How to have more "hell yes" sex | Leigh Ware | TEDxOakland
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- Опубліковано 6 вер 2024
- We want to have sex that feels good. Sex that lets us connect with our partner. Sex that's a "hell yes" for everyone involved. But how do we actually get there?
In this talk, educator and entrepreneur Leigh Ware shares how good sex starts-with a conversation. A conversation that most of us are completely unprepared for because we don't have any examples. It’s not in porn, it’s not in romantic comedies, and it's not often in any "sex talk" we were given growing up. But it's time for all of us to learn how to speak up, even when we don't know where to start.
Find out more about Leigh and her work here: www.leighware.com Leigh is a sex educator and entrepreneur exploring how we build relationships. She's helping the world create incredible connection-because we deserve to want it, and we deserve to have it. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
"Talk to your partner"
There, saved you 10 min of your life
Positive Masculinity
And listen to yourself, if you're not sure, then don't do it!
Thank you.
ya good.
The point is that talking to your partner is difficult for some people, perhaps especially women. Expanding on the topic and giving examples is what makes the advice actionable. So no, it's not as simple as "There, saved you ten minutes of your life"-not if you'd benefit from elaboration and details, which many people would.
dude, thank you so much.
Well that’s a sure fire way to get people to watch with a title like that!!
Yes😛
very bad video
And thumbnail
this bait and switch thirst trap wouldn't exist without the google drop. lol watch your toes
Yes, clickbait. Next, I'm out of the mood.
After watching this, I feel proud of myself for speaking up and doing things my way. For speaking up and not letting the other person take over if I don’t want it.
I take over your body and there's nothing you can do
thats cool and all but please, show me literally one person who asked
@@mevans7380nobody was personally invited to make a comment in the section.
My biggest struggle over the last 11 years is I've dated a bunch of women who are terrified of communication. The moment we try to communicate, they shut down or they run. This is red flag and this does mean that I need to just walk away but it is hard when I'm emotionally connected to them. Finding emotionally available and honest women has been a big struggle. I really do appreciate your words.
i get you bro, same here, just broke up with a girl ive dated half a year because of this, i just felt shes unable to start communicating with me, i was really connected to her, i just dont think she was
@@iliasschamane515 Yeah, the women I have dated have desired connection so much but also equally so fearful of it. This push pull was such a strain. I have gone through traumatic relationships so when the mistreatment began, I got hooked more instead of wanting to disconnect. Trauma bonds are so frustrating. Your mind knows this person is not safe but you have a deep desire to connect deeper. :( Good luck on your adventure my friend.
@@MrJoshuaAwesome perfectly articulated. I have been one of those women because of my history of having men become unavailable when I communicate my needs.
@@lisareid6367 Yeah, this whole adulating and learning how to have successful relationship is so much more than any of us could have imagined. I grew up watching hundreds of romantic comedies over and over and truly believed that love was going to be the easiest part of life. Finding someone who can communicate and also is easy to live with seems to be the biggest task. Most people I know are not happy in their relationships. It feels like we have no clue how to. Expectations seem to be one of the biggest causes of breakdowns. I really hope that in time our society begins to focus on these mental health issues so people begin to look within instead of at others for their solutions. Where do we start? IDK.
5:40 If you are not fully ready, initiate conversation. Talk openly, frankly.
A.. Appreciate
Call it out
H.. History
Every person deserves this.
turn playback speed up, this is too slow
You got it!...lol
Bos yapma
You are beautiful!
Good idea but I like to enjoy it
This is because you watching too many videos in a day
Two questions:
1) Why are you dating clowns that need a talk like that? I can't be the only man who notices if a woman isn't super enthusiastic and pauses to ask "are you comfortable with this?", and will stop if she can't say yes. Date better.
2) Why is this talk delivered like it's only a women thing? I can't be the only man who has had experiences exactly like she described.
True, she is speaking from a woman's perspective. Which is fine. You can offer from a man's view.
@@cadenglass1387 It's literally exactly the same. We are all just people.
If people accepted men having these same experiences, maybe she would be delivering the talk in a gender neutral way....
1) I do the same. Sometimes its not easy, but it pays off.
2) I experienced the same. And I'm a little upset that some women always demand gender neutrality on the one side but wont think gender neutral on the other... especially on this topic.
