I don't think she changed into "that". I think she (they) merely hide "that", Until the honeymoon is over, and they can discard the pretentiousness. "Heeeeeere's Johny!" But by then it's too late. At that phase of the marriage, they are no longer focused on securing you... At that point they focus on securing half of what it took you a lifetime to acquire.
The bait and switch. Nearly all of them do it. They lure men in with that façade, and it's a beautiful one, then when he's in, the true horror is revealed. Sadly for women, I can see through that façade. They don't like it that I don't respond to it.
It's not about taking them seriously its that as a man you made yourself vulnerable with that person ,the innermost parts that you don't share and she weaponized it and used it against you to intentionally hurt you . I take that very seriously, that's an act of betrayal.
They simply get bored and feel unhappy, so they start blaming you, your hobbies, interests, work, trying to put the responsibility on you for their lack of ability to manage their own lives.
@@nathanhardman7143 it's kinda sad that we have to act like bad boys to maintain a woman. be nice and you become boring. i guess man who are naturally good in nature is destined to be alone.
I'm 55. Never married. No children. Got my heart broken 30 years ago and it taught me a very valuable lesson about marriage and women. You're absolutely right about vulnerability and trust. Trust in a relationship is so valuable and yet so fragile. I realize after watching your content and others like you how lucky I am to be single. Thanks.
Same, going to be 50 on 1/12, I was in a 11 year relationship and it broke me embarrassed to say. I will date and have a relationship but will never marry and nobody will ever get that close again, I can’t risk it.
God I wish I learned that lesson with a similar breakup in my mid 20's. Women are crazy, they just flick a switch and all of a sudden they are unhappy enough to tear your life apart in seconds.
My ex shamed me for being "obsessed" when i admired pictures of her. I never admired her again. She shamed me when i initiated sex with her. I never initiated again. She shamed me for my taste in food. I never ate with her again. She shamed my unusually extensive vocabulary. I never spoke with her again.
Exact same here. I was called obsessed and a pervert for finding her attractive and initiating sex. I had a nice photo of hers as my mobile phone wallpaper and she shamed me for that too. I was expecting a nice sweet reaction when she saw it but i ended up immensely disappointed and i removed it.
Absolutely right. At the wedding and for 35 years after, she was someone I would do anything for and my best friend. At the divorce she was someone I didn’t recognize or even knew existed. A complete change into a stranger.
It is truly remarkable how many men share this experience. Like John said, that wisdom needs to be passed down to the next generation of men so they have a better chance of avoiding the mistakes that we made. It can change the course of someone's life completely.
A wife shaming her husband inside the home is one thing. But her doing it IN PUBLIC in front of other people takes it to a whole other level. That's the kind of disrespect that is impossible to recover from and the marriage is dead in that very instant.
I’m now 58. Was with her for 13 years. We had no kids. Now divorced from her. She knew the crap I went through on my first divorce. I was reluctant to get married to her because of my previous experiences. She swore that she would never treat me the way I was treated when I was previously married. For years she was loving and attentive. Then she got bored but still “ loved me, but not in love with me” then the evil dragon appeared. As soon as she Monkey branched, she went for the jugular. I was still trying to keep things friendly through the divorce ( even though she initiated it all). She even said at the beginning, that I was a decent man. She took nearly half of the proceeds of my house. The house I owned before we were married. We had no kids and she earned a lot more than me. But the judge just said she should get half. The nastiness that that woman turned into. I had to bite my lip all the way through the whole process or the judge would have given her at least half. As soon as your princess walks out the door, she turns into the ice queen. You have been warned!!!
My ex used the " I'd never do that to you." Like your ex did. She did that and so much more.... I'm in a custody dispute with her. I don't know how it's going to go. I have dirt on her. It's all a matter on the judge how things go.
They can know all about you being devastated and cheated on in your first marriage, but they still end up doing the same damn thing! All it did was showed me they were all the same, I think if they know that, they see you as an easy mark. They cannot be your best friend and the more they know about you; it only works against you. I never remarried but was in a long-term relationship and about year 7 or 8 she cheated. That must be the time period the shit hits the fan.
When I was 21, I got into a relationship with a young woman that worked at the gym I went to. She pursued me hard, despite the fact she was leaving to spend a year overseas in a few months. We were pretty inseparable for four months. I remember sitting in the basement of her family home as she was packing to leave. She was crying, talking about how she didn’t want to go but was committed. Telling me how much she was going to miss me. I had planned for a clean break but, watching her cry, I offered to keep in touch and forgo other relationships/sex while she was gone - provided she was willing to do the same. She looked at me and said, “what if I meet someone special?” I thought to myself, I thought you already had. It was over for me that moment. After she got home, she immediately tried to rekindle things. Ran into her (and slept with her) numerous times over the next decade but I never once entertained the idea of letting her back into my life after what she said in that basement. Words have power, ladies, be careful how you use them.
The sheer cognitive dissonance. To be crying at the immediate prospect of parting with you. While also actively holding the idea in her head that she may meet someone much better there. Pick one. The emotions and what you're saying are utterly incongruent.
I'm a woman and I think you are absolutely right on everything you're saying. The only thing I might add is it's best to have some really HOT rip roaring arguments before you get married and find out what her fighting style is like. It would also be great if you could talk to some of her old boyfriends and find out what she's like when she gets really angry and doesn't get her way. Something most men don't realize is that most ( if not all ) women have a very nasty side. Think long and hard before you get married it's probably best not to. You will almost certainly deeply deeply regret marrying. Too many women are very money hungry and I blame feminism and our materialistic society. I believe because of Walt Disney so many little girls were raised to believe they were "princesses" and that is so wrong. I personally believe in minimalism.
Short term relationships cannot produce true love. People are just in it for convenience. We should be testing people & picking a person with an ugly side we can not just bear but also respect. Most importantly, we should pick someone genuinely attracted to us (our looks and our personality) and not someone who is around for what we can provide. It’s easy to keep people at bay when we’re in on and off again relationships and there’s 3 other people lingering on the sidelines. While it’s fun, it doesn’t take away the loneliness because we know we are unloved.
Only a few weeks after our marriage my ex told me that she hated my best, life long friend even though she had met him many times before we married. I had known my friend over 20 years before I met her and I simply refused to give up our friendship. Inevitably,whenever I met my friend she always made some nasty,cutting comment about him. Looking back I now realise that she was truly evil and could not accept that I could go out and have a nice time with my male friends without her. Apart from sex,I do wonder what the attraction of women really is as they only bring heartache and problems. Love your channel John.
I had a very close friend in my youth. Shared all kinds of adventures together. But every time he got a steady girl friend it was just a matter of time before one of two things would happen1) the chick would become insanely jealous of our friendship or 2) the bitch would make a pass at me. Most girls are rotten, no emotional control or honor.
I had 3 long term relationhips in my life. What I learned is that women simply hate when you have fun on your own without them. When my ex employed the same shaming and nagging tactics I already knew, I told this to her and she just stood there without being able to say anything. I think we are suffering from an epidemic of entitled, arrogant, and abusive women. Young women today are simply not educated to be good partners, like perhaps it had been in the past before modern times. Once a woman start being abusive, there's simply no mechanism you can employ to nudge them into more respectful habits.
3 years in, that is what happened to me. Then the verbal abuse started terribly for 8 years. Finally, I found Jordan Peterson the last three years and it saved me. Turned everything around. New friends, hobbys, self confidence and nothing said could hurt me. I knew I could not change her but I did call her out nicely about the misbehavior. She lost it. It did not even last three years and she filed. Tried as hard as she could to hurt me but once you know your value, her opinion did not matter. Find yourself and be true to it and you will not only discover who you are but all you can be. You have to have faith. I now have peace. Men need to find theirs.
Yes. You are right. I did. But nothing I did, no matter how hard I tried, she did not respond. I was told by someone who is trained that it was about her having to have control. Me being healthy was the exact opposite of what she wanted. You can't change people, only yourself. You can be kind and try to show them, but it is up to them. Jordan Peterson taught me that in spades here.
I had been doing a job for 20 plus years and hated it. My wife of 10 plus years said that I should quit... 4 months later, I thought she was right, we had no debts and our house was paid for. I was like 32, so I had my whole life in front of me and couldn't imagine working that job for another 30 plus years.. I said to her one day that I was thinking about quitting. She was not having it. "You are not quiting your job and living off me!" And the thing that made me question everything, she said "you're a miserable person, and you'll be miserable no matter where you work!" That caused such a fight that I moved in with my mother for a month. It was her bringing it up that even made me consider it. I'll never be the guy I was before that day again.
Yes, days exist and things are said when all of the sudden everything is different. Then things are real bad and you just know things can never be the same anymore. E.g. my wife went hiding when I was attacked by three street people. Which I can understand and it was ok. (Thank the lord I got out of this fight anyway.) But lateron she sided with her sister against me, several times. Even laughed at me. Finally she and her sister yelled the sh. out of me because I did not want to keep working for her (moving in and out furniture etc.). This was the end.
@fritzthecat0815 It's amazing sometimes looking back at how things lined up... The same job I had came up, and my wife at the time could have put in for it. I jokingly said "we would make bank" knowing with a young daughter that it would never have worked, (and she couldn't have handled it even if it would work.) She said, dead pan.... "I would never do your job." I guess I was just supposed to suck it up!
i was the most blue pill male feminist few years ago. took care of my wife and did not call her BS and lies out. she grabbed me one day by my collar to tell me that her marrying me was the worst mistake of her life. one divorced and financial ruined later.... my eyes opened to red pill, female nature and intergender dynamics in modern day western society. Thanks to you and people like you in manosphere who are saving many men lives daily, sadly simp will persist and will get slaughtered....they say you cant save them all.... good work sir! :)
You're mistake was not calling her BS and lies out. That could have ended things a lot sooner possibly before you got married as save you a lot of grief. Some times we fear that we can't find someone else and put up with it. I don't think a woman truly respect and man that settles like that. Just my experience in settling like that. Took me seeing a psychologist and working on assertiveness. That really changed my life.
I used to do body off frame restorations. Now I buy nice cars and maintain them. Whenever a woman asks me why I prefer cars to them, I say it is because I can FIX a car.
Women also can't grok that a lot of guys just like to fix something. A woman will always say "Why don't you just but a new one?" without understanding that you REPLACE an alternator, you REPLACE ball joints and bushings, you REPLACE a fuel pump or the spark plugs. You don't buy an entire damn new car because the brake pads are worn out! You fix things!
Met my girl 6 years ago at school. Year later we graduated and she moved in with me. She was short, skinny with a curvy lower body, blonde hair, extremely feminine, and always needed me to hold her. Honey moon lasted a good 2 years.. then she started gaining weight, eating nasty, telling me where things go, making remarks as I would play madden or something. Now I wasn’t perfect. But damn she changed. She left for good 4 months ago with our 2 dogs about 30 minutes away. Still going through it alone but watching theese videos reminds me I made the right choice to have her leave. Miss my damn dogs tho so much. Love ur content man
I know missing the dogs really really hurts, but you had no kids. No kids. That’s the focus, and the “whew.” Read Brett’s comment above, and other guys’ too. These jezebels are monsters in divorce with kids. I thankfully, gratefully and luckily had none, but I knew friends who went thru hell with exes over their kids. Just horrific behaviors from these psychotics. I understand dogs are like kids, believe me. For your healing listen to Brett and count your blessings there are no kids. What you’re going thru would be 1000x worse. Don’t rebound. Keep the focus on your recovery and learn from this video and others. Best of luck going forward 🤙
my wife decided to try use the courts to bully me, get me to behave the way she wanted and to keep on behaving poorly herself. she took all my hobbies etc and turned EVERYTHING into a negative to try take the house, our belongings and the kids. so far, in court, i've won back my rights to see the kids without her interfering. next is the house to sort in court.
