I have trouble with this I know I could convince someone to date me, but I get the other side of wanting to know. People like me and I stop myself because I’m pos. This channel really helps me get over that fear I need to put myself out there. I want to make a UA-cam channel but I know I will only get views if I am vulnerable I struggle with coming up with the courage to get myself to do that. I am a nursing student and I think my story might help people especially if I start dating and find love like I know I can. Please keep making these videos I’m on the brink of a social breakthrough and these videos are really helping me build up the courage to be the man I know I can be and be a guide for others with hiv just like you. I really look up to you.
I honestly wouldn’t care if you have HIV. As long as you’re undetectable, it’s a completely moot issue. I have a lot of friends that have HIV and they live normal lives and a bunch of them have boyfriends/husbands that don’t have HIV. Anyone that doesn’t want to date you ‘cause you have HIV, you don’t want in your life anyway. Love & aloha from Hawaiʻi! 🥰🤙🏽🌈☀️
@@CooreValues I don't know if it is mentioned in the video because I have not watched the whole thing, but lots of peoole with HIV chose to date other people with HIV too. That's an option as well!
@@valentinomays3654 rejection is a part of sexual selection. This is a painful thing to deal with, but I respect that you've prioritized honesty and the personal autonomy of the other person over your own defensiveness. That's a huge credit to your character
I miss your bimonthly updates on the HIV cure. It brings me hope in my darkest days. I hope it has a continued breakthrough. Just hoping I’m living in the times where this disease is finally curable.
Thank you so much, Raif, for so clearly and firmly defending your position on the subject. I work as a volunteer in a Spanish organization specialized in prevention and help for people with HIV and you have given me some very clear and compelling arguments to continue fighting the stigma and discrimination that HIV-positive people continue to suffer after more than 40 years of the appearance of HIV. From what I see here, ignorance pervades the entire planet. I wish you all the best in continuing to move forward and thank you for your wonderful work. 💝💝💝
You're so welcome my friend. And thank you for the work you're doing. all we can do is keep on keepin on, educating and inspiring one person and one story at a time
100% agree with you Raif - I am straight. The ignorance about the science is so strong. It DOES not affect anyone else - perpetuating stigma is not a valid reason to be forced into revealing private information. Putting a ❤️ at the end of a “i need to know” post still makes you ignorant
Living in San Francisco since the 80s, I've learned to assume everyone has HIV/AIDS and protect myself accordingly, rather than relying on someone's declaration of their status. After all, how can you know someone is telling the truth? It's not a potential partner's responsibility to protect you - it's yours.
I’m a 52 year-old gay man living in NC; born here. I’ve been +/UD since 2012. My current boyfriend (I hate to say boyfriend at this age) is negative & using Descovy as PrEP. My status wasn’t in my profile, but as we were talking, I told him. I showed my lab work, even though he said it wasn’t necessary, & it hasn’t been an issue. In my state, if someone has been UD for at least 6 months, disclosure isn’t required. That being said, I’m only open about my status with my close friends & close family (& the people at CVS), NOT coworkers. This guy, IMO, has issues, as did I before my ex infected me. Thank you, Raif, for your advocacy!
Do you know? that HIV is a virus that may remain dormant, or may cause a flare up in the body. All thanks to DR ALAHO OLU on UA-cam Channel who cured my HIV……
I love your channel and value your opinions and experiences Raif. Thank you for being such an incredible human being! This is a lonely journey. Very lonely. 😞
Good job Raif, I'm going on 31 years poz and I haven't dated for a long time, due to I caregive for a parent and also part time for a client so I have very little free time. I hope to return to the dating scene, but what I've seen over the years is good and bad relationships, sometimes I think maybe better of single than married! I have gay friends who have been together for 20 years and questioned if they were rally happy the same with straight couples?
The world is getting too carried away with telling other people what they need to do. If you’re scared about contracting HIV or someone not being honest about your status simply don’t have sex with them until you know them well enough. When you choose to have sex with somebody else, you choose to take the risk. (Whatever the risk is) ❤
I don’t think it should be in the bio, but I do think it should be disclosed before intercourse. The person you’re interested in needs to have the choice, and if there’s no huge risk of contracting, disclosure with education is imperative.
Thanks for sharing this! I used to think that people in progressive countries were more educated about this "issue", but now I see that ignorance exists everywhere, regardless of the laws in place. It doesn't matter if you live a country with "strict" rules or "more liberal" ones.
Actual science based sex education will literally take care of this controversy 😅 Smh. And it’s still a fxcking issue in 2024 🤦🏻♂️ like these comments (in this comment section) literally rot my brain. Not surprising that the gays are out here being so homophobic, exclusionary, elitist and prejudiced. 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️ This video ate. No crumbs. No notes. I’m saving it and sharing it whenever I get a comment like the guy in the vid.
Moreover, if someone asks you if this food has nuts in it, the appropriate response is not: "are you allergic to nuts?" Because it doesn't matter what their reasons are, nor for you to narcissistically decide that you know whabeis best for said person. The only appropriate response is to answer truthfully and allow them to make a decision as an informed adult. This is so basic, it blows my mind that people are some feeling like a victim because they may or may not be rejected from casual sex. Get real.
Undetectable people cannot transmit. What is so difficult to understand about this? Rejecting someone because you refuse to listen or to learn the latest scientific evidence is plain ignorant. Someone who is undetectable is not a threat to you. Someone who claims to be “HIV Negative” (but has not been tested in a very long time) is more of a threat. They could very well be positive and thus not be on meds and thus have a rising viral load which makes them more likely to transmit - all the while - they still claim to be HIV Negative. This is why testing and knowing your status is important.
