Polyamory vs Monogamy: Is Monogamy Unrealistic? | Middle Ground
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- Опубліковано 15 чер 2024
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00:00 Intro
00:52 I can separate love and sex
04:02 My current relationship status meets my needs
07:47 Patriarchy is the root of monogamy
10:06 It's unrealistic to commit to being with someone forever
14:48 The home environment that I grew up in set a good example for my future relationships
18:37 A polyamorous relationship is appropriate for raising a family
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The way the grandpa said he still enjoys texting "I love you" to his wife just made me go aww
why he has to be a grandpa 😂😂😂
Calling him “grandpa” is the same as calling the women in the video “moms” just because they are women 😅😅😅
@@aleag4315 Thank you!
He has a name. He may well not be a grandpa.
He’s one of the few men over 60 who doesn’t constantly talk about how much they hate their wife. It’s nice.
I love how jubilee increased the amount of people on both sides from 3 to 4 it may seem like a minor change but I think it’s always important to have more viewpoints and opinions present
NO! NO! NO! Many people say I am sick in the head. NOOOO!!!! I don't believe them. But there are so many people commenting this stuff on my videos, that I have 1% doubt. So I have to ask you right now: Do you think I am sick in the head? Thanks for helping, my dear sm
@@AxxLAfriku well your comment is weird
I disagree I feel like we didn't have time to hear everyones pov
@@Ninkopi same , honestly with those many POV's i just lost track , couldn't really connect with any single person . The 3 v 3 format was alot better .
@@tylerjune4120 they always do this in the comments on super popular channels to get more attention and views.
I think jubilee should do a behind the scenes series. Like how the crew works to bring together diverse subjects and to limit biases
And by limiting biases I mean on jubilees part because of course individuals will be bringing their own biases
Yes i want to start my own jubilee
I think they used to do that on Twobilee but they’ve actually stopped. They need to start posting more crew content on Twobilee.
Agreed
Yesss I think so too
Considering polygamy has been a major part of patriarchal society throughout history, I would say it's ignorant to think monogamy is purely the result of patriarchy
You mean polyamory. Polygamy is marrying multiple people, which is illegal in many countries
@@MaahirMomtaz12 Im pretty sure he means polygamy
@@MaahirMomtaz12 no he meanz polygamy, which is why im confused he brought this up at all lol. This conversation is about polyamory
@@MaahirMomtaz12 No I meant polygamy. The question was if monogamy is the result of patriarchal society, I was explaining the counter to that
I feel like patriarchy has been a bad influence for multiple types of relationships.
It would be interesting if there was a asexual vs aromantics episode
I would like to see that being an aromantic myself.
@@rheem5794 What does that term mean to you?
Do asexuals and aromatics typically not see eye to eye on certain topics?
@@solidman8360 Made up problems
@@aus-li I can't speak for every person who identifies as aromantic but to me it just means someone who doesn't get emotionally attached in relationships.
Next time can you do purity culture vs hook up culture? I feel that will be interesting to see.
Participating in either of them will harm you from the inside.
@@microwave8931 how?
@@anon2218 purity culture will leave you self-concious and feel ashamed about yourself.
Hook up culture will make you feel empty and miserable.
@@microwave8931 I still want to look
@@anon2218 what
I feel like Bunny is using polyamory as a way to fulfill things that are missing in her life without working through those things. A lot of what she said sent warning bells off. I don’t see her being happy in any relationship situation until she can feel whole on her own.
Yeah I know definitely not. That’s not how polyamory works. She’s not missing anything. She just knows she can find love in multiple ways. One person isn’t always gonna be able to give you everything you need.
@@itsmeekayj5547 As someone in a poly relationship, it can definitely still be present, jealousy is a natural feeling that can occur, but it's how you deal with it and communicate that matters.
@@itsmeekayj5547 As someone who is also in a poly relationship, I don't think jealousy is something that isn't common in polyamory. People have insecurities no matter what type of relationship they are in. I think sometimes people who are new to polyamory may feel like they need to hide their jealousy from their partners because they are still figuring things out for themselves, when in fact, like Bunny says, its more about finding out what your own insecurity is and where it's steming from + what can you do about it so that you understand what part of yourself you want to work on. Communicating needs with your partners, whether monogamous or not, and working on your emotions and needs for yourself are both very important :))
@@jananiramesh7149 I’m in a poly group and sometimes it does put me off when people attribute everything as “toxic monogamy”. There’s always comments going “me and my husband don’t get jealous, we’re poly” “cheating would be resolved if a couple just go poly” like no, you’re just as capable of being jealous or cheating in a poly relationship, but I see a huge amount of other poly people acting like they’re more superior than monogamous folks just for being poly.
@@Tater_Toot Yeah, I totally get that :( I used to feel really discouraged in the beginning when everyone in social media/groups pretended like there's no problems when you get into poly relationships... but of course every relationship is different because the people you are with are different! Hope those groups can understand that and not "preach" what they think is the only way to be in a poly relationship!
This is the first time I watched this show and felt like the two sides ACTUALLY found a "middleground". Everyone was so respectful of each others relationships and philosophies surrounding love and sex, and I could tell that they were really listening and engaging in what the other side had to say rather than getting defensive or rude. Wonderful episode!!
Is this a copypasta?
Yeah, I think it's probably the friendliest Jubilee debate I've watched so far 😊
12:05 “A lot of people change not necessarily in a bad way but in an incompatible way.”
I feel this is something many people need to hear.