Lmao getting all salty like gender neutrality is anything more than lip service for gender neutering of men
@Mike K : Your fears are showing.
Yes! Communicate what you want and your thoughts, it's better for everyone 👍
Although her advice is sound, i’ve never seen anyone so cringy deliver a ‘talk to your partner’ message.
Felt like I was watching a corporate sponsor attempting to sell empathy
Truth😂😂
Men: “just say talk to your partner ffs”
Women: “I’m eternally grateful for this message. Thousands of women can learn from this”
😂😂😂
when we prioritize a partner's needs over our own we are slowly killing our perception of our own self worth
If it's a pattern that persists over many many years then it is true unless in the circumstance of being a caregiver
That’s not false but highly circumstantial
Lol that self worth is why I see 35 year old babes still single. Make the best of what you got, nothings perfect.
huh?
I think her shoes were glued to the floor.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Well spotted! I think it was a bet.
😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
.m..
.m. ..b
This happens to men too though 😂
plus this was an awkward af convo
@@HarshGupta-vz2ui
Except for the fact that this tactic can be used by men too...
Yep constantly trying to get my wife to discuss her needs and how to meet mine.
Real love is awkward because you see each other's messiness and love each other through it.
I only ‘came’ for the comments.
I only ‘came’ from the comments.*
What a penetrating thought.
I'm so grateful for women like Leigh... It's so great to have more examples on how to communicate with partners. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
imagine thinking humanity is moving forward 🤗
She lives a rich fantasy life
@@justgarethsphone9663 yep.
As a guy, it is really frustrating when you constantly ask the girls opinion or a specific question and she is unsure or unable to make a decision. Instead of wondering what may happen in the future or what you think we might be thinking, remember ladies: GUYS ARE SIMPLE. If you are unsure about what we want quit guessing in your heads and just ask. Answer direct questions. Ask them. You get caught in your heads and complicate everything. We can figure this stuff out. 👍🏻💑
Brett S.
This is basically part of what she's saying - be better at talking togheter instead of guessing, and remember that it's okay to say slow it down, if you're not sure if you wanna go all the way..
(And it's also okay for a guy to say slow it down)
@@gorillaguerillaDK Yeah I know. Just putting in my 2¢. 👍🏻
@@Brett_S_420
Great 👍😊
I think it was just bc she can't speak for the other gender when she has never lived as that gender or been in their position.
This might be news to some women but men are can also be intimate just to please their partner. Pleasing your partner is actually an important part of a successful relationship.
Do women say “A no is just a yes that needs convincing”? Asking for a friend.
@@XxxX-wx3erIt's a lot safer to just take 'no' as meaning 'NO'... All depends on what the subject is of course. If it's about buying a 4wd then 'no' can be changed to yes with the correct application of 'bribes' LOL
The A.C.H.E principle can also be used by the male partner
Its for bouth not matter whom start the conversation
Definitely needs more cow bells 🔔
😅🙄
i dunno, but it feels like this woman makes life way more complicated than it actually could be. surely one can explain why he/she is not in the mood, but creating a schema about how to tell that to the partner,... sorry but wtf. isn't this just avoiding another problem, to simply not being able to say no and explain that when the time comes?
growing a spine is the all-around solution to almost all problems especially single women have imho.
We're not mind readers here ladies. Know what you want and tell us. I would hate to make a girl do something they don't want with the misconception that they're enjoying it.
Communication is always good!
Instruction unclear,
.
.
.
I don't have gf 🙂
RestushLogic
Then this is a guide for if you date someone you might want as a gf....
过于真实引起不适
Too real to cause discomfort
you can BECOME gf
Someone saw a video on talking where they teach the powerstance
Why am I on this video?
Sadly, you're not alone.
Agree. I'm out. Good grief.
Why not
Bc of the title
Because she is hawt
You should prioritize your partners pleasure over your own...! Just make sure you find a partner that does the same... Its a win win..
this is terrible advice dude
You should focus on them both equally
@@notsafeformiranda4271 absolutely, I'm prioritizing my partner's pleasure. But I'm not going to stick around if it's not mutual.
How to sum up 10min of useless speech. If you don't feel confident about doing something with your partner just TALK. Yes i know, not sure we need a ted talk for this.