I believe strangers should not know your business. Once you guys build a relationship and the person feels comfortable to disclose. As long as there isn’t sex involved.
U=U, so if you are undetectable you can´t pass it on. Even if sex involved you are not contagious, there is nothing to share or to shame to have a chronic condition.
👏🏾 great job Raif! this topic is a hard one but you highlighted well about the entitlement at play against the advances of technology and medicine and culture
I've tried to be really upfront but honest about my status I don't tell everybody but I did include it in dating apps and strangely enough most people don't read. Or i get the ones that are into the risk factor that want someone to poz them... so I will continue to be honest about my status when dealing with people. if I'm going to be intimate with someone, they have a right to decide. If they walk away so be it. That opens me up to those that are educated and understanding.
When first diagnosed I felt like I was keeping a “secret” which made me feel guilty - I’m an open honest person so I know it’s really odd feeling like that, but since then my feelings have changed about who I disclose to. I’ve been single for over 5 years. It’s too daunting the rejection & judgement out there still sadly. U=U means nothing to people unless they’re educated in what it means. And even then people are fearful 🤷🏻♀️
My story... 4 years taking prep and i had a BF HIV positive undetectable...Im very familiar with this I work at laboratory.... I was instruduce to my ex...after 4 months together even we introduced to our family last December. We talked about it prep and HIV he never said anything. I found out after 4 months he was +U and I didn't say anything. I know my status taking prep so I'm ok....we had sex unprotected because he said he was on prep too I was waiting for him to tell me. After a year we brake up I told him that I knew he said he didn't have to tell me 😮...of course you have to tell if you in a relationship or dating. But funny that after I break up with him found out he had scruff app and openly is poz undetectable.
All criminalization laws need to be thrown out! Period. Why are they even still on the books. I was diagnosed in NC and it’s terrible there, what they do to people newly diagnosed. Their Dept of Health is horrible. There needs to be a greater effort to get rid of those laws. I also need to say to HIV Negative guys: stop blocking guys on apps when you find out they’re Positive. That is rude. Quit being ignorant towards the latest science.
23 years POZ here and I gotta say recently I have put myself back out there in the dating scene and to say that it's brought me down would be an understatement.... the lack of understanding form the gay community nowadays on this subject is heart destroying and not just with the younger generation but those in my age bracket that 100% should know that U=U but I digress... recently thought i had made a match everything going great a connection both mentally and well physical (no we hadn't done the deed yet but both wanted to) the second i disclosed - BOOM shut down without any explanation.... ahhh well
Even though we know intellectually that there is no risk, emotionally it's different. Especially after decades of it being rammed down our throats that it kills you. Blame the media and ignorance for that unfortunately. It will take time to change societies attitudes.
This has been an interesting experience for me. Since getting sober I have been honest with sharing my status. In online dating I would automatically disclose right away just to get it over with out of fear… But now years later I am now seeing how it feels to take some power back by getting to know someone and disclose when I like them. I still prefer to share my status before kissing and etc. But a lot of people are uneducated. Thank you for sharing this. What was your experience with sharing your status with your partner?
You know what's sad? The people I've had the most discourse about my status is with my family. They believe I still need to be careful with sharing drinks, if I have a cut or something and accidentally bleed somewhere idk. All it takes is a quick google search.
it's simple: - it is your own responsibility to have sex how you choose to have it - it is not the other person's responsibility to disclose something about themselves that is of no consequence, at least in regards to something which is ultimately associated with no risk on a different note, as someone who lived in NY back in the 90s, when there was no ART available, i made my choices starting from a single premise: everyone i slept with was HIV+. and the other glaringly obvious hole in this "requirement" is assuming that they actually know, or even worse, that they're not lying to you. take care of yourself and take responsibility for your own choices and risks, anything else and you're just playing victim
Even though U=U, if I was single and went on a first date…I think I would let them get to know me before telling them my positive status unless they tried kissing me etc. even though I could not transmit it. My reason is because if they are very ignorant about that disease, I would not want to risk any violent harm by them. Since it’s a first date, I would not know if they had that violent nature. I think this topic is up to the HIV positive person to decide what they would do. I hear what you are saying about the dating apps though…they may swipe by if they see HIV Positive. I think it’s important to be honest if one has to fill out a form. Again, it’s for your safety HIV Pos. Persons…my opinion.
you didn't listen to a thing he said, did you? but anyway, why not demand full disclosure for all STDs? what other nasty bugs are you maybe infected with?
@@ivor000 that’s its important to share… I think it’s a crime to not share it to people your sleeping with… I had this experience once with a guy that didn’t tell me… I felt so disrespected by that…
@@adventuresconjuan okay, HIV can no longer kill you these days. syphilis, untreated, will kill you explain to me the difference, since i assume you don't demand to know if someone has syphilis or not before having safe sex? (i assume you're having safe sex, right?)
@adventuresconjuan okay, that makes no sense at all. seriously, i hope you don't depend on the other person knowing their status accurately, or not lying to you, as your method to remain HIV-, that's the stupidest method of HIV transmission prevention i've ever heard. and why has no one mentioned PrEP? take your pill, you can never contract HIV, no matter what, depending on someone else is in no way needed, and this dicussion's closed. whatever happened to personal responsibility? your health is yours to manage and take care of, no one else's...
