why I’ve NEVER dated before… still SINGLE at 22 | journal entry ep. 2
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- Опубліковано 3 бер 2023
- yep, I have never dated once in my entire lifetime. This may come off a shocker to a lot of people but it may be relatable to those of you who are in the same boat me.
I talked about growing up ugly, fearful avoidant, questioning sexuality, commitment and trust issues, dating not being a priority, dealing with loneliness, the need for company and friends.
I hope you guys enjoyed this video and I will see you all next week.
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#single #dating #neverdated #latebloomer
this is actually so relatable and validating for me. i’m 20 and also haven’t been on a romantic date, even just being physically intimate with someone makes me uncomfortable. i think it might be the way i was brought up. growing up, i wasn’t really taught to show affection but i just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts on this topic and you definitely aren’t alone in being fearful of dating and complete vulnerability with someone else.
omg this! same i also didn’t grow up being taught how to show affection so now i’m just like 🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️
True❤
This struck
@@via.ilyouu so real
@@via.ilyouu Same 🥲😂
I have this same mentality. It’s a double edged sword. I know my worth, but when someone meets my standards, my confidence falters. Now I can’t approach them. When I develop a crush I get self conscious. All of a sudden I don’t think I’m good enough and there are so many better, prettier people around. It’s so weird, I don’t know how to overcome this mental wall.
By dating, once you have more experience it’ll become less of a big thing in your mind. The only way to get past it is to go through it
Wow. You summed up my exact mentality. It's somewhat comforting to know that someone else thinks and feels this way.
I know exactly what you mean. Suddenly when someone who I'm attracted to shows interest, I want to run in the other direction. I start to think: "why would they want to be in a relationship with me?" "Certainly they'd be happier with someone else, I couldn't possibly be good enough for them." I clam up and shut down. Avoid intimacy and vulnerability to avoid potentially disappointing them and getting hurt. It's so exhausting and frustrating.
@@yourocmysoxDamn we have the same mentality :( I don't know if it's a sign of inferiority or low self-esteem
@@irissma8490 I'm sorry you feel this way too. I think it's probably both low self esteem and a sense of inferiority.
I have a somewhat similar mentality. I do t think I’m good enough for any girl.
"Crave intimacy and fear it" GURL I FEEL YOU ON THIS ONE (coming from another girlie with avoidant attachment)
fearing something you simultaneously desire
the life of the ego
23 and single since birth 😄✌
I don't want to get in a romantic relationship out of loneliness or social pressure, but something that is a result of true companionship, respect, trust and friendship.
Update: I'm now 24, still single ✌️
I’m 21 and been single since birth too!! I completely understand what you are saying ! I’m not in a rush to date and I’m not trying to date out of loneliness either . It’s just the wrong move to make
Women are single by choice, so why do single girls act like you face a problem? You get everything you want
I've found my people😌 I turned 22 two weeks ago and been single since birth too
i am 23 and my only relationship was online (we never met) and things went wrong, i am glad i got lot of lie lessons, but i am going to be single until i find a one who wants life time commitment with me and i am fully confident with him .. I am glad to find my people as well
Same here, 23 and never dated be4, but I’m fine with it
I’m not gonna pick up helps from any dating apps bc it has to be someone Im acquainted with in a long time lol
Damn I’m 22years too. At one point I thought like “is something wrong with me?” But at the same time I never got insecure about being single.
And all I want to focus on is studying and support my parents.
But I crave intimacy too. Maybe I’m like this because I grew up in a strict south Asian family.
Thank you so much for creating this vlog like seriously it’s so relatable.
I relate too 😭 but I’m 23
I relate too and I'm french
I m relate too im argentine
i relate to this at some level, im 24 and have never been in a relationship. there is a sense that i feel like I'm missing out on a vital part of growing up. i sometimes wonder whats with me that ive never breached that territory, i know i can if i want to. yet at the same time im just relieved that i wouldnt have to deal with the complications of being in a relationship lol.
sometimes i feel a little lonely cause my friends that are in one seem so secured and happy. but yeah, idk im fine not having one but i wonder how it feels like to have one 😅
I relate to this too, also 22 Mexican.
I’m 18 and just finished my first year at uni and I can really see myself still being single in a few years. It’s pretty comforting knowing there are so many other people in the same position.
I'm 18 too in my second year and tbh I love being single 😹😹 relationships are a lot of work and I'm not ready for that.
Same and everyone I know are single too and never dated
This level of self-reflection is not healthy.
Y'all are very young. Just make sure to go to parties and social events and you'll never know who you'll end up with!
@@chart6454 not healthy, how? So being single is not healthy? Being single also makes us unique. Not being in a relationship is actually a good thing, you get to know yourself more, believe me I'm saying this from experience. When ur in a relationship it's just like you always need to re adjust ur beliefs, principles and values to get along with your other half which I think is unhealthy so yeah, being single is actually good.
Today is my 24th birthday. I’ve also never been in a relationship, & am rarely even attracted to someone to the point of pursuing a relationship. One of my best friends who’s the same age just got engaged, & it’s just starting to bother me a lot when someone will come into my life. Thank you for uploading this video ❤ Your words & this comment section really help me not feel so alone
We are the same person. I also turned 24 yesterday and have never been in a relationship or have ever been all that attracted to anyone. Also happy birthday :)
Happiest birthday to youuu
@@awaitingari happiest birthday to youuu
I also turned 24 today...and I'm watching this feeling a tad bit sad cause I feel lonelier than usual cause I don't have friends or a significant other to celebrate with
But then again I related to everything Via said in her video of not wanting to date and having standards that somehow make you end up without friends and single
@@awaitingari I turned 24 today as well.... happy birthday to you too
I’m 24 and started dating my boyfriend last year after pretty much no dating (dates but nothing real and no feelings). Honestly after getting into a serious relationship from years of not dating I realized you can’t fabricate it. Like it just happens or it doesn’t and I hate how apps make it seem like you can’t find someone without working for it. No matter how hard you try, you can’t force a connection. I think the best thing is just to work on yourself and enjoy yourself, that way if a good thing comes then you know how to keep it and if it doesn’t come then you still had a great life and didn’t need that to be happy.
