Book Your Slot for the online workshop on "How you become trauma bonded and how to break free in 5 powerful steps": emotionalabuserecovery.com/eventbtb
He and his mom were overtly attached and 100% enmeshed. The scenario was exactly how Danish describes here. It's like she was his partner, instead of me. Destroyed our relationship. The abuse and trauma will stay with me forever. He chose a strong and empowered woman like myself, and enslaved me and brought me down. I escaped but it took me years to get completely out of his clutches. He is a demon.
Monisha D thank you for your post. I hear you. I haven't escape yet. Hoping to liberate myself before I die. Started self education about the narcissist 18 months ago. So many marriage counselors, so little or no help.God bless Danish Bashir.
He is a momma’s boy. She says he is her prince. Today I felt sorry for him because I realized how deeply she handicapped him, smothered him while pretending to be a caring mom, but it is all in name of control and power over the family. She is his enabler, justifies all his abusive behavior, in fact, she joined him in insulting me, only a joke, of course… she badmouthed me at work, whined to her husband, always playing the poor mother and me, the witch who took her prince away and will never be as good as her. Barf! Now I know how she was actually sabotaging him.
Life taught us a valuable lesson. Never settle for a momma's boy because they will never grow up or take accountability for their actions. Some can't even wash their ass properly or cook because they had mommy do it for them. I'm avoiding that shit like the plague.
Truely said,my daughter was severely suffered by her and his family members. We decided to cutoff all his communications, Finally we will go to divorce
We went to therapy. The therapist tried to explain to him that his mother had put him in position of husband instead of mother son. When i tell you they cannot understand how unbalanced their relationship w their mother is. Please hear that. We had multiple professionals point out the disfunction in their relationship. It never mattered. Just sat there with a blank stare. I finally accepted that it wasn't something I could change or love him through. His brother explained the nature of my husband and their mother from early childhood. Once i understood his mother had groomed him since childhood i accepted 21 years of marriage was over. Hardest decision of my life💔
He leaves me when we have arguments and goes and destroys me to his mom and stays with her while ignoring until he's ready to come home and she believes whatever he tells her. Makes our relationship worse each time.
Spot on. My ex and his mother were husband and wife. This was all hidden until we were married - the minute we came home from the honeymoon actually. She'd call every morning to wake him and every night to talk about his day and say goodnight They'd eat every meal together because "That's the way it was until YOU came along". She called to tell him he was out of bubble bath soap and he jumped out of bed at 10:30pm, drove 30 miles to get soap and deliver it to her. But it gets better: He told me he ran her bath, lit candles, poured her wine and stayed in the bath playing guitar for her as she bathed as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I can safely assume there was nudity involved. His father was watching TV downstairs. DIVORCE.
Omg! I just now googled about narcissistic mother son enmeshment as this video was so accurate about my ex husband and MIL...and I read your explanation in quora and then I came here to read the comments and found your story here too!! Your answers in quora related to this topic is so accurate 👍
In my case problem was when I had gas leakage in my house and told him, he ignored this and I needed to deal with this stress. Few days later we were on a date and in the middle of it his mom called with exactly same problem! He drive all way back to her from romantic date and this taking into account that his parents are married, why the hell she didn’t call 📞 her husband?????
🙏💖 I divorced my ex nearly two decades ago, but you described him and his mother perfectly. I wanted to validate that for others, too. Also, it got so bad--especially the misogony--that he started watching violent p0rn. I was NOT AWARE of this until after the divorce was final. *TRIGGER WARNING* However, learning that he had been watching that sort of violence made sense of the violence he had been taking out on me during our marriage. He looked at me and treated me as though I were nothing more than an object. I couldn't figure out where it came from while we were married, but a lot of things made sense after the fact--as they say. If you stay too long, it will only get worse. Please, it will not get better. They do not change. Narcs are who they are. Cut your losses. Save your life and move on. Safety and peace to you all...🙏💖
OMG this makes so much sense now. His mother literally tells him how to live, deal with his wife and child , she completely enables him even when he is wrong. Thank you for explaining this
Wow. My ex narc boyfriend had this with his mother. She would call him every night. Always the same conversation. How was your day? What did you have for lunch? Did you sleep well? Etc When he discarded me he said that I brought up the same feelings of anxiousness and annoyance whenever he’d see my name pop up on his phone like he did when his mothers did. Wasn’t until after we broke up I realised this was a completely emotionally enmeshed relationship. I never stood a chance. His mother never spoke to me, never asked after me, never wanted to know me. I’m lucky to be out of that sick family.
Spot on ...unbelievable toxic relationship, he manipulated her & she him, she was his numer one flying monkey & he bullied her too..... it was sickening to see the the pair together, she took great delight in helping him bring me down when I went no contact....wow never seen anything quite like it before, I literally think she would have committed murder for him if he asked....very dark & evil 😈 woman, totally jealous of me and let me know it at every occasion...but masked it under the guise of pretending to be a nice older lady...shuddering just thinking of them together !!!
Yea you dodged a bullet here...mine did same with the weird conversations with his mom about his day (nothing). I dealt with mine so long it got to point I'd tell him "that's weird". Or "you're acting weird again".
@@adavis118737 omg yesss. He would on occasion start acting weird. He would shut down, go really cold and distant and barely talk. It was crazy. Sometimes I’d have to leave the room. It was soooo weird.
@@elizabetharmstrong7730 and the thing is she will always be the puppet master. Anyone our exs date will always play second fiddle to the narcs mothers. We are lucky we are free of that toxic relationship. Toxic waste must be avoided to ensure a healthy life!
He didn’t tell me this. But I’m sure I made him feel the same annoyance as his mother for sure. Last months he was ignore my texts in one messager while being online in another, chatting with new supply.
In my experience mine was a complete "mamas boy". I joked with others about him being this before I knew he was a narc. He had absolutely no backbone and let his mother run his life, relationships, also his childrens. He (really the narcs mom) had gotten custody of his kids and boy that gave his mom free reign. It's a horrible sad situation to see play out. He talked to his mom about inappropriate weird things almost like she was his girlfriend. And yes his mom was definately "the boss". He used to say he had to take his mom to the mall because that's what she liked to do. Hed say he didnt like to go but would go and walk around with her to make her happy while she shopped. And hed miss seeing me so he could do this. Yes weird.
This is spot on! My mil didn't really ramp it up until her husband died. After that it was as if those 2 were married and I became the 3rd wheel in my own marriage. He would go over to see her and complain about me and then suddenly Johnny isn't happy anymore he needs to get divorced so he can be happy the whole family was good with that,decision. He would go over there and lie about me and all is good on the homefront. Even though they all know what a liar he is it's as if no one even thinks twice about it. This sick family dynamic is what ended us and it is truly a diabolical incestual issue.
My ex had his mother, she is not a life anymore, and his sister very abusive to me and now, he is very close to his sister and not to the second sister. OMG, what an evil people.
I am like the outsider...after mils death , husband and his father stay n live n sleep in the same room together like a couple.....I am an outsider...I only know what ration is to be bought....nothing else about any matter whatsoever
Wow. My ex hated his mom. She was clingy and no one was good enough for her special boy, including me, his wife. Nailed it. She used me to get info on him and always defended his unkindness. He did hate women and hearing this video helped me understand his leaving me and his daughter. Mom said "why didn't you have an abortion, he's not ready"....wow. She was never supportive of our marriage and he was escaping women. Light bulb flash!
Sister-in-laws can also create this unhealthy dynamic with their narcissist brothers, whom they coddle and enable, and they resent their brother’s partners so much, that they abuse the partner right in front of the brother…and the brother will do absolutely nothing to defend his wife, at the risk of offending his nasty sister. In fact, he will side with his abusive sister…over defending his his own wife. So twisted.
Right. I didnt stand a chance against these people. The man I loved wasn't real...he was someone already taken by the Mom and Sister, they are his Sister wives.
so many things don't make sense in a relationship with a narcissist, we end up with so many unsawered questions. but with each video you have shine the light to the answeres we seek but not find for decades of our miserable lives
The same can be said of a narcissistic daughter and her narcissistic mother. When the daughter marries the mother takes over. She is always there, takes over the household and the education of the children. The daughter does everything she says because the mother is stronger and the husband has no chance to have a voice. Even abuses his children in front of him and if he speaks out about that all hell break lose from his wife's side. She will punish him.
I remember one day having that realization that he is taking rage related to his mother onto me. I can never get those years back. My best most beautiful young years. I do not wish this onto anyone even my enemies. That’s how horrible everything was in that family.
This video validates what I went through, I just left my husband because when we moved into our home a year ago he moved his mother in with us, after that things became completely unbearable, he was constantly comparing me to her, he wanted me to be just like her because she would do everything he asked she had no boundaries. I thought she was nice but was concerned about the closeness they had he treated her more like a wife than he did me, he wanted her to go with us on every date every romantic dinner she had to be there too he would talk with her in front of me then give me the silent treatment. then after she witnessed him raging against me and trying to break down the door to abuse me, I overheard her agreeing with him that I was lazy and just wanted to use him. She always smiled in my face I was shocked. The day I left he told me that I am supposed to be cooking and serving his mom as well as him because she is our guest and I shouldn’t let her starve I was fed up that was the last straw I left that morning while they were at work. Now I have clarity as to what I experienced.
