Blending Families: The Priority of Marriage
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- Опубліковано 17 лип 2018
- In a blended family, a natural re-prioritization has to occur. As a single parent, a child is usually the parent’s top priority. But when that spouse re-marries, the new marriage must come first.
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Jimmy Evans is one of America’s leading experts on family and marriage relationships. He is Founder and CEO of MarriageToday™ and co-host of MarriageToday with Jimmy and Karen, the marriage ministry and national award-winning broadcast that airs to millions of homes each week. A popular church and conference speaker, he has also authored a number of books, including Marriage on the Rock, Our Secret Paradise and The Right One.
One hard thing problem to consider that wasn't mentioned in the video was the influence of ex-partners.
Yes! My partners highly toxic ex spouse is central to my step Children’s rejection of me and my children and central to his guilty parenting too. 😢
Yes!
Yes that is a big aspect to blended families
This!
“If it was a broken marriage that hurt them (kids), then a good marriage will heal them.” Beautiful
Depends on the kids. Sometimes the kids themselves will try to destroy the marriage because you’re not their biological parent, or they’re just unruly children.
I do believe that after a divorce you and your kids( how ever old they are) have to heal first before going into another relationship.
I’m a full time stepmom (I have 2 adult sons and was empty nested for 3 years when I met my husband) who’s been raising my step children, both under the special education umbrella. I dove in 5 years ago helping them because I could see they were academically behind and needed help. We only have one child at home now, she’s in 11th grade. I’m currently separated from my husband as he’s putting my stepdaughter completely first. They’re in the house and I’m staying with a friend.
We all 3 sat and talked yesterday. During the talk I felt ambushed by them both. I wanted to cry but held it in until I got in my car. Before I walked out my husband said he didn’t want to see his daughter upset so “we need to stay separated…”
It crushed me. I couldn’t believe he was saying that.
Please pray for me because I’m so upset.
I feel betrayed by my husband.
It’s s very long story, but I’m tired of being second.
Praying 🙏🏽
Praying for you
In his heart I know that my guy will always love his children way more than me, and in a way his ex as well because she is a part of that blood connection through the kids. For this reason, the relationship will never feel real. He is my most important person but I will never be his. I can't see it lasting as I am not happy with this. I deserve better
This is a cautionary tale. If I had realised how it would be, I never would have entertained the idea that a divorced dad is truly available
God bless you sister 🙏🏼❤. I have great Compassion for you. The Lord told me last year to legally get out of my marriage because my ex husband and his mom are both covert narcissist
They have a INSEST relationship. 30 years of them gaslighting me. The Lord is the one opened my eyes and showed me ALL this. This man preaching helped me through this process last year because the Lord showed me they did not leave and cleave. We were married twice . Our marriage was NEVER LEGIT because we NEVER became one flesh because his mom is really his wife. It's been very hard sister . I'm so thankful for my relationship with Abba Father. I had a beautiful encounter with on the beach after my Baptism in 2020. That was the day I entered into His Kingdom. The day I became His bride 🤗🥰❤️🙏🏼 I pray the Lord will give you guidance and clarity and most of All that the Father will love on you and minister to you in Jesus name 🙏🏼❤
How did things play out for you guys? I have the same thing going.
can you please do a new video on a blended family with adult children who manipulate the relationship and the spouse does not have the boldness to stand up to the adult children , protect , respect and show loyalty and prioritize their spouse .
Going through this right now
Same
Oooh ya
Yes! I’m in that exact situation..
I know this to well. Experience this with my husband and his son. His mom was teaching him not to like me because she wasn’t ready to let my husband go. She was very controlling with my husband before we got married and she would use the kids against him. My stepson is my husbands but my husband also say that the older sister of my stepson is his as well. It’s like I helped raise my kids siblings from when they were babies until they got older but I do understand that I am married now and that my life is different. They reach out and reach out to them. We check on each other and things. I will always love them but I also have to be respectful to my husband. I don’t think he gets it but he was the one saying how we were gonna handle our kids and everything but my kids felt as if he was a drill sergeant and then when my stepson came to live with us. It was horrible because my husband and i didn’t see eye to eye. He allowed his son to come in and not speak to me and sometimes even not speak to him as well. We argued all the time after he moved in. It was stuff that my his couldn’t do are had to do but then it’s like for me. I believe one rule fit all and that wasn’t happening. I prayed and prayed and prayed because I was at the end of my rope’s with my husband and the child. Well now he has moved out and when I tell you things with my husband and I have gotten so much better. I thank God because I was about to leave. I was praying and asking the Lord to show me. Even let this babe open up and get better with us or something. He is 20 years old now and he came to live with us right after he made 18. He was starting trouble with the mom and her husband but they wasn’t going for it. So he came here and played on his dad. Me and my in-laws don’t even talk like we did at all like we use to after this babe came her because he was telling my father in law lies and my father in law wasn’t a man enough to come to me and ask what was going on are find out what was what. He just would call my husband and fuss with my husband about what the babe said and not even try and find out. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ. I haven’t lived in peace in my house for 2 years and now that he had moved out it is so peaceful.
