how dating apps keep you single
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- Опубліковано 31 тра 2024
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Valentine's Day is right around the corner, cuffing season is reaching its end, and dating apps... still suck. In this video, Sabrina explores the algorithms behind apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble to figure out where they all go wrong. In the process, she makes a dating simulator for... soup. This is a weird one, folks.
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SOCIAL MEDIA
Sabrina
Twitter: / nerdyandquirky
Instagram: / nerdyandquirky
Melissa
Twitter: / mehlizfern
Instagram: / mehlizfern
Taha
Twitter: / khanstopme
Instagram: / khanstopme
CREDITS
Produced by Sabrina Cruz
Video Editing by Vicky Moonan
Motion Design by Sabrina Cruz
Sound Design by Sabrina Cruz
MUSIC
Epidemic Sound. Get started today. share.epidemicsound.com/answer...
RECOMMENDED READING
"Tinder may not get you a date. It will get your data." (2020) by Rebecca Heilweil
"The Tinder algorithm, explained" (2019) by Kaitlyn Tiffany
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Introduction
00:58 Sabrina reads some stuff (what a surprise)
01:41 How Dating Algorithms Work
06:14 Soup, a series of unfortunate events.
07:26 Sabrina makes Bad Decisions at 2AM
09:09 Sabrina potentially damages her friendships
11:37 How to Fix Dating Apps
13:07 Share this video so we can afford soup for our family
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Welcome to the joke under the fold! Here's a sweet one for the romantics out there:
What did the gardener say to their crush? I love you from my head tomatoes :)
Leave a comment with the word TOMATO to let me know you were here ;-)
I hope you enjoyed that video! *What's your favourite pick up line? Comment down below!*
If you want to play this silly little soup sim, make sure to subscribe to our newsletter: www.answerinprogress.com/newsletter
Me to soup: "Nice cans"
I don’t think I could ever say this one out loud and be serious, but:
Did it hurt when you fell from the vending machine? Cause you a snack 😉
I did like the video... but you probably should work on your pickup line game. Or not, who knows, maybe the lame ones are where the meta is right now.
It would probably work on me, for all I know. 😅
Are you a microwave? Cuz mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Mine is: On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
I always feel weird saying I met my girlfriend online, because people tend to assume 'dating app' when the reality is 'Transformers fanfiction'.
that is the truest form of dating
I met mine through facebook, on a friends' shitpost.
@@LinguaSerbia it kinda delights me that a shitpost must now have romantic connotations for you guys.
@@usernameonutube I'm engaged to mine and we're living together :)
@@usernameonutube I understand completely, it is funny 😂
Dating apps are not keeping me single. I'm doing a terrific job at that myself.
exactly!! Well done you for not blaming the popular culture, feminists, vegans or Bill Gates :)
Your pic reminds me of Todd from Bojack Horseman show
Same here
Can you send me a link to Todd wojak
@@tarantulamantis5189 It's a custom, I can send you the png over e-mail if you want? Just make a throwaway or something, or if you have a better idea I'm open to it
Is there ANYTHING this girl doesn't do??? She's an artist, a game designer, a math major, a researcher...I'm impressed.
You Missed something. She is a UA-camr.
Yeah. That was a bad joke. I wonder why I'm alone 🤣🤣🤣
@@newbie4789 *hugs**
she doesnt not drink coffee
She discovered mars
She doesnt commit war crimes....hopefully
"People get overwhelmed with too many choices, burn out, and give up."
Lol, that requires me to get a match in the first place.
lol yea
Jeez this hits home.
Yeah, I think it was targeted to women
@@pneumantic6297 You're totally right. I've been on okcupid for like six months and the vast majority of girls don't write anything at all on their bio. Some will write a short and generic description, some will mention that they like wine and weed as personality traits, but most of them (especially the obviously attractive ones) don't write anything at all. How are men supposed to start an interesting conversation that way?
Probably none are good choices to begin with.
Boyfri(end)
Girlfri(end)
Soup
Only soup has no end
It also has no friend 😔
The End
That is Soup'r interesting!!
The soup nazi decides that
Soupend
Feeling lucky that I met my husband on an app and he ISN'T a can of soup (as far as I can tell)
What app did you use, if you don't me asking?
No offence but its waaaay easier for women than men dude to sheer numircal probability alone. You sound like a good person many of them are really mean or shallow.
It is extremely rare for finding your soulmate here for many reasons.
Right
@@vegitoblue2187 or maybe part of the problem is revealed when you say things like "many of _them_ are really mean or shallow," putting the blame of matchmaking on an entire gender just because people have standards you don't like. Sorry if I sound overly rude, but if you think people are shallow then it's a good thing you're not matching with them right? It just means you have different priorities.
Yes men probably hit on women a ton more on those apps than vice versa but that doesn't mean any of those opportunities will even be helpful when a good chunk of people all around are probably just looking for a hook-up (which isn't inherently bad but defeats the purpose of finding a compatible partner). Oh and information overload like the video mentioned as a great flaw.
Either way good luck finding someone! I hope I didn't sound too bitchy but generalizing the gender of someone you want to date isn't going to help. And sorry if I assumed too much about you, it's just that I see people making that mistake so often and then whine about it, so it gets annoying and I want them to realize what they're doing.
@@Petrichorus- I am not really generalizing. I asked a few female friends who use tinder. All have a ton of matches. Secondly, the attitude, almost every bio gives off that kind of attitude. These are observations. I do jot blame you for being unaware of this happening but it is the truth. Many of my female friends are surprised when they hear this too.
Saying stuff like on tinder cuz bored, give me free food,give me your netflix password , not below 5'11,etc. Tinder has been full of it and it really kills any morale to use the app. Am I generalizing? No. Also these standards are absurd. If men even show like 10% of these standards they are accused of being body shamers, sexist,etc.
All people I did matched with unmatched for no specific reason at all even though we hit it off or they did not even reply.
I dont disagree with the overload its just another point I am trying to put across based on observations. I do get your point about ton of people hitting on you but hookup or serious, the chances are way higher for women nevertheless.