What about people who have hiv and deliberately want to infect others because they feel comfortable with people of same medical situation. Yes U _ U but I think let other person decide if want to go on or not. I think I will feel more comfortable with a person who knows their status.
That story again... YOUR sexual health is YOUR responsability, protect yourself, use condoms, take Prep; you have the tools to protect your health and nobody can force you into do things you are not prepared to do. And stop been afraid of Kissing or Hugging or BJs... We know for long that´s not the way you can be infected.
@@pablod.rodriguez1423 Asking helps to document and hold accountable the other person in case of lying! I see no offense if asked about hiv status. There is reason for hiv disclosure as per law.
The entitlement from these people, they have unprotected sex, without a care in the world... "Just having fun" then they get infected then want all the people to just accept them not have an issue with it, they need a reality check. If I am going to date somebody, I would want to know if they are positive even if they are undetectable, I feel like withholding that is highly irresponsible.
@@labased2539 You need to learn about it and educate yourself. Undetectable equals Unstransmisable. By the way your parents also had unprotected sex to "creates" you... "Unprotected sex" isn´t the problem, people who never have been tested are the problem. Education is what you need
@@pablod.rodriguez1423 Well thankfully I get tested every 6 months, even when I'm not sexually active, no duh captain obvious, I didn't just spawn in lol, the difference is they were both tested and disclosed their status before having me. That's cool, if you're not able to transmit congratulations, I'm not saying you should blast your status but if you're dating, it is your responsibility to disclose your status, it's selfish not to do so, it's a red flag if you hide it.
I’d date someone who is undetectable a THOUSAND TIMES over someone who does not know their status because you’re 1). You’re being told upfront 2). You’re partner cannot give it to you because of the medications they are one preventing transmission (my sincerest apologies for over simplifying, it’s 1:27am and just woke up) and 3rd, your partner is constantly being monitored by their healthcare provider and lastly…..They deserve love and respect like ANYONE else and I suspect I’m older than you two and remember the stigma in the early 80’s, heck I remember when Liberace died and the vile things that had been said by the media AND my mother!! ❤
All thanks to dr gboya for his incredible compassion and kindness throughout my journey of hiv his care and support have made a world of difference to me. I am forever grateful for your dedication and sincerity. You are a true healer. God bless you….
My reply is subjective i think everyone should disclose prior to any sexual relations eventhough u=u. Most positive people go to the doctor every 3 to 6 months and sometimes meds could stop working at any point. It could be because other underline issues or or just failure because your body is not responding and you can become detectable prior to your next dr visit. by disclosing to that partner give that person the opportunity to say i understand any risk and i still want to participate. Violence for disclosing or not disclosing could go either way. You can fail to disclose and someone can snap once they find out and violence can take place or you can disclose and the same thing may occur. The reason im giving my opinion on this topic because i am hiv - and was dating someone hiv+ who became detectable because the meds stop working and that person had to switch meds. They became positive at some point between visit. This might not be typical or the norm but its definitely a possibility and for that reason it should be disclosed or perhaps the person would like to take prep. People on prep could also catch HIV its not fool proof although it does reduce a high percentage of contracting the virus. Morally its the right thing to do, again my opinion and many people im sure may not agree.
That´s not the way it works, meds doesn´t just "stop" working suddendly, and even if people forget to take the pill one day, treatments still working in time... Please educate and think about your nosophobia.
@@pablod.rodriguez1423 He’s not talking about forgetting to take meds, he’s talking about a body rejecting meds which isn’t uncommon, all you can do is encourage everyone sexually active to go on prep as a safeguard
@@LifeIsaRetreat With these words you believe you need to disclose any type of infectious disease you may have. The flu kills thousands of people each year. How about gun ownership! Gun owners kill high school students. Should you disclose that you own guns too?
@@LifeIsaRetreat The only way the meds stop working is if people stop taking them. Seems like you and your boyfriend had more serious honesty issues! Good luck
@@pablod.rodriguez1423 Yes meds do stop working!!! Christ! 🤬 I found out my regime wasn't working anymore & my viral load was creeping up after being undetectable for years! We did a genetic test & one of the meds in my cocktail I had built up a resistance to it & I didn't feel a thing, I felt normal. Later that week my doctor called me & we discussed a new meds cocktail. That has happened to me several times since starting meds in 1996. I've been Poz since 1985. You don't know what you're talking about & you need to further educate yourself on this topic. Raif is wrong on this issue! Absolutely wrong! It is morally bankrupt to follow his advice on this video!!! It is self-centered & self-serving & doesn't take care of the people you come across who may be uncomfortable with being in a situation that they have every right to know about & do not want to be put into a situation dealing with HIV. Since 1985 I have made it a prerequisite to only have sex with other HIV+ men. If they are negative I have not engaged with them & while we do know now about U=U it is still morally correct to share your status with any perspective partner you engage in sex with unless it's JO only & even then you should disclose. If you're sucking or f*cking you must disclose! I marched in ActUp & buried more friends because of AIDS than you can possibly imagine & for your generation to be so cavalier about getting your personal needs met over a partners needs & wants is the height of arrogance & self-centeredness! If you can't face your HIV in the dating sphere than you shouldn't be participating in it. Grow up & be a man & disclose & if you can't then get into therapy & find out why you can't & do the work to find that inner strength to take a stand for yourself & brethren. It's not all about you! You have a responsibility to be responsible for every one of your gay brothers!
