thought about being an outsider in the culture in order to be an insider to yourself. Most of us have had to accommodate to the needs and expectations of our early caregivers because we had no choice. You describe this process beautifully and I'm in complete agreement. Those early patterns leave us with an irreconcilable dilemma; if we struggle to assert our individual needs and feelings, we run the risk of losing that vitally-needed tie to parental approval. But if we yield to our parents' needs and expectations, we lose touch with our authentic selves. It's my experience that there are well-trained therapists at a few psychoanalytic institutes that engage patients in relationships that simultaneously meet their archaic un-met needs, but in a way that re-awakens a natural developmental process where patients grow in their capacity to differentiate from the view their parents had of them that still unconsciously shapes their sense of selfhood. They grow in their capacity to differentiate from the therapist as well, as normal development would have occurred if parents weren't threatened by their children becoming their own selves. It's a long process to liberate ourselves from the view our parents had of us and feel comfortable seeing ourselves differently from how they needed us to be. If you had to cut off all contact with your parents 10 years ago, I totally trust your reasons for doing so. Sometimes that's the only way we can retain our individuated sense of selfhood which, I'm guessing, was very threatening to your parents. Becoming a NY therapist with a private practice may have felt too much like you were subtly aligning with their values or being their "good boy," It might just have felt too much like a continuation of the way you always had to accommodate to them and the larger, cultural surround. James Baldwin had to move to France in order to tell America, "I am not 'your' Negro." Martin Luther King suggested that we not adjust to a maladjusted culture. Bernard Brandchaft, psychoanalyst and co-founder of self-psychology wrote a paper entitled, "To Free the Spirit From Its Cell," in which he describes the emancipatory aspect of a treatment relationship conducted with an eye toward "holding" the patient through the grief and anxiety that often accompanies the process of psychological differentiation, then supporting the patient's tentative steps towards self-assertion and self-acceptance. This is not a therapeutic formula but a process unique to every patient-therapist dyad, in which a patient can rely on the therapist's availability, and also feel his/her support for the patient's growth and development 'away' from the therapist. I really appreciate your public search for authenticity, and your sharing your considerable insights with us. There is so much on the internet that my patients watch that ends up re-confirming to them that they are seriously messed up...that THEY are the problem. I appreciate your videos because you see their struggles from the point of view of the context in which they were raised. You're doing enormous good that you might not ever know about if we didn't tell you. I really appreciate you and those who comment on your self-reflections.
It’s funny. I am around your age and have been a complete outsider for virtually all of my life. I never even had the period of acceptance that you did during your years as a professional therapist. The closest I came to that was when I was a catch-all caregiver for my grandfather for the last 12 years of his life, which brought me some cachet within my family and those who ask the dreaded (for me) question, So, what do you do for a living?? So much of what you say here is like something that comes from my own thoughts. Some kindred spirit energy here for sure! Thank you for your videos! 😌👍
IDK who said it but "to be well adjusted to a sick society is no sign of health." ...or something like that....but this video made me think of that quote. We outsiders are alone together. So many of us feel like an outsider yet still "go-along-to-get-along" anyway and conform to self-destructive ideals. I'm glad you found a way to get out of the cliché cycle. Thank you for sharing. I relate to much of what you've been saying in many of your videos and essays.
Oh my god.....everything you said resonates. We DO see things other people don't. These things have caused me so much pain and attracted so much vitriol from others. I want to find my tribe of outsiders but I fear I never will.
Thank you, Daniel. I feel both less alone and inspired by your wonderful honesty. I also don't hit any of the goals of society. Haha.. most of the time I have come to terms with that this is not my way this life on earth, i will hit other boxes. In some painful moments I long for the validation and belonging to the group though, I must admit. I love what you said about belonging on the inside. That is the success I'm going for 💫
I have done THERAPY and Daniels TALKS are turning out to be the best THERAPY I have ever had ! .......... Leaves you with no more Questions !!! * REAL Human SHARING his experiences & knowledge GOOD WORK ! Must be rewarding now !
Where do you find relationships that fulfill you, or have you? And what, if any, part of a relationship doesn't fulfill you? And do you wish it did? Do your expectations about connection match your reality?
Value of being an outsider. I really enjoy listening to your opinions, experience, child history and about your parents. You totally validate me Daniel, thank you for doing vids. I am healing by nurturing myself, putting myself first, listening to my emotions, and most importantly loving myself.
I was 51 by the time I just had to accept that people only know how to be toxic. You’re identified as the outsider as a young kid and it never ever changes. A deeper life though.
It can be quite lonely at times, a lot of my friendships were built around me being a people pleaser and “nice” person. I lost a lot of people when I decided to choose myself and started healing. Thank you for this video. It gives me hope that someday I too will find the right people who I can be my truest self with. ❤
From outsider to outsider: thank you for getting it. Thank you for understanding. I knew there was more like me out there. It's like you spoke my inner thoughts. Eerie.
Daniel … I am with you! Almost identical experience to yours … had decades of pain wondering why I wasn’t being so called successful … in year 66 of my life all changed … it wasn’t me not understanding them it was them not understanding me !! Last few years my visionary views have taken off and I solve problems where others don’t even see the problems. I am a coach mentor and wear various other hats … I had your pain for decades but now all coming good. Outsiders … stay with it as Daniel says the world needs your skills they just take years to recognise it. Daniel… talk to me one day soon I’d love to meet. Best wishes David j
I also left my professional job. Now I’m much healthier. Can you please share your guitar journey and maybe some practical tips for how to teach yourself. I’ve been watching your vids for years. Great vid.
Thank you so mucho for shearing from your heart, personally I think that people saying You don't seem healed or happy is just because they espect You to be the way we've all being told about happiness and society, is like wanting to all go away to be happy and that's hillarious. What I preciate the most of your content is the honesty You share that allows us to relate to your way to heal, that happens to be very alike to ours surely in Many cases, and we are no terapist at all, but deep inside wey know thats the way.
