They seek battle, always about everything. They never ever say "congrats" to you, no matter what you achieve. And if you have problems they will have a slight grin in their face.
That grin part. I had some health issues after delivering my baby, I was in tears describing how I felt to my husband, all he could say or do was asking stupid questions pretending he cared.. And I swear to you I could hear him widely grinning on the phone while I was crying in pain.
They never approve of anything, never happy for you, feed off of any stress you are going through and always try to piss you off and get under your skin
THAT smirk. would love to wipe that off with bleach. BUT!! that would be not a positive thing, would it? it is a daily conscious effort to disengage, go forward, and keep positive. hard to do when you spend the work day with a snark.
MsTammi125 Hello! Please seek the Lord, Christ Jesus...I promise you that you are in need of HIS strength that is able to get you through! Psalms 62 6 He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved. 7 In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. 8 Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah. Please take the time to watch this video with an open mind and heart! :) ua-cam.com/video/QFxh2FExi7c/v-deo.html Peace.
Keep with it's a lot of knowledge to take in but it is my best shot at the present time. You likely really hurting as it's insane and does not add up then check the problem like the math I learned. I am not able to pretend what I think you choose to do about it,I am sure you are in the place of free knowledge if like myself you are seeking to understand what you are going through and I have been getting a lot better as far as along the lines of what happened to me and I'll always be glad to have found Dr Carter's channels on this site. I am sure you will be able to figure out how your going to be able to put the past where I only wish I could say that snap and it was De Narc and that's the thing. Wishing you your own life back in the best way possible that you find a way to accept the things done that's what I feel like brought me back away from the edge of the cliff for an anolagy in my mind's eye for lack of a better way to describe it and I will be about something like two months of trying to get a grip on the subject. Praying for you and your peace of mind that many people are like minded and seeking. Heal up and get the tool's you are able to for future use as if I'm in the mind to battle it I armed with effective weapon's and cornered may have to battle many times before I get there and I have learned that I can withdraw from my enemy's advance and the advantage of surprise and the psych war to soften us and learn how defeat us with word's as weapon's and this has happened to me and I was just dazed by my opponent. I learned that I can stay in honor for myself and her dishonor is mine too I was not left with any honor and speak to you about the man who is still in love with the one I chose to marry. I'm sorry you're hurting and in time I will heal and get whatever is left gathered up and start again and if I learn how to cope I might be able to make something positive to have to remember and I have been damaged and am not now or ever have been anything but damaged goods for that I am in true reality. Best regards and wishes for much smoother ride to where you want to be
I was married to a narcissist for 30 years. Funny you mention maturity. I can remember thinking so many times that he was permanently locked into a 14 yo personality - the personal vanity, the aloofness, the entitlement, the derisiveness, the fear of embarrassment, and selfishness. For decades I hung to the belief that he would mellow out, see the error of his ways and finally become a loving companion. It did not happen.
Narcissist not being the center of attention - Narcissist: "They are disrespectful to me." You give them a gift - Narcissist: "There are better colors/quality/etc of this though." They do something wrong - Narcissist "It's all *****'s fault." Someone else does a mistake - Narcissist: "What a Loser!" Anything goes wrong - Narcissist "That happened cause they didn't ask me before how to do it right." Someone achieves something - Narcissist: "Nothing special. I would have done better." Someone needs help - Narcissist: "That's not my business, they are adults and need to help themselves." Narcissist needs help - Narcissist: "Everyone needs to cancel all their own plans and focus on my demands." One of the worst parts in dealing with them with no doubt is the extreme self-centeredness and entitlement. Thank you so much for this, like always (!), incredibly helpful and accurate insight, Dr. Carter!
T97Frida When they do something wrong it’s called shortcomings. When they fly First class Economy is called Asshole class. Because I wouldn’t let him sleep with me in a twin bed at my parents house I get called a Dick and a Bitch but it was worth it just to have my own 🛌😂. Seriously you’re 55 and your still name calling. You big baby 👶
This is a perfect summary. Thank you. I hope you don't mind I copied it into a word document so I can refer back to it after future encounters to help keep myself from feeling guilty and in the wrong.
@@laurawilliams4034 How awful that a "grown" man can act like that! But i'm glad that you got to enjoy your big bed and big sense of victory! 😁 I'm in my mid twenties and get scared when I think about how staying with a narc could lead to being in a relationship with a scary old man yelling at you, while you at the same time feel mentally younger than you felt back when you fell in love with that less-scary person in the beginning of the relationship.. That's definitely something something to think about when you already feel small and weak.. I can't even imagine the struggle when you are also physically weak :( Thanks for reminding me 🍀
When crazy angry people call me names or try desperately to get an emotional response from me, I just ignore it. I am not a person who will call others nasty things or yell at them. They seem to really despise the calmness
My narcissist girlfriend of 3 years made me feel so crazy all the time everything was my fault and she was always the victim. After a while you actually start to believe them. Your videos saved my mental health. Thank you
Mature (lessening of self-centeredness) people: 1. Open to differences/Invites differences. 2. Never loses sight of their own humanity./Admits mistakes. 3. Interperets other people through the other person's filtering system. 4.When treated poorly, did not return in kind. 5. Make good adjustments to stress. 6. A modest attachment to things. 7. Guided by reason and values. 8. Seeks out different perspectives. 9. Duty and obligation are less dominant. 10 . Conflict is viewed as a learning experience. 11. Give other credit for success 12. Love is prioritized. 13. See a human being's worth is intrinsic. 14. They like to encourage. 15. Realize we are all interconnected.
Your book "When Pleasing You is Killing Me" led me to finally complete therapy...seems like narcissism is now more understood than 30 years ago. Thank you for your work.
I always try to take the high road, but I have been unprepared on occasion for unexpected attacks and reacted poorly. It always feels better to stay calm, so I definitely have room for improvement.
We're all human and do these things on occasion. We ALL have room for improvement. I sure hope you're not beating yourself up over that. One of my favorite sayings is: "We do the best we can for where we are in life." Or Mya Angelou's saying "When we know better we do better." Narcissists make it VERY difficult to take the high road. It's a learning process for all of us. Some days are better than others but the more you practice you'll eventually get better at it. Stay strong! Blessings.
Narc's will never change, it is very difficult to be civil with them. Once you process the FACT that they do not change then you must work on changing yourself or going strict no contact.
Keep on the high road I must say I respectfully wish you are left a path to honor even if the trail is less traveled and I think it how much is really good for me and my way to try to remain in honor and I am trying to honor the dishonor I am receiving and find it's not the easy way when you are already bleeding out and have dishonor shown at every turn, so I respectfully wish to honor you as to a old romantic dreamer and fool,honor at any time unless under extremely heavy duress, and in the case of survivial anything is more honorable than quitting and surrender in my old fool's twisted reality.
I was too! Then I was out in the wild and was told I was dumb, green, naive.... My heart hardened a little but not 100% Not nearly as bad aa some. Just made my closed off and winey and my comments and thoughts always were "nuanced" thinking ppl were playing games more often than not. It messed with me to be around "sophisticated" people... But the purity of the heart of Jesus that I learned about and loved as a child was always with me and guided me. I know I'm not perfect. Nobody is. But I know I'm headed in the right direction with him with forgive, love, charity... Being a dark person doesn't always happen with one big act of cruelty... It's small moments if playing the victim too often, thinking your problems are the biggest (because they feel like it!!), being afraid to give anymore, always watching your back, doubting... We think we're just being "realistic" but we end up cold and reactive and stingy... Even the most kind hearted person and sometimes the MOST kind-hearted person can be burned and scarred. It takes faith to stay giving in this world. And DISCERNMENT. Discernment is beautiful. It's being realistic about who someone is.... But it's NOT judging ot trying to change them.
Maria Trakadas, narcs have a natural radar for empaths like you. I've been raised by my parents to always consider someone else's needs and feelings, and this way I learned very early that giving and acknowledging other people's perspectives can be a very awarding virtue, cause it helps you to grow, gives you the opportunity to learn so much. You know you met a narc when you figure they don't value your attention and your effort to understand them AT ALL, but keep on trying to make you feel like you're never trying hard enough and act like you have to apologize constantly. That's the point where empaths like us have to learn how to draw a line, how to set boundaries and how to protect ourselves from "energy-vampirism".
I've always loved Ralph Waldo Emerson's definition of success (especially as opposed to what a narcissist might define as success). I think your list is a wonderful guide on what it takes to become the successful person Emerson defines, and I take it to heart. Thank you. “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the beauty in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that one life has breathed easier because you lived here. This is to have succeeded.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
I've reacted poorly, ruthlessly, in hopes of being left alone. Then I'm reminded that such reactions don't repel them as they would a healthier person, and putting out negativity doesn't make me feel any better 😥 They are exasperating!
I just wanted to say thank you Dr. Carter. Without you I wouldn't have known that the abuse I am going through is caused by a narcissist. I probably wouldn't have realized that me emotionally spilling my guts out no matter how I put it would get rejected by him. Thank you
Can you please do me a favour and have a look into ADHD, and see whether the person you were going through the situation with matches that profile? Tend to be gifted people in some ways, but it is deeply disabling I'm terribly sorry that it's such a difficult experience for you to navigate through, but I've got a hunch that it isn't as cut and dry as the Dr is hypothesising
@@dreamweaver8331 My father doesn't have the typical symptoms of ADHD. He's a successful businessman who is well organized and knows what he's doing and doesn't show symptoms of ADHD. He fits all of the signs of a narc though. He has trouble empathizing because of a troubled past. Also a lot of times I feel like I'm only valued by him as long as I'm useful to hm.
