This is an episode for the ladies. As I've mentioned elsewhere, the one thing you must never do to the man with whom you want to have a relationship is disrespect him. Unfortunately, respect can mean different things to men and women -- so it's important for women to appreciate respect through the masculine lens so that they can stay on the sunny side of the unbreakable rule. The fact of the matter is that women unintentionally sabotage their relationships when they disrespect men without realizing it. As we'll see, most of these unintentional slights have to do with placing themselves above men. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ua-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/v-deo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #dating
This video is fundamentally wrong-headed anyway. Women breezily disrespect men all the time but it's not really what is at the heart of the matter. The problem of disrespect is downstream of a more significant issue and that is the horrendous mismatch in requirements between male and female partners. Women have a huge laundry list of reasons for getting into a relationship with a man. They view a man as an endless performer of tasks. Men have practically zero requirements of a female partner and seek a relationship mainly for intimacy. The solipsistic idea women have in their head of all the tasks a man should be performing/ways in which he should be "behaving" (essentially in support of her and her objectives) renders many of them unable to act respectfully. This is because-in many regards-the idea of his being sovereign and independent is completely in conflict with the myriad acts of service she wants him for in the first place. This is women's problem to resolve. It's not a man's fault. The 'respect' thing is dealing with the symptoms, not the cause.
@@sammyb1651this video is in a series of videos for “attracting the man you want” and he usually is a high value man. If I woman is overtly disrespectful and is not interested sex with you, she doesn’t really want you. Move on 😅
Dr. Orion, I'm glad I've tried to do the difficult work of understanding my own faults as a man these last three years, or i would have been triggered AF by this episode. Maybe I'm just in a particularly good mood today 😂. But - DAMN. I wish my ex could watch this and not instantly go an insane raging murderous defensive, as she would, though she would absolutely never make it past the first minute. At least it helped me, and i still think that your compassion for EVERYONE is very touching. As always, 🙏🏻 thank you sir 🫡
The way Orion lays this out is some kind of coping mechanism for men who are not high value men. Not sure why Orion want to sugar coat the truth to men. Women are INCREASINGLY filling the provider role of men which was UNIQUELY a male role for a millennia. If women are ( and rapidly at that) out providing and being equal to men in providing then men in ROMANTIC relationships with women , men are going to be disregarded and/or not needed. Providing is essential part of power and love for a woman. If a woman can fill your unique role then you're replacable. Most companies practice this in the real world. Orion needs to cut to the chase and stop obfuscting because it makes his audience feel better. It's the reason for why women initiate more divorces (70%) and why the sexless rate for men is near 33%. I'm not for or against anything but as women start out earning men (Goldman Sachs predicts in 10 years) the sexlessness for men will probably creep higher.
I think the fundamental problem with this video is that if she is disrespecting you she doesn't want to be with you. She doesn't disrespect her boss because she wants her job and the money. Disrespect is the first step on the journey to the end of the relationship.
That's why this video is (I believe) addressed to women, but secretly for men. I think a lot of men don't even recognize that many of these are forms of subtle disrespect, and when they recognize these behaviors in their women, will clear the fog from their eyes regarding what is actually going on and why they feel so "off" when speaking to their woman. They can then take action. A lot, (myself formerly included) had no idea they were being disrespected and were taught (thanks Dad...) that this is the way it is.
That's why this video is (I believe) addressed to women, but secretly for men. I think a lot of men don't even recognize that many of these are forms of subtle disrespect, and when they recognize these behaviors in their women, will clear the fog from their eyes regarding what is actually going on and why they feel so "off" when speaking to their woman. They can then take action. A lot, (myself formerly included) had no idea they were being disrespected and were taught (thanks Dad...) that this is the way it is.
@@santafilipina9020 For some reason, women tend to love these narcissitic, bad boy types. My only reasoning is that its a demonstration of higher value (DHV). There is obvious evolutionary benefits to women who mate with a male who is of a higher value. Its genetics.
@MOTV583 Any form of commitment where you can't just walk away removes that fear. That's why it's not in a man's best interest to get married. Let alone the financial risk.
💯% nailed it. Disrespect only seeps in when she doesn't want you anymore. This video should really be on why disrespect if the first step on the road to the end of the relationship.
She settled. She has no burning desire for her man; therefore, she spews her misery onto her man. Never stay with a woman who has no desire for you. It’s a miserable way to live. Divorce or break up and walk no matter the financial or emotional cost because it’s a man’s duty to always self improve and live a life of positivity. Otherwise the man will become extremely bitter over time which never ends well.
@@georgeedward1226 100% even my own sister who I love with all my heart has started to develop this superior attitude towards me and her boyfriend and it’s so sad to see
when women disrespect you during the initial dating period, it's a form a "shit test". If the disrespect happens while you are in a relationship, it usually means she has lost attraction/desire for you, which usually cannot be reversed, and should be treated as a sign for breaking up.
💯% nailed it. Disrespect if a sign that she no longer sees any value in you hence the disrespect. Its the first step on the journey to the end of the relationship.
A shit test is not disrespectful. Disrespect is the same no matter the phase of the relationship. When it arrives, enforce boundaries harshly ie. Acta non verba.
@@aalvarez305Wrong! Shit test = blatant disrespect as in habing nonfear of losing such a man = no sexual desire! This is why we need to stop enabling / compkying with this whole "a shit test is a sign of interest" bs by tolerating even the mere toxic concept of admitting a shit test in the first place. It's fake history! At no point in time before feminism a woman dared to shit test a man. At the very least she was immediately left behind to die from starvation. More often than not she was just bitchslapped silly or even stoned to death for the slightest disrespect. Same with fake evolution based theories. Back in the day women were bought and sold like cattle, some time back even just taken by force a.k.a. = r.a.p.e.d (the very need for euphemistic sugarcoating things when we speak to / about women online is zhe proof of "patriarchy" being the opposite from the true state of things, being just a false narrative. Before like 1919 not a single woman could even think of shit testing a man. In most countries a.k.a. 3rd world even today the very concept of a shit test is alien to local women.
That's something I've noticed (gender doesn't;t matter) when one person wants to end the relationship. They start becoming meaner and disrespectful (usually by way of breaking their routine: not texting back the whole day, etc) , or the pull a ghosting act ("act" not total ghosting). What is likely happening is that they don't want to be the bad guy, so they're hoping their negligence will prompt you to break it off, or they hope this will spur anger in you, so you have an outburst towards them and they can justify breaking it off and/or they break it off and don't feel as guilty because you did something mean too.
You know what....this we supposed to do all men in a relationship, when a disrespect starts, is not way back.... If I would knew it.. I never stand a relationships so toxic... Great comment
My ex partner (mother of my kids, 16 year relationship) used to disrespect me, I put it to her this way and she had no response. Would you treat your boss the way you treat me? No of course not because your don't want to lose your job. Would you treat a shop worker the way you treat me? No of course not because that would make you an arse. Would you treat a stranger on the street the way you treat me? No of course not because you don't want to risk a punch in the teeth. Then why treat me like that? Why am I worth less to you than a stranger in the street? Why is your boss or even a shop worker worth more than me? I realised it at the time but it took me years to properly understand it.
I am in the same situation, brother (divorce on the way, 17 yrs, kids), and actually told her in the exact same way : you wouldn't talk to a stranger or a colleague that way, so don't talk to me that way. This was also met with deflection or silence. Did she ever answer in your case ?
@@zphzrhzraefoiaj4974 yeah she did, long time later. She said she knew I wouldn't do anything about it. There was no consequences. So this means it was intentional.. I didn't know how to have a relationship, I didn't know about boundaries.
@@actiondefence She was wrong. You stated originally she is now your ex. Consequences come swiftly when that switch flips in a man when he hits rock bottom and has had enough. He either self deletes, explodes in anger, or mans up and decides to be the one to end the relationship and take back control of his life.
I left my ex due to her disrespect. I agree with others here that, when she begins disrespecting you, it’s because she doesn’t love (if she ever did) or desire you anymore. Time to move on.
A woman cannot love a man she doesn't respect. It's not psychologically possible. But moving from 'no respect' to active disrespect move the dynamic to a new level of 'no love.'
Media creates false explanations for them. They discover this after we leave them, and move on. They usually call wanting back in as if nothing happened. The trouble is doing the same things expecting different results. Life is too short.
I remember listening to a reddit story about a woman that told her son about his dad wetting the bed. I was confused and thought "So what, every man likely wet the bed as a kid." Until I realised she wasn't talking about when he was a kid. He withdrew from her and was clearly upset and she was angry with him for being upset with her. When she demanded he talk to her, he told her she humiliated him in front of their son and she viciously snapped back that he embarassed himself when he wet the bed. I cannot fathom how this woman could possibly fail to see the disrespect in her initial willingness to share such an embarassing thing with a child, whom might at some point tell his mates, who will tell their mates who will tell their parents. Then to humiliate him a second time for being upset. Some women are hopeless.
Eh, he wet the bed as an adult. I would expect someone to repeat that to others. One time, my friend got mad at me that I told our mutual friends that he got caught stealing He was mad at me for humiliating him as well, but I told him he embarrassed himself by getting caught stealing in front of me. How can I blame myself for this? I was correct, just as this woman was
@marcusmcgraw3519 How can you blame yourself??? Because you took action, and the action that you took embarrassed your friend. Literally all you had to do was nothing. 🤦♂️
@@marcusmcgraw3519bro what are you on. Those are completely different examples. Take a chill pill from the Internet dude. Holy delusional. He was probably asleep when he wet the bed, I’d imagine. Stealing is a literal crime last time I checked, while conscious unless that person was drugged or something. We live in America, last time I checked there’s a lot of people who prolly are broke or starving. Have some morals dude. That’s something you tell your friend privately, to save his soul. Jesus Man you’re on one.
@@bdtrapbut my friend embarrassed himself. How do you think I felt about the fact that 2 plainclothes men escorted us to the back as we were leaving (though they did let me go immediately)? I knew I could not trust my friend after that. If this had been the other way around, I would expect my friend to embarrass me and tell others I got caught. Wouldn’t you?
Remember what they used to tell women about domestic violence: One hit and you leave, or to confront it by saying "one more and I'm out of here." For women, with less physical strength, DISRESPECT is the equivalent of that first hit, and if you accept it, you are floating downstream in the relationship and will have to confront it immediately to get back to neutral. "Did you just MEAN to disrespect me? Because if you did, I'm out of here." Imagine what you would tell your daughter to do in such a situation of violence, and then apply it to yourself about disrespect.
I'm dealing with trying to help a young woman find a new apartment, as she just told me yesterday that her brother is hitting her and her little daughters. And I had thought this was an ideal family! Who knows what lurks? And I have to consider how to avoid becoming a target myself.
In the video his examples of disrespect include eye rolling. Of course she meant it as disrespect. She didn't mean it as a complement. Youre going to divorce her for an eye roll a d a crossing of the arms?
@canelareina3795 no but every man should have a ledge and make a certain amount of strikes. But it's cheaper to keep her if he signed that horrible business contract called marriage.
I do this, and tbh, if you try that with most women they don't care. They are disrespecting you because they don't respect you, so the threat of you leaving won't matter. So, true to your word, you leave. Basically, after the first fight or disagreement, you are gone. I mean I don't care, but if you do, I would try something else.