Recommended books for THE OUTSIDERS: "The Book" On The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by ALAN WATTS...The Book Of Five Rings by MIYAMOTO MUSASHI...Also, a song to listen to is; "O-o-h Child" by THE FIVE STAIRSTEPS, yea?.........."EVERY WISH FULFILLED" E.T.
Really enjoying your videos. I am in my early 50's as well. When you said outsiders can see things and the world differently than others, it really made sense to me. I feel that at my age I should try and work on myself, but unfortunately I am just emotionally and physically drained. I made some poor choice's in life and don't have the will to fight. An end just seems so much faster and easier at this point. Thanks for the videos and insight.
it is beautiful to be outsiders. at times it was very hard but anything unfamiliar is hard at first but as we start trusting our intuition more this worlds become so clear for reflection like seeing through myself. my inner lense.i dont know why this is the way nature is but it is so peaceful and content. you are very a wise man.
Thank you for this Daniel. At the age of 44 I have begun to start my own psychotherapy practice and your videos have been part of my education in the field. My journey to this point has always been primarily about my own healing but for now I am serving others as part of that healing process. The idea of being as a Sharman as a therapist is a romantic one bit not without justification. I will take this message as one to remain true to the path of genuine healing even if I achieve the success and societal acceptance that I envision in my practice.
As a kid I always wanted to create art; compose, write, play music. I have stifling this part of myself for me entire life because I thought it was what I "had" to do to be "normal." I regret it so much, but I am reaching the point where I don't care anymore. I've been an outsider for my whole life.
You are very brave to leave the conventional life Daniel and to go on your own healing path....You're right that the humanity needs more grown ups to care, be healing and share their wisdom with the world. I hope you manage to find people like you and grow your own tribe....I am one who'd love to live in a healthy society, tribe or even a family, but everywhere I look at, trauma seeps in some ways or others and I'm so grateful to people like you, who are pioneering and creating the new holistic movement of healing... So living by myself isn't actually as bad as many people think... at least I know that feeling loved and cared for doesn't depend on the mood or state of someone else, but on me...
I definitely know that you have healed a lot because if you hadn’t you wouldn’t be sharing the things that you say in these videos. I definitely don’t agree with people that say that you don’t display that you’ve healed, I appreciate you posting these videos so much. In this world not many people think this way and it is extremely comforting to hear someone who does. Thank you so much.
Thank you Daniel. I've experienced this so much in my life, from my skin color, religion, sex, my sexual orientation, being ostracized by my family and friends. Even now despite being an adult on my own it still feels like an outsider from all the groups I should be in but I still can't fit in. It all made me feel like something was wrong with me even as a child also set on a journey of who or what I was . It was a pain to come to the same conclusion realizing your caregivers only wanted you in the role they placed you in. And that people only treated you based on your status and career. But I can't thank you enough to showing it's possible despite it being uncomfortable to fight through the troubleness. I also appreciate your books as they help with the growing pains of healing.
Outsider here my whole life. Painful at times and vastly rewarding at other times. There is no other way if you're going to be a creative spirit. Seriously? Would one be original and truly creative if you have to keep asking ( too much) , "What are people going to think of this story, painting, song, poem, etc.?" You can definitely be an outsider and make contributions to society. Thank you for your wisdom and openly shared feelings and experiences. Detailed and beautiful!
Daniel, speaking from my own experience too, toxic parents set us up to be special and apart from normal things in the world. By that, I mean those who manage to rise above and heal from childhood trauma can count themselves as unique and gifted. The intelligence, will power, inner strength, and sheer grit to survive such early experiences creates a trial by fire in such a way to make everything else in life seem like a cake walk. Unfortunately, only a small percentage of victims of toxic parents make it. Most numb out or marry people similar to their parents or become addicted to drugs and alcohol. Very few find their way to therapy and have the luck to find a therapist who knows how to handle patients who went through severe childhood trauma.
So I guess you've read Sheldon Kopp et al. Well, here on the other side of the pond, Fifteen years a therapist, now retired, the issues come up in clearer focus, we learn from our clients, we learn about ourselves, we have passed through somehow - dare one call it 'illumination' well, maybe not, but the way ahead perhaps becomes clearer. Thanks for your videos, nice to feel it's not just me - good fortune and travel well.
Bhagavad Gita says happiness and distress are both guaranteed throughout material live and true peace is being non attached to either, knowing them to be creations of the mind. Knowing one's true position in life as a spirit soul. You speak a lot like a Bhakti so I thought I'd share. Thanks for the videos, love it.
There are those many who naturally "go along to get along", and there are those few who don't. When it becomes a matter of choice is when you find yourself.
Being an East Asian living in Canada for ten years, I noticed there are many similarities shared by all ethnics; also, there are many differcence between every individuls. Life is an one way journey. Whether you choose to be an outsider or not, it depends on which way makes you more comfortable. Or there is no insider at all, we are all outsiders to ourselves and others. Most of people spend their whole lives to find what they truly want.
1. ZFG 2. First, do no harm 3. Enjoy pizza 4. delay gratification, or not - your choice 5. thou shalt be original 7. knowledge=ask better questions / ability to filter b.s.
In so many ways your story reveals the only process that dissolves entire clusters of personality disorders. You actually have reached a next level in your spiritual journey and it is so admirable that you were brave enough to leave the norm and now to share this without the fear of exposing your vulnerabilities. Sending you love and gratitude for being out there and speaking your truth.
I posed the question to the last therapist I saw - what is better, to put myself first at the cost of societal approval, or try to fit in at great internal misery? Her answer was: I'm not sure, I need time to process before I can give you an answer for that. I never got the call for another appointment.
Thank you. I relate to how you feel, I am an outsider too. Thank God I am not the only one, your words encourage me to appreciate more myself. May God bless you.
