Maximize Your Brainpower By Firing Every Neuron At Once
Вставка
- Опубліковано 30 бер 2014
- Subscribe to The Onion on UA-cam: bit.ly/xzrBUA
What could you do with more brainpower? Inventor and neurologist Gene Curlew introduces a revolutionary device that unlocks the full power of the human brain.
Like The Onion on Facebook: www. theonion
Follow The Onion on Twitter: / theonion
More Breaking News: www.theonion.com/video/ - Комедії
"Neurons are like the gas our brains run on" I love this metaphor because that would make his machine comparable to igniting all the gas in your tank at once, destroying the car and killing everyone in or around it.
While simultaneously implying that you need to replace your neurons
@@M4421-O well you kinda do. Its not like petrol but eating & all slowly replaces the worn out parts of the neurons so they do need a bit of replacing & I guess if they all go at once they might be needing a bit more help.
@@cillianennis9921 it provides interesting thoughts about conciousness transfer, gradual proccesses seem to be important
Say what you want, but being exploded cuts your commute time to zero.
@@GamesFromSpace Well yeah in a sense
only 5% of the wires in your computer are ever powered on. Put your PC in a bathtub for amazing increases in wire power.
But then the magic smoke starts getting away...
ok i placed it in the tub but nothing is happening, do i need to turn it on or fill the tub?
This works. I tested it
DO NOT DO THIS you will die and RainingArtillery will be 100% responsible
Does this work for Mac? And what about Linux? I often have to do workarounds with my Linux system, so maybe I should use the shower?
When people fire every neuron at once, we call it a seizure.
So seize your inner power right now!
i love you
Quantum Custodian D O E T O E V S K Y
Quantum Custodian a classic Rich Evans line
More like a glitch
I respect the actors that the onion finds for these things.
Gazz_TFP what you mean “give their lives?”
@Gazz_TFP I can see so many r/whoosh coming out of this post
Star Trek Theory
An avid viewer of the onion, I see.
Also, you are into some weird shit, dog. I respect your openness about it, though. Keep on doing you.
It's been 6 years. Why are ya'll still commenting?
RoboGuy redditor
How Lucy Should Have Ended.
My thoughts exactly...
if that were the case, i would've enjoyed that movie
I was actually thinking that
This video has me confused. Why doesn't his device turn him into a big pile of black slime that protrudes and produces a biological USB drive with all human knowledge?
Fucking legend of a comment
I like to think this was a parody of the mouthbreathers who parrot the line, "we only use 10% of our brains, imagine what would happen if we used 100%".
Those people are out of control, they have no idea lol
+Benjamin Goss probably cause they only use 10% of their brain :^)
It's an interesting idea! Why be so dismissive. Only 10 percent is used for the ENTIRE body and apparently unlocking the rest would be a bad idea. Yes I get its a joke. Lol
Ryan Denziloe wasn't the movie Lucy based on that? It does seem like an odd thing to believe at any point. Although I think we are told so much now by so many sources it's easy to be misinformed without consciously thinking about it. Some stuff goes under your radar. If people do still believe that because they hadn't really thought about it then they are misinformed, but if they hear the truth and reject it then that would be stupid. Like people who still believe the world is flat.
Falcone45 We should be dismissive because it's completely falsified horseshit.
As an epileptic I can confirm ever since I’ve been blessed with the power of seizures I’ve also gained extensive amounts of knowledge and unlocked my true potential.
I can't tell if you're being satirical or not...
@@lizxu322 he is being satirical about being a genius cause of it, but firing every neuron at once is basically just a seizure
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn''' '' '
Only sick ppl get seizures. So what potential have you achieved with your sickness? Super curious!!!
@@skiney no it's not. There are two ways to fire all neurons. Seizure is the sick body way, and u will die sooner than later. And the second way is to be higher consciousness. Ppl experts at meditating can fire up their brains well.
Also magic mushrooms do that too which is why creatives use them. So they can become rich. And why not. But none of those guys know that they need green juicing on top of the mushrooms. So there's a tiny secret for u.
There actually is a device that lets you fire every neuron at once. It’s called the electric chair.
Does it come in gas, solar, or rechargeable?
@@ultimateloser3411 depends but I can assure you, it's an experience of a lifetime
just like big government to keep this from the public!
And the electric coffin. Both used to time travel and opening portals.
And how may one come across one of these "electric chairs"? 🤔
Was waiting for him to cough, sneeze, vomit and crap himself simultaneously.