It’s important to vet potential relationship partners for narcissism. You do this by seeing how they react and respond to disagreements and stressful situations. Men need to avoid beautiful narcissists! Exhibit a) Johnny Depp
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540and that’s why it’s seen as a red flag for someone to avoid arguments. They’re avoiding because they’re incapable of winning or influencing in their favor
Women enjoy a double standard when it comes to this issue: If a woman hits a man, it’s displayed as playful or “she had a good reason for it”. Also, a lot of men refuse to stand up for themselves and speak out against disrespect out of the fear of losing their gf or wife. However, women only respect men who have boundaries and communicate them. Remember: You get what you allow! Btw, this goes to women as well. Adding + Women will test their partners on how much disrespect they tolerate. This is how they filter out weak men and I think it happens unconsciously to some extend. This is just a hypothesis - debate me on it.
agree with you on the last part. women like to test their men to find the boundaries, and this is actually how they end up losing men. he has made a video specifically about this self-sabotaging behavior of women.
Like children they will always try to see what they can get away with. Best way is to nip it in the bud before it turns into a major problem. You also have to control your reaction. Some times men will make the mistake of getting overly emotional when trying to address these issues but if you get butthurt about it she will sense weakness as well. So when you do address the issue do it in a calm/unaffected manner.
Cheating is a massive deal breaker, verbal/physical abuse is a deal breaker, Controlling behavior is a deal breaker, Inequality is massive deal breaker
Men don’t need ask permission, but relationships is voluntary action. If you do not care about whether what you do would impact anyone, do not check with the woman, the woman also have the right to walk away.
@@therealsagekitty That goes without saying and the marriage stats show they do. However, this video is about not disrespecting the man you choose to stay with.
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female ex-partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
I left my ex-wife for being constantly disrespectful. Oh, and for cheating, but mostly it was the disrespect. The many and varied small ways that she would show disrespect, as well as overt disrespect like shouting in my face or interrupting me when I was speaking. We had many conversations about respect but she never did quite grasp how to be respectful, nor did she understand why it was important to me. I remember her saying at one point "all you talk about is respect this and respect that" like she really couldn't understand why her being so disrespectful was a problem for me. I had to walk away when she made it clear she had no intention of changing how she treated me. I'll always remember the shocked look on her face when I took my ring off and put it on the table next to her before walking away. That's the only way of dealing with a combative and disrespectful woman. Don't fight, don't argue, just walk away.
@@Willie_Wahzoo Agreed. I'm grateful that she imploded our relationship because it allowed me to walk away without guilt. It's been a bit over two years since I left and I'm doing 10,000% better in every conceivable way now without her constantly dragging me down.
you deserved better, we all do (did). i’m working on not bringing the past forward, it isn’t fair to my new partner…so far he seems a good man i can trust.
I just found this channel today and I am so glad I did. I especially appreciate this episode, it has helped me realize so much about my own toxicity. Thank you for sharing!
"This is how women disrespect men without realizing it" No sir they realize it, they just don't care because they don't fear repercussions of what they do and say Your take on women not disrespecting their bosses was spot on They know how to control their mouth when it comes to that because they fear losing their job
I like the fact you dont edit out the little hiccups in the videos. Makes it feel more genuine and direct which adds to the weight of the message. Thank you for everything you do
Excellent video as always Dr. Taraban, but my goodness... what a sad world we live in where a professional therapist has to explain this to people. Your work is more needed then ever, keep it up.
This video reminds me of one of your previous videos and a quote that really stuck with me: 'Catering to a woman's emotionality against your better judgment is a form of cowardice born out of a scarcity mentality.' Men, stand your ground and establish healthy boundaries. If she fails to comply and resorts to disrespect, bail. It's as simple as that. We have to learn to respect ourselves if we expect to be respected by others.
This reminds of a UA-cam comment of a man who told his ex wife when she asked why he ultimately divorced her and he answered, "in the end you made me choose between loving you and respecting myself and I chose to respect myself."
To put it more simply, it's false virtue. Bc what you think your doing is helping her but rather your enabling her. She's worse for it and so are you, if that pattern of behavior continues the question is who's going to realize it first and end things so they can actually win. Bc it sure as hell isn't going to happen in that kind of a relationship.
@@anthonyml7 I disagree. The notion behind my comment is not to remain and enable the disrespect. I clearly state to “establish healthy boundaries, and If she fails to comply and resorts to disrespect, bail“ There won’t be any room for her to continue the BS if you put your foot down and leave.
In respects to women, many may respect a man consciously while inadvertently disrespecting him subconsciously. In other words, it is crucial to note why men should never pedestalize women regardless of reciprocity because men and women are not equal by any means and ultimately abide by different standards and different expectations.
I agree, but that's one of the reasons we must be careful to whom we speak or tell anything, now not being mystic bible says if anyone tells you a secret must die with you, would be different if in this case (he) is the one who tells his story. Good friend of mine once told me that sometimes not even to our children we can tell everything. And unfortunately this woman has no values no respect for her husband.
@jeancesar5493 Admiration, is not Respect. Just as liking someone is not loving them. I can admire someone's rank or title and have no respect for them.
Disrespect comes down to lack of trust. I've dated women who've second guessed my decisions in various ways, which felt like she didn't trust my opinion. I dated someone who would ask my opinion and dismiss it only to later tell me her therapist said something groundbreaking, which was the same thing I told her a few weeks prior. Another woman I dated felt like dating an overbearing knit-picking micromanaging mother.
Yep definitely a bad fit. It's definitely important on the front end to look for somebody with complimentary abilities, that way your ideas don't step on each other that much.
Women are not responsible for a man's' self esteem, she can build and encourage but men need to know and respect themselves for the most part. If you felt the information shared would deem helpful albeit it was not taken, its should not cause you to feel your information was off, she simply didn't see it as something fitting her situation. I'd ask you where you are in your own journey of self esteem. Women can and do make choices for themselves. Most times a women is more intuitive than men. It's just the way we're created.
Absolutely. Men need to be men in a relationship. I have seen more men act like a unkempt human than I care to believe. Women need to stop being mothers. That man was a man before you met him. Sickening to see women picking up after grown men and buying their deodorant 😮 like what???? He is not a child!!!
@@DareBearTD Basically calling all the shots and expecting nearly everything to go her way. She dictates things like how and when dishes are washed. Basically the more she acts like an overbearing mother, the more you must think about running away.
probably should be held in all directions -- anybody trying to micromanage -- men or women, hetero or same sex relationships -- anybody too managing -- no good.
The argument that parents can go into their child's room because everything belongs to the parent is also the main reason a lot of those parents who don't respect their kids' privacy never hear from them in adulthood again. Respect everyone, no relationship is guaranteed, not even parent-child.
One form of disrespect is lying. Being with a female that believes her own lies ( So in her mind she is not lying) is next level b.s. . Yeah, I dumped her like last week's garbage.
My ex had a tendency to lie through omission, which is like the 'silent-but-deadly' form. I do see it as disrespectful when they lie about things that affect you personally or the two of you as a couple. I am more understanding and forgiving if they lied to protect themselves in some way. But now I'm questioning if perhaps it's a subtle sign of disrespect if they didn't feel they could open up to me about such things?
K the survellience part is true but asking questions and checking in is also what equals and collaborators do. You can't even get through the first date without asking each other questions, so that whole idea is just silly. The checking in is common courtesy and also healthy collaboration. Especially if there are intertwined lives and child care involved. I can't imagine anyone would be happy if their spouse didn't check in before going out for drinks with their friends after work and skipping dinner and leaving the other partner with the kids, and probably worried, too. Again, silly
Great episode. You absolutely nailed it: I perceived all three mentioned behaviors are disrespectful and they always led to a more or less intense pushback and negative reaction on my end. Now that I'm soon to be divorced, I can't believe that I tolerated those repeated offenses for so long.
Ladies, have you ever found yourself in a situation where your man makes a mistake and gets lost? Perhaps you've suggested that he ask a stranger for directions, only to be surprised by his response. Ever wonder why your well-intentioned suggestion doesn't elicit the reaction you anticipated? Picture this: You've prepared a meal for your family, a task you've mastered countless times. However, this time, a distraction causes you to burn the rice. You know you've made a mistake, and so does your husband. Everyone is aware of your culinary skills. Suddenly, your husband stands up, heads outside, flags down the first woman he sees, and invites her into your home to teach you how to cook rice. The reaction you'd have in that situation is likely the same as your partner's when you make a similar suggestion to him. In both cases, the respectful approach is to give your partner the space to rectify their mistake.
Really ? I’m unsure if I have to let go my husband is my victim. As he words it out. I’m unsure of that. I want therapy .. but we are both hurt by each other now. 🥹
Checking in with someone you love respect and care for, and are in a committed relationship with is called Being Considerate. Especially if the way the time is spent has an Impact on the other person. This is not rocket science. Its not about permission, its about consideration, clear communication and agreements.
67 year old lifelong bachelor here. I've ALWAYS acted as the Good Doctor describes here in my (infrequent) committed relationships with women over the years. And THAT, my friends is why I am a lifelong bachelor..
💐 Here’s your digital flowers sir, well done! With the way things are going in this unscrupulous, deregulated global sexual marketplace, I may be a Bachelor Boy/Free Agent with the likes of Tesla and The Wright Brothers. I have to ask sir, what is the key to being steadfast in your choice and how do you deal with the pejorative questions and comments from peers/family/associates in your choice not to adopt a woman and her brood?
@@jamescheaye927 I'm 61 and a life long bachelor. When I'm asked why I didn't get married and if I choose to answer, I say that I see little value for me in return for assuming an abundance of risk. I site the failure rate of marriages (in my case I would likely end up with a post wall divorced woman so the likelihood of divorce will be higher), the corrupt court system, the fact that women are no longer feminine and fit, and they are combative and usually a financial mess. Their unrealistic expectations is another reason. Who needs any of that?
That's probably the best way for most people. Marriage is only worthy for excentric and antissocial folks that usually are not able to have fun with most people, needing another "alien" as a partner to be really fullfilled.
@@jamescheaye927 Caring about the opinions of peers/family/associates in matters of the heart is the surest path to getting yours broken. There's no need to explain anything to anyone. A woman with children is a major liability waiting to happen and raising any man's child is predetermined self-cuckery. He (or she) that doesn't accept this (whether they like it or not) simply doesn't care about you enough to have their opinions considered. Nothing else need be said or known.
Yeah most women also now prefer to be single with the current generation of weak men all over the place. Easy to blame the woman then take accountability that maybe you are having issues or in a mess for your own life decisions. But men here in this forum will have zero accountability and quick to put blame on the women
💯%. They would never dream of disrespecting their boss or Chad. Because they really want the income and Chad. They only disrespect things they no longer want as a way of pushing that thing away, to make room for Chad.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 why would Chad settle for a disrespectful 4ho3? She is not making room for him, all she's doing is pushing you away and self-sabotaging.
I think under some situations owing the person's an answer to their questions regarding where you are and what you're doing are equal for both parties. When investing in an relationship you should be able to know if your investment is rightfully placed, which should go both ways since both are investing in the relationship.
critical judgement or talking about private matters with her friends or online and talking about their BF/husband to others in any negative way is terribly disrespectful.
@@robertfrantz4788 Not this woman, Robert. I can assure you. What happens within our four walls stays there. Anyhow, not much good at seeing, I fear. L.
Perhaps a woman has a close friend she shares with and needs input from. Also consider that age may be a factor in what women share. A seasoned woman will understand so the other woman won’t feel abnormal or in the dark about her lover and experiences. Not putting lover down, just trying to understand his intent and unstableness.
Only disagreement is women asking men about their intentions (Dating, friendship, networking or marriage). Women, especially western women need to date with intention.
