6 things you might NOT know are ADHD related...
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- Опубліковано 15 жов 2024
- Let's talk ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - in this video I'm talking you through 6 things you might not know are actually ADHD related. Essentially these are some of the ADHD signs and symptoms that you may not realize are signs or symptoms of ADHD. So if you ask yourself, do I have ADHD or how to know if I have ADHD, this video may be a good start in seeing if you can recognize any of these ADHD behaviors or symptoms. Some of these may also happen with people who have ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder. These are things with ADHD that may happen in adolescence, someone's teenager years or in adulthood - and they can happen to both men and women! What about you? Did anything in this video surprise you? Anything you didn't know that were ADHD related and now you do? Let me know in the comments!
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1. Taking risks even when unnecessary
2. Being forgetful
3. Talking quickly and over other people
4. Difficulty going to bed at a reasonable time
5. Picking fights with others because we are bored
6. Having trouble making decisions unless they are done impulsively
7. Looks for the quick answer to avoid watching the video.
Thanks. After the third "bloop!" sound effect, I was done.
But I dont take risks
Picking fights or just recreational arguing. Lol. I sometimes do it coz I'm having fun discussing something and don't realise it's being seen as an argument or fight
6 and 4 relatable
One thing I actually didn't know was ADHD related until I started taking meds was that it can affect communication. For me it happens for two reasons: my brain moves faster than I talk and I will lose track of what I'm saying because by the time I'm halfway through what I'm saying I'm already two thoughts ahead, and my brain just feels like a garbage heap and sometimes it can be difficult to find words.
YES 🥰🥀🙌 HUG'S
THANKS 👍 SO MUCH FOR THIS GREAT TRUTHFUL VIDEO.....XOXO
RECESSION & LIFE IS DIFFICULT FACING ALL THIS TRAUMA
ADHD IS NOT FUN IT MAKES LIFE MORE DIFFICULTY
Me too
I don't talk over people because I'm bored, usually it's because I'm so excited to engage with people when I'm interested in what they're saying
It’s rude. Wait your turn.
@@billsheets7 No shit Bill. Maybe try to wrap your head around the concept that it's part of a disability and we're all trying our best.
I'd rather someone be "rude" by being excited to talk to me than how you're going out of your way to chide a stranger any day 🤷♀️
@@billsheets7 LOL says the man in the comment section of a video about symptoms of a disability. You must feel so tall.
@@ellydi13 there is so much going on in the ADHD brain to appreciate. I’m sorry if my comment upsets anyone. I’m never diagnosed but struggle with impulse control myself. I hate that it’s referred to as a disability when so many people who are capable of great things have a neurodivergence. My partner of only a year and a half is ADHD. I am constantly getting shushed if I speak while we are watching TV, even though it’s a recorded program and my comment is directly related to the show. The consequence is that I feel muzzled, keep things to myself, feel like I’m being told to “shut up”. So, again sorry for the comment. Please consider the fact that I’m here only because I love someone.
@@ashleyflorence4651 perhaps my comment was an impulse control issue. Sorry, but then, you understand.
I never realized just how much my adhd really affected me. Since I don’t present with the hyper aspects of ADHD, I think most people, including myself, just thought that I was lazy, rude, selfish, and irresponsible. The truth of the matter though, is that I care a whole lot, and I’m so tired of every day life just feeling so hard to navigate through. In truth, most days I feel paralyzed to do basic tasks, so guilty, and so tired, depressed, and anxious. I just wish my brain would work normally, and that it wasn’t all so dang hard.
This. ❤️
One day at a time babe❤
I couldn’t have explained how I feel better than you just did 😔
mee too
Feel the same - less curently.
I've got tears while reading your message.
Be strong and no, your brain won't work "normally" ; it's 'your' brain functioning in order of being happy and efficient in your daily life. There is no norm. The truth is neurodiversity. The truth is also society and its norms, sadly. What makes us anxious because we don't fit in (or not completely and/or all the time). We are anxious about it, we feel guilty for nothing, we have so much love for others, no intentions to hurt ...but. I fuckin' hate that 'but'.
Love and compassion 💙💙
It’s important to note that there are as many types of ADHD as there are people with ADHD. It often manifests itself differently between men and women. Women tend to be better at masking ADHD. IQ can also play a part, so the higher your IQ the better you will mask the symptoms. For example, I’m always early for things because I over-compensate. Although I’m impulsive, I don’t take risks often because of my ADHD-fuelled anxiety. I don’t often speak over people because I’ve learnt not to. And for some reason I over-sleep and use sleep as a coping mechanism. But oh yes, there are lots of other typical ADHD things I struggle with - chronic procrastination, self esteem, addictive personality and more. We just need to be careful in saying that certain ADHD symptoms affect everyone with ADHD.
Valid
Yes really good point! Today I realized that I might not have noticed much of my ADHD in early high school, because I am naturally eager to learning and interested in hearing a lot of stuff. That makes me very attentive and maybe even more focused than the regular pupil/student. I sometimes feel extremely drawn to someone speaking, like 1:1-soak-it-all-up goodness.
It just gets really worse if it’s either something I don’t like at all, too much at the same time or too difficult. Or if something’s too repetitive and not new anymore.
Same here, like I never lose important things because my anxiety is too severe.
Ironic, since I have those same issues. High IQ is an easy way for you and others to not know you have adhd as well.
Oh ... self esteem...yes 😞 finally it is the core of the 'issue'. Not our symptoms. I'm constantly re-building my low self esteem.
Let's be strong and believe in who we are ! We have value and the same value as anyone.
Anyone else with adhd get frustrated when people are having a slightly boring convo and you feel like you’re ready to add your 2 cents to spice it up a bit, so you try your best to wait your turn and not interrupt but by the time they’ve finished, you totally forgot what you wanted to add- some people need to be interrupted I swear😅
Definitely!
I have just hung up on someone when there seems to be no end or point of interjection
Yyeeeesssssss
When that happens I just straight up say "I'm sorry I'm interrupting but I need to say this now or else I'll forget"
THIS IS SO REAL
I feel like with talking over others (which I am actively trying to work on) is more of a case of wanting to make a point towards what the other person is talking about, and needing to say it asap before it's gone again. And I am so focused on trying to keep it there I end up not paying attention to what the other person is saying.