I can see how healed you are. I do not understand how they can not see it haha. I love your videos Daniel. I have been talking to my students about you and I am obsessed with your voice, how you think and the way you speak. I heal when I watch your videos.
This sounds like Me. And it also sounds like Autism. The more I learn about the symptoms of Autism, I can't help but realize it probably explains a lot about Me. Both psychological, emotional, and also the physical ailments are all checking those boxes.
You are so right, Daniel. Not fitting in society is really painful, but I see no other way to be my real self. And for me, that's important. Thank you for being the leader of outsiders :)
Hopefully the internet will make this process of finding such people so much easier.
Well said. You have described me. I had a thought whilst listening that ultimately, l would like to be able to put my mind in a place of saying to myself and embracing this thought as l die, that l love myself. My world is inner.
I find animals have more meaning to me than people. Watching and hearing birds is one of the most glorious things there is.
Glory to the birds.
being an outsider in school is one thing but im scared that the friends that i made outside of school comes in to my school and fits in and has changed for the worse and havent been the same since then
You are so emotionally intelligent and sensitive, it's refreshing. From another outsider.
I think it takes a degree of courage to follow your own path. I respect that in a person.
I agree!
Courage is the foundation for all other virtues -CB Luce
You have no choice as an outsider and the normal people won't accept you. Normal people are actually very cruel and heartless to outsiders .
@@sarcodonblue2876 If "normal" people are very cruel and heartless they are sick themselves.
@@JoeL-zb1yd Yes society is very sick and being generous they are numb zombies.
For me it was desperation, then courage, then the audacity. We are the fruit of the society, unfortunately.
Money is a really tough part of it.
One of the greatest thinkers of our times Jiddu Krishnamurti said " It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". And yet, this is the silent (or not so silent) message we have grown up to aim for; to fit in the society without questioning the state of this society. It is a blessing that there are some healthy outsiders like you out there. A reason to not loose hope... Like healthy stem cells that will regenerate any sick tissue, organ and system.
Krishnamurti said some wise things but he also a hypocrite. I prefer the far more brilliant Erich Fromm.
Very well put.
As an outsider myself, other outsiders like Daniel have opened my eyes to what society truly is. What we now consider "normal" is just sick and completely goes against human nature.
Knowing that there are other outsiders out there that get it is so comforting! And I so relate to what you are saying. You are very articulate in a very authentic way. I can’t thank you enough for speaking up. Thank you my friend !
@Mc Hobbit 💯 well said.
in some way you’re still a therapist, i think it’s kind of your “call” to be a therapist and think in a certain way, you just stopped treating single patients. but you still have that therapy mindset and you now “spread the word” over the internet, that’s just evolution! :) also you look much younger than your age man, congrats
Maybe it was meant to be this way and he can reach even more people
I'm a 22 year old Spanish student of psychology. I never comment on your videos but I just wanted to thank you for existing and sharing your knowledge. You motivate me to continue this career even though the system here makes me want to quit. I guess I decided to comment on this video in particular because I do too feel like an outsider. Thanks to you, I don't feel like one when you post.
Gracias 😊
Switch to social work
Im also a psychology student! Keep it up!!!
I get that! I’ve quit many jobs to because of the whole system thing or places not being organized or bad bosses hopefully that’s not your case but I am finally happy for once at the job I like plus I took my safeserve training which took me forever to get through and found that this is what I want to do with my life be in the food industry. With whatever you do I hope it truly makes you happy it’s freeing to do what I love to do FINNALLy! And it took me forever to get here haha 😂
As a 77 year old outsider, I can report a good life. I still like seeming to fit in but like you say, the social fabric is so screwed up, it's not worth all the compromising. "The internal relationship with yourself" is more vital to one's well being than fitting in to any external relationship, even if it isn't (what is?) perfect.
At 75, I feel like you...
70 here. I agree.
89 here! I love every moment i’m alone. Life was a struggle morphing into others expectations of me. This so resonates with me. This video Daviid was spot on for so many people including me. You get me! You put my feelings/thoughts into words stuck deep inside.
Thank you. The year my spouse passed was first experience in being truly alone. I miss him. He gave me space and unconditional love for 40 years. I was blessed!
At 79yrs, hacked my way out…..stepped into MY world! A world of quiet solitude.
Thank you again David. Peace be with you.
I'd rather be like you than like them
I like being an outsider because, deep down, society doesn't appreciate kindness or "being yourself". There seems to be this invisible wall of conformity or peer pressure that prevents people from being themselves. How you think and behave is based on society's expectations.
I see this trend quite common in our education systems, workplaces, and even in our families. If you choose not to conform to society's expectations, well, be prepared to be gaslighted or seen as this weird freak.
I digress to anyone who might have an opposing view, but this is what I have noticed and even experienced thus far.
I’m hoping w the internet it’ll be seen as a much more common thing as the years go on.
I guess even more so, people crave deep down to be who they are, and as systems develop which allow people to have lives that don’t require conformity, maybe then we’ll see an outsider renaissance?
Interesting, I wonder if there's such a thing as an 'insider? There's a Woody Allen sketch where he's doing a street survey into relationships, one couple when asked says something like' I'm shallow and unimaginative'the other says 'I'm the same so we get along'
I am a happily, integrated plumber, pipes and pumps are my business, I have three successful children who are perfectly balanced, loving, yet natural and free, sorry I made this up
@@davideatwell6577 l remember that line. Hilarious thanks for sharing
This is so validating.
Abandoning the religion I was raised into. Becoming a vegan, opening up about my sexuality, leaving my family of origin. So many times I have found myself at odds with the world by choosing what's best for me.
I appreciate you Daniel
As a vegan of 35 years, I was pleased to have the term "vystopia" coined recently by Claire Mann. Veganism is the philosophy of not exploiting and we live in a society built on speciesism and exploitation - to the point of the climate emergency and 6th mass extinction. We are surrounded by junkies, meatoholics, and abusers. Carnage. Terrible bullying for refusing to take part in that kind of society.