I had an ex who was extremely jealous, and I didn’t know this until about two months into the relationship. Anyway, she disrespected me by throwing a tantrum if I made certain decisions without her (decisions that had little to do with her) and surveillance of who I was texting and calling (messages in a family group chat, or interacting with females in professional settings). The surveillance even became very personal, like watching who I was looking at when we went out on dates or errands together. I wasn’t cheating, but she made it seem that way. I was never outright disrespectful to her intentionally (and I apologized if I was), but she insisted that I was being disrespectful all the time. I didn’t know that any of this was disrespect until much later, after the breakup. But I’m learning from this experience.
Very true about not realizing the disrespect. I didn't even run across the term 'disrespect' properly until about 20 years ago. But I've experienced disrespect long before that, but didn't recognize it. I should have looked more closely at the power dynamics.
No, she's just a very insecure person and she doesn't know how to discern reality from her insecure emotions. I had a ex girlfriend just like her. Extremely jealous. When this happens, she's got emotions inside her that's affecting her way of seeing what is truly happening in front of her. Trying to control who someone looks at in public is beyond disrespect. You weren't being disrespectful at all. She was telling you it's disrespectful because she cannot tell you she has NO CONTROL over her insecure emotions. So, don't think this is disrespectful to women. For women, emotions are MORE real than reality itself.
Dishonest people are the least trusting. I'm willing to bet she pushed you into getting in too deep, too quick. She didn't want you to really know her first. Women do that. They wait till we're invested then drop bombshells. If they're in a hurry it's a major red flag. They can only keep up their false facade for so long. We need a chance to see them at their worst.
First point already nailed it❤. A lot of women act like they have a higher right to demand questions and to interview the man. Yes women are a bit more vulnerable and are more selective often when it comes to choosing a s. partner but this still does not give them the right to ask and demand in a disrespectful manner. Respect is given on the same level!
This part was interesting because he said that it's never allowed the other way. So does that mean that it's fine as long as both can over-question each other?
@@Guildofarcanelore If I feel like you're holding anything back without needing to, then the trust is probably on its way out. If I'm truly asking too much, I don't trust you anyway in which case that needs fixing fast. It's important to be aware that not saying something can have a worse effect than giving a gentle but negative answer. I've never really operated from a feeling of wanting or needing or expecting control as much as answers when behavior looks ambiguous. My biggest sign of a good relationship is not having to ask, not because he tells me everything but because his actions tell me he's OK.
Blimey! So fundamentally eye opening. (I can now immediately recognise that I regularly fall into the 'weak' group of men who are more than partly responsible for this state of affairs by simply allowing it to be pervading).
Really interesting. Im not in love with my current girlfriend and there are plenty of issues with our relationships but for some reason its hard to end it. And now I understands why. Its actually because she is really good in following those 3 steps. And that makes me feel that she is different from my previous relationships. feels really good. 100% agree that disrespect might be a deal breaker.
I’m disagreeing with some of this. If you are in a legally binding, committed relationship, you are equally obligated out of respect for each other to at least inform the other - if not ask permission to do certain activities. In a marriage relationship particularly, you are no longer obligated only to yourself and your own time. It is not just about you anymore. If either my wife or I are going to spend the night out with friends, we always inform the other, at least to see if they had any plans that might conflict with our own. We usually don’t have any problems with this, but schedules can conflict and it is just a matter of mutual respect that we consider the other when making plans. Just another perspective.
Exactly, you're talking common sense. Many women disrespect men in these ways, because many men expect authority, even if it is at the expense of those they are meant to protect.
@@bluewater454 I agree with you there, too. If this advice is directed towards women, you need to take it up with Orion. I totally agree that respect is a two-way street and that marriage/a committed relationship has different rules than people who are dating.
I've never really been in a serious long term relationship before. As a young inexperienced man, this was valuable information for me as someone who doesn't really know what to beware of. Ive only recently heard the term infantilize in the context of a controlling parent so it's a little eye opening to know that could happen in a relationship. Thanks, I have a lot of work to do myself with self esteem, self respect and self leadership.
Also called the 'parent child dynamic' where one partner will start to think of themselves as the parental type. It can be provoked a little bit by the actions of the other partner if they behave more like an infant. But more often it's entered into voluntarily (exceptions include people with ADHD or autism, but that doesn't stop couples from establishing the parent child dynamic). It's often brought about by one partner wishing to control the other and they do it to gain power in the relationship.
If she feels the need to keep tabs on her man because she either doesn't think he can look after himself, or she doesn't trust his fidelity... she should just find someone else.
"If you wouldn't say the same thing, in the same way to your boss, you shouldn't say it to the man with which you want to be in a relationship" Beautifully stated. The entire principle is right here
It felt refreshing to watch this, validating that i'm not alone in what i went through. I'm still scarred from my ex 12yrs ago, anytime i feel lustful for someone new over all these years i'm quickly reminded of that experience and i pull back. She was like a mad teacher, always questioning, eye rolling, arms crossed, saying my mum really screwed me up just because we had some intense family stuff happen which wasn't my mums fault (she meanwhile had a picture perfect country upbringing), she manipulated me to get engaged to her or the relationship was finished, manipulated me to get pets i didn't want to in order to stave off her innate need to have a baby which i didn't think we were ready for (and we weren't!!). All i did was go to work every day, karate every second night, go for regular runs she'd not want to join in on because it's too much fitness, I'd pay for everything because she was at uni, I'd come home and clean the kitchen she'd mess up terribly trying to bake, I'd clean the house on my days off because she didn't value cleanliness like I did (apparently "unrealistic standards" {maybe compared to living on a hobby farm in the bush without any chemicals}), I'd do the lawns because that's apparently the mans job. She cracked the biggest drama episodes, partly because she was a Drama/English major at uni, she'd literally bang her head against the wall and slide down to the ground crying because we won't have babies or because i kept her waiting until i proposed (we were only together 2yrs). She'd correct my English all the time, slam all my accents, slam all my jokes and take them literally (wrongly). After i split up with her, she was immediately adamant that she's good and i'm bad, tried turning on me and turning all our friends against me, successfully.. and within 3 months she's got a new guy and she's gotten herself pregnant. I've seen a lot of behaviors of hers in a lot of females so I've avoided them like the plague. It's sucked not having much or any loving for so many years but at least I've been able to have my peace.
I found you by searching a topic, then quickly became aware that I was supposed to find this page in general. I’ve had a problem with emasculating men for a long time. I know it was learned from my childhood. It’s something I’d like to fix within myself, so these videos are making a big difference for my mindset. Could you do one on how to nurture vulnerability from a man’s standpoint?
I'm very interested by what you've described. Could you explain your process of emasculation? Is it your aim to emasculate your male partners from day 1 or will you be triggered into action by an event and continued the abuse until the relationship ends? Do you know why you feel the need to do it or what you gain from doing it?
@@roberttruman8444Great questions. Thank you. Disrespect was a normal dynamic in my household growing up. I have always belittled men by jokingly giving them demeaning names. I’m competitive in relationships. I have never taken men/boys my age or younger seriously. If they don’t want to be treated like a child, I get defensive. It’s likely a subconscious trauma response, as I’ve found myself in more chaotic relationships than healthy. Generally, I’m very kind and pleasant to be around. It may be a means to not be overpowered. Reflecting now, it’s likely I start to pick at them and test boundaries early on. Then as they react I get more mean until one of us stops it. I didn’t realize it even happened until I lost someone I really liked after re-entering the dating world and took the time to reflect as to why. I looked back at my faults in prior relationships and was exposed to what I view as healthy relationships. Then of course have done research into proper dynamics.
@@roberttruman8444If the man asserts himself, it has made me back off. I don’t feel it should come to that point because the objective should be to make each other feel safe. As I said before, that wasn’t exhibited or a priority in my home. Then my marriage was a reflection of what I had grown up with.
The only way to "nurture" vulnerability in a man is to show, repeatedly and consistently, that you can be trusted. Weaponizing, publicizing or minimizing anything, ANYTHING, he has told you in confidence will provide the immediate and correct conclusion that you can NOT be trusted and he will never be vulnerable in front of you again and honestly, may result in him shutting off from your completely. My advice, if you want a man to be comfortable to tell you everything, is to earn it. It isn't something you can "nurture" in someone. If you're ride or die, we figure it out. If you aren't, we figure that out too.
wow this is actually deep. I'm guilty of the questioning one. usually it's because I believed a guy was lying to me, and it turned out that he was lol. but I guess next time I should figure it out without asking. and when I know, just leave. but then I'd be accused of not communicating.
Thank you for this video. I have a man who has worked with me and has continuing to work with me, and I am blessed for that. thank you for explaining disrespect from a man’s point of view in a way that can be understood by women.
Reminds me of a single mother I was getting to know on a romantic level. We had great moments, but she'd had these catty & demanding outbursts "You've gained weight..You should shave your body hair...You want me to pay for it?? That's not what a gentleman does!!....Can't or won't? [meet up with sex] what are you afraid of?? Well I'm not going to beg you." I asked her would she talk to her boss like that, I was met with "I make suggestions all the time," and that later lead to "I'm a single mother, I'm used to being in charge." Turns out she was being rather truthful, her whole daily life was high-strung argumentative with those around her. She didn't want a BF, she wanted someone else to argue with and control. We're still friends, but I'm so glad we never had sex. Here's a dating hack: Pay attention to how she treats her parents, siblings, or kids (if applicable), not an absolute, but it's an indication of she's going to organically treat you.
I was always a bit shocked at the way my soon-to-be ex-wife would talk to her parents. I know now that it was a major red flag and I should have known better.
I really appreciate your content. I grew up with a mother who was disrespectful to my dad and in my early relationships I was mindlessly doing some of those hurtful things. It’s scary how much long term damage parents can do. I didn’t even realize I was doing anything wrong and why there was so much negativity in my relationships until reading and watching stuff like this.
Hmmm point well taken Orion, but let's switch the position of male & female in those sentences. I argue that in healthy interdependent relationships women have the same rights of respect as men do.
I used to think like you and did most of these things, and guess what, my relationship didn't last. I have changed now, and I did some of the "disrespectful" things you mentioned and now I have a better relationship.
This was excellent, Orion. Thanks. I know you mentioned this was a two-part, so you may cover it in the next video, but I would love to also hear your thoughts on "testing" behavior, which I have found is the most common form of relational disrespect I've run into. Ie, the same arrogance/entitlement/childishness at play in the behaviors you've mentioned causing one partner to constantly "test" the quality (or honesty or strength or whatever) of their partner to "prove" themselves as a good enough partner. As a side note: I actually think this has gotten worse *because* of the modern dating/red-pill-o-sphere emphasis on "high value." Of course, a genuinely high-value person would never accept the unquestionably low-value behavior of constantly trying to test everyone's value around them: the whole purpose of being high value is that *I don't have to answer to* your "standards" of "value." Ironically, one of the key giveaways of a low-value person is their constant focus on evaluating others' "worth" and whether it's "good enough" for them as opposed to simply working on their own lives and naturally expecting the people in your life to match that energy. There's nothing more undermining of one's own value than to be a person who constantly has to remind others how rich, good looking, successful, etc. you are - *truly* great people do not have to prove themselves to anyone other than themselves, and demanding that they do so (especially in a relational context) is both presumption and disrespect of the highest orders.
One of the things that annoyed me about my ex is that whenever we were out for coffee, drink or dinner she would pick some other random girl nearby and ask me if I found her attractive and f*ckable. I would always answer (truthfully) that I hadn't noticed her and that I wouldn't care to answer that question. She continued doing this despite my explicitly asking her not to do it and complained when I answered the way I did. I believe that was a sh1t test and while I can sympathize when a woman does this in the beginning of a relationship, when she does that all the time I get the feeling she is setting me up to fail.
