1. You're physically attracted to them 2. They're reliable 3. How do they treat people (e.g. the waiter) 4. Somebody who makes you feel good about yourself 5. Calm, specially during conflict, and wants to listen to you 6. Asks you big and open-ended questions 7. Self-discloses, honest and has humility. 8. Willing to take responsibility for what they do 9. Wants to know your stressors and emotionally supportive (empathetic) 10. Wants to support you in what you love to do
@@thewisdomdivatv Hey now. Watch the whole video.. ;') This lady is a psychiatrist with her husband. They've seen it all (had thousands of patients). But yea. We all like that run-down to save some time when the hosts don't give us the impression that they're too brilliant so we can makeup our own minds. In this case, this is an excerpt of a rather long interview I would guess. She is right about her take. Sadly, when you have an actually good relationship with someone, it also involves learning to communicate With them despite their potential (frequent, perhaps) mistakes and being the bigger person and not pointing them all out [I suggest writing them, having a journal]. Cooperate just like the partner does with the waitress and other people around (3rd point). She didn't explain them all in the whole scope, but... everyone's Trying :)
Had that and he left. 😢. Trusting God as usual. 🙏😞. Thinking God not too interested in me having a partner. I have been thru so much and times running out. All I wanted in life. Why is that so hard when you don’t ask for much?????
The problem I found with men who don't share the same interests is that one or the other is always doing something they don't like...or, you just don't ever see each other. That's not to say you need to share EVERY interest, but there should definitely be some common ground there.
the "dating circuit". I thought for half a second that she said: "the dating circus". I like her and her husband. They really looked into this (still waited to post this after I watched it). It sucks but my ex (among all exes) was the only one that had a maladaptive personality disorder... so I try to make sure that everything is sound even for people that don't know how to make sense of "the real". Not completely neurotic, but... you know. Not good at deciphering messages even if they're abundantly clear.
6:33 --> take that in note. Also... we all strive towards the same center of balance, but we might not see that it's there...I'm just letting you know that you should pay attention to what you can learn from That process (learning to care more/pay more attention). Being with a partner that is Nothing like you is almost ideal if you know (or learn quickly) how to communicate with them. Really good excerpt. I love that psychiatrist and her husband.
I was dating this person who checked all of this points especially the listening part. Time was non existent and would spend hours talking without realizing…a great guy overall but still the external stress factor was too much to handle and it didn’t work out. I’m very sad😢
If someone knows a single man like that, looking for a woman, let me know 😅. Joke aside, emotional intelligence trumps all, now that (sadly) I know how badly broken people who appear smart and successful can be.
It's not an all-or-nothing situation. Look at the list, and determine which traits are important to you. If your date can reach 7 or 8 out of 10, and include the traits you value, that may be good enough. You can work to develop the rest. However, anyone who comes up short - and doesn't want to develop the rest - probably not your keeper.
If one open one’s eyes, then open them again, one will see opportunities among candidates that one previously didn’t give much thought or noticed. Then of course, one will only know afterwards if one found one. In the meantime, just remember that non-keepers will seem much more attractive… than the potential keeper.
As someone who’s grown past two years in therapy, I find myself being able to tick almost all of these boxes for myself. Of course there’s no perfect partner and we will still mistakes along the way but repair, good communication, & honesty is what’s important for those moments. Gives a sense of safety and security. I’d say there is hope! It can be rare but try to find someone who is focused on healing themselves :) I feel the more loving, attuned, compassionate we are with/towards ourselves, the easier it is show that same love, attunement, and compassion/empathy to a potential partner. How we treat others can reflect how we treat ourselves.
Only one problem with your #1 Attraction to someone. Dig WAY-Y-Y deeper. A person the has CPTSD and unhealed trauma will feel a huge, mega attraction to someone, thinking "This is it!! I am so attracted to this psrson and get all dreamy eyed and lost in fireworks, lightning bolt chemistry - but their attraction is all about a chemical reaction called trauma - intense, inticing and completely deceptive. They even think it is love - but it isn't.
but you can't rely on only one sign. You gotta have most of the boxes checked. I bet if most (or all) of the boxes are checked, the "fake" physical attraction could stay and you would continue feeling attracted to them...
I miss several extremely important points = > martial status? current and desired? (do you want to be the fourth husband of a woman who is her third divorce proceedings? Do both want to get married or are both happy not to) = > children? if yes, with whom (and how does that affect your life), if none, why? desired? (I’ve seen the live-in gf of a friend abort while he clearly said he wanted children, or men without the desire for kids waste years of child bearing years of women who wanted kids, both very bad) = > politics and religiosity? (Not just what, but how intensely, maybe even more important) I am neither proud or happy with that list, but it’s written in my and my exes’ tears. So after all those points are clarified in a satisfactory manner, the video’s list begins to matter. Nothing more frustrating and sad than falling in love and realising a major misalignment on points of the list above.