exactly!! nowadays dating seems so fabricated and something that needs to happen in a certain way: go on apps, find people, go on dates, choose one as your partner. It feels more like a ritual or a video game you want to beat than actual human connection
I disagree with that last sentence
I’ve never related to something SO MUCH in my entire life. It feels so good to actually hear someone else’s voice talk about something that has always been a deep part of me. I’ve always heard just my own thoughts about this topic, and I’ve never talked about this with anyone in my life. Thank you really, you made feel less alone in a world that seems to only focus on dates, relationships, sex and sexuality. And even friendships. People pity you so much when you have just 1 or 2 friends when in reality, I’m perfectly fine with it and I really mean it. Anyways, I’ve always struggled to put into words all of this emotions but you did it perfectly. It’s crazy to think that we as humans can be so different but so similar at the same time.Thank you, really, I wish you the very best. Byeee from Italy
MY GOD I AM SO glad you can relate to this video 🥹🥹♥️♥️♥️♥️ im so glad i was able to put ur emotions into words. ILYSM
Thanks to youuu! Really, I think it must be hard to put yourself out there on the internet but you help a lot of people that feels the same way! Thank you thank you thank you ❤️
being focuzed on dates is normal. it's easy to say as introvert
Oml I relate to her so much too
I am 28 and met my bf when I was 25. Before that, I have never had a relationship and I never wanted to "try things out" as I value my time, my privacy, and my body. Being with him shows different sides of me and teaches me much about myself, about him, about communication, conflict resolving, and compromises, and of course vulnerabilities (especially when you're a depressed mf, and he's from a healthy family :D).
Like you, I both longed to have someone (especially in those teenage years when you would get bombarded with this topic by classmates, family members, TV shows, etc.) and at the same time, I was extremely afraid to let anyone get that close to me, let alone sleep with someone.
What I hate the most, up to this day, is that people will shove their "concerns" on you (especially family members). I hate comments, like either it's "oh you'll find someone/ we will find someone for you" OR "yeah better stay alone, relationships are exhausting". Both sides are extremely toxic. If you don't want to have a relationship, people automatically assume there is something wrong with you - and that's a big problem in our society. Of course, there could be some mental hindrances to why someone avoids human connections, but it is no one's business to judge you.
There are people who just decide to stay alone and suddenly will find someone or stay alone forever, and both things are ok. Can we
just accept each other's decisions and not force things?
I wanna know what happened when you met him, like how did the situation change.
were you working on yourself before meeting him or being with him really changed you.
How was your first steps?
@@inku.1593 When I met him, I was mostly confused and my head was only on cloud nine, like in a haze. I didn't have any experience with what a relationship "should" be. I let him overstep some boundaries in the first year because I thought that is what compromises look like. At that time I often asked a friend, who was in an 8-year-old relationship for her opinions on some situations. I realized soon, that a relationship consists of constant communication and making space for you, for him, and creating a special space for each other. As in: "You two are like two planets in a galaxy, both in their own way yet always in each other's system."
Communication is key to any relationship and because of my sensitive empathic side and the self-reflection I build up years ago with myself and my friends, I was able to teach him a lot about these things. We constantly talk about what we wish for in a relationship, what makes me/him happy, what I/he needs (or needs to hear), and how we should talk to each other during fights, etc. I made the mistake, that I always thought "Oh he will get what I mean" - without ever speaking my thought out. But how should he know? Therefore I learned not to pile emotional baggage up and explode but to talk about little things that bother me or that confuse me, just to clear the situation. We have to talk to each other and we need to get closer to each other with tiny or big steps. That is the wonderful thing about a relationship. If you'll find someone that is worth it to grow together yet individually and spend a life then this can be a wonderful thing (even though it can be strenuous sometimes as you widen your own filter bubble and expand your being from what you have learned).
Being with him, changed me in a lot of ways. You learn to really voice your opinions, thoughts, sorrows, and hopes. You learn to have difficult talks, make mistakes or even forgive mistakes - all those things I was afraid of as a teenager because I thought that my partner has to be "perfect". I still work on myself every day (even went to therapy) and I try to teach him things about self-perspective and respect for other people.
On the other side, I learn a lot from him, too. How I can be patient with myself, how to be logical, how to really step up for myself, how not to let someone step over me, and of course, how to love someone who was once a stranger. You need to know, that I'm German/Polish and he's Japanese, so there are cultural differences and sometimes mild language barriers or even different mental points of view. However, we found that inner strength that we want to work things out. After each deep talk, we feel a deeper connection to each other, because it is such a wonderful feeling, to feel understood and accepted.
"yeah better stay alone, relationships are exhausting" yet it would fits well to them
I relate to this, I never had a boyfriend until I was 24 which was only a couple years ago. It's still very confusing
If a guy wanted to just “have some fun” with you (I think you know what I mean by that), and not have any intimate relationship, would you be ok with that? I’m just asking
The single and virgin life is actually quite fun. I love when I’m talking to others and the topic randomly comes up, and after I tell them that I never dated, am a virgin , AND never had any sexually intimacy with myself or others , their reaction is priceless……. People literally can’t understand why I’m okay with it. It’s funny because others crave it so much but in my mind it’s just seems nothing special. I think of it as this; I entered this world alone, I spend my life alone with just the company of my thoughts, and I die alone. Getting into a relationship is just something I would want to try , like maybe I’ll evolve into a new Pokémon or something. But yea girl you not alone!
porn makes men lazy and money makes women not need men
Save yourself for the established man who will put a ring on it
😂😂😂 pokemon....
Do you think you are "ace" (asexual)? I am for sure, asexual and have no problems with it. I find men (opposite sex) very attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them - at all. ❤
I am a 30 year old virgin male. Never been in a relationship, or even touched the hands of the opposite gender. I am so sick of being restricted and held in captivity by my strict parents and judgemental relatives. I hope I will find freedom someday, don't care if I can't find love.
Love bro. You deserve freedom and happiness!
@purpleconvict4152 thanks bro. Still waiting for it with lots of hope.
omg.. maaaan... move your ass.. im 42 here.. not a lot of gf but some good experience.. a 4 year relationship at my 20's, my first and the longest one.. i had another 2 .. from the people i know.. im the less succesful, now im 7 years without.. im a kind of lonely creative person that cant stand the bs and has high standards and enjoying my time ,that's aaaaaall mine..
but .. i feel quite lonely at times.. i have very few friends although people like me and want to hang out with me, my female friend provides me with the hugs i miss and the touch.. we play, we do massage, we have fun.. i still want a gf but i dont see it comming .. but... the fact that you say that its not you that confine your self but your family and relatives, makes me so angry..
get the f out.. you are 30.. find a life you want. at least go try for it.. for me, my previous relationships, and the touches and the care and smell etc still do live inside me .. they made me who i am.. its wonderful to share intimate moments with a woman that you like eachother.. i cant believe you do this to yourself .. find courage..go visit a therapist.. make a start..
