I've lived with borderline personality disorder for most of my adult life and have been under a Dr's care and have read and researched bpd extensively. I'm so appreciative of your videos on this disorder and other disorders and just want to say thank you. You provide great information along with understanding and empathy. I'm grateful.
Thank you, Dr. Grande for keeping your videos professional and scientific! I was diagnosed with BPD about five years ago. The stigma behind it is so discouraging and oppressing. No therapists would help me and I felt ashamed and alone. The waitlist for DBT was months out so I did a lot of my own research for answers. You’re one of the few on UA-cam who doesn’t project opinions that we’re sadistic and hopeless. Wish I found your videos then - thank you again
I was misdiagnosed with boderline personalty disorder. I was going through my divorce and in the process of losing custody of my daughter. I had no support from my family and friends. I was also going through postpartum depression. My psychiatrist just slapped the lable on me. There was no history of symptoms. This psychiatrist also told me I was a self hating lesbian. I love myself and am not a lesbian. I walked out of therapy and have had none of the indicators. My sense of self does not depend on anyone else. I am a whole self actualized person. I will graduate with a M.S in Accounting/Auditing in three weeks. I live alone and love it. I have the support of my family and a couple close friends. I'm a highly senitive person with an INFP personality. I'm not antisocial, but I need alone time to recharge. When I'm fully charged I love being around others. I love finding out about others and how they tick. I'm good at helping others see things in a different way, and pointing out several possibilities that could solve thier problem. My question is how do I get the Borderline personality disorder off my medical history. I went to see a new psychiatrist, he had read my chart and assumed that I had Borderline personality disorder. He immediately started treating me for a disorder I do not have. I saw him twice and he left the practice.Now I have to see a new psychiatrist, but I don't want the same thing to happen. I have been diagnosed with every mental illness and personality disorder in the DSM at one point or another. This happened because my mom who has narcissistic personality traits took me to a therapist when I was 7 years old. She told them that she thought I was antisocial and had anger issues. Because of my personality I would rather spend time alone. I only took apart my toys to see how they worked. I also put them back together in amazing ways. The therapist ageed with my mom.I was not able to defend myself. My chart followed me and I racked up the diagnoses. When I did find my voice and told the truth the terapists called me a liar. I stopped talking to the therapists. I would agree with whatever my mom and others told the therapist. I got so many diagnoses without saying a word. The therapist would go down a checklist of symptoms and lable me with something even if it didn't fit. They would say it's close enough. I've been in therapy consistently for over 30 years. I'm done with the misdiagnoses. I do suffer from Bipolar disorder 1, but that is all. I do need medication for my bipolar disorder. Help
Watching your videos is more than just a part of psycoeducation. It's a deep understanding of a condition. The real focus is healing. Thank you for your time and wisdom. :)
I have heard from a lot of therapists that Personality disorders are very hard to treat. They especially stress that trying to please a BPD and having that have false hopes have destroyed many a lives. I guess it depends on the individual person if they are comorbid with narcissism, but overwhelmingly therapists on youtube or online have said - it is better to not become entangled with people with BPD stressing their manipulativeness, emotional reactivity/rage issues, constant paranoia, vindictiveness. But I have also heard from BPD that seem to be genuinely seeking to learn from their mistakes and becoming more stable secure individuals. I wonder what the prognosis rate is like.
These days it's quite good, if the person is willing to admit there's a problem and engage with therapy. There is still a lot of stigma against BPD both in society and among mental health professionals. I'd advise researching therapists to find the best one possible for an individual. I was diagnosed about 5 years ago, have had extensive therapy, and I believe I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria, but I do still have some traits that do not cause me issues the majority of the time. Sometimes I have what I call a relapse (twice in the last 3 years), but I am able to remember back to my DBT days and I get through it. In terms of people saying you should never get involved with someone who has BPD... I do appreciate that people can have bad experiences with a borderline, and BPD certainly should never excuse abusive behaviour (it may explain, but never excuse) and if you have a borderline in your life who is abusive (and I include psychological abuse and bullying in that) then you should get out. Same as any other abusive person. The problems then start when that person paints all borderlines with the same brush, which is a ridiculous generalisation for all the reasons outlined in the video and more. The second problem is that people focus on the outer behaviour of BPD and forget to think about how we feel. There's a fantastic lecture on UA-cam that mentions that:ua-cam.com/video/fhOotNCqg2E/v-deo.html BPD is misery. It's exhausting. It's scary, lonely, and it also can make us more vulnerable to abuse as well. So, I would say that if you are interested in a relationship or a friendship with someone with BPD, you don't need to run away from the label. Focus on the individual and their behaviour. Some of us are raging arseholes, and some of us just need an extra hug and some support when things inside our head get scary. ☺️
No cure .. meds will stable mood for a while, then the disorder kicks in again and round and round and round in circles they go, and try and take you with them!
My therapist used CBT, Schema-Focused Therapy and Mindfulness. I was lucky, it was a free service by the municipality (sorry, this is not in the US) and my therapist was a very hard-working person with a positive approach, which I'm usually sceptic about (how can people be positive all the time???) but once I saw that she was sincere and wasn't judgy I felt better and better. It was like a snowball effect. When I started, my goal was to get well enough to go through the day but I ended up getting much more. I had all 9 symptoms. I got rid of 5 of them; including self-harm, suicidal thoughts. I didn't know I had BDP; I thought I was an angry, negative and depressed person who could never happy. I just knew something was wrong with me and that I wanted to get better. There was a voice in my head who wanted to stay that way because this was my defence mechanism, I was holding people away so they couldn't hurt me. I silenced that voice. I know that there might be relapses but I also know that I won't go back to the start. If I keep working hard, doing my exercises, use every tool my therapist gave me, I'll be fine. Good luck to you all!
i really love your videos and watch them at work. you're a relaxing person aside from being extremely smart and obviously caring a lot about mental health and the correct/ideal treatment for your patients. ps. you say borderline personality disorder really fast. it's one of your superpowers
Thank you so much for those kind words - I think I have said "borderline personality disorder" a few million times during my life (it feels that way anyhow) -
Your videos are a great resource. Thank you. I hope you make another video explaining what treatment modalities besides DBT are effective with borderlines. I'd particularly like some details about how those modalities work and what the research shows. If you could even just list the modalities in the comment section that would be helpful... Thanks again.