I also find that if I am telling a story about a certain thing someone mentioned, I talk super fast and often go off on a tangent and forget what the initial point of the story was. 😰
Ugh.Totally know how that goes! After many decades of living my life like that, I just decided to not worry about it anymore. It's just how we're wired and there little use in feeling guilt in that. If I had a nickel for every time I stopped mid-sentence and said to someone "Wait, where was I? What am I saying? What was the original question? I have no idea what I am even talking about!"
Why you gotta call me out like that? 😭
LOL...yes. "What was I saying? Really.....what was I talking about a minute ago?"
THIS! I can't think of a single time I've interrupted someone b/c I'm "bored" & trying to change the subject sooner. (If I'm bored by what's being said, I'm probably not even listening anymore - either as an active choice to ignore you or b/c I'm concentrating on displaying my Listening Reactions™️ more than actually listening to the conversation.) If I'm interrupting, it's b/c I want to add to the conversation &/or your story reminded me of something similar. (Like many neuro-divergent people, telling stories back & forth is how I bond.) And both the literal interruption and the fast speech are b/c I wanna get it out before I forget what I was gonna say.
Like you, I've also been working on not interrupting or talking over people; I'll often give a soft "Ooh!" and/or make a hand signal indicating that I have something to add, but then motion that they should continue. That lets them know that I want to say something once they've concluded & can also help with the topic if I've forgotten by then 😅 (like, if they prompt, "You wanted to say something after I said ?" then that can help trigger the attached thought)
Probably best to take short notes and come back to it. For me even just one word is usually enough to remember what I wanted to say
ADHD: having to reheat your dinner 3 times because you're constantly distracted.
Walking into the kitchen in the morning and finding someone’s forgotten snack in the microwave 😂 ADHD family …
I feel seen
I can be in the vegetable garden and have ants biting me, while I'm hyper-focused and not notice bites until I shower or start itching.
Learning to drink colf coffee because you forget you made it and found it next to the kettle when you went to make another one... lol
Story of my life.
@phillip wareham on thats me right now... lol
The other problem with "waiting our turn" is we'll either forget what we were going to say, or we fear we're going to forget what we are going to say. In either case, we're likely not listening to the speaker to begin with. ☹️
In work meetings find myself writing my comment/question down so I don’t forget when it’s time to contribute. Asking questions, even ones that seem obvious, help me retain info better. I didn’t realize I had anxiety but I started doing this because my managers would give feedback that I “didn’t seem engaged in meetings” now I know why
Yes, so much this!!
Things I didn’t know were ADHD related but that I’ve found just talking to other diagnosed people:
- sensory issues: craving certain senses or rejecting others. Aka having 5 pairs of the exact same shirt bc the fit and texture, are perfect.
- always having a song in your head at any given time
- getting things done but not knowing how they got done
- having conversations with multiple topics all at once
- having to say or write a thought immediately or it will be gone. Like trying to focus on one car speeding down a highway, thoughts are incredibly blurry and short lived
- exhaustion. Constantly needing to be at 110% to function in the world is extremely tiring, and I feel ADHD’ers often put themselves down for being tired, not taking the time to recognize they are working much harder than neurotypical peers on the same tasks.
Two quick notes:
1. I personally agree they ADHD is not a mental illness, just a different way of functioning.
2. I actually found out about my ADHD due to memory issues, which I find fascinating as memory is not always talked about as a symptom. I found that with a proper trigger, I could recall obscure movie quotes and recite them almost like “muscle memory”, but I can’t remember much of my own past. It’s like anything more substantial, or that requires thought manipulation, just doesn’t spend enough time in my brain to get recorded properly. I now take a lot of photos for that reason :)
The most annoying part of ADHD is not being able to hold and manipulate a thought… it’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube that’s covered in soap.
Agree with the song in head part. Adhd is literally listed as a disability so the “not an illness” stance people take is like kinda try hard like you wouldn’t hve to bring that point up unless you were thinking it kinda thing
there is also overlap w ocd and adhd symptoms.. I also will buy 5 colors of same clothing because of tactile-ness. I also CAN talk fasdt and over others butdont always.. usually its cuz Im gonna forget. My brain does process SUPER fast, but I also have CPTSD so theres overlap there.. I have traits of adhd but I fit ocd way more.
I don't know if people understand just how literal the "song constantly stuck in head" thing is. I genuinely almost never DON'T have a song playing in my head. I pretty much have a soundtrack playing in my own head, all the time. I guess it helps me to be entertained, maybe. Now that I think about it maybe that's why listening to music doesn't entertain me enough to help me focus like it does for most people. I already have music playing for me anyways and I still can't focus, so...
I’m so curious if there’s a correlation between ADHD and circadian rhythm disorders. We often talk about how those of us with ADHD struggle with insomnia, time blindness, and being night owls, but for me and those I’ve known who also carry this diagnosis we tend to run on a clock that’s not 24 hours.
I loooove the sun and the mornings, but can't go to bed early 😔
I'm an unwilling night owl 🦉
@@cynzix I’m the same way, and it makes me wonder if maybe I should try a 4-hour sleep cycle. Like sleep middle of the night, sleep middle of the day. I dunno why I feel like I don’t benefit from the regular 8-hour sleep schedule.
I wonder that too
@@craftblend I sleep about 5 hours Monday to Friday, so exhausted...
Anyone here who runs beyond 24 hours?
". . . can make more mundane tasks feel more difficult -- even painful. . ."
YES
Like drinking water or getting up to pee...
@@molchmolchmolchmolch Yep exactly. Is that an ADHD thing not liking plain water, or running to the bathroom at the last possible second ? Didn't realize until now.
I’m 37 and have been undiagnosed for years. Mainly because my late father kept telling me to not go to the doctors as it would mean I’ve “ruined my life” due to being “mentally challenged”
2 years after his death I have been working on removing his mental programming, seeking help from the doctors and have been in touch with an adults with adhd, autism and Tourette’s group after being referred. The journey to finally trying to get help has now begun :)
Wishing health and happiness to all :)
I’m 38 and I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago
Thank you for this video Kati. Good to see serious content on this.
I'm a 35yo female with ADHD. It's so good that ADHD has been brought up in the public discourse online, but I'm a bit worried about how it's getting framed as quirky and funny by many people. ADHD can certainly can get you into some funny situations sometimes, but it is NOT fun to have. My whole life, every single day has been a struggle. Trying so hard to keep up with everyone else. Trying to hack my brain into doing what's important instead of just chasing dopamine. The depression that comes with the constant failures is so crushing that I find it hard to start my days. All the people who are hellbent on telling me I just have to get my shit together instead of asking how they can accommodate for my disability.. It is a battle to choose to keep going honestly. But I will.
