5 Signs of an Unhealthy INFJ
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- Опубліковано 7 вер 2024
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I am 70 yrs old. As an older adult INFJ I have gotten past the need for everyone liking me...feels so good!
That's amazing! It's something we all aspire to!
Ithaca Comments well I don't know if I'm past people liking me but I know that I've concluded that I'm the best company that I can find. And I find that I enjoy being alone a lot more than running around trying to make people like me. I do have the kind of personality that draws people to me when I do go out but lately I'm less and less interested in what other people think about me or think about in general. I actually find a lot of people very boring very empty and very predictable. I'm so not interested in what most people are interested in. Such as sports,dogs ,shopping , God religion,going to church, family and stuff! Most of that does not interest me anymore! Actually a lot of it never interested me at all. I think one of the ways I avoid those toxic people and those narcissistic people is by interverting by going away from people liking myself up in my apartment and just getting caught up in watching videos movies escaping! I love to learn I love to research and I also use it kind of is a procrastination from doing all the other things I need to take care of in my apartment.
I am also older and dealing with a lot of health issues which prevent me from having so much freedom as I used to have when I was younger. So some of that is preventing me from doing things I need to do and from spending time with people.
However when I do go out people seem to like me a lot I don't know exactly why. But they think I'm funny they think I'm pretty they think I'm interesting they think I'm smart and I don't think I'm any of those things.
I'm wondering if being older more tired ill in pain has drawn me away from other people. Or not investing as much energy and other people as I used to. I still find myself however going out of my way to give food and clothes and health ideas and information that I've gathered on the Internet to help somebody else that I don't even know or don't even care about really.
So I must admit that in spite of my condition in my state of mind I still find myself reaching out to some homeless person or some person who doesn't know something that I know and helping them. Most of them are very grateful when I give them help. And I guess it makes me feel like I have purpose which is important to me. I do want to make this World a better place and I would like to have contributed in a meaningful memorable way before I leave this earth. Whether it be an invention or some of my artwork or some of my writing or my film work I want to matter and make a difference when I leave so I'm not completely forgotten.
Yes I do know that the people whose life my life is touched will remember me and I will be not be forgotten except when they die I will be forgotten.
I guess I want to make the kind of difference that movie stars make where you can see them again and again even though you know they're dead.
I'm also hoping that I could reverse some of the damage and age illnesses that I have I've been listening to Dr. David Sinclair who is interested in why we age and can we reverse it.
He has his father on some stuff that he's been working on and his father is 80 years old and it started a new career and is living an exciting life compared to sitting on the couch waiting to die.
I guess I want to get up off the couch myself and make a difference before I croak.
That is just age, after 50 you start realizing life is shorter than you thought and screw all that stuff that takes away from your feeling decent. It isn’t instantaneous but it happens thank goodness.
Oh my gosh I wish for that so much!!!!
I'm the same way, Ithaca. Getting older helps, and it seems easier to be an older INFJ than a younger one. We've worked through so much by the later years. We know we can survive hard things, and we don't care quite so much about what everyone else is thinking. So if you're a young INFJ, remember, it gets better. Especially if you tend to your own healing as needed.
me, an unhealthy infj: watches this coz why not
also me: god I hate myself
Aww. Try to get a little less self-loathing in there. Remember you are awesome!
Haven Manlunas I am unhealthy also but please don’t ever hate yourself. We are special. You are part of a unique group. You have to love you, cause everyone else loves themselves first. Be kind....to yourself first. Everyone else will follow.. you are number # 1
5 signs of an unhealthy INFJ
1 not enough sleep
2 not enough vegetables
3 not enough time outside
4 to many calories
5 not enough dental care
I mean that's pretty much an unhealthy anybody, right? Though I'm not with you on the caloric intake, that kind of depends on how much #3 you're getting.
Oh, don't forget exercise. :-)
6 no animal near by
I think that's for people overall
Definitely relatable in the sense especially that if one of these is off it effects everything else
I think this is true but seeing as we are often the ‘all or nothing’ type, the opposite of these can apply too
An unhealthy INFJ with anxiety disorder... No wonder I'm living a WONDERFUL life 😩
Find those things that bring you balance, and do those things! You can do it!
@@DavidBadurina I actually am trying to do that nowadays. Thank you for your message 💜
Me too😭😭
“If we can’t make it perfect, then we just don’t want to do it”...OMG yes. I spend HOURS on doing my notes for work because they have to be perfect (I’m a therapist). Also, with my given vocation I struggle with taking care of everyone else. Before I was a therapist, I was the “therapist” for all my friends. Now that I do that as a job, I almost can’t stand time with my friends because everyone needs me all the time. I’ve started taking more time for myself to compensate .
That self care and time on your own is HUGE. Thank you so much for the comment!
The 'last minute', 'perfectionism' and 'never finishing'. The AMOUNT OF TIMES my parents say I NEVER FINISH something.
It's so true!
EXACTLY
that's so me i actually never finish anything 🤣🤣
Same
At 51, I recently found out I am an INFJ... I always thought I was just weird. I'm thrilled to find there's a whole community of us. It's such a difficult thing to explain to the non INFJ world but you're really hitting the nail on the head with your videos. I feel like you're inside my head.
Thank you, Kathleen! I appreciate that so very much!
My mom is an INFJ!
