These Charming Qualities Are Actually Major RED FLAGS
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- Опубліковано 19 кві 2023
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This sentence is great " if you don't feel enough yet ; you are going to be attracting a person that somehow is going to make you feel not enough "
Its common for people with ADHD to have relational difficulties ( abuse) low self-worth from a lifetime of negativity.
Ohhhhhhh I felt this . EPIC
Powerful
I don't understand.... does it mean _if I don't feel complete and fulfilled by myself I am going to attract the same kind of person?_
Not true confident women who have their shit together often attract narcissist. insecure men whose mission is to bring successful women down, which makes them feel powerful , so I don’t believe the whole when you’re happy and complete you meet an amazing man lol no way
Our culture has taught us to be attracted to "passion" which is a code word for "drama/ toxicity". True love is boring aka stable and caring
UGH,,,not drama
Passion and toxicity aren’t even close to similar. Passion just means strong emotions. Also you can have passion in a stable and caring relationship and should do. Why on earth would you want a boring relationship? Women of the past only ever put up with that because it was forced on them by men but most of our great grandmothers were unhappy. A love without passion really isn’t the best use of life. Especially when there’s men that offer both. You do you though.
@@jaybee4288 ya and we need to stop equating “boring” with “stable”. Like how exciting would it be to have a healthy and stable partnership with whom you can have adventures with together? That’s the goal I think
I couldn't agree more. I'm usually on the receiving end of rejections because there wasn't the right amount of "spark/chemistry" only to see her date a thug after I'm told that I would be an amazing husband 🙄🙄
Bingo
In Beauty and the Beast, to Belle’s credit, she runs away from the monster. She only falls in love with him after he changes.
Contrary to popular interpretation, Belle does not try to change the Beast. She rejects him. Even as he tries to pursue her because he is trying to use her to break the curse, she rejects him.
Her love does not change him. Her rejection does.
The Beast eventually voluntarily and genuinely changes - becomes civilized, caring, and self sacrificing. But she doesn’t make him change - he chooses it. And only after he has changed, she enters a relationship with him.
There’s a grey zone there where the Beast was trying to improve… and in so long as he was doing this Belle stuck around as a friend. She only fell for him after she saw he had really changed.
But the nuance is too fine for children and all they see is that if they take a chance on a Beast they may get a prince.
The real message is that you should run away from Beasts, and only give them a chance once they’ve become better people.
Very well said. There’s so much nuance. It’s important to have standards and boundaries and look after yourself, and at the same time know that people are not static or one dimensional. That people can grow and change and to allow for room to let someone evolve.
We humans are relational creatures, we learn and grow and develop from our experiences with others. Our relationships good or bad teach us lessons we need to learn.
We are constantly told by media now to only accept perfect people who don’t exhibit any red flags. I’m not saying to ignore red flags, however maybe it’s a little to black and white to discard people and write them off for having things that they need to work on.
Part of treating others the way you wish to be treated could mean giving people second chances and supporting them while they change themselves.
We can grow together.
@@ange7422
Thanks but I actually disagree with you to a degree.
I do think you shouldn’t enter romantic relationships with people with red flags.
It is possible to help people change from a relative distance, as a friend, as Belle did - only so long as they cannot and/or do not harm you while they are changing. Belle sticks around because Beast stops yelling at her and threatening her. His conversion isn’t complete, but he is no longer dangerous so she stays and helps him grow as a friend.
Entering a romantic relationship is a very different thing though. It’s closely tying your emotional, psychological & physical health, your future, and your children’s future with someone. Belle does not enter a romantic relationship with Beast (even if she is developing romantic feelings for him) until after he proves himself changed.
I would advise a similar approach to all boys and girls. Do not enter romantic relationships with those who exhibit red flags that make them risky life partners and parents to your future children. If they need help and you want to give it and it’s safe to do so, you can do it as a friend.
@@UnAnonKnown i didn’t say to enter into a romantic relationship with red flags.
I was pointing out how black and white thinking it is for our online culture to tell people to blanket discard all people with red flags.
I am not at all saying to tolerate abuse.
