Narcissism is a description of a personality style, not necessarily a diagnosis. We don’t need a label to know that someone is toxic & that we’re being treated poorly. NPD is in the DSM-V only on a technicality.
I've got a theory as to what it may be like. After being exposed to NPD . Things start changing inside. Emotionally, spiritually and physically. Confidence drops, you question and become unsure of yourself. Things break with no explanation. You fail at everything you try. You become a shell of yourself. You feel as if you have no soul. My theory is that's what it's like being a narcissist. They infect you with what they have. We victims describe narcissist as demonic. With those things in mind I described the narcissisist deals with them by infecting others and causing pain which gives narcissist relief. Victims of narcissist don't know how to do that. We don't get relief. It's constant torment. That's my theory and I happen to believe it's true.
I just discovered you and your videos a couple of days ago and have found them to be very interesting and informative. The recent Johnny Depp defamation case brought back memories of my divorce nearly thirty years ago. I'm certain my ex had NPD, although I doubt he was ever diagnosed. I was wife #2 out of 8 (that I know of) and was married to him the longest (11 years). I'm just glad I got out when I did. He didn't let me go quietly or easily. It's a long sorted tale, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Wow, 30 years and you're still experiencing pain triggered by similar events? They aren't kidding when they say emotional trauma really does affect a person deeply.
Hmm your take on the "covert" narc basically casting them as a cynical grumpy person "black cloud" .. My experience with my female NPD / BPD was nothing of the sort. they presented a Glowing wonderful person in public. Even in private (until the idolizaion phase was over) they went out of their way to seek praise for their achievements and would setup situations to get this praise which generaly was the same theme: "What a geneours wonderful human they are. " On the subject of Empathy. They would show and express "Sympathy" which others view as Empathy. but watching closely you could see the switch that it was just 'Presentation' and not connection.. I think peple get confused about this aspect between Sympathy / Empathy.
Agree! My ex was self amplifying but not grumpy or really negative. Actually she would whistle a lot but emotionally unavailable. It was terribly lonely being with her. Any attempt to have a deep conversation ended in gas lighting or displacement. She was an excellent liar, manipulator. Conducted financial infidelity which I forgave which escalated to an affairs with someone she represented through her union job. She tried to set up a scenario where she would move to an apartment to “figure out some feelings” she was going through and we would separate. When I asked if that meant she was going to be able to date other people she said that wasn’t her intention. I follow my gut and within a week overheard an inappropriate phone conversation with her member. I confronted her she denied everything. I kicked her out at that point. I had very little contact with her after that. Found out she had been having an affair for a few months prior. Immediately filed for divorce and not a separation. These types are really really good at building a narrative, smear campaigning you and living a complete lie without remorse! Only reason I survived was I went complete no contact and we’ve been divorced 21/2 years now. They will take all bits of money, self respect and material things if you let them. I said very little during the divorce which is important. Arguing with these entities will get you no where. I blocked her and her family from all social media. I found out her mom was going to my Facebook and sharing with her things I was posting. Watch for the enmeshed family members. I got along very well with all of her family but after 14years not one called me after we split to see how I was. If you catch them the first time just RUN!!!
The three giveaways of the "Covert Narcissist" are: 1) inability to accept and form or type of criticism, 2) a sense of entitlement / superiority and an 3) inability to take any kind of responsibility for their actions. There are other (and numerous) signs that indicate a person is a overt/covert narcissist but these are the easiest to recognize. Other behaviors that are highly indicative of narcissistic behavior are > the narcissist is always in the right and the other individual will be always in the wrong, the narcissist will need always external validation ( their own group of flying monkeys) of who they are, the narcissist has zero limits / boundaries when they feel they have been slighted and will seek their revenge at whatever the cost, and the narcissist is highly vindictive and will hold their grudge against the person who has wronged them literally till the person has left town. Narcissism is a mental disorder that is typically associated with co-morbidity as narcissism will display many different (or same) narcissistic characteristics but not 100% associated with a single type of specific narcissism. In other words, narcissism traits will commonly overlap one another. A person will know 100% they are dealing with a full blown narcissist when they display around at least 70% of those behaviors associated with narcissism. When you are aware that you are dealing with a narcissist on the extreme end of narcissism cut your losses and walk away from the person completely. One's own mental health and sanity is not worth emotional / mental anguish that a narcissist will put you through. One has to remember that a narcissist harms / hurts others because harming and hurting others beneath the narcissist boosts their fragile egos.
