Yeah, I felt that way too. I can see what Kati is saying. It’s a hard one I imagine to navigate. The first time I felt truly seen in therapy was when my therapist started crying (tearing up and voice quivering) when I was telling her what happened to me. It was one of the rare times that I was able to feel the impact of what happened because I have dissociated from my experience and it wasn’t until I saw it on someone else’s face that my brain was like “hey yeah that was really hurtful and shitty”
@@notbornagainbornright5046 I don’t know you and may not ever cross paths with you. I probably can’t be there the way you need someone to be right now. But for what it’s worth, I care. I care for strangers, esp people who have had a hard life. I’m sorry that you are in a place where you feel alone right now. 🥺
@@Liliarthan A real empath. Not everyone has that ability to feel someone else's pain. I believe it's a gift that we have to use very carefully though. I refuse to become cynical though, too like those who we feel for. I can't stand to even see an earthworm in pain.
Some of us are surrounded by wannabe Hollywood starlets who overdose on reactions. It can be a relief to have someone who doesn't do the melo dramatics.
About the first question... When I shared my trauma written on a bunch of papers, my therapist teared up and cried with me. Her voice was shaking as she told me how horrible it must've been for me and asked if she could hug me. It was a very sad moment, but it was very connecting and thanks to her reaction I realised the severity of what happened. It really helped me that she reacted so attuned to me, so honest and authentically while remaining in control and calm so I could break down in her arms. I do agree that the no reaction face is also helping, but in that moment letting her emotions through was the most helpful and safest!
I found having my therapists express how profound my childhood experiences were, which is validating because I completely deny the trauma entirely, which has caused me huge problems. I’ve had therapists and therapy group leaders and members cry with me, and i keep those memories in mind when I look back on my life.
Kati, People constantly hear that they need to feel their feelings. Don't stuff them. Don't ignore them. Don't deny them. Don't supress them. FEEEEL them! Really "get in touch" with it (whatever the feeling is), be aware...and Feel. But, despite being told this, we hear little, very little, about....why? Of course, awareness of them (and what they feel like) is necessary to make progress.....but we are *still* left with: "OK. I'm aware of it. I've felt it. I still feel it. I'm very in touch with it. You might say I've even "marinated" in it awhile and am very aquainted now with what the feeling is, and what it feels like, and I've felt it for some time, but--- NOW what? To what end? Now that I've done that, what should I do now? All I know is, i had a bad feeling...i.e...sadness, anger, anxiety, etc....i took time to really FEEL it (and it sucks!). I "experienced" my feelings and have the awareness. But its still there, and I hate the feeling. How does this help me? Is it a left-over hippy thing from the 70s? Alright. I felt my feelings. deeply. aware-ingly. Now what? People need that next-step information. Thank you!
I am in grad school for clinical psych. We are learning CBT this semester and we are paired with a classmate. I was scared if the client started crying I would start crying. However, my classmate/client did start crying and I didn’t. I cry at everything. However, I didn’t even have the urge to cry. I am so glad I can hold space for someone. That was one of the things I was most scared of.
Even now that you've explained why therapists don't react and it makes complete sense, it makes me believe they don't care or believe it's significant enough. I always feel like I have to prove myself.
Interesting how we all react differently. In my situation it’s completely opposite. I feel very safe knowing that I can say whatever I want and my therapist wouldn’t judge or feel sorry for me.
@@RareMoron you know I'm definitely on the fence but it is interesting. It definitely brings out some of my specific issues. But in a way don't think I could have them jumping in either the way people in normal life do bc yeah like you said it doesn't leave space for your experiences
@Ruba Same. I see the logic, but also seems like the strategy risks being hugely invalidating. Seems like something better could be done while still preserving the desire to not implant or impose a therapist reaction onto the client.
@@MaxMckayful yeah. That, or continue with this, but making sure up the empathy and care in other areas or once you have processed your feelings and expressed them. Idk I really struggled with feeling my therapist was apathetic.
They care. I bet they think of you between sessions, but not in an unhealthy manner. It would be difficult to heal if the therapist cares so much that he or she becomes emotionally attached. That’s entanglement.
*TIMESTAMPS* 2:30 Hey Kati, could you talk about why therapists sometimes don’t react with shock or surprise or sadness to things you might tell them like abuse, or they don’t give away any emotional clues about... 16:26 Hi Kati, how is a therapist to react when a patient doesn't even trust them enough to tell them why they're here? Can such a patient even get therapy? Or would they be deemed untreatable??? 23:56 Hi Kati! How do you meet your need in comfort and reassurance, and why can one crave it? I have a strong feeling that I want someone to comfort me, tell me everything is going to be okay, validate my feelings, take care of my... 35:13 What can we do when the thought of having to calm yourself is triggering? You talk so much about being able to soothe yourself but what if you associate being calm with having to be compliant and quiet... 42:06 How do I come clean about secretly recording our sessions to my therapist? I started recording them because I couldn't remember a thing about our sessions due to intense social anxiety. Also, being gaslit by my parents for years, I constantly question my... 47:20 Could you talk about the stigma around suicide and grieving deaths caused by suicide? I have recently lost 2 friends to suicide within the past few weeks, and I've noticed a lot of people aren't very understanding. They say things like, "How could anyone that young do something like... 54:19 Hi Kati. I don't have anyone to share my feelings. No friends. No therapist. (I left my therapist because our conversation was way too shallow.) I don't wanna watch TV anymore in my 'excessive free time' I just want to have someone to talk to in a deeper way. I'm sick of just... 58:57 Do you have any suggestions for someone who struggles with imposter syndrome? I have been at the same job for a long time and get nothing but positive feedback, yet I have this overwhelming fear I will be "found out" someday and they will realize I don't know what I... 1:07:34 Hi Kati. My husband was sexually abused by a family friend multiple times as a young child and "doesn’t remember how long it went on" he only has talked about it twice over the 3 years we have been together. I am the only person who knows about this, I know it affects him to this day but... 1:15:35 Can you talk more about setting boundaries within and outside of therapy? I have trouble setting boundaries and constantly feel like I'm going to overstep them if I’m not constantly worrying and super aware of everything I'm doing, saying, and thinking... 1:21:21 Hey Kati! I recently came out of a psychotic episode, however, I miss my voices. Even though I know it wasn’t real and they were mean as hell for the most part it felt as though I had someone to talk to. I just want to know is it normal to miss the voices and what do I do about it???
On showing shocked face I did firefighting for a career my first year at 17 years old early on I had one of those oops! Shocked face mistakes A traffic accident motorcycle vs car And the motorcycle rider needed a tourniquet on his thigh the experienced firefighter was taking care of that..I could see that injury. I was supposed to stabilize the lower leg and when I put my hands behind his calf I felt the bones without flesh on them...the poor guy saw my face and panicked I tried to fix it with its OK, nothings wrong..but he had seen my face change. I never forgot that. It happens
For me it's obvious why...i for one don't wish for my therapist to show any emotion.... I don't need to feel responsible for producing any emotional reaction in the person I am seeking help from and at my most vulnerable in front of .... I need my therapist to be the eye of my storm .... Quite and calm..