I never judged even a single match. I have been unmatched by I woman I had things in common with who complained about being ghosted by guys. I have 16 matches right now and none of them respond after a text and that is after a non generic authentic message.
Girls: Choice overload is a real problem.
Guys: Tumbleweed and cricket sounds
haha bi noises go brrrr
@@jammies6134 dating apps suck for bi people tho….especially as a woman
@@Jaded42O The reason is that they haven't figured out how to stop incels from sending dick pics, and there's always a significant portion of users just trying to get laid, and have no interest in pursuing an actual relationship.
@@jammies6134 as one of my bi friends sumarrized: aaaaallll biiii myseeeelf
it is not easy to be a bi wamen even, it seems.
Same with gays
"I can't find a date, there's only soup."
"Well then get off the soup profile!"
"There's just more soup."
"Go to the next profile!"
"It's still soup."
"What app are you on?"
"I'm on soup!"
"Why are you trying to date on a soup app!?!"
Now THIS is content.
What do you mean you're AT SOUP
I feel like I had a stroke reading that
Oh purple eyes how I miss you.
Nostalgic
"I'm at Soup" "WHY ARE YOU FINDING LOVE IN THE SOUP STORE?!"
An elegent meme from a more civilized age
It's taking everything in my soul to not just type out "eff you" as a reply and leave it at that
@@ireallyhatemakingupnamesfo1758 +
Aha aha, wassup babysoup, give me all that dummy thicc chunky soup aha aha
@@ireallyhatemakingupnamesfo1758 agreed
"dating apps are bad because they give you too many options and paralyze you" *looks at my 3 matches in 3 months* ... wut?
Women get 1000 matches, men about 3
@@raaspider Unless you're a guy who looks like a model. Then you're getting 99+ matches. Unfortunately that seems to be the only way to have a decent chance on it.
You're probably committing the grave mistake of not being a woman on the dating app.
Rookie mistake! But It's alright.
@@btsdynamite3845 its not even a ratio problem, women are known to only swipe yes to about 10% of guys. Like they find almost nothing about guys attractive. Not to mention how often they swipe just for validation, not actual interaction
@@CloudWalkBeta you do understand how that is a direct result of the ratio, right? They have options, they can afford to only choose the 10% they like most.
The business goal of a dating app is... to keep you using the dating app!
To keep paying for more swipes.
BASED
Exactly! Because if you lived happily ever after you'd be lost to the app.
Last time I used a dating app, men kept asking me if I really had to use my wheelchair and cane because "that's not really attractive".
It's very different when you're disabled and wondering if the person behind the screen is going to message you with "why weren't you aborted" or get incredibly creepy with a fetish and the things they wanted to do to me.
@@devon6039 lol who said anything about guys options? It might be a big surprise to you but two problems can exist at once without contradicting each other. (If you really cared you would have made a separate comment instead of just trying to undermine someone else)
@@devon6039 correct! And not having very many options is very much not worse than being sexually harassed on the internet for existing in a body you have no choice in
@@devon6039 males are so sensitive
@@devon6039 not here to start a discussion, you’re just wrong. Thanks lol
@@devon6039 yes, and you can make that blanket statement because we know each other on a such a personal level
One of the most cliché pickup lines in Hebrew is "Is your dad a gardener? No? Then how come you're such a flower?"
The thing is, my dad IS a gardener, so people who try to use that line on me often get surprised and forget what they were going for.
מה זה בעברית? אני מדבר עברית, אבל אני אמריקאי אז אני לא יודע עברית יומיומית.
Well no wonder you’re such a flower!
@@elliez.3561
"אבא שלך גנן? לא? אז איך יצאת כזה פרח?"
@@smokee1325 nailed it
That’s actually cute, it’s corny and fairly inoffensive so I like it
Interestingly enough, "I got chicken even though I answered 'no' to 'do I like meat in my soup,'" pretty well sums up my frustration with dating apps.
A hidden message in the video?
Best comment so far!!
This describes the lesbian dating app scene on Tinder from what I’ve heard
@@Andyatl2002 lemme guess, a Lotta guys who 'are into lesbians'?
@@patrickholzer6415, some of those but mainly I’ve heard that women that are looking for a threesome and they are with a guy already.
As a huge introvert that never goes out, dating apps are a blessing to me. All my relationships that came from dating apps were smoother and easier, without dating apps I'd definitely be single. I think people use dating apps the wrong way, Its not about reeling in as much as you can then choosing its about reeling in one at a time i.e. matching, then have a short conversation if it doesn't lead anywhere release until you find one that sparks and you focus on that one match. Remember this ain't Mambo no.5
Yes, this is exactly what I plan to do. I don't want to talk to lots of people at once; I want to just talk to one and try to get to know them well, and if it doesn't work, then onto the next person.
This.
I am a introvert and I try everything to get a single match and for no results, so although I agree with you, the major problem for the average man still the same
while I do agree that dating apps are PERFECT for introverts and people that dont go out as much, I think that reeling in as much as you can is just the nature of the beast, along with dating just being that crappy in the first place. I don't have the pleasure of just swiping on 10 people and expecting to get to know each one. They might not match, or if they do, they just might simply not vibe well with me enough. Only solution is to just simply, swipe more and cast a wider net. Next thing you know you end up with hundreds of swipes, with 75% of them going nowhere. and if you actually get matches, well now you have 30some or more people to vet through lol.
Must be a woman who wrote the comment. Opinion invalidated.
"If you match with someone who is highly desirable your own rating goes up."
That explains why my rating is so low.
Lol XD
I know this wasn’t the point, but I really want a dating app for the undead now.
So a quick google search found:
Monster prom, which is probably closest to what you're thinking.
Undead darlings, it's a Dungeon crawl RPG dating sim available on the switch.
And a bunch of other zombie dating sim apps which seem like anime themed dating apps but the girls are zombies.
Please make some new videos.
Hi
Sometimes I forgot you're a human being capable of watching other videos. These are those times.
@@dandanlec1996 oh I played monster prom, that was a surprising good game lol
Me a 16 year old who has no plans of dating: ah yes, soup dating
@@ProxieN3stleCr0nch and they match with a creamy soup person too
@@atalaya3099 pro tip, older people who are interested in 16 year olds are not an upgrade from 16 year olds!
