The Cause of Conflicts in Relationships
Вставка
- Опубліковано 27 лип 2024
- In this video clip, Rupert explains how to deal with conflicts in relationships and the origin of the feeling that we need to protect ourselves from others.
Timestamps:
00:00 What is the cause for conflicts in relationships?
01:43 Why do we feel threatened by others?
03:50 The best way to resolve conflict
04:47 Finding the openness within you
06:55 What it means to know yourself and your thoughts
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#rupertspira #nonduality #happiness #natureofreality #consciousness #awareness #meditation #guidedmeditation
Listening to Rupert is quickly becoming my daily dose of sanity. Much thanks for posting.
This is a 10/10 floral arrangement for Rupert. The drama!
Knock and the door will be opened to you; click and the wisdom will be given to you.
How amazing the internet world is!
Thank you for the video.
Today was the first day of my life that I finally understood this. Thank you.
So the seeking is over. Now it's just a matter of seeing more clearly and dissolving deeper.
Yeeeeeeiiiiiiiii☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
Yes..isn't it such a relief when you get it! Then you have to repeat it often!! Glad you are now "awakened " fellow traveller😊
@@linggg1541such a nice answer ❤😊
I had this bad pattern of becoming obessed with my partner...I use to lose myself in the another person and when they use to change I use to feel I am gonna die out of the unbearable pain ...thank god after therapy and nonduality teaching I am so much stable ,no longer searching externally to fulfill me,no longer feeling the emptiness... it's all observed now ... finally I found my divine self and got liberated from my sick ego.... god's grace and blessings 🙏🙏
wow, good for you. How are you doing now? Does the realization persist?
@@whatismynamew I am doing quite well now..realization drops when u go amid world yet the world doesn't hold u so tightly like before...it takes a while to rest as awareness .... slowly it happens on own without much effort
@@preetijaiswal6827 seems like you are free from much of the pain from the past. What remains hopefully, you will let it subside too. I am in the state that you mention you were previously. I think that I can be fulfilled by a good relationship. Even though I know intellectually that it is not true, but can't shake it off because I haven't been in any relationships. I guess, I will learn the hard way.
This gets right to the heart of the truth. Very beneficial, thank you.
Utterly simple and brilliant. Space as consciousness, unlimited, unconditioned and all allowing....and yet the character appearing in this, plays out as if bound by limitation and that is character as this.
Pure knowing, pure sensitivity, pure openness.
Dziękuję.
4:20: Don't spend time improving what you are not, your body, your mind.
Improvements will follow as by-products of your understanding and experiencing of who you really are, which is not this fragile entity feeling threatened thus needing to defend or aggrandise itself.
wow, that's an amazing insight that needs to be spread all over the world
Great ! Thank You for the profound infight, Rupert !❤
Profound realisation that resonates deeply. Thank you Rupert for the pointers ❤❤
Powerful 3 years into sitting and see this and know this to be true . Rupert 🙏
IT IS SO CLEAR! Thank you so much Rupert!
Thank you Rupert,you work is very very valuable for us.
Pure awareness aware of itself.
i can only know myself in a pure way* thank you very much*** so grateful.
Superb!
Thanks again Rupert. I love how you seem to refuse seeing anyone as a separate self. Looking forward to a week in Connecticut this spring!
Thank you for this profoundly simple illustration Rupert 💜
Thank you for the reminding, Beloved.
Thank you, Rupert. Just what I needed to understand today! Lovely clarification .
Allowing, receiving, no judging
I am reminded of A Course in Miracles which in one of it's teachings makes the following statement: Defensiveness is attack ... rather surprising when you first hear it.
DAMN!! 😳🙆
All is beauty, all is perfect, all i well. i f i come to your videos it is not for personal guidance, i use them to help others. My vast appreciation and deep gratitude, blessed be. Hugs
:) Thank you! Helping me discover me. :) ❤
top gentle master of anderstanding and love!!!
Very clear insight to human mind ! I miss words ! I try to practise this, because it is nessesary in order to have an unconditional relationship !❤🎉❤
One of the best insight 😊
Thank you rupert for sharing 🙏🏼
Great and profound talk, thank you so much
And I was just reading ACIM lesson 22 and 23...how spooky.
Thank you so much Rupert. ❤🙏
What Rupert says makes sense but he makes it sound so easy to shake the separate self!.