Via question 3: hi, I’m a parentified child 😅 When the o.p. mentioned their family was “emotionally supportive but don’t know what to do with their emotions and are too anxious” bells started ringing. Kati got to the kernel (it’s not the support we need) but I want to make it clear that a parent can be very affectionate and constantly attuned to their child’s emotions and *still be a bad thing*. As small children we were well parented but going into adolescence our mother over-shared her adult problems with us and expected more in return than what we could give... ...we got support but it came with BAGGAGE
36:36 Wow. Never thought about that but it makes so much sense! I've always struggled with guided relaxation/meditation stuff because I don't have a "happy place" or a "safe place". When I imagine one, there's always a feeling that something's not right, it can't be safe, can't relax, you don't know what's out there.
In regards to the first Q: it helped me that I found a therapist who DIDNT react. I was sexually abused (but at the time I didn't know what happened and I was asking my therapist if it was abuse or not) and the first therapist I went to was a woman and I couldn't even finish my story before she was like, "YES, that IS considered rape. You WERE abused I'm SO sorry", and for me I didn't WANT the emotion - I wanted to know if I went through trauma or not and what to do. I didn't want a show - I knew something bad had happened but a shocked/shook reaction made me feel they were viewing my experience from a biased/emotional standpoint rather than logic. Find a therapist who fits your needs. I ended up finding a male therapist who would explain trauma, anxiety, and depression from a logical/scientific standpoint. Rape is such a heavy and sometimes confusing area to navigate: my therapist put it like this, did you give consent and who had the power in the situation? Some people (like me) avoid or don't understand emotion and there are therapists out there who will work with you in regards to that.
Yes, Kati :) I’m not really an anniversary person either, but I’ve thought about how it’s been a year since all this rona stuff started. It does make me feel a lil’ on edge but it’s also a reminder that even though I was so scared back then, I was brave enough to keep moving forward and so was everyone. Life changes but so do we, right? It’s amazing how we can adapt to new circumstances and just goes to show we can do much more than we think we’re capable of. At least that’s how I’m feeling today haha
My therapist doesn't express her emotions very much, but there were a couple times she expressed various feelings and i realized those moments mattered so much to me. So i told her how much her expressing emotions meant to me so she does some times in a really healthy way. I speared myself from my story a very long time ago and her showing emotions about my story seem to help work on the wall i built and slowly are making it move again It also makes me feel more seen and cared about. Cause why should i with on caring when no one else has ever cared about it? Then I'll be sitting there hurting and no one will care, might as well stay in a safer none feeling separated place instead.
The 1st years of my mother working at oncology was full of tears... Everyday she came home crying for those people.... After 10 years when she came home she was a little bit nervous because she couldn't be nervous at the hospital, and now, after 25 years she came everyday and she's like: 2 deaths today, 3 yesterday, 7 last week etc... You are getting used to it. You become more stronger + all the pacients love her because she is warm and nice with them.
I love when Kati in these podcasts gets outraged and goes off on someone’s abuser, like saying they are garbage and she’d like to punch them in the nose etc, it is so adorable. I wish someone would make a supercut video, ha. (ETA I know she wouldn’t do that in a therapy session but I love that she can with us because podcasts are not therapy!)
My therapist reacts too. She says they were taught to react because it validates our(the client’s) feelings. And reassures them when they are having the correct response to trauma.
My T reacts subtly, but after 7 years, I know her energy pretty well by now. She's never gotten teary I don't think but I know like when my mom died, she got how mixed it all was and was available for all my mixture of emotions. Course, after years, she knew the ins and outs of my relationship with her.
My mom has called me a B multiple times and had to tell her to stop. It was devastating hearing that from the person who brought me here. A mother y’all!
Oh man it's been a hard week and I am so ready to sit back and take care of myself like my therapist said this morning. So I made myself some food, put my phone on do not disturb and I'm ready!! Thank you Kati!! Love and hugs♥️
why are peoples first jobs as a therapist often in psych wards and hospitals. the most vulnerable patients always have to deal with people who don’t know what they’re doing? that sucks
@@Katimorton Of course 😉 since discovering your channel I now feel there is nothing I can't talk about with my therapist. To say I've made progress is an understatement 🥰
Suicidal thoughts are the worst thing to bring up, because I have never had a therapist that have reacted in a way that have made me feel comfortable talking further about these things. One of them sent me back to my doctor and judged that I felt too bad, which of course resulted in me not having anyone to talk to at all for months. Despite her letter to my doctor that is was urgent, he didn't contact me until an entire month later! I still today, have only managed to find private therapists.
What happened to you is so wrong!! Are you in a HMO w/ limited medical physicians/ therapists? I hope you can find a local Community Health Clinic in your town, a Senior Services Program, College campus/ mental health clinic, LGBTQ or Woman’s resource organization.. Go online, ask others to help you navigate. You deserve to find help.
About not showing emotions during an appointment. I get why they shouldn't but to me when they don't have a response I feel like either "oh I'm making it worse than I think" or "they don't care, they aren't even responding". What's your suggestion on combating that or what's your thoughts on that?
Share these thoughts with your therapist! Your comment is a good reminder for MH professionals to take the responsibility to check in with their clients re: how the process is going continuously
There are times, I will have just said something hard, need to breathe feel heard and I will say "ok, now I need for you to say something." And they will.
Thankyou for talking about how “going to your safe space” isn’t calming for everyone. I always hated getting told that because to me, there’s no such place. The info about remaining neutral when hearing about trauma was also really helpful to hear. I’ve had psych nurses throw up upon hearing stuff that’d happened to me (which sucked), but also I’ve never heard that the things I went through was wrong/shouldn’t have happened, so receiving a blank look is hard too. This will help me remind myself to focus on how I feel rather than looking to their response for validation.
about encouraging your loved ones to seek help, yeah felt that. Even when I have had two therapists and had been in therapy for 2+ years, when I moved to a new country for grad school, it still took me about 6 months to get to the process and find a new one. So now I understand when I was home, urging my sister to seek help, why she was reluctant. I won't be urging her that strongly again, and only hope that seed was planted in her mind!
🖐Hi people I have only just check my notification and watched this new podcast anyway hope people are getting though things the best they can and getting the support and help they need if they can get the help. I know everyone s struggling😥 with everything in there own way but we all feel comfortable here in the comments because we all have health problems and we are here because we follow kati s podcast and we need the advice and help. Also I just want to thank the people Iv met so far on here for always makeing me feel welcome and noticed. I appreciate you all🙂
You know... I hated telling people that my mom was dead because I would feel like I would have to manage their response and comfort them. Even now. If I say something related to that, as an introduction to something else (like my mom died when I was 35 so...) I find peoples obligatory or even empathetic "I'm sorry that happened," etc to be in the way and causes me more anxiety sometimes. God I love when I say that my mom died and someone just accepted that information non emotionally. Unless I am emotional when I say it... or indicate that I need comforting then I dont. Also, a close friend of mine came that night to be by my side but I had to comfort him and it was a lot of emotional labour I didnt need. "I'm so sad for you...." is just extra weight that I dont need to cary. It cuts our own process short because now we want to assure them that everything is ok. We feel like they cant handle our grief, or they are even stealing it from us in some ways.
