@@DrCherieTypes Do you believe that someone's personality type/functions can change (not necessarily by force or consciously but overtime through different life experiences)?
Not without altering the way your brain works in significant ways. Like abusing the drug DMT, or literal brain damage. That said, you can develop and become a balanced individual or change your behaviors.
I'm interested in knowing more about the blindspot functions of each type. Possibly a video series? 🙂 I understood why Shayne was wanting Natalie to publicly acknowledge her part of the conflict... but at the same time, Shayne does this too much and I feel like that could have been settled privately. Doing it like this just feeds into the image he gives off as a person who resorts to gaslighting. I believe I had seen something recently where Natalie has said that they kept trying to make the relationship work (after the show), but ultimately Shayne just kept resorting to gaslighting every time they argued, and while she doesn't believe he does it on purpose, still, I can see why that would be exhausting.
During the reunion show,when Shayne started on about “what Natalie did”,and demanding an apology,Natalie did point out they had previously discussed it and she had apologised numerous times. My problem is he wouldn’t say what it was exactly he felt she needed to apologise for. He’s just gaslighting her,and doesn’t care that she’s reduced to tears.
15:00 it's interesting. Shane usedhis Se/Fi to animate Natalie's Fi, which is one of the things that made her feel good, heard, and motivated her to be more expressive as she said. But at the same time, Shane was the one who really needed that re-assurance in that way, yet was the one trying to do it for her.
Yes his relationship with his mother illuminated that too. She was always saying that she was proud of him and that he was a great guy. His mother showers him with affection and affirmation. Seems like that’s what he wants in his relationship for himself and his future kids too.
So interesting Dr. Cherie, thank you for this analysis. For the first time of my life I’m interested in knowing more about functions instead of just winging it as an INFJ
There are rumors that Deepti and Kyle are dating and Natalie and Sal are dating. Based on the little we know from the show, these new “couples” seem like a better match. However I am concerned for Deepti and Kyle specifically because they both had mildly embarrassing breakups for the world to see. I wonder if them dating is just a way to mask the feeling of rejection, and by dating, that are telling themselves that they have come out of the situation on top. I don’t think this is a healthy foundation to build a long term relationship from, but at the same time, I do think believe them dating will offer so much needed healing.
Thanks for the feedback. If you wanted a good breakdown on personality types, I would recommend the channel @Love Who in the meantime who does a really good job
@@davidlakhter Eric is great at explaining theory at a basic level but practically he dishes out the N to people who are high Fi. Fi is abstract so could be seen as N, and even the tiniest bit of N he qualifies as N dom. He's enamoured with them. He typed Adele as an ENTJ..Eric himself was baffled by this. She's an ESFP. These types have the same functions so can be mistyped. There are nuances that would help differentiate.
This video is so helpful for me to understand these concepts. I’m going to save this one because what Shane does with trying to “FE” her, I think tend to do that in my relationship. Very interesting!! On the surface I would never think I have commonalities with Shane- but I really do after your in depth analysis. This is so much fun!
Aww I'm so glad this is relevant to your personal journey :) It takes courage and openness to look at ourselves in the mirror and acknowledge our own unhealthy patterns - the key to growth!
Yes thank you! I’ve always noticed how she always tried to make him the a-hole but never took any accountability for her low sense of self worth. So now she has to talk smack about him in order to avoid acknowledging her own responsibility/guilt. She intentionally manipulates the perception. She’s an a hole too.
If your dealing with a high Te user look for acts of service as their love language and gently teach them emotional expression and words of affirmation as an Fe/high Fi user , or leave them alone
Such an insightful analysis! Thank you. I would really love for you to analyse Shayne and Chloe (on Perfect Match and knowing them from Love is Blind / Too Hot To Handle 1 and The Circle 2) as well. With them, I am never sure if I like them together or not. I can see you having a very interesting analysis of them as well! ☺
Editing affects perception. But also, there are 16 personality types so essentially 16 ways to see one thing - I don't expect everyone to agree with me :)
Wow. Watching this back with your analysis made me even angrier towards Shane than I did originally. I feel like I have witnessed injustice. I think I might recognize some of this from my own life. Yikes.