It's why folks fear commitment or monogamy. Hearts get broken and folks feel time wasted when someone flips that way
I'm glad they added a disclaimer about misinformation at the beginning. I remember a few episodes where people would say things that were factually incorrect and Jubilee would just put it out there for people to believe otherwise. A solid improvement 👍
Why was that banner even necessary? When you watch a video or have a conversation with another person, you will be exposed to new ideas, and sometimes people will say things that you know is factually incorrect. And at one point in our lives we were and probably still do believe several things that other people know to be factually incorrect. It goes without saying And I don't think there's a single person out there that changes their opinion on everything, each time they hear a different option. People are more complex than parrots
@@pork8829 Misinformation can be a dangerous thing, which I'm sure you've gathered by looking at the state of our world today. The disclaimer is meant to implore people to do their own research and not take what the people say in these videos at face value because there are people who might not know better and take everything in the video as fact. Especially because they have such a large audience, Jubilee is doing what they can to deter the spread of misinformation without leaving out the opinions of the people in the video. It doesn't hurt to have the disclaimer 😁👍
@@pork8829 there's literally nothing wrong with reminding people that misinformation may be present. especially in a society in which people state their opinions as facts, it's nice to remember to be critical in what you're hearing. not everyone is constantly analyzing information so yes, it's necessary for some people. if you don't need the reminder, skip it & keep it pushing.
@@pork8829 The sad fact is people always take what they see as true nowadays so you have to do this for the idiots.
It should be obvious but unfortunately we need disclaimers like this in the world
I love how both sides did not berate the other for their relationship preferences. Monogamy may work for some people and polyamory may work for others. Neither way is the wrong way.
Yeah, and thats an opinion you may hold. I personally believe polyamory is wrong and like I said , thats my personal belief. I get that people have the freedom to live their lives as they please.
I personally think polyamory will never work. Less is more.
@@gbd-oq1rz how do you define "work" here? With such a high divorce rate among monogamous married couples does that mean monogamy doesn't work very well?
@@gbd-oq1rz It will never work for YOU, and that's fine, as long as you don't push your beliefs on others.
@@ifyouwantoreplyjustclickth5063 It might be wrong for YOU, and as long as you don't push or force that on others (your preferences or beliefs) that's fine.
this was probably the MOST peaceful Middle Ground episode where they actually tried to understand eachother instead of debating.
What's wrong with debate?
I really hope Mel finds someone who does become their forever person soon.
I believe Mel goes by they but me too 😊
I volunteer 🙋🏻♀️
@@simoneinsanity Thanks for correcting me 👍
@@whatthefreakkkk 😂😂😂😂 You thirsty
If you take over a hour to watch a middle ground episode cause you keep pausing the video to pretend you're in the discussion- I hear you
me asf😭😭
@@summerj5279 ✅
Ahah same. And if you pretend they answer ? You ? No ? Just me ? Ugh...
My ex and I never had sex but I loved her to death. The thing is she's going through some real psychological emotions thats why we broke up. She's currently seeing a psychologists. All I wanted was to make her happy and see her smile
@kiddo 🌚
@kiddo my real name isn't even Wayne's world and she's been off social media for almost a year now
Sorry Wayne 🤍
Yeah... I'm actually in the same situation... Kinda, but the other way around-ish... I like a guy that does have it really hard right now, and I want so bad to be next to him and just help in go through it all, but he does only answer my texts once every month.
It hurts me really much to know that he is going through something that I can' t help him with... This guy Luca (I think it was him).. His story about him and his partner resonated with me so much... "We both struggle with mental health, but we work on it together and be there for each other"
@@rojzarn make sure you're taking care of yourself too! They always say "you can't pour from an empty cup". It's great you want to support him, but also be aware of the toll your support is taking on you. At the end of the day, people are responsible for themselves and seeking help for their mental health, so it's up to him to take care of himself and please focus on caring for yourself as well. If it's too much to support him, it might be better for you to take a step back and dedicate your energy and emotions elsewhere, while still having the distant monthly support for him
To say monogamy was created by the patriarchy makes no sense becuase in the most opresive eras/cultures for women poligamy was the norm ... If anything monogamy helped women have more security and control in their house holds.
@Marie Baker the fact that most cultures adopted some form of nuclear family union proves that free for all reproductive model was inefective which is why the more civilization advanced the more it faded out and ..becuase it was much more beneficial for women to have a secure provider to care and protect her and her offspring and more benficial for men to know the offspring he is providing for is his.....also to say men ALL got together and decided monogmy was a great idea dispite the fact it limits thier reproductive dating pool and then limplemented it against the wishes of ALL the women on the planet beacuse "men are mean"
..is a pretty narrow minded thing to say
That's what I thought too. Cause doesn't it benefit men more to be polygamous?
If feminism made sense, it'd be called Equalitarianism.
it's 2022. The "patriarchy" is the new boogyman and the cause of all evil in the world.
I think it’s important to separate polygamy and polyamory. Polygamy is absolutely patriarchal (at least in the way it exists at the moment and in the past). Polyamory is really not the same thing
I understand why they now have "assigned seating" but I kinda enjoyed when they sat whereever they were comfortable even if that meant right next to someone who had opposing views. It showed more of a acceptance of the opposite side and existing together.
definitely! wish they went back to that
I feel the same way
same, it really showed more dynamics within the groups
As an asexual I really hope that sex and love can be separate, I’d like to have a loving relationship without sex
Absolutely, I don't fall in love with someone because I want to have sex with them. I do so because I want to hug them, comfort them and be with them. I'm sure there are many like that and certainly a few could look past sex too.
This. I’m indifferent about sex but I think I would prefer a romantic relationship to be sexless and it to be more focused on the romantic aspects of dating, not the sexual.