Which only shows how disloyal female friends are towards one another. Women will jump on their best friend’s man in a heartbeat if he gives her “the tingles” down there.
Great video. Married men live a very difficult life. If you lose your frame, she leaves. If you trust her with your deepest darkest secrets, she uses them against you, then leaves. Stay single.
If she sees you have frame, she is initially attracted. Once she realises she won't be able to get you to lose frame, she leaves before you start dating. She has to know or think she has the ability to make you lose frame before she'll consider dating. That's the situation I've been in for decades.
I was married for 32 years and for 31 of those years, I had complete faith my marriage was going to last. I was so naive because after asking what was wrong with her in the last few months of our lives together, without emotion she said I just don't want to be married to you anymore. I made a huge mistake desperately trying to save our marriage only to have her file for divorce a couple of months later. Women definitely change without any warning. I truly loved her with all my heart and it was not until after the divorce was final, I found out a man she had met at her sister's third wedding was the reason she wanted a change.
@@heloramos82 Sweet of you and thank you. It has been two years now and I am recovering well. Best relationship with my grown kids I have ever had and focusing on work and myself has really paid off!
Just because you sign a piece of paper and let the State into your relationship doesn’t make it a better bond or a more genuine relationship, it just invites the State into your relationship, and gives her motivation to break the marriage contract at any time if she gets bored.
In the first year of my marriage it was hard for me to find a way to talk to my husband. I was doing it all wrong, I never disrespected him but I was always too emotional, I would cry and then I would lose his attention entirely. I started to try to think of a way to communicate better with him and I realized that I was the one who had to change and be more rational. Everything is way better now and we will be together for 13 years, we can talk without drama and we are happier then when we started.
@@john-griffin I love my husband very much and I didn't want him to change. I chose him because he is the way he is. So in the end if I chose a man because he is masculine, trying to change him would be bad for everybody includying to me. I am also not an american woman so I think it was easier for me noticing that I was the problem. My experiences are not popular with other women, they think of me as a female simp.
@@heloramos82 even if your experiences are unpopular with others, the most important thing is, it's working for your marriage to the man you love. You didn't marry those other people, so their opnions and how they feel about it is their problem, not yours. All thr best.
Im going through one of the worst breakups with my fiancé together 8 years. Found out she was pursuing a married coworker and she is still pursuing him. She manipulates him every day to get a divorce. basically all the manipulations she did to me she is already applying to this guy. She told me several times in the past that I said things that could never be taken back and that I make her feel stupid. The reality is that I don't know of anything I said that would qualify. Meanwhile she lied to me about having hooked up with my brother, before we met, and she lied about it for 6 years. The reason this is important is because when I asked her out the first time I had told her that I would never date a girl who had been with my brother. When my family told me about it I laughed it off because I couldn't believe it. When I confronted her she gaslit me and said that she had already told me! She stole money from me repeatedly, said things to me that are actually extremely damaging to my sense of self and she topped it off with an affair. So far when we spoke of the relationship it was me taking all the blame. I even took responsibility for her affair. She hasn't taken responsibility for anything at all. Not once! I guess I should be happy we never married, but she was my life for 8 years and now I feel so lost. My thoughts are filled with her in bed with this man and I am losing my mind. I knew there were bad women out there but I never thought it would be her.
"My dad was tough, he ran his own crew, a guy like that , my mother wore him down till he was a little nub, he was a squeaking little gerbil when he died" - Tony Soprano This is all marriages
Women's harsh words can truly break a man. You dont dare open up to them, or they will use it against you down the road. Its a shame that it happens, but it does all the time. Thanks John
I remember reading an article that said, "I've been married to my wife for 15 yrs and during that time I've been married to about 5 different women." It made me realize that marriage wasn't a good thing for "me" long term.
After about 6 years (at the tail end of 17 total), I was lying in bed one night, and she thought I was asleep. She said some very sweet things about me, how hard I work, how she wouldn't know what to do without me, what a great dad I am, etc. I laid there and let her think I was asleep while she made these comments. The next day, I asked her why she was able to say such sweet things about me, only when she thought I was sleeping. Her answer was "because I knew I wouldn't have to have sex with you." That was the day I realized we were not going to make it. It took about two more years for it to end, but that was the moment.
4 out 6 guys I know that are/were in relationships with kids are getting zero sex. Wife's of two started sleeping with kids when they got them and continue for years. Kids are like 8 or something. One got divorced and judge told him that it was his his fault because he neglected her but she stopped having sex with him. Well, that guy is a bit of a looser - was always bullied in school. This is in Poland and 95% percent in Polish courts guy looses. He is kind of lucky though because they had a prenup - his father talked him into it because she had some debts already. I've only had sex based relationships with women and one was serious but I started to realise that she really felt under pressure to have a kid and to have a wedding. We didn't have many things in common apart from enjoying the sex and eventually I broke up with her. I was looking for my first proper job in IT and she was pressuring me to just get ant shitty job cause she was in a rush for a kid. After I broke up with her about a half a year later I got a job in testing software. Now, work remotely, I had a year break from work, saved 20k euro. Biggest reason I'm not looking for a relationship is that I wanted to save mine for a studio apartment and I would not be able with a girlfriend. Some people just can't be alone.
Well said John! My GF broke my trust two days ago. Good timing to hear this. It feels like my feelings for her emptied like a balloon that popped. At this moment, I feel the sooner I move on the better. I saw the panic in her eyes when she noticed the change in my energy. There is no anger, just knowing that this relationship is not healthy. Respect, trust, appreciation and acknowledgement are important. Thank you.
Wife filed for divorce in summer of 2024. I was truly sad then. Today I’m happy. I date 3 different women. I will never ever marry again. My only child will graduate university in a year and a half. While my ex wife just broke up with her second boyfriend. It took me a few months to get stable, but I will never ever forget the pain and destruction my ex wife brought into my life. My child spent her Christmas break with me rather than with my ex and her chaoitic household.
My thought is when a spouse belittles you for a hobby or something you enjoy, the problem is them. They are causing the situation that is losing your attention on them. I had that same issue with my spouse, now EX. They caused my loss of interest. I'll drop playing a game or any other hobby in a heartbeat to be with someone that I enjoy their company.
Guys need to learn that their wife does not need to know everything. She will remember what you tell her and use it against you when the opportunity arrises. Retired cop here , you have no idea how many prison inmates are sorry they said anything to their wife. 😂😂😂
And they ask for men that are "in touch with their emotions" and "able to be vulnerable". Young men: DON'T DO IT! It will be used against you down the line.
This video hits home for me. My wife does exactly what you describe here. So many things that I used to enjoy that I hardly ever do now or do when she isn’t around. I’m not talking about things that cost a lot of money either. Like simply taking a walk in the woods. She can’t stand that I enjoy such simple things.
I have a theory that a lot of w∆men want to be the only source of a man's happiness and if not , they should be able to regulate where and when men get to have that happiness so that they can control men and get unlimited benefits from that man being under their control... But that's my theory
I am a relatively quiet and quite chill guy. In the aftermath of my first wife passing away, I met a woman who is probably my opposite. We married and things were ok for a few years. But her anger was always just below the surface. So when she got upset she went from zero to sixty quick. One night in an argument she was talking to me like a toddler. I began to walk away to our bedroom and said I need to be alone. She said to me, “Sure, why don’t you go some place safe”. That was crushing coming from my wife. I don’t think I will ever forget that.
I wish I could say they don't know what they are doing, but I am pretty sure they do. Perhaps they don't realize just how deep they cut, but they know they are cutting.
Your timing is impeccable John. Just this week a woman I had been dating for 7 months and seemed to be going very well said one thing that completely changed how I felt about her.
This is a great episode. It reminds me of that proverb: Trust must be gained by many acts, it can be destroyed by one. Your mention of the Death by a thousand cuts - is so true. Even friendships.
After years and years of abuse, there certainly wasn't any going back from what was said to me in my situation when she shouted, "I hate you, I hate everything about you!". It broke me after giving her everything I could but it also helped me to move on once and for all. I'm a good man, partner and father, I know that, so I refuse to feel shame as that would validate what she said. Rather, this was "her issue", not mine. My advice is to filter what's said to you guys - words are just words unless you let those blows land.
A wise monkey who's no longer on yt once said "women use words like magic spells." - they say shit to make us react a certain way, not because it's true or even because they think it's true.
My mother broke my heart more times than I care to remember, my first gf did the same and now I have accepted that I will be without a SO for a long time or the rest of my life.
I still watch these videos every day, even though I've been happily single for over 25 years now and will never go on another date ever again. I just wish information like this had been available back when it would have done me some good!
Spot on again John. Gave her access to my "secret garden" and she drove a bulldozer right through it. She never regained my trust from that moment forward.
Married 20 yrs this March and as we speak I am contemplating my exit. The only thing holding me back are my 3 children. I am not sure how I got here but I am told daily I am to blame. I'll never be good enough no matter what I do. I have finally come to realize that it isn't my responsibility to make my wife happy. Only she can make herself happy, but she doesn't understand that. She needs a scapegoat for her internal misery and that's me. Like you, it has been death by 1000 cuts, though there were a couple zingers that came close to breaking me along the way. I can't say I am looking forward to single life, I am not. But I am looking forward to ending this broken partnership. At least I will have some peace.
Men are also very very challenging from our perspective to work with. We are expected to be so careful with your feelings and all the whole the man feels free to stomp all over us and our feelings. We are also very damaged by men and the way they talk to us and criticise us. My experience is that you can dish it out but you cannot take it in return. It’s one rule for men and another for us when it comes to feelings. We have to empathise with you but we never ever receive empathy from you just criticism. I’ve grown up with it and most women I know have too so try considering that you all do it to us as well and that is why so many women are choosing cats. We have been damaged SO much all through our lives being with men that we are done. If you want us to respect you and not destroy you with words then don’t do it to us. Our brutality does not just come out of nowhere. It’s usually in DEFENCE of our own mental health when men criticise us relentlessly and then act like they are innocent angels that never do anything wrong to women and we are just the bullies! It doesn’t feel like men are very honest about their own part to play in why their partners get to the point where they start being brutal as a defence mechanism. Why do we have to be so careful with your feelings and you get to stomp on ours without even considering it?
My ex wife called me a 'mama's boy' about a year into the marriage because I wasn't on her side in terms of blocking my mom from having contact with the son i had from the previous marriage, I should have known that the marriage was destined to fail back then. 5 years passed with lots of shaming and lashing out and then she finally cheated on me, saying it was all my fault.