You don't need to instrument a test. Just being alive and interacting with the world around you, is enough for other people to get an idea of who you truly are.
@@willek1335 THIS. The idea that whamin are smart enough to wisely test and vet a man is laughable. They marry whoever is attractive and will take them.
You've highlighted a particular area that I'd argue is reserved mainly for narcissists and people with other personality disorders. I've known a few people who use the 'shit test' on their partners. Not once did I see or hear of them ending the relationship there and then and telling their partner "sorry but you don't value yourself enough, and for that reason I'm out". The reasons these people give for shit testing are complete butllsh&t. They are testing primarily to see what they can get away with (because that's a healthy attitude to take) and getting their partner to be vulnerable and gathering information that they can later use against their partner. If your date shit tests you, this is because they're still weak and damaged and need to work on themselves and put dating on hold for a while.
Differentiating between asking permission and "would this make you uncomfortable or upset" would have been an appreciated side note. Good job as always Orion.
@@Willie_Wahzoo 1. Prove there is a god. 2. Prove that the god you believe in is THE god. 3. Prove the Bible was written by him or inspired by him. Then, I'll listen to your baseless argument.
7:06 I like to follow forums and Facebook groups for hobby-grade R/C cars. I see so many guys post things such as "Got the wife's permission!" alongside a new purchase, a $200 to $300 kit. Always makes me cringe.
Snooping through children's rooms until they're 18 is a good way to end up in a retirement home. The older the child, the more respect they should receive, otherwise s/he will become (normaly) angry or/and irresponsible, through their adolescence and adulthood. If I had caught my parents snooping through my room at 12 I would've been pissed. And an angry tween with full knowledge of where you keep your pillows is a nightmare, never mind one that knows where you keep your most prized possessions. Even the most meek and well behaved kids can and will retaliate, if not immediatly, then when they can. We have long memories and keep grudges, even unconsciously. A few decades wait is nothing to someone who doesn't even know they're holding a grudge. This comment is in response to the part where you say a parent has the right to snoop through their child's room.
Here are some more subtle ways I have experienced that I find disrespecting: - Changing the subject abruptly when the man wants to talk about something and the woman isn't interested in that matter. Being with a man means that you will have to listen to him, even if he just wants to talk about something you find uninteresting. You could even learn something about his personality that way. Not allowing him to talk conveys the message that you don't care about his personality or feelings and that you have somehow dehumanized him to an entity that's there only to fulfill your own needs. Much worse if you use dismissive retorts or gestures like "oh, no that again" or "why should I care about that?", sighing or rolling eyes. Talking about him in the third person in front of friends and not allowing him to speak on his behalf by continuing to do so when he tries to speak, even if you are saying good things about him. You are in fact objectifying him, reducing him to a commodity you can praise or complain about to others. When my gf did that I felt like I was a dog and she was saying "Oh, he's such a good boi". Sharing intimate details about your life together to people, mostly other women he also knows or could meet in the future. Almost all women and extremely few men do that. You cannot imagine how embarrassing it is to a man to discover that other people know things about him that he would never have disclosed himself. It makes him feel like a pet or a science experiment. And often they don't have to even tell him, he can understand this has happened by the look in their eyes. Oh and finally that old tired catch-all condescending phrase "You are just insecure" when you complain about any of these.
@ky7299 I agree with some of this bit not first example. Maybe most of the men I've been with are big talkers but I have (with a few) barely started talking and been told "New topic" ...very disrespectful and I say so I matter-of-fact way. Some listen...some don't. You get a lot of info that way. One male friend of mine did this a lot and I found it annoying. We're both strong personalities and one thing that attracted us to one another. When he kept up with the "new topic" bs, I just started doing the same thing at times with him. He'd actually laugh and say..."good point...I get it "
This most definitely is accurate - although, with the constant conditioning of today’s culture, it runs contrary to every “acceptable” analysis today. Thank-you for having the courage to speak the truth.
Man, the set up of that living room looks great! Excellent natural light, tasteful decor, nice built-ins. Also, this video was done very well! I’m in a good mood.
A lot of women are never told these things and never think about it. I believe a woman won't disrespect you if you are her best option, but then again I know some women are emotional roller coasters and sometimes things are more complicated than that. You could very well be her best option but she's so out of touch to even know it.
Yeah, women are told the opposite of this message from childhood. They are told they are badasses, and that no man is worthy of respect. Unfortunately they tend to believe everything that the authorities and society tell them.
I find the book The Surrendered Wife talks about this topic brilliantly. Disrespecting comes from the need to control and sometimes, in a relationship it's better to let go of the idea of controlling your partner.
First off, I totally understand what the Doctor is talking about. Understanding how men feel disrespected is a valuable part of a relationship. On the other hand have we considered that women who use these specific methods of disrespect are feeling disrespected? And maybe these bad habits develop from feeling chronically disrespected? Just throwing that out there. I wonder what the Doctor would say about that?
@@ari-jv So you are saying men don't need love, and women don't need respect! Strange line of reasoning. Both need and deserve love And respect. I am married, and I cannot imagine myself disrespecting my husband. And he respects me. I Don't doubt that there are disrespectful women, and men, out there. Otherwise, Dr. Orion's videos would not be necessary. Sadly, not everyone is brought Up in a respectful home, and all they know is disrespect.
I'm learning a lot from your videos, Orion. Thank you so much also for this specific episode for us ladies! 🙏 A lot seems common sense, but hearing it put into words directly and clearly makes it so much more tangible and graspable. I appreciate your work bunches. Kind regards, Anke (a woman from/in Germany) 🌸
I was in the same boat. My wife always prioritized her family over what I wanted. I'm not saying what I want should always be chosen, but as her husband - the fact that her default was always what her family wanted was prioritized over me was disrespectful. I spoke to her about it. I explained calmly that I wouldn't stand for it. She got the message and 25 years later - we are still happily married.
If a woman DISRESPECT it’s because she looks down on you and thinks she can do better. If u cut her off she will actually respect you more for standing ur ground…. However if she gets too disrespectful and you cut her off and she comes back after a few weeks or months it’s because whoever she thought she could get that was better than you ….didnt want her back, so u NEVER take a woman back, i know it sucks especially when u really like a girl but if you talk to her about disrespect and she continues to do it and u cut her off chances are there was another guy she respected more and she’s only coming back after a few weeks or months because that guy wouldn’t put up with her ….no matter how much u love a girl ….learn to walk away, the only way u should ever let her back into ur life is to use her just for sex, nothing else
This is an episode for the ladies. As I've mentioned elsewhere, the one thing you must never do to the man with whom you want to have a relationship is disrespect him. Unfortunately, respect can mean different things to men and women -- so it's important for women to appreciate respect through the masculine lens so that they can stay on the sunny side of the unbreakable rule. The fact of the matter is that women unintentionally sabotage their relationships when they disrespect men without realizing it. As we'll see, most of these unintentional slights have to do with placing themselves above men.
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This video is fundamentally wrong-headed anyway. Women breezily disrespect men all the time but it's not really what is at the heart of the matter. The problem of disrespect is downstream of a more significant issue and that is the horrendous mismatch in requirements between male and female partners.
Women have a huge laundry list of reasons for getting into a relationship with a man. They view a man as an endless performer of tasks.
Men have practically zero requirements of a female partner and seek a relationship mainly for intimacy.
The solipsistic idea women have in their head of all the tasks a man should be performing/ways in which he should be "behaving" (essentially in support of her and her objectives) renders many of them unable to act respectfully. This is because-in many regards-the idea of his being sovereign and independent is completely in conflict with the myriad acts of service she wants him for in the first place.
This is women's problem to resolve. It's not a man's fault. The 'respect' thing is dealing with the symptoms, not the cause.
@@sammyb1651this video is in a series of videos for “attracting the man you want” and he usually is a high value man. If I woman is overtly disrespectful and is not interested sex with you, she doesn’t really want you. Move on 😅
Ok Orion, I’m here to learn about power ☺️🙏🏻
Dr. Orion,
I'm glad I've tried to do the difficult work of understanding my own faults as a man these last three years, or i would have been triggered AF by this episode. Maybe I'm just in a particularly good mood today 😂. But - DAMN.
I wish my ex could watch this and not instantly go an insane raging murderous defensive, as she would, though she would absolutely never make it past the first minute. At least it helped me, and i still think that your compassion for EVERYONE is very touching. As always, 🙏🏻 thank you sir 🫡
The way Orion lays this out is some kind of coping mechanism for men who are not high value men. Not sure why Orion want to sugar coat the truth to men. Women are INCREASINGLY filling the provider role of men which was UNIQUELY a male role for a millennia. If women are ( and rapidly at that) out providing and being equal to men in providing then men in ROMANTIC relationships with women , men are going to be disregarded and/or not needed. Providing is essential part of power and love for a woman. If a woman can fill your unique role then you're replacable. Most companies practice this in the real world. Orion needs to cut to the chase and stop obfuscting because it makes his audience feel better. It's the reason for why women initiate more divorces (70%) and why the sexless rate for men is near 33%. I'm not for or against anything but as women start out earning men (Goldman Sachs predicts in 10 years) the sexlessness for men will probably creep higher.
I think the fundamental problem with this video is that if she is disrespecting you she doesn't want to be with you. She doesn't disrespect her boss because she wants her job and the money. Disrespect is the first step on the journey to the end of the relationship.
And that’s why I treat the women im around poorly. Because I never wanted them to begin with, which explains why they all crush on me
@@marcusmcgraw3519 stupid flex
That's why this video is (I believe) addressed to women, but secretly for men. I think a lot of men don't even recognize that many of these are forms of subtle disrespect, and when they recognize these behaviors in their women, will clear the fog from their eyes regarding what is actually going on and why they feel so "off" when speaking to their woman. They can then take action. A lot, (myself formerly included) had no idea they were being disrespected and were taught (thanks Dad...) that this is the way it is.
That's why this video is (I believe) addressed to women, but secretly for men. I think a lot of men don't even recognize that many of these are forms of subtle disrespect, and when they recognize these behaviors in their women, will clear the fog from their eyes regarding what is actually going on and why they feel so "off" when speaking to their woman. They can then take action. A lot, (myself formerly included) had no idea they were being disrespected and were taught (thanks Dad...) that this is the way it is.
@@santafilipina9020 For some reason, women tend to love these narcissitic, bad boy types. My only reasoning is that its a demonstration of higher value (DHV). There is obvious evolutionary benefits to women who mate with a male who is of a higher value. Its genetics.
You can only fully respect what you fear to lose. If there's no fear of potential loss, there's usually no restraint...
Doesn't marriage sorta remove that fear of loss for a woman? Many women switch up after they get the ring and can stop pretending to be respectful.
@MOTV583 Any form of commitment where you can't just walk away removes that fear. That's why it's not in a man's best interest to get married. Let alone the financial risk.
These words should be inscribed in gold
💯% nailed it. Disrespect only seeps in when she doesn't want you anymore. This video should really be on why disrespect if the first step on the road to the end of the relationship.
In your childhood you respected your father, your principal, your sports coach, your pastor. It wasn't about being afraid of losing them.
She settled. She has no burning desire for her man; therefore, she spews her misery onto her man. Never stay with a woman who has no desire for you. It’s a miserable way to live. Divorce or break up and walk no matter the financial or emotional cost because it’s a man’s duty to always self improve and live a life of positivity. Otherwise the man will become extremely bitter over time which never ends well.