Red flags can mean a hell of a lot of things. Do we drop someone for 30 red flags? That’s likely wise. What about one or two? And does it not matter what the flag is for? One physical violence red flag weighs far heavier on the scale than five smaller ones like “saying I love you right away”.
And again, I didn’t say date them, I said in some cases it’s not necessary to discard.
For instance, you can be friends with people who aren’t emotionally mature or healthy enough to date if you so choose. Or if you really want to, you can date someone with some red flags if you’re ok with that challenge. It’s a case by case thing.
People are complex. Most people come with baggage and damage. It’s not your job to fix anyone, that’s on them. But at the same time there’s room for compassion and connectivity of various kinds if a certain person is worth it to you.
@@ange7422 Ah sorry I misunderstood that then.
Yes I agree. I do think that when we talk about red flags we’re using referring to dating (although some really toxic family & friends with too many red flags can become so destructive that distance needs to be created).
I mean, I have several male friends who I enjoy as friends for their several good qualities, but whom I couldn’t imagine dating for certain negative ones. And they often come to me for advice & support in their lives & relationships (and sometimes I go to them). So we do help each other grow, but from a distance that doesn’t allow us to harm each other’s future.
Friendship can be this lovely in between where we can help each other grow without the same “danger”.
Thank you ! I love this story ^^
A good man doesn’t have to be BORING!!! My husband makes me laugh all day everyday. Ladies do not settle for boring or toxic men!! Good men are out there but you have to be the best version of yourself!! You need to learn how to put yourself first, and the right man will come along with all the qualities you have always wanted and more. The healthiest relationship has unconditional love, passion and security. Don’t settle ❤
congrats on finding a good life partner ❤
Why is boring bad? Is it bad if he is loyal, loving, and boring?
A loving relationship is supposed to feel safe and calm. It's not to provide constant entertainment or non-stop dopamine hits. Chemistry and "spark" are false signals mistaken for love. I've learned not to seek excitement in people. Hobbies and interests bring me excitement and joy. Experiences I share with my husband and other friends, like traveling or watching movies, are my fun. I never put pressure on anyone to be my entertainment though and I don't expect to be constantly entertaining others either.
I think you are correct
Wise
When I see my baby grandson , I’m excited to be with him.
When I see one of my children , I excited to see them.
I see all everyday and I’m just as excited each and every times to enjoy time that can never be regained again. We are not promised tomorrow.
I also am and should be as excited to see my spouse / wife .
It’s not about entertainment or “having” to entertain.
Enjoy the time with who you love and who love you
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow no one knows.
@@walkertranger5746 that's because you know them and have genuine love for them. My comment was more about people who have superficial relationships where they get "bored" if the person isn't bantering with them or providing entertainment for them constantly. That's when they end good relationships to seek out excitement in others, not realizing that will never make them happy. I love my husband, friends and family as well. We can all sit in a room in silence and still enjoy eachother's company. The love I have for my husband isn't dependent on anything. It's unconditional. I have friends who have separated or divorced because their marriages lost it's "spark" or someone or both got bored, ended up cheating, etc. How can a person get bored with someone they truly love? They never truly loved them... they loved the "entertainment" they provided them by stroking their ego, trying to impress, trying to provide constant stimulation, etc. Everyone needs entertainment in their lives to provide excitement, push their limits, overcome fears, get dopamine rushes, etc. Instead of going online and playing a video game, they treat their relationships with people like a game. Instead of going to an amusement park and riding the rollercoaster, people seek relationships that ARE the rollercoaster. It's not the role of any person to act as the rollercoaster for their partner and there shouldn't be an expectation to seek that out in any human being.
Western women, failing to keep legs closed and hearts open😮
Look for the person that brings YOU peace, he'll be the one that listens to your fears instead of ridiculing them
Exactly!
I think falling in love should be a combination between exitement, a healthy one, and a feeling of calmness and safety. And if you feel that some guy is boring, you shouldn't say to yourself "oh that means that is a healthy guy. I should be with him." Instead of ghat you should leave him cause he deserves someone that is 100 percent sure that wants to be with him same respect that you deserve to receive.
