Seven Types Of Narcissists
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- Опубліковано 4 чер 2019
- Not all narcissists show their colors the same ways. They each have a need for control and they can be insensitive, but with starkly different patterns. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter breaks down 7 different ways narcissism can be displayed, offering insights about your responses.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.
Are you ready to break free from the controllers in your life? If so, sign up for Dr. Carters brand new course Free to Be HERE: survivingnarcissism.tv/go/fre...
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Dr. Carter's online video workshops on narcissism, anger management, and overcoming infidelity: drlescarter.com/video-workshops/
While Dr. Carter does not conduct online counseling, he has vetted a group who can assist: betterhelp.com/drcarter - Фільми й анімація
"You're not allowed to be you, because you are supposed to cater to me". Excellent phrase to remember when trying to sort out what is going on in the muddle narcissist create. Thanks
Thank you again sir! The worst part is, their “victims” are smart, kind strong people. I’ve seen some amazing people broken by long term marriages with these types. 🌟 keep spreading this info
Usually The victims are naive, not very streets smart and simple minded.
Tara .. agree. I have seen highly intelligent women get duped by these types. Dr Linda Martinez documents this phenomenon. She has many many smart clients who were stealthily blindsided by these types.
@@bluestingerborg if "simple" minded means PHD, I guess? I agree with naive, more codependant and instilled in childhood.
@@bandieboo8102 I can testify to this. I even married the sick effer. Imagine having something horrible happen and at the same time being love bombed. Two weeks after meeting the narc, he strangled me horribly. I stopped breathing and was left on the floor. I don't remember the rest of the day. It happened again a few days later. Didn't lose conciousness the second time. But close. I forgot both incidents for over 33 years. Up to and including surgery for a severely damaged neck. A few years back, I remembered it! Something to add on to all the other abuse. I'm still kinda reeling, but so MUCH more informed of who these freaks are. Where I started? The KJV bible. I want to press charges. Apparently certain violent crimes have no statute in my state. That injury caused permanent harm to me. It's also documented with images. Doctor's records. A note I had written from my chiropractor, and mom who saw the gigantic bruise on my neck a few days post strangling. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO HER!!!!!!! I couldn't remember how it got there!!!!!!! I've since talked to doctors explaining to me what I've been going through all these years. So many different things. Too many to list. I've researched strangling and abusers till I fall asleep sometimes, I've read for so long. Focusing is a big issue for me. I have other neurological problems from the injury. People who do this shouldn't be walking free. Could use some advice on what to do next.
Kristin Mayfield I am extremely sorry to hear what you have been through. I am not qualified to give advice. I only know from my experience. The trail of destruction is long and affects my current life. Too much to detail to go into but I too could take court action on several fronts and win. However my thinking is do I really need to spend what precious time I have left spending years focused on the black sludge. As strong as my desire for revenge is... and it is red hot... I have decided to spend my life bucks on the things that are building me up and slowly slowly carve out a beautiful life for myself. Also I have absolutely no doubt that by taking any of mine to court could and would endanger my life. I wish you all the best in your life whatever you choose to do. Don't give up.. I know it is not easy especially when facing health issues.. I know that one well...one way I stop fixating on the damage done is to realise there are others who are born with something or have a bad accident but still rise to having and doing as much as they possibly can... I liken it to facing getting older.. can't run the mile any longer BUT I can go try something new ..took a bit to come to these realisations...lol..
Best wishes 😊
1. The Status/Vanity Narcissist
2. The Entitled Narcissist
3. The Malignant Narcissist
4. The Covert Narcissist
5. The Fragile victim mindset Narcissist
6. The stubborn know it all Narcissist
7. The Control Freak Narcissist
I think these categories often overlap. For example, my late father was a vain and entitled narc. My late husband was a malignant, covert, entitled, and control-freak narc. I am currently dealing with a covert and entitled narc and a hedonistic narc. They are all bad. (Sweet Gus sleeping in a chair is the best just like my dog). As a recovering codependent, I usually avoid narcs, but sometimes it's not possible. Thank you for listing these categories.
narcissist are all of those mentioned
I had a bad experience w an acquaintance who has 5 of these types. I had a friend who had 2. I have a relative who has 3 or 4. I think I have at least 2 or even 3 traits
The physically violent Narcissist...
@@godandsarah1306 Yep an dealing with someone I can identify as 2,4 AND 5
when i listen to your show i feel not so alone!
Same with me.
That's the point! Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for all you do, Dr. C! I'm so glad I found your channels.
