Wow!!! You just told my story. I struggled with depression for years. Showing up to work, sitting in the parking lot, and then calling out from the parking lot, because I couldn't stomach going in and being around people (1997). In 2018, I was terminated from my job after 18 yrs of service and boom. I stayed in my bedroom for 6 months & lost 40 lbs. I couldn't find a reason to thrive. I was then diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma, and I finally got the help I needed along with Chemo. In 2021, I opened an Etsy shop and started crafting. In 2022, I found vanlife ❤ I started going camping and traveling in my car. It brings me so much joy! Birdie, you got this!!! 💪🏾 Just find what brings you joy & the rest will follow ❤
I am living the fact that mental illness is progressive. I have such anxiety that I can’t force myself to go to a doctor. I’m living with some pretty ugly health problems but can’t force myself to a Dr. Much of what you talked through, I feel. You are talking to my soul. I think you are a beautiful person. You have so much to offer this world. Thank you for being you! Thank you for saying out loud how I feel. ❤
@@kathy7531 💔🙏🏽🥺... My heart goes out to U, 😭 it truly truly does. Ur words hit hard. As I was getting ready to comment to Birdie I read ur post & cried...I'm in the exact boat U are in. I've become agoraphobic for 10 years...trust no one, can't bring myself to see or speak to a dr. Developed a major back injury. I'm severely terrified of everything....life is miserable but my FEAR/ ANXIETY controls my every thought🥺. Jus know for what it's worth I'm sending prayers to U. I get it ohh do I get it. I cry when I know someone else is suffering as I feel I am.. Hugs 💐
@@kathy7531and you my dear just explained me to a T, I have really bad health anxiety. And I too have health problems but I can’t stomach going to a dr and actually finding out what’s wrong and how bad it might be. I have a fear of dying but I can’t force myself to a dr to find out something bad. It’s a viscous cycle. You would think I’d be at the dr all the time. But I’m so afraid of bad news. It’s awful. I’ve struggled with being a “hypochondriac” literally all my life. I remember at the age of 5 asking my mom if I had what ever what was on the tv. For example, there would be someone with a brain tumor on TV and I would convince myself I had it. I did finally go on lexapro for the obsessive thoughts and it did help, but doesn’t keep the monster out totally. You got this girl!
As a person working in the mental health field, I can't thank you enough for this video. I don't know what your future holds for you, but I I do know that you have a gift for telling your story that is authentic and has the potential to help so many people. Don't give up, please! There is a place for you full of people who need to hear you.
@@VeggieStraws3 I have the same type of adhd/depression. I have been unable to refill my adhd medication for 8 months due to a shortage and cannot make myself do the simplest of tasks. I'm physically able to but mentally unable too without the necessary medication. This was an amazing video!
It's not a chemical imbalance. It's not a mental health issue. It's a lack of village support. The village has gone and we've been cut adrift to survive on our own in a sea of automatons.
Exactly, it’s shown that the healthiest people are those living in the blue zones of the world where everyone is loved, everyone is accepted and everyone helps each other. 💙
This doesn’t sound like mental illness, this sounds like an extremely self aware sentient being in a world that is entirely evil and utterly unnatural. Jobs that are literally soul draining. I’m envious that you already knew at 8 that something was wrong and we all should be questioning why we are here and that question should never stop being asked or explored.
EXACTLY!!!! I try to explain to my therapist that my “cognitive distortions”🙄 are actually valid and that I’m really just an incredibly self-aware human being in a world that I KNOW isn’t meant to be lived in like this. “Mental illness” is literally just the result of end-stage capitalism, being taken advantage of by corporate greed and our government, and living in a way that is a disturbance to our nervous systems. I wish everyone knew this, instead they just play the game that’s designed to deteriorate every ounce of sanity that we have. Of course this is the result. Instead of creating a REAL solution, we just slap a DSM-5 label on “neurodivergent” individuals and send them off with their mind-numbing medications. I could go on and on about how F*CKED all of this is
@@thugga.thugga this was perfectly said 💯 everything is wrong with our lives now & the ship is sinking fast! At least that means more people can see it. I can’t believe anyone is able to stay asleep & fight for status quo at all anymore.
Awe sweetheart, this broke my heart in so many ways. But buckle up Chuckles because I'm about to lay some very honest positivity on you! First and foremost - YOU YOU YOU despite what you tell yourself, raised up one super amazing young woman and that is something that you cannot deny and no one can ever take away from you. Hear me?? YOU did that! Second - the very fact that you can self-analyze AND share that with the world is absolutely ah-mazing! Third - do you have ANY idea how rare it is to have gained so many followers and subscribers on UA-cam in SUCH a short time??? MAJOR kudos! Fourth - (see, and you thought I was done! Nope!) You can freaking EDIT!! I have been trying to learn that for over a year and STILL cannot figure it out! Fifth - you have one of the most disarming, charming, and endearing senses of humor that I have seen in so very long and I freaking LOVE that! Sixth - you have such a gorgeous, sweet, enchanting singing voice! I'm so jealous! Seventh - you are a Creative. Which is WHY boredom is so disastrous for you. This is something I can 100% understand and relate to. You gotta trust me on this one! And I'm willing to also put down money on I've had about a gazillion more jobs than you have! Why? Boredom!!! And eighth - and I promise to stop here altho I could go on! GURL!!!! Look at you! Out actually doing VANLIFE and making it work for you! Do you have any idea at all how many people in this world will NEVER be able to make that claim??? Oh my gosh!!! Ok, I'm going to leave it here except to say we ALL love our Birdie and will be here whenever you can stop by to say hello and share your beautiful spirit with us once again - ok, so I tried to input some emoji's here, but my laptop hates me so I'll just say HUGS AND HEARTS! Ok, I lied - one more thing - you have the most beautiful face and smile!
So many people have said what I was going to say. (Shit) I #will# say; honey, I couldn’t give a rats ass if you posted three times a week. If you only do one I am happy; I would worry if you didn’t. Even if you only do one thing per day, you’ve done something. Yes, I am where you are at,and some days it royally sucks. I’ve gotten a bit better, but still can’t hold a job. I’m terrified of mean people. When I have to deal with one I crumble. From the woman who still is disgusted about her parents ever having sex- 😊
“I just couldn’t “. I get it. I also didn’t even think about mental health being progressive. I can’t clean my house, hard to go shopping, PTSD and anxiety a real thing. You are awesome. I bet more people can relate to your story than you can imagine. Give yourself some grace. You are a smart and beautiful soul.❤
How many of you out here see yourself in what she is saying? I know I see my life unfolding much the same. This is a great video. Thank you for sharing.
Wow, my son is going through this now at 31 yrs. I'm so concerned about him. He is in the process of getting help. I support him as much as I can and pray he can find a solution. Bless your heart and know you are not alone. ❤
My daughter just graduated from a four-month intensive therapy and life is so much better. Of course there is still so much to do, and she has good days and bad days, but she now has the tools to cope in a healthy and productive way. Best to you and your son!
More singing please!!!! You have a beautiful voice!!!! Also, you have a brilliant way of describing things, especially the chaos of mental health. what a great picture for those who don't quite understand it. Thank you, thank you , thank you for speaking with such reality and love. You are going places, lady!!!
Birdy, I'm glad to see you today you are a good person and I feel you will care that I'm still Here after my heart surgery velve replacement and fixed up my last surgery,. I wasn't confident I'd make it through this time it was wonderful to wake up after my surgery ❤. I think we can have friendships friendships over this media. Besides my best friend and my son you were the first one I wanted to see here. Sorry you are having a hard time 😞 we will prevail ❤️💕💕
@@TeriDuncan8049 Teri, I'm so happy to hear your surgery went okay. Thank goodness! I hope this was the fixed you needed and you're in peak health soon. ❤️
I am a healthcare worker who has struggled since covid. When I have a day off, I sleep a LOT. Too many losses. I am so sensitive to other's problems. I take them on myself. I think thats why I watch van life videos. It seems freeing in a way. Thank you for sharing. What I hope you start to see is that you are not NOT normal. We all have problems with our mental health. Some people just hide it better.
I've often wondered how healthcare workers are faring these days. I'm so sorry to hear it's still so hard. I can only imagine what that's like. And how now people act like it didn't even happen. I appreciate you helping me feel more normal. I hope today is a good day for you. ❤️
Thank God I saw this. This is my story. No Gp, Psychologist or Psychiatrist seems to understand or diagnose me properly. I think it was trauma too, like your Psychiatrist explained. I had too much trauma. And i always had severe anxiety since childhood. And of course no meds helped. I only ended up getting addicted to the Valium and Ritalin that was prescribed. I got addicted to the Lyrica my friends gave me as well, to numb the emotional pain. I used to be an absolute perfectionist with very high intelligence. I got into one of the best Universities in Australia. Then when I was 39, I seemed to snap overnight. All my systems shut down. And I still have never recovered. I cannot tell you how much comfort I got from hearing your story. Now I know I'm not alone. ❤❤❤. Thank you for being so brave and sharing this. This video is a life saver.
You being denied disability is a crime. It just makes me angry that the system has failed you when you have done everything under the sun to help yourself. I hope that you continue to try to get that disability because you deserve to have that little bit of financial security. You are awesome.
This is what is happening to me right now. 6 years of denial. I’m borderline, trauma, severe anxiety and depression. ADHD secondary to trauma. I split personalities. I was hit in the head with a crowbar from ex fiancé. Cops let him go. Tried ending my existence 3x to no avail. Nothing helps. I still have no answers. All of this besides being an exjw, whole other story, I find out I’ve been in a cult and raised in one my whole life. Brainwashed, until, my best friend from teens on, who was staunch, left and told me none of it was real. I woke up to a world I don’t know. I was sexually molested as a child from my brother in law. CSA is real! Now, I deal with being lost in the world. Dunno who I am. All that piled on top of each other is a weight you can imagine. Birdie if you read this I want you to know, there’s more of us that will come out and discuss our feelings. This will help heal all of us! You Birdie are saving so many of us! We are here to save you!
Much love to all who suffer and can’t get on disability. I’m a disabled veteran who’s been denied for over a decade on all fronts. I finally got a job I haven’t been fired from, and I do a UA-cam channel which chronicles my struggles with disability, depression and life in general. ❤
It’s not you!!! It’s our society! It’s not designed for neurodivergent people. I cannot function either most of the time. It’s overwhelming to live in such a fast-paced, crowded, overstimulating environment. I spent 30+ years of my life not realizing I was autistic. Autistic women with normal/high IQ don’t exist in our society 🙄 I relate to you so much. Autistic burnout is my “I just can’t.” YT has been my main source of income for years but even that is hard. You are doing amazing ❤
Just found out today that I'm also on the spectrum. I was diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago, depression and anxiety 6 months before that. I'm 38 now. My mother referred this video to me after I told her what I found out. I feel like I've been through a lot of similar scenarios as OP. It's nice to feel less alone when others can speak more openly about their struggles. Thank you for sharing yours too!
I completely agree. Society is not set up for us. In fact, society seems to be very much against us. It's a very strange system we have set up. And very unfortunate for a lot of us. Which sucks, because we're already hard enough on ourselves as it is! I hope we can both give ourselves a break today. And I look forward to watching your channel! ❤️
Bless you. It’s SO important to be able to describe the indescribable, never more so than mental health. Those of us who share your experience, but not as articulate are so grateful. I’m very thankful to have found your channel and am so encouraged by everything you have shared. I think you are extremely bright, insightful, articulate, humorous, very pretty and very brave and are offering significant help to fellow sufferers. I’m 83, my mother was schizophrenic, and my brothers and I experienced depression, anxiety, insomnia, ADHD, bipolar-mixed, and CPTSD. We have taken an alphabet of psych meds, some of which made a huge difference for the good. Now we are watching the intergenerational genetic, developmental, and environmental effects play out on our children and grand children. I look forward to following you, and will see you at your next post. Carolee from Alaska.
I believe those who suffer with mental illness difficulties are some of the strongest people walking the face of the earth. I appreciate you sharing your story. Your ability to step out and share is making others hearing your story not feel so alone in their struggle. That is huge! You are connecting when you can, bringing smiles and laughs to others when you can. That is huge! You are worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy.
@WaywardAbode I understand... because I share similar difficulties at times in my life and we all deserve to be reminded that despite how the world still can pigeon hole people who struggle with these types of issues and difficulties...we are not less than. Keep being the amazing person you are!
Just in case someone hasn't already said it; Don't give up on disability through SSI. They love to deny an average of two times then accept on the third. Getting an SSI attorney is the best way to go. When you finally get approved, they have to back pay you to when you filed your 1st original claim. This is extremely common practice. It sucks but it is the reality of it. Additionally, we all love you and your dam videos. I don't think it will be too long before you will start earning an income through your channel. Love you Birdie. Thank you for trusting us with your vulnerable side. We are all holding you up.
This! They will deny the 1st time, knowing a certain number of people won’t appeal. Same with the 2nd round. Getting a disability lawyer is the way to go.
Self love is the hardest….. I don’t even understand the concept.🤷🏻♀️ I am getting pretty good at self compassion though.😅 I gave up on traditional mental health modalities quite awhile ago too. Thank you so much for sharing your story Birdie…. Count it all gain…. You know so much about life because of your journey. Keep going with UA-cam, we appreciate you so much! We are happy with what you post, don’t put pressure on yourself.❤️
You’re a writer. The way you described boredom was so poetic ! Proof that you’ve felt it and evidence that you go through things to teach it from the other side. Thanks for sharing your story! 💕
I relate to so much of this. I have always had extreme anxiety, PTSD, bipolar 2, obsessive thoughts about my health, etc. I went over three months without even taking a shower. I’ve always been such a clean freak, but I couldn’t muster up the energy to just take a shower, brush my teeth, get ready, clean the house, etc. no one understands, they think you are just lazy and “come on, just get up and take a shower, come out to dinner with all of us” (my mom saying this) they just don’t get it. you are so strong, stronger than you know. And also, you have such a beautiful, soft, singing voice. It’s so pretty!
