I was at an ADHD training for my job a few years ago. A woman who also had ADHD told us that boredom was PHYSICALLY PAINFUL. That changed my view of how help clients of mine that struggle ADHD. This is a fantastic video Kati!! Thank you!!
Honestly never treated boredom seriously. Always thought that if ii'm bored, then ii messed up or did something wrong or wasn't taking it seriously. Realizing that's a pretty bad way to think considering how often ii really am bored.
My husband is like that. The more bored he gets the more he says it's painful. Like his whole body is winding up and cramping and no matter how he adjusts in his seat he can't get comfortable or feel like he can breathe.
It's kinda funny i have never thought about boredom as being painful. But now that you say it i can definitely recognize it, maybe not just pain but general discomfort overall.
I have ADHD and accused of being selfish a lot, and yet I care for people so much! I'm commenting before watching! Let's strap in for this one Kati! Thank you for making this video
Yeah, we are not more selfish than others: We are just as selfish as them. It is just that we experience the world a bit differently and that has an effect on what behaviour seems selfish to *us* . Which can be for the better or worse, depending on the situation.
My wonderful husband has ADHD and we’ve been talking about it a lot lately. One of the ways this has been relevant to us is impulse spending. We were poor when we first got married and had to budget carefully but he’s since told me it was an enormous struggle during that time to not make a bunch of random purchases because he saw a couple hundred dollars in the account. It’s also hard for him to have long discussions about things or to quickly switch gears when I need something. The fact that he tries is more meaningful to me than if he were perfect
Hi Kati. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at 38 after struggling since early childhood. It explains so much. I’m now getting appropriate help to deal with it and my life has improved greatly. Thanks for touching on this.
Ryan Ross I’m seeing a therapist, using a schedule and task list. I use the notes app on my iPhone as a brain dump to immediately note things I think of so I can read them later. I look at each day in terms of “things I have to do” vs “things I want to do” so I can prioritize better and not lose track of things. These items go on my task list. I tried Bullet Journaling but can’t keep up with that and find that I prefer digital organization. I use fidget toys during meetings (all of my meetings are conference calls) to stay focused.
The only time I've thought it was "good was when I was doing so much I couldn't remember the last time I felt bored, and instead just felt exhausted! 😅
Being someone with ADHD, I often have feelings of guilt that I'm lazy or selfish. But I try and combat those negative thoughts with one word. "Why?" I ask myself why I feel that way, and I try and answer myself honestly. My answers can be "because I did this thing and it was selfish of me". Then I ask "why did you do that thing?" And I answer why. Then I ask "and what led you to do that thing? Was it because you WANTED to be selfish, or was it an impulse caused by ADHD?" It's a tedious processes, but it's what I do to help me to not be too hard on myself. I hope this helps someone else
@@noramcnabb1361 Awwh Thank you! ....ps: im sure you know this song but on the off chance that you dont you should look up....The plough and the stars "nora" ...its so pretty and now I cant stop humming it 😊💗
This was kinda cool. The whole ADHD thing is weird to me. I didn't find out until I was 33 and taking my own kid in for testing. The guy doing the test was watching me fidget in the corner and count ceiling tiles while my kid was at the computer and then next time I saw him he mentioned testing. I find there is a huge difference between the way my husband looks at his and the way I look at mine and I think it has a lot to do with him being tested as a kid. He grew up knowing why he does what he does and why he was different. Where I grew up thinking i was just weird and had to figure out how to cope with out knowing why I had to do it.
It is also nice in a way to not know. You learn the hard way how to control it and can't just use it like an escape goat. No it's not easy but in the end I think it makes you a stronger person. It's to easy to blow things off as a disorder and not work on it. If you don't know you have a condition you can't try to make excuses (that could be true)
@@ralfwashington1502 I dunno if I would have preferred to not know. I see your point, and I see my husband blow his issues off as ADHD and that's that. And it's annoying as hell. But then I see my kid struggle and question herself and feel bad that she can't just do something, or she forgot something. She calls herself stupid a lot, and gets mad at herself for forgetting and I remember being that kid. At least for her I can explain to her that she's not stupid and she's not a bad kid. That she just has to learn how to handle it and we know why she does it and at least a direction on how to help her. Tips and tricks that I didn't have. So sure, eventually I figured it out. But I would have rather not thought I was just to stupid to understand. I would have rather had the help.
@@ralfwashington1502 midlife burnout is slowly killing me. I would have preferred to KNOW - and to have accommodations that would have helped me develop my strengths. Instead of trying to Be Like Everyone Else, and burning out from the literal impossibility of changing my neurology.
ADHD sufferer here - boredom can be so bad I get suicidal - can't focus on anything and forget almost every thought I have through the day extreme trouble switching tasks and cannot keep track of time to save my life. However not selfish - extremely aware of my behavior and how I am coming off to others and love and value my relationships. I'm an extreme scheduler, have several alarms, and write down important things in multiple places to keep track of things. Took a long time to accept my adhd because I wasn't hyper verbal or impulsive but that's because of how I was raised. There's no one size fits all with ADHD and I'd imagine most illnesses.
The algorithm pointed me to this at a perfect time. I just had a traumatic event where I was called selfish and I knew that what I was doing was heavily influenced by my ADHD, but having this validation really helped. Thank you so much.
i think kati is talking about a selfishness coming from obliviousness. you are talking about self care selfishness which is actually necessary to survival.
My number one ADHD coping method is finding someone (usually on Facebook) who's available to be my accountability buddy. I don't always rely on others to hold me accountable for being productive, but it is super duper effective for me when I'm in need of the support! I accomplish an average person's week's worth of work in 3 hours of being held accountable. It's miraculous. Usually, I update my accountability buddy every 10-15 minutes on what I've accomplished, and they reply (sometimes with funny memes) to let me know they're keeping tabs on my progress. It really helps me stay on task. 🙂
I actually write everything down for the day on a wall calendar. Appointments, new doctor visits, things I accomplished for the day... it's like my journal except it's not a book I have to write in every day. I don't keep track of my feelings or thoughts, but even keeping just a timeline written down helps me out with organizing my timeline that I can't keep track of in my head. ("Oh, that was just YESTERDAY?? That felt like last week!" or "That was 3 weeks ago? I thought it was only a week at the most!")
Wow. I am a 39 year old mom, to one little boy, married for 6, and I was recently diagnosed with ADHD…and I feel like a little world of understanding has just opened up for me, and it feels like I need to “meet” myself again, as well somehow “reintroduce” myself to those closest to me, now with a little more wiggle room, guidance and actual practical support. This video completely captures my experience and train of thought. Really appreciate this selfish topic, because I feel so many bursts or phases of that, all the while feeling like it contradicts the person I really am inside and how I want to contribute to the world and to my friends and fam. I needed this video more than you know. Also, your cadence and direct and assertive speaking voice, that is very matter of fact mixed with lens of understanding is so impactful to me. I feel like you could explain the most difficult things to me and they would finally make sense. Appreciate you, your work, and for taking the time to put this together for us. …now off to do more homework (thank you for giving some action items!) and find more practical ways to manage this
The hardest part imo is that many people STILL don't believe adhd is real and that we're always "just making excuses" for not being able to function in ways that are deemed "normal". Both my son and I have it and it can be really heartbreaking sometimes. As if living with it wasn't hard enough as it is, trying to gain people's acceptance and understanding or trying to constantly prove or convince others (especially family) makes it SO much harder!! I was diagnosed recently at age 32 and let me tell you, everything difficult about my life suddenly made so much sense. Growing up knowing you're different but not knowing how or why is extremely challenging. We suffer far more ways than what's highlighted here because our emotions are very volatile and our confidence is always knocked. As a result, never feeling "good enough" having been compared to others our whole lives and instead labelled "too sensitive", "too emotional" or "difficult" as well as the things mentioned in this vid. I could go on but I'll leave it here. Thanks for your vid Kati and I hope it brings more awareness and understanding but most of all, I hope for more compassion, patience, support and acceptance of this condition around the world! If you know anyone who has adhd, please understand the power and necessity of making them feel MORE validated, accepted and worthy than your other neurotypical counterparts!!
For me, I find that meditation is the best way to control my ADHD. People often say Ritalin (ADHD medication) makes anxiety worse. I really find the opposite. Although I am on meds for anxiety and depression as well, I find that Ritalin helps slow my mind down and let's me stay focused and allows to me think before making some impulsive decisions. But this video is really helpful!
