Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps: 00:00 Do We Think About Trauma Wrong? 03:56 Link Between Trauma & Chronic Stress 07:28 Why Trauma Causes Us to Shield Ourselves 12:41 How to Not Be at the Mercy of Your Feelings 21:34 Does Trauma Make Us More Vulnerable to Future Trauma? 26:48 Tips to Being More Self-Compassionate 33:58 How Trauma Manifests as Illness 38:32 Principles for Treating Trauma 50:49 Opening Up to Other People 1:01:40 What Bessel is Excited About 1:04:38 Bessel’s New Book 1:05:04 Where to Find Bessel
21:53 Yes the traumatized can be amazing caregivers and patient teachers because they know how badly they needed loving kindness when they were young and being neglected and abused...but...that doesn't erase the negative impact of that trauma. I was always praised for how well I took care of others but was deeply hurting inside..and still am. I don't want to be a martyr anymore making everyone else feel good but myself.
Find someone qualified in EMDR 🫂 you both deserve to fully heal and be loved ❤ you are enough, what you are feeling & experience are Real. It's how to heal and get past that is so needed
Do loving kindness meditation,take long baths w candles,managing my triggers was a game changer in self luv❤gratitude, exercise compassionate fatigue is our breaking point .
A great companion to BvdK for anyone navigating their childhood CPTSD maybe read CPTSD Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker. Also, Healing the Shame that Binds you by John Bradshaw❤️🩹❤️
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom" - Viktor E. Frankl
This is a nice thought and is true in certain ways. The problems I have with it are it neglects The Human Dilemma*, it celebrates trauma and it lets the perps off the hook. I have heard many examples of people saying they wouldn't change being traumatized b/c it made them who they are. Another nice thought and I have the same problems with it. * The Human Dilemma is we are both susceptible to trauma and very willing to commit it upon others. Modernity creates and amplifies it.
@@dfinma Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The Trauma Recovery Institute suggests The premise of Trauma Informed Relational Model (TIRM). It involves coming together to address and heal reenacted traumatic or adverse events through conflict and repair within relationships. Conflict and repair are essential psychological, metabolic, and neurological processes, serving as adaptive responses crucial for health. Avoiding this cycle can lead to disease, driven by chronic states of sympathetic or dorsal vagal activation in the nervous system and unresolved cell danger responses. And they say, "the greater the childhood trauma and neglect, the uglier the conflict and reenactment will be". We heal each other within our relationships (instead of numbing our feelings and escaping them with behavioral addictions).
@@dfinma The Trauma Informed Relational Model (TIRM) by The Trauma Recovery Institute posits that relationships provide a platform for reenacting and healing traumatic experiences through conflict and repair, emphasizing that avoidance of this process can lead to psychological and physiological ailments, with the intensity of conflict often linked to the severity of childhood trauma and neglect.
Chris! I think this will just break the internet! Mr. Bessel van der Kolk is one of my favorite authors, and a pure heart! A good and deeply empathetic men. His book Body Keeps The Score is life changing! I wished for so long to see him talking with you or on Jordan B. Peterson podcast! Thank you for giving a platform for such an amazing figure he is!
Hahaha. He's a smart guy, but pure heart? Fuck no. He's a bully and pretty toxic. It's well-documented with anecdotes from his former colleagues. Brilliant researcher for sure.
Jordan Peterson is a charlatan. In lockdown he posted videos of him withdrawing from Valium. It was disturbing to witness. He claimed to not know they were addictive. He is a psychologist. He doesn’t fool me as I am in recovery myself. He is capitalizing in red pill like many on the net.
WOW, that is such an important point that he makes, we should teach children in school of all ages how to cope with their feelings, self regulation of their body n brain n dealing with touch n interactions with other people, etc! The idea of holding weekly classes is BRILLIANT, it would be absolutely world changing 💕🌎⭐️⭐️⭐️
I agree. And I would add two more; effective communication skills and basic finance (mortgages, credit, interest, retirement savings and basic investing)
I cant believe you have Bessel van der Kolk on your podcast! Big respect to you - you cant elevate any higher than this, Imho. He is such a wonderful man, with so much integrity, on top of his vast knowledge and wisdom. He has done more in the realms of our understanding of trauma than anyone else.
This is the first book I read on healing trauma and it changed my life. I’ve worked recovery since 2018 and this book gave me the understanding I needed to heal myself.
I’m I so glad that you were able to grow into your own and help others ! Im sure that they’re very grateful for your help! Have a great life! Much love
Me too! I’m about 2-3 years post reading this book. It was even more significant as I had a baby. I began doing yoga (first time that I sensed that I had a body?!?!), I began somatic therapy a year ago (incredible), and capoeira (social, movement and music). This wasn’t intentional, it just began with the knowledge that I gained from that book. I’m not scared of my own existence any more, I allow sensations to come and have tools (from somatic therapy), to feel them, process and integrate them. It’s insane!
His focus on the body's response to trauma is a vital insight for deeper healing. Integrating self-regulation and self-awareness into educational systems could indeed pave the way for a more resilient and empathetic society 🧠.
One of my deepest lessons was: Don't expect anyone to be anything. Expectations of others was a long-term source of depression and frustration until I finally realized/solved that curse.
Yeah but then you'll end up isolating yourself (which I did), I guess the aim should be to RE trust people, which you never (I) had, cause if you don't expect reciprocation and empathy from others, you end up in this bitter state, "They are going to leave me anyway, so why would I be nice, and attach to anything?" and that's making everything worse
@@youtubestyle293There's a critically important distinction here. "Don't expect anyone to be anything" does not mean to disconnect, become antisocial, or crawl into a hole. It means 1) let people simply be the 'random' that they are (as long as they're not a physical survival threat), and 2) shut down any debilitating internal dialog, emotions, a/o delusions of what one randomly assumes another human is supposed to be or do. The reward is psychological freedom, while still being social, contributing, and simply happy to be alive.
What an excellent guest to have on! One of the most important people on planet earth on healing trauma! Thank you! The Body Keeps the Score should be read by everyone!
As someone with a dance background, I can say that classes, in the past at least, are often impersonal, high pressure, even shaming. I had one class where the teacher started and included breath work, and I danced better than ever. When I took certain yoga classes emotions would come to the surface, my fragility would present itself, and also I could get to a place of peace.
His book _The Body Keeps the Score_ is a life-saver!! Especially if, in addition to all else, you went through war & extreme political instability, being trapped in a place you couldn't escape from, and can't ever feel safe again, anywhere. ❤ I stopped feeling stupid for & ashamed of things that happened to me & of my reactions to certain events. This helps me not only be more grounded myself, but also be more compassionate towards others who may harshly react against me or to something I've said or done, because I can detect their trauma & how scared they must be, and I try give grace to people.
I was a mess for a long time, from childhood til my late 20s. Life dealt me some crazy cards. I did my best to weather it, but I was still an emotional wreck. But my Borderline, PDST, Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Disorder have been almost completely cured over the course of a year by just four things: getting off anti-depressants, eating a whole-food diet, rigorous daily exercise (cardio & weights), and microdosing 150mg of psilocybin twice a week. Completely reset my brain and changed my life entirely. Your videos and interviews have helped tremendously with my perspective shift and educating me on what my body needs and who I could become, Chris. Thank you.
I too had a load of trauma and PTSD growing up. I managed to heal up, change my life to a fairly satisfactory degree over time with some conscious effort. I am however, interested in microsdosing with psilocybin because I still have a few more subtle things I'd like to clear out. Could you tell me how it helped and what it did exactly?
Apart from micro dosing what you're saying is that you solved all these problems by living like a human. I think that says alot about the hidden detriments that come with living in modern society. Hope your proud of yourself and remind yourself everyday how far you've come bro 💪
With modern communication being so text minded, I find myself at a disadvantage. Even on the phone, one can hear a sigh, or pick up on a long pause, or hear the voice drop in sadness. In person, I can notice the person's posture, attitude, level of agitation or incongruency of words and behavior. Texts leave me baffled.... I say, "please call me, I don't want to text with my friends", but continue to get texts. I find this communication so superficial. There is no context to work with. The body cannot be ignored when we exchange with others.