@@DrCherieTypes I feel like Natalie was forced to apologize and I feel like I am often in a similar position so it’s triggering! But Shane backed her into that apology and so hates to see it. She said she was sorry for making him feel like he wasn’t enough. That is something that I guess I didn’t witness. He asked for so many compliments. She doesn’t do that naturally. This made him angry. I guess if she apologized for not being able to fulfill his needs, as you explained it, I could have accepted it better. But instead she apologized for how she “made” him feel. It was too much for me.
I feel Shayne definitely needed her apology to be public, because he feels quote "crucified" for putting himself out there, so he wants Natalie to be crucified with him... He can't stand being painted as the only bad guy
There are many self tests online, but in my experience they are very inaccurate because they tend to categorise you into very broad strokes and also it's difficult to be objective about ourselves. I learned to type by speech patterns, which helps me identify what functions you have and what order they are in. If you're interested, you can book a session with me to analyse your type - details in description box :)
Dr Cheri, I’m conscious this is an old episode so you might not see this but something you mentioned here touches on something that’s been troubling me for a while - the point about people and their blind spots. I have a very bad habit of being too empathetic with people, because I recognise we all have our traumas etc. but how do we identify bad behaviour vs something someone isn’t able to do because of their blindspot? I know this is an extreme example, but I’ve seen in many of your videos where you mention a function that results in people liking multiple options and seeing many possibilities, so if such a person were to avoid commitment, or even cheat as a result of this function how can we reprimand them when this is down to their function and not down to them just being a bad person?
A good friend, family, and/or therapist will be able point out your blindspot. As for your second question, agree to be transparent about each other’s intentions give each other space to work it out and decide what’s best for your independent selves. What you see as bad might be good from their point of view. Surfacing these differences will help you decide if you want to accept them or not.
Question, Dr. Cherie. If someone has differing personality traits from you and you recognize that, how can you draw the line to tell what is objectively how they see things vs. something to take personally and not question if that's just their personality?
Great question David. The definitive answer would be to type the person objectively by speech patterns, therefore identifying their 4 functions and their Blindspot function, so that you can assess how they think, perceive the world, and what they are capable and not capable of. But I think another crucial point is to recognise your own needs and priorities, and what you are willing to tolerate. I suppose if the behaviour is due to their Blindspot, you can argue you can have more patience for them, because it's not personal, but ultimately your needs are not met and you will have to weigh up if this is an acceptable compromise in a long term relationship.
I guess another way to tell the difference is to observe whether the person is this way only to you, or they behave the same way to most, and therefore not personal
@@DrCherieTypes thank you Dr. Cherie. Yeah it's interesting to think about this relative to toxic relationships or even relationships that you want to get into to grow. I guess for marriage it should be more a consideration if your partner has blindspots that you kind of need for your own reasons or archetypes. But if it's not a need, then maybe you don't need to be so compatible for a long-term relationship because it may help you grow if your partner has complimentary traits to you. From your experience, do you think complimentary archetypes suit the category of compatible relationships long-term if the blindspots aren't toxic for personal reasons? Kind of like opposites attract would bring chemistry, but would that translate to a long-term compatability if both people recognize that and are willing to grow?
@@davidlakhter people have different expectations from marriage. Some for love, business partnership, chemistry, mentorship or combinations of these. Ester Perrel said marriages fall apart because people expect their partners to fulfill every need they have which is very difficult. Another person like a friend or family can fulfill those needs that your partner falls short of. Having a partner with complementary function will fulfill each other’s needs. But the partner then become predictable, the mystery is gone. Whether this marriage will grow or drift apart depends on their expectations. If they understand each other’s limitations and recognize the advantages then they can grow through tolerance and understanding and less frustrations.