Omw!! Spot on. I'm going through a divorce now. My husband said he hated his mother for 13 years. They are now best friends. Spend everyday together. So freaky and weird. I thought she acted like she wanted her son as a partner. She became the new wife. Cooking for him and taking care of him like a wife not a mother. They can have each other.
As if you were describing my situation . My mil made sure every single moment between us to be spoiled even my pregnancy and child birth included, I am separated from my husband now but the trauma keeps me awake at night still. Thanks to my son , for him I gathered courage to leave him so that he doesn’t become like one of them.
OMG! That’s my story for the past 14 years! EVERY SINGLE WORD in the video is so accurate!! I had to live with both of them and he forced me to leave a few months ago!!! I always feel they’re the same team. He said his mother gave him unconditional love, then he said she’s not a good person. He hates her but he rarely confronts with her. They are couples! I’m always an outsider. Thanks Danish for the explanation and validation.
👆👆👆 After all my effort I'm forever grateful,dealing with a narc ain't easy they do lies and cheat and they are confused. My ex was a narc, I love her till date, but i can't stand a cheat. So i was recommended to this genius to help me know what she is up to, and all i could see was conversation and photos of her new boyfriend, i also got deleted and non-deleted messages too.
I’ve been married do 18 1/2 years. My mother in law died almost 3 years ago. He moved her in our home without asking me. Dropped her on me to take care of. She was a covert narc. I didn’t know. She had dementia and schizophrenia. I cared for her hand and foot for 5 years. They forced me and our kids out. He chose her over me and our kids 3 years ago. To learn in the last 2 years that she was a covert narc that was faking her illnesses just for me to be her slave. My health continually declined over the 5 year span of me taking care of her. That’s evil!!! She did that to her grandkids (my kids) not caring the effects she was having on them , me or her son(her only child). It started feeling like I was sleeping with Hera and stopped being intimate with him. Then it also felt like he was trying to turn me into her. Sick!!!! They destroyed me. Sick creatures. I know she is dead now but I still despise her for what she did to my marriage and family 😢. I have so much unresolved anger towards my husband now.
WHOA! I told my brother all about this AND he still goes and visit her, giving money and all....I also told him he wasn't married because Noone will do what his "Mom" does....it's sad...She treated her daughters like trash on the street and my brother like he's made of gold! I KNOW he is not happy; but he won't make the drastic necessary changes to be better and live his own life. Thank you Danish for informing...❤️💯🔥
Unfortunately for your brother, he has it the worst of all of you. As a "winner", he always has to meet highest expectations. Unless he starts to see her, who she really is, there is no help for him from you. It´s sad, but that´s how it is.
When he wanted marry me he told her about me and she did everything to our relationships stopes and failed. He also discarded me in the most sadistic ways a man could. He was pushes him to do serial dating to search “the one” 😂 apperantly it wasn’t me in her eyes. I think she looking for a wife for him she can control as she controls him. What she will did to possible his children I’m afraid to imagine….. 😱
Darn! As usual you are completely correct. I have been completely faithful and loving to my narcissistic husband simply because I DO love him. His Mother was the Queen and had total control over him and all her other kids. Thankfully after 20 years of being married to my husband, his Mother died. I am ashamed at how much relief I felt. I was never good enough, dressed well enough or spoke sentences well enough for her.😢🥺☹️. That is funny because now I am 63 and attending a State University for the first time, my Sons all graduated from university and said it was my turn to go. The funny is, I am now a Senior majoring in Behavioral psychology and still have a beautiful 4.0.😬😬💪🏼. I guess I was ‘good enough’ after all. My grades have shown me that. Even my husband is forced to treat me better because he knows that now, I know.😎😬🥰
One billion percent!!!!! She even took my son away. Everything, everything you say on your channel is completely spot on and to the point. Thank you so much for all the clarity!
I know my mother is definitely a narcissist and she has employed these gross tactics on me. I have asked myself this question multiple times if I was a narc , I have come to the ultimate conclusion I am not. But as much as my mother has destroyed my life .. I am in the process of rebuilding myself and healing from her evil ways.
I had a very short relationship recently with an extremely covert person… but one thing that I noticed is that his mother started following me on Instagram immediately and added me on Facebook before we even had our first date. Also when I met her, she corrected my posture and told me not to cover my mouth while I was laughing. She also asked me wouldn’t I rather date someone else because her son has stomach problems …. I think he didn’t let his new girlfriend meet her yet because he maybe learned his lesson.
OHH MY GOD!!! 'Emotional incest' ....I'm blown away!!! This is too much for me!!! .... you have just clarified what I've always known but felt disgusted to say out loud. Thank you Danish I have found comfort and clarity in watching UA-cam videos about narcissism.But this is the first time I've EVER heard anyone hit the nail on the head about 'mum" . I have too much to say about this subject and cannot begin to express myself in a comment on UA-cam . All I can say to you is thank you.
Danish, you are always so right. My ex's relationship with his mom was very toxic. He hated her and women in general because of her. He thought every woman just like his mother, she was known to seduce many men and use them for money, a place to live etc... He was jealous and always thought I was attracted to and wanted other men. He would physically "punish" me. I never did want to be with another man when I was with him, but he never believed me. This lead to many fights. But now I see it as him looking for an excuse to punish me for a stand-in for him mother. Wow, I really did mean nothing to him. I never thought of it like that about him punishing women because he wanted to punish his mother. Oh my goodness, you have given me so much more to think about. Now I have to think about his broken promises to me. His mother was unreliable and broke her promises. His mother didn't support them and my ex never supported me (I have seizures and couldn't work for a long time). Even though he hated his mother his mother would start all sorts of stuff between us. She encouraged his jealousy (even after his jealously led to him hitting me). She also lied about to him to about me to make things worse between us. Now I think he married me just to punish me for a stand in for his mother. His mother and I couldn't have been more different, she was loud and demanded her way. She always angry and played the victim. I was quiet, never demanded my own way, rarely got angry and I just let things slide (that I shouldn't have, in retrospect). Thank you, these videos are so helpful.
My mother in-law controlled our bank account. I was not allowed to see credit card statements. To top it off she would rub my husbands stomach all the time. So weird! Of course I finally left.
Yeah, I met my ex when he was 32, and he still greeted his Mum with a kiss on the lips 🤮 No, not a peck on the cheek … a full blown kiss! We lasted 8 years, cause I had no idea now toxic and abusive he really was.
Wowwwwww. This is exactly what I needed to hear. The mother/son narc-a-thon I witnessed in my former faux marriage was legendary. The gaslighting duo. Thanks!!
All your videos are absolutely amazing and so so true 👍🏻 My ex narc husband has this extremely toxic, unhealthy and disgusting bond not only with his mother but also all his family and relatives esp the female relatives. Everyone is very very dear to him esp his female relatives but he is totally indifferent and unconcerned even about our daughter and son who live with me and was so to me too when we were married.
Mine too! His Mother passed away and his oldest sister took her place. He also has a young niece, I swear the way they look at each other, talk, touch, and disappear?!!! AND OH I FORGOT, a female cousin as well. How sick is that? And I told him that. He could NOT Disagree about his Niece, She put on quite a show IN PUBLIC! Lol. Sick family
This is the best way I’ve ever heard this described about my Narc husband. He can’t stand up to his Narc mother and she has constantly started issues between us. My husband then started this same set up with my step daughter and therefore that pushed me over the edge. This was a very sick to experience for anyone to ever have to go through.
Oh. My. God. Never heard such an accurate description before... I knew my ex narc had an extremely close (and invasive) relationship with his mom. I used to wonder' How could she dictate whether a 46 year old men was getting vaccinated or not? Or how he would spend his money? why did he talked about sexual encounters with her? Why did she teach him how to manipulate woman to make them do what he wants? (he literally confessed me all of that at several points in the relationship). Every single day, im thankful that sh1t's over.
Guess that ends only when their mothers dies….. In my case she didn’t let vaccinate any of her sons. And they believed vaccines are evil and will kill them 😅 (wat????) so she pay local doctor to make face qr codes for her sons 🤦♀️ he was sick 4 times a year but never go to hospital even when he got 39,5 c. I even begged him few times but didn’t listen to me
This is so true.. his mother told lies on me, expectations are for him to be at her every call no matter if it intruding our time and treated me like nothing after i start voicing my opinion. After distancing myself from her for 6 years i thought i should me the bigger person and speak to her to let go of all resentment for the sake of our children.. she pretended we never had a problem and as soon as he in entered the room she instantly asked him if he was mad at her for speaking with me. I'm now in the process of leaving him due to finding out he's been having an 11 month relationship with another women who he impregnated 3x; 2 abortions 1 miscarriage and he's still pretending to fight for our 18 year marriage. I AM DONE!
