Breaking Apostolic Part 2 - What was it like growing up in the Apostolic Pentecostal church?
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- Опубліковано 7 вер 2019
- Sorry, this video is coming so late. I have scrapped and rerecorded this video multiple times. I wanted to make sure I explained everything properly. I also struggled to share this story because it is very personal. In this video, I discuss what it was like growing up in the AP church and elaborate specifically on how it impacted me on a mental and emotional level. Just a disclaimer that I am not saying everyone's experience is like mine but this was my personal experience and for the sake of myself and others I wanted to share it.
Useful links/info
*For my fellow Reddit users that have left the AP church and want a place to talk to others about it join r/ExPentecostal
*For those of you who like documentaries, I highly suggest watching Jesus Camp. It caused a lot of controversy when it was released in 2006 and again when it was released on Netflix in 2016. Not only did I attend a summer camp like that every year but what is shown in the documentary is basically a light version of what church was like every day. It's no longer on Netflix but you can stream it on youtube, amazon prime, google play, and iTunes for just a few dollars.
*here's a link to a small excerpt from Jesus Camp • Video
*here are some links to what the church services were like
• NLAC Worship 2-17-08, ...
• Pentecostals / Charism... • Crazy Teenager Gets th...
Its so frustrating to be abused by abusers who don’t think they’re abusing you.
It really is though. It's also frustrating when others around don't view it as abuse so the abuse just continues.
@@Denycia my church swept SO much under the rug and even condoned it at times.
@@GC-fj4lc its so sad. I've seen SO much swept under the rug and justified. So many other people have as well. It's a huge problem.
@@Denycia I agree
All of this 🙌 I remember crying every night before bed because I was terrified of the end of the world or going to hell, I accidentally cussed once in like HIGH SCHOOL and cried because I felt so guilty, I used to cry about a lot of things lol but it was literally all due to fear. I couldn't see it as weird or unusual until a few years after I left the church, because those first few years I still felt guilty. Now I see it more like a cult. The church ruined my perception of religion and god in general. I don't pray, I dont go to any churches and I don't claim to be religious at all. But the fear is still there. I don't know if any of it was real, but that one lesson of blasphemy is the only unforgivable sin has stayed with me and scares me daily. Anyway, always a great video! Can't wait for the next one ❤
I’m sorry that you went through that. It’s so messed up. After leaving I dealt with a lot of guilt just not for normal things that were trivial like wearing pants and makeup and all that stuff. I’m sorry you continued to feel guilty for those things. It is all due to fear and that’s horrible to do that to people, especially children. I too see it as more like a cult. I sometimes say it’s very “cultish” when describing it to others. I also feel that the church ruined my perception of religion and god. I’m completely atheist now. Part of what pushed me into atheism was how we had been treated growing up and how I was treated after I left. I hope that you are able to heal from what you went through. I want you to know that you don’t need to be plagued by guilt and fear anymore. I may not believe in god anymore but if he were real I don't think that he would want you to feel that way and I don’t think that the things the AP Church says he wants and is are not true. Thanks for tuning in and sharing some of your story girl. I really appreciate it and while it saddens me to hear other people went through similar experiences, it’s nice to know you aren’t alone. Here for you if you ever wanna chat dear! 💕
*true
Whoops not not true lol
I just left the apostolic church 6 months ago, and this is exactly why! I’ve been in church for 19 years and my dad is a preacher, so I was very pressured. This specific denomination is very judgmental and very occult like. I’m still talked about from people I thought were my friends even though I left a while ago. I was the music leader and played the keyboard at a huge campmeeting, even there picked and picked at me. So I told my pastor I’m leaving, he then told me that once I leave the church and stop playing the keyboard at church I wont have really anything to my life.😕
Jesus love you Acts 2:38 King James Version (KJV)
38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
It's pure child abuse
I grew up Pentecostal and I relate on every single level! I currently have trauma from it and often have moments of PTSD. I am not exactly sure how to get rid of it but I’m so glad that you made this video. This makes me feel that I am not alone. Thanks!
I'm sorry that you can relate to this and for everything you have been through. You certainly are not alone! Working through it all with a trauma therapist is my best recommendation. They can really help.
I was raised Apostolic as well and got out as soon as I could! I still struggle with the affects of being raised in this cult, but thankfully have found self worth, self love and my own spiritual path! I am SO proud of you!!🖤🖤
It's impossible to not have some after effects of being raised in this cult! I am so happy for you for leaving, finding your path, finding self worth and self love! You are so worthy of that. Thank you and I'm proud of you too!!!
The devil is a liar pulling people away from the truth. I love my Apostolic Faith Church. God has been truly good and blessing my life. I refuse to let the enemy discourage me. I’m baptized in Jesus name for the remission of my sins and filled with the gift of the Holy Ghost. 🥰 I was Baptist before I came to the Apostolic Faith and the Holy Ghost changed my life. I was living deep in my sins doing everything but killing folks. I thank and praise God for is saving power and deliverance. The Holy Ghost is real. If you had a bad experience being in the Apostolic Faith and you left, I encourage you to keep seeking the Lord face and ask him to guide and lead you to the right Holy Ghost filled and truth church. Not all Apostolic Faith Churches are bad. I hope my testimony and experience help someone reading this in Jesus name.😊🙏🏽
@@sharontolbert4424 What you're doing isn't helping Sharon. If you really want to help then stop telling people who were abused in these churches to turn back to the very thing that traumatized them. If you truly want to help then seek to change the church from the inside rather than trying to gloss over the negative experience of victims simply because you had a good experience. Your good experience doesn't negate our bad experience anymore than our bad experience negates your good experience. If you truly want to help then allow people to express their feelings and heal. If you don't like the way we choose to do that then move along.
I could be wrong, this is just conspiracy theory but I honestly think Caligula might have helped contribute to the New Testament. And a family of Jews named The Alexanders. And other Roman Ceasars.
I was raised Catholic and had suicidal thoughts.
My boyfriend grew up Pentecostal and he doesn’t like to talk about it cause it was so traumatic for him and his sister. Thank you for posting this cause im trying to learn about it so I can understand
That is so sweet of you to look into so you can understand. I hope they are doing better and I am glad to hear he has someone that cares about him so much 🥺
You can also check out Responsible Faith, Deanna Jo also left and explains the beliefs and interviews others as well.
Born Again Christians and Apostolic Pentecostals technology are Protestants.
It depends on the sect, some girls at the Church my dad attends cut their hair, wear pants and makeup because they understand it's unrealistic to be in long skirts and dresses 24/7 and to keep long hair. One girl even showed up with short bubble gum pink hair. It depends on the sect because all Apostolic Pentecostal Churches are ran with different ideas.
i can relate:(( i am so proud of you for making this video!! i thought i was the only one or crazy. again thank you so much, the videos you made mean a lot
Thank you so much for that. It means a lot! I hate that you can relate so much. But you definitely aren't the only one and you're certainly not crazy!!!! I hope that you have been able to get lit of there.
Great videos. I was also raised apostolic Pentecostal. I completely understand everything you're saying...
Thank you for watching! I'm sorry you had a similar experience. I hate to hear that :(
@@Denycia I'm sorry to hear about you. And everything you went through. But you're a strong person and you made it through it... People in my church especially young people we're always telling on each other trying to get extra brownie points.. when my parents found out I was gay at 18 it hit the fan... 💯 my best friend we've been best friends since I was 4 years old. She found out through somebody at work and she went and told her family and they told my parents...
@@barrett7893 I can't believe that your best friend did that to you. What a stab in the back. I don't understand why they are always telling on each other. Like why do they do that shit? It's childish
@@Denycia Amen... My church in a lot of churches that I knew of growing up they all told on each other. I guess to get extra brownie points with God or the pastor...
@@barrett7893 you're probably right. Little suck ups.
I grew up Pentecostal; but, I'm finding that some people had a more strict upbringing than I. I wore pants. I still wear pants. I listened to secular music. Still do. I went to my prom. A lot of girls and guys went to their prom. When one of the pastor's daughters wedding reception, she had secular music. It's still Uber legalistic though. more so now than ever. Anxiety? Yes, me too. Thanks for sharing.
I'm glad you had more freedom and flexibility. That's awesome! I'm sorry to hear that is was still legalistic and that you had anxiety because of that environment. Bring forced to go through that is awful. Thank you for watching and commenting. I hope you have been able to heal from that.
