A Narcissistic Mother & The Scapegoat
Вставка
- Опубліковано 23 лип 2024
- Join Thrivers - A Community Of WomenTthat Support, Encourage & Build You During Your Healing Journey 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
bit.ly/3TnqE4G
If you've experienced narcissistic abuse, you may feel like you're dealing with lasting damage to your mental health. Narcissistic abuse can leave you feeling powerless, confused, and deeply hurt. But there is hope for healing and recovery. In this video, we'll explore the brain damage caused by narcissistic abuse and show you how to reverse its effects.
Check out my website where you can contact me to talk about one-to-one coaching and therapy - www.carolinestrawson.com
Don’t forget if you haven’t liked it and hit subscribe, please do so and you will be notified each time I upload a video.
I look forward to helping you on your journey to not just survive after narcissistic abuse but THRIVE
Love Caroline Strawson xoxo
#NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist
It’s so hard to stop seeing yourself through the lens of a narcissistic parent. It robs you of perspective and stops you seeing yourself for who you really are.
It really is. In my experience I've come a long way in the last year or several years even realizing that what my mother has is a form of psychological and emotional Munchausen by proxy. I understand that she is very mentally ill. I can see now that as a scapegoat I was her favorite Target to project her disowned shadow-self onto. I'm extremely relieved but at the same time somewhat angry at realizing that I took on this person that she was trying to protect me to be understanding now that I was never that person. It's very hard though when you are told things like you're worthless or that everything that you do makes your parent upset it's hard to get over these things. Now that I understand that I was never sick the way my mother tried to tell people I was it's like having a blank slate in away. It's such a relief to know that I am not sick and that she is actually the one that is sick but I can't help but feeling robbed of what could have been a way different life for myself at 41.
I am now realising at 24 that I have a narcissist mother! My brother is the golden child but he has now got a strong animosity towards her because of how she treats me and secretly I’m glad because I feel she deserves it! Because I did everything she wanted me to do and then tells me I didn’t do it for her I did it for myself!
26 and just realized I’m the scapegoat and my mom and older brother(golden child) are narcs
It took me over 50 years to realize that I had some self worth!
I am sorry to hear that ..It's hard experiencing narcissistic abuse .....I will experience trauma until 55 if the narcissist is still alive when 82.
No contact seems to be best thing to do with a narcissist...
I need justice.We need justice.....
Omg same… 50s the best years ever!!!
It's great to understand, and even have sympathy for narcs, as long as we don't make excuses for them to continue abusing us because of it
I’ll be 30 years old this year and she still controls me. She booked me a hair appointment and all of my hair got cut off. I thought she was being nice by paying for it, but in reality she was telling the people that work there because she has been going there for over 10 years to make sure they cut it all off because it’s very unhealthy. She knows I was crying it out for over a decade. Also I just got a divorce and was trying to build myself up and feel pretty confident. She knows that she ruined all of that and I think that could’ve been her goal the whole time. I’m so dumb. Like I literally just put two into together in terms of two weeks ago and she grabbed me by the ponytail and I literally thought she was gonna rip out all of my hair… So maybe it was something she wanted to take away from me that I couldn’t get back.
Wow I thought I was alone at 30 and being under my narc mom's thumb. I got pregnant at 15 by the 18 year old baby daddy,that I thought was giving me the love I craved from my mom, he used it to get what he wanted from me. But yeah it was a lie, now I've been struggling to raise my son with her and she basically took over. I used to get punished when I'd try and set rules for my own kid and she would say I'm wrong, when I was still under 18. Present day she's still bad but more covert. My weight fluctuates, when I'm bigger and miserable and would say I'm craving sweets or something she'd be like that sucks. When I lose weight [she struggles hard with losing weight] it's like she purposely gets me junk and I tell her no I'm good but she pushes it then calls me ungrateful when I dont accept it. I feel you natalie. Stay strong and dont accept anything from her always keep in mind that catch is there somewhere. She wants you to be miserable just like her.