+Noah Clawson: Sorry for butting in, but in response to your question about treatment modalities, I can mention TFP (Transference-Focused Psychotherapy, developed by Otto Kernberg and his associates), and MBT (Mentalization-Based Therapy (see Fonagy, Bateman). These methods, according to results reported by their proponents in conferences and in research papers, have been demonstrated to have comparable effectiveness as DBT.
Thank you for responding... Yes, I saw a demonstration of TFP for borderlines with Dr. Frank Yeoman -- a colleague of Otto Kernberg. In the same clip, there was a demonstration of Mentalization with Dr. Anthony Bateman. I didn't know those methods were as effective as DBT. I'm also curious about the effectiveness of Schema therapy. I have a hunch that particular modality might be better for other personality disorders that have more of a environmental etiology.
+Noah Clawson: On the applicability of different therapy modalities, Otto Kernberg discussed this in some detail in his recent series of lectures on Narcissistic Personality Disorder that he gave in Bergen, Norway (highly recommended: just google "kernberg narcissistic pd bergen video" and you will find four youtube videos; there are also four separate videos of lectures he gave in the same venue in Bergen on severe personality disorders in general, with focus on TFP). In particular, he made a point that Cognitive-Behavioural modalities (like DBT, for example, and to some extent Schema) would be most effective for NPD of moderate severity, supportive psychotherapy (I guess this means reducing anxiety, depressions, etc. without challenging the patient) for either mild severity NPD or -- perhaps surprisingly-- NPD with severe anti-social features (where, due to patient's lying, there is little hope for achieving meaningful personality corrections), and TFP is best for moderate to high severity NPD (without too much anti-social behaviour). Factors like patient's intelligence level and time available for treatment are also important, I suppose, since, generally, more intelligent people may respond better to psychoanalytic approaches (like TFP) whereas the tool-like methodology of DBT is applicable to a wider range of IQs, and DBT is meant to be more time-efficient.
Thanks for clearing up these myths. I never heard of the majority of these myths nor did I have a true understanding about BPD until your class, so I didn’t have a perception about people with this diagnosis.
I find your videos helpful. Your approach from a research perspective seems to inure you to the anchoring bias and confirmation bias rampant among clinicians. Sometimes I think they throw darts at the DSMV to make their diagnoses. One would think that the first thing that a clinician would learn is that the intrinsicity of each case makes it an exception.
Listening to my friends about psychology has helped me on deciding what has to do with life exactly.your explanation means a lot to me and it help me to live my life better.advices and experiences are needed especially when leading normal lives as an adult.
I had a friend who showed symtoms of B.P.D (back then I didn't now about bpd i just knew she had something off) but she was very devious and bullies me (and the people she loved) all the time, sends me pictures of her wrist cut, always saying she's depressed but without emotion ... if you try to talk to her about it she would be rude. I dont if she had B.P.D but she had her ways to make you feel extremely sorry for her and in a way guilty because "she has issues" when I stopped being her friend she would want to ruin your life stalks you pretend nothing happend and tells me to move on, all to get me back she has done this with everyone but not me. she stills stalks me online she copied every thing I did, it was weird.... I don't know if that was a type of B.P.D or not
I took myself to a psychiatrist last year after considering suicide for 6 months straight. Long story short, I was told that I either had Dysthemia or BPD. I don't have a fear of abandonment but Dysthemia is meant to last for 2 years. But for most of my life I've felt numb, empty, and had period when I tried to carelessly or accidentally take my life. I never got diagnosed. I took the Mmpi 2 test in December, but the test was misplaced and I haven't gone back to retake. I took it online though. I also stopped going to the hospital. The whole process was annoying and my family was against me taking drugs. Any ways, that was just to give context to why I'm asking these two questions. 1) What's the difference between Dysthemia and BPD? Why is it easy to mix up? 2) Will there be repercussions from stopping my medications in the long run? I had been on Flouxetine and Risperidone since March last year. Stopped Risperidone because it caused me runny blocked nose in July. And I stopped Flouxetine in December,and focused on practicing CBT.
Thank you, Dr. Grande. I wish there was a video on how a person can be borderline and yet show traits of being narcissistic. I know someone who sort of falls somewhere in between or reacts like bpd at times or like narcissistic. It would help a lot. As the person is suffering and also ruining any sort of family relations or other relations. Self harm is also a leeway for getting things the way the person wants
Thank you for debunking these myths. I find it interesting that BPD is considered easily recognizable. What factors lend toward this myth? I do hope that myths #9 and 7 does not continue to persist as these myths cause such discouragement and even despair. While I do realize that BPD presents differently for several reasons, such as co-morbidity and severity, I have not considered the large number of variations until now.
Bpd is difficult in everyway. It is very complicated to understand because bpd can seem like other personality disorders. It does include all 10 personality disorders ( i think its ten ). Would self .medicating be considered the same as cutting ones self ( self harm )? Quiet borderlines dont manipulate others ? I am just confused on some of the criteria. I know ptsd can go along with bpd. I do believe they need to change the name of bpd. Thats just my opinion. Ptsd or complex trauma could be why someone self medicates and has low self esteem. I know my comment is all over the place , i cant seem to put my questions into words because of it being complicated. Thanks Dr G always look forward to your vlogs.
Again, I would like to understand what we're talking about when we mention trauma. I have a very difficult time believing that there could be BPD unrelated to trauma. Isn't there a high incidence of having a highly invalidating parent (especially mother) with developing BPD? So what constitutes trauma and how can there be BPD or any personality disorder for that matter without an environmental component?
This is a good point. It's hard to say exactly what qualifies as trauma. However there is a clear "shaping" to someone during childhood and things like emotional and psychological abuse are very rarely identified unless they're serious cases. Reports of trauma and abuse also seem to exclude things like frequent bullying at school or emotional neglect from parental figures. People like to pretend that these factors don't shape someone's personality in a disorderly way when in fact, they do. Little things that lead to an overall lower quality of life over an extended period of time during childhood may not constitute as immediate "trauma" however it still falls under the same idea.