I am so sorry that your life was such hell on earth. I was a part of this movement from 1972 until abt 2010. I raised my sons in it and I had to apologize to them and try to heal. I was led into this by marrying a man that was brought up in it. As a child I was raised in a very mentally abused home by alcoholism and dark abuse...so I fell into the UPC easily as it was another form of control. My story is very dark and I have been seeking mental help. I was dx with PTSD and severe anxiety disorder. So, dear I understand your story. 😢
That breaks my heart. I'm sorry you had a mentally abusive home and then ended up in an abusive religion. I'm glad that you are seeking professional help. That's going to help you immensely I'm sure. Also that's super big of you to apologize to your kids for that. That takes a lot of humility and I think that's beautiful.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I went through the same exact thing. Upc raised for years and that same fear was placed on me. I still struggle with trauma from all that. I was so bullied and separated then when I left I realized that wearing pants wasn't going to send me to hell. That fear was so instilled in me that I sometimes still have thoughts that maybe I won't make it to heaven..... anyway, thank you!!! Finally someone who understands.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I am sorry for everything you went through. As much as they try to make you seem like you are alone in those thoughts, you certainly are not alone in those thoughts or experiences. I'm glad you got out of there!!!
@@Denycia ❤
I relate to this a lot as I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness and it was legalistic but not as many strict modesty standards as apostolics do and we could drink alcohol. I went to an apostolic church for awhile and didn't like their legalism either but I still love being a Christian. So I left apostolic church and am in a non denominational church.
Jehovah's Witness is very legalistic as well. I'm sorry you relate to this but I'm glad you got out and found a place you love! I was non denominational for a while after leaving. I like non denominational churches much more.
That is wonderful! I left the Apostolic Pentecostal Organization to go to a non Denominational Christian church. I love it!
I'm 16 and apostolic and I drink alcohol. You don't have to listen to everything they say lol. I just don't get drunk cause the bible clearly says that drunkenness is a sin.
@@elkanjulian1037 But you are under age...think about it
@@maryhelencampos9964 so?
Thank you for this video. I am an evangelical Christian 23 and single. I desire a family of my own. My biggest concern has always been how to lead my family towards Gods love which exists out of freedom to choose, rather than fear of hell as a result of not choosing. Your story was blessing in that it showed me how dangerous it can be introducing huge concepts such as heaven and hell to young with impressionable minds. I hope you find as much healing as you need.
THIS ❤️ if there's one thing I want people to understand it's how dangerous those concepts are to young children. If they would just stop doing that to children we would all be in a much better place. I'm so glad that you see that. I'm glad that you have faith but also recognize the damage that can do to a small child. Thank you for your well wishes and I wish you all the best of luck in having a beautiful family of your own 😊
"My whole life was church"
In order to have a relationship with god you have to want a relationship with god. If you had a relationship with god you would've enjoyed church and learning about god, despite the way people treated you.
I left the UPCI church about a year ago. I still struggle with wondering if I should go back. It’s not so much that I think the way I was living was correct but I miss the community I had. Leaving the church meant leaving the people I was closest to. These were people I chose over my own family at the time, so it was and is still very hard.
Leaving the church shouldn't mean that you have to lose everyone you've ever known. Excommunicating people who leave is a choice. They chose to do that to people who leave. It's disgusting. When you truly love and care about someone there should not be an underlying condition to that love that you must be a part of their religion in order to receive it. That kind of behavior is a classic manipulation tactic cults use to keep people from leaving or get them to come back. I know that it's hard. Trust me I do. I know that you feel alone and possibly scared of the uncertainty ahead of you. But I swear with time things will get easier. Eventually you are going to realize that you are worthy of unconditional love and those whose "love" is conditional have no place in your new life. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to reach out to me. Also if you get on reddit there is a subreddit r/expentecostal and everyone there is so supportive and encouraging. I wish I had found it years ago honestly. Would have helped me a lot in the earlier stages to have an entire group of people who understand, care, and support. It's conversations I've had on there that sparked this entire series. I wish you strength and healing. I'm here for you!
Denycia Haley thank you so much! I added myself to the group. I had no idea it even existed. It’s so hard to find support from people bc those who aren’t in it or have experience with it don’t understand it. I’m glad you’ve posted these videos to inform people and help those of us who are struggling!
@@alleahbaker5343 That seriously makes me so happy. My hope with these videos was to reach out and hopefully help others in these situations. Having people that understand and support you helps so much with clarity and mental health. I really hope that it helps!
It's so hard and scary. Remember our brains we literally hardwired to be afraid. It's not because we're actually in danger of hell it's because we were brainwashed. We have the power to rewire our brains. Look into the work of Louise Hay and Steven Hassan.
please don't go back. It's normal for you to feel insecure about the decision, since they did a great job BRAINWASHING you. If you grew up in this church, it's hard to leave, cause it is all you've ever known as true. Stay away and time will help you heal and enjoy life. Also, get informed on when this religion was founded (not even 100 years ago) and ask yourself HOW can God send all the people to hell, up until this cult was founded. What s the point of creating humanity hundreds and hundreds of years ago, if the key to salvation is a religion founded less than a hundred years ago?
You falling in love with punk rock music made my heart soar.
It became such an important part of my life not only because the music so deeply resonated with me but because I had this loving and accepting community along with it.
@@Denycia It saves lives, for real.
@@alexandrac591 so you can relate then!? Totally does!
@@Denycia I didn't have the religious experiences you had, but I did have my own troubles that were healed through punk rock. I'm forever grateful.
@@alexandrac591 that's awesome! I agree!
You spoke for me, you are awesome! I am so glad I found your TikTok and your UA-cam channel, I am so sorry you went through so much abuse I know how you feel. I am so glad I don’t talk to my dad and step mom anymore all they do is put me down for leaving the church, step mom was physically and mentally abusive to me. I feel encouraged and great that I left. I will never go back.
I am so sorry for what you went through but I am so glad that you left and don't talk to them anymore!!!
Step Mom is in the wrong profusely/apparently she’s not listening to Holy Spirit...She must think she’s still holy...Yep holy crap😂especially if she hasn’t ask for forgiveness
This makes me so emotional. We grew up the exact same way. I was born and raised in this. I went to the apostolic church of Las Vegas. I left when I was almost 18 years old. I am almost 25 now and happy and thriving. 🤍
I'm sorry you can relate so much to those feelings. But I am so happy you got out of there and are happy and thriving now. ❤️
@@Denycia thank you, glad we both did. ✌🏼 I gave you a follow on IG (: loooove your content! ✨🤍
@@chelseahcabrera same to you! 💖
@@chelseahcabrera Congratulations on your escape. Do you still get uncomfortable flashbacks or triggers, or fully recovered?
@@coopergates9680 all the time. When I wrote this comment I thought for a few years I had been healing/ healed. And as it turns out, these last few months of self awareness and growth and healing (because healing is a journey and is a continuous thing) I realized there’s a lot that I am not quite fully healed from. I actually am currently dealing with a lot of triggers and I have scheduled my very first therapy counseling session for PPTSD (Post Pentecostal Traumatic Stress Disorder) lol... all I can say is, healing takes time. Become self aware, do whatever you need to heal in a healthy way. Hope this helps 🤍
I grew up in a non denominational pentecostal charismatic church and then a very culty/strict Assemblies of God church through my teens. I have ptsd from that and from my parents. My sister developed ocd because of their teachings about demons. I feel like so few people know or understand how traumatizing pentecostalism is for people. So few people are talking about leaving these sorts of churches. A lot of folks are leaving evangelical churches and talking about it but leaving a pentecostal church is just on another level. You almost have to reprogram yourself. Thank you for talking about your experience.
I am sorry you grew up that way and that the way you were raised and the way your parents treated you and your sis. It really is so traumatizing. I know pentecostalism is a little on the fringe of christianity but it's enough people that it should be talked about more. You're right that so few people realize just how traumatizing it is. For the longest time I hadn't even realized I had been traumatized. You really do have to reprogram yourself. The indoctrination and brainwashing and abuse runs so deep that you basically have to go back to square one in every aspect of your mental and emotional capacity. Thank you for watching and sharing with me!
@@Denycia thank you so much for replying. I really wish no one else had to go through all this. But it really is so helpful to hear someone else's story and how they're coping. Thank you
@@wingsofporcelain13 I wish that too. But just know that you are certainly not alone. Hope you are doing well!!! ❤
I'm so happy to search this topic, and find these videos. I feel like we were raised in the same exact household. I'm 35 now, but I left when I was 21. I'm still trying to deal with the negative effects, even now.
I was taught all the same things you talk about here. All three of my younger sisters are still in the clutches of this cult. They all have daughters, themselves. I would never do ANYTHING like this to my own daughter. It is absolutely horrible. Especially when you raise children from the beginning in this. You are dead on! Keep going.
