The Cult of Self-Care
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- Опубліковано 15 жов 2024
- The Minimalists speak with @DoctorRamani about how self-care turns into self-harm when one is self-absorbed in self-pity and suffering. This is a highlight from episode 431. Watch the entire Private Podcast episode: / theminimalists
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#TheMinimalists #SelfCare #Narcissism
What’s your favorite self-care activity?
Going for a walk in our huge city park that is kept in a natural state. It's as if I've driven an hour away from town. A creek runs the length of it, climbing a couple of miles into a small gorge in the adjacent foothills.
Having tea first thing in the morning on a front porch facing a residential street and saying hello to almost every passerby
👏🤗 Watching: "ALL" of Goldie Hawn's, Diane Keaton's, Bette Midler's, Jane Fonda's, Woody Allen's, and Marilyn Monroe's MOVIES...They relax me so, so much 🫠...In other words, all of the 70's, and 80's movies...Period!!!🙏🤗🙏
Epsom salt bath 🛁
Journaling
Going to a spa is 'personal care'. I engage in self care by going for a walk, caring for my plants, savoring a home made meal, taking time away from technology and going to bed early.
I had called in sick with pneumonia and was told to stay in bed for a week. I had a doctors note from the hospital emergency room where I spent an hour on oxygen. When I got out of the ER I called my director and left a message on her voice mail. It was after eleven at night. In the morning I called in to my job. The director said she got my message and that if I didn’t come into work I would lose my job. I went in very sick but I did need my job so I had no choice. After an hour of being there the head director came in and was walking around visiting every one but when she came into my classroom she took one look at me and asked me what’s wrong. You look very ill. I told her everything is fine but she didn’t buy it. I told her what was happening and she reached over and grabbed my coat and said go home. I said that I have a note from the hospital which my director didn’t even want to look at but the head director took the note and read it. She looked at me and said by see you next week. She then got another teacher a floater to take over my room. She walked me up to the office where the director was and said she’s going home. And she placed the doctors note on the desk. When I returned a week later the director was gone. Fired. People there were so glad she left. She was a cold hearted person
It's a sad commentary on our working culture that persons like that fired director are ever allowed in positions of authority in the first place.
When I was 17 years old I was in a roll over car accident on my way to work. I didn’t go to the hospital because I felt alright. The EMT checked me out and said to go home and rest.
I called my job to let them know and management told me to come in because I was leaving the day girl without relief. I showed up at Subway (where I worked) with blood on my forehead, neck, and tiny glass shards stuck in my arm to tell them that I wasn’t working that night. Management had “just” left and day shift had no idea about my wreck. The girl working was like “they told you to come to work looking like that?”
I said, “sorry but I can’t stay. Close the store early if you have too. Idk. I’m grabbing my check and I’m going home.”
I went home and slept for 5 days!!
I could hardly get myself up to go to the bathroom. I didn’t eat and my mother begged me to drink Gatorade constantly. I had never felt so tired before in my life.
A couple days after I woke up I felt sore but back to normal. I checked my work schedule and had a note to call. The manager gave me an earful of how I screwed the day shift and how she had to cover my night shifts because nobody else would do it. Then she fired me because I was unreliable.
I had intentions of showing up for my shifts that week but I didn’t know my body was going to go into shock once the adrenaline wore off.
The lesson I learned was adults are selfish and lack common sense.
@@seadragon1456 Wow. That’s awful. Glad you’re ok and that you were treated s badly.
I'd have told her to kiss my butt straight away.
Sounds like my former boss.
You guys should talk about self care and how its pushed so much on women and the anti aging obsession. So much consumerism thrown to women everyday
I love Dr. Ramani so much. She is so thoughtful and nuanced in how she approaches things.
Self care has been morphed into a marketing ploy.
The person who held the lease to the apartment asked me to move out, while I was embarking on 4 months of chemotherapy treatments for cancer, in the name of "self-care".. She needed to "be alone". She phrased it in such as way that I was supposed to pity her... I had to pack my belongings as my fingernails were falling off. Covid was still raging, and my white blood cells count was extremely low. I was out of breath walking two blocks on the flat because of low hemoglobin. I thought that she could shove her self-care where the sun doesn't shine...
🙏😞🙏
Oof, that sounds really rough! Hope you're doing better now? 🍀
Jesus
This is sickening, and I dare say her complete selfishness and lack of compassion towards does come across narcissistic. I’m so sorry you went through that and I hope you are healing 🙏🏼
God bless you..