Go with your gut ❤always take it slow and observe rather than absorb, never make it about yourself and just see what they do when they think no one's looking also ;-) always watch for consistency and always watch for patterns. An excellent manipulator and covert narcissist can be all these things but it won't last if you make sure to take your time and then it reveals itself. Don't reveal too much of yourself at first, always see if everything is reciprocal with the giving and receiving ❤Never add personal meaning into what they're doing , coming up with reasons for why they're doing things, or make excuses for them because they are adults. They are accountable for themselves.
@@jenifernadeauyes my narcissistic ex fiancé tick most of the list but with time his true colours start to show especially the way he handle conflicts and the asking questions. My gut instinct always felt something off about him and it’s true towards the end of the discard. He was a wolf in sheep clothing!
What do you do when someone wants to know all about you but when you ask questions you get empty answer like I haven't thought about it and they never come back to try to answer it.
Luckily that's an area of life that's very learnable! You can even get one of those decks of cards that has these types of questions written on them, and take turns asking each other.
5:30 Been married for 30+ years to an executive. Lost her to Alzheimer's. It is hard to listen for 30 min to an hour ever day and realize she just needs to hear herself with your support. Even if you would have resolved the issue 6 months earlier. Not logical but it is what is.
@sharicoburn5475 Thank you, losing one's best friend is hard. Thinking about starting over again in my late 50's is just intimidating. I am still over 6'2" and several months from gettinga flat stomachback, but it's such a head game... Never was in high school or college. Appreciate your kind thoughts.
@@TheDWZemke I divorced at the age of 44 after 22 years of marriage so yeah dating was hard. Then over the next 9 years I had three very bad relationships. After the last one I took the time to find myself and to heal from a lot of abusive trauma. Finally in a wonderful relationship at the age of 54 now. Give yourself time and get therapy if you need it to heal. I wish you the best.
@sharicoburn5475 Thank you for your kind thoughts. Glad you got through the hard lessons learned and did not quit. As a super " type A" person I was actually seeing several therapists at the sametime, well one was more of a spiritual guide type person. (Previously had never seen a therapist) Also, Nothing like doing meditation for a few hours to also help resolve my issues. I have found my ability to be truly greatful for my life again. I am not perfect nor will I be, but I am feeling much more comfortable with my self. There will come a time were I actually move beyond the 1st date. I will have some frustration in dealing with individuals that I do not read correctly or ones that change their life goals etc. Lol, I created a check list that was so long and detailed that no one would make the list. So my goal is to have fun and enjoy dating to the best of my ability. Blessings to you.
I don't think the romantic type of love is special, and I think that the romantic type of love isn't real. More than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other. I think humans should just ditch concepts like dating, marriage, and pair bonding. I feel like this world would be a much better place without romance than it is with it. In my opinion, romantic love should not be on the highest pedestal. In my opinion, parents and siblings' family love is the strongest. Family knows who you are. Romance is fake for lots of people, put on a false persona and romance on most parts gets ugly real fast. For the reality of romance is no Disney love story. Parents and siblings' family love is one of the strongest types of love there is. If romantic love is actually real, it would be one of the weakest types of love there is. Romantic relationships are overrated and are just a waste of time. People should avoid being a romantic relationship.
1. You're physically attracted to them
2. They're reliable
3. How do they treat people (e.g. the waiter)
4. Somebody who makes you feel good about yourself
5. Calm, specially during conflict, and wants to listen to you
6. Asks you big and open-ended questions
7. Self-discloses, honest and has humility.
8. Willing to take responsibility for what they do
9. Wants to know your stressors and emotionally supportive (empathetic)
10. Wants to support you in what you love to do
Thank you!
@@thewisdomdivatv Hey now. Watch the whole video.. ;')
This lady is a psychiatrist with her husband. They've seen it all (had thousands of patients). But yea. We all like that run-down to save some time when the hosts don't give us the impression that they're too brilliant so we can makeup our own minds. In this case, this is an excerpt of a rather long interview I would guess. She is right about her take. Sadly, when you have an actually good relationship with someone, it also involves learning to communicate With them despite their potential (frequent, perhaps) mistakes and being the bigger person and not pointing them all out [I suggest writing them, having a journal]. Cooperate just like the partner does with the waitress and other people around (3rd point). She didn't explain them all in the whole scope, but... everyone's Trying :)
Had that and he left. 😢. Trusting God as usual. 🙏😞. Thinking God not too interested in me having a partner. I have been thru so much and times running out. All I wanted in life. Why is that so hard when you don’t ask for much?????
