Your heart for helping other people heal is mind blowing and so amazing. The impact you’ve made on so many peoples lives is something that could never be repaid . Please don’t ever forget that you are so appreciated and loved, truly loved by those you have guided to the light. And you are incredibly respected by the people that are trying to heal from the injuries of the evils of narcissism. Thank you so much Dr.C
I so appreciate the specifics in this session. I grew up speaking a different language that sadly focused on how I was not going to measure up, consequently felt I had to help everyone / give to others to be liked. I am speak a new language where I am enough, I am lovable just for being me. Thank you Dr C and Gus for introducing me to a language of dignity, respect and self love.
I had a rescue Doberman, who was so empathetic and always comforted so many people! She was an angel! She helped me get through an awful narc relationship! ❤
We had a doberman-Alsatian cross when I was little, named Haig. He was very patient and looked after me, staying between me and the street so I couldn't go into the road. He let me ride on his back and would sit down or walk under the dining table when he'd had enough. He climbed a tree to rescue a kitten once, but when he jumped down with the kitten in his mouth, he bit its tummy by mistake. He was unhappy that it couldn't get up.
Dr. C, the story about the young man who wasn't even given access to his name on his birth certificate touched on something deep for me. In my experience, it's such a great encapsulation of narcissistic abuse perpetrated by parents on their children. The delusion and deceit is so mind-blowing you would almost rather think you've gone nuts. In a way the unbelieveableness functions like a protection for the particularly far-gone narcissists and other extreme personality disorders. Thank you for shedding some light on this topic that can be particularly difficult to look at. I'm sure it's greatly healing for many who have lost their voices and have been rendered invisible.
Thank you to whoever asked the question "How do you deal with that your life was a lie?" I've been feeling this way for a while & don't know what to do with it. So, Thank you❤ Thank you, Dr. C...great answer! I'll rewatch it when needed.
Love the stories of Gus being a comfort dog in therapy ❤ Our cat, Waverley, knows when someone is feeling down or unwell, as she always sits on that person's lap. Dear pets.
I have a friend who has a pet therapy program in Washington state. He and his partner began with a dog and a mini horse. Then they were using two mini horses when they retired their Frenchie. When they provide their programs for inmates in prisons, at 911 call centers, newborn units, hospices, ICUs, decompression programs for first responders, their mini horses know who needs comforting the most. I absolutely love that Gus is a "therapy" dog. ❤️
That was such a clear, full answer to the question about whether the narcissist knows what they're doing or not. Thank you, Dr C. I've written it down so that I can read it again when I feel confused about what happened. "So, they do know, but they're so habituated in their own lies that they don't know, all combined in one huge mess." I hear my (dead) mother's voice, "It's your own silly damn fault!"
Thank you. You help me to clarify even further. My bros. stood little chance of better outcomes - beyond, the catastrophe and SNAFUS that developed, being they were so entrenched in Trum|bianism. I never knew just How Low-ed/ No-Ed they, actually, are. 40-50+ Years later, You realize they only became Better Actors and Liars. Including the late, Democratic "Inverted" Narc.,* oldest sister. (Per, Prof./ Dr. Sam Vaknin.)
I was worked over emotionally at work for a long time. Left the work world in 2008 and had bad very bad dreams about the place/people for over 12 years. BUT, even now, when I got a call from a community center to tell me my name was chosen for a free trip, I felt tense at first! My first thought was "NOW WHAT is somebody going to blame me for??!! What am I going to have to do to keep from getting kicked out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When you have to watch your back and walk on eggshells for a long time, it really gets deep into your "bones".
This video is so rich in content, the title doesn’t do it justice. I especially relate to the questioner who felt betrayed by her mother. Thank you, Dr Carter ☀️ for your wisdom, love and light. ☮️
DR C & GUS, Oh, dear, taken from a woman as a newborn baby with no legalities taking place for adoption, the narcissistic people who took & raised me (if you can call it that) lied until they divorced & that's when i discovered some of the truth (???). It's such a long story but with persistence ended with our PM apologising to me... My life & relationships have been toxic & surrounded by deception but somehow after almost 64 years, I'm still surviving with your help. It's been a lifetime of deception & hurt for me.. It doesn't matter how much life I have left but I'm determined to love Me..... finally!! THANKYOU ❤️ 🇦🇨
What you are describing with Gus is more empathy than I have felt after twenty two years of marriage to my narcissist hopefully soon to be ex-husband. He doesn't care a thing about anyone.
I loved your story about Gus, Dr. C. Yet another reason to love that little guy! My 16 1/2 year old Chihuahua Annabelle passed away one year ago so any stories about Gus makes my heart sing.
@joangick6803, My condolences to you for Annabelle. 16 1/2 is an amazing age for a Chihuahua. My Chihuahua died at age 13. Dogs are amazingly sensitive to everything! Before I realized this, I thought my dog was just a dog. I had my first apartment, and my first real heartbreak at age 23. My dog was lying in a sunbeam in the front room. She absolutely loved lying in the sun. Chihuahuas always seem to be cold, even in the summer. Due to my romantic breakup, I retreated to the bedroom floor, laid down in the dark, and started to weep. My dog appeared at the door. She started to walk very tentatively toward me, as if to ask if she was intruding on a private moment, or was she welcome. I held out my hand, and she came over, climbed up on my chest and laid down with her face in my neck. I've never forgotten that! Knowing how much she loved those patches of sun in the front room (which she would follow as they moved) made me realize she was willing to sacrifice her interests to comfort me. I'm still almost shocked that an animal could be that full of character and substance. I've seen it in horses, also.
@@notagain779, thank you for your story about your sweet baby Chihuahua. It is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard. When I am ready to get another pup I plan to get a Chihuahua. They are little angels. My Annabelle was also very intuitive with me. But not as much with others. She was fixated on me. Did you also experience that with your pup? I was fortunate to have her for 16 1/2 years and your baby also lived a long life. But oh how I wanted many more years with her. I was fortunate enough to be retired for about three years when she passed. I spoiled her rotten and we went everywhere together. Every moment with her was pure joy.
@@joangick6803, Aw...I think a dog knows when they are safe and loved. I love that you took Annabelle with you everywhere. That's what's good about Chihuahuas. I did that too, because they're easy to transport, and they love to be with you. I think my dog liked me a lot, wanted to be with me as much as possible, but she liked people in general. She wasn't at all "Yappy" like people think all Chihuahuas are. She was somewhat like Gus, in that she enjoyed a good nap!
@@notagain779 , your Chihuahua was an adorable fur baby 🥰. My Annabelle would rarely bark except at door bells. She was almost deaf in her senior years and pretty much didn’t bark anymore. And transporting her was so easy! I could have carried her 3 pound body forever and she rode shotgun in my car in a very comfortable dog car seat. She loved to go for car rides! Thank you sharing stories about your precious fur baby.
