I felt self-conscious while playing this back but oh well. Patreon: / uniquesouls Instagram: / evie.pahau Mental health Instagram: / silent.soulz TikTok: @evie.pahau
Mdd dissociates you from your true feelings & desires, so when you have to be in real life, its so hard because you dont even really know who you are. All I've ever known are my characters, not myself. I want to be myself, but when push comes to shove, its terrifying because Ive never lived without my daydreams.
This is a bit of a long comment, but I have a lot of thoughts and advice on the issue: I'm currently in DBT therapy to deal with this exact issue. And I was taught a lot of skills to deal with intense dissociation. For when you're really, really zoned out and it's incapacitating you: - Biting into a chili or jalapeno, or eating a teaspoon of chili powder and leaving it in your mouth until it completely dissolves - Smelling ammonia (you can ask in your local pharmacy if they sell ammonia oil. It causes a stinging, almost burning sensation that you can feel in your eyes as well. it's not poisonous to smell, just don't get it on your skin and be careful about your mucous membranes, they can get a bit damaged if u inhale it too often) - Stretching, bending over (changing your physical perspective is really good!) - Planking - Wall sit (sitting with your back against the wall with your legs bent at a 90° angle, imagine it as if you had an invisible chair under you) - "Patting yourself down", patting your arms and legs as if you were playing drums on your arms or thighs, or as if you were trying to sweep off dust from your clothes, or as if you're covered in drops of water and don't have a towel - Doing simple maths (What's 12 x 5? What's 574 + 413?) - Playing an instrument, playing rhythmic games or clapping a rhythm - Spelling or word association games and plenty more. You can find a whole bunch of suggestions if you google "dbt dissociation skills" or something similar. Different things work for different people, for some it can be physical exercises, for others it's solving riddles or other intellectually demanding tasks, for some it's intense flavours or smells, for others its visual impulses like bright colors or pretty pictures, for others it's auditive sensations like loud music or athmospheric sounds (e.g. rain, chirping birds, thunderstorms or the wind blowing). Once the intense dissociation is gone, and you feel grounded enough to deal with the things that are going on internally: - *What is your perception focussed on?* Are you focussed one one thing in particular? Maybe a person, or an object? Is your perspective optimistic or pessimistic? Or is your perception completely unfocussed? - *What thoughts are in your head?* Are thoughts passing slowly, or quickly rushing through your head? Are there particular thoughts that keep popping up, that you can't seem to let go of? Are there particularly painful thoughts that you don't want to think? - *What physical sensations can you feel in your body?* Really do a mental scan through your body. Starting with your head, through your shoulders, chest, stomach, thighs, legs and feet. Bit by bit. Any pain or tension? Are you warm or cold? Are you hungry? Are you feeling sweaty or tingly? Maybe your cheeks are flushed, or your breath is shallow and quick. That could be an indicator of anxiety or nervousness. Any areas where you can't feel anything? Maybe it helps to move those areas a little, maybe wiggle your toes or place your hand on your stomach. - *What do you want to do?* What's your impulse for action? - *What preexisting factors made you vulnerable to this strong reaction?* This can be things like hunger, thirst, feeling tired, having just woken up, bad sleep, physical pain or exhaustion, stress, menstruation, a previous event or previous emotion. I actually recommend writing this down in a notebook. Make a little chart for the state you're currently in: "Right now I'm focussed on ..., I'm thinking about ..., I want to .... Based on these observations, I can conclude I'm feeling the following emotion: ...". And once you've done all that, maybe you can tell: - *What feeling(s) are you dealing with?* It's okay if there's a lot of feelings at once, or you can't really tell what specific feeling it is. If you still feel like you have no feeling at all, maybe look at the four components. Could they be indicative of a particular feeling? (For example, sadness, or anger, or loneliness, or shame.) - *Can you tell what caused this feeling?* Maybe it was an external trigger, so something you saw, heard or sensed, something somebody said to you, something that happened. Maybe it was an internal trigger, so a thought, impulse or memory. - *What can you do to help yourself?