..
@@gaithouri thanks for the wonderful advice. Due to restrictive upbringing my personality and social skills did not develop well. Moreover, I am born in a wealthy family, but I don’t get any allowances or any perks (not even a single rupee/dollar to my hand comes). To the outside, I may come off as a born-rich individual, but when it comes to reality it feels like I am just living in a prison with free food and no rent to pay that is all. Unfortunately, I have adhd and poor memory power, with these kind of poor social skills and cognitive skills, I highly doubt that I will get a good paying job from a highly reputed company. My wealthy family will only allow me to leave if I can get a job in a really good known company. The catch is - I am born dumb. No friends or soulmate to support or bail me out. I am stuck in this endless loop which is extremely hard to break. My family knows that I am not capable of moving out and living on my own, so they are toying with me by laying such harsh conditions.
Why are we literally the same?! This is felt like I was watching my own literal experience
EXACTLY!!!! I'm like..... what???😱
It's like am watching myself 😅
Same here!!! I was surprised by her whole talk😂😂
At 30 and still not feeling the need to have someone.
Gotta love when the feeling of having yourself being enough for you.
I’m 29 and am learning to love myself but I feel like I’m doing it wrong 😢
I am 25💀 and this was SOOO DAMN RELATABLE!!!!!!!🙆🏻 Whatever you shared in this video, One hundred % it was like watching my own thoughts speaking out loud🤡 All hail the Singles Club!🤟🏻
"I treat friendship like romantic relationships" omg that's exactly me and its been one of the reason why i cannot maintain long term friendships
bro!!!
Don't be friends with men unless to date or for money because they are attracted to you and will use you as a date in his mind!
She's so real for this, I feel like watching my thoughts. hits the right point every time. I am also 22 and never dated.
you worded it so perfectly but most of these people are all older while im in my teenage years and like idk it's weird but im just glad that i can look up to someone lowkey
Bruh I’m 24 and never dated anyone in my life
same i'm 20 and felt like she's the voice inside my head lol
I'm 29 and everything you said is so relatable. Also as an introvert dating today is really hard, all these Apps feel so unnatural to me. And the fact that I like being alone is also not very helpful. 😅
Aren't we twins? 😂 Otherwise you're my new and only best friend
@Patricia Remacova is always nice to know I'm not the only one.😊
@@shari_606 I was actually surprised how many people are there feeling the same way
Dating apps feel unnatural to me too.
As an introverted, shy, and loner 29 yo male, I fear for my future.
You don't know how much I needed to hear someone like you, it's really validating. This year I will be 23 and I've never done ANYTHING (romantic or sexual)
Since all of my friends are or were in relationships I have been insecure, telling that I must be ugly, that people can't see me romantically, and questioning my lifestyle choices, cause I don't like going to massive parties or discos, where some people (and friends) have found partners.
Also I feel like, specially in this day and age, people are a bit more bold or open when it comes to relationships: starting informally, touching and kissing people before getting to know or like them, having more than 1 partner, etc. And it's okay if others like that, but I'm old fashioned in that regard. I would like to fall in love or feel something about the other person before doing anything else, but that way of thinking seems to be a factor of why I'm still single.
I don't want to do what I explained before but looking at all my friends and seeing no one similar to me is disheartening.
So thank u so much for this video and to all the people in the comments, I feel better reading others experiences
I’m exactly the same!!
I’m 20 and I have to say I’m lucky: I actually have several friends around my age who also haven’t been in a relationship yet for similar reasons and sometimes for more complex reasons- but I still heavily relate to your comment (especially when comparing myself to the friends that DID already have relationships or have been approached more often than I and ofc comparing myself to societal standards or the pressure and guilt tripping of my parents that I should do more to get a boyfriend)
Also: I’ve been to a smaller club a couple of months back where for the first time I actually had fun being at a club/big party (I usually hate it) and I even danced with a boy I didn’t know- but that didn’t lead anywhere because he obviously did it expecting me to do something more obscene or offer something… but I need time to get to know a man before I would ever even consider doing so. The point of why I’m telling you this is: If you’re more of a traditional person, as am I, the club/party setting will do nothing. It’s not the right way for us to meet people, so don’t feel too bad about that life choice C:
My personal hope is that I’ll meet my future boyfriend through friends of mine at a private social gathering like a birthday or something where you get to talk and maybe switch numbers, chat for a while, like making a friend but it’ll go further than that.
Differently than the woman in the video, I do know my sexuality and I am kinda sad about not having been in a relationship yet, yet I just can’t force myself to be like many other people are and date the modern way. It just goes against all that I am and I’ve never been someone who likes to bend herself to fit into a box I don’t belong in
I'm old fashioned in dating too! Even the idea of "dating" doesn't sound really nice to me. I want to be friends with my partner first. I wanna be myself, enjoy their company without any sexual or romantic implications and IF someday comes the attraction, then I will feel comfortable to show it. I think there are many of us like that. 2 of my friends have never dated before either and are pretty much "old fashioned" as well.
im soo happy that i found ppl like yall who preferred the old fashioned in dating :')
Even if you think you fear intimacy , the fact that you made a video being so honest and open on you tube … shows how brave you are and kinda creates intimacy with your public
Because it's not true intimacy. True intimacy is opening up one-to-one with your deepest darkest secrets.