I am so sorry you are still dealing with the negative effects. You aren't alone. It takes a really long time to heal from all of that. But you're doing great! I am also sorry your sisters and their daughters are all stuck in that cult. I too would never do that to my future children. But good for you for not continuing the vicious cycle. Good for you for being the cycle breaker. 🤘❤
It sounds like my story. I’m 35 and left over a decade ago. The emotional trauma of leaving and loosing all my family and friends gave me fibromyalgia three years later. I’m still in the process of healing from my past. Much love! Thank you for sharing!
@@Jessica-xr7xp that is so horrible. I'm so sorry :( I'm glad you got out of there though. You deserve better!!!
@@Denycia Thank you! I’ve been doing very well since my exodus. Luckily, I’ve had my husband with me on the journey. I thought I had dealt with all the trauma but apparently there’s still another layer. Isn’t that the way these things go? A little at a time 🥰
@@Jessica-xr7xp I can totally relate to that and I agree!!! I'm glad that you had that support during all of this. I'm sure that has helped a ton.
This story made me really emotional .. I had to turn off for a while.. I try not to feel that... Felt the anger and bitterness .. Because everything this lady says is my same story...i grew up Pentecostal in the 1980s .. And my dad throw out the tvs.. They called it a one eyed devil back then.. Later on in the late 80s i gotten into heavy metal .. See like this lady got into punk rock.. And my dad would beat me for having tapes in the house .. And one day to me to choose between the music or him.. I was confused .. And at the time i was 13 years old.. Now im 46 and still into heavy metal .. And yes i forgive my dad but i will never forget.. And back then it was ALOT worse in that religion .. Do to the middle of the satanic panic days .. So just Imagin being rised Pentecostal back then.. Thank you for your story .. Everything you say is very very true
My heart absolutely breaks for you. I'm so sorry for everything you went through. I can only imagine how hard it was during that time. I'm glad you left all of that behind. I hope you are healing and doing well. ❤️
Literally crying because I know exactly what you’re talking about
I'm sorry you can relate to this so much :(
I'm a former UPCI member. My understanding is, the church gives a person a false sense of security and protection from all evil and corruption.
It's definitely a false sense of security! I agree!
A false sense of salvation security for relying on the outside garments(legalistic clothing) besides other man made rules...Just dialoguing
Thank you so much for sharing! Our backgrounds are very similar. I was part of this type of church from age 10-30.... so much wasted time. I am 40 now and so thankful to have found normalcy and balance in life. Cant wait for your next video ❤️
I’m so glad you were able to get out and find balance in your life. I hope you’ve been able to heal from that environment. Thank you for watching! I’ll have the next one up as soon as I can :)
Also I notice something was off about my Friend who was apostolic pentecostal. She is very loving With a good heart. But I recently felt very uncomfortable at a revival I went too. I can see why. They didn’t believe I was saved. But they were still loving and kind. And they are trying to be more inclusive to allow those “lost” to come to there church and see the truth for themselves. I love my friend though I’d never bully her even though I have my differences. She’s very sweet and I have admiration for how dedicated she is. It seem to make her happy. But Kids can be terrible. It’s unfortunate what you went through. Hopefully these videos were helpful in your healing and you have gotten better since the posting of this video.
There are totally genuinely sweet people in these churches. But the legalism of their doctrine wrecks their ministry. If you don't accept their man made standards then you aren't saved and that just isn't true.
It has been very helpful and healing making these. As well as therapy. I've come a really long way. Thank you for your kindness 🥰
One doesn’t have to prove their salvation to anybody/that’s between you and The LORD❤Just dialoguing
I wasn't even a member of the church. My step mom took me every other weekend, and I left with religious trauma and purity related OCD (i.e. believing my body was inherently dirty and having to wash my hands "religiously"). I once had a panic attack because I thought I sold my soul to the devil because I said my prayers wrong. The way they indoctrinate kids is abusive.
I am so sorry you had to experience that and that you have has long lasting trauma from it. You're absolutely right, the way they indoctrinate kids is SO abusive.
Denycia! I love what you are doing. Thank you for sharing your experience. Though mine isn’t as intense as yours, it resonates deeply with my own. Keep going!
Thank you! I appreciate the support! I'm sorry that this story resonates with you. I honestly wish that it didn't resonate with so many people. It's really sad how many people have been abused or at the very least beat down by whichever religion they were in. It shouldn't be like that.
I grew up exactly like this. Although i feel as a man it is less strict but nonthe less the guilt trips still bother me to this day although i havent attended that type of church in years!!! So sad im glad to see im not the only one who struggles with these issues
You are certainly not alone! I am glad you got outta there!!!
Wow. I have been looking for someone who relates to me for YEARS and I finally found your videos.
I also was raised in the UPC and about half my family is still involved including my parents. I'm 28 now and left the chuch as soon as I could. Graduated high school at 17 (very small town and got bullied everyday for being different), moved out and haven't stepped foot in a church since. I honestly don't think I could, it would be traumatic in a way.
The feeling of not being able to express your true self still sticks with me to this day. I remember when people looked at me in public I would want to disappear right in that moment because I was so embarassed of how I looked. I have major confidence issues and am constantly wondering what people are thinking of me - my appearance, language, attitude, etc. I can't wear skirts anymore and even struggle to put on a dress. It's debilitating having a war inside your head. I am still navigating how to find my true self and it's been 11 years since I left. I feel like I have a sense of imposter syndrome. I still have a relationship with God, but it's personal and I don't need organized religion.
I've always told myself my childhood was not traumatic, but on this recent journey of true self discovery, it is the one thing holding me back from really expressing myself. I got a tattoo last year and I still catch myself feeling guilty about it, but I'm working on it. I also listen to heavy metal now which I'm sure is some sort of internal rebellion.
I know this video is 4 years old but thank you SO much for sharing your story. It has healed a little part of me.
I'm so proud of you for getting out of there! It certainly isn't easy. Especially when most of your family is still in it. I'm so sorry for everything you went through both in the church and in your town. It's hard to be young and not truly fit in with any community of people. Especially when you don't have the freedom to know yourself, express yourself, or figure yourself out. It's very isolating.
I'm sorry that they stole your confidence and your sense of self. They are a messed up cult. It takes such a long time to unravel the dynamics of guilt and fear and shame that they have woven into your thought processes. If you are willing and able to, I highly suggest seeing a therapist that specializes in complex PTSD. Your upbringing was traumatic and harmed you in ways you are still feeling 11 years later. For me personally, getting professional help was the only way I was able to work through it all. After 4 years of therapy I can say it has been paramount to my recovery.
I am glad you stumbled across these videos. I don't want you to feel alone because you certainly are not!
Denycia!!!!!! GIRL!!!! I just saw your post on fb about your third video being up and I didn’t know anything about it so I immediately got on UA-cam and looked it up and I just finished this one. But I HAD To say......... I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. You are beyond strong and also I haven’t seen you in years and you look AMAZING! you are truly a force to be reckoned with! speaking out on a global platform like this as an advocate for people who otherwise feel like they have no voice is SO powerful.
Macie you're gonna make me cry omg thank you 😭 that is seriously so sweet. I just wanted to get my story out there to make people aware that these things are going on because it's not ok and because I want people to know they aren't alone. If it helps just one person feel something then it's worth pouring my guts out on the internet.
I grew up in the church….until I was kicked out because I started dating a guy my pastor did not approve of, and yes, he was also UPC but in a different church that was considered more “worldly”…..I was only 17 and turned away.
Geez...Damn if you do / damn if you don’t...That’s cultic and controlling .Pastors need to mind own business...Sounds like the Unification Church (arranged marriages)Just dialoguing
They do this so often in these churches. Always fighting to be the most "Christian" or the most "pentecostal" just so they can feel superior to the same people in their own religion? So weird.
I left an apostolic church about 2 months ago. I have been experiencing alot of grief from the loss of relationships, but I never felt like I I truly felt in. As a single parent I was definitely not like alot of the people in the church. I felt like an outcast even though I had very close relationships with people. I felt very isolated even though I was surrounded by people bc I never felt like I truly believed alot of the apostolic religion. I wasn't raised apostolic so it was that much harder living an apostolic life. I agree it's all or nothing..... you can do certain things but only if it lines up with their beliefs... and I'd you dont then your not walking in faith.
I'm sorry you never really felt like you were in. These churches often have a way of making certain members feel ostriccized. You didn't deserve to feel that way and I'm sorry you are dealing with the loss of relationships. It shouldn't be that way. That's so cultish. It truly is an all or nothing and most people can't get behind everything because so much of what they believe is trivial or outlandish or misinterpreted.
I am 5th generation Apostolic this is the great difference between religion and relationship sorry you got religion but I was brought up almost the same way but to have a relationship (HAVE TO know Him for yourself) You are in my prayers. No condemnation!!! ❤BE BLESSED
I'm glad your experience wasn't negative! Always nice to hear that! Thank you and well wishes to you :)
Good man.
