Long Distance Relationship (LDR) & ROCD
Вставка
- Опубліковано 8 січ 2020
- Long distance relationships can be challenging!
So, put ROCD on top of LDR and it can feel even more difficult. But, you're not alone (#YANA)!
In this video, I answer your top asked questions on LDR and ROCD. At the end, I give you tips to help you strengthen deeper connection with your partner despite having Relationship OCD.
4:25 - “How do I work on exposure work when I’m not around my partner?”
6:10 - "How do I manage expectations? Expectations of it needing to be perfect?"
8:46- "I focus a lot on imperfections. How do I stop this?"
10:38 - "Why do I enjoy talking to them on the phone than seeing them in person (and vice versa)"
12:21 “I’m constantly worrying: what if I don’t miss my partner or what if I don’t want/need them?”
14:12 - “Why do I get so afraid of seeing my partner again?”
15:03- "I have a fear of growing apart… fear of growing or healing without them."
16:05 - "How do I deal with the transition from LDR to not?"
RESOURCES:
» WEBSITE: AWAKENINTOLOVE.COM
» INSTAGRAM: / withawakeni. .
» ROCD FREE CHECKLIST: rocdcourse.com/the-checklist
» ROCD 2.0 COURSE & COMMUNITY: rocdcourse.com/
» PARTNERS OF ROCD MASTERCLASS: rocdcourse.com/partnersofrocd...
» WORK WITH ALEXIS: www.awakenintolove.com/coachi...
Disclaimer: All of the information listed in this channel is for informative, motivational, educational purposes only. If you are specifically looking for a licensed and professional therapist then you are welcome to work with our therapist, if not, we will refer you to someone else. Please note that this channel is not meant to diagnose you or treat a mental health disorder but serves only as education and motivation.
*PLEASE NOTE: If you feel as though you're in an emotionally/physically abusive relationship then please dismiss the tips in this video and contact a professional and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233*
One thing my therapist told me when I told her I was feeling guilty for not missing my partner all the time was: "You go on with your day everyday and you are not constantly thinking that you miss your mom or your dad right? But you still love them and they are one of the most important people to you. You are just trying to fit into rules of how a relationship should be and you feel guilty when you think you don't miss your partner or you don't miss them at that exact time, that doesn't mean you dont love them though" And that helped me a lot I hope it helps other people too :).
yes this helped a lot!! i love this, thankful for people that get me:))
That’s a great analogy!
You are a saviour. Literally used to feel like noone understands how my brain works. I didnt understand myself till i found your videos. Thank you.
Does anyone else experience that, when your apart your thoughts get worse than when your with your partner? And that if you video call, that you don’t feel much and your thoughts tell you, that you don’t miss your partner enough. And are you scared that when you see your partner again, that you won’t feel anything? I often feel like that if I am apart and don’t think about him much that I don’t really love him. That I am in denial and when I think I feel good with him that I am just lying to myself and him. That it’s a sign that if I don’t feel good feelings when we are apart, that this relationship doesn’t actually work, that I should be sure that I miss him, when I am not with him and that if I don’t miss him that I don’t really love him. That if I have these thoughts that this must mean something. The thoughts were gone for a few weeks and I felt more in love than ever but then after seeing each other for a long time we didn’t see each other for a fee days and then my thoughts started creeping back in. Now I am scared that when I see him again, I won’t feel anything, I am scared that I am living a lie. 😔
Yup word for word what I experience too
@@Eirdis me too! We're together on that journey
I can relate so much!!!!!!! With every word you said
Yup sounds about right:/
Literally my experience right now
You'd be surprised how many Long distance relationships worked out for the long term
That’s true I am in long distance relationship and we haven’t met for 3-4-5 months and I am so in love but ROCD makes it hard and makes me thing like it’s not right for me and will not work but is normal I still stick with this hard challenge for my partner !