Honestly sex is important in relationships kinda cruel to do that unless it's with another asexual
If I were really in love with someone who was asexual I could try to go without sex but it would really take a large part of the romanticism out of the relationship and would be difficult. I think that asking someone who isn't asexual to go without sex in a relationship is completely unfair to the other partner. Obviously sex isn't why I would fall in love with someone, but that doesn't mean I want it excluded from our relationship. I could understand if they wanted to more focus on the romantic aspects of the relationship, but to me sex is a large part of the romanticism as I previously stated. I don't think that sex is purely physical, I think it holds a large emotional grasp on the relationship as well. All opinions, obviously
@@MiguelVargas-tu1yl I disagree, cruel is far too strong a word to be used here. Sex can be a way to express the love you have for your partner(s) and connect in such an intimate and beautiful way but please remember each individual is different therefore there will definitely be many ways to convey this. Furthermore when you’re in a relationship that’s not just only sexual it’s incredibly important (if not the most important thing) to establish a bond with your person(s) so to say it’s cruel to have a relationship without is belittling to all the other sacred aspects of a relationship. I’m sure you know you’re free to have your own opinion this is just mine.
My Opinion: I feel like polyamory would be a lot of work and I think you don’t need a lot of relationships to feel better. People need to spend a lot of time with themselves and do things for themselves without requiring others do it for them.
agreed
While this is true there are also people who thrive with being with other people or have extroverted tendencies that extends to their romantic life. It is definitely a matter of what works best for your preference.
For me having two partners in a closed relationship is what works best and it isn't really a lot of work
I have worked on being alone with myself and I'm still polyamorous
I've definitely been with myself by myself and loved it. .still polyamorous🤷♀️
I didn’t think Bunny’s point at the end made much sense for a third romantic partner. It made the third partner sound like a glorified babysitter that you only have to pay with sex?
What if each person takes a turn to baby-sit, while the other two go on a date. That way all 3 get equal treatment. But yeah I get what you are saying, the way they put it makes it sound neglectful towards the third person.
That's what you get when you don't control your libido~
Agreed. I think if she settled with her husband and worked on their communication i think he could be everything she needs to make her whole.
@@themutualfriend5286 I think people misunderstand what polyamory is. That's true, if she worked on communication maybe their relationship would be better... that unless it's already perfectly fine. We don't know anything about this person other than what was told in the video. Polyamory doesn't fix relationships it completes them, some people just don't thrive on monogamy and that's OK. We can't assume that Bunny's reason for practicing polyamory is out of an unhappy marriage. We simply don't know.
agree
Feel like the big problem in relationships is not the form or number of people but communication. People are always interested in different people that others don't understand and all form of relationships can be toxic or non-toxic (tbh I think far more relationships are toxic than we want to believe). We should spend less time on who consenting adults spend their time with and more about problems within the way they do.
Well said
It's not about who you are in relationship with, but how you are in relationship with them. Agreed. Thinking of the "is polyamory appropriate for raising a family" question - there are HELLA toxic monogamous families who suffer because of it. If you have a "non-traditional" family and are kind, respectful, and communicate well, that's a much safer environment to be in.
@@LO42191990 I bet you don't know what the root cause of all the world's problem are
definitely.
@@absolutelyfookinnobody2843 Please explain then. What's the cause behind every single issue in our world, that only you know
I’m monogamous even when I was single. I would go out with one person at the time until I didn’t want anymore. For me it’s very hard to give energy to others I can’t even imagine giving the energy, time and love (well any kind of love) to more than one partner. And yes, I do have friends and family that I do those things for but it’s not an everyday thing more often than not. It’s also very hard for me to trust so the thought of managing different relationships and have that trust seems too much. On top of that I see poly people often justify the need for multiple partners to fulfill needs… I don’t think anyone should looks at others as “ways to fulfill desires and needs”. I think of my partner as someone to share my life with. If my partner likes something I don’t, they can share that with their friends, enjoy it by themselves or we can find ways to find a middle ground. If there’s no compatibility in sex, you try to find ways to work for both or maybe find another partner (I believe that sex is very important in relationships with sexual people). It’s not about a social construction for me at all, just what I’m available for.
Ohh that is nice though I whose quietly available at the moment
That’s what I think too, bunny seems sweet to me but what she said about her husband not filling specific needs and having trouble looking for those same needs to be met in other people was very interesting to me. It makes me think is the human desire to have every box checked a realistic one?
Polygamous people can have multiple relationships, no relationships, only sex, no sex, very romantic, no romance, just exactly like monogamous people can. When people think "polyamory" they only think "threesomes" which is obviously not the case
Yeah, I'm single and on the asexual spectrum and I'm still polyamorous
I just know monogamy doesn't work for me and polyamorous relationships bring me a lot more joy.
Exactly
For me, the no sex no romance are called best friends and family.
@@DA-js7xz Well, if it had both no sex and no romance then it wouldn't be a relationship. But it can have no sex and just romance or it can have no romance and just sex. Or it can have both. That is how relationships work
I think cuck lmao
People who think monogamy is rooted in patriarchy, haven't read up on their history. A lot of ancient civilizations practiced polyamory. Ancient greeks, muslims, hindi, egyptians and even the old testament.
Yup
But but but we have to blame everythinf on patriachy how else can we put people down that dont agree with us. /s
There might have been some polyamory in the ancient world, but most if not all of these societies were patriarchal ones. Monogamy became the norm for the vast majority of the Christian world (aside from emperors and perhaps some fringe sects), and it was this norm that was passed down to American society. That doesn't mean that ancient patriarchal systems are identical to the ones today, but some of their legacies impact present-day American society. Therefore, in American society, monogamy is rooted in patriarchal, Christian ideas of marriage.
Muslims never practised polyamory. You're confusing polygamy with polyamory.
@@Dr.PaiPai They're just two shades of the same colour. One is strictly about marriage and tradition and the other is more open.
Love how respectful this conversation was 🥰 it's way different than some of the other videos lol
I felt this way too
Yes i agree.
You should do Being Single vs Being in a Relationship. Society glorifies being in a relationship too much
A society that doesn't glorify relationships is a suicidal one, that is a mathematical fact.