Another excellence!!! That you have given to the community. I absolutely agree with Raif !! Especially the fact about if that person living in a small community, it must cause a big impact on that their socialization and it will never be good. People need to respect others’s privacy
You don't need to disclose it publicly or put it on an app but its ethical to tell your sex partner before engaging in sex that you have hiv undetectable. And anyone who engage in sex who has hiv and not on meds is sexual assault.
EXACTLY, it is still pr3datory to not disclose it even if you're on meds because you're taking away the other person's choice. I can't believe there's so many people here defending this sh!t
Honestly the only reason someone would want to tell on you is because they are insecure with themselves And because this is a way for them to express themselves. Thinking that it's justifiable, when in reality it shows your true characteristics.
I respectfully disagree. I think if theres a possibility we are going to sleep together then i think it is my business to know your HIV status. My ex told me about 6 months into the relationship that he was HIV positive. I felt cheated and lied to. I also was very anxious to get tested as soon as possible. He claimed to be taking medication that prevented him from passing on HIV but he himself later told me that he often missed taking his meds and relapsed. I just see it as lying through omission now. I think if youre seeing someone it is the morally correct thing to do to share your information. Just my personal opinion formed from past experience.
@feliscatus6117 I didn't ask him directly. We met up many times for meals and dates before we eventually slept together though so he had many many opportunities to tell me yet didn't. Also, I have weak kidneys so can't take Prep...
@@couragedamien5486very true. cultural dynamics and legal repercussions in different countries necessitate a global context understanding to some of the nuances at play. how is disclosure handled positively in nigerian communities?
@@couragedamien5486that would be a good topic, gay life in Nigeria. So difficult, so frightening from what I think I understand about the government there
@@RaifDerraziI can say that the perception of HIV in the modern age is still lagging behind. In Malaysia, while healthcare is great towards people living with HIV, it’s only 2 cities out of 14 states. Most people still view HIV as a easily transmitted disease and do not know the concept of U=U 😢
In New York City where im from, on the Apps or in Person Nobody as a GAY New Yorkers Predominately don't give a fuck about a HIV ++ POZ Person status. Its all About ur Sex game 😅😅😅 that Stds conversation barley is topic that rises hardly ever.
I agree with the British gentleman and I'm a member of the LGBT community. I think it's really selfish how people in the HIV community withhold important health information about themselves and justify it by saying they are protecting themselves from being discriminated against. I think it's just as morally suspect when a trans person does not identify themselves because once again we enter into these situations to form various types of relationships and those relationships must be built on trust. When you can't even be ethical at the beginning of the meeting phase don't be surprised if the people that you deal with choose not to be truthful with you as well. You reap what you sow.❤
No sir, diclosing private medical information, that is not affecting you in any way, does not have anything to do with "ethic", if you are dating a valuable person but you dump they because you "discovered" they have a chronic condition that not affecting you at all... Well, sir, you are the problem here. ¿Will you break with a prommising prospect couple because they are diabetic? No, sir, outing the HIV status is not ethic is just nosophobia and voyeurism. Remember, YOUR sexual health is YOUR responsability, and a condition not define what a person is in whole.
You could apply this to a lot of things. But fundamentally people deserve to know who they're getting into a relationship with, whether that's a "person with HIV" or "a trans person" or "a republican". Whether or not you put it on an app that is essentially public, you should disclose if you're sharing that part of your life with someone. Sexuality transmitted diseases should be disclosed before sex.
Wait, granted U=U, but I'm almost sure that you're legally required to disclose your status. What if a partner with whom you're having unprotected sex requests a hiv result from you ?
I've had this argument with people. Unless it's your committed partner, it's nobody's business in my opinion. And certainly not their right to know. Everyone has the responsibility to protect themselves. Now putting someone in a sitution where they could catch it and lying about that is a different matter. But this gentleman is correct. (The guy on the right to be clear)
I have trouble with this I know I could convince someone to date me, but I get the other side of wanting to know. People like me and I stop myself because I’m pos. This channel really helps me get over that fear I need to put myself out there. I want to make a UA-cam channel but I know I will only get views if I am vulnerable I struggle with coming up with the courage to get myself to do that. I am a nursing student and I think my story might help people especially if I start dating and find love like I know I can. Please keep making these videos I’m on the brink of a social breakthrough and these videos are really helping me build up the courage to be the man I know I can be and be a guide for others with hiv just like you. I really look up to you.
I honestly wouldn’t care if you have HIV. As long as you’re undetectable, it’s a completely moot issue. I have a lot of friends that have HIV and they live normal lives and a bunch of them have boyfriends/husbands that don’t have HIV. Anyone that doesn’t want to date you ‘cause you have HIV, you don’t want in your life anyway.
Love & aloha from Hawaiʻi! 🥰🤙🏽🌈☀️
@@CooreValues I don't know if it is mentioned in the video because I have not watched the whole thing, but lots of peoole with HIV chose to date other people with HIV too. That's an option as well!
@@SeanShimamotobravo
@@CooreValues just stop dating. No one wants aids.
Ughh!!! I always share anyway. But I get tired of being disrespected
@@valentinomays3654 yea, it’s not your burden to bear when you aren’t prepared for it
Fr
@@valentinomays3654 rejection is a part of sexual selection. This is a painful thing to deal with, but I respect that you've prioritized honesty and the personal autonomy of the other person over your own defensiveness. That's a huge credit to your character
I miss your bimonthly updates on the HIV cure. It brings me hope in my darkest days. I hope it has a continued breakthrough. Just hoping I’m living in the times where this disease is finally curable.