@counselthyself Yes, I know. In fact, comorbidity tells psychologists that multiple different narcissist traits/behaviors can accompany/overlap narcissism. It depends on how extreme the narcissism is in the individual. Those three I mentioned are the easiest to spot if one thinks/believes they may be dealing with a narcissist as narcissism varies from individual to individual.
@counselthyself Narcissism (both overt and covert) is not 100% specific in regards to the behaviors / traits narcissism exhibits. However the DSM-V says that if a person exhibits 5 of the 9 narcissistic traits then it is highly likely they will have other accompany narcissistic traits as well. "Co-morbidity" clearly states that often more than one mental disorder can be accompanied by other mental disorders so try to pinpoint "covert" exactly. If most of the narcissistic behaviors are there (+70% or more) the individual has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). There is nothing a person can really do since the brain's wiring is messed up more of less (70%).
@counselthyself I experienced a covert / malignant / vindictive family member narcissist and mentally they are extremely messed up in the head. However, the narcissist (the entire family that I grew up with all have some of the more severe narcissistic characteristics > this is due to extremely poor or over parenting as research suggests) but all a person can do is just keep their distance and never tell the narcissist you are dealing with anything personal or important. Narcissism appears to to be rooted in the individual's inability to regulate their emotions and I believe the narcissist that I am dealing with is driven by shame combined with severe mental / emotional trauma they experienced in the past (before their late 20s). This is why narcissism is labeled as a personality disorder. Once a person reaches this age the body stops growing and that included the human body's brain. This means that any trauma not addressed by this point becomes ingrained in the person's personality for the remainder of their life. Your own personal mental well being is more important than anything else. If possible cut your losses and walk away. Narcissists will never ever change. The brain is like any other organ except if the brain is subjected to severe emotional / mental trauma the brain will sub-consciously develop coping mechanisms to deal with external stressors. This is very evident if you have ever interacted with a person before and after a mental breakdown. The person you knew before is not really the same person after their nervous breakdown. In fact, one can easily surmised that the person who has gone through the nervous breakdown their sense of self/ego is much weaker than before their mental breakdown. This is exactly why some narcissists have extremely fragile egos and cannot take any form of criticism, responsibility, and need to have constant external validation. At some point in their past the (extreme / evil) narcissist's sense of self / ego was destroyed by severe emotional / mental trauma, thus sub-consciously the brain has re-programmed itself with a coping mechanism to protect the person's self from any such mental / emotional attacks (abuse) again. My theory on the "malignant narcissist" is that a malignant narcissist is a narcissist who has had their ego destroyed again by severe emotional / mental trauma (such as going up against a sociopath (as sociopaths lack a conscious) ~ and has not sought proper mental health treatment). Once again the narcissist's self's coping mechanism goes into overdrive again but this time this same person comes out as a "super narcissist" or in this case a malignant narcissist. Everything about the narcissist is elevated to absurd levels which is why paranoia also shows up in the malignant narcissist. In other words, almost anything can set off the malignant narcissist as their false reality becomes more like or less like they are in a nightmare from Hell (malignant narcissists are like narcissists on steroids).
To my understanding NPD exists on spectrum that can vary in intensity and time. NPD can exist with other disorders, such as ADHD and dyslexia for examples. Narcissistic traits can also vary in intensity and time. With this in mind, how does one determine whether an individual has at least 70% narcissistic behaviours? Narcissists want or need control over other people and situation, which means their number one goal is not to hurt someone. Narcissists do not care if someone is harmed or hurt while obtaining their narcissistic supply of power and control.
@@happycat0411 Narcissistic traits can develop from environment factors (early trauma or abuse), genetic factors (information processing by a non-neurotypical barn), or a combination of both factors. The mind has the ability to change the "wiring" in your brain throughout your life, providing you accept and receive proper treatment. Cells in the brain can regeneration themselves and are influenced actions. The brain is not static, but dynamic throughout your life. A narcissist can change if they are willing, providing they know narcissism exists.
Scary that my mother have them all she is extremely dangerous and my ex husband as well. Their temper tantrums got the block 🚫 ..Stay safe and stay in prayer 🙏.