Dear Dr. C...one of the positive things about the pandemic for me was that I found your channel. I became schooled about narcissim. Terms and descriptions bought many aha moments. Also, being an alienated parent, I put a lot of things together and have found peace and strength through my knowledge. I can't thank you enough, it has been lifechanging. I am almost 70, but better late than never. I think we need a narcissist self defense tool that we can sound an ear piercing shreek when a narcissist tries to force control over us. I am kidding of course, but it would be decisive. ha ha. God Bless, Dr. C.
The history that is in our system is one of hurt and frustration, but mostly hurt. Relationships that should be meaningful are questionable because we are made to feel guilt and fear rather than appreciation and love. Gus is a sweetie!! He's doing his part 🐶❤
if you enjoyed her ways of treating you no need to change! If not, change! Nothing changes if nothing changes! It can be difficult to move above but don't ever forget where you came from! Just don't live in the same box!
And I like what Dr. C said about "tone" and the importance of using a particular tone when saying something. A very different message can be conveyed simply by the tone we choose to use.
One thing to look out for is narcissists are poor at recognising tone. Their tones are either mean or sickly sweet, they don't recognise tone or emotional language from others in my experience
Great information, thank you! And I asked my husband to watch this video with me, and he did ... Tomorrow we're starting couples therapy addressing the narcissistic abuse I received from my husband's family, and my husband is willing to look at things he has long denied about his family. We've been married 35 years, and his mother was very jealous of me and she caused us a lot of problems from day one, right up until the day she died. My mother-in-law recently passed away, and she can't continue to hurt me anymore, but my husband's 4 narcissistic sisters still do and ALL of that is about to change! He agrees that his family "never accepted" me (his words), so I'm thankful that he's willing to make some changes in himself regarding how he engages with his sisters, going forward -- that's where the therapist comes in. I've been longsuffering and I'm tired of putting up with their narcissistic nonsense. It's time my husband stood up for me and put some distance between them & us -- high time! My husband never learned how to "leave and cleave" with his mother on certain matters, but he needs to work on doing that with his overbearing sisters and to start setting boundaries with each of them. Anyway ....wish us luck dear reader! Thank you :)
Thank you Dr. Carter for answering the question about being a pawn of adult parents. I discovered a few years back, through 23&Me and then Ancestry, that my biological father was my mothers first husband and not the man that raised me. I always had questions about this since childhood, but it wasn’t until my 40’s that I worked up the nerve to do genetic testing. Driven to do so mostly out of frustration of all the lies from my Mother. I had already gone no contact with her and my “step-father?”. My biological father died last week and I had kept my distance from him after finding out. After all I didn’t know this man and I didn’t want further chaos in my life. However, a deep sense of loss and grief has been overwhelming me in the last couple of days, but I keep reminding myself that this was never my problem to fix. The question of “who am I” is mine to answer alone, free of the shenanigans of the adults who brought me into the world. So again thank you for addressing this issue.
Listening to you brings me great and instant clarity. And I appreciate this of you and others like you. Your you-tube podcast is amazing and helpful. And thank you for sharing about Gus your truly wonderful canine. Blessings to the both of you souls. Amen.
Thank you so much, Dr. Carter 💕 Just hearing other's questions and your thoughtful responses is so helpful. Since each person views another differently, I have had little support through my situations. I came to realize that other's were not treated as I was and just didn't see it. There is a lot to unpack and I appreciate your channel.
Ah, Gus! It's obvious he's a gentle, caring little guy. He seems to relish his role as your sidekick, Dr C. I had the sweetest Rottweiler/Labrador cross who was excellent at sensing moods and providing an appropriate response. Empathy-deficient narcissists could learn so much from them!
Dr. C your wisdom is a treasure. I truly wish I had found you over 30 years ago. I spent 49 years married to a raging Narcissistic Asperger man who destroyed many things including himself with cigarettes. I am now 70 years old and newly widowed. I am healing listening to you and being in my Bible. I Praise GOD for all the people you are helping now.
Excellent video Dr Carter!! ... My Yorkie, Ace is very similar to Gus! He's a rescue that I got at 10 months and is very tuned into my emotions 😍 and others emotional well being, he definitely tries to comfort them, AND like Gus ... he doesn't like the mean people! 👍 Thank you again for todays content, I like to say, one of my mantras is ... I'm okay & I'm on my way! That and, ... I am NOT confused because I HAVE the mind of Christ so I know what I KNOW!! ... I say that out loud if need be, to keep me on track of humility, wisdom and PEACE. 🙌🕊️✝️❣️ God bless you Dr C ... may you have a beautiful time away & hopefully some cooler weather. ❣️
Thank-you so much, Dr. Carter. As you understand my story with a narcissistic ex-husband, I also came from severe childhood abuse (severe enough that I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist in February of 1997 of having multiple personality disorder), hearing you say that recovery can be years brought tears to my eyes because I now understand what I'm dealing with is permanent. However, as you talked about the gentleman who was lied to including being lied to about his name, I could identify with this. Hearing you say "who shall I be today?" is helping me hang in there and not give up.
This was truly informative. I love the "rip tide" illistration....on point. 🙌 As I look back at my childhood (1960's), I recall being so traumatized by my mother, it carried on into school. Teachers intimidated me & when I was called on in school, I cld only lower my head & tremble until the teacher asked another student. That horror carried on until my career years. I worked at a large corporate company as a Legal Secretary. My co-workers & boss were like family, but each day as I drove to work, even in my 30's, I gripped the steering wheel & said a prayer (daily), I pray nobody yells at me today. My thoughts go to the children in school today. I pray that the teachers have discernment to recognize abused children. I wish that in 1960's, a teacher, or someone would've recognized my trauma. It is my prayer that the schools wld be filled with psychologists today.....to recognize trauma at an early age. I was never taught how to handle emotions. At 60 yrs old, and into 20 yrs of therapy, I'm just learning how to recognize & deal with emotions. I always "sucked in" my emotions & NEVER spoke up bcuz my mother hit & pulled hair if you raised your voice. I hope the abuse cycle stops. Thanks for todays informative input. 😊
Spot on, Dr. C. Sixty-seven and still appreciate your reminders. God 's love most certainly guides, guards and protects. Thank you, Dr. C , for reinforcing my dignity, respect and civility. Rest, pray and play. Have a safe and wonderful vaca. Big hugs to the Mrs.
My dog always knew when I was hurting or upset. She got me through so many rough times. It’s a shame that I had to leave her behind last week. My husband beat me up pretty good and I had to run. Now I’m homeless 4 hours away, lost my job. It seems like I’m getting punished. I am currently staying with my daughter. This is temporary due to her landlord will not let 3 people stay in the home. I’m trying not to be bitter. I know God has a plan. I will be ok.