Kati, I wish I could more succinctly express to you how important you are to the current and future humans of planet earth. Your honesty, openness, and professionalism is so helpful. ❤️
I’m a clinical psychologist, and I’ve enjoyed listening to your podcasts. I’m always so curious to hear other mental health professionals share their perspectives. I have to say I appreciate your response to the person recording sessions. I agree it is importantly to let the therapist know, and I think in most cases it’s something that could be worked through. However, I would feel pretty violated if a client told me they had been recording our therapy sessions without my knowledge. It happened to one of my colleagues-a client was recording their sessions-and she felt extremely uncomfortable when she found out. Yes confidentiality belongs to the client but we’re human beings too, and we deserve the chance to consent or not to situations like being recorded. I also wouldn’t necessarily agree to the client recording sessions going forward. It would depend on my relationship with them and the purpose I felt recording sessions would serve for them.
Love these videos! Just hearing you chat about these questions is relaxing to me. I go to therapy and am always so nervous about if it even helps me, what my therapist thinks about me, and so many other anxious thoughts. You make me feel so much more comfortable about taking care of myself.
38:05 Writing, drawing, and crafting were my self-soothing until it was taken away, too. It's interesting because a lot of adults shame other adults for relaxing because it's "a waste of time." Except, then adults also wonder how those high-strung, easily triggered, people exist.
When sharing childhood experiences, I would have issues understanding if it was something out of the ordinary or not. Having my therapist react and tell me if it was messed up or not helped me a lot. But we talked about that at the start
About friends checking in : I don't feel suicidal, but I do have trauma and I have to deal with a narcissistic mother, and it feels like I always have drama in my life even tho I'm not the one causing it . So when I turn to my friends to vent sometimes it feels like I'm a burden and they're tired of listening to my drama. And I get angry and sad because if they're annoyed imagine how I feel! And I do see a therapist but she's not always available, so it is nice to be able to count on someone else. It sucks.
Your bit on finding calm/safe space was super spot on for me. The more I think of a safe space the more my body is like heck no it's a trap GTFO! Thanks for giving a different way of doing it.
I've been so abused by the system, I know my T would never put me in there, esp the local hospital unit which is horrid, unless she absolutely had to because I gave her no choice. It's in my control to keep myself safe. Trauma by psych units has added to my trauma/PTSD, not helped it. My T has also said she would call/text many times a day if I needed that to get over a bump. It surely isn't something that gives me permission to be constantly needy but she knows which times of year, like now are needing my support. And will ask if I need to talk like on a Sunday. We did the a few weeks ago, first time in years, and 30 minutes in the phone helped me so much. She said she would rather talk to me for 30 minutes extra several days in a row if it kept me out. I appreciate that so much. The ball is always in my court. I don't think she would commit me unless she legally had to. I'd never give her any words that would put her in that position because I know it would hurt her to have to do it. Mutual respect.
To add to the first question like ok sometime I feel like people, not just my therapist I’m like “ why aren’t you as pissed at my trauma as I am?!?!? “ is that weird? Make sense?
Thank you very much for what you've been doing Kati. I think your podcast is highly educational. We learn a lot with each episode. But I don't like meds, because antidepressants have thousands of disgusting side effects. Also, I think it's not depression. It's not that bad yet.
Well, I am done with therapists now - never even found one, who really knows what narc. abuse in childhood does to ppl. - its been a waste of my time, energy and money. Don´t need that bs. either. Thank you.
I just asked my T this week how it is for her with horrific memories. I asked her if she had ever cried with a client. Her answer was the same, she "holds space for my feelings." Listening to Bréne Brown has helped me see that some responses can increase shame without meaning to. As a nurse, I've cried with patients. (Cry for me is tearing up, giving them permission really esp if the just got very bed news or a family's death.) As for memories, for religious/spiritual abuse, Easter is a very tough time of year.
Quetion on the one person’s husband. Well my husband is sooo stubborn. When I can’t be his person because of our relationship and I feel that he needs a little push before we strangle each other about things that we can’t do anything about or what ever the case. I have done it twice in 17 years, I call up the therapist make an appointment and just tell him he needs to pitch for the appointment. So usually the first question when asked, why are you here..... I am only here because my wife made the appointment. And that opens the door and then he ends up going to follow ups on his own.
1:02, it feels like there is us in the middle of two parallels. On the left is the best ways of doing, on the right is the worst of events. We dipped into the worst of it for a bit too long and let us know how far from the best ways we actually are.
Consider a new therapist.. you should feel listened to. Therapist vary widely! Find a better fit for yourSelf before you waste your hard earned money. You deserve it 🦋
I had a college counselor who did. It was early 2000 and she also tried to get me to say things happened to me that didn't. I was very vulnerable and she made me feel like she cared about me then she cut me off abruptly when she became a manager. I had limerance over that relationship til this day.
About having a partner who suffers with you: The worst thing is that my partner felt temted or somtimes evne obliged to help me, even though that was never my intention or even what I wanted from her. (We are talking about my own emotional inner stuggles.) That became a huge problem in our relationship, because she felt overwhlmed and not listned to and I felt hurt and not understood and the stress just kept rising and eventually it cracked. We never recovered from that, even though we tried several times. (It was more complicated than this short description.) The only solution seems to have been to have a pause during the periods when I felt really, really down. I should have listened to myslef when I felt the warning signs.
Hi Kati, you told the episode where you told the wrong thing to an ED patient saying that she was still "fat". Honestly, as a non-trained person I would have said something similar. What would have been the right thing to say in that situation? Thanks
Well, you usually don't get a second chance. Someone tells you they don't like your contacting them so often, but they haven't told you how they want that to work in practice, you interpret it your way and the next time you contact them they are already gone. Not to mention that in many cases, you never get to know what the reasson was. The person just disapears. Sometimes you can feel that there might be a connection to something that the person didn't seem to like before, but you don't underdstand what the issue really was.
Thank for the information, especially question 1 and 2. I didn’t every know what to say to doctors and therapist, mainly because I don’t want to go back to the hospital. I do much better at letting my treatment people, know what is going on. Anyways thank you.
1:05:33 Imposter syndrome. 2 year old video so probably doesn't even matter that I'm writing this BUT: Imposter syndrome seems to have a little bit of a basis in societal gaps of education. I've noticed that imposter syndrome is much worse if you're frequently associating with people who either consistently put you down (narcissistic abuse style), frequently dismiss your knowledge, and education, or you encounter a lot of people who are so outside of academic pursuits that they put you on a pedestal and then are constantly disappointed when you aren't "perfect." I had a lot of internal grief as a result of pursuing higher education, because the people around me seemed to expect me to know *everything.* They also seem to think that a stem degree, or masters degree, or professional degree, equates to super human. I think television and movies really warp the way people view jobs that require a lot of education. People really don't know how academia works, or how research works. They genuinely think you're out there inventing time machines, and breaking the rules of physics, single-handedly. My family would talk about me like I was worthless (I can't believe you don't know X! What was all that schooling for!? Why aren't *YOU* on TV?!), or say things like, "I don't know really know *what* [my kid] does." It's dismissive. It's hurtful. And then if they ask a question (probably unrelated to your education) and you don't know it...well then you must be an imposter! I think it's important to try to find people (or at least one person you feel connected to), who can remind you that ignorant people shouldn't define your abilities, or your worth.