@@john-griffin Blocking your own child from his/her grandparents on your spouse's side is garden variety evil manipulation. Trying to severe contact between a stepchild of yours and his/her grandmother is next level stuff.
As men we too often project onto our female partners wisdom that they actually don’t have. So when they say something about our character, usually to manipulate us or undermine our self esteem and self confidence, we need to step back and remember who we are so that we can retain our self respect and nip any self doubt or shame in the bud. Thanks for this important video John!
@@john-griffin Thanks John. On a similar note you’re likely familiar with the “double bind” men often find themselves caught in, e.g. I’m kind, considerate and accommodating and she says I’m too passive; I assert myself and state what I need/want and she says I’m too controlling and/or abusive. It’s enough for a man to want to tear their hair out if they still have any. Ideas for a future video.
💯 So well said, bravo. Regarding her always finding fault with your behavior no matter which way it goes, beware! As I'm sure you know many men come to recognize that dead canary only after the divorce.
I experienced the same turning point. The realization that no matter what I did to try to make her happy, it didn't work and she became less satisfied. This was a key insight for me. I began to take more responsibility for my own happiness, independent of her attitude. I began to take more responsibility for my own self esteem and stopped seeking her approval. The realization that she was inadequate and not properly wired to give me validation or approval, anyway. So that was not even being fair to her. Also , I stopped worrying so much if she became unhappy. Now, if she is in an unhappy state, I use my logic to check and make sure I didn't actually do anything to contribute to it. And if I can honestly clear myself of any contribution to her unhappiness, I then let her have her own "one sided argument with herself.". I let her just be unhappy all by herself. Hee unhappiness at that point is her problem and I no longer make her problems my problems.
I had huge mental breakdown, I needed almost a year to recover and then a year find myself again, now I’m getting much better. It was painful, but learned a lot.
I made a shelf once: her comment: "I have seen better." This type of communication will wear your soul away, like water erosion, several years of this and a man will simply not want to try for her because it is NEVER good enough. In her mind, she was "making me a better man."
My Exs use to give me guilt trips for even going to the gym. I’m 49yo and have been working out consistently since I was 15. I was going to the gym, when we met, while we were dating, but once they get settled in and get comfortable in the relationship is when they begin to complain about everything. I even adjusted my workout schedule to 6am, where it did not intrude on anything. She was still asleep, yet they find a way to complain about that too. My workouts are only 20-45min each time, so I am in and out in less than a hr. When I asked her to join, they chose not to.
They complain you're working too much, so you work less or work around. Then they complain you're working enough to provide or whatever. There's no winning.
I work out at 2:30am, have been for almost a year, and now that’s bad because the dog might need to go out and she needs to stay in the house with the kids. So now I do calisthenics in the morning at home. I’m waiting for that to be a problem. If I don’t laugh about it I will cry.
Once you marry, they try to turn you into a pussy so other women won't be attracted to you. If they succeed, they themselves are also not attracted to you.
She broke me a month after we married. It was a nightmarish hour on the drive home from a pleasant trip. She became hostile after getting offended at something she thought I said. She killed it right then. I never trusted her again and fell right out of love. I hung on for two years thinking I had been at fault, but was extremely confused as she kept badgering and harassing me over what she perceived as attacks against her. She made everything I said in general about her. My confidence is gone. I’m severely depressed😢, suicidal, and completely broken. I do have faults that I admit to her but she never and I mean never admits any fault.
Run fast, it will only get worse with narcissistic manipulator. Imagine having a child with her, that’s when she will fully reveal her true colors. It happened to me and every other man.
Give it time. Surround yourself with those that have true/real unconditional love for you. Even if it's a dog or a cat. Stay away from drugs and alcohol as much as possible too. Learn to meditate. Exercise outside really helps as well. Often, I would drag myself outside and just go listen to the birds chirping. Those small delicate and resilient wild creatures really lifted me up. They still help me when I get anxious or depressed. Lastly, remember karma is real. She is making her bed and eventually, she's gotta lie in it. Please heed what I am trying to tell you. Stay disciplined. If a complete idiot like me could do it, so can you. Frankly, it's a miracle that I still draw breath. I'm so grateful that I dodged that bullet. My mother has fallen ill and she really needs me to be there for her. The night is darkest before the dawn. The sun will rise.
My biggest regret being married was “not doing what I wanted to do” and always giving to the family. At the time I did it willingly and lovingly, but after she destroyed the marriage, it feels like time wasted, and I’ll never get it back. Bothers me so much!
@DUNEATV_ you did what most men do and provided and sacrificed. Its how men show their love. A woman will never understand or see it this way. She thinks its just something your supposed to do. Over time your kindness is seen as weakness by her and taken advantage of. Its in a womans nature to be this way. Society has lied to you as it does to all men.
@@heloramos82 thank you. They still live with me and only me. They are technically adults, but they’re still young and haven’t moved out yet. They need their dad still, and I will always be here for them. Too bad their mother didn’t think the same.
I see this with women including my mum as well. They're always picking fights and bringing up crap from the past to use against you. Such an irritating behaviour. You'll also find if they don't have hobbies of their own, they will crap on yours even more.
The phrase - you have a right to remain silent, everything you say can and will be used against you was really design for men vs women dynamics. If you don’t share and don’t show vulnerability - women cannot hurt you.
Also: Trust not your own spouse. Put no confidence in your wife. Keep the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your busom. For a mans enemies are the members of his own household. Micah 7:5-10 I think
The Bible teaches men to not trust women. I`ve knowkn this story since childhood and I wish I had taken it seriously. The Bibile is more real than we think.
I'm living in a permanent state of depression, anxiety and fear because she can do anything to me but I have to stay for my daughter. She is the cause of my daily pain and I cant avoid it nor fight it forever. When my child will grow up I will be free from her. No matter what I do to make me feel happy she is there to spoil it. No matter how hard I try to not argue and be positive, she always finds a way, she makes me feel bad about myself or so angry that I just want to take the road. I don't understand why they do this.
They are miserable creatures. Misery loves company. Her mission is to make you miserable and she will feel better. I was married to one like this. She finally left us.
Hang in there my friend. We have all been through hell. I couldn’t leave either due to my daughter and well the list goes on; but eventually I was freed and I have a clear conscience knowing I met all my obligations as an honorable man. And my daughter and I have a great relationship, she got a CNA in HS worked in elder care and is now an EMT. She saw what I went through, she knows how bad woman can get, we have a bond.
You would be wise to at least consider leaving, despite your daughter. She needs a functional, living father as she gets older. You may actually greatly decrease your lifespan by staying.
It took me a while to figure out because my wife that passed was truly happier when I was happy. In the two failed relationships afterward that was not the case. Both of them hated it so much if I was happy which I generally am.… I could just feel it… so you actually start to hide your happy for fear of the coming wrath on whatever they could find to push you back down. Sick… but true. Free and happy at 63!
We need to be happy AF but keep it under wraps to not offend the unhappy, those that fit this category are best kept at a distance with minimal interaction. Enjoy
Once you are married, wives want to keep an eye on you 24 hours a day for the rest of your life. It's literally like having a leash around your neck which is worse than being a dog. Men like their freedom so this type of relationship is going to make them miserable.
I cried at my wedding, in the church, that she dragged me in, wondering how I got myself in this situation...she divorced me 1 year later....I celebrate the entire month of December each year.
My ex wife said she was better off without me. This after 30 days of marriage. Now she was American I was Canadian. This left me in very vulnerable position. At that point I took off my ring packed my bags and left. Three weeks later she wanted to be just friends. Nope not interested
I’m a car guy too. When I got my divorce, I started building cars also. Mainly aesthetics, I would put thousands of dollars to change it to the way I liked it and thought it should have been from the manufacture. I don’t regret it one bit and I still do it to this day. Men enjoy your life.
My wife has done the exact thing you described with my hobbies. She also grew up in a family where, during a fight, the one who says the most hurtful thing wins.
My wife said, "If we're not gonna have kids, maybe we should separate." I took her threat seriously, and started the process of divorce. Our relationship died for good when she demonstrated such a lack of disrespect and faith in me and in our relationship.
@@innergoof19 sorry to ask but was having kids something that u talked about before getting married? Because I know a woman who married a guy knowing he didn't want kids and latter on divorced him because she couldn't make him change his mind.
It's hard to tell but if she was getting older and you slept on the couch often, she might not have the skills to bring up the subject in a nonthreatenng way. The way she said it "jumping the gun" assuming you were somehow tricking her-- that would feel disrepectful. It came across like an ultimatum yet she also may have been shy or felt unwanted and not had the conversational skills to address it. I have a relative who married a widow who had already lost a child, and she spoke like that, in gulps, trying to get confirmation when she felt insecure.
@heloramos82 one of my exes would have done this. I'm so glad I broke up with her before making her wait for something she knew was never going to happen. And she admitted after that, that she was just hoping I'd change my mind later on. I dread to think what could have come from that
Has everyone come to the conclusion that most men and women are not compatible? As a 55 year old who has been through the seasons of life, any partner that drains all of your joy for their selfish reasons is dead weight. I see younger guys all excited to get married knowing most of them will end up in the situation that John is talking about. Time for a massive overhaul in what it means to be in any relatoinship with a woman.
This post resonates with me so much! I did the right things, and made our lives better. No matter what I did, there would be a time, where everything I did, didn’t matter. I’ve been dealing with this scenario for over 30 years. I’m feeling like a failure, and she’s showing me no support, and now in my late fifties, I feel lost in my life’s purpose. This is not the way it was supposed to be
Hi John. I’m 28 years old and I finished university this time last year. I’m starting to ask myself some really big questions about life and about planning for the near and distant future. I’ve witnessed some friends and family have success, and some have catastrophic failures. Your videos have been very insightful and are much appreciated. Keep up the great work.
Thanks for taking the time and trouble to share your wisdom and experiences during your marriage. Anyone watching your videos will do well for themselves to chose their perspective life partner VERY carefully, as the wrong one can and will destroy you as best thy can. Takes a long time to recover from a divorce...emotionally and financially. A long time... Thanks again John !
We often recover emotional..although I have known some that never seem to have ever completely recover. But I've have certainly seen some, (probably mostly men..but not always,) who never really recover financially.
Sometimes.....that which doesn't kill us, makes us wish we were dead. But you are working it out in your head, and moving forward. Good on you, brother.
Well I'm certainly one of the older guys who can give advice to younger guys. Been married, divorced, ex-wife died, son won't talk to me, and then a daughter died. I became alcoholic with the divorce, but I stopped after 10 years, thank God. Been there done that. Learn from me, there's no need for you to make the same mistakes.
I’d tell my ex I can’t call you on demand. I can’t use my phone in front of customers. She couldn’t understand that. They want us to be immediately available at all times and they can’t understand we can’t.
I think this is the best suggestion I’ve heard on marital vows. If someone breaks the vows, without good reason there should be financial consequences or consideration with children for the aggrieved parent. The whole system needs reform.
During the pandemic while I was working from home I was fasting as it was our religious fasting month and my ex wife asked me to come and break the fast and I was unable to break the fast on time as I was busy with some office work. I told her to give me some time as I am stuck in some office work and asked her to start eating ( she was not even fasting as she was pregnant) I don't know suddenly what kind of mental breakdown she went through that she started shouting and abusing and uttering some bad words and thrashing me for not coming to break the fast. I was so heartbroken and devastated and it left a lasting impact on me and later became one of the many reasons for our divorce. Words do have a lasting impact on a man who has dignity and self respect.