Are you me?
@@mdenouden3y6 This is true. They just have an age advantage which becomes tricky in many ways, and are still subject to comparison/are more appropriately evaluated compared to other people their age.
everyone my age: yeah so my boy/girlfriend and I did xyz
me: s o u p
I’m not saying race bias is amplified *BUT* the week I moved to a non white country I got 8x the number of matches, with the same pics and bio. (There’s clearly a race preference which is perfectly ok but tinder is most likely amplifying that greatly)
I was going to say that in my city Black people make up 1/20 people and maybe 1/80 potential matches. We have tons of Chicanos, Latinos, and Filipinos and they make up a larger share of matches but its still overwhelmingly white. I do date outside my race but I imagine that other people also experience similar ratios. Which makes me less visible. Mind you, I do get matched so my complaint isnt a "woe is me" scenario. Just Tinder doesnt seem to work. Anyone I date or that finds me attractive seems to meet me in person/through friends.
I'm from a country that is almost exlusively white (mostly because our folks decided ~80 years ago that everyone else shouldn't be allowed to live) yet virtually all the bots you'd encounter on a dating app use pictures of SEA women. At this point it's perfectly understandable to swipe left on such a picture because it's almost certainly a bot.
I hate dating apps so much. No matter what I try with my bio and how good my photos are, I get like no matches at all. And when I do, they don't reply. It destroys my confidence completely
Bro bro I feel you I’m young and after weeks and weeks I finally match my match told me she’ll text if she’s available for next week and she’ll let me know what time. Lol no response. Because she’s probably got more matches than me and she started a week ago. I get no hope with these apps I find myself really hot and attractive and worked my ass off getting a good looking profile and no results.
Trust me, they’re doing you a favor. Stay off dating apps, it is a COMPLETE waste of time.
Dating apps are as broken as the ice cream machine at McDonald's
It only works for some people?
Thats not actually broken. Back when I worked there I learned that we just aren't allowed to say it ran out or it needs to be cleaned. Thats why it is always "broken" on hot summer days
@@prophet8724 Literally. At my McDonalds, it could do maybe four servings of ice cream decently. Anything more than that, though, and it starts pouring out white cream which was nowhere near cold enough to be frozen into real ice cream.
Works when it's cold or temperate. Ice Cream machines are milk dispensers in the summer
*Wendys liked this*
Each gender complains that dating apps suck for different reasons. Dating apps suck for heterosexual women because of choice overload like Sabrina says. They’re presented with a lot of potential options and a lot of matches but have trouble finding the “right” guy from among their matches. For women the “work” of dating begins after the match when they have filter out from a large number of matches if a guy is “worth” a date and then if he is worth a relationship. This is the process women complain about and find exhausting, spending hours in bland conversations and filtering through 🍆 pics. Most men have trouble just getting a match in the first place, so when they do match they don’t suffer from choice overload as much. But even after matching, because the woman they match with has so many matches to choose from they struggle to stand out and be chosen for a date. Even once they get a date there is a high likelihood of things not working out and the woman choosing another guy fir a relationship. This is what men complain about.
Ironically this leads to a game theory problem where both sides pursue strategies that aim to benefit themselves, but end up making both sides worse off. Men must try to swipe/match with as many women as possible since they are less likely to match and to get a date after matching. Which means that women are more likely to match with men who are not that interested in them and makes it harder for them to find ones they are compatible with. It also means that the men she matches with cannot invest much time/emotionally in her since they need to maximize the number of women they are talking to at any given time since the likelihood of getting a date with any one of them is low. Any time invested in a match that doesn’t work out is high cost for the man. On the opposite side, women have so many matches that they cannot invest time into all of them and have to hope the man will work to earn her attention and form an emotional connection with her.
Even once you get to the date you end up with an end state where the woman has a constant supply of men banging down her door trying to get her attention most of whom don’t want to invest in her and the man is forced to constantly pursue multiple women none of whom he can really invest in (because if that date doesn’t work out it’ll take him 3 months to get another match), which makes it hard for either of them make the connection needed to form a relationship.
this is interesting i'd like to see a full game theory analysis on dtaing apps like you've laid out here
High IQ comment
I accept this hypothesis as correct until conflicting data comes along.
This needs to be top comment.
I want to like this comment but it currently has 69 likes so there's no way I will change that😂
(Hetero male) I've been on dating apps for almost a year. About 60 matches where 10% responds, 2 dates which lead to nothing. It's better to stay single. they all expect maximum results and give minimun effort
Yeah bro, After all I have gone through in dating apps with no results, Now, I think in the end I'd rather be forced by my parents to marry someone I don't even know and love. At least, it doesn't deplete my energy to swipe, swipe, and swipe.😂
You still got us, brother
Hahaha get rekt
60 matches? :/ I've been on them for 8 months now and have had 2 matches neither replied. It's Very depressing and demoralising makes you feel horrible. I've liked every girl in my town maybe 3000+ only two matched and just had their instagram on their profile.
Nah. I spoke to a guy for about 2 weeks. We did video chats and as soon as i refused to let him over to stay at my place he went MIA. Who tf let’s a stranger in their home at first or second meet?
Dating apps will keep you single because in the back of your mind, you always consider whether you can do better. I met my husband in real life and I'm very happy I did.
Heres my stats as a straight male. One month on hinge i got roughly 60 matches. Of those matches 45 didnt even respond to a conversation starter to get the ball rolling. Of the 15 that responded, 6-7 stopped after 1-2 messages. 3 were dry texters and 2 were long conversationalists. The last 5 lead to dates that went nowhere. Id like to think that if just talked to some of the people around me in my daily life that i could have found just as many dates instead of the hours i wasted swiping messaging and responding.
60 matches & 75% don't respond? Sounds like dating apps may not be the problem bro. Not me, I get dates that never go anywhere with 95% of my matches 😂
I’ve gotten literally two matches in my entire time on hinge (which wasn’t very long)
Met my gf on tinder lol
Your match rate is very high for a male, so good job. I would suggest putting more effort into messages/being open to evolving that text game.