Thank you so much, Raif, for so clearly and firmly defending your position on the subject. I work as a volunteer in a Spanish organization specialized in prevention and help for people with HIV and you have given me some very clear and compelling arguments to continue fighting the stigma and discrimination that HIV-positive people continue to suffer after more than 40 years of the appearance of HIV. From what I see here, ignorance pervades the entire planet. I wish you all the best in continuing to move forward and thank you for your wonderful work. 💝💝💝
You're so welcome my friend. And thank you for the work you're doing. all we can do is keep on keepin on, educating and inspiring one person and one story at a time
👍❣️
100% agree with you Raif - I am straight. The ignorance about the science is so strong. It DOES not affect anyone else - perpetuating stigma is not a valid reason to be forced into revealing private information.
Putting a ❤️ at the end of a “i need to know” post still makes you ignorant
@@mattshelley6541 you have hiv because you are gay. You need Jesus
Living in San Francisco since the 80s, I've learned to assume everyone has HIV/AIDS and protect myself accordingly, rather than relying on someone's declaration of their status. After all, how can you know someone is telling the truth? It's not a potential partner's responsibility to protect you - it's yours.
I’m a 52 year-old gay man living in NC; born here. I’ve been +/UD since 2012. My current boyfriend (I hate to say boyfriend at this age) is negative & using Descovy as PrEP. My status wasn’t in my profile, but as we were talking, I told him. I showed my lab work, even though he said it wasn’t necessary, & it hasn’t been an issue. In my state, if someone has been UD for at least 6 months, disclosure isn’t required. That being said, I’m only open about my status with my close friends & close family (& the people at CVS), NOT coworkers. This guy, IMO, has issues, as did I before my ex infected me. Thank you, Raif, for your advocacy!
i live in wales in the uk and a lot of people here are still in the 80s mindset. i have given up dating im fed up from the knock backs
My son taught the same thing now he’s has HIV and he’s dying in the hospital he didn’t know he had it for so many years just happens three weeks ago
Do you know? that HIV is a virus that may remain dormant, or may cause a flare up in the body. All thanks to DR ALAHO OLU on UA-cam Channel who cured my HIV……
I love your channel and value your opinions and experiences Raif. Thank you for being such an incredible human being! This is a lonely journey. Very lonely. 😞
Good job Raif, I'm going on 31 years poz and I haven't dated for a long time, due to I caregive for a parent and also part time for a client so I have very little free time. I hope to return to the dating scene, but what I've seen over the years is good and bad relationships, sometimes I think maybe better of single than married! I have gay friends who have been together for 20 years and questioned if they were rally happy the same with straight couples?
The world is getting too carried away with telling other people what they need to do.
If you’re scared about contracting HIV or someone not being honest about your status simply don’t have sex with them until you know them well enough. When you choose to have sex with somebody else, you choose to take the risk.
(Whatever the risk is) ❤
I don’t think it should be in the bio, but I do think it should be disclosed before intercourse. The person you’re interested in needs to have the choice, and if there’s no huge risk of contracting, disclosure with education is imperative.
Thanks for sharing this! I used to think that people in progressive countries were more educated about this "issue", but now I see that ignorance exists everywhere, regardless of the laws in place. It doesn't matter if you live a country with "strict" rules or "more liberal" ones.
Actual science based sex education will literally take care of this controversy 😅
Smh. And it’s still a fxcking issue in 2024 🤦🏻♂️ like these comments (in this comment section) literally rot my brain.
Not surprising that the gays are out here being so homophobic, exclusionary, elitist and prejudiced. 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
This video ate. No crumbs. No notes. I’m saving it and sharing it whenever I get a comment like the guy in the vid.
People have the right to reject you. This is true for anyone, for any reason.
@@whitewings2363 and everyone has the right to reject you too!
Agree
Moreover, if someone asks you if this food has nuts in it, the appropriate response is not: "are you allergic to nuts?" Because it doesn't matter what their reasons are, nor for you to narcissistically decide that you know whabeis best for said person. The only appropriate response is to answer truthfully and allow them to make a decision as an informed adult. This is so basic, it blows my mind that people are some feeling like a victim because they may or may not be rejected from casual sex. Get real.
Undetectable people cannot transmit. What is so difficult to understand about this? Rejecting someone because you refuse to listen or to learn the latest scientific evidence is plain ignorant. Someone who is undetectable is not a threat to you. Someone who claims to be “HIV Negative” (but has not been tested in a very long time) is more of a threat. They could very well be positive and thus not be on meds and thus have a rising viral load which makes them more likely to transmit - all the while - they still claim to be HIV Negative. This is why testing and knowing your status is important.
I believe strangers should not know your business. Once you guys build a relationship and the person feels comfortable to disclose. As long as there isn’t sex involved.
U=U, so if you are undetectable you can´t pass it on. Even if sex involved you are not contagious, there is nothing to share or to shame to have a chronic condition.
@@pablod.rodriguez1423 They'd rather keep the stigma going many are not intelligent today don't support the community any longer them lefties.
@@pablod.rodriguez1423 if there's nothing to shame, then you shouldn't have a problem sharing. How disgusting to hide an Sti from a sèxual partner
👏🏾 great job Raif! this topic is a hard one but you highlighted well about the entitlement at play against the advances of technology and medicine and culture
I've tried to be really upfront but honest about my status I don't tell everybody but I did include it in dating apps and strangely enough most people don't read. Or i get the ones that are into the risk factor that want someone to poz them... so I will continue to be honest about my status when dealing with people. if I'm going to be intimate with someone, they have a right to decide. If they walk away so be it. That opens me up to those that are educated and understanding.