My ex would call me fat as I wasn’t thin but wasn’t obese either. Funny how she never took me up on my offer to a sprint. Because she knew I’d destroy her. It was her way to try to break me. It didn’t work so she stopped.
@@sidmehere2964 That doesn't mean a wife should start abusing her husband for no reason just because she is going through mood swings. I was also fasting at that time and imagine me saying I started beating and abusing her because I was hungry which caused mood swings. There should be a boundary in every relationship and that must be respected at all costs.
@lochnessmunster1189 Not all women are the same but one thing is for sure that every girl wants control of a relationship. When she sees that her husband is a good man she will grab every opportunity to control him. Men have to control women and be the real boss of the house because if she gets the control she will do everything to destroy the marriage.
Just wanted to let you know, as someone who's going through a divorce, that I find I can relate to some of your stories and appreciate many of your insights. Thanks for setting up some great niche content that helps me to cope through this extraordinarily stressful time.
@@Marvin-b9r just like every body else went through depression thinking about them was not easy but I made it through with the help of the good lord Jesus. He is my rock and shelter.
@ thanks for your story, currently have a fiancé and kinda anxious about marriage. Even though she’s truly a good woman but not perfect neither am I of course. Im trying to build up the courage to not go through with it.
Trust, once broken can never be back to the same again. The most damaging thing is when they use the info they gathered through that trust to bring you down constantly.
Re that story. My dad's done that to my mom. Shamed her for decades for not going to so many socials with him, insulted her, and continually forces her to go. He laid down an ultimatum a couple years ago: Either don't say no to various socials, or divorce.
I loved bushcrafting and going out into nature with my wife and kids. I remember the day when she shamed me about this interest. She had played interested and went all along camping previously with the kids for several years but suddenly her comments just killed the only thing we did together in our free time. This was the beginning of the end. Then she just continued shaming all of my interests. Our country place. Photograpy. Reading. Playing the piano. Learning Calling me autistic or aspberger for having interests. I just withered from inside for many years... I still do not know why this happened but suspect women are never satesfied but enjoy to destroy their husbands after taking care of them for 5 to 20 years.
I believe it is wise to never really open up to a woman. Don't tell her all your secrets and always remain mysterious. Only tell her stuff on a need to know basis. Kinda sad, but better safe than sorry.
My ex wife had major control issues. To be fair, she told me this before we got married. I made a joke about it, “Does that mean your incontinent? Hehehe…” I had no idea… Over the course of 7 years I found out exactly what she meant. Long story short, when she realized that she couldn’t control me 100% (as if 90% wasn’t enough), she divorced me. It took me about a year to wrap my head around it, another year to finally figure it out. Looking back I can honestly say that her getting the divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I am a lesbian that took the red pill. I love you guys, you have literally saved my quality of life. As you might have guessed, TWO women together can be a special kind of hell😅. And maybe this guy isn't exactly red pill or has labeled himself as such. But man, listen to him! 👍😘☮️ From Tulsa. Ps, for me it was when she started nagging me to sell my vinyl collection. And making super contemptuous remarks about the music I listen to. Besides, "we" could use the money from the vinyl.😂 Praise God we couldn't get married back in the day, and never did. So I just left!
My observation is that they don’t change. They just reveal who they really are. Once they’re comfortable or they get what they want, the mask comes off.
That’s almost word for word how I would describe most women’s experience of men actually 😂 Have you ever considered that you all project your own behaviours onto us and think that it’s horrible when we do it but somehow it’s ok when you do it?
@@philippagrimoire5968you are very delusional like at least 99percent of you, keep projecting your lack of accountability. You date top 5 percent of players and then you assume you know everything about 95 percent of men.
My ex wife reached out to me today. She's getting ancy about the divorce. All she did was pass blame and she's the one who left. It's mind numbing the gaslighting and projection she is capable of. VVomen know they are weak. And they use their weakness as a weapon. They know we as men are the responsible ones so they will always pass blame onto us.
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years. I've never been so happy. I got tired of her insecurities and bullshit. Now, my X is cashing in on her regrets. Not because she missed me, it's because she had all the bells and whistles. More money for me and going to the country and find me a lot of peaches.
Damn that video hit hard. You're a hundred percent right. I ended things with my best friend after he used a very personal detail/secret about my life that I had shared with him to get the upper hand in an argument with me. Now, I've always kinda had a premonition that sharing very sensitive data even with your best friend was a roll of the dice, but I sure learned my lesson that day. Right then and there, a beautiful relationship of several years took an abrupt end because I could no longer bank on his discretion should another situation like this come up.
“You married the wrong girl.” Name one that would still be the right girl after about 5 years? Women and men are so polar opposite, in so many ways, if you think about it, it is amazing any of these relationships work.
I think the answer might be that you need to know them for a long time, and observe them so that you know exactly what you're getting into. One 'friend' of mine I've known for eight years and she's very beautiful but her suspicious, paranoid possessiveness of her partners to the point of cheating on them because in her head she believed they might be doing the same sorta put me off her.
or is it they are only nice to people they want something from? This is why its so important to pick a woman who treats everyone decent not just people they like wherever they hide
She didn’t “change” into that. This was her all along. She just decided it was safe to be cruel and therefore dropped all façades.
Bingo.
I don't think she changed into "that".
I think she (they) merely hide "that",
Until the honeymoon is over, and they can discard the pretentiousness.
"Heeeeeere's Johny!"
But by then it's too late. At that phase of the marriage, they are no longer focused on securing you...
At that point they focus on securing half of what it took you a lifetime to acquire.
A female cousin said that about our aunt. Once she got him she stopped being nice to anyone in our family. Eventually she divorced him.
The bait and switch. Nearly all of them do it. They lure men in with that façade, and it's a beautiful one, then when he's in, the true horror is revealed. Sadly for women, I can see through that façade. They don't like it that I don't respond to it.
Never ever tell a woman your secrets. It will be slapped back at in an argument
It amazes me that men take women as seriously as they do, and yes, i did too at one time.
I took them serious when I was in my 20's. Now that I'm in my 40's I don't believe ANYTHING women say.
I never took them seriously. Just never believed they could be so scheming, lying deceiving, heartless, unsympathetic, evil!
It's not about taking them seriously its that as a man you made yourself vulnerable with that person ,the innermost parts that you don't share and she weaponized it and used it against you to intentionally hurt you . I take that very seriously, that's an act of betrayal.
Most of us learn the hard way about true female nature 😊
Buyer beware.
The saddest thing is those who need the most to listen to your wisdom, women, are not here.
….no….the saddest thing is that even if they heard his words, they wouldn’t listen….or even care.
Even sadder is knowing this we still fall on their traps😂😂
They'd just make excuses. Women will never take accountability for their actions. Never have, never will.
We fall for their traps because they have the best, most irresistible bait.
I'm here, I'm listening. I'm learning.
They simply get bored and feel unhappy, so they start blaming you, your hobbies, interests, work, trying to put the responsibility on you for their lack of ability to manage their own lives.
This is true.
💯
That’s why, there could only be hope in God fearing Christian women but I never seen one in person, maybe I have to start attending Church? 🤦♂️
🎯
they hate your friends ,so you dont have them anymore
They’ll always use your insecurities against you.
They can’t resist.
It’s their insurance policy.
It is the kind of betrayal that can only be called evil.
@@john-griffin She's lucky she's alive lol. Because who knows what could happen in an emotional moment of blinding range from betrayal....
My ex to a tee.
Oh, they would do it to hurt you even if there was no policy.
women have many more aspects of narrcism than men do and thus why its a common theme from most of the women we know.
This is why it’s so important to train yourself to not care what women think of you. Even though it feels natural to care
Know, but don't care.
When you realize how many ppl aren't playing with a full deck, it's much easier to discount their opinions
@@nathanhardman7143 it's kinda sad that we have to act like bad boys to maintain a woman.
be nice and you become boring.
i guess man who are naturally good in nature is destined to be alone.
I'm 55. Never married. No children. Got my heart broken 30 years ago and it taught me a very valuable lesson about marriage and women. You're absolutely right about vulnerability and trust. Trust in a relationship is so valuable and yet so fragile. I realize after watching your content and others like you how lucky I am to be single. Thanks.
Ditto. 👍
Our experiences are very similar.....I was never really the same again (and not in a good way).
The body has natural pain killers for physical pain for you to get away from the danger but not emotional pain.
Same, going to be 50 on 1/12, I was in a 11 year relationship and it broke me embarrassed to say. I will date and have a relationship but will never marry and nobody will ever get that close again, I can’t risk it.
God I wish I learned that lesson with a similar breakup in my mid 20's. Women are crazy, they just flick a switch and all of a sudden they are unhappy enough to tear your life apart in seconds.
My ex shamed me for being "obsessed" when i admired pictures of her. I never admired her again. She shamed me when i initiated sex with her. I never initiated again. She shamed me for my taste in food. I never ate with her again. She shamed my unusually extensive vocabulary.
I never spoke with her again.
@@mrsherwood2599 indubitably
Great comment. 👍
You act like that would ever teach her a lesson. Women absolve themselves of all "cause" In the universe of cause and effect. They won't link the 2.
Lol shame shame go away Don't come back another day .
Exact same here. I was called obsessed and a pervert for finding her attractive and initiating sex. I had a nice photo of hers as my mobile phone wallpaper and she shamed me for that too. I was expecting a nice sweet reaction when she saw it but i ended up immensely disappointed and i removed it.
Gentlemen, the woman you marry is NEVER the woman you divorce!
She was ALWAYS the same woman. However Youth in a woman masks a lot of evil... to all but the most discerning.
Amen that!
of course, she grieved the end for couple years. When divorce hits you that's not your wife any more. You're too late to the game to change things.
@@michaelfarley1515 Also, you never know who you were married to before after the break.
The solution to that is to not marry them in the first place, have your fun but don’t sign any papers. Keep your commitment in your back pocket.
Absolutely right. At the wedding and for 35 years after, she was someone I would do anything for and my best friend. At the divorce she was someone I didn’t recognize or even knew existed. A complete change into a stranger.
I know exactly 💯 what you mean!
That's my reality, about 15 years in.
@@wrath231 so sorry 😢
Exactly..mine was 25 years…
It is truly remarkable how many men share this experience. Like John said, that wisdom needs to be passed down to the next generation of men so they have a better chance of avoiding the mistakes that we made. It can change the course of someone's life completely.
A wife shaming her husband inside the home is one thing. But her doing it IN PUBLIC in front of other people takes it to a whole other level. That's the kind of disrespect that is impossible to recover from and the marriage is dead in that very instant.
That's what did it for me 👍 good comment.
If you don't stand for it home, she won't dare try it in public! Always be ready to move on and she should know that you are as well.
@@mrsherwood2599 ✌
@@IAMVICTORIUS777 Good luck with that with modern wom3n.