Beautiful.
This is just brilliant.
Brilliant ♥️🙏
Thank you sir for your pointings. Feels there is no outside inside. Everything is appearing in this without any effort., which is already present.
This is the perspective of one with avoidant attachment. Perhaps there is some truth also to the non-dual viewpoint, but it spiritually bypasses the human experience of being hurt by one's early childhood caretakers in specific ways that created that avoidant attachment. THAT is the reason an avoidant person sees others (especially in intimate or potentially intimate) relationships as a threat. Secure or anxiously attached people do not have that experience of seeing others as a threat, unless they try to hurt them, and secure attachment people might even then try to mend things. It may be hard work for avoidants to retrain their brains, and they need help to do that with partners that do not run away or restimulate and reconfirm their childhood traumas, and similar therapists who can provide secure attachment. It is easier to detach and pretend like they have no attachments at all. On the other hand, maybe this is the best they can do and humanity needs their particular genius that thrives best with non-dual detachment.
I'm thinking that perhaps it is not spiritually bypassing the consequences of childhood trauma but a complementary path for healing. All insecure attachment styles are due to fear, coming from the conditioning of our experiences as a child and essentially identification with a separate self. I feel there is a great difference between the fearful, defensive detachment of avoidants and the peaceful, loving detachment that comes with understanding and dwelling as our true limitless nature. If anything, the latter is true secure attachment.
So we can heal our attachment wounds and retrain our brain patterns by remaining as what we really are; embracing our "inner child" (perhaps described as an old cluster of unexpressed feelings/energy due to false beliefs of what we are) with loving care and support, while coming back to the understanding that who we truly are does not need to be protected or defended.
@@Naturally91 I don’t think there is evidence that avoidants identify with their caretakers (“a separate self”). The problem was not identification, but the absence of secure attachment with the caretakers. At least this is what the theory and empirical data tell us so far. There are other theories like Almaas, that include forgetting the essential self and identifying with the caretaker, but I haven’t seen any experiments to support his theories. Or perhaps you mean identifying with the ego (more on this below).
Yes, avoidants often choose this path of seeming peace that comes from dwelling in our “limitless nature” (especially if they are wealthy and can insulate themselves from most of the world). But this peace is quite fragile for most of them: as soon as they get in a romantic relationship, or any adult relationship where there is possible disagreement and vulnerability (i.e. intimacy), they resort to sarcasm, sadism, and other ways of violating the boundaries of the other person (because as Rupert said, they feel the other person as a threat, being reminded of their early childhood, and they repeat what was done to them), and often end the relationship because they just can’t take intimacy with an adult human. That is what I mean by spiritual bypassing.
Very few people (not just avoidants) can remain at peace and don’t need to defend when things get intense, either because a trauma gets triggered, or in times of crisis with e.g. bullets flying all around. That’s because this other “small” self/ego is not just an illusion/epiphenomenon. It emerges from other selves at the psychological level (see IFS therapy), which emerge from constraints on neural processes (also selves), which emerge from simpler selves/processes with constraints like organs, cells, organelles and organic molecules. And all these emergent selves try to maintain themselves, which sometimes means defending, even if the basic nature of the universe (obviously) does not need defending.
At the higher levels there is ability to model the future, which leads to suffering. But this suffering can be alleviated when yet another level emerges: that of a family and beyond that of a tribe. I’m starting to think that all this mystical yearning is really the yearning for attachment to tribe, a level that we had and lost (and now we are even losing functional families). I am not however denying that non-dual consciousness can lead to peace and reduced suffering. I am proposing that the pan-psychist view may not be correct, and offer this alternative emergentist view.
Its about your core feeling about yourself
Very fine sir. Salute you heartedly very🙏 good.
Thank you
Exactly what I needed to hear… again!
It’s becoming so predictable 😂
A Course in Miracles says this too
Annette exactly !
Beautiful
Brilliant.
Likes and dislikes... In a 2017 talk called "When you can't love your parents", Rupert males a distinction between loving and liking, stating at 3:33 in that video that it's natural to like people more or less, due to our conditioning.
It's due to the likes and the dislikes"
"Who are you talking about?"
" Me"
" No you is openness"
😂😂😂
Love that.
this is helpful
when this was rediscovered(for me) it came as a bit of a surprise :)
Yes!!!