Believe it. I've lived with two people who had Cluster B disorders. These two people were father and daughter - Papa was a brutal Narcissist and daughter was a Borderline! I believe in some cases these personalities are genetic. Lord! Take a word of advice here - Don't EVER get pregnant by a Narcissist!! You will feel the repercussions forever! In fact, another daughter shows symptoms of this disorder when under heavy stress. I'm sick of being around such people!
I'd disagree with the notion of BDP not be founded in trauma. Prolonged and severe abandonment & sexual abuse cycles during early childhood are triggers of BPD. In the end, we all react differently to trauma. Some become more appealing, while others emulate it and still others "fight" it with a "never again" attitude. All of these are forms of use trying to avoid confronting the deep reality of being extremely victimized.
i grow up really shy i never spoke. i never had any trauma growing up until I hit 14 years old then i started the suicide behavior had my first boyfriend married him etc now that i am in my 30's i now know he was my favorite person. now divorced and think he is the devil.
I have one question. I have been diagnosed with " borderline personality traits". Also,I am single for the first time in a long time. And I notice, that I'm for some reason I don't fully understand, if a guy shows interest in me, I just don't feel any attraction for him. And for some weird reason I get attracted to usually the ones that don't show serious, only a interest sexual interest in me. Why, and is this common for my diagnosis?
Shannon Mayer attachment disorder? Pining to resolve rejection from a parent by reliving original trauma hoping it will end differently and be solved via winning over the rejecting party? Or you just don’t want a mutual relationship cuz that seems foreign to you?
Dr. Grande, I have a question about the utility of diagnosing personality disorders, especially those associated with aggressive or anti-social behaviors: as far as I know, some psychotherapists and psychiatrists use questionnaires for diagnoses, others (like Kernberg and his followers) use structured interviews, etc. With this diversity of diagnostic approaches, is it obligatory that a mental health professional demonstrate that the diagnostic criteria of DSM-5 are fufilled? I mean in practice - is that kind of firm connection with DSM-5 really done?
That's an excellent question. There are probably a few factors are present here: (1) the degree to which a counselor believes the DSM is correct; (2) the amount of training in appraisal; (3) personality profile (FFM); and (4) how a counselor balances clinical judgment and the diagnostic criteria. Depending on where a counselor falls on these factors, they could dismiss the DSM altogether, follow it to the letter, or be anywhere in between.
Dr. Todd Grande The degree to which a clinician believes DSM is correct!!! It IS the bible in mental health diagnostics! Surely You cannot pick and choose if you like it or not, Ive never heard such a comment.
Circumcism (in my case without anesthesia, as if anesthetizing a neonate is appropriate) is an overlooked trauma. IMO totally overlooked and summarily ignored.
I was married to a Research Scientist for 18 years. Consequently, and based on stuff he said about how they do research, I think people place too much emphasis on how superior it is as a tool of study. I mean, he told me himself that "flaws in the scientist's personality can affect the outcome of the test" and even gave me examples by talking about certain scientists he worked with and even said his own biases might change the outcome. Although he didn't tell me what those were. I don't know how one knows the difference between this disorder and C-PTSD.
Is the definition of success in BPD treatment the same as the definition of success in treatment of schizophrenia or other disorders? Like, the person decreases the number of symptoms to not be diagnosed with schizophrenia?
Here's the problem with any personality disorder, its conformity not knowing why not knowing where there going and thinking that there life is shaped by circumstances, there outer directed people, the solution listen to the strangest secret by earl Nightingale on UA-cam, I was an alcoholic for more than 20 years, I had anti social personality disorder, I was in and out of jail and prison my x girlfriend has borderline personality disorder, I was with her for 12 years my mother is bpd my father was shot when I was a newborn, I am in the process of starting my own business I haven't drank in 5 years 95% turn around just listen to the strangest secret you have to have goals and work toward them we become what we think about. Do the 30 day challenge it has changed so many people's lives
Off-topic observation - hopefully not too personal: After watching a few of your videos, I've just noticed that you bear a resemblance to Dr. Norman Finkelstein (in manner and form, albeit younger.) Thanks again.
These myths, along with the myths regarding ASPD, are very interesting to hear. This will be good to keep in mind when treating clients who may have possibly been led to believe these myths.
Dr Todd thankyou again greetings from Tasmania I have some questions I,d like to ask you, is it ok? also do you know that the Spanish term for bpd translates as Limited Personality Disorder, I find this term much more palatable. please let me know if I can ask you a question or 2 thankyou
2:20 The cut-off of age 18 for APD also (mostly I believe) has to do with the military. You can't receive the dx before 18 because the government wants these kids causing trouble without the fear of a record or jail time because they want the public to come to hate the kids and pressure them to get the hell out of their hair, but where are they going to go? Into the Army, it is hoped.
Why do you believe that it's so difficult to determine prevalence? I feel like I generally get along with other women who have diagnosed BPD (like myself) and hypothesize that my boyfriend may also be BPD. However, it seems to be a common belief that we aren't supposed to be attracted to one another. I understand why it's common for an individual to form a close relationship (romantic or otherwise) with a narcissist or codependent person. Why would or wouldn't people with BPD get along in general?
Could have to do with the fact that a very high percentage of BPD sufferers also have comorbidity.....if it's comorbid with NPD, a BPD will possibly be attracted to that person.
How would you determine prevalence of BPD? - Some sufferers never seek, or realise they need help, and are never diagnosed. - Some sufferers have been misdiagnosed as having other disorders. - Some sufferers are diagnosed, but would never admit to it (stigma). - Some people diagnosed with BPD are misdiagnosed and skew the numbers that way.