When the relationship fails this is how women operate slander character assassination rumors false accusations
I’m now 58. Was with her for 13 years. We had no kids. Now divorced from her. She knew the crap I went through on my first divorce. I was reluctant to get married to her because of my previous experiences. She swore that she would never treat me the way I was treated when I was previously married. For years she was loving and attentive. Then she got bored but still “ loved me, but not in love with me” then the evil dragon appeared. As soon as she Monkey branched, she went for the jugular. I was still trying to keep things friendly through the divorce ( even though she initiated it all). She even said at the beginning, that I was a decent man. She took nearly half of the proceeds of my house. The house I owned before we were married. We had no kids and she earned a lot more than me. But the judge just said she should get half. The nastiness that that woman turned into. I had to bite my lip all the way through the whole process or the judge would have given her at least half. As soon as your princess walks out the door, she turns into the ice queen. You have been warned!!!
Women are NOT sugar and spice and all things nice!
You got married again you the fool.
You went through that twice?😮oh my god. That‘s brutal
My ex used the " I'd never do that to you." Like your ex did.
She did that and so much more.... I'm in a custody dispute with her. I don't know how it's going to go. I have dirt on her. It's all a matter on the judge how things go.
They can know all about you being devastated and cheated on in your first marriage, but they still end up doing the same damn thing! All it did was showed me they were all the same, I think if they know that, they see you as an easy mark. They cannot be your best friend and the more they know about you; it only works against you.
I never remarried but was in a long-term relationship and about year 7 or 8 she cheated. That must be the time period the shit hits the fan.
When I was 21, I got into a relationship with a young woman that worked at the gym I went to. She pursued me hard, despite the fact she was leaving to spend a year overseas in a few months. We were pretty inseparable for four months. I remember sitting in the basement of her family home as she was packing to leave. She was crying, talking about how she didn’t want to go but was committed. Telling me how much she was going to miss me. I had planned for a clean break but, watching her cry, I offered to keep in touch and forgo other relationships/sex while she was gone - provided she was willing to do the same. She looked at me and said, “what if I meet someone special?” I thought to myself, I thought you already had. It was over for me that moment. After she got home, she immediately tried to rekindle things. Ran into her (and slept with her) numerous times over the next decade but I never once entertained the idea of letting her back into my life after what she said in that basement. Words have power, ladies, be careful how you use them.
Those words would have been seered into my memory also, and the person relegated to the 'not very special ' heap.
The Genuine heart of a man is fragile. A woman's heart is vulnerable🕊. ...
Women can't control their mouths any more than we can control our sex drives.
The oaths of a woman i inscribe on water. - Sophocles?
The sheer cognitive dissonance. To be crying at the immediate prospect of parting with you. While also actively holding the idea in her head that she may meet someone much better there. Pick one. The emotions and what you're saying are utterly incongruent.
I'm a woman and I think you are absolutely right on everything you're saying.
The only thing I might add is it's best to have some really HOT rip roaring arguments before you get married and find out what her fighting style is like.
It would also be great if you could talk to some of her old boyfriends and find out what she's like when she gets really angry and doesn't get her way.
Something most men don't realize is that most ( if not all ) women have a very nasty side.
Think long and hard before you get married it's probably best not to.
You will almost certainly deeply deeply regret marrying.
Too many women are very money hungry and I blame feminism and our materialistic society.
I believe because of Walt Disney so many little girls were raised to believe they were "princesses" and that is so wrong. I personally believe in minimalism.
@suefleming_yep i have been renting for 8 years post divorce. Life more free and fun.
Very honest Woman, 👍
Good on you for being here and appreciating this perspective.
Short term relationships cannot produce true love. People are just in it for convenience. We should be testing people & picking a person with an ugly side we can not just bear but also respect. Most importantly, we should pick someone genuinely attracted to us (our looks and our personality) and not someone who is around for what we can provide. It’s easy to keep people at bay when we’re in on and off again relationships and there’s 3 other people lingering on the sidelines. While it’s fun, it doesn’t take away the loneliness because we know we are unloved.
or just steal it
Only a few weeks after our marriage my ex told me that she hated my best, life long friend even though she had met him many times before we married.
I had known my friend over 20 years before I met her and I simply refused to give up our friendship. Inevitably,whenever I met my friend she always made some nasty,cutting comment about him. Looking back I now realise that she was truly evil and could not accept that I could go out and have a nice time with my male friends without her.
Apart from sex,I do wonder what the attraction of women really is as they only bring heartache and problems.
Love your channel John.
I had a similar experience.
Likewise, my ex tried to poison me against my best friend. Interestingly, he introduced me to her. We are still very good friends.
I had a very close friend in my youth. Shared all kinds of adventures together. But every time he got a steady girl friend it was just a matter of time before one of two things would happen1) the chick would become insanely jealous of our friendship or 2) the bitch would make a pass at me. Most girls are rotten, no emotional control or honor.
Yep…my ex ran off my closest friend too.
Yeah, if it wasn't for sexual attraction,I think
humanity would have gone extinct a long time ago.
I had 3 long term relationhips in my life. What I learned is that women simply hate when you have fun on your own without them. When my ex employed the same shaming and nagging tactics I already knew, I told this to her and she just stood there without being able to say anything. I think we are suffering from an epidemic of entitled, arrogant, and abusive women. Young women today are simply not educated to be good partners, like perhaps it had been in the past before modern times. Once a woman start being abusive, there's simply no mechanism you can employ to nudge them into more respectful habits.
3 years in, that is what happened to me. Then the verbal abuse started terribly for 8 years. Finally, I found Jordan Peterson the last three years and it saved me. Turned everything around. New friends, hobbys, self confidence and nothing said could hurt me. I knew I could not change her but I did call her out nicely about the misbehavior. She lost it. It did not even last three years and she filed. Tried as hard as she could to hurt me but once you know your value, her opinion did not matter. Find yourself and be true to it and you will not only discover who you are but all you can be. You have to have faith. I now have peace. Men need to find theirs.
You should have ditched her years before she filed. Bachelorhood is be$t … 🎉
@@Sal834 thank you for sharing this ❤️❤️🙏🏽
Jordan Peterson says if you just do those right things for your women, she’ll change for the better for you.
Yes. You are right. I did. But nothing I did, no matter how hard I tried, she did not respond. I was told by someone who is trained that it was about her having to have control. Me being healthy was the exact opposite of what she wanted. You can't change people, only yourself. You can be kind and try to show them, but it is up to them. Jordan Peterson taught me that in spades here.
I had been doing a job for 20 plus years and hated it. My wife of 10 plus years said that I should quit...
4 months later, I thought she was right, we had no debts and our house was paid for. I was like 32, so I had my whole life in front of me and couldn't imagine working that job for another 30 plus years..
I said to her one day that I was thinking about quitting.
She was not having it. "You are not quiting your job and living off me!" And the thing that made me question everything, she said "you're a miserable person, and you'll be miserable no matter where you work!" That caused such a fight that I moved in with my mother for a month.
It was her bringing it up that even made me consider it.
I'll never be the guy I was before that day again.
💔 sad story
Yes, days exist and things are said when all of the sudden everything is different.
Then things are real bad and you just know things can never be the same anymore.
E.g. my wife went hiding when I was attacked by three street people. Which I can understand and it was ok. (Thank the lord I got out of this fight anyway.)
But lateron she sided with her sister against me, several times. Even laughed at me. Finally she and her sister yelled the sh. out of me because I did not want to keep working for her (moving in and out furniture etc.). This was the end.
@fritzthecat0815 It's amazing sometimes looking back at how things lined up...
The same job I had came up, and my wife at the time could have put in for it. I jokingly said "we would make bank" knowing with a young daughter that it would never have worked, (and she couldn't have handled it even if it would work.)
She said, dead pan.... "I would never do your job."
I guess I was just supposed to suck it up!
You started at the company at 12?
@@A.D.I.I.D.A justturned 14, I wasn't checking my calendar though, you caught me!
i was the most blue pill male feminist few years ago. took care of my wife and did not call her BS and lies out. she grabbed me one day by my collar to tell me that her marrying me was the worst mistake of her life. one divorced and financial ruined later.... my eyes opened to red pill, female nature and intergender dynamics in modern day western society. Thanks to you and people like you in manosphere who are saving many men lives daily, sadly simp will persist and will get slaughtered....they say you cant save them all.... good work sir! :)
Thanks
You're mistake was not calling her BS and lies out. That could have ended things a lot sooner possibly before you got married as save you a lot of grief. Some times we fear that we can't find someone else and put up with it. I don't think a woman truly respect and man that settles like that. Just my experience in settling like that. Took me seeing a psychologist and working on assertiveness. That really changed my life.
Don't listen to this guy. You NEVER EVER confide in nor show vulnerability to a woman. Just don't do it
I used to do body off frame restorations. Now I buy nice cars and maintain them. Whenever a woman asks me why I prefer cars to them, I say it is because I can FIX a car.
Women also can't grok that a lot of guys just like to fix something. A woman will always say "Why don't you just but a new one?" without understanding that you REPLACE an alternator, you REPLACE ball joints and bushings, you REPLACE a fuel pump or the spark plugs. You don't buy an entire damn new car because the brake pads are worn out! You fix things!
Met my girl 6 years ago at school. Year later we graduated and she moved in with me. She was short, skinny with a curvy lower body, blonde hair, extremely feminine, and always needed me to hold her. Honey moon lasted a good 2 years.. then she started gaining weight, eating nasty, telling me where things go, making remarks as I would play madden or something. Now I wasn’t perfect. But damn she changed. She left for good 4 months ago with our 2 dogs about 30 minutes away. Still going through it alone but watching theese videos reminds me I made the right choice to have her leave. Miss my damn dogs tho so much. Love ur content man
@Limitlesspursuit7 Count your blessings. I have two kids with my ex viper.
I know missing the dogs really really hurts, but you had no kids. No kids. That’s the focus, and the “whew.” Read Brett’s comment above, and other guys’ too. These jezebels are monsters in divorce with kids. I thankfully, gratefully and luckily had none, but I knew friends who went thru hell with exes over their kids. Just horrific behaviors from these psychotics.
I understand dogs are like kids, believe me. For your healing listen to Brett and count your blessings there are no kids. What you’re going thru would be 1000x worse.
Don’t rebound. Keep the focus on your recovery and learn from this video and others.
Best of luck going forward 🤙
it amazes me how considerate many men are yet just get completely disrespected and made into a villain. and society seems perfectly okay with it.
So true. You can check all the good boxes and still be vilified in the blink of an eye.
my wife decided to try use the courts to bully me, get me to behave the way she wanted and to keep on behaving poorly herself. she took all my hobbies etc and turned EVERYTHING into a negative to try take the house, our belongings and the kids. so far, in court, i've won back my rights to see the kids without her interfering. next is the house to sort in court.
My ex told me “No girl is going to want you” when she finally left thank god. I slept with her friends
DAMN!
Beautiful
Best thing ever you could do 😅
Which only shows how disloyal female friends are towards one another. Women will jump on their best friend’s man in a heartbeat if he gives her “the tingles” down there.
Yep, I did the same when I divorced my ex wife after she cheated. I hooked up with her best friend and a few of her other friends. 😅
Great video. Married men live a very difficult life. If you lose your frame, she leaves. If you trust her with your deepest darkest secrets, she uses them against you, then leaves. Stay single.