I had to block my NPD mother and my ex baby mama too. I'm not sure who was the worst of the two. Trying to coparent with an abusive 💩head like her was the hardest thing I've ever done, and let me tell you, I've been teaching myself a very difficult 3rd language (Japanese) and I get less aggravation from that than I do these two horrible women from my life. After May, my child support ends and I never have to see/talk to her ever again. I had to block her as she was always disrespectful of my time and would blow up my phone at work. She got a throwaway email address only, just for things with my kid. My kid is another kettle of fish all together. She ruined him. He's a self-centeted womanizing liar now, which is the exact opposite of how I wanted him to turn out. She kept him from me for years and just straight up ruined him. Now he's a pathological liar, drugs, sex, steals, all the shitty things good parents teach their kids not to do. I tried teaching him too, but I know that meager 2 days every other weekend want enough to undo the damage she was instilling on a daily basis. I completely regret having a kid with her. I wish we never had him or aborted him like we were planning to do. She kept him just to weaponize against me.
I came here because I've being going through a really rough time over approximately the last one-and-half years of my recently broken up marriage, with me having become emotionally abusive (although mostly by way of venting away from rather than towards my wife and family). Although I recognize my fault in this and am currently working on healing and improving myself in any way I can possibly imagine - coaching, therapy (which will include diagnostics into ASD and personality disorders), mindfulness, yoga, meditation, and more - and I know I'm not the person I turned into over this time, hearing how my wife experienced this time really shook me to my core, breaking my heart all over again. I just still love her so much and want her to feel safe and be happy. It's from looking into the signs and effects of emotional abuse that I first came across narcissism, a growing interest in which brought me here. From watching multiple of your videos on narcissism and especially this one - but pending official analysis, of course - I'm glad that I recognize very few of these characteristics in myself, and mainly characteristics of which I've already become aware and have found ways to handle and deal with (by way of a check of objectivity, I recognize a lot more of myself in HF ASD). Seeing as how negatively narcissists are viewed, this comes as a huge relief to me. So, thank you for putting this information out there in such a clear format!
Yes, indeed. Makes you not want to go “hiking” or “camping” or spur-of-the moment vacations. Take’s spontaneity completely out and off limits. Appreciating planning and stability these days. We got some reason we’re attracted to this person, you yours, and me the one I know. It was a most tremendous learning period, wouldn’t you agree?
You are looking fantastic here !!!! Thanks for this fab video! Grandios narcissists just make me smile because they are just embarassing but too bild to see. I was together with some extrodinary grandios narcissists. Overall they are pretty harmless if you do not get triggered. One of my Ex even managed to "heal" or def. gotten much better over the years. The opposit is the case with the hidden narcissist (i.e. my mother). They are mean, lie, betray, they are extremely hurtful with words and they love to hurt you and try to make you obey. She´s like a whip, always ready for the next whiplash. I had enough and went no-contact some 8 months ago. She tries from time to time to sneak back in my life but no chance. The last words she threw into my, her daughters, face were simply too hurtful. This time she went too far. You bet she never apologized and tried to hand the victim role over to me. The older she becomes, the worse it gets. Actually sad to see however, I don´t feel any empathy. All self-inflicted. Now she has to pay the bill for what she ordered. In the end karma always judges of whether you mistreated people or not. And that´s when no lie, no "I did not mean it that way" or "it´s not my fault" works. 🤭
The problem with being unqualified is that one still needs to diagnose them, and diagnose them accurately, so for a lack of a professional diagnosis, I myself for instance still use the term of NPD to describe my narc ex's disorder because I know that it is the correct diagnosis. I just cannot do so in any kind of legalistic way. I don't use her name publicly and only a very few friends and family know of her anyway. So to those friends and family, I have to describe the behaviour accurately because I was seriously abused and they need to know why I was and am so deeply affected by that abuse. Sadly there is only one way to say it and that is to use the correct term which is narcissistic personality disorder. I will not downplay and diminish what happened to me by calling my abuser merely narcissistic. My abuse happened before the internet and I figured it out on my own ... the behaviours and the causes (in her case). I just didn't have a name for it until 15 years later.
