How To Become A Better Parent Now | Positive Vs Toxic Parenting
Вставка
- Опубліковано 2 чер 2024
- Are you thinking of ways on how to become a better parent now? In this episode, we'll talk about positive vs toxic parenting. This'll be sure to help you with your parenting.
00:00 Intro & Summary
00:26 Why Smiling Helps
01:26 How Low Can You Go
02:52 How To Initiate And Engage
04:37 How To Confirm And Affirm
06:03 Do You Know What Your Job Is?
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
WHAT TO WATCH NEXT
============================
Five Things Every New Parent Needs To Know
• Five Things Every New ...
Visit Live On Purpose Central for more support and resources:
go.liveonpurposecentral.com
Find out more about Positive Parenting here:
parentingpowerup.com/
For a FREE copy of Pathological Positivity (you only pay the shipping), visit this link:
drpauljenkins.info
If you are ready to take your positive parenting to the next level, explore options for coaching and advanced services through your FREE Parenting Breakthrough call with one of our certified coaches here:
drpauljenkins.com/breakthroug...
LINKS & RESOURCES
========================
Website: drpauljenkins.com/
The Parenting Power-up Audio Course: parentingpowerup.com/
Free digital copy of Portable Positivity: bit.ly/2PoIDam
MUSIC
========================
Track: Kisma - We Are [NCS Release]
Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds.
Watch: • Kisma - We Are | House...
Licensed under Creative Commons - Attribution 3.0
========================
Nate Woodbury - UA-cam Producer
/ natewoodbury
#LiveOnPurpose
#PositiveParenting
#Parenting
Validate their feelings! You don’t have to agree with what they feel but feelings are never wrong, as Dr Paul has said!
Katherine Lydon, thank you for the reminder.
Style I r think t
I use these words and practice with my children. They are so much happier and so am I especially with a preteen son with autism, talking to him calmly has made him calm and says "you are the best momma ❤"
Heather Beltz, you are the mother your child needs.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV ty, and ty for being a part of our life. The best thing is, he hasn't had a melt down because I am loving ❤ him so much more.
you deserved to have a million subscribers,this channel is really helpful,thank you and godbless.
So nice of you
You're not kidding, OP. Seconded.
Agree
@@LiveOnPurposeTV It will come, we are at times desperate.
This video is so underrated. Thank you so much for posting it. I need to listen to it every day to remind myself to be a better parent to my lovely children.
Thank you for this, I grew up with an extremely toxic mother and I strive everyday to be the total opposite of her, these videos educate me on the right way to parent
Peace &Love, thank you.
Me too, so sad, thank God we broke the cycle!
parenting is a very hard job so the best thing is to work on yourself they do what they see you do not what you say them to do
gingers toys, I agree.
After watching this, I would consider that I am guilty of being toxic towards my child! I try to do my best being an only parent, his mom died when he was 5 months old!
I grew up with toxic parents in my adolescent stages. I was diagnosed with adhd when I was 6, I see some of those traits in my son. I know he's a brilliant child and has a motor of his own. I try my best to keep it cool but I see I get more excited about what wrong vs what right and I'm thinking that's my issue!
I will definitely be working on the slick method even towards myself and keep progressing! Its very difficult not having his mom and no support system when having the responsibility of a child!
Thank you Paul for all your channel provides! Very useful tools to put in the box!
I am glad you are using the tools. My best to your family.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you
You have opened my mind and given me hope with my very angry teenage son. I smile more and speak more positively it is working ! thank you so much 💗
Annie, so good to hear, thank you.
This is my new favorite video of yours!
Acronyms, examples, and concise to keep the video fairly short. Awesome work!!
Wow, thanks!
Okay thank you, I speak calmly even despite being very angry myself and never noticed that I say my calm words with such a heavy face. I am going to train myself to use the smiling technique despite my own frustrations
Sounds like a good plan.
I so wish this inspirational messaging was available when my adult kids were kiddos. I’ll practice this SLICK acronym with my grand babies ❤️❤️❤️
Wisty-Christy, perfect.
I just try to use the same tools I used to use with my conservatorship clients that had severe mental disabilities/illnesses. I even use the tools with my husband. Some of these tools you listed are wonderful and I can definitely attest that they work!
I love that you carry my name...
Thanks for the acknowledgement.