It's not a disability. Just a differential.
#1 Taking risks even when unnecessary (1:23)
#2 Being forgetful (2:22)
#3 Talking quickly and over other people (3:07)
#4 Difficulty going to bed at a reasonable time (4:13)
#5 Picking fights with others because we are bored (4:51)
#6 Having trouble making decisions unless they are done impulsively (5:36)
7. Searching the comments for the kind person with the time stamps.
8. Realising that the time stamps are self-explanatory and skipping the video entirely.
9. Still feeling dissatisfied, so….
10. Scroll to next ADHD video in the hope of the unicorn experience that will make you feel *really* seen.
11. Rinse and repeat.
Yes except 3 and 5.introvertedness helped
For the interrupting and speaking over people aspect...For me it isn't so much that I'm trying to stay engaged, but more that I will forget what I wanted to say if I don't say it right away.
👍
"lack of dopamine makes completion of tasks even painful" this hits so hard for me 😮💨
Being forgetful, difficulty to go to bed early, losing track of time, trouble making decisions, these are so relatable for me.. I should really get my self checked...
Not following through on calling the doctor to start the process of getting a diagnosis 😂
Doing task that feel almost painful is something that I struggle so much with at times. Also I do make dumb choices that could have easily been noticed or fixed. The thing that helps me most is being aware of these things, now I still struggle, but I tend to forgive myself and move forward in a positive matter instead of putting myself down.
Research shows that parents and siblings of someone with ADHD are more likely to have ADHD themselves. However, the way ADHD is inherited is likely to be complex and is not thought to be related to a single genetic fault.
Yep. Out of the 5 kids in my family… we all have it but on varying degrees.
Calling neurological topics "behavioral health" kinda keeps most DSM defined conditions in the "likely to be complex causation..."
I'm the first one to have it because it is consequence of trauma at birth (lack of oxygen due to he cord being wrapped around my neck)
Not sure if strictly ADHD, but my frontal lobe equally misbehaves 😅
Usually it's a combination of genes that you can have, so a person may have a few genes that correlate to ADHD but not others, and that's why nost people only have some of the symptoms, and others they can't relate to. This is why I say all mental health issues/disorders are on a spectrum. Then there is also environmental factors to consider. There's an excellent book called Blueprint on this.
Another way to look at ADHD that I find more useful than the “focus” and the “dopamine reward” explanations is looking at it as an Executive Function Disorder. I can focus to the point of hyperfocus.
Another related thing...junk food addictions and/or binge eating. Or really any behavior that can easily become habitual from delivering that rare dopamine hit. Basically our haphazard and inconsistent attempts at self-medicating. That was the most stunning thing about starting meds for me. The very first day I took them, I realized what it must be like to have the appetite of a "neurotypical" person. Certainly didn't fix everything, but that alone made me feel at least slightly in control of something that had always been a source of chaos in my life.
I haven’t been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD but I’ve had the symptoms in one form or another all my life. My older brother had it and was given drugs to manage it but they didn’t seem to help. My parents didn’t seem to get me help. I never turned my schoolwork in. I always talked loudly and out of turn and oh man did I talk fast. So many things were exciting to me. I loved learning. I found all kinds of stuff to occupy myself. Everything little detail in a TV show or movie. Where I missed the dialogue or key points but you bet I found the movie mistakes behind the scenes. So because of my constant curiosity. I became highly intelligent but undisciplined. So I couldn’t apply my intelligence effectively. I seemed to have a period of time during college where I was able to really build good habits. I got my schoolwork done. I worked hard at becoming more organized. I made a career change and joined the army. Where I didn’t have the freedom to think or explore what I wanted. I was told when to eat, when to sleep, when to use the toilet and it just turned my brain off. I lost the ability to think for myself. I came back from training and felt like I lost 30 IQ points. This is coupled with ever increasing stress. I am finding it hard to find things that interest me. I feel like I’ve learned everything there is to learn. I still find stuff to explore but not with the same passion as before. Most of my interests don’t deliver the dopamine I need. I don’t have money for hobbies. Life demands more from me than ever before. So I am struggling through the depression and anxiety that’s resulted. My wife and I are getting counseling and I want to iron out what’s really going on and hopefully find solutions.
Just got this diagnosis at age 51. Longest time it was low grade depression and anxiety. Got to a therapist who picked up on it the first session. So weird and I look back at my life from elementary school on and it all adds up. On one hand I am glad I found out. On the other hand I hate that I went all those years not knowing which created low self esteem issues etc and just wonder what life would have been like with a proper diagnosis. I have lived an anxiety ridden life and I don't know if I have just ADHD to add on top of my anxiety and depression diagnosis. I don't know if one causes another. The psychiatrist said in the next session we will discuss treatment options. I have hight blood pressure so I imagine stimulants are off the table for me. It's ironic that over the years tried all the SSRIs my doc said and weird that Wellbutrin was the only one that helped at all. Not enough though.
I am very curious if anyone with this diagnosis feels they live an anxiety ridden life. Oddly, despite this diagnosis I went on to work in the medical field in a very stressful area. Anxiety of ensuring all my patients stayed alive and were comfortable I guess enabled me to do well. I did not like the high stress and anxious feeling though. I was on edge constantly. Thats not healthy.
Yes, this is VERY common, especially for women (and people assigned female at birth) with undiagnosed and untreated ADHD! I'm in a couple groups for women with ADHD and a lot of people have said that since they treated their ADHD, their anxiety was gone. And people who treated anxiety prior to being diagnosed with ADHD said their ADHD got worse when being treated for anxiety so it definitely feels like they are linked for a lot of people.
I have anxiety that I feel developed because I was constantly trying to make up for my ADHD. I double and triple check work assignments so I don't make mistakes, I leave the house extra early when I need to be somewhere, and I have pretty severe social anxiety because I'm worried that I'll do or say something that will upset someone.
I also have high blood pressure so I don't know if I'm eligible for stimulants either. My diagnosis was...weird...because it was just a psychiatric nurse talking to me for 20 minutes and then saying "yep, you have ADHD" which doesn't feel like a proper diagnosis. I'm going to see an actual doctor and see how things go there. Until then, I'm unmedicated and just trying to work around this.