Hey Katie, you mentioned about trying to get someone to therapy and how tricky that can be. My father is extremely paranoid, he would think that people are trying to be purposely malevolent towards him in some way or another and so he is very distrustful of pretty much everyone and everything. I've recently realized how much his unhealthy behaviour had been toxic towards me growing up but I've come to realize that he might have a mental health issues, only when I got older and started discussing it with my own therapist. I would like to somehow suggest that he would seek therapy but this is very difficult. Firstly because he is an elderly man, he had been living this way for all his life, I would imagine that it would be even more difficult to shift that thinking now. Secondly he is stubborn and has a delusional grandiose sense of self. I think he would be too proud to listen, I would often feel like he treats me like a child who doesn't know anything about the world even though I think I am a fairly intelligent and capable adult. I do not know what to do. I had to create distance from him for the sake of my own mental health, but I feel torn that I know someone who is going to be unnecessarily suffer and never know that there is a better life than what he's experiencing. And also it would benefit our relationship better if he gets better.
Hey Katie! I dont know if this is something youd be willing to talk about, but I'm extremely curious about your thoughts on using marijuana. I've been smoking for about 3 years now and it has genuinely helped me. I call it my all around medicine. It helps with my depression, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorder, insomnia, OCD, etc. I haven't self harmed, starved myself, attempted suicide, or even had the thought of it since I started smoking. It helps me in so so many ways, but I do know that in some ways, it's not too good for me. I feel as if I can't live without it, and that no medicine could help me the way marijuana does. People in my life want me to try to quit, but I'm terrified to. I know that once I stop smoking it's very possible I'll relapse and fall back into old habits, and my experience with medication has been extremely negative. Do you have any thoughts?
Kati, answering my second question in a month and telling me to get trauma therapy for the second time: 💁🏼♀️ Me, waiting till I finish graduate school because I don’t have money to get therapy until then: 🗿
@@andreafeelsfantastic yeah but it’s short-term so no chance to dig deep enough before it’s over 🤷🏻♀️ I was also told to seek long-term therapy by them
@@andreafeelsfantastic they work in another country and earn in another currency, I wouldn’t dare asking so much money from them. I just need to find a well-paid job in a foreign country fresh out of university amidst pandemic and I’ll be able to afford therapy... Thanks for asking :)
@@mollymoon7129 haha, well that should be a piece of cake! If you would like a slice of hope, though, I got laid off because of the pandemic and found a new job just a month later!
Kati Morton. you looked relaxed in this new Thursday podcast and I liked your top and i think your straight hairstyle is very nice. too it suits you I as always felt relaxed and calm why I watched and listened to the question s being answered and all the answers you gave people honestly your podcast are always the best part of my week I really always need these podcasts I so appreciate you ❤
I'm not a registered therapist, but as a part of my course, I did counseling assignments with people. I used a lot of the counseling techniques I learned and it was interesting how calming it is for a client when you have a calm, neutral demeanor. I think if you react too emotionally or overly sympathize it can make them feel uncomfortable or it can sound patronizing. Not reacting emotionally seemed to make them feel safer, like I was genuinely listening. There's something to that calm, neutral therapist demeanor .
It makes us sick when we think we have to earn our basic human need to be known, cared about, and belong. We think we have to compete for those basic things that help us feel secure. We should rather just be more giving, and therefore more of us receive without somehow being good enough. The more secure people there are, the better relationships there are, the better it is for me and for you.
For years, I told counselors a horrible thing that happened, and they had no emotion in their response. I felt like i was in the twilight zone. It was very confusing for me and invalidating.
I was just watching something really interesting with anniversaries. I have ptsd and often get lost what day/month it is and find on a really particularly bad day and I happen to think about it and make the connection. It’s weird how it works on a biological level. You’d think it has to do with your awareness that it was an anniversary but it doesn’t matter if you know what month/day it is, your body does.
I have had several therapists that HAVE reactet with anger and getting upset and one even started to sigh when I started to cry in a session. They get annoyed and furstrated and so do I during my session. :)
I left the only therapist ever went to because after two sessions, one of which I spilled my guts about family, I found out she is my cousin from my mom’s hometown! 😳 it was very awkward. lol!
Hi Katie you say about not doing anything to harm yourself but I was taught to smoke from an early age because of abuse and neglect I used the smoking to help me and still do years later I can't give up because it makes me go into panic mode still have flashbacks and go back to my shitting childhood
Yes, people are usually very judgemental when it comes to suicide. People say it's selfish not considering that you might have had friends who have commited suicide. My own sister has said that people won't take you seriously if you scream for help when there is nothing happened!! She has even started to spread her religous beleives in my face when I told her I had a friend whose frined commited suicide!
I did not realize how rare crying was for therapist, my social worker when I was a kid started crying and left the room. I kinda freaked out and wanted to calm her down, I thought I hurt her.
See if I can stay awake for this one lol. I hold my phone and listen to your voice. It sounds weird but I think it’s hearing someone that has recognized I exist. I love that you said you’d call my ex! Haha. So much I wish I could say but scared
30:49 I hate that. I been that way forever. I want to do things and see people, or talk and then if it happens I panic and ignore, or makes excuses. It's very confusing.
2:30 - I told my therapist something in session and I saw their eyes bulge out, they really couldn't say "I've heard it all," they did keep their composure, they were just concerned for my safety.
Never mind all the clinical studies and countless treatment modalities- Being a therapist is all about being subjectively in touch with the client, while remaining objectionably reasonable. Thats it.
When your loved ones don't react with shock, surprise, or sadness AND your therapist doesn't either, it can really feel like no one cares.
No one does care until we're gone .We are alone
Yeah, I felt that way too. I can see what Kati is saying. It’s a hard one I imagine to navigate. The first time I felt truly seen in therapy was when my therapist started crying (tearing up and voice quivering) when I was telling her what happened to me. It was one of the rare times that I was able to feel the impact of what happened because I have dissociated from my experience and it wasn’t until I saw it on someone else’s face that my brain was like “hey yeah that was really hurtful and shitty”
@@notbornagainbornright5046 I don’t know you and may not ever cross paths with you. I probably can’t be there the way you need someone to be right now. But for what it’s worth, I care. I care for strangers, esp people who have had a hard life. I’m sorry that you are in a place where you feel alone right now. 🥺
@@Liliarthan A real empath. Not everyone has that ability to feel someone else's pain. I believe it's a gift that we have to use very carefully though. I refuse to become cynical though, too like those who we feel for. I can't stand to even see an earthworm in pain.
Some of us are surrounded by wannabe Hollywood starlets who overdose on reactions.
It can be a relief to have someone who doesn't do the melo dramatics.
My therapist cried with me a few times, and that was tremendously powerful.
About the first question... When I shared my trauma written on a bunch of papers, my therapist teared up and cried with me. Her voice was shaking as she told me how horrible it must've been for me and asked if she could hug me. It was a very sad moment, but it was very connecting and thanks to her reaction I realised the severity of what happened. It really helped me that she reacted so attuned to me, so honest and authentically while remaining in control and calm so I could break down in her arms. I do agree that the no reaction face is also helping, but in that moment letting her emotions through was the most helpful and safest!
🤗💜
Seems like not reacting can be interpreted as invalidating and retraumatizing.
Talk about unprofessional
I just started therapy and I love my therapist. My Therapist say often "wow" and I like it. I like her reaction.
I found having my therapists express how profound my childhood experiences were, which is validating because I completely deny the trauma entirely, which has caused me huge problems. I’ve had therapists and therapy group leaders and members cry with me, and i keep those memories in mind when I look back on my life.
Kati,
People constantly hear that they need to feel their feelings.