This video hits the nail on the head! My husband and I got married and not even 6 months later he moved back with his mother! He would go every day to see his mother,but it just wasn't enough she would ask for nightly phone calls! Want him to come over late at night to charge her light bulbs it just got so bad my husband stop wanting anything sexual with me even down to snuggling together! Sad thing at the very end he started treating me like garbage creating fights over anything making life a living hell! I think he treated me so horrible due to it made him feel powerful because he was still his mommy's little boy that never had a chance to be a man it's truly a very sad thing and I can honestly say in my case no amount of therapy will help because they are totally blind to it! If you find yourself in this spot Please just get off the sinking ship! Because everyday you are just loosing your identity and being a human meal for them to feast on!😢❤😢
Story of my life,spot on 😢 My children and I are almost out of it (separated) with a big depression 😢😢😢😢 I wish I knew from the start and I wish I left sooner 😢 Big Thank you Doctor 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
💯I needed to hear this over 30 years ago. Their dad was ok but he worked out of town a lot making him emotionally absent. Even though he’s like this with his mother, it’s like he also hates her. A few years ago I found out that his mother cheated on his dad a lot. The relationship with their(him & his siblings) mom seems like incest.
This is exactly correct. My landlords are a woman and her narcissistic son. I almost dated him! Thank God a sense of decency and something else stopped me.
👆👆👆 After all my effort I'm forever grateful,dealing with a narc ain't easy they do lies and cheat and they are confused. My ex was a narc, I love her till date, but i can't stand a cheat. So i was recommended to this genius to help me know what she is up to, and all i could see was conversation and photos of her new boyfriend, i also got deleted and non-deleted messages too.
Danish ,your each and every single word is so true ,its just like,you watched my life throughout the years of my suffering.i wish I could have found your channel and your golden analysis 30 years back.i literally suffered exactly as mentioned in your videos, iam free after 30 years but the damage has been done. 🥺
You have totally NAILED this!!! I have experienced this in every minute detail. You perfectly describe one man in particular, and I've had relationships with other men who live out many of these traits. You have a talent for putting your observations into words in a succinct and engaging manner. I'm so grateful for this video.. I feel empowered now to trust my intuition and stop wasting my precious time making excuses for people, and giving the benefit of the doubt to people who don't care about me. Blown away!!! 🙏
Same here. my malignant covert narc mother does this to her youngest son, he is golden child can do no wrong, the rest of us are scapegoats, " lost children" , or some kind of combo thereof. Sick. I'm no contact with her. It's the only way to go.
This is disgustingly on point!!! 🙌🏽 Thank you Danish for delivering, once again straight facts and knowledge! I thank God everyday I discarded the narc for good! 🙏🏽👊🏽🙌🏽
Danish, you described my ex narcs's relationship to the tee, with his mother-in-law and his sister too! the three would tag team and manipulate him into abusing me and my family. It was a mess and I can't believe it is an actually psychological condition making him act that way. I escaped the circus but it still makes me angry.
Wow Danish, this is very brave of you to touch on such a sensitive topic. This video is amazing. This is exactly the mother- son bond that I have witnessed with my partner who is a Narcissist. They are a family of 5- parents and 3 siblings and all the members of the family are Narcissists. The parents are Narcissists that's why even the children have picked up the same behaviours and dysfunctional patterns. There is no peace at home. It's like a Cock fight everyday at home. Each one is fighting, name calling, swearing, physically abusing and manipulating each other. No one cares, listens or gives attention to the other since there is no empathy. If the father is hospitalized the wife doesn't care, if my partner is hospitalized the mother or another member doesn't care. They don't even visit the hospital to check on him even though the hospital is just a couple of blocks away. My partner told me that his mother was breastfeeding him till he was 12 years of age. Mother and sister are always emotionally abusing and controlling the men. When the mother and sister want money from him they make him feel guilty and still if it seems he is in a financial trouble and given a little less money this month and they don't care about his problems, they just want more money out of him...then they take a belt and beat themselves up in front of him, or they bang their heads to the wall or hurt themselves in some way and cry and weep. Finally he feels guilty and gives them the extra money or fulfills whatever their unreasonable demands are. They are very rude and cruel with other people and are always trying to get some personal benefit from them. It's always take take take from everyone... but they never want to give anything in return. I pray for all those people who have gone through horrific abuse and trauma. You are all wonderful people and kind and loving souls. May God give you strength courage and healing. I love your channel. Very valuable information. This was an amazing video. Thank you so much for putting light on it. God Bless You.
Danish you have to get a noble price for such detailed and 100 💯 percent right knowledge of the NPD person behaviour, your videos are really helpful and this information helps us to understand what's happening n lead a normal n better peace full life.Stay blessed always 🌷🎊🌹
This is spot on about my father and his mother. He was her perfect slave, meanwhile my mother was an alien. Just like me. I still remember, how the grandmother told me "you are Gemini, like your grandfather and because of that you are BAD. It didn´t make much sense back then (i was a kid after all), but it totally does now. While she was alive, my father´s narcissism wasn´t as apparent. There were signs and some abuse was present, but nothing significant. When she died (brain stroke - she woke up and couldn´t talk, grandpa didn´t care as he thought it´s just one of her antics again - a fitting end for a narcissist), he went all out.
Epdi Danish ipdi... How come you have correctly said the exact same situation of a narcissist husband with his mother. I underwent almost everything you said in this episode!!
OMG that rings a bell, I felt like my husband wanted the same relationship with me ha had with his mother, only with benefits, mums said jump, he said how high.
Wow I think every word you said is complete solid and totally what I learned about one narc. I recall once, suddenly understanding his conduct mimicked a small child (after making trouble) running like hell back to hide himself between the ruffles of his mother's skirts. While there, he would become innocent from any wrong doing, and specially entitled to full protection from all responsibility. He was 40 y.o. and as a fellow human it was sickening. And, some of her powers were called her family Traditions! - which must be followed - Spoken of course in baby talk, with bulging eyes darting about to check who was buying it, and I wasnt, therefore I spent my time with other people, and he continued to spend his full yearly holidays at his parents house - instead of living and going places like everyone else.
I wish I knew it at the time of the actual abuse. Thank you. I can believe myself now and process my feelings of being violated. Instinctively, I suspected mother-in-law taking part in having my boundaries violated repeatedly via her son. Started in 5 th week after birth of our son.
I found my ex narc’s father was the narcissist and his mother was a complete doormat. The father treated his mother like his own personal slave. She had no opinion for herself. She repeated everything he said as if it were a fact. She let my ex act like a jerk and never called him on anything. Ironically my ex complained about his father’s behaviour when my ex was doing exactly the same thing and in some cases even worse.
So grateful I found this excellent presentation on this subject. I'm sharing this with my family member who needs to get out of her marriage ASAP. Everything you said applies to her situation.
100% my ex fiancé and his stupid mother! She’s honestly always coddling him even when he’s violent 😂😂 Thank you so much for this! Now their weird relationship makes sense!
Wow!!Danish...I am surprised, how you can be so precise.?.spot on...billion percent correct...God bless you for enlightening people with such valuable content..you are saving so many lives...
Oh my word. This cannot be more accurate. I am still trying to escape this even after nearly 9 months being separated from my husband. They just keep on destroying, I feel I will never be free of these sick people.
It resonates with me 100percent and i have faced all these but I have managed to emerge as a victorious being and have showed him his place,we exist under the same roof but no contact state.
He would run to her when we had problems. But when things were good he wanted nothing to do with her. So all she ever heard was negative things about me. One time I went out of town and we were arguing. When I came home I found his mother's bathing suite in our shower. I asked who's it was and he said his mom came over and they got in jacuzzi...
👆👆👆 After all my effort I'm forever grateful,dealing with a narc ain't easy they do lies and cheat and they are confused. My ex was a narc, I love her till date, but i can't stand a cheat. So i was recommended to this genius to help me know what she is up to, and all i could see was conversation and photos of her new boyfriend, i also got deleted and non-deleted messages too.
You're on point 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯% that's exactly what has happen to me this is the first time someone explain in deep details.....amazing great video💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Right on topic. My ex husband was such, his mother was such. When I left, they two stayed alone. He killed himself one night there. She found him dead in their living room. Karma comes for such ones for sure.
I’m in a dream: you spoke as if you were there in person. ‘How?’ He had an accident of which his car got written off and he told me his mother said ‘I’m going to leave him because of this’. We made plans to get married and he told me his mother said he should build her a bigger house since his dad promised him until the day he died and never got to deliver on his promise, so we never got married. He told me that his mother felt I was too old for him since we’re the same age & men are usually older than their partners ‘I won’t be able to give him kids & she already has a name for our child’ and on the day I met her she asked me if he gave me money & I said yes whereas it was a no but I was caught off guard with the question and she as adamant he must, I must put my foot down about it. He once told me that his mom undresses in front of him since he was a kid and takes a bath whilst he watches & they chat and he doesn’t know why, to this day. I am happy I listened today.
