Carl's Story: Borderline Personality Disorder
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
- This is the story of Carl who was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in his early 20s. Carl discusses:
-The symptoms of BPD
-His struggles as a male with mental illness
-The day he almost died by suicide
-What getting a diagnosis meant to him
-Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
-His road to recovery today
-A message for Caregivers of people with BPD
Find help for BPD in yourself or a loved one: amiquebec.org/...
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male representation about bpd is so important! thank you ❤
I've lost most of my friends as a result.
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
This was my first thought men don’t have representation this was cool
I was looking around youtube when i stumbled across a youtube video about bpd.I watched a whole lot of videos which led me here.I used to struggle and still do with explaining to my family that i felt a certain way, and i could not describe it to them (and i still cannot)I myself did not know how to describe it to myself. Later when i grew up i thought i had depression and anxiety but never really did anything for it (i thought everybody had some level of those) what i did made it worse. I think i have bpd and I’m finding out now. I don’t know for sure though as i have not been diagnosed getting help asap
I am a male, and suffer from BPD. It took awhile for me to officialize the diagnosis, as there's a "lazy intellect" that exists that BPD is "typically a female" problem. However, I am receiving MUCH better services prior, and I finally feel validated. Carl, your story mirrors mine. I am sorry you went through what you went through. Your story validated my struggles, and encouraged me to continue with my treatment. You got this, man! *Group hug*
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
@BPD World I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
@@sauravgupta4103 Hi. I hope you are well and are continuing treatment. Yes, CBT is seen as a good therapy for such cases. DBT and Schema therapy will also help you immensely. DBT is like a modified version of CBT and is especially useful for BPD patients.
The same happens with adhd too. They mainly diagnosed males and it took many years for them to consider that adhd appears differently on female patients.
My friend, BPD is statistically heavily female, no amount of laziness changes that. But I do really enjoy seeing the homie here getting better!
Godspeed.
After 40 years of suffering and 2 failed marriages, I was diagnosed in my late 60's with BPD. I had DBT therapy for a year and a half. After 2 yrs out of therapy, I still watch BPD videos for support. I was estranged from 2 of my daughters for several years, and one still won't talk to me. So abandonment is very real when the family doesn't understand the illness and won't get therapy themselves as victims of my anger. I live alone now, but I'm closer to peace of mind than I've ever been. I still have mild BPD traits but I no longer suffer daily with the harsh symptoms of BPD. I can think logically and make good decisions now instead of being an emotional train wreck, so I'm on my way to healing and wellness.
Hi Cat thank you for sharing your story and I hope that your family forgives you. Good thoughts go out to you
@@mariahconklin4150 Thank you. We're a work in progress. There's always hope.
@@catb8661 wish you all the happiness,love and peace.
@@abhijeetaanand2334 Thank you, appreciate your well wishes.
Well maybe one of your daughters needs to protect herself. She is taking care of herself after years of inflected pain. Wouldn’t you want that for someone you love who was abused by an outsider?
Maybe sit back and think about what she needs to do in order for her to have a better life without pain. Just like you are taking care of yourself, she need to as well. Respect her decision for parenting herself into a happier, healthier life that she does deserve and that she always deserved ever since she was born like all babies that are brought into this world.
She is taking care of herself, that ought be something you should be happy about just like u now living with a milder version of your BPD.
Can we have an update on this amazing person? As a support person, this gave me hope and really supported my instincts to stay steadfast in being present in my BPD person's daily life, THANK YOU!
What a nice comment! Our BPD Emotion Regulation workshop will take place in Montreal in the spring and Carl will be there. If you're interested in staying up to date with our programs, sign up for our monthly emails: bit.ly/AMIemailSignUp.
“I had a system of living I was comfortable with, comfortable with being angry... being this being that... being sad... pretty much just being mentally ill...