You're not alone. We are in this together. March on!
@@studentthe1560 yes just walked away just now, have to go back. so cool that im not alone! i`m with you too
Sometime I don’t remember why I left. Just hearing this video reminds me that leaving was the right thing to do. Thx Dr. C
At least you were strong enough to leave. They make it so hard to leave when they have you in a subservient position and your self worth is gone.
Chuck Thomas True.
I know right? My narc was was if the most generous accommodating accepting people I've ever known the 80% of the time he wasnt being a narc. It was the 20% of the time that his narc came out that damn near destroyed me.
ua-cam.com/video/hkrce02APq0/v-deo.html
It's shocking how they manipulate others into becoming their own jailers. I can attest from own experience there are times they may tell you to walk away and you will refuse. Then they get to be the generous person who took you back.
Don't feel bad if they don't try to hoover you either. If they don't... you know you've come on top.
... I think you should add an 8th ... the FULL SPECTRUM NARCISSIST ... they are all the above ...
Can someone be covert and the others?
Thank-you! As I watched this, I kept waiting for a description of the narcissistic I know. He's got a bit of two of the subcategories, but he's not quite described by any of them.
And he would be proud of that fact. Dr. C
Yes. Dr. C
I'm glad you guys asked the question. I was wondering if they could overlap, but you addressed it, Dr. Carter! Thank you so much! The information helps solidify so many things in my mind.
I have a covert narcissistic father, and because he was so secretive about his abuse toward me it took me a while to realize that what he was doing to me was wrong
My dad was the the stubborn know it all control freak combo narc. My therapist suggested I view him as crazy so that I could get over all the harm he caused me.
"They can argue with a tree stump..." LOL! Oh yes!!
I AM STILL IN AMAZED THAT SUCH COLD HEARTED EVIL WALKS AMONG HUMAN DAILY!!
Tracy Lehane - No, they’re born that way and can’t change their neurology. Empaths are able to transmute their lives alchemically, no matter how tragic their circumstances, but narcs never take accountability for themselves, so that’s why they’re like that and remain that way for all their lives.
I never get used to the evil dished out. It will never be normal to observe such utter selfish jerks.
@Tracy Lehane I disagree. Maybe they were broken in the beginning. But they CHOOSE evil by rejecting love
They hate love.
ua-cam.com/video/hkrce02APq0/v-deo.html
MY HUSBAND IS STUBBORN & KNOW IT ALL AND VERY CONTROLLING !!!!
IM EXHAUSTED N READY TO FLY AND BE ME AGAIN !
Malignant Narcissit , one of this destroy me like i dont even know who i am anymore , sometimes i feel i did wrong and i cant stop loving the person .
My father is all the above, experienced every type. It’s like banging your head on a brick wall, look after yourselves and don’t expect anything good from them and you’ll be ok.
It sucks when the court system enables narcissists & forces families to keep putting up with their nonsense... it’s very unhealthy
Yes. Dr. C
It sounds like the ones i know have all 7. Incredible. Peace to the Survivors
I'm so tired battling these 7 demons in one person. How did life get so crazy , when all we want is peace and love .Also how did they get to become so nasty and cruel. Thank you Dr Carter. You seem to have much incite on these rotten heartless people.
My head is spinning and I'm dealing with a hybrid! Thank you Dr. Les
"The Fragile Victim Narcissist." I have a sister like this.
THERE IS also THE ONES WHO ENCOMPASSES ALL SEVEN TRAITS !! I LIVE WITH ONE OF THAT TYPE "ALL SEVEN"
I listened the first time and recognized FIVE TRAITS that I was subjected to, manipulated by and brain washed for twenty plus years. Married for twenty one years, the second wife, two children and this past year has been about awakening and awareness of who my Lord Jesus Christ is and asking HIM for wisdom and knowledge for these lost years. The ex was married to the first wife for twenty-one years also, three children, one died then another was adopted as a replacement. The first ex has Stockholm Snydrome and of course the biological children are in the fathers camp. Doing his dirty financial deed that left her destitute and alone. She has learned to dislike and not believe there is a God and live in her life of isolation. I have been fighting for freedom for more than twelve years, tied up in lawsuits and through my Lords help beginning to unravel the ex’s lies, cons, sexual abusive past, and his devious destruction he has cast on anyone that has opposed him. Get behind me Satan, God is driving this vessel. The ex, his co-horts, many that side with him because of his “mismanagement” of my future has also been difficult for me. He is a charming snake/wolf in sheep’s clothing. What has been done in the darkness will come into the light, for the covert. My light shines bright because I’m never alone. Good luck to all the women who have dealt with this in their lives. Impoverished and broken, as the first wife says, I do not have that much hate, I have that much hurt. Money has bought this man a life that he can sit back and watch the judges and lawyers as if they are god’s in a gladiator match. When a man studies at the seminary, is touched by his own childhood trauma, and cannot stand the thought of not winning the battle becomes real. 21, 21, 21. Fill your heart with LOVE because we are not the only one hurting in the battle against him. Pray for the weak minded for they will be a slave through the misinformation their child like minds are given.