It allows for real intimacy to happen. :))
its relieving knowing that someone can say exactly what i'm going through, thank you for your education, and insights
can rocd make you feel like you dont know your partner? or make you feel unfamiliar from them?
LDR helped me so much to unmask my anxious attachment style and it kind of forced me to do the exposure work. I agree with Kiyomi when she says how it can deepen your healing.
I would also say that one the hardest things about ldr is this crazy desire of control, craving certainty to know that this relationship WILL WORK OUT. It drives me crazy that there’s no guarantee (as in any relationship but on a whole other level), leads to all kinds of compulsions
I hate feeling shamed for the control component. In my relationship my partner says that I can be manipulative sometimes when I am triggered. They understand that I am doing this subconsciously but it still makes me feel like a horrible person ://
Oh my, I'm so grateful for all the resources you give us here. You are actually the only creator I know on YT who supports putting hard work into relationships and not giving up on them so easily. You gave me so much hope from the very moment I have found this channel. Keep going, wishing you all the best ❤️
Thank you so much for calming words. I am slowly trying to learn that I cant stop intrusive thoughts, they're just flowing away like a river with time.
This is beautiful ❤️ thank you 🙏
everything I needed right now, so true and helpful and affirming. thank you!!!!
I'm so unbelievably grateful for this channel
I am SO glad this video covered something I didn't realize I needed addressed: LDR x ROCD
Incredible video. My heart needed this. Thank you Kiyomi.
I have asked all of these questions. I never related it to being in ldr. Thank you as always
This channel is my comfort place! :')
I just ended a long distance relationship. I definitely have ROCD, and I fought so hard to try to be better this time, with her/this person. I just felt miserable, and could never understand how to know what was the relationship, and what was my obsessive compulsiveness. I ended up becoming depressed again, very irritable, and ultimately I felt like, though I loved her, it was hurting me so much, and I kept hurting her. I didn't feel like I felt strongly enough, or was attracted enough, and I couldn't seem to get past it, to understand if it was real. I felt like I was lying to her, it stringing her along because it my uncertainty. I felt relief alone because the stress of it was so great, but then it would cause distance, and I'd feel guilty, it like it was a sign things weren't right/it wasn't just me ROCD.
I tried to explain these feelings, and my issues, and though she was very patient, I just kept hurting her with my uncertainty/intrusive feelings.
I still have feelings for her, I miss her, and a day doesn't go by there I wish I knew if I made the right decision. I wish I didn't hurt her so, trying to work through this. I feel like an awful person, and I feel like I can't take another relationship again. I'm so deeply depressed, heart-hardened, and lonely.
You're not alone Sam, there aren't always wrong and right decisions but the bottom line is that you weren't happy for whatever the reasons are be it ROCD or otherwise, you really tried to make it work, and now you need time to heal. You're not alone.
@@MidnightCyanide I just was hoping that after some time, and I got a better handle on it, perhaps we could try again. I wouldn't tell her that, because I can't guarantee that, and I didn't want to make things harder if things changed. She's already moving on though, I just feel lost. Like time is running out to heal myself, and fix things/figure them out. I just can't move on, even though I wouldn't tell her that to protect her, because I still don't have the answers, and I still have feelings for her. I'm just broken.
@@samweaver4151 Well, there are a lot of options but remember you don't have to protect her, she is likely a strong woman and keeping the truth hidden is not always the best option. Let her know you feel you made a mistake, but only do so when you're ready. Right now it is likely that you're still very raw, you need time to clearly figure out if you both will be happy in a relationship. Once you've decided that, if you still feel you made a mistake, let her know and then give her time. She may be angry but she is entitled to her emotions. Accept that it may not happen again, and that you may face that. But whatever happens is meant to be. I wish you luck my guy.
Sam Weaver just letting you know bro. If you didn’t feel like you love her, you wouldn’t be stressed so much figuring out an answer. The mind tricks us, whatever we think or feel doesn’t always mean it’s the truth.
Hello , how are you doing right now mate ?