Friend here.❤❤❤Your presence is a gift to this world. We need more people capable of caring so deeply and sharing so openly. I understand how hard it is to give yourself the grace you generously give others. You are intelligent, insightful, introspective, generous, compassionate, and beautiful to behold.
When you said "why cant I do it???!!!???" Girl, i got tears!! 😢😢😢😢😢 f*ck i know how it feels!!! Ugh, i wish we lived closer...we could be a good support system for one another. You flipping rock and don't you forget that, Birdie!!!!❤
Jesus is loving you immensely, no matter what you do or not. He loves you just for being here for existing so don’t give up ever! you don’t have to do anything for him to love you remember that. I’m telling this from bottom of my heart because I’ve been struggling with my mental health issues for last 15 years and I’ve also tried a lot of it. Nothing helped. But last month, Jesus came into my life through UA-cam and for the first time in my life I felt better. Don’t get me wrong I was someone who did not believe faith can help me. I was looking way out in every other aspect, except faith. I’m not an orthodox Christian or any of that sort don’t get me wrong. I just started to get to know Jesus and already I’m feeling better so I would just like to give you love from my heart so he can touch you as well. For a long time, I thought I need to do all of this things to be loved and I was in the same mental state as you were but now I know that is not a true. I am a love, no matter what I do you are loved no matter what you do. God bless you and I wish you all the well!❤️
I have never heard someone sum up mental health so well so real. I'm normally a watcher not a commenter. My cat is sitting here watching me cry and laugh. Mental health has been a part of my life since I was a child. I blocked out most of my early years. At 12 I saw my mom have a mental break. At that time they called it manic depression. The first of many. I didn't understand at first. I was told my mom was faking it she just wanted attention. One of her hospital stays my aunt was screaming at her, so much so they removed me from the room. A nurse sat with me and explained so much. I then realized my mom was sick and it wasn't her fault. My family continued to treat her so badly. My mom struggled my whole life. I will be 48 this month. My daughter started having issues around 12. I did everything I possibly could to get her everything she needed. Therapy, medication, hobbies to fill time. I didn't want her to go through what my mom did. I thought I could fix it. Therapy helped some. Medication made her gain weight which made depression so much worse. I tried to make her a gamer like me. What kid doesn't want to play video games? Apparently mine 😂 tried to get her into my crafty brain. Diamond painting she just liked to watch me. I was trying so hard to give her a safe outlet. I don't know what's next as she is adulting now. I do just about anything for her to come visit. She was always close with my mom. She realizes life is different for her. Not everyone gets it.
My mom gave me horses as an outlet. At 12 she let me work on a local ranch when I wasn't in school. At 14 she and my grandpa bought me my own horse. Mom always said horses were cheaper than a psychiatrist. She struggled with her mental health too. I am totally grateful she was able to see what I needed and she let me do it. ❤
@@rangerannie5636 my daughters therapist suggested a pet. I wasn't convinced I'd never had a pet my entire life. We go to pick up a kitten. She picked a sweet tuxedo but there was this little black cat that wouldn't leave me alone. Squeaky meow...the lady said take it if u want it or I'm opening the door and letting her out. Id swooped her up so fast. My daughter was 12 at the time. We got home knowing dad wasn't going to like we got two. She named her cat mittens we call him bubba. This cat saved my daughters life. She would come home in tears he would be right there. Wherever she was he was. The smile I loved was coming back. Dinner and nail dates with mom were coming back. When she said mom I'm ready to get my own place. I was scared. Scared that if she needed me I wouldn't be there. She said mom bubba will be with me I'll be fine. Now he is just a grand kitty. The little black cat that meowed at me turned out to be the pet I never knew I needed. These 2 have turned my daughter and I into crazy cat ladies. She rescued another one and I took one of my grandsons cats that needed to be rehomed. The healing power of a pet is very real.
ADHD, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism and other conditions have problems with transitions. Temple Grandin (famous Autistic) has spoken about Doorways of ALL kinds! thank you for making the brain bugs REAL for those who need someone as articulate as you are, to "translate the crazy" into comprehensible language. 👽🙊❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Wow,, you described my life to a T. I'm 61 and I'm having the same difficulty. I've had depression, anxiety and ADD issues my whole life but these past 5 years or so it's gotten worse. I don't see my friends anymore either. I do keep in contact with them on facebook but that's about it. They finally stopped asking me to hang out. I just started a new job about a year ago. Nothing hard, working medical records at a large clinic. I'm having a hard time focusing, and I'm very forgettful at work. My co workers gets aggraveted with me all the time. I make one mistake after another. When I get home, all I do is want to lay down and rest, sometimes until the next morning. I feel that I'm more of a bother than a help at work. I feel bad for my coworker that is stuck with me everyday. This has taken such a toll on my mental health for most of my life, especially now. Thank you so much for sharing. Im sure it wasn't easy to open up like that. Just know you helped me out tremendously, and I'm sure others also. I just subscribed so you have a new subscriber......Oh yeah I forgot to mention that I have a daughter also and my ex wife raised her. I just didn't have it in me, it was hard. Take care...
Keep at it and just do your best, I also have hard time concentrating. Nobody promised your coworker a breeze of a workday either, so just keep at it and don't worry that you're bothering your coworker. I also often feel like I'm annoying literally everyone, but that's ok, they'll just need to tolerate it😂😂😂
I'm certain she does. When I had my office, there were therapist down the hall. They would visit my office for Their Therapy Session. I heard it all. ~ 🦋
"... You better have a damn good reason why (you don't contribute to society)..." That rings through my head 24/7 fighting that off is like working a full-time job.
Yessss.. I have worked SO hard to believe that my worth doesn't lie in how "productive" I am, how much money I make, none of that. I am not defective, I am just right, am full of life and light and love to give.
CPTSD, depression, and anxiety can steal your life away. It makes life unmanageable. I did EMDR 2 years ago and it has completely changed my life. Thank you for sharing your story.
Lifelong MDD, Dysthymia, and Borderline PD here. Started EMDR in October, and after 5 sessions, I realized the depression was gone! I still have a day or two here or there where I’m depressed, but for the first time in my 71 years, I’m happy to wake up! Thank you for your story, I could relate to SO much of it!
Have you read "The Body Keeps The Score by Bissell Van Der Kolk "? Excellent book and you can get the workbook as well.....Excellent for trauma and other mental conditions. He does NOT believe in labels
I pretty much had what you just mentioned for about thirty years. I think what really helps is counseling interhealing in deliverance. Giving christ my life and having prayer life. It's so much better than when I first started. I'm a self supported missionary, and i've been in taiwan for twenty years. I just want to let you know that god has a good plan I went to really hard things in life, and I wasn't sure if I'd make it I kept my eyes on. Jesus, I still do. Come back in taiwan it's my third missionary journey I live in a studio In the countryside. I'll be praying for you. I wasn't a lash kid, but God , I wish I was. My mom had issues I'm thankful for the healing that god has brought to my siblings and myself We take care of our parents even though they're divorced. I just want to encourage you not to give up. Save jesus , he can help can him heal Never felt like I was in a well.I felt like I was in a pit of darkness Jesus really did take me out of the pit.
Oh Birdie…I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I have quite the inkling. I was a high functioning depressive throughout my life, but when anything terrible happened in my wavelength I dropped like a rock. I never lost my job because I had summers off and the most wonderful therapist that I know cared for me so much. But I had to be so, so brave to go to work. I cried a lot. Years and years of crying and then pressing on. I had a professional job and the money was good. I’m retired now and almost 70 (next month). One thing I can tell you…therapy did help me a lot. I will always be on an antidepressant or two. And anxiety lessoned as I aged. I felt like I was useless at times, but now I realize just how well I did, and I am aware of the special gifts that depression gave me. That said, I do know that I felt dead at times, and so, so lonely. My heart is with you.
Oh....im 31, wondering if this will be me in the future. This type of society just really sucks the life out of you from an incredibly early age. Ive been working ON PAPER since i was 14. Its crazy to think thats over HALF OF MY LIFE ALREADY, and there is no hope of retirement or peace. Like i dont want to die, but how do you NOT want to die? I resonate so deeply and painfully with the inability to transition into different states or activities. Its like i can feel the gears GRINDING to do so, and the only reason i do things quickly in that regard is out lf anxiety and fear of consequence. If i could do THINGS, i would be incredible 😂 I have interests but the only thing i LOVE doing is eating 😂 and watching videos of people talking...like this :)
I am oh so happy the comment section is full of love and support! What a wonderful gift you have given, sharing your heart and soul in this way. Thank you!
I’m at the age where if I can’t function I can stay home. You talked a lot about my life. The thing I think you should be proud of is you did the most important thing you could do as a parent. You thought of your daughter first and did the best thing for her. I applaud you!
I see that you are a woman of great integrity. Your honesty, vulnerability & accurate empathy would not be possible with a diagnosis of BPD, or really any personality disorder. Despite unbearable depression you put your daughter first; what heroic parenting!
I don't think you understand personality disorders very well. She definitely can have a personality disorder and still have all those good traits. What a stigmatizing comment, and on a mental illness video? Do better.
My mental health journey is very similar to yours. I'm struggling with chronic pain, depression, and anxiety. I'm in trauma counseling now but still struggling every day. You are so very brave to share your story. I pray you find peace. Thanks for sharing. I truly appreciate you and understand what you are going through.
You are not alone. I'm the same type of person that suffered from mental illness. Your experiences touched my heart deeply. I sooo relate to you. Keep being real 💯
You are not “the crap on the bottom of the shoe of society” - you are a beam of light and, Birdie, you have spoken for many of us and shone your bright light through the gloom which affects millions of us. Thank You 🙏🏻. There is a reason for every single one of us to ‘BE HERE NOW’ (that’s all we ALL have anyway -“NOW”. Sending you love from PD in the UK…and to let you know that I recognise the road you travel. I know it too. Keep on going my friend and know that you are loved and give yourself a ‘Hats Off’ to your strength. You are doing great on this tough journey ❤️
I so enjoy looking at your pretty face, your voice is charming and brightens my day. I’m so glad you make videos. I look forward to them very much. I’m awfully glad you’re here. I’m so glad you find the strength to share with us. Your daughter is lucky to have you as her mother. Thank you for still being here. When I was going through a tough time my daughter shared this quote with me and it helped. “Nothing in nature blooms all year. Be patient with yourself. Deep in their roots flowers store the light”
Omg, you explained mental health so good, I am stuck too. Drive places and can’t get out. Can’t keep up with house. Just can’t get out of bed for days on end, can’t sleep… Ty so much❤🙏🏻☮️
My gosh, this is striking striking such a chord. Our daughter was diagnosed with bipolar 1,5 years ago and 5 months after that her ex-fiancee and his parents teamed up on her and discarded her like garbage. He's now living in the house they co-own, our daughter moved in with us with our grandchild. His parents contacted social services and tried to take her child but our daughter won that legal battle. It is dispicable how society discards you when you can not full contribute.
I was diagnosed with ptsd in 2016 and by 2017 I was in the hell of a nervous breakdown that took me over 5 years to claw my way out of (the *medical system* was no help) I was so sick and I understand how severe mental illness can spiral and make it near impossible to get through the basics of life. I'm sorry you've been through this, I wish you safety, health, & happiness 💗
Oh My Goodness Birdie! This episode was soul-bearing! I hope you know, and remember when you are deep in your well, that we are here for you and look forward to seeing you every Thursday. Sending HUGE HUMAN TOUCH hugs your way.
@@WaywardAbode I agree . . .... but don't feel any pressure . If you can't do it always , we'll understand and still be here . ( those who don't understand can . . . ..... go elsewhere ;-)
The psychiatrist who diagnosed me in 1989 with ptsd from childhood told me it would worsen with time. Boy you sound just like me. It has gotten better since I realized it was cptsd/trauma. I have the isolation preference, stayed in once for 5 months. Concentration. Same. Losing mental sharpness, memory. That was frightening. Improving now though. Why we get frozen? Unable to move? Read Pete Walker, or Patrick Fletcher on UA-cam. They explain it. Good luck to you.
I am a Psyche Nurse who understands what your talking about and I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug. Your raw aunthetic story is appreciated and its a great resource to many walking a mile in your shoes who have no voice or will to open up and speak about their struggles, and for those who care for them to have a better understanding so they can approach from a point of care and love and not judgement and disdain. More grace to you❤
Thank you for all those you help. It’s sad to me that at least in my state, mental health is the first fiscal budget cut. It boggles my mind that our own government turns a blind eye to psyche patients. I’ve worked psyche as a nurse but honestly it takes a village and that village is deteriorating 🙁
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story♥️. I am so happy you are here, and you are loved. This is like your tribe on here, I love your content!
Unfortunately I wasn’t very good. At keeping my mental health issues. From Joshua we were on trip to Texas. I said that he worried about his mom. Far more than any 25 year old kid should. He said so mom make me stop worrying. Broke my heart.