I'm 28 and a lot of what you said in this video is spot on to how I feel. It's comforting to know I am not alone in how I feel. I've been trying to put my finger on what to call these feelings i've been feeling, wish their was a label and definition for it at times lol. It's not 100% loneliness or feeling alone, it's more and deeper than that, most people don't get it. As a late bloomer, someone that's been sheltered, has trauma, very socially awkward, lesbian and unconventionally pretty, the odds have been against me. I fantasize about relationships more than wanting to actually be in one. Having no friends or a relationship bothers me at times, but, when I really and truly think about it, I'm like "Nah Im good" in the end. This video, your thoughts and your words are more important than you think, thank you.
thank you so so much for sharing this. im so glad that my videos can connect with so many of you guys. we’re all in this together ilysm♥️♥️♥️♥️
« I fantasize about relationships more than wanting to actually be in one » i know right !!! This sentence just describe my mindset
@@JKJM06 You’re not alone 🤍
What is your mbti
💜💜💜💜
it’s shocking how many find themselves in her situation too. I thought less people in our age 2000-2003 had this thing that they never dated and been single all the time. I thought it’s bc of me that I’m the one of the minority who stayed single till her 20s. but I’m wrong
Man believe me 2004 onwards folks be really something
i guess a big part was the pandemic, which took like 2 years of going out and exploring the world from us. i was 18 when covid started and 21 when the restrictions were over, my 19th year was basically working and beeing at home because it wasn’t allowed to go outside!
I'm 23 and I've never had a relationship, never kissed even. This year I went on my first date with a guy that everyone at my best friend's wedding decided will be a perfect match for me. Spoiler. It didn't lead anywhere. To me it was like spending a day with a friend's friend, so I didn't feel any romantic connection. And I'm an introvert too, so everything you said in this video was SO RELATABLE.
I'm at the stage of my life where the only thing that bothers me about being single is my parent's comments about grandchildren. And I'm a very compassionate person, so sometimes I feel guilty even thinking that I'm acting selfish by living single at 23 and not rushing life. But all my guilt disappeared when I realized that we cannot force any kind of attraction. When you meet the right person you won't feel strange about them. Being with someone and wanting a relationship is ok. Not wanting a relationship or not making it your top priority is ALSO ok. Enjoy your life the way it is and know that there's plenty of people in the same boat. You are not alone ❤
Thank you for this video, because this comment section feels like a warm hug 🫂
fear blocks love
wow, incredibly relatable, I NEVEEEER see anyone anywhere express these things. I'm 25, never kissed anyone, never been in relationship...also fearful-avoidant, though I have managed to develop close friendships. But oh man, the romantic stuff...scary as hell, and about a million times worse when you finally DO find someone you really like and want to be with.
Thanks for sharing your experiences!
fear of intimacy is often really just fear of codependency. heal that and the fear of intimacy goes away
I'm 24 and I've been in three relationship so far and the best ones was with someone I can learn from. I agree 100% with you on that. and personally I think relationship should be taken on serious note more than "dating for fun", if you're bored you should just get a hobby. dating is pointless when you're consuming time, energy, and money and it ends up in breakup.
i agree with this so much. if you’re bored and you date, it usually ends bad. and i agree with you on how much energy you invest into it too!
what if we'(re boired buyt still wants to have a good relationshp with someone we're ready to love and tryings things with them?
@@maegalroammis6020 go on a date😂😂😂😂
@@whatsnew955 huh
I hear you all bc same boat (avoidant style)but I don’t think dating someone even if you end up breaking up is a waste of time! You’ll always learn more about yourself in each new relationship and get better at being a partner with experience. Plus you build a stronger understanding of what you need/want in one :) this year I’ve been actively trying to undo my avoidant attachment style patterns by making myself go on dates. I just know that in the long run i am doing good for myself by putting in the work to heal, which you can only do by unwiring old patterns (aka being less dependent, being open to dating different types of people as opposed to checklisting everyone you meet). Something I’ve realized is that society is kinda set up where guys only really pursue women who show interest first - hence why all us avoidant/hyper independent types end up single. Which is why I believe we girlies need to heal by putting ourselves out there. :) fyi This is just my observation and maybe some food for thought ?
This video makes me feel so much better because everything you said is exactly me. Also 22, never been on a date or kissed or held hands. I've become so accustomed to my single life that i don't want to be in a relationship just for the sake of dating. I only want to be with someone because i truly like that person and they make my life better. Other wise it's work and an inconvenience whats the point. It definitely gets lonely sometimes and I wish of having someone, but my deep rooted fear of intimacy makes me unable to let people in. As soon as someone gets just a little too close I distance myself and keep them as far away as possible because I am terrified.
i am so glad you guys can relate to this video ilysmmmmm
Question is, is that something you need to fix on yourself?
If I say yes, you will judge me by saying I judged that there's something wrong with you. But if I say no, is it really fine? Maybe one say the loneliness will cripple you and if it can be avoided by working on yourself, then you should. Best of luck overcoming your fears
When someone tells me I’m “in my prime” I just know they’re speaking of me physically and that makes me roll my eyes even more
It’s usually the creeps saying that. Stay focused on what makes you happy and the things meant for you will come along the way❤
THE OLDER A WOMAN IS THE MORE GENETIC DEFECTS HER BABIES WILL HAVE
thats what being in your "prime" means scientifically
But isn’t a physical prime not also a prime?
Let’s not be delusional and act as if physical attractiveness isn’t a mayor factor in dating
I just don't get it 😂 exactly bc I'm "in my prime" I want to do precisely what I want and enjoy myself not doing what others expect me to, duh
I'm 31 and I've never had a desire to date or be romantically involved with anyone. I'm completely content being by myself, but I still consistently have people tell me they are worried about me and that I need to find someone. It's annoying!! I just wanna focus on myself! 😂
Those people were likely pretending to be happy in their own relationship. If a person is married, I challenge them to bring their spouse. If that person is single, I tell them I don't like the idea of forcing a person to like me so nobody can convince me to accept matchmaking. Most likely, lots of people who attempts matchmaking aren't even doing a good job and is lying about it. Many even want to trick me into being a homewrecker. I don't have to tell them I am not romantically involve. I don't have to tell them I have no desire to date. Many who attempt to convince me only gave me a terrible reason. It is like they want to sell value but don't know how to sell them. It is like cold calling a person without a plan on how to make their value work. So if anyone were to worry about you, annoy them by making them work hard. Chances are, they chicken out of the challenge and would want to leave you alone.
So relatable! Fellow late bloomer here. I actually thought I was asexual for a while because hooking up and dating was never really a thing for me, I never felt like I could look at someone and think 'oh I'd hit that' or find them attractive in that way. When I was 23 I met my now-husband and now I realize I was probably closer to demisexual and just needed that emotional aspect to feel that kind of desire. Some people find it weird that I married my first boyfriend but I think being a good friend to everyone and other life experiences informed me into becoming the best partner he has ever had and I have never had a desire to see 'what's out there' or date around. Forcing myself to do that in my early 20s just put me in incredibly uncomfortable situations and I urge anyone reading this never to force yourself to date or into potentially sexual situations just because everyone else is. Just cause we aren't in a relationship doesn't mean we don't have a lot to give to ourselves and other people.
thank you so much for that!