I love this! I have a step daughter and to keep working on the smiling. I'm not sure why it's hard but it is lol
You can do this, Janine Ch.
Love the low and paying attention to the sensations of heat or tension right before you blow up - like a strategy to catch yourself *before* having a tantrum or acting “high and mighty”.
I do tend to change one part to “love them, even if, especially when…” because if it can, it will worse than you imagined, but you can recover and kids can learn.
brightpage1020, thank you. Good insight.
Thank you so much for this! The timing was too perfect. I'm so glad to have found your channel!!
You're so welcome! Welcome to Live On Purpose TV.
Excellent video! One of your best!
O K, thank you.
Thank you so much for your videos/content. Absolutely the best there is.
Wow, thank you!
Such great reminders!!
Tabitha, we all need them.
I am thankful for your videos! My kids always come to me and ask what can they do to earn something instead of just ask for it. I have been doing that for a couple years now😃 I need to work on the yelling tho. I don't always do it but it does still happen.
Love that! There is something we can all work on. Everyday is a new one.
I come back to this channel almost every day this week. We had a challenge week. I’m so emotionally tired. I need to smile more and keep my cool!
You got this!
👍 can't wait till I get it down like you.
This video is gold!
I can’t wait to try the “L” rule. I can already imagine how well changing your posture is going to work. What a great trick thanks for sharing. ❤️
Also, when I say “yes, when...” or “yes, if...” my son whines and pouts but when I give a straightforward “no, because...” he accepts it usually without fuss. (He’s 5, I’ve been trying the “yes, when..” approach for years lol but he just seems to hate it. 🤷🏻♀️
Jennifer, best of luck to you.
My son is like that with some things, too. Sometimes he feels like a "yes, when..." is a punishment because he didn't complete a chore, even if that's not what I was saying at all. If it's a "no, because A has to happen before B", he takes it much better, because somehow in his mind that feels much more neutral. 🤔
Or he would like to avoid disappointment. So he'd prefer me to say "probably your friends won't be available, but if they are, then we can stay for a little while and play." instead of "if your friends are available, we can stay a few extra minutes."
Whatever works, right?
Thank you great stuff.
Aveline B, you are welcome.
Thank you 🙏
Happy Living, you are welcome.
Subscribed! Thanks for a great con tent:)
Laura Simova, Welcome to the channel, great top have you here.
This is eye opening for me. I have been feeling so guilty with my daughter she is 2.5 and I am cutting out nursing because I hurt a lot and I am pregnant, so I have been having all kinds of emotions. I feel like I'm a bad parent because I am stopping nursing. But also I am really sad because our nursing journey is coming to an end. I have been mean to her because I hurt a lot and then we cry together. She because I don't want to nurse her because I hurt and me because I feel so bad at snapping at her and cutting out nursing. It's a roller coaster of emotions.
Your videos are very much help!! Thank you
Honored to be on your team.
Thank you! It's very helpful!
Glad to hear that!
Needed this.
D Shannon, glad you got what you needed.
smile, low and cool, initiate and engage, confirm and affirm, know your job
Misa Zhang, Wonderful.
Amazing and so simple
Thank you
This is good stuff here. I'm happy I subscribed.
Stacy Grenado, and I am happy you subscribed, welcome.
Need to really practice it.. the struggles are real but it’s worth doing so because of the K
( know my job that is mainly to love them no matter what and even if).
china tomo, it will be worth all the struggle. You can do this.
Thanks for another awesome video. 😀
The Lord is my Shepherd, you are welcome.
My parents were very toxic. They ruined me. I’m trying very hard to change things and not do what they did to my kids.
What did they do ?
Dani Ella, they haven't ruined you. Glad you are making different choices for your family.
You're aware that's the first step, change isn't easy. You Can Do iIt! Because your here looking up how to improve as a parent , which is a sign you are motivated and ready for change. Give yourself room for mistakes nobody's perfect and forgive yourself for not knowing. Now that you know better keep practicing, learning, and applying what you learn to be a more positive and to be a present parent. Those words are encouragement for you and Me and other parents that want to do better but stuck from not knowing better and our past childhood, our parents parenting but we can rewire and re-learn a healthier version of ourselves. Therapy and these type of videos help me learn I can become a better parent, more loving parent not a perfect parent but one who's willing to take a hard look at my behaviour and take responsibility and not blaming my child. Parenting is the hardest job but I love my boy!😍 Ps. Thank you for your videos Dr Paul Jenkins.