@@druma9691 never heard that term before. Have to look it up. Thanks!
So relatable 💜
What's best for us and for the nonhuman sentient animals.
@@flyingfig12 agree 💯
I do lots of sport, I play guitar everyday, I love my dog, I live in the countryside. I don't have time to "fit in".
This is relevant to me as an immigrant in the US. I feel free of all the drama and political discourse going on here and just focus on my kids, job and education, while my american peers are sunk in office drama, gossip and fears competition. We, the outsiders, see things the locals don't realize are going wrong, but our views are ignored, bcz locals are sunk in their drama and just unable see a picture from the outside. Thank you for sharing.
Right? What I’m finding to is that I’m in California and my co workers I’ll ask them how they are and they will tell me and yet not even ask how I am and what I’m doing with my life it’s so bizarre and is one of my worst triggers. Why do people do that? Yea and the drama and gossip it gets old and I try to refrain from it but then when I slip up I get kind of emberessed which is rare.
You are a breath of fresh air. I've been binge watching your videos and you've put so many of my thoughts into words. I have been unable to have deep, meaningful conversations with people because many seem to just enjoy gossip and whatnot. I am tired of society.
Thank you for bringing up being an outsider in the mental health industry. It's hard when everyone looks at the industry in mostly rose-colored glasses
It just goes to show how rigid and small the box you have to fit into is when Daniel is considered sooooo different. True health means you're a few standard deviations out from the norm.
Wow, you explained and expressed every facet of this very well, Daniel! Thanks from a 56 year old drifter who lives in his van...down by the river...i willingly embrace it all.
Good on you!
this comment and the way it was written reminds me so much of my mom! (it's a good thing, she was awesome)
I attended a graduation ceremony once where Maya Angelou was a speaker. One of the things she said that I never forgot, was that you should never, ever strive to fit in. Instead, make others and the world fit themselves to YOU. Her words were more eloquent than mine, but that's the gist of it. What profoundly wonderful advice. It's an honor and a privilege to be an "outsider", folks.
Refusing a role in society and choosing to become who one really is can be seen as a challenge by those who are not strong or who are afraid of being rejected. No, Daniel, you are not an outsider. Having been able to establish such a large network of people who appreciate your thoughts and helpful contribution to the wellbeing of so many is a living proof that you have taken the right choice. Thank you for your inspiring videos.
Daniel though I've never met you in person, I feel like you're my best friend. You brilliantly verbalize what many of us have been through. Thank you for these videos🙏🙏🙏
You look great for 50s.
Yeah he looks so young
Bruh I thought he was 23.
@@cokeMONSTERps3 he is gonna go bonkers over this comment
@@thebeigesheep6132
He "simply" looks much more alive than the average 50 or 40 year old.
@CancelledOpinion As does giving up
This is so valuable and true, thank you for sharing your wisdom. I was choking up talking to my friend the other day and telling her how much I miss being part of a family and being part of a group - because over the years I have drifted from them because I want to follow my own mind. Yes it is painful to feel I am not part of a group, but the peace that I feel when I am alone and knowing that I am absolutely honest with myself and my life reflects my morals and values is just immeasurable, and so worth it.
Your words inspire me ~ thank you 💜
Great comment
Yessss!! 100% feel this!! xx
The internal discomfort, discord, and pain of "belonging" is worse than being an outsider looking at the rest of the crowd. I remind myself of this anytime I get mistakenly lost in nostalgia of previously fitting into society's validation. Indeed being able to witness others in their unique gifts of being themselves is a reminder and a comfort that decreases that alienation. Appreciative of the video!
Your ability 2 talk about these subjects is brilliant. I have tried explaining these feelings 2 a lot of people in my time, but have never been able 2 put it over as well as U do. Thank U 4 who U R & what U do.
Phenomenal commentary! Thank you! Hannah Arendt articulated in one of her essays, which is actually derived from the writings of Plato/Socrates, that it is better to be at odds with the entire world, than to be at odds with oneself.
While we have to figure out what that is once we get beyond the conditioning. Hannah Arendt was great, but stopped her inquiry at some point, her questioning
That made her excuse Heidegger just for the personal connection and intellectual leanings to find a reason why exactly such sciences can go so wrong.
She was a human after all, but it's a bit sad that she stayed within those boundaries.
I feel like I am going through this now. I don’t fit in anywhere and I feel like I fit in with those that are more unhealthy then the healthy people. Makes sense though to me.
What I have found most shocking and hurtful is the gratuitous nastiness of others when the spell begins to break. A huge lesson. Best wishes to anyone going through this process. Give it time.
And best wishes to you
The spell as in the Maya all around us?
I really needed to hear this right now. I’ve lost everyone because I refuse to be who they want me to be and I’ve just been going back and forth wondering if it’s even worth it to be true to myself
Thank you Daniel as always, for sharing your pain and discomfort. You show the rest of us that what we are feeling is real because it is shared.
When I was about 4years old, I realized that I was an outsider. It was a profound moment, I imagined being inside a bubble looking out. I have struggled with this in the past but mostly I’ve embraced it. I am so glad I don’t follow the crowd because it’s usually misguided.
It’s probably the other way around :) you are looking at the bubble from the outside . I wish you all the best :)
It is so strange that most people CAN't accept that some of us are so transparent. We tell them everything they want to know even without them asking. That's just who we ARE. People make life so complicated when all you have to do is be real with yourself and others. People wear thick masks and are afraid to peel it off in layers. Life is so much easier if you just be genuine through and through. I suppose for some they may have to face themselves and work on some major junk. I've asked my son which was studying psychology why cant they heal themselves? He said they aren't taught that. In order for them to help others heal, the therapists have to heal themselves. I say coping skills need to be taught all throughout the school years and starting young. I feel as when you speak you are opening my mouth. Thank you for taking your time to make this channel. May I also add that my son calls me a narcissist because I tell him what I'm doing works and if most people thought like this, life would be much easier and more people would be sober and without pharmaceuticals.