Oh darlin, you sound so much like my adult daughter who also suffers from severe ADHD the same way that you do, executive functioning is a major issue for her. She was diagnosed and treated with Ritalin for years as a child and with therapy. She also has suffered years of severe clinical depression, hid it from me and everyone else and is now getting some help for it, she sees a therapist. She also, as I've noticed and she realizes it as well, can show signs of bi-polar, but we've figured out it is closely associated with her cycle. I have a disability that you can't see, not the same thing she's dealing with and have lived a life that I didn't order, it was the one I got. Found myself in a terrible financial situation and ended up seperated from my two children, who lived with their Dad for the same reasons, financially stable and able to give them what they needed. It crushed me. I knew I made the right decision, but I was crushed and felt betrayed by God. Would break down in tears, inconsolable every couple of weeks and tried everything to get back on my feet to get them back with me. Even with my severe social anxiety and agoraphobia, I was sure I could do it. It didn't really work out the way that I wanted, yet somehow I held on. Hold on now sister. Hold on. I'm now a grandma of four, whom I adore and I'm so glad that I held on when I didn't want to or even see a point in it. Was at my daughters wedding, saw my son get a full ride scholarship and graduate with honors. So much I would have missed if I didn't just hold on. Hold on sweet sister, you are loved. "Surely there is a future and your hope will not be cut short." You are in my prayers, I can so relate. I feel everything. Every bit of energy around me, both positive and negative and at times it's painful. I can't even hurt anyone's feelings without me feeling it, it like hurting my own feelings. Gentle spirits have a tough time in this world. But here we are, loving away, giving always and not feeling worthy of receiving any. God be with you. Hold on. You really are a sweet, sweetheart, well spoken and kind person. God bless.
Only 3 minutes into this video and I'm basically going through the same thing. I'm 21, going to be 22 this year, and I've only had two jobs in my life. One was temporary, and the other I couldn't continue because it was late into the night, and public transit doesn't run during those hours. I constantly feel shame and embarrassed by my lack of social skills and just keep hoping a job takes the chance to hire me. I don't think there's a spot in life for people like us, but I keep foolishly hoping to be proven wrong.
i’m 22 and why do i relate with you more than ever?? i’ve had a bunch of jobs since about 16 but never kept them longer than a few months. i genuinely feel like im doomed and there’s no place for me either. my family tells me i need to change my mindset but i don’t know how to genuinely because i know im behind in life.
Birdie thank you SO much for having the courage to share your story. As someone who has worked in the field of mental health (even as I have struggled with my own demons); my whole life, tell yourself (OFTEN) that your purpose is to shed light on all you have lived through ❤ and having a soul that is willing to share your story!!!
Trauma and stuck emotions can make your body stuck. I have days like this where in my mind, I want to go do all these things but my body won’t let me. I’m starting EMDR, I also do Dr. Joe Dispenzas work, meditate and work on changing my energy. It takes time for the energy work to come down to the 3d, physical body but this stuff works! I walk everyday now, it’s baby steps and hoping to be able to work soon. The intelligence, creator who made the body heals the body. I give up doing it on my own. Much love to everybody who is suffering. Don’t give up!
Riveting & relatable, missy. I’m in my 70’s & have somehow managed manic/depressive tendencies without meds. I refused to even consider them. I learned to work through the cycles & I found the roller coaster not so steep & deep as I got older. But. Yes, but. Because once in a while, I find myself back in that well. I admire you for putting yourself out out there like this & tonight you’re my inspiration to do the same. I’ve recorded so much this last half year in my journey to vanlife, by choice, but have not made any of it public. Now I’m thinking my own thought processes might help others, esp seniors who have isolated & withdrawn, while I work through not only the physical logistics of the transition but my mental & emotional changes that are taking place even though I’m not even in a van yet. (Run-on sentence, I know. 😉) Just know that I am grateful you are in the world we share & I respect you & hope to even meet you someday & give you a big fat hug. ❤️💜❤️
Some people are very prone to depression than others by their build, physical constitution and social environment. While average folks can fight depression relatively quickly (within a week), those who have trauma and additional anxieties need a professional help by psychotherapist. There are often multiple intertwined complex factors that need to be unpacked and resolved during the therapy.
If there's nothing else I've learned since starting this channel, it's that, yes, people can benefit from hearing your experience. Visibility is key to understanding. And camaraderie can be key to survival. If you feel the desire to share your story, there are people that have the desire to hear it. Thank you so much for hearing mine. Let me know if you publish yours so I can hear yours too.
Send you and your 8 year old sweetheart the weekly hug ♥♥ You should sing girl! I´m sure you can make people cry with ballads and freaking out as a rockstar... FOR SURE! You never ever can imaging how much impact your videos have in my daily life and how much I´m waiting for you every week. Take care. You are loved loved loved ♥♥
I am always so happy to hear from you! You are so sweet and so supportive, and I am so grateful for you! I do want you to know I'm still trying to figure out how to get German subtitles on the videos. It may be something I need to pay for, so that might have to come later when I can afford it. But I haven't given up! ❤️
@@WaywardAbode You don´t have to pay for anything... please don´t! Maybe I can do some reactions with a translation by my own... I never did it before, but if you give me the permission, I could try... But please... don´t pay ... it´s yours... you deserve it so so so much.... And I´m sitting here on my german desk with some longing to sit with you on a little fire place and talk... maybe sometime... take care Birdie... and please... look in the mirror and be proud, at least a little bit... you give so much ♥
OMG! You are telling my story. Single mom of an amazing daughter and 2 wonderful grand kids. Diagnosed with border line and ADHD in my 30s but I didn't believe it. I've been under the cloak of Anhedonia (lack of feeling joy for anything) for almost 20 years and haven't worked since 2006. That's when I had a break down after I was conned out of my house and small business by my BF and Best friend. But my first memory of feeling empty was around 13 and that's when I started the alcohol, drugs and sex. The shame, the endless self deprecation and fear of being seen, the nonstop apologies that ultimately making people feel uncomfortable. Now at 57 I have become the care taker of my Xstep-father, ( who mentally abused me from 6-18 ) and when that ends I know I will never make enough money to pay for an apartment or even a room in a house so I am in the process of shopping for a van. I also have a spot in my room where I sit on you tube all day. One thing that has made me get up and DO is that I count to 3 and do it. It doesn't always work but when it does, the shot of dopamine is so good. Another thing that is helping me get my joy back is that I found BTS, yes the South Korean Super Group. I hadn't been able to listen to music in 20 years with out crying and they gave me back music. They sing about mental health and social struggles and their own issues while reaching out a hand to us to help us love ourselves. They have found a way to bring together millions of fans all over the world who hold each other up and give back to communities all over world. If you are interested in what they have to say I would check out the songs, Magic Shop, Zero o'clock, Black Swan, Epiphany watch the videos that have English subtitles. The song that sent me down the BTS rabbit hole is called Permission to Dance. They literally gave me permission to get out there and dance with my grand kids. Slowly the lyrics from their songs started taking over my internal self deprecation and bullying myself. Any way I loved your video and look forward to the next.💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Oh, sweetheart. The tragedy you have had to endure! I'm so, so sorry. You have been betrayed and shortchanged and you are still a good person. The world is lucky to have you. I hope a van ends up being as good for you as it's (mostly) been for me. ❤️
I feel you. I have no children and a sister that has Stockholm syndrome from a narcissistic husband. (Due to a narcissistic Father.) I am not allowed to interact with that family for almost 40 years. So I am alone. I too bought a van a couple of years ago to prepare for destitute.
You’re in a well with snakes, I’m in a sinking ship. I just shut the curtains, pulled the covers over my head, & skipped dinner. Hell of a year so far. Like you told us, you are loved we don’t think any of the things that may be in your head. Big hugs sister. 🤗🥰
Oh, honey. A sinking ship is a terrible thing to be on! I sure hope you've been able to (at least temporarily) plug the holes. Sometimes just floating is enough. P.S. I am going to email you back. I promise!!
I've got brain bugs too and medicine has also never helped me. I have a hard time leaving my house at all. Going to the store, from my house, forget it. I've been successful for a year making myself go to work most days but only for the benefit of buying food for my animals and husband and it's getting harder and harder to do honestly. I really wish there were more options for people with the brain bugs. And definitely more help. Sending you much love. I hope your UA-cam ends up making you tons of money. I could never put myself out there. One of my brain bugs is being so very hurt any time anyone says anything negative about me, even perfect strangers. But it helps to know you're there and I bet you understand.
I most definitely understand. And I totally agree we need more options for folks that don't fit the very narrow box society has created for people. I wish I could box up some strength and send it to you in the mail. I hope things get easier soon. ❤️
This all makes sense. I see you and hear your struggles. I am not a doctor but have given birth to a child with mental illness. They had many diagnoses throughout the years, but the one we’re satisfied with is manic/depressive. Talking about it is therapeutic for a lot of us out here. You’re helping yourself and others. Thanks for your truth. .
I am so sorry to hear your child struggles with mania and depression. Such a hard struggle. She's lucky to have you as a mom. And I'm lucky to have you in my corner. Thank you.
Mental health is so under-appreciated and misunderstood. I struggle with some mental health issues, but I’ve always been able to “make” myself do the hard things, and so I’ve have managed to survive and prosper in a world that rewards those who are “productive”. I used to see people who fell apart and just couldn’t make themselves go to work as weak or lazy. I WAS SO WRONG! I have an adult child who struggles with BPD and has now completed therapy. She is so much healthier but I see up close that it is not weakness or laziness that people have - it’s a brain chemistry/wiring malfunction. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you the best!
Birdie, you're such an inspiration. I just keep thinking about how impossibly strong you are to keep clawing your way out of that well over and over and over, despite everything being stacked against you. I haven't suffered anything like what you've dealt with, but I've had some mental health struggles of my own in the past, and I do still have bad days (weeks) when the executive dysfunction rolls back in. It's so hard to explain that anguish of wanting so badly to do something you KNOW you'll enjoy, something fun you WANT to do - but being completely unable to even get up. I also really relate to what you mentioned about not wanting to attract attention by looking "too good." I have a closet full of cute clothes that I love but can never bring myself to wear. I'll try on an outfit at home and love how it looks, but as soon as I step outside my skin starts crawling like everyone is looking at me (even though I'm sure no one is - I don't look THAT good!!) 😂 I usually end up turning around and changing into baggy sweats instead. One last thing... please try not to let UA-cam become yet another source of guilt and stress. We're your tribe, we love you, and the last thing we want is to make things worse. Take all the time you need and remember that your worth isn't measured by your productivity, whether that's working a job, posting videos, or even replying to comments. Don't work yourself to the bone trying to post videos OR keep up with comments! As always, sending lots of love and support 💖
Holly, your words have absolutely filled my heart this morning. I hate that we have so much in common, but I appreciate you reminding me that none of us are alone in our struggles. And thank you so much for letting me know that it's okay if I cannot be the same kind of UA-camr that people are used to watching. I hope life treats you like the fabulous person you are today! Heck, every day!
Birdie I echo all of the comments about how strong you were to share your journey with mental illness. In one of your replies here you said that you don’t think we have a purpose in life. I disagree with you and I believe that you are fulfilling your purpose by bringing awareness about the struggles faced by people suffering through mental illness. Just by being you and sharing your experiences you are bringing awareness and hopefully creating understanding and empathy amongst others who don’t have to bear this particular cross on their own journey. And also giving hope to others in the same situation 💜
Hi, sweetheart. Thank you so much. I hear what you're saying about purpose. I just know what it's like when you believe everyone has a purpose except for you. Because if you had a purpose, wouldn't you be fulfilling it right now instead of just sitting and staring at a wall? I just want people not to feel the emptiness of that and to know that sometimes your purpose is just to exist. But I appreciate very much you saying what you said about my purpose. I love you.
Hi Birdie, it's just after midnight & I've just arrived home. I had been parked at a fast food place having a late tea when I started to look at your video. I got home & I was just so tired, but I thought, I'm not going to go to bed until I tell this wonderfully incredible human being just how blessed we are to have her in our lives. I wish I could reach through the screen & hug you, wish I was there in person, to hug you. I don't tell people that I love them, or how wonderful they are etc, unless I really mean it. I never believed that you could love someone that you only know over the internet, but I'm saying it to you Birdie, I do love you. I can see just how honest, loving & caring you are & that is a person worthy of receiving love in return. I don't believe that there is any such thing as "normal" every human being has something they have to deal with, whether they're born with it or it has come about because of what they've been through or are going through. In my case, after a short lived disastrous marriage & then, later, my baby being hurt, hatred of men started to grow. But it didn't stop there, I didn't just throw men into the "rotten apple" barrel, I threw the whole of humanity in there. I believed that the only thing people were capable of was hurting one another. I no longer believed in love, believing people to be two faced, saying one thing & doing another. I did form a friendship with one person during that time. Four years later she committed suicide. I was devastated. I read a book called " love never dies" & that led me to a Spiritualist Church. The minister & several of the congregation are now my friends. The move to the Church, the love & support I received, saved my life. Having a son, I would not have committed suicide, but the hatred that I was carrying was killing my spirit. In that respect, I was slowly dying only I didn't know it. It took years, but one day, when I got up in front of the congregation to speak about love, I did it because I genuinely felt love, it wasn't just empty words. There are still things that are connected to my experiences that I am dealing with & might still be dealing with my entire life, but it's all about moving forward, one tiny little step at a time & never giving up. I believe that God helps us through others. Knowing you Birdie, the joy you bring to so many, God is using you too Birdie. You have the very wonderful gift of being able to articulate your feelings and thoughts in a way that people can understand & relate to. Maybe, one day, you might also consider speaking to audiences outside of the internet. To the many who need to know that someone really cares, that they are not alone. ❤ ❤ ❤
I am so sorry to hear of your struggle and of your friend's passing. I hope today life is treating you kinder. Your message means so much to me. Thank you.