If she sees you have frame, she is initially attracted. Once she realises she won't be able to get you to lose frame, she leaves before you start dating. She has to know or think she has the ability to make you lose frame before she'll consider dating. That's the situation I've been in for decades.
@@EE12CSVTtrue, you need to be perfectly balanced and a mind reader too. It's possible, sure.. I guess. Are you single now?
I was married for 32 years and for 31 of those years, I had complete faith my marriage was going to last. I was so naive because after asking what was wrong with her in the last few months of our lives together, without emotion she said I just don't want to be married to you anymore. I made a huge mistake desperately trying to save our marriage only to have her file for divorce a couple of months later. Women definitely change without any warning. I truly loved her with all my heart and it was not until after the divorce was final, I found out a man she had met at her sister's third wedding was the reason she wanted a change.
@@MrSmyrna406 I am so sorry
@@heloramos82you all sorry but it doesn’t change the outcome of betrayal. We don’t need your sorry, you all failed us.
@@heloramos82 Sweet of you and thank you. It has been two years now and I am recovering well. Best relationship with my grown kids I have ever had and focusing on work and myself has really paid off!
"Women change without any warning" True.
that man at the wedding did u a favour
"I married the right one. She changed. She changed a lot" Man, that resonates within me.
Just because you sign a piece of paper and let the State into your relationship doesn’t make it a better bond or a more genuine relationship, it just invites the State into your relationship, and gives her motivation to break the marriage contract at any time if she gets bored.
In the first year of my marriage it was hard for me to find a way to talk to my husband. I was doing it all wrong, I never disrespected him but I was always too emotional, I would cry and then I would lose his attention entirely. I started to try to think of a way to communicate better with him and I realized that I was the one who had to change and be more rational. Everything is way better now and we will be together for 13 years, we can talk without drama and we are happier then when we started.
Wow. That’s really impressive that you have been able to fix your communication issues. Congratulations
@@john-griffin I love my husband very much and I didn't want him to change. I chose him because he is the way he is. So in the end if I chose a man because he is masculine, trying to change him would be bad for everybody includying to me. I am also not an american woman so I think it was easier for me noticing that I was the problem. My experiences are not popular with other women, they think of me as a female simp.
@@heloramos82 even if your experiences are unpopular with others, the most important thing is, it's working for your marriage to the man you love. You didn't marry those other people, so their opnions and how they feel about it is their problem, not yours. All thr best.
@@heloramos82 dont tell other woman stuff about your relationship . they are jalous and will try to ,
destroy what you have and worked for .
@@heloramos82 wow wish my significant other thought like you
Im going through one of the worst breakups with my fiancé together 8 years. Found out she was pursuing a married coworker and she is still pursuing him. She manipulates him every day to get a divorce. basically all the manipulations she did to me she is already applying to this guy. She told me several times in the past that I said things that could never be taken back and that I make her feel stupid. The reality is that I don't know of anything I said that would qualify. Meanwhile she lied to me about having hooked up with my brother, before we met, and she lied about it for 6 years. The reason this is important is because when I asked her out the first time I had told her that I would never date a girl who had been with my brother. When my family told me about it I laughed it off because I couldn't believe it. When I confronted her she gaslit me and said that she had already told me! She stole money from me repeatedly, said things to me that are actually extremely damaging to my sense of self and she topped it off with an affair. So far when we spoke of the relationship it was me taking all the blame. I even took responsibility for her affair. She hasn't taken responsibility for anything at all. Not once! I guess I should be happy we never married, but she was my life for 8 years and now I feel so lost. My thoughts are filled with her in bed with this man and I am losing my mind. I knew there were bad women out there but I never thought it would be her.
Wmn don't change, they just get tired of faking it.
I think you are right
They take the gloves and masks off
They are very good actresses, natural born, that is also why they make such good prostitutes and spies .
"My dad was tough, he ran his own crew, a guy like that , my mother wore him down till he was a little nub, he was a squeaking little gerbil when he died" - Tony Soprano
This is all marriages
He had a mother from hell.
Women's harsh words can truly break a man. You dont dare open up to them, or they will use it against you down the road. Its a shame that it happens, but it does all the time. Thanks John
I remember reading an article that said, "I've been married to my wife for 15 yrs and during that time I've been married to about 5 different women."
It made me realize that marriage wasn't a good thing for "me" long term.
After about 6 years (at the tail end of 17 total), I was lying in bed one night, and she thought I was asleep. She said some very sweet things about me, how hard I work, how she wouldn't know what to do without me, what a great dad I am, etc. I laid there and let her think I was asleep while she made these comments. The next day, I asked her why she was able to say such sweet things about me, only when she thought I was sleeping. Her answer was "because I knew I wouldn't have to have sex with you." That was the day I realized we were not going to make it. It took about two more years for it to end, but that was the moment.
christ how devious
4 out 6 guys I know that are/were in relationships with kids are getting zero sex. Wife's of two started sleeping with kids when they got them and continue for years. Kids are like 8 or something. One got divorced and judge told him that it was his his fault because he neglected her but she stopped having sex with him. Well, that guy is a bit of a looser - was always bullied in school. This is in Poland and 95% percent in Polish courts guy looses. He is kind of lucky though because they had a prenup - his father talked him into it because she had some debts already. I've only had sex based relationships with women and one was serious but I started to realise that she really felt under pressure to have a kid and to have a wedding. We didn't have many things in common apart from enjoying the sex and eventually I broke up with her. I was looking for my first proper job in IT and she was pressuring me to just get ant shitty job cause she was in a rush for a kid. After I broke up with her about a half a year later I got a job in testing software. Now, work remotely, I had a year break from work, saved 20k euro. Biggest reason I'm not looking for a relationship is that I wanted to save mine for a studio apartment and I would not be able with a girlfriend. Some people just can't be alone.
Does your Exwife watch this channel?
Fcuking brutal. The selfishness of the average woman is off the charts.
wow . . . 😮😮😮😮
Well said John! My GF broke my trust two days ago. Good timing to hear this. It feels like my feelings for her emptied like a balloon that popped. At this moment, I feel the sooner I move on the better. I saw the panic in her eyes when she noticed the change in my energy. There is no anger, just knowing that this relationship is not healthy. Respect, trust, appreciation and acknowledgement are important. Thank you.
what did she do?
perhaps PERHAPS she failed to introspect and regulate her emotions or address her emotional immaturity😅 soo many mysteries 🎉
Wife filed for divorce in summer of 2024. I was truly sad then. Today I’m happy. I date 3 different women. I will never ever marry again. My only child will graduate university in a year and a half. While my ex wife just broke up with her second boyfriend. It took me a few months to get stable, but I will never ever forget the pain and destruction my ex wife brought into my life. My child spent her Christmas break with me rather than with my ex and her chaoitic household.
What did she do?
That moment when the one you've relied on and shared your vulnerabilities with viciously turns on you is like nothing else in the world.
My thought is when a spouse belittles you for a hobby or something you enjoy, the problem is them. They are causing the situation that is losing your attention on them. I had that same issue with my spouse, now EX. They caused my loss of interest. I'll drop playing a game or any other hobby in a heartbeat to be with someone that I enjoy their company.
Guys need to learn that their wife does not need to know everything. She will remember what you tell her and use it against you when the opportunity arrises.
Retired cop here , you have no idea how many prison inmates are sorry they said anything to their wife. 😂😂😂
It also happened to me in the same fu***** way. Divorce was a relief and brought back my life.
"One of the lines he has said that I like is "you'll be happy that she's gone."
Yep .. same .. was shocked by how indifferent she was when she filed but I was also indifferent by then
And they ask for men that are "in touch with their emotions" and "able to be vulnerable". Young men: DON'T DO IT! It will be used against you down the line.
Preach it on the hilltops
This just happened to a kid in high school that I responded to. He has since found another and one lesson learned.
This video hits home for me. My wife does exactly what you describe here. So many things that I used to enjoy that I hardly ever do now or do when she isn’t around. I’m not talking about things that cost a lot of money either. Like simply taking a walk in the woods. She can’t stand that I enjoy such simple things.
I have a theory that a lot of w∆men want to be the only source of a man's happiness and if not , they should be able to regulate where and when men get to have that happiness so that they can control men and get unlimited benefits from that man being under their control...
But that's my theory
@ I believe you are on to something with that.
I am a relatively quiet and quite chill guy. In the aftermath of my first wife passing away, I met a woman who is probably my opposite. We married and things were ok for a few years. But her anger was always just below the surface. So when she got upset she went from zero to sixty quick. One night in an argument she was talking to me like a toddler. I began to walk away to our bedroom and said I need to be alone. She said to me, “Sure, why don’t you go some place safe”. That was crushing coming from my wife. I don’t think I will ever forget that.
Wow,that is bad. You're better off without her.
I wish I could say they don't know what they are doing, but I am pretty sure they do. Perhaps they don't realize just how deep they cut, but they know they are cutting.
@@toddanderson3568 sorry to ask but are u still married to her? It sounds like a situation of abuse. What if she accuses you of something?
damn dude. Lose a good one, then get stuck with a demon.
Because demons attack at your hardest times....
Your timing is impeccable John. Just this week a woman I had been dating for 7 months and seemed to be going very well said one thing that completely changed how I felt about her.
what did she say?
This is a great episode. It reminds me of that proverb: Trust must be gained by many acts, it can be destroyed by one. Your mention of the Death by a thousand cuts - is so true. Even friendships.
After years and years of abuse, there certainly wasn't any going back from what was said to me in my situation when she shouted, "I hate you, I hate everything about you!". It broke me after giving her everything I could but it also helped me to move on once and for all. I'm a good man, partner and father, I know that, so I refuse to feel shame as that would validate what she said. Rather, this was "her issue", not mine. My advice is to filter what's said to you guys - words are just words unless you let those blows land.
they are children with boobies
A wise monkey who's no longer on yt once said "women use words like magic spells." - they say shit to make us react a certain way, not because it's true or even because they think it's true.
My mother broke my heart more times than I care to remember, my first gf did the same and now I have accepted that I will be without a SO for a long time or the rest of my life.
I still watch these videos every day, even though I've been happily single for over 25 years now and will never go on another date ever again. I just wish information like this had been available back when it would have done me some good!
Spot on again John. Gave her access to my "secret garden" and she drove a bulldozer right through it. She never regained my trust from that moment forward.
Was it a spool of wire that had been with you your whole life?
Married 20 yrs this March and as we speak I am contemplating my exit. The only thing holding me back are my 3 children. I am not sure how I got here but I am told daily I am to blame. I'll never be good enough no matter what I do. I have finally come to realize that it isn't my responsibility to make my wife happy. Only she can make herself happy, but she doesn't understand that. She needs a scapegoat for her internal misery and that's me. Like you, it has been death by 1000 cuts, though there were a couple zingers that came close to breaking me along the way. I can't say I am looking forward to single life, I am not. But I am looking forward to ending this broken partnership. At least I will have some peace.
Thanks for talking in an unfiltered way. Makes me realized we men are not alone in this female challenge.
Men are also very very challenging from our perspective to work with.
We are expected to be so careful with your feelings and all the whole the man feels free to stomp all over us and our feelings.