If you feel bad of not fitting in just accept that you play this "role" of being the social outcast, ask what your role is in this life and just be that, live your role. Don't be someone else's role, don't try to be someone you aren't.
Being this true INFJ personality really makes me stand out and I'm living as I'm portrayed "the wise wizard" that's my role and that's who I will be.
Rather simplistic.
Authenticity is a beautiful gift!
🙏❤️🔥🥰
Numbers 6:24-26
King James Version
24 The Lord bless thee, and keep thee:
25 The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
26 The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.
John 14:26-27
King James Version
26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Galatians 1:10-12
King James Version
10 For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.
11 But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man.
12 For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.
Brings to mind the song from the ‘I am Sam’ movie soundtrack
Looking through you ~ The Wallflowers.
Outsiders like you, like me, we see and understand more than "people in the system". When you see it, you can't go back. It's a superpower and a curse at the same time. The curse part makes us seem sulky sometimes. I'd compare it to the sadness in the eyes on Madonna on so many religious paintings. But our superpower is that we aren't oblivious to what's going on and can fit in if and when we set our minds to it. I just don't want to anymore!😂
I don’t think being an outsider has to be this hard. I think Molyneux is right when he said back in 2009 that if you truly have yourself, you’ll never feel alone.
Grieve and heal. Idk why I’m here on this floating rock but I’m gonna do everything I can in order to do just that, if anything.
Being your true self is one of the most brave things we can do, especially today.
I usually never comment but I just had to say, thank you Daniel. Thank you for speaking so honestly and eloquently for all of us and thank you for doing what you do. I’ve never heard anyone describe being ostracized so raw and accurate and I commend you for it. Stay true to yourself and never conform for anyone.
Looking at it from a spiritual pov, maybe you were meant to be an 'outsider', meant to have a difficult life so when you're nose is stuck against a window of a house, looking from the outside looking in, you can see what's going on from different angles. And therefore it makes sense that you're a counsellor as the emotional resilience you've gained as a result of the life you've had, is the reason why you can counsel - lots of empathy there
The critical messages on "why don't you seem happy, and why aren't you sorted out more" just shows that those people do not understand the path of healing from trauma. We can't just forget and move on because forgetting would mean to stop healing. And in another point, that I have written on your channel: this is your "job" and interest in helping others. So by bringing up the strive in your life, you can help. If you were just to smile and give some unreal "happiness message," we would all not be able to heal.
I always smile when I listen to you because you pull faces on some traumatic experiences and open yourself up. Very few straight men would do that. My experience ist almost that even women "want this no emotion idol", that the most men out there are.
Keep up what you are doing. We are all not looking for the fairytale life that some people think one has to have. But we all want to learn to become stronger in hearing what our inner voice is saying.
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself". Friedrich Nietzsche.
I am one of your people Daniel. So thrilled to have found you. So happy to SEE you and feel love for you. Thank you for putting into words what I knew but was unable to say.
Alan Watts had a great saying in one of his talks which I'll paraphrase- "the world needs the far out people as it needs the far in" to balance out interpersonal energies, social roles, etc for a society to keep going...
I have been single and lived alone for quite some time; I liken my lifestyle/ values similar to that of a nun (which was one fantasy career as a lot kid, the other was being a journalist) - though I'm not officially or professionally either, I feel lucky I'm able to, as a single woman, pursue the arts and spiritual studies (yes, I have a 9-5 job; that's the challenging compromise, but for now, grateful to have access to a safe place to live, food, etc- I have no family support, of course no partner- so just me taking care of myself; yet it's freeing as well since I don't have to answer to anyone except myself and the Creator. The more I've been truly honest to myself and made decisions accordibgly- yeah, I had to deal with the haters and naysayers - but that's a price if rather pay than being a hater and naysayer to myself.
Whoopi Goldberg once said something like if we are content and secure in just being our authentic selves, we gotta be prepared for some ppl not liking us. But that's on them- and who has time to give a crap for those who do not give a crap about us?
Love it! I am a troubled man, have been most of my life, but I see and hear something very real here. Tenacious veracity itself. I want that!
That last point is golden, Daniel. True growth can be the most painful thing we do, and it may look absolutely counterproductive in the eyes of society. To me, this became one of the most important road signs on my path, reminding me that I was heading towards authenticity.
And yet, this rejection of society of us is the source of the pain, not ourselves. On the contrary, we become the sources of hope and healing. There is a reason I enjoy listening to you so much, Daniel, and it's not because you're fringe - you do happen to be fringe, circumstantially, but you are such a breath of fresh air. When you talk, it's as if stagnant air escapes the innumerable gaslighted chambers throughout my life and I can revisit those places without being asphyxiated. I cannot think of a more important work on this planet Earth and I have deep respect for that.
Thank you.
Well said!!
Big agree
One of your best yet! ✨ I really resonate with this one 👍
Reminds me of the quote by F. Nietzsche:
“In his lonely solitude the solitary man feeds upon himself; in the thronging multitude, the many feed upon him. Now choose.”
I relate to almost all of this. I could see that my parents were extremely immature and disrespectful, despite being considered perfectly "normal" parents by most people's standards. And it's true, my parents are normal - there's lots of immature parents out there. I was so sick of having my boundaries disrespected, and I always wanted something better for myself.
I’ve noticed that married people are uncomfortable with unmarried or divorced people. When single you’re no longer in their tribe.