@@hershy1594 My dad's very similar. A Dr of psychology who watched me wear black all the time and relate to slipknot etc and constantly tries to dominate everyone... I seem to be on the opposing end of the scale, and feel too much empathy with everyone, and it keeps me in a state of depression unless I stay occupied I quickly click with other ADHDers who either run businesses and outwardly appear in control, or the opposite who are constantly jumping from job to job, searching for purpose and meaning and escaping from the cage of emotions I've come to conclude that me and my dad probably clash because we're more similar than different, but our experiences teach us different lessons about our engagements with other people and our environment I hate my dad deeply, and am trying to repair the bridge at 30,because I love my lil bro so much and promised him I would If you were to unravel his behaviours, do you find many similarities in traits you share?
My mother is a narcissist and I was afraid of her my whole life that actually writing this comment stating she is a narcissist makes me feel guilty. I don’t know what to do. I’m 24 and I know I can leave, I tried. I just can’t afford it and there are no jobs with COVID. Please pray for me
Feel for you. Wonder if you could find a live in job this summer? Holiday park/pub. Covid bollox allowing.. Or go back to uni? Mature student, you could get funding, and live elsewhere? Whatever you decide, good luck and don't give up
I really empathise for you , I was inmthe samw situation but have recently moved out after living with her for over 7 years. I got out through luck and the benefit system awarding me with p.i.p and housing benefit due to my ill.health living there. You honestly can do it. Firstly you could try donation based counselling or the wellbeing service for a solid regular support. There are also some great books on amazon about narcssitic mothers and daughters of this trauma to help guide you. Put yourself on the housing list in your area and just know you can and have to move out xx 🙏
Narcs idea of love is admiration... so true! I’ll never forget the tantrums my ex narc used to throw whenever I didn’t post something he did for me on social media. I’d keep it between us and show appreciation in private. He hated that. I realized he hadn’t bought me that gift or done that “sweet” thing out of genuine love but because he needed to be admired by others and to look good to others. He needed to use me to brag about him to the public so he could boost his ego and look superior to other men.
I've been mature since I was 5 years old. But the narcisitic parents twisted that around to be something very wrong so I learned to shut down and doubt myself.
I enjoyed and gained much from your video, I just wanted to say I liked how you add at the end "thank you for letting me into your life today." I found that quite lovely.
going on 5 months no contact... its been incredibly hard. I still love and want him but he was slowly destroying me. I have to get away, far away to get him out of my system. This is horrible
I took a narcissist back that I was miserable with for a year. It slowly became worse than the 1st time around. They are NEVER faithful or truthful. So glad I left for good. Now I watch youtube videos on narcissist behavior whenever I miss him..it helps alot.
Woke up to realise i was surrounded by narrcisstic ppl! No wonder i got sick...drained to near death... being a performing muppet. God made me stop..healtwise..even i lived too much in ego...learned loads..
The problem I face is that my spouse claims he is being treated poorly by me whenever I express any normal expectation or upset over the way HE is treating ME. Then he goes into full "game on" mode when he truly has not been attacked or treated poorly. He claims my words "hurt his feelings" and that that is equally as abusive as his threats, name- calling, and profanity. Really?
Nancy Luckhurst, he’s manipulating you. My narcissistic boyfriend did the same. He would emotionally/verbally abuse me in a horrifying manner then gaslight me and play the victim. It’s what they do.
Nancy Luckhurst, that is what they do to control you. He manipulates you into believing it was you who acted inappropriate. He's shifting the blame onto you to intimidate you and to keep you believing you owe him something and therefor you need to please him even if it feels uncomfortable to you. He finds pleasure in seeing you being upset and hurt and defending yourself - for something you don't have to apologize or defend yourself at all. That makes him feel superior. I know it's super hard, but try to not react emotionally to it. Respond but don't react, stay calm and don't let him involve you in debates that lead to you taking blame. Show him he can't make you feel miserable, show him he can't control your feelings. Good luck, my very best wishes for you, Nancy! x
So sorry you are going through this. It is definitely abuse, and it took me almost 20 years of marriage to realize it. It's been two years since I got up the nerve to leave him, and I am still raw and hurting. I don't trust myself. Every decision I make, I question. Just like he used to. Please take care of yourself, look after yourself, and know that you are not going crazy.
There is definitely chemistry and friendship, but the covert narc isn't challenged by them in any way, so they don't find out and they're not aware, they're too insecure or afraid of abandonment to call out the narc on their covert behaviors. I feel alot of individuals will waste years being friends with narcs and it will end very badly, or they just end up never finding out they are a narc and the narc will remain happy and use that person for all they've got. That concerns, saddens and maddens me. My dad is basically a door mat for my mom and he's too insecure to call it out, he's always on his toes, 24/7, with her bipolar moods, nagging and narcissism. So self-centered. I wonder why he has depression...
I parted ways with a family narc a year ago. Blessed peace once again! I just told the person, "It takes too much emotional energy to have a relationship with you. Bye!"
It's so terrible when you're trying to not react to spouse When they are speaking in a abusive why. Then they start telling you what you're thinking and why. You haven't said a word. Makes me feel hopeless. ThanksJennifer😄
Lisa O'Neill . THIS is so true and THE most frustrating part of ‘communication’ with the narc. I once said that I obviously wasn’t needed since he carried on both sides of an argument that I didn’t participate in.
I grew up with a whole family of narcissists, being the youngest, I was always left out of all important decisions, my sister and brother took control after my parents died, ( as they were trustees, I was left out) They both lied and cheated me out of a lot of money...Now I am the bad guy, My nieces and nephews don’t know, the money they got was stolen from me and given to them.... My much older narcissistic sister and brother don’t even speak to me anymore since they got the money.......It’s heartbreaking, all my nephews and nieces don’t speak to me either. Trying really hard to get better, but it’s really really hard....I am going to try to have a Great Summer, listen to loud music and try not to have a care in the world.....Good Luck Survivors, I feel your confusion and pain
I was manipulated for too long by narcissists in my life. Now, I've learned not to pay attention to them if I can help it. One I've broken contact with but the ones left in my family, I've learned not to give too much thought of what they say. Sometimes, it still hurts, but I have to consider the source. Thank you again Dr. C.
My narcissistic ex husband and his whole narcissistic cult like family are always right and flawless and it’s only their way in their delusional minds. Very controlling manipulative critical and judgmental hypocrites.
My father in law, when I was married to his daughter, took us for a meal at his friend's place, his friend was a deacon at the church we attended, after the meal His friend got me aside and recommended I use medication to lower my sex drive, his daughter had very little do do with me anyway and was a super narcisist who was cheating on me. Funny thing The Father in law was cheating on my mother in law. I was the only one not having sex..... Go narcissism. May it go... To Hell.
My relationship of 4 years just went cold. He had an unexpected event that put him out of control and then he just lost it. I've been binge watching your videos reverse engineering WTF just happened. I should have seen it coming as my mother, husband and several others have given me a lot of practice with a narcissist. I figured that since I was older I had a handle on it. Sometime the eyes just don't see what they don't want to know. Thank you SO much for being available and helping me regain my sanity.
My relationship has "gone cold" as you put it after 12 years. I was in auto wreck recently and this person is not dealing with it and just ignoring me and my injuries. I don't know how long I can live with this situation since I have to heal physically first.
@@chrisellementery1404 May I clarify. They can't with being helpless to help. We have such a McD Thow a Way society that some can not deal with less than perfection and happiness. Are you giving them an opportunity to heal also???
@@rosejohnson-tsosie2552 I'm not concerned about this person's feelings anymore. To be so cold to me while I'm physically broken is too much to ask from me to be kind.
Maturity: Lessening of self-centeredness - vs - Narcissism: LACK OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY. 1) Open and curious about differences - vs - "DIFFERENCES MEAN:" *YOU'RE WRONG.* " " 2) Doesn't lose sight of their own humanity - vs - "WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY MISTAKES. IF THERE ARE ANY, THEY'RE BASED ON YOUR FAULTS ANYWAY." 3) Interprets other people through the other person's filter system - vs - "I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THE MAKE-UP OF YOUR UNIQUE INGREDIENTS." 4) When treated poorly, doesn't respond in kind - vs - " *GAME ON.* " 5) Makes good adjustments to stress - vs - "STRESS IS THE BEGINNING OF DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIORS." 6) Has modest attachment to things - vs - "IMPRESSED BY MATERIALISM & GLAMOUR." 7) Reason and values - vs - impulse and "WHATEVER I FEEL IN THE MOMENT." 8) Seeking out different perspectives - vs - "I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOUR PERSPECTIVE. IT'S PROBABLY WRONG ANYWAYS." 9) Choice leads the way - vs - "IT'S ALL ABOUT THE AGENDA - ALWAYS." 10) Conflict is viewed as a learning experience - vs - "CONFLICT IS *ALWAYS* A WIN/LOSE PROPOSITION." 11) Gives other people credit - vs - "I'LL TAKE THE CREDIT." 12) Love and kindness is prioritized - vs - "GETS CAUGHT UP IN AGITATION." 13) A human being's worth is intrinsic - vs - " WORTH IS CONTINGENT UPON BEHAVIORS AND ACHIEVEMENTS." 14) Likes to encourage - vs - "CRITIZISES." 15) Realizes a general sense of interconnectedness - vs - "I WON'T CONNECT WITH DISSIMILAR PEOPLE. THEY'RE LOSERS."
Think you, Dr. Carter, for giving me tools to mature. My eyes of understanding concerning narcissistic tendencies in myself is helping me to become emotionally mature at the ripe old age of 73. God bless you. 🙏🌹
You’re so right about it never being to late to learn about ones behavior. Here I am at 83 and paying close attention to Dr. Carter’s lectures. We seem to walk a fine line...as a retired RN thinking of others first is a given ....but I do not want to be regarded as a doormat !