Yes. Feel on edge, or overwhelmed constantly. I think I kind of "use" anxiety or stress to compensate for my scatterbrain. Because when I'm anxious, I have adrenaline to help me with remembering important things and avoid zoning out. It's exhausting though.
Wow, reading your comment is like reading about myself, except I’m 29 and recently diagnosed, waiting to try stimulants. Been struggling with depression and social anxiety since my teens, tried several rounds of CBT and different therapist, until I saw a new one, who after the third session asked if I’d ever been assessed for ADHD. Ironically, at that point I was already on Wellbutrin for persistent depression and it was the only SSRI that had ever worked somewhat. And I relate to your anxiety and the anxiety of working in healthcare, I’m an ER nurse so it all makes sense now haha. But the burnout and fatigue is reeeal.
Yes. I believe this is termed "anxiety-driven" motivation, where most people without ADHD in particular have "desire-driven" motivation. Hence doing things last-minute every time for everything; cramming too many things in your day (time blindness) but unwilling to let someone down (people-pleasing, anxiety-driven) in the process, but you do anyway.
@@justanotherjessica I realized mid 30s I probably had ADHD after being treated for my depression. Being treated for that, is how I realized I'd also bad anxiety too, because suddenly that was gone. I figured out the ADHD aspect because despite my depression and anxiety being in check for a year, I still had heavy fatigue, lack of focus, and executive dysfunction issues. So I brought it up with my doctor, he asked me a few questions, and then gave me a prescription. I was eased in 10mg per week. Before starting, then with each dose increase (to the final prescribed dose) I filled out the same Adult ADHD self diagnostic questionnaire.
I asked my doctor at a diff appt whether I needed an "official" diagnosis and he said that I could but it isn't covered and would cost $700-2000 (due to inflation I've also seen $3k). He also said he felt comfortable prescribing me because in hindsight, it was obvious and listed examples. Still, I was curious if maybe my depression and anxiety had been due to long undiagnosed ADHD. Eventually, I found a place that was under $1k. It was an hour session with a psychiatric nurse, then filling out a several questionnaires, and a half hour results session. After all that, I'd already been prescribed. So it turned out as more of a formality and not really necessary. Though I did learn that I'm combined type, while I'd figured only inattentive. I now also have another way to refill my prescription if I'm unable to get an appt with my GP soon enough.
Anyways, thing is, if the "actual doctor" isn't familiar with ADHD, they're not necessarily going to be much help. My point in replying to you is to say: try not to get too held up with "formal" or "proper" diagnosis. Especially, if you're still able to get the help that you need, whether that's medication and/or ADHD therapy/coaching. It'll save you some $$ that can go toward treatment instead. That said, a "formal" diagnosis can be helpful if your ADHD is severe enough that you need aid.
One nuanced thing that might be traditionally associated with ADHD but you might not think about is that a lot of people say things like “I have a lot on my mind” or “in back the back of my mind.” I feel like I can’t do this. If I’m not primarily focused on it, It doesn’t exist. And that also goes for lists of things to do and other organizational strategies.
The only exception is if I’m engaged in such a strong routine, that the one thing always begins as soon as the other thing ends. But unfortunately, most people's lives are not able to be boiled down to a rigid unchanging schedule. Also, the monotony of such a rigid schedule makes my mind unconsciously rebel against it. And it’s not like I think “to hell with this schedule.” I just find myself doing something hours later and realize I haven’t been following my schedule or doing anything that is objectively that important all day.
I am doing things, often things that I do need to get done eventually or are at least good for me to do at some time, but what I’m doing is probably thing 4, 9, and 25 on the prioritized list of things I need done, if they are on the list at all.
I also almost have an aversion to switching to an new #1 priority that comes up. Like I literally think for a split second “oh the dog got out, but do I really need to take care of it right now?”
Interesting. My experience with combined type ADHD, I often have multiple things on my mind. Though, it *can* easily become too many, which is when I might freeze up. The problem can be further exacerbated by being unable to figure out what order to prioritize things.
Dealing with having a lot on my mind requires reminders to bring each of the things to the forefront. The allure to push it all aside and distract myself from everything, is an additional issue. I find writing things out and/or listing them out loud in conversation can help with prioritizing. Both instances force me to go through each thing one at a time, rather than have it all jumbled as a knot of thoughts in my head.
Otherwise, everything else you said is familiar: the benefits of a schedule, schedules being difficult to maintain due to boredom, doing things out of priority order, and even the aversion to doing priority #1--aka struggling with executive functions.
Can I quote you?
@@gergsmail01 For what? This account is fairly anonymous. I don’t know how you could verify I’m real and honest and all that.
Doesn't really matter who you are. You managed to express some things that I feel but haven't ever felt I had the right words for.
You just described my days. Especially the aversion to task-switching!
I don't normally comment on these videos, but I just want to get this on my chest. I have never felt so understood while reading about ADHD, all of you people sharing your experiences makes me say: "yeah!" at any turn. I've been so enthusiastic, always happy and excited about life, for so many years, having gone through a lot of family and social issues, but there was something that I felt was quite "bizarre" about myself. It first started with my obsession towards grammar and punctuation, then having a lot of half-assed hobbies, sleeping late (and a lot, I mean 18 hours straight), chainsmoking, going from one action to the next, a tornado of thoughts relentlessly swirling through my mind and flaking on people. Some of my friends that have been diagnosed with ADHD recognised a lot of traits in me, and they're pretty sure I've got it. Now, I am aware that is definitely a possibility (quite likely one I think) but every time I take a step towards sitting down, doing research regards getting a diagnosis or changing habits, I end up either playing video games, watch tv series or distracting myself further and further away from what I know I should be doing. It feels really heavy and all this pressure to do more and more and more is just as exciting as it is devastating.
If you’re reading the comments while simultaneously listening to the video, you probably have ADHD 😆
🤣
🤪and then having to rewatch the vid because you realise you lost track about 3mins ago… 😬 (my life!)
Said no adhder, but go off with the “relatable” content
Yes!
Oh no I did it literally after the first second
Probably the most useful tip (for me) wasn't here. Body doubling (having the presence of another person while you're doing stuff) has been the thing with the biggest effect in my life. I use discord, so it's not even asking much from people. I just need someone to check in with if I get stuck or sidetracked, and to give me praise when I get things done (and often to tell me I've done enough when I need to stop, but don't feel like I can).