Don't stuff them. Don't ignore them.
Don't deny them.
Don't supress them.
FEEEEL them! Really "get in touch" with it (whatever the feeling is), be aware...and Feel.
But, despite being told this, we hear little, very little, about....why?
Of course, awareness of them (and what they feel like) is necessary to make progress.....but we are *still* left with:
"OK. I'm aware of it. I've felt it. I still feel it. I'm very in touch with it. You might say I've even "marinated" in it awhile and am very aquainted now with what the feeling is, and what it feels like, and I've felt it for some time, but---
NOW what? To what end? Now that I've done that, what should I do now? All I know is, i had a bad feeling...i.e...sadness, anger, anxiety, etc....i took time to really FEEL it (and it sucks!). I "experienced" my feelings and have the awareness. But its still there, and I hate the feeling. How does this help me? Is it a left-over hippy thing from the 70s? Alright. I felt my feelings. deeply. aware-ingly. Now what? People need that next-step information. Thank you!
I am in grad school for clinical psych. We are learning CBT this semester and we are paired with a classmate. I was scared if the client started crying I would start crying. However, my classmate/client did start crying and I didn’t. I cry at everything. However, I didn’t even have the urge to cry. I am so glad I can hold space for someone. That was one of the things I was most scared of.
Even now that you've explained why therapists don't react and it makes complete sense, it makes me believe they don't care or believe it's significant enough. I always feel like I have to prove myself.
Interesting how we all react differently. In my situation it’s completely opposite. I feel very safe knowing that I can say whatever I want and my therapist wouldn’t judge or feel sorry for me.
@@RareMoron you know I'm definitely on the fence but it is interesting. It definitely brings out some of my specific issues. But in a way don't think I could have them jumping in either the way people in normal life do bc yeah like you said it doesn't leave space for your experiences
@Ruba Same. I see the logic, but also seems like the strategy risks being hugely invalidating. Seems like something better could be done while still preserving the desire to not implant or impose a therapist reaction onto the client.
@@MaxMckayful yeah. That, or continue with this, but making sure up the empathy and care in other areas or once you have processed your feelings and expressed them. Idk I really struggled with feeling my therapist was apathetic.
They care. I bet they think of you between sessions, but not in an unhealthy manner. It would be difficult to heal if the therapist cares so much that he or she becomes emotionally attached. That’s entanglement.
*TIMESTAMPS*
2:30 Hey Kati, could you talk about why therapists sometimes don’t react with shock or surprise or sadness to things you might tell them like abuse, or they don’t give away any emotional clues about...
16:26 Hi Kati, how is a therapist to react when a patient doesn't even trust them enough to tell them why they're here? Can such a patient even get therapy? Or would they be deemed untreatable???
23:56 Hi Kati! How do you meet your need in comfort and reassurance, and why can one crave it? I have a strong feeling that I want someone to comfort me, tell me everything is going to be okay, validate my feelings, take care of my...
35:13 What can we do when the thought of having to calm yourself is triggering? You talk so much about being able to soothe yourself but what if you associate being calm with having to be compliant and quiet...
42:06 How do I come clean about secretly recording our sessions to my therapist? I started recording them because I couldn't remember a thing about our sessions due to intense social anxiety. Also, being gaslit by my parents for years, I constantly question my...
47:20 Could you talk about the stigma around suicide and grieving deaths caused by suicide? I have recently lost 2 friends to suicide within the past few weeks, and I've noticed a lot of people aren't very understanding. They say things like, "How could anyone that young do something like...
54:19 Hi Kati. I don't have anyone to share my feelings. No friends. No therapist. (I left my therapist because our conversation was way too shallow.) I don't wanna watch TV anymore in my 'excessive free time' I just want to have someone to talk to in a deeper way. I'm sick of just...
58:57 Do you have any suggestions for someone who struggles with imposter syndrome? I have been at the same job for a long time and get nothing but positive feedback, yet I have this overwhelming fear I will be "found out" someday and they will realize I don't know what I...
1:07:34 Hi Kati. My husband was sexually abused by a family friend multiple times as a young child and "doesn’t remember how long it went on" he only has talked about it twice over the 3 years we have been together. I am the only person who knows about this, I know it affects him to this day but...
1:15:35 Can you talk more about setting boundaries within and outside of therapy? I have trouble setting boundaries and constantly feel like I'm going to overstep them if I’m not constantly worrying and super aware of everything I'm doing, saying, and thinking...
1:21:21 Hey Kati! I recently came out of a psychotic episode, however, I miss my voices. Even though I know it wasn’t real and they were mean as hell for the most part it felt as though I had someone to talk to. I just want to know is it normal to miss the voices and what do I do about it???
Thank you!! You are the best :) xoxo
Thank you
Nisa Finnegan hello again thank you again for another set of timestamp with times hope your doing ok x
Why are you the best?!? Thank you for this.
On showing shocked face
I did firefighting for a career my first year at 17 years old early on I had one of those oops! Shocked face mistakes
A traffic accident motorcycle vs car
And the motorcycle rider needed a tourniquet on his thigh the experienced firefighter was taking care of that..I could see that injury. I was supposed to stabilize the lower leg and when I put my hands behind his calf I felt the bones without flesh on them...the poor guy saw my face and panicked I tried to fix it with its OK, nothings wrong..but he had seen my face change.
I never forgot that.
It happens
For me it's obvious why...i for one don't wish for my therapist to show any emotion.... I don't need to feel responsible for producing any emotional reaction in the person I am seeking help from and at my most vulnerable in front of .... I need my therapist to be the eye of my storm .... Quite and calm..
Via question 3: hi, I’m a parentified child 😅
When the o.p. mentioned their family was “emotionally supportive but don’t know what to do with their emotions and are too anxious” bells started ringing. Kati got to the kernel (it’s not the support we need) but I want to make it clear that a parent can be very affectionate and constantly attuned to their child’s emotions and *still be a bad thing*. As small children we were well parented but going into adolescence our mother over-shared her adult problems with us and expected more in return than what we could give...
...we got support but it came with BAGGAGE
36:36 Wow. Never thought about that but it makes so much sense! I've always struggled with guided relaxation/meditation stuff because I don't have a "happy place" or a "safe place". When I imagine one, there's always a feeling that something's not right, it can't be safe, can't relax, you don't know what's out there.
In regards to the first Q: it helped me that I found a therapist who DIDNT react. I was sexually abused (but at the time I didn't know what happened and I was asking my therapist if it was abuse or not) and the first therapist I went to was a woman and I couldn't even finish my story before she was like, "YES, that IS considered rape. You WERE abused I'm SO sorry", and for me I didn't WANT the emotion - I wanted to know if I went through trauma or not and what to do. I didn't want a show - I knew something bad had happened but a shocked/shook reaction made me feel they were viewing my experience from a biased/emotional standpoint rather than logic. Find a therapist who fits your needs. I ended up finding a male therapist who would explain trauma, anxiety, and depression from a logical/scientific standpoint. Rape is such a heavy and sometimes confusing area to navigate: my therapist put it like this, did you give consent and who had the power in the situation? Some people (like me) avoid or don't understand emotion and there are therapists out there who will work with you in regards to that.