That's a good point. There is so much I can cover with this couple! But I chose to focus on personality type because that alone already explains so much of their conflict. But yes, cultural factors are definitely at play here I'm sure
Do you know any real life examples? I can explain theoretically but always good to have real examples - which is what I found missing on UA-cam and the internet
Good question. Broadly speaking, Te Blindspot (ie. ISFJ and INFJ) tend to refuse to "box" things or conclude. They tend to think that there is always more to something or someone's behaviour and keep trying to further understand, when other people would have concluded and moved on
Shane lost his dad and this marriage is rushed to make his mom happy. So the reasons to wed were not that great. Natalie’s dad play a big role in keeping her on the healthy side. Unhealthy ISTJ are hand maiden’s tale level terrible.
Yes - I agree that Shayne definitely needs to develop his emotional maturity. When we do not invest in self growth, we tend to mostly use our top 2 functions because they are the easiest to use for us. With Shayne, this makes him very reactive to the moment in terms of his feelings, very impulsive, and having tantrums with no deeper thought and consequence - which is him not using his lowest function Ni introverted intuition.
When I watched the show, I thought Shayne was so ridiculous...but now that you've broken things down, I see that I am more like Shayne than I am like Nat, especially when it comes to needing words of affirmation, and how that can affect a relationship if that doesn't seem to come naturally.
Your partner needs to be informed in a kind manner. Aim for a mutual goal that includes affirmations. Otherwise you might be so starved of it, that you might get it elsewhere. Your situation could be more complex than this, which would require a personal analysis.
She understands she doesn't want to admit her fault. Escape the issue by hiding his behavior because it was more aggressive/direct. Its low key manipulating.
It’s like you didn’t watch the video. Lol. There’s nothing more cringe worthy or unattractive to an ISTJ than someone fishing for complements or a need for external validation. We give it on our own terms, not according to yours. This is why it was so hard for her to understand in the first place, her feelings were genuine for him.
@@alyssainnis4432 I don’t know if they were genuine, BUT she definitely focused her efforts on him right from the start. Even though she wasn’t sure it was reciprocated.
lol wtf. She's a covert narcissist and acting accordingly, he has narcissistic traits too but is more codependent. The way she puts him down is just classic and it starts to really take a toll over time and people will burn out and become rageful over time exactly like we see him do in the show. Twin flame couple burning each other up because that's what narc's do. The crux of their problem is narcissism.
At first I thought you were typing these people but these are just types you're getting from personality database. Why do people respect that website so much?
Can you please do a video, explaining all the functions? ✨💕
In the pipeline. In the meantime, I would recommend looking up the channel Love Who who does a great job explaining the basics
@@DrCherieTypes Do you believe that someone's personality type/functions can change (not necessarily by force or consciously but overtime through different life experiences)?
Not without altering the way your brain works in significant ways. Like abusing the drug DMT, or literal brain damage.
That said, you can develop and become a balanced individual or change your behaviors.
I love this channelllllllll. She is so smart and calming. Please continue making content!!
I'm interested in knowing more about the blindspot functions of each type. Possibly a video series? 🙂
I understood why Shayne was wanting Natalie to publicly acknowledge her part of the conflict... but at the same time, Shayne does this too much and I feel like that could have been settled privately. Doing it like this just feeds into the image he gives off as a person who resorts to gaslighting. I believe I had seen something recently where Natalie has said that they kept trying to make the relationship work (after the show), but ultimately Shayne just kept resorting to gaslighting every time they argued, and while she doesn't believe he does it on purpose, still, I can see why that would be exhausting.
During the reunion show,when Shayne started on about “what Natalie did”,and demanding an apology,Natalie did point out they had previously discussed it and she had apologised numerous times. My problem is he wouldn’t say what it was exactly he felt she needed to apologise for. He’s just gaslighting her,and doesn’t care that she’s reduced to tears.
Agreed I thought this was super interesting
Oh no that’s what I’m trying to avoid with my *ESFP*.
15:00 it's interesting. Shane usedhis Se/Fi to animate Natalie's Fi, which is one of the things that made her feel good, heard, and motivated her to be more expressive as she said. But at the same time, Shane was the one who really needed that re-assurance in that way, yet was the one trying to do it for her.