That sounds so difficult. For what it's worth, I did volunteer work for 6 years (cooking breakfast on Saturdays) at a women's shelter. I'm a big believer in social services like that. I hope you can find some group who can offer you assistance. I'm pulling for you.
I am 64 and back then we didn't have help to heal but today you have much more help so my opinion is that the young people will not take as long to heal then us and I am glad for them
Wow Dr Carter, we could hardly breath outside in NW Indiana from all the smoke from the fires in Canada!!! 😮 Please watch out for that while you are visiting Canada.
Hey dr. C. last year I did an internship in child psychiatry and the children would walk in feeling very down and my colleague had her puppy in the office and the puppy would be on the laps of the children and they just started to glow 😍 I wished it would be standard to have animals in such places! They really do have healing powers! 💗
I relate to the guy whose mother confused his identity. My mother lied to me about who my father was and constantly revised history so I'm not sure what was true about my childhood. I leave it in the "Not Sure" box. Twin sisters just connected with our family through DNA tests, as first cousins of my husband. In their 70's, they've been trying to find out who their biological father was, for decades. Their birth mother's story doesn't match facts, but both biological parents are dead, so the truth can't be told. Fortunately they had loving adoptive parents. Parents messing with children's identity do harm. We deserve to know the truth.
More and more I’m knowing what is really going on the projection of their own unregulated self .Some one else always has to be blamed to take it away from themselves diversion. Dr C yr so helpful They don’t know how to deal with giving with an open heart with them it’s forever you being a problem. Thus abusing in response to yr kindness.
Love you Dr Carter. As a lifelong animal lover and horseman, I raised my 3 sons around animals. Horses and dogs and cats. My oldest son had 2 dogs when he married a narcissist. They dogs eventually passed and two children were born. There will be no animals in their house 😢. So he brings his children over here so he and they can commune with the dogs. The wife seldom comes and doesn’t like animals. Narcissist suck
Dear Dr. Carter, thank you so much for your videos and Midweek shows. Your words and wisdom have helped me immensely! I have a question. When I grew up in a deeply narcissistic family, I somehow very early made the decision that I would never become like my parents, and I went in the opposite direction. I wanted to do everything differently from them: When they were irritable and aggressive, I stayed friendly and patient. I think it was already in my nature, though, as I never had to struggle to maintain this attitude. However, is this behaviour too similar to "fawning"? May I have cultivated these opposite patterns to a fault? Narcissistic people seek me out, as in "love at first sight", and it's hard for me to keep them off my back. This is a pattern that I have struggled with all my grown up life. When the narcissists discover that I'm not the pushover they expect me to be, their rage awakens, and I become their target. How can I balance my friendliness so that narcissists are not attracted to me like mosquitos?
Great question! From my research; you may be more likely to be more codepen dent than I am, and less counter-dependent, too. Always too cooperative, I wouldn't coddle my NASTY Trumbian (man-boy) bros., as things began to get further off the rails. At this point, I'd rather die than Fawn. - Unfortunately, I Freeze, instead. And have a Hx. of it. I'm a "Classic," ECHO Codepend ent and Yes, they $cRaMbLeD my Voice. - And, Brain most likely. ... Then, took out my Writing. Dysgraphia/ a TIA? Violence, Terrorism, TORTURE and Federal felony Hate Crimes! Taking 62 Year's of known Hx. with it. And 5 TL. Month's of 2*/ + 3 additional months of AMNESIA, Gen.'zd Dissociative. Maybe, you're one of those people Dr. Ramani says is immune to Narcs. I always thought my Dad was the Narc. (With, War TRAUMAS & Head injuries); but, he was relatively Harmless. I didn't suspect my sibs. w/ 3 different presentations, either. Now, I'm wondering about my Mom, too. Nothing like having my Senior Year's Destroyed! ~ Celebrate on the 4th of July, for my Mom. My Dad was UNCLE SAM! And, the $on's of $@m shall be known! They were All spoiled too much.
@@SurvivingNarcissism exactly thanks goodness4. Because wildfires here. Banff is a wonder of world, and Alberta has wildfires problems so much more. I am glad your week to majestic, does not include. Plus they need your business....thank you as Canucks!
Animals, dogs, cats are so beautiful, so pure! Much better than humans, it seems that way! There are so few pure humans, no I do meet beautiful humans, really so kind!❤❤that's why npd family didn't destroy me, I met all these beautiful people in the street, anywhere and everywhere!❤❤
I always knew Gus was special. That's why he needs to be featured, once in awhile. Your own interactions, but, that specific canine face, as well. We'd love to see some close-ups. Make him a Rock ST🌟R! Thanks, Doc.
I don’t think of whether many years from now I’ll be healed! Instead I focus on learning to appreciate small bits of evidence of healing in progress DAILY(!)
This was absolutely tremendous DR Les, Thank you so much for this, I'm glad you're on my journey with me, You're a treasure to humanity, You have great understanding, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the universe, The most high, God is great 😊🐉☘🐎🌹🌝🦄😍🌈❤💚💛💛👽😘🦁😇
My dog is such a sweetie, doggies really do have a way of making a hectic day seem not so bad, he’s so well behaved Pets can very much sense tension and pain especially with their owners
God love spirituality in doggies...i have first hand experience...when my Dad passed they barked at nothing which i knew was Dad. Harvey my dog keeps giving me spiritual cues!
Good information again thanks Dr C, enjoy your break. Im alot calmer within my thoughts some days, nights when i cant sleep like now and everything is just swirling around in my head. Im standing outside in the very crisp cold air, its nice im out bush lol. Im thinking im sure my ancestors are whispering this shall pass dear, it may pass like a kidney stone but it will pass 😂. A little stronger every day the only way is calmer, calmer. Remind myself to pause before responding if im going to respond or make the choice to ignore the negativity 🎉 and focus on me. Yea its 4am ish and feels like -5 out here 🤣
Triangulation….I read about this being a factor of narcissism. And it is happening now, because my brother thinks that I mention about him in a bad light at an event. He was told by one sister with an narcissistic personality, who has been told by someone else at the time when she wasn’t even there. Now because of this, he threatens to drag me into court over this issue and take what I value. What can I do about this? It has upset me to the point where my heart is having palpitations on a daily basis. I swear that they want to kill me….physically and mentally. I’ve been trying to stay away from them since I had been on my own.