If by "people in daily life" you mean people you meet out side of being on their phone (which can imply they are interesting people) or doing a common hobby/place of interest between you (already having a mutual interest or hobby or values), then yes maybe it's true.
Convos/relationships can go nowhere regardless of how it starts pick your poison lol But stay healthy and good luck!
@@AllByEar see my problem is that 95% of the woman that have anything to do with me in real life are usually already in committed relationships or lesbian
i mean, i have been thinking this for years: "their point is to get a lot of matches, not good ones... since if it worked really well those people would stop using the app and the app goes out of business"
Which seems to be the new approach for Hinge “designed to be deleted” - seems like a reaction to this fatigue
yea now so many apps and sites focus on engaement time at the detriment of the users. they dont care youre love life is shambles, you see using tinder for 5 hours a day as depressing, they see it as a success.
I also like to think the people you'll meet there are single for a REASON
That’s not true. A lot of people that i have met off dating apps are as equally low quality as the ones on dating apps.
@@Lovecove4 hhhhhh the way you describe ppl as low quality cracks me up
so glad youtube recommended me this! My approach to online dating is being extremely picky (this probs only works for girls because we're inundated with matches). I mainly use hinge because you can choose to just swipe through people who have liked you. I also don't swipe impulsively, I look at a profile and if I'm interested I leave the app and come back a couple of days later and if I'm still interested I swipe right. This means I am generally only messaging one person at a time and so far I have only spoken to people who I genuinely have lots in common with and get on well with! It takes longer but I'd rather spend a long time looking for the right person than get to know someone I'm not compatible with. The reason I do this is because dating makes me anxious so I don't want to be overwhelmed but watching this video has made me realise that it probably actually works better than just swiping aimlessly. I haven't had any horrific experiences so I'd recommend trying it this way if you're looking for something serious :)
Yeah, I've been thinking about doing that but wasn't sure since most people talk to lots of people
this probs only works for girls because we're inundated with matches
Thank you for acknowledging this. Dating as a guy is lonely and dejecting.
The Hatoful Boyfriend cameo in the middle caught me WAY off guard, but as someone who has played through both games more than 3 times each, it made me extremely happy to see. If you ever get the chance to, you should play it through to the end, it’s a FANTASTICALLY written subversive visual novel with psychological horror elements and a blast to play with friends 👏👏👏
I am terrified to know how a funny lil game about birds turns into horror
@@vixticant8968 hatoful boyfriend is a RIDE
This game is great but unfortunately the worst game to actually get the dating sim experience lol
"The problem with dating apps is that you have too much choice"
**Wait**? You guys are getting matches?
The bolding or italics didn't work :p
Only for women lol
Yeah right lol
I got over 100 likes (I dont have premium) and about 30 matches in the first hour that I had it, I made my account Sunday lol
@@alexfraze12087 Are you a girl or guy?
Dating apps suck because the point of entry is how you look, and the endless options (which aren't necessarily within your grasps) create FOMO so people are hesitant to commit. This doesn't apply to soup which explains why soups are better than dating.
add to the point that tinder is shamelessly monetizing mens low self esteem with tinder platinum.
I really feel like there should be a faceless dating app or something
@@allyli1718 I think it actually exists. blurs the face until some amount of converation happens
@@vegitoblue2187 do you know what's it called?
@@roza2633 forgot the name. It came on my news feed last week
I think this choice overload is mainly a womens problem on the apps. For men, you swipe whoever looks kinda cute or kinda nice and/or has a not toally cringe bio and then you wait for the 1 /100.000 to write back to you. It is not a game of choice, it is a game of improving your statisical chance to match through sheer mass.
As a woman, my experience was same as yours
I think the reason I hate dating apps (and most modern dating in general) so much is that the main focus of them is to "market" yourself to put out this "best" version of yourself as a product that is mostly a shallow facade in hopes that what? Someone who's facade you like also likes yours? So you can sit together in a bar/restaurant lying to each other about who you are so you can maybe get idk a second date or mediocre sex as some kind of payment for your performance? None of that sounds like love to me. Sounds more like a lot of unsatisfying effort for something that usually ends in disapointment. Kinda like job hunting.
thats a real one
I got UNREASONABLY excited when Sabrina said the soup dating game is going in the newsletter.
Is that a stock photo? I've someone else with basically the exact picture in a game except with a filter
Ikr, I mean... It's soup!!
First the frog, now soup dating sim!! 😃
@@ekkehard8 if you’re asking about my profile picture, then no, that is my face.
@@JordanThatblondegirl Ahh, okay.
Then the other one is likely not the same: it has a heavy filter and may just be someone else taking the same sort of picture.
The title alone made me immediately realize that of course it's a pretty giant conflict of interest when you make money off of people *getting to know as many people as possible*, not of them actually finding somebody they'll stick with
Ikr... idk why it had never occurred to me before
@@theliberation9061 those would actually be the banks not the dating app companies
It is. But I look at it as there's no reason you can't do something and make money along the way.
Than again that's how science advances not necessarily how you make profits. Like if apps took risks, made interesting new features or ways people interact, some would work many would fail, it'd be an interesting experiment, and I'm sure someone somewhere would make money on it. You can always make money. Are you Amazon? No who is?
Choice overload is only one aspect of the problem of too many choices. The more significant issue, I think, is a kind of cognitive illusion--when you learn about a drawback to one match, there's a very strong temptation to throw that one back, because there are a million other people about whom you haven't yet learned any drawbacks. They do, in fact, all have their own drawbacks; you just don't know those yet. A side effect of this is that it punishes any admission of imperfections in a profile. Unfortunately, a huge part of actual matching is finding people who accept your imperfections and vice versa. By hiding all that, we make it pretty impossible to actually make any good matches.
I don't have a solution to this, but I think it's a pretty big problem.
Oh so this is how dating apps suck. Yeah that makes total sense. I simply can't choose because of the many choices I'm presented with... We all are, right? It's certainly not that we're not getting a single match after months and years of trying, right? That would be silly.