Imagine the following scenarios:
Society A glorifies stable relationships that produce a high number of children raised in strong familial contexts.
Society B glorifies short term relationships and constant sexual exploration assisted by contraception, from which very few children are born.
Both societies start at Year 0 with 1000 individuals. 50 years later, Society A & B go to war. By that Society A has a population of 3000 individuals. Society B has a population of 1500. With all other factors being equal, Society A crushes Society B due to its higher number of available fighters (individuals).
Worst yet: even without a war, Society B is at risk of crumbling on its own from an inability to replace its own population if it doesn't reach replacement rate.
@@themore-you-know you ever hear of demographic transition?
@@Sam-gp1nm, your point being?
Society and my relationship are not in the same bed together, but I know people are happier relating to each other than not. Your distinction of relationship is probably a bit subjective, and if you break it down, if you're happy you're probably in a relationship.
I don't think our society glorifies it. It is in our genes to seek out a partner, it is literally deadly for us to play realationships down. The problem is not glorifieng realationships, but how we as humans loose more and more the ability to form realationships
I’ve always been monogamous but this year I tried polyamory… let me say it did not last long. The person I was dating was already with another girl. And they lived together… that played a huge role into our relationship. Here one of the issues that we had:
Because they lived together I was not allowed in my boyfriends room ever. If I wanted to sleep over it had to be on the couch or the floor… 😒
Any person that has always been monogamous and about to get into a polyamory relationship I recommend asking what as the “boundaries/rules” that they have in other relationships and what they expect for your own relationships first. And ask what kind of polyamory that they see you in.
Have some respect for yourself and ask it if it was 2 gays 1 girl how would that "bf" feel about it 🤡
lol the same exact thing happened to me, he had a wife and kids and i wasn't allowed at his house. wife was cool but i couldn't do it
@@earthbbyexactly the kinda rules I would have, too bad I’m single lol
As a polygamous person I couldn't imagine putting my husband's girlfriend out like that. But we practice throuple life style so his girlfriend is my girlfriend. I'm sorry you experienced that. I don't feel that's fair.
Mine was more one-sided. My ex-girlfriend was already dealing with multiple people, but would be super insecure about when one of them would ghost her, or if I was just talking to a friend who happened to be a woman. Everything was about sex to the point that she seemed like she just wanted to be cool and progressive. I did most of the emotional work in the relationship in an attempt to strengthen my relationship with her before I started worrying about some whole other person, but I obviously didn't get the same effort back.
At this point, I've decided that it's mentally and emotionally better for me to treat any poly situation like contracted f buddies and not full-blown relationships. It's not worth trying to seriously navigate a bunch of different love languages or traumas all at once.
I just like Mel's energy, she's so so calm. Listening to her is soothing
Mike's response when someone corrected him about difference between polygamy and polyamory was awesome. Love that well I just learned something attitude
yeah, he is like "why does something must be root of an era, many thing just the way it is, the way they know bout it"
Ooof what Mel said @6:02, I felt that. Love solo travel but there’s always those one or two situations where I can’t help but feel “Damn, this would be a sweet moment to share with a partner”.
The part about the home environment reveals just how impactful the family structure (or lack thereof) can be in molding a child both in the present and the future. It truly says a lot about how and why the participants came to their conclusions about love, sex, and devotion.
💯
Wow, everyone was so respectful to one another 👏
I interviewed for this video and was going to be back up in case someone didn’t show up, but I’m glad it all worked out in the end! Great job everyone :) I was team monogamy!
"Monogamy is rooted in patriarchy"
Lesbians in monogamous relationships:
👁👄👁
Yeah I agree, I think people forgot that monogamy ≠ hetero couples and polyamory ≠
queer couples.
@@thotslayer9914 Yup, and I'm a lesbian that prefers monogamy. Nothing to do with the patriatchy, I just don't have the mental energy to deal with more than one partner at a time.
I'm confused on why people keep bringing up divorce rates? What does another couple have to do with your life? You should be finding love, not worrying about divorce rates. I feel like nowadays people use that as a way of not being in a relationship.
I love this group of people, so diverse. I like to see trans people, cis, young, old, black, white, etc!
Same, I love it because we can see how this side thinks without it being only focused on one group of people
I love how respectful everyone was to each opinion, and I think you could see people thinking about each other’s answers and understanding to at least a certain degree. Also, I love how there’s people with different backgrounds and experiences- makes the discussion a lot more diverse and interesting
:)
Randell’s maturity and articulate, thoughtful answers are wonderful
All of them were tbf
that's crazy, he comes off as a manipulative sociopath to me but i guess to each their own
I have never clicked so fast, this is such a riveting topic for me
As a married (grey)ace person I struggle to understand how people find the time to balance more than one partner. The idea of having to balance the emotional and physical needs of more than 1 additional person seems exhausting.
Yeah I don’t get it
My parents are polyamorous. I watched them go through a relationship with one of their best friends. No one’s needs were ever met, everyone was angry with eachother about one thing or another, and now my mom doesn’t talk to her and only my dad does. I’m aroace and I can’t handle the thought of being responsible for one person let alone more than one
@Tealeefers that's a really unique experience . Thanks for sharing.
Regarding the divorce rate, I think a very large part of the divorce rate isn’t necessarily monogamy, rather it might be people spending more time planning for the wedding than the actual marriage. I hear of these people with these massive, extravagant weddings that cost tens of thousands of dollars and people talking about how they want “the most perfect day of their lives.” I can’t help but think to myself, “How much time did these people spend planning their actual marriage and how long will the marriage last?” Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment that should be planned out. It’s not something you can constantly just makeup on the fly and be consistently successful.