Thank you so much for this. Lately I've been ppl pop out and post their relationship that I've started to question if taking my time matters this much
I relate to this so much Via. I'm 23 and I have never been in relationship, never been on a date. Thank you for talking about this and sharing this amazing video with us 🫶❤️
we’re all in this together. ilysm ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
guys it's normal lol . #singlegang 🤣
Sameee
Me too, I’m 23! So many girls out there just like us!!
22 here I'm a guy but never dated anyone before
I'm also an introvert, and before having my first boyfriend at 22 I felt like I wouldn't be a good partner. I was not a touchy person at all, I never hug my family and rarely my friends. However that guy showed a side of me I never thought existed as it was hidden so deep 😂 I am extremely touchy with him and I am not tired by being around him. So to all people that ask themselves if they will ever have someone because they fear they won't be able to show love, don't worry too much and just be sure to analyse the person you'll find so it's a safe one.
My grammar is not so good sorry for this, English isn't my first language, may you all have a great day!
I love the community here. It is really hard to not feel like the only person in the world who has not dated, so these comments really put my fears into perspective. I am almost 21 and my family and friends are worried that I will never get into a relationship and end up alone. There is nothing wrong with choosing to spend your "prime" years with yourself.
Really wish there were more conversations like this when I was in my early twenties! So happy that I have someone to relate to even tho I'm gonna be 26 hahahah
i love u so much
Its so weird hearing conversations you've said to yourself over and over again, from another person. Just the collective, "you just like me fr fr". 😭
I am 25 and I have never dated anyone. So this video is very relatable and is validating my feelings. Now I will know somewhere in the universe there are people who are going through the same stuffs I’m going through.
Thank you
our dna is all 99.999999999999% the same
I’m 22, I’ve never actually liked someone romantically, never held hands etc. I don’t think there’s actually something wrong with me, but I sometimes get the anxious feeling of “you are WAsTinG your youth; everyone is talking about how the feeling of falling in love is their REASON TO LIVE, and how they can’t imagine how someone could live without it” and other negative self talk, fear of “missing out on something important” and “what if you don’t force yourself now - in the future you just won’t get any chance to even try it?!”. And all that coexists with logical reasons, like “I don’t really NEED a relationship, and I don’t think I’m ready to deal with that in general, and in the end, I JUST DONT FANCY ANYONE AT ALL”.
I suppose it’s just my anxiety and that habit of comparing myself to…literally anyone and anything. I’m not sure how to deal with it.
The FOMO just constantly jumps from 0 to 100 and back to 0.
I feel you man, im aroflux tho. Maybe aromantism is smth you can look into, hope youre okay!
As an aroace i can relate so hard-
As a non aro even I think it’s so toxic to think that we are codependent on love. And it actually makes you less attractive and more easy to manipulate.
I'm 21 and i relate to so much of this. Im glad i clicked on this video because i feel less lonely seeing everyone in the comments with similar feelings, thoughts and experiences. Lots of love to everyone and thanks for sharing 💜
I am in the same boat with my sister...
This was so relatable, especially the part where not wanting to date any friends, but not wanting to date any strangers. I hope you're discovering more of yourself each day and thank you for this comforting video.
because she doesnt know how to flirt without fear
i’m at 26 and i’ve never been with anyone. like, ever. for a long time, i never considered myself appealing for anyone. plus, i once tried to approach my crush and it was mortifying and scarring enough to scare me from approaching anyone i might have a crush on, in fear that it might happen again. and i thought i was the only one, but i’m not.
thanks for making us feel seen and understood. it means the world.
from the fearful avoidant style to the unlabeled part to the acting extroverted mask part girl i know exactly how you feel. you’ve just became one of my fav youtubers 😭
I related to that so much as well
I'm not alone
Omg same ✋
i love listening to you like im literally laying in my bed and it feels like im listening to my older sister
you are such a warm person its so comforting thank u sm for your videos
This is the sweetest comment ever ily
ok i am 24 and i hate the weird pity reactions people give if i say i havent been in a relationship OR talking to men who can relate but suddenly they feel like it is some sort of dating opportunity for them. i grew up being very dependent on other people so i am really appreciating my time as an adult learning to be independent and enjoy my own company (as well as focusing on my friendships). the best thing for me to learn was to remember that i don't have to live my life to anyone elses expected timeframe because it stopped me from feeling bad about lack of experiences, and the delay i had in life because i needed to recover from depression and anxiety.
I’m 18, a little younger, and I find myself relating to a lot of your experiences. I’ve never kissed a person, have a fear of vulnerability, and have only started receiving compliments on my appearance for the last year. Ironically, I think I’m pretty independent for my age, and spend most of my time alone. I do have friends that make me happy, though, and I cling to them as much as I can before I go off to college in August. I’m not sure how I’m going to make friends then, but at least I have found another person with whom I can relate: you. Thanks for making this video!
People like us exist. I'm so happy i found you
Girl, are you me? Everything you said was spot on. I will be 26 next month and I never really felt the need to be with someone until my mid-20s just because everyone else is paired up. In high school and early 20s I just focused on studying and hanging out with my friends. I never really pursued romantic relationships although I did have crushes. I just don't feel the need to be in a relationships. When I try dating, my life turns into hell whilst I was just fine before. But it scares me that I might end up alone forever having never been loved by anyone.
Everything you said explains my life and feelings PERFECTLY. I'm now 20 tho and boy it's not easy once I start questioning myself
This randomly popped up on my youtube and I'm so glad I clicked. It was like looking at a mirror. It's so nice to see someone have the same opinions and traits as me. The video is so well done, I love how every sentence is in a dfferent font, you put so much work into your video, I can see the skill. LoVE, LOVE, LOVE how you spoke so openly and freely about alllll your emotions. I feel so calm and understood after watching this. This is your first video that I've watched of your and I already love you so much. Thank you for sharing your views and life Via
I’m 25 and I never had a boyfriend before. It sucks because all my friends are getting into relationships and then there’s me like 🧍🏾♀️
I'm single by choice at 38. I am just in love with my PEACE and FREEDOM so much and I don't want anybody to break that status quo that I' ve been protecting since birth.