In my experience, you have to basically get over falling in love, be alone for a bit, focus on yourself, a passion or improving something. When you are no longer hung up on anyone you will know what you need and look for that person. There are soooo many ppl on dating apps that are looking to use someone to get over someone else. How can that be right? You will suffer your whole life if you don't at least once give yourself time to get to know who you are and learn to love that person first.
People mistake drama-free for "boring". There is excitement that is drama-free, but some people learned that drama = the most excitement 🙈
it's a subconscious comfort zone for a chaotic and emotional rollercoaster childhood
All the negative videos on red flags, narcissism, what to avoid, all of this is keeping me single. Please give us hope, positive, uplifting videos.
❤
This was honestly so helpful! I came out of an unhealthy relationship recently and a psychologist friend of mine mentioned that I should look internally about why I’m attracted to narcissistic traits. Since then, I’ve been working on myself and my past wounds but I’ve been so hesitant to allow myself to be attracted to others as I felt like I couldn’t trust my attraction now. It’s nice to hear that it’s possible to recognise and be attracted to healthy traits.
Martha was so articulate, clear and concise. Absolutely loved every minute of this session.❤
Martha is great!
Excellent podcast. Any new relationship is tricky. Many people have normalized toxic behavior and relationships. Don't collect red flags.
My GF of 6 months left me because she didnt feel "the spark" (aka chemistry) between us. Although we hadnt had any fights or major values disagreements (we had same views on world, same plans for the future etc...), we laughed, had great time, cuddled, I was attentive, wanted the best for her and for us, everything seemed to be great. One day she just told me that we should break up because she didnt feel the same "chemistry" as she had in her previous relationship. I think this was exactly what Martha was saying. She (maybe) wanted to feel the old feeling, have someone who showed her that she was not enough
In my experience women have far less self awareness than men. Hope you are feeling better and good things are happening for you ❤
@@xavierayayaell546…. Your anecdotal experience of women being non self aware says more about you than the general population of women. None of us are fully self aware. We all have blind spots. You do too.
I’ve met way more non self aware men than women.
Also, sadly for this commenter I think she just wasn’t that into him. On his end, he thought everything was going great, but her heart probably never was in it. I’ve been dating people who thought everything was amazing and was confused when it ended. But in actuality I enjoyed their company but in my heart I knew it wasn’t fulfilling me the way I know someone else will.
I don’t think most people sabotage good relationships like that, that’s what they show in the movies.. if you really love someone as a partner AND like them as a friend, you won’t just break up with them.
@@xavierayayaell546…. Your anecdotal experience of women being non self aware says more about you than the general population of women. None of us are fully self aware. We all have blind spots. You do too.
I’ve met way more non self aware men than women.
Also, sadly for this commenter I think she just wasn’t that into him. On his end, he thought everything was going great, but her heart probably never was in it. I’ve been dating people who thought everything was amazing and was confused when it ended. But in actuality I enjoyed their company but in my heart I knew it wasn’t fulfilling me the way I know someone else will.
I don’t think most people sabotage good relationships like that, that’s what they show in the movies.. if you really love someone as a partner AND like them as a friend, you won’t just break up with them.
Very likely. Says the person who also left people because I dit not feel the spark only to be attracted to people that treated me like shit. I also sabotaged my own relationship because I was raised by an alcoholic. And all I knew was toxicity and abuse. When it was calm and peaceful it would scare me.
@@catharinamariatheresia1626 hello and thank you for your comment. I no longer feel sorry for that relationship. I found out that she started "dating" a guy who has 2 kids (one of them newborn) and wife at home.... they even live together now :) I'm glad she did all this to me since I would not like to live with a woman who is capable of breaking a family :) school of hard knocks :) peace to her and I dont want to even meet her anymore :)
hope you are doing all right and I wish you all the best
We repeat dysfunctional patterns in our intimate partner relationships when we haven't integrated our trauma (repetition compulsion and trauma reenactment); the reason why we are attracted to certain types of people is because they feel familiar to our nervous system (i.e. strong chemistry). Even when on a cognitive level we acknowledge red flags, we ignore them and repeat the same pattern over and over until we rewire our nervous system and create a new pattern through e.g. psychotherapy/somatic experience therapy/Neuroaffective Psychotherapy. Repetition compulsion usually stems from a familiar dynamic of our childhood. And our relationship with our primary caregivers become the blueprint of our relationships throughout our lives unless we embody a different nervous system.