BPD is dangerous especially in a relationship because the stress of the close interpersonal relations (which by definition a borderline cannot successfully maintain) pushes the sufferer over the borderline into psychosis. While psychotic the borderline becomes extremely paranoid, and, if not violent (I have been bashed many times), convinced you are doing all manner of wrongs to them which a borderline, again by definition, seeks revenge for, even when on the neurotic side of the borderline. Dr. Grande is right that substances like alcohol assist in increasing the risk of violence, but as he has stated himself, there is a higher risk of substance abuse disorder in bpd or because of bpd and so one can lead to a higher chance of the other being there. But not only that. From my personal experience of decades with the most cruelest and devaluing borderlines, and from current research as far as I am aware, the stress element (or any trigger in fact that goes to the original wound of the borderline and thereby causes stress which is dysregulated and therefore not like nons know stress to be) will have them crossing into psychosis and/or dissociating and suddenly irrational fears and thoughts kick in and they’ll, even though you said and did nothing meaningful to anyone else, because it triggered the core wound, you now become the cause of all the trauma for the borderline and thus the target of their attacks. They will stop at nothing and do to you whatever it takes because they think their survival depends on it (when of course we know that is not the case). So this is where the “walking on eggshells” comes in. 4 borderline exes and a borderline traited narc family have absolutely destroyed and ruined my life, because I the ordained scapegoat had the self respect enough to call out wrong treatment, manipulations, revenge plots and pathological lying! (I find the non-stop shameless lying and word games about absolutely everything, even meaningless things to be the most dangerous part). Physical external wounds (and i have received many) don’t compare to the physical and emotional internal wounds that come from years of trying to subdue and passify the bottomless pit of borderline personalities. Make no mistake - run!!!!! You will lose your health, you will lose your friends, you will lose your finances, you will lose your identity, and in some cases, you’ll literally lose your life or be so scared of the threat of such that you give up enforcing your rights, because the risk is too great. There are reported cases on all of this. Borderlines need a lot more than even someone like me, (a superhuman in terms of solving problems and taking practical action) can achieve. I know this warning will fall on deaf ears, but in case there is one person out there reading this who is at an early enough stage to leave safely - RUN! If your date tells you they are like a chameleon or a man/woman for all seasons -RUN! If they seem so perfect on the outside, and all their messages between them and parents and friends/coworkers are clinical and perfect, and it looks like you’ve met the real life Brady Bunch -run! Masters at manipulation (another reason why they’re dangerous) are calculated enough to make sure that public actions / records (like text and emails) all look the part so that it won’t be believable later when you try and expose how abusive they are, or that they’ve triangulated against you. I’ve barely touched the surface here, but please Dr Grande, you must understand that borderlines in any type of relation where power is involved (in their eyes) is dangerous. I don’t know what is going to happen to me once my borderline sees this post (he is reading it right now I can assure you). But whatever retribution I receive (there is nearly nothing left to lose to them at this stage) if someone out there could correct their understanding and avoid what is happening to me, I would be so thankful to God above for that one saved person. Please take care and thank you Dr Grande for your amazing videos in general.
I’m sorry for your experience, but you have some very fundamental things wrong. Borderlines *can* maintain relationships. While the disorder is characterised by unstable attachments, that does not mean they are incapable of heathy, loving relationships. Clearly this is a major myth that should have been addressed in the video. Borderlines are *not* revenge-seeking. I have no idea why you think that, but there is nothing in any of the four or five diagnosis models to suggest any connection between devaluations thoughts, and acting against a devalued person. Please remember that your experience is not universal. The very first myth covered in the video is that *not all presentations of BPD look the same*. As Dr. Grande describes in the first minutes of the video, there is considerable variation in symptoms, and there are no traits that “by definition” characterise sufferers. Your description of sufferers as violent, psychotic, manipulative, cunning, and abusive is *the exact thing this video is meant to prevent*. Again, I’m sorry for your personal experience, it sounds awful.
Every time my son used to get messed up on barbiturates he would go crazy if I didn't coddled to him and that's the only time I had two severely disciplined him when he was 20 years old with my fist because he was trying to attack me. He was borderline but he's growing out of it. yes and he used to cut himself if he didn't get his way a few times he rip stuff off of my car because of my mother LOL it was really screwed up but it's over now and I'm learning from it
If u want a promiscuous cheater compulsive liar, cutter, or a extremely abusive & volatile aggressive .. blame shifters NEVER accept responsibility, act like 5 yr old having a temper tantrums.. (list is not exhaustive) if you want a person like this in your life Go ahead.. otherwise tread with caution.. know the signs Avoid manipulative argumentative ppl. Be safe‼️
I have seen you make similar caustic comments in quite a few comment sections on BPD videos, particularly Dr. Grande's. Why do you watch these videos? Do you even watch them or do you just leave disparaging and hateful comments? Why would you seek out videos on helping BPD sufferers and their loved ones if you are completely closed minded? All your comments on BPD videos (and there's a lot of them!) have no purpose but to spread misinformation and hate. Some of us are trying to help someone we know or be proactive in our own treatment. If you can't (at the very least) accept that than I suggest you watch videos where you're not so triggered.
Dr Todd Grande your misleading the severity or the reality of the high percentage that comorphided occurs with this disorder is most often npd it and closely followed by ADHD Show your resources that suggest DBT is so effective
I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. I can't have romantic or interpersonal relationships at all. The world to me is very cruel, cold, and unloving. I'm so full of love in my dreams full of friends, family, and adventure. So, I see this world as a waking mirage. It cannot be real. It is like hell to me. I know these are just disassociation, and delusions, but they're the only thing making me able to push through life.
I've lived with borderline personality disorder for most of my adult life and have been under a Dr's care and have read and researched bpd extensively. I'm so appreciative of your videos on this disorder and other disorders and just want to say thank you. You provide great information along with understanding and empathy. I'm grateful.
Thank you, Dr. Grande for keeping your videos professional and scientific! I was diagnosed with BPD about five years ago. The stigma behind it is so discouraging and oppressing. No therapists would help me and I felt ashamed and alone. The waitlist for DBT was months out so I did a lot of my own research for answers. You’re one of the few on UA-cam who doesn’t project opinions that we’re sadistic and hopeless. Wish I found your videos then - thank you again
You explain the disorders so well. Thank you are your work and effort.
Thank you Dr. Grande. Please keep the videos coming. I'm finding the content tremendously helpful.
You're welcome! Thank you so much for the encouragement!