Amen
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and i'm very sorry you grew up with mind-controlled parents. As a teenager, i became involved with UPC which is very similar, and became mc'd as well.
Thus began years which turned into what was like hell on earth. And if it hadn't been for the hundreds of sermons on the topic, i would have run not walked out of there, never to return. But i was too afraid, because then i believed hell was literal as preached.
In my case, the severe emotional and religious abuse was the worst from behind the pulpit. Sometimes i had to sit through what i think were hours of raging against me for things i hadn't even done, while everyone knew who was being referred to. I also witnessed others in the church destroyed through these tactics, including two of my friends who lost their lives probably as a direct result.
When one of my closest female friends wasn't there one Sunday, it was said in the service that she was "mol^sting the retarded patients" at the home where she worked, and that the manager there had called the preacher to tell him about this!!! My shy and insecure friend was devastated later and asked me why everyone was shunning her, and i told my friend the truth. She quickly asked the manager if she'd called her preacher- adamantly denying this, the woman asked what on earth kind of a preacher she had?! :(
We couldn't leave because were taught we had to have permission to move, and preacher said he'd call our new one and we'd be "thrown out on the street", so in my mind that meant going to hell. There was no escape.
We had church twice Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, twice Saturday (witnessing & prayer meeting), candy making & selling, and revivals for weeks on end. That didn't include choir trips, choir practice, and visits to neighboring churches. Rare were the days to ourselves, and even then, everything had to be about church one way or another.
After years, i felt like my family would be called to the front and publicly thrown out any time, things had gotten so bad there.
Eventually i had a type of mental breakdown, where i thought i'd done something unforgivable, but didn't know what it was-- maybe not being submissive enough, because i was always accused of that. I didn't want to live anymore because the fear was unbearable, every waking hour, but was too afraid to die because the literal hell i was taught would come sooner then.
Finally, the preacher said we could move, but that's a story in itself. In a way, i'm grateful for the abuse, because if it hadn't happened, i might still be caught in UPC-- going through all that. The abuse made it impossible.
Mostly i'm grateful for REAL freedom
That is absolutely awful what they did to you and your friend. Shaming you from the pulpit and creating a disgusting lie about your friend. I'm so sorry for all the pain they put you through. They made it so hard for you to leave by making your whole life the church and brain washing you every step of the way. They are a terrible cult. I'm glad that after all of that you were still able to see that something wasn't right and get the hell outta there. I'm glad you are feeling better now. Thank you for sharing your story with me! ❤️
@@Denycia Thank you for caring
@@lorettajoy7275 you are absolutely right! I couldn't agree more!!!
Proud of you for sharing!
Thank you!
I grew up like this with only slight variations. We were allowed nail polish and makeup but it had to be a light color. We couldn't wear cute clothes because they had to be modest. We could do sports but the outfits were heavily judged for girls (cheer, ballet, gymnastics, color guard, etc.) I had demons prayed out of me because I questioned the church and they did the same to my sister. I was told I was possessed because I hated that place. I keep trying to tell people it's a cult. It caused me so much anxiety. When I hear tongues, I get extreme anxious.
I'm so sorry for everything you and your sister went through. It absolutely is a cult! Telling you that you're possessed because you hated it. They were just mad you saw through their bullshit. I'm glad you got out of there and hope you are well!
I heard a preacher say Witchcraft has enter The Church and impersonate tongues/btw:even the devil goes to church.....One is known by their fruits not tongues/even though Corinthans speaks of the Unknown tongue (Heavenly Language)for self edification ❤So sorry for the false accusations.
I was raised UPCI from age 11 - about 20ish with time about 14 - 18 in and out. Anyway, I am out now but yes. I still suffer trauma that brought me deeper into more trauma. I was sexually assaulted by my Sunday school teacher who was married yet pursued my single mom, moved in with us and then I was ultimately "kicked out" of one upc church. Devastation doesn't even come close to what I went through. 😒
I am so sorry for everything you went through. That is awful. I am sorry that you were not protected when you should have been. These churches are breeding grounds and safe havens for abusers. I hope you are doing whatever you can to heal. ❤️
@@Denycia Thank you 😊 I am in a continual healing process.
@@xzAllisonxz yes it definitely is!
That’s devastating in what happened to you...apparently he was playing church...probably still is a fake phony pentecostal ...pastors/teachers are going to be judged the hardest😢
@@maryhelencampos9964 I believe he is doing the "fake " church goer. He's been remarried several times since he was married to my mom.
Thank you for sharing your story and speaking up about issues going on in the UPC church, when most do not see tje issues. I was acyuslly part of it mysekf for about 8 years, and totally understand where you are coming from. There is life after UPC, and life more abundant ! ❤
I'm so glad you got out of there. I couldn't agree more! Much better life after the upc!!!
to the journey ahead 🍷👏🏻
So I grew up Apostolic my father was pastor. I also couldn’t wear pants or cut my hair wear makeup watch t.v. So growing up going to church 3 times a week not being able to join any kind of sport my father was abusive my mother went along with everything he said. My mother had a very low self esteem I remember I went to her and told her why do you let him hit us break my skin. She never defended any of her children 👧 she’s as much fault as he is I grew up respecting him but not loving him if this makes sense. I absolutely love ❤️ god can’t imagine my life without the lord this is not god’s fault my brother got on drugs I knew he wasn’t a good person & neither is she but I will continue to respect her until god calls her may god bring healing it never leaves you
That is awful. I am so sorry for everything you have been through. You're absolutely right that it's as much her fault as it is his. I wish she would have defended you. I'm sorry she didn't. I am glad you have found peace after everything you have endured.
Judgement begins/starts first in the House Of The LORD...Pastors are going to be judged the hardest 😢
I used to roll my skirts up in middle school. Not super short, just slightly above my knee. My mom found out about it and called our pastor's wife to "counsel" me. She literally told me that if I kept doing stuff like that I'd become a prostitute, like not even joking. The pastor's wife told me the "Lord" spoke to her and told her that's where I would end up if I didn't stop "dressing immodestly".
That is so awful to tell your child. It's especially awful to tell a young impressionable girl that. Gosh that makes me sick. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You deserved better.
@@Denycia Oh my mom didn't say that, the PASTOR'S WIFE said it. My mom just agreed. But of course it was all to "save my soul" so that made it ok... -_-
@@lilykep ugh that so awful either way. I'm sorry you had to deal with that shit.
@@lilykep Are you safe now? Or are people still spouting the "lust is a deadly sin" absurdity? My apologies
@@coopergates9680 I'm an adult now. I ended up leaving to go live with my dad when I was 14, which was the best thing in the long run. I was lucky.
Anyone else feel like the comments are a support group?
I truly hope we all heal and find joy in our lives 💜💜💜
I love that 🥺❤️
Thank you for putting what I cannot explain what is in my head into words. I was raised in the church from 5 and feared into believing the cult for 20 years, even after I had my own children. Luckily I got out when my daughter was still under a year. The manipulation tactics are torturous but worked. The fear and tactics still work for them today and the fear I had that my children could possibly be subjected to the mental abuse was the one fear that broke them all. I'm now been out for 8 years and raising my kids the way I needed to be raised and I know they're are better for it. There are a lot of similarities with our stories and I find this is definitely a religious group that attracts Narcissists and the self righteous. Thank you for your videos and tiktoks.
I am so sorry to hear how closely you can relate but I am so glad that you got out and got your children out! I'm so glad you broke the cycle and your children will not have to go through that. It takes a strong person to do that! I agree that it attracts narcs and self righteous people. Just an absolute breeding ground for it!
Thank you for watching and for your support. 💜
This video is 4 years old but I’m seeing it now & wow… I’ve never felt so seen. Finding other ex apostolic Pentecostal people is so rare for me. Every point you made I could relate to & that’s something that I’ve never been able to say before. I was the preachers daughter so if anything the pressure on me was even worse compared to the other kids at church. Thank you for speaking out about this. I am emotional just listening to you describe almost perfectly what my childhood was. I’m glad to see that so many other people here also left that very toxic & draining environment. I hope all is well with you & again, thank you so much for shedding light on this specific topic that seems to be rarely brought up.
I cannot imagine the pressure you were under as a pastor's daughter. I am sorry you can relate to what I have said in my video so much because it means you have gone through some awful pain but I am happy that you found it comforting and know that you are not alone!
I went through the same exact things being raised apostolic. I remember my pastor bringing me in a Sunday school room before church one day to explain in more detail why I couldn’t go to the skating rink to a friend’s birthday party. WTF. It was so normal for me because I was raised in it until 18 and I’m hardwired to believe and fear so much. Trying to undo all of that. Thank you for sharing.