Omg you’ve just described my life. I am finally realising that my mothers pain is not my responsibility and never was! I was a straight A student, sport champion and successful adult (addiction problems tho) and she keeps saying I was an evil child that caused my father’s narcissism 😂😂😂 it’s comical!
i know I'm kind of off topic but do anyone know of a good website to watch newly released series online ?
@Devon Hunter I would suggest Flixzone. You can find it on google :)
Imagine a narcissist person blame someone else’s “narcissism” on their child😂 lord! I’m 24 and only really realised my mother is a narcissist mother🤕
Gday...glad u can see the funny side of it..the irony..(-_-). Same here, from a bloke in aus, but took me to 54 ,to grasp it all. Sadly , i ran away as a young child,around 8yr. When i tried to again runaway at 15...she told me my father was gay.....(lived with VNmum + stepfather)....which absolutely destroyed my whole 'interpretation of life,love, and well...+,+,+).......My irony? At 16,witnessed the 'gay christian vice HeadMaster'..on gay nudist beach,as rowed a surfboat past.....he then told my mum, i was ...'fallen in with the Drinking & Smoking crowd".....
So its all my own fault now...LoL....(i am sure u could relate .X.)....
I am so Happy to finally realize that it wasn’t me that wasn’t pretty enough good enough strong enough for my mother I have always been the scapegoat and my mother’s eyes to this day she treats me horribly smiles and pretend she’s being nice but her indirect comments in passive aggressive behavior is apparent to me and I am able to see through her façade
in the past I struggled with addiction and self sabotage I have two little girls that she has custody of and I am still struggling to deal with her on a daily basis your videos are helping me but is it possible to message you
❤
Thank you so much 😊 this video is incredibly helpful and very easy to understand!
This is the best explanation .
Great show 👍
I heard that a person who is bipolar can also be mistaken for narcissist, now I’m confused.
They say it’s similar and both lack empathy. Sometimes his behavior seems like he’s high on drugs, and he told me he doesn’t do drugs, they say those are bipolar episodes. They also say when they have their episodes, they can get angry and have rages and not care abt anything or anyone....similar to a drug addict. How can I tell if he has bipolar or is he a narcissist or both?
Probably a narcissist drug addict lying about not taking drugs. Pretty commo for them to be cocaine fiends.
Common*
@@snudgegalbraith3447 not neccessarly! it could be but that is oversimplifying the problem!
first of all, I'm sorry that you are/were going through this. sometimes you have to experience something to finally understand it. second, please ask for professional guidance regardless of what is your take on my comment or other youtube videos. so here are two possible versions of the story you just mentioned from my personal experienc.
1. my ex had the same behaviors and he was using alcohol and other substances like many other young adults sadly at parties, etc. I knew of his childhood traumas but I thought if he stops using alcohol, etc he would be better. well, he eventually did stop but then they diagnosed him with other personality disorders. long story short the behaviors stay no matter if there is a substance or not.
2. I never ever used drugs in my whole life and I may have a drink 2-3 times PER YEAR for special occasions. I'm usually well but after My childhood traumas were triggered ( and repeated) during 2020 I started showing the symptoms of bipolar that you are mentioning. I'm in my early 30s now. in my opinion, if the trauma triggers were not there I would not behave like a bipolar person. I think those are the self-defense behaviors that I adopted throughout the years to deal with my abuse ( even though some are useless or unhealthy).
The moral of the story, it doesn't matter what it is called, bipolar, narcissist, drug abuse, at the end of the day you can not heal another person. BUT you are 100% responsible for what YOU put YOURSELF through!
you have to take care of yourself and your mental health so if you find yourself making excuses to stay in any type of dynamic that is not healthy( love relationship, family, friends) you have to evaluate yourself. I grow up with problematic parents and watched them do this dance for 20 years. I did the dance for 10 years till I finally saw what I was doing to myself.
I personally would suggest that you move on with your life and seek a healthy partner. just because someone is labeled Bipolar instead of narcissist doesn't mean you are going to have a better relationship or any chance of it. take charge of your happiness and health love!