When people call others losers they often think that of themselves, they know if they had made one or two choices differently they could be down and out, they don’t like being that close to that reality and they want distance from that so they insult and reject , because they see it in them selves
I understand we come in with past lives and karma, abuse as a child does not define how the child will be; the package is complete when it comes in, to a large extent, we have lives hundreds of lives, thats why people come in and at age 4 know how to play the piano and write music, we need to start thinking about these things because in the future this will be mainstream, everyone will know this! We are ignorant if we don't know it, and if we don't believe it we are even more ignorant!❤❤
My life was a huge lie. What I thought at the time turned out to be a huge deception. He led a separate life with another women and her children for two and a half years while we were engaged and building a house. He dumped me for her and let her step in and furnish and decorate the home I thought he and I were building together. All of his work associates knew about her and I was completely in the dark. How can I deal with this betrayal in my senior years after marrying him without knowing this happened until SHE contacted me and revealed his betrayal after he came back crying on his knees?
Dr. C now that I have finally been able to distance myself from my NARC Father In Law, all the sudden he’s interested in me again. He invited me to a Memorial Day air show with him (I didn’t attend) , wished me a happy Father’s Day (I thanked him and said the same back) and now he is looking for real estate for a detail endeavor I’m looking to start later this year for me (I never asked for his help in any of this.) This is a complete flip flop from the 5 years of neglect, negative comments and condescension I received living under his roof. What’s the deal? It’s completely disillusioning. He’s run multiple smear campaigns behind my back, even directly to my wife about me. Now he’s acting as if nothing happened even after his last rage where he flat out threatened my well being. What do I do? It’s as if he’s trying to set this all up so he can turn around and go “you see how much effort I’m putting into this relationship? What’s wrong with you?”
" I am putting mich sofort in this relationship! What's wrong with you?" This is exactly the Problem. He does not respect YOUR boundaries and your decision to REFUSE to engage with Him after he abused you. If someone does not respect your decision to distance yourself from them and begin to question you, it shows that they do not respect your boundaries. If you see danger you MUST protect yourself. Avoid contact with him and DO NOT tell him about your plans and about yourself.
Thank you Dr Carter. I had one goal in life and feel I have failed at it. It's hard to realize I had it taken from me and I am perpetually being sabotaged. I'm fighting for some control in my own life. The only way I can see to do it is to put it out there. They either see it or they don't but I don't have to comply. @Surviving Narcissism Do you think a narcissist really loves their children. If a person has bent on destroying you and your whole family do you have the talk with them or do you skip them and just deal with the rest of the family?
Narcissist’s do not love their children..go no contact…run! ..save yourself and your children..they do not care for you or their children ..keep studying the enemy “Cluster B personality disorder types “ ..learn all the red flags 🚩..learn and study 📚…and after that if you still think they love or care then you need to keep studying..best of luck to you my friend
I no longer speak to my vulnerable narcissist father and I realize how important is to do my work to remain emotionally regulated and healthy... but then my mother comes heavily complaining about my father and I am noticing I become desregulated and caught in the same old drama with her, what do I do? she doesn't understand, she keeps doing the same and she keeeps falling into his manipulations even when she knows that is his goal, her guilt is more powerful than her healthy reasoning and atempts to do things different, I undesrtand her bc it's very difficult to deal with my father but he ends up "winning" he ends up pulling us into his craziness :/
If a malignant narcissist learns that their health is such that they don't have long to live, how are they likely to interact with their scapegoat child and their golden child? I'm particularly interested in the case when the scapegoat child has gone nearly 'no contact' with the parent. Could they become much more nasty? Or??? Thank you for considering my question.
I ran into pushback when I described harshness, cruelty inflicted in childhood and pain caused by lack of my parents' accountability. Was I breaking a taboo?
Animals are very empathetic. They can sense sadness, sickness, weariness and depression. Gus has more empathy than my narcissistic “husband”.
Yep...Even our pet guinea pigs are more empathetic than my narc dad🙄.
The story about Gus is so sweet. My cats always know if I am suffering and lick my hands more than usual.
They're telling you to not delete yourself because they find you tasty
I had a Cousin ( abusive- Liar-mooch-Event Wrecker); as soon as both our moms DIED, I went no- Contact with wicked Cousin. What a RELIEF& Joy!!!
Your heart for helping other people heal is mind blowing and so amazing. The impact you’ve made on so many peoples lives is something that could never be repaid . Please don’t ever forget that you are so appreciated and loved, truly loved by those you have guided to the light. And you are incredibly respected by the people that are trying to heal from the injuries of the evils of narcissism. Thank you so much Dr.C
I so appreciate the specifics in this session. I grew up speaking a different language that sadly focused on how I was not going to measure up, consequently felt I had to help everyone / give to others to be liked. I am speak a new language where I am enough, I am lovable just for being me. Thank you Dr C and Gus for introducing me to a language of dignity, respect and self love.
Thanks, Suzanne. I like this format b/c it lets me know my viewers better. #TeamHealthy
Gus story gave me goosebumps ❤. He is wise beyond his years. You can just look at him and feel that. Same with YOU Dr Carter!
Thanks!!
I had a rescue Doberman, who was so empathetic and always comforted so many people! She was an angel! She helped me get through an awful narc relationship! ❤
We had a doberman-Alsatian cross when I was little, named Haig. He was very patient and looked after me, staying between me and the street so I couldn't go into the road. He let me ride on his back and would sit down or walk under the dining table when he'd had enough. He climbed a tree to rescue a kitten once, but when he jumped down with the kitten in his mouth, he bit its tummy by mistake. He was unhappy that it couldn't get up.
Dr. C, the story about the young man who wasn't even given access to his name on his birth certificate touched on something deep for me. In my experience, it's such a great encapsulation of narcissistic abuse perpetrated by parents on their children. The delusion and deceit is so mind-blowing you would almost rather think you've gone nuts. In a way the unbelieveableness functions like a protection for the particularly far-gone narcissists and other extreme personality disorders. Thank you for shedding some light on this topic that can be particularly difficult to look at. I'm sure it's greatly healing for many who have lost their voices and have been rendered invisible.
Thanks for your words.
Hello everyone from Snowbear in Melbourne Australia.
Hi there Snowbear!!
Thank you to whoever asked the question "How do you deal with that your life was a lie?" I've been feeling this way for a while & don't know what to do with it. So, Thank you❤
Thank you, Dr. C...great answer! I'll rewatch it when needed.
Thank you, Dr. C, for your continued compassionate care for those of us affected by narcissists. ❤
Love the stories of Gus being a comfort dog in therapy ❤ Our cat, Waverley, knows when someone is feeling down or unwell, as she always sits on that person's lap. Dear pets.
Pet therapy! I used to work in a psych hospital & there were a few pet therapy dogs (hypoallergetic), with their own ID tags… they were a big hit. ❤
I have a friend who has a pet therapy program in Washington state. He and his partner began with a dog and a mini horse. Then they were using two mini horses when they retired their Frenchie. When they provide their programs for inmates in prisons, at 911 call centers, newborn units, hospices, ICUs, decompression programs for first responders, their mini horses know who needs comforting the most. I absolutely love that Gus is a "therapy" dog. ❤️
Enjoy your well earned vacation Dr.C. You deserve it 😊
Thank you, we will!