Blessings. I needed to hear this. I just wish my ex was able to hear and understand this prior to us going our separate ways. I agree 110% with this view. Unfortunately cultural differences made her feel her siblings children and parents came before me.
I'm sorry, I joke now that my ex and I were married to our In-laws not each other. There is a reason for leave and cleave, reason why wives are to honor and respect and submit while husbands are to honor and love and be delicate with their wives. We did it all wrong by first not leaving and cleaving
Wow! I needed to hear this. This just confirms lots of things.
Thank you Sir, for helping blended families.
I am in a harmonized step family relationship for 25 years. We now provide workshops on step family and counseling in our church. What this pastor is saying is true. Biblically, it God-spouse-children. However, getting there is a process just like our salvation is a process. Read Ron Dean.
Love this so much , thank you. See where we have lost site of eachother over time. Marriage has to be first.
Could you please do a video on a blended family with adult children..because someone I know thinks it only applys when they are little..not when their adults....
The ages of the children drive the time frame of success in a step family.
Never and ever get involved with someone with adulte children...
Run run run and run faster.
Amazing Grace. Alot of people think that Step families with adult children does not have its issues. They need to be reminded that there are issues 🙂
This is A excellent word
So good!
Needed this ♥️
I thank God for this ministry. It has been very helpful.
Beautiful. In other words. Your job as a parent is to “raise” them up to be the best human they can be. To be put God first and to show them an example with “your” happy marriage. It is not to make them your top priority when they are 40 years old with their own spouse and family. It’s God, Husband, Wife Then the kids.
Do this and watch your kids get abused by their stepfather. The safety of children must always be a priority.
@@g.b.d6765 This post has nothing at all to do with abuse. The step parents (with a good head on their shoulders) know not to do behave like that with other peoples kids. If abuse were to happen then that’s a whole other situation and then of course the kids need to be protected. We are talking about “healthy” relationships.
@@bossbeautymargie2512 You won't have the urge to end a relationship for your kids if the relationship is more important than your kids.people always use the justification of "healthy relationships" but that's never what happens in practice, that's never what arrives in psychological offices.
@@g.b.d6765 Well that’s becus everyone is viewing it completely wrong and trust me, when u abuse the kids I come with, it’s a wrap. Again, “abuse” is a whole different story. THEN my kids safety will come first. Period! If a person can’t leave the relationship, that’s sad and that’s on them. When it comes to marriage, that is lifelong. U cannot be that stuck on kids that are just going to grow up and leave you. Yes always love them and be there for them, but your “Spouse” will still be there with you, and grow old with you. U guys are as ONE molded together. NOTHING should come before that. Your kids will have their OWN spouse one day that are going to need to come BEFORE you. U gotta let them go and live their own lives. People don’t get that kids should not come first and make it like someone’s abandoning them. That’s NOT what it means. When you put your spouse first, your actually putting the kids first. Becus you set a good foundation for them to be able to view.
@@bossbeautymargie2512 If people really took into account the idea of "marriage is forever" there wouldn't be an institute for blended families. I believe it depends on the interpretation of the word priority, many times people think that priority is to fulfill someone's wishes or dedicate all their time to someone I see it differently. For me, priority is more related to "what can I do to ensure someone's best well-being". In this case I don't see why an adult with full capacity to take care of himself, d Must come first. When you and other people say that children leave the house, it sounds like a disqualification of the child's condition. In the same way that children will not live with their parents for the rest of their lives, a husband or a wife, you, me, and anyone can find anywhere and have several. Sorry if this seems disqualifying for the status of wife or husband, but nothing is forever. Really worrying people saying they love adults more than their children, children sue most of the time, they can't put food on their own table because they are children. Well, everyone sees it in a different way. If I spelled it wrong, I'm Brazilian, and I'm not good at English.
Blended families is an alternative lifestyle.
I wish my husband understood this
Get him to watch this video with you. Many people still do not understand how big a marriage-killer child worshipping is...
Me too. I can’t do it anymore.