I'm sorry that you can relate to this so deeply. You're right it is really hard to undo the hardwired fear but I know you can do it! It takes time but you've got this! ❤️
I grew up charismatic and so many of the things you say applied to my life as well. "Of the devil" was a very common expression, lol. We had way more freedom, however, in some ways. I appreciate so much hearing about your experience bc I am writing a short story right now in which a family is in the APC. I needed clarification from someone with first-hand knowledge, so THANK YOU for putting this series out there. And thank god you are free from it now!
Oh man everything is of the devil to these people lol thank you for watching and reaching out! I'm glad I'm outta there too!
No... not everything is of the devil But can be misleading to lead you to the devil...Keep an open mind ...Just dialoguing
Did you get all your tattoos after you left the AP church or before? Just curious. I used to date an AP guy and I went to church with him for almost 4 years too long. I was a makeup artist before I met him. I wear pants, earrings and cut my hair. His whole family NEVER accepted me. I always felt like the outsider. I'm glad I'm out of all that mess. I felt emotionally abused and as if I was in jail.
I left at 18 and started getting tattoos when I was 21, so after I left. I'm sorry that you never felt accepted and always felt ostracized. That's so ugly. I'm very glad you got out. The emotional abuse within that religion is so prevalent. I hope you've been able to heal!
Not to mention we literally were taught and advised to prepare for our death during the “End Times”
It was so terrifying to face your own mortality as a child.
Yes so true!!!! The end times fear mongering is so mentally and emotionally damaging to a child.
@@Denycia Thank you so much for these videos btw! it truly was a cathartic experience to listen to someone talk about your prior life and experiences. Everything to the T lol 💗
@@WreakingHavocc I'm so sorry to hear that it was so similar. I know just how traumatizing and painful that is. I'm sorry for your experience and I hope that you have taken steps towards healing 💖
@@Denycia Absolutely. Thank you again!
Wow this really hit home. Raised United Pentecostal church and hated it. So glad I am out
I'm sorry you can relate so much but I'm so glad you're out too!!!
I go to a holiness Pentecostal church. Denycia I have been told for a while if I dont pay 10% of my income in tithes every month. I really dont know if I believe that at all. It gets on my nerves that it seems like I can never give enough money to the church. You are beautiful Denycia I don't know why people would ever think you are ugly.
They believe the Bible says you have to pay 10% which is fairly common for churches in general but it’s still wrong! I remember when I used to tithe because I thought I needed to and I struggled to make ends meet. If you can’t afford it then don’t do it. 10% of your income is pretty steep if you ask me.
Well thank you! I wasn’t the cutest kid though and was a Pentecostal weirdo which is why I got bullied a lot haha
They just want to syphone money from you. Tithing is good to do, but not a necessity.
Tithing is more than a percentage of money. Although you should try to bring your first fruits (10% of the income God gives you) it’s about your Spirit. If you don’t like giving to God then your 10% is worthless “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2 Corinthians 9:7. If you feel that giving financially is too much of burden for you at this stage in your life tithe your time by helping out with church functions regardless of what you choose to put in the offering plate. If giving less money and more time makes you a more cheerful giver that’s what God wants from you. The Bottomline is that when you bless God whether in works or in money he blesses you with More. And this has nothing to do with salvation but everything to do with how much you want to receive from God in this life through how much you choose to cheerfully giveback to Him. “You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.” Matthew 25:23
You sound week and now a cult is giving you a false sense of security. Your sad story is perfect makes you a perfect customer for life.
The worst panic attack I ever had was when I became convinced I was going to hell with no redemption because I had committed "blasphemy" by not standing up to my friend when he called god an asshole. I spent a whole night in the fetal position, shivering. The weeks/months following were the worst I've ever experienced because, once again, I truly believed my life had no point as I was going straight to hell. I wanted to die, but was afraid to. However, it was this episode that truly broke me from the church as I began to study the flaws in the doctrine, and in a way I am grateful for it. I've been free for 6 years now and it's the best thing that ever happened to me.
This absolutely breaks my heart. I understand that pain. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. That fear. That inner turmoil that eats away at you. It's awful that these churches do this to people. That they do this to their children. Thank you for sharing that with me. It's raw and it's real and it needs to be heard. What happened to you was wrong. I'm just so glad you got out. I'm so glad you are free.
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Thank you so much for watching!
I guess it's almost five years overdue, but, I just wanted to say, this is a brave video and you've done a good thing (for yourself and probably everyone else too) by posting it. I'm impressed that you were so matter-of-fact and calm in demeanor, not sounding particularly vengeful or bitter. It is sad that any kids would be treated that way and doubly sad that any adults would be willing to do so, but I'm glad you made it to a better place. I hope things are continually getting better for you.
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me! I hope that it has been helpful for others to hear that they are not alone and have a space to come to talk about it. Things have definitely gotten better for me! I hope you are in a better place as well!
Definitely want to find a way to collaborate with you. I know we can speak about growing up in the same church and how being different generations affected things.
Yessss girl I would love to collaborate with you!!!
Same!
Please Make one!!!
Fear isn't of God and I sometimes want to slap them with the Bible and be like what you believe isn't even in here!!!
Hopefully some day people will stray away from fear based ideology and shift to love and compassion
Okay so I know this is a 4yr old video but I cannot describe how grateful I am for you making this. I was raised in this religion I fell out of it around 18 (I’m 29 now) but the residual fear and anxiety that I deal with today stems from being raised the exact way you were
I’ve thought about going to therapy because even though I’m pretty much an atheist now I still have these thoughts of hellfire and brimstone preaching engraved into my mind and I think much of my anxiety is caused by that
I’m very much grateful for you making this video and making me feel a lot less alone cause once your out it’s hard to relate to other people that had normal childhoods
Even my wife sometimes has a hard time understanding where I’ve come from and how much this cult affected me
Truly and honestly thank you for sharing your story and experience ❤
I am so happy to hear that these videos helped you feel less alone! I'm sorry for everything that happened to you growing up and how that fear was so engrained into you and impacting your life now. It's not ok. It's hard to leave that fear behind and difficult to feel like you are safe after all of that. I hope you are healing! It sounds like you have a good support system. If therapy is financially feasible for you then I highly suggest it. Hope you are well!
Im a pastors daugther and granddaughter...I always knew my entire life I would leave, I left at 17 im now 22, it was easier at first, but as time went on you miss your family, and almost get mad at them for the hand the dealt you, not able to find yourself, you never get asked "what do u want to be when you grow up?" so its like starting over from sratch. Its crazy because when I used to pray I would see my pastor (or my dad).....Ive gotten to know God so much more. Being told your going to hell at like 7 scars you for life. Depression hits because some families members you know should leave but wont because of their parents (like my brother)...u just want that love again, ive been trying to stay strong but its hard and it helps to hear someone else talking about it
This breaks my heart to hear of your pain and struggle. I can't imagine.how difficult it must have been to be a pastors daughter. While I don't understand what that is like I can tell you that you are certainly not alone. Hearing that as a kid really does scar you. All that they do to young children is detrimental. Even though it's hard I am glad that you've left and I hope you have been healing. It takes longer to heal than I thought it would but it is so worth it. I promise. I know it sucks losing family. My brother and I don't talk much and I cut off my mom. But I would much rather be able to live my life as my true self than to live a lie.
@@Denycia yes your video really helped me last night get thru a tough night, just knowing im not alone. I wish i had enough courage to make videos as well. Just know God still loves you :))
@@mshaylarobins2666 I'm so happy to hear that. That's the whole reason I made them. If you ever need to talk I am here for you. You're not alone!!!
Thank you ❤️
What I heard when it came to the theater was for the same reasons why we didn't go to a bar. Which is to obstain from the appearance of evil. You hear that a lot for almost everything.
I remember when we weren't allowed to go to restaurants that had bars for that reason. But like that means you can't really go anywhere lol
thank you! I'm always surprised by folks who said they have left, and they struggle with wanting to go back. Please study the word.. I've always believed it is our own responsibility to know what we believe (or don't believe), and if we all can just treat each other with kindness.. that'd be cool.
It's just the intense brainwashing and fear and desire to not be ostracized by people that makes them want to go back. Even when I was still a believer I still knew the AP religion had it all wrong.
Yes I agree! Just treat each other with kindness that's not too hard.
@made new that is so horrible that they tried to come divide you and your husband like that when it was a mutual decision. Blaming the women for it like Eve. That's horrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with that but I'm glad you got out and it's wonderful to know that you guys as a couple agreed to come out together!
@made new It truly is amazing the peace the comes with leaving. Of course, there's always a lot of healing to do after leaving but getting out of that environment is a complete breathe of fresh air! I am so happy to hear that leaving has given you a new excitement for life and made you feel free. It's such a beautiful thing!
