Onion Talks: Hypothetically It Would Be Okay To Have Sex With A Robot Dog
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- Опубліковано 17 сер 2014
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Technology expert Chris Borden explains that it would be fine to have sexual intercourse with a robot dog because it isn’t a real dog.
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This man shouldn't be allowed to keep pets. Unless they're robot pets, in which case that's totally fine.
Nobody would have any problem with that. I know I wouldn't.
they would get him off like real pets, but they're just robot pets so that's fine
I mean it’s a robot so it’s fine
paying a small fine to you then it's fine if your fine to being fined
It would be okay because its certainly not. a real. Dog
“Your honor, she told me she was a robot and she was 18”
@@cursedwaffleboy9803 Yes officer, this guy right here.
It wouldn't need to be 18 if it was a robot. that's the odd hypothetical that the onion is toying with here.
ileryon 3000 sir, this is a McDonald's.
@RetroSupporter93 an outdated smartphone? LUL the first smartphone came out 13 years ago
Insert stupid Dragon Ball Z joke here.
"it gets you off like a real dog" that is the line with the most implication
BECAUSE OF THE IMPLICATION
@@BennyAscentNobody's in any danger! How could I make that any more clear to you?
Idk I feel like it being programmed not to like it is also pretty implicative
What about him knowing what a dog being raped by his owner sounds like? Is this implicative?
nice Spore pfp!
"it's programmed not to like it" just took it to a whole new level of creepy
Does “it’s programmed to be in ecstasy” sound much better though? Lmao
@@aeroslythe6881 Yes,,,?
@@aeroslythe6881 No. Stop.
The ethics of future robotics 🤖💖
That's right guys, only fuck robots strictly programed to simulate arousal when you do it
A lot of people showed up to that talk. Impressive turnout.
Vegetable Police Aye how did I find you here
Look, I was just there for the free food, OK?
Don't judge.
There's nothing more satisfying then turning 999 likes into 1k
My dad is not rich 😀
@@fyka2902 same with except its at funerals
My girlfriend is oddly excited by this. But I told her she was a good girl and she calmed down.
Brooooooo!
🗿🗿🗿
@@linguine4500
Hey Luigi, I’ve seen people use that emoji before, but I don’t understand how it’s applied. Please, would you mind informing me, mate? Thanks 🙏
Ok that’s it, I’m calling the president
@@samonellasgayclone1054 Because he wants to sniff her?
The progression from “be intimate with a dog” to “have sex with a dog” to “fuck the dog” is subtle but so good
Didn't you listen to a *word* he said?? Not dog - ROBOT (dog)!
Is that what you call subtle?
This feels like a redditor explaining why loli is ok
"even if I'm completely convinced it's a real Loli she's actually, say it with me, 'an 8000 year old dragon in a Loli body'"
Looooool....truth.
Just like the case in this video it is still ok.
Redditors still try to justify it. 4chan fully embraces the pedophilia.
What’s loli?
The fact that he’s furiously trying to defend himself is killing me
I mean he should bc he's right.
@@dunyacaliskan7495 why wouldn’t he be right? Remember it’s not a real dog. NOT A REAL DOG
@@evil2862 it's just VERY WELL PROGRAMMED AND SO REALISTIC THAT IT YELPS IN PAIN, NOT REAL
That's the point of the joke
I was crying through the whole thing. I wonder how many times he had to give this speech before he could do it without laughing.
Will it burst into flames when it overheats like a real dog?
When it overheats, it begins to shoot foam out of all orifices.
GiatrosDys The foam is half the fun.
Water cool that bitch.
GiatrosDys Then the real party starts.
@@GiatrosDys which one? ◉‿◉
The dad: we’re not getting a dog
The dad 2 months later:
bruh
Lmao
🗿🗿🗿
What is wrong with you. And everyone who liked your comment
@@bobman929 it's funny
*"no matter how deep you go, this thing feels like a real dog".*
This is the funniest line of the whole time, I am dying holy shit!