Second listen-All Seven!
Marisol Pinney Me too for 33 years. Divorce is not an option, so I avoid him as much as possible. Mine definitely encompasses the seven traits mentioned above.
My ex used a different narcissistic mask in the presence of different people. For instance, he was an entitled, covert type with others, the fragile victim category type with me, and the covert know it all, competitive narcissist with everyone. He had an armoire full of masks.
If you have grown up in a family, including extended family, in which all of them were narcs or neurotics in some way or other, then how could you ever have learned to behave healthily toward others? I’m even narcissistic toward myself! I know someone who just got out of prison. He told me you MUST join one of the gangs when you’re in there. If you don’t, then you are everybody’s target. Similar situation when you grow up in a family of narcs. You act in whatever way you can to keep from getting hurt. Your “personality” is a result of your circumstances, not a personality that has been shaped and nurtured by wise, calm individuals like Dr. Carter and his wife (assuming he has one.)
Every narc I know is a combination of several of these categories. Thank you for this information! These videos are helping me heal
I love how you chuckle while talking about these creeps. It helps me lighten up, even for a while, during my healing from the trauma of narc abuse.
I find the ex narc a little of all of these types.
Thanks again for your wisdom and kindness Dr Carter ❣
I love the chuckle too. It reminds me that these people who wormed into my life are not really the smart people in the room. They actually have low emotional intelligence and there is something pathetic and tragically comical about what they are dishing out.
@@chamomiletea9562 Yes! Dr Carter's delivery makes it feel that way. His matter of fact with a smile way of saying what narcs say or think..."yeah, I'm pretty special"
It makes me smile🙂
@@wanderer0617 Yeah, back in the day when Mr. Rodgers taught us that we were each special, I don't think he was saying, "Be a narcissist, Kids." :D
My husband, is entitled, stubborn and definitely controlling; my brother is covert. Learning a lot with these videos.
"you're not allowed to be you, you're supposed to cater to me".
Perfectly said.
I worked for a seriously messed up narc; this person would argue with a tree stump just like Dr. Carter stated. I listened to a heated argument one afternoon over the differences between the Almond Joy and the Mounds candy bars......dark or milk chocolate. I had to leave the room and go outside to get away from the two children arguing about candy bars instead of doing their damn work. Oh and BTW this person was well into the age of 60 plus. Never ever do they grow up.
sun beagle Thanks. Most focus for NPD is is romantic relationships but dealing with NPD in other settings is valuable
Just reading this made me go, Ugh! I know someone exactly like this and he's over 60 as well. Just a big overgrown BABY!
@@chadandrews98 Chad - Oh my, these types are everywhere! I fleshed out my family of origin and the "borderline" abuse of my childhood. This sets you up for a life time of "re-living" and inviting the familiar narc's back into your life. Just like a boomerang they keep on returning, with different faces.....only until you wake up to it and really going no contact. Speaking for myself only......
@@UrbanWiseWifey Oh yea, I got you, typing my memory of this person made me go ..Ugh.
sun beagle Reminds me of the time my father drove 3 hours to my house, stomped across the yard and yelled, “why are doing that, that’s a waste of money!”, because I was filling up a bird feeder. My money. My house. My business 🙄
I feel there is room for a full spectrum narcissist. The narc I know is at least a mix of malignant, covert, fragile victim. Maybe it doesn't matter the label - the term Shape Shifter comes to mind as they use whatever narc tactics work with their victims. Another excellent video Dr C. Thank you!
Yes I was thinking that as well in reference to my mother. She plays the victum role excellently but also uses passive aggressive behaviors and lies to manipulate others to get what she thinks shes entitled to. She always thinks she is rights, has never done anything wrong and hold grudges against everybody. Meanwhile robbing you of your self worth, and happiness.
@@lar8200 Very similar to my experiences. Shape shifting malignant narcs.