What she said right at the end is so true. I have had to teach myself, as an adult, to take care of my basic human needs because I didnt think I was worthy of taking care of myself.
2 years ago, I was given homework to do self care. The whole idea was foreign to me. I tried a few things. One day during and after reorganizing a shelf in my closet, I got this feeling of glee. Organizing is self care for me! That's why many people over the years have asked me to their houses to redo their linen closets and pantrys. I love it!
Having a space you're happy to have, to use, to spend time in, is indeed self-care. A face sheet mask only lasts minutes, a tidy space lasts longer 😊.
Start an organizing business! I love organizing too! 😊
Having a day to myself every so often makes me a better employee, teacher, partner, friend etc.
I spent most of my life taking care of other people, mainly my own family members. I also spent my time in caring for my now ex boyfriend of 25 years, being to him someone who was taking care of his affairs, finding him a few jobs, being a therapist, doctor, nurse…etc. I never knew what self care was until I left him 10 years ago. Now after I do my own responsibilities, I take the time for myself for self care with knitting. It’s something that makes me calmer.
The part where you mentioned the "look at me" part of this discussion is SO real. It is another version of class warfare, ego and separaton.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ This!!!!!!!
Here is what I would call self-care: saying "no" to things that would harm us and "yes" to what would promote our well-being. Examples: having the self-discipline to turn down foods that would spike our blood sugar and to cook ourselves a healthy meal. Regulate our schedules so that we can be productive for our employer, our family, and ourselves without running ourselves ragged trying to do everything at once. Get healthy exercise in whatever shape or form benefits our body the most. Go to be when we're under the weather rather than run our body sick. It can also include a bubble bath at the end of the day, a trip to the spa to get our over-stress dealt with, or even a pick-me-up trip to the nail salon for a mani-pedi treatment (within reason and within our budget).😊
Small correction here: Go to bed when we're under the weather, not go to be.
@@joyceonthego8317🤣😂😅
I'm so sick of eating healthy though. What's the point? I don't want to live to be old, I don't even care if I feel good anymore. My existence doesn't really matter to anyone. Why should it matter to me?
Meditation, drinking water, breathing exercises, social media detox, saying no when it's not a hell yes, pausing
Lack of empathy is narcisistic
It could be. But isn't always true; autistic people have issues showing empathy, various other non divergent people might have an off day, or are struggling with their inner child, so give in to temporary self absorption. This isn't narcissism.
I have noticed lots of you tube shorts and videos about self care, using a lot of products. To me, these over the top routines in the videos are just to showcase products that they can link for a commission.
You are right!!!
When a family member died and I asked for the 3 days of bereavement, there were people(managers) at my job who didn't believe me and thought I was making up stories just for time off. It really hurt so much, especially considering I worked my A** OFF for these people. They didn't believe me because I've never mentioned anything about my sick and dying family member. I understand there are a lot of liers in this world, but there are also honest people still around, and we unfortunately get treated similar to all the narcissistic liers.. 🥺
Self care is being minimalist and having time to do what we love!
Great conversation y’all, thanks!
Glad to finally see some pushback on this. I see 'self care' all the time from people who already focus primarily on themselves.
Sure, take care of yourself, but it becomes a problem when you're just getting out of responsibilities.
Linguistically, we should be distinguishing between self care (taking care of one’s self) and PAMPERING.
You should also make an episode about the people who spend their time criticizing others
👏🙏🤗🙏👍
Love Dr Ramani. ❤️❤️ For me def it was the narcs and how self care for me was “Oh so now you’re a princess?” Well if not always said, def implied.
Idk if it’s a self care epidemic as much as just another thing abusers and users use to keep being awful and selfish. They misuse and abuse whatever is legit out there for honest folks.
Mostly for me tho, it’s just stop and take breaks. Pay more attention to my body when it says I’m tired. I’m sick. I’m hungry. Or my emotions when they say you need a good cry. You need to process that trauma or just sit down and read about this subject. And so on. Or when the mean inner critics get going, shut them up and say kind words to myself. Etc. Say no to others more often…also keeping those things in mind….is this gonna wipe all my energy out? Take time from me I don’t even have? And so on. You can’t always help everyone and that’s just a fact. Even when you want to.