Well it is accurate, its just how dating apps suck for women. Completely different problems for men
Wait wait wait, if apps have desirability rankings...is that like a straight-up list, or more like tiers? Tiers make more sense, but I really like the idea of someone being the #1 ranked user on Tindr and Tindr employees just watching the rankings go up and down, them having a favorite user and rooting for them to rise, the underdog who's been in 7th for months finally rise up to #3...
I like the idea that they bet on people's rankings like a stock market
People won't fluctuate in rank unless they're active on the app or neighboring ranks fluctuate beneath or pass them
i want a battle anime but with tinder ranks
@@bugglest0n This secret underground betting ring that only exists and makes sense at Tindr HQ
OkCupid used to do some awesome analysis of their data and their users were rated on a 5 star system
the problem with online dating is that it focuses on traits that doesn't matter in a relationship and also matches people who aren't looking for the same things in a relationship. Another problem is people don't know what they want in relationship
People think a relationship is going to be some instant connection over texting. 70-90% of all communication is non-verbal, meaning posture, facial expression, everything that ISN'T just the words we use. They expect to have some riveting conversation when the vast majority of a conversation is severed via the medium of texting. Then you have choice-paralysis and the fear of meeting people in person and not knowing if they're trustworthy. It's a whole shit show for women. For men you just have to be a comedian/have everything in common with the girl to not get left on read after a few messages.
@@ssawyer36ss this!
Was thinking the same. The apps could at least be better at asking and sorting by the right things, like values and interests/hobbies, type of dating/relationship you want and of course whether you want kids or not. I dont think it would solve the whole problem, but it could improve a lot versus mainly focusing on appearance. Maybe there could even be a setting to choose what the algorithm sorts after, based on the information you gave
@@ssawyer36ss You hit it right on the nail!
@@ssawyer36ss I'm not sure the "For men you JUST have to..." is the correct choice of words lol
That's actually true. So much options and you never invest your time and effort on one or two. Compare that to natural partnerships where you were exposed to a limited number of people.
1. It forces you to focus on a small sample size. (A small sample size allows you to pace yourself and really get a good look at people and their quirks and virtues.)
2. You keep in contact with them even if you find traits you don't like that force you to get to know them better. (Online apps and online dating in general is terrible at this because as soon as a partner does something remotely displeasing you can always bail with little to no consequences.)
3. You adjust your standards to fit the available pool. (Pick one or pick none. It's your choice.)
"Computer go boop, boop, boop, found your soulmate." made me laugh
Same haha love the humor in these videos
As a computer science major I can confirm: computer do indeed go boop boop boop and
I replayed that like 5 time and cracked ever time
More like computer went boop boop boop and then a 404 error code appeared.
"If your dating [...] experience sucks, maybe just slow down for a second"
Alright, imma slow down and go from [0] to [0].
Accurate lol
I mean, this whole video is from a woman's point of view. Of course when you get 50 matches a day while looking average and having the same "I love traveling" copy pasted bio as every other girl, it might lead you to think that the problem is *too much choice*.
The video would have been way more interesting if she took the time to make a male account and see how it's like. After getting five matches in a week and no reply to her messages, I think her perspective would change.
@@garak55 op just wanted to make a funny joke
@@garak55 I'm a woman who could be considered "attractive" (because of the photos I carefully picked for Tinder) and I still experience this shitty thing of trying to invest some time and energy in getting to know someone to end up receiving no answer or worse, looking up the person's Instagram and find out they already have a partner and are most likely going behind their backs. I also refuse to meet them sometimes cause I believe they'll see me face to face and feel catfished, or maybe they'll just want to f*ck and be done with it. Dating apps are shitty because they are shitty, but it might be worse for men, I won't deny that. I think you need to have a certain personality and will to make them work (aka be more superficial, not search for a deep connection, feel secure enough to meet/hook up with the person quickly and have the time to do it)
Oh boo fuckin hoo, sorting thru ur 700 matches a month must be so hard lol when that happens to you you can just jump to a new convo, when it happens to us it's the last girl we're talking to.
I think what’s annoying about these apps is that it makes you have to sell the best version of yourself possible which is unrealistic in the first place. I want to be me and I want connections to feel organic not forced. I’m about to just make a mini breakout room for people wanting to meet. They sit in a room for 10 minutes with another person and do an activity together. At the end you each separate and move on to the next room but before you do, your app asks you if you would like to save that persons contact info. You got through 3 or so breakout rooms and at the end you leave alone. If you found someone you enjoyed spending that time with then great you can message them since you already shared an experience. If you didn’t then cool move on. You still probably had fun either way. Just an idea
Online speed dating! Great idea.
I'm way to socially awkward and/or shy to talk with a girl that I'm interested in while presenting myself as a posible partner (what normal people knows as flirting), so I can assure you that I'll remain single for the rest of my life regardless of the usage of any dating app xD
There are plenty of other awkward people to connect to. Be yourself.
If you’re a dude, stay away from dating apps if you want to keep your self-esteem intact. Her talking about choice overload is something that women experience on the apps, not for the vast majority of men.
You're right. It's actually pretty easy to choose between zero options.
Yeah, Tindr is not an accurate mark of your datability! It’s a shit app that suffers from a lack of women and therefore gives them too much power and makes guys feel undesirable, when that’s not the case.
@@allyli1718 suffers? lol... women just don't want to be bothered like that. many people in the comments section need therapy and not s/o
@@izabelezyleify Dude, I understand that dating apps for women suck bc of dick pics and hook ups, but I think we should be empathetic to guys as well instead of treating them as just incels who need therapy. It is genuinely confidence destroying to have an app consistently reinforce how ugly/undesirable/unloveable you are when the real problem is actually just population proportions.
@@allyli1718 I appreciate you posting this enlightened comment. Before meeting my wonderful gf I nearly went to some pretty dark places because of how frustrated I got using dating apps and I say that as someone who was generally very happy with my life; great rewarding job, brilliant friends ( my best friend is a woman ) etc. Social disconnection seems to be a problem for lots of people these days but I genuinely think the struggles some men experience trying to meet a romantic partner and the impact of that is underappreciated. Society talks a good game when it comes to distigmatising men's mental health but is quick to demonize men as ' entitled ' or incels' if they dare to speak about their experiences.