I have adhd and the talk about deadlines and pressure really spoke to me I have a hard time with deadlines far out and generally end up getting to it towards when time is running out and I get stressed and get it done in burst. Really makes getting a dissertation done ab it challenging especially given all this Covid stuff.
I'm 20, I was diagnosed when I was 12/13, had accommodations in school from 6th grade, and I only really started getting a handle on it these past couple months. Just finished my 3rd year of college. School has been mostly pretty difficult for me until I started reaching out and getting help. I was at the point where I was ready to accept therapy and the patience to find the right meds. Meds can be absolutely crucial and potentially life-saving in the long run. ADHD has some gifts, and the ability to function and then eventually self-actualize is a beautiful thing, but it takes a lot of adjusting & vigilance for one's own health
FYI - for those of us who aren't American (yes Americans, there are other countries too! 🤣) Norepinephrine is known as Noradrenaline in the rest of the world.
Fun fact, the scientific community in the States HAS to use the term “epinephrine” because “adrenaline” was trademarked by a company back in the 70’s 🤦♀️
It was like the universe knew I needed this video because I was just diagnosed with ADD last week and have been struggling to understand it. Admittedly though, my therapist told me that what I had was different from ADHD but did not elaborate. It would be really amazing if you could make a video about the differences between ADD vs ADHD!
Heres my understanding of the difference between the two. I'm not an expert though and i could have a lot of this wrong so you'll want to continue doing your own research. So ADD and ADHD are both caused by a lack of dopamine and noraepinephrine in the parts of your brain that control your executive functioning skills. The difference is really the way the symptoms present themselves. You know that ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. So they have the hyperactive and innattentive symptoms. ADD stands for attention deficit disorder. The hyperactive symptoms are not present. Those who have ADD are also less likely to get diagnosed because the symptoms that normally give the disorder away arent present (bouncing off the walls, never able to stop talking, being incredibly impulsive) But they still struggle with concentrating, organization, procrastination, working memory, etc. Its also more common in girls but it van be found in guys too. Hope this helps :)
@@butterflypaint4332 I believe they are the same disorder, both ADHD. When it was first diagnosed it was called ADD with hyperactivity or without hyperactivity. The name was changed to ADHD about 7 years later to encompass the most common symptoms in one name. In 2000 the three subtypes of ADHD were officially introduced as combined type ADHD, predominantly inattentive type ADHD, and predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type ADHD to account for the main presentation variations. It is unfortunate but many people still think you cannot have ADHD without hyperactivity - because of this many people prefer to use the term ADD to clarify their experience while others choose to use ADHD as it is what they have.
@@TommyKins33 people tell me constantly that i "dont have adhd, you have add", because i have inattentive type. It is so annoying to me because i feel like people either feel like "and therefore you have it less "bad" than people with " real" adhd" or they are implying that i am less annoying and should therefore not use ADHD. It feels so invalidating when people tell me "you're not hyperactive so you dont have ADHD", so very unfortunate indeed.
@@myemoreligion I feel the same way I'm not hyperactive in fact I have zero energy at all and my medication gives me energy. I've had a lot of people tell me the same thing in terms of what I "really" have and that I have it "not as bad" somehow - also yes this really bothered me saying that people with adhd are selfish or annoying - I have friends with the hyperactive type and they are not annoying or selfish and are very hard working
Thank you for this! I was diagnosed with ADHD at 20 and as a child my parents were often telling me to not ‘be so selfish’ and ‘think about the other people’ I lived with. I was internally screaming ‘I do think about other people!!! Like all the time!!! That’s literally all I ever do!!!’ I would just trip over myself trying to accommodate for everyone as well as the undiagnosed, untreated mess that was going on inside my own head. I’ve learnt that I’m at my best when I am being selfish and focusing on myself and my needs first, and then I’m in a better place to focus on the people I love. So thank you for this video! ♥️
I have high functioning ADHD,Anxiety,ODD,learning difficulties, segmental nf1 and more. It’s hard for me because all of those together creates an odd brain. I have struggled my whole life with it and your videos make me understand how it works more. Thank you, Kati!
Thank you for making this video. I deal with adhd and ocd and man I wish people would know more about it. Not just “you can’t focus” or that it’s a fake thing
I one thousand percent related to this video and comments. Thank you so much for this. I struggle with the anxiety I get from not being busy 24/7, it is literally painful, exhausting, and I need to learn to be okay with being still.
Cross linking over to this video from others I watched made this worth every second. I feel selfish at times and it was like I didn't care. I continue to work on all aspects of ADHD management including medication, and I am finding it all effective. I've changed as a person already but this video really helped me focus on the behaviors I struggle with daily. Sure, with medication, I am better able to control it but truth is, it's just a method to help me obtain a sense of identifying a behavior from ADHD and control it immediately. Talking too much, which is what you may interpret this, and is ironic ha!, but I can now stop and not talk over people. Thank you for the video Kati. I am subscribing now.
I remember the "sledge hammer psychology" of my parents, who were not aware that such a condition like ADD and Asperger's exist. I was told to "behave", to do as I was told, just subordinate to life's requirements. I grew up in the 1960ies and 1970ies. For decades I suffer from depression, and anxiety, on top of the previously mentioned psychological issues. I was diagnosed in my mid fifties, and it was a relief. Immense relief. Stuff that interests me catches my attention and focus. I easily give up on less interesting things, especially when there is resistance, or obstacles. I love being alone, I get stressed out by too many people around me. Too many is more than one. And if the one person leaves, it's heaven. I was told to be selfish, because I "zoom out", rather grabbing a book, and retreating into a quiet corner, and do not intermingle. Oh, I do talk to people, rather stand by and listen, though, and suddenly retreat. Too much is too much. Chat about relationships bores me. I retreat. If asked why I do not participate, I have learned to say that it is stressful for me. Irritated glances, why, company is wonderful. Yikes! Grin and bear it.
I was just diagnosed at 31 with ADHD. Literally never even thought of it as a possibility until I started seeing my most recent therapist. So I'm still trying to figure things out and this video definitely helps me understand what ADHD is and make more sense of my ADHD symptoms. I don't want to use my ADHD as an excuse for why I start dozens of projects and never get them done, but I am still not certain what is caused by my ADHD and what isn't, and if it is ADHD what do I do about it. Because I have a very short attention span, and sometimes I can get so bored it's almost physically painful
Diagnosed with ADHD at 23 (childhood diagnosis dismissed by parents). My roommate doesn't believe I have it, claiming that "Everyone has ADHD now" and that "Everyone has those feelings, you're just not disciplined enough to control yourself". But then she makes fun of me and gets annoyed that I'm talking up the kitchen when it's Sunday and I'm on hour 4 of working on my homemade oatmeal cookie recipe bc I hyperfocused. So being able to understand the science and connect it to behavior is such strong knowledge! Also I love How to ADHD!
Yeah I agree your roommate is being incredibly cruel and invalidating for someone with (I assume) zero qualifications to speak about these types of conditions. Tell me, does your roommate consider herself to be more researched on the topic of neurodiverdiversity than the nation’s foremost neurological researchers, or does she just happen to lack empathy for the difficulties of those who live with developmental disabilities? Either way, she sucks.
Therapist (adhd/artistic) here. You recommend many resources that I go over with clients. I'll start sending them this video! Thanks for making this resource!
Oooo!! Clicked as soon as I saw this because I’ve been pondering on this/struggling with it for a while. I’ve been making an effort to improve though. Still learning things about myself that I should’ve noticed before but maybe was in denial about lol not always fun taking a hard look. I feel guilty for being selfish towards family members, friends, significant others… Self awareness is key
OHHHHH, sooo excited to watch this one!!!! I have ADHD so this hits close to home for me!!! Great job on the video, I loved what you said, it was amazing!!!!! I actually have been struggling with this, thank you for the advice and helping me understand my ADHD!!!! Love you Katie!!!!!!💕💕
Been watching your videos on ADHD my 9yr old son was recently diagnosed, it's definitely been a journey so far with different testing had to do with him and appointments. I was also told it was hereditary. I have trouble with my mental health and have auditory processing disorder but I'm getting rescreened and making sure that is exactly my problem. Iv struggled so much with trying to connect with others making friendships, concentration, and being told by others I'm weird or selfish at times. I can also be very blunt or tell it like I see it. Always tell truth for most part and I don't have a filter in sense I'm so open about my life, it can trigger other people. Will know my results next week and moving forward one step at a time in regards to the right strategies and support.