That was such a clear, full answer to the question about whether the narcissist knows what they're doing or not. Thank you, Dr C. I've written it down so that I can read it again when I feel confused about what happened.
"So, they do know, but they're so habituated in their own lies that they don't know, all combined in one huge mess."
I hear my (dead) mother's voice, "It's your own silly damn fault!"
Thank you. You help me to clarify even further.
My bros. stood little chance of better outcomes - beyond, the catastrophe and SNAFUS that developed, being they were so entrenched in Trum|bianism.
I never knew just How Low-ed/ No-Ed they, actually, are.
40-50+ Years later, You realize they only became Better Actors and Liars.
Including the late, Democratic "Inverted" Narc.,* oldest sister. (Per, Prof./ Dr. Sam Vaknin.)
I was worked over emotionally at work for a long time. Left the work world in 2008 and had bad very bad dreams about the place/people for over 12 years. BUT, even now, when I got a call from a community center to tell me my name was chosen for a free trip, I felt tense at first! My first thought was "NOW WHAT is somebody going to blame me for??!! What am I going to have to do to keep from getting kicked out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When you have to watch your back and walk on eggshells for a long time, it really gets deep into your "bones".
I can relate to that. It scars you.
This video is so rich in content, the title doesn’t do it justice. I especially relate to the questioner who felt betrayed by her mother. Thank you, Dr Carter ☀️ for your wisdom, love and light. ☮️
You're quite welcome.
DR C & GUS, Oh, dear, taken from a woman as a newborn baby with no legalities taking place for adoption, the narcissistic people who took & raised me (if you can call it that) lied until they divorced & that's when i discovered some of the truth (???). It's such a long story but with persistence ended with our PM apologising to me... My life & relationships have been toxic & surrounded by deception but somehow after almost 64 years, I'm still surviving with your help. It's been a lifetime of deception & hurt for me.. It doesn't matter how much life I have left but I'm determined to love Me..... finally!! THANKYOU ❤️ 🇦🇨
Dr Carter,
I hope you have a great holiday. Thank you for helping others. I hope you know what great work you do. You're so appreciated. 🌹
Have a fun 😃 trip Dr Carter and thank you for everything you do for team healthy 😊💕🤗
Thanks, Vicki! We leave tomorrow for 9 days!
I tell my sister that we are the lucky ones-we got away, built or own lives, have a bigger world than where we came from.
What you are describing with Gus is more empathy than I have felt after twenty two years of marriage to my narcissist hopefully soon to be ex-husband. He doesn't care a thing about anyone.
Sad. You deserve much better.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you. It's hard to remember that sometimes. Thank you for seeing me. 😥
I loved your story about Gus, Dr. C. Yet another reason to love that little guy! My 16 1/2 year old Chihuahua Annabelle passed away one year ago so any stories about Gus makes my heart sing.
@joangick6803, My condolences to you for Annabelle. 16 1/2 is an amazing age for a Chihuahua.
My Chihuahua died at age 13. Dogs are amazingly sensitive to everything!
Before I realized this, I thought my dog was just a dog. I had my first apartment, and my first real heartbreak at age 23. My dog was lying in a sunbeam in the front room. She absolutely loved lying in the sun. Chihuahuas always seem to be cold, even in the summer. Due to my romantic breakup, I retreated to the bedroom floor, laid down in the dark, and started to weep. My dog appeared at the door. She started to walk very tentatively toward me, as if to ask if she was intruding on a private moment, or was she welcome. I held out my hand, and she came over, climbed up on my chest and laid down with her face in my neck. I've never forgotten that! Knowing how much she loved those patches of sun in the front room (which she would follow as they moved) made me realize she was willing to sacrifice her interests to comfort me. I'm still almost shocked that an animal could be that full of character and substance. I've seen it in horses, also.
@@notagain779, thank you for your story about your sweet baby Chihuahua. It is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard. When I am ready to get another pup I plan to get a Chihuahua. They are little angels.
My Annabelle was also very intuitive with me. But not as much with others. She was fixated on me. Did you also experience that with your pup?
I was fortunate to have her for 16 1/2 years and your baby also lived a long life. But oh how I wanted many more years with her. I was fortunate enough to be retired for about three years when she passed. I spoiled her rotten and we went everywhere together. Every moment with her was pure joy.
@@joangick6803, Aw...I think a dog knows when they are safe and loved. I love that you took Annabelle with you everywhere. That's what's good about Chihuahuas. I did that too, because they're easy to transport, and they love to be with you. I think my dog liked me a lot, wanted to be with me as much as possible, but she liked people in general. She wasn't at all "Yappy" like people think all Chihuahuas are. She was somewhat like Gus, in that she enjoyed a good nap!
@@notagain779 , your Chihuahua was an adorable fur baby 🥰. My Annabelle would rarely bark except at door bells. She was almost deaf in her senior years and pretty much didn’t bark anymore. And transporting her was so easy! I could have carried her 3 pound body forever and she rode shotgun in my car in a very comfortable dog car seat. She loved to go for car rides! Thank you sharing stories about your precious fur baby.
You and Mrs C - enjoy your holiday!!!
I think that will be easy to do! Thanks.
Dear Dr. C...one of the positive things about the pandemic for me was that I found your channel. I became schooled about narcissim. Terms and descriptions bought many aha moments. Also, being an alienated parent, I put a lot of things together and have found peace and strength through my knowledge. I can't thank you enough, it has been lifechanging. I am almost 70, but better late than never. I think we need a narcissist self defense tool that we can sound an ear piercing shreek when a narcissist tries to force control over us. I am kidding of course, but it would be decisive. ha ha. God Bless, Dr. C.
Thanks for the good vibes, Robyn. I'm glad to be on the path with you.
The history that is in our system is one of hurt and frustration, but mostly hurt. Relationships that should be meaningful are questionable because we are made to feel guilt and fear rather than appreciation and love. Gus is a sweetie!! He's doing his part 🐶❤
I say I'm sorry a lot too!! Wishing you safely on your trip to Canada!
if you enjoyed her ways of treating you no need to change! If not, change! Nothing changes if nothing changes! It can be difficult to move above but don't ever forget where you came from! Just don't live in the same box!
Team healthy, Team free!
Yes!
Have a great time Dr C 😊😉
That's the game plan!
And I like what Dr. C said about "tone" and the importance of using a particular tone when saying something. A very different message can be conveyed simply by the tone we choose to use.
One thing to look out for is narcissists are poor at recognising tone. Their tones are either mean or sickly sweet, they don't recognise tone or emotional language from others in my experience
Thank you , you're so right about everything. It's so true. I enjoy watching your videos.