Tara DeWert well he died so🤷🏿♂️
I certainly did while I was watching.
So he would just take a screenshot?
I mdan he should have came too
& climax of course
My last boss fired every neuron in my brain.
he was releasing his company of your true potential.
I spat out my chips
Mine did too xD
I read it as "in his brain" and it seemed a lot darker
God damn I'm 6 late to this joke but it's great
Can you imagine how fun it must have been for him to act in this?? :D
With all those people watching him -____-
TheLuckySaGe I'm pretty sure The Onion green-screens their crowds in.
What acting??? This was clearly all real! Truly such a brave soul.
It looked rather painful
Yeah. And how hard.🙄
To keep a straight face delivering THIS?😂
And, to make it GENUINELY sound like he's being convincing and trying to sell the idea?
Ingenious.👏👏👏
Whenever some neurons attempt to unionize, I fire them.
Dude, I don't think it's healthy for your neurons to be ionized. You should let them.
LMAO, why is this not the top comment? 😂
Would you ignite a portion of your gas' fumes at once?
No. You'd ignite the entire tank at once.
Brilliance, right?
Gotta love the Onion. Love the parody.
@Bigfoot i guess
MAXIMUM FIRE POWER
But then all your car's ∆v experiences all of the drag and friction and other losses, so that would be wasteful.
@@civilisedzombieand, y'know... the gas tank exploding?
Onion Talks: Maximize Your Brainpower By Firing Every Neuron At Once
isn't that called a seizure?
Seizure sure sounds serious! And bad! If this is going to go anywhere, we're going to have to market it differently.
Brain Sneeze!
Hhahahaha.
If only people understood that this is a parody news website ....... ._.
Parts of mine may blow, then there is the parts that drugs left holes in...
I love how he is almost diein' and the audience is laughing...
*may cause erectile dysfunction
Daniel Whitcomb
May cause impotence, but only during intercourse, otherwise a powerful erection will accompany your daily "walking around time".
May cause explosive erections and projectile ejaculations
keep this at 69 likes
May result in death.
This may just cause an erection.
"let's say that I have I a painting that I'd like to finish but I can't find the inspiration, I would fire my neurons"
The audience looks on in wonder as a jackson pollock masterpiece appears on the ground before them.
love how hes throwing up aswell
hahaha
@@kobrapromotions I think you mean painting.
Art imitates life
and all the gruesome byproducts from it
😂😂
They say that the audience was still surprised after the last neuron was fired. The legend says that it is still doing that to this day
As someone who suffered from siezures, I can tell you, having all your neurons fire at the same time is invigorating and intellectually enhancing.
Imagine if u could fire up your brain without being ill. Now that's something
I have the world around me begin to strobe regularly, and while I begin in those moments to worry about personal safety, it is usually while I am having some kind of epiphany
the audience's laughter soundbyte is so awkward
Istebrak what the hell are you doing on this random video? Get back to showing us how to git gud
Just like real tedtalks
That's how it really is in a Ted Talk
Istebrak why are you here you're not allowed to have fun 😂
@@Ben-rz9cf 😒
More than anything, what I really admire is the speaker's poise and charisma. He exudes professionalism!
He doesn't just exude it. He spews it all over the floor, and his jacket!
Not. He exhumes stupid reptile taking the piss
@@davidkueny2444e’s exuding everywhere!
I actually thought I was going to watch a TED Talk, didn't realize it was an Onion Talk. Being Subscribed to both for scientific break throughs, and reliable information and news.
Not pompous enough for a TED talk
Most seizure victims only use one tenth of their brains.
I remembered this video because I am now studying neuroscience. This is 100 times more funny now than it was before.
*I'm convulsing with knowledge right now, thanks Onion*
You commented this 3 years ago.
@@decaying_meatthe year is now 2023. What should I do with my life consumer?
@@markusmath3421 idk, why are you asking me
@@decaying_meat you seem very astute based on your previous comment so I'm asking you for advice.
@@markusmath3421 you seem very fun
Can you imagine how much faster your car would go if you fired every cylinder in your engine at the same time? Like that, but for the human brain
Makes TED talks look humorous in a new sorta way
That dude shat, peed and came at the same time. No more time wasters! That's an ideal piece of technology for Amazon's HR
bro took a screenshot
Buy at your local torturer.
This was exactly what I expected it to be and I loved every single second
I'm surprised he survived 3 times without any obvious brain damage.