Damn, this is me. I am the golden child narcissistic son of my highly codependent Mother. Not everything you listed applies to me, but certainly overall it does very much. I don't know how to process the deep anger I have and alleged misogyny. I had basically no father... and what father was present at all in our family was very toxic. I barely talk to my mother when I'm not around her, but yet the link and dynamics are present and continue on. I certainly don't feel I hate women, quite the opposite. And the boundaries with my family and mother don't seem so bizarre to me. I'm used to it. Though for many years I've lamented my origin, and used to regularly call myself and my family mongrels. I don't know how to change, and I guess a lot of me doesn't want to change. I've enjoyed the many perks of my position in the family, though there's burdens I've certainly always felt. It seems it's so pathologised, it's hard to see the forest for the trees, and hard to express my true feelings surroundings the circumstances. Surely there must be a way to heal and grow and change.... It's hard to know who I am and what I really think, as narcissism is a splitting of personality. I truly do not want to harm myself or others. I want good for myself and everyone. Probably just Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous and similar programs would be good.
Reach out to Jesus the one who died on the cross for you and yours sins so you can be reconciled to him who is your creator.. he knows you and everything you have done , calls you to repentance towards him only because he loves you and wants to show you his grace and love and acceptance when you fully wholeheartedly believe in him and what he did for you.. read the Bible for yourself and ask the Lord to reveal trust /himself to you. Once you put your identity in him you won’t look back. ✝️💟 #Ephesians 2:8-10, Romans 10:9-10, Matthew 11:28-30, John 14:6, John 10:10
You just described my ex husband to a T. He is very frightened of his mother. He gets very nervous around her. The good news is, I never really suffered her abuse because early in the relationship, he told me to stay away from them -- both the parents. He says his father was abusive while his mother only loved him when he was a child. When he became a teenager he said she didnt love him any more that's why he refuses to grow up even after we got married. So I really never got to know my in-laws. I don't know if this was the usual "isolation" technique he was using on me -- you know, cut me off from my own family and his so that I would have no support, or he was lying about his mother. He lies so much I don't know if anything he says is true at all but the few times I met up with her, she was indeed a cold and cutting woman. Nothing warm or loving about her at all. Not even to her own grandchildren (my son and daughter). And yes, my ex-husband was a mysogynist. Still is. That's why to this day, despite all the things he did to me, I don't hate him. He truly is a tormented soul, in a 'Norman Bates' kind of way. He needs to kill his mother over and over again. He thinks I am his mother. But I still care about him in the sense that I hope that he is healthy and well wherever he is. I know he is still going around conning and scamming people and getting those who help him in trouble. He hates himself so much that he looks down on those who help him, like 'how can you stoop so low as to help scum like me?' Therefore you have to be destroyed for your stupidity.
You described his mothers and fathers relationship in the beginning. At first I didn’t think he could be one. His father was very abusive and it was him and his mother growing up. She runs to him with all her problems. And she enables him. He can do no wrong in her eyes. My ex sacrificed me and my daughter for his mother. What ever his mother needed he ran to her. He finally left us for her. At first I was so upset and angry but then when I started peeling back the layers and I realized it was for the best for me and my daughter. Both co dependent on each other. And I said to him he might as well be married to his mother and he was like yes probably. Disgusting both of them.
I’m going trough the same thing right now. This man chose his mother other my boys and I . He decided to divorce me because I refuse to let his mother live with us. I agreed to divorce him asap . I’m sad cause I love him but my peace and health plus my kids needs me to be alive to take care of them.
@@Karmadivane1111 I’m so sorry you had to go through that. That’s interesting. My ex wanted his mother to move in with us too. I didn’t feel comfortable with that either. And yes even though I have love for my ex still my sanity is more important for my kids; and I can say I’m more relaxed without out him making me feel like I’m always doing something wrong. I wish you nothing but the best. 🙏🏼
They had a passsive-agressive bond, both ways. His dad was emotionally absent. My husband never was financially independent for long. He was an entitled only child, and continues to act that way, decades later. Not like a husband. She hasn't been particularly negative towards me, not even when I asked her to give him an allowance again, because he was spending money hand over fist and it was not sustainable. He referred to her as his "best friend," and now she is declining and he is so full of anger he can't stand being around her, and is quickly driving everyone else away, including me. Early in our relationship, he complained that I was treating him as if he were a child. I explained that that was because he was acting like one. He got better for a while, but has reverted and I am now firmly in the "mother" category, as, "I always pray for you and my mother."
They felt like she was his wife , weird relationship , and I felt alone when in their company , I stopped going to her house with my husband , she used me to do chores for her , but did nothing for me
Oh Lord, this is my mom and golden child brother. She scrimped/saved to always give him money. He had good jobs the whole time. He despised her. Never bought her a thing. He had several marriages but always ended up back with mommy. Our dad died and my brother took over thinking he owned it all. Mommy still pulls the strings and yells out orders; he cusses her, but still does her bidding. All to get that inheritance. I went no-contact 6 mos ago. I see the sickness now.
My mother in law faked a family emergency (even sicker because the person was genuinely suffering from a serious illness) so he wouldn’t be able to give me a lift to the airport, hoping I’d miss my flight to see my son. It didn’t work but extremely twisted. They chat every evening on the phone without fail. I believe she I instructed him to marry me for financial gain, but still kept control over him. Whatever bad things he does she’s his biggest supporter.
I am just blown away! My daughter was involved in this scenario for 6 years!!!!Thank God they didnt marry or have kids- but he put her in the hospital and more black eyes than I can count! I straight up thought they were in a coven- she had to be a witch and he a powerful warlock. You nailed this. ONLY Jesus got her out alive.
Wow JUST WOW YOU.NAILED IT!!! Seriously unhealthy I think it's why HE ACTUALLY CHOSE ME TOO HE felt rejected by his mother bc he couldn't be with her, no man is good enough for her. Now he found a woman who has a drive and power similar to his mother even close to her Age and decided to use to get back So I don't want to be a emotional punching bag for his UNHEALTHY relationship with his mom Do.i leave? Will he wake up? Will he just do it to another? Do I care? I love him But I know my worth He's made sure he has me indebted to him But he doesn't know what I know Or what I am going to do to wake him up Lord help them For they know not what they do 🙈🙉🙊
It's unhealthy and sick even borderline grabbing on hugging gropping not letting go and glaring me in the eye is making me think feel the trauma he spoke of was super close to home
Book Your Slot for the online workshop on "How you become trauma bonded and how to break free in 5 powerful steps": emotionalabuserecovery.com/eventbtb
Wow just wow spot on!!
What happens to the narcissist when he has the relationship you described with his mother and she passes away?
Same here, lifestory in short
Like that black cape 😊lol the video was so good , then that blackPJ thing with sheppard puff just made it so much better! 😊
He and his mom were overtly attached and 100% enmeshed. The scenario was exactly how Danish describes here. It's like she was his partner, instead of me. Destroyed our relationship. The abuse and trauma will stay with me forever. He chose a strong and empowered woman like myself, and enslaved me and brought me down. I escaped but it took me years to get completely out of his clutches. He is a demon.
Yes and so is she.
👹Narcissists, Sociopaths and Pychopaths, ALL Teach Their Children - Their Wicked Ways
@@eveadame1059 basically they become them.
@@ReRe_642 yes. She's literally the most evil witch to ever roam this earth, and her son inherited all her "evil" genes. What a horror.
Monisha D thank you for your post. I hear you. I haven't escape yet. Hoping to liberate myself before I die. Started self education about the narcissist 18 months ago. So many marriage counselors, so little or no help.God bless Danish Bashir.
"Mix grandiosity, entitlement, and pseudo righteousness with chronic suppressed shame: you get a narcissist." 💯
😞👌🎯💯
He just summed it up.
He is a momma’s boy. She says he is her prince. Today I felt sorry for him because I realized how deeply she handicapped him, smothered him while pretending to be a caring mom, but it is all in name of control and power over the family. She is his enabler, justifies all his abusive behavior, in fact, she joined him in insulting me, only a joke, of course… she badmouthed me at work, whined to her husband, always playing the poor mother and me, the witch who took her prince away and will never be as good as her. Barf! Now I know how she was actually sabotaging him.
Life taught us a valuable lesson. Never settle for a momma's boy because they will never grow up or take accountability for their actions. Some can't even wash their ass properly or cook because they had mommy do it for them. I'm avoiding that shit like the plague.
Truely said,my daughter was severely suffered by her and his family members.
We decided to cutoff all his communications,
Finally we will go to divorce
We went to therapy. The therapist tried to explain to him that his mother had put him in position of husband instead of mother son. When i tell you they cannot understand how unbalanced their relationship w their mother is. Please hear that. We had multiple professionals point out the disfunction in their relationship. It never mattered. Just sat there with a blank stare. I finally accepted that it wasn't something I could change or love him through. His brother explained the nature of my husband and their mother from early childhood. Once i understood his mother had groomed him since childhood i accepted 21 years of marriage was over. Hardest decision of my life💔
I'm so sorry Debbie that's so awful😔💔Crushing🥀No getting through to them. They're so lost to their dysfunction.