We are also very damaged by men and the way they talk to us and criticise us.
My experience is that you can dish it out but you cannot take it in return. It’s one rule for men and another for us when it comes to feelings.
We have to empathise with you but we never ever receive empathy from you just criticism.
I’ve grown up with it and most women I know have too so try considering that you all do it to us as well and that is why so many women are choosing cats.
We have been damaged SO much all through our lives being with men that we are done.
If you want us to respect you and not destroy you with words then don’t do it to us. Our brutality does not just come out of nowhere. It’s usually in DEFENCE of our own mental health when men criticise us relentlessly and then act like they are innocent angels that never do anything wrong to women and we are just the bullies!
It doesn’t feel like men are very honest about their own part to play in why their partners get to the point where they start being brutal as a defence mechanism.
Why do we have to be so careful with your feelings and you get to stomp on ours without even considering it?
My ex wife called me a 'mama's boy' about a year into the marriage because I wasn't on her side in terms of blocking my mom from having contact with the son i had from the previous marriage, I should have known that the marriage was destined to fail back then. 5 years passed with lots of shaming and lashing out and then she finally cheated on me, saying it was all my fault.
Once anyone shows disrespect it is over
That is a manipulation, pure and evil.
@@john-griffin Blocking your own child from his/her grandparents on your spouse's side is garden variety evil manipulation. Trying to severe contact between a stepchild of yours and his/her grandmother is next level stuff.
As men we too often project onto our female partners wisdom that they actually don’t have. So when they say something about our character, usually to manipulate us or undermine our self esteem and self confidence, we need to step back and remember who we are so that we can retain our self respect and nip any self doubt or shame in the bud. Thanks for this important video John!
Great insights on female "wisdom". Thanks
@@john-griffin Thanks John. On a similar note you’re likely familiar with the “double bind” men often find themselves caught in, e.g. I’m kind, considerate and accommodating and she says I’m too passive; I assert myself and state what I need/want and she says I’m too controlling and/or abusive. It’s enough for a man to want to tear their hair out if they still have any. Ideas for a future video.
You are right. I learned to not take seriously any critic from my silly wife.
Classic female solipsism and using sign on men smh.
S hame
I nsult
G uilt trip
N eed to be right over men!
💯 So well said, bravo. Regarding her always finding fault with your behavior no matter which way it goes, beware! As I'm sure you know many men come to recognize that dead canary only after the divorce.
I experienced the same turning point. The realization that no matter what I did to try to make her happy, it didn't work and she became less satisfied. This was a key insight for me. I began to take more responsibility for my own happiness, independent of her attitude. I began to take more responsibility for my own self esteem and stopped seeking her approval. The realization that she was inadequate and not properly wired to give me validation or approval, anyway. So that was not even being fair to her. Also , I stopped worrying so much if she became unhappy. Now, if she is in an unhappy state, I use my logic to check and make sure I didn't actually do anything to contribute to it. And if I can honestly clear myself of any contribution to her unhappiness, I then let her have her own "one sided argument with herself.". I let her just be unhappy all by herself. Hee unhappiness at that point is her problem and I no longer make her problems my problems.
I had huge mental breakdown, I needed almost a year to recover and then a year find myself again, now I’m getting much better. It was painful, but learned a lot.
Spiritual awakening, keep going. There's more to it
I’m one year into my mental breakdown. Gonna need some more time!
@@user-us3cb2oq9c I have the same experience. Needed professional councelling to get back to life literally. Stay healthy, stay single.
@@OfSoulAndSinit’s cool bro, you will emerge so much wiser, stronger, and with a much stronger outlook on self care and self love !
I made a shelf once: her comment: "I have seen better." This type of communication will wear your soul away, like water erosion, several years of this and a man will simply not want to try for her because it is NEVER good enough. In her mind, she was "making me a better man."
You shouldn't care about what a person like that is saying. Keep building your shelves and get yourself the hell away from that woman.
My Exs use to give me guilt trips for even going to the gym. I’m 49yo and have been working out consistently since I was 15. I was going to the gym, when we met, while we were dating, but once they get settled in and get comfortable in the relationship is when they begin to complain about everything. I even adjusted my workout schedule to 6am, where it did not intrude on anything. She was still asleep, yet they find a way to complain about that too. My workouts are only 20-45min each time, so I am in and out in less than a hr. When I asked her to join, they chose not to.
That is good that you stayed with it.
They complain you're working too much, so you work less or work around. Then they complain you're working enough to provide or whatever. There's no winning.
I work out at 2:30am, have been for almost a year, and now that’s bad because the dog might need to go out and she needs to stay in the house with the kids. So now I do calisthenics in the morning at home. I’m waiting for that to be a problem. If I don’t laugh about it I will cry.
They hate anything you do to better yourself. It's a flex for them to destroy good men.
Once you marry, they try to turn you into a pussy so other women won't be attracted to you. If they succeed, they themselves are also not attracted to you.
She broke me a month after we married. It was a nightmarish hour on the drive home from a pleasant trip. She became hostile after getting offended at something she thought I said. She killed it right then. I never trusted her again and fell right out of love. I hung on for two years thinking I had been at fault, but was extremely confused as she kept badgering and harassing me over what she perceived as attacks against her. She made everything I said in general about her. My confidence is gone. I’m severely depressed😢, suicidal, and completely broken. I do have faults that I admit to her but she never and I mean never admits any fault.
Run fast, it will only get worse with narcissistic manipulator. Imagine having a child with her, that’s when she will fully reveal her true colors. It happened to me and every other man.
Don’t! Don’t let her do that to you. You are not alone. Come back here tomorrow.
You are loved, and special. It WILL get better. ❤ Hug your dog and cry if you need to. Don't give up 😊
Give it time. Surround yourself with those that have true/real unconditional love for you. Even if it's a dog or a cat. Stay away from drugs and alcohol as much as possible too. Learn to meditate. Exercise outside really helps as well. Often, I would drag myself outside and just go listen to the birds chirping. Those small delicate and resilient wild creatures really lifted me up. They still help me when I get anxious or depressed. Lastly, remember karma is real. She is making her bed and eventually, she's gotta lie in it. Please heed what I am trying to tell you. Stay disciplined. If a complete idiot like me could do it, so can you. Frankly, it's a miracle that I still draw breath. I'm so grateful that I dodged that bullet. My mother has fallen ill and she really needs me to be there for her.
The night is darkest before the dawn. The sun will rise.
Let her believe whatever she want man. And stay strong. U aint winning that battle. Just move on. You'll be gratefull that trash is gone
My biggest regret being married was “not doing what I wanted to do” and always giving to the family. At the time I did it willingly and lovingly, but after she destroyed the marriage, it feels like time wasted, and I’ll never get it back. Bothers me so much!
@DUNEATV_ you did what most men do and provided and sacrificed. Its how men show their love.
A woman will never understand or see it this way. She thinks its just something your supposed to do.
Over time your kindness is seen as weakness by her and taken advantage of. Its in a womans nature to be this way. Society has lied to you as it does to all men.
@ 100% my brother
Not all of that time. Time with your kids is not wasted time.
@@DUNEATV one day ur kids will recognize everything you sacrificed for then. It happened to me, today I am thankfull to my father.
@@heloramos82 thank you. They still live with me and only me. They are technically adults, but they’re still young and haven’t moved out yet. They need their dad still, and I will always be here for them. Too bad their mother didn’t think the same.
I see this with women including my mum as well. They're always picking fights and bringing up crap from the past to use against you. Such an irritating behaviour. You'll also find if they don't have hobbies of their own, they will crap on yours even more.
They keep a tally of shit to use as weaponry and argument fodder
This vid reminds me of the story of Samson. Share your deepest secret and she'll destroy you with it.
The phrase - you have a right to remain silent, everything you say can and will be used against you was really design for men vs women dynamics. If you don’t share and don’t show vulnerability - women cannot hurt you.
Very true
I wish the churchs taught this or the story of Joseph in Egypt.
Also:
Trust not your own spouse. Put no confidence in your wife. Keep the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your busom. For a mans enemies are the members of his own household.
Micah 7:5-10 I think
The Bible teaches men to not trust women. I`ve knowkn this story since childhood and I wish I had taken it seriously. The Bibile is more real than we think.
I'm living in a permanent state of depression, anxiety and fear because she can do anything to me but I have to stay for my daughter. She is the cause of my daily pain and I cant avoid it nor fight it forever. When my child will grow up I will be free from her. No matter what I do to make me feel happy she is there to spoil it. No matter how hard I try to not argue and be positive, she always finds a way, she makes me feel bad about myself or so angry that I just want to take the road. I don't understand why they do this.
They are miserable creatures. Misery loves company. Her mission is to make you miserable and she will feel better. I was married to one like this. She finally left us.
Hang in there my friend. We have all been through hell. I couldn’t leave either due to my daughter and well the list goes on; but eventually I was freed and I have a clear conscience knowing I met all my obligations as an honorable man. And my daughter and I have a great relationship, she got a CNA in HS worked in elder care and is now an EMT. She saw what I went through, she knows how bad woman can get, we have a bond.
Mine was the most miserable person I've ever met and hated anyone that wasn't as miserable as she was. Stay strong.
You would be wise to at least consider leaving, despite your daughter. She needs a functional, living father as she gets older. You may actually greatly decrease your lifespan by staying.
It took me a while to figure out because my wife that passed was truly happier when I was happy. In the two failed relationships afterward that was not the case. Both of them hated it so much if I was happy which I generally am.… I could just feel it… so you actually start to hide your happy for fear of the coming wrath on whatever they could find to push you back down. Sick… but true. Free and happy at 63!
We need to be happy AF but keep it under wraps to not offend the unhappy, those that fit this category are best kept at a distance with minimal interaction. Enjoy
Once you are married, wives want to keep an eye on you 24 hours a day for the rest of your life. It's literally like having a leash around your neck which is worse than being a dog. Men like their freedom so this type of relationship is going to make them miserable.
The one thing i hate the most is the constant questions and the implication that i have to think every small detail for them.
They have weaker pre frontal cortexes than a mouse
Someone once said, “Women cry at the wedding. Men cry after the wedding.”
I cried at my wedding, in the church, that she dragged me in, wondering how I got myself in this situation...she divorced me 1 year later....I celebrate the entire month of December each year.
@@RonGlasgow-s7l Lucky you! One year marriage hopefully did not make her eligible for much alimony?
The three rings.Engagement ring, wedding ring, and then suffering.
Women want weddings, not marriage.
My ex wife said she was better off without me. This after 30 days of marriage. Now she was American I was Canadian. This left me in very vulnerable position. At that point I took off my ring packed my bags and left. Three weeks later she wanted to be just friends. Nope not interested
After only 30 days??!
I’m a car guy too. When I got my divorce, I started building cars also. Mainly aesthetics, I would put thousands of dollars to change it to the way I liked it and thought it should have been from the manufacture. I don’t regret it one bit and I still do it to this day. Men enjoy your life.
I do that to houses. lol. I too enjoy this very much.
My wife has done the exact thing you described with my hobbies.
She also grew up in a family where, during a fight, the one who says the most hurtful thing wins.
My wife said, "If we're not gonna have kids, maybe we should separate." I took her threat seriously, and started the process of divorce. Our relationship died for good when she demonstrated such a lack of disrespect and faith in me and in our relationship.