4:33-4:48 THIS SPOKE TO MY CORE. i value friendships if they nourish me into becoming a better person, so i tend to surround myself with so many people i can learn from, and in return i support them in their endeavors. but if i apply this to a partner, it just comes down to "how life changing can you be to me?" "do i even want something as life changing as that?" and it drives me away from anyone who is interested in me
I feel like when i was younger i was really obsessed with the idea of falling in love an being in a relationship, that the fact that ive been single and felt incapable of dating is so confusing and made me feel so broken throughout high school and even right now in college , this whole video is like listening to the little voice in my head but out loud and its very comforting to know that there's people out there who relate.
A lot of us in our 20's get stuck in our heads about messing up and wasting our time. You have to make the mistakes, roll with the idea of getting hurt and, overall, figure out who you are in relationship and what you want out of it. We don't know until we try.
You do you. Nobody can tell you to do something in that regard. I've never been emotionally stable to date before twenty-four, so I didn't and seriously I don't regret a thing cause I wouldn't have been present for that person.
It is hard to meet new people, open up, and then it doesn't work out. It's draining. So go one day at a time, and when you'll feel ready, you'll know. Also random but having your phone constantly on silence, fuck yes.
yes it’s a step by step process. it’ll take time and hopefully we’ll all get there
i feel the same. i’m 24 and i’ve never dated anyone and i’m completely fine with it. i’ve come to the point that i’m okay with dying single.
Similar situation as a guy. I really connect on the "craving" and being content alone at the same time. I feel so lucky that I've been able to live life on my terms all this time, and being able to focus 100% on my hobbies and work. But it's clear to me that being with someone is really something that would make me happy, and I'm starting to take steps for that now.
I don't relate as much on the expectations and insecurities toward the future partner, at least not anymore. Maybe on being scared of the breakup part though.
But yeah this kind of videos are really some of the most wonderful and precious things that came to exist thanks to youtube. Honest, caring, complex and thoughtful people who introspect and share with the world sensitive things. Which is the complete opposite of what seems to be trending nowadays, superficial trends and games of pretend.
This is so relatable. I'm 23 years old and I'M AFRAID OF COMMITMENT. Maybe because of my parents issue, you know cheating and etc. Tbh I can live on my own, like I do have my sisters and friends.
THIS IS SO REAL. I’m going to be turning 22 this year and this is literally where I’m at in my life too. i’m glad that we’re all finally talking about this and that there are so many other ppl in the exact same situation. Makes me feel less alone :)
As a high schooler, I feel like there’s so much pressure to date, I’m 17 (now 18) and never done anything romantic even once 😭 and it doesn’t help that I’m queer and go to an all girls school, it feels like there’s so many missed opportunities
fr like the pressure of all your friends dating makes you more likely to go for less
Trust me its best to start dating when ur a bit older. Me and my ex girlfriend started dating when i was 16 almost 17. I completely lost myself in the relationship. I love her and shes rlly sweet but it drained my mental health so much rlly lost myself in the relationship, all her interests became my interests etc. So my advice just take care of urself rn figure out who u are and who u want to be in the future before bringing another person into it
Damn same! I went to an all girl's school too! No wonder I didn't had any dating history. It wasn't just normal for us because we were all girls. Also that not many guys approached me. In fact, I had to approach them first so- yeah
Omg yes girl I feel you. I'm about to be 16 in two months and it's so hard. Like obviously people would be like don't worry you're still young,haven't even gone to college yet but I literally have two friends and both of them are in relationships. I wanna cry whenever the prom comes and what gets me is that they get to experience love at such a young age. Like...no prom date ig.
This is the first time I've seen someone articulate every single thought of mine into words. Thank you for being vulnerable on the internet! I feel better that im not alone.
modernism... all the women have money and all the men have porn
so we are all alone, married to our jobs and computers
@@mikelisteral7863Porn is man’s biggest enemy, once we beat that we as men have beaten a ton of problems.
I’m so happy I’ve found this video. Seeing how there are other people out there who I can relate to makes me feel normal and less anxious.. thank you so much
I’m 18 and everything you say in this video is SO relatable/true for me. I’ve been feeling insecure about it lately, but knowing that others are the same as me helps. I have to remind myself that it’s okay to take time to figure things out, and I don’t have to force myself to do anything I’m uncomfortable with. I hope that anyone who may be in a similar situation/has similar feelings knows that they’re not alone in this experience :) I hope whoever reads this has a good day🩷🩷🩷
Would you like to know the secret to a more stress-free life compared to those in relationships? Friendship. Just nothing more than solid, warm friendship. No promises, no getting naked, no rings, no letting intensity enter the picture. No living together either. Freedom. Got the sweetest taste of all. It’s a well hidden secret, but it hides in plain sight. Romance is too often a burden. I’m a committed single. I am missing NOTHING in this life.
Friendship is so underrated and overlooked. Less stress and anxiety, and friends can support you as well as give you your own space. Win win.
i feel so understood and validated after watching this 😭
thank you for uploading this, it really made me feel so much better!
this video was so relatable omg thanks for sharing your thoughts into the world , it makes it all less, lonely
I'm 19 now, and I am in the same situation. I remember when I was a child, back in school, when there were these times when we had to dance and choose a pair to do, I would be the last option, even when playing, the boys would never choose me to be their pair, I would listen to then say that they had a crush on this or that girl, and the girl was never me. So I just kinda gave up. My role was to be their friend and help them get on the girls they liked. I think that "indirect rejection" made me prioritize other things, like studying and working, and deeply inside, today I think to myself, "Why would somebody want me?" So, it's a reflection of my past, even that today boys are more interested in me, I can't get in a serious relationship, and sometimes not only romantically but with people in general.
Yes. Yes. Yes. I’ve been in college for almost two years now, I was touch deprived, had no friends, talked to no one, and I was secretly manifesting a boyfriend, I felt like I needed one so bad although I don’t really care about crushing on guys or going on dates, because I am also very self sufficient. But recently, I became friends with a girl that is one of the best friendships I’ve ever gotten in my life, she makes me feel happy, safe, loved. And then I started thinking, do I treat my friendships as romantic relationships? Because I spend money buying her things, I share my time with her, I want to protect her and make her feel heard and safe too. And I also get a bit jealous when she gives a lot of attention to other people, but I don’t say anything about it because I know I shouldn’t feel this way about something so trivial.