I think I enjoy simple things that I never did when I was trying hard for approval. It's much easier to make conversation and actually enjoy the conversation when you allow yourself the be vulnerable enough to be genuine. As I open up and become curious about the lives of others I can now start to make the little connections I could never make before. I also find that people are curious about me. I can't believe it took me 37 years. Lol
I totally agree. Being an insider in the mainstream world always comes at a price. And i also get that belonging/exclusion is not a choice when we are born into a certain family and culture with its history. However, as you seem to be saying too, we may choose how and where we want to belong (be insiders with) later on.I also get that inner peace and truth (being insider to yourself) are more important than comfort. And again, I also feel like it is important to have a sense of community of people with similar values and sensitivity. We need a sense of home as the inner and outer feels like a duality trap. Belonging with difference is a big theme.
For my clients in their 20s, the experience of feeling like an outsider seems to mostly revolve around the thought process of relating to others and finding a place where they can belong. It's a difficult topic to go through, as I feel this way myself. Many many people feel this way, yet are too scared to dive into that feeling. It's like you said, strap on your seatbelts. It can be a wild ride but definitely a fulfilling one once you get some momentum.
Thanks for the video
I have a 6 month old. I constantly think about her coming home from school one day, crying, that her peers were picking on her for not wearing the right clother.... I try to imagine what would I tell her, that wouldnt further hurt her. But damn it, I am so disgusted by these trivial things that mean absolutely nothing, but everything to todays society. I hate it
Homeschool...at least protect her from thr horrific programming in these government institutions called schools
@@goldenhoneybee8128 homeschooling is ok if you trully know how to do it. also, completly expelling a child from society is not going to do them any good. they will have no idea how to function in our world
@@RelaxxationStation Hilarious. So many resources. So many groups get together bi or tri-weekly for their children to 'socialize'.
If you had any idea.what horrors are going on in government schools, you would recognize the horrific abuse and destruction of children occurring.
Every year worse than year before.
@@goldenhoneybee8128 well, Im not from America, so I wouldnt go so far. I had a wonderful time in school. nowdays is a little different. its more about what you look like, then who you are
@@RelaxxationStation most kids coming out of those environments don’t know how to socialize or integrate into the world.
i think the number of such outsiders, or at the very least people who understand and appreciate them, is slowly growing. it might be luck but i've started to notice more and more people are understanding of childhood trauma. there's is a simmering shift going on, very slowly but steadily of healing and growth of individuals in our society which gives me some hope in the bleakness of the world and it's future. That just maybe the currently outsiders will be the fabric and the core of a healthier society.
I don't want to disappear into the masses. Being average is how you get forgotten in time.
@WrongOpinion exactly 💯
If you're happy and at peace inside, doesn't matter what the world thinks.
Why you want to be remembered? Isn't it same thing
For 47 years I thought I was a failure/black sheep/outcast of not only family system but also as a member of the society until I read these very liberating words by Bert Hellinger:
The so-called black sheep of the family are, in fact, hunters born of paths of liberation into the family tree.
The members of a tree who do not conform to the norms or traditions of the family system, those who since childhood have constantly sought to revolutionise beliefs, going against the paths marked by family traditions, those criticised, judged and even rejected, these are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations.
The black sheep, those who do not adapt, those who cry rebelliously, play a basic role within each family system, they repair, pick up and create new and unfold branches in the family tree. Thanks to these members, our trees renew their roots. Its rebellion is fertile soil, its madness is water that nourishes, its stubbornness is new air, its passion is fire that re-ignites the light of the heart of the ancestors.
Uncountable repressed desires, unfulfilled dreams, the frustrated talents of our ancestors are manifested in the rebelliousness of these black sheep seeking fulfillment. The genealogical tree, by inertia will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which makes the task of our sheep a difficult and conflicting work.
However, who would bring new flowers to our tree if it were not for them? Who would create new branches? Without them, the unfulfilled dreams of those who support the tree generations ago would die buried beneath their own roots.
Let no one cause you to doubt, take care of your rarity as the most precious flower of your tree.
You are the dream of all your ancestors.
Yes, we are the dream of our ancestors!
Nice 🙏
It makes me think of a quote I like from a fellow named Terry Real..
"Family pathology rolls like a fire in the woods from generation to generation taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow."
That is so profound and moving.
Thank you for sharing 🤍🙏
They are critical to renewing the family tree, updating it, removing technical and psychological debt.
more like a nightmare
Thank you for this. Indeed, it is not easy. But when there is no other choice, we end up alone and an “outsider.” I teach language and literature, I make music, I read, I write, and I have very few friends. I turned 50 this year and have been living alone for three years now (in Tokyo - left the U.S. years ago, but I do not totally “fit in” here either, alas!).
This video hit home. Thank you.
Hi Daniel, I'm a psychoanalytic psychotherapist but I hope you don't hold that against me. I love your videos and I had a feeling-thought about being an outsider in the culture in order to be an insider to yourself. Most of us have had to accommodate to the needs and expectations of our early caregivers because we had no choice. You describe this process beautifully and I'm in complete agreement. Those early patterns leave us with an irreconcilable dilemma; if we struggle to assert our individual needs and feelings, we run the risk of losing that vitally-needed tie to parental approval. But if we yield to our parents' needs and expectations, we lose touch with our authentic selves. It's my experience that there are well-trained therapists at a few psychoanalytic institutes that engage patients in relationships that simultaneously meet their archaic un-met needs, but in a way that re-awakens a natural developmental process where patients grow in their capacity to differentiate from the view their parents had of them that still unconsciously shapes their sense of selfhood. They grow in their capacity to differentiate from the therapist as well, as normal development would have occurred if parents weren't threatened by their children becoming their own selves.
It's a long process to liberate ourselves from the view our parents had of us and feel comfortable seeing ourselves differently from how they needed us to be. If you had to cut off all contact with your parents 10 years ago, I totally trust your reasons for doing so. Sometimes that's the only way we can retain our individuated sense of selfhood which, I'm guessing, was very threatening to your parents. Becoming a NY therapist with a private practice may have felt too much like you were subtly aligning with their values or being their "good boy," It might just have felt too much like a continuation of the way you always had to accommodate to them and the larger, cultural surround.