Yes his relationship with his mother illuminated that too. She was always saying that she was proud of him and that he was a great guy. His mother showers him with affection and affirmation. Seems like that’s what he wants in his relationship for himself and his future kids too.
@@paf2587 yea exactly. Great point
1. I need to schedule an appt w/you.
2. Please please please do 90 day fiancé or Love is Blind Season season 1
So interesting Dr. Cherie, thank you for this analysis. For the first time of my life I’m interested in knowing more about functions instead of just winging it as an INFJ
Feedback like yours keeps me going ❤️
Love your video, makes so much Sense , i wish Natalie and Shayne watch this
There are rumors that Deepti and Kyle are dating and Natalie and Sal are dating. Based on the little we know from the show, these new “couples” seem like a better match. However I am concerned for Deepti and Kyle specifically because they both had mildly embarrassing breakups for the world to see. I wonder if them dating is just a way to mask the feeling of rejection, and by dating, that are telling themselves that they have come out of the situation on top. I don’t think this is a healthy foundation to build a long term relationship from, but at the same time, I do think believe them dating will offer so much needed healing.
Appreciate your depth analysis! I’m an ESTJ, so I totally relate to not being good at Fe (or Fi). Thank you!
I wished you did a break down on personality types and what they are compatible with as well as why
Thanks for the feedback. If you wanted a good breakdown on personality types, I would recommend the channel @Love Who in the meantime who does a really good job
also Eric Wen does a good job breaking down personality types in general
@@davidlakhter Eric is great at explaining theory at a basic level but practically he dishes out the N to people who are high Fi. Fi is abstract so could be seen as N, and even the tiniest bit of N he qualifies as N dom. He's enamoured with them. He typed Adele as an ENTJ..Eric himself was baffled by this. She's an ESFP. These types have the same functions so can be mistyped. There are nuances that would help differentiate.
@@DrJamesT got it! Thanks for clarification
This video is so helpful for me to understand these concepts. I’m going to save this one because what Shane does with trying to “FE” her, I think tend to do that in my relationship. Very interesting!! On the surface I would never think I have commonalities with Shane- but I really do after your in depth analysis. This is so much fun!
Aww I'm so glad this is relevant to your personal journey :) It takes courage and openness to look at ourselves in the mirror and acknowledge our own unhealthy patterns - the key to growth!
I'm so glad I stumbled across your videos.
I love your content so much, you're wonderful at explaining all the functions! I was wondering how much a session with you would be?
Aww thank you 😊 Booking details in Description box
Keep them coming ! It's great work !
Yes thank you! I’ve always noticed how she always tried to make him the a-hole but never took any accountability for her low sense of self worth. So now she has to talk smack about him in order to avoid acknowledging her own responsibility/guilt. She intentionally manipulates the perception. She’s an a hole too.
I just had a 4 hour argument with my partner and I think I’m Natalie and he is Shane
If your dealing with a high Te user look for acts of service as their love language and gently teach them emotional expression and words of affirmation as an Fe/high Fi user , or leave them alone
Such an insightful analysis! Thank you.
I would really love for you to analyse Shayne and Chloe (on Perfect Match and knowing them from Love is Blind / Too Hot To Handle 1 and The Circle 2) as well. With them, I am never sure if I like them together or not. I can see you having a very interesting analysis of them as well! ☺
Great analysis as always.
7:54 lmao jessica's face -ehm- shayna's squinting face throughout the show
LoHL, you’re so shady.
😂
Great video, I love your analysis and break down of their dynamics.
Great video Dr. Cherie. You really touched on this so clearly! I don’t understand why people don’t see that. Do you think it’s because of the editing?
Editing affects perception. But also, there are 16 personality types so essentially 16 ways to see one thing - I don't expect everyone to agree with me :)
You are the absolute best!
Wow. Watching this back with your analysis made me even angrier towards Shane than I did originally. I feel like I have witnessed injustice. I think I might recognize some of this from my own life. Yikes.