@@Dawnarow She's a therapist.. and he's a psychologist
Number 5. ...not anyone else's job
If you want a keeper, be a keeper.
I'm a beekeeper - is that any good..? ;)
11. A person who has the personal integrity and good intentions for you to kindly call you out when you are wrong.
🎯💯‼️
I agree with this in a relationship we should be able to hold each other accountable
Yes!
So important!!!
Thank you for your decades of research and work!!! This world is much better because of it! ❤
This describes my sweet husband ❤
I love this. Super helpful
This is great, thank you 🙏🏽 Unfortunately have never met someone with even half these qualities. The search continues…
You’ll meet them when you’re not looking.
Do you have these qualities?
@@goatkuhonestly, yes. Have worked on myself and would not be looking for qualities in someone that I wouldn’t expect from myself.
@@NevinMillan Oftentimes people can be deluded about themselves and their qualities…
The problem I found with men who don't share the same interests is that one or the other is always doing something they don't like...or, you just don't ever see each other. That's not to say you need to share EVERY interest, but there should definitely be some common ground there.
EXTREMELY helpful!
We love you guys and what you've helped the world learn
the "dating circuit". I thought for half a second that she said: "the dating circus". I like her and her husband. They really looked into this (still waited to post this after I watched it). It sucks but my ex (among all exes) was the only one that had a maladaptive personality disorder... so I try to make sure that everything is sound even for people that don't know how to make sense of "the real". Not completely neurotic, but... you know. Not good at deciphering messages even if they're abundantly clear.
Thank you, helpful information. Never too late even at 64.
Beautiful Day all 💜💟☮️
6:33 --> take that in note. Also... we all strive towards the same center of balance, but we might not see that it's there...I'm just letting you know that you should pay attention to what you can learn from That process (learning to care more/pay more attention). Being with a partner that is Nothing like you is almost ideal if you know (or learn quickly) how to communicate with them.
Really good excerpt. I love that psychiatrist and her husband.
I was dating this person who checked all of this points especially the listening part. Time was non existent and would spend hours talking without realizing…a great guy overall but still the external stress factor was too much to handle and it didn’t work out. I’m very sad😢
If someone knows a single man like that, looking for a woman, let me know 😅. Joke aside, emotional intelligence trumps all, now that (sadly) I know how badly broken people who appear smart and successful can be.
I am looking for a man like this for about 20 years...😢 I cannot believe that men like this exist somewhere.
It's not an all-or-nothing situation. Look at the list, and determine which traits are important to you. If your date can reach 7 or 8 out of 10, and include the traits you value, that may be good enough. You can work to develop the rest.
However, anyone who comes up short - and doesn't want to develop the rest - probably not your keeper.
If one open one’s eyes, then open them again, one will see opportunities among candidates that one previously didn’t give much thought or noticed. Then of course, one will only know afterwards if one found one. In the meantime, just remember that non-keepers will seem much more attractive… than the potential keeper.
You also have to become that person, not only expect someone else to be.
This is a life coach!
Excellent video and dating tips!
Thank you! I love your books as well.
This was relaxing!
Still hoping I meet this person someday!
This describes my boyfriend of 18 months to a tee. 😍
Which spell did you use? Lol jk😂
If dating a Narcissist...they do all this when they date you..after the commitment, it quickly changes...
Can you please record it in a higher volume setting. I could barely hear it.
Loving your talks and content. ❤
That is a really ambitious list
@@imogen.magenta
Yes! Hunting unicorns or the holy graile sounds easier in 2024 😇
I don’t think the expectation is that all boxes are ticked. You’d be lucky with 6 out of 10.
It is. It took me 44 years to find someone like that. Just met him this year at last.
That’s what I say.. this is pure fantasy.
As someone who’s grown past two years in therapy, I find myself being able to tick almost all of these boxes for myself. Of course there’s no perfect partner and we will still mistakes along the way but repair, good communication, & honesty is what’s important for those moments. Gives a sense of safety and security. I’d say there is hope! It can be rare but try to find someone who is focused on healing themselves :) I feel the more loving, attuned, compassionate we are with/towards ourselves, the easier it is show that same love, attunement, and compassion/empathy to a potential partner. How we treat others can reflect how we treat ourselves.
Only one problem with your #1 Attraction to someone. Dig WAY-Y-Y deeper. A person the has CPTSD and unhealed trauma will feel a huge, mega attraction to someone, thinking "This is it!! I am so attracted to this psrson and get all dreamy eyed and lost in fireworks, lightning bolt chemistry - but their attraction is all about a chemical reaction called trauma - intense, inticing and completely deceptive. They even think it is love - but it isn't.
but you can't rely on only one sign. You gotta have most of the boxes checked. I bet if most (or all) of the boxes are checked, the "fake" physical attraction could stay and you would continue feeling attracted to them...