I've ben dignosed my hole life with ADHD(or at least as long as I can rember) it's a core reason I also have GAD. How I put it most often nowadays is my brain dosent stop,ever. Not even when I sleep (because I always dream) it's a real strugle that efects evreything in my life,body and evreything around me. How to ADHD has ben very helpfull to me along with mental health talk on UA-cam. I strugle with a list of other stuff,but adhd is a big one.
THIS!!! This video is ME 100%!! I learned slowly that I'm a selfish person. I was diagnosed with having ADHD, Anxiety and depression a few years ago. I already knew growing up that I was depressed and had some anxiety, but I didn't know about the ADHD until I talked with a Psychologist. It's VERY comforting to know and learn about what's going on in my brain that causes me to act and react the way that I do! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE your videos, @Kati!! Maybe someday we can do a video therapy session!?
Growing up I always just thought I was selfish, dumb, unorganized and lazy. I could not keep it together, and was often called an instigator. I also NEVER stopped talking, to a point where people couldn't understand me. My biological mother denied anything was going on and simply called me an unorganized lazy child. So I believed that. For so many years. I moved out when I was 16, went to school to upgrade (because I did not do well in grade school). I am now 21 and in nursing school and also seeking treatment for undiagnosed ADHD that I have had my whole life but denied. I'm currently under evaluation before I can start meds(because I also have anorexia) and I'm finally feeling like hey, maybe I'm not dumb, stupid or lazy. I have a real issue that I've done an amazing job surviving with, but I dont want to just survive anymore. I'm ready to accept my past and move on to do the things that will work for me in the future. (:
Wow, Kati. Coupling this discussion of ADHD coping skills and symptoms to one of the deeply concerning subjective experiences - or maybe "worries" - of many of us with ADHD really shows how great of a therapist you really are. I don't know if you'll read this, but if you do, just allow me to say thank you for everything you do. I seem to come back to your channel every few months - at least, ever since I received my late diagnosis of adult ADHD. Sometimes, it is because one of my dopamine-seeking activities is learning (and psychology interests me). Often, it is because I have struggled so much - and have come to recognize that, in some ways, I always will - in the sense that with ADHD, there will always be something to work on. I've also been unemployed for a couple years and that has meant that I'm without access to competant mental healthcare. Sure my medicaid primary care provider manages my meds just fine - but i have no one to work with on accountability, coping skills, etc. I hope you realize that you are helping countless people with all kinds of difficulties accessing mental healthcare. You really are a hero.
I’m so GLAD you said “bored “ bc that’s what my life has been since I’ve been off my adderal - absolutely miserable !!! Can’t stand it ! I need the stimulant to make me calm (??) driven and happy.
This video resonated with me largely, I've been seeking answers! This gave me drive to seek resources, and see a doctor with my concerns. This topic came at a wonderful time! (And yea! "how to adhd" is a magically helpful channel!!)
Thank you for the reminder to check in with the people you care about, when I'm off doing my own thing for a while I do get a little worried that I'm being selfish. Especially if I'm fired up about something, either I'm really passionate about a subject I'm binging on the internet or I'm mad at how I've been treated somewhere in my life, I can tend to be overly assertive in getting my dopamine. I've taken a lot of dumb risks and I'm probably really lucky that most of them work out in the end so it's good to check in and make sure I haven't wronged anyone lately when I notice I haven't been in the driver's seat so much lately. Thank you for all the great content you make on a regular basis, keep it up!
I'm completely not hyperactive but the rest of this seems spot on. I'm female. I'm really very quiet. My dad has adhd. I have PTSD and ruminate over things. My idea of adhd seems like wild active people and that's not me.
For weeks I've been staying up all night asking myself if I'm being selfish by only having personal projects in my mind and postponing that call to my grandma to check on her and many other things, I remembered this channel and came here looking for help and I'm so grateful that the most recent video is exactly about this topic, thanks a lot Kati!
thank you for this video! I’ve been struggling with my ADHD so much during quarantine, without any schedule my ADHD is insannnne. it feels like there are 100 tv shows on at once in my brain and I never know what to pay attention to
I'm soon turning 42 and I have never been diagnosed but I really believe I have ADHD. I've lost all enjoyment in all of my hobbies. Only things that stimulate my brain is video games, women, and getting high. I usually put things off till the last second. I have a hard time being organized until the clutter gets enough to really annoy me. My parents live with me at my house and their French bulldog is my best buddy in the world and keeps me focused and happy. I'm thankful for him for sure. I love him so much.
Thank you so much for this video, it definitely helps me guide a new routine with managing my adhd I often have to almost have everything clean to be focused and I have to separate myself from other people to finish work. As a person who has struggled with depression and anxiety the majority of my life I’m starting to notice good things about my adhd it allows me to be creative and artistic especially being a graphic designer it lets me focus on the details making sure everything in is the right place and to be honest it is true that especially with adhd all I want is structure it’s really the only thing right now that allows me to function and not get sad throughout the day. Thank you for all of your videos and expertise I truly appreciate it , you are blessing a lot of people with this information and helping them find hope 😊🙏🏼
I have FAS and ADHD. I am adopted and my adoptive parents (nonbiological parents) always wanted to use it as an excuse and I remember my mom saying one time "don't you want ADHD to blame for your problems?" to which I gave no reply but automatically thought, "no". Currently 26, I have finally starting learning how my mind best works. I am in a cardiac sonography program and almost finished. I have certain colors assigned for different topics, appointments, and even sub categories of what is going on that day. I have realized that I have to go through things very intentionally or else it easily slips my mind (what I frequently call "slipping through the cracks"). I'm still learning, but it has gotten better and I've gotten better because of it :) Love this video, I have new things to think about and contemplate.
Another brilliant ADHD video especially highlighting the lack Of dopamine response, Before being diagnosed I just thought ADHD was kids playing up in school like how most people think if they don’t know What it really involves.
Just want to play devil's advocate in defense of the positive side of boredom (because I like to think everything has pros and cons), I would say its presence is a solemn and sobering indication that we have the luxury of existing outside of the food chain, or have ostensibly conquered it for our own amusement, sport, and/or culinary satisfaction. I enjoyed the video and as someone who likely has ADHD but is unofficially diagnosed, there's a lot of food for thought as a takeaway.
True. I understand what you are saying. However, how I experience adhd is that doesn’t matter. It’s almost like an allergic reaction when I’m bored. It doesn’t matter what the positives are or mean to being bored. I wonder at times if it would have been better for me to exist during a time that didn’t have all the luxuries we have. Yes, I would have to do more, but that may have been better for my brain.
Yes it does! Had two friends with it; One was a criminal and still is, another was a completely unempathic girl that laughed at others and constantly put them down. Couldnt be around her. She could be on the phone with me and talk about herself for hours and not even noticed I had fallen asleep.
Watching your videos transports me into the logical, self-assessing mindset that is productive and sets a pace for my ability to create a plan to improve my environment, temperament, and long-term goals. Thank you for creating this channel, so low-income people have free access to exceedingly helpful, credible sources of help. You're awesome, your videos have been immensely helpful.