Lesson learned:
Soup>Romance
Most things are better than romance.
What if...
... we made public institution that served soup to people looking for a partner...
@@pawelabrams Why are you looking for love in the Soup Store!?
Soup has never walked out of my pantry and never returned. Can't say the same for guys.
Ace vibes in here, I'm in!
I never got into dating apps. There's a distinct difference between what someone says on an app and what they do in real life. One person can upload a time they went rock climbing once a few years ago and claim its their hobby meanwhile someone who does rock climbing daily might not even think/care to take photos of such an everyday (at least to them) activity. This is why I think it's better to get a social hobby where you meet the same folks often and create bonds.
“People get overwhelmed with too many choices.”
Me, who only gets 2 matches a week if I’m lucky.
There is also reporting that suggests that some dating apps don’t actually prioritize making matches so much as keeping users active.
💯... especially tinder
This is probably true to an extent but I don't think it has much of an effect. It is very very difficult for tinder and the like to know why people stopped using their app. They don't know if matches actually result in people leaving the app. And not getting matches will make people leave.
But the apps do make sure to mix in high elo people with low elo people's lists to keep them from leaving without ever showing the low elos to the high elos. The most obvious example of this is if you leave the app for a bit and come back the first few people you see are almost always very attractive.
But the real problems with dating apps(namely the problem with attractiveness distributions and the modification of dating from a positive sum to a zero sum game) are extremely hard to solve even if you were making the app with pure intentions of increasing the number of happy relationships. Real life match making through personal interactions is just a fundamentally a better system for society as a whole.
Bruh, I've had 3 undiscovered likes for a couple of months now. It's ridiculous. If they want me to pay for their service they better give me some actual priority in the pool of people on there. I'm not gonna pay for getting no matches.
Just in time to remind me of my singleness before Valentine's
Same
Shit, I almost forgot my father's birthday (it's on Valentine's day), thanks for reminding me
My dads birthday is the 18th, I ain’t got time for dating (Valentine’s Day, everyday)
@@cheydinal5401 happy birthday to your dad! :)
I feel this in the worst way possible
I love that my algorithm put you as a recommendation. Love your videos, have been watching them all afternoon
In my group all 4 of us found our SO on dating apps. I think the key is knowing the qualities u want and being clear on what are your future goals. We all know what we want and are slowly getting married to our SO one by one now. I met a lot of people but I kinda knew who are the ones I meet just to expand my network and who are long term. Personally enjoy OKC cos u can read questions and see how serious people are through how they answer
My friend met her long-term boyfriend on Tinder and she knows how freaking rare that is. We joked that she used up all her luck on finding a steady partner via Tinder and that's why it's so hard for her to find a job.
I met my wonderful gf on tinder almost exactly 2 years ago. She is still weird about the fact we met using an app and would have preferred us to meet in the ' traditional ' way but the way I think about it the semi conscious movement of our respective thumbs in one fraction of a second has completely altered the trajectory of our lives. There's something pretty romantic and amazing about that. If we get married I won't include this in the speech but still haha.
is it rare? I can't think of anyone who didn't
"Am I a boomer?"
If you think soup is controversial. wait till you get to tea.
We love our edible liquids
(Edit): I realize how wrong this sounds, but you know what I mean.
Mayonnaise is the worst
Like, English Breakfast vs. Darjeeling type of thing?
Earl Grey, Hot!
Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Irish Breakfast YES PLEASE!!
Liking and commenting on this to show appreciation for all the work that went into it! Thas video was incredibly entertaining, also you designed a whole game for this omg
Your animations are always so clean! Lovely stuff
I kind of gave up on dating apps tbh. There’s so much harmful energy, disappointment and anxiety that I got from Grindr, Tinder etc. Like... I wanna go back to old school forms of bumping into people like in a cafe or in a bar. My parents met in a hospital (yes not exactly the most romantic story), but an interesting one nonetheless. 😪
Yeap!
When using dating app, don't expect too much, be open minded, know what you want and enjoy the ride 😁
Just let it flow... If it doesn't click, or they don't reciprocate, move on,... And if you still haven't found what you're looking for, then be patience, have a hobby or socializing more, maybe you can bump someone there 🤭
There's no one that i can relate to in the outside world the only way i can find any sort of meaningful connection is through online.
100%
Grindr ain’t it lol. But I completely agree with this. Just gotta get out there more and not expect anything out of things
What's the opposite of choice overload where you literally don't match with anybody? Asking for uh... a can of soup.
This is sadly the male experience on dating apps.
@@bluesfier7758Time to fire up the, uh... grinder.
if you are still wondering... "learn the game"
not being mean, here is an example:
on cupid you can answer more than 500 questions about you and the app encourages you to do it because they want the data
but every question adds a filter and if you filter too much, possibilities become sketchy and there is always something out of your preferences
so answer just the deal breakers and you'll realize it gets a lot closer to what you are looking for
besides that you can check out Hannah Fry's presentation on why dating apps fail the most desirable profiles as much as the less dedsirable ones
so present yourself in a simple way and look for people who don't seem to be trying to hard to get out of the dating game and things have a higher probability of working out for longer periods
This video was amazing! Interesting idea and wonderful presentation. Thank you so much, I really enjoyed it.
I’ll break it down.
1- people with good confidence are barely on those apps (might include you)
2- people who are good looking are barely on those apps (might include you)
3- women are scared of meeting with a stranger
4- some people there are too anxious to talk or meet
5- there’s this feeling of abundance you can get from these apps, like you’re out there, so you cherry pick people who don’t even like you or use the apps much.
Here’s what I have to say. These apps will make you feel like nobody likes you. Stop trying to be funnier, look better, say the right things, or time things. The truth is that nobody respects these apps because of how much time they waste even after long deep conversations.
Also there are bots and glitches that are very shady. The easy route is to think the other person all of a sudden doesn’t like you anymore, but think about it, apps rather keep you there hopeful and paying, and as soon as you stop using you start getting likes, and those likes respond 1/10 times. It’s partly rigged.