Earlier today I was watching a Donald Kalsched YT video on Trauma and somebody in the audience shocked others by stating this: "There seems to be this idea that in order for me to get better I have to be responsible for my own pain and I think that I don't have to be responsible for my wounding to be responsible for my getting well."
@@glenimoore1232 you shouldn’t take responsibility for either one. The responsibility lies in giving the next generation the most healed version of ourselves possible. Healing requires understanding about why we have those painful wounds.
I loved Bessel's book. Figuring out what allows us to feel safe is tricky and can lead to grasping and aversion which is not helpful. I found that learning and building the skill of self trust (trust in our skills, trust we can learn new skills and trust that we can apply our skills as needed) is a healthy way of developing safety. As we build self-trust (psychologists call this self-efficacy) our fears naturally subsite. We cannot push our fears away to gain the feeling of safety but we can do exercises to build self-trust.
Going through a surprisingly destructive addiction late in life has set me back significantly on possessing any self-trust, bc i discovered that my own mind was going through great lengths to deceive me into an active addiction. Trusting myself requires enough clarity of thought to be able to detect any hidden motives towards self sabotage- and I'm finding that clarity can be really hard to come by if you dissociate, or have the flee or freeze kind of trauma response.
@@carktokRising above thought as per Eckhart Tolle's teachings or more simply applying the principles of mindfulness have been very helpful for me as an ADHD and C-PTSD overthinker. Thoughts are not facts and we are not our thoughts. Finding this spaciousness within and no longer being controlled by the mind has been so freeing and dramatically reduces my anxiety. When I am triggered I can now talk myself down and apply self compassion. Do consider exploring avenues other than logic /understanding /rationalising as well if you can
@@nath1284 brilliant. These things seemed so far away from what I learned reading The Power of Now years ago and spontaneously waking up from the hypnosis of thinking. I'll dig back in and set aside the space again to listen to the stillness. Thanks for this reminder.
Love that work like this, Dispenza and Sarno is going more mainstream. I’ve self-healed CRPS, allergies, osteoarthritis and Reynaud’s by tapping into my unconscious and the buried issues that were resulting in these physical manifestations
My mother. Zero supportive social reception. I remember once she asked me "what did you do" when I told her my school friend wasn't talking to me. Imagine how this lack of social support from your own mother screws you up.
oh yes, it was always my fault....and nothing was every the fault of my bully abusive sister. I got abused for crying that I was being abused....silent treatment from one parent, physical and emotional abuse from the other. I proceeded to find myself at work with similar management. Just makes so much sense
@@jac1161 JFC are their really that many of us having the same experiences out here. Your familial experience sounds almost identical to mine. Then the conditioning of the scapegoat proceeded to follow me around in social groups and workplaces. Ruined any chance of a functional life... Still I have this underlying belief that I have no right to emotions or feelings of any kind.
I hear you. No back up support, chronic invalidation from my mother who always took the side of the person whom I felt hurt by. I am sorry for anyone who has suffered this kind of gas lighting to make it seem like we were the bad or crazy one in the situation. Prayers of peace and love to everyone who has been affected by this trauma. ❤ You are not alone in this. You are amazing and resilient.
@h.nicolejorgensen2077 I experienced this too...horrifying..how do we get past this and live our best lives not alone..healthy relationship..I has 2 abusive husband's and I got emotional and fucked over patterns repeat
I have traumas, not trauma. I've lost all my life opportunities, potential, childhood and youth to traumas and the self-destruction coming from them. Most nights I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about how I lost the best years of my life that will never come back and it gives me this urge to scream or elbow my pillow which sometimes I do. I always have a problem staying in touch with reality. Part of it is because I haven't slept enough the night before and another part is because I hate my reality. The only thing I really care about is revenge. I don't want a supersport car or a mega-mansion, I wanna be physically fit and healthy, I want a good night's sleep, I want energy and I want revenge. I'm willing to sacrifice many things to achieve my goals and I do but every once in a while I relapse and get on that self-destructive path again. The problem is that most of the time I know I'm about to do the wrong thing and waste my time and traumatize myself even more, but I do it anyway. It feels like I've been stuck in a loop all my life. I don't know if this makes me sound like an idiot but sometimes while I am lying down in the bed I hold my hand up hoping someone grabs it; maybe God, maybe another version of me from a parallel universe or maybe my childhood self. Speaking of my childhood self, sometimes I fantasize about hugging the little man, which I can't do too much without tearing up. Every time I listen to Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd it reminds me of him as if we're simultaneously living in the past and future "… How I wish, how I wish you were here We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl Year after year Running over the same old ground, what have we found? The same old fears, wish you were here" I really wish he was here so I could hug him and tell him how sorry I am that I couldn't protect him. I don't know where and when we got separated, but I hope one day down the road we meet again. Edit: I wasn't seeking attention by writing this comment. I don't know anyone in my life to share my burden with and those who I know are the ones who've made me carry that heavy burden in the first place. So to those who took the time to reply: I want you to know that I read all of your comments and I sincerely appreciate you and your kind words.
Revenge motivated by envy for what others had that you were denied seems like a waste of what you still have that many others do not. But revenge motivated by justice, that's different.
Surrender the revenge and forgive so you can be free to move on. You’ll feel free, lose a load of weight holding you down and you’ll be able to think clearly without those stress hormones poisoning your mind.
My heart breaks for you… my brother was a vet with profound PTSD… he exhibited the same self destructive behaviors😭. It took years for him to heal to where he liked himself again. This is going to sound trite and will probably send your rage meter soaring… after you calm down…work on self forgiveness…then when you have faced that demon that blames you for everything…. Then start learning and practicing self love… and NEVER GIVE UP! 🙋🏼♀️🙏
“Knowing why you are screwed up, doesn’t make you less screwed up” I accepted this many years ago about myself and focused on regulation. Will be a lifelong journey for sure, but I am not a victim.
I became a CNA in 2003 after doing a bit of soul searching. I realized looking back through my lifes , actions, the people, places, and experiences, that I was born to be of service to others. When my oldest daughter was in junior high she's now 34, told me that I'm a "do gooder" and that I'm that way to make me feel good about myself. I know for a fact that the abuse, neglect and abandonment I experienced is nothing compared to many others' experiences. I am not the sum total of my past experiences. I'm an evolving human with awesome potential.
So excited to see this man. I have other books about this: The body speaks its mind. The body never lies. I do bodywork professionally. I see this everyday. It’s so important.
I have a common refrain when addressing complaints I hear from people about their physical maladies; "The human body was designed to move. If you're not moving, you're not doing it right." At least part of this conversation seems to suggest that my view is applicable to mental health, too. :)
At 40 yrs old I lost my memory and could not find my way out of a 5 stall bathroom..😅I can make jokes ,but mostly I cried daily ...it was childhood trauma...I never knew I was traumatized...I kept connecting to relationships that continued the cycle..Now many years later, grieving the lost years..And thankful to be alive so maybe I can actually finish well.
@@DianaHernandez-ok1mz my heart goes out to you... you are slowly on your healing journey and path, go easy... your soul is beautiful and you are understood and loved by more people than you think. I understand about repeating cycles, the grieving of lost years etc... thank you for sharing your story...God bless you 💝
After being through so much trauma, I think the first thing people do when they are out of that situation is they try to make meaning out of the situation. Isolation and being alone is the first step towards healing from trauma. I don’t know what happens next because I am still trying to figure out what happened to me and gain some perspective on my life. I am also trying to figure out who I can trust! ❤
Chris you became my favorite podcaster, Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk.. is helpful to healing my brokenness, grieving the loss of my Mom, she was My Mom friend business partner then kind & generous. My Mom was always on my side, have massive gratitude I spent quality time with her, so artistic, so creative productive. She said " when I am gone you are going to miss me." wow true.
nothing helps you be alone with yourself to do emotional healing like being left for dead my healthcare, and friends, without family. Fast track to the torturously slow process of healing. When it rains, it pours, but then the rainbow is even brighter! Beautiful paradoxes
57:42 I recently got out of an inpatient 10 week trauma/addiction program. This man's book was one of the most promoted and discussed pieces of work that we accessed. Though this convo doesn't actually hit on a lot of what actual trauma patients take (or maybe just chat about) from his work. He actually does hit the points but the book levels it. He's obviously a better writer than he is a talker. Which is ok. ❤ Thank you, Chris. You couldn't have handled this better ❤😢
I have come a long way in healing, but I just think having more tools on this rollercoaster of life is good. I’m excited to read his book. I have heard from several sources it’s ground breaking. ❤
Came from a loving family where the trauma of my Dad turned me into a very compassionate and inquisitive person. This left me open to predators. Male predators were easier to identify and deal with . It took me many years to see how the other side works and why.