Great information, thank you! And I asked my husband to watch this video with me, and he did ...
Tomorrow we're starting couples therapy addressing the narcissistic abuse I received from my husband's family, and my husband is willing to look at things he has long denied about his family. We've been married 35 years, and his mother was very jealous of me and she caused us a lot of problems from day one, right up until the day she died. My mother-in-law recently passed away, and she can't continue to hurt me anymore, but my husband's 4 narcissistic sisters still do and ALL of that is about to change! He agrees that his family "never accepted" me (his words), so I'm thankful that he's willing to make some changes in himself regarding how he engages with his sisters, going forward -- that's where the therapist comes in. I've been longsuffering and I'm tired of putting up with their narcissistic nonsense. It's time my husband stood up for me and put some distance between them & us -- high time! My husband never learned how to "leave and cleave" with his mother on certain matters, but he needs to work on doing that with his overbearing sisters and to start setting boundaries with each of them. Anyway ....wish us luck dear reader! Thank you :)
Best wishes to you as you continue to sift this out.
Thank you Dr. Carter for answering the question about being a pawn of adult parents. I discovered a few years back, through 23&Me and then Ancestry, that my biological father was my mothers first husband and not the man that raised me. I always had questions about this since childhood, but it wasn’t until my 40’s that I worked up the nerve to do genetic testing. Driven to do so mostly out of frustration of all the lies from my Mother. I had already gone no contact with her and my “step-father?”. My biological father died last week and I had kept my distance from him after finding out. After all I didn’t know this man and I didn’t want further chaos in my life. However, a deep sense of loss and grief has been overwhelming me in the last couple of days, but I keep reminding myself that this was never my problem to fix. The question of “who am I” is mine to answer alone, free of the shenanigans of the adults who brought me into the world. So again thank you for addressing this issue.
Thank you so much dr Carter. You are an Angel❤ God bless you❤
Thank you, Iza.
Listening to you brings me great and instant clarity. And I appreciate this of you and others like you. Your you-tube podcast is amazing and helpful. And thank you for sharing about Gus your truly wonderful canine. Blessings to the both of you souls. Amen.
This was so well done , thank you for such dignity, respect and civility. Have a wonderful holiday!
Thank you!
Thank you so much, Dr. Carter 💕 Just hearing other's questions and your thoughtful responses is so helpful.
Since each person views another differently, I have had little support through my situations. I came to realize that other's were not treated as I was and just didn't see it. There is a lot to unpack and I appreciate your channel.
You are quite welcome.
Ah, Gus! It's obvious he's a gentle, caring little guy. He seems to relish his role as your sidekick, Dr C. I had the sweetest Rottweiler/Labrador cross who was excellent at sensing moods and providing an appropriate response. Empathy-deficient narcissists could learn so much from them!
Dr. C your wisdom is a treasure. I truly wish I had found you over 30 years ago. I spent 49 years married to a raging Narcissistic Asperger man who destroyed many things including himself with cigarettes. I am now 70 years old and newly widowed. I am healing listening to you and being in my Bible. I Praise GOD for all the people you are helping now.
Best wishes to you, and thank you.
Excellent video Dr Carter!! ... My Yorkie, Ace is very similar to Gus! He's a rescue that I got at 10 months and is very tuned into my emotions 😍 and others emotional well being, he definitely tries to comfort them, AND like Gus ... he doesn't like the mean people! 👍 Thank you again for todays content, I like to say, one of my mantras is ... I'm okay & I'm on my way! That and, ... I am NOT confused because I HAVE the mind of Christ so I know what I KNOW!! ... I say that out loud if need be, to keep me on track of humility, wisdom and PEACE. 🙌🕊️✝️❣️ God bless you Dr C ... may you have a beautiful time away & hopefully some cooler weather. ❣️
Thanks so much for the encouraging words, Julie. And Gus says to tell Ace (great name) hello!
Hi Dr. C!! Love hearing Gus stories!! Thank you once again for your warmth and kindness! Go team healthy.❤
Enjoy your vacation!!!!!! Stay Safe all of yous.
In the south we like to say “All y’all” 😊❤😂
Precious Gus❤😭😭😭and so are you Dr Les!!!!
Need an animal friend in my life
Thank-you so much, Dr. Carter. As you understand my story with a narcissistic ex-husband, I also came from severe childhood abuse (severe enough that I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist in February of 1997 of having multiple personality disorder), hearing you say that recovery can be years brought tears to my eyes because I now understand what I'm dealing with is permanent. However, as you talked about the gentleman who was lied to including being lied to about his name, I could identify with this. Hearing you say "who shall I be today?" is helping me hang in there and not give up.
Sweet Gus! 💜🐾
Dogs are amazingly intuitive.
Our animals are our emotional support. They are the best at giving unconditional love ❤
That's certainly the case with Gus. I hope you have the same in your life!
So grateful for you Dr. C ❤
Amazing, your lovely Gus, what a character
Thank you for your wisdom
Gus found his soul family 💕💕👍
It's been mutually rewarding.
My brother’s dog, my middle brother not the youngest, my mom she was crying once, he started comforting her,I have seen that!
When Gus would do that, I'd just be in awe.
This was truly informative. I love the "rip tide" illistration....on point. 🙌 As I look back at my childhood (1960's), I recall being so traumatized by my mother, it carried on into school. Teachers intimidated me & when I was called on in school, I cld only lower my head & tremble until the teacher asked another student. That horror carried on until my career years. I worked at a large corporate company as a Legal Secretary. My co-workers & boss were like family, but each day as I drove to work, even in my 30's, I gripped the steering wheel & said a prayer (daily), I pray nobody yells at me today. My thoughts go to the children in school today. I pray that the teachers have discernment to recognize abused children. I wish that in 1960's, a teacher, or someone would've recognized my trauma. It is my prayer that the schools wld be filled with psychologists today.....to recognize trauma at an early age. I was never taught how to handle emotions. At 60 yrs old, and into 20 yrs of therapy, I'm just learning how to recognize & deal with emotions. I always "sucked in" my emotions & NEVER spoke up bcuz my mother hit & pulled hair if you raised your voice. I hope the abuse cycle stops. Thanks for todays informative input. 😊
Thank you, Cindy. I wish the best for you.
Spot on, Dr. C. Sixty-seven and still appreciate your reminders. God 's love most certainly guides, guards and protects. Thank you, Dr. C , for reinforcing my dignity, respect and civility. Rest, pray and play. Have a safe and wonderful vaca. Big hugs to the Mrs.
Thank you, Kathleen.
Hi Dr. C, adorable story about Gus 🐶🐾❤️. Wishing you a wonderful holiday. Many thanks for all you do ☺️🙏
Thank you, Karen.