I know I am not a narc, but I often find myself making a conversation about me in an attempt to help someone else feel better. For example, a friend is having a bad day and she starts telling me how much her life sucks. To relate to her I tell her about the problems I deal with letting her know I am not perfect, and she is not the only one dealing with problems. So instead of listening to her the conversation becomes about me. I think this is a bad habit I have because mostly when someone is feeling bad, they just want someone to listen to them and not make it a contest about who's life sucks more.
Yes it's easy to compare.... I've discovered that I compare a lot... Even places and I've also discovered that people do not like comparisons. So I'm learning to avoid that. In your case you are comparing. I'd focus more on listening. However, relationships are two ways and people also need to listen to your problems as well. It's a balancing act really, which makes relationships difficult. Depending on the person too, too can always try to find humor in the situation (if it's not too difficult of a situation).
I do that too. Not by trying to compete with them but I'm trying to relate in an effort to make them feel better like "you're not alone in your struggle" kind of a way. It doesn't always go down well but that is my intention. Also tried just listening and not doing that but then I'm critisized for staying silent. My social skills need some work.
I do that too. I don't mean to get all the attention. I do it to be gentle with a person with a problem. I don't think it's narcissistic. It's more about conversation. Not to sound preachy but rather I know what they mean.
Thank you for your generous sharing. Do you have any videos regarding BPD (borderline personality)? I am in a co-parenting situation. I think a lot of your NPD tips work as well, but the situation/dynamics are not as clear to me. I have a harder time seeing the manipulation.
Yep definitely with a covert narcissist for 12 years , it was the perfect storm , infidelity and betrayal, and I finally got out …. I wish it on no human on this earth
Two back to back (4) ala 8 year .. relationships learning on the journey. Perhaps the one of 16 years was too ? Not sure. My dad was somewhat like this. Weird when he was young. Not so much as he got sober and older. He did have empathy. But not when drinking. .
I think this is a great video but there is some repetition... do you have a written list somewhere? I am trying to take notes but it's not clear what #1-9 are anymore.
Can a narcissist be both grandiose and vulnerable or something in between? I had a "best friend" who I thought was a vulnerable covert narcissist, but because of your videos, I found out she has a lot of characteristics of the grandiose type too… Could she be a covert grandiose narcissist? Thanks a lot for all you’re doing!
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 10 years got back with cuz I didn't think it was a true turn I thought it was just like calling somebody an idiot or something until I turned out to be the idiot I am nothing anymore just a shell of mistrust and rage all I want now to make them all suffer and it's tearing me apart what they do needs to be handled literally the law handle it because out of all the stupid laws that I have to obey and you have to obey and everybody has to obey they can just come in and destroy someone's life just like murdering somebody but they can get away with it cuz that's how I look at it they murdered who I was and all I want is vengeance not Revenge because revenge is just getting back at someone vengeance is getting Justice and I want Justice and I'll never get it so why bother with anyting with anyone or even just being alive
@@joetaylor9051 love you more than your situations, this too will pass, it just takes a little longer than most healing processes. It will take for u to become educated on the matter and learn to get and stay focused on self-love and self-improvement. Let no one have that much control over you. I am still recovering from a 16 year marriage based off nothing but lies. He is battling me in our divorce proceedings because he is the bread winner. It's okay though. No matter what happens it's been 18 months that we have been separated and almost 7 months of no contact, blocking him on all forms of communication and I feel wonderful as I don't feel I ever lost my power, but it was interrupted for while and now without the distractions, my glow up is continuing to project upward because he can no longer try to keep me where he will always be, which is down!! These people hate themselves, so they never could love you properly. Take it as a get out free jail card, it was only going to get worse. Unliving yourself is their wish, but your happiness is their kryptonite. Shine for you, and leave the spectators, spectating from a distance, as if they never existed.
I think that I was good I always tried to be honest and have the it is what it is mentality outstanding morels the problem is now I just want to see narcissist in general suffer that would make me happy... maybe idk
My mom meets each and every condition probably an 11/10 on each and every point. I haven’t spoken to her in 5 years.
Narcissism is a description of a personality style, not necessarily a diagnosis. We don’t need a label to know that someone is toxic & that we’re being treated poorly. NPD is in the DSM-V only on a technicality.
I try to imagine what it’s like to have NPD. The thought of that reality frightens me.
I've got a theory as to what it may be like.
After being exposed to NPD . Things start changing inside. Emotionally, spiritually and physically. Confidence drops, you question and become unsure of yourself. Things break with no explanation. You fail at everything you try. You become a shell of yourself. You feel as if you have no soul. My theory is that's what it's like being a narcissist. They infect you with what they have. We victims describe narcissist as demonic.