I actually really learned about self-care when I went to Cameroon for several years to work as a teacher. I found that all the students were routinely taught how to take care of themselves as part of boarding school life and they acted just as responsible as me as an adult oftentimes. The townspeople were the poorest of the poor, subsistence farmers that I lived among, I learned so much about how they treated themselves with such dignity and care. They bathed every day in cold water and always dressed beautifully and kept their environment clean (to their own cultural standard). I came away from that experience inspired and knowledgeable about how to care for myself better. I was a slob in a lot of ways. It has helped improve my life so much to know about "taking care of myself." I do think there is an epidemic of self-care but I don't think it means what popular culture thinks it means. It means properly meeting your basic needs! We have a breakdown of the home life now so these basics aren't modeled. I suspect that's why various "do life with me" videos are inexplicably attractive because people haven't had real life modeled to them and are wondering what the heck they are supposed to be doing with themselves.
I don’t think the poverty argument applies to everyone. I’m broke and my self-indulgence is one of my biggest problems. I know plenty of poor people who stay poor because they overemphasize “self-care” and think they’ll be cured by bath bombs and organic skin care. What we need is to learn how to regulate our emotions and get clear on what self-care really is: taking care of our physical and mental health so that we can function well and contribute to society.
I focus on only me now because after years of reaching out and trying to connect I got sick of feeling like no one wanted me. So yeah, now everything is about me.
I live in my car and just started my UA-cam channel but I still be loving self care as a gal 😊
Real Self care is being a responsible adult.
Pleasure & Pampering is leisure.
Thank you for mentioning poverty. The poor have it so much harder. On a small income with a bigger family, we spent alot of time in nature, libraries, free community concerts , pets, and cooking from scratch. Now with higher incomes, the children still gravitate toward hiking, traveling, and good food. They also enjoy bargain hunting. They might shop at a thrift store before indulging in a restaurant meal.
Meanwhile seek, even in small ways to gift a low income person with an item or time savings. "How blessed is he who considers the poor" Proverbs says.
The thing is a lot of people have no one in their lives who care for them so they have to do it themselves, Self care is only bad when it crosses the line to over indulgence, being inconsiderate of others, and becomes pampering that goes beyond basic care....
Self-care is another name for vanity. I call it full of themselves.
My biggest act of self care was getting all the toxic people out of my life 🎉🎉🎉
I love dr. Romani! Been following her for a few years on YT!
How about? Just being Considerate of each other. 😊❤
Narcisists and psychopats will ALWAYS pick up the part of the narrativs that is convenient to them
And will make a weapon of it 😏😏
Thats the way they are
I spent about an hour self caring before work everyday and about 3 hours every weekend is that too much?
Not at all!!!!
More power to you! Keep going and set the good example.
Is it enough or do you need more?
@@BBlair-if8tj lol well I think is plenty but I can pushed.
@@TheodoreRizzoYay!!!
This is how I feral about enneagrams plp find out a number and expect the world to adjust around them.
My celery juice is more than yours ☺😏
Where is Ryan recently ?
I thought this was great until she said that “ minorities are not allowed to feel”. Not universally true.
This far girl needs some self care in the gym
The amount of videos she made on narcissistic personality is bonkers…
She’s a true narcissist
Huh??🙄
If you spot it you Got it 😂
That’s an absurd conclusion.
@@BBlair-if8tj life is pretty absurd sometimes 😂
She doesn’t just “make videos,” she’s a doctor who specializes in NPD.
Why is it narcissistic to ask an employer for a healthy work-life balance? Working time does not equate quality of work. It is also a trending boomer thing to portray younger generations as entitled when they stand up for their aspirations and needs in the context of work benefits getting diminished and washed away overtime by inflation and rising costs for basic things such as housing. I'd rather see the employer side and their flying monkeys acting in a gaslighty fashion to keep exployting people to the max. whilst being grandiose about their own standing and oftentimes futurefaking candidates into accepting terms that finally do not pay out later etc. It is not always the individual speaking up for themselves who is the narcissist. Politically this seems to me a dangerous path to go. I feel that psychologists often leave out the political or overall societal dimensions in their analyses which is okay up to the point where people are getting stigmatized or these analyses are being weaponised against folks who against all sociatal pressure do stand their ground. The interviewee in this tech company, narcissistic or not did quite a cool thing there sticking to her own values although this tech firm appeared to be so very important that people have it give up everything in order to cater to its needs... tech firms do not perform open heart surgeries. I don't see why precisely a tech firm would not be more progressive than this. Tech should be used for people to work less not more. I fear we got something wrong there.
But besides: totally love Dr. Ramany! ❤