This is why I'm the most productive in the library or labs on campus. I may not be able to maintain it for long, and need to do a couple of laps outside or move labs to wake up, but at least I can get stuff done with just a few other people around doing their own thing.
I'd get nothing at all done without two things: body doubles and the Pomodoro system.
Wow! Body doubling sounds like a great solution for me. I'll definitely try it. Thanks for the advice!
I did not wake up until 2pm today; I've been doing that ALOT on my days off. I suffer from MDD which is why I was prescribed Adderall years ago - for treatment resistant depression. Howerver, I also suffer from severe ADHD & its really ruining my life! I opened a business that was fail proof and it was all the rage!! Hoever, it DID fail within 7 months. I live in another state than the rest of my family & I am isolated & severly depressed. I loke going to work because it gives me the stimulation & purpose I need. You described me PERFECTLY in this video...its amazing how well you nailed it! I shudder at the thought of not having the Adderall, as that would surely lead to my demise, one way or another. I was convinced I had early onset Alzheimers but my neurologist says no....I am just stressed OUT!! I am NOT a risk taker at all..i think everything thru carefully before I act. That is the only component of ADD i do not have. Thank you for such an enlightening video....Ive seen many but this one really got it just right!! Its rainy & dark today so I have my SAD light on and I have a million things to do today, but I know that I wont get to them until 7-8pm!! Its 430 now. ADHD & Depression is a lethal combo & I find myself trying to survive one day to the next. Therapy does not help...been there....I guess its just too late to change. I am 67.
The opening to this video is one of the best descriptions of what ADHD is that I've ever heard.
It's precise, yet concise.
Ironically got distracted half way through this video and was completely tuned out by the time you were talking about tips.
I have been diagnosed with ADHD a month ago and autism 7 years ago. So my brain works even more differently ...
* I don't take risks, I'm the opposite. I'm afraid to take them and worried a lot about if what I said was okay or not.
* I can say stuff without thinking and then the anxiety kicks in.
* I can talk over people because I can't "see" when people are done talking, so I guess wrong most times. And sometimes it comes out anyway even when they are not done talking as it *HAS* to come out right now.
* I have trouble sleeping some nights because my brain just _won't shut up._
* I am messy, so I leave items laying around and I'm bad at truly cleaning up. I like to pile stuff up. With my autism, I need a clean environment to function well, so that's a struggle.
* I get distracted very easily. I pick small stuff up, take everything in and because of that I can get overstimulated. A person walking by, sounds of their footsteps, a bird chirping, a conversation on a phone, sound of cars, seeing cars riding by, sound of a door being opened, more footsteps, wind.... I get tired easily partly because of that, and couldn't do much in a day. That's why I like wear headphones everywhere, so I can atleast control the sound part a little. I recently got medication and it helps a lot with this, so I actually can do more in a day now.
* This one I didn't even know was a ADHD thing. I always had problems making decisions. Do I get this thing, or the other? I can't choose so I'll take both or none. And with goals I can't think of one or I want to do too much at a time.
So yeah, my autism and ADHD work together or against each other. Like with autism I notice small things in my environment and then it gives it to the ADHD part of my brain so I get distracted. Or the making a mess by leaving stuff behind (ADHD) but needing a clean and neat environment (autism).
The medication I have work for both a little and then other symptoms I never knew I had show more, so I talk sometimes too quickly when I'm excited. I'd rather have that then the overstimulation, the tiredness and getting distracted easily. It's a good trade so far 😊
I have a question
How does a brain shut up? Is that a real fealing? That never happened to me.
I assumed the thoughts just gradually merged with the dreams and faded into sleep
I relate to all of this 😅 I've watched a few other videos already and I think I might also have both..
@@lizziemallow Apparently some people just think of nothing for periods of time. I learned this because my ex gf when I was 25 was like that. She was amazed when she had asked me what I thought about and I had a long chain of stuff I had thought about just then.
@@lizziemallow I completely forgot to send my reply, I'm sorry! I'll try my best to explain. For me it's a lot of (stresssful) thoughts quickly after each other, that won't slow down so I can't relax to fall asleep.
So for example:
I still have to do this thing, I _need_ to do this thing, did I do this other thing?, I forgot to do that other thing today, I _need_ to do that other thing too, I can't right now - need to sleep, I *need* to do those things right now, I can't right now, oh this is a good idea for that project - I need to write it down, I *need* to write it down, I will *forget* if I don't write it down, *write* it down, ...
Then I do write it down and I have to try to sleep all over again. Sometimes the loads of thoughts come right back. Like I just want to sleep, why can't I just think of the clouds or something? Anything relaxing, *_please_* 🙏🏻
Brilliant video! Some of these I feel so hard, heh.
You actually blew my mind a little when you said it's hard for us to feel rewarded... makes me wonder if these things are ADHD related for me:
Finding it difficult to take feedback, unless the positive part of the feedback is obviously very earnest and enthusiastic.
People-pleasing! Working for my own goals doesn't pay off as quickly as making someone else happy, a lot of the time.
Finding it hard to do a week's food shopping or long term planning because the pay off is too far away. I used to find it easier to shop when hungry because I feel motivated to actually buy food
Speaking of which, food is an instant pay off. I like food!
Finding it super hard to prioritise because the planning itself doesn't come with an obvious reward.
In itself, wanting a "rewarding" job. Money feels too abstract and handling it is tricky and a responsibility. I struggled with a very worthy research post because I wasn't seeing the effects of what I was doing myself. I'm keen on a job that I feel makes a difference, and I can *see* that difference.
This is one of the best presentations I've ever seen on this condition. I've watched it several times but I drift off at the notebook part at the end.❤. It was something about writing things down and folding a paper in half. I don't know.
I always tell my boss “I am best prepared for the worst case scenario” when she looks at me funny when I say I am not worried/uncomfortable with my tasks for the week even if that task list is sort of insane. It’s intense 😅
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with ADHD. Spent my whole life fighting ADHD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my husband recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I would love to see a video on how chronic pain can impact mental health
Yes please!!!
Amazing suggestion!!