Disrespecting men is encouraged vigorously these days.
@@georgeedward1226 100% even my own sister who I love with all my heart has started to develop this superior attitude towards me and her boyfriend and it’s so sad to see
when women disrespect you during the initial dating period, it's a form a "shit test". If the disrespect happens while you are in a relationship, it usually means she has lost attraction/desire for you, which usually cannot be reversed, and should be treated as a sign for breaking up.
💯% nailed it. Disrespect if a sign that she no longer sees any value in you hence the disrespect. Its the first step on the journey to the end of the relationship.
A shit test is not disrespectful. Disrespect is the same no matter the phase of the relationship. When it arrives, enforce boundaries harshly ie. Acta non verba.
@@aalvarez305Wrong! Shit test = blatant disrespect as in habing nonfear of losing such a man = no sexual desire!
This is why we need to stop enabling / compkying with this whole "a shit test is a sign of interest" bs by tolerating even the mere toxic concept of admitting a shit test in the first place. It's fake history!
At no point in time before feminism a woman dared to shit test a man.
At the very least she was immediately left behind to die from starvation.
More often than not she was just bitchslapped silly or even stoned to death for the slightest disrespect.
Same with fake evolution based theories. Back in the day women were bought and sold like cattle, some time back even just taken by force a.k.a. = r.a.p.e.d (the very need for euphemistic sugarcoating things when we speak to / about women online is zhe proof of "patriarchy" being the opposite from the true state of things, being just a false narrative.
Before like 1919 not a single woman could even think of shit testing a man.
In most countries a.k.a. 3rd world even today the very concept of a shit test is alien to local women.
That's something I've noticed (gender doesn't;t matter) when one person wants to end the relationship. They start becoming meaner and disrespectful (usually by way of breaking their routine: not texting back the whole day, etc) , or the pull a ghosting act ("act" not total ghosting). What is likely happening is that they don't want to be the bad guy, so they're hoping their negligence will prompt you to break it off, or they hope this will spur anger in you, so you have an outburst towards them and they can justify breaking it off and/or they break it off and don't feel as guilty because you did something mean too.
You know what....this we supposed to do all men in a relationship, when a disrespect starts, is not way back.... If I would knew it.. I never stand a relationships so toxic... Great comment
My ex partner (mother of my kids, 16 year relationship) used to disrespect me, I put it to her this way and she had no response.
Would you treat your boss the way you treat me? No of course not because your don't want to lose your job.
Would you treat a shop worker the way you treat me? No of course not because that would make you an arse.
Would you treat a stranger on the street the way you treat me? No of course not because you don't want to risk a punch in the teeth.
Then why treat me like that?
Why am I worth less to you than a stranger in the street?
Why is your boss or even a shop worker worth more than me?
I realised it at the time but it took me years to properly understand it.
I am in the same situation, brother (divorce on the way, 17 yrs, kids), and actually told her in the exact same way : you wouldn't talk to a stranger or a colleague that way, so don't talk to me that way.
This was also met with deflection or silence.
Did she ever answer in your case ?
@@zphzrhzraefoiaj4974 I totally and wholeheartedly agree with you brother.
@@zphzrhzraefoiaj4974 yeah she did, long time later.
She said she knew I wouldn't do anything about it.
There was no consequences. So this means it was intentional..
I didn't know how to have a relationship, I didn't know about boundaries.
@@actiondefenceThe level of disrespect, dude.
@@actiondefence She was wrong. You stated originally she is now your ex. Consequences come swiftly when that switch flips in a man when he hits rock bottom and has had enough. He either self deletes, explodes in anger, or mans up and decides to be the one to end the relationship and take back control of his life.
I left my ex due to her disrespect. I agree with others here that, when she begins disrespecting you, it’s because she doesn’t love (if she ever did) or desire you anymore.
Time to move on.
The good doc takes things a little far, but your comment is on point. Once she treats you like a child, it's time to move on.
A woman cannot love a man she doesn't respect. It's not psychologically possible. But moving from 'no respect' to active disrespect move the dynamic to a new level of 'no love.'
@@rob21 Sometimes you need a little parody to drive home the point!
I did the nasty... move on...i never regretted the decision..and i gave a 2 year warning...of my intentions
Media creates false explanations for them. They discover this after we leave them, and move on. They usually call wanting back in as if nothing happened. The trouble is doing the same things expecting different results. Life is too short.
I actually just realised, when I was growing up, noone was talking about women 'respecting' men. Only the other way round.
Its almost like men have been raised to simp for women and obey their huge list of conditions without question.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T...they even wrote songs about it.
Yes, there’s clearly a double standard.
A symptom of gynocentric society
This was the start of the downfall of America.
I remember listening to a reddit story about a woman that told her son about his dad wetting the bed. I was confused and thought "So what, every man likely wet the bed as a kid." Until I realised she wasn't talking about when he was a kid. He withdrew from her and was clearly upset and she was angry with him for being upset with her. When she demanded he talk to her, he told her she humiliated him in front of their son and she viciously snapped back that he embarassed himself when he wet the bed.
I cannot fathom how this woman could possibly fail to see the disrespect in her initial willingness to share such an embarassing thing with a child, whom might at some point tell his mates, who will tell their mates who will tell their parents. Then to humiliate him a second time for being upset. Some women are hopeless.
Eh, he wet the bed as an adult. I would expect someone to repeat that to others. One time, my friend got mad at me that I told our mutual friends that he got caught stealing
He was mad at me for humiliating him as well, but I told him he embarrassed himself by getting caught stealing in front of me. How can I blame myself for this? I was correct, just as this woman was
@@marcusmcgraw3519One is voluntary, the other is not. He didn't choose to leak all over. 😂
@marcusmcgraw3519 How can you blame yourself??? Because you took action, and the action that you took embarrassed your friend. Literally all you had to do was nothing. 🤦♂️
@@marcusmcgraw3519bro what are you on. Those are completely different examples. Take a chill pill from the Internet dude. Holy delusional. He was probably asleep when he wet the bed, I’d imagine. Stealing is a literal crime last time I checked, while conscious unless that person was drugged or something. We live in America, last time I checked there’s a lot of people who prolly are broke or starving. Have some morals dude. That’s something you tell your friend privately, to save his soul. Jesus Man you’re on one.
@@bdtrapbut my friend embarrassed himself. How do you think I felt about the fact that 2 plainclothes men escorted us to the back as we were leaving (though they did let me go immediately)? I knew I could not trust my friend after that. If this had been the other way around, I would expect my friend to embarrass me and tell others I got caught. Wouldn’t you?
Remember what they used to tell women about domestic violence: One hit and you leave, or to confront it by saying "one more and I'm out of here." For women, with less physical strength, DISRESPECT is the equivalent of that first hit, and if you accept it, you are floating downstream in the relationship and will have to confront it immediately to get back to neutral. "Did you just MEAN to disrespect me? Because if you did, I'm out of here."
Imagine what you would tell your daughter to do in such a situation of violence, and then apply it to yourself about disrespect.
Brilliant, well said.
I'm dealing with trying to help a young woman find a new apartment, as she just told me yesterday that her brother is hitting her and her little daughters. And I had thought this was an ideal family! Who knows what lurks? And I have to consider how to avoid becoming a target myself.
In the video his examples of disrespect include eye rolling.
Of course she meant it as disrespect. She didn't mean it as a complement.
Youre going to divorce her for an eye roll a d a crossing of the arms?
@canelareina3795 no but every man should have a ledge and make a certain amount of strikes. But it's cheaper to keep her if he signed that horrible business contract called marriage.
I do this, and tbh, if you try that with most women they don't care. They are disrespecting you because they don't respect you, so the threat of you leaving won't matter. So, true to your word, you leave. Basically, after the first fight or disagreement, you are gone. I mean I don't care, but if you do, I would try something else.
It’s important to vet potential relationship partners for narcissism. You do this by seeing how they react and respond to disagreements and stressful situations. Men need to avoid beautiful narcissists!
Exhibit a) Johnny Depp
I experienced this recently, would go into a rage at any sign of criticism or setting of boundaries
💯% nailed it. You only really know your partner when you see her in arguments and other stressful situations.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540and that’s why it’s seen as a red flag for someone to avoid arguments. They’re avoiding because they’re incapable of winning or influencing in their favor
This is very important these days. There are a lot of snakes in the grass.
She was borderline
Spot on. What a sad state of society that man are simply asking to not be disrespected, forget about respect, just don't disrespect us.
Right!?
Women enjoy a double standard when it comes to this issue: If a woman hits a man, it’s displayed as playful or “she had a good reason for it”.
Also, a lot of men refuse to stand up for themselves and speak out against disrespect out of the fear of losing their gf or wife. However, women only respect men who have boundaries and communicate them.
Remember: You get what you allow!
Btw, this goes to women as well.
Adding +
Women will test their partners on how much disrespect they tolerate. This is how they filter out weak men and I think it happens unconsciously to some extend. This is just a hypothesis - debate me on it.
agree with you on the last part. women like to test their men to find the boundaries, and this is actually how they end up losing men. he has made a video specifically about this self-sabotaging behavior of women.
🎯
@@Diego-fb5fqexactly. I know that men test women as well to see how far they can go. It’s important to recognise these actions and act on them.
Like children they will always try to see what they can get away with. Best way is to nip it in the bud before it turns into a major problem. You also have to control your reaction. Some times men will make the mistake of getting overly emotional when trying to address these issues but if you get butthurt about it she will sense weakness as well. So when you do address the issue do it in a calm/unaffected manner.
it's a known fact and its name is the shit test
Disrespect is a massive deal breaker. That's the end of the road. Nothing to discuss any further.
Cheating is a massive deal breaker, verbal/physical abuse is a deal breaker, Controlling behavior is a deal breaker, Inequality is massive deal breaker
Men don’t need ask permission, but relationships is voluntary action. If you do not care about whether what you do would impact anyone, do not check with the woman, the woman also have the right to walk away.
@@therealsagekitty That goes without saying and the marriage stats show they do. However, this video is about not disrespecting the man you choose to stay with.
@@bgredz1 You misunderstand, everything is about the ladies in the gynocentric world order.
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female ex-partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
Don't you mean "ex-partner"?
@@RyanFowlerSOS I believe you are correct. Thank you for the grammar correction.
@@mgu1N1n1 you're welcome my man.
Getting a permanent one is pretty difficult without hefty proof so I hope you’re okay
Partner? Why these programmed buzzwords. No one said “partner” even 10 years ago. Are you in a “partnership” or a relationship?
I just sent this video to every woman I know. If I disappear please contact the authorities! Great stuff Doctor. Thanks as always!
Get your balls back bro, stay strong
You still alive, bro?
@@dithermoreno3211 No! I made it to the afterlife! They have WiFi up here! Crazy! 🤣
@@RyanPatrickFlanagan Are there women too in the afterlife? 😱
😂🤣
@@PapaBear6t8 Shocker alert- yes they are here! And this will make your jaw drop - they like to cook and clean here!!! 😆 LoL!
I left my ex-wife for being constantly disrespectful. Oh, and for cheating, but mostly it was the disrespect. The many and varied small ways that she would show disrespect, as well as overt disrespect like shouting in my face or interrupting me when I was speaking. We had many conversations about respect but she never did quite grasp how to be respectful, nor did she understand why it was important to me. I remember her saying at one point "all you talk about is respect this and respect that" like she really couldn't understand why her being so disrespectful was a problem for me. I had to walk away when she made it clear she had no intention of changing how she treated me. I'll always remember the shocked look on her face when I took my ring off and put it on the table next to her before walking away. That's the only way of dealing with a combative and disrespectful woman. Don't fight, don't argue, just walk away.