@@lizvilla1283 thank you 💗
Quit laying blame on your parents. You as an adult have FREE WILL. YOU make sure that you break that cycle. GET HELP. GOD WILL NEVER UNFRIEND 🙏 YOU. PRAYER WORKS 2. BE BLESSED
Excellent video…loved it!
Thank you very much!
Dr. Paul thanks, this is practical and interesting, and your enthusiasm and realness make this so helpful and inspiring.
My pleasure!
This video is phenomenal
Thank you.
Thank you for these videos. I have realised that I am a toxic parent in many respects to my 3 daughters. I want to change. I will change for them.
Wonderful! Glad to be with you on your journey.
Thank you for this beautiful vedio
Bidalyne Lyngdoh, you are welcome.
So helpful! Mothering a 3yr toddler can be very challenging! Thank you!!!
Agreed. You are the mother your child needs.
This is invaluable and should go viral
jon nuanez, I think so too.
‘What does it take for me to… ‘
Just what my kid needs right now to transform from a simple ‘what!!’
Right on time
Thank you
You are welcome!
Perfect 👍
MRN, thank you.
Super.
Thanks!
Love this. My CMSgt in the Air Force used to tell me “solve for yes”. He didn’t explain it like you did tho. I just thought he wanted me to say yes lol
I like the way he said it, but it might require some explanation. Thank you.
Super Slick and cool. Tops Doc 👍
Thanks 👍
Aaaah, this is so helpful. Except for the yes bit. My fpyr year old only hears the yes, not the if or when bit, he'll get there. Usually its tv or sweets he asks for. If its a no at that time i tend to say you can have them another day (sweets) or you can have tv later. He's remarkably good at waiting when its done this way. The yes if and when will work very well for my 9 year old. The 17 year old is his own man now and doesnt ask his mammy for ANYTHING! (except cups of tea to be made, always with a please though!)
Cate MacColl, you are the mother your children need.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you, that means a lot, because i haven't always been. But the point of power is in the present, and the future is bright as eff. ❤️✨❤️
I understand the significance of smiling, it is so hard to do sometimes.
NM tmblwd, practice and it gets easier.
Very interesting information. I bet this also applies to my adolescent and older son...if you have parenting videos like this for us that have young adults sons, please let me know.
Olga Candelaria, I have a few, try what to do with a failure-to-launch child. There are a few more. I have worked with several of young adults in this stage. There is also a teen playlist.
Wow, these actually are pretty good ideas.I got a 10 year old, that just last week stopped asking me everything to now he knows everything.that was way to fast.
Rob, you are welcome. Thanks.
I totally agree with saying Yes instead of Not.
when My three year old daughter asks me mommy can I play with the tablet I tell her yes IF you put your toys away, I used to tell her No if you don’t do this or that, she would get angry and cry and do her little tantrum lol
Thanks to Mr Paul and Ms Vicky this doesn’t happen no more 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Medina C, thank you for sharing with us. It is good to hear.
Acronyms are so handy!!!
Alycia Daniels, yes, they are.
Hi all. i hope you are well. I just wanted to say a big thank you to this channel. We will definetly put it to action more.
Our pleasure!
I had to take a parenting class and even though my in-laws ended up adopting her i still get her on the weekends and sometimes during the week. I am very fortunate for that. We learned this type of stuff and I do my best to remember to do these steps whenever I have the opportunity. I would love to suggest to my mother in-law that she checkout and subscribe to thia channel but if I suggest or recommend anything doesn't matter what it is she will have NOTHING to do with it. She's even stopped doing something once she hears that I have also started doing it or that I already did it the woman hates me that much. Whenever its my daughters birthday she wont even tell us or invite us to celebrate her bday with her even though my husband side of the family will all be there. Same with holidays funerals even family reunions. My husband is more or less allowed just not me. Which makes it difficult to say anything positive about her when talking to my daughter. Sorry about going off topic a bit for some reason I couldn't help it lol. Anyways I like the videos
Thank you, Nicole. Glad you get to see your daughter, keep quiet about your opinions on her adopted parents.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thanks
Nice
Maria Santos, thank you.