This one made me the most uncomfortable 😭
Yep, I heard it exactly how he meant it
His kids: Aaaight.. time to move from home..
"But you're only 5 son?"
"Dont worry dad, I can just teleport!"
"Oh ☺️ its just a play"
Son: *Cl-click* "New home destination: The Shadow realm!"
"😰"..
you would get stuck😀😀😀
So this is why jimmy neutron made a robot dog...
I hate this comment and I hate you for making it, thank you
Cursed comment
Brooooo
This is so damn cursed.
Gotta blast!
its programmed not to like it. Wtf why
Because real dogs don't really like human dicks in them I've found.
debeastdueeast
how do you know
Ram Scarlet Umm, like on the internet and stuff. Of course I didn't do it.
because how would you get off if the robot dog doesn't mind getting fucked (hypothetically)?
I heard that male dogs do like human vagina. Apparently some horses like it too. Does that make it right?
Never in my life have I been so amused and so deeply, deeply uncomfortable
so true
Now think about th hyper-realistic robot babies that will be made in the future!
@@DragonQuest27 i had that thought too.
when he said the nose is still wet and fur is still warm that made me physically cringe
Why? It's just a robot that looks and behaves and is almost exactly like a dog and is programmed not to like it? It's not a real dog!
This man has to live the rest of his life wondering if his grandkids will ever see this video.
Not if he shows it to them first! Check and mate!
im his grand son and i touch myself
You do realise he is acting?
Yes, you middle schooler, everyone knows the onion is satire. Go do your homework.
@@VideoGuy9461 only if you help me daddy
He really screwed the pooch on that one
I hate it. Take my like
Epic
you win the funny good job
Truly a connoisseur of dad jokes.
You prick I was gonna say that lol wish I could like it twice
I was certain that crowd was stock footage until they chanted with him. Oh god the Onion went all in with this one.
The Overton window in action.
It’s the same few people edited to be many people
@@guitargutsst1337 2:33
Edit: Didn’t mean to tag you.
This a is time stamp where you can see the peeps repeat. Specifically, that super smiley girl on the left of the fourth row of peeps.
They used this crowd in the dad is ceo sketch. I think they are actors that are actually affiliated with the onion
They went into it just like he went into the dog
"the sounds are pre recorded" uh oh
bruh
ruh roh
oh no
@@frag0638 underrated.
@@frag0638 😂💀
More concerning is that i can see this coming in future
"He's not, it's obviously a dog thing." Truer words were never spoken.
Maybe it's a robot thing 🤣
a robot baby
Why not both
But you'll never know for sure
You don't know that for sure
Somebody switched my robot dog for a real dog that looked identical, and without my realising, destroyed all evidence in my home of the robot dog like the user manual, receipt, etc. It must have been them who called the police.
jaxxstraw As a retired state prosecutor, you might have a case here. This may very well be a criminal offense on their part. More forensics may be required to be build a case against them. Surely your DNA can be ascertained as evidence.
omg😂😂😂 dying here
jaxxstraw criminal masterminds 🤔😲😉
What kind of sick fuck would set you up like that? Thoughts and prayers.
Those bastards...
43 seconds in and I'm already dying at the fact that the two pictures are exactly the same.
It's so simple and stupid but such an efficient humour device.
Lol 😅
TIPSY < > ROBODOG
So this is what Boston dynamics is up to
I imagine there's going to be a market for "mods" for spot.
G-spot
aah, excellent, this is going to be great for my upcoming trial.
Actually I'm not sure if the argument would still hold for "robot" human babies
Rob Mckennie, how did your trial go?
@@johnsimun6533 they didnt reply this can only mean one thing
@@johnsimun6533 he got jail time
Ri Ed we need to send him some LPL videos.
We need more Onion Talks. TED Talks is getting way too obnoxious.
Amen.
the81kid oh you’re telling me, ancient boy
the81kid they had a similar thing but with pedos
Sarmad Ghafoor Really?? What's it called, I'm gonna be sick
yeah man they are just too try hard intellectual rn
The Onion of 8-7 years ago had the best comedy writers on the internet.