Could you elaborate on “open to predators”? Do you mean that sometimes children raised with too much compassion, can inadvertently become more susceptible to predators etc?
Truly, thank you for this episode. I think it will help bring a greater awareness of what psychological trauma is and how it impacts the person as a whole. It can be challenging to articulate the effects of trauma to family and friends in a way that they can understand. I highly recommend sharing this episode with friends, family, and especially your partner so they can better understand where you're coming from.
I like Gabor Mate's description of trauma - bad things happen, or you make a mistake and you're ridiculed - trauma is what happens inside you as a result, what you take away
And my antidote is to understand it is none of my business what others think of me. I keep it simple and I possess my thoughts not others. How do I feel about me is more important to me than how others feel about me. I am the longest relationship I will ever have and practice be my friend because I can't give what I don't have.
Some toxic parents (like mine) were victims, themselves, of toxic parents. Toxic people tend to isolate from the rest of society, as non-toxic people would find their behavior and lifestyle EXTREMELY peculiar (and most likely some sort of investigation would ensue). My parents were actively trying to do the right thing by us. My siblings and I had vastly superior childhood to theirs, specifically because of a concentrated effort on their part to do better than their parents did. They just literally didn't know how to act right, and now are filled with regret to see their children struggling with trauma that they themselves inadvertently caused. 🤥 I pity them.
My toxix parents had good parents. My dad qas youngest because big sistera l9ved him too. My grandmorhers both were the kindest wonwn, who did the best for thr people around them. My mother was a narcissist, berdwring on psycopath. My dad did everything good for her. In those days one did not know about narcissism
It’s a super intricate field! I’m having a traumatic experience with my girl now, based on things that happened in childhood, around abandonment from my mother. And when I see something in the environment that looks like she is looking elsewhere, and mixed with lack of touch… my mind starts creating worst case scenario… The vulnerability in being able to be honest and vulnerable with Another / partner. Perhaps these bonds of trust can be brought back stronger. But touch is a key component.
Spot on. Was a nurse. Now disabled. Definitely saw myself perpetually giving to others that which I did not receive. Definitely unhealthy and boundaries messed up. Nevertheless, thank you God Almighty for the part/s of me that are soft, kind and generous 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️🙌🏻
From the exceptional interviews about trauma!!! relevant, concrete, important and subtle questions... and the Máster VD Kolk on trauma always really lucid, humble and illuminating. Thank you!!! 👍
On the surface, understanding how trauma works can seem disempowering. Until u realize how much power is available to the individual who chooses in to consciously addressing their trauma & learning to RESPOND to what comes up for them(rather than reacting). THAT is an empowered state of being to experience. And facilitates/fuels further growth & willingness to deal with painful work to step into further empowerment
I have a post-it note on the mirror that says: There are parts of your own brain that are not your friend. Digging deep into understanding the committee in your head is the direction to finding your own psychological freedom.
@@crystalbeth5491Not that I know of. I just started writing down my realizations 40 years ago, to 'exteriorize' from subconscious thoughts, and rose above them (called metacognitive), noticing higher truth and reality about the human mind. I've also studied the brain for decades; that understanding also helps.
Look into Internal Family Systems. If felt, acknowledged and welcomed/accepted, those parts can actually be freed from their current burdens. They aren’t enemies, they are splits that occurred during difficult situations/trauma and they think they still need to protect you etc. They have a “felt sense”, and they can be integrated and processed, and relieved of carrying that burden anymore. Some may feel very dark etc, but we gently make contact, until we and they aren’t scared any more. They can be freed and no longer a split in the system. Many therapists now combined IFS (internal family systems theory), with somatic therapies etc. Befriend it, it’s not an enemy, it’s you, and it was created for a reason that may no longer serve you and it just needs to know that.
I believe everyone experiences trauma and it makes them who they are today. What happened does not define you… it take time to unlearn years of conditioning. Meditation encourages relaxation, can calm the nervous system and reduce stress through deep breath. Trauma changes you. Healing is about creating a new version of yourself, the one that is stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. Stay positive and all the negativity will disappear!! ❤
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Bring on Peter Levine! Share the work of these incredible men! I think Levine released a new book in April, too! Thank you for having him on. I read ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ approximately 2 years ago and I incorporated what I could from this book. I began yoga, I was lucky enough to eventually afford somatic therapy and I’m a different person, on a path of growth, with much less fear of my own limitations, my own body and sensations, and less fear of the world and the future. I am in control of myself, daily. And not in some new age version, but in a more flexible, more compassionate, less scared way. This book changed my life. I’ve just completed my yoga teacher training and hope to train in somatic therapy this year. Everybody needs to know these people.. it will save their lives..
33:30 New habits, action, meditation, yoga, martial arts 39:00 safety, body work, yoga, tai chi, chi gong, hot tub, touch, let go 41:00 mindful, shut down exterior and and feel self
I really support the idea of weekly classes in schools for children to learn about themselves, how to regulate their emotions, how the brain works etc. Education is empowering.
This is helping me tremendously. I have had psychiatric labels since age 17 and I'm 60 now with agoraphobia. I had agoraphobia in my teens, housebound for 7 years. My counsellor works with trauma. It's a shame psychychiatrists continue to give you drugs and label but not address the underlying reasons. I still, react adversely to the here and now
Creating more liminal space actively (practice, practice) between an event and a response will eventually lead to control over response, which will lead to a greater focus on reactions and changing them. Entertaining the idea that although we may not be able to create more bandwidth, we might be able to plasticize it like a balloon, and that will also give us more capacity. My reactions to some of my worst triggers have gone, and so, my response is different. Think of epigenetics. Over the last couple of decades I have changed my genetic expression. That's empowering. It's painful, time and thought consuming and maybe some people don't have the fundamentals to even grasp changing how they think, (if I'm color blind it's pointless to demand I see the color red) but it's also a great blessing; an honor. This work has given me a purpose for my challenging past and also sanded off the jagged edges. The challenge for those of us who do it, is to move from the head of book smarts and chatter, to the heart. Live in the flow.
I gave dr. Van der kolk's book to my ex and she ridiculed it. I found it very insightful and saw the how it could truly help other people but i guess it is easier for some people to make fun of others efforts
I'm glad I did years of martial arts, Tai Chi, Yoga & acting while I was studying psychology. That has helped me to help others with trauma and somatic sensations in a clinical setting. On a side note: I tried Psychomagic by Jodorowski with one client that seemed perfect for this therapy with very good results! :-)
I want to thank you for giving me permission to specifically state the totally ridiculous nature of power being attributed to me. I am an individual with strong opinions, sensitive to human suffering, but unwilling to believe what responsibility might be being placed upon me by those who see me as being different.
This is one of my top ten books ever, maybe top 3. I need to look into "Rolfing" again, because my body is twisted up and no conventional anything makes sense. I have a few leads, finally after 8 years. If I could just study and focus on the issues, I believe I could already have been very far on my path of healing right now. But life, work, typical stressers, entropy- its a rabbit hole I've gone down giving me almost as many questions as answers, and I just want a COMPETENT guide to help me heal. Thanks for having Bessel on. If anyone hasn't- read/Audible his books.
Thank you for being a groundbreaker. Pls do consider to produce a podcast to bring awareness around the difficult topic of parental narcissist abuse. How to identify both the abuser and abused with intention to identify, intervene and support both. Truly this is critical to moving the mark on generational trauma. And the gross demand on medical systems already struggling. I can provide 30 years of substantiating medical materials in support of positive change. +Δ
As someone who is experiencing psychogenic seizures as a result of trauma, I needed to hear this. I wish he would speak on psychogenic nonepileptic seizures specifically though.
I agree, frozen. Frozen in a higher stress point. Ability of the body to release or relax beyond a limited point Social reseption makes a huge difference - why AA works
YES! Now link these lessons to your recurrent back pain Chris… it’s not because of your discs. Disc degeneration and even herniating are very normal in people without any pain. Please keep exploring these ideas. I would also recommend reading some John Sarno books. I say this as a physical therapist who specializes in chronic pain.