Smile
Low & cool
Initiate & engage
Confirm & affirm
Know your job (to love them no matter what and even if)
Kamballaz, thank you.
sometimes i feel like i am with my boyfriend for the sake of our kids like yea l do love him but sometimes i feel like i outgrew our love because when we were together we were only 16 i know it's not good to live like that but im used to it has become habit
Leyla Brown, might be time to dig a little deeper into who he is or to get into something that you both love to forge a stronger bond.
Great stuff as usual and I really like the one video about the imagination and how everything comes from the imagination, that has been my stick for quite some time when I realized that without economic freedom and the sounds monetary system we will never ameliorate the true root cause of all misery on the planet that is human generated. The way in which we achieve the misery index is by taking that which is produced buy a monopoly over economy and monetary unit to give us deep formal misery index. And this is true despite the fact that it is actually calculated based on unemployment rate and rate of inflation these two factors are deeply embedded in the root cause of Monopoly over the economy and the monetary system which has persisted largely for the greater part of over 4,000 years ago beginning with the Sumerians, who were the first to formulate the earlier modern versions of Monopoly over economy and monetary unit. Ultimately this led to collapse of society, as monopolies can only feed into economic boom bust Cycles and from time-to-time enormous Global size super economic Cycles which come at the expense of the majority while only benefiting those who monopolize the economy and the monetary unit. These are the two very proxies that you require to initiate life on your terms in any meaningful way that you can demonstrate true freedom and from there the ability to develop for the first time in thousands of years the ability for sound mind, self-worth and maturity as well as in turn from their without economic freedom and sounds money we are unable to Foster and a nurture love, empathy and forgiveness to the extent that it is humanly possible to demonstrate those unique qualities under the most ideal environmental and climatological conditions. We must also recognize that there is an enormous difference between men and women on earth such an intrinsic animalistic inherent level that most of us are too afraid to engage in because of the social construct of political correctness and this is has been an enormous detriments to both men and women and ultimately most importantly the children. We see a massive decay of society due to monopolization over economy and monetary unit parasitic elements of human spirit that must be promoted in order to participate in monopolies as we scramble to compete in the most unnatural way through the corporate ladder climbing. We see women attempting to play the role of a man which is caused them to become very masculine and toxic ironically and feeling very unfulfilled. So we see this huge imbalance, will see massive social engineering that dates back thousands of years all for the benefits of a very few at the detriment of the majority through various divide and conquer techniques as well as modern times sophisticated psychological warfare strategies that are heavily implemented today more so than any other time. We simply cannot sit back and say nothing for fear of being punished because ultimately on this course we are all headed towards full 100% dependency on the central planners and their government figureheads for our sustainability and survivability. This of course removes the very mechanisms that we require to be able to initiate life as free mammals on the planet. We see how primates initiate their own form of economic freedom and monetary system, in that they take raw resources turn it into a final product such as a nest and this guarantees them a better chance of securing a female mate and her eggs in order to propagate that males Legacy. And so we see it is very a natural process of competition that is involved in the economic participation we see all organisms competing in their own form of economics and so why do we automatically feel that every other organisms other than humans should be allowed to initiate this Universal freedom to participate in the economy and with something that represents the value of their labor that they can store for long-term purposes from which to draw from in the same way that squirrels draw from their reserves of acorns. And salt when we gauge the human societal cycle social socioeconomic structure we can see enormous dysfunction and consequent inability to develop and maintain a healthy human spirit. When you're prepared and you want to write a book together you just let me know in the comments section, but this will be the book of all books comparable to the Bible or any Scripture period but of course it comes with a huge risk, but which of our ancestors did not engage in huge risk? We would not be here if our ancestors were not dangerous risky and above all willing to die for their freedom. I bid you farewell please give me a thumbs down or thumbs up. PS most people are going to require considerable amount of time to regurgitate this information then to sort it out in a reasonable logical well-thought-out manner in order to really understand these basic concepts but only that Society is not conducive to the truth of our reality and two concepts that are so basic yet have been made so complex and Abstract through the higher learning so-called universities and other academic institutions that it becomes almost impossible to regurgitate and fully understand the Paramount importance of the concepts I have presented here within. If we do not address the diminishing economic freedom and the absence of the sound monetary unit than all we are going to do is address the symptoms as we have for thousands of years, consequently reproducing the plantation feudal Lord socioeconomic Dynamics Paradigm over and over again. And this is largely because we are all in a massive cult and don't even realize it. The Cult of symptomology.