Hey watch out, she's the professional, you do the listening :p
Of course this comment coming from a male!
1000% that's wonderful, I really appreciate her speech
*She looks like Keira Knightley♥️*
Deb from Dexter..
I’m not sure if I get the message as it sound pretty logical (may be something hidden that I didn’t get).
But why let things get hot to stop and talk about it?
Diffrent stokes for diffrent folks
Basically all she said was TALK.
Not exactly a profound revelation
So that you both know that you're on the same page and comfortable with the situation and how it might (or might not) progress further
Zoom out more. Why is the phrase predicated on the need to respond to a request? Why not defeat the tired, ancient accept/reject habit?
TALK A LITTLE BIT SLOWER, PLEASE!!! btw 1.75 speed up still slow
Because there is no content
This is a great advice even for married women
ههههع هذي افساد للمجتمع
@@yazanm70 kifech ifsed?? Tmajm taba9 klemha kan 3la elmetzawjin magaletch a3ml el7ram
Xxx
This is great advice even for married men. Oh wait. Men should always provide.
Her Stance is unique
Why is this framed only towards women?
This topic is not a gender exclusive
Yeah, but she can only speak from a woman's perspective when that's the only experience she's had.
@@notsafeformiranda4271 I appreciate the conversational response. I would argue that there's a difference between speaking from your own perspective when sharing experiences (which of course we're all limited to), and speaking from a general humanistic perspective when presenting advice on moral behavior. Not acknowledging that everyone is capable of feeling/experiencing the same encounters unintentionally alienates the message.
damn, this title got me
Good message, I’ve been told this by my true male friend and I’m finally able to accept this truth ! Thanks for keeping these talks alive
Nobody mentions about her weird standing position
Plooper Plooper
That's not the weakest point of her attitude.
It's a confidence filled pose. Makes her seem more commanding and powerful.
Women always are so damn confused !
But it`s quite simple (even for men, too) :
RULE Nr. 1 :
Do only what you want to do. No lies.
That`s all.
I don't call it confusion: if someone wants/desires something and the partner wants the opposite... that happens...what you should do? Are you able to balance what you want and what the other wants? Explaining it's a not bad idea.
Justus Stern
Do you live in the same reality with the rest of us? Because in this reality, people have to do a lot of things they don't like, from eating your veggies to pulling an overtime and so on.
I’d like to start by having any at all :(
Brendan Kwapis
Don’t worry. You’ll get there eventually. Take care of the other areas of your life. It’s not worth stressing about. It’s good, but not THAT good.
"Just stick it in somewhere!!!!"- Sam Kinison
And the award for the most misleading title of a TED Talk goes to this video
Great talk, Leigh, I'm so proud of you!
Just take it slow. Don't rush it, it will feel better if you get to know them before just jumping on it
Blah blah blah, im a woman woe is me. This has nothing to do with women empowerment. Step up and take some damn responsibility for yourself and your OWN actions. No one is telling you to open your legs if you don't want too just because that's what you were "taught" by society. You have a damn brain, use it. Don't put yourself in situations where you would even have to second guess if you should be sleeping with said person or not.
This is basicly a mode crash version of what she is saying.
I really enjoyed this conversation
Time for the TedXXX talks. ;)
The ACHE it's a pretty good recommendation. I've used similar methods a few times. It's always a tough one but it's well worth it.
I'll use ACHE.
Nice to get a framework to go off of instead of just flailing.
This is truly incredible!!!
Good luck with the dating.
Wow,Consent is quite complex already!Nice Talk👍🏽
8:48 “And with that, CABS ARE HERE”
Dafuq is up with those shoes...
So she starts out saying: make it a conversation. But in her final example she says: "I just want to make out for tonight." By saying that, doesn't that immediately close the conversation? Why not ask what the other person wants? Damn..... It's just a message you give to the partner, claiming it to be an conversation starter.
Just..... Talk. No book and A.C.H.E. stuff needed.
I do not like the focus on woman. Yes, they might have this more, but in my experience and from my friends, a lot of men have this as well but do not speak about this.
" I didn't say no when I wanted to" the movie
"and then i complained about it" the sequel.
Point being?