Veeeeeeery right...
thought-that operates at this moment in you-is maker and breaker of all relationships.
I am open to knowing
I "understand" this and appreciate it very much, and can see that defensiveness in myself, but there's a real risk in posting this here: there are people enduring genuine abuse, like domestic abuse from which they cannot escape, and what they could hear from this is that it's their fault. It's a risky kind of thing to post.
If they hear it as it's their fault it's because they're stuck in duality thinking. It's either black or white to them. They'll need to go beyond that type of perspective first. I don't see what is the threat posting this here. Those whose minds are not ready for such insights will not resonate with it. If they do they are ready to hear it and transform. It's only a threat to the ego.
What about real threat from the person ?
3:00 no hurt. Open to evthg
Another shift !
🙏
But if i understand right?? I am a open space, i am coloured by experience. But than this open space i cant see it without the objects. Its nothing! What is no thing???
but Rupert, what about personality? what makes you unique, what gives you you're trades, and differentiates you from another person? That is where I usually go to when I feel lost, I go to my childhood and look for that inner child. But when I try to look at the emptiness of awareness, i can't fin those traits, so i don't understand what am i supposed to grab a hold to in order to find myself complete, if it is not the traits that make me myself, what i truly am: a loving person, fun, happy, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, passionate etc... help!
María del Rosario That which you are is not a thing you can grab. It is not a grabbing of anything. It is a falling back into your true nature which is ungraspable. Even that which you call your inner child is but a feeling or a thought. If you are aware of it, it is not you even though you are not separate from it. Everything including your personality arises in awareness. YOU are aware of these. They come and go but YOU do not :). Hope this helps.
María del Rosario PS no, it is not the traits that make you what you truly are and neither do you have to deny these but what is it that is aware of these traits and emotions? That you are.! Sadness comes and goes, YOU do not.
Products of this might be to become unshakable.
❤️
Nisargadatta Maharaj on his wife: "When that woman died, I married freedom."
Rupert's take seems a bit idealistic to me.
Yeah!
💛😌💛
i guess there is no answer to the question, why would infinite pure consciousness create this whole illusory world?
It loves to be (or haven't you noticed how everyone seems to fear death, the state in which we are not?)!
But how can you know that you are when there is nothing else, only one? Therefore you need separate your self from yourself and create the other, the world. Now You only need to forget and to lose yourself in oder to find out who you are. That's what this is all about. 😘
@@edzardpiltz6348" to be or not to be"...I would say "to be and not to be"
To know itself in all its expanded forms..?
It's not coming from a outside source
Back to the Past
Maleficent and Beastie have had a hell of an intriguing time playing a Hitchcock style video game.
1) ua-cam.com/video/e6sE_kfNuKU/v-deo.html - HM01 - The Ultimate Radio Mystery
2) ua-cam.com/video/RV8Kc4ZRP74/v-deo.html - maleficent/aurora | you're my mother
Back to the Future
3) ua-cam.com/video/WK0z87WrhGo/v-deo.html - Huey Lewis & the News - The Power of Love
I will be praying for the end of this strange game and that I finally meet those who - for whatever unknown reason - have been paying attention to me for so many years.
💌
👍🇩🇪
ua-cam.com/video/gIU50ZSLIrE/v-deo.html - Summer Breeze
Summer Breeze
Dash Crofts, Seals
See the curtains hangin' in the window, in the evenin' on a Friday night
A little light a-shinin' through the window, lets me know everything is alright
Summer breeze, makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze, makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind
See the paper layin' in the sidewalk, a little music from the house next door
So I walked on up to the doorstep, through the screen and across the floor
Summer breeze, makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze, makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Sweet days of summer, the jasmine's in bloom
July is dressed up and playing her tune
And I come home from a hard day's work
And you're waiting there, not a care in the world
See the smile a-waitin' in the kitchen, food cookin' and the plates for two
Feel the arms that reach out to hold me, in the evening when the day is through
Summer breeze, makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze, makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind
🎨 artist palette
🎯 direct hit
💘 love hit
;)
I wonder whether Rupert would give this advice to a woman being beaten by her husband. I wonder whether he would say this to a family whose home is being bombed by a military. Would he tell this to a child in a classroom where a gunman just blew out the brains of a teacher or a classmate? There are humans who “really are threatening” if perpetuating the separate self is a goal. The separate self isn’t always something/someone to discard and discount. Rupert is speaking to people whose body experiences the luxury of physical safety. Those bodies who don’t have that luxury can lose their separate self relatively quickly without this advice.