*Vyvanse Kicks In* Hey Kati! Always so helpful seeing your videos. For me, the action of the dopamine from my meds is OK if I already planned out my day, and the fact I get the biggest dopamine rush from being helpful and productive at work helps keep me on track. BUT... if the structure and routine gets off track...THAT'S when I can become selfish. Party from being distracted and not able to empathize channel the energy in the way I want to. CNS on fire being like some fight or flight shit LOL. I also think my dose became stronger since working from home. I want to ask my Psych to reduce. I'm not intending to be selfish by talking about myself, but it's what I know best, and I'm not qualified to give general advice haha. Maybe other can relate too 😊 I've grown a lot lately. I've sensed in it a lot of people resently, including you 😊 Not that you were ever missing anything 😍😍. Growth is beautiful, and life long. Sometimes it's gradual, sometimes it's like...BAM! If you're ready or not haha. There's always a bright side, but it's harder to find sometimes. Experience helps :) looking forward to the next one ✌☝🏾❤
Adhd has made my life challenging. In my 40s I gave in and I’m medicated now. But it’s just a tool. Best thing that works for me is to think less, do more, and write things down prior to avoid impulsive behavior
I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD at 52 years old. Ironic I work for the community mental health services. My job keeps me busy and feeds my diagnosis. Making time and building raport with patients increases a happy feeling. I am people pleaser, and find it difficult to respond to negativity.🇬🇧x
it’s hard to talk about ADHD with people close to me. since it’s an misunderstood neurological disorder i feel they think it’s not something real and just an excuse. and i have a lot of pride and i never want people to think i use excuses ever. i’ve just had to become more kinder to myself and educate myself that it’s not an excuse. my brian just works differently than others, and that’s okay. if anyone else is struggling with self esteem due to ADHD please know you’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. we just need a little help, and that’s okay. everyone does. much love to you all
Even though I didn't get an answer from the video to whether I'm selfish or not, some tips here are new to me and I'm going to try them out! (Like saying "stop!" more clearly in my head). I think the question of selfishness is more ethical than psychological. Before I got divorced, I really struggled to carry my weight in the everyday household chores. Even though we don't intend to be self centered, our actions can be. Many of my ADHD friends including me, are people pleasers, generous and caring. I really think that we can't label people as selfish, just because their actions are often seem this way.
My brother has ADD and I show symptoms for ADHD and am truly having a hard time but my mom refuses to believe I have it because I’m not like my brother. At this point I don’t really care but your videos help a lot!
As someone with adhd this video is awesome. i get bored veryyyy easily. I will watch one of my favorite shows and i will honestly do some many other things. I cannot focus for very long. I hyper focus on things and sometimes forget im having a conversation or if someone tried to talk to me while Im hyper focusing i cant hear what they are saying. I like zone out. I have a hard time with tasks that you can mindless do like dishes and laundry because it doesnt involve thinking about anything. I need to do something that involves critical thinking. So my job i worked at took me from inside working with dogs to stocking shelves. I got so bored at work i ended up checking my phone or putting on music cause i couldnt do my job. It was actually painful for me to go to work because of how bored I was. I ended up quitting. Adhd is very challenging. I get spouts of hyperactivity and those are hard to manage cause all i want to do is get it out and sometimes i cant.
I love people who have ADHD. We have a party of our own world MARTY-GRA in our own world of energy and enjoyable life. Thank Kati. ADHD is not a disability. ADD-ADHD rules the world once the master something in life. There is a positive side to ADD-ADHD. LOOK AT BILL GATE. THE GUY WHO MADE SOUTH WEST AIRLINES AND OTHERS WHO RUN THE WORLD AND MOVIE STARS.
Hello Kati, my name is esmeralda and I always watch you're videos because they make me feel better. I hope u keep doing them. My parents see that I'm always alone, have no social life, and barely communicate with most of my family. They always ask me if i need psychological help, but not in a good way. Then they call me crazy if I've been in my room for too long. I always deny it. I dont know if I should ask them for help. My parents are not very informed about mental illness and study stigmatize it a lot. They just assume everyone struggling with their mental health is crazy. My family is mexican. I've watched many videos about Avoidant Personality Disorder and I feeling I can relate to them all. I really dont want to self diagnose, but all the symptoms are there for me.and it really affects the way I socialize with people, if I do. And I jist dont want to be lonely anymore. I want to have friends and relationships and be surrounded by people who love me. I feel like if I explain the diagnosis to them, they'll think its dumb because everyone worries about being liked. So it'll make me sound selfish and self centered. Also I have been hospitalized for depression before, on my 6th grade year. But we haven't talked but it since. While i do have depressive symptoms, AVPD (what I belive i have) really affects me and and I struggle with it everyday. But I feel like they won't believe me. I dont knkw what to do. I'm 16 years old. Can you please give me some advice on how to ask them for help, after I've always denied it and argued with them about it?
Hi Kati. Thank you for all you do! Love your videos🤩 please would you do a video on how teachers can support students struggling with a mental illness( eg depression, panic attacks, even suicidal ideation) and how can we creat a school support team! X thanks
I think that ADHD can make you selfish but not intentionally. For example, I seek new fun life experiences, and my bf likes to lounge around. So I've done everything in my power to be able to have him do those things with me, and its resulted in selfish thinking just so I can feel excited. Also, I noticed that recently, when I've helped him seek out therapy for his anxiety and self esteem issues, I feel a gigantic urge to but in and listen to everything and tell him what to do because I want to be stimulated by the excitement of him getting help for himself. So while adhders arent nessecarly selfish people, they do have higher tendencies of selfishness
would totally love to see a collab between you and How To ADHD
Yes please!!
We had tried to do one awhile ago but then she moving, and I was traveling.. but we will try again!! xoxo
This is my first video from her and when she mentioned how to adhd I knew it would be a good style for me to watch! Love the information given here!
Yess!!!
Oooh two of my favourite channels doing a collab 😲😍, this is super exciting!!!! ❤️ Looking fwd to it ☺!
I was at an ADHD training for my job a few years ago. A woman who also had ADHD told us that boredom was PHYSICALLY PAINFUL. That changed my view of how help clients of mine that struggle ADHD. This is a fantastic video Kati!! Thank you!!
Honestly never treated boredom seriously. Always thought that if ii'm bored, then ii messed up or did something wrong or wasn't taking it seriously. Realizing that's a pretty bad way to think considering how often ii really am bored.
Maybe that is why I never realized it was boredom that was bothering me but that I was getting uncomfortable and somehow in pain?
My husband is like that. The more bored he gets the more he says it's painful. Like his whole body is winding up and cramping and no matter how he adjusts in his seat he can't get comfortable or feel like he can breathe.
It's kinda funny i have never thought about boredom as being painful. But now that you say it i can definitely recognize it, maybe not just pain but general discomfort overall.
That's when I start to shake my leg lol. Good old bouncing leg is always there plus my ability to day dream on demand lolol
I have ADHD and accused of being selfish a lot, and yet I care for people so much! I'm commenting before watching! Let's strap in for this one Kati! Thank you for making this video
Annie x I struggle sooooo much with this too. It makes me feel like a burden
It's care for myself ("selfish") or care for others (burn out). Very hard to balance!
I’ve been called that as well ..
Yeah, we are not more selfish than others: We are just as selfish as them. It is just that we experience the world a bit differently and that has an effect on what behaviour seems selfish to *us* . Which can be for the better or worse, depending on the situation.
i have ADHD, depression, and anxiety, and the symptoms all feed off each other
I can relate to that feeling but I am diagnosed with neither.
I hace ADHD (inattentive type), OCD and mild autism. Yeah commorbidity sucks
I have autism ADHD an lots of other things
SilleriaCordis well autism does not suck but it is good and bad
That plus insomnia
When you’ve had to rewatch the first 3 minutes 5 times now because you keep forgetting to listen....ADHD check!
I KNOW I'm gonna have to rewatch this cos I've already forgotten...🙈🙈😔😔
OH.EM.GEE!!! I thought it was just ME!!
SAME!!!
My wonderful husband has ADHD and we’ve been talking about it a lot lately. One of the ways this has been relevant to us is impulse spending. We were poor when we first got married and had to budget carefully but he’s since told me it was an enormous struggle during that time to not make a bunch of random purchases because he saw a couple hundred dollars in the account. It’s also hard for him to have long discussions about things or to quickly switch gears when I need something. The fact that he tries is more meaningful to me than if he were perfect
Hi Kati. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at 38 after struggling since early childhood. It explains so much. I’m now getting appropriate help to deal with it and my life has improved greatly. Thanks for touching on this.
I am so glad you are finally getting the help you need and deserve :) And I am glad this video was helpful too!! xox
Ryan Ross I’m seeing a therapist, using a schedule and task list. I use the notes app on my iPhone as a brain dump to immediately note things I think of so I can read them later. I look at each day in terms of “things I have to do” vs “things I want to do” so I can prioritize better and not lose track of things. These items go on my task list. I tried Bullet Journaling but can’t keep up with that and find that I prefer digital organization. I use fidget toys during meetings (all of my meetings are conference calls) to stay focused.
She should do a collab with Jessica from How To ADHD.
I actually know her well.. and we were planning on doing one, but she was moving at the time. I will reach back out! xoxo
Theory Query, that would be a great idea.
Kati Morton I would be veryinterested in such a collab as an adult with ASD and issues with executive function issues and maybe ADHD.