Really?? I also have some scoliosis and lumbar disc herniation. Any other tips for me? (I just started this episode and was unfamiliar with Chris’s disc issues also)
@@joey_ferrari24many people without pain have herniations. It’s a normal part of aging. Just search “disc degeneration in asymptomatic patients” and you’ll find tons of articles about the prevalence. Since it appears in people without pain, we can’t attribute discs as a cause of pain. The same is true for scoliosis. Instead look at your life stressors and how they influence your pain experiences. I often have patients who come to me with back pain blaming their discs and spine when in reality they are under immense stress and the mental imagine of “carrying” the burden of divorce, bad job, etc.. has led to back pain.
I read his book The Body Keeps the Score, it was truly awesome and relatable. I loved this interview, because your questions really opened up a lot of his experiences and knowledge. It was great to be able to listen and learn from this! Thank you ❤
Bessell Van der Kolk is AMAZING! I read his book and just ripped thru it! It was written for the layman and it’s got so many great suggestions to get you through rough times. I absolutely recommend to anyone, even if you don’t have any issues, it will give you tools when they eventually do show up in your life. ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Agreed. MDMA is amazing for trauma, my friends and I were each others' therapists during the 90s when we were raving every weekend. Those years healed me, made me more open and an overall better person
“Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself” 10:55 This is it , and the only way I can put into words how I feel.. I feel like I have no “self” control or control over myself.. For example , I despise smoking cigarettes but I have been smoking since I was a teen basically. I realize it’s a stress response and that it’s difficult to stop for many reasons (even stimulating the vagus nerve) but I used to think maybe I smoked because I felt like I had control .. but now I see it as self punishment almost. Like I’m mad at myself for not being in control, not being able to enforce boundaries, allowing my self to be controlled.. I was a quiet but frustrated child . I genuinely did not like my mom. I don’t remember life before my stress/trauma response personality was formed. And trauma changed the brain.. so I honestly don’t remember childhood except a few flash memories, and being with my narcissistic husband the last 24 years I also have no memory. Aside from a few flashes. But my BODY has always remembered everything ofcourse . And the two people who have affected me most are my mom and husband. Both with guilting, shaming, accusing, projecting, gaslighting, and me feeling like walking on eggshells.. My mom controlled me and rarely let me do anything social so I never developed a healthy independence. I wanted to run away… so I had no judgement when I got involved with my first and current husband. And he would absolutely deny it but I feel like I’ve had no control over my actual self the entire time. Because he makes me feel like i can’t say “no” to anything… my body knows and reminds me of the consequences. The STRESS.
I have a fibromyalgia diagnosis in the last year but has been with me most of my life. I feel this is a response to my life's events. When I can regulate, the symptoms reduce.
Wow😮 feel what you feel ✋. Just what I'm doing most of the times I told I'm feeling good chef, I'm feeling good mom etc etc 😊. We need more conscious society 👍
recently diagnosed with c-PTSD, I'm 43 and had a load of childhood (5 yrs old at the time) memories come back of my dad going through cancer treatment. Took 25 years of feeling terrible to get a diagnosis, would never have got there if it wasn't for this guy and his book - would still be thinking I was a lazy, moaning git.
I’m new to what trauma does to the nervous system, and I have known about this man and his book. Time to get the book! I’m also new to this channel and a new subscriber! HOW could I have missed this channel?! My adult son is in desperate need of this content, and he’s had debilitating headaches for years, but more intensely after mold, Lyme, and Covid. He’s suicidal because of the pain, but he’s also an addict, so no one will prescribe him pain meds. Ketamine nasals didn’t help. Way more to this, but I’ll leave it at that.
@Tinyteacher1111 Have you heard of Joe Dispenza? Chris did an interview with him that you should check out. Then read his books Breaking the Habit of Being Yoursef and You Are the Placebo. Joe is a neuroscientist that is changing the medical establishment with his clinical studies of the brain. His books are life changing. Your son deserves to enjoy a happy and healthy life--I wish him the best!!
How can someone who has never known safety within family and without (attracting similar situations), start feeling safe within themselves? I just want to feel safe..
I read the book, but hearing Dr. Van der Kolk casually drop profound nuggets of wisdom in conversation is a whole new thing. I feel like that woman in the Bible who says, "He told me my whole life!" Maybe our lives are all pretty similar.
Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps:
00:00 Do We Think About Trauma Wrong?
03:56 Link Between Trauma & Chronic Stress
07:28 Why Trauma Causes Us to Shield Ourselves
12:41 How to Not Be at the Mercy of Your Feelings
21:34 Does Trauma Make Us More Vulnerable to Future Trauma?
26:48 Tips to Being More Self-Compassionate
33:58 How Trauma Manifests as Illness
38:32 Principles for Treating Trauma
50:49 Opening Up to Other People
1:01:40 What Bessel is Excited About
1:04:38 Bessel’s New Book
1:05:04 Where to Find Bessel
Chris has his new book been published yet as I have the body keeps score but can not see the new book mentions! Do you have a link to it?
😊😊
I also can't find any mention of this book anywhere other than from Bessel on this podcast. Is there a release date?
😊😊😊😊😊😊
011l
21:53 Yes the traumatized can be amazing caregivers and patient teachers because they know how badly they needed loving kindness when they were young and being neglected and abused...but...that doesn't erase the negative impact of that trauma. I was always praised for how well I took care of others but was deeply hurting inside..and still am. I don't want to be a martyr anymore making everyone else feel good but myself.
same here, after years of being the family caretaker, I want to take care of myself.
Find someone qualified in EMDR 🫂 you both deserve to fully heal and be loved ❤ you are enough, what you are feeling & experience are Real. It's how to heal and get past that is so needed
Your time has come! :)
I can fully and totally relate.
Do loving kindness meditation,take long baths w candles,managing my triggers was a game changer in self luv❤gratitude, exercise
compassionate fatigue is our breaking point .
10:55 quote "Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself. " -BvdK
A great companion to BvdK for anyone navigating their childhood CPTSD maybe read CPTSD Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker.
Also, Healing the Shame that Binds you by John Bradshaw❤️🩹❤️
It’s not a “feeling.”
It’s your agency.
Ftw
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom" - Viktor E. Frankl
This is a nice thought and is true in certain ways. The problems I have with it are it neglects The Human Dilemma*, it celebrates trauma and it lets the perps off the hook. I have heard many examples of people saying they wouldn't change being traumatized b/c it made them who they are. Another nice thought and I have the same problems with it.
* The Human Dilemma is we are both susceptible to trauma and very willing to commit it upon others. Modernity creates and amplifies it.
@@dfinma Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The Trauma Recovery Institute suggests The premise of Trauma Informed Relational Model (TIRM). It involves coming together to address and heal reenacted traumatic or adverse events through conflict and repair within relationships. Conflict and repair are essential psychological, metabolic, and neurological processes, serving as adaptive responses crucial for health. Avoiding this cycle can lead to disease, driven by chronic states of sympathetic or dorsal vagal activation in the nervous system and unresolved cell danger responses. And they say, "the greater the childhood trauma and neglect, the uglier the conflict and reenactment will be". We heal each other within our relationships (instead of numbing our feelings and escaping them with behavioral addictions).
@@dfinma The Trauma Informed Relational Model (TIRM) by The Trauma Recovery Institute posits that relationships provide a platform for reenacting and healing traumatic experiences through conflict and repair, emphasizing that avoidance of this process can lead to psychological and physiological ailments, with the intensity of conflict often linked to the severity of childhood trauma and neglect.
Beautiful
Valuable quote. Thank you for sharing this.
Chris! I think this will just break the internet! Mr. Bessel van der Kolk is one of my favorite authors, and a pure heart! A good and deeply empathetic men. His book Body Keeps The Score is life changing! I wished for so long to see him talking with you or on Jordan B. Peterson podcast! Thank you for giving a platform for such an amazing figure he is!
58k views! Internet is destroyed
Hahaha. He's a smart guy, but pure heart? Fuck no. He's a bully and pretty toxic. It's well-documented with anecdotes from his former colleagues. Brilliant researcher for sure.