Amazing talk! You can see the joy and authenticity shining through Marta's eyes when you watch her talk. She has vulnerability, self reflection and emotional maturity giving her a glow that only true soul healing gives. What a blessing and encouragement to those of us who are making the same journey to see it is possible to overcome our past wounds and find true acceptance and fulfillment on the other side. Thank you Marta for showing us how you went from victim to victorious!
Thank you all for watching everyone! This was an incredible conversation with Martha. She was insightful, kind, and has done so much work on herself which is evident in her energy. I’m really excited for all of you to see it. And thank you for joining us in the Love Life Club Martha!
FYI full interview and exclusive member Q & A with Martha can be found in the Love Life Club app. Visit www.JoinLoveLife.com to get a 14 day free trial membership and access it and much more.
Emotional maturity is indeed the most important thing to get the right person. We sometimes fill in the blanks by ourselves about the other person and assume a lott. Its dangerous and disastrous. We should always try to see the things as they are and should wait for the reality to come out before we decide to be or not to be with a person. Nice interview.
Te recomiendo más a Karla Souza
Thank you Matthew for all you do. You have helped me so much. Wish I could afford to actually have a session 😕 but I am very grateful for your channel
OMG can't believe you interviewed her!! she's so underrated, hopefully more people will get to know her
No thanks I hope I never see her here again
I love the way Matt was so careful and polite. He is acting soft and you can sense the difference in his talking. Like making sure she understand and feel comfortable. She gorgeous and intelligent. Congratulations
This is pretty insightful.
The guy I'm dating told me he loved me since the 2nd week of knowing him. I told him that's lust but he's adamant on how he feels. I was in a narcissistic relationship for 6 years prior so I've been testing and watching his actions.
This video really puts things into better perspective for me when she mentioned the person was calling her 6 times a day out of love
Dated a girl who said it was my libido. Yeah, duh. Don’t want it? Fine. I dumped her. She tries to call back over half a year later. Go figure 😂🎉
@@-Clarence- you dodged a huge bullet
@@-Clarence-
Work as a boring stable lawyer?
Beta!
Stay in a relationship with a woman that got fat?
Beta!
Not require their beloved to change their surname to theirs?
Sooo beta!
So insightful and on point! We seek what we're familiar with, and until we heal from what we learned from our early childhood, we're going to pass by the potential partners who can be good for us because they're either perceived as boring or for whom we have "no chemistry", or we attract the ones who will love us and leave us. Such a great lesson!
The beauty and the beast story she mentioned is like being or having Messiah Complex. Feeling like you can change the person for better.
Appreciate your content, Matt! 😊 I like Martha's Beauty and the Beast breakdown. My aunt always taught us to never take a guy and try to change or fix him and spiff him up because you'll be doing so for his next woman. Then you'll have the nerve to get mad at him when he leaves you for her.
You'll list all the things you've done and why you don't deserve to be treated this way; all the blood, sweat and tears you poured into him. Hopefully, you'll realize, he never asked you to do those things.
Wouldn't it be cool if we would pour that same energy into ourselves?
Oh God this happened to me in my last relationship. I'm glad i get the opportunity to unlearn some things and learn healthier ways to approach relationships
Oh God this happened to me in my last relationship. I'm glad i get the opportunity to unlearn some things and learn healthier ways to approach relationships
I agree and relate SO MUCH to all that she said. Esp when she said there were good men that she thought were boring but It made me come to alot of realizations when she talked about her parents. My mom was 19 and dad was 22 and I experienced alot of the same and interpreted love in that way as a younger woman. It wasn't that they were boring, it was a me problem and what I experienced with seeing my parents interactions. Also, same interpretation as being called alot and told early on "I love you" were taken as someone who loved you but coming out of the relationship realized alot of what I went through and interpreted as love was actually control.