I was misdiagnosed with boderline personalty disorder. I was going through my divorce and in the process of losing custody of my daughter. I had no support from my family and friends. I was also going through postpartum depression. My psychiatrist just slapped the lable on me. There was no history of symptoms. This psychiatrist also told me I was a self hating lesbian. I love myself and am not a lesbian. I walked out of therapy and have had none of the indicators. My sense of self does not depend on anyone else. I am a whole self actualized person. I will graduate with a M.S in Accounting/Auditing in three weeks. I live alone and love it. I have the support of my family and a couple close friends. I'm a highly senitive person with an INFP personality. I'm not antisocial, but I need alone time to recharge. When I'm fully charged I love being around others. I love finding out about others and how they tick. I'm good at helping others see things in a different way, and pointing out several possibilities that could solve thier problem. My question is how do I get the Borderline personality disorder off my medical history. I went to see a new psychiatrist, he had read my chart and assumed that I had Borderline personality disorder. He immediately started treating me for a disorder I do not have. I saw him twice and he left the practice.Now I have to see a new psychiatrist, but I don't want the same thing to happen. I have been diagnosed with every mental illness and personality disorder in the DSM at one point or another. This happened because my mom who has narcissistic personality traits took me to a therapist when I was 7 years old. She told them that she thought I was antisocial and had anger issues. Because of my personality I would rather spend time alone. I only took apart my toys to see how they worked. I also put them back together in amazing ways. The therapist ageed with my mom.I was not able to defend myself. My chart followed me and I racked up the diagnoses. When I did find my voice and told the truth the terapists called me a liar. I stopped talking to the therapists. I would agree with whatever my mom and others told the therapist. I got so many diagnoses without saying a word. The therapist would go down a checklist of symptoms and lable me with something even if it didn't fit. They would say it's close enough. I've been in therapy consistently for over 30 years. I'm done with the misdiagnoses. I do suffer from Bipolar disorder 1, but that is all. I do need medication for my bipolar disorder. Help
Watching your videos is more than just a part of psycoeducation. It's a deep understanding of a condition. The real focus is healing. Thank you for your time and wisdom. :)
I have heard from a lot of therapists that Personality disorders are very hard to treat. They especially stress that trying to please a BPD and having that have false hopes have destroyed many a lives. I guess it depends on the individual person if they are comorbid with narcissism, but overwhelmingly therapists on youtube or online have said - it is better to not become entangled with people with BPD stressing their manipulativeness, emotional reactivity/rage issues, constant paranoia, vindictiveness. But I have also heard from BPD that seem to be genuinely seeking to learn from their mistakes and becoming more stable secure individuals. I wonder what the prognosis rate is like.
These days it's quite good, if the person is willing to admit there's a problem and engage with therapy.
There is still a lot of stigma against BPD both in society and among mental health professionals. I'd advise researching therapists to find the best one possible for an individual.
I was diagnosed about 5 years ago, have had extensive therapy, and I believe I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria, but I do still have some traits that do not cause me issues the majority of the time. Sometimes I have what I call a relapse (twice in the last 3 years), but I am able to remember back to my DBT days and I get through it.
In terms of people saying you should never get involved with someone who has BPD... I do appreciate that people can have bad experiences with a borderline, and BPD certainly should never excuse abusive behaviour (it may explain, but never excuse) and if you have a borderline in your life who is abusive (and I include psychological abuse and bullying in that) then you should get out. Same as any other abusive person.
The problems then start when that person paints all borderlines with the same brush, which is a ridiculous generalisation for all the reasons outlined in the video and more. The second problem is that people focus on the outer behaviour of BPD and forget to think about how we feel. There's a fantastic lecture on UA-cam that mentions that:ua-cam.com/video/fhOotNCqg2E/v-deo.html
BPD is misery. It's exhausting. It's scary, lonely, and it also can make us more vulnerable to abuse as well.
So, I would say that if you are interested in a relationship or a friendship with someone with BPD, you don't need to run away from the label. Focus on the individual and their behaviour. Some of us are raging arseholes, and some of us just need an extra hug and some support when things inside our head get scary. ☺️
No cure .. meds will stable mood for a while, then the disorder kicks in again and round and round and round in circles they go, and try and take you with them!
My therapist used CBT, Schema-Focused Therapy and Mindfulness. I was lucky, it was a free service by the municipality (sorry, this is not in the US) and my therapist was a very hard-working person with a positive approach, which I'm usually sceptic about (how can people be positive all the time???) but once I saw that she was sincere and wasn't judgy I felt better and better. It was like a snowball effect. When I started, my goal was to get well enough to go through the day but I ended up getting much more. I had all 9 symptoms. I got rid of 5 of them; including self-harm, suicidal thoughts. I didn't know I had BDP; I thought I was an angry, negative and depressed person who could never happy. I just knew something was wrong with me and that I wanted to get better. There was a voice in my head who wanted to stay that way because this was my defence mechanism, I was holding people away so they couldn't hurt me. I silenced that voice. I know that there might be relapses but I also know that I won't go back to the start. If I keep working hard, doing my exercises, use every tool my therapist gave me, I'll be fine. Good luck to you all!
Your channel is great public service, thank you
i really love your videos and watch them at work. you're a relaxing person aside from being extremely smart and obviously caring a lot about mental health and the correct/ideal treatment for your patients.
ps. you say borderline personality disorder really fast. it's one of your superpowers
Thank you so much for those kind words - I think I have said "borderline personality disorder" a few million times during my life (it feels that way anyhow) -
Your videos are a great resource. Thank you. I hope you make another video explaining what treatment modalities besides DBT are effective with borderlines. I'd particularly like some details about how those modalities work and what the research shows. If you could even just list the modalities in the comment section that would be helpful... Thanks again.
+Noah Clawson: Sorry for butting in, but in response to your question about treatment modalities, I can mention TFP (Transference-Focused Psychotherapy, developed by Otto Kernberg and his associates), and MBT (Mentalization-Based Therapy (see Fonagy, Bateman). These methods, according to results reported by their proponents in conferences and in research papers, have been demonstrated to have comparable effectiveness as DBT.
Thank you for responding... Yes, I saw a demonstration of TFP for borderlines with Dr. Frank Yeoman -- a colleague of Otto Kernberg. In the same clip, there was a demonstration of Mentalization with Dr. Anthony Bateman. I didn't know those methods were as effective as DBT. I'm also curious about the effectiveness of Schema therapy. I have a hunch that particular modality might be better for other personality disorders that have more of a environmental etiology.