Kati: Do any of you think of boredom as a good thing?
Me out loud: No!
Kati: Yeah I didnt think so.
Me: 😊 nailed it
You're so good! hahah!! xoxo
hahaha
Please define boredom... sometimes I forget that my definition of boredom can be different for someone who is Neurotypical.
The only time I've thought it was "good was when I was doing so much I couldn't remember the last time I felt bored, and instead just felt exhausted! 😅
Being someone with ADHD, I often have feelings of guilt that I'm lazy or selfish. But I try and combat those negative thoughts with one word. "Why?" I ask myself why I feel that way, and I try and answer myself honestly. My answers can be "because I did this thing and it was selfish of me". Then I ask "why did you do that thing?" And I answer why. Then I ask "and what led you to do that thing? Was it because you WANTED to be selfish, or was it an impulse caused by ADHD?" It's a tedious processes, but it's what I do to help me to not be too hard on myself. I hope this helps someone else
Same
It is selfishness. Whether it's intentional or not. Like the way children are selfish.
When your name is Nora, has adhd, and therefore lacks noraepinephrine
Loll 😂😂....also the name Nora is sooo pretty 🥰
Shay Delano THANKYOU!! So is your name
@@noramcnabb1361 Awwh Thank you! ....ps: im sure you know this song but on the off chance that you dont you should look up....The plough and the stars "nora" ...its so pretty and now I cant stop humming it 😊💗
Shay Delano I looked up the song and it reminds me of a song my grandpa would hum around me but would always forgive the words and name of
Thank you.
This was kinda cool. The whole ADHD thing is weird to me. I didn't find out until I was 33 and taking my own kid in for testing. The guy doing the test was watching me fidget in the corner and count ceiling tiles while my kid was at the computer and then next time I saw him he mentioned testing. I find there is a huge difference between the way my husband looks at his and the way I look at mine and I think it has a lot to do with him being tested as a kid. He grew up knowing why he does what he does and why he was different. Where I grew up thinking i was just weird and had to figure out how to cope with out knowing why I had to do it.
It is also nice in a way to not know. You learn the hard way how to control it and can't just use it like an escape goat. No it's not easy but in the end I think it makes you a stronger person. It's to easy to blow things off as a disorder and not work on it. If you don't know you have a condition you can't try to make excuses (that could be true)
@@ralfwashington1502 I dunno if I would have preferred to not know. I see your point, and I see my husband blow his issues off as ADHD and that's that. And it's annoying as hell. But then I see my kid struggle and question herself and feel bad that she can't just do something, or she forgot something. She calls herself stupid a lot, and gets mad at herself for forgetting and I remember being that kid. At least for her I can explain to her that she's not stupid and she's not a bad kid. That she just has to learn how to handle it and we know why she does it and at least a direction on how to help her. Tips and tricks that I didn't have. So sure, eventually I figured it out. But I would have rather not thought I was just to stupid to understand. I would have rather had the help.
@@angelavalon5245 may i ask what your husband do? I'm young and need reference for future career, i hve adhd-add
@@ralfwashington1502 midlife burnout is slowly killing me. I would have preferred to KNOW - and to have accommodations that would have helped me develop my strengths. Instead of trying to Be Like Everyone Else, and burning out from the literal impossibility of changing my neurology.
ADHD sufferer here - boredom can be so bad I get suicidal - can't focus on anything and forget almost every thought I have through the day extreme trouble switching tasks and cannot keep track of time to save my life. However not selfish - extremely aware of my behavior and how I am coming off to others and love and value my relationships. I'm an extreme scheduler, have several alarms, and write down important things in multiple places to keep track of things. Took a long time to accept my adhd because I wasn't hyper verbal or impulsive but that's because of how I was raised. There's no one size fits all with ADHD and I'd imagine most illnesses.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience.. and you are right, there's never a one size fits all with any illness, everyone is different :) oxoxo
The algorithm pointed me to this at a perfect time. I just had a traumatic event where I was called selfish and I knew that what I was doing was heavily influenced by my ADHD, but having this validation really helped. Thank you so much.
I always suffered from depression, but when I became selfish and took care of myself I overcame it. Hope it helps! ❤️
i think kati is talking about a selfishness coming from obliviousness. you are talking about self care selfishness which is actually necessary to survival.
My number one ADHD coping method is finding someone (usually on Facebook) who's available to be my accountability buddy. I don't always rely on others to hold me accountable for being productive, but it is super duper effective for me when I'm in need of the support! I accomplish an average person's week's worth of work in 3 hours of being held accountable. It's miraculous. Usually, I update my accountability buddy every 10-15 minutes on what I've accomplished, and they reply (sometimes with funny memes) to let me know they're keeping tabs on my progress. It really helps me stay on task. 🙂
When my ADHD gets bad, and I can't find an outlet when I get REALLY bored, I get really depressed.
It makes sense since it’s a chemical imbalance
I smoke weed when I get real bored
I just go to sleep. So all the time.
I actually write everything down for the day on a wall calendar. Appointments, new doctor visits, things I accomplished for the day... it's like my journal except it's not a book I have to write in every day. I don't keep track of my feelings or thoughts, but even keeping just a timeline written down helps me out with organizing my timeline that I can't keep track of in my head. ("Oh, that was just YESTERDAY?? That felt like last week!" or "That was 3 weeks ago? I thought it was only a week at the most!")
YES! I use a white board and free apps on my phone to remind me. The alarm on my phone gets used the most lol
I have ADHD. I take Elvanse and Inderal. Had it since 2001. Also got diagnosed with Autism 2019. Yay, I love How to ADHD.
Wow. I am a 39 year old mom, to one little boy, married for 6, and I was recently diagnosed with ADHD…and I feel like a little world of understanding has just opened up for me, and it feels like I need to “meet” myself again, as well somehow “reintroduce” myself to those closest to me, now with a little more wiggle room, guidance and actual practical support. This video completely captures my experience and train of thought. Really appreciate this selfish topic, because I feel so many bursts or phases of that, all the while feeling like it contradicts the person I really am inside and how I want to contribute to the world and to my friends and fam. I needed this video more than you know. Also, your cadence and direct and assertive speaking voice, that is very matter of fact mixed with lens of understanding is so impactful to me. I feel like you could explain the most difficult things to me and they would finally make sense. Appreciate you, your work, and for taking the time to put this together for us. …now off to do more homework (thank you for giving some action items!) and find more practical ways to manage this
I love Jessica's channel. She was INTEGRAL in me getting diagnosed at 33. I have her to thank for a lot of things.
Amanda Hamilton ❤️
The hardest part imo is that many people STILL don't believe adhd is real and that we're always "just making excuses" for not being able to function in ways that are deemed "normal".
Both my son and I have it and it can be really heartbreaking sometimes. As if living with it wasn't hard enough as it is, trying to gain people's acceptance and understanding or trying to constantly prove or convince others (especially family) makes it SO much harder!!
I was diagnosed recently at age 32 and let me tell you, everything difficult about my life suddenly made so much sense. Growing up knowing you're different but not knowing how or why is extremely challenging. We suffer far more ways than what's highlighted here because our emotions are very volatile and our confidence is always knocked. As a result, never feeling "good enough" having been compared to others our whole lives and instead labelled "too sensitive", "too emotional" or "difficult" as well as the things mentioned in this vid. I could go on but I'll leave it here.
Thanks for your vid Kati and I hope it brings more awareness and understanding but most of all, I hope for more compassion, patience, support and acceptance of this condition around the world!
If you know anyone who has adhd, please understand the power and necessity of making them feel MORE validated, accepted and worthy than your other neurotypical counterparts!!
One of the best descriptions I've come across of what ADHD is and is like.
For me, I find that meditation is the best way to control my ADHD. People often say Ritalin (ADHD medication) makes anxiety worse. I really find the opposite. Although I am on meds for anxiety and depression as well, I find that Ritalin helps slow my mind down and let's me stay focused and allows to me think before making some impulsive decisions. But this video is really helpful!
I can’t function without my Adderall
I told my grandparents how I struggle with my ADHD and they told me "you are just not trying hard enough".
The same... I'm tired of it
Unmedicated ADHD, currently getting yet another tattoo....Thanks Kati! I love your videos
I have adhd and the talk about deadlines and pressure really spoke to me I have a hard time with deadlines far out and generally end up getting to it towards when time is running out and I get stressed and get it done in burst. Really makes getting a dissertation done ab it challenging especially given all this Covid stuff.