Yes, Kati :) I’m not really an anniversary person either, but I’ve thought about how it’s been a year since all this rona stuff started. It does make me feel a lil’ on edge but it’s also a reminder that even though I was so scared back then, I was brave enough to keep moving forward and so was everyone. Life changes but so do we, right? It’s amazing how we can adapt to new circumstances and just goes to show we can do much more than we think we’re capable of. At least that’s how I’m feeling today haha
Totally!! It's almost like we have proved to ourselves that we can get through it or at least keep going :) xoxo
My therapist doesn't express her emotions very much, but there were a couple times she expressed various feelings and i realized those moments mattered so much to me. So i told her how much her expressing emotions meant to me so she does some times in a really healthy way. I speared myself from my story a very long time ago and her showing emotions about my story seem to help work on the wall i built and slowly are making it move again
It also makes me feel more seen and cared about. Cause why should i with on caring when no one else has ever cared about it? Then I'll be sitting there hurting and no one will care, might as well stay in a safer none feeling separated place instead.
The 1st years of my mother working at oncology was full of tears... Everyday she came home crying for those people.... After 10 years when she came home she was a little bit nervous because she couldn't be nervous at the hospital, and now, after 25 years she came everyday and she's like: 2 deaths today, 3 yesterday, 7 last week etc... You are getting used to it. You become more stronger + all the pacients love her because she is warm and nice with them.
My Therapist reacts when I tell her things and I actually really like it! Is it just my therapist?
Every therapist is going to be different, and I am glad your therapists style works for you!! xoxo
Mine reacts sometimes but she intuitively turns it on and off when it’s needed. I think that’s best.
I love when Kati in these podcasts gets outraged and goes off on someone’s abuser, like saying they are garbage and she’d like to punch them in the nose etc, it is so adorable. I wish someone would make a supercut video, ha. (ETA I know she wouldn’t do that in a therapy session but I love that she can with us because podcasts are not therapy!)
My therapist reacts too. She says they were taught to react because it validates our(the client’s) feelings. And reassures them when they are having the correct response to trauma.
My T reacts subtly, but after 7 years, I know her energy pretty well by now. She's never gotten teary I don't think but I know like when my mom died, she got how mixed it all was and was available for all my mixture of emotions. Course, after years, she knew the ins and outs of my relationship with her.
My mom has called me a B multiple times and had to tell her to stop. It was devastating hearing that from the person who brought me here. A mother y’all!
Oh man it's been a hard week and I am so ready to sit back and take care of myself like my therapist said this morning. So I made myself some food, put my phone on do not disturb and I'm ready!! Thank you Kati!! Love and hugs♥️
Awe yay! I hope you loved the episode and I am so glad you are taking some time to care for yourself :) xoxo
What I really want from a therapist is just understanding without judgement. But most importantly, I really like the new hairstyle. 😂
why are peoples first jobs as a therapist often in psych wards and hospitals. the most vulnerable patients always have to deal with people who don’t know what they’re doing? that sucks
Because it’s a job no one wants so only those who can’t get a job else where (no or little experience) are willing to do it.
As a key worker after a horrific night shift I needed this even more than usual 💜
Awe I hope it was helpful!! xoxo
@@Katimorton Of course 😉 since discovering your channel I now feel there is nothing I can't talk about with my therapist. To say I've made progress is an understatement 🥰
Suicidal thoughts are the worst thing to bring up, because I have never had a therapist that have reacted in a way that have made me feel comfortable talking further about these things. One of them sent me back to my doctor and judged that I felt too bad, which of course resulted in me not having anyone to talk to at all for months. Despite her letter to my doctor that is was urgent, he didn't contact me until an entire month later! I still today, have only managed to find private therapists.
What happened to you is so wrong!! Are you in a HMO w/ limited medical physicians/ therapists? I hope you can find a local Community Health Clinic in your town, a Senior Services Program, College campus/ mental health clinic, LGBTQ or Woman’s resource organization.. Go online, ask others to help you navigate. You deserve to find help.
About not showing emotions during an appointment. I get why they shouldn't but to me when they don't have a response I feel like either "oh I'm making it worse than I think" or "they don't care, they aren't even responding". What's your suggestion on combating that or what's your thoughts on that?
Share these thoughts with your therapist! Your comment is a good reminder for MH professionals to take the responsibility to check in with their clients re: how the process is going continuously
There are times, I will have just said something hard, need to breathe feel heard and I will say "ok, now I need for you to say something." And they will.
Thank you for another great video!!!!! I always enjoy this. By the way your hair looks great! 💜
Awe of course!! And thanks!! xoxo
Thankyou for talking about how “going to your safe space” isn’t calming for everyone. I always hated getting told that because to me, there’s no such place.
The info about remaining neutral when hearing about trauma was also really helpful to hear. I’ve had psych nurses throw up upon hearing stuff that’d happened to me (which sucked), but also I’ve never heard that the things I went through was wrong/shouldn’t have happened, so receiving a blank look is hard too. This will help me remind myself to focus on how I feel rather than looking to their response for validation.
Kati, you’re amazing! I’m so sorry for your loss, and I want you to know that you’re not alone either.
about encouraging your loved ones to seek help, yeah felt that. Even when I have had two therapists and had been in therapy for 2+ years, when I moved to a new country for grad school, it still took me about 6 months to get to the process and find a new one. So now I understand when I was home, urging my sister to seek help, why she was reluctant. I won't be urging her that strongly again, and only hope that seed was planted in her mind!
🖐Hi people I have only just check my notification and watched this new podcast anyway hope people are getting though things the best they can and getting the support and help they need if they can get the help. I know everyone s struggling😥 with everything in there own way but we all feel comfortable here in the comments because we all have health problems and we are here because we follow kati s podcast and we need the advice and help. Also I just want to thank the people Iv met so far on here for always makeing me feel welcome and noticed. I appreciate you all🙂
Yay, just when I needed it the most
You know... I hated telling people that my mom was dead because I would feel like I would have to manage their response and comfort them. Even now. If I say something related to that, as an introduction to something else (like my mom died when I was 35 so...) I find peoples obligatory or even empathetic "I'm sorry that happened," etc to be in the way and causes me more anxiety sometimes. God I love when I say that my mom died and someone just accepted that information non emotionally. Unless I am emotional when I say it... or indicate that I need comforting then I dont. Also, a close friend of mine came that night to be by my side but I had to comfort him and it was a lot of emotional labour I didnt need. "I'm so sad for you...." is just extra weight that I dont need to cary. It cuts our own process short because now we want to assure them that everything is ok. We feel like they cant handle our grief, or they are even stealing it from us in some ways.
Kati, I wish I could more succinctly express to you how important you are to the current and future humans of planet earth. Your honesty, openness, and professionalism is so helpful. ❤️
I'm so excited for this! The best part of Thursday ☺️
yay!!! xoxo
I’m a clinical psychologist, and I’ve enjoyed listening to your podcasts. I’m always so curious to hear other mental health professionals share their perspectives. I have to say I appreciate your response to the person recording sessions. I agree it is importantly to let the therapist know, and I think in most cases it’s something that could be worked through. However, I would feel pretty violated if a client told me they had been recording our therapy sessions without my knowledge. It happened to one of my colleagues-a client was recording their sessions-and she felt extremely uncomfortable when she found out. Yes confidentiality belongs to the client but we’re human beings too, and we deserve the chance to consent or not to situations like being recorded. I also wouldn’t necessarily agree to the client recording sessions going forward. It would depend on my relationship with them and the purpose I felt recording sessions would serve for them.