Wish I had time to read all of this.
I agree with the majority of what you said but smiling for a kid can be very confusing it can lead them to later on and get an abusive relationship or miss read things I think we need to be true with our emotions but they need to be controlled emotions so you don’t have to smile to your child when you’re disciplining them but I don’t think you need to come in as a grumpy angry person either but we need the correct emotions with the correct state that’s my personal opinion.
Anitra Moore, thank you for sharing. We should always have a calm face, calm voice, calm body.
I know a mother of 2 who needs to watch this video.
Please share away, Nerina Blais.
My daughter is in the teenage stage now but she is always very angry full of attitude and also very stubborn and never say sorry for the wrong things she had done. So please help me.
It takes a lot of patience, you can do this. Model the behavior you want to see and praise her for the positive moments, be on the lookout for them. They will come.
❤️
PaoChat, thank you.
I'm at a loss. I try to discipline appropriately and be a positive parent, but my husband is constantly breathing down my neck to enforce "strict harsh discipline" for misbehaviour with our 2.5 yr old. He gets angry with me and equates me to a permissive parent if I don't throw him in a " long time out" for misbehavior. Like 20-30 minutes long of time outs. He won't allow me to do times outs appropriately because he's convinced they are not long enough, therefore are ineffective. He blames me for all misbehavior our son might have. Nevermind that he's still a toddler.
Wow, so sorry that you are going through this. Parenting is very difficult and when patents aren’t on the same page it is even harder. Perhaps some counseling would help, or parenting classes you both could join, or or both. I will pray for you. God bless you.
He needs to realize how a toddler is expected to behave and what is normal. May I suggest the parenting power-up program?
To love them, sometimes, is not enough. I would even say that it’s too much. 😕
Love is an emotion that can be felt at any time.
Thank you :) always on time…. My twelve year old is so shitty to me excuse my expletive. It takes me about five seconds to regulate myself to not hurt her feelings. Thank you for this
You are very welcome.
♡
Thank you, Lizzy.
The toxic way is not always done on purpose. It’s done spontaneously. Sometimes, it’s so overwhelming. 😏😔🤔
Will twin, I hear you.
Wish I had known this 10yrs ago.
Rey Rey, when we know better, we do better. Glad you are here learning along with all of us.
i have no children yet .. but this is help full regardless
Find the principles, they can be widely applied to your life.
I loved this! Really cool. Especially the "K" was reaffirming for me since my mom has the toxic approach.
I don't have children and probably wont ever but I really enojoy learning from you Dr. Paul
Never say never 😉
@@cgc1581 except for 'never again' when your spouse hits you? 😅 This never say never saying is such a strange concept for me
@@milcky16 if your spouse hits you why are you staying with him? Or did you already leave?
@@VolleyballMama I don't have a spouse or any relationship. I was trying to make a point.
Mariposa, I am glad you are here. We have lots on personal development.
Living next to a nuclear waste dump, I find it hard not to be toxic. I keep telling my son to wear hats to cover the 3rd ear that’s on his forehead but he refuses to. He says he loves hearing everything in surround sound so he doesn’t want to cover it up.
Trevor Olson, surround sound, huh? Good one.
Thank you for your video on communicating with children with mild autism. They’ve been helpful.
I am the Toxic Parent. That’s how I found this video…….. 6:04
You are in the right place! Glad we can connect.
Reminds of what Jesus did when he stooped down after the Pharisees tested Him to condemn the prostitute.
chris, love that story.
Use the SLICK method:
S: Smile (vs. frown) smiling makes your kids start thinking
L: come in Low and cool (vs. high and hot). Stoop, physically. Stop yourself from talking when you feel you’re about to explode.
I: Initiate and engage (vs. withdraw and disengage) ask open-ended questions, “Tell me about…”
C: Confirm and affirm (vs. denying and refusing) Look for what they’re doing right, not what needs to be corrected
K: Know your job. Your job is to love them no matter what and even if. Not to “make sure that they…” (do their homework, become good citizens-that’s their choice)
You got it.
Can you just adopt me? 😄
Aima L, wouldn't that be fun?
WiFi goes off and stays off till i get compliance.
Toxic
That is something you control and something you can use.
The dislikes are bad parents
Maybe they just need a little more time to figure things out.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV maybe .... I hope so