Kati has a whole playlist on chronic pain!
ua-cam.com/play/PL_loxoCVsWqxDsCUIsgBZVxZ2ogfNoTde.html
I would love to see that as well. I am scheduled for a SES procedure next week because of chronic back pain that makes my life unbearable and unable to accomplish so many things, like brushing my teeth standing up, and that combined with the ADHD and the depression is very difficult. I am praying for some relief!
This is all me! I'm SO BAD at interrupting people unintentionally and people tend to think I'm rude, even though I don't mean to do it, especially when I get excited about something!
Thank you SO MUCH for creating this video Kati!
I really appreciate it!
As an ADHDer I learnt ALOT from this video ( even THOUGH I follow alot of instagram pages on ADHD) and felt very seen and validated:))
This video is VERY USEFUL to me and I can send it to the NT's in my life to tell them about my ADHD.
Thanks again and have a lovely day
For me it's not about talking over others when I feel like they talk too long. It's more like I eventually pretend to listen quietly but my brain got triggered with some random thought, memory, then I start dialogue in my head, and then a bit later I realise that I zoned out and don't remember everything the other person said irl and then start feeling bad about it and beat myself down over it. I guess you can call it masking to hide that you can't often follow conversation in it's all entirety and there's internal hyperactivity in play that doesn't really show outside so often
4:14 "it's difficult to go to bed at a reasonable time"
Says Kati as I watch this video staying up at 2:56am coz I can't get myself to sleep without doing my homework which I have no motivation to do-
Thank you so much for all the information you always give us. If you were to have time, could you discuss more in depth the financial problems adhd commonly cause?
Yeah it doesn't matter how hard I try to start a project early, I always end up waiting until the last few days to really get working on it... and then I feel overwhelmed, stressed, and end up not producing as good of work as I could. Really wish I could figure out how to be motivated to start projects earlier
my psychologist explain to me that part of the reason I have short-term memory issues it’s because people with ADHD don’t get a lot of REM sleep, and rem sleep helps create memories and log them for later usage.
Thankyou for talking about this Kati! Been newly diagnosed so I'm still trying to learn more and what it means for me 😊
Great video. I find myself in a period of ADHD paralysis at the moment and it is driving me crazy with frustration!
That sleep stuff and the picking arguments and having trouble making decisions is so true for me.
First, great information. My husband and daughter both have ADHD and the talking over me thing is really frustrating especially when we are with friends. I also find myself dragging the conversation back to what our friends were saying before my husband diverted the conversation in a different direction so they feel heard or because I was interested in what they were saying. Secondly, wow! Somethings changed about your videos. I like all the new graphics etc.. It's looking really polished.
Wow great video thank you.. this can be incredibly lonely to navigate, your content is so helpful 🌟
Watching this as an ER-nurse who was recently diagnosed: 👀✌🏻
I’m great when everything is on fire and I’m in crisis-management-mode, but if its a slow day my brain feels like oatmeal and I can barely get a word out
Me watching this as someone working in tech 👀
Oh my gosh, I love your shirt! Also, huh, I learned something right off the bat regarding the dopamine part. That would explain a few things...
The rest, sounds about right... Except for starting fights. Maybe I'm just the odd one out on that.
Talking over people is actually when the adhd person is listening. If they don't talk over then they have zoned out
That's not necessarily true... Please don't exagerate for some weird reason, that's not helping
please speak for yourself, and only yourself :)
I got diagnosed with ADHD as an adult at 19, didn't start taking it seriously until 27 and I am 30 now. I have developed a lot a systems and watched many many videos of ADHD.I have to say, this one hits me the most accurately from all the things I've watched.
Isn’t it crazy when you look back at said created systems to cope & yr like..almost all but like 2 of these strategies are useless
sorry, i was being flippant in my last comment - without even viewing the video - in the very first minute you described to me WHY my life has been a constant state of looking for stimulation beyond "normal " . The incessant need for entertainment is explained here - and now i get it .
I suffered constant mild depression as a late teen / early 20s and wondered why i could never focus very good - even at the things i loved and was good at .
I knew i was intelligent enough - so that was not the problem ....but it intruded so much that i finally started to believe i was stupid .
It has robbed me of a lot - coupled with mild dyslexia and Asperger's and mild Tourette's....and i did a pretty good job of NOT displaying those traits - and nobody really suspected anything was wrong beyond " you dont listen enough " or you need to focus " ......this explains A LOT it even had me on the verge of tears half way thru ......thank you , i finally get it .
Holy cow. You just described me so well it's kinda scary 🤣
The only thing I don't do/have a problem with on this list is picking fights. I really don't like confrontation.
What alot of people don't understand about ADHD medication is that its Not an overnight success. I'm on 40mgs and no doctor will start you at a high dosoge. When you spent decades adjusting to life because of ADHD, you're spending alot of time relearning everything all over again. I had to relearn how to learn, emotionally process, new coping skills, new financial strategies. Then there's the stress that no one talks about when you're doing new things because of your new logic. I remember being on only 10 mgs and I said " I have a whole buffet of thoughts but I can control the ones I use for the first time."
Kati recommends Jessica's channel. It's so sweet when one person I like praises another person I also like.
I noticed as I grew up that I would tend to interrupt and talk over people to finish their sentences in the context of being explained something. It made me self conscious at work, and I figured it was something I did to prove that I'm following what they're saying, that I understand. When I got my late adhd diagnosis, it made sense that this was related.
Also. I don't like drama because I'm full of anxiety but..... I like to create it in a harmless way: I write fiction. I play rpgs. And that suddenly makes sense to me.
(also, it won't be shocking to anyone here, but, yes. I have about 200 works in progress at any given time. Obviously. 😅)
This hit me on every point except picking fights, I find that boring because I know fights usually go nowhere. Instead I find myself going after people who pick on others. Also not very productive but it does give stimulation.
I find it funny how she said that focus is something people have trouble with and then I immediately started reading texts
I found it funny that I watched this at 2x because this way I can procrastinate going to bed more efficiently
I just stumbled upon your channel and found it really useful. You're doing good job. Thank you 🌸
Hi Kati! Long time subscriber here. I noticed you don’t have any videos on CPT. Do you think you could make one?
Nailed it.
Thank you. I am 41 and awaiting diagnosis for ADHD. Relate to the all, but you help understand them better. I have good ideas and intentions but focus goes unless I'm in a pressure cooker environment. I know I chase dopamine kicks. Routine is completely gone. I at 10pm most days. Get lost in my own head. All more obvious and difficult since living alone. Its exhaustive being in my head.