With those things in mind I described the narcissisist deals with them by infecting others and causing pain which gives narcissist relief. Victims of narcissist don't know how to do that. We don't get relief. It's constant torment. That's my theory and I happen to believe it's true.
I just discovered you and your videos a couple of days ago and have found them to be very interesting and informative. The recent Johnny Depp defamation case brought back memories of my divorce nearly thirty years ago. I'm certain my ex had NPD, although I doubt he was ever diagnosed. I was wife #2 out of 8 (that I know of) and was married to him the longest (11 years). I'm just glad I got out when I did. He didn't let me go quietly or easily. It's a long sorted tale, as I'm sure you can imagine.
New lesson the longest, you must have been the strongest one out of eight.
Wow, 30 years and you're still experiencing pain triggered by similar events? They aren't kidding when they say emotional trauma really does affect a person deeply.
Hmm your take on the "covert" narc basically casting them as a cynical grumpy person "black cloud" .. My experience with my female NPD / BPD was nothing of the sort. they presented a Glowing wonderful person in public. Even in private (until the idolizaion phase was over) they went out of their way to seek praise for their achievements and would setup situations to get this praise which generaly was the same theme: "What a geneours wonderful human they are. "
On the subject of Empathy. They would show and express "Sympathy" which others view as Empathy. but watching closely you could see the switch that it was just 'Presentation' and not connection.. I think peple get confused about this aspect between Sympathy / Empathy.
@@LiseLeblanc Yes Covert Narc's use the general populations confusion about the differences between the two to "hide" in society.
Interesting.
Agree! My ex was self amplifying but not grumpy or really negative. Actually she would whistle a lot but emotionally unavailable. It was terribly lonely being with her. Any attempt to have a deep conversation ended in gas lighting or displacement. She was an excellent liar, manipulator. Conducted financial infidelity which I forgave which escalated to an affairs with someone she represented through her union job. She tried to set up a scenario where she would move to an apartment to “figure out some feelings” she was going through and we would separate. When I asked if that meant she was going to be able to date other people she said that wasn’t her intention. I follow my gut and within a week overheard an inappropriate phone conversation with her member. I confronted her she denied everything. I kicked her out at that point. I had very little contact with her after that. Found out she had been having an affair for a few months prior. Immediately filed for divorce and not a separation. These types are really really good at building a narrative, smear campaigning you and living a complete lie without remorse! Only reason I survived was I went complete no contact and we’ve been divorced 21/2 years now. They will take all bits of money, self respect and material things if you let them. I said very little during the divorce which is important. Arguing with these entities will get you no where. I blocked her and her family from all social media. I found out her mom was going to my Facebook and sharing with her things I was posting. Watch for the enmeshed family members. I got along very well with all of her family but after 14years not one called me after we split to see how I was. If you catch them the first time just RUN!!!
The three giveaways of the "Covert Narcissist" are: 1) inability to accept and form or type of criticism, 2) a sense of entitlement / superiority and an 3) inability to take any kind of responsibility for their actions. There are other (and numerous) signs that indicate a person is a overt/covert narcissist but these are the easiest to recognize.
Other behaviors that are highly indicative of narcissistic behavior are > the narcissist is always in the right and the other individual will be always in the wrong, the narcissist will need always external validation ( their own group of flying monkeys) of who they are, the narcissist has zero limits / boundaries when they feel they have been slighted and will seek their revenge at whatever the cost, and the narcissist is highly vindictive and will hold their grudge against the person who has wronged them literally till the person has left town.
Narcissism is a mental disorder that is typically associated with co-morbidity as narcissism will display many different (or same) narcissistic characteristics but not 100% associated with a single type of specific narcissism. In other words, narcissism traits will commonly overlap one another. A person will know 100% they are dealing with a full blown narcissist when they display around at least 70% of those behaviors associated with narcissism. When you are aware that you are dealing with a narcissist on the extreme end of narcissism cut your losses and walk away from the person completely. One's own mental health and sanity is not worth emotional / mental anguish that a narcissist will put you through. One has to remember that a narcissist harms / hurts others because harming and hurting others beneath the narcissist boosts their fragile egos.