When first diagnosed I felt like I was keeping a “secret” which made me feel guilty - I’m an open honest person so I know it’s really odd feeling like that, but since then my feelings have changed about who I disclose to. I’ve been single for over 5 years. It’s too daunting the rejection & judgement out there still sadly.
U=U means nothing to people unless they’re educated in what it means. And even then people are fearful 🤷🏻♀️
Good job, Raif. you are giving 100% pure truth facts. and debunking this ignorance. ❤ love you
My story... 4 years taking prep and i had a BF HIV positive undetectable...Im very familiar with this I work at laboratory.... I was instruduce to my ex...after 4 months together even we introduced to our family last December. We talked about it prep and HIV he never said anything. I found out after 4 months he was +U and I didn't say anything. I know my status taking prep so I'm ok....we had sex unprotected because he said he was on prep too I was waiting for him to tell me. After a year we brake up I told him that I knew he said he didn't have to tell me 😮...of course you have to tell if you in a relationship or dating. But funny that after I break up with him found out he had scruff app and openly is poz undetectable.
All criminalization laws need to be thrown out! Period. Why are they even still on the books. I was diagnosed in NC and it’s terrible there, what they do to people newly diagnosed. Their Dept of Health is horrible. There needs to be a greater effort to get rid of those laws. I also need to say to HIV Negative guys: stop blocking guys on apps when you find out they’re Positive. That is rude. Quit being ignorant towards the latest science.
23 years POZ here and I gotta say recently I have put myself back out there in the dating scene and to say that it's brought me down would be an understatement.... the lack of understanding form the gay community nowadays on this subject is heart destroying and not just with the younger generation but those in my age bracket that 100% should know that U=U but I digress... recently thought i had made a match everything going great a connection both mentally and well physical (no we hadn't done the deed yet but both wanted to) the second i disclosed - BOOM shut down without any explanation.... ahhh well
sounds like you avoided a bad fish to me....
@@FriendofDorothymost of the community is bad fish if that’s the case
Even though we know intellectually that there is no risk, emotionally it's different. Especially after decades of it being rammed down our throats that it kills you. Blame the media and ignorance for that unfortunately. It will take time to change societies attitudes.
@@MDFMKisKMFDM 23 with aids. God damn. Wear condoms
Very good Raif! You said the right words!
This has been an interesting experience for me. Since getting sober I have been honest with sharing my status.
In online dating I would automatically disclose right away just to get it over with out of fear… But now years later I am now seeing how it feels to take some power back by getting to know someone and disclose when I like them. I still prefer to share my status before kissing and etc. But a lot of people are uneducated. Thank you for sharing this.
What was your experience with sharing your status with your partner?
He sounds like he needs to be educated. Amazing in this day and age that there is discrimination within our community.
You know what's sad? The people I've had the most discourse about my status is with my family. They believe I still need to be careful with sharing drinks, if I have a cut or something and accidentally bleed somewhere idk. All it takes is a quick google search.
it's simple:
- it is your own responsibility to have sex how you choose to have it
- it is not the other person's responsibility to disclose something about themselves that is of no consequence, at least in regards to something which is ultimately associated with no risk
on a different note, as someone who lived in NY back in the 90s, when there was no ART available, i made my choices starting from a single premise: everyone i slept with was HIV+.
and the other glaringly obvious hole in this "requirement" is assuming that they actually know, or even worse, that they're not lying to you.
take care of yourself and take responsibility for your own choices and risks, anything else and you're just playing victim
Talk that shit big dawg ❤
I am hiv positive from india
Nice pls take medication and be healthy
Even though U=U, if I was single and went on a first date…I think I would let them get to know me before telling them my positive status unless they tried kissing me etc. even though I could not transmit it. My reason is because if they are very ignorant about that disease, I would not want to risk any violent harm by them. Since it’s a first date, I would not know if they had that violent nature. I think this topic is up to the HIV positive person to decide what they would do. I hear what you are saying about the dating apps though…they may swipe by if they see HIV Positive. I think it’s important to be honest if one has to fill out a form. Again, it’s for your safety HIV Pos. Persons…my opinion.
Awesome Raif i appreciate your efforts again
Actually it’s very important for people to know … I don’t want HIV ….
you didn't listen to a thing he said, did you? but anyway, why not demand full disclosure for all STDs? what other nasty bugs are you maybe infected with?
@@ivor000 that’s its important to share… I think it’s a crime to not share it to people your sleeping with… I had this experience once with a guy that didn’t tell me… I felt so disrespected by that…
@@adventuresconjuan
okay, HIV can no longer kill you these days. syphilis, untreated, will kill you
explain to me the difference, since i assume you don't demand to know if someone has syphilis or not before having safe sex? (i assume you're having safe sex, right?)
@@ivor000 that’s why I’ll like to know 😅 thanks for making my point
@adventuresconjuan
okay, that makes no sense at all. seriously, i hope you don't depend on the other person knowing their status accurately, or not lying to you, as your method to remain HIV-, that's the stupidest method of HIV transmission prevention i've ever heard.
and why has no one mentioned PrEP? take your pill, you can never contract HIV, no matter what, depending on someone else is in no way needed, and this dicussion's closed.
whatever happened to personal responsibility? your health is yours to manage and take care of, no one else's...
What about people who have hiv and deliberately want to infect others because they feel comfortable with people of same medical situation. Yes U _ U but I think let other person decide if want to go on or not. I think I will feel more comfortable with a person who knows their status.