What is the injustice specifically? I'm intrigued
@@DrCherieTypes I feel like Natalie was forced to apologize and I feel like I am often in a similar position so it’s triggering! But Shane backed her into that apology and so hates to see it. She said she was sorry for making him feel like he wasn’t enough. That is something that I guess I didn’t witness. He asked for so many compliments. She doesn’t do that naturally. This made him angry. I guess if she apologized for not being able to fulfill his needs, as you explained it, I could have accepted it better. But instead she apologized for how she “made” him feel. It was too much for me.
I feel Shayne definitely needed her apology to be public, because he feels quote "crucified" for putting himself out there, so he wants Natalie to be crucified with him... He can't stand being painted as the only bad guy
@@DrCherieTypes I just love your videos! Keep up the good work. I learn so much from your discussion.
Can you also break down the couples in love is blind Japan version??
Shaina's familyyyyyyy
You are a beautiful woman (the psychologist)
Natalie thought he liked her way more than what he actually did. I think that's why he cheated and mistreated her. To let her down and be obvious.
So thorough, thank you!
How do you know what functions they have? How can I find out mine? Is there a test?
There are many self tests online, but in my experience they are very inaccurate because they tend to categorise you into very broad strokes and also it's difficult to be objective about ourselves. I learned to type by speech patterns, which helps me identify what functions you have and what order they are in. If you're interested, you can book a session with me to analyse your type - details in description box :)
There is also the mismatch of love language... huge!
Definitely - another great system to explain compatibility: The Love Languages
I love your analysis. Would you be interested in analyzing Married at First Sight Couples (Life Time or Hulu)?
Watch this space ;)
Great video!💕
Dr Cheri, I’m conscious this is an old episode so you might not see this but something you mentioned here touches on something that’s been troubling me for a while - the point about people and their blind spots. I have a very bad habit of being too empathetic with people, because I recognise we all have our traumas etc. but how do we identify bad behaviour vs something someone isn’t able to do because of their blindspot? I know this is an extreme example, but I’ve seen in many of your videos where you mention a function that results in people liking multiple options and seeing many possibilities, so if such a person were to avoid commitment, or even cheat as a result of this function how can we reprimand them when this is down to their function and not down to them just being a bad person?
A good friend, family, and/or therapist will be able point out your blindspot. As for your second question, agree to be transparent about each other’s intentions give each other space to work it out and decide what’s best for your independent selves. What you see as bad might be good from their point of view. Surfacing these differences will help you decide if you want to accept them or not.
Thank you
Love your insights, What is your personality type?
Question, Dr. Cherie. If someone has differing personality traits from you and you recognize that, how can you draw the line to tell what is objectively how they see things vs. something to take personally and not question if that's just their personality?
Great question David. The definitive answer would be to type the person objectively by speech patterns, therefore identifying their 4 functions and their Blindspot function, so that you can assess how they think, perceive the world, and what they are capable and not capable of. But I think another crucial point is to recognise your own needs and priorities, and what you are willing to tolerate. I suppose if the behaviour is due to their Blindspot, you can argue you can have more patience for them, because it's not personal, but ultimately your needs are not met and you will have to weigh up if this is an acceptable compromise in a long term relationship.
I guess another way to tell the difference is to observe whether the person is this way only to you, or they behave the same way to most, and therefore not personal
@@DrCherieTypes thank you Dr. Cherie. Yeah it's interesting to think about this relative to toxic relationships or even relationships that you want to get into to grow. I guess for marriage it should be more a consideration if your partner has blindspots that you kind of need for your own reasons or archetypes. But if it's not a need, then maybe you don't need to be so compatible for a long-term relationship because it may help you grow if your partner has complimentary traits to you. From your experience, do you think complimentary archetypes suit the category of compatible relationships long-term if the blindspots aren't toxic for personal reasons? Kind of like opposites attract would bring chemistry, but would that translate to a long-term compatability if both people recognize that and are willing to grow?
@@davidlakhter people have different expectations from marriage. Some for love, business partnership, chemistry, mentorship or combinations of these. Ester Perrel said marriages fall apart because people expect their partners to fulfill every need they have which is very difficult. Another person like a friend or family can fulfill those needs that your partner falls short of. Having a partner with complementary function will fulfill each other’s needs. But the partner then become predictable, the mystery is gone. Whether this marriage will grow or drift apart depends on their expectations. If they understand each other’s limitations and recognize the advantages then they can grow through tolerance and understanding and less frustrations.