You have done something that I haven’t been able to bring myself to do, which is opening up yourself and making yourself vulnerable to a stranger. I have a tremendous amount of resentment towards my mother from the way she has treated me over the years, and continues to this day. She is 86 years old and I know she won’t be around much longer, and I really should try and drop my feelings of anger. But I still cannot make myself just go and visit. I did go to her house a couple of weeks ago, which was the first time since Christmas, and I only went because my whole family (I’m 2nd of 10 kids), was there and I didn’t have to interact with her. I have told my sister several times that I need to get help, but that’s as far as it goes. I even have a sister who is a counselor, but she has as many problems as I do. Just know that you are no longer friendless.
Oh, honey. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I had a very complicated relationship with my mother, too. And I couldn't bring myself to go see her before she died. And then she died. And now my relationship with her is even more complicated. I do wish I had gone to see her. But I can't say if that would have made anything easier for me now. Again, I have no words of wisdom. I just can say I understand how you're feeling, and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. ❤️
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, we were ALWAYS like two kids playing in a sandbox. We were best friends and we understand each other. We help each other 100%. i still love her and most times I cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i don't know why i am bringing this here for, i cant stop thinking about her.
its always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my wife for 31 years left me, i couldnt just let her go, i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual doctor who helped me bring her back.
If someone doesn’t want to be with you, please let them go. I know it’s so painful but you can’t make someone stay or love you. I know this from experience. Get some good therapy and be kind to yourself, but let yourself move on.
"I am so sorry that you have to be in the same space with me right now." That mindset is the literally the basis of my own anxiety. I feel like it is such a chore for everyone to deal with me and my awkwardness that I can't wait for a social interaction to be over so that they can go back to their normal lives.
You are such a wonderful, compassionate person. The words you said at 24:04 were so touching. It means the world to hear things like that when you’ve lost all capability to say them to yourself. I wish I had someone like you in my life. Know that your existence is a gift to the world and all those who know you. I’ll be watching more of your videos because what you have to share is so valuable.
Im notified when you post...nothing in my life is on a schedule....therefore im just so grateful when you pop in for a visit. Post when you can on anything you like. I love your heart, your kindness, even your empathy for others. Ive been down the well and im one of the lucky ones that got out with the right medication. However im still very aware that the well is there and can even hear it calling me back. The meds just keep me strong enough to back away from the well. Thank you so very much for this post. You have a very real understanding of mental illness and perhaps this post will help someone stuck in the well. I love you!!!!!
I am beyond grateful you have medication that helps you. Tell that well to shut up!! I'm also beyond grateful to know you. thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Oh hon. I found myself nodding and agreeing throughout your video- you are definitely a survivor. Sending you love ❤ and surrounding you with prayers of protection 💫
This is me right now. But worse. 50, lost, lonely, sad. PTSD & TBI and kind of just want to live in a van down by a river or sometimes not all. I’m usually the one telling others to never give up but the way society, family, friends, community and the system let me down/fall through the cracks this last year just amplified everything. Idk what to do anymore. I even tried going to the capitol several times to share my story , help others and make changes but it seems they like us stuck in revolving doors, broken and broke! Well I’m glad I met you. Thanx for being honest, and I wish you all the best!
Her telling me that "you're worthy" and I'm here crying like- "NO- YOU ARE!!! ;~; " You talking about how society treats disabled people hit the nail on the head- because in this capitalistic hellhole we live in you are either "working" or "a drain." Even if you physically are unable to do the work!! And I think people have had enough and are waking up to this societal BS- you are incredibly smart!! I wish I was as smart as you Birdie! I wish I could give you a hug!
What a very endearing and profound testimonial about your daily struggles with mental health. Please know we are here for you whenever you need us! We love you dearly! 💕
Bless you for this❣ Everything you've said is 🎯. I've always struggled with depression and ptsd, but my son landed in hospital at the beginning of this year. With schizoaffective disorder. He was abused (by coaches) at high school. I really understand the 'not doing '. It keeps me safe. Saying that, I HAVE to cope, for my son. I'm a single mom. We're 'doing it' together. It's not an elegant solution. But... it is what it is, I guess. Sending loads of love from South Africa 🇿🇦 ❤
I am so grateful for your story. I have PTSD, OCD, depression and anxiety. I had a stroke on April 2023. Your video hit on the nail about mental health, but no one talks about it. Thank you for your story and you!❤️🙏🏼😃
I tried Prozac for a few months. Boy was it great! I didn’t feel a thing! I didn’t care about anything. I was a robot with no emotions and it was great! Going from a life of loving everyone and everything and just getting hurt and stepped on and all the sleepless nights and tears i constantly cried. Prozac helped me freeze. And become tough! I was a unemotional solid rock! I was like wow this is how people go through life tough! Without a heart. It was like the key to life! But I stopped and am back to my emotional, loving self🤕 But I am learning boundaries and I am on the road to balance❤
It is brave to share your journey. I relate to dealing with major chronic depression and anxiety. It is exhausting just dealing with my brain fighting against me every damn day. At least that’s what it feels like. I have been lucky that medication has helped to a certain extent, but it took a lot of trial and error for years. I just wanted to say I really enjoy your vlogs, and wish I could give you a non- creepy air hug. ❤ 🙂
I know exactly what you mean about the exhaustion of fighting against your own brain. I'm so glad to hear you've found something that works for you at least a little. ❤️
Ah, I knew I liked you! Not only do you speak the most sense on the Internet, you are also one of us! 😊 A few of my closest women friends & myself are similar. Easily over or under stimulated, disregulated, disorganised and fantastic creative people! I've been flagged up in assessments as adhd but no diagnosis as yet. I'm only 60 though so there's time... 😁👍 Don't worry about posting when you can't, we'll still be here whenever you can. Xx
As a therapist of 30 years, EMDR is an evidence based bottom up approach that is very effective as it does not use a “talk therapy” approach …. Your story is not unfamiliar. So sorry that you have had such a struggle 💐💜
Interesting. This is one of the things that I never did try. I honestly did not put a lot of stock in it. But you're making me rethink that. Thank you for giving me something to look into. ❤️
@WaywardAbode EMDR is great. It works really well.That was one of the things I did my twenty years in taiwan I'm a u s citizen but i'm a self supported christian missionary I found that inner healing and deliverance is helpful. I'm not completely healed. I'm a lot better when I was when I was thirteen. I'm now forty five. I really will be praying for you❤
I am so glad I found you, I really am. I pray one day professionals really understand the devastation of mental illness , we may look fine on the outside and can even function on a basic level but we are not ok. I think you are beautiful, I would love to have you as a friend, I think you would be awsome. What 31:43 I really connected with was how your family drifted away as it was too much energy to keep in touch, I am lucky I have a lifelong friend 60 years, she puts my pieces back together I am so grateful for her presence in my life. Look forward to seeing g you again, sending.love from Australia ❤
But Birdie - you ARE healing yourself! One day at a time - maybe one day a week, or a month, or every few months - it's all happening according to plan, believe it or not. I feel your pain. I, too, have suffered trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma and it takes years to process. I wish you could listen to Tracy Stewart. Dubbed uneducable by teachers, told college would never be in her future, beaten down at every turn. She is a much sought after speaker and is perhaps the wisest female evangelist I have ever heard. I am no holy roller - I like four letter words way too much, but like refining silver - the fire burns out the impurities until you can shine like the sun. You are shining, Birdie. Your story resonates with each and every one of us. Putting yourself out there and being so brutally honest and candid is what most of us really need to hear. You said maybe 10 people will watch this - I'm looking at 1,128 views right now. Expectations. Have NONE. It's all about unrealistic expectations and being honest with yourself about what you can and cannot do. I am in Al-Anon - a group for families of alcoholics. One of the greatest things I have learned is that my expectations are unrealistic. Oh, sure, I put on a facade for years - PTO President, Grade mother, the one everyone went to to get things done. All that praise felt wonderful - but in the end - nobody really gives a shit - they are just happy someone else was there to do it. And like Joseph in the Bible - thrown into a pit by his jealous brothers, sold into slavery, thrown into prison, became right hand man to the King because he interpreted his dream, was falsely accused by the Kings wife of rape, was thrown into prison again, and eventually became what we know now as the Prime Minister of Egypt and saved his father and his whole family from famine. God allowed the pain in order to edify him and teach him. Blessings are already here, Birdie, and if it takes the next 10 years to figure that out so-be-it. You are healing yourself the way God intended. Be good to yourself. Forgive yourself. Never give up.
I love what you said about refining silver. I'll definitely look Tracy up. I'm so glad you've found healing. I'm certainly open to finding it through God as well. Thank you. ❤️
I love you and am sorry for all you have been through and all the struggles you have and are facing. If we met we could talk for hours comparing notes. Many similarities and many differences, but familiar struggles abound. Please, continue to take care of yourself. It's obvious you are a fighter because you keep coming up out of the well. You are an amazingly BRAVE soul!! I love you!
Wow!!! You just told my story. I struggled with depression for years. Showing up to work, sitting in the parking lot, and then calling out from the parking lot, because I couldn't stomach going in and being around people (1997). In 2018, I was terminated from my job after 18 yrs of service and boom. I stayed in my bedroom for 6 months & lost 40 lbs. I couldn't find a reason to thrive. I was then diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma, and I finally got the help I needed along with Chemo. In 2021, I opened an Etsy shop and started crafting. In 2022, I found vanlife ❤ I started going camping and traveling in my car. It brings me so much joy! Birdie, you got this!!! 💪🏾 Just find what brings you joy & the rest will follow ❤
I am living the fact that mental illness is progressive. I have such anxiety that I can’t force myself to go to a doctor.
I’m living with some pretty ugly health problems but can’t force myself to a Dr.
Much of what you talked through, I feel.
You are talking to my soul.
I think you are a beautiful person. You have so much to offer this world.
Thank you for being you! Thank you for saying out loud how I feel. ❤
@@kathy7531 💔🙏🏽🥺... My heart goes out to U, 😭 it truly truly does. Ur words hit hard. As I was getting ready to comment to Birdie I read ur post & cried...I'm in the exact boat U are in. I've become agoraphobic for 10 years...trust no one, can't bring myself to see or speak to a dr. Developed a major back injury. I'm severely terrified of everything....life is miserable but my FEAR/ ANXIETY controls my every thought🥺. Jus know for what it's worth I'm sending prayers to U. I get it ohh do I get it. I cry when I know someone else is suffering as I feel I am.. Hugs 💐
@@kathy7531and you my dear just explained me to a T, I have really bad health anxiety. And I too have health problems but I can’t stomach going to a dr and actually finding out what’s wrong and how bad it might be. I have a fear of dying but I can’t force myself to a dr to find out something bad. It’s a viscous cycle. You would think I’d be at the dr all the time. But I’m so afraid of bad news. It’s awful. I’ve struggled with being a “hypochondriac” literally all my life. I remember at the age of 5 asking my mom if I had what ever what was on the tv. For example, there would be someone with a brain tumor on TV and I would convince myself I had it. I did finally go on lexapro for the obsessive thoughts and it did help, but doesn’t keep the monster out totally. You got this girl!
Similar boat. I live in my suv.
Sunshyne, you've been through so much!! I am so amazed by your resilience. And inspired by your story. Thank you. ❤️
As a person working in the mental health field, I can't thank you enough for this video. I don't know what your future holds for you, but I I do know that you have a gift for telling your story that is authentic and has the potential to help so many people. Don't give up, please! There is a place for you full of people who need to hear you.
@deesenn3755
I agree with you 100%.
Agreed
I can't tell you how much I admire you. Thank you for being here!!
This video will be a gift to so many who struggle with mental illness.
This is the TED talk about ADHD that the world needs to hear. You are brilliant. You are brave. You are strong and you ARE getting things done ❤.
That is so incredibly sweet of you to say. ❤️
You described my type of adhd/depression. Without medication I’m 💯 disabled
@@VeggieStraws3 I have the same type of adhd/depression. I have been unable to refill my adhd medication for 8 months due to a shortage and cannot make myself do the simplest of tasks. I'm physically able to but mentally unable too without the necessary medication. This was an amazing video!
YES....I thought the Same Thing.
It's not a chemical imbalance. It's not a mental health issue.
It's a lack of village support. The village has gone and we've been cut adrift to survive on our own in a sea of automatons.
Exactly
I think if you combine that with what she said, you're right on.
THIS!!!!💯💯💯
Exactly, it’s shown that the healthiest people are those living in the blue zones of the world where everyone is loved, everyone is accepted and everyone helps each other. 💙
Yes!
This doesn’t sound like mental illness, this sounds like an extremely self aware sentient being in a world that is entirely evil and utterly unnatural. Jobs that are literally soul draining. I’m envious that you already knew at 8 that something was wrong and we all should be questioning why we are here and that question should never stop being asked or explored.
EXACTLY!!!! I try to explain to my therapist that my “cognitive distortions”🙄 are actually valid and that I’m really just an incredibly self-aware human being in a world that I KNOW isn’t meant to be lived in like this. “Mental illness” is literally just the result of end-stage capitalism, being taken advantage of by corporate greed and our government, and living in a way that is a disturbance to our nervous systems. I wish everyone knew this, instead they just play the game that’s designed to deteriorate every ounce of sanity that we have. Of course this is the result. Instead of creating a REAL solution, we just slap a DSM-5 label on “neurodivergent” individuals and send them off with their mind-numbing medications. I could go on and on about how F*CKED all of this is
@@thugga.thugga You're absolutely right. Dang. I've read what they're aiming for and you've said it in a nutshell.