Yes, rescuing is a terrible bypass to self-healing. There is a greater problem in all of this rhetoric of over-correction. The opposite of enmeshment isn't counter-dependence (i.e. strong independence). We are social animals. Experience shapes the soul. The purpose of a relationship is for two people to openly and actively shape the soul.
Martha is incredible. So much presence and self awareness. It's important to see when the only red flag in the relationships is you!
Martha you are absolutely amazing you have given me more insight into what I have been doing repeating patterns and it makes sense. I’ve lived an exciting life I am a singer on stage I work on a TV show but my mother died an alcoholic and I somehow end up meeting men who have a drinking problem even if it doesn’t show up in the beginning it’s there and I realize that was the issue my mother had and that was never love because an addict can’t show love and they’re normally also narcissists and self-absorbed and somehow not available. As I break up with this man for the second time I realize it was the chemistry that was the attraction but he’s just fundamentally not a good person and I’m a really good person , I dont drink and I deserve and shall seek and find a good person by walking away from a bad toxic person.amen.
Marta is a beautiful person. I think she had an avoidant attachment style before, now I see that she healed.
It’s a blessing ☀️🦋
Perfect timing for me to hear this confirmation for me 🙌🏻
This was so helpful. Many parts of our behavior comes from childhood. Thanks Matthew for choosing the right guests!
Just went through this. Just started coming over to my place, told me she loved me after a few weeks. I said it back but wasnt sure it was so fast. Then she basically moved in and I was her trauma/drama drop-box and she had a base to figure her messy life out. I was set to move overseas and she expressed wanting to go with me. But when I left for a few weeks everything just flipped and got weird and fights started happening. Then she called and voice all these reservations about things and dumped me the first hour I got back to my place (which I let her use for free). We were best friends and it broke me. I'm still left confused and sad.
@dominic5403 You haven’t been fair enough on her for anyone to form a valid opinion, you just called her crazy and placing all the blame on her. But I would say if you’re calling her your best friend when she told you she loved you then that might do it 😂. Friendship and Love are two completely separate things for us, I’m not sure why men blur the lines so much.
I have to say, my experience has been very similar. My parents married in their early 20’s, I was first born. Very hostile and that’s just what I was exposed to. I sabotaged a great relationship, not because of her but because of me and what I knew. Very sad and heartbreaking but it’s refreshing to hear her talk about it. It helps me understand why things ended up the way they did.
Thank you for posting this. The timing of this was great!
Muchas felicidades Martha 🎉 súper fan de tus podcasts y ahora con este crossover wow 👏 que sigan los éxitos
All my fav people are getting together like Magic ❤, what Martha describes she went through looks so much to where i am in my Life now, trying to take responsability for my mistakes and heal , loving and working on myself ❤
Good luck and congrats on doing the healing work ❤
This is a great video thank you! I feel her pain I am exactly that girl and had to do that same deep dive and I have to say I 💯 agree with this.
I sabotaged every possible good guy relationship cause I was and will probably forever be hung up on the "love bomber" NPD who was totally toxic. It's insane, but I'm currently on the healing path. Thank goodness. Just wish I had figured it out years ago and not missed out on all of these wonderful people.
Wowwwwow, I was searching and searching for a video like this yesterday And the moment I log onto this video was the first thing that popped up.
Much needed, thank you❤
Awe such a great interview! Wsh i cud watch more. ❤
I loved it!!! Never imagined you guys know each other!!! Thank you ❤
I am glad you are saying this are red flags. Even my therapists told me that a guy that immediately wants to be serious is good... instead I think os huge red flag.