+Noah Clawson: On the applicability of different therapy modalities, Otto Kernberg discussed this in some detail in his recent series of lectures on Narcissistic Personality Disorder that he gave in Bergen, Norway (highly recommended: just google "kernberg narcissistic pd bergen video" and you will find four youtube videos; there are also four separate videos of lectures he gave in the same venue in Bergen on severe personality disorders in general, with focus on TFP). In particular, he made a point that Cognitive-Behavioural modalities (like DBT, for example, and to some extent Schema) would be most effective for NPD of moderate severity, supportive psychotherapy (I guess this means reducing anxiety, depressions, etc. without challenging the patient) for either mild severity NPD or -- perhaps surprisingly-- NPD with severe anti-social features (where, due to patient's lying, there is little hope for achieving meaningful personality corrections), and TFP is best for moderate to high severity NPD (without too much anti-social behaviour). Factors like patient's intelligence level and time available for treatment are also important, I suppose, since, generally, more intelligent people may respond better to psychoanalytic approaches (like TFP) whereas the tool-like methodology of DBT is applicable to a wider range of IQs, and DBT is meant to be more time-efficient.
Thank you for such a thoughtful response. I found it helpful. I will check out those videos.
Thanks for clearing up these myths. I never heard of the majority of these myths nor
did I have a true understanding about BPD until your class, so I didn’t have a
perception about people with this diagnosis.
Once again, this is a great video on myths regarding a disorder that may have been projected in the wrong way within society.
When I was six years old my stepmother left me in a doorway with a note saying not wanted
Fascinating! I am glad that you are bringing awareness to the truths and fallacies of this disorder. This will change many lives.
I find your videos helpful. Your approach from a research perspective seems to inure you to the anchoring bias and confirmation bias rampant among clinicians. Sometimes I think they throw darts at the DSMV to make their diagnoses.
One would think that the first thing that a clinician would learn is that the intrinsicity of each case makes it an exception.
Listening to my friends about psychology has helped me on deciding what has to do with life exactly.your explanation means a lot to me and it help me to live my life better.advices and experiences are needed especially when leading normal lives as an adult.
How is BPD differentiated from Chronic PTSD?
I had a friend who showed symtoms of B.P.D (back then I didn't now about bpd i just knew she had something off) but she was very devious and bullies me (and the people she loved) all the time, sends me pictures of her wrist cut, always saying she's depressed but without emotion ... if you try to talk to her about it she would be rude. I dont if she had B.P.D but she had her ways to make you feel extremely sorry for her and in a way guilty because "she has issues" when I stopped being her friend she would want to ruin your life stalks you pretend nothing happend and tells me to move on, all to get me back she has done this with everyone but not me. she stills stalks me online she copied every thing I did, it was weird.... I don't know if that was a type of B.P.D or not
I took myself to a psychiatrist last year after considering suicide for 6 months straight. Long story short, I was told that I either had Dysthemia or BPD. I don't have a fear of abandonment but Dysthemia is meant to last for 2 years. But for most of my life I've felt numb, empty, and had period when I tried to carelessly or accidentally take my life. I never got diagnosed. I took the Mmpi 2 test in December, but the test was misplaced and I haven't gone back to retake. I took it online though. I also stopped going to the hospital. The whole process was annoying and my family was against me taking drugs.
Any ways, that was just to give context to why I'm asking these two questions.
1) What's the difference between Dysthemia and BPD? Why is it easy to mix up?
2) Will there be repercussions from stopping my medications in the long run? I had been on Flouxetine and Risperidone since March last year. Stopped Risperidone because it caused me runny blocked nose in July. And I stopped Flouxetine in December,and focused on practicing CBT.
Thank you, Dr. Grande.
I wish there was a video on how a person can be borderline and yet show traits of being narcissistic.
I know someone who sort of falls somewhere in between or reacts like bpd at times or like narcissistic.
It would help a lot. As the person is suffering and also ruining any sort of family relations or other relations. Self harm is also a leeway for getting things the way the person wants
Another helpful morning-therapy-session. Thank you
You are most welcome :)
Dr Grande, thank you for all yr advices. But finding a good therapist is quite a problem. Can you give a list of good therapists in NYC?
Thank you for debunking these myths. I find it interesting that BPD is considered easily recognizable. What factors lend toward this myth? I do hope that myths #9 and 7 does not continue to persist as these myths cause such discouragement and even despair. While I do realize that BPD presents differently for several reasons, such as co-morbidity and severity, I have not considered the large number of variations until now.
Thank you! I have bpd and I see these myths spread around all the time.
Never good enough. That’s how I describe it.
Bpd is difficult in everyway. It is very complicated to understand because bpd can seem like other personality disorders. It does include all 10 personality disorders ( i think its ten ). Would self .medicating be considered the same as cutting ones self ( self harm )? Quiet borderlines dont manipulate others ? I am just confused on some of the criteria. I know ptsd can go along with bpd. I do believe they need to change the name of bpd. Thats just my opinion. Ptsd or complex trauma could be why someone self medicates and has low self esteem. I know my comment is all over the place , i cant seem to put my questions into words because of it being complicated. Thanks Dr G always look forward to your vlogs.
You’re welcome!
Again, I would like to understand what we're talking about when we mention trauma. I have a very difficult time believing that there could be BPD unrelated to trauma. Isn't there a high incidence of having a highly invalidating parent (especially mother) with developing BPD? So what constitutes trauma and how can there be BPD or any personality disorder for that matter without an environmental component?
I think that’s what he’s trying to debunk: the idea that certain influences (such as invalidation) can’t cause BPD because they weren’t “traumatic”.
iamlight exactly I think narcissist parent figures cause bpd
This is a good point. It's hard to say exactly what qualifies as trauma. However there is a clear "shaping" to someone during childhood and things like emotional and psychological abuse are very rarely identified unless they're serious cases. Reports of trauma and abuse also seem to exclude things like frequent bullying at school or emotional neglect from parental figures. People like to pretend that these factors don't shape someone's personality in a disorderly way when in fact, they do. Little things that lead to an overall lower quality of life over an extended period of time during childhood may not constitute as immediate "trauma" however it still falls under the same idea.
Believe it. I've lived with two people who had Cluster B disorders.
These two people were father and daughter - Papa was a brutal
Narcissist and daughter was a Borderline! I believe in some cases
these personalities are genetic. Lord! Take a word of advice here -
Don't EVER get pregnant by a Narcissist!! You will feel the repercussions
forever! In fact, another daughter shows symptoms of this disorder
when under heavy stress. I'm sick of being around such people!