* If you're feeling uncomfortable sensations, it can help to alleviate those. If you're a bit hungry, eat a small snack. If your back is tense, do some stretches or get an electric blanket. If your feet are cold, put on some warm socks. If you're feeling lonely because your friend is ignoring your text messages, maybe it helps to talk to someone else, to get back a sense of feeling loved and wanted. If it makes you angry that your roommate always drops her dirty dishes in the sink without cleaning them, tell her it bothers you and try to solve the conflict. Emotions can be split up into four components: perception, thoughts, physical responses and impulses for action. For example, when you're scared, your perception is very tunnel-focussed, your thoughts circle around the possible risk or danger, your heart beats faster, you might shake or sweat more intensely, your face turns pale. the impulse for action: fight, flight or freeze. And when your emotions are confusing or inaccessible, it can really help to sort out your current thoughts and impulses to make some sense of it. And then, when you've got a clearer sense of what feeling it might be that you're feeling right now, you might also realize why you started dissociating. What intense feeling was it that triggered my dissociation in this situation? Are there any specific triggers that make me dissociate? Whenever I do it, I often find that my emotional response is very much there - I'm just not really... allowing it in a sense. Like you said in the video: It's a handy skill for when I have no other options and am stuck in a very negative experience, but in daily life it just gets in the way. It prevents you from actively experiencing and taking part in life. When I started therapy, my therapists kept telling me that dissociation is a coping mechanism in order to escape painful emotions - They kept telling me I was repressing something. "What are you repressing? Look inside yourself!" It was very difficult at first, since in the beginning I didn't understand my dissociation as a reaction, let alone a conscious activity or whatever. It's not like I'm actively deciding to dissociate. It's all subconscious, it's all passive. So when they told me that my dissociation was an escape strategy, and to tell them what I was feeling, when I was dead set convinced that I had to feelings at all and that the dissociation was something completely outside of my own control... Well, that was difficult. But when I accepted that perspective that my therapists proposed to me - dissociation as an escape strategy, and mindfulness and conscious exploration of ones own sensations and emotions, as painful as they may be, as the antidote to it - therapy became possible. Half a year ago I was pretty much in the same position as you. I don't have DID, but BPD. And my dissociation was so strong it caused short-term memory gaps, I couldn't hear what people were saying when they were talking to me, I would sometimes zone out while speaking mid-sentence, and I could barely feel my body. I was unable to function. I felt like I had no emotions at all, and if I felt anything (and back until therapy my only method of "activating" or allowing myself to feel emotions openly without repressing was by drinking alcohol, which is obviously a very dysfunctional and harmful skill) it was horribly torturous feelings of deep depression and anxiety surrounding everything in my life. That's what it actually was. At that point all the deadlines for universities were coming up, and I had spent the past 1.5 years unemployed on my parents couch wasting away my days, and I felt like a total failure of a human being. Like a slob and a loser, and at the same time I was so scared of making decisions for my life. Do I actually want any of the things I thought I wanted? Is this course that I applied for actually gonna be as nice as I think it will be? If I enroll in it, does that mean I'm stuck with it for life? Will my family be disappointed? Am I failing their expectations? All these thoughts and fears were going on, and they felt far too painful and shameful to deal with, so they caused the dissociation. Because of past trauma, where dissociating was a very useful skill for avoiding pain, I do it almost intuitively. And when you feel like you have no alternative to the dissociation, or to self harm, or to substance abuse, or whatever other dysfunctional coping mechanisms one may use, there's no getting out of it. For me, what it took was (re-)learning how to handle emotions. Including the painful ones, the ones that feel like I must avoid them at all cost because I cannot deal with them. It is a repression of emotions. And even if you're not consciously choosing to repress them, you can unlearn it. By consciously looking inside yourself. And sorting through your mind, which can often be chaotic and difficult, but is always worth it. And it turns out, even sadness, or anger, or fear can be dealt with. Your mind is the one thing you'll be stuck with for your whole life. It's best to explore it, to get to know it well, and to come to a truce with it. Thank you for reading this very long comment, I love you and hope you have a wonderful day. Take the time to do something that brings you joy today.