I agree, the interview with BvdK and JP toggle would be great!
@xKarenWalkerx and what have u done?
Jordan Peterson is a charlatan. In lockdown he posted videos of him
withdrawing from Valium. It was disturbing to witness. He claimed to not know they were addictive. He is a psychologist. He doesn’t fool me as I am in recovery myself. He is capitalizing in red pill like many on the net.
WOW, that is such an important point that he makes, we should teach children in school of all ages how to cope with their feelings, self regulation of their body n brain n dealing with touch n interactions with other people, etc! The idea of holding weekly classes is BRILLIANT, it would be absolutely world changing 💕🌎⭐️⭐️⭐️
I agree. And I would add two more; effective communication skills and basic finance (mortgages, credit, interest, retirement savings and basic investing)
@@OceanFrontVilla3 Yes, brilliant additions!!!👌
teach at school all ya want...if going back to the abusive family......
Progress made in school must be reinforced at home or it won't be worthwhile.
They do, in depth @ private schools in Perth but it’s not great elsewhere
I cant believe you have Bessel van der Kolk on your podcast! Big respect to you - you cant elevate any higher than this, Imho. He is such a wonderful man, with so much integrity, on top of his vast knowledge and wisdom. He has done more in the realms of our understanding of trauma than anyone else.
Also check Jan Bommerez about trauma
Gabor Maté is also fantastic. Check out the movie The Wisdom of Trauma and his book The Myth of Normal
This is the first book I read on healing trauma and it changed my life. I’ve worked recovery since 2018 and this book gave me the understanding I needed to heal myself.
I’m I so glad that you were able to grow into your own and help others ! Im sure that they’re very grateful for your help! Have a great life! Much love
Me too! I’m about 2-3 years post reading this book. It was even more significant as I had a baby. I began doing yoga (first time that I sensed that I had a body?!?!), I began somatic therapy a year ago (incredible), and capoeira (social, movement and music). This wasn’t intentional, it just began with the knowledge that I gained from that book. I’m not scared of my own existence any more, I allow sensations to come and have tools (from somatic therapy), to feel them, process and integrate them. It’s insane!
Listen to Anna Runckel
His focus on the body's response to trauma is a vital insight for deeper healing. Integrating self-regulation and self-awareness into educational systems could indeed pave the way for a more resilient and empathetic society 🧠.
My jaw LITERALLY dropped open when I opened UA-cam and seen this!!! Chris - THANK YOU!!
saw not seen
Capital I in 'irena' please.
@@liam.4454Comma before 'please', please
One of the best books ever written.
Dr Van der Kolk wrote one of the best books I'd ever read. Much respect, Chris!
One of my deepest lessons was: Don't expect anyone to be anything. Expectations of others was a long-term source of depression and frustration until I finally realized/solved that curse.
Yeah but then you'll end up isolating yourself (which I did), I guess the aim should be to RE trust people, which you never (I) had, cause if you don't expect reciprocation and empathy from others, you end up in this bitter state, "They are going to leave me anyway, so why would I be nice, and attach to anything?" and that's making everything worse
@@youtubestyle293There's a critically important distinction here. "Don't expect anyone to be anything" does not mean to disconnect, become antisocial, or crawl into a hole. It means 1) let people simply be the 'random' that they are (as long as they're not a physical survival threat), and 2) shut down any debilitating internal dialog, emotions, a/o delusions of what one randomly assumes another human is supposed to be or do. The reward is psychological freedom, while still being social, contributing, and simply happy to be alive.
What an excellent guest to have on! One of the most important people on planet earth on healing trauma! Thank you! The Body Keeps the Score should be read by everyone!
Shout out to the yoga teachers and martial arts instructors who “really get it” and are embodied practitioners~
Do you think dancers also fall into this category?
Dedicated CranioSacral therapists also!!!!
and teachers/nurses as he mentioned...
As someone with a dance background, I can say that classes, in the past at least, are often impersonal, high pressure, even shaming. I had one class where the teacher started and included breath work, and I danced better than ever. When I took certain yoga classes emotions would come to the surface, my fragility would present itself, and also I could get to a place of peace.
I know a lot of dis embodied yoga teachers too.. spiritual community full of bypass is rife with avoidance but slowly shifting
His book _The Body Keeps the Score_ is a life-saver!! Especially if, in addition to all else, you went through war & extreme political instability, being trapped in a place you couldn't escape from, and can't ever feel safe again, anywhere. ❤
I stopped feeling stupid for & ashamed of things that happened to me & of my reactions to certain events. This helps me not only be more grounded myself, but also be more compassionate towards others who may harshly react against me or to something I've said or done, because I can detect their trauma & how scared they must be, and I try give grace to people.
I was a mess for a long time, from childhood til my late 20s. Life dealt me some crazy cards. I did my best to weather it, but I was still an emotional wreck.
But my Borderline, PDST, Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Disorder have been almost completely cured over the course of a year by just four things: getting off anti-depressants, eating a whole-food diet, rigorous daily exercise (cardio & weights), and microdosing 150mg of psilocybin twice a week. Completely reset my brain and changed my life entirely. Your videos and interviews have helped tremendously with my perspective shift and educating me on what my body needs and who I could become, Chris. Thank you.
I too had a load of trauma and PTSD growing up. I managed to heal up, change my life to a fairly satisfactory degree over time with some conscious effort. I am however, interested in microsdosing with psilocybin because I still have a few more subtle things I'd like to clear out. Could you tell me how it helped and what it did exactly?
Apart from micro dosing what you're saying is that you solved all these problems by living like a human.
I think that says alot about the hidden detriments that come with living in modern society.
Hope your proud of yourself and remind yourself everyday how far you've come bro 💪
With modern communication being so text minded, I find myself at a disadvantage. Even on the phone, one can hear a sigh, or pick up on a long pause, or hear the voice drop in sadness. In person, I can notice the person's posture, attitude, level of agitation or incongruency of words and behavior. Texts leave me baffled.... I say, "please call me, I don't want to text with my friends", but continue to get texts. I find this communication so superficial. There is no context to work with. The body cannot be ignored when we exchange with others.
I dont know about the drugs. I think they would put me into psychosis again, although I still find them fascinatinh
I have some mushrooms but and want to micro dose but don’t know how much to take so what should I take?
Earlier today I was watching a Donald Kalsched YT video on Trauma and somebody in the audience shocked others by stating this: "There seems to be this idea that in order for me to get better I have to be responsible for my own pain and I think that I don't have to be responsible for my wounding to be responsible for my getting well."
Yep. If you don’t do anything about getting yourself better, you will ultimately pass that on to the next generation.
Taking responsibility for own pain or not the same as taking responsibility for own wounding though. Not at all.
@@glenimoore1232 you shouldn’t take responsibility for either one. The responsibility lies in giving the next generation the most healed version of ourselves possible. Healing requires understanding about why we have those painful wounds.
@@glenimoore1232can you expound on what you mean by that?
10:54 “trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself”
11:26 “in order to change, you need to see the world with new eyes.”
So, if you are out of control, how can you force yourself to see the world with new eyes?
Exactly. What does it mean “new eyes?” I have my eyes and my experience, which I cannot change, forget, or see the world in any other way.
15 minutes in and im hooked. What an amazing guest. I wish every therapist/counselor had to watch his teaching. We'd all be better off ❤
I loved Bessel's book. Figuring out what allows us to feel safe is tricky and can lead to grasping and aversion which is not helpful. I found that learning and building the skill of self trust (trust in our skills, trust we can learn new skills and trust that we can apply our skills as needed) is a healthy way of developing safety. As we build self-trust (psychologists call this self-efficacy) our fears naturally subsite. We cannot push our fears away to gain the feeling of safety but we can do exercises to build self-trust.
Going through a surprisingly destructive addiction late in life has set me back significantly on possessing any self-trust, bc i discovered that my own mind was going through great lengths to deceive me into an active addiction. Trusting myself requires enough clarity of thought to be able to detect any hidden motives towards self sabotage- and I'm finding that clarity can be really hard to come by if you dissociate, or have the flee or freeze kind of trauma response.