Thanks 🙏🏾 you helped me
This is crazy. I believe you and I won’t even try to explain this disfunction to any man
23 yrs here. good riddance freaking weirdo
I feel your pain, Debbie. I have recently walked away after 30years for the same reason.
He leaves me when we have arguments and goes and destroys me to his mom and stays with her while ignoring until he's ready to come home and she believes whatever he tells her. Makes our relationship worse each time.
Spot on. My ex and his mother were husband and wife. This was all hidden until we were married - the minute we came home from the honeymoon actually. She'd call every morning to wake him and every night to talk about his day and say goodnight They'd eat every meal together because "That's the way it was until YOU came along". She called to tell him he was out of bubble bath soap and he jumped out of bed at 10:30pm, drove 30 miles to get soap and deliver it to her. But it gets better: He told me he ran her bath, lit candles, poured her wine and stayed in the bath playing guitar for her as she bathed as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I can safely assume there was nudity involved. His father was watching TV downstairs. DIVORCE.
Omg! I just now googled about narcissistic mother son enmeshment as this video was so accurate about my ex husband and MIL...and I read your explanation in quora and then I came here to read the comments and found your story here too!! Your answers in quora related to this topic is so accurate 👍
Holy crap, that's really really bad.
Gosh! this one takes the cake. I've seen bad, but this is realllly awful.
LOL!!!!!!
In my case problem was when I had gas leakage in my house and told him, he ignored this and I needed to deal with this stress. Few days later we were on a date and in the middle of it his mom called with exactly same problem! He drive all way back to her from romantic date and this taking into account that his parents are married, why the hell she didn’t call 📞 her husband?????
Everything you said is true. She makes her son her man. This is really sick. She can have him I’m done.
Same here
I cut off all contact, will send him the divorce papers.
@@KD_OIFMedicM6 good for you sister. Move on find you a real man
Exactly, they might as well go down to the Courthouse and make it legal. He literally is in love with her.
Amen!
🙏💖 I divorced my ex nearly two decades ago, but you described him and his mother perfectly. I wanted to validate that for others, too. Also, it got so bad--especially the misogony--that he started watching violent p0rn. I was NOT AWARE of this until after the divorce was final. *TRIGGER WARNING* However, learning that he had been watching that sort of violence made sense of the violence he had been taking out on me during our marriage. He looked at me and treated me as though I were nothing more than an object. I couldn't figure out where it came from while we were married, but a lot of things made sense after the fact--as they say. If you stay too long, it will only get worse. Please, it will not get better. They do not change. Narcs are who they are. Cut your losses. Save your life and move on. Safety and peace to you all...🙏💖
Thank you so much! True words & advice. All the very best to you and all in the community💖
OMG this makes so much sense now. His mother literally tells him how to live, deal with his wife and child , she completely enables him even when he is wrong. Thank you for explaining this
Wow. My ex narc boyfriend had this with his mother. She would call him every night. Always the same conversation. How was your day? What did you have for lunch? Did you sleep well? Etc
When he discarded me he said that I brought up the same feelings of anxiousness and annoyance whenever he’d see my name pop up on his phone like he did when his mothers did.
Wasn’t until after we broke up I realised this was a completely emotionally enmeshed relationship.
I never stood a chance. His mother never spoke to me, never asked after me, never wanted to know me. I’m lucky to be out of that sick family.
Spot on ...unbelievable toxic relationship, he manipulated her & she him, she was his numer one flying monkey & he bullied her too..... it was sickening to see the the pair together, she took great delight in helping him bring me down when I went no contact....wow never seen anything quite like it before, I literally think she would have committed murder for him if he asked....very dark & evil 😈 woman, totally jealous of me and let me know it at every occasion...but masked it under the guise of pretending to be a nice older lady...shuddering just thinking of them together !!!
Yea you dodged a bullet here...mine did same with the weird conversations with his mom about his day (nothing). I dealt with mine so long it got to point I'd tell him "that's weird". Or "you're acting weird again".
@@adavis118737 omg yesss. He would on occasion start acting weird. He would shut down, go really cold and distant and barely talk. It was crazy.
Sometimes I’d have to leave the room. It was soooo weird.
@@elizabetharmstrong7730 and the thing is she will always be the puppet master. Anyone our exs date will always play second fiddle to the narcs mothers.
We are lucky we are free of that toxic relationship. Toxic waste must be avoided to ensure a healthy life!
He didn’t tell me this. But I’m sure I made him feel the same annoyance as his mother for sure. Last months he was ignore my texts in one messager while being online in another, chatting with new supply.
In my experience mine was a complete "mamas boy". I joked with others about him being this before I knew he was a narc. He had absolutely no backbone and let his mother run his life, relationships, also his childrens. He (really the narcs mom) had gotten custody of his kids and boy that gave his mom free reign. It's a horrible sad situation to see play out. He talked to his mom about inappropriate weird things almost like she was his girlfriend. And yes his mom was definately "the boss". He used to say he had to take his mom to the mall because that's what she liked to do. Hed say he didnt like to go but would go and walk around with her to make her happy while she shopped. And hed miss seeing me so he could do this. Yes weird.
This is spot on! My mil didn't really ramp it up until her husband died. After that it was as if those 2 were married and I became the 3rd wheel in my own marriage. He would go over to see her and complain about me and then suddenly Johnny isn't happy anymore he needs to get divorced so he can be happy the whole family was good with that,decision. He would go over there and lie about me and all is good on the homefront. Even though they all know what a liar he is it's as if no one even thinks twice about it. This sick family dynamic is what ended us and it is truly a diabolical incestual issue.
Same here and they can have that dysfunction. A real woman needs a real man.
@@jbrown2908 I found out hard way this is very common
Exactly! It's as if we become the "unwanted" 3rd wheel between the narc son and narc mom. It's truly diabolical and horrific.
My ex had his mother, she is not a life anymore, and his sister very abusive to me and now, he is very close to his sister and not to the second sister. OMG, what an evil people.
I am like the outsider...after mils death , husband and his father stay n live n sleep in the same room together like a couple.....I am an outsider...I only know what ration is to be bought....nothing else about any matter whatsoever
Wow. My ex hated his mom. She was clingy and no one was good enough for her special boy, including me, his wife. Nailed it. She used me to get info on him and always defended his unkindness. He did hate women and hearing this video helped me understand his leaving me and his daughter. Mom said "why didn't you have an abortion, he's not ready"....wow. She was never supportive of our marriage and he was escaping women. Light bulb flash!
Sister-in-laws can also create this unhealthy dynamic with their narcissist brothers, whom they coddle and enable, and they resent their brother’s partners so much, that they abuse the partner right in front of the brother…and the brother will do absolutely nothing to defend his wife, at the risk of offending his nasty sister. In fact, he will side with his abusive sister…over defending his his own wife. So twisted.
Absolutely right
Right. I didnt stand a chance against these people. The man I loved wasn't real...he was someone already taken by the Mom and Sister, they are his Sister wives.
so many things don't make sense in a relationship with a narcissist, we end up with so many unsawered questions.
but with each video you have shine the light to the answeres we seek but not find for decades of our miserable lives
The same can be said of a narcissistic daughter and her narcissistic mother. When the daughter marries the mother takes over. She is always there, takes over the household and the education of the children. The daughter does everything she says because the mother is stronger and the husband has no chance to have a voice. Even abuses his children in front of him and if he speaks out about that all hell break lose from his wife's side. She will punish him.
I agree my mother in lay controls all four of her kids life and grand children.
I remember one day having that realization that he is taking rage related to his mother onto me. I can never get those years back. My best most beautiful young years. I do not wish this onto anyone even my enemies. That’s how horrible everything was in that family.
Same here! 😞
One time after my ex husband gave me one of MANY black eyes I told him to call me his mother's name.... he cried like a baby afterwards!
This video validates what I went through, I just left my husband because when we moved into our home a year ago he moved his mother in with us, after that things became completely unbearable, he was constantly comparing me to her, he wanted me to be just like her because she would do everything he asked she had no boundaries. I thought she was nice but was concerned about the closeness they had he treated her more like a wife than he did me, he wanted her to go with us on every date every romantic dinner she had to be there too he would talk with her in front of me then give me the silent treatment. then after she witnessed him raging against me and trying to break down the door to abuse me, I overheard her agreeing with him that I was lazy and just wanted to use him. She always smiled in my face I was shocked. The day I left he told me that I am supposed to be cooking and serving his mom as well as him because she is our guest and I shouldn’t let her starve I was fed up that was the last straw I left that morning while they were at work. Now I have clarity as to what I experienced.
Omw!! Spot on. I'm going through a divorce now. My husband said he hated his mother for 13 years. They are now best friends. Spend everyday together. So freaky and weird. I thought she acted like she wanted her son as a partner. She became the new wife. Cooking for him and taking care of him like a wife not a mother. They can have each other.
As if you were describing my situation . My mil made sure every single moment between us to be spoiled even my pregnancy and child birth included, I am separated from my husband now but the trauma keeps me awake at night still. Thanks to my son , for him I gathered courage to leave him so that he doesn’t become like one of them.