The disrespect was the precursor to the cheating.
Cheating is one of the ultimate forms of disrespect.
@@Willie_Wahzoo Agreed. I'm grateful that she imploded our relationship because it allowed me to walk away without guilt. It's been a bit over two years since I left and I'm doing 10,000% better in every conceivable way now without her constantly dragging me down.
you deserved better, we all do (did). i’m working on not bringing the past forward, it isn’t fair to my new partner…so far he seems a good man i can trust.
@@Alpinewild444 I wish you all the best.
I just found this channel today and I am so glad I did. I especially appreciate this episode, it has helped me realize so much about my own toxicity. Thank you for sharing!
"This is how women disrespect men without realizing it"
No sir they realize it, they just don't care because they don't fear repercussions of what they do and say
Your take on women not disrespecting their bosses was spot on
They know how to control their mouth when it comes to that because they fear losing their job
I like the fact you dont edit out the little hiccups in the videos. Makes it feel more genuine and direct which adds to the weight of the message. Thank you for everything you do
Everything I just heard is completely true. Years of analysis, research, psychology, logic are summarize in here. Congratulations!
Ouch. Maybe its time to start using that brainmatter to form some own thoughts. It wasnt meant to feed and repeat yn...
Ouch. Maybe its time to start using that brainmatter to form some own thoughts. It wasnt meant to feed and repeat yn...
Excellent video as always Dr. Taraban, but my goodness... what a sad world we live in where a professional therapist has to explain this to people. Your work is more needed then ever, keep it up.
The previous gen failed their daughters. And this current Gen will fail theirs.
@@TheAustrianPainter87yep. Its obvious. Kids raising kids.
This video reminds me of one of your previous videos and a quote that really stuck with me: 'Catering to a woman's emotionality against your better judgment is a form of cowardice born out of a scarcity mentality.'
Men, stand your ground and establish healthy boundaries. If she fails to comply and resorts to disrespect, bail. It's as simple as that. We have to learn to respect ourselves if we expect to be respected by others.
Great take here 🔥🔥🔥
This reminds of a UA-cam comment of a man who told his ex wife when she asked why he ultimately divorced her and he answered, "in the end you made me choose between loving you and respecting myself and I chose to respect myself."
To put it more simply, it's false virtue. Bc what you think your doing is helping her but rather your enabling her. She's worse for it and so are you, if that pattern of behavior continues the question is who's going to realize it first and end things so they can actually win. Bc it sure as hell isn't going to happen in that kind of a relationship.
@@anthonyml7 I disagree. The notion behind my comment is not to remain and enable the disrespect. I clearly state to “establish healthy boundaries, and If she fails to comply and resorts to disrespect, bail“
There won’t be any room for her to continue the BS if you put your foot down and leave.
In respects to women, many may respect a man consciously while inadvertently disrespecting him subconsciously. In other words, it is crucial to note why men should never pedestalize women regardless of reciprocity because men and women are not equal by any means and ultimately abide by different standards and different expectations.
I agree, but that's one of the reasons we must be careful to whom we speak or tell anything, now not being mystic bible says if anyone tells you a secret must die with you, would be different if in this case (he) is the one who tells his story.
Good friend of mine once told me that sometimes not even to our children we can tell everything. And unfortunately this woman has no values no respect for her husband.
Da fuck you saying we are not equal 😄 wake up it’s 2024 not fuckin middle age
Your right I think and explain that really well I think we need to check ourselves with the men we love and admire in our lives
Respect comes from POSSIBILITY OF CONSEQUENCES.
True.
And the conseqyences are not only to break up.
We need a. Hannel by an older married man that teaches how to wear the pants at home.
not intirely true you can respect someone by admirering theire accoplishments
@jeancesar5493 Admiration, is not Respect. Just as liking someone is not loving them. I can admire someone's rank or title and have no respect for them.
@@MonDieuMaCauseMonEpee interesting.
I thi k a wife needs to admire her husband, and fear consequences if she disrespects him.
Have to train them like 🐕🐶🐾.
Disrespect comes down to lack of trust. I've dated women who've second guessed my decisions in various ways, which felt like she didn't trust my opinion. I dated someone who would ask my opinion and dismiss it only to later tell me her therapist said something groundbreaking, which was the same thing I told her a few weeks prior. Another woman I dated felt like dating an overbearing knit-picking micromanaging mother.
Yep definitely a bad fit. It's definitely important on the front end to look for somebody with complimentary abilities, that way your ideas don't step on each other that much.
Damn that's disturbing. I can fully relate to that with a few ex girlfriends, and of course my mother, obviously🙄
We sure know how to pick them 🤔
@@roberttruman8444 I keep dating women who are like my mother! grr. That cycle ends NOW!
Women are not responsible for a man's' self esteem, she can build and encourage but men need to know and respect themselves for the most part. If you felt the information shared would deem helpful albeit it was not taken, its should not cause you to feel your information was off, she simply didn't see it as something fitting her situation. I'd ask you where you are in your own journey of self esteem. Women can and do make choices for themselves. Most times a women is more intuitive than men. It's just the way we're created.
Very true. I only question when I don’t trust them.
"No man has the obligation to answer to you"
Worst moment to ask for a like 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂 funniest comment
Men need to own themselves, be soverign. This may/will come with some consequence, but better to go alone. Time alone will turn the tables.
Protect thy seed
Absolutely. Men need to be men in a relationship. I have seen more men act like a unkempt human than I care to believe. Women need to stop being mothers. That man was a man before you met him. Sickening to see women picking up after grown men and buying their deodorant 😮 like what???? He is not a child!!!
If a woman is trying to micro manage you…..RUN!
this!
What is meant by micro managing?
@@DareBearTD Basically calling all the shots and expecting nearly everything to go her way. She dictates things like how and when dishes are washed. Basically the more she acts like an overbearing mother, the more you must think about running away.
There is still a big issue here. You are still expecting the man to do the running.
probably should be held in all directions -- anybody trying to micromanage -- men or women, hetero or same sex relationships -- anybody too managing -- no good.
The argument that parents can go into their child's room because everything belongs to the parent is also the main reason a lot of those parents who don't respect their kids' privacy never hear from them in adulthood again.
Respect everyone, no relationship is guaranteed, not even parent-child.
Great job doctor. As always, serving the hard truth. You are doing a great service to man kind!
I have experienced too much disrespect from my wife. Thank you for sharing this very important information
One form of disrespect is lying. Being with a female that believes her own lies ( So in her mind she is not lying) is next level b.s. . Yeah, I dumped her like last week's garbage.
Stay strong brother!
My ex had a tendency to lie through omission, which is like the 'silent-but-deadly' form. I do see it as disrespectful when they lie about things that affect you personally or the two of you as a couple. I am more understanding and forgiving if they lied to protect themselves in some way. But now I'm questioning if perhaps it's a subtle sign of disrespect if they didn't feel they could open up to me about such things?
What about a spouse who frequently lies through omission?
K the survellience part is true but asking questions and checking in is also what equals and collaborators do. You can't even get through the first date without asking each other questions, so that whole idea is just silly. The checking in is common courtesy and also healthy collaboration. Especially if there are intertwined lives and child care involved. I can't imagine anyone would be happy if their spouse didn't check in before going out for drinks with their friends after work and skipping dinner and leaving the other partner with the kids, and probably worried, too. Again, silly
Great episode. You absolutely nailed it: I perceived all three mentioned behaviors are disrespectful and they always led to a more or less intense pushback and negative reaction on my end. Now that I'm soon to be divorced, I can't believe that I tolerated those repeated offenses for so long.
My first thought was to send this to my wife. Nope.... She'd only dismiss it as misogyny. She's too far gone.
@@crow2swann5 😂
Ladies, have you ever found yourself in a situation where your man makes a mistake and gets lost? Perhaps you've suggested that he ask a stranger for directions, only to be surprised by his response. Ever wonder why your well-intentioned suggestion doesn't elicit the reaction you anticipated?
Picture this: You've prepared a meal for your family, a task you've mastered countless times. However, this time, a distraction causes you to burn the rice. You know you've made a mistake, and so does your husband. Everyone is aware of your culinary skills. Suddenly, your husband stands up, heads outside, flags down the first woman he sees, and invites her into your home to teach you how to cook rice.
The reaction you'd have in that situation is likely the same as your partner's when you make a similar suggestion to him. In both cases, the respectful approach is to give your partner the space to rectify their mistake.
Good example - 😂😂. Have been through that one. Is this the right way she challenged…
Great analogy, couldn’t have stated it any better myself!
Well put!
Bravo mate
Great analogy. Stealing it.
This is what prompted me to end my relationship just after New Years
Best decision I've made thus far this year
Yep
Happy New Year!
Really ? I’m unsure if I have to let go my husband is my victim. As he words it out. I’m unsure of that. I want therapy .. but we are both hurt by each other now.
🥹
Checking in with someone you love respect and care for, and are in a committed relationship with is called Being Considerate. Especially if the way the time is spent has an Impact on the other person. This is not rocket science. Its not about permission, its about consideration, clear communication and agreements.
67 year old lifelong bachelor here. I've ALWAYS acted as the Good Doctor describes here in my (infrequent) committed relationships with women over the years.
And THAT, my friends is why I am a lifelong bachelor..
💐 Here’s your digital flowers sir, well done! With the way things are going in this unscrupulous, deregulated global sexual marketplace, I may be a Bachelor Boy/Free Agent with the likes of Tesla and The Wright Brothers. I have to ask sir, what is the key to being steadfast in your choice and how do you deal with the pejorative questions and comments from peers/family/associates in your choice not to adopt a woman and her brood?
@@jamescheaye927 I'm 61 and a life long bachelor. When I'm asked why I didn't get married and if I choose to answer, I say that I see little value for me in return for assuming an abundance of risk. I site the failure rate of marriages (in my case I would likely end up with a post wall divorced woman so the likelihood of divorce will be higher), the corrupt court system, the fact that women are no longer feminine and fit, and they are combative and usually a financial mess. Their unrealistic expectations is another reason. Who needs any of that?
That's probably the best way for most people. Marriage is only worthy for excentric and antissocial folks that usually are not able to have fun with most people, needing another "alien" as a partner to be really fullfilled.
@@jamescheaye927 Caring about the opinions of peers/family/associates in matters of the heart is the surest path to getting yours broken. There's no need to explain anything to anyone. A woman with children is a major liability waiting to happen and raising any man's child is predetermined self-cuckery. He (or she) that doesn't accept this (whether they like it or not) simply doesn't care about you enough to have their opinions considered. Nothing else need be said or known.
Yeah most women also now prefer to be single with the current generation of weak men all over the place. Easy to blame the woman then take accountability that maybe you are having issues or in a mess for your own life decisions. But men here in this forum will have zero accountability and quick to put blame on the women
Definitely a solid point I will share with friends who need the message.
Doc they realize it, they know.
💯%. They would never dream of disrespecting their boss or Chad. Because they really want the income and Chad. They only disrespect things they no longer want as a way of pushing that thing away, to make room for Chad.
Finally someone realize it.
Women "muh emotions" are manipulation.
They absolutely know what they are doing.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 why would Chad settle for a disrespectful 4ho3? She is not making room for him, all she's doing is pushing you away and self-sabotaging.