James Baldwin had to move to France in order to tell America, "I am not 'your' Negro." Martin Luther King suggested that we not adjust to a maladjusted culture. Bernard Brandchaft, psychoanalyst and co-founder of self-psychology wrote a paper entitled, "To Free the Spirit From Its Cell," in which he describes the emancipatory aspect of a treatment relationship conducted with an eye toward "holding" the patient through the grief and anxiety that often accompanies the process of psychological differentiation, then supporting the patient's tentative steps towards self-assertion and self-acceptance. This is not a therapeutic formula but a process unique to every patient-therapist dyad, in which a patient can rely on the therapist's availability, and also feel his/her support for the patient's growth and development 'away' from the therapist.
I really appreciate your public search for authenticity, and your sharing your considerable insights with us. There is so much on the internet that my patients watch that ends up re-confirming to them that they are seriously messed up...that THEY are the problem. I appreciate your videos because you see their struggles from the point of view of the context in which they were raised. You're doing enormous good that you might not ever know about if we didn't tell you. I really appreciate you and those who comment on your self-reflections.
It’s funny. I am around your age and have been a complete outsider for virtually all of my life. I never even had the period of acceptance that you did during your years as a professional therapist. The closest I came to that was when I was a catch-all caregiver for my grandfather for the last 12 years of his life, which brought me some cachet within my family and those who ask the dreaded (for me) question, So, what do you do for a living?? So much of what you say here is like something that comes from my own thoughts. Some kindred spirit energy here for sure! Thank you for your videos! 😌👍
IDK who said it but "to be well adjusted to a sick society is no sign of health." ...or something like that....but this video made me think of that quote.
We outsiders are alone together.
So many of us feel like an outsider yet still "go-along-to-get-along" anyway and conform to self-destructive ideals.
I'm glad you found a way to get out of the cliché cycle.
Thank you for sharing. I relate to much of what you've been saying in many of your videos and essays.
Oh my god.....everything you said resonates. We DO see things other people don't. These things have caused me so much pain and attracted so much vitriol from others. I want to find my tribe of outsiders but I fear I never will.
Thank you, Daniel. I feel both less alone and inspired by your wonderful honesty. I also don't hit any of the goals of society. Haha.. most of the time I have come to terms with that this is not my way this life on earth, i will hit other boxes. In some painful moments I long for the validation and belonging to the group though, I must admit.
I love what you said about belonging on the inside. That is the success I'm going for 💫
People are so nice if they think you’re successful, it’s quite disgusting when you’ve experienced the opposite reaction in different situations
I have done THERAPY and Daniels TALKS are turning out to be the best THERAPY I have ever had ! ..........
Leaves you with no more Questions !!!
* REAL Human SHARING his experiences & knowledge GOOD WORK ! Must be rewarding now !
Where do you find relationships that fulfill you, or have you? And what, if any, part of a relationship doesn't fulfill you? And do you wish it did? Do your expectations about connection match your reality?
Value of being an outsider. I really enjoy listening to your opinions, experience, child history and about your parents. You totally validate me Daniel, thank you for doing vids. I am healing by nurturing myself, putting myself first, listening to my emotions, and most importantly loving myself.
You honor the outsiders! 👍👍👍
I was 51 by the time I just had to accept that people only know how to be toxic. You’re identified as the outsider as a young kid and it never ever changes. A deeper life though.
It can be quite lonely at times, a lot of my friendships were built around me being a people pleaser and “nice” person. I lost a lot of people when I decided to choose myself and started healing. Thank you for this video. It gives me hope that someday I too will find the right people who I can be my truest self with. ❤
From outsider to outsider: thank you for getting it. Thank you for understanding. I knew there was more like me out there. It's like you spoke my inner thoughts. Eerie.
Daniel … I am with you! Almost identical experience to yours … had decades of pain wondering why I wasn’t being so called successful … in year 66 of my life all changed … it wasn’t me not understanding them it was them not understanding me !! Last few years my visionary views have taken off and I solve problems where others don’t even see the problems. I am a coach mentor and wear various other hats … I had your pain for decades but now all coming good. Outsiders … stay with it as Daniel says the world needs your skills they just take years to recognise it. Daniel… talk to me one day soon I’d love to meet. Best wishes David j
I also left my professional job. Now I’m much healthier. Can you please share your guitar journey and maybe some practical tips for how to teach yourself. I’ve been watching your vids for years. Great vid.
amen. stop chhasing the dream, and start chasing health amd wellness. shift your perspective. don't buy in
From one outsider to another outsider I agree with you 100%
Thank you so mucho for shearing from your heart, personally I think that people saying You don't seem healed or happy is just because they espect You to be the way we've all being told about happiness and society, is like wanting to all go away to be happy and that's hillarious. What I preciate the most of your content is the honesty You share that allows us to relate to your way to heal, that happens to be very alike to ours surely in Many cases, and we are no terapist at all, but deep inside wey know thats the way.
Recommended books for THE OUTSIDERS: "The Book" On The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by ALAN WATTS...The Book Of Five Rings by MIYAMOTO MUSASHI...Also, a song to listen to is; "O-o-h Child" by THE FIVE STAIRSTEPS, yea?.........."EVERY WISH FULFILLED" E.T.
Really enjoying your videos. I am in my early 50's as well. When you said outsiders can see things and the world differently than others, it really made sense to me. I feel that at my age I should try and work on myself, but unfortunately I am just emotionally and physically drained. I made some poor choice's in life and don't have the will to fight. An end just seems so much faster and easier at this point. Thanks for the videos and insight.
it is beautiful to be outsiders. at times it was very hard but anything unfamiliar is hard at first but as we start trusting our intuition more this worlds become so clear for reflection like seeing through myself. my inner lense.i dont know why this is the way nature is but it is so peaceful and content.
you are very a wise man.