The New Orleans Levees (newspaper) was a serious contender, and should have been online at that point. It just never took off in the same way, as most of their publications were physical media.
12+ yrs
I'd say 12+ years too. Back in 2008-2012, golden years
They had some of the best comedy writers period. Some of these old sketches are so tight they blow television sketch shows and movie comedies completely out of the water.
I'd argue at it's peak The Onion was making some of the best satire that's ever been made.
shane dawson’s new documentary is very convincing
What about genetically engineered catgirls?
INSTALL GENTOO They're not real girls. Perfectly legal
After that, let's make me into my fursona!
@Andrew Elie But they are made in a lab and their aging is different from humans.........so age restrictions may need to be changed
Uh
@@somkeshav4143 And as you know, every year for a human is about 7~8 years for a cat, soo......
LOL the audience nodding sagely along like this is something everyone thinks but he's finally been the one to say it.
Nah, they just agree with everything the authority on stage says.
It is even the same prerecorded audience in ever Onion talk. 😂
Nikolaus und Rupprecht whats about at 2:33
@@SheepWaveMeByeBye God?
@@NikolausUndRupprecht is it really hahahaha that makes it so much funnier thank you
"No matter how deep you go this thing looks and feels so much like a dog..."
Truly amazing technology. Really plumbing new depths of experience for the human race.
this is some wording
In my YT feed the title of this vid was "Onion Talks: Hypothetically It Would Be Okay To Have Sex....", and since it was The Onion, I was curious as to how that sentence ended. So, I hovered on it and saw "...With A Robot Dog" and actually lol'd out loud for the first time in about 9 weeks.
Thank you, The Onion
It's okay to leave a robot dog in a hot car
But can you leave a hot car in a robot dog?
Yes but there is a chance the batteries might overheat and that thing will become a ticking time bomb
Ironically, that's how you recharge it.
Hot robot dog in a car?
I can’t believe robot John Lennon would say this
This is why we need the onion. They tackle moral dilemmas that most others won’t.
The young turks's Cenk Ugyur would like to know your location. Though he was condoning actual beastiality, not the robot kind.
is this really a moral dillemma? lmao
@@avy1yes, the Onion is a very legitimate and non-satire channel
@@osheridansuch real
@@avy1no because I'm definitely not having sex with my dog.
POV: you’re defending lolicon.
LOL YES
Yeah, coping is wrong. Love that argument.
After laughing about this and coming back to this video for years I’m realizing that the robot dog is actually just a real dog
A real *robot* dog.
"B-but officer! The dog told me he was himself! Dogs don't talk! Just ask!"
"We're also confiscating your mushrooms and the white powder on the table over there.."
The Onion's videos are spiraling more and more into strangeness and insanity. It's beautiful. Poor Tipsy.
Strangeness and Insanity is all that goes on today, Menelaus. In my time, there is a global pandemic, our beloved UA-cam algorithm has all brought us back to this. Strangeness and insanity is the world. It is how the world functions now.
@tracy Star They are not.
dont be fooled , they are a blue print for future leftism
@@darkstepik lmao
It's not a real dog!
Im convinced
Please dont.
Please do
Pics or it didn't happen.
She's 1000 years old bro
“No matter how deep you go, this thing looks and feels so much like a dog, that the person inside it is totally convinced that it is a real dog”
They got an entire crowd to say “it’s not a real dog”
Benjesus it was done in post and the sound recording was probably done after the filming.
This is a comedy skit in case you didn’t know 😬
Y’all are missing the point. Ben knows it’s satire. The point is that The Onion paid a crowd of people to say “It’s not a real dog.”
@@immortalsun yep. Although it’s surprisingly easy to replicate a crowd saying something with a small number of people with layering and changing voices etc
actually he could charge you with indecent exposure.
in your own home?
When the fuck will the president ever be in your home?
Phelan666 so you're saying it's not OK for Obama fuck a robot dog in his own house?
Marko Klopets I would want to have the president fuck me in the ass while I fuck a robot dog in my own house.