@@thugga.thuggame every single day.
Canary in a coal mine… orchid and the dandelion
@@thugga.thugga this was perfectly said 💯 everything is wrong with our lives now & the ship is sinking fast! At least that means more people can see it. I can’t believe anyone is able to stay asleep & fight for status quo at all anymore.
Awe sweetheart, this broke my heart in so many ways. But buckle up Chuckles because I'm about to lay some very honest positivity on you!
First and foremost - YOU YOU YOU despite what you tell yourself, raised up one super amazing young woman and that is something that you cannot deny and no one can ever take away from you. Hear me?? YOU did that!
Second - the very fact that you can self-analyze AND share that with the world is absolutely ah-mazing!
Third - do you have ANY idea how rare it is to have gained so many followers and subscribers on UA-cam in SUCH a short time??? MAJOR kudos!
Fourth - (see, and you thought I was done! Nope!) You can freaking EDIT!! I have been trying to learn that for over a year and STILL cannot figure it out!
Fifth - you have one of the most disarming, charming, and endearing senses of humor that I have seen in so very long and I freaking LOVE that!
Sixth - you have such a gorgeous, sweet, enchanting singing voice! I'm so jealous!
Seventh - you are a Creative. Which is WHY boredom is so disastrous for you. This is something I can 100% understand and relate to. You gotta trust me on this one! And I'm willing to also put down money on I've had about a gazillion more jobs than you have! Why? Boredom!!!
And eighth - and I promise to stop here altho I could go on! GURL!!!! Look at you! Out actually doing VANLIFE and making it work for you! Do you have any idea at all how many people in this world will NEVER be able to make that claim??? Oh my gosh!!!
Ok, I'm going to leave it here except to say we ALL love our Birdie and will be here whenever you can stop by to say hello and share your beautiful spirit with us once again - ok, so I tried to input some emoji's here, but my laptop hates me so I'll just say HUGS AND HEARTS!
Ok, I lied - one more thing - you have the most beautiful face and smile!
Well said, I Agree
Ditto well said AGREED ❤
I wholeheartedly agree with the reader above. You are super awesome!
So many people have said what I was going to say. (Shit) I #will# say; honey, I couldn’t give a rats ass if you posted three times a week. If you only do one I am happy; I would worry if you didn’t. Even if you only do one thing per day, you’ve done something. Yes, I am where you are at,and some days it royally sucks. I’ve gotten a bit better, but still can’t hold a job. I’m terrified of mean people. When I have to deal with one I crumble.
From the woman who still is disgusted about her parents ever having sex- 😊
Wow! This is very powerful and spot ON! Good for you! Thank you for sharing this with Birdie and the rest of us followers!
“I just couldn’t “. I get it. I also didn’t even think about mental health being progressive. I can’t clean my house, hard to go shopping, PTSD and anxiety a real thing. You are awesome. I bet more people can relate to your story than you can imagine. Give yourself some grace. You are a smart and beautiful soul.❤
I hope her channel goes so big!!
I wish more people knew that it could be progressive. I was shocked by this fact! I hope you have more good days than bad. ❤️
How many of you out here see yourself in what she is saying? I know I see my life unfolding much the same. This is a great video. Thank you for sharing.
I hate that so many folks can relate. But I appreciate so much you letting me know I'm not alone. ❤
I do in everything she is saying.
Me. My life is falling apart atm. I'm in a big well.
@@angelaschaefer5883same.
I relate
Wow, my son is going through this now at 31 yrs. I'm so concerned about him. He is in the process of getting help. I support him as much as I can and pray he can find a solution. Bless your heart and know you are not alone. ❤
You're doing wonderfully, Mom. Thank you for being a loving presence for your baby. ❤️
My daughter just graduated from a four-month intensive therapy and life is so much better. Of course there is still so much to do, and she has good days and bad days, but she now has the tools to cope in a healthy and productive way. Best to you and your son!
I totally get how the algorithm recommended this to me. I am you.
I don’t know if this helps
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
More singing please!!!! You have a beautiful voice!!!! Also, you have a brilliant way of describing things, especially the chaos of mental health. what a great picture for those who don't quite understand it. Thank you, thank you , thank you for speaking with such reality and love. You are going places, lady!!!
Thank you so much. ❤️
Stunning voice! Truly ❤
Birdy, I'm glad to see you today you are a good person and I feel you will care that I'm still Here after my heart surgery velve replacement and fixed up my last surgery,. I wasn't confident I'd make it through this time it was wonderful to wake up after my surgery ❤. I think we can have friendships friendships over this media. Besides my best friend and my son you were the first one I wanted to see here. Sorry you are having a hard time 😞 we will prevail ❤️💕💕
@@TeriDuncan8049 Teri, I'm so happy to hear your surgery went okay. Thank goodness! I hope this was the fixed you needed and you're in peak health soon. ❤️
I second this ❤❤❤
I am a healthcare worker who has struggled since covid. When I have a day off, I sleep a LOT. Too many losses. I am so sensitive to other's problems. I take them on myself. I think thats why I watch van life videos. It seems freeing in a way. Thank you for sharing. What I hope you start to see is that you are not NOT normal. We all have problems with our mental health. Some people just hide it better.
Healthcare worker also and I think I will always struggle looking back on those months and months bedside in ICU.
I've often wondered how healthcare workers are faring these days. I'm so sorry to hear it's still so hard. I can only imagine what that's like. And how now people act like it didn't even happen. I appreciate you helping me feel more normal. I hope today is a good day for you. ❤️
Google Codependent anonymous meetings=coda anonymous.
U may find this life changing❤
There are also meetings for empaths etc
So true ❤
Empath. You're okay.
it takes a lot of courage to talk about personal mental health issues and sharing that part of your stories. Thank you for taking that step.❤😊
I really appreciate that. Thank you.
and thank you for ENLIGHTENING US ALL with your story! ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story! I am sure a lot of us can relate with your story! I hope you are having a good day today 🙏 One day at a time
It takes " I want better to get through it"
Thank God I saw this. This is my story. No Gp, Psychologist or Psychiatrist seems to understand or diagnose me properly. I think it was trauma too, like your Psychiatrist explained. I had too much trauma. And i always had severe anxiety since childhood. And of course no meds helped. I only ended up getting addicted to the Valium and Ritalin that was prescribed. I got addicted to the Lyrica my friends gave me as well, to numb the emotional pain. I used to be an absolute perfectionist with very high intelligence. I got into one of the best Universities in Australia. Then when I was 39, I seemed to snap overnight. All my systems shut down. And I still have never recovered. I cannot tell you how much comfort I got from hearing your story. Now I know I'm not alone. ❤❤❤. Thank you for being so brave and sharing this. This video is a life saver.
This video makes me feel less alone
You're definitely not alone. I'm Peter in Florida.
You being denied disability is a crime. It just makes me angry that the system has failed you when you have done everything under the sun to help yourself. I hope that you continue to try to get that disability because you deserve to have that little bit of financial security. You are awesome.
YES.
This is what is happening to me right now. 6 years of denial. I’m borderline, trauma, severe anxiety and depression. ADHD secondary to trauma. I split personalities. I was hit in the head with a crowbar from ex fiancé. Cops let him go. Tried ending my existence 3x to no avail. Nothing helps. I still have no answers. All of this besides being an exjw, whole other story, I find out I’ve been in a cult and raised in one my whole life. Brainwashed, until, my best friend from teens on, who was staunch, left and told me none of it was real. I woke up to a world I don’t know. I was sexually molested as a child from my brother in law. CSA is real! Now, I deal with being lost in the world. Dunno who I am. All that piled on top of each other is a weight you can imagine. Birdie if you read this I want you to know, there’s more of us that will come out and discuss our feelings. This will help heal all of us! You Birdie are saving so many of us! We are here to save you!
Much love to all who suffer and can’t get on disability. I’m a disabled veteran who’s been denied for over a decade on all fronts. I finally got a job I haven’t been fired from, and I do a UA-cam channel which chronicles my struggles with disability, depression and life in general. ❤
It’s not you!!! It’s our society! It’s not designed for neurodivergent people. I cannot function either most of the time. It’s overwhelming to live in such a fast-paced, crowded, overstimulating environment. I spent 30+ years of my life not realizing I was autistic. Autistic women with normal/high IQ don’t exist in our society 🙄 I relate to you so much. Autistic burnout is my “I just can’t.” YT has been my main source of income for years but even that is hard. You are doing amazing ❤
She’s not autistic. She probably had some trauma that she doesn’t remember.
@@Starfish2145 I never said she was autistic. I am. PTSD is a neurodivergence, bipolar is a ND, depression, ADHD, etc.
Just found out today that I'm also on the spectrum. I was diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago, depression and anxiety 6 months before that. I'm 38 now. My mother referred this video to me after I told her what I found out. I feel like I've been through a lot of similar scenarios as OP.
It's nice to feel less alone when others can speak more openly about their struggles. Thank you for sharing yours too!
I completely agree. Society is not set up for us. In fact, society seems to be very much against us. It's a very strange system we have set up. And very unfortunate for a lot of us. Which sucks, because we're already hard enough on ourselves as it is! I hope we can both give ourselves a break today. And I look forward to watching your channel! ❤️
Bless you. It’s SO important to be able to describe the indescribable, never more so than mental health. Those of us who share your experience, but not as articulate are so grateful. I’m very thankful to have found your channel and am so encouraged by everything you have shared. I think you are extremely bright, insightful, articulate, humorous, very pretty and very brave and are offering significant help to fellow sufferers. I’m 83, my mother was schizophrenic, and my brothers and I experienced depression, anxiety, insomnia, ADHD, bipolar-mixed, and CPTSD. We have taken an alphabet of psych meds, some of which made a huge difference for the good. Now we are watching the intergenerational genetic, developmental, and environmental effects play out on our children and grand children. I look forward to following you, and will see you at your next post. Carolee from Alaska.
I believe those who suffer with mental illness difficulties are some of the strongest people walking the face of the earth. I appreciate you sharing your story. Your ability to step out and share is making others hearing your story not feel so alone in their struggle. That is huge! You are connecting when you can, bringing smiles and laughs to others when you can. That is huge! You are worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy.
Thank you so, so much for saying this. It can be hard to believe, but it is so amazing to hear. Thank you.
@WaywardAbode I understand... because I share similar difficulties at times in my life and we all deserve to be reminded that despite how the world still can pigeon hole people who struggle with these types of issues and difficulties...we are not less than. Keep being the amazing person you are!
Just in case someone hasn't already said it; Don't give up on disability through SSI. They love to deny an average of two times then accept on the third. Getting an SSI attorney is the best way to go. When you finally get approved, they have to back pay you to when you filed your 1st original claim. This is extremely common practice. It sucks but it is the reality of it.
Additionally, we all love you and your dam videos. I don't think it will be too long before you will start earning an income through your channel. Love you Birdie. Thank you for trusting us with your vulnerable side. We are all holding you up.
My husband it took 2 years. Until we found low income veterans organization. That could get him lawyer.
Yes pls dont give up!
I just commented similar even tho I'm in UK - hadn't seen your comment when I posted mine, but I utterly agree with you.
This! They will deny the 1st time, knowing a certain number of people won’t appeal. Same with the 2nd round. Getting a disability lawyer is the way to go.
Self love is the hardest….. I don’t even understand the concept.🤷🏻♀️ I am getting pretty good at self compassion though.😅
I gave up on traditional mental health modalities quite awhile ago too.
Thank you so much for sharing your story Birdie…. Count it all gain…. You know so much about life because of your journey.
Keep going with UA-cam, we appreciate you so much! We are happy with what you post, don’t put pressure on yourself.❤️
You’re a writer. The way you described boredom was so poetic ! Proof that you’ve felt it and evidence that you go through things to teach it from the other side. Thanks for sharing your story! 💕
And a singer
I have been needing to hear this. All of this. For a very long time. You are so many of us.
I relate to so much of this. I have always had extreme anxiety, PTSD, bipolar 2, obsessive thoughts about my health, etc. I went over three months without even taking a shower. I’ve always been such a clean freak, but I couldn’t muster up the energy to just take a shower, brush my teeth, get ready, clean the house, etc. no one understands, they think you are just lazy and “come on, just get up and take a shower, come out to dinner with all of us” (my mom saying this) they just don’t get it. you are so strong, stronger than you know. And also, you have such a beautiful, soft, singing voice. It’s so pretty!
Friend here.❤❤❤Your presence is a gift to this world. We need more people capable of caring so deeply and sharing so openly. I understand how hard it is to give yourself the grace you generously give others. You are intelligent, insightful, introspective, generous, compassionate, and beautiful to behold.
Hello, friend. ❤️ These words mean so much to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
When you said "why cant I do it???!!!???" Girl, i got tears!! 😢😢😢😢😢 f*ck i know how it feels!!! Ugh, i wish we lived closer...we could be a good support system for one another. You flipping rock and don't you forget that, Birdie!!!!❤
Exactly what I was thinking. Well put!❤
@@sandeedobberstine5591 😊
It’s so hard to deal with an invisible illness. So proud of you to hang in there every day every moment.