He can be both! I thought for about 18/19 years my ex had borderline, but there was something off (more than something, even though he fit the traits) and every now and then I looked for a comorbidity. Especialy the last few years in our second relationship, I was a non stop research detective. I've burned out and I just could'nt heal from that, by all the chaos. Because I was to exhausted to leave in that state I was looking for a comorbidity again and I've read about the different kinds of bipolar disorders and he seemed to fit type 2 as well (in this stage I had left him and had built myself a new life, got hoovered -had no idea.. thought it was special that our love was so strong.. and he seemed miraculously healed 🤔 - and after a few years we moved in together in a new house. Inmediatly everything went wrong.). The way he was treating me was getting worse. The lack of empathy and malignancy got very bad, although I had no idea his behaviour was even more disturbing then I realized. So what was this? He was a high functioning lunatic (covert narc). When somebody told me she had read an article in a psychology magazine and said that it looked like his behaviour towards me. When I read it everything became clear, apperantly everything I was going through had a specific name. That was how I began to research NPD sociopathy and psychopathy as well.
I've learned that bipolar is a common comorbidity with all of these personality disorders, but it can also easily be misstaken with NPD when someone who is bipolar is in their high's and because of their mood swings. But I think in that case they might show traits of narcissism in their high's, but don't fit the NPD profile. But of course I'm just a regular person like you, and not a psychologist.
What I've read/ seen on youtube (many times) was:
BPD and Bipolar get mixed up easily.
Covert NPD can look like BPD. Woman get diagnosed more often with BPD but have covert NPD instead. All these misdiagnoses doesnt give much hope or trust, unless they are very good in their work.
Some psychologists say that covert narcs are a mix of BPD and NPD. Some say that covert NPD = BPD + Psychopathy. Looking back to my ex I can understand these thoughts. Unfortunatelly we can't ever know how they feel inside, but we can figure a part of it out by watching their behaviour and knowing about the red flags.
I've read about bipolar + psychopathy as well. Thats common too. Even BPD + psychopathy, but that's something I really don't understand unless its covert NPD. Because covert NPD seems like a disturbing mix. Great people, but after a while..
I have to say that bipolar and bpd alone made me feelkind of sorry for them because of the overwhealming emotions they have and can't control, and that kept me kind of stuck (not very healthy).
Even though my ex has bipolar disorder or not, I needed to know if it was really NPD or not (and yes, I wanted to leave but needed to know this, becsuse I thought I was going crazy.) Here's what I found:
The major differences I found in my ex's situation was 1. that there were things that seemed to be more part of his personality, instead of being related to his mood swings.
2. Do you feel bagatellized?
3. Does he/she really cares about how you feel after an 'episode' (lack of empathy)?
4. Does he/ she feels deeply sorry after hurting you? Or do you get an apology without depth and meaning or even no apology at all?
5. Is he/she egocentric in almost every situation (even the little unnoticeble things) except when you are pleasing them or getting love bombd?
6. Is there a cycle of abuse-pattern? The cycle can also repeat itself and the love bombing depends on the situation like when you want to leave or they need something. Or they need to show off with you, or look good with people who could see through them, etc. Or bread crumbs of love bombing to keep you quiet. Etc.
7. Do you feel emotionally drained?
8. Do you feel misunderstood (especially with things that need no explaination?
9. Do you feel valued, like your
10. Do they respect your boundaries?
11. How does he/ she react when you don't agree?
12. Do you feel like you live woth a child in an adult body?
13. Do you feel emotionally abused? Like he/she plays with your emotions and knows exactly which buttons to push?
14. Is he/ she use word salad?
15. Do you feel supported or encouraged in things that matters to you (in relation how it might impact or benefit him/ her)?
16. Are holidays and other importent moments (to you and other normal person)? How are your holidays together? And do you have fights/ chaos or more subtle shitty things going on with him/ her before important things like a job intervieuw so you can't prepare yourself properly? Or some chind of argument or fight before something you looked forward to?