Completely agree! I like the "shape shifter" term, and completely fits the narc I deal with. He gets to know what works with whatever victim(s) he is using at the moment. Uses the "fragile victim" on new ones, especially if they are willing to do whatever he wants (for $, if they don't do it out of "pity" for the poor old man). He has tried all of them on me at least once, and usually it is a mixture of all of them for the most part now. I pray for strength daily to deal with the lies, story "changes", ongoing discard BS. Thank you Dr. C, for the continued education on this disorder. Your videos help to keep me sane...when some days I feel the "crazy rollercoaster ride in his circus" will drive me crazy!
It seems to be true that these sad damaged individuals have little real identity of their own so they effectively hijack the identities of others by mirroring and mimicking them - a slow poison tactic. They will mould and shape shift into whatever the other needs/wants to see, in order to win them over and begin the covert assault. No contact is the only way out. And seeing them for what they really are as the mask slips.
My ex is all of these categories, Especially malignant. Such a destructive dangerous person.
My narc-ex is also ALL seven. Is that a BINGO narcissist? Or a JACKPOT narcissist? LOL. Hehee! 😳😳😳
categories is just telling that 1 or more of these qualities means that the person is a narc. we do not have tıo always find all in one person... but we can find all too yes :)
Glad he is your ex and not your present.
Same here girl. My past 15 years was with a malignant narc with all of the above traits. He simply thinks he's God.
I lived with the same for 20 years. he crushed me down to believe I was nothing! Good riddance to him!
The knowledge is coming to me late in my life, but ooohh how thankful I am to understand what has been killing me all these years. Teach a man how to fish and he can feed himself for the rest of his life.
Thank you. This is excellent. Lately I've HAD it with my mom and her covert Narc tactics. Today I finally told her I refuse to live in your vortex of me, me, me, I, I, I...forget that. Ever since I was a kid, she had this neurotic obsession with being a victim and making me feel guilt for having any sovereignty or happiness. She wears her arrogance with the mask of "I'm a good person". She uses God to justify being WRONG. Every time she wants to hurt someone, she will claim she had a dream from God and this is what He said about you. I'm sick of the pandering for attention, the lack of empathy, the deadness in her spirit, the chronic lying and manipulating and reinventing history to make you feel like you're going crazy when you know exactly what she said. I've been laying down the law with her these days. I love her but I will not put up with the bull. I have the right to have peace.
I like the way that you mentioned their lack of a sense of HUMOR! I find that if we can't LAUGH at things(including ourselves, at times)...life is not as much fun! Quite frankly, I get along better with my DOG than I do much of my human(control-freak) family! My dog always smiles and wags her tail at my jokes!
Hi Gus...love you guys.- Always help me feel better. My mother has NPD; right now I'm no contact. I'm much more at peace when she's not in my life.
I'm so sorry! My eldest daughter is the narcissist, i tried to help her when she was growing up because i would see her lack of empathy but she didn't care. We haven't spoken on over 7 yrs. I was too soft and her father too harsh. I don't know if I'll ever see her again. Good luck to you dear. ❤
Yes, peace in an indication that you have made the correct decision, however, sticking to it is not quite as easy.
@@vals74 She's 82 and set in her ways...she is programmed without fail to require that you (the other person) must come to her first. So, for me, it's pretty easy since I'm in my 50's now. I long since got over the major guilt. My father was murdered because of her and my brother went no contact in 2006 and that included me all members of what's left of our birth family. So...I take care of my family. My story is not the usual. I am a survivor to the point where I don't even have words to describe how I ever landed on my feet and was able to stay there; to prosper, to have my own identity separate from her horrors. It took me many many years just to be kind of okay. So, actually at this point it has been more than easy- I require it.
@@sattaway6854 My mother was a know-it-all and a little of the covert as well. I went no contact and it was the most peaceful 2 years in my adult life. She died and I went to care for her a few weeks before she died, (stroke) but had to deal with the "useful idiots" (words from these videos) she had lied so much so that they disliked me. The idiots had no idea that they had been manipulated by her. I have no contact with the three of them who she gave money to and things to keep them loyal. Now the hardest part is getting over the nastiness and lies she told about me to make herself look better or try to win. Putting a name to the treatment I received as a teen and adult from her has helped me know I didn't deserve the way she treated me. I made it a point to be nothing like her and that has been a good decision in my life.
I hope you feel better having no contact; I know it is a harsh decision to come to. Sending good thoughts your way.