Its because modern people think marriage is about finding "the love of your life" and then living happily ever after. This is unrealistic. You are going to fight. You have to make sacrifices to keep the marriage going. I have found a similar issue with people's perception on careers. They think you find your "one true passion" and only do that for the rest of your life, only to find out they have no idea what to do with their lives.
I think people are finding incompatible partners. And some may think that once they're married, they've caught a partner and can now no longer worry about maintaining a healthy relationship with their partner. some people also have no idea what a healthy relationship is. No one should stay in an unhealthy marriage or relationship.
@@gloriag8341they will stay whatever it takes. toxic or not. bcoz they have something like sink cost fallacy, they may acknowledge that.
that's some reason why polyamory comes out
I prefer monogamy. It's more special and I can't imagine being "in love" with two people at once. I feel like the only way to have a very deep connection is to spend time with one person. Monogamy is underrated
It‘s not underrated it‘s just our generation is used to just give up on relationship easily and all which is so sad. Love and relationship has to be worked on.
completely agree
i think its rated just fine, not underrated since most people are monogamous
"Monogamy is underrated" lmao most people are monogamous
Monogamy is underrated whatt mostly people are monogamous
It’s so sad that there’s people out there that truly think you can’t commit to one person forever. We have messed each other up so much as humans and with love that hope in a forever love with one person is gone.
But why should you have to commit to one person if you love more than one person?
@@Tomb-Wraith if you love more than one person then if you don't want to commit to them you don't have to. I'm talking about how it's sad that some people have a viewpoint that a monogamous love that is faithful and lasts forever doesn't exist.
@mikaylacabrera7961 Or, I don't know, commit to the people who make you happy? Even if its more than one person? I'm saddened that people think polyamorous love is just "lust" and is somehow worse.
@@Tomb-Wraith Yeah I can see that people think that, I know how we think as individuals is from our viewpoints only and our attachment styles. How secure and insecure we are within ourselves so there are things most humans will have a hard time understanding. But F what people think, love who you wanna love, no one has to understand the relationship(s) besides the people in it.
@@Tomb-WraithI don't think you can fully love more than one person. When you get married you make a vow to love that one person and you aren't really loving them if you desire other people. If they aren't filling your needs maybe they aren't your person or you have some type of trauma.
I think that some people are genuinely polyamorous but the majority of people in open relationships and poly relationships in their 20s/30s just have commitment issues. I also think there’s something to it that non monogamous people tend to be unattractive/awkward, cus if you have two really attractive people together they usually don’t need to seek out other options.
But again, in many cultures non monogamy is the norm, so I def believe some people are by nature not cut out for a pair bond.
Polyamorous people are ugly? What in the logic-twisties is this?
I don't think it has anything to do with attractiveness because if that was the case you'd assume the opposite, more attractive someone is, the more options they have, therefore the more partners they would be able to acquire.
@@jesseshepherd5522yep pretty much
Lol, do you watch Aba and Preach too?
I think the problem with saying "commitment issues" is that it implies that if they are not committing in the way you think they should, then they are wrong. The reality is there are many ways to commit to a relationship and they don't always have to be long-term and lasting, especially with how much people grow as individuals. I also think it's very strange to say non-monogamous people tend to be unattractive because beauty is subjective.
Polyamory has always seemed self-centered to me. Almost all people in polyamorous relationships I encountered always talked purely about themselves, whereas people in monogamous relationships almost never exempted their respective partners from the conversations and spoke as if on behalf of both of them.
because it is very selfish, "i'm not getting everything i need from this one person" to me sounds like "i can't be by myself for extended periods of time and need someone to fill that gap". it does not work out long-term, it's more chaos, more stress, more energy time and money. it's also messier when it doesn't work out, when there's jealousy, i don't understand how anyone thinks its practical at all. it's pure hedonism and nothing more than that
@@muzak913agreed. How awful is it to tell someone who is giving themselves to you in a way they don't to any other person "Sorry, you're just not giving me everything _I_ need. Your not fulfilling _my_ needs, so I'm going to shop around for a bunch of people who can all fulfill _me,_ but I'll keep you here on the side so I can use you when I need you to fill a specific need for _me."_ What a sad, pathetic bunch of people.
@@muzak913 I wonder why it's not more selfish to limit what your partner does because of your own codependent pair bonding
@@Joy-kc5xz It's so neurotic to expect everyone to be monogamous, and call them pathetic if they are not. Especially since monogamy is built on codependency.
@@Piedra_Blanca it isnt selfish whatsoever. if both parties are held to the same standard, then there is no room for one party to have more sway or power over the other. it is an extremely selfish thought process to say "i am not getting absolutely everything that i want from one partner, so i will subdivide my time and energy among multiple people to fill the void within me." i can safely tell you from any friend ive had who thought polyamory/open relationships were the way, they eventually crash and burn and they grow out of it. you cant name me one "polyamous" couple over age 50 because they dont exist. it is a hedonistic lifestyle with no actual basis in actually providing the things that a monogamous relationship is structured to handle. monogamous relationships are supposed to require sacrifices equally from both parties, and the beauty of them is sticking through the hardships and temptations and investing in one person. only a delusional child thinks that polyamory is viable for a long term lifestyle. it simply does not work.
Hey Jubilee, I was winding if you would be willing to do a spectrum video with children that came from spurm donors? My parents used a spurm donor to have me and I’m curious what options other people who also came from spurm parents would have.
That's a really interesting idea!
yeaaaa
@@slayer-dj3dc children that came from sperm donors and parents who used them
Mel is so heartbroken and it makes me so sad. I hope they’re gonna be okay
This is one of the best episodes Jubilee have made. So representative, so many differing opinions and perspectives! So wonderful to watch.
Jesus loves you he died on the cross for your sins. All you have to do is believe in him and you will be saved. ❤
I really like that you include older people in your videos! I specially appreciate Mike a lot!