The whole notion that I could do other things, that I be something else that I could think other things was such a different thing to understand, it didn’t make sense to me” wow this resonates so deeply
OMG I READ THIS WORD FOR WORD AS HE SAID IT ON ACCIDENT WTF
AND I AGREE
Powerful. Kinda shows you that the word comfortable doesn’t necessarily mean positive, good, needed and/or desired.
I'm in a crowded café and I was resentful for not having my sunglasses in order to hide my extreme sadness and negative emotions. And there were moments in your testimony that were a revelation.
And then: "You don't look at me in the eyes, I feel abandoned. No matter what amount of rational or logic I put into it, for me it was just always abandonment".
At this very instant, I reminisced all the subtil stupid things that happened over the last decade that made me feel a HUGE abandonment, wether in friendship or in love or with family. And it felt like EVERYTHING made sense, and I cried to the point of shaking because of how insanely relatable this feels.
Thank you, so much. I'm pretty sure I now, FINALLY, KNOW what's going on with me.
Powerful
Thank you for sharing your story.
You're welcome. Carl is inspirational and courageous.
I am a male BPD too.. Can we have a community in social platform?? Because nobody can understand us and encourage us like anybody else..
No, we would all resent each other!
@@gaywizard2000 dude stfu no we wouldn't
Lol jk😂
I'm 49. Two years ago I was diagnosed with BPD, CPTSD dissociation and multiple personality disorder. 25 may sound like a long time to live with BPD but honestly you caught it young.
As a borderline I can relate so hard to the intensity of emotions...especially the bpd rage. Thank you for explaining it so well. Im going to share this on my websites to raise more awareness 💚 male representation for bpd is so so important.
Love u and ur videos
@@belle3055 💗💗💗💗💗
Thankyou Carl. I got diagnosed a month ago and I am 53. I feel very sad for ppl who have bpd and do not know it. Your life truly begins when you understand what the hell is going on inside of you. And that's a beautiful gift.
I am also a male with BPD and after searching the internet and reading so much negativity on this illness , I was starting to lose hope that I might not ever get better?. I finally fell on to your video and it was incredibly moving and inspiring to know that we can all have a healthy life with the proper help. Thank you so much for being so candid and open about BPD. Cheers.
You are so brave for speaking out about this condition called BPD. It is an excruciating mental illness, pure torture.
Hi Carl, I was diagnosed a few months ago! Showed symptoms all my life but never knew why I am the way I am. Super aggressive and will switch from calm to rage in less than seconds, loved to hurt and say the baddest things I could think of at the time and regret it after. Ìts so hard and before I was diagnosed I just saw it as I was born in the wrong body/mind (don't belong here) Was beaten as a small child by my mums various partners and her twin sister. I hope to live a day without hating me and not knowing me
I wish my mum would be this proactive in getting treatment.
I found out at 47 and I had the symptoms since prepubescence...very frustrating but also wonderful not to be upset all the time! So happy for you♡♡
Cheers brother for speaking out, there's absolutely nothing wrong with us having BPD. You are very brave for sharing your story, mad respect bro!
Nothing wrong? Ask the people closest to you.
You are so courageous, thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you been suffering with bpd for 23years you are strong for talking about this. I suffer rage the most i pray for healing❤
You're a very strong person, Carl.
Hello Carl,My name is Melissa ,I have Mental illness,and it is so hard everyday to go through this and it is so hard for me to explain to others why Iam feeling the way I am. Thank you for explaining what you go through. I send you much Peace Love and Light ✌❤🕯
Being diagnosed and learning that there was treatment was one of the best things that happened to me. I was so relieved to know what was wrong with me, that there were ways to get better. Not knowing is so much scarier. Thanks for sharing your story.
This gives me hope to not give up and get help.
One of the things I am struggling with is learning how to handle violence. It is naturally present in every one of us. In my case, I just need to learn how to express anger in healthy and harmless amounts. Before I used to be extremely calm and I feel like that has taken a toll on me. In my opinion, in the end we are just individuals who have developed unhealthy behaviours and boundaries and we just need to forgive ourselves and strive for becoming our best versions.