@@carktokRising above thought as per Eckhart Tolle's teachings or more simply applying the principles of mindfulness have been very helpful for me as an ADHD and C-PTSD overthinker. Thoughts are not facts and we are not our thoughts. Finding this spaciousness within and no longer being controlled by the mind has been so freeing and dramatically reduces my anxiety. When I am triggered I can now talk myself down and apply self compassion. Do consider exploring avenues other than logic /understanding /rationalising as well if you can
@@nath1284 brilliant. These things seemed so far away from what I learned reading The Power of Now years ago and spontaneously waking up from the hypnosis of thinking.
I'll dig back in and set aside the space again to listen to the stillness. Thanks for this reminder.
Well said, thank you.
Love that work like this, Dispenza and Sarno is going more mainstream. I’ve self-healed CRPS, allergies, osteoarthritis and Reynaud’s by tapping into my unconscious and the buried issues that were resulting in these physical manifestations
I have crps, glad you healed! Can you give me some insight as to your approach to healing?
do you have any insights to healing... I have many of these
My mother. Zero supportive social reception. I remember once she asked me "what did you do" when I told her my school friend wasn't talking to me. Imagine how this lack of social support from your own mother screws you up.
Yes, i feel your pain
oh yes, it was always my fault....and nothing was every the fault of my bully abusive sister. I got abused for crying that I was being abused....silent treatment from one parent, physical and emotional abuse from the other. I proceeded to find myself at work with similar management. Just makes so much sense
@@jac1161 JFC are their really that many of us having the same experiences out here. Your familial experience sounds almost identical to mine. Then the conditioning of the scapegoat proceeded to follow me around in social groups and workplaces. Ruined any chance of a functional life... Still I have this underlying belief that I have no right to emotions or feelings of any kind.
I hear you. No back up support, chronic invalidation from my mother who always took the side of the person whom I felt hurt by. I am sorry for anyone who has suffered this kind of gas lighting to make it seem like we were the bad or crazy one in the situation. Prayers of peace and love to everyone who has been affected by this trauma. ❤ You are not alone in this. You are amazing and resilient.
@h.nicolejorgensen2077 I experienced this too...horrifying..how do we get past this and live our best lives not alone..healthy relationship..I has 2 abusive husband's and I got emotional and fucked over patterns repeat
I have traumas, not trauma.
I've lost all my life opportunities, potential, childhood and youth to traumas and the self-destruction coming from them.
Most nights I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about how I lost the best years of my life that will never come back and it gives me this urge to scream or elbow my pillow which sometimes I do.
I always have a problem staying in touch with reality. Part of it is because I haven't slept enough the night before and another part is because I hate my reality.
The only thing I really care about is revenge. I don't want a supersport car or a mega-mansion, I wanna be physically fit and healthy, I want a good night's sleep, I want energy and I want revenge.
I'm willing to sacrifice many things to achieve my goals and I do but every once in a while I relapse and get on that self-destructive path again.
The problem is that most of the time I know I'm about to do the wrong thing and waste my time and traumatize myself even more, but I do it anyway.
It feels like I've been stuck in a loop all my life.
I don't know if this makes me sound like an idiot but sometimes while I am lying down in the bed I hold my hand up hoping someone grabs it; maybe God, maybe another version of me from a parallel universe or maybe my childhood self. Speaking of my childhood self, sometimes I fantasize about hugging the little man, which I can't do too much without tearing up. Every time I listen to Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd it reminds me of him as if we're simultaneously living in the past and future
"… How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground, what have we found?
The same old fears, wish you were here"
I really wish he was here so I could hug him and tell him how sorry I am that I couldn't protect him.
I don't know where and when we got separated, but I hope one day down the road we meet again.
Edit:
I wasn't seeking attention by writing this comment.
I don't know anyone in my life to share my burden with and those who I know are the ones who've made me carry that heavy burden in the first place.
So to those who took the time to reply:
I want you to know that I read all of your comments and I sincerely appreciate you and your kind words.
Revenge motivated by envy for what others had that you were denied seems like a waste of what you still have that many others do not. But revenge motivated by justice, that's different.
No justice belongs to God. You are called to forgive, so that YOU can heal.
Surrender the revenge and forgive so you can be free to move on. You’ll feel free, lose a load of weight holding you down and you’ll be able to think clearly without those stress hormones poisoning your mind.
My heart breaks for you… my brother was a vet with profound PTSD… he exhibited the same self destructive behaviors😭. It took years for him to heal to where he liked himself again. This is going to sound trite and will probably send your rage meter soaring… after you calm down…work on self forgiveness…then when you have faced that demon that blames you for everything…. Then start learning and practicing self love… and NEVER GIVE UP! 🙋🏼♀️🙏
@@catland1566 I appreciate that.
“Knowing why you are screwed up, doesn’t make you less screwed up”
I accepted this many years ago about myself and focused on regulation. Will be a lifelong journey for sure, but I am not a victim.
This guys book was a gem.
Thank you for this interview.
I became a CNA in 2003 after doing a bit of soul searching. I realized looking back through my lifes , actions, the people, places, and experiences, that I was born to be of service to others. When my oldest daughter was in junior high she's now 34, told me that I'm a "do gooder" and that I'm that way to make me feel good about myself.
I know for a fact that the abuse, neglect and abandonment I experienced is nothing compared to many others' experiences. I am not the sum total of my past experiences. I'm an evolving human with awesome potential.
I became a CNA in 2002 (and am still one today.) Looking back-I needed to love people who felt safe to me. Those people always felt safe. (Mostly)....
Huge interview! This is the most important trauma expert and pioneer in the world. Thanks/congrats on having him on.
Wow !
You just said it about the nurses giving what they didn’t have in childhood but often can’t receive it for themselves..
read "I'm dying to take care of you".....
So excited to see this man. I have other books about this: The body speaks its mind. The body never lies. I do bodywork professionally. I see this everyday. It’s so important.
I have a common refrain when addressing complaints I hear from people about their physical maladies; "The human body was designed to move. If you're not moving, you're not doing it right." At least part of this conversation seems to suggest that my view is applicable to mental health, too. :)
Teaching self regulation in school would be so great. ❤
9:30 types of trauma...
CPTSD- the child that was chronically ignored and dismissed by caregiver.
At 40 yrs old I lost my memory and could not find my way out of a 5 stall bathroom..😅I can make jokes ,but mostly I cried daily ...it was childhood trauma...I never knew I was traumatized...I kept connecting to relationships that continued the cycle..Now many years later, grieving the lost years..And thankful to be alive so maybe I can actually finish well.
@@DianaHernandez-ok1mz my heart goes out to you... you are slowly on your healing journey and path, go easy... your soul is beautiful and you are understood and loved by more people than you think. I understand about repeating cycles, the grieving of lost years etc... thank you for sharing your story...God bless you 💝
❤️🩹🙏Thank you for sharing your story. Sending Positive Vibes, loving, your way .
@@DianaHernandez-ok1mz yes
@@SundanceKit
Thankyou,🙏🌄
After being through so much trauma, I think the first thing people do when they are out of that situation is they try to make meaning out of the situation. Isolation and being alone is the first step towards healing from trauma. I don’t know what happens next because I am still trying to figure out what happened to me and gain some perspective on my life. I am also trying to figure out who I can trust! ❤
Chris you became my favorite podcaster, Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk.. is helpful to healing my brokenness, grieving the loss of my Mom, she was My Mom friend business partner then kind & generous. My Mom was always on my side, have massive gratitude I spent quality time with her, so artistic, so creative productive. She said " when I am gone you are going to miss me." wow true.
nothing helps you be alone with yourself to do emotional healing like being left for dead my healthcare, and friends, without family. Fast track to the torturously slow process of healing. When it rains, it pours, but then the rainbow is even brighter! Beautiful paradoxes
57:42 I recently got out of an inpatient 10 week trauma/addiction program. This man's book was one of the most promoted and discussed pieces of work that we accessed. Though this convo doesn't actually hit on a lot of what actual trauma patients take (or maybe just chat about) from his work. He actually does hit the points but the book levels it.
He's obviously a better writer than he is a talker. Which is ok. ❤
Thank you, Chris. You couldn't have handled this better ❤😢
I agree not making a lot of sense to me with his unpacking of the narrative. I think Chris might be struggling with that as well?
English is not his first language. He expresses himself amazingly well.