I think under some situations owing the person's an answer to their questions regarding where you are and what you're doing are equal for both parties. When investing in an relationship you should be able to know if your investment is rightfully placed, which should go both ways since both are investing in the relationship.
critical judgement or talking about private matters with her friends or online and talking about their BF/husband to others in any negative way is terribly disrespectful.
RTF. I absolutely Fully agree with you there! That is a disgusting habit, gossipy and not classy. No woman of Any quality would act in that manner!
Women know each other's sex lives. They readily share that info within their sewing circle. They don't keep secrets, except from men.
@@robertfrantz4788 Not this woman, Robert. I can assure you. What happens within our four walls stays there. Anyhow, not much good at seeing, I fear. L.
Perhaps a woman has a close friend she shares with and needs input from. Also consider that age may be a factor in what women share. A seasoned woman will understand so the other woman won’t feel abnormal or in the dark about her lover and experiences. Not putting lover down, just trying to understand his intent and unstableness.
Only disagreement is women asking men about their intentions (Dating, friendship, networking or marriage). Women, especially western women need to date with intention.
...once they reach a certain age.
I had an ex who was extremely jealous, and I didn’t know this until about two months into the relationship. Anyway, she disrespected me by throwing a tantrum if I made certain decisions without her (decisions that had little to do with her) and surveillance of who I was texting and calling (messages in a family group chat, or interacting with females in professional settings). The surveillance even became very personal, like watching who I was looking at when we went out on dates or errands together. I wasn’t cheating, but she made it seem that way. I was never outright disrespectful to her intentionally (and I apologized if I was), but she insisted that I was being disrespectful all the time. I didn’t know that any of this was disrespect until much later, after the breakup. But I’m learning from this experience.
She was up to something no good or either she’s got many issues to fix
Thats bipolar.
Very true about not realizing the disrespect. I didn't even run across the term 'disrespect' properly until about 20 years ago. But I've experienced disrespect long before that, but didn't recognize it. I should have looked more closely at the power dynamics.
No, she's just a very insecure person and she doesn't know how to discern reality from her insecure emotions.
I had a ex girlfriend just like her. Extremely jealous. When this happens, she's got emotions inside her that's affecting her way of seeing what is truly happening in front of her.
Trying to control who someone looks at in public is beyond disrespect.
You weren't being disrespectful at all. She was telling you it's disrespectful because she cannot tell you she has NO CONTROL over her insecure emotions.
So, don't think this is disrespectful to women.
For women, emotions are MORE real than reality itself.
Dishonest people are the least trusting. I'm willing to bet she pushed you into getting in too deep, too quick. She didn't want you to really know her first. Women do that. They wait till we're invested then drop bombshells. If they're in a hurry it's a major red flag. They can only keep up their false facade for so long. We need a chance to see them at their worst.
I lived through it and accept my part of my responsibility for allowing the disrespect. Thank you for putting into words what I could not
Ome of the things i likes the most from you videos, contents aside, Is that it's not edited, and i never get bored. It's such an amazing talent
First point already nailed it❤. A lot of women act like they have a higher right to demand questions and to interview the man. Yes women are a bit more vulnerable and are more selective often when it comes to choosing a s. partner but this still does not give them the right to ask and demand in a disrespectful manner. Respect is given on the same level!
"The ability to ask questions is a privilege to those with more power.."
Toxic
This part was interesting because he said that it's never allowed the other way. So does that mean that it's fine as long as both can over-question each other?
@@almamater489it’s good know you consider the truth toxic.
In a relationship you should lead with that, it will save a lot of time.
@@devorahactsyou can always ask the question, however I am not compelled to answer them.
@@Guildofarcanelore If I feel like you're holding anything back without needing to, then the trust is probably on its way out. If I'm truly asking too much, I don't trust you anyway in which case that needs fixing fast. It's important to be aware that not saying something can have a worse effect than giving a gentle but negative answer. I've never really operated from a feeling of wanting or needing or expecting control as much as answers when behavior looks ambiguous. My biggest sign of a good relationship is not having to ask, not because he tells me everything but because his actions tell me he's OK.
Blimey! So fundamentally eye opening. (I can now immediately recognise that I regularly fall into the 'weak' group of men who are more than partly responsible for this state of affairs by simply allowing it to be pervading).
Really interesting. Im not in love with my current girlfriend and there are plenty of issues with our relationships but for some reason its hard to end it. And now I understands why. Its actually because she is really good in following those 3 steps. And that makes me feel that she is different from my previous relationships. feels really good. 100% agree that disrespect might be a deal breaker.
I am a woman and I agree. I never question my man. He has all the freedom to do whatever he needs.
I’m disagreeing with some of this. If you are in a legally binding, committed relationship, you are equally obligated out of respect for each other to at least inform the other - if not ask permission to do certain activities. In a marriage relationship particularly, you are no longer obligated only to yourself and your own time. It is not just about you anymore.
If either my wife or I are going to spend the night out with friends, we always inform the other, at least to see if they had any plans that might conflict with our own. We usually don’t have any problems with this, but schedules can conflict and it is just a matter of mutual respect that we consider the other when making plans.
Just another perspective.
Thank you for pointing this out. If a relationship operates like an employer/employee situation I think it is doomed to fail.
Exactly, you're talking common sense. Many women disrespect men in these ways, because many men expect authority, even if it is at the expense of those they are meant to protect.
I totally agree with you, but Orion says in the beginning that this is advice for women who would like to be in a long-term relationship with a man.
@@lynnferry291 I don’t see that it matters if you are a man or woman in this scenario. Respect goes both ways.
@@bluewater454 I agree with you there, too. If this advice is directed towards women, you need to take it up with Orion. I totally agree that respect is a two-way street and that marriage/a committed relationship has different rules than people who are dating.
This is actually a very good in-depth review of why i had so much stress in previous relationship's with family most of the time
I've never really been in a serious long term relationship before. As a young inexperienced man, this was valuable information for me as someone who doesn't really know what to beware of. Ive only recently heard the term infantilize in the context of a controlling parent so it's a little eye opening to know that could happen in a relationship. Thanks, I have a lot of work to do myself with self esteem, self respect and self leadership.
Also called the 'parent child dynamic' where one partner will start to think of themselves as the parental type. It can be provoked a little bit by the actions of the other partner if they behave more like an infant. But more often it's entered into voluntarily (exceptions include people with ADHD or autism, but that doesn't stop couples from establishing the parent child dynamic). It's often brought about by one partner wishing to control the other and they do it to gain power in the relationship.
If she feels the need to keep tabs on her man because she either doesn't think he can look after himself, or she doesn't trust his fidelity...
she should just find someone else.
Wow! I’m just amazed at how much I missed in my relationships throughout my life. Now that I know what’s happened I need to make changes.
"If you wouldn't say the same thing, in the same way to your boss, you shouldn't say it to the man with which you want to be in a relationship"
Beautifully stated. The entire principle is right here
It felt refreshing to watch this, validating that i'm not alone in what i went through. I'm still scarred from my ex 12yrs ago, anytime i feel lustful for someone new over all these years i'm quickly reminded of that experience and i pull back. She was like a mad teacher, always questioning, eye rolling, arms crossed, saying my mum really screwed me up just because we had some intense family stuff happen which wasn't my mums fault (she meanwhile had a picture perfect country upbringing), she manipulated me to get engaged to her or the relationship was finished, manipulated me to get pets i didn't want to in order to stave off her innate need to have a baby which i didn't think we were ready for (and we weren't!!). All i did was go to work every day, karate every second night, go for regular runs she'd not want to join in on because it's too much fitness, I'd pay for everything because she was at uni, I'd come home and clean the kitchen she'd mess up terribly trying to bake, I'd clean the house on my days off because she didn't value cleanliness like I did (apparently "unrealistic standards" {maybe compared to living on a hobby farm in the bush without any chemicals}), I'd do the lawns because that's apparently the mans job. She cracked the biggest drama episodes, partly because she was a Drama/English major at uni, she'd literally bang her head against the wall and slide down to the ground crying because we won't have babies or because i kept her waiting until i proposed (we were only together 2yrs). She'd correct my English all the time, slam all my accents, slam all my jokes and take them literally (wrongly). After i split up with her, she was immediately adamant that she's good and i'm bad, tried turning on me and turning all our friends against me, successfully.. and within 3 months she's got a new guy and she's gotten herself pregnant. I've seen a lot of behaviors of hers in a lot of females so I've avoided them like the plague. It's sucked not having much or any loving for so many years but at least I've been able to have my peace.
She was 8 years old mentally.
I found you by searching a topic, then quickly became aware that I was supposed to find this page in general. I’ve had a problem with emasculating men for a long time. I know it was learned from my childhood. It’s something I’d like to fix within myself, so these videos are making a big difference for my mindset. Could you do one on how to nurture vulnerability from a man’s standpoint?
I'm very interested by what you've described. Could you explain your process of emasculation? Is it your aim to emasculate your male partners from day 1 or will you be triggered into action by an event and continued the abuse until the relationship ends? Do you know why you feel the need to do it or what you gain from doing it?
@@roberttruman8444Great questions. Thank you. Disrespect was a normal dynamic in my household growing up. I have always belittled men by jokingly giving them demeaning names. I’m competitive in relationships. I have never taken men/boys my age or younger seriously. If they don’t want to be treated like a child, I get defensive. It’s likely a subconscious trauma response, as I’ve found myself in more chaotic relationships than healthy. Generally, I’m very kind and pleasant to be around. It may be a means to not be overpowered.
Reflecting now, it’s likely I start to pick at them and test boundaries early on. Then as they react I get more mean until one of us stops it.
I didn’t realize it even happened until I lost someone I really liked after re-entering the dating world and took the time to reflect as to why. I looked back at my faults in prior relationships and was exposed to what I view as healthy relationships. Then of course have done research into proper dynamics.
@@roberttruman8444If the man asserts himself, it has made me back off. I don’t feel it should come to that point because the objective should be to make each other feel safe. As I said before, that wasn’t exhibited or a priority in my home. Then my marriage was a reflection of what I had grown up with.
The only way to "nurture" vulnerability in a man is to show, repeatedly and consistently, that you can be trusted. Weaponizing, publicizing or minimizing anything, ANYTHING, he has told you in confidence will provide the immediate and correct conclusion that you can NOT be trusted and he will never be vulnerable in front of you again and honestly, may result in him shutting off from your completely.
My advice, if you want a man to be comfortable to tell you everything, is to earn it. It isn't something you can "nurture" in someone. If you're ride or die, we figure it out. If you aren't, we figure that out too.
wow this is actually deep. I'm guilty of the questioning one. usually it's because I believed a guy was lying to me, and it turned out that he was lol. but I guess next time I should figure it out without asking. and when I know, just leave. but then I'd be accused of not communicating.
You don't need to respect a guy who's lying to you. And don't be bamboozled by Dr PsychHacks - he knows how to get easy 'Likes' from men!
Thank you for this video.
I have a man who has worked with me and has continuing to work with me, and I am blessed for that. thank you for explaining disrespect from a man’s point of view in a way that can be understood by women.
I liked this. I definitely have mildly done all these in my marriage. Thanks!
Reminds me of a single mother I was getting to know on a romantic level. We had great moments, but she'd had these catty & demanding outbursts "You've gained weight..You should shave your body hair...You want me to pay for it?? That's not what a gentleman does!!....Can't or won't? [meet up with sex] what are you afraid of?? Well I'm not going to beg you." I asked her would she talk to her boss like that, I was met with "I make suggestions all the time," and that later lead to "I'm a single mother, I'm used to being in charge." Turns out she was being rather truthful, her whole daily life was high-strung argumentative with those around her. She didn't want a BF, she wanted someone else to argue with and control. We're still friends, but I'm so glad we never had sex. Here's a dating hack: Pay attention to how she treats her parents, siblings, or kids (if applicable), not an absolute, but it's an indication of she's going to organically treat you.
so your "friends" with a disagreeable woman and you still dont get any sex? How is that a win?