I have been there before I can confirm 👍
This was such a great and insightful interview. I love some of the similairities that i have with Martha, and I love her energy that she brings to the talk. Thank you so much Matt for bring Martha on, and thank you Martha for sharing your wisdom with us. I love the comedic wisdom. ❤
I just had finished every contact with a man I met on fb, we talked for 11 days, had 4 dates. 8 days now since no contact. On our 1st date he told me he loves me. It was a red flag to me. I told him, please don't tell me that, it is lust what you feel. He got annoyed and said, don't tell me what I feel. Every day he kept telling me I love you so much. I miss you. He wanted future with me immediately. Talked about us living together, buying a house. In 1 month we will be in a relationship....but he pushed me very hard to have sex with him. I refused to have sex so early. I told him please be patient with me. We need to know each other more....before sex. He was extremely clingy on me physically. Asking me many times, do you need me! On the 4th date he broke up with me, with very hurtful words to me. He doesn't want to waste his emotions on me anymore, because I don't give him what he needs, sex. That I probably can't handle younger man, because of my age 45. He is 35. Because I don't have energy for him. I'm single mother with 2 teenage kids, solo custody. He told me we can stay friends but no relationship. I felt him as very insecure man, 40 lb overweight. He told me he wants to be loved and needed. I finished with him. No friends. Next day he texted me, apologized for the harsh conversation. Saying, I am so sorry, I couldn't sleep all night myself. I just want to apologize. And he sent me Facebook friend request. I didn't accept him. I blocked him. I am still healing from the hurt he caused me. He showed me many red flags during 11 days.
I wouldn’t let that man come closer in anyway. He seems manipulative, something feels like he wanted to have sex with you and told you everything he thought you would want to hear so he could get laid. And because you refused sex, he’s mad at you as again a manipulative way to get what he wants. I would definitely kick him out of my way.
You are doing everything right. He is not good for you at all.
Nothing wrong with you, you did the right thing
It sounds like he has a few issues and he also seems like a scammer. Him acting like an emotional rollercoaster in such a short period of time is not something you want to get involved with. Don't take any of his insults or criticism to heart since he's the one with the problems and trying to project that on to you.
Great you’re keeping that toxicity away from your precious life now.
Don’t take his twisted words to heart, he didn’t even mean the bs the said - not the content, just the hurting. In their hissyfits those people just pour anything out of their silly mouths that‘s best at causing pain. 🙄
Praise or insults, as real as reading a script.. either way, waste of time personified.
This is a recurring theme for me, I somehow attract people that are broken and I know I can't help them if they don't wanna help themselves, so it always leads nowhere. It's not that I seek these kinds of people, it's just that for some reason those are the only ones interested in me. Obviously I have issues myself that I am working on, but to me it seems that many people are not willing to work on theirs for some reason.
This was helpful ❤thank you!
omg some amazing insight here... she put the worth and the universe helping you heal part so poignantly, it touched me.
Thanks for the Disney part, from a child of the 90s, it is now clear to me the amount of "promotion of codependent behaviours" we had through social conditioning (movies). That was scary with the eyes of now and totally normalized back then.
Something even scarier though, is these people don’t stop they just change. Look at what Disney is promoting now, it’s all liberal left wing propaganda. Now I personally do not care, I somewhat agree with a lot of it. However we’re being socially conditioned now, we were socially conditioned back then.. it’s quite crazy when you think how much influence one single corporation has been able to push over the years.
Hi! I’m from Mexico the same as Martha and I have to say that I love your pronunciation of her name, beautiful
That was like a wake up call when she used the story of beauty and the beast, wow! I got goosebumps because that really did hit the home run.
Thx, Matthew for bringing an incredible guest who’s incredibly beautiful and intelligent.
Victoria 🌷
Martha is so engaging and beautiful! Great points touched on in this clip!
I was binge watching telly the other day (almost never do it), and I bumped into a snippet of that "Fifty Shades of ..." whatever movie. I know it was a huge hit, so I was curious. I endured maybe ten minutes. The guy, I guess already the heroine's husband at that point was throwing a hissy fit over the fact that his wife "dared" to go have a drink with her bestie after work. "I did not know where you were!!! I felt completely helpless" - he said, or something to that effect. I am 49, divorced, but if someone did that to me, I would run to the Arctic without a backward glance. No doubt: Hollywood romanticizes abusive relationships. Very concerning.