Pls share subtitles also
Türküm ingilizcemi geliştirmek için izliyorum ve hiç bir şey anlamıyorum umarım yalnız değilimdir
Değilsin. Ama ben biraz anlıyorum
Scientist yok çok şükür ben de azcık anlıyorum abartıyım diye dedim
Yalnız değilsin 😄
Sorun değil alışırsın.
konu enteresan
Good luck with the dating women. Yes or No . Please, be clear, before not in the middle of then event.
People can change their minds. They may be okay with something and say yes but then get overwhelmed or uncomfortable, or maybe decide they don't want to go any further than they are at that point. Then once they voice that, the people involved can adapt/change/end the situation as needed
Replace BUT with AND
Ok so anyone coming to Bangkok?
me xD
I bangkock everyday
Swear the thumbnail looked like Keira Knightley
I thought Deb from Dexter
How to have an unfulfilling life and relationship 101. Welcome to class kids.
This is amazing thank you ❤ I really needed this.
Is that you John Wayne, or is this me?
Full metal jacket.
Came to my mind when I sae the cowboy in the red suite standing with legs apart.
Ugh. That’s the cringiest video I’ve seen in a while. Sorry I fell for the click bait!
A willing partner would be a good start....
We need more videos about this topic🤣
I agree with everything she’s saying. She’s articulate and has a good message but her delivery is uncomfortable. Her voice doesn’t change tone, the confidence stance is off putting, the redundancy of her one point and how it’s only directed toward women also takes away from her message. She seems to have read too many self help books.
Why is this only about women when (even if you personally believe it's more of a problem with women) it clearly goes both ways
Viba Courtney-Battista
It's not only about women - the strategy can be applied by everyone!
@@gorillaguerillaDK yes that's what I'm saying, but throughout the video women are the focus
@@vibacourtney-battista6918
Do you need her to state clearly that this strategy can be used by men too to understand that it's fully adaptable to men as well?
@@gorillaguerillaDK I'm clearly not, I just feel like she could have approached it from a more unisex perspective
I wanna have such suit! Does anybody know where I could find it?? Seriously
It has to be an enthusiastic "yes!"
Edit: as "H E L L Y E S!!!"
Women indecisiveness, what's new?
Damn that was cringe- Great talk to help your partner understand you "really want" another woman👌
Lütfen ingilizce yayınlarınızı Türkçe altyazı ile yayınlar mısınız?
Humans are good at not being themselves and failing to communicate effectively. It is important for all of us to learn how to speak up, even when we don't know where to start because that is a start. Get to know more about yourself while you talk to your partner.
I’m just here to read the comments lol
She said the save crashing sentences for 3 min or more 🥱🥱
So cute...
As if she was living a fairy tale... Where was the prince?
We need stronger women.
That was " Ohhh No to me"
“Sahddahtayy!” - Pootie Tang
Why does every woman think they're an entrepreneur just because they're a freelancer?
Is she author of book: "how to stay alone for rest of your life"?
6:48 there the moment everyone is waiting for. But...
100% of men have done things to make women happy. Ok maybe98%.
Oh, what a nice world would be if everybody start say what wants and needs.
Demetres 1
Mwahahaha. How naive you are. If that worked, we would do it already. But it doesn’t work in reality, so we lie.
Men too!!!
I'm watching a Ted Talk @12:17am who would've thought 9 years ago
Im glad im 63 and happily married. 96% of women under 40 are lunatics these days.
“I wanted to sleep with them, right?” Who is this question addressed to?
All men: Tell us exactly what you want, we are bad at reading what your thinking.
Women: Dont want to say because of partner
whut???
***some men
@@averys_anthology_ its also not all women. Its for dramatics clearly not literal
Seeing thousants and thousants of cliënts? How?
Deborah Morgan cosplay from Dexter season 6+?
Traducción al español por favor
This is the only video that got uploaded yesterday and has more than a 100 views...right now 87k views 😂😂
Beggars can be choosers i guess
“Group facilitator” eh?
Turkce alt yazi yok
Can someone reply with a summary of this video?
Women using ambiguity in negotiating relationships leads to them doing things they are remorseful or regretful of..
This is not their fault. We don't understand how we got where we are in dating after the skip and hop over from "yes means yes" to No means No." Even though as it seams neither is to be relayed upon.. the best way to truly "solve" this is more questions of the unreliable narrator crowd these women come from.