I’m 16 and My parents are divorced and I live with my mom and in 5th grade she started letting me wear pants because in public school it’s kind of hard to do things in a skirt. But I started doing that and we kept it from my moms parents and my dad and all his whole family and now I want to tell them because I’m exhausted of the lies and secrets, but I don’t know how to tell them because I don’t want to lose my relationship with them. Idk what to do but the one thing I do know is I want them to know because I need to be able to feel confident and comfortable in my own skin and the “dress code” of apostolic doesn’t make me feel like that
Living a double life sounds so exhausting. I'm so sorry you are forced to not be your authentic self around your mom's parents, your dad, and his whole family. But if you want to be honest with them and with yourself and you feel that you have to tell them then I think you should do it. Otherwise it sounds like it would weigh on you. If they choose to stop having a relationship with you after that then I just want you to know that you deserve better and you shoudn't have to have that fear, it's awful. Your family should love you unconditionally.
Denycia thank you, I was going to try and fight this battle on my own because I didn’t want to drag my mom into it all and put more weight on her but I did end up telling her and we talked till 3 in the morning last night, she’s exhausted as well and is more than happy to help me, I knew she would but I thought I could do it on my own. She’s going to start putting the idea of it in their heads just in conversation so it’s not just all at once thrown into their face because I would like to keep my relationship with them as in tack as possible, and I want to be respectful about it. So I kind of see a light at the end of the tunnel, I can’t wait to finally be me!! Thank you, your video as well as some other people talking about the apostolic church really helped me with my decision. The church is just such a big part of my life and not a lot of people know about the church and how it works so it’s nice to hear someone else’s side instead of only church people’s side♡
@@savanahgill8137 it sounds like you have a solid plan and a lot of support. I am very happy for you and proud of you for being yourself! Thanks for watching my videos and reaching out. Wishing you the best of luck!!! Hope it all goes well :)
Denycia thank you 💖
@@savanahgill8137 I'm sorry you have been through all this. How's it going in your family a year later?
I was raised Baptist at age 20 I wanted the holy ghost
08-01-1973 I was baptized in the name of Jesus
Later called to preach
That was 50 years ago
I fellowship with UPC along the way
I wouldn't even think of going anywhere else
I never had problems
I am 70 now
I am Jesus name apostolic
One God
Holy ghost filled
If you rejectUP C that's one thing
If you reject acts 2.38 your doomed
*you're
OK you're
Thank you for sharing!! I am 47 and was a Oneness Pentecostal (UPCI) from 1991 to 2001.
Absolutely! I'm glad that you got out!!!
Thanks!!
Thanks for sharing your story. We need more and more people like you and I to come out of the woodwork and tell our side of this movement. It's toxic and harmful in so many ways, and it's our job to keep others from falling into that trap, while also trying to help others get free.
Check out my story of getting out of the AP here: ua-cam.com/video/05pfgMeiEI4/v-deo.html
Thanks for watching! Yes I agree! More people need to come out and tell their story so hopefully it will cause people to be leery of this movement or will help someone inside that is feeling trapped and wants out.
You are a precious and beautiful young lady, and I appreciate you sharing your life with us. My dad was a non-denominational preacher ( charismatic) and I grew up in church. He was strictly “ Jesus’” name only, but was not strict about the way we dressed. I was allowed to wear pants, makeup, jewelry, and was able to go to the movies. However, when he married my stepmother......She was crazy strict! The no pants thing was awful, so I can relate. Thankfully, I was married at 23 and no longer allowed her to dictate my life. I just wanted to tell you that, even tho I don’t know you, I am proud that you got “ delivered” from the bondage and oppression of the UPC doctrine. It does make me a bit sad that you’re not a believer because I am genuinely blessed by my relationship with the Lord and I love His presence in my life. Anyway, sweetie, you are a treasure, and I wish for you a long and happy life. ❤️
Thank you so much for watching and sharing details of your experience with me! I am so sorry that your stepmom came in and tried to force the standards of the UPC down your throat. I'm glad that it didn't stick and that you were able to get out of their control. Thank you so much for the compliments. It means a lot to me. I am so glad you have found freedom in christ and that you are happy in the place you are in. Thank you sweet friend! We need more people like you in the church spreading love!!! Wishing you the best in life!
I was raised trinitarian. We are so similar in the way we were raised I’ve been out going on 20 years. I am still deconstructing. The thought of long jean skirts makes me nauseous. Being in pubic school was terrible. I got grounded once for sneaking to the mall and wearing pants, then ridiculed in front of the whole church. So many things. I was 10 couldn’t sleep because I had a dance party with friends and I thought I was going to hell. I was 10 😳
Deconstructing is a long and messy process. Especially when you are trying to process and work through the trauma. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. That's so terrible. So damaging to a child's psyche 🥺
The problem is that religion does not allow you to be yourself. It's all about giving yourself up to a higher power instead of living for yourself. Organized "faith" is not about carving your own spiritual path because there a certain standards that you need to adhere. That being said, this love is only conditional only applied towards those standards. It's really just a cult at the end of the day. We are naturally shaped by our own experiences that shape us who we are. Religion does not allow people to branch out on our own. What kind of creator would allow such an abuse.
You're one million percent correct!!!! It is such a sad way to live in my opinion. We only get one life and it's sad that so many people have been conditioned into wasting their only life on some imaginary friend instead of being who they are and enjoying everything life has to offer.
Thank you for sharing by the way :)
Thank you for tuning in!
Incredibly sorry you went through such a stressful, twisted childhood. I'm glad I left that cult recently. My mom got dragged into that nonsense from my dad's side. Before that she was cool with pokemon and harry potter, etc. But that place conned her into changing those views. She also sold or got most of her VS pants turned into skirts. She's still desperately grasping at what little "worldly" stuff she is allowed to do, while being locked into that isolationism and bondage. Its infuriating to see and go through. I hope all of these legalistic organizations keep getting further exposed and hopefully, eventually shut down.
Thank you. I’m glad you got out of it! That’s sad your mom is doing all that. You know what little she does cling to she also feels guilty for. It’s sad. I too hope all of these legalistic religions get exposed and less people attend and eventually they are phased out. Tired of the pain these places cause.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs. I'm a Christian and I hate the way you were treated.
Thank you, friend!!!
I've been exactly where you've been almost down to every detail, but I also went to Christian school from 3rd -9th grade and they taught from a program called A.C.E. or Accelerated Christian Education. It was a nightmare, and it's the reason I still have so much anxiety and carry so much on myself even to this very day
I'm so sorry for everything that you went through and all the anxiety you still have. It's so wrong what they did to you! I hope you are doing better?
I was allowed to wear pants. We actually got kicked out of a church for that fact and because we watched tv abd because my dad drank. I was dating the pastors son and they made him break up with me. And he really liked me and I him. He went on to break free and he be came a model. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair, paint my nails, do makeup. I didn't even know what cum was until a friend told me in high school! I wasn't allowed to wear shorts or anything reveling. I got made of fun of so bad. I grew up I got into drugs I acted out by showing way too much of myself, chopped my hair off. I'm doing better now. I was scared of witch craft and tarot. But I have came into myself and there's no denying my psychic abilities or my ability to speak to spirits or my love for tarot. I'm in a much happier place now. And now my kids get to grow up to believe in whatever they want. I love meditating and candles, doing spells and putting witchy stuff in my everyday life. There's so many bad stories I could tell but I'm not ready to open those wounds again
Whenever or if you're ever ready I'm always here to chat! There's a lot of pain and trauma that comes with growing up that way. I am so sorry for what you went through.
@@Denycia Thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I'm always here if you need to talk too. Not sure if you have a Facebook or not, but mines under Tee Tee Houchins if you wanna add me ❤
@@teeteehouchins3598 of course! I appreciate you! :)
I have no idea how to get this out of my head. I believe in Holy Ghost speaking in tongues. I don't believe the rest but at same time having hard time getting myself out of the Church. Everything you said i am going through. I am 48. Would think I could just move on. I had alot of spiritual abuse, and true Church hurt. It would come from the pastor. What do I need to do? Is there support? I really want and need help.
Don't feel bad that it's not easy. They have intentionally made it hard to leave! You've already come so far in realizing that what they are doing is harmful, wrong, and abusive. Are you in a position where it is safe to leave? Do you have a place to go upon leaving? Do you have any friends or family outside of these churches? There are a lot of supportive people online to chat with that have left these churches. The expentecostal subreddit was really helpful for me.