Thank you young man for explaining that. I'm proud of you. Stay strong. YOU ARE SOMEBODY.
Abandonment issues I can relate 100% when it comes to my romantic relationships. I perceive many actions/ tones as abandonment unless the man is constantly reassuring me I’m what he wants. I feel like I typically ruin the relationship before they can even go anywhere due to the anxiety of me overthinking.
Although with friends I’m the complete opposite. I don’t hold friendships to the same standards and i feel it’s so much easier to just stay to myself.
same.🙄
I can relate 100%. I always felt like the unpredictable emotional burden, unable to live like most people and always feeling less than. Thank you for this video. I have some hope now
Thank you for sharing. I think my husband and 2 sons are suffering from bpd. To know there is help is encouraging.
My husband is a bit like that, but learned to avoid subjects or arguments that could put him in that mood, but still sometimes not to be able see it coming. It feel sometimes like you're walking on egg shells.
This helps me understand my boyfriend better. Thank you 😊
Carl thanks for sharing your story man. Married to a woman with it and it is devastating. I’ll pass this video on. Christmas came in April who knew. Thank you very much and the people sharing this.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.
Ironically now Carl seems to be such a friendly guy. :) Amazing, thanks Carl!
This hits home hard. Thank you for sharing this, I didn’t really know why I had such a hard time connecting with people until I discussed BPD with my behavioral health specialist.
I was diagnosed about three years ago. Before the diagnosis, (and just like how you described things) my emotions were all over the place, but I wasn't allowed to show them. I suppressed everything and turned internal. I had many suicidal attempts. I also experienced several failed relationships and I still have paranoias about trusting others. My borderline rage was made worse by my other co-occurring diagnosis. DBT and therapy sorted things out, but it's definitely a life-long effort.
You rock! Thanks you for the exposure 💓
As someone with BPD, I relate so much to this video. It is hard to watch BPD videos for me because i get overly emotional. I'm glad therapy worked out for you. This brings me hope that I'll find therapy that'll work for me.
“A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended.” “It wasn't only wickedness and scheming that made people unhappy, it was confusion and misunderstanding; above all, it was the failure to grasp the simple truth that other people are as real as you.”
Thank you Carl for sharing your story. As someone with BPD i can imagine how hard life has been for you. I really hope to get to that place you are at someday.
Big hugs, so pleased you are still with us. I have bipolar
Thank you for sharing your story. With your story, you may educate so many other people. Thank you.
You're so brave to tell your story. You are not crazy. You are so capable and so strong. Thank you for sharing
I love you 😔❤️thanks for sharing your story is inspiring to many of us 🧡🧡🌻
Thank you very much from Malaysia for sharing your story.My son is in his early 40s n now I know he has BPD. I totally get it now why he says n does d things he does. Thank you. Please continue sharing your story. It really does help n change lives. This family at least. Live well stay healthy 🙏✌️
Carl, you have given me great insight. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you making this video. I hate you have had to live with this. My son as well. Early diagnosis. Thank you so much.
right on Carl thanks for sharing your story and I hope you continue to get better
thanks for talking out man ,i can relate to everything that you have said and i can think that i too have BPD , i m 19 yrs old and have always felt these feeling of people leaving me , continuous thoughts that would just lead me more and more extreme emotions of sadness , anger, pain. I always felt like i do things just to please people and never have attached myself to anything that i can call that this is my own thing and i do this because i love doing this. thanks man for talking out and for these youtube videos to teach people about these things.
Thank you❤
you're a very strong person, it seems you have dealt with so much and have come out the other side - inspiring.
So good to have begin treatment so young!
Thanks for sharing. It must be hard to deal with definitely. Take care.
Thanks for making this video! I have bpd also, and this hit it on the nail head pretty dang good. This video helps me.