I miss several extremely important points
= > martial status? current and desired? (do you want to be the fourth husband of a woman who is her third divorce proceedings? Do both want to get married or are both happy not to)
= > children? if yes, with whom (and how does that affect your life), if none, why? desired? (I’ve seen the live-in gf of a friend abort while he clearly said he wanted children, or men without the desire for kids waste years of child bearing years of women who wanted kids, both very bad)
= > politics and religiosity? (Not just what, but how intensely, maybe even more important)
I am neither proud or happy with that list, but it’s written in my and my exes’ tears.
So after all those points are clarified in a satisfactory manner, the video’s list begins to matter. Nothing more frustrating and sad than falling in love and realising a major misalignment on points of the list above.
Thank you❤
I’m not a keeper 😅
I assume that if your partner checks 8 or 9 out of 10 boxes, then they're still a keeper?
No
These are only signs! It is up to you to decide whether or not someone is a "keeper."
Go with your gut ❤always take it slow and observe rather than absorb, never make it about yourself and just see what they do when they think no one's looking also ;-) always watch for consistency and always watch for patterns. An excellent manipulator and covert narcissist can be all these things but it won't last if you make sure to take your time and then it reveals itself. Don't reveal too much of yourself at first, always see if everything is reciprocal with the giving and receiving ❤Never add personal meaning into what they're doing , coming up with reasons for why they're doing things, or make excuses for them because they are adults. They are accountable for themselves.
@@jenifernadeauyes my narcissistic ex fiancé tick most of the list but with time his true colours start to show especially the way he handle conflicts and the asking questions. My gut instinct always felt something off about him and it’s true towards the end of the discard. He was a wolf in sheep clothing!
@@jenifernadeauyes!
What do you do when someone wants to know all about you but when you ask questions you get empty answer like I haven't thought about it and they never come back to try to answer it.
does somebody described actually exist? I am not being critical, but wanting to have some lines of hope that they do.
They do exist I had a really hard time finding one but I finally found one.
No they do not. I’ll save you the trouble.
I’m latching on. #cepv #IMustWin
I got 8/10
What a lot of fun!!! I so felt that! Easier to be 6 feet under!
Mine thicks majority of boxes but he doesn’t asks questions… just the basics 😮
Luckily that's an area of life that's very learnable! You can even get one of those decks of cards that has these types of questions written on them, and take turns asking each other.
🙏
5:30 Been married for 30+ years to an executive. Lost her to Alzheimer's. It is hard to listen for 30 min to an hour ever day and realize she just needs to hear herself with your support. Even if you would have resolved the issue 6 months earlier. Not logical but it is what is.
That's really hard I'm sorry.
@sharicoburn5475 Thank you, losing one's best friend is hard. Thinking about starting over again in my late 50's is just intimidating. I am still over 6'2" and several months from gettinga flat stomachback, but it's such a head game... Never was in high school or college. Appreciate your kind thoughts.
@@TheDWZemke I divorced at the age of 44 after 22 years of marriage so yeah dating was hard.
Then over the next 9 years I had three very bad relationships.
After the last one I took the time to find myself and to heal from a lot of abusive trauma.
Finally in a wonderful relationship at the age of 54 now.
Give yourself time and get therapy if you need it to heal. I wish you the best.
@sharicoburn5475 Thank you for your kind thoughts. Glad you got through the hard lessons learned and did not quit. As a super " type A" person I was actually seeing several therapists at the sametime, well one was more of a spiritual guide type person. (Previously had never seen a therapist) Also, Nothing like doing meditation for a few hours to also help resolve my issues. I have found my ability to be truly greatful for my life again. I am not perfect nor will I be, but I am feeling much more comfortable with my self. There will come a time were I actually move beyond the 1st date. I will have some frustration in dealing with individuals that I do not read correctly or ones that change their life goals etc. Lol, I created a check list that was so long and detailed that no one would make the list. So my goal is to have fun and enjoy dating to the best of my ability. Blessings to you.
I don't think the romantic type of love is special, and I think that the romantic type of love isn't real. More than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other. I think humans should just ditch concepts like dating, marriage, and pair bonding. I feel like this world would be a much better place without romance than it is with it.
In my opinion, romantic love should not be on the highest pedestal. In my opinion, parents and siblings' family love is the strongest. Family knows who you are. Romance is fake for lots of people, put on a false persona and romance on most parts gets ugly real fast. For the reality of romance is no Disney love story.
Parents and siblings' family love is one of the strongest types of love there is. If romantic love is actually real, it would be one of the weakest types of love there is. Romantic relationships are overrated and are just a waste of time. People should avoid being a romantic relationship.
Jesus cares for you ❤
Mixed bag pieces of advice.