I'm glad I saw this, because I thought my therapist was not taking me seriously enough. Like, why am I even here?🤔💀
Love these videos! Just hearing you chat about these questions is relaxing to me. I go to therapy and am always so nervous about if it even helps me, what my therapist thinks about me, and so many other anxious thoughts. You make me feel so much more comfortable about taking care of myself.
Another awesome eppisode! I like how I get helpful tips from questions I didn't even realize I wanted an answer to quite yet.
38:05 Writing, drawing, and crafting were my self-soothing until it was taken away, too. It's interesting because a lot of adults shame other adults for relaxing because it's "a waste of time." Except, then adults also wonder how those high-strung, easily triggered, people exist.
When sharing childhood experiences, I would have issues understanding if it was something out of the ordinary or not. Having my therapist react and tell me if it was messed up or not helped me a lot. But we talked about that at the start
About friends checking in : I don't feel suicidal, but I do have trauma and I have to deal with a narcissistic mother, and it feels like I always have drama in my life even tho I'm not the one causing it . So when I turn to my friends to vent sometimes it feels like I'm a burden and they're tired of listening to my drama. And I get angry and sad because if they're annoyed imagine how I feel! And I do see a therapist but she's not always available, so it is nice to be able to count on someone else. It sucks.
Thanks Kati! love all ur vids sm☺️
I personally love the check ins at the beginning 💓 it's super lovely 😊
Katie thank you for alleviating my fear and giving me a good way to ask tough questions and broach sensitive topics. Thank you.
Your bit on finding calm/safe space was super spot on for me. The more I think of a safe space the more my body is like heck no it's a trap GTFO! Thanks for giving a different way of doing it.
About the 5150, thank you for saying how terrible psych hospitalization is. I’m 100% traumatized
I've been so abused by the system, I know my T would never put me in there, esp the local hospital unit which is horrid, unless she absolutely had to because I gave her no choice. It's in my control to keep myself safe. Trauma by psych units has added to my trauma/PTSD, not helped it. My T has also said she would call/text many times a day if I needed that to get over a bump. It surely isn't something that gives me permission to be constantly needy but she knows which times of year, like now are needing my support. And will ask if I need to talk like on a Sunday. We did the a few weeks ago, first time in years, and 30 minutes in the phone helped me so much. She said she would rather talk to me for 30 minutes extra several days in a row if it kept me out. I appreciate that so much. The ball is always in my court. I don't think she would commit me unless she legally had to. I'd never give her any words that would put her in that position because I know it would hurt her to have to do it. Mutual respect.
I listened to the whole hour and a half of this. I must enjoy listening to Katie lol.
To add to the first question like ok sometime I feel like people, not just my therapist I’m like “ why aren’t you as pissed at my trauma as I am?!?!? “ is that weird? Make sense?
I feel this deeply. 💯
No I totally agree. Sometimes it seems like talking to a robot. The wording is right but they are void of human emotion.
This has been an incredibly enlightening episode
Fantastic job thank you for taking the time to share ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you very much for what you've been doing Kati. I think your podcast is highly educational. We learn a lot with each episode. But I don't like meds, because antidepressants have thousands of disgusting side effects. Also, I think it's not depression. It's not that bad yet.
Well, I am done with therapists now - never even found one, who really knows what narc. abuse in childhood does to ppl. - its been a waste of my time, energy and money. Don´t need that bs. either. Thank you.
I just asked my T this week how it is for her with horrific memories. I asked her if she had ever cried with a client. Her answer was the same, she "holds space for my feelings." Listening to Bréne Brown has helped me see that some responses can increase shame without meaning to. As a nurse, I've cried with patients. (Cry for me is tearing up, giving them permission really esp if the just got very bed news or a family's death.) As for memories, for religious/spiritual abuse, Easter is a very tough time of year.
im early, excited to listen to this :)
Yay!! I hope you enjoyed it!! xoxo
Quetion on the one person’s husband. Well my husband is sooo stubborn. When I can’t be his person because of our relationship and I feel that he needs a little push before we strangle each other about things that we can’t do anything about or what ever the case. I have done it twice in 17 years, I call up the therapist make an appointment and just tell him he needs to pitch for the appointment. So usually the first question when asked, why are you here..... I am only here because my wife made the appointment. And that opens the door and then he ends up going to follow ups on his own.
1:02, it feels like there is us in the middle of two parallels. On the left is the best ways of doing, on the right is the worst of events. We dipped into the worst of it for a bit too long and let us know how far from the best ways we actually are.
33:11 HUGE aha-moment for me!!! thank you xx
I give my therapist a lot of information about myself, but I feel like my therapist doesn’t remember what I told her and takes few notes.
Consider a new therapist.. you should feel listened to. Therapist vary widely! Find a better fit for yourSelf before you waste your hard earned money. You deserve it 🦋
I had a college counselor who did. It was early 2000 and she also tried to get me to say things happened to me that didn't. I was very vulnerable and she made me feel like she cared about me then she cut me off abruptly when she became a manager. I had limerance over that relationship til this day.
I really enjoy your uploads - very informative. Any chance you could time-stamp each question?
If you search through the comments here, usually a community member has created the timestamps!
@@askkatianything OK thanks!
You're so smart it's fun listening to your brain function. Thanks for teaching me something new today about the mind :)
About having a partner who suffers with you: The worst thing is that my partner felt temted or somtimes evne obliged to help me, even though that was never my intention or even what I wanted from her. (We are talking about my own emotional inner stuggles.) That became a huge problem in our relationship, because she felt overwhlmed and not listned to and I felt hurt and not understood and the stress just kept rising and eventually it cracked. We never recovered from that, even though we tried several times. (It was more complicated than this short description.) The only solution seems to have been to have a pause during the periods when I felt really, really down. I should have listened to myslef when I felt the warning signs.
I miss my voices. It sucks. But I also love my new medicine because no one is saying horrible things to me.
Thanks Kati ill plant some seeds
Hi Kati, you told the episode where you told the wrong thing to an ED patient saying that she was still "fat". Honestly, as a non-trained person I would have said something similar. What would have been the right thing to say in that situation? Thanks
That makes so much sense about being triggered by calming down as to calm myself down my go to safe place is to act on ed behaviours
I love these podcasts! So helpful Kati thankyou
I love Thursdays! Your videos make me feel better ❤️❤️❤️
Well, you usually don't get a second chance. Someone tells you they don't like your contacting them so often, but they haven't told you how they want that to work in practice, you interpret it your way and the next time you contact them they are already gone. Not to mention that in many cases, you never get to know what the reasson was. The person just disapears. Sometimes you can feel that there might be a connection to something that the person didn't seem to like before, but you don't underdstand what the issue really was.
Thank for the information, especially question 1 and 2. I didn’t every know what to say to doctors and therapist, mainly because I don’t want to go back to the hospital. I do much better at letting my treatment people, know what is going on. Anyways thank you.
i love the inner child work
1:05:33 Imposter syndrome. 2 year old video so probably doesn't even matter that I'm writing this BUT:
Imposter syndrome seems to have a little bit of a basis in societal gaps of education. I've noticed that imposter syndrome is much worse if you're frequently associating with people who either consistently put you down (narcissistic abuse style), frequently dismiss your knowledge, and education, or you encounter a lot of people who are so outside of academic pursuits that they put you on a pedestal and then are constantly disappointed when you aren't "perfect."