OMG! That’s my story for the past 14 years! EVERY SINGLE WORD in the video is so accurate!! I had to live with both of them and he forced me to leave a few months ago!!! I always feel they’re the same team. He said his mother gave him unconditional love, then he said she’s not a good person. He hates her but he rarely confronts with her. They are couples! I’m always an outsider. Thanks Danish for the explanation and validation.
👆👆👆
After all my effort I'm forever grateful,dealing with a narc ain't easy they do lies and cheat and they are confused. My ex was a narc, I love her till date, but i can't stand a cheat.
So i was recommended to this genius to help me know what she is up to, and all i could see was conversation and photos of her new boyfriend, i also got deleted and non-deleted messages too.
I’ve been married do 18 1/2 years. My mother in law died almost 3 years ago. He moved her in our home without asking me. Dropped her on me to take care of. She was a covert narc. I didn’t know. She had dementia and schizophrenia. I cared for her hand and foot for 5 years. They forced me and our kids out. He chose her over me and our kids 3 years ago. To learn in the last 2 years that she was a covert narc that was faking her illnesses just for me to be her slave. My health continually declined over the 5 year span of me taking care of her. That’s evil!!! She did that to her grandkids (my kids) not caring the effects she was having on them , me or her son(her only child). It started feeling like I was sleeping with Hera and stopped being intimate with him. Then it also felt like he was trying to turn me into her. Sick!!!! They destroyed me. Sick creatures. I know she is dead now but I still despise her for what she did to my marriage and family 😢. I have so much unresolved anger towards my husband now.
@@dwainjackson5330 are you still married?
WHOA! I told my brother all about this AND he still goes and visit her, giving money and all....I also told him he wasn't married because Noone will do what his "Mom" does....it's sad...She treated her daughters like trash on the street and my brother like he's made of gold!
I KNOW he is not happy; but he won't make the drastic necessary changes to be better and live his own life.
Thank you Danish for informing...❤️💯🔥
Unfortunately for your brother, he has it the worst of all of you. As a "winner", he always has to meet highest expectations.
Unless he starts to see her, who she really is, there is no help for him from you. It´s sad, but that´s how it is.
When he wanted marry me he told her about me and she did everything to our relationships stopes and failed. He also discarded me in the most sadistic ways a man could. He was pushes him to do serial dating to search “the one” 😂 apperantly it wasn’t me in her eyes. I think she looking for a wife for him she can control as she controls him. What she will did to possible his children I’m afraid to imagine….. 😱
Darn! As usual you are completely correct. I have been completely faithful and loving to my narcissistic husband simply because I DO love him. His Mother was the Queen and had total control over him and all her other kids. Thankfully after 20 years of being married to my husband, his Mother died. I am ashamed at how much relief I felt. I was never good enough, dressed well enough or spoke sentences well enough for her.😢🥺☹️. That is funny because now I am 63 and attending a State University for the first time, my Sons all graduated from university and said it was my turn to go. The funny is, I am now a Senior majoring in Behavioral psychology and still have a beautiful 4.0.😬😬💪🏼. I guess I was ‘good enough’ after all. My grades have shown me that. Even my husband is forced to treat me better because he knows that now, I know.😎😬🥰
Bravo
Wonderful!!! I am a widow with much relief and also in school, you go girl! very proud!
One billion percent!!!!! She even took my son away. Everything, everything you say on your channel is completely spot on and to the point. Thank you so much for all the clarity!
Its senseless to say 1billion percent
Who took your son away?
@@ST-yc7uj exactly.
I know my mother is definitely a narcissist and she has employed these gross tactics on me. I have asked myself this question multiple times if I was a narc , I have come to the ultimate conclusion I am not. But as much as my mother has destroyed my life .. I am in the process of rebuilding myself and healing from her evil ways.
@@jbrown2908 well said sir 👊🏼
I had a very short relationship recently with an extremely covert person… but one thing that I noticed is that his mother started following me on Instagram immediately and added me on Facebook before we even had our first date. Also when I met her, she corrected my posture and told me not to cover my mouth while I was laughing. She also asked me wouldn’t I rather date someone else because her son has stomach problems …. I think he didn’t let his new girlfriend meet her yet because he maybe learned his lesson.
OHH MY GOD!!! 'Emotional incest' ....I'm blown away!!! This is too much for me!!! .... you have just clarified what I've always known but felt disgusted to say out loud.
Thank you Danish I have found comfort and clarity in watching UA-cam videos about narcissism.But this is the first time I've EVER heard anyone hit the nail on the head about 'mum" . I have too much to say about this subject and cannot begin to express myself in a comment on UA-cam . All I can say to you is thank you.
Genny, hold my beer! 🍻..." Norman Bates" came to my mind...🤔
Exactly what happened to me and my ex narcissist boyfriend! She was on control of him and him controlling me. Simply put.
Danish, you are always so right. My ex's relationship with his mom was very toxic. He hated her and women in general because of her. He thought every woman just like his mother, she was known to seduce many men and use them for money, a place to live etc... He was jealous and always thought I was attracted to and wanted other men. He would physically "punish" me. I never did want to be with another man when I was with him, but he never believed me. This lead to many fights. But now I see it as him looking for an excuse to punish me for a stand-in for him mother. Wow, I really did mean nothing to him.
I never thought of it like that about him punishing women because he wanted to punish his mother. Oh my goodness, you have given me so much more to think about. Now I have to think about his broken promises to me. His mother was unreliable and broke her promises. His mother didn't support them and my ex never supported me (I have seizures and couldn't work for a long time).
Even though he hated his mother his mother would start all sorts of stuff between us. She encouraged his jealousy (even after his jealously led to him hitting me). She also lied about to him to about me to make things worse between us.
Now I think he married me just to punish me for a stand in for his mother. His mother and I couldn't have been more different, she was loud and demanded her way. She always angry and played the victim. I was quiet, never demanded my own way, rarely got angry and I just let things slide (that I shouldn't have, in retrospect).
Thank you, these videos are so helpful.
Sorry for what you've been through. Must be very difficult. But its good that you're out of it now 🌟 take care
My mother in-law controlled our bank account. I was not allowed to see credit card statements. To top it off she would rub my husbands stomach all the time. So weird! Of course I finally left.
🤮
Yeah, I met my ex when he was 32, and he still greeted his Mum with a kiss on the lips 🤮 No, not a peck on the cheek … a full blown kiss! We lasted 8 years, cause I had no idea now toxic and abusive he really was.
Wowwwwww. This is exactly what I needed to hear. The mother/son narc-a-thon I witnessed in my former faux marriage was legendary.
The gaslighting duo.
Thanks!!
All your videos are absolutely amazing and so so true 👍🏻 My ex narc husband has this extremely toxic, unhealthy and disgusting bond not only with his mother but also all his family and relatives esp the female relatives. Everyone is very very dear to him esp his female relatives but he is totally indifferent and unconcerned even about our daughter and son who live with me and was so to me too when we were married.
Mine too! His Mother passed away and his oldest sister took her place. He also has a young niece, I swear the way they look at each other, talk, touch, and disappear?!!! AND OH I FORGOT, a female cousin as well. How sick is that?
And I told him that. He could NOT Disagree about his Niece, She put on quite a show IN PUBLIC! Lol. Sick family
You've described my mother and my brother quite well.
This is the best way I’ve ever heard this described about my Narc husband. He can’t stand up to his Narc mother and she has constantly started issues between us. My husband then started this same set up with my step daughter and therefore that pushed me over the edge. This was a very sick to experience for anyone to ever have to go through.
Oh. My. God. Never heard such an accurate description before... I knew my ex narc had an extremely close (and invasive) relationship with his mom. I used to wonder' How could she dictate whether a 46 year old men was getting vaccinated or not? Or how he would spend his money? why did he talked about sexual encounters with her? Why did she teach him how to manipulate woman to make them do what he wants? (he literally confessed me all of that at several points in the relationship). Every single day, im thankful that sh1t's over.
Guess that ends only when their mothers dies….. In my case she didn’t let vaccinate any of her sons. And they believed vaccines are evil and will kill them 😅 (wat????) so she pay local doctor to make face qr codes for her sons 🤦♀️ he was sick 4 times a year but never go to hospital even when he got 39,5 c. I even begged him few times but didn’t listen to me
This is so true.. his mother told lies on me, expectations are for him to be at her every call no matter if it intruding our time and treated me like nothing after i start voicing my opinion. After distancing myself from her for 6 years i thought i should me the bigger person and speak to her to let go of all resentment for the sake of our children.. she pretended we never had a problem and as soon as he in entered the room she instantly asked him if he was mad at her for speaking with me. I'm now in the process of leaving him due to finding out he's been having an 11 month relationship with another women who he impregnated 3x; 2 abortions 1 miscarriage and he's still pretending to fight for our 18 year marriage. I AM DONE!