@counselthyself Yes, I know. In fact, comorbidity tells psychologists that multiple different narcissist traits/behaviors can accompany/overlap narcissism. It depends on how extreme the narcissism is in the individual. Those three I mentioned are the easiest to spot if one thinks/believes they may be dealing with a narcissist as narcissism varies from individual to individual.
@counselthyself Narcissism (both overt and covert) is not 100% specific in regards to the behaviors / traits narcissism exhibits. However the DSM-V says that if a person exhibits 5 of the 9 narcissistic traits then it is highly likely they will have other accompany narcissistic traits as well. "Co-morbidity" clearly states that often more than one mental disorder can be accompanied by other mental disorders so try to pinpoint "covert" exactly. If most of the narcissistic behaviors are there (+70% or more) the individual has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). There is nothing a person can really do since the brain's wiring is messed up more of less (70%).
@counselthyself I experienced a covert / malignant / vindictive family member narcissist and mentally they are extremely messed up in the head. However, the narcissist (the entire family that I grew up with all have some of the more severe narcissistic characteristics > this is due to extremely poor or over parenting as research suggests) but all a person can do is just keep their distance and never tell the narcissist you are dealing with anything personal or important. Narcissism appears to to be rooted in the individual's inability to regulate their emotions and I believe the narcissist that I am dealing with is driven by shame combined with severe mental / emotional trauma they experienced in the past (before their late 20s). This is why narcissism is labeled as a personality disorder. Once a person reaches this age the body stops growing and that included the human body's brain. This means that any trauma not addressed by this point becomes ingrained in the person's personality for the remainder of their life. Your own personal mental well being is more important than anything else. If possible cut your losses and walk away. Narcissists will never ever change.
The brain is like any other organ except if the brain is subjected to severe emotional / mental trauma the brain will sub-consciously develop coping mechanisms to deal with external stressors. This is very evident if you have ever interacted with a person before and after a mental breakdown. The person you knew before is not really the same person after their nervous breakdown. In fact, one can easily surmised that the person who has gone through the nervous breakdown their sense of self/ego is much weaker than before their mental breakdown.
This is exactly why some narcissists have extremely fragile egos and cannot take any form of criticism, responsibility, and need to have constant external validation. At some point in their past the (extreme / evil) narcissist's sense of self / ego was destroyed by severe emotional / mental trauma, thus sub-consciously the brain has re-programmed itself with a coping mechanism to protect the person's self from any such mental / emotional attacks (abuse) again.
My theory on the "malignant narcissist" is that a malignant narcissist is a narcissist who has had their ego destroyed again by severe emotional / mental trauma (such as going up against a sociopath (as sociopaths lack a conscious) ~ and has not sought proper mental health treatment). Once again the narcissist's self's coping mechanism goes into overdrive again but this time this same person comes out as a "super narcissist" or in this case a malignant narcissist. Everything about the narcissist is elevated to absurd levels which is why paranoia also shows up in the malignant narcissist. In other words, almost anything can set off the malignant narcissist as their false reality becomes more like or less like they are in a nightmare from Hell (malignant narcissists are like narcissists on steroids).
To my understanding NPD exists on spectrum that can vary in intensity and time. NPD can exist with other disorders, such as ADHD and dyslexia for examples. Narcissistic traits can also vary in intensity and time. With this in mind, how does one determine whether an individual has at least 70% narcissistic behaviours? Narcissists want or need control over other people and situation, which means their number one goal is not to hurt someone. Narcissists do not care if someone is harmed or hurt while obtaining their narcissistic supply of power and control.
@@happycat0411 Narcissistic traits can develop from environment factors (early trauma or abuse), genetic factors (information processing by a non-neurotypical barn), or a combination of both factors. The mind has the ability to change the "wiring" in your brain throughout your life, providing you accept and receive proper treatment. Cells in the brain can regeneration themselves and are influenced actions. The brain is not static, but dynamic throughout your life. A narcissist can change if they are willing, providing they know narcissism exists.
Scary that my mother have them all she is extremely dangerous and my ex husband as well. Their temper tantrums got the block 🚫 ..Stay safe and stay in prayer 🙏.
I had to block my NPD mother and my ex baby mama too. I'm not sure who was the worst of the two. Trying to coparent with an abusive 💩head like her was the hardest thing I've ever done, and let me tell you, I've been teaching myself a very difficult 3rd language (Japanese) and I get less aggravation from that than I do these two horrible women from my life.