Dr. Carter, once again, thank you. You are saving my sanity and helping me to find the strength to finally free myself from the mental prison that the narc has had me in. ❤️🙏
I’m late to this but I just had to respond. My ex and my mother are both in this category. I did a paper in college about this subject but included the Peter Pan syndrome. The damage these people do to family members is another whole area to cover too. Most narcissist people , over the course of their lifetimes alienate everyone in their circle of friends and family. I’ve seen elderly people in my family who end up old, alone and pissed off because everyone has abandoned ship. The only way out is to just go no contact. After being used and abused for so long you just can’t take it anymore. Your pleas for understanding fall on deaf ears. I follow author Peg Streep too and although she is not trained in the field she has some good insights about how to survive this toxic behavior. Some don’t survive. I spent too many years wasting my time and life hoping that things would get better. They don’t want boundaries or to listen to what you have to say or especially how you feel. They only want their agenda and control over you. All I can say is what I wish someone had told me years ago. RUN! Get out and get on with your life without that crap in your life. I finally did it 7 years ago. I’m 60 now and for the first time I’m living a happy life.
Thank you so much for this video. It's very helpful. These days with narcissism burgeoning in the population, it's not that uncommon to find even two narcissists together raising children, and their kids not only get psychologically and neurologically traumatized, they absorb warped beliefs they are taught and are behaviorally mis-programmed to be arrogant, selfish, and obnoxious. Kids of such households have no idea how mature, normal, appropriate adults behave or think (unless they happen to have a warm, respectful teacher or two, or if a caring grandparent lives nearby and is seen routinely). Extended family often ignore the obnoxious behavior at holidays, thus normalizing it. TV and movies are usually comedy or drama, and neither genre is very helpful as a model for mature behavior. Literature tends toward drama and conflict as well to keep stories interesting, so not many models there either. As one of those children, I keep looking for a book that will explain the mature, appropriate, kind things to say (and healthy things to think) in various situations and relationships, because even in high school and college I "lived in the library." I ordered a book called "For Children Raised By Wolves," but it turned out to only be about where to place the salad fork (LOL! That's the least of my problems!). No help at all for the much bigger gaps of insight - the basics of how normal, kind people behave and perceive situations... what to say and do in relationships, how mature adults operate. Where's the book for people really raised by "wolves"? (Since real wolves are actually very loyal family members with an established code of manners, that's frankly an insult to wolves, but that's how the saying goes.) Do you know of any such book?
yes the constant struggle, trying not to act as they do when you have to be around them for a while keep reminding yourself.we all need help from time to time.
The good Doctor nails it once again! After being in therapy on and off for over 30 years -(raised by a severely narcissistic mother, Asberger-like father) - I have been helped more by your videos than all those years of therapy combined! Thank you, Dr. C., from all of us who came here for help and answers! You provide-! With grace, intellegence and wisdom.
1. Open and honors differences (a curiosity about differences) 2. Never loses sight of their own humanity (realizes that they make honest mistakes) 3. Interprets others through that person’s individual filter system (to respond appropriately). 4. When treated poorly, does not respond in kind. 5. Makes good adjustments to stress (does not induce or project their stress on everyone else). 6. Have a modest attachment through things (understands that life is not about collecting things). 7. Guided by reason and values (not impulse or whatever they feel like in the moment). 8. Seeks out different perspectives 9. Duty and obligation are less prominent as opposed to choice. Understands their power of choice. 10. Conflict is viewed as a learning experience. 11. Gives individuals credit for success 12. Priorities love, friendliness, tenderness, approachability & kindness (not agitation & frustrated tension, admiration) 13. A human being’s worth is intrinsic (not contingent upon achievements). 14. Mature people are encouragers (not critics). 15. Mature people realize that we are all inter connected, regardless of differences.
I will say this, it seems as though they act like they care about something or someone, to make themselves look good to others. This tells me they are somewhat aware of their lack of empathy.
They would not want to do the work of getting to know who *we* are, Dr. Les! Easier and better for them to make us what they want. NO BOUNDARIES! Performance-based! We finally know we have nothing to prove to them. TYSM for all of this, Dr.Les. Blessings!
These are awesome !! Thank you so much for putting this list together and sharing it. It's not just for dealing with narcissists but mature ways of being with everyone.
15 characteristics of a maturing life: Lessening of your self-centeredness. 1. A mature person is open to differentness. 2. Never loses sight of their own humanity, honesty, authenticity. 3. They interpret other people by these people"s own system. The narc does not factor this in. 4. When treated poorly they will not match. 5. When they are stressed they make adjustments for it. The narcs blow it all over everyone else. 6. They have a modest attachment to things. The narcs like to look good, to collect things, to be above. 7. They are guided by reason and values, not by impulse and raw instinct in the moment. A narcissist will just go on when they get cought in the emotions. 8. They will seek out other perspectives (and counter other people in). 9. Duty and obligation are less prominent, as opposed to choice. 10. Conflict is viewed as a learning experience. The narc is about a win/lose position. 11. They give other people credit for stuff well done. The narc wants to take all credit. 12. They prioritize love, kindness, friendliness, approachability. Narcs only do that when it will get them somewhere. They prioritize agitation, frustration, tension. Love for them is about being admired, not giving themselves to other people. 13. They see worth in people as intrinsic. For a narc it is performance based. 14. They encourage people, and lift them up. Narcs tend to be critical and point out shortcomings. 15. They know we are all interconnected. Narcissists don't want to be connected to "losers" .
Dr. Carter, Thank you so much for such helpful videos. I really appreciate the time & effort you put into educating us about narcissism with such a balanced perspective. God bless you!
You must sleep so well at night knowing how many people respect and treasure you as a very wise and compassionate man. I look at your videos every night as I wind down for the evening with a better understanding of my adult daughter.
Thank you Dr. C for helping understand my grandson who is also mentally ill. Very horrible combination. He is putting me in early grave n I'm listening to your help so I can be strong. 75 n trying to stay alive!
You are like a substitute father. My father was a grandiose malignant narcissist. When I left at 17 I thought I was done but I didn't know how these patterns would replay and replay for 40 years. I find in you and others like you a clear, clean, strong template for masculinity that I lacked growing up. So benign, so seeing, so empathetic. Thank you.
“Narcissist are like little kids” “ if they don’t get there way they’ll throw temper tantrum” Me when my toddler throws a tantrum : ignores her continue to tell her no ask her if she’s done and ready to act right gives her time out Me when her father throws a tantrum : gives him what he wants tries to make him feel better let him yell scream disrespect me and eventually lose my point of view and he wins Somethings terribly wrong here
This is a good point.I tend to do the same.Then I wonder why I feel so broken.Time to treat it just the same as I do my kids tantrums.Let him have his fit,choose not to make it about me and u understand it's all about him,and dont pay him special attention till hes done.
I have come to realise that not only is my narcissist a dark Triad (a combo of narcissistic machevellian psychopathy). But I believe he also may have high end Aspergers Syndrome. (I have a son with high end Aspergers). He is highly intelligent, knows it & makes sure everyone else does too. No empathy. No social skills. etc etc. Having one thing like narcissism does not necessarily preclude another issue. It just depends on how extreme their experiences were during their formative years. I believe my narc started out with Aspergers, & because of that was treated as an outcast (in post war Germany) had an horrific childhood and so developed other ways to cope resulting in who he is now. But I am an empath so even after 17 years I realise I can’t “fix” him or even help him. But I also don’t believe he has a clue of what he does. He just thinks he’s misunderstood. Which he is but not in the way he thinks he is. It’s so sad. 😔
Thank you for sharing this valuable information!! I’m collecting this info and learning how to heal myself and my two daughters from the trauma we’ve endured from their narcissistic father. The one we’ve concluded to be the “asshole” in the family. 😂 I’m so grateful I got out of his clutches, divorced and moved away after our girls got older. It’s been 3 years since we’ve moved away and we are all so happy.
you mentioned “brokenness “ I was raised in a very dysfunctional family- I’m married to a narcissist- now I can SEE due to my “BROKENNESS “ why I’m in this destructive relationship- thx you for such clarity- beginning to “see the light” God Bless
Thanks. My ex Friend & landlady was a religious Narcissis. She was my landlady for 8 yrs.. Pure trouble maker. I told her she was wearing a mask. She said to her mom i discerned her mask & felt her weaknesses/fragility. She became more defensive & Enraged. I didn't Know what to expect. I just too honest. I wanted her to open up & talk about her hurts. She talked about her father committing suicide when she was in her early 20s. She was very close to her CRAZY/wild/mean daddy. He must have been a Narcissis. Her mom was VERY STRONG emotionally. Tough. & STERN, hard PROUD Worker. My landlady married 3 husbands. She LOVES money. She has it Now. He CONTROLS It $$$$$$$$$$$$. No more debt for her!!🌞She was FUN in the begining!!! First 3yrs.!!😄 Then behaviors/manners changed.😕😳😯😬
I've listened to many of your videos. Thank you so much for your help. Knowing this type of person has helped me rise above the destructive behavior. I've also realized I had my own self destructive attitude toward myself which has helped greatly in being able to live with a Narc (I can not walk away from this person yet). While I worked on my own attitude I gave my Narc. a false weakness that she can pick at all she wants and I will react to it but it really doesn't bother me. It's worked out great!!! I'm now strong enough to be around this person. Life is much better. But really, it was my own poor attitude about myself that was making it possible for a Narc to crush me. Thank you again!!!!
Problem is your family won't be around to support him forever and his narc will ALWAYS be a narc. I say this because my family members all passed away and I became stuck with only the narc. He gleefully thought that them all dying was his opportunity to finally break me emotionally and mentally. I survived only because God picked me up and carried me. If possible please arrange a counselor so your son can have clarity because its a long, long life of mental trauma and miserableness that will never truly be enjoyable if he remains with the narcissist.
"She's always on an express train, and she can't see the next bend" A very accurate description of a narcissistic person I used to know. It must be hell, being a helpless victim of yourself all your life. Being able to restrain yourself and calm yourself, that's part of maturity. This person had no adult breaking system. The intensity was amazing. The only way was her way and the only direction was forward. She would run over you or right through you and didn't care, as long as she got what she wanted.