My dog always knew when I was hurting or upset. She got me through so many rough times. It’s a shame that I had to leave her behind last week. My husband beat me up pretty good and I had to run. Now I’m homeless 4 hours away, lost my job. It seems like I’m getting punished. I am currently staying with my daughter. This is temporary due to her landlord will not let 3 people stay in the home. I’m trying not to be bitter. I know God has a plan. I will be ok.
That sounds so difficult. For what it's worth, I did volunteer work for 6 years (cooking breakfast on Saturdays) at a women's shelter. I'm a big believer in social services like that. I hope you can find some group who can offer you assistance. I'm pulling for you.
I am 64 and back then we didn't have help to heal but today you have much more help so my opinion is that the young people will not take as long to heal then us and I am glad for them
I hope that would be the case.
Wow Dr Carter, we could hardly breath outside in NW Indiana from all the smoke from the fires in Canada!!! 😮 Please watch out for that while you are visiting Canada.
Hey dr. C. last year I did an internship in child psychiatry and the children would walk in feeling very down and my colleague had her puppy in the office and the puppy would be on the laps of the children and they just started to glow 😍 I wished it would be standard to have animals in such places! They really do have healing powers! 💗
Gus went to my office with me every day when I had my practice, and he had the same effect on adults too. Our animal friends matter.
I live right beside Banff. Enjoy, it’s beautiful
I relate to the guy whose mother confused his identity. My mother lied to me about who my father was and constantly revised history so I'm not sure what was true about my childhood. I leave it in the "Not Sure" box.
Twin sisters just connected with our family through DNA tests, as first cousins of my husband. In their 70's, they've been trying to find out who their biological father was, for decades. Their birth mother's story doesn't match facts, but both biological parents are dead, so the truth can't be told. Fortunately they had loving adoptive parents.
Parents messing with children's identity do harm.
We deserve to know the truth.
More and more I’m knowing what is really going on the projection of their own unregulated self .Some one else always has to be blamed to take it away from themselves diversion. Dr C yr so helpful They don’t know how to deal with giving with an open heart with them it’s forever you being a problem. Thus abusing in response to yr kindness.
BTW - ( USA 🇺🇸) : hoping that you and your family enjoy Banff National Park and Lake Louise in Canada 🍁!
Thanks!
Ooh, that sounds like an ideal vacation!!
Dr. Carter, I hope your weather is just as gorgeous as the setting is said to be.
Love you Dr Carter. As a lifelong animal lover and horseman, I raised my 3 sons around animals. Horses and dogs and cats. My oldest son had 2 dogs when he married a narcissist. They dogs eventually passed and two children were born. There will be no animals in their house 😢. So he brings his children over here so he and they can commune with the dogs. The wife seldom comes and doesn’t like animals. Narcissist suck
When people reject animals, I steer clear.
Agreed!!!!!❤
Dear Dr. Carter, thank you so much for your videos and Midweek shows. Your words and wisdom have helped me immensely!
I have a question. When I grew up in a deeply narcissistic family, I somehow very early made the decision that I would never become like my parents, and I went in the opposite direction. I wanted to do everything differently from them: When they were irritable and aggressive, I stayed friendly and patient. I think it was already in my nature, though, as I never had to struggle to maintain this attitude. However, is this behaviour too similar to "fawning"? May I have cultivated these opposite patterns to a fault? Narcissistic people seek me out, as in "love at first sight", and it's hard for me to keep them off my back. This is a pattern that I have struggled with all my grown up life. When the narcissists discover that I'm not the pushover they expect me to be, their rage awakens, and I become their target. How can I balance my friendliness so that narcissists are not attracted to me like mosquitos?
Great question!
From my research; you may be more likely to be more codepen dent than I am, and less counter-dependent, too.
Always too cooperative, I wouldn't coddle my NASTY Trumbian (man-boy) bros., as things began to get further off the rails.
At this point, I'd rather die than Fawn. - Unfortunately, I Freeze, instead. And have a Hx. of it.
I'm a "Classic," ECHO Codepend ent and Yes, they $cRaMbLeD
my Voice. - And, Brain most likely. ... Then, took out my Writing. Dysgraphia/ a TIA?
Violence, Terrorism, TORTURE and Federal felony Hate Crimes!
Taking 62 Year's of known Hx. with it. And 5 TL. Month's of 2*/ + 3 additional months of AMNESIA, Gen.'zd Dissociative.
Maybe, you're one of those people Dr. Ramani says is immune to Narcs.
I always thought my Dad was the Narc. (With, War TRAUMAS & Head injuries); but, he was relatively Harmless. I didn't suspect my sibs. w/ 3 different presentations, either.
Now, I'm wondering about my Mom, too.
Nothing like having my Senior Year's Destroyed! ~ Celebrate on the 4th of July, for my Mom. My Dad was UNCLE SAM!
And, the $on's of $@m shall be known! They were All spoiled too much.
FWIW- ( Southeastern Texas, USA 🇺🇸) : fwiw: wishing you, family and Gus a wonderful afternoon and a fantastic , terrific evening ahead
Enjoy your trip to Canada Dr. Carter! Thank you so much for sharing your invaluable knowledge with us.
Thank you! Will do!
Bienvenue au Canada Dr. C. Wishing you an excellent and safe trip, from 'the big smoke'..Toronto,
Thank you kindly! We'll be on the other side of the country in Banff. Leaving this afternoon.
@@SurvivingNarcissism exactly thanks goodness4. Because wildfires here. Banff is a wonder of world, and Alberta has wildfires problems so much more. I am glad your week to majestic, does not include. Plus they need your business....thank you as Canucks!
Give Gus a huge hug from me❣️
I like Gus he makes me feel calmer.
Love how Gus ministers to people!!❤❤ my counselor is wanting to have that too with her dogs. Her dogs are such comforters!!
Gus used to go to my office with me every day. He'd just chill out with me and my patients.
Thank you Dr. Carter
Animals, dogs, cats are so beautiful, so pure! Much better than humans, it seems that way! There are so few pure humans, no I do meet beautiful humans, really so kind!❤❤that's why npd family didn't destroy me, I met all these beautiful people in the street, anywhere and everywhere!❤❤
I always knew Gus was special.
That's why he needs to be featured, once in awhile.
Your own interactions, but, that specific canine face, as well. We'd love to see some close-ups.
Make him a Rock ST🌟R!
Thanks, Doc.
I don’t think of whether many years from now I’ll be healed! Instead I focus on learning to appreciate small bits of evidence of healing in progress DAILY(!)
Gus ❤️💖❤️
This was absolutely tremendous DR Les, Thank you so much for this, I'm glad you're on my journey with me, You're a treasure to humanity, You have great understanding, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the universe, The most high, God is great 😊🐉☘🐎🌹🌝🦄😍🌈❤💚💛💛👽😘🦁😇
My dog is such a sweetie, doggies really do have a way of making a hectic day seem not so bad, he’s so well behaved
Pets can very much sense tension and pain especially with their owners
Thank you for sharing your story about Gus
You're welcome.