I was always a bit shocked at the way my soon-to-be ex-wife would talk to her parents. I know now that it was a major red flag and I should have known better.
If you're "friends" with a whamin like that, I wouldn't trust you either.
I've been with girls like that and the catty comments are always projections of their own insecurities
@@360ODYSY it’s part of seeking validation. That’s how some people seek it, even if it had consequences later, it’s still validation.
Holy moly, that into, disrespect is different to not respecting. I've been shouting this from the rooftops
Women feel that all these double standards constitute “equality.” Therein lies the problem.
I really appreciate your content. I grew up with a mother who was disrespectful to my dad and in my early relationships I was mindlessly doing some of those hurtful things. It’s scary how much long term damage parents can do. I didn’t even realize I was doing anything wrong and why there was so much negativity in my relationships until reading and watching stuff like this.
Super concise disclaimer in the video, just incredibly clear communication. Much respect!
Simply be with a woman who respects you and you’ll rarely if ever experience disrespect
This is the ONE thing that women I like MUST bring to my "table"
Women absolutely know when AND why they are being disrespectful… Period
Even as a man this is important to listen to.
Hmmm point well taken Orion, but let's switch the position of male & female in those sentences. I argue that in healthy interdependent relationships women have the same rights of respect as men do.
Men need to hear this as much as women.
Great point about woman asking questions, especially if they are doing it via messages and not to your face
I used to think like you and did most of these things, and guess what, my relationship didn't last. I have changed now, and I did some of the "disrespectful" things you mentioned and now I have a better relationship.
This was excellent, Orion. Thanks. I know you mentioned this was a two-part, so you may cover it in the next video, but I would love to also hear your thoughts on "testing" behavior, which I have found is the most common form of relational disrespect I've run into. Ie, the same arrogance/entitlement/childishness at play in the behaviors you've mentioned causing one partner to constantly "test" the quality (or honesty or strength or whatever) of their partner to "prove" themselves as a good enough partner.
As a side note: I actually think this has gotten worse *because* of the modern dating/red-pill-o-sphere emphasis on "high value." Of course, a genuinely high-value person would never accept the unquestionably low-value behavior of constantly trying to test everyone's value around them: the whole purpose of being high value is that *I don't have to answer to* your "standards" of "value." Ironically, one of the key giveaways of a low-value person is their constant focus on evaluating others' "worth" and whether it's "good enough" for them as opposed to simply working on their own lives and naturally expecting the people in your life to match that energy. There's nothing more undermining of one's own value than to be a person who constantly has to remind others how rich, good looking, successful, etc. you are - *truly* great people do not have to prove themselves to anyone other than themselves, and demanding that they do so (especially in a relational context) is both presumption and disrespect of the highest orders.
Manosphere/red pill is what made men aware of shit tests. You should be thanking your brothers who pioneered this for you
One of the things that annoyed me about my ex is that whenever we were out for coffee, drink or dinner she would pick some other random girl nearby and ask me if I found her attractive and f*ckable. I would always answer (truthfully) that I hadn't noticed her and that I wouldn't care to answer that question. She continued doing this despite my explicitly asking her not to do it and complained when I answered the way I did. I believe that was a sh1t test and while I can sympathize when a woman does this in the beginning of a relationship, when she does that all the time I get the feeling she is setting me up to fail.
You don't need to instrument a test. Just being alive and interacting with the world around you, is enough for other people to get an idea of who you truly are.
@@willek1335 THIS. The idea that whamin are smart enough to wisely test and vet a man is laughable. They marry whoever is attractive and will take them.
You've highlighted a particular area that I'd argue is reserved mainly for narcissists and people with other personality disorders. I've known a few people who use the 'shit test' on their partners. Not once did I see or hear of them ending the relationship there and then and telling their partner "sorry but you don't value yourself enough, and for that reason I'm out". The reasons these people give for shit testing are complete butllsh&t. They are testing primarily to see what they can get away with (because that's a healthy attitude to take) and getting their partner to be vulnerable and gathering information that they can later use against their partner.
If your date shit tests you, this is because they're still weak and damaged and need to work on themselves and put dating on hold for a while.
Differentiating between asking permission and "would this make you uncomfortable or upset" would have been an appreciated side note. Good job as always Orion.
I agree with everything said when the relationship is in the dating stage. I also believe it goes both ways.
"It goes both ways"...does it? The typical perpetrator is a certain gender and thus it's made clear the video is directed to them.
Nope. It doesn't. Woman was made FOR the man (1 Cor. 11:9), not the other way around. You don't know your place.
With attitudes like both of yours, I doubt you'll have any problems. No normal woman would want to be in a relationship with either of you.
@@Willie_Wahzoostop misquoting the Bible. You're giving Christians a bad rep
@@Willie_Wahzoo 1. Prove there is a god. 2. Prove that the god you believe in is THE god. 3. Prove the Bible was written by him or inspired by him.
Then, I'll listen to your baseless argument.
One of the best analysis I have ever watched on YT!!! I correct myself: it is the best!
It's all about power. Disrespect is a subtle way to say "You're beneath me".
7:06 I like to follow forums and Facebook groups for hobby-grade R/C cars. I see so many guys post things such as "Got the wife's permission!" alongside a new purchase, a $200 to $300 kit. Always makes me cringe.
Snooping through children's rooms until they're 18 is a good way to end up in a retirement home. The older the child, the more respect they should receive, otherwise s/he will become (normaly) angry or/and irresponsible, through their adolescence and adulthood. If I had caught my parents snooping through my room at 12 I would've been pissed. And an angry tween with full knowledge of where you keep your pillows is a nightmare, never mind one that knows where you keep your most prized possessions. Even the most meek and well behaved kids can and will retaliate, if not immediatly, then when they can. We have long memories and keep grudges, even unconsciously. A few decades wait is nothing to someone who doesn't even know they're holding a grudge. This comment is in response to the part where you say a parent has the right to snoop through their child's room.
Poetry.
Here are some more subtle ways I have experienced that I find disrespecting:
- Changing the subject abruptly when the man wants to talk about something and the woman isn't interested in that matter. Being with a man means that you will have to listen to him, even if he just wants to talk about something you find uninteresting. You could even learn something about his personality that way. Not allowing him to talk conveys the message that you don't care about his personality or feelings and that you have somehow dehumanized him to an entity that's there only to fulfill your own needs. Much worse if you use dismissive retorts or gestures like "oh, no that again" or "why should I care about that?", sighing or rolling eyes.
Talking about him in the third person in front of friends and not allowing him to speak on his behalf by continuing to do so when he tries to speak, even if you are saying good things about him. You are in fact objectifying him, reducing him to a commodity you can praise or complain about to others. When my gf did that I felt like I was a dog and she was saying "Oh, he's such a good boi".
Sharing intimate details about your life together to people, mostly other women he also knows or could meet in the future. Almost all women and extremely few men do that. You cannot imagine how embarrassing it is to a man to discover that other people know things about him that he would never have disclosed himself. It makes him feel like a pet or a science experiment. And often they don't have to even tell him, he can understand this has happened by the look in their eyes.
Oh and finally that old tired catch-all condescending phrase "You are just insecure" when you complain about any of these.
Good stuff!
I am so sorry if you experienced any of this, it is not okay. You deserve better.
@ky7299
I agree with some of this bit not first example. Maybe most of the men I've been with are big talkers but I have (with a few) barely started talking and been told "New topic" ...very disrespectful and I say so I matter-of-fact way. Some listen...some don't. You get a lot of info that way.
One male friend of mine did this a lot and I found it annoying. We're both strong personalities and one thing that attracted us to one another. When he kept up with the "new topic" bs, I just started doing the same thing at times with him. He'd actually laugh and say..."good point...I get it "
This most definitely is accurate - although, with the constant conditioning of today’s culture, it runs contrary to every “acceptable” analysis today. Thank-you for having the courage to speak the truth.
Man, the set up of that living room looks great! Excellent natural light, tasteful decor, nice built-ins. Also, this video was done very well! I’m in a good mood.
A lot of women are never told these things and never think about it. I believe a woman won't disrespect you if you are her best option, but then again I know some women are emotional roller coasters and sometimes things are more complicated than that. You could very well be her best option but she's so out of touch to even know it.
Yeah, women are told the opposite of this message from childhood. They are told they are badasses, and that no man is worthy of respect. Unfortunately they tend to believe everything that the authorities and society tell them.
Meaning AS LONG AS you’re her best option, which of course can change any day.
I find the book The Surrendered Wife talks about this topic brilliantly. Disrespecting comes from the need to control and sometimes, in a relationship it's better to let go of the idea of controlling your partner.
10/10
350k is amazing
only a few month ago u were at 7 k when I first saw ur channel
great JOB
First off, I totally understand what the Doctor is talking about. Understanding how men feel disrespected is a valuable part of a relationship. On the other hand have we considered that women who use these specific methods of disrespect are feeling disrespected? And maybe these bad habits develop from feeling chronically disrespected? Just throwing that out there. I wonder what the Doctor would say about that?
Goes both ways. Women also are sovereign individuals before and during and after
Dr. Orion. Respect is a two way street!
This video is part of a series on getting the man you want. Dr. o has many videos on how men can get the woman they want
Women need love men need respect
@@ari-jv So you are saying men don't need love, and women don't need respect! Strange line of reasoning. Both need and deserve love And respect. I am married, and I cannot imagine myself disrespecting my husband. And he respects me. I Don't doubt that there are disrespectful women, and men, out there. Otherwise, Dr. Orion's videos would not be necessary. Sadly, not everyone is brought Up in a respectful home, and all they know is disrespect.
@@doloresaquines1529 No, it's question of prioritization. Men place respect over love, women vice versa.
1. Inappropriate questioning. 2. Granting Permission. 3. Surveillance
Question: when a man is doing this to his wife, is he also disrespecting her?
@@lisaharmon8401 Oh no... That's part of the double standards of this society. 😉👌
Thank you doctor, almost done watching all your videos. I enjoy listening to intersexual dynamics in pyschology very much
I'm learning a lot from your videos, Orion. Thank you so much also for this specific episode for us ladies! 🙏
A lot seems common sense, but hearing it put into words directly and clearly makes it so much more tangible and graspable. I appreciate your work bunches.
Kind regards,
Anke
(a woman from/in Germany) 🌸
I was in the same boat. My wife always prioritized her family over what I wanted. I'm not saying what I want should always be chosen, but as her husband - the fact that her default was always what her family wanted was prioritized over me was disrespectful.
I spoke to her about it. I explained calmly that I wouldn't stand for it.
She got the message and 25 years later - we are still happily married.
If a woman DISRESPECT it’s because she looks down on you and thinks she can do better. If u cut her off she will actually respect you more for standing ur ground…. However if she gets too disrespectful and you cut her off and she comes back after a few weeks or months it’s because whoever she thought she could get that was better than you ….didnt want her back, so u NEVER take a woman back, i know it sucks especially when u really like a girl but if you talk to her about disrespect and she continues to do it and u cut her off chances are there was another guy she respected more and she’s only coming back after a few weeks or months because that guy wouldn’t put up with her ….no matter how much u love a girl ….learn to walk away, the only way u should ever let her back into ur life is to use her just for sex, nothing else