I liked how nuanced Jessica's arguments were. Would have loved to see more of her
I really like how overall neither side wanted to impose their opinions on the other side. They weren’t opposed to either form of love, they just talked about what works for them personally. Really refreshing to see.
i really liked how open mike was to learning about polyamory, i think i remember him from another video and disagreeing a lot with his views but i think he really showed up today
Jesus loves you he died on the cross for your sins. All you have to do is believe in him and you will be saved. ❤
@@wilashis3259 ❤️❤️❤️
If I may, which one?
Stop comparing polyamorous threesomes to "coming out."
I think we can draw a line that being in a polyamorous relationship is a lot different than being gay, bi, trans etc.
I’m bi and polyamorous and I literally face more discrimination for being poly. Also, there is no legal protections for poly people. Practicing poly is a choice, but this is how I’ve always been wired. Not practicing would go against my nature just as much as turning off my gayness.
@@auri7442 damn , are all white people this privileged or what?
@@auri7442 I’m pretty sure everyone is wired to have sex with whoever they want. People resist that nature not because it’s immoral or wrong, but because it’s unhealthy. I hooked up with a ton of girls in HS but when I met my sweetheart I stopped and now we’ve been in a healthy relationship for 4 years as of today.
@@auri7442 this, more backlash for the polyamory mindset/views (don't even practice anymore because it's too risky where I'm at) than I have for my pansexuality
@@norwegroletsplay2250 that's not how polyamory works but go off
I really don’t like the idea of having the other partner watch the kids that are not even there’s that’s not fair and is treating them more like a nanny or maid than a partner. This is why it’s imperative for each partner to have their own homes so they don’t feel like a nanny or a maid that definitely can cause some problems. What if that partner has plans outside of the relationship that night like seeing someone else or even spending time with friends.
I just don't understand some of their reasoning like: My partner doesn't fulfill all my needs so I seek other relationships that will. for 1, what needs exactly? sexually? well okay I guess. But if they mean things like we don't share all the same interests or hobbies or they don't care to talk about certain topics or go out and do certain things, well isn't that what friends are for? And if so why do you have to fuck them or be romantic with them and not just leave it as a healthy friendship.
and 2, why do you expect to get all of your needs met all of the time or immediately. Real relationships require communication, compromise, patience, and persistence, you don't just walk away when you don't get exactly what you want when and how you want it. people aren't perfect, but you can work towards building understanding, love and devotion, a real, almost perfect, bond. The more you walk away, the more time you waste on ever actually connecting and building with someone.
It just feels very superficial, immature, and selfish. I get the impression these people have very unhealthy attachments styles towards others based on feelings of infatuation or romanticization, and struggle with low self esteem/worth.
Seems it would be healthier to acknowledge and treat this, not enable and normalize it.
Your concerns are reasonable but not all poly people are poly because "their partner doesn't fulfill their needs". Some feel they have the room to love multiple people and it has nothing to do with if their partner is fulfilling a need or not. Some feel they just like having multiple relationships/partners and I believe that's okay. I understand coming from a monogamous perspective it's hard to conceptualize and easy to pin as an issue/unfair to a partner but polyamourous relationships go both ways. All people involved tend to communicate well with each other and are aware of their partners preferences. Obviously, not all poly people will communicate well but that's the same with monogamous people. I think people exploring their sexualities and relationship prefernces beyond the standard "1 partner only" is great and should be encouraged. I think the issues come more to lack of communication/boundaries within the relationship. As long as everyone is aware of what's happening then I think it could be really helpful to people trying to understand themselves in relationships and how they want to love. There's really little reason to why someone should only have 1 partner, it's just a societal standard we've created and society changes constantly. It's best to open our minds and think critically on what we perceive as problematic/unhealthy because historically, we've made unfair assumptions about different lifestyles because of meaningless societal taboo.
most poly people i know IRL say and use the Not one person can fullfill your needs to jusitfy it" @@purplepie04
The polyamorist viewpoint is not necessarily that love and sex can be seperate. The polyamorist view is that love/sex do not necessarily have to be exchanged between exclusive partners.
@@thotslayer9914 most people are culturally monogamous by force and generational peer pressure. Poly has been around beginning of time
I have nothing against polyamory and I’ve thought about it for myself multiple times over the years but it just seems like it could get soooo messy!
Because it does a lot more than poly. I personally don’t agree with it but people can make decisions on how they please since that’s their life
I actually love the idea of polyamory but it’s one of those things that is really great theoretically but in my opinion not sustainable realistically. It can get messy and draining.
The problem with some polyamory is that a lot of folks are disconnected from themselves, and rely too much on others to fulfill their needs.
Monogamous people do that too. It’s not a “problem with polyamory”, weirdo
Same with monogamy
I am really going through stuff rn and really needed this type of video
I wouldn't necessarily say that it's "unrealistic" to think you can spend the rest of your life with one person. We've heard many success stories of that happening, so you can't say that long-term relationships with one person can't work. We've also heard many failed stories of long-term relationships with one person not working out as well. I think it's important to understand that you can spend the rest of your life with one person, but if things start to go south (growing apart, not loving each other anymore, etc) that ending the relationship is okay. I don't think you need more than one partner in that case. It's a personal choice, of course.
I think another thing that've important to understand is that there isn't just one "soulmate". In a world of 7 billion + people, you can't just have one soulmate. So in that regard, you can have a long-term relationship with one person, find out they aren't "the one" and go out trying to find "the one". I don't think you need to be with multiple people because you fear the person you're with isn't "the one".
I've always said "it doesn't take love to make love." But the exact opposite can also be true.
Now, let me watch & see if anyone is like minded in the video.
I think this expression is really interesting, but I'm not really sure what it means. Could you break it down for me?