That story again... YOUR sexual health is YOUR responsability, protect yourself, use condoms, take Prep; you have the tools to protect your health and nobody can force you into do things you are not prepared to do. And stop been afraid of Kissing or Hugging or BJs... We know for long that´s not the way you can be infected.
@@pablod.rodriguez1423 Asking helps to document and hold accountable the other person in case of lying! I see no offense if asked about hiv status. There is reason for hiv disclosure as per law.
The entitlement from these people, they have unprotected sex, without a care in the world... "Just having fun" then they get infected then want all the people to just accept them not have an issue with it, they need a reality check. If I am going to date somebody, I would want to know if they are positive even if they are undetectable, I feel like withholding that is highly irresponsible.
@@labased2539 You need to learn about it and educate yourself. Undetectable equals Unstransmisable. By the way your parents also had unprotected sex to "creates" you... "Unprotected sex" isn´t the problem, people who never have been tested are the problem. Education is what you need
@@pablod.rodriguez1423 Well thankfully I get tested every 6 months, even when I'm not sexually active, no duh captain obvious, I didn't just spawn in lol, the difference is they were both tested and disclosed their status before having me. That's cool, if you're not able to transmit congratulations, I'm not saying you should blast your status but if you're dating, it is your responsibility to disclose your status, it's selfish not to do so, it's a red flag if you hide it.
I’d date someone who is undetectable a THOUSAND TIMES over someone who does not know their status because you’re 1). You’re being told upfront 2). You’re partner cannot give it to you because of the medications they are one preventing transmission (my sincerest apologies for over simplifying, it’s 1:27am and just woke up) and 3rd, your partner is constantly being monitored by their healthcare provider and lastly…..They deserve love and respect like ANYONE else and I suspect I’m older than you two and remember the stigma in the early 80’s, heck I remember when Liberace died and the vile things that had been said by the media AND my mother!! ❤
I agree it isn’t anyone business. Also if I appear disrespectful to anyone I apologize
All thanks to dr gboya for his incredible compassion and kindness throughout my journey of hiv his care and support have made a world of difference to me. I am forever grateful for your dedication and sincerity. You are a true healer. God bless you….
Totally agree with Raif, U=U, no reason to disclose.
why i dont see you making videos about agt103t and CEO jeef galvin lately. where is agt103t now?
My reply is subjective i think everyone should disclose prior to any sexual relations eventhough u=u. Most positive people go to the doctor every 3 to 6 months and sometimes meds could stop working at any point. It could be because other underline issues or or just failure because your body is not responding and you can become detectable prior to your next dr visit. by disclosing to that partner give that person the opportunity to say i understand any risk and i still want to participate. Violence for disclosing or not disclosing could go either way. You can fail to disclose and someone can snap once they find out and violence can take place or you can disclose and the same thing may occur. The reason im giving my opinion on this topic because i am hiv - and was dating someone hiv+ who became detectable because the meds stop working and that person had to switch meds. They became positive at some point between visit. This might not be typical or the norm but its definitely a possibility and for that reason it should be disclosed or perhaps the person would like to take prep. People on prep could also catch HIV its not fool proof although it does reduce a high percentage of contracting the virus. Morally its the right thing to do, again my opinion and many people im sure may not agree.
That´s not the way it works, meds doesn´t just "stop" working suddendly, and even if people forget to take the pill one day, treatments still working in time... Please educate and think about your nosophobia.
@@pablod.rodriguez1423 He’s not talking about forgetting to take meds, he’s talking about a body rejecting meds which isn’t uncommon, all you can do is encourage everyone sexually active to go on prep as a safeguard
@@LifeIsaRetreat With these words you believe you need to disclose any type of infectious disease you may have. The flu kills thousands of people each year. How about gun ownership! Gun owners kill high school students. Should you disclose that you own guns too?
@@LifeIsaRetreat The only way the meds stop working is if people stop taking them. Seems like you and your boyfriend had more serious honesty issues! Good luck
@@pablod.rodriguez1423 Yes meds do stop working!!! Christ! 🤬 I found out my regime wasn't working anymore & my viral load was creeping up after being undetectable for years! We did a genetic test & one of the meds in my cocktail I had built up a resistance to it & I didn't feel a thing, I felt normal. Later that week my doctor called me & we discussed a new meds cocktail. That has happened to me several times since starting meds in 1996. I've been Poz since 1985. You don't know what you're talking about & you need to further educate yourself on this topic. Raif is wrong on this issue! Absolutely wrong! It is morally bankrupt to follow his advice on this video!!! It is self-centered & self-serving & doesn't take care of the people you come across who may be uncomfortable with being in a situation that they have every right to know about & do not want to be put into a situation dealing with HIV. Since 1985 I have made it a prerequisite to only have sex with other HIV+ men. If they are negative I have not engaged with them & while we do know now about U=U it is still morally correct to share your status with any perspective partner you engage in sex with unless it's JO only & even then you should disclose. If you're sucking or f*cking you must disclose! I marched in ActUp & buried more friends because of AIDS than you can possibly imagine & for your generation to be so cavalier about getting your personal needs met over a partners needs & wants is the height of arrogance & self-centeredness! If you can't face your HIV in the dating sphere than you shouldn't be participating in it. Grow up & be a man & disclose & if you can't then get into therapy & find out why you can't & do the work to find that inner strength to take a stand for yourself & brethren. It's not all about you! You have a responsibility to be responsible for every one of your gay brothers!