I have come a long way in healing, but I just think having more tools on this rollercoaster of life is good. I’m excited to read his book. I have heard from several sources it’s ground breaking. ❤
Came from a loving family where the trauma of my Dad turned me into a very compassionate and inquisitive person. This left me open to predators. Male predators were easier to identify and deal with . It took me many years to see how the other side works and why.
Could you elaborate on “open to predators”? Do you mean that sometimes children raised with too much compassion, can inadvertently become more susceptible to predators etc?
Truly, thank you for this episode. I think it will help bring a greater awareness of what psychological trauma is and how it impacts the person as a whole. It can be challenging to articulate the effects of trauma to family and friends in a way that they can understand. I highly recommend sharing this episode with friends, family, and especially your partner so they can better understand where you're coming from.
I think a therapist is a facilitator so that they help me to hear myself ask myself questions and to find answers.
I like Gabor Mate's description of trauma - bad things happen, or you make a mistake and you're ridiculed - trauma is what happens inside you as a result, what you take away
And my antidote is to understand it is none of my business what others think of me. I keep it simple and I possess my thoughts not others. How do I feel about me is more important to me than how others feel about me. I am the longest relationship I will ever have and practice be my friend because I can't give what I don't have.
Some toxic parents (like mine) were victims, themselves, of toxic parents. Toxic people tend to isolate from the rest of society, as non-toxic people would find their behavior and lifestyle EXTREMELY peculiar (and most likely some sort of investigation would ensue). My parents were actively trying to do the right thing by us. My siblings and I had vastly superior childhood to theirs, specifically because of a concentrated effort on their part to do better than their parents did. They just literally didn't know how to act right, and now are filled with regret to see their children struggling with trauma that they themselves inadvertently caused.
🤥 I pity them.
My toxix parents had good parents. My dad qas youngest because big sistera l9ved him too. My grandmorhers both were the kindest wonwn, who did the best for thr people around them. My mother was a narcissist, berdwring on psycopath. My dad did everything good for her. In those days one did not know about narcissism
@@LR-yu3mx
Same for me. I can’t sympathize with a narcissist. They know the damage they do. They have no excuse.
I totally attribute Rolfing being the intergal bodywork that helped me with my trauma. Luckily, I found a Rolfer that also has an osteopathy degree.
Finished reading The Body Keeps the Score a couple days ago, awesome timing!
It’s a super intricate field!
I’m having a traumatic experience with my girl now, based on things that happened in childhood, around abandonment from my mother.
And when I see something in the environment that looks like she is looking elsewhere, and mixed with lack of touch… my mind starts creating worst case scenario…
The vulnerability in being able to be honest and vulnerable with Another / partner. Perhaps these bonds of trust can be brought back stronger. But touch is a key component.
I enjoy listening to Prof Van Der Kolk. Like Peter Levine and Gabor Mate, he is such a gentleman, speaking with knowledge and compassion.
Spot on. Was a nurse. Now disabled. Definitely saw myself perpetually giving to others that which I did not receive. Definitely unhealthy and boundaries messed up. Nevertheless, thank you God Almighty for the part/s of me that are soft, kind and generous 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️🙌🏻
thank you Bessel, I'm tearing up listening, it is so compassionate and wise how you are sharing your professional and life experience
From the exceptional interviews about trauma!!! relevant, concrete, important and subtle questions... and the Máster VD Kolk on trauma always really lucid, humble and illuminating. Thank you!!! 👍
On the surface, understanding how trauma works can seem disempowering. Until u realize how much power is available to the individual who chooses in to consciously addressing their trauma & learning to RESPOND to what comes up for them(rather than reacting). THAT is an empowered state of being to experience. And facilitates/fuels further growth & willingness to deal with painful work to step into further empowerment
I have a post-it note on the mirror that says: There are parts of your own brain that are not your friend. Digging deep into understanding the committee in your head is the direction to finding your own psychological freedom.
Really interesting! Is there a link or book to help understand this concept and how to identify the committee members?
@@crystalbeth5491Not that I know of. I just started writing down my realizations 40 years ago, to 'exteriorize' from subconscious thoughts, and rose above them (called metacognitive), noticing higher truth and reality about the human mind. I've also studied the brain for decades; that understanding also helps.
Look into Internal Family Systems. If felt, acknowledged and welcomed/accepted, those parts can actually be freed from their current burdens. They aren’t enemies, they are splits that occurred during difficult situations/trauma and they think they still need to protect you etc. They have a “felt sense”, and they can be integrated and processed, and relieved of carrying that burden anymore. Some may feel very dark etc, but we gently make contact, until we and they aren’t scared any more. They can be freed and no longer a split in the system. Many therapists now combined IFS (internal family systems theory), with somatic therapies etc. Befriend it, it’s not an enemy, it’s you, and it was created for a reason that may no longer serve you and it just needs to know that.
Goes along with Dr. Daniel Amen’s short video 5 tips for a healthy brain & one tip is, “I don’t believe every stupid thought that comes into my mind”
@@christy7344Reminds of the one that says "Don't believe everything you think"
So happy to see him on your Podcast His book changed my life in 2020... trauma healing is quite the journey. Pete Walker would be another great guest.
I believe everyone experiences trauma and it makes them who they are today. What happened does not define you… it take time to unlearn years of conditioning. Meditation encourages relaxation, can calm the nervous system and reduce stress through deep breath. Trauma changes you. Healing is about creating a new version of yourself, the one that is stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. Stay positive and all the negativity will disappear!! ❤
Great interview!!
I especially liked the fact that Bessel tried out his methods on himself, and acknowledges that not one size fits all.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Bring on Peter Levine! Share the work of these incredible men! I think Levine released a new book in April, too! Thank you for having him on. I read ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ approximately 2 years ago and I incorporated what I could from this book. I began yoga, I was lucky enough to eventually afford somatic therapy and I’m a different person, on a path of growth, with much less fear of my own limitations, my own body and sensations, and less fear of the world and the future. I am in control of myself, daily. And not in some new age version, but in a more flexible, more compassionate, less scared way. This book changed my life. I’ve just completed my yoga teacher training and hope to train in somatic therapy this year. Everybody needs to know these people.. it will save their lives..
Hi thanks.. just started my first SE a couple of days ago.. reading ur comment gives hope.. planning to star yoga agian along with kick boxing
Thank you so much for bringing him on your podcast Chris 👏
His book was the beginning of my trauma healing journey
33:30 New habits, action, meditation, yoga, martial arts
39:00 safety, body work, yoga, tai chi, chi gong, hot tub, touch, let go
41:00 mindful, shut down exterior and and feel self
I really support the idea of weekly classes in schools for children to learn about themselves, how to regulate their emotions, how the brain works etc. Education is empowering.
This is helping me tremendously. I have had psychiatric labels since age 17 and I'm 60 now with agoraphobia. I had agoraphobia in my teens, housebound for 7 years. My counsellor works with trauma. It's a shame psychychiatrists continue to give you drugs and label but not address the underlying reasons. I still, react adversely to the here and now
Creating more liminal space actively (practice, practice) between an event and a response will eventually lead to control over response, which will lead to a greater focus on reactions and changing them. Entertaining the idea that although we may not be able to create more bandwidth, we might be able to plasticize it like a balloon, and that will also give us more capacity.
My reactions to some of my worst triggers have gone, and so, my response is different.
Think of epigenetics. Over the last couple of decades I have changed my genetic expression. That's empowering. It's painful, time and thought consuming and maybe some people don't have the fundamentals to even grasp changing how they think, (if I'm color blind it's pointless to demand I see the color red) but it's also a great blessing; an honor.
This work has given me a purpose for my challenging past and also sanded off the jagged edges.
The challenge for those of us who do it, is to move from the head of book smarts and chatter, to the heart. Live in the flow.
Thanks for this comment, helped me.
Fantastic and knowledgeable interviewer and as always, a wonderful Dr. Bessel van der Kolk! Thank you very much :)
Thank you Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk for your gigantic contribution!
Dr. Bessel is the best…..a true life-saver….body and soul…..💜✝☮✝💜✝☮✝💜
One of the greatest humans of our time. BvdK. So incredibly important to acknowledge this truth. ❤❤❤
I gave dr. Van der kolk's book to my ex and she ridiculed it. I found it very insightful and saw the how it could truly help other people but i guess it is easier for some people to make fun of others efforts
Sad that your ex didn’t have curiosity and enquire what you valued in that book. Probably why she is an ex.