@@leslieprice-norman161 Thank you and I wish you peace and prosperity. It's been another year with no contact and it's funny every year that goes by I realize more and more just how empty and offensive she was and is. I would never live my life or treat my children the way she did. Sometimes the people that need therapy the most are the ones that never get it.
Thanks very helpful reminders I’m 68 and just now figuring this out I never put it together all the narcissist around me until recently & my sister hit all marks ,Ive been a magnet for them my whole life. GEEZ !
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, so lean forward as you learn. Glad you're figuring it out. Dr. C
Les Carter is a genius. He has helped me for the last 6 months. Thank you!
Gus is healing my heart, what a sweetie 🌹🌹🐶🐶🐶
Hi Gus and Dr C. These subtypes are good. For covert NPD it is “quite a trick” to be grandiose , always right AND be able to play the victim role when needed.
Amen!
But they are so good at it Chad Andrews! :) Don't worry Gus, I took enough notes for both of us!
Great one Dr C! They all are but they seem to get better and better! Or maybe my mind is more awakened. TY!!
My ex had a few of each traits for sure but definitely a covert. He robbed me of happiness, joy, trust, security, stability..the list goes on and im so happy I'm free of him.
I came to Dr. Carter's videos to get insight into the suspected narcissist in my life, I got insight and education on this that has been very helpful and validating. The most important thing I got from him, however, is insight into myself, and how to be a better person. Thank you so much for that 😊
Yes. Everyone can learn how to have better relationships with others by listening to Dr. Carter.
The Fragile Victim Narcissist, in my unprofessional opinion, also tends to have crises (usually caused by a bad decision they've made) and then everyone has to drop everything and come running to help.
Wow.
I wish I have learned this before. This should be part of school curriculum.
I agree with you. Merry Christmas 🎄
@@ickidierlam7364 ,
Merry Christmas! 🎄
Totally know a full spectrum narcissist!!! Thanks again Dr. Wes for a most informative video and clues to watch. Gus is such a great listener!!!💕✌
Try a wolf pack at work carrying multiple and cross over types. This video is great.
Jaden Hybrid g g/til
X
I'm hooked on learning about narcissists bc you're so pleasant to listen to!
Thankyou Dr C!! So good to know im not crazy but I do feel very alone. Its a heavy weight in my chest of deep sadness. But these videos help so much. Thanks again...and go easy on Gus..😘😘😘
Overcoming a codependency always comes with the feeling of loneliness. As long as you know that it's part of the process and don't resort to any other dependencies (like some do with drugs), it's probably healthy to have that feeling. Maybe you can find a method to gain what you feel that you've lost or are being left by in some other way. For instance through having inspiring conversations with people or meditating on that subject (/watching these kinds of videos and thinking about it).
Email me if you want. Haymomma3@gmail.com
These videos have helped me so much. Only 2 weeks in & learning its not ME after all. Was trying so hard to make my husband love me again. To no avail. He’s not speaking to me now for god knows what reason 🙄
I was watching Gus all the while, his relaxed posture reflects on you. Many thanks for opening my eyes in many ways.
robert kell
This is very enlightening. They want to rob me of being me. Such insights are strengthening. Thank you, Dr. C.
"They can argue with a tree stump." Hahahahaha! And then there's Gus, who right now is about as active as a tree stump!
kimberly adams Gus needs his sleep 😴 😁😂
My mother has all of these, she seems to shift between them depending on her needs at the time. She could cheerfully argue with her own shadow!
Hello Guss. When the video started and I saw Guss sitting behind you, I felt comfortable. My dog, sits beside me all the time.. She helps feel more confident to approach people. She's my lucky charm. Guss is a good reference to me. Thank for the video. I took a lot of notes. The first sentence I decided to write in the notebook was: I AM NOT CRAZY. It's time for me to look ahead.
T C Miblly Miblly Dogs (animals and birds in general) are excellent indicators of sussing out bad people! Always trust animals on this 😊
I find that one of the best things about Dr. Carter’s videos is that if you have narcissistic tendencies, you can see yourself in them. For instance, I have just seen that I am in the helpless narcissist category. If I can see it, I can change it. Not every narcissist is of a malignant nature.
Right. Be the change.
Thank you so much. This is the clearest explanation I have heard of the different types of Narcissists.
Excellent video! My ex is ALL seven of these, depending upon th setting / who he is with / anddepending on the environment he is in. He is a chameleon and also a Jekyll & Hyde. 😐😳🤥
Is there a name for a narcissist who falls into ALL seven categories? Is that called a JACKPOT narcissist? 😆😦😟
Finding your channel has helped me so much after a year of being unable to help myself. Thank you!
me too
Amazing but true! My Narc has all seven of those sub-catagories!