I have come to a place where I can stop trying to analyze and figure it out. Now it is ... this is abuse, this is unacceptable and I deserve better. PERIOD. Time to let go and settle for more!! Much love and strength to each of you!
Thank you so much! Your videos always make me feel not so alone in this 30 yr marriage to a complete narcissist jerk!! I will never fully understand the want/need to purposely hurt someone you supposedly love! I still cry most days bc I’m trapped but I’m trying to remain strong. Blessings to you Dr.carter! And blessings to all who suffer and live with this!🦋💙
Got out after 37 years of marriage to a narc. Difficult road to take but worth it at as you will find all the people around you are narcs as well. But at the end you know the people who are still around love and care for you. The things you will see and learn will turn your life around you will see you have been living in Lala land and there is better out there.
Narc Shock thank you! I have been with him over half my life! I don’t even know where to begin to try and get out. He controls everything. Absolutely nothing is in my name the house, my truck which he constantly reminds me if I try to leave he will not let me have any means of travel. Mind you the truck is 14 yrs old and paid for but in his name as is everything. Some days I feel like giving up bc I’m tired of living in fear and always walking on egg shells. My kids honestly have kept me alive bc I don’t wanna leave them to his mercy! The boys are older now and see his ways but our 13 yr old daughter thinks the sun rises and sets with him! I pray and try to teach her that this isn’t a normal relationship. I always tell her to make her own way and to never depend on a man. I just pray she listens and learns from my mistakes. I love our 4 children and I can honestly say they are the only good thing that has come out of this relationship! Thank you for letting me vent! May God bless you and keep you close! 💚
Dawn Hart Open your own bank account and start saving without telling him. Get copies of all your paperwork EVERY THING make a file and keep it hidden. 2 of my 3 adult children are unfortunately taking the narc route in life my youngest who was 25 at the time I woke up to The Abuse took a good hard look at himself and has turned things around and still working very hard at it. He has you believing you are helpless if you truly were he would have discarded you a long time ago. Narcs only stay with strong capable people that can prop them up, you are that strong capable person. Take good care Dawn.
Watching your videos have become a daily exercise in growth for me. It's hard to admit, as a man, that I've been brought so low. Never thought that narcissism could in a woman. I feel so ashamed that I became so weak.
Thank you for you talking about maturity because as a young adolescent I had to face my NPD mom when discussing the reason of my bringing up her husband who was a pervert and was told by my friends that he exposed himself to them. I thanked them and march to discuss this humiliating and horrible experience of this man she called her partner? I quickly state this type of behavior must stop or I will call the police! I was trying to make them see their actions was causing problems for this family. What my NPD mom said was shocking. She said, "you'll be getting older and decide to marry and I'll have no one?" I was completely shattered by her answer which had nothing to do with this situation. Only her thoughts as a child from this 42 years old stating her concerns about herself - made me aware who was the adult and who was the child? I said nothing and walked away. It was as if the stage curtains had just opened into the mind of an NPD and I saw who I was dealing with not an adult but a child instead. It was hard to filter.
I wish I'd had an opportunity to listen to videos like these more than 60 years ago. I have been married to a man who displays narcissistic behaviour patterns for 62 years. These videos have been invaluable to me in helping me to cope with my situation. I shall be encouraging my 3 adult children to learn from them too as they still battle with the damage it has caused, not only to me but to the whole family.
I will sleep easy tonight after your beautiful words. Thank you The latest Narcissist in my life ( and the last now that i understand them) was for ever accusing me of being 'childish' but he never looked in the mirror. I now am confident that I was always the mature adult in the relationship.
Thank you so much for your videos. You are giving me words for what I have been feeling my whole life, but I wasn't allowed to have an opinion or think differently. Thank you for helping me to finally heal and become more emotionally mature ❤️
It feel you describe exactly the person that I lived 8 years of narcissist abuse ..It is word to word truly , and each detail so much true!! They blow out of everything...not only when he is in stress....He was arguing once just because I told him to go to buy bread with cereals and sesams that likes my child !! He came back arguing , screaming ...why i send him and I am not going by myself !!
Agreed. I think that all us at some time or another have narcissistic tendencies, or at least the urge to behave that way. It's pride, and something I struggle with myself.
@ Whirled Peas If you only had 1 emotional outburst in 35 years, I don't think you need to question who you are. You're allowed to be human- forgive yourself.
@@hershy1594 totally! Address it, learn from it, forgive yourself! The more I forgive others, the easier I am on myself. It's cheesy, but the world is a mirror like that. I know there's just some people you can't be safe around, but if you put all your energy in them, It's like they laugh at you and you start to crumble. They're fueled by it. But if you just go on being your sweet self... They end up leaving or they have to adapt to your world. Ex: a person could be my friend for 30 years. They now decide to do hard drugs... Boom. I love you but we can't associate anymore. No hard feelings. Please take care. I'll be praying for you!
@@youtubingbabs Exactly, it's a hard truth but some people aren't worth having in our lives. If you let them play their games they will always win because they've been playing them a lot longer than you and want to win worse than you do
The narcissist is all about "me". Maturity is about "we". That's the shortest description...
🎯
*distinction*??
RIGHT.
The first time I brought this concept of “we” up I got the silent treatment
My dad always said “ you never know what someone else is going through… what kind of day they are having. Always be kind. “
Words to live by. 🖖👍
They seek battle, always about everything. They never ever say "congrats" to you, no matter what you achieve. And if you have problems they will have a slight grin in their face.
That grin part. I had some health issues after delivering my baby, I was in tears describing how I felt to my husband, all he could say or do was asking stupid questions pretending he cared.. And I swear to you I could hear him widely grinning on the phone while I was crying in pain.
Absolutely!
They never approve of anything, never happy for you, feed off of any stress you are going through and always try to piss you off and get under your skin
Yes they NEVER CONGRATULATE YOU!
THAT smirk. would love to wipe that off with bleach. BUT!! that would be not a positive thing, would it? it is a daily conscious effort to disengage, go forward, and keep positive. hard to do when you spend the work day with a snark.
I'm in the battle of my life. These videos will probably save my life
MsTammi125 Hang has n there, friend! Keep that chin up, and your spirit alive!
MsTammi125
Hello!
Please seek the Lord, Christ Jesus...I promise you that you are in need of HIS strength that is able to get you through!
Psalms 62
6 He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.
7 In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
8 Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.
Please take the time to watch this video with an open mind and heart! :)
ua-cam.com/video/QFxh2FExi7c/v-deo.html
Peace.
Keep with it's a lot of knowledge to take in but it is my best shot at the present time. You likely really hurting as it's insane and does not add up then check the problem like the math I learned. I am not able to pretend what I think you choose to do about it,I am sure you are in the place of free knowledge if like myself you are seeking to understand what you are going through and I have been getting a lot better as far as along the lines of what happened to me and I'll always be glad to have found Dr Carter's channels on this site. I am sure you will be able to figure out how your going to be able to put the past where I only wish I could say that snap and it was De Narc and that's the thing. Wishing you your own life back in the best way possible that you find a way to accept the things done that's what I feel like brought me back away from the edge of the cliff for an anolagy in my mind's eye for lack of a better way to describe it and I will be about something like two months of trying to get a grip on the subject. Praying for you and your peace of mind that many people are like minded and seeking. Heal up and get the tool's you are able to for future use as if I'm in the mind to battle it I armed with effective weapon's and cornered may have to battle many times before I get there and I have learned that I can withdraw from my enemy's advance and the advantage of surprise and the psych war to soften us and learn how defeat us with word's as weapon's and this has happened to me and I was just dazed by my opponent. I learned that I can stay in honor for myself and her dishonor is mine too I was not left with any honor and speak to you about the man who is still in love with the one I chose to marry. I'm sorry you're hurting and in time I will heal and get whatever is left gathered up and start again and if I learn how to cope I might be able to make something positive to have to remember and I have been damaged and am not now or ever have been anything but damaged goods for that I am in true reality. Best regards and wishes for much smoother ride to where you want to be
Praying
Yes! And a spiritual one at that! ❤❤❤
I was married to a narcissist for 30 years. Funny you mention maturity. I can remember thinking so many times that he was permanently locked into a 14 yo personality - the personal vanity, the aloofness, the entitlement, the derisiveness, the fear of embarrassment, and selfishness. For decades I hung to the belief that he would mellow out, see the error of his ways and finally become a loving companion. It did not happen.
Narcissist not being the center of attention - Narcissist: "They are disrespectful to me."
You give them a gift - Narcissist: "There are better colors/quality/etc of this though."
They do something wrong - Narcissist "It's all *****'s fault."
Someone else does a mistake - Narcissist: "What a Loser!"
Anything goes wrong - Narcissist "That happened cause they didn't ask me before how to do it right."
Someone achieves something - Narcissist: "Nothing special. I would have done better."
Someone needs help - Narcissist: "That's not my business, they are adults and need to help themselves."
Narcissist needs help - Narcissist: "Everyone needs to cancel all their own plans and focus on my demands."
One of the worst parts in dealing with them with no doubt is the extreme self-centeredness and entitlement.
Thank you so much for this, like always (!), incredibly helpful and accurate insight, Dr. Carter!
T97Frida
When they do something wrong it’s called shortcomings. When they fly First class Economy is called Asshole class. Because I wouldn’t let him sleep with me in a twin bed at my parents house I get called a Dick and a Bitch but it was worth it just to have my own 🛌😂. Seriously you’re 55 and your still name calling. You big baby 👶
That summary is the majority of my family... almost word for word! 🤯
This is a perfect summary. Thank you. I hope you don't mind I copied it into a word document so I can refer back to it after future encounters to help keep myself from feeling guilty and in the wrong.