Exactly. Fifty Shades of Grey is literally a remake of the film 9 and Half Weeks. Very psychopathic men that target vulnerable women.
Wow!!! This makes a lot of sense! Thank you!!
Why we don't see Beauty and the Beast (one of my fav movie) like this: Beauty, she is pretty of course, but she is also very smart, read a lot of books, she is ambitious and she didn't want Gaston (narcist, violent, but handsome walking red flag xd). She fell in love with the Beast at the end of their ,,journey". She saw in him good treats and sensitive side (not pretty words, but actions). She told Him ,,I love You", when he was dying after he let her free despite the curse. But of course it is only my opinion and my view at this story :)
I kinda agree w this!
She is very wise and the phenomenons she is speaking of are actually exactly what I’ve been working on with my life coach this year.
Thanks for all of you all advice♥️♥️
Matt, you are glowing so much right now. Radiating such a confidence.
The last part hit me. My ex would constantly text to "check in" I thought wow he cares for me so much. Turns out it was control😢 he needed to know where I was, what I was doing and who I was with every second of every day
Why are u taking everything at face value? Checking where you are is better than indifference. Everyone now is misguided by these therapist terms of “codependency not love”, control and real care. A man should be responsible, otherwise you’ll be drowning somewhere and no one will check on you, and that will be the end if you, see? Absolute absence of control is nonsense in commited relationships. People, especially men get rotten by too much freedom
I love that point about how movies teach us ladies the wrong ideas about love. So damaging to young girls. Twilight for example!
Some of these movies shouldn't be allowed to be shown to young and impressionable youth
Sex and the city is also very damaging
I love Martha ❤ this is a great advise for our self in the past, that’s what happened to me, I had to heal myself to be in peace with myself and later on I met my great partner who I haven’t meet or match before. 💞🌸
❤
Jesus. Only 6mins in and the beauty and the beast bit describes my recent ex perfectly.
Yes! Beauty and the Beast was my fav since the 90s!!! I am a recovering co dependent with list of addict partners. I do see that story like that now.... it's crazy
Love this interview! Thank you!!!❤️
❤
OMG! The analogy of beauty and the beast! So true!!! It has to change for every woman and every little girl!
amazing.. So many points were valid in this video..
Thank you so much for this dialogue ❤ what is her name? I love to follow her and her more of her way of speaking and what she is telling
Love it! ❤ Bravo martha! 🎉
Hey Mat I have to say thank you so much for this. I would love to see you and Dr Ramani have a show. I think you two are amazing. And it has helped me through a lot. ❤❤
❤ Doctor Ramani, great suggestion. I second this!!
It’s complicated. “Connected love” seems to have a fine line between real deep interest in the person while missing the red flags. It’s such a fine line…
It IS a fine line actually which is why I feel hesitant to listen to someone else's interpretations of a situation. There are always different shades. Human nature is intensely complicated.
There’s a difference between a soulmate connection and a trauma bond, which is, I suppose, your concern here? You know you’re in a trauma bond when you feel this deep attraction to someone but your intellectual connection stays at surface level and feels inauthentic. Like you can’t really be yourself around this person. Something feels weird… Or forced because you want this person. With a soulmate, you won’t even have to talk much to understand each other. You resonate like best friends, it’s obvious between you two and mostly IT FEELS SAFE. You will feel safe with this person… In a trauma bond, you’re always on guard and stressed out. 💋
Beautiful, Martha and Matthew!
She is amaizing! Great you have it !!👏🏼👏🏼
Really not loving that when Matthew has a woman on these clips, he does not cite their name in the title. However, when he interviews a man, he does. It screams, "I don't value women's intellectual input so I don't give them proper credit." Put their damn name in the title (including the video with your own girlfriend) like with Jay Shetty, Matthew McConaughey and other men interviewed! 🤢
I appreciate your insight! I'd not have realized this but you're making a wonderful observation.
Very correct what Marta said about messages
I accidentally deactivated my account. I’m hoping this note is forwarded to Matthews team. Thank you! 😊
Hi coach good evening 🎉
Altered Carbon... that's where I recognize her! Awesome!!!!