This video hits the nail on the head! My husband and I got married and not even 6 months later he moved back with his mother! He would go every day to see his mother,but it just wasn't enough she would ask for nightly phone calls! Want him to come over late at night to charge her light bulbs it just got so bad my husband stop wanting anything sexual with me even down to snuggling together! Sad thing at the very end he started treating me like garbage creating fights over anything making life a living hell! I think he treated me so horrible due to it made him feel powerful because he was still his mommy's little boy that never had a chance to be a man it's truly a very sad thing and I can honestly say in my case no amount of therapy will help because they are totally blind to it! If you find yourself in this spot Please just get off the sinking ship! Because everyday you are just loosing your identity and being a human meal for them to feast on!😢❤😢
I have never felt so understood before. Thank you for this video.
Story of my life,spot on 😢
My children and I are almost out of it (separated) with a big depression 😢😢😢😢
I wish I knew from the start and I wish I left sooner 😢
Big Thank you Doctor 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
What you say about the narcissist and his mother sounds exactly like the relationship in my life between the narcissist and his adult daughter.
Same here, my narc boyfriend with his mom, adult daughter and some other females in the family. 😳
💯I needed to hear this over 30 years ago. Their dad was ok but he worked out of town a lot making him emotionally absent. Even though he’s like this with his mother, it’s like he also hates her. A few years ago I found out that his mother cheated on his dad a lot. The relationship with their(him & his siblings) mom seems like incest.
This is exactly correct. My landlords are a woman and her narcissistic son. I almost dated him! Thank God a sense of decency and something else stopped me.
Spot on. My mother tried this, I eventually broke away and am deeply misogynistic. This helps me know why and perhaps I can get help to change it.
👆👆👆
After all my effort I'm forever grateful,dealing with a narc ain't easy they do lies and cheat and they are confused. My ex was a narc, I love her till date, but i can't stand a cheat.
So i was recommended to this genius to help me know what she is up to, and all i could see was conversation and photos of her new boyfriend, i also got deleted and non-deleted messages too.
Danish ,your each and every single word is so true ,its just like,you watched my life throughout the years of my suffering.i wish I could have found your channel and your golden analysis 30 years back.i literally suffered exactly as mentioned in your videos, iam free after 30 years but the damage has been done. 🥺
You have totally NAILED this!!! I have experienced this in every minute detail. You perfectly describe one man in particular, and I've had relationships with other men who live out many of these traits. You have a talent for putting your observations into words in a succinct and engaging manner. I'm so grateful for this video.. I feel empowered now to trust my intuition and stop wasting my precious time making excuses for people, and giving the benefit of the doubt to people who don't care about me. Blown away!!! 🙏
Dang this is such a awesome video! My malignant narcissistic mother does this son husband thing to my younger brother it’s sick to watch.
Same here.
my malignant covert narc mother does this to her youngest son, he is golden child can do no wrong, the rest of us are scapegoats, " lost children" , or some kind of combo thereof. Sick. I'm no contact with her. It's the only way to go.
This is disgustingly on point!!! 🙌🏽
Thank you Danish for delivering, once again straight facts and knowledge! I thank God everyday I discarded the narc for good! 🙏🏽👊🏽🙌🏽
I know a narcissist man socially. He immitates his mum's voice. Like having a drink with Norman Bates.
@@martincaughlin5478 interesting
Danish, you described my ex narcs's relationship to the tee, with his mother-in-law and his sister too! the three would tag team and manipulate him into abusing me and my family. It was a mess and I can't believe it is an actually psychological condition making him act that way. I escaped the circus but it still makes me angry.
Wow Danish, this is very brave of you to touch on such a sensitive topic. This video is amazing. This is exactly the mother- son bond that I have witnessed with my partner who is a Narcissist. They are a family of 5- parents and 3 siblings and all the members of the family are Narcissists. The parents are Narcissists that's why even the children have picked up the same behaviours and dysfunctional patterns. There is no peace at home. It's like a Cock fight everyday at home. Each one is fighting, name calling, swearing, physically abusing and manipulating each other. No one cares, listens or gives attention to the other since there is no empathy. If the father is hospitalized the wife doesn't care, if my partner is hospitalized the mother or another member doesn't care. They don't even visit the hospital to check on him even though the hospital is just a couple of blocks away. My partner told me that his mother was breastfeeding him till he was 12 years of age. Mother and sister are always emotionally abusing and controlling the men. When the mother and sister want money from him they make him feel guilty and still if it seems he is in a financial trouble and given a little less money this month and they don't care about his problems, they just want more money out of him...then they take a belt and beat themselves up in front of him, or they bang their heads to the wall or hurt themselves in some way and cry and weep. Finally he feels guilty and gives them the extra money or fulfills whatever their unreasonable demands are. They are very rude and cruel with other people and are always trying to get some personal benefit from them. It's always take take take from everyone... but they never want to give anything in return. I pray for all those people who have gone through horrific abuse and trauma. You are all wonderful people and kind and loving souls. May God give you strength courage and healing. I love your channel. Very valuable information. This was an amazing video. Thank you so much for putting light on it. God Bless You.
Danish you have to get a noble price for such detailed and 100 💯 percent right knowledge of the NPD person behaviour, your videos are really helpful and this information helps us to understand what's happening n lead a normal n better peace full life.Stay blessed always 🌷🎊🌹
This is spot on about my father and his mother. He was her perfect slave, meanwhile my mother was an alien. Just like me. I still remember, how the grandmother told me "you are Gemini, like your grandfather and because of that you are BAD. It didn´t make much sense back then (i was a kid after all), but it totally does now.
While she was alive, my father´s narcissism wasn´t as apparent. There were signs and some abuse was present, but nothing significant. When she died (brain stroke - she woke up and couldn´t talk, grandpa didn´t care as he thought it´s just one of her antics again - a fitting end for a narcissist), he went all out.
Yep
Epdi Danish ipdi... How come you have correctly said the exact same situation of a narcissist husband with his mother. I underwent almost everything you said in this episode!!
Every single word in this video I said about my ex to my sister today after we broke up. What a clear cut confirmation that I made the right decision.
The reality show " I Love A Momma's Boy" is all about this dynamic.
So true.
It kinda reminds me of everybody loves Raymond too..
OMG that rings a bell, I felt like my husband wanted the same relationship with me ha had with his mother, only with benefits, mums said jump, he said how high.
Wow I think every word you said is complete solid and totally what I learned about one narc. I recall once, suddenly understanding his conduct mimicked a small child (after making trouble) running like hell back to hide himself between the ruffles of his mother's skirts. While there, he would become innocent from any wrong doing, and specially entitled to full protection from all responsibility. He was 40 y.o. and as a fellow human it was sickening. And, some of her powers were called her family Traditions! - which must be followed - Spoken of course in baby talk, with bulging eyes darting about to check who was buying it, and I wasnt, therefore I spent my time with other people, and he continued to spend his full yearly holidays at his parents house - instead of living and going places like everyone else.
100%resonated. Sir each &every word of yours is true I experienced
Wow!! UNIQUE perspective...
Have not heard anyone else address THIS behavior so directly....Thank you for these EMPOWERING videos!!! :)
As well as the mil and my ex, his sister and brother also joined in the fun game of abusing me. It was like something from the horror movie 'Get Out'.
This is so sickeningly true. 🤢🤮
I wish I knew it at the time of the actual abuse. Thank you. I can believe myself now and process my feelings of being violated. Instinctively, I suspected mother-in-law taking part in having my boundaries violated repeatedly via her son. Started in 5 th week after birth of our son.
I found my ex narc’s father was the narcissist and his mother was a complete doormat. The father treated his mother like his own personal slave. She had no opinion for herself. She repeated everything he said as if it were a fact. She let my ex act like a jerk and never called him on anything. Ironically my ex complained about his father’s behaviour when my ex was doing exactly the same thing and in some cases even worse.
So grateful I found this excellent presentation on this subject. I'm sharing this with my family member who needs to get out of her marriage ASAP. Everything you said applies to her situation.
This is really F’n true. Ugh I was in a terrible marriage where all of this happened. Thank God for the ability to divorce. 🙌🏾
Definitely resonates with past marriage
Mine too
100% my ex fiancé and his stupid mother! She’s honestly always coddling him even when he’s violent 😂😂 Thank you so much for this! Now their weird relationship makes sense!
You r absolutely right!!! I went thru this.
Wow!!Danish...I am surprised, how you can be so precise.?.spot on...billion percent correct...God bless you for enlightening people with such valuable content..you are saving so many lives...
Oh my word. This cannot be more accurate. I am still trying to escape this even after nearly 9 months being separated from my husband. They just keep on destroying, I feel I will never be free of these sick people.
Yes u will go no contact
Even a restraining order if you have to
@@ReRe_642 I wish I could. We have children.
@@wandahastings8470 Yes, I have one. They are both ganging up on me in family court trying to over ride it and gain custody of my children.
Thank you increasing awareness in society above such disgusting people 😮
I discovered they texted 30-40 times a day...i never felt comfortable in her presence . It was crazy. She undermined my mothering..
It resonates with me 100percent and i have faced all these but I have managed to emerge as a victorious being and have showed him his place,we exist under the same roof but no contact state.