I didn't even know I have ROCD, now going through one of my hard times where ROCD takes part and by accident saw this video
My husband and I are separated geographically bc of border closings. We are both growing slowly but surely. 🤗🇭🇺🇺🇸
I'm 16 now but I think I started developing ROCD about 1-2 years ago, when I entered my first relationship ever (and a long distance one!), it started appearing when she asked me out, and boom, all of a sudden everything was pretty messy, I still want to keep my relationship because I really do love her and want to work on it, I'm planning on starting therapy and meditation :)
hey, did it work? and what did you do?
Hiii everyone ! I’m with my partner for almost a year now and since august we are in LDR. And since then I think I have developed ROCD. My thoughts are : what if I don’t live with him for the rest of my life, what if someone comes to me to ask my number and I say yes, what if I think someone is beautiful. But one thing I know is that I love him truly, I don’t want to live my life without him but I think I’m afraid of myself. I just to see him to forget those thoughts and be happy together forever
It’s though but I know we can do it, he’s amazing with me and help me to be better but sometimes my thoughts come back and I cryyyy so much omggg, I never cried like that for anyone.
Anyway thank u so much for this video I hope we all get better ❤
i just realized i had rocd a month ago but was living with it for years and just recently my partner visited me for the first time and flew all the way from America to my country. I was so excited in the beginning and things between us felt euphoric. But then after a couple months passed, the more mentally tired i got not because of him but because i was working a job i hated and my dad was a pain in the butt to live with. I would find myself constantly aggravated whenever my partner and i would talk to spend time and i just thought to myself that i was very mentally exhausted and i was terrified I'd take it out on him or i did sometimes grasp a thought that maybe i didnt love him but i didnt feed into it much because i knew he wasnt intentionally trying to drain me out, he just loved to spend time and talk about things with me, and somehow it still made me blame him on some days. A month before he was to come visit, i had quit my job and spent my days trying to take it easy all the while being a bit frustrated with my dad. Two weeks before the big day, my partner was at work and i decided to take some time for myself and play my favorite video game and a few hours later my partner texted me asking me if i want to call him, (being that was our daily routine everyday to spend time and catch up) but as much as i cared for him i just rly wanted some time on my own, doing something i enjoyed since i had practically dedicated my time to him everyday for four months and reason is, is because i never wanted to hurt his feelings having to say i just wanted some time on my own. That moment aggravated me for all the wrong reasons but in my mind i just wanted to be aggravated with my partner for consuming my time even tho at the same time i recognized that it's my responsibility to tell him that. However, i still managed to be so aggravated but i also felt horrible about that thought so i decided to push my video game aside and call him. While we had called for an hour or two, the feeling i had earlier that day started to fluster through my mind again and made me feel guilty and doubt whether i did love him. It got to a point where i was thinking about it so much within that hour that it started to overwhelm me and began to build anxiety and anger. Up to the point where i felt my self go numb and in that moment i thought i had slipped a switch in my mind and emotionally detached from my partner. From then on i started to terribly panic and every other day id wake up and feel the same numbness that built even more anxiety day after day. The more my partner and i talked about seeing other sooner and sooner, the more anxiety and guilt i felt. It was such a hard pill to swallow feeling so much guilt telling him i loved him back because i couldnt feel a thing. I thought something was terribly wrong with me and the idea of Leaving him all at the same time made me even more distressed. I just wanted the feeling i had before to come back. During our whole trip it was constant anxiety and doubts. Seeing him for the first time made me so nervous and when i saw him at the aiport for the first time it was very special and brought a different feeling to my perspective about things but i was still v much struggling with that fear and anxiety in the back of my mind that if i shut myself off again i would ruin our time together. after a day or tow on our vacation, i was having so much anxiety to the point that i did go numb all over again and thought i had flipped that switch again. When that happened it was the most horrible and devastating feeling ever. I was having a hard time actually enjoying our date together later that night and i just couldnt experience the lovey dovey feeling i so desperately wanted with him through the whole trip. Things died down after we left the islands and when we go to the city i was so numb to the point that i didnt care about what i felt anymore and was just waiting for the day for him to leave. when that day did come i wasnt so sad in the beginning when taking him to the airport and that made feel so guilty and sad but somewhow i still ended up crying when he was about to leave and at that point i felt so emotionally confused. Now its been 6 months since hes gone back home and ive been doing a lot better in terms of my thinking but i still have that fear that when i see him again, i'll attach the same feelings i had for him when we last saw each other. he's coming in a month from now and i've been a bit nervous still. With these vids it'll definitely give me hope! thank you kymoi:)
I resonate with this so much! My bf came to visit about a month ago and at the end of it, I was drained and was looking forward to my routine when he left. I felt super guilty, as if I should be missing him more than my routine. I realized after the fact, that even when he visits, I need alone time to recharge and it’s my responsibility to tell him that. I’m visiting him soon and I’ve set out a plan to ensure I’m vocal about my needs.