I really enjoyed the video. She had my undivided attention all the way up until she started mentioning how to cope and solve the issues, and at that point I decided to find another video.
omg number 4 hit me so hard. I knew this, but I love how you explained it.
I would always tell my family that I stay up into the early morning hours because the world is quieter.
I believe my parents had me diagnosed or evaluated more than 50 years ago. I was sent back my first year of school first grade, I was very hyperactive, I wouldn't stay in my seat, I actually jumped on the back of my teacher once and I was sent to the principal's office a few times. The first time after I went through first grade my parents took me to be evaluated by a professional psychologist. I remember the many questions, it was difficult and I did not want to go.
My dad was a teacher back then, If I had been diagnosed with ADHD my parents would do nothing, it would be that I should grow out of it. I'm 60 now and I'm still growing out of it.
I just received a package with a few sheets of questions. I'm going to take my time answering them. My wife is also going to answer questions, she has been in special Ed for more than 30 years and has been telling me that I have ADHD. We've been through some rough times.
You described every issue I’m currently dealing with. Thanks for making me feel like less of a freak ❤ love the 1-goal at a time paper hack btw, thanks 😊
I have a sibling that seems like she has a lot of symptoms in common with borderline personality disorder. And she also has the hyperfocus, forgetfulness, and can't make decisions at all.
I always wonder how much ADHD can amplify and change Borderline Personality traits & Narcissistic traits.
Because it seems like comorbidities would be the key to treating these particularly difficult to treat conditions
Thank you for this video. I was diagnosed relatively recently (I'm a woman in her late 20s) and a lot of things make more sense now. I can see how many of my habits are really just ways of making necessary tasks more rewarding--imposing a deadline to get that adrenaline rush, "game-ifying" tasks, switching between several activities as soon as one gets stale. Sometimes I joke with my friends that I'm doing X, Y, or Z to get a dopamine hit (baking cookies, going on walks, doing yoga, petting a dog), but it's not actually a joke! I never knew what ADHD actually was.
I wish I knew this all before I was diagnosed with ADHD - in the adulthood, while struggling with the mentioned since being a child. That's so relevant...
One of the more informative presentations. Thank you for that. I will bookmark this to check in when needed. 8:29
A lot of these are also symptoms of bipolar disorder, which is often misdiagnosed as ADHD and depression. Please do a video about the differences between bipolar disorder and ADHD for people who may be misdiagnosed, so they don't have to continue suffering due to the wrong treatment. Thank you!!
Also, you can have both like I do.
I was wrongly treated for depression, anxiety, BPD and bipolar disorder, all of that before I came to the conclusion that I have ADHD (had to learn a lot of neuropsychiatry for that), and demanded to be tested.
I passed the test with flying colors 😝
Now I understand why the psychiatrist was asking questions that seemed more to relate to bipolar, none of which I could relate to. I guess I’m glad she was thorough
I just wanted to say THANK YOU
This video resonated with me and all the information was extremely clear and concise
I love that compared to other adhd content you are informative whilst staying objective and unbiased
The example exercise at the end was a bonus and really helpful (I sat down and wrote it down as soon as I could focus! Hah)
All the things you mentioned are things I've been working on already with my psychologist or seen / heard from other ahdh sources but this video is just so well put together
THANK YOU
You mention mundane tasks can feel "painful." I nodded so hard I almost knocked myself out. :) To me, it's "painful" in a less literal sense - if you have restless legs and you try not to move them.... yeah. It's that kind of discomfort. :)
I hadn't considered my nighttime insomnia as specific to ADHD, but have described countless times how much I value my time post-work, where I can stop forcing myself to be social and perform all the time and instead so what I enjoy. I am dead tired, but I value the time sewing or reading or just letting my thoughts go nuts without having to rein it in, that I forego sleep, even when I know it's dumb to do so.
Never considered that as an ADHD issue, but I was diagnosed in my 30s, so I am still learning all the ways ADHD has impacted my habits and life.
One thing that I hate and have been told my whole life is “write it down”but what people don’t understand is ADHD and ADD symptoms include forgetfulness and distraction and how are you going to look at some thing to remind yourself to do it when you forget that you wrote it down or forget where the piece of paper is or you’re reading it and as you’re reading it, you get distracted
I have little note everywhere! Look into bullet journal. The guy who made up bullet journal method Ryder Carroll Did it because he has Bad ADHD. His book gets heavy into your mind and emotions toward the end of the book. He has great videos here on UA-cam. You do not have to make them all pretty and colorful unless you are into that. Hang in there
Wonderful video and shirt! I've been thinking if I had ADHD, but I don't relate to any of the behaviors you mentioned, so I guess I'm just distracted due to so many stimuli this tech era always throws on us.
Best to just go to a psychiatrist this video aint the end all
Sometimes with ADHD you have a thought and need to get it out and into the conversation. So it can look like interrupting or talking over someone. Plus I often believe there is a gap I the conversation where I can add to it when chatting. But there is not. So it appears rude but it is unintended and I am just trying to be sociable!
I grew up in a dysfunctional family that has mental disorders and personality disorders, and one thing I did learn is when people feel that emotion and they want to start arguments. I call it riding the high, it’s also when you feel depressed, and doom ruminate- It is like the world hates you, so you look for more information to validate your pain, so you can ride that high, it’s addicting.
you want someone to make you feel bad for yourself
Thats a great way to define it kati. Its great because you didnt assume a genetic basis for the lack of dopamine, or lack of efficacy of dopamine i might add. The important thing to realise is that there are multiple causes of the adhd symptoms other than a genetic basis for low dopamine levels. This is really good news because it means that many of us adhd sufferers can cure our symptoms without harmful medications and heres how. Were all familiar with the concept of tolerance, this happens because the chemicals released in our brains become less effective as a result of repeated release into the synapse so that greater amounts are required in order to induce the same results, for example, repeated exposure to highly stimulating activities like playing xbox lead to the development of a tolerance to dopamine, aswell as depleted dopamine levels. Everything we do that gives us a feeling of pleasure should be viewed the same way we view drug use because the same thing is happening in the brain when we play xbox for example, as when we drink alcohol, that is, feel good chemicals are being released which eventually leads to tolerance. It is very important that people understand this and the fact that so many people believe that their symptoms are the result of a genetic defect is a tragedy. ❤
I’ve struggled my whole life with this, back in my childhood years it was a miracle I passed from grade to grade. I remember going from class to class but immediately forgetting what was thought about lol, if I was interested then wasn’t a problem. Secondly there were times when someone would be talking to me about something then after the conversation was over I couldn’t remember everything that was said, mostly my problem was when given instructions. I would get so upset having to ask the person again what they just told me. Forgetfulness lol that’s huge for me as well loosing stuff immediately after just sitting it somewhere. Social anxiety or
Anxiety completely is a common problem in my life. Recently after waiting all my life to be evaluated I was given medication for adhd it’s been worth it’s weight in gold and has helped me tremendously without question! ADHD is no joke and for folks that don’t suffer from it they just don’t understand how
difficult things can be for us. In one aspect adhd has helped me have a super ability to be better with other things in talent or passion in something more than the reg Joe it’s weird. Finally ADHD sufferers have a harder time with anxiety I’m told than someone who doesn’t, it’s much much more intense when you have this symptom.