Shukulo are you a robot dog doing a robot dog?
Its been nearly ten years
And the onion always gets things eerily on the nose when a decade passes 💀 💀
Who ever the writers were for the onion at that time were omniscient
Boston Dynamics sweating right now
Wow, the trailer for the new Black Mirror episode looks great!
Lmfaoo
Don't you ever dare to compare the Onion to that piece of shit, shill garbage. The satiric, carefully crafted meta jokes of ONN in this video alone could overpower any kind of self-proclaimed "red pilled totes woke bro" mainstream shows' desperately weak messages.
@@euginyablackheartedcybergo6507 epic
Serenaei Y’all have one gay dude on the show and suddenly it’s “red pilled totes woke bro”, nah it’s not a problem with the show, it’s a problem with you.
What gay dude? I literally don't care whether they put one or not.
Have they started making robot giraffes yet? Asking for a friend banned from the zoo.
Search for: 'Ultra - Bizarre'. You can thank me later. (Don't worry it's just a rap song)
@@aarrcchhoonntt After a surprisingly short evaluation, my friend says "yes but availability has been somewhat limited".
@@thewhat531 Huh. That sure lives up to its title ^^,
Is he good at climbing trees by any chance?
I mean, they can deepthroat you no matter what your length is...
"No matter how deep you go, this thing feels like a dog"
I see what you did there
Sounds like a anime fan explaining how hes favorite Loli have 3000 years.
Well if it’s a robot...
if I had to teach a philosophy or ethics class to a bunch of undergrads, i would just play this video, and that would be my entire lecture. rest of the class would be devoted to discussion.
I mean, at what point does a robot cross the line into pseudo intelligence like an animal? How much processing power does it take until it would have the mind of a dog that feels pain?
@O K no it wouldn't; it would get me instantly promoted to head of the department, if not to president of the university
@O K You clearly have little knowledge of the rich body of work across a multitude of disciplines analyzing people having sex with robot dogs, in addition to being unaware of how critical the ongoing debates surrounding sex with robot dogs are to the average undergrad student.
@@Sentient_Blob processing power doesn’t make a robot concious. You could have the most powerful computer in the entire universe but if the robot dog wasn’t artificially intelligent it wouldn’t be conscious of anything.
@@bjtheamazing6550 this is an accurate statement. The robot dog by the very definition of its likeness in appearance and responses to stimuli, be it by environmental factors or forcibly induced by the man intent on having sex with it, would imply at least to my understanding, that the deliberate design to make the dog as real as possible would equally blur the distinction between real organic and artificial mechanic. Unless it was programmatically disabled in some aspects like being unable to fetch, or having no desire to eat the cat's shit from the litter box, it could be argued it fails to meet the definition of real and thus the man can freely fornicate with it. But at what point is the artificial no longer artificial and is instead real. Would disabling a real dog's functionalities be unjust or punishable by law? How many days would you consider too long for a neighbor to notice their dog was missing? How can someone successfully use intimidation as a tactic on, just as an example here, your neighbor?
I'm starting to think that we're not really talking hypothetically
That's just a hypothetical
I mean, robot dogs *are* a thing now.
@@TheGreenReaper they aren't fuckble rn
@@sjalkzjziskzkzo I hate that this implies that they’ll eventually be fuckable
😆😂😂😂😂😂😂
That was the most uncomfortable and disturbing laughing fit I've had this year. I think my brain shorted out forcing me to laugh.
this is like the guy on reddit explaining that he got a Cylinder stuck in a m&m thing
It's a cylinder.
the bottom of the slippery slope
WE'RE GOING EVEN FURTHER BEYOND
You are like a little baby
I have seen things that would make grown men weep.
Why did you name your robot dog slippery slope
@@awkwardcultism Bruh. I've *made* grown men weep.
Junius Argonon same. At least 200 of them.
1:15 Wait, but if the sounds were pre-recorded, doesn't that mean a dog was raped in the process?
It's ok if it's for science.
there are ways to stimulate real dogs as a human would without using real humans, so it's fiine. it was not a real human.