L H Please feel free to do so! I’m glad if reflecting my own experiences helps you ❤️
@@laurawilliams4034 How awful that a "grown" man can act like that! But i'm glad that you got to enjoy your big bed and big sense of victory! 😁
I'm in my mid twenties and get scared when I think about how staying with a narc could lead to being in a relationship with a scary old man yelling at you, while you at the same time feel mentally younger than you felt back when you fell in love with that less-scary person in the beginning of the relationship..
That's definitely something something to think about when you already feel small and weak..
I can't even imagine the struggle when you are also physically weak :(
Thanks for reminding me 🍀
last night i responded poorly and today im the shamed one. its so hard sometimes to be mature in this situation
And so easy to be hard on ourselves...
@@micheleagren1604 im not ashamed! hes shaming me
@@Julie-ev5js not ashamed! he is the one shaming
i did nothing wrong. next day he forgave me, what a joke!
Try the gray rock method!
This man is an angel. These short sessions are stream of true care and love which warms up and opens heart. Thanks not enough. It is a true gift.
Thanks so much, Sandy. Dr. C
When crazy angry people call me names or try desperately to get an emotional response from me, I just ignore it. I am not a person who will call others nasty things or yell at them. They seem to really despise the calmness
I am trying to learn that to deal with my narc H, its hard when he keeps pushing it 24hrs.
I say, Thank You, over & over:):)
My narcissist girlfriend of 3 years made me feel so crazy all the time everything was my fault and she was always the victim. After a while you actually start to believe them. Your videos saved my mental health. Thank you
Get the hell out especially while you are just dating , don't be like me - married to one and can't get out.
@@trustnonarc6780 I’m in a similar situation!
@@trustnonarc6780 you can get out! I divorced mines!!
So far 73 narcissists disliked this video. That means we are reaching more and more each day. Exposure is the cure.
LOL 🤭
Lol
No contact(again, as of August) is the only way to deal with dad's narcissism. For my own protection. I owe him nothing!
Mature (lessening of self-centeredness) people:
1. Open to differences/Invites differences.
2. Never loses sight of their own humanity./Admits mistakes.
3. Interperets other people through the other person's filtering system.
4.When treated poorly, did not return in kind.
5. Make good adjustments to stress.
6. A modest attachment to things.
7. Guided by reason and values.
8. Seeks out different perspectives.
9. Duty and obligation are less dominant.
10 . Conflict is viewed as a learning experience.
11. Give other credit for success
12. Love is prioritized.
13. See a human being's worth is intrinsic.
14. They like to encourage.
15. Realize we are all interconnected.
Exactly
Thank you!
The opposite of my narcissistic dad!
Your book "When Pleasing You is Killing Me" led me to finally complete therapy...seems like narcissism is now more understood than 30 years ago. Thank you for your work.
if N. is understood, then why does it persist? teens in adult bodies.
@@dianedeclare8541 because when we don’t or won’t wake up to it, we invariably enable it.
Another book: "Stop It, Dad!" by another author, nails the point, especially since my dad is the narcissist! My "No" is no-contact with him: my win!
Spot on. I would tell my Mother she's a 70 yr old woman not a 2 yr old. She would throw trumper tantrums. I couldn't believe it.
I always try to take the high road, but I have been unprepared on occasion for unexpected attacks and reacted poorly. It always feels better to stay calm, so I definitely have room for improvement.
Nancy, I get caught off guard too from time to time.
We're all human and do these things on occasion. We ALL have room for improvement. I sure hope you're not beating yourself up over that. One of my favorite sayings is: "We do the best we can for where we are in life." Or Mya Angelou's saying "When we know better we do better." Narcissists make it VERY difficult to take the high road. It's a learning process for all of us. Some days are better than others but the more you practice you'll eventually get better at it. Stay strong! Blessings.
Narc's will never change, it is very difficult to be civil with them. Once you process the FACT that they do not change then you must work on changing yourself or going strict no contact.
Keep on the high road I must say I respectfully wish you are left a path to honor even if the trail is less traveled and I think it how much is really good for me and my way to try to remain in honor and I am trying to honor the dishonor I am receiving and find it's not the easy way when you are already bleeding out and have dishonor shown at every turn, so I respectfully wish to honor you as to a old romantic dreamer and fool,honor at any time unless under extremely heavy duress, and in the case of survivial anything is more honorable than quitting and surrender in my old fool's twisted reality.
After hours, sometimes days, of being berated and demeaned, it's hard to remain civil. We all try, but we're only human, after all.
So cute. I was like that little boy. People always say that I am mature beyond my years. Then you meet a 60+ man that acts like he is 3.
I was too! Then I was out in the wild and was told I was dumb, green, naive.... My heart hardened a little but not 100% Not nearly as bad aa some. Just made my closed off and winey and my comments and thoughts always were "nuanced" thinking ppl were playing games more often than not. It messed with me to be around "sophisticated" people... But the purity of the heart of Jesus that I learned about and loved as a child was always with me and guided me. I know I'm not perfect. Nobody is. But I know I'm headed in the right direction with him with forgive, love, charity... Being a dark person doesn't always happen with one big act of cruelty... It's small moments if playing the victim too often, thinking your problems are the biggest (because they feel like it!!), being afraid to give anymore, always watching your back, doubting... We think we're just being "realistic" but we end up cold and reactive and stingy... Even the most kind hearted person and sometimes the MOST kind-hearted person can be burned and scarred. It takes faith to stay giving in this world. And DISCERNMENT. Discernment is beautiful. It's being realistic about who someone is.... But it's NOT judging ot trying to change them.
Yeah, children that in many cases, must be responsibles for other people lives.
Absolutely, but I think, is necessary to help narcissist persons too, so to avoid they make the same mistakes and hurts other people integrity.
I always think love prevails. I am an empath. Will never change. But being taken advantage of hurts.
Maria Trakadas, narcs have a natural radar for empaths like you. I've been raised by my parents to always consider someone else's needs and feelings, and this way I learned very early that giving and acknowledging other people's perspectives can be a very awarding virtue, cause it helps you to grow, gives you the opportunity to learn so much.
You know you met a narc when you figure they don't value your attention and your effort to understand them AT ALL, but keep on trying to make you feel like you're never trying hard enough and act like you have to apologize constantly.
That's the point where empaths like us have to learn how to draw a line, how to set boundaries and how to protect ourselves from "energy-vampirism".
I will never accept being devaluated by anybody and certainly lesser now than before
I stand behind you on this decision. Dr. C
Surviving Narcissism thank you so much. Learned a lot in these last 4 months.
The little boy was demonstrating some real empathy for your backside. This also reflects in a favorable way on his parents!
Yes and yes. Dr. C
I thought he was going to say it come from a child growing up with a narcissist, so they learn how to be co-dependent at a young age lol
Def. a reflection of what’s he sees in his home and the ones influencing him!
When a narcissistic mother calls you stupid for not taking her advice, just go no contact!!!
When she calls you stupid, she's making a confession.
77 narcissists disliked this video. As a recovering vulnerable narcissist, I needed this! Thank you!
Praying for you
I've always loved Ralph Waldo Emerson's definition of success (especially as opposed to what a narcissist might define as success). I think your list is a wonderful guide on what it takes to become the successful person Emerson defines, and I take it to heart. Thank you.
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the beauty in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that one life has breathed easier because you lived here. This is to have succeeded.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph knew what he was talking about! Dr. C
Bravo 👏🏽
To leave a place always better than before
Lovely. Thank you.
That made me feel like a success, and I wasn't feeling very useful lately. TY
I love Emerson's Essays. What you quoted is beautiful.
" He who dies with the most toys wins"- a narcissist's mantra
Nancy Luckhurst LOL My father use to say those exact words! Always struck me as odd. Now we know. 🤣
Pretty sad. Dr. C
Surviving Narcissism Thank you. That it is. Been over 10 years since no contact for me with him.
He wins, I guess LOL In his mind anyways.
That is is it, Narcissist mantra, they're stuck in a timeperiod, probably their childhood when that method worked for them.
I love it.
I've reacted poorly, ruthlessly, in hopes of being left alone. Then I'm reminded that such reactions don't repel them as they would a healthier person, and putting out negativity doesn't make me feel any better 😥
They are exasperating!
Exasperating is exactly 💯°
I am no-contact with my narcissistic dad; it's working very well!
Your videos are saving me. I have a husband who has me down to a very low places. You are helping me stand up and climb out.
Stay strong, Teresa! Dr. C
I just wanted to say thank you Dr. Carter. Without you I wouldn't have known that the abuse I am going through is caused by a narcissist. I probably wouldn't have realized that me emotionally spilling my guts out no matter how I put it would get rejected by him. Thank you
Same here, Ty Dr. Carter!
Ive lived this insanity for 6 yrs not knowing what to call it also. I made up my mind to cut him off completely and I now have peace.
Can you please do me a favour and have a look into ADHD, and see whether the person you were going through the situation with matches that profile?
Tend to be gifted people in some ways, but it is deeply disabling
I'm terribly sorry that it's such a difficult experience for you to navigate through, but I've got a hunch that it isn't as cut and dry as the Dr is hypothesising
@@dreamweaver8331 My father doesn't have the typical symptoms of ADHD. He's a successful businessman who is well organized and knows what he's doing and doesn't show symptoms of ADHD. He fits all of the signs of a narc though. He has trouble empathizing because of a troubled past. Also a lot of times I feel like I'm only valued by him as long as I'm useful to hm.
@@hershy1594
My dad's very similar. A Dr of psychology who watched me wear black all the time and relate to slipknot etc and constantly tries to dominate everyone...