I'd disagree with the notion of BDP not be founded in trauma. Prolonged and severe abandonment & sexual abuse cycles during early childhood are triggers of BPD. In the end, we all react differently to trauma. Some become more appealing, while others emulate it and still others "fight" it with a "never again" attitude. All of these are forms of use trying to avoid confronting the deep reality of being extremely victimized.
i grow up really shy i never spoke. i never had any trauma growing up until I hit 14 years old then i started the suicide behavior had my first boyfriend married him etc now that i am in my 30's i now know he was my favorite person. now divorced and think he is the devil.
256 possible combinations. When you hear this, you know you are listening to Dr Grande. Total geek 😂
its exhausting having all these disorders i have them all and feel like its beyond comprehension hate it all
I have one question. I have been diagnosed with " borderline personality traits". Also,I am single for the first time in a long time. And I notice, that I'm for some reason I don't fully understand, if a guy shows interest in me, I just don't feel any attraction for him. And for some weird reason I get attracted to usually the ones that don't show serious, only a interest sexual interest in me. Why, and is this common for my diagnosis?
Shannon Mayer attachment disorder? Pining to resolve rejection from a parent by reliving original trauma hoping it will end differently and be solved via winning over the rejecting party? Or you just don’t want a mutual relationship cuz that seems foreign to you?
Dr. Grande, I have a question about the utility of diagnosing personality disorders, especially those associated with aggressive or anti-social behaviors: as far as I know, some psychotherapists and psychiatrists use questionnaires for diagnoses, others (like Kernberg and his followers) use structured interviews, etc. With this diversity of diagnostic approaches, is it obligatory that a mental health professional demonstrate that the diagnostic criteria of DSM-5 are fufilled? I mean in practice - is that kind of firm connection with DSM-5 really done?
That's an excellent question. There are probably a few factors are present here: (1) the degree to which a counselor believes the DSM is correct; (2) the amount of training in appraisal; (3) personality profile (FFM); and (4) how a counselor balances clinical judgment and the diagnostic criteria. Depending on where a counselor falls on these factors, they could dismiss the DSM altogether, follow it to the letter, or be anywhere in between.
Dr. Todd Grande The degree to which a clinician believes DSM is correct!!! It IS the bible in mental health diagnostics! Surely You cannot pick and choose if you like it or not, Ive never heard such a comment.
Circumcism (in my case without anesthesia, as if anesthetizing a neonate is appropriate) is an overlooked trauma. IMO totally overlooked and summarily ignored.
Did you get it done last year? Haha.
@Vic Neighbors Ridiculous?
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201109/myths-about-circumcision-you-likely-believe
rofl
I was married to a Research Scientist for 18 years. Consequently, and based on stuff he said about how they do research, I think people place too much emphasis on how superior it is as a tool of study.
I mean, he told me himself that "flaws in the scientist's personality can affect the outcome of the test" and even gave me examples by talking about certain scientists he worked with and even said his own biases might change the outcome. Although he didn't tell me what those were.
I don't know how one knows the difference between this disorder and C-PTSD.
I have BPD and Bi.polar please make a video about someone who might have both ❤
6:55 What are the other treatment options available?
Is the definition of success in BPD treatment the same as the definition of success in treatment of schizophrenia or other disorders? Like, the person decreases the number of symptoms to not be diagnosed with schizophrenia?
Here's the problem with any personality disorder, its conformity not knowing why not knowing where there going and thinking that there life is shaped by circumstances, there outer directed people, the solution listen to the strangest secret by earl Nightingale on UA-cam, I was an alcoholic for more than 20 years, I had anti social personality disorder, I was in and out of jail and prison my x girlfriend has borderline personality disorder, I was with her for 12 years my mother is bpd my father was shot when I was a newborn, I am in the process of starting my own business I haven't drank in 5 years 95% turn around just listen to the strangest secret you have to have goals and work toward them we become what we think about. Do the 30 day challenge it has changed so many people's lives
Great information
Off-topic observation - hopefully not too personal: After watching a few of your videos, I've just noticed that you bear a resemblance to Dr. Norman Finkelstein (in manner and form, albeit younger.) Thanks again.
These myths, along with the myths regarding ASPD, are very interesting to hear. This will be good to keep in mind when treating clients who may have possibly been led to believe these myths.
Dr Todd thankyou again
greetings from Tasmania
I have some questions I,d like to ask you, is it ok?
also do you know that the Spanish term for bpd translates as Limited Personality Disorder, I find this term much more palatable.
please let me know if I can ask you a question or 2
thankyou
Girl interrupted is a movie about
Women's border line personally
What are the other ways to treat it?
The 1st myth didn't make sense to me. All presentations of BDP are the same. How can they all be the same when we are all different and unique
That was the point. BPD MYTH:They are all the same.
TRUTH: They all present differently.
2:20 The cut-off of age 18 for APD also (mostly I believe) has to do with the military. You can't receive the dx before 18 because the government wants these kids causing trouble without the fear of a record or jail time because they want the public to come to hate the kids and pressure them to get the hell out of their hair, but where are they going to go? Into the Army, it is hoped.
everything depends on the symptoms someone has ...
The manipulative behaviors makes having these people as spouses, family, friends exhausting. Consistent and persistent boundaries are needed.
Why do you believe that it's so difficult to determine prevalence? I feel like I generally get along with other women who have diagnosed BPD (like myself) and hypothesize that my boyfriend may also be BPD. However, it seems to be a common belief that we aren't supposed to be attracted to one another. I understand why it's common for an individual to form a close relationship (romantic or otherwise) with a narcissist or codependent person. Why would or wouldn't people with BPD get along in general?
Could have to do with the fact that a very high percentage of BPD sufferers also have comorbidity.....if it's comorbid with NPD, a BPD will possibly be attracted to that person.
How would you determine prevalence of BPD?
- Some sufferers never seek, or realise they need help, and are never diagnosed.
- Some sufferers have been misdiagnosed as having other disorders.
- Some sufferers are diagnosed, but would never admit to it (stigma).
- Some people diagnosed with BPD are misdiagnosed and skew the numbers that way.