Jesus is loving you immensely, no matter what you do or not. He loves you just for being here for existing so don’t give up ever! you don’t have to do anything for him to love you remember that. I’m telling this from bottom of my heart because I’ve been struggling with my mental health issues for last 15 years and I’ve also tried a lot of it. Nothing helped. But last month, Jesus came into my life through UA-cam and for the first time in my life I felt better. Don’t get me wrong I was someone who did not believe faith can help me. I was looking way out in every other aspect, except faith. I’m not an orthodox Christian or any of that sort don’t get me wrong. I just started to get to know Jesus and already I’m feeling better so I would just like to give you love from my heart so he can touch you as well. For a long time, I thought I need to do all of this things to be loved and I was in the same mental state as you were but now I know that is not a true. I am a love, no matter what I do you are loved no matter what you do. God bless you and I wish you all the well!❤️
I have never heard someone sum up mental health so well so real. I'm normally a watcher not a commenter. My cat is sitting here watching me cry and laugh. Mental health has been a part of my life since I was a child. I blocked out most of my early years. At 12 I saw my mom have a mental break. At that time they called it manic depression. The first of many. I didn't understand at first. I was told my mom was faking it she just wanted attention. One of her hospital stays my aunt was screaming at her, so much so they removed me from the room. A nurse sat with me and explained so much. I then realized my mom was sick and it wasn't her fault. My family continued to treat her so badly. My mom struggled my whole life. I will be 48 this month. My daughter started having issues around 12. I did everything I possibly could to get her everything she needed. Therapy, medication, hobbies to fill time. I didn't want her to go through what my mom did. I thought I could fix it. Therapy helped some. Medication made her gain weight which made depression so much worse. I tried to make her a gamer like me. What kid doesn't want to play video games? Apparently mine 😂 tried to get her into my crafty brain. Diamond painting she just liked to watch me. I was trying so hard to give her a safe outlet. I don't know what's next as she is adulting now. I do just about anything for her to come visit. She was always close with my mom. She realizes life is different for her. Not everyone gets it.
My mom gave me horses as an outlet. At 12 she let me work on a local ranch when I wasn't in school. At 14 she and my grandpa bought me my own horse. Mom always said horses were cheaper than a psychiatrist. She struggled with her mental health too. I am totally grateful she was able to see what I needed and she let me do it. ❤
@@rangerannie5636 my daughters therapist suggested a pet. I wasn't convinced I'd never had a pet my entire life. We go to pick up a kitten. She picked a sweet tuxedo but there was this little black cat that wouldn't leave me alone. Squeaky meow...the lady said take it if u want it or I'm opening the door and letting her out. Id swooped her up so fast. My daughter was 12 at the time. We got home knowing dad wasn't going to like we got two. She named her cat mittens we call him bubba. This cat saved my daughters life. She would come home in tears he would be right there. Wherever she was he was. The smile I loved was coming back. Dinner and nail dates with mom were coming back. When she said mom I'm ready to get my own place. I was scared. Scared that if she needed me I wouldn't be there. She said mom bubba will be with me I'll be fine. Now he is just a grand kitty. The little black cat that meowed at me turned out to be the pet I never knew I needed. These 2 have turned my daughter and I into crazy cat ladies. She rescued another one and I took one of my grandsons cats that needed to be rehomed. The healing power of a pet is very real.
The fact that your daughter has you as a mother means she is a step ahead of the game. Thank you for being a loving, supportive parent in her life.
@@rangerannie5636horses were it 4 me too.
ADHD, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism and other conditions have problems with transitions. Temple Grandin (famous Autistic) has spoken about Doorways of ALL kinds! thank you for making the brain bugs REAL for those who need someone as articulate as you are, to "translate the crazy" into comprehensible language. 👽🙊❤🧡💛💚💙💜
I love Temple Grandin. I'll definitely need to look into her "doorways" talks. Thank you, Dagnolia. ❤️
yes, she really resounded with exactly what I did for school, work, meetings, going into a store.. it's challenging!
Thank you. I've never heard anybody articulate the vicious cycle of depression so well
Same
Wow,, you described my life to a T. I'm 61 and I'm having the same difficulty. I've had depression, anxiety and ADD issues my whole life but these past 5 years or so it's gotten worse. I don't see my friends anymore either. I do keep in contact with them on facebook but that's about it. They finally stopped asking me to hang out. I just started a new job about a year ago. Nothing hard, working medical records at a large clinic. I'm having a hard time focusing, and I'm very forgettful at work. My co workers gets aggraveted with me all the time. I make one mistake after another. When I get home, all I do is want to lay down and rest, sometimes until the next morning. I feel that I'm more of a bother than a help at work. I feel bad for my coworker that is stuck with me everyday. This has taken such a toll on my mental health for most of my life, especially now. Thank you so much for sharing. Im sure it wasn't easy to open up like that. Just know you helped me out tremendously, and I'm sure others also. I just subscribed so you have a new subscriber......Oh yeah I forgot to mention that I have a daughter also and my ex wife raised her. I just didn't have it in me, it was hard. Take care...
I’ll pray for you Scott god bless we are in this together
Keep at it and just do your best, I also have hard time concentrating. Nobody promised your coworker a breeze of a workday either, so just keep at it and don't worry that you're bothering your coworker. I also often feel like I'm annoying literally everyone, but that's ok, they'll just need to tolerate it😂😂😂
This is incredibly relatable. You just described the reality of a lifetime of battling depression. I have never been able to express what it's like.
It takes a lot of guts to show everyone who we are, warts and all. And it has only endeared you to me. You are a lovely person.
Thank you so much for saying this. It means so much to hear. ❤️
I am a therapist. I can promise you that Martha thinks of you regularly and grieves losing that alliance too. She’s rooting for you. Trust me.
I'm certain she does.
When I had my office, there were therapist down the hall. They would visit my office for Their Therapy Session. I heard it all.
~ 🦋
Absolutely agree. Also a therapist.😊
Yes - I’m a therapist too. Martha still thinks about you a LOT and cares, and wonders how you’re doing.
Thank you so much for telling me this. It means more than I can say. ❤️
As a therapist myself I cannot agree more! I have such deep care for my past clients & think of them
Same. The struggle is real. Exhausting😢
"... You better have a damn good reason why (you don't contribute to society)..." That rings through my head 24/7 fighting that off is like working a full-time job.
Yessss.. I have worked SO hard to believe that my worth doesn't lie in how "productive" I am, how much money I make, none of that. I am not defective, I am just right, am full of life and light and love to give.
@@lydiaj7492 yesss! 💜
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was eighteen. I've learned a lot about myself. You CAN pick it back up. Your life. I know.❤
❤ Just a minute in and feel the need to tell you and your 8 year old self.... You are loved. Okay watching
Thank you so much, Stephanie.
Sending love and cosmic support
CPTSD, depression, and anxiety can steal your life away. It makes life unmanageable. I did EMDR 2 years ago and it has completely changed my life. Thank you for sharing your story.
Lifelong MDD, Dysthymia, and Borderline PD here. Started EMDR in October, and after 5 sessions, I realized the depression was gone! I still have a day or two here or there where I’m depressed, but for the first time in my 71 years, I’m happy to wake up!
Thank you for your story, I could relate to SO much of it!
Have you read "The Body Keeps The Score by Bissell Van Der Kolk "? Excellent book and you can get the workbook as well.....Excellent for trauma and other mental conditions. He does NOT believe in labels
Is it possible to get EMDR at a cheaper rate if you can’t afford it , where did u find a good place to get EMDR? @ADogNamedBoo
I pretty much had what you just mentioned for about thirty years.
I think what really helps is counseling interhealing in deliverance.
Giving christ my life and having prayer life.
It's so much better than when I first started.
I'm a self supported missionary, and i've been in taiwan for twenty years.
I just want to let you know that god has a good plan
I went to really hard things in life, and I wasn't sure if I'd make it
I kept my eyes on.
Jesus, I still do.
Come back in taiwan it's my third missionary journey
I live in a studio In the countryside.
I'll be praying for you. I wasn't a lash kid, but God , I wish I was.
My mom had issues
I'm thankful for the healing that god has brought to my siblings and myself
We take care of our parents even though they're divorced.
I just want to encourage you not to give up.
Save jesus , he can help can him heal
Never felt like I was in a well.I felt like I was in a pit of darkness
Jesus really did take me out of the pit.
Oh Birdie…I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I have quite the inkling. I was a high functioning depressive throughout my life, but when anything terrible happened in my wavelength I dropped like a rock. I never lost my job because I had summers off and the most wonderful therapist that I know cared for me so much. But I had to be so, so brave to go to work. I cried a lot. Years and years of crying and then pressing on. I had a professional job and the money was good. I’m retired now and almost 70 (next month). One thing I can tell you…therapy did help me a lot. I will always be on an antidepressant or two. And anxiety lessoned as I aged. I felt like I was useless at times, but now I realize just how well I did, and I am aware of the special gifts that depression gave me. That said, I do know that I felt dead at times, and so, so lonely. My heart is with you.
You have a beautiful singing voice, a sweet face and a gentle soul.
Oh....im 31, wondering if this will be me in the future. This type of society just really sucks the life out of you from an incredibly early age. Ive been working ON PAPER since i was 14. Its crazy to think thats over HALF OF MY LIFE ALREADY, and there is no hope of retirement or peace.
Like i dont want to die, but how do you NOT want to die?
I resonate so deeply and painfully with the inability to transition into different states or activities. Its like i can feel the gears GRINDING to do so, and the only reason i do things quickly in that regard is out lf anxiety and fear of consequence.
If i could do THINGS, i would be incredible 😂
I have interests but the only thing i LOVE doing is eating 😂 and watching videos of people talking...like this :)
It may be a form of autism. Autism presents itself different in women.
I am oh so happy the comment section is full of love and support! What a wonderful gift you have given, sharing your heart and soul in this way. Thank you!
Once again, you guys are blowing my mind. I wish I could bottle this feeling. ❤️
And please sing more! ❤
I agree. You have a beautiful voice!
I also loved your voice.
Thank you so much! 🥰
Yes! Such a beautiful voice!!!
I’m at the age where if I can’t function I can stay home. You talked a lot about my life. The thing I think you should be proud of is you did the most important thing you could do as a parent. You thought of your daughter first and did the best thing for her. I applaud you!
This means more than I can express. Thank you so much.
I see that you are a woman of great integrity. Your honesty, vulnerability & accurate empathy would not be possible with a diagnosis of BPD, or really any personality disorder. Despite unbearable depression you put your daughter first; what heroic parenting!
It is a travesty that so many are given that label when it's really CPTSD / PTSD.
I don't think you understand personality disorders very well. She definitely can have a personality disorder and still have all those good traits. What a stigmatizing comment, and on a mental illness video? Do better.
My mental health journey is very similar to yours. I'm struggling with chronic pain, depression, and anxiety. I'm in trauma counseling now but still struggling every day. You are so very brave to share your story. I pray you find peace. Thanks for sharing. I truly appreciate you and understand what you are going through.
You are not alone. I'm the same type of person that suffered from mental illness. Your experiences touched my heart deeply. I sooo relate to you. Keep being real 💯
I hate that you can relate, but am grateful to know I am not alone. Thank you. ❤️
You are not “the crap on the bottom of the shoe of society” - you are a beam of light and, Birdie, you have spoken for many of us and shone your bright light through the gloom which affects millions of us. Thank You 🙏🏻. There is a reason for every single one of us to ‘BE HERE NOW’ (that’s all we ALL have anyway -“NOW”. Sending you love from PD in the UK…and to let you know that I recognise the road you travel. I know it too. Keep on going my friend and know that you are loved and give yourself a ‘Hats Off’ to your strength. You are doing great on this tough journey ❤️
I so enjoy looking at your pretty face, your voice is charming and brightens my day.
I’m so glad you make videos. I look forward to them very much.
I’m awfully glad you’re here. I’m so glad you find the strength to share with us. Your daughter is lucky to have you as her mother.
Thank you for still being here.
When I was going through a tough time my daughter shared this quote with me and it helped.
“Nothing in nature blooms all year. Be patient with yourself. Deep in their roots flowers store the light”
I agree. You are someone I would definitely enjoy hanging out with and just talking for hours. I too try to find the ironic humor in situations.
Ooooh, that's such a great quote!
Your message is so sweet. And that quote is absolutely amazing. Thank you so very much! 🤗
That quote makes me think about the Bette Middler song, “The Rose.”
Omg, you explained mental health so good, I am stuck too. Drive places and can’t get out. Can’t keep up with house. Just can’t get out of bed for days on end, can’t sleep… Ty so much❤🙏🏻☮️
I really hope you're having good days these days. Sending you my love.
My gosh, this is striking striking such a chord. Our daughter was diagnosed with bipolar 1,5 years ago and 5 months after that her ex-fiancee and his parents teamed up on her and discarded her like garbage. He's now living in the house they co-own, our daughter moved in with us with our grandchild. His parents contacted social services and tried to take her child but our daughter won that legal battle. It is dispicable how society discards you when you can not full contribute.
Oh Birdie. A million hugs for you babe. You are amazing. Also that singing voice? Wow!!
That's so sweet of you. Thank you! ❤️
I was diagnosed with ptsd in 2016 and by 2017 I was in the hell of a nervous breakdown that took me over 5 years to claw my way out of (the *medical system* was no help)
I was so sick and I understand how severe mental illness can spiral and make it near impossible to get through the basics of life. I'm sorry you've been through this, I wish you safety, health, & happiness 💗
Oh My Goodness Birdie! This episode was soul-bearing! I hope you know, and remember when you are deep in your well, that we are here for you and look forward to seeing you every Thursday. Sending HUGE HUMAN TOUCH hugs your way.