I'm 20, I was diagnosed when I was 12/13, had accommodations in school from 6th grade, and I only really started getting a handle on it these past couple months. Just finished my 3rd year of college. School has been mostly pretty difficult for me until I started reaching out and getting help. I was at the point where I was ready to accept therapy and the patience to find the right meds. Meds can be absolutely crucial and potentially life-saving in the long run. ADHD has some gifts, and the ability to function and then eventually self-actualize is a beautiful thing, but it takes a lot of adjusting & vigilance for one's own health
So glad you’re getting the proper treatment!
@@_just_TK thank you!!!!
FYI - for those of us who aren't American (yes Americans, there are other countries too! 🤣) Norepinephrine is known as Noradrenaline in the rest of the world.
Fun fact, the scientific community in the States HAS to use the term “epinephrine” because “adrenaline” was trademarked by a company back in the 70’s 🤦♀️
@@_just_TK @docta osiris both fun! didn't know either, thank u!
@@_just_TK Really? 😲 Well that's something I didn't know either, thanks for sharing, I'll have to check that out 😊👍
@@boamopuffs3917 You're welcome 😊👍
I can’t remember the last time I focused so hard for a whole 10 minutes, such a brilliant video to watch, informative and inspiring, thankyou .
It was like the universe knew I needed this video because I was just diagnosed with ADD last week and have been struggling to understand it. Admittedly though, my therapist told me that what I had was different from ADHD but did not elaborate. It would be really amazing if you could make a video about the differences between ADD vs ADHD!
Heres my understanding of the difference between the two. I'm not an expert though and i could have a lot of this wrong so you'll want to continue doing your own research.
So ADD and ADHD are both caused by a lack of dopamine and noraepinephrine in the parts of your brain that control your executive functioning skills. The difference is really the way the symptoms present themselves. You know that ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. So they have the hyperactive and innattentive symptoms. ADD stands for attention deficit disorder. The hyperactive symptoms are not present. Those who have ADD are also less likely to get diagnosed because the symptoms that normally give the disorder away arent present (bouncing off the walls, never able to stop talking, being incredibly impulsive) But they still struggle with concentrating, organization, procrastination, working memory, etc. Its also more common in girls but it van be found in guys too.
Hope this helps :)
@@butterflypaint4332 I believe they are the same disorder, both ADHD. When it was first diagnosed it was called ADD with hyperactivity or without hyperactivity. The name was changed to ADHD about 7 years later to encompass the most common symptoms in one name. In 2000 the three subtypes of ADHD were officially introduced as combined type ADHD, predominantly inattentive type ADHD, and predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type ADHD to account for the main presentation variations. It is unfortunate but many people still think you cannot have ADHD without hyperactivity - because of this many people prefer to use the term ADD to clarify their experience while others choose to use ADHD as it is what they have.
@@TommyKins33 people tell me constantly that i "dont have adhd, you have add", because i have inattentive type. It is so annoying to me because i feel like people either feel like "and therefore you have it less "bad" than people with " real" adhd" or they are implying that i am less annoying and should therefore not use ADHD. It feels so invalidating when people tell me "you're not hyperactive so you dont have ADHD", so very unfortunate indeed.
oh and the "annoying" thing really drives me up the wall bc really people needa stop with this stigmatizing bs
@@myemoreligion I feel the same way I'm not hyperactive in fact I have zero energy at all and my medication gives me energy. I've had a lot of people tell me the same thing in terms of what I "really" have and that I have it "not as bad" somehow - also yes this really bothered me saying that people with adhd are selfish or annoying - I have friends with the hyperactive type and they are not annoying or selfish and are very hard working
Thank you for this! I was diagnosed with ADHD at 20 and as a child my parents were often telling me to not ‘be so selfish’ and ‘think about the other people’ I lived with. I was internally screaming ‘I do think about other people!!! Like all the time!!! That’s literally all I ever do!!!’ I would just trip over myself trying to accommodate for everyone as well as the undiagnosed, untreated mess that was going on inside my own head. I’ve learnt that I’m at my best when I am being selfish and focusing on myself and my needs first, and then I’m in a better place to focus on the people I love. So thank you for this video! ♥️
Boredom is where the creativity comes in 🥰 when your mind is rested and at peace, that’s where the subconscious ideas can be explored
I never clicked on a video so quickly. Thanks Kati
I hope it was helpful!!! xoxo
Love this video so much!! Thanks for all the info, Kati!!
I have high functioning ADHD,Anxiety,ODD,learning difficulties, segmental nf1 and more. It’s hard for me because all of those together creates an odd brain. I have struggled my whole life with it and your videos make me understand how it works more. Thank you, Kati!
Thank you for making this video. I deal with adhd and ocd and man I wish people would know more about it. Not just “you can’t focus” or that it’s a fake thing
i don’t knwo if i’m adhd but this vid helped me understand more bout adhd
Same
I strongly recomend Jessica's channel. Its super relatable and fun ways to talk about it.
@@theoryquery My thought. Her Channel is amazing! You definitely need to check it out!
You should be tested by professionals if you think you might have ADHD.
I am so glad!! xoxo
I one thousand percent related to this video and comments. Thank you so much for this. I struggle with the anxiety I get from not being busy 24/7, it is literally painful, exhausting, and I need to learn to be okay with being still.
Cross linking over to this video from others I watched made this worth every second. I feel selfish at times and it was like I didn't care. I continue to work on all aspects of ADHD management including medication, and I am finding it all effective. I've changed as a person already but this video really helped me focus on the behaviors I struggle with daily. Sure, with medication, I am better able to control it but truth is, it's just a method to help me obtain a sense of identifying a behavior from ADHD and control it immediately. Talking too much, which is what you may interpret this, and is ironic ha!, but I can now stop and not talk over people. Thank you for the video Kati. I am subscribing now.
Welcome to the Community!
I remember the "sledge hammer psychology" of my parents, who were not aware that such a condition like ADD and Asperger's exist. I was told to "behave", to do as I was told, just subordinate to life's requirements. I grew up in the 1960ies and 1970ies. For decades I suffer from depression, and anxiety, on top of the previously mentioned psychological issues. I was diagnosed in my mid fifties, and it was a relief. Immense relief.
Stuff that interests me catches my attention and focus. I easily give up on less interesting things, especially when there is resistance, or obstacles. I love being alone, I get stressed out by too many people around me. Too many is more than one. And if the one person leaves, it's heaven.
I was told to be selfish, because I "zoom out", rather grabbing a book, and retreating into a quiet corner, and do not intermingle. Oh, I do talk to people, rather stand by and listen, though, and suddenly retreat. Too much is too much. Chat about relationships bores me. I retreat. If asked why I do not participate, I have learned to say that it is stressful for me. Irritated glances, why, company is wonderful. Yikes! Grin and bear it.
I was just diagnosed at 31 with ADHD. Literally never even thought of it as a possibility until I started seeing my most recent therapist. So I'm still trying to figure things out and this video definitely helps me understand what ADHD is and make more sense of my ADHD symptoms. I don't want to use my ADHD as an excuse for why I start dozens of projects and never get them done, but I am still not certain what is caused by my ADHD and what isn't, and if it is ADHD what do I do about it. Because I have a very short attention span, and sometimes I can get so bored it's almost physically painful
Diagnosed with ADHD at 23 (childhood diagnosis dismissed by parents). My roommate doesn't believe I have it, claiming that "Everyone has ADHD now" and that "Everyone has those feelings, you're just not disciplined enough to control yourself". But then she makes fun of me and gets annoyed that I'm talking up the kitchen when it's Sunday and I'm on hour 4 of working on my homemade oatmeal cookie recipe bc I hyperfocused. So being able to understand the science and connect it to behavior is such strong knowledge! Also I love How to ADHD!
Your roommate sounds like a jerk!! NO COOKIES FOR HER!!! 😹🍪
Yeah I agree your roommate is being incredibly cruel and invalidating for someone with (I assume) zero qualifications to speak about these types of conditions. Tell me, does your roommate consider herself to be more researched on the topic of neurodiverdiversity than the nation’s foremost neurological researchers, or does she just happen to lack empathy for the difficulties of those who live with developmental disabilities? Either way, she sucks.