This is just a HUGE disclaimer. I have absolutely nothing against Apostolic Pentecostals or other modern-day Protestants and other Christian faiths such as the Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox churches and other Abrahamic faiths such as Judaism and Islam
I know plenty who are absolutely wonderful people. My issue is with spiritual abuse and toxic theology. I also don't judge anyone who is non-binary or transgenger. Some are kindred spirits. It's just the extreme Woke activists whom i also have an issue with. What im trying to say is that being an extremist on either side isn't right.
I’ve been to a few different Apostolic Pentecostal churches. The ones that treat you the way you were treated AREN’T RIGHT! They do not all hurt their FAMILY this way. My current church preaches modesty etc, but they preach love above all.
I truly am sorry you went through this though. I did as well. I was even removed from a church for not abiding by their rules.
Thank you so much. I'm glad you've found a place that doesn't treat you like that.
I grew up in the Apostolic Christian Church, a very conservative church. Meaning, they had strict dress codes, didn't listen to certain music, etc. Well I am different from the boys there my age. Me and my parents are leaving my church I think. My grandpa and grandma are very involved in this church. They had some outdated rules where you couldn't divorce, you couldn't wear makeup, jewelry, have cool clothes, had to wear white shirts, shave beards, etc. There were rules where you had to put on a fake smile, weren't allowed to talk about your problems. Be a phony, basically. Pretty odd. Don't you think?
It is a very cliquey church, where the kids don't say hi to outsiders. But we are outsiders in their eyes, because we don't have German last names and are not rich. I don't get it. There are some wonderful people in that church, but what's wrong with it is not the good part.
I am different, and like to say hi to outsiders, I act different than those boys, I am nicer.......little secret there. I get along with adults.
Pretty outdated eh? I know this is different from where you are coming from, but I really enjoyed this speech. Here's a video that explains it a little bit more better than I do, by Dennis Fehr: ua-cam.com/video/zusC1b8N2gw/v-deo.html
He talks about his testimony. Just a recommendation.
Nice job on the speech and sorry I don't have the best explanation.
Don't apologize. Thank you for sharing! I'm sorry that they have treated you that way. But I am glad that you see how wrong it is and do differently than they do.
@@Denycia You are so sweet! Thank you.
Thanks so much for sharing your story 😢, I'm glad you're not in that group anymore. I had always wondered what it was like to be one of the kids that was forced to conform. Best wishes for you!
Thank you! I'm glad I'm no longer a part of it either. I noticed your username...what cult did you escape from?
Denycia Hi, I was in the UPCI. I used to tell myself it wasn't a cult, but learning about other cults convinced me. Memories came back about my intervention, stifled feelings and church violence when I left. I've been putting my story together in videos and it has helped me process the experience immensely.
I had been fallen on by a hefty individual once ha, no injuries thankfully. Great to hear from someone with a similar story!
@@Iescapedacult I'm going to go through your videos! I'm sorry this brought up so much for you but just want you to know that you aren't alone!!!
Denycia Thanks, it can be hard to work through, but it feels like healing afterward :)
@@Iescapedacult I couldn't agree more!!!!
I grew up in Assembly's of God church, and just like you left the church the first chance I got, I did all the things you are doing and even more. I realized this was exactly what satan wanted, he wanted me to believe that I was better off without the church. I went back after 15 years being out of the church. Even with tattoos piercings, and wearing pants the church has been very accepting. I hope you find what your looking for, but I guarantee you that you wont find it in the world.
Yes, I have found what I've been looking for! Hope, healing, and purpose outside of the church, outside of toxic environments, away from toxic relationships! I'm much happier, healthier, and an all around better person "in the world" then I ever was in the church. It's truly a beautiful thing! 💕
Thank you so so so much for these videos!!!!
Thank you for watching!!!
It can be hard to talk about these things so I hope this gives you some perspective with your mom!
You listed all the “ things “ you were forbidden to do, but what were you “ allowed” to do?
I would love to hear them.
What are you referring to?
You can participate in church activities, studying the Bible as long as your answers are exactly the theology they teach, schoolwork, family time, truly depends on individual families and churches as they vary very much.
Hi Denycia, I'm sorry that this was your experience with the Apostolic church. I've been blessed to have been in church since I was 15, 8 years now. Although I value my education (I majored in biology and Spanish), knowing the word of God has enriched my life the most. Although we are different from mainstream culture, we are not a cult and not legalistic. Nothing I do or dont do is out of fear.. We teach modesty for men just as much as modesty for women, it's just that typically women show more skin than men so that's why they "stick out like a sore thumb," like you said. And wives submit to their husbands as the spiritual authority, but that does not mean you don't make decisions together. There's nothing in this world that I feel like I'm missing out on by being Apostolic. I could have left church when I became an adult but I chose to stay. But if I were you, in your shoes, I might have done the same. I'm sorry that your parents were so restrictive and you feel like you missed out on things and you experienced bullying, fear, and guilt and were denied mental health treatment. You definitely shouldn't raise your kids that way. I hope I get to have kids one day and instill my values in them, with love, that they naturally come to have a relationship with Christ. That they know that they're loved by me and by God and they have the potential to do great things! When I'm feeling inadequate or worried, I go back to the Bible and what my pastor or my mentor has said and I am reminded that I am enough and God has a purpose for me.
Thank you. It certainly was a horrible way to grow up. Your church may not be a legalistic cult but many of these churches unfortunately are. And some people don't view their churches as legalistic cults because they just submit to them but anyone who dares to think differently knows. I'm glad you feel enriched by all of that and have found a way of life that you love!!! It's personally not for me and it's certainly not for everyone. I have no problem with people choosing to live that way, I only have a problem with people trying to force others to live that way. Ya know?
That was awesome brittany14. Thank you for that!
I'm glad that your church experience is a lot less constraining, but one should point out that if you do have children, the Bible's rating should be R or X (especially the old testament) - it is not appropriate for children in terms of brutal and hostile content.
Me gusta que ingles tiene los ambos de "Heaven" y "sky" en lugar de solomente 'cielo'.
Well, it's possible I'll be a husband someday, but I will never identify as a "spiritual authority", I'm a human being like the rest of y'all. I don't wrap people around my finger.
I'm so sorry that you were treated like that. I am currently Apostolic/Pentecostal and I love it! But I grew up differently. No one in my house is Apostolic, and I was actually brought to church by my grandma as a kid. I was never forced to go, I never had any kinds of standards or restrictions by my parents because they didn't go. It was my experience in the church that kept me going, even after my grandma died. Personally, I believe that God is helping me out. I have been going through some hard things recently and I feel like I can't trust anyone to know about it, but I can feel God's love, mercy, and grace, and I know that he will keep me in the right place. I love to worship him and pray to him. Everytime I do, it feels like a weight from everything in this world has been lifted. God IS my protector, my provider, my healer, my counselor, and my everything. Like I said though, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I wouldn't know what that would be like because my upbringing was on the opposite side of things. But it was the presence of God that kept me coming for more.
Thank you for the sympathy!
I'm glad to hear you have had such a positive experience. I'm happy you've found what fulfills you :)
You went through all the thoughts I had. And I did the same thing with the rave scene. Seen and haven’t went back!
I'm sorry you can relate and had to go through all of that. But I'm so happy that you got out! Never look back!!!!
As you spoke of all these things I can feel the anxiety in your chest, stomach etc. It hurts you to talk about these things because they were so traumatic to you at a very young age. Seek God’s help above not the church system’s view of God. The more you talk about this the more it will make you feel worse and add anxiety. I pray all is well with you friend. I grew up in the same thing. I found my release and peace.
Thank you for your kindness. It was very traumatic for sure. But therapy has really helped. Talking about it has helped. Doing trauma work with my therapist has helped. I'm sorry you were raised the same way and for whatever you went through while in these churches. I am glad to hear you have found release and peace! ❤️
@@Denycia
You’re very much welcome. I still believe in God and believe in reaching out to people on the outside. You aren’t alone my friend. I have had favorite aunties that have shunned me and treat me differently due me walking away. That place called the church is bondage. As I look at your third video I see you are at peace in your mind, and you have a bright future whatever God wills for you. I send you a great big hug 🫂 my friend. Take Care.
@@apperance79 I am so sorry they have shunned you. I know that must hurt. You don't deserve that. I totally agree, that is just bondage. How terrible they just cast aside good people who love them dearly for some legalistic man made religion. Thank you for reaching out! It's been a pleasure chatting with you. Hugs!!! Stay well!
@@Denycia Thank you for the encouraging words, you’re helping a lot of people out. More than you know.
I was born and raised in the UPCI CULT. The indoctrination at a young age is beyond damaging. Living in fear everyday in the name of God is not normal. I can 100% relate to you. I’m so happy I was able to get out however there is extreme damage from fear and abuse and it is exhausting to attempt to deprogram from all of it.