Try to not label these thoughts as salty.
The apps know about this. It’s not just you and it’s not just people is what I’m saying. The apps are intentionally keeping you on them. They are definitely not worth subscriptions.
I feel like the choice overload issue is primarily an issue with women. I don't know any guy who gets more than a few matches/month.
And then there's me who didn't get any after the first three months of using one and just didn't bother anymore
When I've used dating apps I get a bunch of matches but I'm also in a big city
There's a few blokes i know with this issue... obviously not the norm... definitely more of an issue with women. That whole 10% of men get 90% of female attention on dating apps.
Take good pictures, edit them a bit and viola. I'm getting 2 matches a day in average and I do swipe left if I don't like somebody lol (like 80% of the time)
@@Julius_Smith they have to be top 10% in looks and have their pictures curated for aesthetics to succeed in dating apps. This brings it down to 5% of men.
This may be flying a little close to conspiracy land, but I am curious if perhaps dating apps not super working is on purpose... Like, its a huge industry and they want to keep going, if you actually found your match, you'd stop using the app. Actual matches mean less users, means less profit. So the company is most incentivized to make the app appear effective, while actually being as ineffective as they can get away with.
I think they actually achieve this due to their stated goal of maximizing the number of matches, but I'm not keen on if it's on purpose or accidental and then they didn't care to change their model.
"if you actually found your match, you'd stop using the app"
Unless you are polyamorous or otherwise ethically non-monogamous.
Yes ma’am you’re onto something
@@AmedeeVanGasse fair enough, though I think it's safe to say that polyamorous people are a minority of the user base
@@QuestionableKenz depending on the app, a very significant minority. For example, take Okcupid, which gives people the choice to indicate that they are open for non-monogamous relationships.
You are so weird. And hardworking. About very strange subjects. And I love it
Thoroughly enjoyed this video. Subbed!
How are we not going to talk about how good the art in the soup game is???? Like did it need to be so well drawn???
Yes
In my experience with dating apps (specifically Tinder because that’s the only when I ever really used) back before I met my gf, the main issue wasn’t an option overload, but more like the opposite. I wouldn’t get matches very often, and when I did, I would try my best to start a good conversation, but most of those conversations wouldn’t go anywhere, and it seemed like they weren’t interested. Out of the entire year or so that I used the app, I only ever actually was able get a single date out of it, and that was with my current gf of 2 and a half years.
If you met them online I seriously hope you’re staying open minded and protecting yourself. Almost 3 years with someone online? That’s asking for trouble. Hope you safe 😂
@@NeroCat9999vr well because it’s been so long we know each other very well, and have spent a lot of time together, so at this point I’m pretty sure I’m safe
NimTV Safety wise you may be okay. I’m just saying keep your eyes on them DMs lmao.
@@NeroCat9999vr I guess so?
@@NeroCat9999vr yeah I get that! Well I appreciate the concern!
I seriously love this channel
I just got this recommended to me and it's wildly relevant to my life right now, thank you! I joined a dating app and from the point of me uploading pics to the point of me finishing writing a lengthy bio I got 69 likes (nice [not nice]). It was so overwhelming that I closed the app and have been finding it really hard to give it any attention at all. I appreciate this video for reminding me that that's just the normal human reaction and there's nothing wrong with me, and that I can do something as simple as just open the app, swipe left or right on a predetermined number of people, close it, and call that a personal success.
I think part of an issue is that people don't seem to be able to hold a conversation anymore. I often find that after asking a question, a lot of people answer very briefly and not ask back. So the entire convo looks like an interview rather than real human conversation like they'd have face to face.
YES. I see so many people saying "men are creepy" or "women never reply" but I think the real problem is on both sides no one can be bothered actually engaging.
- Watches a video suggesting that dating apps give you too many matches
- Looks at my matches
- Cries
I tried dating apps and choice overload was awful, I hate texting and I'd have like 15 new people in my chats daily despite being super selective, the apps just didn't give enough filtering options for what actually matters like lifestyle personality interests hobbies etc, have to find that out through drawn out dms or too many sketchy first dates where you don't know if you will be kidnapped or not. Then you do finally meet people who seemed ok online irl and they just are awful. Finding someone offline was so much better.
The biggest problem i found with dating apps is how its always the same three accounts: Snapchat/Whatsapp ad accounts, profile not filled out ("ask me lol"), or those who all like the same things (coffee, The Office, hiking, "having fun")
It's boring!
Choice overload? *cough* yeah that's totally the issue I have with dating apps.
Choice overload? Not my experience with dating sites. More like "Wow, I thought I was worth a date. I'm I that ugly? Why am sending so many messages with no responses".
yep exactly
She seems cool but I think her female privilege is showing haha.
From this we can deduce that you are a heterosexual male, yes?
@@vylbird8014 100% hetero male.
@@zeromega4541A heterosexual male has an opinion. What's your point?
Thinking that dating apps' purpose is finding you a date / fuckbuddy is like thinking casinos' purpose is letting their customers earning money.
first of all, your content is some of the most engaging in this platform. I love your energy.
secondly, I hate dating apps. I just deleted tinder again and now I'm watching this lol
Stop after the 9th date??!!! I have never even gotten a single match. But knowing that people who get matches aren't happy either, makes me feel more ok with my situation I guess.
Oh you are not alone. If you are below the 50% in attractiveness among men and are even mildly discerning on who you swipe(like a non one who weighs more than twice what you do, is twice as old as you, or has kids) you will probably only get a couple of dates a year and thats if you spend 10+ hours a week swiping and sending messages.
Sabrina could've just released the vid on valentines day but thank god she spared us the pain
Felt like this video catered more towards females where choice was abundant. My thought would be that the one of the issues dating app faces is the proportions of male vs female that are on the app; where there are too many guys essentially. This leaves the females with an ever expanding list of matches at their doorstep. This also leads to the females on the app getting more jaded the longer they remain on the app.
Yeah, I was a bit confused by the premise of the video at first.