Therapist (adhd/artistic) here. You recommend many resources that I go over with clients. I'll start sending them this video! Thanks for making this resource!
Oooo!! Clicked as soon as I saw this because I’ve been pondering on this/struggling with it for a while. I’ve been making an effort to improve though. Still learning things about myself that I should’ve noticed before but maybe was in denial about lol not always fun taking a hard look. I feel guilty for being selfish towards family members, friends, significant others… Self awareness is key
Way to go! Keep growing ❤
OHHHHH, sooo excited to watch this one!!!! I have ADHD so this hits close to home for me!!! Great job on the video, I loved what you said, it was amazing!!!!! I actually have been struggling with this, thank you for the advice and helping me understand my ADHD!!!! Love you Katie!!!!!!💕💕
Awe I am so glad it was helpful!! yay!! xoxo
Been watching your videos on ADHD my 9yr old son was recently diagnosed, it's definitely been a journey so far with different testing had to do with him and appointments. I was also told it was hereditary. I have trouble with my mental health and have auditory processing disorder but I'm getting rescreened and making sure that is exactly my problem. Iv struggled so much with trying to connect with others making friendships, concentration, and being told by others I'm weird or selfish at times. I can also be very blunt or tell it like I see it. Always tell truth for most part and I don't have a filter in sense I'm so open about my life, it can trigger other people. Will know my results next week and moving forward one step at a time in regards to the right strategies and support.
I've ben dignosed my hole life with ADHD(or at least as long as I can rember) it's a core reason I also have GAD. How I put it most often nowadays is my brain dosent stop,ever. Not even when I sleep (because I always dream) it's a real strugle that efects evreything in my life,body and evreything around me. How to ADHD has ben very helpfull to me along with mental health talk on UA-cam. I strugle with a list of other stuff,but adhd is a big one.
THIS!!! This video is ME 100%!! I learned slowly that I'm a selfish person. I was diagnosed with having ADHD, Anxiety and depression a few years ago. I already knew growing up that I was depressed and had some anxiety, but I didn't know about the ADHD until I talked with a Psychologist. It's VERY comforting to know and learn about what's going on in my brain that causes me to act and react the way that I do! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE your videos, @Kati!! Maybe someday we can do a video therapy session!?
Growing up I always just thought I was selfish, dumb, unorganized and lazy. I could not keep it together, and was often called an instigator. I also NEVER stopped talking, to a point where people couldn't understand me. My biological mother denied anything was going on and simply called me an unorganized lazy child. So I believed that. For so many years. I moved out when I was 16, went to school to upgrade (because I did not do well in grade school). I am now 21 and in nursing school and also seeking treatment for undiagnosed ADHD that I have had my whole life but denied. I'm currently under evaluation before I can start meds(because I also have anorexia) and I'm finally feeling like hey, maybe I'm not dumb, stupid or lazy. I have a real issue that I've done an amazing job surviving with, but I dont want to just survive anymore. I'm ready to accept my past and move on to do the things that will work for me in the future. (:
Yay!!! So glad you’re in a better place & taking steps towards recovery! ❤️
Wow, Kati. Coupling this discussion of ADHD coping skills and symptoms to one of the deeply concerning subjective experiences - or maybe "worries" - of many of us with ADHD really shows how great of a therapist you really are.
I don't know if you'll read this, but if you do, just allow me to say thank you for everything you do. I seem to come back to your channel every few months - at least, ever since I received my late diagnosis of adult ADHD. Sometimes, it is because one of my dopamine-seeking activities is learning (and psychology interests me). Often, it is because I have struggled so much - and have come to recognize that, in some ways, I always will - in the sense that with ADHD, there will always be something to work on.
I've also been unemployed for a couple years and that has meant that I'm without access to competant mental healthcare. Sure my medicaid primary care provider manages my meds just fine - but i have no one to work with on accountability, coping skills, etc. I hope you realize that you are helping countless people with all kinds of difficulties accessing mental healthcare. You really are a hero.
I’m so GLAD you said “bored “ bc that’s what my life has been since I’ve been off my adderal - absolutely miserable !!! Can’t stand it ! I need the stimulant to make me calm (??) driven and happy.
This video resonated with me largely, I've been seeking answers! This gave me drive to seek resources, and see a doctor with my concerns. This topic came at a wonderful time!
(And yea! "how to adhd" is a magically helpful channel!!)
Thank you for the reminder to check in with the people you care about, when I'm off doing my own thing for a while I do get a little worried that I'm being selfish. Especially if I'm fired up about something, either I'm really passionate about a subject I'm binging on the internet or I'm mad at how I've been treated somewhere in my life, I can tend to be overly assertive in getting my dopamine. I've taken a lot of dumb risks and I'm probably really lucky that most of them work out in the end so it's good to check in and make sure I haven't wronged anyone lately when I notice I haven't been in the driver's seat so much lately. Thank you for all the great content you make on a regular basis, keep it up!
Much appreciate this video, i dont suffer from ADHD but some of these tips can help with the inner critic attacks of C-PTSD
Watching this helped me realize why I am emotionally attracted to my BPD wife... She gives me thoes strong feelings I can't give myself.
OMG YES!!! I've spent my life attracted to borderlines and now I know why!!
I'm completely not hyperactive but the rest of this seems spot on. I'm female. I'm really very quiet. My dad has adhd. I have PTSD and ruminate over things. My idea of adhd seems like wild active people and that's not me.
You may have Attentive Deficit Disorder (or ADD) which is a form of ADHD, just without hyperactivity
I’ve always felt like I’m never stimulated enough. It’s a never-ending battle.
Ck out Kati’s video on Sensory Processing Disorder! ua-cam.com/video/baO9vLlHh5s/v-deo.html
You are 100% dead on, I’v been struggling with all you have said, my whole life.
3:23
Yayyy, Jessica is amazing I love her channel!!!!😁
She is the best :) xoxo
Thank you for providing such useful content. I’ll make sure I show this video to my ADHD clients.
For weeks I've been staying up all night asking myself if I'm being selfish by only having personal projects in my mind and postponing that call to my grandma to check on her and many other things, I remembered this channel and came here looking for help and I'm so grateful that the most recent video is exactly about this topic, thanks a lot Kati!
thank you for this video! I’ve been struggling with my ADHD so much during quarantine, without any schedule my ADHD is insannnne. it feels like there are 100 tv shows on at once in my brain and I never know what to pay attention to
I'm soon turning 42 and I have never been diagnosed but I really believe I have ADHD. I've lost all enjoyment in all of my hobbies. Only things that stimulate my brain is video games, women, and getting high. I usually put things off till the last second. I have a hard time being organized until the clutter gets enough to really annoy me. My parents live with me at my house and their French bulldog is my best buddy in the world and keeps me focused and happy. I'm thankful for him for sure. I love him so much.
Elucidating, as ever. This moved me deeply. Thank you. You have explained much of what I know to be at my core and my problems
Thank you for this, I really needed to hear this as a person with ADD myself.
Thank you so much for this video, it definitely helps me guide a new routine with managing my adhd I often have to almost have everything clean to be focused and I have to separate myself from other people to finish work. As a person who has struggled with depression and anxiety the majority of my life I’m starting to notice good things about my adhd it allows me to be creative and artistic especially being a graphic designer it lets me focus on the details making sure everything in is the right place and to be honest it is true that especially with adhd all I want is structure it’s really the only thing right now that allows me to function and not get sad throughout the day. Thank you for all of your videos and expertise I truly appreciate it , you are blessing a lot of people with this information and helping them find hope 😊🙏🏼
Routines are life saving for me!! Especially self care ❤️
I have FAS and ADHD. I am adopted and my adoptive parents (nonbiological parents) always wanted to use it as an excuse and I remember my mom saying one time "don't you want ADHD to blame for your problems?" to which I gave no reply but automatically thought, "no". Currently 26, I have finally starting learning how my mind best works. I am in a cardiac sonography program and almost finished. I have certain colors assigned for different topics, appointments, and even sub categories of what is going on that day. I have realized that I have to go through things very intentionally or else it easily slips my mind (what I frequently call "slipping through the cracks"). I'm still learning, but it has gotten better and I've gotten better because of it :) Love this video, I have new things to think about and contemplate.