God love spirituality in doggies...i have first hand experience...when my Dad passed they barked at nothing which i knew was Dad. Harvey my dog keeps giving me spiritual cues!
I'm with you on that!!
Basically...you don't owe them Sh**!
That's how I feel about my furry companions. Love em to bits. Love to you , Mrs carter and gus. Have a lovely holiday in Canada
I follow!
Gus is your RADAR
Good information again thanks Dr C, enjoy your break. Im alot calmer within my thoughts some days, nights when i cant sleep like now and everything is just swirling around in my head. Im standing outside in the very crisp cold air, its nice im out bush lol. Im thinking im sure my ancestors are whispering this shall pass dear, it may pass like a kidney stone but it will pass 😂. A little stronger every day the only way is calmer, calmer. Remind myself to pause before responding if im going to respond or make the choice to ignore the negativity 🎉 and focus on me. Yea its 4am ish and feels like -5 out here 🤣
Today's live chat...i misspelled orca. Only 4 letters. Just turned 77. Discard and consider it elderly projection. I've learned to correlate. 😄
If that's your biggest mistake, you're still in great shape!
Triangulation….I read about this being a factor of narcissism. And it is happening now, because my brother thinks that I mention about him in a bad light at an event. He was told by one sister with an narcissistic personality, who has been told by someone else at the time when she wasn’t even there. Now because of this, he threatens to drag me into court over this issue and take what I value. What can I do about this? It has upset me to the point where my heart is having palpitations on a daily basis. I swear that they want to kill me….physically and mentally. I’ve been trying to stay away from them since I had been on my own.
When people call others losers they often think that of themselves, they know if they had made one or two choices differently they could be down and out, they don’t like being that close to that reality and they want distance from that so they insult and reject , because they see it in them selves
I understand we come in with past lives and karma, abuse as a child does not define how the child will be; the package is complete when it comes in, to a large extent, we have lives hundreds of lives, thats why people come in and at age 4 know how to play the piano and write music, we need to start thinking about these things because in the future this will be mainstream, everyone will know this! We are ignorant if we don't know it, and if we don't believe it we are even more ignorant!❤❤
Sometimes it is better to take a break and renew the mind we are all different at the end.
My life was a huge lie. What I thought at the time turned out to be a huge deception. He led a separate life with another women and her children for two and a half years while we were engaged and building a house. He dumped me for her and let her step in and furnish and decorate the home I thought he and I were building together. All of his work associates knew about her and I was completely in the dark. How can I deal with this betrayal in my senior years after marrying him without knowing this happened until SHE contacted me and revealed his betrayal after he came back crying on his knees?
Thanks Dr C, for another wonderful video. If you're going on holiday, I wish you and Jennifer safe travel and much joy.
Thank you. We're heading out for Canada later today!
FWIW- { Southeastern, Texas: USA 🇺🇸) : fwiw: off the record- Hopefully 🙏 Banff will be a nice time for you and everyone: GOD BLess
Thanks, Michelle. We're going there with friends, and we are looking forward to cooler temps!!
Dr. C now that I have finally been able to distance myself from my NARC Father In Law, all the sudden he’s interested in me again. He invited me to a Memorial Day air show with him (I didn’t attend) , wished me a happy Father’s Day (I thanked him and said the same back) and now he is looking for real estate for a detail endeavor I’m looking to start later this year for me (I never asked for his help in any of this.) This is a complete flip flop from the 5 years of neglect, negative comments and condescension I received living under his roof. What’s the deal? It’s completely disillusioning. He’s run multiple smear campaigns behind my back, even directly to my wife about me. Now he’s acting as if nothing happened even after his last rage where he flat out threatened my well being. What do I do? It’s as if he’s trying to set this all up so he can turn around and go “you see how much effort I’m putting into this relationship? What’s wrong with you?”
"Run Forest run"
He's trying to draw you back in so he can start the cycle abuse all over again
Don't fall for it!
STAY NO CONTACT. HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
" I am putting mich sofort in this relationship! What's wrong with you?"
This is exactly the Problem. He does not respect YOUR boundaries and your decision to REFUSE to engage with Him after he abused you. If someone does not respect your decision to distance yourself from them and begin to question you, it shows that they do not respect your boundaries. If you see danger you MUST protect yourself. Avoid contact with him and DO NOT tell him about your plans and about yourself.
Me and my fiancé meant to tune in. Checking it out now. 😉💥🤟
Glad you're here! Keep learning!
Thank you Dr Carter.
I had one goal in life and feel I have failed at it. It's hard to realize I had it taken from me and I am perpetually being sabotaged. I'm fighting for some control in my own life. The only way I can see to do it is to put it out there. They either see it or they don't but I don't have to comply.
@Surviving Narcissism Do you think a narcissist really loves their children. If a person has bent on destroying you and your whole family do you have the talk with them or do you skip them and just deal with the rest of the family?
No love
Narcissist’s do not love their children..go no contact…run! ..save yourself and your children..they do not care for you or their children ..keep studying the enemy “Cluster B personality disorder types “ ..learn all the red flags 🚩..learn and study 📚…and after that if you still think they love or care then you need to keep studying..best of luck to you my friend
I no longer speak to my vulnerable narcissist father and I realize how important is to do my work to remain emotionally regulated and healthy... but then my mother comes heavily complaining about my father and I am noticing I become desregulated and caught in the same old drama with her, what do I do? she doesn't understand, she keeps doing the same and she keeeps falling into his manipulations even when she knows that is his goal, her guilt is more powerful than her healthy reasoning and atempts to do things different, I undesrtand her bc it's very difficult to deal with my father but he ends up "winning" he ends up pulling us into his craziness :/
If a malignant narcissist learns that their health is such that they don't have long to live, how are they likely to interact with their scapegoat child and their golden child? I'm particularly interested in the case when the scapegoat child has gone nearly 'no contact' with the parent. Could they become much more nasty? Or??? Thank you for considering my question.
It's hard to say exactly what they would do, but malignant narcissists virtually never adjust. So expect the pattern to remain intact.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you, Dr. C! Sadly, that's what we rather expected.
I ran into pushback when I described harshness, cruelty inflicted in childhood and pain caused by lack of my parents' accountability. Was I breaking a taboo?
1. acceptance.. to me it is about not lying to myself..
2. abandon.. i don't really look at it that way.. i look at it about getting the focus off of them and on me..
3. trauma.. i think the best way is to keep talking about it..
4. controlling... i would ask if it is actually control or an illusion of control?
5. apologize.. to me this is me giving my power away..
6. do they know?.. yes