@@davineves8529 Animal Cruelty [X]
No, it could be done with manipulation of sounds performed by a professional actor. So it might sound like a dog, but it's a recording of Andy Serkis being raped. Not a real dog.
@@thevoxdeus THANK YOU SO MUCH! *whew* now I can fuck my robodog in peace.
I forwarded this to my grandma.
3 years ago,💀 gramma got revenge
My chihuahua has been giving me the eye for weeks now
this is highly philosophical actually
Yes, so many similar questions could be asked. For example, suppose a real male human has sex with a robot hooker while thinking it's a real human and kills (breaks) it by chopping off its head while he climaxes? Has he committed a crime?
What does it take to be "real"
T Mark Hightower absolutely. Destruction of property. The pimp has to buy a new robot hooker.
Same, I'm very puzzled.
@@tmarkhightower3301 This is already an HBO show, “west world”
Hang on, let me lie down for a second.
Fuuuuutuuuuurre. Fuuuuutuuuuurre. Fuuuuu-
We could of had flying cars and free energy by now, but nope, sex with robots.
LyleVertigo
People would just use the free energy to power the robots, so they could get blowjobs in the flying cars.
More importantly, why isnt everything covered in CHROME?
balwinder345 You could always choose to be ALONE.
What is that from? I wanna say Squidward but I cant remember
*hits you with a brick*
Brilliant. "Giving a robot dog talk" is going to be my new shorthand for when someone makes pleading arguments for something based on irrelevant and ridiculous hypotheticals.
ah so redditors?
I think most people just call that ben shapiro?
But how did they pre-recorded the tortured dog noise?
Science
Replace 'Dog' with 'Child'.
Just... ya know, to make it more interesting.
omg instant boner
The robot child would be very realistic, warm fur, wet nose, cute little waggling tail
pinkishpurplelolumz
We talking loli catgirls here? Sign me up.
www.forbes.com/sites/kashmirhill/2014/07/14/are-child-sex-robots-inevitable/
Now replace "having sex with" to "drawing someone having sex with". Right now it's illegal to draw someone having sex with a child, even though, say it with me, "it's not a real child." Claiming it's a robot child in the drawing isn't a defense because the law includes cartoon style depictions. Conclusion? Sorry everyone, robot dog fucking will probably be illegal.
“Nobody would think it was weird, I certainly wouldn’t...”
Robot dog in an MRI machine. This can only go well
I know, I know it's serious.
This is how the "its just a cartoon" people sound to me💀
Onion makes parody about fucking a robot dog:
Legitimate debate about artificial intelligence rape in comments.
ironically, their mind got fuck*ed by the video
i think at some point they're actually going to create a simulacrum of consciousness just so they can see the fear in the robots eyes as they rape the shit out of it
@@Ben-rz9cf ohhh yeaaa tell me more
I love how these videos expand our idea about what will all be possible in the future.
*I love how these videos expand our idea about what we will be able to fuck in the future -
fixt
ChaosmanOne
future? I'm fucking my robot chiwawa as I type this!
and the future sounds terrifying!
Timewarpiaman
Sounds Terrierfying! *ba-dum tissh*
Eh? Eh? It was pretty good, wasn't it?
Timewarpiaman you mean warm and fuzzy
Redditors explaining why it's ok to watch Loli porn.
I'm more of a robot cat person myself...
faaaaaaaake - a real Ted Talk would have pushed that one point for at least 20 mins, with lots of vague convoluted points that go no where but make you feel like you learned something insightful
LOL.
It's a real Onion Talk. Meandering not allowed!
1:30 omg that laughter is so fucking perfect TED talk viewers just so likely to chuckle and something not even funny like that. The levels of satire here are absolutely amazing
"Yes, the dog is programmed not to like it"
Bahahaha. Onion got so dark back in the day.
Brought to you by Boston Dynamics.
I just ordered mine in ten minutes ago.
I'm going to break those Robot hips so bad, it won't be able to walk properly until I get it fixed.