I seem to be on the opposing end of the scale, and feel too much empathy with everyone, and it keeps me in a state of depression unless I stay occupied
I quickly click with other ADHDers who either run businesses and outwardly appear in control, or the opposite who are constantly jumping from job to job, searching for purpose and meaning and escaping from the cage of emotions
I've come to conclude that me and my dad probably clash because we're more similar than different, but our experiences teach us different lessons about our engagements with other people and our environment
I hate my dad deeply, and am trying to repair the bridge at 30,because I love my lil bro so much and promised him I would
If you were to unravel his behaviours, do you find many similarities in traits you share?
My mother is a narcissist and I was afraid of her my whole life that actually writing this comment stating she is a narcissist makes me feel guilty. I don’t know what to do. I’m 24 and I know I can leave, I tried. I just can’t afford it and there are no jobs with COVID. Please pray for me
Feel for you. Wonder if you could find a live in job this summer? Holiday park/pub. Covid bollox allowing.. Or go back to uni? Mature student, you could get funding, and live elsewhere? Whatever you decide, good luck and don't give up
I really empathise for you , I was inmthe samw situation but have recently moved out after living with her for over 7 years. I got out through luck and the benefit system awarding me with p.i.p and housing benefit due to my ill.health living there. You honestly can do it. Firstly you could try donation based counselling or the wellbeing service for a solid regular support. There are also some great books on amazon about narcssitic mothers and daughters of this trauma to help guide you. Put yourself on the housing list in your area and just know you can and have to move out xx 🙏
Surround yourself with trusted friends 😘
Dad is the narc; I can't be bothered with his nonsense anymore!
My dad, I no longer bother with him. I am 60 and I don't live with him, his loss of a punching bag!
A sure sign of a narrsissist - they NEVER apologize
Narcs idea of love is admiration... so true! I’ll never forget the tantrums my ex narc used to throw whenever I didn’t post something he did for me on social media. I’d keep it between us and show appreciation in private. He hated that. I realized he hadn’t bought me that gift or done that “sweet” thing out of genuine love but because he needed to be admired by others and to look good to others. He needed to use me to brag about him to the public so he could boost his ego and look superior to other men.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
How grateful to be able to listen to all this knowledge
God bless you! 🙏
I've been mature since I was 5 years old. But the narcisitic parents twisted that around to be something very wrong so I learned to shut down and doubt myself.
I enjoyed and gained much from your video, I just wanted to say I liked how you add at the end "thank you for letting me into your life today." I found that quite lovely.
You're welcome, and I mean it too!
going on 5 months no contact... its been incredibly hard. I still love and want him but he was slowly destroying me. I have to get away, far away to get him out of my system. This is horrible
Stay strong! Get busy! You deserve better!
Joie de Vivre Morph same.
I took a narcissist back that I was miserable with for a year. It slowly became worse than the 1st time around. They are NEVER faithful or truthful. So glad I left for good. Now I watch youtube videos on narcissist behavior whenever I miss him..it helps alot.
Joie de Vivre Morph Run! Its never going to get better! I can’t stand mine husband now but can’t leave. Its all financial.
the time will come. Save save save.xx
Woke up to realise i was surrounded by narrcisstic ppl! No wonder i got sick...drained to near death... being a performing muppet. God made me stop..healtwise..even i lived too much in ego...learned loads..
OMG you can't one up on a narcissist. You just can't sink to their level. Impossible
The problem I face is that my spouse claims he is being treated poorly by me whenever I express any normal expectation or upset over the way HE is treating ME. Then he goes into full "game on" mode when he truly has not been attacked or treated poorly. He claims my words "hurt his feelings" and that that is equally as abusive as his threats, name- calling, and profanity. Really?
Nancy Luckhurst, he’s manipulating you. My narcissistic boyfriend did the same. He would emotionally/verbally abuse me in a horrifying manner then gaslight me and play the victim. It’s what they do.
Nancy Luckhurst, that is what they do to control you. He manipulates you into believing it was you who acted inappropriate. He's shifting the blame onto you to intimidate you and to keep you believing you owe him something and therefor you need to please him even if it feels uncomfortable to you. He finds pleasure in seeing you being upset and hurt and defending yourself - for something you don't have to apologize or defend yourself at all. That makes him feel superior.
I know it's super hard, but try to not react emotionally to it. Respond but don't react, stay calm and don't let him involve you in debates that lead to you taking blame. Show him he can't make you feel miserable, show him he can't control your feelings.
Good luck, my very best wishes for you, Nancy! x
He is in victim mode so that he does not have to bear any responsability
@@T97Frida Thank you!
So sorry you are going through this. It is definitely abuse, and it took me almost 20 years of marriage to realize it. It's been two years since I got up the nerve to leave him, and I am still raw and hurting. I don't trust myself. Every decision I make, I question. Just like he used to. Please take care of yourself, look after yourself, and know that you are not going crazy.
An excellent description of maturity while contrasting with narcissism.
Yep. The 5 year old kid has more concern for others than a Narc
I find there is no kinship between them and others, what a waste of energy & time is is for the other individual!
There is definitely chemistry and friendship, but the covert narc isn't challenged by them in any way, so they don't find out and they're not aware, they're too insecure or afraid of abandonment to call out the narc on their covert behaviors. I feel alot of individuals will waste years being friends with narcs and it will end very badly, or they just end up never finding out they are a narc and the narc will remain happy and use that person for all they've got. That concerns, saddens and maddens me. My dad is basically a door mat for my mom and he's too insecure to call it out, he's always on his toes, 24/7, with her bipolar moods, nagging and narcissism. So self-centered. I wonder why he has depression...
Its emotion, not logic with the narc. They are very emotional about everything. Way too much for me!
Lynn McIntosh yup , the narc I know too!
I am going to watch this again! I see the narc in all of this!
Or tactical maciavellian narcissism
I parted ways with a family narc a year ago. Blessed peace once again! I just told the person, "It takes too much emotional energy to have a relationship with you. Bye!"
The only emotions my mother has for me is antagonism, lies.
It's so terrible when you're trying to not react to spouse
When they are speaking in a abusive why.
Then they start telling you what you're thinking and why.
You haven't said a word. Makes me feel hopeless. ThanksJennifer😄
Your not alone Jennifer. Divorced after 30 years.
Omggg! That's my husband, now if I say nothing, he'll have an argue inserting what he thinks I would say or what he thinks I'm thinking! So not!!!
Lisa O'Neill . THIS is so true and THE most frustrating part of ‘communication’ with the narc. I once said that I obviously wasn’t needed since he carried on both sides of an argument that I didn’t participate in.
Makes me want to just throw all of these lies at them HEAD ON!
I grew up with a whole family of narcissists, being the youngest, I was always left out of all important decisions, my sister and brother took control after my parents died, ( as they were trustees, I was left out) They both lied and cheated me out of a lot of money...Now I am the bad guy, My nieces and nephews don’t know, the money they got was stolen from me and given to them.... My much older narcissistic sister and brother don’t even speak to me anymore since they got the money.......It’s heartbreaking, all my nephews and nieces don’t speak to me either. Trying really hard to get better, but it’s really really hard....I am going to try to have a Great Summer, listen to loud music and try not to have a care in the world.....Good Luck Survivors, I feel your confusion and pain
You just described my situation. Amazing. Hang in there. There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed.
You are blaming and punishing yourself? Love and respect yourself everyday. You are worthy.
I was manipulated for too long by narcissists in my life. Now, I've learned not to pay attention to them if I can help it. One I've broken contact with but the ones left in my family, I've learned not to give too much thought of what they say. Sometimes, it still hurts, but I have to consider the source. Thank you again Dr. C.
Dr. Carter, thank you for giving me tools for my toolbox, I have very few. May your life be blessed since you have been willing to share so freely.
My narcissistic ex husband and his whole narcissistic cult like family are always right and flawless and it’s only their way in their delusional minds. Very controlling manipulative critical and judgmental hypocrites.
My father in law, when I was married to his daughter, took us for a meal at his friend's place, his friend was a deacon at the church we attended, after the meal His friend got me aside and recommended I use medication to lower my sex drive, his daughter had very little do do with me anyway and was a super narcisist who was cheating on me.
Funny thing The Father in law was cheating on my mother in law.
I was the only one not having sex..... Go narcissism.
May it go... To Hell.
The S/word 23 did he tell you she was cheating on you?
You too huh! What is it about them having toxic families? Is it this that makes them narcissistic? Is it something they learn from them?
ColTaylorDyath yes!
Thought I was the only person that married into an ENTIRE narcissistic family!
My relationship of 4 years just went cold. He had an unexpected event that put him out of control and then he just lost it. I've been binge watching your videos reverse engineering WTF just happened. I should have seen it coming as my mother, husband and several others have given me a lot of practice with a narcissist. I figured that since I was older I had a handle on it. Sometime the eyes just don't see what they don't want to know. Thank you SO much for being available and helping me regain my sanity.
I didn't want to face the fact that such evil existed
My relationship has "gone cold" as you put it after 12 years. I was in auto wreck recently and this person is not dealing with it and just ignoring me and my injuries. I don't know how long I can live with this situation since I have to heal physically first.
@@chrisellementery1404 hugs. Some people can not deal with being helpless.
@@chrisellementery1404 May I clarify. They can't with being helpless to help. We have such a McD Thow a Way society that some can not deal with less than perfection and happiness. Are you giving them an opportunity to heal also???
@@rosejohnson-tsosie2552 I'm not concerned about this person's feelings anymore. To be so cold to me while I'm physically broken is too much to ask from me to be kind.
Wow. Thank you, Dr. Carter. You’re so articulate and have the gift of explaining things in such a simple way that we can understand.
Maturity: Lessening of self-centeredness - vs -
Narcissism: LACK OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY.
1) Open and curious about differences - vs - "DIFFERENCES MEAN:" *YOU'RE WRONG.* " "
2) Doesn't lose sight of their own humanity - vs - "WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY MISTAKES. IF THERE ARE ANY, THEY'RE BASED ON YOUR FAULTS ANYWAY."