After May, my child support ends and I never have to see/talk to her ever again. I had to block her as she was always disrespectful of my time and would blow up my phone at work. She got a throwaway email address only, just for things with my kid.
My kid is another kettle of fish all together. She ruined him. He's a self-centeted womanizing liar now, which is the exact opposite of how I wanted him to turn out. She kept him from me for years and just straight up ruined him. Now he's a pathological liar, drugs, sex, steals, all the shitty things good parents teach their kids not to do. I tried teaching him too, but I know that meager 2 days every other weekend want enough to undo the damage she was instilling on a daily basis.
I completely regret having a kid with her. I wish we never had him or aborted him like we were planning to do. She kept him just to weaponize against me.
I came here because I've being going through a really rough time over approximately the last one-and-half years of my recently broken up marriage, with me having become emotionally abusive (although mostly by way of venting away from rather than towards my wife and family). Although I recognize my fault in this and am currently working on healing and improving myself in any way I can possibly imagine - coaching, therapy (which will include diagnostics into ASD and personality disorders), mindfulness, yoga, meditation, and more - and I know I'm not the person I turned into over this time, hearing how my wife experienced this time really shook me to my core, breaking my heart all over again. I just still love her so much and want her to feel safe and be happy.
It's from looking into the signs and effects of emotional abuse that I first came across narcissism, a growing interest in which brought me here. From watching multiple of your videos on narcissism and especially this one - but pending official analysis, of course - I'm glad that I recognize very few of these characteristics in myself, and mainly characteristics of which I've already become aware and have found ways to handle and deal with (by way of a check of objectivity, I recognize a lot more of myself in HF ASD). Seeing as how negatively narcissists are viewed, this comes as a huge relief to me. So, thank you for putting this information out there in such a clear format!
Husband has all of them . He is vulnerable which I call covert. Dangerous Dangerous people.
Yes, indeed. Makes you not want to go “hiking” or “camping” or spur-of-the moment vacations. Take’s spontaneity completely out and off limits. Appreciating planning and stability these days. We got some reason we’re attracted to this person, you yours, and me the one I know. It was a most tremendous learning period, wouldn’t you agree?
This is very informative. It was especially helpful to compare it to the IQ spectrum. Thank you for explaining all the differences.
You are looking fantastic here !!!! Thanks for this fab video! Grandios narcissists just make me smile because they are just embarassing but too bild to see. I was together with some extrodinary grandios narcissists. Overall they are pretty harmless if you do not get triggered. One of my Ex even managed to "heal" or def. gotten much better over the years. The opposit is the case with the hidden narcissist (i.e. my mother). They are mean, lie, betray, they are extremely hurtful with words and they love to hurt you and try to make you obey. She´s like a whip, always ready for the next whiplash. I had enough and went no-contact some 8 months ago. She tries from time to time to sneak back in my life but no chance. The last words she threw into my, her daughters, face were simply too hurtful. This time she went too far. You bet she never apologized and tried to hand the victim role over to me. The older she becomes, the worse it gets. Actually sad to see however, I don´t feel any empathy. All self-inflicted. Now she has to pay the bill for what she ordered. In the end karma always judges of whether you mistreated people or not. And that´s when no lie, no "I did not mean it that way" or "it´s not my fault" works. 🤭
The problem with being unqualified is that one still needs to diagnose them, and diagnose them accurately, so for a lack of a professional diagnosis, I myself for instance still use the term of NPD to describe my narc ex's disorder because I know that it is the correct diagnosis. I just cannot do so in any kind of legalistic way. I don't use her name publicly and only a very few friends and family know of her anyway. So to those friends and family, I have to describe the behaviour accurately because I was seriously abused and they need to know why I was and am so deeply affected by that abuse. Sadly there is only one way to say it and that is to use the correct term which is narcissistic personality disorder. I will not downplay and diminish what happened to me by calling my abuser merely narcissistic.
My abuse happened before the internet and I figured it out on my own ... the behaviours and the causes (in her case). I just didn't have a name for it until 15 years later.