Truth
You guys are really helping us! Thank you so much!
Thank you so much! We appreciate you tuning in!
We discuss this as well in my page about our blended family @raisingnine
This is a good sermon . God bless your ministry .
My kids will ALWAYS come first!
Excellent teaching! It's just sad that about a third of the video consists of materials being advertised and financial support being asked. And that's true of all Marriage Today video's. Valuable airtime is wasted.
I agree
I agree
Children need to see adults in healthy marriages.
So sad I don’t know what to do. My wife will fall out of love with me and I love her so much.
Worldly love does that. Agape love is a decision not feeling. I’m praying for your heart and marriage
Do you know what her love language is?
I like the video ,just not the nonsense religion!
How do you deal with adult children who refuse to acknowledge the new spouse and wants her dad to meet her for dinner away from the house so she doesn't have to see the new spouse.
I think a family member can have a meal with someone without the spouse. I may want to speak to my parent about something I’m not comfortable talking about in front of their spouse. Marriage doesn’t mean ownership
@@LisaLisaCJ I can tell you now that there’s no way my wife and I are eating dinner apart. Dinner time is family time and if not family time, definitely husband and wife time. It is perfectly OK for children to meet mom or dad for lunch or even ask to speak with mom or dad after dinner, but nothing - unless it is an emergency - comes between us at dinner time. Marriage comes first.
Are you saying that your (new) husband’s daughter is forever trying to create space between the two of you? If so, your husband needs to know that it is unacceptable, coming from an adult child. He also should be the one to tell his daughter that YOU are his wife and she needs to respect his decision to marry you. If she wants to see him at dinner time, she knows where your house is. His daughter(and your husband) should know that YOU are his FIRST priority. It does not mean that he loves her any less than any time before, she will always be his daughter. Marriage has to come first though. There are many reasons for the statement - first and foremost because that is how God ordained marriage. Another reason/ real life example is; who would go to the nursing home with you? Who would be the one person to take that journey with you? Go visit a nursing home/old age home. You won’t see many “children” there. What you will see is either a couple together or single people. Stick to the person who will stick with you through just about every situation in life - your spouse! Please let your husband read this with you.
@@christopheravenant6511 I’m saying I’m an adult and i may want to speak with my mother or father on a sensitive subject that I’m not comfortable with talking about in front of their spouse I CAN have a meal alone with either one of my parents. People act like once someone is married they have to cut every other relationship or include their spouse in everything. They don’t/. My husband can have time with his parents or his children without me if the need arises. These relationship predate me and will still
be there IF our marriage ends.
@@LisaLisaCJ My last comment here was directed at Sherena though. I think you need to listen more to Jimmy’s teachings. Never has anyone ever suggested that all other relationships are to be cut.
I put my husband and marriage first which ended in my child and I being verbally and emotionally abused. My child also ended up feeling alone in the home. He is 22 now but the controlling and abuse continues. How long does one stay in a marriage like this?
get help, sounds like he isnt a christian and you may need to leave
This advice is crap.
The Bible actually prohibits remarriage.
You chose a dick over your child.
He never accepted your child and that's rejection. I hope you addressed it sometimes men take advantage of their authority. Continue to pray for your marriage. Put God first.
You don't. You find the courage to try to leave. This video is not to encourage women to stay in abusive marriages. It's to encourage healthy relationships to put marriage first. I'm so sorry that has happened to you and your son. I hope you and your son are healing from the abuse you both suffered.
@@nicolearendse1475 praying? Don't be stupid, she should end this relationship, or rather never have.
Jesus taught against divorce.
Luke 16:18
Paul 1 Corinthians 7
Stated: the believer is not to seek a divorce
ECCLESIASTICUS 23:23
Women should not have children with multiple men: while the first lives.
Blended families are not always safe and can be emotionally draining on children.
My fiancé says his “kids” come first.
Don’t marry him. It’s very hard. You will be hurt so often
The Bible prohibits remarriage
@@davidregi7571 Under certain circumstances
@@davidregi7571 Hogwash.
Did you marry him? Has things changed?
Total nonsense. The children from the first marriage come first. Not the new marriage.
If you do so you devaluate the ex parent(s) and the former home/families they derive from etc, of the child(ren) and their safety.
A new blended family almost never works. Dont do it ! Ive been there, it truly is a bad idea. Children suffer, they surely havent asked for their new steph(siblings, parents, family) etc.
Just live alone in co parenting, and wait till you have more time. Take a lat-friend or help yourself
Just because yours didn't work doesn't mean others won't , some have worked, watch fashionable step mom