Hey, thank you very, very much for this long and detailed insight of your experience! This was really helpful, especially the part of how to ground yourself and kick yourself out of the dissociation. I will definitely try this :)
Thank you so so so much for this comment! I’ve never been able to articulate what I’m experiencing but your comment did a great time doing just that! I’m going to talk to my therapist about some of these points. 💓
This is crazy. I literally have been trying to find a way to describe this. I at least don’t think I have did, but I notice myself refreshing UA-cam’s home page and doing all the things I’d do if I’m bored, but I don’t feel bored, like I take credit for positive experiences but I don’t feel any of it in my body
What helps me to get in touch with reality is drawing and writing. When you draw or write down the stuff in your dreams it’s like putting it out of your head and on the paper. It also changed the way I look at these dreams because when you write them down you can change things and view it more like a story you want to tell. You feel more in-control. 👍
I also look at the internet to find content that triggers strong emotions sometimes I end up crying,I am a pretty insecure and emotional person so I always look for characters that fit the description.
I get this! I don't have DID and not with every emotion, but I think it's a coping mechanism after experiencing trauma. Like I know I feel really upset but I absolutely can not cry and it feels like it's just in your brain and you know you need to cry or that you feel upset but your body won't acknowledge it. Makes it so hard to process things!
I dont experience dissociative identity disorder but Iv heard about some that do i always find states of the mind and how people think to be interesting so even If I dont have did you stil have my support
I feel like this is so close to what I have felt and dealt with constantly....only you say it WAY better than I ever have. For me to get some sort of emotional response, I have pictures on my phone, so I look at that real quick because I know those certain photos trigger some emotion for me. I honestly don't know what else to do about that. Not to take away from the video but I love your necklace, so cute!
I'm crying kus I'm going through the same thing and it's so comforting to hear from someone else who is experiencing it as well, especially feeling emotions in the brain but not in the body. I just wish we don't have to go through this. Sending love and positive energy💕
I didn't know I was a maladaptive daydreamer I just thought I was crazy but now that I'm hearing the symptoms and things they do that is what I do everyday
I can feel u so much! Most of the time my feelings and emotions are so far away for me to reach that I used to fake them and fake my facial expressions infront of people until I didn't even knew anymore what's me and what's the fake-me^^ I totally lost myself for some time, it was really hard to reconnect again. Now I can reach them through meditation, but the rest of the time their still blocked
I felt really high last night. Now i feel better/angry. I did feel dissoseation from yesterday. I randomly started thinking in sounds/searched=some are real words again/inply. i was doing echoleeleean for a japenese sentence. It litterl means=red maybe possesion.
9:32 im getting the day shah vue again,but i dont remember doing it. I thought i saw a girls face before too/3 days ago. I did hear some1 kept getting day shah vues before he just went away/no1 knows where he is.
8:35 i do it too/thought it was a phycopath/untill i heard the empithy is learned,do you think people in flordia learn empithy alot?, not litterly there for me/but like flordia/places like it.
Now,I am in this syntoms.I really hate it because it make my life very boiling.I have been it after meditation,so I dont like meditation.Do you know the way to fix it.
A therapist that I see told me I sometimes speak like I am out of my body and emotions and I am gonna tell her now that I know what is happening to me!Now I know I suffer from MDD!Uhhhhh.....
I hope u know that MDD is different from disassociating. MDD stands for maladaptive daydreaming. Before u tell ur therapist about it, make sure u do a good amount of research on MDD and make sure ur not jumping to conclusions. What she's talking about in this video is dissociation in general- not specifically MDD.
I feel high again like weed"but no weed!!",does this count. (semi joke/waaaant?.../thought👇.) I didnt know people talked about sex spanking untill their numb on youtube?! (i know this probbally cant happen because the people, and a youtube person. maybe a persicuter?/probbally?...)
Mdd dissociates you from your true feelings & desires, so when you have to be in real life, its so hard because you dont even really know who you are. All I've ever known are my characters, not myself. I want to be myself, but when push comes to shove, its terrifying because Ive never lived without my daydreams.
I feel this on such a deep level :,)
Form values that all alters are agree to. I've been making coherent values between all identity states.
This is a bit of a long comment, but I have a lot of thoughts and advice on the issue:
I'm currently in DBT therapy to deal with this exact issue. And I was taught a lot of skills to deal with intense dissociation.
For when you're really, really zoned out and it's incapacitating you:
- Biting into a chili or jalapeno, or eating a teaspoon of chili powder and leaving it in your mouth until it completely dissolves
- Smelling ammonia (you can ask in your local pharmacy if they sell ammonia oil. It causes a stinging, almost burning sensation that you can feel in your eyes as well. it's not poisonous to smell, just don't get it on your skin and be careful about your mucous membranes, they can get a bit damaged if u inhale it too often)
- Stretching, bending over (changing your physical perspective is really good!)