@@smartie3445
you don’t have to be inlove to make love to someone.
And the opposite would be
you don’t have to make love to someone to be inlove with them,
i hope this cleared anything up for u lol.
(make love to = have sex with)
in simpler terms
‘u don’t have to be inlove to have sex with someone. and you don’t have to have sex with someone to be inlove w them’
I always wanted this episode … Thanks Jubileee for making videos we shy away from 💯 also the production quality is insanely inspiring for us creators 🔥
Are you a bot? I saw you comment something similar on Dr Mikes channel 🧐
Polyamory is not for everybody, but it is for more people than they would like to admit.
honestly i feel like so many relationships would be saved if people weren't pressured into monogamy and felt comfortable communicating non monogamous desires.
many people just aren't cut out for monogamy but don't feel like they have any other option.
@@CB-ec3bd I *100%* agree. Monogamy is a societal construct that is force-fed into us from the moment we're born. Everybody is expected to follow this mold but there is a population of people who can't and that's okay.
Monogamy is not bad, but it is *not* the only way to live a happy romantic life. My vendetta is that it's held regarded as the pinnacle of romantic commitment when 1.) So many people fail at it and 2.) So many people who follow it are quick to shame alternative lifestyles like polyamory. I believe this specifically needs to change.
Love this discussion thread
And you would know this, how?
@@bornwithoutconsentobviously Because monogamy is shoved down the throats of the vast majority of humans from the moment they pop out of the womb. All western societies are indoctrinated by church and/or culture to adhere to the method of lifelong monogamy. But statistics just proves that lifelong monogamy simply does not work for everyone and actually does not even work for the majority.
50% of monogamous marriages end in divorce.
And these are just the marriages that actually end. In the other 50%, there’s a ton of people who remain permanently separated and are completely unhappy but stay together out of pragmatism (sharing children, financial reasons as it’s cheaper for some to remain legally married, etc.)
People cheat. A lot. This is remarkably common and the numbers back it up. There are indeed many people who don’t cheat, and amongst this population are those that never will cheat but are secretly unhappy. They remain silent about it for years because they feel pressured to keep other people happy. So they throw away their own happiness.
If the idea of alternative methods outside of monogamy weren’t so stigmatized, more people would try out these methods and discover what is better for them. For some people, it is 100% monogamy. For others, monogamy does not work at all. But those who choose not to live a monogamous lifestyle should *not* be shamed. There is no one size fits all approach for this. People are nuanced.
Bruh they look exactly how you'd expect them to look
Bunny looks like she walked out of the Capitol of The Hunger Games lol
I'm very proud of the folks who answered the questions as a general statement and not just about how they prefer their relationships to function. For example, Luca is definitely monogamous, but just because his ideal family is one with only two parents, that doesn't mean he finds polyam families "inappropriate."
theres nothing wrong with being jealous over your partner. being jealous and being toxic are two completely different things. if your partner is listening to you then you won't have to be jealous So i didn't like when this person said they need to FIX themselves for being jealous... that sounded odd to me
So polyamarous people are just openly saying that they are just using people for their own benefit? Well, It is easier to fix a problem if you can identify it easier.
You want to talk to a polyamorous person who can actually form a cohesive argument?
@@Tomb-Wraith idk, I never thought about it.
I don't think poly people are using anyone. Think about your friendships and how you have different levels of intimacy and connection. Same goes for poly folks. You might have a best friend that you call crying at 2 AM, a friend that you grab drinks with, and a friend that you share a hobby with. Different poly connections can be the same. You can have serious and romantic relationships with one or more people or have more casual light-hearted relationships with others.
You're 100% correct there sir.
I don‘t like the jumping right into the discussion format as much as the old one. You saw everybody for a second when they introduced themselves before now i don‘t know which side they came from while answering the first question and i just find it very nice to just get a overall view before jumping right into the discussion.
honestly, do whatever works for you. if you think a poly relation can work, you can always try it with people who think the same that you got a romantic connection with. if it doesn't work out, lesson learned and if it does, dope! same with monogamy of course
@@thotslayer9914 that’s fine, if they’re inclined towards monogamy then they can stay monogamous. This comment is directed towards those who aren’t.
Hey Jubilee do you think you guys could a middle ground for determinism vs free will? I feel it’s an interesting topic that is hardly ever discussed.
The title is somewhat misleading. Of course love and sex *can* be separate. Anyone who's had casual sex or sex in a loveless relationship can tell you that. Whether you'd *want* love and sex to be separate is a choice and lifestyle. Also, polyamory has nothing to do with love and sex being separate, per se. By definition polyamory is loving multiple people at once.
I’m confused where people are getting the idea that your spouse has to fill every single need you have. That’s exhausting for both parties.
If an important need isn’t being met, that’s where you communicate about it and work through it giving your spouse the chance to step up and meet that need, and vice versa.
What happened to commitment nowadays…..
someone can't fill that need? Just get another one, now you have two.
FINALLY!!! middle ground is the only reason i’m subscribed to this channel.
Great episode!! Well done jubilee❤️🙏
This was refreshing to see! I loved hearing both sides and this really putes a lot of things into perspective.
You know stuffs about to go down when they put a disclaimer in the beginning
fr fr
And nothing went down
They're putting disclaimers at the start of all of them now.
@@Whimsicaltoday Oh nvm
Simple answer is that some ppl can and some can’t 🤷🏾♂️
I love mel’s whole vibe they seem like they would be cool to be friends with
I believe Mel goes by they/them! And I’ve met them they are cool!