@@DrJamesT got it. Thanks Dr James
Also could it cultural? There in an interracial relationship.
That's a good point. There is so much I can cover with this couple! But I chose to focus on personality type because that alone already explains so much of their conflict. But yes, cultural factors are definitely at play here I'm sure
I love your content but l do not know how to get to netflixoffice to appeal for a rerun of Vampire diaries Pretty little liars and grand Hotel. Thanks
may i request a female infj and male intj dynamic analysis?
Do you know any real life examples? I can explain theoretically but always good to have real examples - which is what I found missing on UA-cam and the internet
@@DrCherieTypes i want to say "me and my husband" but we are not celebrities lol
What does te blind spot looks like
Good question. Broadly speaking, Te Blindspot (ie. ISFJ and INFJ) tend to refuse to "box" things or conclude. They tend to think that there is always more to something or someone's behaviour and keep trying to further understand, when other people would have concluded and moved on
Beautifully done. Love it!💞
Thank you! 😊
Please review Kim and Kanye.
Can it also be that Shayne is emotionally immature and doesn't know how to communicate his feelings like an adult?
Yes.. this. All types can be healthy and unhealthy. He is very unhealthy while Nat was more mediocre not the healthiest either.
@@colouredlioness2199 agreed
Shane lost his dad and this marriage is rushed to make his mom happy. So the reasons to wed were not that great. Natalie’s dad play a big role in keeping her on the healthy side. Unhealthy ISTJ are hand maiden’s tale level terrible.
Yes - I agree that Shayne definitely needs to develop his emotional maturity. When we do not invest in self growth, we tend to mostly use our top 2 functions because they are the easiest to use for us. With Shayne, this makes him very reactive to the moment in terms of his feelings, very impulsive, and having tantrums with no deeper thought and consequence - which is him not using his lowest function Ni introverted intuition.
@@colouredlioness2199 true I like Natalie a heap alot more showing true concern for any perceived hurt. I feel for her :-/ Im an InfJ.
I can’t find the channel Love that you referenced in the comments. Would you please direct me to it?
It’s called “Love Who” ua-cam.com/channels/mOchZCqNQU3Gjh8X4GarOw.html
I love you
I'm speechless!
And they broke up!.
Can you do real housewives couples?
💜💜💜
Typo in video title
Thank you!
When I watched the show, I thought Shayne was so ridiculous...but now that you've broken things down, I see that I am more like Shayne than I am like Nat, especially when it comes to needing words of affirmation, and how that can affect a relationship if that doesn't seem to come naturally.
Your partner needs to be informed in a kind manner. Aim for a mutual goal that includes affirmations. Otherwise you might be so starved of it, that you might get it elsewhere. Your situation could be more complex than this, which would require a personal analysis.
She understands she doesn't want to admit her fault. Escape the issue by hiding his behavior because it was more aggressive/direct. Its low key manipulating.
It’s like you didn’t watch the video. Lol.
There’s nothing more cringe worthy or unattractive to an ISTJ than someone fishing for complements or a need for external validation. We give it on our own terms, not according to yours. This is why it was so hard for her to understand in the first place, her feelings were genuine for him.
@@alyssainnis4432 I don’t know if they were genuine, BUT she definitely focused her efforts on him right from the start. Even though she wasn’t sure it was reciprocated.
@@paf2587 as an ISTJ female, if he had her attention, then her feelings were genuine and she was being open.
lol wtf. She's a covert narcissist and acting accordingly, he has narcissistic traits too but is more codependent. The way she puts him down is just classic and it starts to really take a toll over time and people will burn out and become rageful over time exactly like we see him do in the show.
Twin flame couple burning each other up because that's what narc's do.
The crux of their problem is narcissism.
At first I thought you were typing these people but these are just types you're getting from personality database. Why do people respect that website so much?