3) Interprets other people through the other person's filter system - vs - "I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THE MAKE-UP OF YOUR UNIQUE INGREDIENTS."
4) When treated poorly, doesn't respond in kind - vs - " *GAME ON.* "
5) Makes good adjustments to stress - vs - "STRESS IS THE BEGINNING OF DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIORS."
6) Has modest attachment to things - vs - "IMPRESSED BY MATERIALISM & GLAMOUR."
7) Reason and values - vs - impulse and "WHATEVER I FEEL IN THE MOMENT."
8) Seeking out different perspectives - vs - "I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOUR PERSPECTIVE. IT'S PROBABLY WRONG ANYWAYS."
9) Choice leads the way - vs - "IT'S ALL ABOUT THE AGENDA - ALWAYS."
10) Conflict is viewed as a learning experience - vs - "CONFLICT IS *ALWAYS* A WIN/LOSE PROPOSITION."
11) Gives other people credit - vs - "I'LL TAKE THE CREDIT."
12) Love and kindness is prioritized - vs - "GETS CAUGHT UP IN AGITATION."
13) A human being's worth is intrinsic - vs - " WORTH IS CONTINGENT UPON BEHAVIORS AND ACHIEVEMENTS."
14) Likes to encourage - vs - "CRITIZISES."
15) Realizes a general sense of interconnectedness - vs - "I WON'T CONNECT WITH DISSIMILAR PEOPLE. THEY'RE LOSERS."
Thank you for saving people with your videos.
Think you, Dr. Carter, for giving me tools to mature. My eyes of understanding concerning narcissistic tendencies in myself is helping me to become emotionally mature at the ripe old age of 73. God bless you. 🙏🌹
It's never too late. Dr. C
You’re so right about it never being to late to learn about ones behavior. Here I am at 83 and paying close attention to Dr. Carter’s lectures. We seem to walk a fine line...as a retired RN thinking of others first is a given ....but I do not want to be regarded as a doormat !
Wow! I admire you!
I love this Gentleman
Dr. Carter, once again, thank you. You are saving my sanity and helping me to find the strength to finally free myself from the mental prison that the narc has had me in. ❤️🙏
Sadly both of my parents are narcissist; but I never knew it until recently. Unfortunately, I married one. These videos have helped me tremendously.
I’m late to this but I just had to respond. My ex and my mother are both in this category. I did a paper in college about this subject but included the Peter Pan syndrome. The damage these people do to family members is another whole area to cover too. Most narcissist people , over the course of their lifetimes alienate everyone in their circle of friends and family. I’ve seen elderly people in my family who end up old, alone and pissed off because everyone has abandoned ship. The only way out is to just go no contact. After being used and abused for so long you just can’t take it anymore. Your pleas for understanding fall on deaf ears. I follow author Peg Streep too and although she is not trained in the field she has some good insights about how to survive this toxic behavior. Some don’t survive. I spent too many years wasting my time and life hoping that things would get better. They don’t want boundaries or to listen to what you have to say or especially how you feel. They only want their agenda and control over you. All I can say is what I wish someone had told me years ago. RUN! Get out and get on with your life without that crap in your life. I finally did it 7 years ago. I’m 60 now and for the first time I’m living a happy life.
Thank you so much for this video. It's very helpful.
These days with narcissism burgeoning in the population, it's not that uncommon to find even two narcissists together raising children, and their kids not only get psychologically and neurologically traumatized, they absorb warped beliefs they are taught and are behaviorally mis-programmed to be arrogant, selfish, and obnoxious. Kids of such households have no idea how mature, normal, appropriate adults behave or think (unless they happen to have a warm, respectful teacher or two, or if a caring grandparent lives nearby and is seen routinely). Extended family often ignore the obnoxious behavior at holidays, thus normalizing it. TV and movies are usually comedy or drama, and neither genre is very helpful as a model for mature behavior. Literature tends toward drama and conflict as well to keep stories interesting, so not many models there either. As one of those children, I keep looking for a book that will explain the mature, appropriate, kind things to say (and healthy things to think) in various situations and relationships, because even in high school and college I "lived in the library." I ordered a book called "For Children Raised By Wolves," but it turned out to only be about where to place the salad fork (LOL! That's the least of my problems!). No help at all for the much bigger gaps of insight - the basics of how normal, kind people behave and perceive situations... what to say and do in relationships, how mature adults operate. Where's the book for people really raised by "wolves"? (Since real wolves are actually very loyal family members with an established code of manners, that's frankly an insult to wolves, but that's how the saying goes.) Do you know of any such book?
yes the constant struggle, trying not to act as they do when you have to be around them for a while keep reminding yourself.we all need help from time to time.
Wow I'm thinking there were good places here we can all use to mature in some areas of our relationships
The good Doctor nails it once again! After being in therapy on and off for over 30 years -(raised by a severely narcissistic mother, Asberger-like father) - I have been helped more by your videos than all those years of therapy combined! Thank you, Dr. C., from all of us who came here for help and answers! You provide-! With grace, intellegence and wisdom.
1. Open and honors differences (a curiosity about differences)
2. Never loses sight of their own humanity (realizes that they make honest mistakes)
3. Interprets others through that person’s individual filter system (to respond appropriately).
4. When treated poorly, does not respond in kind.
5. Makes good adjustments to stress (does not induce or project their stress on everyone else).
6. Have a modest attachment through things (understands that life is not about collecting things).
7. Guided by reason and values (not impulse or whatever they feel like in the moment).
8. Seeks out different perspectives
9. Duty and obligation are less prominent as opposed to choice. Understands their power of choice.
10. Conflict is viewed as a learning experience.
11. Gives individuals credit for success
12. Priorities love, friendliness, tenderness, approachability & kindness (not agitation & frustrated tension, admiration)
13. A human being’s worth is intrinsic (not contingent upon achievements).
14. Mature people are encouragers (not critics).
15. Mature people realize that we are all inter connected, regardless of differences.
This makes so much sense. Emotional maturity is something I am looking for in all my friendships going forward.
Thank you so much Dr. Carter you are saving my life.
I will say this, it seems as though they act like they care about something or someone, to make themselves look good to others. This tells me they are somewhat aware of their lack of empathy.
This man is amazing! Thank you, Dr. Carter!
They would not want to do the work of getting to know who *we* are, Dr. Les! Easier and better for them to make us what they want. NO BOUNDARIES! Performance-based! We finally know we have nothing to prove to them. TYSM for all of this, Dr.Les. Blessings!
These are awesome !! Thank you so much for putting this list together and sharing it. It's not just for dealing with narcissists but mature ways of being with everyone.
Exactly!
Completely agree 👍. And thank you again Dr. Carter
15 characteristics of a maturing life: Lessening of your self-centeredness.
1. A mature person is open to differentness.
2. Never loses sight of their own humanity, honesty, authenticity.
3. They interpret other people by these people"s own system. The narc does not factor this in.
4. When treated poorly they will not match.
5. When they are stressed they make adjustments for it. The narcs blow it all over everyone else.
6. They have a modest attachment to things. The narcs like to look good, to collect things, to be above.
7. They are guided by reason and values, not by impulse and raw instinct in the moment. A narcissist will just go on when they get cought in the emotions.
8. They will seek out other perspectives (and counter other people in).
9. Duty and obligation are less prominent, as opposed to choice.
10. Conflict is viewed as a learning experience. The narc is about a win/lose position.
11. They give other people credit for stuff well done. The narc wants to take all credit.
12. They prioritize love, kindness, friendliness, approachability. Narcs only do that when it will get them somewhere. They prioritize agitation, frustration, tension. Love for them is about being admired, not giving themselves to other people.
13. They see worth in people as intrinsic. For a narc it is performance based.
14. They encourage people, and lift them up. Narcs tend to be critical and point out shortcomings.
15. They know we are all interconnected. Narcissists don't want to be connected to "losers" .
Every 5 yr. Old should be raised like that. How beautiful!
BLESSINGS
Dr. Carter,
Thank you so much for such helpful videos. I really appreciate the time & effort you put into educating us about narcissism with such a balanced perspective. God bless you!
You must sleep so well at night knowing how many people respect and treasure you as a very wise and compassionate man. I look at your videos every night as I wind down for the evening with a better understanding of my adult daughter.
Thank you Dr. C for helping understand my grandson who is also mentally ill. Very horrible combination. He is putting me in early grave n I'm listening to your help so I can be strong. 75 n trying to stay alive!
You are like a substitute father. My father was a grandiose malignant narcissist. When I left at 17 I thought I was done but I didn't know how these patterns would replay and replay for 40 years.
I find in you and others like you a clear, clean, strong template for masculinity that I lacked growing up. So benign, so seeing, so empathetic. Thank you.
“Narcissist are like little kids” “ if they don’t get there way they’ll throw temper tantrum”
Me when my toddler throws a tantrum : ignores her continue to tell her no ask her if she’s done and ready to act right gives her time out
Me when her father throws a tantrum : gives him what he wants tries to make him feel better let him yell scream disrespect me and eventually lose my point of view and he wins
Somethings terribly wrong here
This is a good point.I tend to do the same.Then I wonder why I feel so broken.Time to treat it just the same as I do my kids tantrums.Let him have his fit,choose not to make it about me and u understand it's all about him,and dont pay him special attention till hes done.
I have come to realise that not only is my narcissist a dark Triad (a combo of narcissistic machevellian psychopathy). But I believe he also may have high end Aspergers Syndrome. (I have a son with high end Aspergers). He is highly intelligent, knows it & makes sure everyone else does too. No empathy. No social skills. etc etc.