Thank you Carl. This gives me hope. Proud of you!! 🙏
thankyou, so good
I subscribe to every thought you have shared. Intense emotions, fear of abandonment, shifting interests to fit in, anorexia and binge-eating disorder... I experience all. I suffer from BPD too, was diagnosed 2 years ago (I'm 23 now). I still need to undergo proper therapy but I have been working on myself on my own time. Dude when you said it's like being reborn again, I F****** FEEL YOU. It sounds so weird but that's what it feels like. Every day I am trying to express my feelings in a healthy way, all of them, instead of repressing them and let them pile up to an uncontrollable surge which leads to impulsive and 100% regrettable actions. I am learning how to balance my thoughts too, for example in my relationship with food, knowing how much food I need and being happy about it rather than beating myself up for eating and then having binge-eating episodes because of all the negative emotions associated with anorexia. Life for us is an extra level of hard but suicide is not the solution. We deserve to experience life too, in a healthy way.
All the very much love and support to you Carl! Thank you for sharing your story and yes you are loved!
Thanks for sharing bro.
Thank you for telling your story. You describe so much of my life.
Im 34 and have struggled with this since my whole life and just recently discovered borderline and know whats wrong with me but therapists tell me men can't have it so i have no help yet.
Take care and i hope to find help like you did
Wish you all the best!
This gives me hope, thank you
I clicked on this by mistake, your testimony is great and helping understand. I can identify with your struggles, fear of abandonment and you pushing away a love potential because of fear. Anyone reading this comment if someone is dying from an illness it can be that they are angry, and hurting. Show them love anyway because if they ever heal they will appreciate your caring. Care for them, more. They need it. If you push you will only hurt yourself in the long term. Love is the answer in most circumstances. If you must detach from a toxic person, that is also love of self. ( Theodore Rubin)
You have given me such hope. Hope anchors the soul.
An inspiration. You gave me strength today.
Wow!!!!! God bless you for your honesty!!
Thank You For Sharing ❤
Thank you so so much for this.
I respect you man, I also have BPD.
Omg! Everything you just said I go through too ❤️ Thank you sharing
Damn, this was good thanks.
Hugs Carl....
I have been struggling for 33 years with all of these symptoms I just never knew and my marriage and family is almost torn apart because of me😢, I am going to see a psychologist next week
The rage ughhh. I flip tf out at the drop of a dime and then be cool not too long after. It's odd because I was the most peaceful, scared to rock the boat child. So I'm wondering where this "BPD" stems from? I was an emotional and empathetic child. The more I progressed in aged, I had to deal with bullying and people always picking on me. I hated it, but never spoke up for myself. That includes classmates, family, friends. I think all of these events put me in my head. Thus "BPD" mannerisms came about. I put BPD in quotes because I don't like to label mental health for the most part. Everything is a reaction to another reaction. All trauma stems from somewhere. A lot of these disorders are very close in behavior. Therefore I don't necessarily like to think that I'm "this" or "that", my mind is reacting to events/trauma. Some disorders may be coping mechanisms. But either way, once you identify what is "wrong" then you can start the work.
There is 2 types of Borderline Rage, One is Overt and the other is Inward where they are destructive to themselves such as self harm, starving themselves not leaving their bed and not responding initial attempted conversation. She would start hating herself just because she dropped her water bottle, Her distresses were amplified. I understand that because I was a self harmer when I was her age and younger but I didn't discuss that part about myself to her because I didn't know if that would influence her or make her think any less of me as a mother. It has been 25 years since I have harmed myself but I secretly do mentally. I know she does too but I can't help her if I can't help myself.
Thnx for sharing ur story carl
I was diagnosed September 2022. This is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Lately though I've been wanting to be alone.
Thank you for doing this video ..very helpful
Thanks!
Thank you
Hello, I am 33 years old and diagnosed with BPD. I often have the impression that I have been given a death sentence. Is there anything that can help us live a life worth living? I'm running out of strength
great video!!