I came to the conclusion that maybe I never wanted a boyfriend to begin with, maybe I just wanted someone.
Someone to hear me and be with me and talk to me, to hug me and be affectionate and fun and caring, and that’s what I got, and now I no longer feel the need for a boyfriend.
Of course it rises the question: what if that means I’m gay or bi? But honestly I felt this with other female friendships in my life before, and it was always something that felt like more than friends but less than lovers so I guess I just look for soul connections that are willing to share unconditional love for each other.
This sounds very similar to asexual and aromantic relationships, especially the feeling of it being more than friends but less than a "real" relationship.
I am a man but I just experienced a very similar situation with a friend of mine. Before we started dating there was a period where I had this exact feeling that youb described and she did aswell. We basically went on dates without calling it a date (going to cinema, eating in restaurants, drinking together at my home etc.) and could talk about anything and had a deep emotional connection. It kind of filled this relationship craving that I usually had. And well... after some time she realized that she also had feelings for me now we are dating haha
I think it's really hard to have these kind of friendships without developing feelings for the other person. But maybe in same sex platonic female friendships this is normal and doesn't lead to anything usually? Or like I said maybe you are aromantic and this is just how you form relationships.
@@xXWorldgamefunXx Wow that experience you had with your girlfriend is how I think every relationship should go, slowly getting to know each other and enjoying the moment, so beautiful that you both got to figure out what you felt and develop feelings towards each other.
I thought about the possibility of being asexual in the past, honestly I'm still figuring that one out, but I'm certain that I am not aromantic. I've had romantic feelings in the past but only for guys, however there is this "in between" kind of feeling when it comes to SOME girls, where I feel like I want us to be more than friends but not all the way to lovers, and I can't figure out what that is or why it happens. Especially because with the majority of my female friends, it's all good and I just want to be friends with them. But again, some girls in particular just make me feel this thing.
I still can't see myself dating anyone in the next few years but if I do, I envision me dating a man. I don't know what is this deal about with some girls but I've heard of the term "alterous attraction" once and it described what I felt perfectly, give it a search if you're interested.
I just finished up and omg I RELATE SO HARD. I’m 20! I’m also questioning my sexuality, but growing up in a strict religious (Muslim) household and also growing up ugly (still am 😅). I like seeing others in a relationship and I like the idea being in one. However seeing my friends go through break ups and also not wanting to be in a relationship with strangers. I can go on and on but I relate to everything you said, but all I can say is period !! You do you Queen 😊
hearing her talk like this is comforting for me, worth to subscribe. keep going girlieee
I’m 18 and I’ve also never dated anyone. This was so relatable and I felt seen and understood, thankyou❤
Sooo relatable, i became academically obsessed with my scores and i just stopped myself from catching feelings, it felt like it would hamper my studies alot. But now it has became a habit of avoiding men romantically, "i crave intimacy but fear it at the same time" thats literally me
heya via, ur journal ep’s randomly came up on my recommendations n immediately found the titles relatable. my birthday’s coming up later this week so i’ve been super reflective as of late n these have hit me in the core. absolutely everything u’ve said accurately described my thoughts n i’m feeling so much more comforted n validated about how i’m feeling. as the eldest daughter, i sincerely thanku for being the older sis i never had :’)
I am 30 and everything you said was so relatable. Like it felt so validating 🥲 Thank you 💗
i brought up the "omg i can't even imagine you in a relationship" comments to my friend and i was really surprised by what they had to say about it. it made me feel somewhat uncomfortable to hear things like that because, just like you, i assumed they couldn't even imagine someone being in love with me. instead, when i told my friend it didn't make me feel all that great and asked her why she said that, she said she finds it hard to picture me being head over heels for someone else. that was definitely food for thought.
I have to leave a comment to admire your encouragement in sharing this unconventional and personal story. Like for real, it takes guts to show your vulnerability and insecurities to everyone on the internet!
I found your channel literally yesterday , and the amount of relatable comments you’ve made is honestly so relieving to hear… especially the “masking the personality thing,” like sheesh,, great video 💕💕🥹
thank you for the video ♥
it's such a relief to know that there are people who feel the same and are in the same boat with you.
i think, there is the right time for everything
Thank you for this video! It really makes me feel so much better as a 20 year old. I agree with everything you say. its like most of the time I am just too tired and busy to commit to someone and I really don't trust myself to cause I have such a two sided personality that I am worried people won't like.
emphasis on the tired and busy😭😭😭and yeah i understand that too. it’s scary to show people what you’re truly like. but we have to remember that we are deserving of love
I’m exactly the same! I wouldn’t say I’m aromantic, I think I would pretty much enjoy it, but I’m also good on my own🤷🏾♂️ I’m just really weird with people and don’t like most of them.
I protect my peace sooo much and I cannot stand any amount of drama. Whoever brings the slightest drama into my life has to go, I’m sorry.
The problem is that people aren’t perfect, however that’s what I expect, somehow.
Also: thanks for the subtitles!!
LOL SAME with being awk w people 😭😭 and yes omg i also just have this expectation for ppl to be perfect even tho i know no one is perfect😭😭😭😭it’s a struggle
Everything you’ve said perfectly describes what I’ve felt and experienced in my life it’s comforting thank you 🙏
this video was HEALING for me realizing that I'm not alone and someone able to voice exactly how I'm feeling makes it so much easier to process my own emotions so thank u :)
OMG. Thanks for all of your candor. I can say without a doubt, you will be fine because 1) I was that person but far less capable than you, 2) my first kiss / significant other was in med school at age 26; #latebloomer too! And honestly, there is too much pressure on all of you in this generation than mine and as a doctor I know people are still developing up to age 25.. meaning you all aren’t alone in trying to figure it all out. It’s hard. And harder since you all did it during COVID and now in an even more uncertain world. That being said, if I can offer the following - continue to have a growth mindset, continue to be confident in yourself as you have doubts (that’s being human), find your way, and don’t let society / media dictate anything. The person I married was my friend. I was happiest when in her presence and I knew it when I realized that I placed her happiness ahead of mine. That was in 2001. Keep up the great work here. Congratulations on your graduation. This is just the beginning. Your future is quite bright! 🥰💪
I’m not that far into the video yet but omfg just wanted to comment that I feel so validated and understood. I feel the same way about fear of rejection and the craving for intimacy yet fearing it at the same time
You spoke to my soul. Thank you so much for sharing and being so open about this!❤️
This video is so relatable to me and a lot of the topics you talk about validate a lot of the fears and issues I'm still currently dealing with at the age of 29. I've never been in any relationship mainly because of social anxiety and just have issues interacting with people as I'm an introvert and a lot of social situations make me uncomfortable. Just feel like I'm anti-social when people look at me and like you, I also fear dating and being in a relationship. "YOU ARENT ALONE" with this issue and thank you for posting and talking about it with everyone as it's really an issue that so many people are dealing with today.