@@innergoof19 sorry to ask but was having kids something that u talked about before getting married? Because I know a woman who married a guy knowing he didn't want kids and latter on divorced him because she couldn't make him change his mind.
It's hard to tell but if she was getting older and you slept on the couch often, she might not have the skills to bring up the subject in a nonthreatenng way. The way she said it "jumping the gun" assuming you were somehow tricking her-- that would feel disrepectful. It came across like an ultimatum yet she also may have been shy or felt unwanted and not had the conversational skills to address it. I have a relative who married a widow who had already lost a child, and she spoke like that, in gulps, trying to get confirmation when she felt insecure.
I agree its important to not always take things at face value. It's nice having a woman's perspective here.
The baby itch hits fierce and suddenly for women, regardless of what they said in the past.
@heloramos82 one of my exes would have done this. I'm so glad I broke up with her before making her wait for something she knew was never going to happen. And she admitted after that, that she was just hoping I'd change my mind later on. I dread to think what could have come from that
Has everyone come to the conclusion that most men and women are not compatible? As a 55 year old who has been through the seasons of life, any partner that drains all of your joy for their selfish reasons is dead weight. I see younger guys all excited to get married knowing most of them will end up in the situation that John is talking about. Time for a massive overhaul in what it means to be in any relatoinship with a woman.
This post resonates with me so much! I did the right things, and made our lives better. No matter what I did, there would be a time, where everything I did, didn’t matter. I’ve been dealing with this scenario for over 30 years. I’m feeling like a failure, and she’s showing me no support, and now in my late fifties, I feel lost in my life’s purpose. This is not the way it was supposed to be
Brutal.
@stevenbongiorno9277 it's time to find your real purpose
@@stevenbongiorno9277 u are still young. There is always time to find purpose. You don't have to be with her if she mistreats you.
I’m 65 and starting over. There is time. I had to wait for her to pass!😮
Hi John. I’m 28 years old and I finished university this time last year. I’m starting to ask myself some really big questions about life and about planning for the near and distant future. I’ve witnessed some friends and family have success, and some have catastrophic failures. Your videos have been very insightful and are much appreciated. Keep up the great work.
Thanks for taking the time and trouble to share your wisdom and experiences during your marriage. Anyone watching your videos will do well for themselves to chose their perspective life partner VERY carefully, as the wrong one can and will destroy you as best thy can. Takes a long time to recover from a divorce...emotionally and financially. A long time... Thanks again John !
I am glad you found my experiences helpful.
We often recover emotional..although I have known some that never seem to have ever completely recover.
But I've have certainly seen some, (probably mostly men..but not always,) who never really recover financially.
Sometimes.....that which doesn't kill us, makes us wish we were dead. But you are working it out in your head, and moving forward. Good on you, brother.
Well I'm certainly one of the older guys who can give advice to younger guys.
Been married, divorced, ex-wife died, son won't talk to me, and then a daughter died. I became alcoholic with the divorce, but I stopped after 10 years, thank God.
Been there done that. Learn from me, there's no need for you to make the same mistakes.
It starts with your girlfriend expecting you to call her every day then goes downhill from there.
YUUUUP!
@@HoboToto 😂😂😂😂😂
I’d tell my ex I can’t call you on demand. I can’t use my phone in front of customers. She couldn’t understand that. They want us to be immediately available at all times and they can’t understand we can’t.
@@BrianWaller-qe7gr The center of the entire universe!
That’s why u don’t have a gf at all. That’s what married ppl do
All marriages should come withs "sunset clause"; renew every 5 years if it's worth staying.
I think this is the best suggestion I’ve heard on marital vows. If someone breaks the vows, without good reason there should be financial consequences or consideration with children for the aggrieved parent. The whole system needs reform.
During the pandemic while I was working from home I was fasting as it was our religious fasting month and my ex wife asked me to come and break the fast and I was unable to break the fast on time as I was busy with some office work.
I told her to give me some time as I am stuck in some office work and asked her to start eating ( she was not even fasting as she was pregnant)
I don't know suddenly what kind of mental breakdown she went through that she started shouting and abusing and uttering some bad words and thrashing me for not coming to break the fast.
I was so heartbroken and devastated and it left a lasting impact on me and later became one of the many reasons for our divorce.
Words do have a lasting impact on a man who has dignity and self respect.
My ex would call me fat as I wasn’t thin but wasn’t obese either. Funny how she never took me up on my offer to a sprint. Because she knew I’d destroy her. It was her way to try to break me. It didn’t work so she stopped.
Sorry to hear that, Mr Khan. Usually it's after the birth that the woman lets her facade down, but you saw it even while she was preganat.
Pregnancy causes all sorts of hormonal imbalances, moodiness. But sorry it happened to you.
@@sidmehere2964 That doesn't mean a wife should start abusing her husband for no reason just because she is going through mood swings.
I was also fasting at that time and imagine me saying I started beating and abusing her because I was hungry which caused mood swings.
There should be a boundary in every relationship and that must be respected at all costs.
@lochnessmunster1189 Not all women are the same but one thing is for sure that every girl wants control of a relationship.
When she sees that her husband is a good man she will grab every opportunity to control him.
Men have to control women and be the real boss of the house because if she gets the control she will do everything to destroy the marriage.
Just wanted to let you know, as someone who's going through a divorce, that I find I can relate to some of your stories and appreciate many of your insights. Thanks for setting up some great niche content that helps me to cope through this extraordinarily stressful time.
I waited 5 years before marrying me ex. 11 years later she started cheating with multiple men. Loved who I married. Disliked who I divorced
My ex disrespected me one too many times. After 18 years we finally gave up. Much nicer now.✌🏽
Yup. My x of 20 years got abusive one too many times.I showed her the door. She has been miserable since.
She gave up before you did, and by give up I mean she had already decided to not put in the effort relationships require.
How’d you deal with divorce?
@@Marvin-b9r just like every body else went through depression thinking about them was not easy but I made it through with the help of the good lord Jesus. He is my rock and shelter.
@ thanks for your story, currently have a fiancé and kinda anxious about marriage. Even though she’s truly a good woman but not perfect neither am I of course. Im trying to build up the courage to not go through with it.
What an incredible long list of comments - these videos are striking a universal chord and provide a great source of therapy for so many people. 👏
Trust, once broken can never be back to the same again. The most damaging thing is when they use the info they gathered through that trust to bring you down constantly.
Re that story. My dad's done that to my mom. Shamed her for decades for not going to so many socials with him, insulted her, and continually forces her to go. He laid down an ultimatum a couple years ago: Either don't say no to various socials, or divorce.
A wife isn't happy unless you're not happy.
Happy New Year Mr. Griffin. I'm a lady who supports your channel. Keep up the good work
I married the right one, she changed, she's not the same woman I divorced' - living this right now.
You nailed it! Absolutely 💯 Married a completely different woman to the one I divorced 12 years later
I loved bushcrafting and going out into nature with my wife and kids. I remember the day when she shamed me about this interest. She had played interested and went all along camping previously with the kids for several years but suddenly her comments just killed the only thing we did together in our free time. This was the beginning of the end. Then she just continued shaming all of my interests. Our country place. Photograpy. Reading. Playing the piano. Learning Calling me autistic or aspberger for having interests. I just withered from inside for many years... I still do not know why this happened but suspect women are never satesfied but enjoy to destroy their husbands after taking care of them for 5 to 20 years.
Those are all GREAT hobbies.
When a woman is unhappy inside for a long time or just for a little, nothing makes her feel better than spread her unhappiness to her husband.
@@gaozhi2007that is exactly what I was going to say!
I believe it is wise to never really open up to a woman. Don't tell her all your secrets and always remain mysterious. Only tell her stuff on a need to know basis. Kinda sad, but better safe than sorry.
My ex wife had major control issues. To be fair, she told me this before we got married. I made a joke about it, “Does that mean your incontinent? Hehehe…”
I had no idea…
Over the course of 7 years I found out exactly what she meant. Long story short, when she realized that she couldn’t control me 100% (as if 90% wasn’t enough), she divorced me. It took me about a year to wrap my head around it, another year to finally figure it out. Looking back I can honestly say that her getting the divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I am a lesbian that took the red pill. I love you guys, you have literally saved my quality of life. As you might have guessed, TWO women together can be a special kind of hell😅. And maybe this guy isn't exactly red pill or has labeled himself as such. But man, listen to him! 👍😘☮️ From Tulsa. Ps, for me it was when she started nagging me to sell my vinyl collection. And making super contemptuous remarks about the music I listen to. Besides, "we" could use the money from the vinyl.😂 Praise God we couldn't get married back in the day, and never did. So I just left!
Thanks! (I love me some Subaru's)
Lesbian couples have a staggering 72% divorce rate. Gay couples 25%. Sorry to say the problem is women
Instead of legally allowing homosexuals to marry, they should’ve just repealed all marriage laws!
My observation is that they don’t change. They just reveal who they really are. Once they’re comfortable or they get what they want, the mask comes off.
That’s almost word for word how I would describe most women’s experience of men actually 😂
Have you ever considered that you all project your own behaviours onto us and think that it’s horrible when we do it but somehow it’s ok when you do it?
@@philippagrimoire5968you are very delusional like at least 99percent of you, keep projecting your lack of accountability. You date top 5 percent of players and then you assume you know everything about 95 percent of men.
My ex wife reached out to me today. She's getting ancy about the divorce. All she did was pass blame and she's the one who left. It's mind numbing the gaslighting and projection she is capable of.
VVomen know they are weak. And they use their weakness as a weapon. They know we as men are the responsible ones so they will always pass blame onto us.
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years. I've never been so happy. I got tired of her insecurities and bullshit. Now, my X is cashing in on her regrets. Not because she missed me, it's because she had all the bells and whistles. More money for me and going to the country and find me a lot of peaches.
Damn that video hit hard. You're a hundred percent right. I ended things with my best friend after he used a very personal detail/secret about my life that I had shared with him to get the upper hand in an argument with me. Now, I've always kinda had a premonition that sharing very sensitive data even with your best friend was a roll of the dice, but I sure learned my lesson that day. Right then and there, a beautiful relationship of several years took an abrupt end because I could no longer bank on his discretion should another situation like this come up.
The problem with women is one day they love you and just like that they no longer do. Not worth it
“You married the wrong girl.” Name one that would still be the right girl after about 5 years? Women and men are so polar opposite, in so many ways, if you think about it, it is amazing any of these relationships work.
I think the answer might be that you need to know them for a long time, and observe them so that you know exactly what you're getting into. One 'friend' of mine I've known for eight years and she's very beautiful but her suspicious, paranoid possessiveness of her partners to the point of cheating on them because in her head she believed they might be doing the same sorta put me off her.
As Karen says on her channel "The Happy Wife School" says, "You didn't marry the wrong woman, you married a woman."
@@kevinjohnson8220you either understand women or love them. It’s impossible to do both
or is it they are only nice to people they want something from? This is why its so important to pick a woman who treats everyone decent not just people they like wherever they hide
Feminism, media, influencers,
Family, convenient at the moment security, and manipulative by nature, deceptive by nature empty by nature.