TONY HAWK me too but I made sure mine has a 10 year warranty and with an extended maintenance contract. Read the fine print before purchase.
@@joey22306 Smart.
TONY HAWK hmm
Thank you.
"No matter how deep you go..." FINALLY, all of my questions have been answered.
I hate that this is going to be a real argument one day
Assuming it already isn't
This is the darkest humour the onion has ever produced, and that really says a lot.
Not by a long shot. Try the videos about girls that went missing literally titled "Missing girl probably raped" and the one where they predict that a kidnapped girl was probably sold into prostitution and became a meth head right in front of her mother.
The Onion can always go darker.
It seems like he's been caught with a "robot" dog on several occasions.
Still more credible and legitimate than TEDX
What is wrong with tedx
@@mikeoxsmal8022 it's not the onion
@@adapple7518 good argument
To answer seriously though, tedx venues don't get nearly enough vetting for quality and end up being wildly inconsistent. Often times a tedx talk might be a completely unqualified person making wild claims in the hopes that people will see the 'ted' part of tedx and automatically trust them to be a reputable source.
Lord sparschnipz57 look up Sam Hyde ted talk
The funniest part to me isn’t that he justifies why having sex with a robot dog isn’t an issue he just constantly repeats how life like it is and that it’s ok
"It would get you off just like a dog" is a loaded sentence if I've ever heard.
This is just the plot of “do androids dream of electric sheep “
Except this guy's fucking the sheep.
@@jakepullman4914 h-hot
@@Cobalt985 bruh step away from the field
I would say it's more like the polar opposite but okay
@@jakepullman4914 That was always the dream!
I love how the audience just nods at what he says as if he was a Greek philosopher 😂
Modern day plato
@@L0rdTonk *modern day diogenis*
Man, these TEDtalks are something else
This is my favorite onion video of all time. It's just so profound and eye-opening
This ones a bit RUFF to watch ...
Aymii keegan even ruffer on the "dog"
Ricky Gervais will FIND YOU!
@@christobanistan8887 Don't BARK threats at Aymii!!
I read that in the childs voice from the Amazon Echo commercials
I saw what u did there
“It would get you off like a real dog” nice
The pacing of this was excellent. Perfect TED vibes
Weebs talking about how lolis are totally fictional
If we switch robot dog to a robot child, people would totally go berserk including me
They're not wrong though.
They are.
Lol, the audience gets me every time.
this is how people who like lolicon sound like
For real
Biiiiig facts
"No, it's not a little girl! She's actually a 5000 year old dragon!"
@Chromulous No it's totally a child thing, but you don't know that for sure.
Yeah ikr... *gulp*
I have a suspicion that the audience was not a real audience. You can see they were programmed to say, "It's not a real dog", just like a robot audience.
Maybe the speaker was also not a real speaker. There was something about the voice and the slightly jerky gestures. Now, maybe the jerky movements were because of something else. But I wouldn't know. Believe me, I wouldn't know. Got that! I wouldn't know. Alright!
is it unethical for a robot human to have sex with a real dog?
@@dragonghast5856 I suppose it depends on what religion they are and if the robot can give consent.
I dread that this may be possible within my lifetime.
Read that as “I dream this may be possible” and was about to freak the fuck out
Chris Borden is the Martin Luther King Jr of robot dog fucking.
You know how we look at the 2009 Onion vids and talk about how close they get to reality?
I’m scared for this one
This reminds me of Dennis’ “because of the implication” bit from Sunny🤣
I could 100% imagine this being a talk from Mac on It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
I have ads now showing me robot dogs from Amazon. Why is this becoming a thing suddenly?!
this is hands down one of my favourite videos.
I know this is a bit late, but "hands down" should be in bold there. And maybe it should read "hands way down".
@@0012erickNo it shouldn't read "hands way down", and it isn't even in bold.
@@0012erick Hands don't need to be THAT far down. Maybe if it's a St Bernard...
(im sorry im sorry im sorry)
Might be my favourite Orion content I keep coming back
someone please check the onion writers hard drives