I had a lot of internal grief as a result of pursuing higher education, because the people around me seemed to expect me to know *everything.* They also seem to think that a stem degree, or masters degree, or professional degree, equates to super human. I think television and movies really warp the way people view jobs that require a lot of education. People really don't know how academia works, or how research works. They genuinely think you're out there inventing time machines, and breaking the rules of physics, single-handedly. My family would talk about me like I was worthless (I can't believe you don't know X! What was all that schooling for!? Why aren't *YOU* on TV?!), or say things like, "I don't know really know *what* [my kid] does." It's dismissive. It's hurtful. And then if they ask a question (probably unrelated to your education) and you don't know it...well then you must be an imposter!
I think it's important to try to find people (or at least one person you feel connected to), who can remind you that ignorant people shouldn't define your abilities, or your worth.
Hey Katie, you mentioned about trying to get someone to therapy and how tricky that can be. My father is extremely paranoid, he would think that people are trying to be purposely malevolent towards him in some way or another and so he is very distrustful of pretty much everyone and everything. I've recently realized how much his unhealthy behaviour had been toxic towards me growing up but I've come to realize that he might have a mental health issues, only when I got older and started discussing it with my own therapist.
I would like to somehow suggest that he would seek therapy but this is very difficult. Firstly because he is an elderly man, he had been living this way for all his life, I would imagine that it would be even more difficult to shift that thinking now. Secondly he is stubborn and has a delusional grandiose sense of self. I think he would be too proud to listen, I would often feel like he treats me like a child who doesn't know anything about the world even though I think I am a fairly intelligent and capable adult.
I do not know what to do. I had to create distance from him for the sake of my own mental health, but I feel torn that I know someone who is going to be unnecessarily suffer and never know that there is a better life than what he's experiencing. And also it would benefit our relationship better if he gets better.
Hey Katie! I dont know if this is something youd be willing to talk about, but I'm extremely curious about your thoughts on using marijuana. I've been smoking for about 3 years now and it has genuinely helped me. I call it my all around medicine. It helps with my depression, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorder, insomnia, OCD, etc.
I haven't self harmed, starved myself, attempted suicide, or even had the thought of it since I started smoking.
It helps me in so so many ways, but I do know that in some ways, it's not too good for me. I feel as if I can't live without it, and that no medicine could help me the way marijuana does.
People in my life want me to try to quit, but I'm terrified to. I know that once I stop smoking it's very possible I'll relapse and fall back into old habits, and my experience with medication has been extremely negative. Do you have any thoughts?
35:30 is a time stamp for me to listen to this again, since it triggers my CPTSD so much I can´t pay attention untill the end.
Kati, answering my second question in a month and telling me to get trauma therapy for the second time: 💁🏼♀️
Me, waiting till I finish graduate school because I don’t have money to get therapy until then: 🗿
Does your school offer counseling?
@@andreafeelsfantastic yeah but it’s short-term so no chance to dig deep enough before it’s over 🤷🏻♀️ I was also told to seek long-term therapy by them
That is so frustrating! Do you think your family might help you pay for it?
@@andreafeelsfantastic they work in another country and earn in another currency, I wouldn’t dare asking so much money from them. I just need to find a well-paid job in a foreign country fresh out of university amidst pandemic and I’ll be able to afford therapy...
Thanks for asking :)
@@mollymoon7129 haha, well that should be a piece of cake! If you would like a slice of hope, though, I got laid off because of the pandemic and found a new job just a month later!
love the podcast so much! thank you ❤
Kati Morton. you looked relaxed in this new Thursday podcast and I liked your top and i think your straight hairstyle is very nice. too it suits you I as always felt relaxed and calm why I watched and listened to the question s being answered and all the answers you gave people honestly your podcast are always the best part of my week I really always need these podcasts I so appreciate you ❤
I'm not a registered therapist, but as a part of my course, I did counseling assignments with people. I used a lot of the counseling techniques I learned and it was interesting how calming it is for a client when you have a calm, neutral demeanor. I think if you react too emotionally or overly sympathize it can make them feel uncomfortable or it can sound patronizing. Not reacting emotionally seemed to make them feel safer, like I was genuinely listening. There's something to that calm, neutral therapist demeanor .
Thank you, im starting therapy today.
I relate to the third question too much
It makes us sick when we think we have to earn our basic human need to be known, cared about, and belong. We think we have to compete for those basic things that help us feel secure. We should rather just be more giving, and therefore more of us receive without somehow being good enough. The more secure people there are, the better relationships there are, the better it is for me and for you.
omg q1 makes so much sense to me know bc it came up one day in therapy and i didn’t fully understand what my therapist responded until now 😂
For years, I told counselors a horrible thing that happened, and they had no emotion in their response. I felt like i was in the twilight zone. It was very confusing for me and invalidating.
How/where do you write questions to Kati? I’d love to ask one!
I love to listen to you ❤️ You are si real❤
I was just watching something really interesting with anniversaries. I have ptsd and often get lost what day/month it is and find on a really particularly bad day and I happen to think about it and make the connection. It’s weird how it works on a biological level. You’d think it has to do with your awareness that it was an anniversary but it doesn’t matter if you know what month/day it is, your body does.
I have had several therapists that HAVE reactet with anger and getting upset and one even started to sigh when I started to cry in a session. They get annoyed and furstrated and so do I during my session. :)
I always thought that the rule of thumb for hospitalization is whether there’s an active plan in mind to commit the act.
I left the only therapist ever went to because after two sessions, one of which I spilled my guts about family, I found out she is my cousin from my mom’s hometown! 😳 it was very awkward. lol!
Hi Katie you say about not doing anything to harm yourself but I was taught to smoke from an early age because of abuse and neglect I used the smoking to help me and still do years later I can't give up because it makes me go into panic mode still have flashbacks and go back to my shitting childhood
Yes, people are usually very judgemental when it comes to suicide. People say it's selfish not considering that you might have had friends who have commited suicide. My own sister has said that people won't take you seriously if you scream for help when there is nothing happened!! She has even started to spread her religous beleives in my face when I told her I had a friend whose frined commited suicide!
I did not realize how rare crying was for therapist, my social worker when I was a kid started crying and left the room. I kinda freaked out and wanted to calm her down, I thought I hurt her.
Anniversaries totally matter. Especially death anniversaries
First comment! 😃 Happy Thuuuursday
Happy Thuuursday to you too!! xoxo
Breathing exercise trigger me because I get hyper focused on the “right” way to breathe.
See if I can stay awake for this one lol. I hold my phone and listen to your voice. It sounds weird but I think it’s hearing someone that has recognized I exist. I love that you said you’d call my ex! Haha. So much I wish I could say but scared
30:49 I hate that. I been that way forever. I want to do things and see people, or talk and then if it happens I panic and ignore, or makes excuses. It's very confusing.
2:30 - I told my therapist something in session and I saw their eyes bulge out, they really couldn't say "I've heard it all," they did keep their composure, they were just concerned for my safety.
Wow. Well at least you know they cared or at least agreed with how bad that was. Mine usually is pretty straight faced.
Never mind all the clinical studies and countless treatment modalities- Being a therapist is all about being subjectively in touch with the client, while remaining objectionably reasonable. Thats it.
Aw you look so beautiful kati x