Choice? You mean like having low standards and swiping right so often, writing to a couple about their profile and then never getting a response and rarely matching.
or we're jaded from seeing people unironically use the term "females"
@@rhael42 and of the use of the word... "males."
Definitely not my first choice aside from talking about anatomy, but also not something I feel should be offensive.
@@rhael42 You're jaded because people are using an appropriate term for your gender? People tend to get pissy if you use the wrong age descriptor, woman vs girl, and "female" isn't incorrect or even insulting. I personally wouldn't give a shit if you called me male, dude, guy, man, whatever. And I don't know many females who think that the word "female" is offensive in any way. It feels like you're just trying to be upset about something. Female is a broad term that applies to anyone who identifies as that gender, woman generally only applies to adult females, it's not offensive, it's just a broader scope!
males used to go to war
"there's two choices and i have two friends so naturally its time to do experiments on them" is a line of all time. i love your videos so much lmao
I felt so stupid at the end after realizing this was made for women. "Slow down for a sec and put more effort into getting to know people rather than just swiping back and forth" Complete opposite experience of what men go through on dating apps lol
I'm sure the video tries to get both sides, but that is a very good point
why wouldn't a man take the advice?
@@bluekittyyoyo6592 Hard to get to know someone when they never message you back.
@@cheeziobodini yeah that happens to women a lot too. The swiping thingy is an experience of both genders. My guess is women have more options in the end (what quality are these options is different story and yeah really think if you'd like to have 10 matches each of them sending you one single "hi" and then go silent, or straight asking for sex out of the blue) but the options for swiping are similar.
You meant straight men. In the gay community it seems that its easy for everyone to have sex, so hard for anyone to want anything deeper
"There are two options, and I have two friends, so naturally...
IT'S TIME TO DO EXPERIMENTS ON THEM"
As you should, Sabrina. As you should.
I love experimenting with friends
I’ve never even matched with 9 people…ever. I hate algorithms, they do not get me and I miss out on things I would have liked because of this.
this video was A LOT better than i expected, bravo
I really want to see Sungwon Cho (aka ProZD) voice the entire soup game. He did Chair-em Anime, he can do Soup Groupies.
Yes! That should most definitely be a thing.
this woman coded an entire game, with really good drawings, to show that dating apps suck. i wish someone showed me that kind of dedication but i don't think anyone shows anyone that kind of dedication
If you're a woman, I'm sure there are plenty of guys willing to show you that level of dedication. You just don't want them
@@devon6039 sad thing is I’m a man 😔
@@norishimogawa6125 Such is life as a man
As someone who has more insight into that. She didn't really coded game (as for structure/engine), she used RenPy, open source software used to create Visual Novel type of game, you add graphics/background/music, create scripts in python and voila, got the game. It's waaay different and easier than making whole game engine, still, kudos for effort.
I'm pretty sure it just was an excuse to make a dating sim about soups
This was a fascinating look at dating apps. I prefer a much-more analogue way of meeting people. It's messier, but I think the tradeoff is more opportunity to get to know people versus an overwhelming number of choices.
2:52
those *duum* sounds made my mattress springs vibrate, and I can't stop going back to it lol
I actually ended up deleting all my dating apps in December because I was ✨too busy to find a relationship✨
Wait what? I don’t get it
@@papasscooperiaworker3649 what don't you get?
0:38 "unsolicited Donkey Kongs"
that feel when you only have a Diddy Kong 😔
Its worse when you only got diddy's cap
Or a Funky Kong
What about a Chunky Kong
I hate this comment section so much
The best reason for why dating apps suck was briefly mentioned at the beginning. They’re for-profit. The faster you find a match, the lower their profit.
Dating app causes decision paralysis.
Yes. I totally am familiar with this issue and definitely have never spent a year on tinder getting a total of about 5 matches, each of which did not respond to me.
That definitely never happened
And I am definitely just as cool as the rest of you.
This video was made by a woman for women. Cis male perspective is completely disregarded.
@@billybongos1337 They should probably put that in the title of the video then. Would save some men the time.
Did the dating app based on drawings ever get made?
Honestly it sounds like fun, and I'd love to try it
Yes it was! You can find it on the App Store!
@@koodreaming6876 what's it called?
@@kalonSignal monet
But what country is it for?
@@taylorsversion2316 I genuinely want to know
Edit: oh wait, I thought you mistyped money xD
Sabrina is turning into Miss Frizzle, her friends were "please let this be a normal video." "With Sabrina! No way!"
GROOVIN DOWN THE SOUP AISLE~
I found that I needed to invest at least ten hours a week into a dating apps (an hour a day swiping and chatting + three hours once a week to meet someone) it was exhausting and frustrating and not a good use of my time. So I've given up on the apps and now volunteer and go to fitness class with that time which has exposed me to more compatible people who live nearby with similar schedules and priorities. I've let my friends/family/colleagues know I'm open to meeting anyone they think I might get along with.
I have only been on a few dates with this strategy but they've been very low stress, less like interviews, more honest and more likely to end up staying in contact as friends. So saying "Hi, it's totally OK if you would prefer not to, but can I give you my number?" to people I meet who seem cute/interesting is my new swipe right.
8:50 WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M AT SOUP!
You're so talented. WHY DO YOU NOT HAVE MORE VIEWS!!!
"I don't know what a pigeon is."
Sabrina, gesturing to a yellow butterfly: "Is this a pigeon?"
(okay I'll watch the rest of the vid now)
Surely pigeons must be as common as cats and mice XD I imagine Pigeons to be that one stubborn bird species that exists literally everywhere.
the infamous yellow butterfly
I can't believe there's dating ELO. There's- dating ELO exists. I'm not even at the soup part yet. Dating ELO broke me y'all
My mind also boggles at the very thought of dating the entire Electric Light Orchestra.
brooo what's your mmr broo
This honestly is the most I've been tempted to join a dating app lol
I need to exercise that mmr
"Casual dating" implies existence of competitive dating
@@NeedForMadnessSVK well...
I guess that checks out
I don’t understand why they can’t show everybody to everyone and let us decide like they are purposely messing with peoples lives living us all single and lonely thinking it’s us but it’s so much more😂
cos then they dont make money!