That is so awesome, Heather. Thank you so much. ❤️❤️❤️
@@WaywardAbode I agree . . .... but don't feel any pressure . If you can't do it always , we'll understand and still be here . ( those who don't understand can . . . ..... go elsewhere ;-)
The psychiatrist who diagnosed me in 1989 with ptsd from childhood told me it would worsen with time. Boy you sound just like me. It has gotten better since I realized it was cptsd/trauma. I have the isolation preference, stayed in once for 5 months. Concentration. Same. Losing mental sharpness, memory. That was frightening. Improving now though. Why we get frozen? Unable to move? Read Pete Walker, or Patrick Fletcher on UA-cam. They explain it. Good luck to you.
I am a Psyche Nurse who understands what your talking about and I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug. Your raw aunthetic story is appreciated and its a great resource to many walking a mile in your shoes who have no voice or will to open up and speak about their struggles, and for those who care for them to have a better understanding so they can approach from a point of care and love and not judgement and disdain. More grace to you❤
Thank you for all those you help. It’s sad to me that at least in my state, mental health is the first fiscal budget cut. It boggles my mind that our own government turns a blind eye to psyche patients. I’ve worked psyche as a nurse but honestly it takes a village and that village is deteriorating 🙁
You are enough. You are worth it. I’m sorry you are in pain. Hugs.
That's so sweet to hear. Thank you so much.
It's like you're telling my life story. I wish mental health was taken more seriously by society. Hugs to all of us struggling ❤️🤗
Why not get together and make a place for people to function on their level and sounded by their passion. Passion is the key ANDLOVE IS AN ENERGY.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story♥️. I am so happy you are here, and you are loved. This is like your tribe on here, I love your content!
I do feel like y'all are the most amazing tribe a girl could ask for! Thank you so much for being a part of it.
Unfortunately I wasn’t very good. At keeping my mental health issues. From Joshua we were on trip to Texas. I said that he worried about his mom. Far more than any 25 year old kid should. He said so mom make me stop worrying. Broke my heart.
Oh darlin, you sound so much like my adult daughter who also suffers from severe ADHD the same way that you do, executive functioning is a major issue for her. She was diagnosed and treated with Ritalin for years as a child and with therapy. She also has suffered years of severe clinical depression, hid it from me and everyone else and is now getting some help for it, she sees a therapist. She also, as I've noticed and she realizes it as well, can show signs of bi-polar, but we've figured out it is closely associated with her cycle.
I have a disability that you can't see, not the same thing she's dealing with and have lived a life that I didn't order, it was the one I got. Found myself in a terrible financial situation and ended up seperated from my two children, who lived with their Dad for the same reasons, financially stable and able to give them what they needed. It crushed me. I knew I made the right decision, but I was crushed and felt betrayed by God. Would break down in tears, inconsolable every couple of weeks and tried everything to get back on my feet to get them back with me. Even with my severe social anxiety and agoraphobia, I was sure I could do it. It didn't really work out the way that I wanted, yet somehow I held on.
Hold on now sister. Hold on. I'm now a grandma of four, whom I adore and I'm so glad that I held on when I didn't want to or even see a point in it. Was at my daughters wedding, saw my son get a full ride scholarship and graduate with honors. So much I would have missed if I didn't just hold on. Hold on sweet sister, you are loved. "Surely there is a future and your hope will not be cut short." You are in my prayers, I can so relate. I feel everything. Every bit of energy around me, both positive and negative and at times it's painful. I can't even hurt anyone's feelings without me feeling it, it like hurting my own feelings. Gentle spirits have a tough time in this world. But here we are, loving away, giving always and not feeling worthy of receiving any. God be with you. Hold on. You really are a sweet, sweetheart, well spoken and kind person. God bless.
Only 3 minutes into this video and I'm basically going through the same thing. I'm 21, going to be 22 this year, and I've only had two jobs in my life. One was temporary, and the other I couldn't continue because it was late into the night, and public transit doesn't run during those hours. I constantly feel shame and embarrassed by my lack of social skills and just keep hoping a job takes the chance to hire me. I don't think there's a spot in life for people like us, but I keep foolishly hoping to be proven wrong.
i’m 22 and why do i relate with you more than ever?? i’ve had a bunch of jobs since about 16 but never kept them longer than a few months. i genuinely feel like im doomed and there’s no place for me either. my family tells me i need to change my mindset but i don’t know how to genuinely because i know im behind in life.
Birdie I totally understand you, my middle daughter is just like you, she's 37 yrs old and still nothing helps her, I'll pray for you too. Stay safe.
I'm so sorry to hear she has this struggle. I hope she's able to find some peace. Thank you for being here with me.
you are beautiful and amazing and kind. your sunshine makes the world better.
Thank you so much for saying that. ❤️
Birdie, I am sending you a big hug! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much. Sending all my love.
Birdie thank you SO much for having the courage to share your story.
As someone who has worked in the field of mental health (even as I have struggled with my own demons); my whole life, tell yourself (OFTEN) that your purpose is to shed light on all you have lived through ❤ and having a soul that is willing to share your story!!!
Trauma and stuck emotions can make your body stuck. I have days like this where in my mind, I want to go do all these things but my body won’t let me. I’m starting EMDR, I also do Dr. Joe Dispenzas work, meditate and work on changing my energy. It takes time for the energy work to come down to the 3d, physical body but this stuff works! I walk everyday now, it’s baby steps and hoping to be able to work soon. The intelligence, creator who made the body heals the body. I give up doing it on my own. Much love to everybody who is suffering. Don’t give up!
Riveting & relatable, missy. I’m in my 70’s & have somehow managed manic/depressive tendencies without meds. I refused to even consider them. I learned to work through the cycles & I found the roller coaster not so steep & deep as I got older. But. Yes, but. Because once in a while, I find myself back in that well. I admire you for putting yourself out out there like this & tonight you’re my inspiration to do the same. I’ve recorded so much this last half year in my journey to vanlife, by choice, but have not made any of it public. Now I’m thinking my own thought processes might help others, esp seniors who have isolated & withdrawn, while I work through not only the physical logistics of the transition but my mental & emotional changes that are taking place even though I’m not even in a van yet. (Run-on sentence, I know. 😉)
Just know that I am grateful you are in the world we share & I respect you & hope to even meet you someday & give you a big fat hug. ❤️💜❤️
Some people are very prone to depression than others by their build, physical constitution and social environment. While average folks can fight depression relatively quickly (within a week), those who have trauma and additional anxieties need a professional help by psychotherapist. There are often multiple intertwined complex factors that need to be unpacked and resolved during the therapy.
If there's nothing else I've learned since starting this channel, it's that, yes, people can benefit from hearing your experience. Visibility is key to understanding. And camaraderie can be key to survival. If you feel the desire to share your story, there are people that have the desire to hear it. Thank you so much for hearing mine. Let me know if you publish yours so I can hear yours too.
Send you and your 8 year old sweetheart the weekly hug ♥♥ You should sing girl! I´m sure you can make people cry with ballads and freaking out as a rockstar... FOR SURE! You never ever can imaging how much impact your videos have in my daily life and how much I´m waiting for you every week. Take care. You are loved loved loved ♥♥
I agree.....you have an awesome voice Birdie
I am always so happy to hear from you! You are so sweet and so supportive, and I am so grateful for you! I do want you to know I'm still trying to figure out how to get German subtitles on the videos. It may be something I need to pay for, so that might have to come later when I can afford it. But I haven't given up! ❤️
@@WaywardAbode You don´t have to pay for anything... please don´t! Maybe I can do some reactions with a translation by my own... I never did it before, but if you give me the permission, I could try... But please... don´t pay ... it´s yours... you deserve it so so so much.... And I´m sitting here on my german desk with some longing to sit with you on a little fire place and talk... maybe sometime... take care Birdie... and please... look in the mirror and be proud, at least a little bit... you give so much ♥
Sir in a park singing with a hat to collect money- I would pay to hear you sing :)
OMG! You are telling my story. Single mom of an amazing daughter and 2 wonderful grand kids. Diagnosed with border line and ADHD in my 30s but I didn't believe it. I've been under the cloak of Anhedonia (lack of feeling joy for anything) for almost 20 years and haven't worked since 2006. That's when I had a break down after I was conned out of my house and small business by my BF and Best friend. But my first memory of feeling empty was around 13 and that's when I started the alcohol, drugs and sex. The shame, the endless self deprecation and fear of being seen, the nonstop apologies that ultimately making people feel uncomfortable. Now at 57 I have become the care taker of my Xstep-father, ( who mentally abused me from 6-18 ) and when that ends I know I will never make enough money to pay for an apartment or even a room in a house so I am in the process of shopping for a van. I also have a spot in my room where I sit on you tube all day. One thing that has made me get up and DO is that I count to 3 and do it. It doesn't always work but when it does, the shot of dopamine is so good. Another thing that is helping me get my joy back is that I found BTS, yes the South Korean Super Group. I hadn't been able to listen to music in 20 years with out crying and they gave me back music. They sing about mental health and social struggles and their own issues while reaching out a hand to us to help us love ourselves. They have found a way to bring together millions of fans all over the world who hold each other up and give back to communities all over world. If you are interested in what they have to say I would check out the songs, Magic Shop, Zero o'clock, Black Swan, Epiphany watch the videos that have English subtitles. The song that sent me down the BTS rabbit hole is called Permission to Dance. They literally gave me permission to get out there and dance with my grand kids. Slowly the lyrics from their songs started taking over my internal self deprecation and bullying myself. Any way I loved your video and look forward to the next.💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Oh, sweetheart. The tragedy you have had to endure! I'm so, so sorry. You have been betrayed and shortchanged and you are still a good person. The world is lucky to have you. I hope a van ends up being as good for you as it's (mostly) been for me. ❤️
I feel you. I have no children and a sister that has Stockholm syndrome from a narcissistic husband. (Due to a narcissistic Father.) I am not allowed to interact with that family for almost 40 years. So I am alone. I too bought a van a couple of years ago to prepare for destitute.
Army 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
@@Wernotfree ❤
@@WaywardAbode❤
You did the absolute right thing for your daughter. Please don't have any guilt. She will love you more for making the decision that was best for her.
I’m going through the same thing!! 😢 how do I make myself happy again?
You’re in a well with snakes, I’m in a sinking ship. I just shut the curtains, pulled the covers over my head, & skipped dinner. Hell of a year so far.
Like you told us, you are loved we don’t think any of the things that may be in your head. Big hugs sister. 🤗🥰
Oh, honey. A sinking ship is a terrible thing to be on! I sure hope you've been able to (at least temporarily) plug the holes. Sometimes just floating is enough. P.S. I am going to email you back. I promise!!
I've got brain bugs too and medicine has also never helped me. I have a hard time leaving my house at all. Going to the store, from my house, forget it. I've been successful for a year making myself go to work most days but only for the benefit of buying food for my animals and husband and it's getting harder and harder to do honestly. I really wish there were more options for people with the brain bugs. And definitely more help. Sending you much love. I hope your UA-cam ends up making you tons of money. I could never put myself out there. One of my brain bugs is being so very hurt any time anyone says anything negative about me, even perfect strangers. But it helps to know you're there and I bet you understand.
I most definitely understand. And I totally agree we need more options for folks that don't fit the very narrow box society has created for people. I wish I could box up some strength and send it to you in the mail. I hope things get easier soon. ❤️
This all makes sense. I see you and hear your struggles. I am not a doctor but have given birth to a child with mental illness. They had many diagnoses throughout the years, but the one we’re satisfied with is manic/depressive. Talking about it is therapeutic for a lot of us out here.
You’re helping yourself and others. Thanks for your truth.
.
I am so sorry to hear your child struggles with mania and depression. Such a hard struggle. She's lucky to have you as a mom. And I'm lucky to have you in my corner. Thank you.
Mental health is so under-appreciated and misunderstood. I struggle with some mental health issues, but I’ve always been able to “make” myself do the hard things, and so I’ve have managed to survive and prosper in a world that rewards those who are “productive”. I used to see people who fell apart and just couldn’t make themselves go to work as weak or lazy. I WAS SO WRONG! I have an adult child who struggles with BPD and has now completed therapy. She is so much healthier but I see up close that it is not weakness or laziness that people have - it’s a brain chemistry/wiring malfunction. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you the best!
Birdie, you're such an inspiration. I just keep thinking about how impossibly strong you are to keep clawing your way out of that well over and over and over, despite everything being stacked against you. I haven't suffered anything like what you've dealt with, but I've had some mental health struggles of my own in the past, and I do still have bad days (weeks) when the executive dysfunction rolls back in. It's so hard to explain that anguish of wanting so badly to do something you KNOW you'll enjoy, something fun you WANT to do - but being completely unable to even get up.
I also really relate to what you mentioned about not wanting to attract attention by looking "too good." I have a closet full of cute clothes that I love but can never bring myself to wear. I'll try on an outfit at home and love how it looks, but as soon as I step outside my skin starts crawling like everyone is looking at me (even though I'm sure no one is - I don't look THAT good!!) 😂 I usually end up turning around and changing into baggy sweats instead.
One last thing... please try not to let UA-cam become yet another source of guilt and stress. We're your tribe, we love you, and the last thing we want is to make things worse. Take all the time you need and remember that your worth isn't measured by your productivity, whether that's working a job, posting videos, or even replying to comments. Don't work yourself to the bone trying to post videos OR keep up with comments!
As always, sending lots of love and support 💖
Holly, your words have absolutely filled my heart this morning. I hate that we have so much in common, but I appreciate you reminding me that none of us are alone in our struggles. And thank you so much for letting me know that it's okay if I cannot be the same kind of UA-camr that people are used to watching. I hope life treats you like the fabulous person you are today! Heck, every day!