Mel is an absolute angel. They are one of my dearest friends and I know they’re always open to expanding their friend group
@@gabriellemontante9132 idk why my message kept deleting lol but I was saying they could add my snap if they want
@@gabriellemontante9132 what’s their Instagram? 👀 lol
Ye
I can't even find myself one person, let alone multiple 😩🤣🤣
tbh, I still don't understand the difference between polygamy and polyamory. One is more of a legal term and that's about it. Neither implies sex with multiple partners, just relationships. To me saying they're different makes it sound like you're also saying an asexual can't be in a monogamous or polygamous relationship, and as an asexual myself I cannot agree to such a notion. If someone could explain why it's not that to me, I would appreciate that
Polygamy is multiple spouses. Polyamory is relationships with multiple people
@@MaahirMomtaz12 Yes, I get that, but what's the difference outside of legality? That's what my question was
A polygamous relationship is a type of polyamorous relationship by extension
@@annaairahala9462 Outside of legality not much lol
Feel like it's mostly about the history of the terms. Polygamy is the term that is often used in historical contexts and used the refer to communities that often use it in toxic behavior like the mormon community or other religious cults.
Polyamory is a newer term that refers more to a "modern" relationship not build on it and that wants to actively seperate themselves from polygamy.
I think this difference is kynda necessary to seperate the groups from each other legally.
@@DGAMINGDE ok ok ok, this is no hate to your comment, but mormons never had "polygamy" in their church. They did it when it was a thing and was legal, they stopped when it became illegal. People often mistaken them for having polygamy when I've seen that is not the case. BUT I'm not saying there are no exceptions, but thats with everything...
Although I get the point about multiple spouses providing additional support for the family, I think it's more of a sad consequence of our current disconnected world. Back in the day (and still to this day, in much of the developing world) people live in communities, having their families near by and can access support for raising children. It makes me sad that in our world some people might feel the need for an extra romantic partner to support childrearing. However, I understand that people need to do whatever they need to do to get by in today's world.
Thanks for being respectful to all viewpoints and individuals. So nice to see that in action
Monogamy is very realistic! Choose wisely who you want to be in a relationship with and stay it that way.
I know this isn’t a spectrum episode, but it just occurred to me what if there was a spectrum episode: do all actors think the same? Re: fame, on screen physical intimacy, drama schools, etc. they could get famous celebs or just working class actors! I would be so interested
Polyamory is just an excuse not to commit.
Actually it isn't.
I'm with my primary partner for 13 years lol
I was not expecting so much mutual respect. I am very impressed. Great group (:
How is it that Mike is in a lot of these episodes?…with the same red sweater! I love it!! 😂
why is jubilee making them stand like that tho 😂😂
Poly is being avoident with society's approval
Phenomenal work by the Jubilee team on these videos
I am Poly but never talked down on Monogamous folks I am glad that this video follows suit....I want everyone to find someone at least one person to go through this human journey
As someone who is monogamous but currently in a mono-poly relationship. Discussions like this help me and also allow me to understand that my personal feelings are okay and there isn’t one correct way to live and love.
Thank you
What does a mono-poly relationship mean? Sorry if it’s a silly question lol
@@simply_unnamed hey! Not silly at all! It means that one partner in the relationship is monogamous (me) and one partner is polyamorous (my BF). It’s a very complicated and contradictory dynamic that takes a lot of communication! Things have changed drastically since I originally commented on this video but my boyfriend and I are still together!
@@syd5745so you’re getting played 😮
@@efreezeaimtopleaze I mean. It’s fine if you feel that way. I was fully aware of the situation I was entering when I met my bf. But I respect your opinion from an outside perspective.
Polyamorous relationships are a no no for me because I only have bad experiences with it and it just seems selfish and like you’re desperate there’s a hole in your soul and you feel like one person isn’t enough or just to scared to fail it’s more sad then it is anything else too me
same. I tried and realized i was cowardly avoiding love by wanting all the power and having one foot in and the other out.
@@jasmineali5699 I don’t hate them or anything ofc I’m just not for that life style ig haha
@@jasmineali5699 that's the description i needed. that's all it is, having back ups and cherry picking what you want from people.
As someone who was in love with someone who I probably will never be with, and now am searching for another partner, It’s hard to find someone that I feel the same loyalty to, someone that makes me want to stop searching/swiping because they’re the perfect person for me. It’s hard to imagine loving someone more than my first love.
So I can see kind of what they were saying about not being fulfilled by just one person.
But I know I would feel fulfilled if I could only be with my first love. It’s just that I can’t be with them lol. But I’m also not the type to be polyamorous, that wouldn’t help me. I can chit chat with multiple guys but eventually I want to settle with the right one
I love how civil and calm this discussion was.
Wouldn’t countries and cultures where men can have multiple wives refute the idea that monogamy is rooted in patriarchy…? Yes I now realize that polygamy is different than being polyamorous, but the two are still closer to each other than monogamy is to either of them.
I’ve seen Mike in multiple Jubilee videos, I admire him for going to here other people’s views and being so respectful and open to change.
Monogamy can be rooted in patriarchy whilst polygamy also is rooted in patriarchy, they are not mutually exclusive. I'm not saying I believe it is though, I don't know enough about history to have an opinion on it.can
As far as I'm aware, the vast majority of societies where polygamy is practiced are patriarchal in nature, and only men have the right to have multiple partners. Patriarchal societies can produce both monogamy and polygamy, but both have historically benefitted men more than women, particularly when you think about property rights, decision-making within the family, and rights to divorce. Polyamory as it is practiced now is very different--it's far more flexible and untied to the institution of marriage. That being said, I believe when people in the US say "monogamy is rooted in patriarchy," they are referencing distinctly *Christian* legacies of patriarchy, which has been dominantly monogamous. Of course, this norm did not apply to most Christian rulers throughout history
this was a great video, all of the speakers were so well spoken and thoughtful.
this is the best episode from this series so far, each one of them stated their opinions so calmly
This was definitely one of the most respectful groups in these videos!