Your story sounds EXACTLY like mine! If you see this, I’d love to hear how things are for you now. I hope you’re healing these fears❤
I'm currently going through what I think is a unique kind of ROCD. It started a month ago. I found this girl on a dating site and we really hit it off. The thing is we're not technically "dating". She's been hurt from LDR before. Guys who were just complete scumbags, who walked all over her and didn't give a care about her values and morals. Because of that we're friends, but there's something there still and it's known that all I have to do is build trust between us and show that I'm not like those other guys. (and not just say it).
For the first few weeks, I was completely head over heels. I was super determined to be the guy that heals her wounds. She was helping me, because of her I quit smoking cold turkey. I was completely blissful when we'd talk, and I'd stare at my phone waiting for her to call. Then ROCD struck. The emotions that left me feeling motivated began to fade. She'd tell me things that would usually make my day and I'd feel blank.
I studied up on ROCD and it did help until today. I woke up feeling entirely disinterested in her. It was like I didn't care if she was going to call. It was really bothering me that I felt that way. Then she called, (as consistent as she is.) I had a really hard time sounding interested in what she was saying. To the point that she actually pointed out that it sounded like I didn't care. That eventually triggered great sadness in me. I started to think about how I was determined to not be like the other guys and felt like I was failing. That's currently where I am with this.
Hey, how are you doing now? Feeling any better. It could have been triggered by you giving up smoking, I got panic attacks and anxiety from giving up cigarettes.
It’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself from the start to ‘not be like other guys’. Sometimes we put unnecessary energy into something and then the pressure makes us panic subconsciously. I’m sure you are not like other guys. I would be honest and tell her you also have relationship anxiety and you are trying to figure it out but that you want to figure it out
Hello... I’m french and i really like your vidéos, they help me and i hope that its really the rocd.
This vidéo don’t have french and i don’t understand english...
I just want to know what it means to feel “when you know you know”
Thanks for this vídeo! My ROCD just came back after 4 months of LDR and a the most beautiful trip to see us again. On the trip we decided that when he came back we will move together and consider marriage, something I have always dream, and then boom, My ROCD explode, like if I was afraid of everything :(
hey, are okay now? You are not alone. I am in one too. I wish everything works out for you!
@@adityawahyuningtyas so am I... how are you doing now? I’m quite new so I need some strength since the past days have been hell...
@@adityawahyuningtyas I feel so disconnected from him these days... like the love never existed and doesn’t exist now... I can’t tell if it will get better or not... it hurts so much to hang on but it’ll hurt more to let go... even when I’m at my worst he manages to make me smile... I feel so weird sometimes to flirt or be sweet or say I love you or give kisses (yes over the phone, it’s weird I know xD)... did that happen to you? How did you overcome it? It’s so scary right now...