It's true. I fired 100% of my neurons and right before being pronounced legally dead* I saw the face of god. All sixty seven of them.
All 67 neurons or all 67 Gods? Because with the the state of our earth and society, I'm surprised you even saw a God.
Okay so real talk? I did experience something that could be considered a god, once. Backstory: I’m a weed lightweight. I can smoke reg and anything stronger is uncomfortable. Even a tiny pinch of medical shit makes me tense and noidy.
So once I vaped 3.5 g of top shelf shit in under 30 minutes. Huuuuge mistake. I was putting the vape away when I realized “oh shit, I’m watching myself from above myself”. And that’s when the invisible strings tethering me to my body snapped. Everything went black and I felt my conscious mind expanding infinitely. I could feel everyone and then I felt something else. Something that overshadowed everything else and made me feel so insignificant by comparison. I don’t want to say it was god, but maybe the universe? The infinite? Whatever it was, it punted me back into my body and I puked before trying to crawl back into my chair
I think what we call “god” is really just a higher being so beyond the human experience and the normal level of comprehension that rather than studying it people just worship it.
So 67 neurons?
@@fortifiedwithwhattheworldw9953 Could be 67 faces of God.
But yeah, probably 67 neurons.
I've always wanted to think Yes, No, Good, Bad, Lesbian, Tophat and Bacon all at the same time.
Will this device help me achieve my dream?
can you picture a lesbian in a tophat eating bacon? i can.
An indecisive, morally grey lesbian in a tophat eating bacon
@@AJ69238 how would you know its a lesbian? she needs a partner!
@@ralek592 their aura, dude, *their aura*
@@AJ69238 you need to *capitalize* dude, you wouldn't lose a single description if you made them make out while they're eating bacon and wearing tophats while being indecisive
“No mind will remain unchanged”
In the context of this video, that sounds like a threat
I'm not seeing a downside.
The Onion is my most trusted news source! :)
Ethan Small a tomahawk of truth in a skull full of lies
My god. How little r u
Definitely! They don't just report the news. They tell you what to think about it.
This video is the epitome of the Onion. Some laughed their assses off, others cringed.
Because that's not cool what happens to some people.
Amazingly, this is the most accurate Onion video I have ever seen. Frankly, the only thing it missed was the likely unconsciousness this would probably cause. Given that the video is meant for humor and he appeared to die at the end, this is easily forgiven. Bravo Onion for disseminating the best refutation of the "10% myth" I have seen.
But what if we used 100% of the br- ...oh wait, that's what he did^^
As an epileptic, I really wanted him to have a full on realistic seizure and it just end that way -- first a big scream, then him on the ground jerking, then unconsciousness and him waking up asking where he is.
I don't overclock my computer, I just short my graphics card with a car battery.
I did this once by putting a cattleprod right up to my head. It didd not seem to causa any damages to mees. :/
Wow, that's good to know! Have you been able to replicate the experience with additional tests?
MaximilianKohler I will go and try right now and get bak to yu on it
jfrontier1 so you dead right?
Eyre Borne good.
F
How it feels to chew 5 Gum.
New 5 Gum.
Stimulate your senses- all of them at once.
3:27 I love how he just suddenly drops from the air.
Where does the Onion find all these people?
under the deer, of course
In the basement. Where else?
Well you see...
They fire every Neutron in their brain...
*The Kingdom of Erusea has declared war on the Osean Federation.*
I half expected him not to be able to stop screaming until the end the first time he pressed the button
At first I thought he was gonna do a line of coke.
I do this all the time. I love using all of my single neuron.
😂
@@MasterSophiaChrist h
In the medical community they call that a seizure
Very inspiring and informative. Time to fire my neurons.. YAaaaargh!! baaaarf!!
Isn’t this just like over clocking a pc
I appreciate the hop and seizure at the end. I was waiting for it.
What happens when you fire every neuron in your brain at once? You have a seizure. Love the onion.
This is funnier than it should be.
This video makes me feel uncomfortable.
I just put mine on pre-order. I can't wait to unlock the true potential of my mind.
This is the funniest content the onion has ever made. This dude is hysterical.
I could not get over the petrified ppl in the audience. They must have got the wrong room lol
@@MasterSophiaChrist h
@@MasterSophiaChristthe wrong but the best.
Except if people didn't suffer because of evolution.
As someone with epilepsy this is fucking hilarious.
This may be the funniest video I have ever seen. I am pretty jaded, can't remember the last time I've laughed to the point of tears. This video made me laugh convulsively.