Wow this is so raw and brave, I really admire your self awareness and openness to put this all out there
everything you said in this video is so relatable... i'm 18 years old so there's no real outside pressure for me to find someone, but i still struggle with my own expectations. in theory, i really want a relationship, but when the opportunity for a relationship presents itself to me in practice, i get incredibly uncomfortable and just don't feel anything romantic. it's hard. for now, i just live vicariously through fictional romance :')
I am 19 and i have never been in a relationship and tbh,yes,it sometimes makes me feel lonely but I don't really regret it too yk(sometimes).This video really spoke to me and thanks for sharing this on the internet!Love you💖
This probably the most relatable video I've ever seen. like actually. Every thought you shared is a thought I've had and it's so incredibly validating to see
This is the anthem of my life.. literally everything you said i relate with , I'm 27 now .. still looking forward to be in a healthy relationship 😊 not gonna settle for less than my standards,, enjoying the single life ,❤ and i am happy most of the time so .. sending you so much love and keep up these cute chitchat videos .. i like em a lot 💜💜
I’m 22 and have never even held hands with someone romantically. I have severe social anxiety so it’s difficult for me to talk to people and I also have a fear of rejection and intimacy. I’m practically fucked but I’m okay with being single. Hopefully one day I can work through my issues and meet someone that I like and feel comfortable with.
i have always felt so strange bc i cherish my platonic friendships with women more than i do romance with anyone, especially men. and sometimes i end up treating platonic love like romantic love and romantic love triggers me so then it ends super bad lol. but i do think there are people who just dont care as much about romantic love. it just doesnt feel as intimate most times. romance feels like its all about putting on a face, someone being attracted by your body, face or w.e like you said, would they have liked the past you, or is it bc they think you are better now. its transactional love and it can feel ick. platonic love just feels more pure. women love so deeply and love you for who you are, most times. feeling like im missing out does suck, romance isnt something i crave desperately, but it feels weird that i dont when everyone in the world does. the fomo hits
Thank you for being so transparent on your thought process. When it comes to avoidants I think a lot of people just blame them automatically painting them as ‘manipulative’ or ‘evil’ without even attempting to understand them. You are so self-aware on your dating habits and that’s so helpful for others to hear. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. ❤
just started tearing up at some point, every single thing is so relatable down to the age. I've also grown up not conventionally attractive but the tables have turned and now I'm a cutie with trust and avoidance issues. I also value my solitude more than anything to the point of coming across as selfish, and I don't have emotional resources to invest into someone else. it's so comforting and validating to hear someone putting all these thoughts into words because I have no one to speak about it myself. anyway, you're really sweet and funny, wishing you all the best
this was so validating, i literally had to do a double take when i saw the title of this video in my recommended. i never leave comments but i felt really compelled to for this video. watching this video made me realize that not only are the majority of people i know in relationships, but literally everyone i know has been in relationships before. I've never been able to talk to another person about this and have them relate to it, but i related to soooo many of the things you said. only recently, in my last year of college, have people around me started to approach and show romantic interest in me, and i still have a hard time believing it. "i crave the intimacy, but at the same time, i fear it" this has been what i've felt for the longest time. it's one of the things i've found the hardest to change about me, and i wonder if i ever really will be able to.
i could go on and on but all that aside, i appreciate you making this video and giving your thoughts on this topic, it was nice to not feel alone in those kinds of feelings
V positive things I learned bc I’ve yet to be in a relationship:
• I’ll never define myself and my self worth by being my relationship status
• I know who I am without being attached to another
• I don’t take shit from men nor seek their validation
• I’ve learn what NOT to do by watching everyone else’s dysfunctional relationships 😊
And honestly, I think kids being so worried about dating as young a elementary age contributes to most of these problems.
What you said is so true ❤❤, the thing is people who didn't be single for a long time will hardly understand the peace and the joy you can get from singleness
yes! being in this exact same position and abstaining from dating really does allow you to be introspective in a way that i very rarely see with people hopping from relationship to relationship. knowing your mind so intimately and being comfortable with your own company is invaluable.
The more I watched the video the more I relate to you, cause everything you said resonate with me deeply. I love your content and you 💓
this video is so touching, i totally understand you. but seriously, this video calmed me down so much, made me think and rethink many things, and your thoughts are so close to me, I felt like someone had torn a page out of my diary. thank u
im only 16 (almost 17) and i already feel alienated for never having dated or been in a "relationship". i just already feel that i am so healthy and happy on my own and my standards are so high that i HIGHLY doubt any high school boys can fill them. all my friends have been in multiple relationships and sometimes i just feel uncomfortable that ive never held hands or had my first kiss or anything but ik im not alone and im young and it literally doesnt matter
omg same
my friends are getting into relationships every week and then there is me
my standards are so high that nobody meets them
OMG THIS IS ME RN I FEEL PRESSURED TO DATE. however i live in a small ass white town which guys only go after white girls (I’m the only Asian)
Keep your standards high, and don't worry about dating and all that comes with it for now. It'll happen when it happens. Just keep doing you. ( :
gosh we are literally the same when it comes to craving intimacy but being feared about it
Thank u so much for making this video! It's very difficult for me to find somebody with so relatable issues in terms of dating.
im 23 and every single line you said resonates with me so much. I've never related this much to a video before. it's like we're the same person. how our lives are the same and how our mind works the same way too. so glad i found your channel. now i know that I'm not alone. girl, you're my soul sister ❤️
as someone who also lets fear control them. don’t. honestly fight it with all you have. go on those dates, kiss that person, just live!! i mean we’re on a floating rock and we could die any minute. 💞
This is the reason why you shouldn’t leave live that way and only for Jesus because you could die at any moment