I totally get it but now knowing what it was I can control it u find peace
Yes now I don’t care finding answer was huge break thru
This sounds like my dad. My mom was narcisist and they protected each other and I was the rejected one my two siblings were allowed to attach to parents. I am sled but I know doing inner child healing and totally am doing great. But now my siblings won't talk to me so dad they are emmishedd because they were favored I guess it is a blessing I was rejected as I'm the one who is now healingand really happy praise Jesus cuz he was always with me and has rescued me by teaching me to let my pride go
You’re an open channel and with the proper spiritual meditation practice, you can make incredible progress in this lifetime. Read autobiography of a yogi by paramahansa Yogananda. You don’t know me so, understandably, this may sound like a religious door knocker evangelist suggestion, but this book turned me onto the science of Breath and mind and our cosmic nature. Happy journey brother
You can tell this guy is actually really fuckin smart and probably a real joy to be around..I have bpd too and I bet he's really funny..just hard on himself really
How exactly does one go about getting the DBT therapy in Canada? I cant afford it out of pocket and I have been on several wait lists for the last 4 years and I never get calls back. Is that normal or can I be doing anything differently?
I have bpd and I fight my demons everyday, the fighting is hard but I won't give up! these demons can not win 💪
Explain in detail
You really described things specifically which helped so much. Do you think most borderliners are very similar to you?
Dang. That sounds really rough
Are the different spectrums of borderline personality disorder? someone be suffering from this disorder but in a milder way so it's harder to be diagnosed?
Can you now feel real love? Bc I feel like I never was able to. I feel like I never was truly happy. Just in the moment.
I never related to a Borderline Video as much as to this one.
We love u carl
never feel or anger for no reason.
Nice
Me too mate damn
It’s wild to think that this sweet looking young man has a literal demon inside him that comes out. Crazy to think of what he looks like during his BPD episodes
I feel sadness fill me when I'm inside and the natural sunlight gets dim because a cloud is passing by and covering the sun
Congrats,,,,,,
Blue Valentine is a good movie depicting male borderline behaviors. The character is played beautify by Ryan Gosselin. I am currently in a double borderline relationship and the views here are insightful.
I've watched and listened to a lot of these stories and dont completely relate to any of them. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety an bpd. I self harm and have, on multiple occasions, tried to kill myself. I didn't do a good job. My point is I feel that I don't fit into any of these categories. My struggle is why am I saying this on here when I'm convinced that my eventual outcome is going to be insignificant either way
Hi Ian, I don't know if this will he helpful for you, but two-ish years ago I was diagnosed with an "unspecified personality disorder". That's what the psychiatrist wrote on my report, but in person he told me it was similar to BPD. So now when I explain myself I just say I "almost have BPD". I think it just means that I have some of the symptoms, but not enough of them to fit the diagnostic criteria and therefore get the label. So just now when I watched this video I could relate to some of the symptoms, but not all of them. I think there is a weird grey area in mental health that some people fall into where they don't present as a classic case of any diagnosis, and we tend to fall under the radar, and it's very confusing, disheartening and difficult. I was diagnosed at 29, which seems pretty late.
I've had some support over the years, but not enough. Our healthcare system really needs to step up their mental health game. We certainly pay enough taxes for them to serve us better 🙄. That said, help does exist. Just this week I got a wonderful phone call and email from someone at this organization, AMI-Quebec, and she sent me the link to this video among other resources. It was one of the nicest things a stranger has ever done for me.
I don't know what my outcome will be, but I'm starting a self-help path for a few different reasons. For one: I am loved, by people that I love, and I want to teach myself how not to push them away. I am convinced you are loved too, and you most certainly are not insignificant. I don't expect I'll ever be "cured", as there is no cure. But if I can improve my quality of life even a little, it's probably worth it. It took me a long time to get to this point where I feel the need to take concrete action for myself, and I don't know if I'll give up or not, because I know it won't be easy. But I do hope that you also reach out for help when you need it.