I know I am not a narc, but I often find myself making a conversation about me in an attempt to help someone else feel better. For example, a friend is having a bad day and she starts telling me how much her life sucks. To relate to her I tell her about the problems I deal with letting her know I am not perfect, and she is not the only one dealing with problems. So instead of listening to her the conversation becomes about me. I think this is a bad habit I have because mostly when someone is feeling bad, they just want someone to listen to them and not make it a contest about who's life sucks more.
@@LiseLeblanc respect for you mam, your reply helped me.
Yes it's easy to compare.... I've discovered that I compare a lot... Even places and I've also discovered that people do not like comparisons. So I'm learning to avoid that. In your case you are comparing. I'd focus more on listening. However, relationships are two ways and people also need to listen to your problems as well. It's a balancing act really, which makes relationships difficult. Depending on the person too, too can always try to find humor in the situation (if it's not too difficult of a situation).
I catch myself doing that sometimes too. The fact that you can self reflect about it pretty much proves that you're not a narcissist.
I do that too.
Not by trying to compete with them but I'm trying to relate in an effort to make them feel better like "you're not alone in your struggle" kind of a way.
It doesn't always go down well but that is my intention.
Also tried just listening and not doing that but then I'm critisized for staying silent.
My social skills need some work.
I do that too. I don't mean to get all the attention. I do it to be gentle with a person with a problem. I don't think it's narcissistic. It's more about conversation. Not to sound preachy but rather I know what they mean.
Thank you for your generous sharing. Do you have any videos regarding BPD (borderline personality)? I am in a co-parenting situation. I think a lot of your NPD tips work as well, but the situation/dynamics are not as clear to me. I have a harder time seeing the manipulation.
Yep definitely with a covert narcissist for 12 years , it was the perfect storm , infidelity and betrayal, and I finally got out …. I wish it on no human on this earth
Two back to back (4) ala 8 year .. relationships learning on the journey. Perhaps the one of 16 years was too ? Not sure. My dad was somewhat like this. Weird when he was young. Not so much as he got sober and older. He did have empathy. But not when drinking. .
I think this is a great video but there is some repetition... do you have a written list somewhere? I am trying to take notes but it's not clear what #1-9 are anymore.
Can a narcissist be both grandiose and vulnerable or something in between? I had a "best friend" who I thought was a vulnerable covert narcissist, but because of your videos, I found out she has a lot of characteristics of the grandiose type too… Could she be a covert grandiose narcissist?
Thanks a lot for all you’re doing!
What about the need to control everything?
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 10 years got back with cuz I didn't think it was a true turn I thought it was just like calling somebody an idiot or something until I turned out to be the idiot I am nothing anymore just a shell of mistrust and rage all I want now to make them all suffer and it's tearing me apart what they do needs to be handled literally the law handle it because out of all the stupid laws that I have to obey and you have to obey and everybody has to obey they can just come in and destroy someone's life just like murdering somebody but they can get away with it cuz that's how I look at it they murdered who I was and all I want is vengeance not Revenge because revenge is just getting back at someone vengeance is getting Justice and I want Justice and I'll never get it so why bother with anyting with anyone or even just being alive
How are you, Joe?
Doing okay I guess lol
@@joetaylor9051 love you more than your situations, this too will pass, it just takes a little longer than most healing processes. It will take for u to become educated on the matter and learn to get and stay focused on self-love and self-improvement. Let no one have that much control over you. I am still recovering from a 16 year marriage based off nothing but lies. He is battling me in our divorce proceedings because he is the bread winner. It's okay though. No matter what happens it's been 18 months that we have been separated and almost 7 months of no contact, blocking him on all forms of communication and I feel wonderful as I don't feel I ever lost my power, but it was interrupted for while and now without the distractions, my glow up is continuing to project upward because he can no longer try to keep me where he will always be, which is down!! These people hate themselves, so they never could love you properly. Take it as a get out free jail card, it was only going to get worse. Unliving yourself is their wish, but your happiness is their kryptonite. Shine for you, and leave the spectators, spectating from a distance, as if they never existed.
I think that I was good I always tried to be honest and have the it is what it is mentality outstanding morels the problem is now I just want to see narcissist in general suffer that would make me happy... maybe idk
My daughter has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder however I feel she had NPD. Are the two so similar they get mixed up?
These victims of daddy wanting them where spoiled rotten, then turned evil. My little brother is the same.
I work with a guy who gossips. That's all he does. It's really weird. What is that!
Lonely
Gemini
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