- Planking
- Wall sit (sitting with your back against the wall with your legs bent at a 90° angle, imagine it as if you had an invisible chair under you)
- "Patting yourself down", patting your arms and legs as if you were playing drums on your arms or thighs, or as if you were trying to sweep off dust from your clothes, or as if you're covered in drops of water and don't have a towel
- Doing simple maths (What's 12 x 5? What's 574 + 413?)
- Playing an instrument, playing rhythmic games or clapping a rhythm
- Spelling or word association games
and plenty more. You can find a whole bunch of suggestions if you google "dbt dissociation skills" or something similar.
Different things work for different people, for some it can be physical exercises, for others it's solving riddles or other intellectually demanding tasks, for some it's intense flavours or smells, for others its visual impulses like bright colors or pretty pictures, for others it's auditive sensations like loud music or athmospheric sounds (e.g. rain, chirping birds, thunderstorms or the wind blowing).
Once the intense dissociation is gone, and you feel grounded enough to deal with the things that are going on internally:
- *What is your perception focussed on?* Are you focussed one one thing in particular? Maybe a person, or an object? Is your perspective optimistic or pessimistic? Or is your perception completely unfocussed?
- *What thoughts are in your head?* Are thoughts passing slowly, or quickly rushing through your head? Are there particular thoughts that keep popping up, that you can't seem to let go of? Are there particularly painful thoughts that you don't want to think?
- *What physical sensations can you feel in your body?* Really do a mental scan through your body. Starting with your head, through your shoulders, chest, stomach, thighs, legs and feet. Bit by bit. Any pain or tension? Are you warm or cold? Are you hungry? Are you feeling sweaty or tingly? Maybe your cheeks are flushed, or your breath is shallow and quick. That could be an indicator of anxiety or nervousness. Any areas where you can't feel anything? Maybe it helps to move those areas a little, maybe wiggle your toes or place your hand on your stomach.
- *What do you want to do?* What's your impulse for action?
- *What preexisting factors made you vulnerable to this strong reaction?* This can be things like hunger, thirst, feeling tired, having just woken up, bad sleep, physical pain or exhaustion, stress, menstruation, a previous event or previous emotion.
I actually recommend writing this down in a notebook. Make a little chart for the state you're currently in: "Right now I'm focussed on ..., I'm thinking about ..., I want to .... Based on these observations, I can conclude I'm feeling the following emotion: ...".
And once you've done all that, maybe you can tell:
- *What feeling(s) are you dealing with?* It's okay if there's a lot of feelings at once, or you can't really tell what specific feeling it is. If you still feel like you have no feeling at all, maybe look at the four components. Could they be indicative of a particular feeling? (For example, sadness, or anger, or loneliness, or shame.)
- *Can you tell what caused this feeling?* Maybe it was an external trigger, so something you saw, heard or sensed, something somebody said to you, something that happened. Maybe it was an internal trigger, so a thought, impulse or memory.
- *What can you do to help yourself?* If you're feeling uncomfortable sensations, it can help to alleviate those. If you're a bit hungry, eat a small snack. If your back is tense, do some stretches or get an electric blanket. If your feet are cold, put on some warm socks. If you're feeling lonely because your friend is ignoring your text messages, maybe it helps to talk to someone else, to get back a sense of feeling loved and wanted. If it makes you angry that your roommate always drops her dirty dishes in the sink without cleaning them, tell her it bothers you and try to solve the conflict.
Emotions can be split up into four components: perception, thoughts, physical responses and impulses for action.
For example, when you're scared, your perception is very tunnel-focussed, your thoughts circle around the possible risk or danger, your heart beats faster, you might shake or sweat more intensely, your face turns pale. the impulse for action: fight, flight or freeze.
And when your emotions are confusing or inaccessible, it can really help to sort out your current thoughts and impulses to make some sense of it. And then, when you've got a clearer sense of what feeling it might be that you're feeling right now, you might also realize why you started dissociating. What intense feeling was it that triggered my dissociation in this situation? Are there any specific triggers that make me dissociate?