That dog is so cute.
I love when Dr. Carter said, "They could argue with a tree stump." I laughed out loud! So true!
You say things like that when you've lived your entire adult life in Texas. Dr. C
I had to watch this video twice, because I was so absorbed in what dr. says that I missed Gus! Thought it was a cushion!
How could you miss him he is soo zen😊
They are all pie charts of every type with varying portions of the pie, it seems to me.
Snobby, hypocritical, gossiping, condescending with their incessant complaints and criticisms, fantasy driven, disrespectful on the sly, conscience an obstruction to getting what they want, shallow, demeaning, mocking, blaming, demanding, self pitying, creepy no humored robots
I know I sure love mine!
Another great summary, Dr. C. THANKS
Gus is very cute. Thank you. I find your videos helpful. My sister is my primary narcissist, so I have had her from the day I was born. Sometimes I feel like I am taking a Master Class in Narcissism when I consider all the narcissists that I have met and continue to meet. It makes me tired.
Wow...this was SO helpful!!! My dad can have some very obvious narcissistic tendencies like the whole "my way or the highway!" or "honor and respect me!" or not allowing me to make my own adult choices. He LOVED pulling the "if you want to be treated like an adult then act like one!" crap but then would be angry if I chose the opposite of what he felt was "right" and give me the same speech over and over again. So much control. So much pride and ego and can never admit or apologize when he's wrong. My mother is more tricky...I've seen her more as a victim of the narc but after this video im thinking she's a combination of the covert narc and the helpless vicitim type. Is she a full blown narc?? Not sure...but she has tendencies in those two categories. Really helps to understand the different types! Thank you!!
Such a lovely dog😍
Hi Gus!! Thanks, Doc! Your channel is SO informative and vital to “Our protection” God Bless!
My soon-to-be ex has all of these 'qualities'. It's been a horrid experience. Sometimes my 'narc' will have the audacity to ask me if I love him. Here's what I say. " I love the man you pretended to be". If he says , "what does that mean.?" I stay completely silent, because we all know he knows what I mean. Thanks Dr. Carter and Gus.
Thank you for these videos, they are a great help. It’s sad that so many people had endured this treatment but what I’ve taken from this is how exactly not to treat people, I never want to be like them, they are cruel, cruel cruel.
Dr Les, Thanks. I have been married to two of the types of narcissists you describe. I like having Gus there relaxing to remind me that there are NON narcissists out there! Blessings!
Love Gus. I miss my boy Crosby who looked a lot like Gus. Best friend I ever had for 14 yrs, my bud through many narc experiences.
After being married to one for 25yrs. It's hard for me to deal with this. But I'm doing better with the invo you are helping me. Thank you...
I was married 17 yrs. I had no idea his lack of character had a name, I should have left him after the first 24 hrs of marriage. Over the course of the 17 yrs, me and my children were treated as his personal slaves. My 2 oldest children were not his.
I cannot help but wonder what might have been if I would have walked away in the very beginning. To this day, I cannot bring myself to say his name in the rare times he is mentioned. It's been over 15 years ago I finally walked out and he has since passed away. It is all still too fresh for me
Had to add this video to my favorites so I can always quickly access it. Hi Gus!
Today, when I got up and turned on the computer, I found an email from the narc I used to know and haven't responded to in almost four years (full no contact) since his last big tantrum and his refusing to have anything to do with me to "punish" me. In the email, he lies and says it's all the fault of his father- that after the last time we saw each other, his father threatened him with being disowned if we continued to associate. However, his tantrum was in full force way before I ever dropped him back off at his house that day~ sulking, looking furious, refusing to speak etc. The same routine he'd pulled before on a number of occasions including the follow up ghosting/refusing all contact. He then listed a number of horrible events that have happened to him since we last spoke- his father's death, his mother's declining health, a car accident and related lawsuit plus other legal issues. I guess that's a sympathy ploy and a version of playing "poor me, I'm a victim!" He then said he'd thought of coming over to see me many times but was afraid to as he didn't know how I'd react. I'm guessing that's his way of shifting the blame for his behavior onto me~ he's "willing to associate" but I'm just (implied) being unresponsive and hateful~ the old " It's not me-it's you!" routine.