He would run to her when we had problems. But when things were good he wanted nothing to do with her. So all she ever heard was negative things about me. One time I went out of town and we were arguing. When I came home I found his mother's bathing suite in our shower. I asked who's it was and he said his mom came over and they got in jacuzzi...
👆👆👆
After all my effort I'm forever grateful,dealing with a narc ain't easy they do lies and cheat and they are confused. My ex was a narc, I love her till date, but i can't stand a cheat.
So i was recommended to this genius to help me know what she is up to, and all i could see was conversation and photos of her new boyfriend, i also got deleted and non-deleted messages too.
you narrated my story. My MIL is exactly what you described.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DESCRIBED SITUATION 1000000%
You're on point 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯% that's exactly what has happen to me this is the first time someone explain in deep details.....amazing great video💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Right on topic. My ex husband was such, his mother was such. When I left, they two stayed alone. He killed himself one night there. She found him dead in their living room. Karma comes for such ones for sure.
All facts..... I dealt with the demon team mom/son Nars for over 20 years. Pure evil.......
Oh 100% this. It was honestly insane. I have never seen anything like it! Pure madness
I’m in a dream: you spoke as if you were there in person. ‘How?’ He had an accident of which his car got written off and he told me his mother said ‘I’m going to leave him because of this’. We made plans to get married and he told me his mother said he should build her a bigger house since his dad promised him until the day he died and never got to deliver on his promise, so we never got married. He told me that his mother felt I was too old for him since we’re the same age & men are usually older than their partners ‘I won’t be able to give him kids & she already has a name for our child’ and on the day I met her she asked me if he gave me money & I said yes whereas it was a no but I was caught off guard with the question and she as adamant he must, I must put my foot down about it. He once told me that his mom undresses in front of him since he was a kid and takes a bath whilst he watches & they chat and he doesn’t know why, to this day. I am happy I listened today.
Everything you said is true. I have been in marriage with him for 3 years. I win as I listen to you I learn how to deal with this situation.
You just spoke EXACTLY what’s happening and has been happening for YEARS!!!
My God this was spot on!
Damn, this is me. I am the golden child narcissistic son of my highly codependent Mother.
Not everything you listed applies to me, but certainly overall it does very much.
I don't know how to process the deep anger I have and alleged misogyny.
I had basically no father... and what father was present at all in our family was very toxic.
I barely talk to my mother when I'm not around her, but yet the link and dynamics are present and continue on.
I certainly don't feel I hate women, quite the opposite.
And the boundaries with my family and mother don't seem so bizarre to me. I'm used to it. Though for many years I've lamented my origin, and used to regularly call myself and my family mongrels.
I don't know how to change, and I guess a lot of me doesn't want to change. I've enjoyed the many perks of my position in the family, though there's burdens I've certainly always felt.
It seems it's so pathologised, it's hard to see the forest for the trees, and hard to express my true feelings surroundings the circumstances.
Surely there must be a way to heal and grow and change....
It's hard to know who I am and what I really think, as narcissism is a splitting of personality.
I truly do not want to harm myself or others. I want good for myself and everyone.
Probably just Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous and similar programs would be good.
You are not a real narcissist though.
You sincerely feel you want to change...so you can't be a narcissist. Your introspection will take you in the positive direction. 🙏👍
Reach out to Jesus the one who died on the cross for you and yours sins so you can be reconciled to him who is your creator.. he knows you and everything you have done , calls you to repentance towards him only because he loves you and wants to show you his grace and love and acceptance when you fully wholeheartedly believe in him and what he did for you.. read the Bible for yourself and ask the Lord to reveal trust /himself to you. Once you put your identity in him you won’t look back. ✝️💟 #Ephesians 2:8-10, Romans 10:9-10, Matthew 11:28-30, John 14:6, John 10:10
There are lots of truth to this. I have experienced it between my husband and my mother-in-law.
You just described my ex husband to a T. He is very frightened of his mother. He gets very nervous around her. The good news is, I never really suffered her abuse because early in the relationship, he told me to stay away from them -- both the parents. He says his father was abusive while his mother only loved him when he was a child. When he became a teenager he said she didnt love him any more that's why he refuses to grow up even after we got married. So I really never got to know my in-laws. I don't know if this was the usual "isolation" technique he was using on me -- you know, cut me off from my own family and his so that I would have no support, or he was lying about his mother. He lies so much I don't know if anything he says is true at all but the few times I met up with her, she was indeed a cold and cutting woman. Nothing warm or loving about her at all. Not even to her own grandchildren (my son and daughter). And yes, my ex-husband was a mysogynist. Still is.
That's why to this day, despite all the things he did to me, I don't hate him. He truly is a tormented soul, in a 'Norman Bates' kind of way. He needs to kill his mother over and over again. He thinks I am his mother. But I still care about him in the sense that I hope that he is healthy and well wherever he is. I know he is still going around conning and scamming people and getting those who help him in trouble. He hates himself so much that he looks down on those who help him, like 'how can you stoop so low as to help scum like me?' Therefore you have to be destroyed for your stupidity.
You described his mothers and fathers relationship in the beginning. At first I didn’t think he could be one. His father was very abusive and it was him and his mother growing up. She runs to him with all her problems. And she enables him. He can do no wrong in her eyes. My ex sacrificed me and my daughter for his mother. What ever his mother needed he ran to her. He finally left us for her. At first I was so upset and angry but then when I started peeling back the layers and I realized it was for the best for me and my daughter. Both co dependent on each other. And I said to him he might as well be married to his mother and he was like yes probably. Disgusting both of them.
I’m going trough the same thing right now. This man chose his mother other my boys and I . He decided to divorce me because I refuse to let his mother live with us. I agreed to divorce him asap . I’m sad cause I love him but my peace and health plus my kids needs me to be alive to take care of them.
@@Karmadivane1111 I’m so sorry you had to go through that. That’s interesting. My ex wanted his mother to move in with us too. I didn’t feel comfortable with that either. And yes even though I have love for my ex still my sanity is more important for my kids; and I can say I’m more relaxed without out him making me feel like I’m always doing something wrong. I wish you nothing but the best. 🙏🏼
They had a passsive-agressive bond, both ways. His dad was emotionally absent. My husband never was financially independent for long. He was an entitled only child, and continues to act that way, decades later. Not like a husband. She hasn't been particularly negative towards me, not even when I asked her to give him an allowance again, because he was spending money hand over fist and it was not sustainable. He referred to her as his "best friend," and now she is declining and he is so full of anger he can't stand being around her, and is quickly driving everyone else away, including me. Early in our relationship, he complained that I was treating him as if he were a child. I explained that that was because he was acting like one. He got better for a while, but has reverted and I am now firmly in the "mother" category, as, "I always pray for you and my mother."
Thank you, just helped me understand everything about my soon to be ex husband and myself.
They felt like she was his wife , weird relationship , and I felt alone when in their company , I stopped going to her house with my husband , she used me to do chores for her , but did nothing for me
Oh Lord, this is my mom and golden child brother. She scrimped/saved to always give him money. He had good jobs the whole time. He despised her. Never bought her a thing. He had several marriages but always ended up back with mommy. Our dad died and my brother took over thinking he owned it all. Mommy still pulls the strings and yells out orders; he cusses her, but still does her bidding. All to get that inheritance. I went no-contact 6 mos ago. I see the sickness now.
You are rightly on point! Every single point resonated with my experience with my narcissistic ex!!! Wow. Thank you
My mother in law faked a family emergency (even sicker because the person was genuinely suffering from a serious illness) so he wouldn’t be able to give me a lift to the airport, hoping I’d miss my flight to see my son.
It didn’t work but extremely twisted.
They chat every evening on the phone without fail.
I believe she I instructed him to marry me for financial gain, but still kept control over him.
Whatever bad things he does she’s his biggest supporter.
He supports her and she lives with us
Well this is spot on ! Totally right !
I am just blown away! My daughter was involved in this scenario for 6 years!!!!Thank God they didnt marry or have kids- but he put her in the hospital and more black eyes than I can count! I straight up thought they were in a coven- she had to be a witch and he a powerful warlock. You nailed this. ONLY Jesus got her out alive.
Everything you said in this video is exact to the degree you got it all right!!! Omg
Yes I resonate with exactly the same situation. Just want to take control of this situation.
Wow JUST WOW
YOU.NAILED IT!!!
Seriously unhealthy I think it's why HE ACTUALLY CHOSE ME TOO
HE felt rejected by his mother bc he couldn't be with her, no man is good enough for her.
Now he found a woman who has a drive and power similar to his mother even close to her Age and decided to use to get back
So I don't want to be a emotional punching bag for his UNHEALTHY relationship with his mom
Do.i leave?
Will he wake up?
Will he just do it to another?
Do I care?
I love him
But I know my worth
He's made sure he has me indebted to him
But he doesn't know what I know
Or what I am going to do to wake him up
Lord help them
For they know not what they do
🙈🙉🙊
It's unhealthy and sick even borderline grabbing on hugging gropping not letting go and glaring me in the eye is making me think feel the trauma he spoke of was super close to home