Whenever I do it, I often find that my emotional response is very much there - I'm just not really... allowing it in a sense. Like you said in the video: It's a handy skill for when I have no other options and am stuck in a very negative experience, but in daily life it just gets in the way. It prevents you from actively experiencing and taking part in life. When I started therapy, my therapists kept telling me that dissociation is a coping mechanism in order to escape painful emotions - They kept telling me I was repressing something. "What are you repressing? Look inside yourself!" It was very difficult at first, since in the beginning I didn't understand my dissociation as a reaction, let alone a conscious activity or whatever. It's not like I'm actively deciding to dissociate. It's all subconscious, it's all passive. So when they told me that my dissociation was an escape strategy, and to tell them what I was feeling, when I was dead set convinced that I had to feelings at all and that the dissociation was something completely outside of my own control... Well, that was difficult.
But when I accepted that perspective that my therapists proposed to me - dissociation as an escape strategy, and mindfulness and conscious exploration of ones own sensations and emotions, as painful as they may be, as the antidote to it - therapy became possible.
Half a year ago I was pretty much in the same position as you. I don't have DID, but BPD. And my dissociation was so strong it caused short-term memory gaps, I couldn't hear what people were saying when they were talking to me, I would sometimes zone out while speaking mid-sentence, and I could barely feel my body. I was unable to function. I felt like I had no emotions at all, and if I felt anything (and back until therapy my only method of "activating" or allowing myself to feel emotions openly without repressing was by drinking alcohol, which is obviously a very dysfunctional and harmful skill) it was horribly torturous feelings of deep depression and anxiety surrounding everything in my life.
That's what it actually was. At that point all the deadlines for universities were coming up, and I had spent the past 1.5 years unemployed on my parents couch wasting away my days, and I felt like a total failure of a human being. Like a slob and a loser, and at the same time I was so scared of making decisions for my life. Do I actually want any of the things I thought I wanted? Is this course that I applied for actually gonna be as nice as I think it will be? If I enroll in it, does that mean I'm stuck with it for life? Will my family be disappointed? Am I failing their expectations?
All these thoughts and fears were going on, and they felt far too painful and shameful to deal with, so they caused the dissociation. Because of past trauma, where dissociating was a very useful skill for avoiding pain, I do it almost intuitively. And when you feel like you have no alternative to the dissociation, or to self harm, or to substance abuse, or whatever other dysfunctional coping mechanisms one may use, there's no getting out of it.
For me, what it took was (re-)learning how to handle emotions. Including the painful ones, the ones that feel like I must avoid them at all cost because I cannot deal with them. It is a repression of emotions. And even if you're not consciously choosing to repress them, you can unlearn it. By consciously looking inside yourself. And sorting through your mind, which can often be chaotic and difficult, but is always worth it. And it turns out, even sadness, or anger, or fear can be dealt with.
Your mind is the one thing you'll be stuck with for your whole life. It's best to explore it, to get to know it well, and to come to a truce with it.
Thank you for reading this very long comment, I love you and hope you have a wonderful day. Take the time to do something that brings you joy today.
Hey, thank you very, very much for this long and detailed insight of your experience! This was really helpful, especially the part of how to ground yourself and kick yourself out of the dissociation. I will definitely try this :)
Thank you so, so much! You have helped me more than you can ever realise. :)
@@meganwilson5522
THANK YOU!!!! especially with how to ground & afterwork thru it. LOVE! THANK YOU😭💞
Thank you so so so much for this comment! I’ve never been able to articulate what I’m experiencing but your comment did a great time doing just that! I’m going to talk to my therapist about some of these points. 💓
This is crazy. I literally have been trying to find a way to describe this. I at least don’t think I have did, but I notice myself refreshing UA-cam’s home page and doing all the things I’d do if I’m bored, but I don’t feel bored, like I take credit for positive experiences but I don’t feel any of it in my body
What helps me to get in touch with reality is drawing and writing.
When you draw or write down the stuff in your dreams it’s like putting it out of your head and on the paper. It also changed the way I look at these dreams because when you write them down you can change things and view it more like a story you want to tell. You feel more in-control. 👍
Definitely!
Yes me as well
I have always been scared to write down the daydreams because it shows me that they aren’t real, but I guess that’s the point lol
I also look at the internet to find content that triggers strong emotions sometimes I end up crying,I am a pretty insecure and emotional person so I always look for characters that fit the description.