I must admit there was a strong temptation to write him back and calmly explain how I knew he was talking garbage etc but that would just segue into him playing the victim and denying everything and trying to convince me of how wrong I was about everything. Who needs that predictable routine playing out?
I'm staying full no contact but have to wonder how long it will be before they finally give up and leave me alone. If I relented and renewed contact, all I'd have to look forward to is more episodic tantrums erupting. No thanks!
Oh yes! He also made it a big point to say that after his father's death, the house, the car and his father's company are all now solely in his name. I don't care. Another thing is that he said his father's Cadillac had been destroyed in the accident 5 months prior to his father's death but since his office is on one of the regular routes I travel to certain stores, I'm pretty sure I'd seen it sitting in the parking lot after that date. Time travel, perhaps?
Ron W I say just let them have their Karma. Poor them 🙄 actually reaping what they’ve sown-or then again, prob just lying and twisting things like they always do.
Dr Les you are fantastic! Thank you so much for what you do. You are a blessing to so many people. xo
The best therapist I ever worked with (I spent years with her) burst out laughing the day I came into her office with a book titled, “The Characteristics of Healthy Families.” That was 30 years ago, and I have not come near changing my opinion that her reaction was appropriate. In 2022, it’s getting to where you have to guess which letter of the alphabet someone is before you can even have a conversation with them, so as to begin trying to see if they’re emotionally healthy or not.
And someone that has more than one or all of these is a evil, dangerous person! My Ex husband. I wish I could do more to save my children from him.
@@Melodyloveshorses1 this is great advice. I worry about my kids too, but even now (ages 11,12, 14) they really do SEE who their father is and that his actions are NOT they way to be. I tell them to use his behavior as an example of what NOT to be.
Why are my three all fooled?!?!
Michelle L. Eitelbach - It’s because narcissistic disorders are passed down through DNA, so they likely inherited those traits from their father. Sometimes both parents are narcissistic, and you can see a family lineage of sadistic psychos.
Love your videos! Malignant narc was the one.
There is a full video explaining the malignant narcissism, if you haven't seen it already. Dr. C
Thank you, Dr. Carter. Your channel is helping me understand a situation in my family!!!
Great simile/metaphor with the fish/narcissist. Crystal clear. Great Communicator! So precise.
The line of the know it all, was: "no! No! You don't understand!"
Jesus is my friend who helps me, People scare me. I keep to myself. I socalize in my job because I have to, I try to keep a positive attitude and pray alot. But at the end of the day I go home with me and Jesus, leaving the rest to God.
@Diana Stokes-Harmon . I resonate with that . After I was born again, and thus healed I understood that God , the Father, had created me just as I am , loves me as I am , and is satisfied with me . I'm conscious of His love all the time and spend most of my time happily with Him and without humans. K
I thought I was the only one with that routine and belief! It good to know we're not alone.
Sounds like me
Thank you Doctor Carter. Your videos are so insightful and helpful. Anytime I feel like I may be slipping back and wanting to break the no contact, I just watch a video of yours, or two, and that desire goes away so wonderfully.
Thanks Dr Carter! Great video! I can see my ex-narc in all those categories😖😖😖
Love your videos very helpful and easy to understand i was blind sided by a narcissist its hurtful to say the least when you find out they are nothing like who they pretend to be that person don't even excist i felt so betrayed, humiliated, crushed , and everything else im 51 years old and i thought i finally met my soulmate but i always had this feeling in my gut and there were signs they really think you're stupid but never thought a person cold be so cold ...WOW is an understatement
I thank you from California. I got a covert narc and a fragile narc to apologize. One indirectly and the other one directly. 7 types breakdown helped me identify them. Thank you. No way have done it without his help. My whole family are codependents. We were all at the mercy of this fragile narc. Took my life back. Don't feel depressed anymore. My brother is a good man and he married a fragile Narc. saw him exhausted all the time. I started to worry. But I have been feeding him fuel through powerful text messages. I know she did not see it coming. This is so powerful. Thank you. You are doing Gods work. A million times thank you.
Helpful as always and so good to see Gus. For those trying to get out of a narc relationship, a dog can really help; I havw a rescue dog and it's more like he rescued me.
You are so wonderful to help us all out like this. What a beautiful teacher you are!!!!! My MIL is a shade of all of these. It’s been a total nightmare but now I’ve got tools because of you. THANK YOU!
"You are not allowed to be YOU because you're supposed to cater to ME". With this type of reasoning my mother threatened to excluded me from the family when I was 25 if I continued to pursue my independence and pursuit of happiness.