17. How does he/ she behave when he/she does something they don't want to do.
18. Is there futiture faking?
19. Do you doubt your reality?
20. Is there a lot of projection?
21. Is there emotional neglect?
22. Is he/ she passive agressive?
23. Do you feel punnished in a way
24. Is he/ she impatient?
25. Is there insight of their behaviour or a lack of?
26. Is he/ she delay things without any reson?
27. Is there respect for you, your things or values?
28. Does he/ she behave to know things better than you?
29. How's your health? And how's your breathing (hyperventilation? Disfunctional breathing?)
30. Do you feel like you metter to him/her? But really?
31. Is going to therapie an option? Or is there nothing wrong with him her? (someone with bipolar knows how they behave and they have a bigger problem with their situation than you do. And I really think they also feel terrible by how their unstable behaviour (destructive sometimes) and mood swings effects the ones they love. They struggle with that whole package their illness brings. But a narcissist is more focussed on how they feel (if they are open to it), not so much how it effects others. It's not about you, maybe onthe surface it seems like they care. But a real talk about it is not possible. It turns into an argument or fight. Then you are the nutter. But if you really want to leave (or played when they lure you in), they might show more insight. But it's gone before you know it.
32. How do they talk about difficult situations others deal with when they aren't there? It don't have to be brutal. But when they are nice, you might notice there's no real dept/ sympathy behind their words.
33. Do you regognize many tactics and type of manipulative behaviours that narcissits show in relationships?
34. Do you feel like you go crazy and start questioning yourself (gaslighting)?
35. Have you noticed calculated behaviour?
36. Can they hond themselves together around others? Someone who's having a bipolar episode has the same behaviour towards you as to any other person they deal with, I guess. If they fit more covert NPD, you see a whole other personality behind closed doors then outside. Although they might be kranky, difficult and negative to a degree around people they don't care about. With overt NPD it might be hard to say, but their other behaviour is easyer to identify, lees sneaky then covert NPD.
37. Is there victim mentality, responsibility for their part and behaviour?
37. Is there always black-white thinking? Thats more cluster B personality disorder.
38. How is the reaction when you're in pain, hit your head real hard, etc.? Do they react at all or with a little pause before they come see you (if they have trouble reading emotions).
39. Is he/ she understanding emotions? Or is the reaction appropriate to the situation, but kind of weird but almost unnoticeble?
40. How was his/ her childhood?
My ex could be very exciting, happy and chatty, indeed like he was on drugs. Narcs can be like that when they are high on supply, which is like drugs for them.
I'm not a specialist, but I have studied this intensively for a long time and watched so many video's on this. So this is what I think can help you. For me anything that could help me to finding answers was nescesary, to all of us of course, when dealing with this and the feeling that our lives turned into a shit show. The hope for change is exhausting and heartbreaking. I think mine was also a psychopath (very sadistic and scary, wanted to see how things shocked me/ caused me fear but would never say) in our second relationship, especially towards the end. If I had been given a sneak preview of how he would become towards me I would never believed it. although it was always there only not that kind of extreme. Anyway, I think what I wrote above might aply to most narcs.
There are also types who really seems to have your best interest and are helpfull. Like the altruistic narc, who is more passive agressive (my mother, also where I live since I escaped. She's very religious and a conspiracy theorist since last year. Great. Try to recover when having Corona, something she doesnt believe. They are all child rapists and - murderers who try to reset us, etc.. day in, day out. Very simular traumatic way of pushing her ideas onto me with branwashing and judgement, just how it was in my teens with christanity). Sometimes it's not that obvious and then you have to dig deeper or might see when you left the relationship. But I do hope that you choose for yourself and make a plan to leave. You are worth so much more. We all do. But yeah... it's very difficult process and can take years to come to that point. I'm still in recovery, for about 15 months now and seem to be surrounded by these people. When you finally see what you could'nt before is just as traumatic (in my experience). Good luck to you all!
❤
🙋♀️🙏🏻❤️