I get this! I don't have DID and not with every emotion, but I think it's a coping mechanism after experiencing trauma. Like I know I feel really upset but I absolutely can not cry and it feels like it's just in your brain and you know you need to cry or that you feel upset but your body won't acknowledge it. Makes it so hard to process things!
I dont experience dissociative identity disorder but Iv heard about some that do i always find states of the mind and how people think to be interesting so even If I dont have did you stil have my support
i appreciate you x
@@UniqueSouls I appreciate you too friend you've been able to teach me so much :)
I feel like this is so close to what I have felt and dealt with constantly....only you say it WAY better than I ever have. For me to get some sort of emotional response, I have pictures on my phone, so I look at that real quick because I know those certain photos trigger some emotion for me. I honestly don't know what else to do about that.
Not to take away from the video but I love your necklace, so cute!
You have a new subscriber. I always struggled to describe what I feel and I thought It was only me. This perfectly describes me
I feel like the song Emotional Machine by Marina describes this so well. You should all look it up. She's incredible anyway.
I'm crying kus I'm going through the same thing and it's so comforting to hear from someone else who is experiencing it as well, especially feeling emotions in the brain but not in the body. I just wish we don't have to go through this. Sending love and positive energy💕
I didn't know I was a maladaptive daydreamer I just thought I was crazy but now that I'm hearing the symptoms and things they do that is what I do everyday
I can feel u so much! Most of the time my feelings and emotions are so far away for me to reach that I used to fake them and fake my facial expressions infront of people until I didn't even knew anymore what's me and what's the fake-me^^ I totally lost myself for some time, it was really hard to reconnect again.
Now I can reach them through meditation, but the rest of the time their still blocked
Your so awsome for being young you are great at diagnoses of mental issues im 53 i have learned alot from your videos thanx💯
your videos are helping me so much! thanks!!!
I felt really high last night.
Now i feel better/angry.
I did feel dissoseation from yesterday.
I randomly started thinking in sounds/searched=some are real words again/inply.
i was doing echoleeleean for a japenese sentence.
It litterl means=red maybe possesion.
4:59 i do that alot,so dont get munipulated/at home.
9:32 im getting the day shah vue again,but i dont remember doing it.
I thought i saw a girls face before too/3 days ago.
I did hear some1 kept getting day shah vues before he just went away/no1 knows where he is.
4:33 heeh!!!i feel really high...
And im focusing more on the orange thing.
And its hard to focus on you talking...
I feel dissy typeing it.
9:32 i do something like it/for sad/but different reason,you can still find the reason in flordia,but im not going to say it.
8:35 i do it too/thought it was a phycopath/untill i heard the empithy is learned,do you think people in flordia learn empithy alot?,
not litterly there for me/but like flordia/places like it.
PLZ THE FLY IN THE BEGINNING
Is it always, every time that you can't feel? Is it only with stress or also with anger and other emotions?
im not always dissociating that badly, it just depends on external stresses
6:24 i found out dissos. can make you go to sleep/feeling tired/going to sleep faster.
Conspericy to stop this video too?...
Lots of love
I dissociate too how do i get over this? Does therapy work? Life who do u see?
Now,I am in this syntoms.I really hate it because it make my life very boiling.I have been it after meditation,so I dont like meditation.Do you know the way to fix it.
You. Are. Beautiful.... End. Of. Story..😍💬💯💚
Btw u look muchhh younger than u say u are😂😑💕
Haha how old do I look?
Like 17,18
Btw why do you feel numb in real life but when you look up things In the internet you start feeling again,
A therapist that I see told me I sometimes speak like I am out of my body and emotions and I am gonna tell her now that I know what is happening to me!Now I know I suffer from MDD!Uhhhhh.....
I hope u know that MDD is different from disassociating. MDD stands for maladaptive daydreaming. Before u tell ur therapist about it, make sure u do a good amount of research on MDD and make sure ur not jumping to conclusions. What she's talking about in this video is dissociation in general- not specifically MDD.
I feel high again like weed"but no weed!!",does this count.
(semi joke/waaaant?.../thought👇.)
I didnt know people talked about sex spanking untill their numb on youtube?!
(i know this probbally cant happen because the people,
and a youtube person.
maybe a persicuter?/probbally?...)
Hii