I'm 32 and have been diagnosed with ADHD this past week, i'm going to start the tritition period of taking medication for it in a few days so hopefully it helps me focus! and curb the impulsive behaviour.
All of these, except getting into arguments on purpose, describe me so well...
The half-page thing is pure genius.
I just read a very interesting article on the ADDitude magazine website "ADHD and Trauma: Untangling Causes, Symptoms and Treatments"...and another sort of sparse but very interesting to me because it describes me so well and I never considered these personal traits to be related to my ADHD "Why AM I SO Sensitive? Why ADHD Brains Can't Just Ignore Unfairness" I wrote a comment on another Kati video about being diagnosed with PTSD after my therapist of 7 years suddenly discarded me like a bit of trash she had no further use for...how bizarre that she was the one who diagnosed my ADHD ...but she didn't know that rejection sensitivity or emotional sensitivity are primary features of ADHD...instead she described me to myself as "an empath" ...I look forward to the day when I can feel compassion for her rather than the outrage I feel...
Intellectual stimulation/ debate does not automatically equate "drama", "conflict", "fighting".
It CAN turn into it, BUT NOT ALWAYS. THESE WORDS ARE NOT SYNONYMOUS.
This video is so incredibly helpful, thank you ✨✨✨
#7 noticing small details that often are unnecessary, like noticing that there is a Cisco SPA 303 phone in the background of the I quit sign in the video. 2:06
Had to watch this twice as I zoned out... the irony! Great video though, thank you. Have subscribed.
My grandma used to call me Motor Mouth all the time. I would get so excited and just talk and talk, jumping from one topic to another seemingly at random. I don't do it as much now, but it can happen if I haven't seen my family in a while.
I know I talk over others and I try to keep myself in check because I was raised not to be rude. I interrupt because I will forget what I wanted to say and not say anything and THEN beat myself up for not speaking my mind and letting people walk all over me...😳
I love all your videos, but this even more! I suffer from many different disorders wich, over time, have caused a great disbalance in may brain. So, despite I don´t suffer from ADHD, I struggle with poor dopamine and diminished function of my prefrontal cortex. So I experience most of the things you mentioned, and it is a relief to understand why. Most importantly, to have an idea of how to deal with them. Thank you very much!
Two or three-minute focused attention sessions, is how I manage to move forward, like, work, learn, and in general, do something that needs attention and is not that much fun for me :D And in between those sessions do something physical, something that needs muscle movement
I have been battling with staying up late. It seems like after bed time is the only space when other people aren't judging my use of my time, when I can actually do things that I am interested in. But I'm starting to drag during the days because of it.
I have issues prioritizing, whichever thing is the "loudest" or "most immediate" is what will get my time, and lots of those pop up during the day. I really had to work on planning my time when I had my son. He is 3 now and knows when to interrupt so that he can "herd" me to whatever task he wants me to do next. I think it is so interesting the skills my son picked up, due to my ADHD behaviors. He will also "shush" me when my voice gets over excited or too loud, if my voice becomes overwhelming to him. Normally those roles are reversed, with mom shushing the toddler, LOL!
I am honestly SO glad my son is comfortable "correcting" me!!! I let him know it is not intentional if I miss his cues, I am ALWAYS on his team & will do whatever I can to help him. Being willing to accept that of course I am going to make mistakes as a mom, owning them as they happen (the sooner the better!), and validating my sons experience, has helped establish emotional safety for both of us. It isn't dangerous for us to admit bad behaviors or mistakes; which is something none of my romantic partners nor immediate family members have ever established. We have a good repair process now and that has made my life as a mom so much more peaceful, no longer beating myself up over not being perfect (or "good enough"). I already talked out my mistake with my kid, discussed how i would have liked to have handled it, and got snuggles and reassurance. I don't take my toddlers behaviors personally anymore, and we both have the space to reassure each other. My kiddo has more emotional maturity than any of my ex's, and I'm so thankful that I finally gave myself permission to be vulnerable with my son! Worth it 100%.
Trying to schedule an appointment with a therapist because you have ADHD/Anxiety symptoms is got to be the worst. I've called numerous places that are close to where I live and most of them have either been full and not accepting patients, aren't available for the hours I need, or they do not accept my insurance. This can be really discouraging and the amount of other tasks you need to do are always distracting so you keep forgetting to look for another place and the cycle repeats.
I'm still without therapist hence why I'm searching UA-cam for answers 😂
I haven't been diagnosed, but I have all these traits. Funny how I talk over people all the time without meaning to. It just always happens. I try hard to pause, but it still happens. My timing is always off, I guess. 😅
I have been diagnosed and I don't have any of these traits, lol. I always found it interesting how different ADHD can affect people. I'm also autistic which often contradicts (but also goes with) ADHD so that could be why I don't relate with this video almost at all.
This are all things that I have been aware that I struggle with for a long time. I didnt know they were consistent with ADHD, the more I learn about it the more I'm thinking I should see a professional
Wow, Katie, these are all symptoms that would usually pass for character flaws very easily. Thank you for this super helpful presentation.
Very interesting and informative video. Thank you Katy.
The only things I don’t do on this list is talk over somebody to change the subject and pick fights. I sometimes hurry up and input my comment or else I’ll feel like I’ll never get a chance to contribute to the conversation. In my brain I zone out when someone is going on and on but I tend to zone out verbally vs interrupting. I hate conflict so try to avoid it
This is totally me. thanks for telling it so clearly.