I love you Raif
Love you back!
A world of voyeurism!
Disclosure is important BEFORE sexual contact. Stop this nonsense!
Another excellence!!! That you have given to the community. I absolutely agree with Raif !! Especially the fact about if that person living in a small community, it must cause a big impact on that their socialization and it will never be good. People need to respect others’s privacy
👍👍Raif!
Have you considered the flip side? I mean when you find out that your partner was HIV positive after being together for months.
The ‘flip side’ you mention is usually the only side I hear
@@FreshDolby How can he be your spouse if you have only been together for months? Makes no sense.
@@JDH3666 well replace spouse with partner
@@RaifDerrazi The only side you hear but have no empathy for
You don't need to disclose it publicly or put it on an app but its ethical to tell your sex partner before engaging in sex that you have hiv undetectable. And anyone who engage in sex who has hiv and not on meds is sexual assault.
EXACTLY, it is still pr3datory to not disclose it even if you're on meds because you're taking away the other person's choice. I can't believe there's so many people here defending this sh!t
im curious is this guy speaking of HIV positive people who are not on ARVs?
He’s talking about people that are on ARVS with an undetectable viral load.
I hope you are okay Raif, I felt your voice was shaking while answering this question. And true my status is not your business. U = U
Don’t hook up with people who are ignorant and paranoid!
I don’t think you need to put your status on a dating app.
Thank you Raif
Buddy, look like you .. nobody will date him with that head 😂😂😂 because of that he stirs shit 😅
Rafi you don't worry i ready for qure u r plz support
Honestly the only reason someone would want to tell on you is because they are insecure with themselves
And because this is a way for them to express themselves. Thinking that it's justifiable, when in reality it shows your true characteristics.
Legal doesn't mean morally right
Nor does it mean immoral
I respectfully disagree. I think if theres a possibility we are going to sleep together then i think it is my business to know your HIV status. My ex told me about 6 months into the relationship that he was HIV positive. I felt cheated and lied to. I also was very anxious to get tested as soon as possible. He claimed to be taking medication that prevented him from passing on HIV but he himself later told me that he often missed taking his meds and relapsed. I just see it as lying through omission now. I think if youre seeing someone it is the morally correct thing to do to share your information. Just my personal opinion formed from past experience.
Just curious. Did you ask him about his status in the first place?
@feliscatus6117 I didn't ask him directly. We met up many times for meals and dates before we eventually slept together though so he had many many opportunities to tell me yet didn't. Also, I have weak kidneys so can't take Prep...
Thank you for speaking to this
I get hiv from someone that doesn t know he has hiv!
What an entitled fool….
Most people in the uk do not disclose to their dentists over stigma
If he so worried take prep
It's not good to disclose
@@couragedamien5486 I clearly disclose because it’s all over my socials, but it’s a very personal and individual decision
Some people really can't greetings from Nigeria 🇳🇬
@@couragedamien5486very true. cultural dynamics and legal repercussions in different countries necessitate a global context understanding to some of the nuances at play. how is disclosure handled positively in nigerian communities?
@@couragedamien5486that would be a good topic, gay life in Nigeria. So difficult, so frightening from what I think I understand about the government there
@@RaifDerraziI can say that the perception of HIV in the modern age is still lagging behind. In Malaysia, while healthcare is great towards people living with HIV, it’s only 2 cities out of 14 states. Most people still view HIV as a easily transmitted disease and do not know the concept of U=U 😢
In New York City where im from, on the Apps or in Person Nobody as a GAY New Yorkers Predominately don't give a fuck about a HIV ++ POZ Person status. Its all About ur Sex game 😅😅😅 that Stds conversation barley is topic that rises hardly ever.
I agree with the British gentleman and I'm a member of the LGBT community. I think it's really selfish how people in the HIV community withhold important health information about themselves and justify it by saying they are protecting themselves from being discriminated against. I think it's just as morally suspect when a trans person does not identify themselves because once again we enter into these situations to form various types of relationships and those relationships must be built on trust. When you can't even be ethical at the beginning of the meeting phase don't be surprised if the people that you deal with choose not to be truthful with you as well. You reap what you sow.❤
No sir, diclosing private medical information, that is not affecting you in any way, does not have anything to do with "ethic", if you are dating a valuable person but you dump they because you "discovered" they have a chronic condition that not affecting you at all... Well, sir, you are the problem here. ¿Will you break with a prommising prospect couple because they are diabetic? No, sir, outing the HIV status is not ethic is just nosophobia and voyeurism. Remember, YOUR sexual health is YOUR responsability, and a condition not define what a person is in whole.
In potanciyal cure
Spot on!
You could apply this to a lot of things. But fundamentally people deserve to know who they're getting into a relationship with, whether that's a "person with HIV" or "a trans person" or "a republican".
Whether or not you put it on an app that is essentially public, you should disclose if you're sharing that part of your life with someone. Sexuality transmitted diseases should be disclosed before sex.
Wait, granted U=U, but I'm almost sure that you're legally required to disclose your status.
What if a partner with whom you're having unprotected sex requests a hiv result from you ?
@@MattMobility No you are not legally required. What laws are you referring too?
@@JDH3666 I was simply asking
I've had this argument with people. Unless it's your committed partner, it's nobody's business in my opinion. And certainly not their right to know. Everyone has the responsibility to protect themselves. Now putting someone in a sitution where they could catch it and lying about that is a different matter. But this gentleman is correct. (The guy on the right to be clear)