I think the math is way out. Without doing the factorial calculation I would think the combinations it i the 10s of thousands. More than 256.
BPD is dangerous especially in a relationship because the stress of the close interpersonal relations (which by definition a borderline cannot successfully maintain) pushes the sufferer over the borderline into psychosis. While psychotic the borderline becomes extremely paranoid, and, if not violent (I have been bashed many times), convinced you are doing all manner of wrongs to them which a borderline, again by definition, seeks revenge for, even when on the neurotic side of the borderline.
Dr. Grande is right that substances like alcohol assist in increasing the risk of violence, but as he has stated himself, there is a higher risk of substance abuse disorder in bpd or because of bpd and so one can lead to a higher chance of the other being there.
But not only that. From my personal experience of decades with the most cruelest and devaluing borderlines, and from current research as far as I am aware, the stress element (or any trigger in fact that goes to the original wound of the borderline and thereby causes stress which is dysregulated and therefore not like nons know stress to be) will have them crossing into psychosis and/or dissociating and suddenly irrational fears and thoughts kick in and they’ll, even though you said and did nothing meaningful to anyone else, because it triggered the core wound, you now become the cause of all the trauma for the borderline and thus the target of their attacks. They will stop at nothing and do to you whatever it takes because they think their survival depends on it (when of course we know that is not the case). So this is where the “walking on eggshells” comes in. 4 borderline exes and a borderline traited narc family have absolutely destroyed and ruined my life, because I the ordained scapegoat had the self respect enough to call out wrong treatment, manipulations, revenge plots and pathological lying! (I find the non-stop shameless lying and word games about absolutely everything, even meaningless things to be the most dangerous part).
Physical external wounds (and i have received many) don’t compare to the physical and emotional internal wounds that come from years of trying to subdue and passify the bottomless pit of borderline personalities.
Make no mistake - run!!!!! You will lose your health, you will lose your friends, you will lose your finances, you will lose your identity, and in some cases, you’ll literally lose your life or be so scared of the threat of such that you give up enforcing your rights, because the risk is too great. There are reported cases on all of this.
Borderlines need a lot more than even someone like me, (a superhuman in terms of solving problems and taking practical action) can achieve.
I know this warning will fall on deaf ears, but in case there is one person out there reading this who is at an early enough stage to leave safely - RUN! If your date tells you they are like a chameleon or a man/woman for all seasons -RUN! If they seem so perfect on the outside, and all their messages between them and parents and friends/coworkers are clinical and perfect, and it looks like you’ve met the real life Brady Bunch -run! Masters at manipulation (another reason why they’re dangerous) are calculated enough to make sure that public actions / records (like text and emails) all look the part so that it won’t be believable later when you try and expose how abusive they are, or that they’ve triangulated against you.
I’ve barely touched the surface here, but please Dr Grande, you must understand that borderlines in any type
of relation where power is involved (in their eyes) is dangerous. I don’t know what is going to happen to me once my borderline sees this post (he is reading it right now I can assure you). But whatever retribution I receive (there is nearly nothing left to lose to them at this stage) if someone out there could correct their understanding and avoid what is happening to me, I would be so thankful to God above for that one saved person.
Please take care and thank you Dr Grande for your amazing videos in general.
I’m sorry for your experience, but you have some very fundamental things wrong.
Borderlines *can* maintain relationships. While the disorder is characterised by unstable attachments, that does not mean they are incapable of heathy, loving relationships. Clearly this is a major myth that should have been addressed in the video.
Borderlines are *not* revenge-seeking. I have no idea why you think that, but there is nothing in any of the four or five diagnosis models to suggest any connection between devaluations thoughts, and acting against a devalued person.
Please remember that your experience is not universal. The very first myth covered in the video is that *not all presentations of BPD look the same*. As Dr. Grande describes in the first minutes of the video, there is considerable variation in symptoms, and there are no traits that “by definition” characterise sufferers.
Your description of sufferers as violent, psychotic, manipulative, cunning, and abusive is *the exact thing this video is meant to prevent*.
Again, I’m sorry for your personal experience, it sounds awful.
I like you
Every time my son used to get messed up on barbiturates he would go crazy if I didn't coddled to him and that's the only time I had two severely disciplined him when he was 20 years old with my fist because he was trying to attack me. He was borderline but he's growing out of it. yes and he used to cut himself if he didn't get his way a few times he rip stuff off of my car because of my mother LOL it was really screwed up but it's over now and I'm learning from it
What is an abusive environment?. How sensitive are you?, may be a better question?.
I bet he gets so annoyed by saying...”border line personality disorder” 5000 times in the video .
It’s a mouthful! Lol!
It wouldn't be so bad if he articulated better. It comes out something like "borelinpsnraly" . He has got to work on his dental consonants.
If u want a promiscuous cheater compulsive liar, cutter, or a extremely abusive & volatile aggressive .. blame shifters NEVER accept responsibility, act like 5 yr old having a temper tantrums.. (list is not exhaustive) if you want a person like this in your life Go ahead.. otherwise tread with caution.. know the signs Avoid manipulative argumentative ppl. Be safe‼️
I have seen you make similar caustic comments in quite a few comment sections on BPD videos, particularly Dr. Grande's.
Why do you watch these videos? Do you even watch them or do you just leave disparaging and hateful comments? Why would you seek out videos on helping BPD sufferers and their loved ones if you are completely closed minded? All your comments on BPD videos (and there's a lot of them!) have no purpose but to spread misinformation and hate.
Some of us are trying to help someone we know or be proactive in our own treatment. If you can't (at the very least) accept that than I suggest you watch videos where you're not so triggered.
Dr Todd Grande your misleading the severity or the reality of the high percentage that comorphided occurs with this disorder is most often npd it and closely followed by ADHD
Show your resources that suggest DBT is so effective
Myth number ten: Borderline do not abuse there partner.
Gosh, the way Dr Grande talks make him so god damn attractive.
I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. I can't have romantic or interpersonal relationships at all. The world to me is very cruel, cold, and unloving. I'm so full of love in my dreams full of friends, family, and adventure. So, I see this world as a waking mirage. It cannot be real. It is like hell to me. I know these are just disassociation, and delusions, but they're the only thing making me able to push through life.