You are exactly on point. Spirituality as a whole cannot address actual physical issues like sickness or abuse or war. It can only address to a certain extent mental issues that are troublesome while the surrounding problems are joining existent. Basically if you are fighting mental demons then you need to listen to such folk as Rupert. If your husband is beating you.. Rupert and his advice are useless.
confusing
.
Probably the person is really a threat
..................... : )
The questioner is attach to her identity, I hope she didn't miss the teaching.
There are many reasons why conflicts happen in relationships. Ultimately, God is alone, that is one good reason. And God isn't right in the mind. God 'is' the devil, 'is' a psychopath, 'is' out for number one. The madness of our minds 'cannot' be controlled, and wants to express it's madness. Especially to express it's lonely sad existence, suffering, and the tormented mind, with another, preferably in private. As the devil is very devious and underhanded like that. Which is the reason why many relationships fail and break up miserably. Due to one partner, or both partners accusing the other, not going anywhere, and those ppl on the outside have very little understanding and empathy. That is the side effect of, esp intimate relationships, that are not mature. Because nobody appreciates and wants to show sympathy for couples, esp selfish couples, that live a life of secrecy and taboo etc. Sex will usually ruin things a lot. That is a fact we 'must' accept. As sex is truly like the biggest dark secret and addiction on this Earth. You can bet is the number one problem. Eg. Take sex out of the equation, and ppl, and life, is far more relaxed and peaceful. That's basically it. But ultimately, even on a good day, we are 'not' really good friends that can live in the same house together. Eg. Even Buddhists monks and nuns have their own separate rooms😜. That's just the nature of the beast. Eg. One person on their own can eventually go crazy. But put another person together, and it's a lot more anarchy and confusion. Most of the time. Unless ppl are lucky enough to find a very understanding mature partner to experience life with. Otherwise many problems will arise, such as conflicts, out of immaturity especially. Eg. The madness of the suffering soul, that devil in us all, cannot keep up the conformity of caring, being kind, generous, understanding etc for long. Even for ourselves. Especially not for another. As God is 'not' these qualities by nature. Nature is what nature appears and behaves like around us. That is not a lie😜. People that like to fantasize that it's something more good, divine, kind and loving etc, is a lie. But those are sadly the things most ppl desire, which is what gets them disappointed, frustrated, mad etc, fighting it, to make it happen that way. That is why relationships fail in our eyes at least, not God's. Because most ppl wish this fairytale like life, where is 'should' all go nicely and smoothly, or else doom!, something is seriously wrong. I'm sure God feeds off all the chaos and anarchy. Because that's what we are essentially. Eg. All these different life styles, happening 'right now', as the one soul of God expressing itself. That is the reality of the madness. The psychopathic mind of God and ability to explore all kinds of expressions and experiences of that madness, which is all damned to shit, to nothing. That is the harsh truth of it all. We cannot 'love' one another, without first accepting 'hate' as an equal quality, and accepting disappointments and life not going well most of the time. Eg. Life will 'always' only be short moments of exciting joy and bliss, scattered around randomly. We 'cannot' obtain control and possession over those moments happening. Yet most ppl wish such moments to last, and repeat again, as if anew. Which usually leads to greater addictions, to achieve the same original thrills. Most ppl wish their relationships to succeed well, impress others, to always look and feel good. But that is an unrealistic expectation to have. That is why many relationships end nasty. Because such relationships cannot endure for very long, and that well. We can also 'never' be satisfied as souls. Yet partners in relationships often expect the other partner to keep satisfying them, often on demand. The whole 'tit for tat' game that relationship partners succumb to, that eventually tires and burns them out, in like a snowball effect that crashes into pieces. People just simply cannot be pleased much at all. God is going through these human experiences, not because God 'already' has a fulfilled life😜. That is the problem. God 'is' the problem, as we are also, in God's image. I use 'God' merely as a familiar label to describe 'it', our creator. That is neither man, woman or animal. But rather an 'it' anomaly.
Ugh.