35 yr survivor.. still hanging in there. Thankyou for some new tools!
We need more people like Gus. :)
Another great video. And I love Gus snoozing in the background! 💜
stepdad is a malignant, somewhat stubborn, & status/vanity narcissist, stepbrother is a stubborn & status/vanity narcissist, and ex-boyfriend turned out to be a covert narcissist who tried to ruin my social life. they all made me very unhappy and i never knew why, thanks for the video!
Narcissist didn't expect me to hold on so strongly to my boundaries
But you did! Dr. C
I''ve learned so much from you. I can certainly understand how different they can be. Being in a relationship with one is devastating to say the least.
Hi Gus, I hope you got a few review questions right. Remember it's Dignity, respect and civility. 😊
Those three virtues are not part of a narc's vocabulary.
@@studentthe1560 nope, its not. It's the Dr.'s approach I'm referring to.
Without getting too much into it, your videos have helped me unpack the trauma with my mother.
I didn't know then but I know now he was a Narcissist I was impressed by him and I did everything to please him then he just left so easily ,it was like 4 months ago but I can't move forward I still think about him and hope that he changes and realize my value and come back to me🤧🤧help!!
hi ya Gus :D thank you for this video series Dr. Carter. i just ran across you in June 2019 after being left by a narcissist back in February, and this would have been our 8 yr anniversary. i now have the tools i need to let the healing begin. all Glory to Almighty Father in Jesus name
Thankyou. I recognize these traits in a few people. Also, recognized a trait you mentioned in myself! Time to correct that non quality! Thanks again. :)
I am only just realizing this is what I have been living through over the last four years, the woman I just separated from (was dumped by) comes into ALL of these categories. By the end of the relationship I was completely spent and very suicidal, the only thing that kept me going was my children. When I finally worked out what was going on and refused to continue being used and abused, I was dropped like a hot potato. My recovery is still just beginning but with the right treatment and therapy, I’m sure things will turn for the better in time.
Someone hit the dislike button before the vid even started. Someone really needs to get a life! lol On the bright side, Gus is in the background so all is right with the world! :D
Hey I just hit the LIKE first then watch .... :-)
@@captainrankin6865 Me too! I always know I'm going to like Dr. C!
@Kathleen Campbell I'm sure you are right! lol
Weirdly enough, there's actually a small percentage likes and dislikes on each YT vid that are accidentally pressed! (Kinda like a pocket-dial)
@@natewilson111 That makes sense. Let's hope the one dislike is a blooper. lol
Mine is a fish stick: has some characteristics of all the sub-types.
I think my sis is BPD w/co-morbid NPD. As time goes on, the NPD seems to be taking over. The only one of the 7 that doesn't seem to apply is Favored. Today she's going to tell her new psychiatrist how I'm wrecking her life and livelihood. (After not paying her measly third of the rent for five mos. while telling me she was.). Thank you, God! Maybe this guy will see past the bi-polar diagnosis she's gotten from the last few ... because I'm just that horrible! 😁 I don't dare let her see my current glee!
That all sounded uncannily spot-on!
Oh jeez..its my Brother ..we can check ALL the boxes.
No wonder I've been estranged for my entire life. This person has complete control of our elderly Father. Heartbreaking.
I was green , vulnerable and beautiful. He took advantage of me by sweet talking me and taking me out . I wasn't into him at all he force me and beg me to go out with him . he look like an gaint ogra with a nice sweet smile . He drop me like a rag , telling me that I only used you and that I needed to seek help .he between malignant and covet . He stalked me for years and I had to go into hiding as I was in danger . He ruined my life mentally and physically and I am broken .i can never share this to my family and I live with this secret buried in my soul .
💙
It gets better, keep taking it day by day ❤
Love the dog on the chair in the background....looks very relaxed!
This is spot-on. We all may possess a trait or two of these types but just that: a trait. For most of us the trait is not extreme or pathological. For the narcissists, however, one or more of these traits are dominant.
And there is no convincing them of such. The very pathology keeps them from seeing themselves.
I loved it when you said these people are not the people that you want to be your guides. I had to laugh out loud! Sheesh, he most freaked me out when he recently yelled at me that he was my counselor or psychologist - to stop talking because he was counseling me. The last time he yelled that at me I dissociated. OMG, that hadn't happened in decades. Oh no NOT NOT good. Now on a Friday night watching UA-cam videos, I'm going to be okay ... I know ... because now I'm laughing with you Dr. Les!!! So good to laugh at the crazy crazy-making. Darn ...