Having one thing like narcissism does not necessarily preclude another issue. It just depends on how extreme their experiences were during their formative years. I believe my narc started out with Aspergers, & because of that was treated as an outcast (in post war Germany) had an horrific childhood and so developed other ways to cope resulting in who he is now. But I am an empath so even after 17 years I realise I can’t “fix” him or even help him. But I also don’t believe he has a clue of what he does. He just thinks he’s misunderstood. Which he is but not in the way he thinks he is. It’s so sad. 😔
We are battling demons! Full Goats🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I'll take the goats ANY DAY over having her stay one more second here in my home. Ugh,
Thank you for sharing this valuable information!! I’m collecting this info and learning how to heal myself and my two daughters from the trauma we’ve endured from their narcissistic father. The one we’ve concluded to be the “asshole” in the family. 😂 I’m so grateful I got out of his clutches, divorced and moved away after our girls got older. It’s been 3 years since we’ve moved away and we are all so happy.
you mentioned “brokenness “ I was raised in a very dysfunctional family- I’m married to a narcissist- now I can SEE due
to my “BROKENNESS “ why I’m in this destructive relationship- thx you for such clarity- beginning to “see the light” God Bless
Thanks. My ex Friend & landlady was a religious Narcissis. She was my landlady for 8 yrs.. Pure trouble maker. I told her she was wearing a mask. She said to her mom i discerned her mask & felt her weaknesses/fragility. She became more defensive & Enraged. I didn't Know what to expect. I just too honest. I wanted her to open up & talk about her hurts. She talked about her father committing suicide when she was in her early 20s. She was very close to her CRAZY/wild/mean daddy.
He must have been a Narcissis. Her mom was VERY STRONG emotionally. Tough. & STERN, hard PROUD Worker. My landlady married 3 husbands. She LOVES money. She has it Now. He CONTROLS It $$$$$$$$$$$$. No more debt for her!!🌞She was FUN in the begining!!! First 3yrs.!!😄 Then behaviors/manners changed.😕😳😯😬
I've listened to many of your videos. Thank you so much for your help. Knowing this type of person has helped me rise above the destructive behavior. I've also realized I had my own self destructive attitude toward myself which has helped greatly in being able to live with a Narc (I can not walk away from this person yet). While I worked on my own attitude I gave my Narc. a false weakness that she can pick at all she wants and I will react to it but it really doesn't bother me. It's worked out great!!! I'm now strong enough to be around this person. Life is much better. But really, it was my own poor attitude about myself that was making it possible for a Narc to crush me. Thank you again!!!!
Need to start living.. Not surviving,!.
Perfect description of 15 characteristics of the narcissist. Every aspect is accurate.
This is very helpful! My son is in the grips of one right now. She's isolating him. My family is stronger than she knows, however!! Thank you!!
@@4whirledpeas I'm worried about the end result of this too. It will end. I just have to be careful that he doesn't end up blaming me for it.
Problem is your family won't be around to support him forever and his narc will ALWAYS be a narc. I say this because my family members all passed away and I became stuck with only the narc. He gleefully thought that them all dying was his opportunity to finally break me emotionally and mentally. I survived only because God picked me up and carried me. If possible please arrange a counselor so your son can have clarity because its a long, long life of mental trauma and miserableness that will never truly be enjoyable if he remains with the narcissist.
@@76482 we've got this, hon.
What a lovely boy : )
You are really helping me Mr Les
Thank You : )
You are a real decent fellow sir.And i am mighty appreciative of your time as well. 🙌😃
"She's always on an express train, and she can't see the next bend"
A very accurate description of a narcissistic person I used to know.
It must be hell, being a helpless victim of yourself all your life.
Being able to restrain yourself and calm yourself, that's part of maturity.
This person had no adult breaking system. The intensity was amazing.
The only way was her way and the only direction was forward.
She would run over you or right through you and didn't care, as long as she got what she wanted.
👍🏻 Dr. Carter. I like how you always give the healthier alternative behavior instead of narcissistic.
The whole point is to move beyond complaints and turn toward real healing. Dr. C
I have come to a place where I can stop trying to analyze and figure it out. Now it is ... this is abuse, this is unacceptable and I deserve better. PERIOD. Time to let go and settle for more!! Much love and strength to each of you!
Thank you so much! Your videos always make me feel not so alone in this 30 yr marriage to a complete narcissist jerk!! I will never fully understand the want/need to purposely hurt someone you supposedly love! I still cry most days bc I’m trapped but I’m trying to remain strong. Blessings to you Dr.carter! And blessings to all who suffer and live with this!🦋💙
Got out after 37 years of marriage to a narc. Difficult road to take but worth it at as you will find all the people around you are narcs as well. But at the end you know the people who are still around love and care for you. The things you will see and learn will turn your life around you will see you have been living in Lala land and there is better out there.
Narc Shock thank you! I have been with him over half my life! I don’t even know where to begin to try and get out. He controls everything. Absolutely nothing is in my name the house, my truck which he constantly reminds me if I try to leave he will not let me have any means of travel. Mind you the truck is 14 yrs old and paid for but in his name as is everything. Some days I feel like giving up bc I’m tired of living in fear and always walking on egg shells. My kids honestly have kept me alive bc I don’t wanna leave them to his mercy! The boys are older now and see his ways but our 13 yr old daughter thinks the sun rises and sets with him! I pray and try to teach her that this isn’t a normal relationship. I always tell her to make her own way and to never depend on a man. I just pray she listens and learns from my mistakes. I love our 4 children and I can honestly say they are the only good thing that has come out of this relationship! Thank you for letting me vent! May God bless you and keep you close! 💚
Dawn Hart Open your own bank account and start saving without telling him. Get copies of all your paperwork EVERY THING make a file and keep it hidden. 2 of my 3 adult children are unfortunately taking the narc route in life my youngest who was 25 at the time I woke up to The Abuse took a good hard look at himself and has turned things around and still working very hard at it. He has you believing you are helpless if you truly were he would have discarded you a long time ago. Narcs only stay with strong capable people that can prop them up, you are that strong capable person. Take good care Dawn.
Narc Shock thank you for the great advice!
You will have to begin your own covert life one brick at a time until your escape. Do you have a sibling that might be helpful?
Watching your videos have become a daily exercise in growth for me. It's hard to admit, as a man, that I've been brought so low. Never thought that narcissism could in a woman. I feel so ashamed that I became so weak.
Keep learning, Mark! Dr. C
Thank you Dr Carter, I love your videos, advice and listening to your Texas accent! You are appreciated very much in PHX, God bless you 😊
Thank you for you talking about maturity because as a young adolescent I had to face my NPD mom when discussing the reason of my bringing up her husband who was a pervert and was told by my friends that he exposed himself to them. I thanked them and march to discuss this humiliating and horrible experience of this man she called her partner? I quickly state this type of behavior must stop or I will call the police! I was trying to make them see their actions was causing problems for this family. What my NPD mom said was shocking. She said, "you'll be getting older and decide to marry and I'll have no one?" I was completely shattered by her answer which had nothing to do with this situation. Only her thoughts as a child from this 42 years old stating her concerns about herself - made me aware who was the adult and who was the child? I said nothing and walked away. It was as if the stage curtains had just opened into the mind of an NPD and I saw who I was dealing with not an adult but a child instead. It was hard to filter.
Aww, what a thoughtful little boy you speak of. Thank you for sharing this story!
I wish I'd had an opportunity to listen to videos like these more than 60 years ago. I have been married to a man who displays narcissistic behaviour patterns for 62 years. These videos have been invaluable to me in helping me to cope with my situation. I shall be encouraging my 3 adult children to learn from them too as they still battle with the damage it has caused, not only to me but to the whole family.
60 years ago I was just 5, so it might not have had the same effect. Dr. C
The ex thought I was the same person at 63 that I was at 17 - cause he was the same! He got a real shock and didn’t know how to deal with me😆.
I will sleep easy tonight after your beautiful words.
Thank you
The latest Narcissist in my life ( and the last now that i understand them) was for ever accusing me of being 'childish' but he never looked in the mirror. I now am confident that I was always the mature adult in the relationship.
Thank you Dr C. A brilliant guide and comparison with narcissistic personality which makes things very clear. So helpful!
Wow blown away at how accurate and informative this video is about narcissists.
Thank you so much for your videos. You are giving me words for what I have been feeling my whole life, but I wasn't allowed to have an opinion or think differently. Thank you for helping me to finally heal and become more emotionally mature ❤️
It feel you describe exactly the person that I lived 8 years of narcissist abuse ..It is word to word truly , and each detail so much true!! They blow out of everything...not only when he is in stress....He was arguing once just because I told him to go to buy bread with cereals and sesams that likes my child !! He came back arguing , screaming ...why i send him and I am not going by myself !!
Great info. Most of these points are all linked to the quality of humility, a quality a narc unable to be, they only understand pride
Agreed. I think that all us at some time or another have narcissistic tendencies, or at least the urge to behave that way. It's pride, and something I struggle with myself.
You've saved my life dr C. I can see the light but haven't crawled out of the darkness. Blessings to you.
@ Whirled Peas If you only had 1 emotional outburst in 35 years, I don't think you need to question who you are. You're allowed to be human- forgive yourself.
I think we should always be concerned with ourselves, but extremely forgiving. Nobody is perfect!
@@youtubingbabs Agreed, we should never be scared to look at ourselves critically but we can't allow our critical mind to take over our personality
@@hershy1594 totally! Address it, learn from it, forgive yourself! The more I forgive others, the easier I am on myself. It's cheesy, but the world is a mirror like that. I know there's just some people you can't be safe around, but if you put all your energy in them, It's like they laugh at you and you start to crumble. They're fueled by it. But if you just go on being your sweet self... They end up leaving or they have to adapt to your world.
Ex: a person could be my friend for 30 years. They now decide to do hard drugs... Boom. I love you but we can't associate anymore. No hard feelings. Please take care. I'll be praying for you!
@@youtubingbabs Exactly, it's a hard truth but some people aren't worth having in our lives. If you let them play their games they will always win because they've been playing them a lot longer than you and want to win worse than you do
Interconnectedness bc we are humans is great. Intrinsic value, so 👍