Be thankful they're an ex. That's a person who has so much shame that they're shutting off trying to improve things.
27:45 defective
28:10 psychedelic
28:45 psychedelic & MDMA
29:14 Inner child
29:23 Psychedelic help you believe 29:50
29:58 30:05 Psychedelic and breathing work
30:31 30:35
Digital static Negative effects
This is me exactly everything he said. This is by far the best explanation of the human experience I’ve heard yet
I'm glad I did years of martial arts, Tai Chi, Yoga & acting while I was studying psychology. That has helped me to help others with trauma and somatic sensations in a clinical setting. On a side note: I tried Psychomagic by Jodorowski with one client that seemed perfect for this therapy with very good results! :-)
I want to thank you for giving me permission to specifically state the totally ridiculous nature of power being attributed to me. I am an individual with strong opinions, sensitive to human suffering, but unwilling to believe what responsibility might be being placed upon me by those who see me as being different.
This is one of my top ten books ever, maybe top 3.
I need to look into "Rolfing" again, because my body is twisted up and no conventional anything makes sense.
I have a few leads, finally after 8 years. If I could just study and focus on the issues, I believe I could already have been very far on my path of healing right now. But life, work, typical stressers, entropy- its a rabbit hole I've gone down giving me almost as many questions as answers, and I just want a COMPETENT guide to help me heal.
Thanks for having Bessel on. If anyone hasn't- read/Audible his books.
Wow. Amazing guest....you are slaying it right now Chris. Thank you x
Thank you for being a groundbreaker. Pls do consider to produce a podcast to bring awareness around the difficult topic of parental narcissist abuse. How to identify both the abuser and abused with intention to identify, intervene and support both. Truly this is critical to moving the mark on generational trauma. And the gross demand on medical systems already struggling. I can provide 30 years of substantiating medical materials in support of positive change. +Δ
Thank you for giving BvdK a voice on your platform, the whole world needs to hear his message.
As someone who is experiencing psychogenic seizures as a result of trauma, I needed to hear this. I wish he would speak on psychogenic nonepileptic seizures specifically though.
A step in the right direction. Looking forward to seeing how this interview travels and meanders.
I agree, frozen. Frozen in a higher stress point. Ability of the body to release or relax beyond a limited point
Social reseption makes a huge difference - why AA works
39:20 let go alarm
39:56 MDMA for very shut down 40:20 hypotheses of change awareness.
59:20 favorite psychodrama
1:04:00 Chuck Shuker
YES! Now link these lessons to your recurrent back pain Chris… it’s not because of your discs. Disc degeneration and even herniating are very normal in people without any pain. Please keep exploring these ideas. I would also recommend reading some John Sarno books. I say this as a physical therapist who specializes in chronic pain.
Really?? I also have some scoliosis and lumbar disc herniation. Any other tips for me? (I just started this episode and was unfamiliar with Chris’s disc issues also)
@@joey_ferrari24many people without pain have herniations. It’s a normal part of aging. Just search “disc degeneration in asymptomatic patients” and you’ll find tons of articles about the prevalence. Since it appears in people without pain, we can’t attribute discs as a cause of pain. The same is true for scoliosis. Instead look at your life stressors and how they influence your pain experiences. I often have patients who come to me with back pain blaming their discs and spine when in reality they are under immense stress and the mental imagine of “carrying” the burden of divorce, bad job, etc.. has led to back pain.
I read his book The Body Keeps the Score, it was truly awesome and relatable. I loved this interview, because your questions really opened up a lot of his experiences and knowledge. It was great to be able to listen and learn from this! Thank you ❤
Bessell Van der Kolk is AMAZING! I read his book and just ripped thru it! It was written for the layman and it’s got so many great suggestions to get you through rough times. I absolutely recommend to anyone, even if you don’t have any issues, it will give you tools when they eventually do show up in your life. ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Agreed. MDMA is amazing for trauma, my friends and I were each others' therapists during the 90s when we were raving every weekend. Those years healed me, made me more open and an overall better person
Amazing!!!! This made my day! I referenced this brilliant man’s findings in my dissertation. Thank you Dr. Van Der Kolk
“Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself”
10:55
This is it , and the only way I can put into words how I feel.. I feel like I have no “self” control or control over myself..
For example , I despise smoking cigarettes but I have been smoking since I was a teen basically. I realize it’s a stress response and that it’s difficult to stop for many reasons (even stimulating the vagus nerve) but I used to think maybe I smoked because I felt like I had control .. but now I see it as self punishment almost. Like I’m mad at myself for not being in control, not being able to enforce boundaries, allowing my self to be controlled.. I was a quiet but frustrated child . I genuinely did not like my mom. I don’t remember life before my stress/trauma response personality was formed. And trauma changed the brain.. so I honestly don’t remember childhood except a few flash memories, and being with my narcissistic husband the last 24 years I also have no memory. Aside from a few flashes. But my BODY has always remembered everything ofcourse . And the two people who have affected me most are my mom and husband. Both with guilting, shaming, accusing, projecting, gaslighting, and me feeling like walking on eggshells..
My mom controlled me and rarely let me do anything social so I never developed a healthy independence. I wanted to run away… so I had no judgement when I got involved with my first and current husband. And he would absolutely deny it but I feel like I’ve had no control over my actual self the entire time. Because he makes me feel like i can’t say “no” to anything… my body knows and reminds me of the consequences. The STRESS.
I have a fibromyalgia diagnosis in the last year but has been with me most of my life. I feel this is a response to my life's events. When I can regulate, the symptoms reduce.
Check out the work of Dr Sarno and Steve Ozanich for permanent self healing
I got a diagnosis of the same after going back and forth to doctors for nearly three decades
Wow😮 feel what you feel ✋. Just what I'm doing most of the times I told I'm feeling good chef, I'm feeling good mom etc etc 😊.
We need more conscious society 👍
Brilliant interview! The experience he brings to the table reminds me I am not alone. Gratitude!
recently diagnosed with c-PTSD, I'm 43 and had a load of childhood (5 yrs old at the time) memories come back of my dad going through cancer treatment. Took 25 years of feeling terrible to get a diagnosis, would never have got there if it wasn't for this guy and his book - would still be thinking I was a lazy, moaning git.
Ultimately in life happiness comes down to choosing between discomfort of becoming aware of our mental afflictions or the discomfort ruled by them
I’m new to what trauma does to the nervous system, and I have known about this man and his book. Time to get the book!
I’m also new to this channel and a new subscriber! HOW could I have missed this channel?!
My adult son is in desperate need of this content, and he’s had debilitating headaches for years, but more intensely after mold, Lyme, and Covid. He’s suicidal because of the pain, but he’s also an addict, so no one will prescribe him pain meds. Ketamine nasals didn’t help. Way more to this, but I’ll leave it at that.
@Tinyteacher1111 Have you heard of Joe Dispenza? Chris did an interview with him that you should check out. Then read his books Breaking the Habit of Being Yoursef and You Are the Placebo. Joe is a neuroscientist that is changing the medical establishment with his clinical studies of the brain.
His books are life changing. Your son deserves to enjoy a happy and healthy life--I wish him the best!!
nervous system, immune system .... all of it
What a fantastic Good Will Hunting Professor Dr. Vin de Kolk!
How can someone who has never known safety within family and without (attracting similar situations), start feeling safe within themselves? I just want to feel safe..
Therapist here! I love his work , and I am a body therapist, so I get what he means!
I read the book, but hearing Dr. Van der Kolk casually drop profound nuggets of wisdom in conversation is a whole new thing. I feel like that woman in the Bible who says, "He told me my whole life!" Maybe our lives are all pretty similar.
Kate, If you refer to females being abused in worldwide patriarchy, this refers to collective trauma as described by others in the field.
So what I am hearing is that we need end times for dealing with stressful situation. We need the ability to "put it down".
I REALLY want to know the results of the doctor's study on touch!
27:45 MDMA TREATMENT THERAPY psychedelics used to increase self compassion. Self criticism is extremely difficult to treat
I forgave myself for I knew not what I was doing.
Thank you Chris, Bessel Van Der Kolk is a great therapist and author, a lovely healing presence. Thank you x