Thank you for this Daniel. At the age of 44 I have begun to start my own psychotherapy practice and your videos have been part of my education in the field. My journey to this point has always been primarily about my own healing but for now I am serving others as part of that healing process. The idea of being as a Sharman as a therapist is a romantic one bit not without justification. I will take this message as one to remain true to the path of genuine healing even if I achieve the success and societal acceptance that I envision in my practice.
Love the honesty, I shared my truth too for myself and own healing than what my family has to say! We are the courageous ones 😊❤
As a kid I always wanted to create art; compose, write, play music. I have stifling this part of myself for me entire life because I thought it was what I "had" to do to be "normal."
I regret it so much, but I am reaching the point where I don't care anymore.
I've been an outsider for my whole life.
You are very brave to leave the conventional life Daniel and to go on your own healing path....You're right that the humanity needs more grown ups to care, be healing and share their wisdom with the world. I hope you manage to find people like you and grow your own tribe....I am one who'd love to live in a healthy society, tribe or even a family, but everywhere I look at, trauma seeps in some ways or others and I'm so grateful to people like you, who are pioneering and creating the new holistic movement of healing... So living by myself isn't actually as bad as many people think... at least I know that feeling loved and cared for doesn't depend on the mood or state of someone else, but on me...
I definitely know that you have healed a lot because if you hadn’t you wouldn’t be sharing the things that you say in these videos. I definitely don’t agree with people that say that you don’t display that you’ve healed, I appreciate you posting these videos so much. In this world not many people think this way and it is extremely comforting to hear someone who does. Thank you so much.
Thank you Daniel. I've experienced this so much in my life, from my skin color, religion, sex, my sexual orientation, being ostracized by my family and friends. Even now despite being an adult on my own it still feels like an outsider from all the groups I should be in but I still can't fit in.
It all made me feel like something was wrong with me even as a child also set on a journey of who or what I was . It was a pain to come to the same conclusion realizing your caregivers only wanted you in the role they placed you in. And that people only treated you based on your status and career. But I can't thank you enough to showing it's possible despite it being uncomfortable to fight through the troubleness. I also appreciate your books as they help with the growing pains of healing.
Outsider here my whole life. Painful at times and vastly rewarding at other times. There is no other way if you're going to be a creative spirit. Seriously? Would one be original and truly creative if you have to keep asking ( too much) , "What are people going to think of this story, painting, song, poem, etc.?" You can definitely be an outsider and make contributions to society. Thank you for your wisdom and openly shared feelings and experiences. Detailed and beautiful!
I relate
The more self awareness we get the more distance we put ourselves between people
Daniel, speaking from my own experience too, toxic parents set us up to be special and apart from normal things in the world. By that, I mean those who manage to rise above and heal from childhood trauma can count themselves as unique and gifted. The intelligence, will power, inner strength, and sheer grit to survive such early experiences creates a trial by fire in such a way to make everything else in life seem like a cake walk.
Unfortunately, only a small percentage of victims of toxic parents make it. Most numb out or marry people similar to their parents or become addicted to drugs and alcohol. Very few find their way to therapy and have the luck to find a therapist who knows how to handle patients who went through severe childhood trauma.
So I guess you've read Sheldon Kopp et al. Well, here on the other side of the pond, Fifteen years a therapist, now retired, the issues come up in clearer focus, we learn from our clients, we learn about ourselves, we have passed through somehow - dare one call it 'illumination' well, maybe not, but the way ahead perhaps becomes clearer. Thanks for your videos, nice to feel it's not just me - good fortune and travel well.
thanks for being honest to yourself dani
it's rare to find these people in this day of age
As a proud outsider - right on! 🎉
Bhagavad Gita says happiness and distress are both guaranteed throughout material live and true peace is being non attached to either, knowing them to be creations of the mind. Knowing one's true position in life as a spirit soul. You speak a lot like a Bhakti so I thought I'd share. Thanks for the videos, love it.
There are those many who naturally "go along to get along", and there are those few who don't. When it becomes a matter of choice is when you find yourself.
Being an East Asian living in Canada for ten years, I noticed there are many similarities shared by all ethnics; also, there are many differcence between every individuls. Life is an one way journey. Whether you choose to be an outsider or not, it depends on which way makes you more comfortable. Or there is no insider at all, we are all outsiders to ourselves and others. Most of people spend their whole lives to find what they truly want.
1. ZFG
2. First, do no harm
3. Enjoy pizza
4. delay gratification, or not - your choice
5. thou shalt be original
7. knowledge=ask better questions / ability to filter b.s.
Thank you Daniel , as some one struggling to recognize his own value this video is of paramount importance, your time is much appreciated.
You’re a gem of a human. Thank you for all your nuggets of wisdom ❤
In so many ways your story reveals the only process that dissolves entire clusters of personality disorders. You actually have reached a next level in your spiritual journey and it is so admirable that you were brave enough to leave the norm and now to share this without the fear of exposing your vulnerabilities. Sending you love and gratitude for being out there and speaking your truth.
I posed the question to the last therapist I saw - what is better, to put myself first at the cost of societal approval, or try to fit in at great internal misery? Her answer was: I'm not sure, I need time to process before I can give you an answer for that. I never got the call for another appointment.
Thank you. I relate to how you feel, I am an outsider too. Thank God I am not the only one, your words encourage me to appreciate more myself. May God bless you.
This is fantastic and philosophical! Thank you
I can see how healed you are. I do not understand how they can not see it haha. I love your videos Daniel. I have been talking to my students about you and I am obsessed with your voice, how you think and the way you speak. I heal when I watch your videos.
This sounds like Me. And it also sounds like Autism. The more I learn about the symptoms of Autism, I can't help but realize it probably explains a lot about Me. Both psychological, emotional, and also the physical ailments are all checking those boxes.