Every Monday, I’m waiting for your video 💜💜💜 I really love your videos
Awe yay!! I am so glad :) xoxo
Kati your voice is beautiful and soothing 💜💜💜
as a person with ADD I a need this video in its TikTok version cause I lost you at about 3:40
I have ADD as well, she started talking too much, I lost her 😭
fr i zoned out like a minute in LMAO
Another brilliant ADHD video especially highlighting the lack Of dopamine response, Before being diagnosed I just thought ADHD was kids playing up in school like how most people think if they don’t know What it really involves.
It's almost a subconscious thing that happens, the seeking of dopamine. I don't even realize that I'm always seeking it.
Oh. My. God.
Thank you for talking about that topic.
Thank you.
Just want to play devil's advocate in defense of the positive side of boredom (because I like to think everything has pros and cons), I would say its presence is a solemn and sobering indication that we have the luxury of existing outside of the food chain, or have ostensibly conquered it for our own amusement, sport, and/or culinary satisfaction. I enjoyed the video and as someone who likely has ADHD but is unofficially diagnosed, there's a lot of food for thought as a takeaway.
True. I understand what you are saying. However, how I experience adhd is that doesn’t matter. It’s almost like an allergic reaction when I’m bored. It doesn’t matter what the positives are or mean to being bored. I wonder at times if it would have been better for me to exist during a time that didn’t have all the luxuries we have. Yes, I would have to do more, but that may have been better for my brain.
Yes it does! Had two friends with it; One was a criminal and still is, another was a completely unempathic girl that laughed at others and constantly put them down. Couldnt be around her. She could be on the phone with me and talk about herself for hours and not even noticed I had fallen asleep.
woah! kati is almost at 1million well done!!!!
This is a great video thank you Kati for making this video
I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this, I don’t know a whole lot about ADHD!! I hope you’re having a magnificent day Kati 💕
I also recommend How To ADHD for more.
Theory Query Thank you, I’ll check them out!
Admir Barucija hello how have you been hope things are ok
Watching your videos transports me into the logical, self-assessing mindset that is productive and sets a pace for my ability to create a plan to improve my environment, temperament, and long-term goals. Thank you for creating this channel, so low-income people have free access to exceedingly helpful, credible sources of help.
You're awesome, your videos have been immensely helpful.
Thank you for this video, my Dad has ADHD so this helped to understand him.
Of course!! I am so glad it was helpful :) xoxo
*Vyvanse Kicks In*
Hey Kati! Always so helpful seeing your videos. For me, the action of the dopamine from my meds is OK if I already planned out my day, and the fact I get the biggest dopamine rush from being helpful and productive at work helps keep me on track. BUT... if the structure and routine gets off track...THAT'S when I can become selfish. Party from being distracted and not able to empathize channel the energy in the way I want to. CNS on fire being like some fight or flight shit LOL. I also think my dose became stronger since working from home. I want to ask my Psych to reduce. I'm not intending to be selfish by talking about myself, but it's what I know best, and I'm not qualified to give general advice haha. Maybe other can relate too 😊
I've grown a lot lately. I've sensed in it a lot of people resently, including you 😊 Not that you were ever missing anything 😍😍. Growth is beautiful, and life long. Sometimes it's gradual, sometimes it's like...BAM! If you're ready or not haha. There's always a bright side, but it's harder to find sometimes. Experience helps :) looking forward to the next one ✌☝🏾❤
Adhd has made my life challenging. In my 40s I gave in and I’m medicated now. But it’s just a tool. Best thing that works for me is to think less, do more, and write things down prior to avoid impulsive behavior
WE MISS YOUR HAPPY WELCOME!! :( and awesome video as always kati!
I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD at 52 years old.
Ironic I work for the community mental health services.
My job keeps me busy and feeds my diagnosis. Making time and building raport with patients increases a happy feeling.
I am people pleaser, and find it difficult to respond to negativity.🇬🇧x
it’s hard to talk about ADHD with people close to me. since it’s an misunderstood neurological disorder i feel they think it’s not something real and just an excuse. and i have a lot of pride and i never want people to think i use excuses ever. i’ve just had to become more kinder to myself and educate myself that it’s not an excuse. my brian just works differently than others, and that’s okay. if anyone else is struggling with self esteem due to ADHD please know you’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. we just need a little help, and that’s okay. everyone does. much love to you all
Thank you! Very thorough.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
this is this one thing ive never understood about myself and knowing how much this plays into my adhd is so helpful thank you
Even though I didn't get an answer from the video to whether I'm selfish or not, some tips here are new to me and I'm going to try them out! (Like saying "stop!" more clearly in my head).
I think the question of selfishness is more ethical than psychological. Before I got divorced, I really struggled to carry my weight in the everyday household chores. Even though we don't intend to be self centered, our actions can be.
Many of my ADHD friends including me, are people pleasers, generous and caring. I really think that we can't label people as selfish, just because their actions are often seem this way.
My brother has ADD and I show symptoms for ADHD and am truly having a hard time but my mom refuses to believe I have it because I’m not like my brother. At this point I don’t really care but your videos help a lot!
Thank you for making this video!
As someone with adhd this video is awesome. i get bored veryyyy easily. I will watch one of my favorite shows and i will honestly do some many other things. I cannot focus for very long. I hyper focus on things and sometimes forget im having a conversation or if someone tried to talk to me while Im hyper focusing i cant hear what they are saying. I like zone out. I have a hard time with tasks that you can mindless do like dishes and laundry because it doesnt involve thinking about anything. I need to do something that involves critical thinking. So my job i worked at took me from inside working with dogs to stocking shelves. I got so bored at work i ended up checking my phone or putting on music cause i couldnt do my job. It was actually painful for me to go to work because of how bored I was. I ended up quitting. Adhd is very challenging. I get spouts of hyperactivity and those are hard to manage cause all i want to do is get it out and sometimes i cant.
My ex had ADHD she was a selfish piece of work, my new girlfriend has ADHD she's amazing and thoughtful.
Thanks for the video!!!
I love people who have ADHD. We have a party of our own world MARTY-GRA in our own world of energy and enjoyable life. Thank Kati. ADHD is not a disability. ADD-ADHD rules the world once the master something in life. There is a positive side to ADD-ADHD. LOOK AT BILL GATE. THE GUY WHO MADE SOUTH WEST AIRLINES AND OTHERS WHO RUN THE WORLD AND MOVIE STARS.
Hello Kati, my name is esmeralda and I always watch you're videos because they make me feel better. I hope u keep doing them. My parents see that I'm always alone, have no social life, and barely communicate with most of my family. They always ask me if i need psychological help, but not in a good way. Then they call me crazy if I've been in my room for too long. I always deny it. I dont know if I should ask them for help. My parents are not very informed about mental illness and study stigmatize it a lot. They just assume everyone struggling with their mental health is crazy. My family is mexican. I've watched many videos about Avoidant Personality Disorder and I feeling I can relate to them all. I really dont want to self diagnose, but all the symptoms are there for me.and it really affects the way I socialize with people, if I do. And I jist dont want to be lonely anymore. I want to have friends and relationships and be surrounded by people who love me. I feel like if I explain the diagnosis to them, they'll think its dumb because everyone worries about being liked. So it'll make me sound selfish and self centered. Also I have been hospitalized for depression before, on my 6th grade year. But we haven't talked but it since. While i do have depressive symptoms, AVPD (what I belive i have) really affects me and and I struggle with it everyday. But I feel like they won't believe me. I dont knkw what to do. I'm 16 years old. Can you please give me some advice on how to ask them for help, after I've always denied it and argued with them about it?
Hi Kati. Thank you for all you do! Love your videos🤩 please would you do a video on how teachers can support students struggling with a mental illness( eg depression, panic attacks, even suicidal ideation) and how can we creat a school support team! X thanks
Hey Kati ! Happy seeing u after a long long time ! Hope u and Shawn r well and safe ! Love ur dress sooo much !!
I think that ADHD can make you selfish but not intentionally. For example, I seek new fun life experiences, and my bf likes to lounge around. So I've done everything in my power to be able to have him do those things with me, and its resulted in selfish thinking just so I can feel excited. Also, I noticed that recently, when I've helped him seek out therapy for his anxiety and self esteem issues, I feel a gigantic urge to but in and listen to everything and tell him what to do because I want to be stimulated by the excitement of him getting help for himself. So while adhders arent nessecarly selfish people, they do have higher tendencies of selfishness