I wished the onion still made videos, unfortunately I became aware of their channel too late.
You might like viva la dirt league.
Pure genius. He doesn't have to worry about all that bs now that he's dead.
I'm working on my own version for boosting circulation and heart function. It comes with a car battery, conductive gel and clamps that attach to the nipples.
There’s a name for this, it’s called a *SEIZURE*
This is still better than every real TED talk I've seen. TED talks are a fucking joke, parodying them is pretty low hanging fruit.
So, what's wrong with TED talks?
americanliberal09
Most of them are good, I'm not agreeing with that guy. But since you asked, a lot of it is a platform for Bill and Melinda to push their agenda. Also, they are using it and other philanthropy outlets to wash their names, so we forget that they run shit like Monsanto. But all in all, TED is cool in my book.
MRWDL800 Well, o.k.
americanliberal09 They all sound pretty much like this?
Roflcopter4b What do you mean?
Lucy gets reality checked
The audience members taking notes though 😂
Lmao based on his "YEEEES" at the end these seizures are actually just incredibly intense orgasms.
The man thoughtfully nodding as he throws up kills me
Some people already use 100% of their brain.
It’s called a seizure
So if you ever meet one of these "beings of pure energy" we keep hearing about, and it says it feels like it's missing something in life.. You can go "Yeah.. synaptic regulation, mate.. "
Bruh dont foregt the abilty to have your thoughts effected by “outside interference” could be chemical or magnetic or some high speed photon
The acting in these bits is freakishly on point.
On the onion, everyday is the 1. April
I've always wanted to see a live stream of producers at the onion coming up with concepts for new episodes.
the fact that he continues to press the button with absolutely zero hesitation every time even while knowing exactly how excruciating it is shows that either he wholeheartedly believes absolutely everything he is saying, or he does not know what the button does and his brain is too fried from pushing it to figure it out.
And feeling his reaction, we must harness that and every response must be a comment like, ahahhhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ah ah ahhhhhhhhh ahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
In other words, Elon Musk and his Neurolink.
This is exactly what I was expecting and it’s great
3:28 Very professional fall! Amazing!
Omg i actually cried from laughing so hard. That's like a once a year experience for me if im lucky. (twice this particular year because of XKCD) Thanks onion.
>That's like a once a year experience for me if im lucky
I thought you meant seizures but carry on
Why are you guys still not doing these? They are bloody brilliant.
This is why I love the Onion. They should make this a series.
There's a chair for this, didn't really catch on though.
Only because the people who sat in it *did* catch on.
They caught on fire.
HOLY SHIT I DID NOT EXPECT THE VOMIT
Me neither, notice how his nose also bleed.
Klaytonamor Lutheraen The vomit and nose bleed got me lolling for sure. That must've been fun to act!
original art work
It's what happens when you unlock the full potential of your chemoreceptor trigger zone.
I guess to unlock the full potential of your chemoreceptor trigger zone it must hurt (or so we think).
Thanks man, this is spot on my type of humor.
I love the points the audience chooses to laugh- and their type of laughter is also spot on...!
It is so real, it is hard to watch and disturbing. Amazing job.
Never Ever Seen Such Motivational Video
This video never fails to get me rolling.
Think of the possibilities, what an amazing time we are living in.
I love his extremely enthusiastic face in the thumbnail.
The onion is so underrated on UA-cam
This is exactly how I feel when I watch some TED videos. Another fantastic spoof, Onion!
It's been 9 years already. When will these become available to the consumer?
3:37
Nobody:
Absolutely no one:
UA-cam auto-generated subtitles: *[Applause]*
Underrated
Ye s
Your brain is like a piano. If you play every note at once, it's not music, it's called a seizure.
Sanest Ted Talk I have ever seen.
Thank you onions you just turned his brain into garlic.
I need this.
I, for one, found the product pitch quite convincing, I know several people I might gift it to.
I’m surprised. I expected everybody in the audience to applaud every time he hits the button.
I love that power point slide with the 900 bullet points.
This ia wonderful. Absolutely fantastic!
I wonder if you posted this on LinkedIn how many people would unironically comment about how great this is?
As someone who was sent into an absolute nerd rage by limitless I appreciate this
“Seize the power from within”
It's the barfing sound for me.😂 Suddenly out of nowhere.
I watched this when it came out and I am screaming hysterically once again. This will never get old.😊
They do it to you over and over again.😂 And, it's like, you don't expect it but you do. So confusing.