Espectacular Martha como siempre ❤
The best person who has described beauty and the beast is Jordan Paterson his version of that and what you can learn from beauty and the beast in real life is interesting.
after heartbreaks i develop habits that change me for the better, and these habit DONT go away after a few years...
I disagree. I had attracted a narc but I didn’t have any butterflies at the beginning or later. He was boring af and stupid sometimes. But then. , with me he started to jump over his level, being the best version of himself, I fell in love with his attitude. Later, he revealed himself. He was my mirror ( and thus started to be kind and empathetic) now he dumped me getting back to his self, mixing with strange irresponsible friends, betraying God, lying, breaking promises, being aloof etc. So abusive relationship doesn’t necessarily start with butterflies or libido attraction
In order to change ur lebido, if u attracted to toxic person, next time if anyone treat u the way makes uncomfortable and doubtful just pull the plug right away w/o any explanations, slowly u will see ppl around u who want you for who u are and u will be attracted to a person who is right for you! Its a process but its possible!
I’d like to understand more how to shift the mindset from attracting “chemistry aka toxicity “ type relationships to high value relationship (and shifting from the old feeling )
The energy of Martha speaks for herself! She is amazing
Hi Matthew is there any chance or way to get a private sessions with you?
Brilliant ❤
What an amazing point she makes.
Her voice is so calming and beautiful 😌
Good one
I agree 100% on the Disney movies!! Most are very toxic stories & we shouldn't teach our young girls that this is ok!!!
i watched her netflix movie..loved it!
Oh Martha, no lo esperaba en este canal.
It's crazy 😮 I absolutely love beauty and the beast. The types of people that I attract... 😅 shit but I also read a lot of romance novels and all the different love comedies and such... got some more work to do. 😊
Hi Matt
Please make a video about where we should meet someone.
It’s been 1 year that I use dating app but no luck. Why men ghost me after they match? 🤦♀️
These two right here, have beautiful chemistry. You can see it in their eyes and smile . Glowing
Her boyfriend is a Matthew friend
Uhh... well I could only see him having chemistry with her but its OK and totally natural doesnt mean anything
Hi Matt, Thanks for this amazing interview. Could you please advise on what it means when a guy say "I'm not a nice person" when you're getting to know them? Why would demesne say that?, should they be putting their best foot forward?
People tell us who they are all the time. Some will do so right away, others put on an act and then their mask slips. Sometimes they tell you in words, others will tell you by their actions. The words and the actions must match.
When someone tells you straight out they are not a nice person, believe them. This is not a challenge that if you show them love, they will change. If you continue with this person, you are giving them permission to abuse you. When you later complain about being mistreated, they will say they told you they are not a nice person. And they will be right.
This is exactly the "Beauty and the Beast" scenario the guest in the video spoke about. If you feel the need to prove to this person that they are a nice person; if you think that if you love them enough, they will change - you are volunteering to be hurt, and to be hurt badly.
Walk away and start looking at why YOu think a) you have the power to fix broken people and b) why you think you have to in order to be loved yourself.
This scenario you described is not healthy. In fact, it's downright scary. You need to figure out why you are attracted to rescue projects. I would not get involved with this person. I would say thanks, but no thanks.
Run girl, run. It means nothing good! He will break your heart
HAHAHAHHAH HTF IS MARTHA HIGAREDA IN YOUR PODCAST BRO HAHAHAHAHAH I LOVE THIS!!
Control, seems to have a special role in love relationships! Any love relationships!
El multiverso existe jeje,excelente entrevista.
I've been on both sides. As someone finding others boring and someone who is considered boring nowadays. Chemistry should not be something you feel automatically - it should be something you create together with patience and kindness.
Martha is amazing❤
I have adhd and asd every relation ship in my life whether romantic, parental, teacher, employer has destroyed me. I’m married again and it started well but it just becomes more and more toxic.
I realized once a guy start showing so much interest and caring suddenly or soon... Most of the time they just wanna use you n show fake care n all 🕉️