@@adityawahyuningtyas thank you so much... I’ve grown so used to the feeling of anxiety and it telling me that I don’t love my partner that even when things start getting a bit better I go back to that and shut down... I don’t know how to overcome that... if you have any tips on that as well I’d love to hear it and I’ll definitely try the other things you recommended... I think I guess it’s important to keep in mind that anxiety can manipulate feelings and cover your true ones, making you think that you feel a negative way... but I’m at the point where thats almost every day and I get so confused and hopeless...
@@adityawahyuningtyas I don’t really know what shadow work is to be honest with you ^^; I just try to not give too much attention to the intrusive thoughts...
We're factiming for over 6h a day and sometimes I just feel like I don't want to facetime so much which fills me with guilt... And when I feel disconnected from my partner, it makes me feel like I don't really love them, which kills me inside.
me too!! it’s so terrible but we got this:))
Hi. Im going to college soon. I love my boyfriend and i don’t wanna be apart from him. Im now getting thoughts that watching these videos to “prepare” for ling distance will make it not work out 🤦🏾♀️
Or that if i see “positive” things abt LDR it will not work out. And if i see “negative” things about it, I will be motivated to prove those assumptions wrong. Idk
PLEASE PLEASE SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME.....😭😭😭I'm in a 4years of LDR and now I'm feeling like I'm losing my feelings...I don't want to be like this i've never been like this he feels like a stranger...I feel like I don't care sometimes...I know how badly I wanted to be with him..we use to meet once a year but it never felt like he is away but now I feel like nothing...the thing which scares me the most is when the thoughts dosen't bother me feel like i'm accepting my thoughts..I don't feel anxious I just get uneasy and really sad feeling when I think of breaking up...I cry due to my situation I question myself that do I really care or I'm just lying to myself and when I feel nothing it makes me nervous scared cz my heart takes it as a sign that I don't love him.. I mean its just a month and I feel normal these days how can I be so normal if I love him I just want myself back hr is the man of my dreams and I don't want to ruin our future with these thoughts 😭😭😭😭
Hey, I live the same thing. Just let you know that you have ROCD. All your thougts are wrong. Trust me, if you didn’t like him you’ll never be so anxious and stress. When you don’t live you know it and this is the end. You are suffering. Me too sometimes I don’t miss him, I don’t want to talk to him, I can’t show my feelings ´cause everything is blocked by anxiety. When you think too much, you can’t feel anything. Listen, when the bad thoughts about your boyfriend came, don’t do anything, let thoses thoughts and don’t try to feel something to be okay. You know sometimes idc about him and it makes me so anxious because i feel nothing. Just try to not give interest to the bad thougts. (Sorry for my english I am French) hope this help.
@@saunya6719 thankyou so very much ❤❤
@@saunya6719 much love 🥺
Are you ok now
@@jaymthaaphotography8723 a lot better now ❤
My husband is a sailor. Is it normal that i have a thoughts about the fact that i can cheat, that i can become a traitor in future, that i will lose control? (( it makes me feel very very anxios. His work is really hard.. It's hard to wait for 4-5 months and then to live together day by day from the morning to the morning. And then again see off my dearest husband. I never had this thoughts before. But i'm sure that i have an Rocd. Cause i have a depersonalization and a lot of fears and thought (some of them were really absurd, the kind of "the world is not real, it's only in my imagination" ) before i have rocd. And i also have a fear that i don't love my son. It's really terrible. Sorry if i made mistakes in the text. I'm from Russia and my english is not very good.
how’s it going?
Am I normal for having these thoughts as a 15 year old? I'm really scared to talk to anyone about it because I feel like they won't take my situation seriously and I don't know what to do
Arissa Westacott yea I'm experiencing the same thing and I feel like none of my friends understand n they just think like well u don't know if u love him n stuff like that so breakup
I am almost 18, and I have ocd diagnosed, so its absolutely possible! I really advise to search for a therapist, that can really really help you, in my case I waited too much for treating ocd so it sadly got worse and worse, so don't wait!
🥺❤