You're absolutely right! It's very damaging and deprogramming Lal of that is exhausting. I'm sorry that you can relate to this so much but I am very happy that you got outta there!!!
I m your 420th subscriber :')
Oh hell yeah!!!! 🤘
Denycia you are a sweet caring kind forgiving loving brave bold giving soul❤Don’t let/allow the devil rob you of the Peace Of Christ Jesus in life.❤Father GOD loves you in Christ Jesus by His Holy Spirit Comfort❤
Thank you for the compliment but no thanks to the Jesus stuff
How many of you still feel separate from everyone?
This is sooo true. I know someone who is going through this right now and she needs to see this
I'm glad that have a friend like you looking out for them!
Hi! Could I have the name of your former pastor?
He's dead now
@@Denycia dang.sorry
There are tribes in China where they believe in something very similar about the women not cutting their hair. They're not allowed to cut their hair because they believe it's their ancestors.
I just watched your video. It brought tears to my eyes. I went through the same thing growing up. I was saying out loud the words you were saying. I remember being in 2nd grade and not allowed to participate in gym class because they played music. Rock music my Parents said it was devel music. I had to sit in a corner and watch the other kids play. I know how you feel. I so glad that you shared your story. People need to know what this religious cult goes to kids.
I am so sorry that you relate so much to this. It's awful to do that to children. To fear monger them and ostracize them and hurt them. I agree that more people need to know what this religious cult does to children. It's straight up ABUSE and children should NOT be subjected to it. I hope you are doing well friend ❤️
Not Pentecostal but my dad was a Baptist pastor from a pretty strict church, so I can relate with a lot of this.
Oof baptist is rough too. Especially as a pastor's kid I'm sure!
@@Denycia all it really did was turn me into the wild pastors kid stereotype...it got to the point where i just said fuck all your dumb rules and went on a ten year drug binge...Im a 4 time felon and was addicted to heroin and meth for my entire 20s. Got a year clean now though.
If you were ever Baptized, there are rituals on reverse Baptism.
Oooo that's a great idea. I am gonna have to do that!
@@Denycia The Satanic Temple and Church of Satan are both Atheistic organizations. I don't consider myself a Satanist because I do believe there is existence outside 4D reality I do believe in God, buy I don't see God as Yahweh in the Abrahamic traditions. I'm more of a Thelemic who uses modern Luciferianism and contemporary revived Pagan traditions in Alexandrian Wicca.
@@Denycia look at The Satanic Temple for reverse baptism.
Even though the UPC was a bad experience for you you still need to be born again and follow Jesus. Jesus is not a bunch of rules and regulations legalistic rules. He has to be our Savior and we ought to have a relationship with him to answer his kingdom. Don't forget about Jesus because of your new found freedom in the world. Jesus does not give us the spirit of fear of love power and the sound mind. I attended a UPC Church for about 6 months in what you're saying is very true. They were not accepting of my family at all unless we did exactly what they wanted. The Bible says not to Lord over the sherp. And that's exactly what they do so we quit attending there. The thing that was very disturbing to me that baptism washes your sins away. Very disturbing that they were not associated with any other Christian believers in different denominations. That is very occult like. Just don't throw the baby out with the bathwater representation of Jesus. Jesus said my yoke is easy my burden is light.
No thanks 👍
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
If you are UPC please don’t preach at or antagonize people on here. You will only confirm what they think. Live your life and be a witness. You can’t force anyone to do anything. The arguing isn’t going to accomplish anything. God is the only one who saves. I am UPC btw. I just wanted to see what she was saying. No need to condemn anyone...
This!!! Yes!!! Beautiful way to see things. I appreciate you.
Denycia I’m a very stubborn person and telling me I’m wrong only makes me mad and stick to my guns even more. Making people mad doesn’t help anyone lol. It’s obvious what your video is about. If you don’t agree don’t watch or if your like me and ARE UPC and CHOOSE to watch bc no one is making us watch just be nice. I just don’t see the point in being at odds with people. I didn’t have problems in school. I’m sorry you did. I have friends who don’t come to church with me anymore but we are still friends. And some will even come back to visit. I’m sorry you had a bad experience.
@@brittaniejones8755 You get it! Thank you for having some sense! Lol I don't want to be at odds with people either. I know that people may perceive my videos as an attack but that's not what it is. I'm just sharing my personal experience and being nasty to me regarding my trauma is counterproductive. I know that my experience is not the same as everyone elses and I don't claim it to be. I'm glad to hear when people like yourself have good experiences :)
@@brittaniejones8755 I agree that you can't force people, so if someone told you in your childhood
"Here's our faith, you must believe these particular things and obey these rules, without objection or question, or you'll be tormented for all of eternity after you die"
then I'm sorry someone did that to you (or anyone). That is evil and needs to stop. I'm glad your experience hasn't been as harsh as Denycia's.
Anyway, a lot of Christians believe in salvation, but do you think confession and repentance can obtain forgiveness of anything except blasphemy of the holy spirit?
I've been wondering how bad these other Pentecostal branches are, and they sound like the one I grew up in (the Assemblies of God) and the Satanic Panic on steroids so far. Must have been a nightmare.
They're all horrible honestly but I feel like UPCI is worse. My friend came from a sect even more strict than the UPCI churches. It's crazy the variability between them.
assembly of god creeped me out at first then I started to laugh at their version of speaking in tongues.
And you say all the bad things about apostolic , I’m 16 and I’ve seen the world and it’s evil and I was lost and bullied until I started going to church and I found the Lord and it’s so much better I’m happy and free I have friends and people that love me, and I have a way better life then I’d had, and my mom was a heroin Attic and and I invited her to church and she receives the Holy Ghost and now she’s off of heroin and I have my mom again and the lords done so much for me and there’s some standards and rule but that just makes you different then the world and there some rules but it’s all worth it.
And if you want a better life come to Landmark Apostolic Church in Maggie valley NC
I'm glad you feel that you have found love and acceptance somewhere. Good for you! But my experience has been incredibly negative, abusive, and downright traumatic. We all have different experiences. Just because you had a good one doesn't negate my experience and make it invalid.
@@josiah3960 hard pass kid. I have zero interest in attending Pentecostal churches, or any church for that matter. And when did I ever say I wanted a better life? My life is fucking great lol
Denycia Haley well your missing out you’ll see when God comes for his people God loves you, and I’m sad that you don’t love this truth cuz you had a one bad time.
Denycia Haley and it’s your choice to live like this and I’m not judging you for that, that’s Gods possession,
I am sorry that you went through so much abuse. I grew up in a Christian household too, but my mum is Colombian, so there was makeup being worn as well as jewellery and perfume. I have worn trousers in which I still wear btw. The only thing that is off-putting when it comes to church is when a preacher starts demonising other preachers down calling them demons and a false prophet while other preachers call that said preacher the same thing and another thing I was ignored when I was a child due to being autistic mind you, my autism is actually mild and this stems of the church being Hispanic being born different = not normal and have really ignorant views.
Thank you.
Yes they demonize each other even within the same religion. It's bizarre.
I am sorry they are so ignorant and lack understanding. My brother is autistic and we left our first church mostly because of how people in the church were treating him for being different.
@@Denycia I'm glad you left the toxic environment because there some churches that I've observed that are extremely toxic and closed minded... my mum is a wonderful Christian woman who knows the impact of the tongue and I don't ever remember her calling me useless or a demon, I hope your parents understand the power in words and how it can impact on their kids and I hope your autistic brother is doing okay
@@AmuJaneTVII I'm glad your mom never said terrible things to you like that! It's true what you said about the impact words have on children. I'm glad I'm out as well! As for my brother, he seems to be doing well. It's hard for me to tell because he still lives with my mom and stepdad who I don't have contact with anymore and I live on the other side of the country now.
Can I go if I am like not apart of the church? Like obviously I will follow dress code I just want to see it first hand
Yeah you're still allowed to go if you're not a part of the church. And they are typically very nice to newcomers. Those of us who have left like to call it love bombing lol
@@drkitkatfluttershy2119 I'll come up speaking in tongues and then just when they think they've saved me I will stop the tongues, start laughing, and say damn y'all really fell for that? 😆
Punk rock saved me.
I'm so glad!
I will have to admit the revival were anything but. Sat and had a guy scream at you for an hour or more.
Couldn't agree more!
I am glad for you that at one point you were liberated. You have been through a lot. Your parents were terrible to you. I am sorry. They, themselves were greatly misled. What a burdensome religion. I am glad you got out.I haven't watched all ur videos but I hope to learn you have faith in Jesus Christ. God be with you, dear.
Thank you for validating my feelings! I'm glad that I got out too!
@@Denycia You seem to have a good heart. I wish you the very best.
@@tlafleur8433 thank you so much and same to you for both things!!! :)