Birdie I echo all of the comments about how strong you were to share your journey with mental illness. In one of your replies here you said that you don’t think we have a purpose in life. I disagree with you and I believe that you are fulfilling your purpose by bringing awareness about the struggles faced by people suffering through mental illness. Just by being you and sharing your experiences you are bringing awareness and hopefully creating understanding and empathy amongst others who don’t have to bear this particular cross on their own journey. And also giving hope to others in the same situation 💜
Hi, sweetheart. Thank you so much. I hear what you're saying about purpose. I just know what it's like when you believe everyone has a purpose except for you. Because if you had a purpose, wouldn't you be fulfilling it right now instead of just sitting and staring at a wall? I just want people not to feel the emptiness of that and to know that sometimes your purpose is just to exist. But I appreciate very much you saying what you said about my purpose. I love you.
Hi Birdie, it's just after midnight & I've just arrived home. I had been parked at a fast food place having a late tea when I started to look at your video. I got home & I was just so tired, but I thought, I'm not going to go to bed until I tell this wonderfully incredible human being just how blessed we are to have her in our lives. I wish I could reach through the screen & hug you, wish I was there in person, to hug you.
I don't tell people that I love them, or how wonderful they are etc, unless I really mean it. I never believed that you could love someone that you only know over the internet, but I'm saying it to you Birdie, I do love you. I can see just how honest, loving & caring you are & that is a person worthy of receiving love in return.
I don't believe that there is any such thing as "normal" every human being has something they have to deal with, whether they're born with it or it has come about because of what they've been through or are going through.
In my case, after a short lived disastrous marriage & then, later, my baby being hurt, hatred of men started to grow. But it didn't stop there, I didn't just throw men into the "rotten apple" barrel, I threw the whole of humanity in there. I believed that the only thing people were capable of was hurting one another. I no longer believed in love, believing people to be two faced, saying one thing & doing another.
I did form a friendship with one person during that time. Four years later she committed suicide. I was devastated.
I read a book called " love never dies" & that led me to a Spiritualist Church. The minister & several of the congregation are now my friends. The move to the Church, the love & support I received, saved my life.
Having a son, I would not have committed suicide, but the hatred that I was carrying was killing my spirit. In that respect, I was slowly dying only I didn't know it. It took years, but one day, when I got up in front of the congregation to speak about love, I did it because I genuinely felt love, it wasn't just empty words.
There are still things that are connected to my experiences that I am dealing with & might still be dealing with my entire life, but it's all about moving forward, one tiny little step at a time & never giving up.
I believe that God helps us through others. Knowing you Birdie, the joy you bring to so many, God is using you too Birdie.
You have the very wonderful gift of being able to articulate your feelings and thoughts in a way that people can understand & relate to.
Maybe, one day, you might also consider speaking to audiences outside of the internet. To the many who need to know that someone really cares, that they are not alone.
❤ ❤ ❤
I am so sorry to hear of your struggle and of your friend's passing. I hope today life is treating you kinder. Your message means so much to me. Thank you.
@@WaywardAbode Thankyou. Life is very different these days. I have a lot to be thankful for. ❤
❤ Birdie, you told my story. We are not lazy and bad. We have real illnesses. You are not alone.
Thank you for this important reminder. We are not alone. There is definitely solace in that. ❤️
You have done something that I haven’t been able to bring myself to do, which is opening up yourself and making yourself vulnerable to a stranger. I have a tremendous amount of resentment towards my mother from the way she has treated me over the years, and continues to this day. She is 86 years old and I know she won’t be around much longer, and I really should try and drop my feelings of anger. But I still cannot make myself just go and visit. I did go to her house a couple of weeks ago, which was the first time since Christmas, and I only went because my whole family (I’m 2nd of 10 kids), was there and I didn’t have to interact with her. I have told my sister several times that I need to get help, but that’s as far as it goes. I even have a sister who is a counselor, but she has as many problems as I do. Just know that you are no longer friendless.
❤
Oh, honey. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I had a very complicated relationship with my mother, too. And I couldn't bring myself to go see her before she died. And then she died. And now my relationship with her is even more complicated. I do wish I had gone to see her. But I can't say if that would have made anything easier for me now. Again, I have no words of wisdom. I just can say I understand how you're feeling, and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. ❤️
We share many things.
You are not alone.
Please, give yourself grace and stay strong.
You are loved.
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, we were ALWAYS like two kids playing in a sandbox. We were best friends and we understand each other. We help each other 100%. i still love her and most times I cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i don't know why i am bringing this here for, i cant stop thinking about her.
its always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my wife for 31 years left me, i couldnt just let her go, i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual doctor who helped me bring her back.
thats amazing please how did you get a spiritual doctor and how do i reach him?.
its not a him, it a she, Her name is Queen Stella Laveaux,and she is a great spiritual adviser who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information,i just looked her up now online. impressive
If someone doesn’t want to be with you, please let them go. I know it’s so painful but you can’t make someone stay or love you. I know this from experience. Get some good therapy and be kind to yourself, but let yourself move on.
"I am so sorry that you have to be in the same space with me right now." That mindset is the literally the basis of my own anxiety. I feel like it is such a chore for everyone to deal with me and my awkwardness that I can't wait for a social interaction to be over so that they can go back to their normal lives.
Ditto…and it’s exhausting 😢❤
Swear 😢
You are such a wonderful, compassionate person. The words you said at 24:04 were so touching. It means the world to hear things like that when you’ve lost all capability to say them to yourself. I wish I had someone like you in my life. Know that your existence is a gift to the world and all those who know you. I’ll be watching more of your videos because what you have to share is so valuable.
Sending love and prayers. You are of value to us here, even if you don't know us.
I hope you know how valuable you are to me. Your love and prayers mean the world. Thank you.
Im notified when you post...nothing in my life is on a schedule....therefore im just so grateful when you pop in for a visit. Post when you can on anything you like. I love your heart, your kindness, even your empathy for others. Ive been down the well and im one of the lucky ones that got out with the right medication. However im still very aware that the well is there and can even hear it calling me back. The meds just keep me strong enough to back away from the well. Thank you so very much for this post. You have a very real understanding of mental illness and perhaps this post will help someone stuck in the well. I love you!!!!!
I am beyond grateful you have medication that helps you. Tell that well to shut up!! I'm also beyond grateful to know you. thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Oh hon. I found myself nodding and agreeing throughout your video- you are definitely a survivor. Sending you love ❤ and surrounding you with prayers of protection 💫
Thank you so much. ❤
You explained so well how I have existed since I was 40 and divorced. Excellent explanation of my
Iife.
This is me right now. But worse. 50, lost, lonely, sad. PTSD & TBI and kind of just want to live in a van down by a river or sometimes not all. I’m usually the one telling others to never give up but the way society, family, friends, community and the system let me down/fall through the cracks this last year just amplified everything. Idk what to do anymore. I even tried going to the capitol several times to share my story , help others and make changes but it seems they like us stuck in revolving doors, broken and broke! Well I’m glad I met you. Thanx for being honest, and I wish you all the best!
I agree.
Truth
Her telling me that "you're worthy" and I'm here crying like- "NO- YOU ARE!!! ;~; "
You talking about how society treats disabled people hit the nail on the head- because in this capitalistic hellhole we live in you are either "working" or "a drain." Even if you physically are unable to do the work!!
And I think people have had enough and are waking up to this societal BS- you are incredibly smart!!
I wish I was as smart as you Birdie! I wish I could give you a hug!
You're too sweet. And you are worthy!!! As others have said, society is the real crazy one. :) Consider me hugged, and I'm sending one back to you.
What a very endearing and profound testimonial about your daily struggles with mental health. Please know we are here for you whenever you need us! We love you dearly! 💕
I really appreciate that.
Thank you for sharing. I have mental health issues as well. The struggle is real. I think you are amazing, strong and beautiful.
I'm so sorry to hear you struggle with mental health issues as well. I hope this week is a sunny one for you.
Bless you for this❣ Everything you've said is 🎯. I've always struggled with depression and ptsd, but my son landed in hospital at the beginning of this year. With schizoaffective disorder. He was abused (by coaches) at high school.
I really understand the 'not doing '. It keeps me safe.
Saying that, I HAVE to cope, for my son. I'm a single mom.
We're 'doing it' together. It's not an elegant solution. But... it is what it is, I guess.
Sending loads of love from South Africa 🇿🇦 ❤
I am so grateful for your story. I have PTSD, OCD, depression and anxiety. I had a stroke on April 2023. Your video hit on the nail about mental health, but no one talks about it. Thank you for your story and you!❤️🙏🏼😃
I tried Prozac for a few months. Boy was it great! I didn’t feel a thing! I didn’t care about anything. I was a robot with no emotions and it was great! Going from a life of loving everyone and everything and just getting hurt and stepped on and all the sleepless nights and tears i constantly cried. Prozac helped me freeze. And become tough! I was a unemotional solid rock! I was like wow this is how people go through life tough! Without a heart. It was like the key to life! But I stopped and am back to my emotional, loving self🤕 But I am learning boundaries and I am on the road to balance❤
It is brave to share your journey. I relate to dealing with major chronic depression and anxiety. It is exhausting just dealing with my brain fighting against me every damn day. At least that’s what it feels like. I have been lucky that medication has helped to a certain extent, but it took a lot of trial and error for years. I just wanted to say I really enjoy your vlogs, and wish I could give you a non- creepy air hug. ❤ 🙂
I know exactly what you mean about the exhaustion of fighting against your own brain. I'm so glad to hear you've found something that works for you at least a little. ❤️
Ah, I knew I liked you! Not only do you speak the most sense on the Internet, you are also one of us! 😊
A few of my closest women friends & myself are similar. Easily over or under stimulated, disregulated, disorganised and fantastic creative people! I've been flagged up in assessments as adhd but no diagnosis as yet. I'm only 60 though so there's time... 😁👍
Don't worry about posting when you can't, we'll still be here whenever you can. Xx
As a therapist of 30 years, EMDR is an evidence based bottom up approach that is very effective as it does not use a “talk therapy” approach …. Your story is not unfamiliar. So sorry that you have had such a struggle 💐💜
Interesting. This is one of the things that I never did try. I honestly did not put a lot of stock in it. But you're making me rethink that. Thank you for giving me something to look into. ❤️
I want to try EMDR so badly but every therapist that offers it near me is cash pay only and I can’t afford it.
@WaywardAbode EMDR is great. It works really well.That was one of the things I did my twenty years in taiwan
I'm a u s citizen but i'm a self supported christian missionary
I found that inner healing and deliverance is helpful.
I'm not completely healed. I'm a lot better when I was when I was thirteen.
I'm now forty five. I really will be praying for you❤
Your ability to speak and express your thoughts is extremely impressive and you say so many things that resonate with me.
I am so glad I found you, I really am. I pray one day professionals really understand the devastation of mental illness , we may look fine on the outside and can even function on a basic level but we are not ok. I think you are beautiful, I would love to have you as a friend, I think you would be awsome. What 31:43 I really connected with was how your family drifted away as it was too much energy to keep in touch, I am lucky I have a lifelong friend 60 years, she puts my pieces back together I am so grateful for her presence in my life.
Look forward to seeing g you again, sending.love from Australia ❤
But Birdie - you ARE healing yourself! One day at a time - maybe one day a week, or a month, or every few months - it's all happening according to plan, believe it or not. I feel your pain. I, too, have suffered trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma and it takes years to process. I wish you could listen to Tracy Stewart. Dubbed uneducable by teachers, told college would never be in her future, beaten down at every turn. She is a much sought after speaker and is perhaps the wisest female evangelist I have ever heard. I am no holy roller - I like four letter words way too much, but like refining silver - the fire burns out the impurities until you can shine like the sun. You are shining, Birdie. Your story resonates with each and every one of us. Putting yourself out there and being so brutally honest and candid is what most of us really need to hear. You said maybe 10 people will watch this - I'm looking at 1,128 views right now. Expectations. Have NONE. It's all about unrealistic expectations and being honest with yourself about what you can and cannot do. I am in Al-Anon - a group for families of alcoholics. One of the greatest things I have learned is that my expectations are unrealistic. Oh, sure, I put on a facade for years - PTO President, Grade mother, the one everyone went to to get things done. All that praise felt wonderful - but in the end - nobody really gives a shit - they are just happy someone else was there to do it. And like Joseph in the Bible - thrown into a pit by his jealous brothers, sold into slavery, thrown into prison, became right hand man to the King because he interpreted his dream, was falsely accused by the Kings wife of rape, was thrown into prison again, and eventually became what we know now as the Prime Minister of Egypt and saved his father and his whole family from famine. God allowed the pain in order to edify him and teach him. Blessings are already here, Birdie, and if it takes the next 10 years to figure that out so-be-it. You are healing yourself the way God intended. Be good to yourself. Forgive yourself. Never give up.
Very well said
I love what you said about refining silver. I'll definitely look Tracy up. I'm so glad you've found healing. I'm certainly open to finding it through God as well. Thank you. ❤️
I love you and am sorry for all you have been through and all the struggles you have and are facing. If we met we could talk for hours comparing notes. Many similarities and many differences, but familiar struggles abound. Please, continue to take care of yourself. It's obvious you are a fighter because you keep coming up out of the well. You are an amazingly BRAVE soul!! I love you!
I hope we get a chance to meet and talk someday. Hopefully laughing more than crying. Thank you so much, Tamara!