On this channel aren't we all inside you head? Heh.
Similar experience though. I used to think I was a weird alien. Now I know there is a reason I am a weird alien.
Kathleen Ambrose I too, just resigned myself to being weird. I kinda liked being a little smarter and my gut always being right. Sadly, I became the “ go to “ person. Never knew who was a “real friend “. That part sucks. I finally found a way to get “ me” time. Isolating is my meditation. Now...most of the time I enjoy being an infj. We’re all unique...infj’s are just extra special.
Happy to see another great video. A very deep one. A time to look at yourself inside, and the person in the mirror. Video worth waiting to for. Now I have to find the site for your first chapter. I really, really, really hope you choose me. I want to learn from you, so I can have a clue if I ever finish my “ book “. Take care of you, so you can take care of your Dad.
Subbed. INFJ's can love that douche bag like no other! Until our threshold is crossed, then it's see ya! I'm learning though, age=wisdom. Great channel, very inspiring. Keep going.
Thank you so much! I appreciate you!
Yes thats true. Its very important to set boundaries and follow through. It's not easy, it never is, but its necessary.
Really like your channel. I appreciate you getting right to the points, your humor and for caring enough to do this! 65 year old wife, mother, grandmother INFJ here. Hearing from other INFJ’s never gets old! 😜😂 Kerp up the great work!
Not to rain on anyone's parade but age does not equal wisdom. I know 70 year old children. Age=experience which increases knowledge. With that knowledge we can use our will to turn that knowledge into wisdom. Our will and experiences are the key to wisdom. Tie our emotions correctly into the equation and you got a future Confucius into 65 years.. possibly. ....lol
crippling perfectionism? imagine an infj and a virgo, yeah that's me
Astrology never really resonates for me, but I get this sentiment for sure!
That’s me too! I feel you 😅
ME TOO!It's so hard
😭
infj-t and a taurus 🥲
Infj’s maybe be prone to addiction but on the other hand an infj is probably better equipped than most to be beat that addiction.
Excellent point, Donna, thank you for the comment!
Especially since this can be countered by a simple question: How are we supposed to help if we are crippling ourselves? Doesn't make sense to do so so you avoid this habit in the first place.
I agree with you. I stopped smoking just cold turkey. Over 10 years ago. Now I stopped to shop unnecessary things for credit too. Having savings and not bills it's a bliss and freedom!
David, I totally agree. These are my 5 vulnerabilities as well. Therefore I work on
1. Setting boundaries, saying no, establishing no contact, the door slam
2. I accept imperfections in others as realistic. I accept that I will not always hit the bullseye and that it means I'm human. Procrastination is dealt with by realizing that the fastest way to get something done is to do it now.
3. I have learned very well how not to give a peanut about what anyone thinks.
4. Seeking sensory experiences as a way of knowing and interacting with reality. This is my Aquilles heel. I need to come up with better ways to fulfill this need.
5. I realize now that it is OK to not even try to fix whatever I see that needs fixing. I am at peace with establishing priorities while including myself high up in the list.
This is great stuff, thank you for sharing this! #5 in particular is great stuff!
Thank you! #1 and #2 resonate with me so much as I incorporate it daily too.
I went to a prestigious art academy for a few semesters. In the notes section on my report card it said "more crippled by self-doubt than anyone I've ever met". - Yep, INFJ!
Sara! That is definitely a thing!
Depression starts as you continually retain your feelings and you don't let them process it's like trying to suppress a beach ball under the water it takes more energy to keep it under rather than to just let it be and surface into your moment stop holding on and just let it go.
I can’t identify with the addictive behavior but I can imagine it’s probably to drown out all the feelings and thoughts that constantly play in your head. It’s good to know that I should look out for that.
It's one of the lesser developed functions in our cognitive stack (again, a healthy INFJ doesn't have issues with this, and MANY people have addiction issues and they ain't all INFJ!). It's just something that we can tend to lean on when stressed or out of balance. Thank you so much for watching and commenting! Best to you, Michelle!
Yep. And I think that's why many INFJs will be found online watching videos and movies to no end. It drowns out the constant mess in our heads...
@@jaeloniala4672 Or to get answers if you don't know what's going on inside of your head.
At least now I'm getting a way better picture of that.
@@Robidu1973 yep. Correct! Couldn't have put it across better!
If it won't be perfect, it doesn't worth the work 💔 story of my life
Right? It affects so many things.
I figured I was unhealthy struggling with depression too. I never realize it was a personality thing
It may not be a reason, but knowing yourself can help you pull out of it. Best to you!
The fixing people thing...I try to avoid intimacy with 99% of humans (compared to when I was younger and wanted intimacy with EVERYONE, which then caused unwanted feelings of attachment in them, but that's a story for another time). Anyone of the few people I do call my friends, I'm completely devoted to; its the not knowing how to moderate the flow that keeps me closed off to others or I'll be completely depleted.
Crippling perfectionism: I now force myself to finish what I start, even when part of my brain is tantruming and trying to get me to walk away. What I've found, is that if I force myself to stay through these emotions, I find that I can actually start to fall in love with the product once again. Even if I don't, though, I've disciplined myself to keep going, try to stay mindful, and get what I can from the process. Even if the end result is disappointing, the act of doing improves my skills for the next time.
Se....well, I have some stuff to say on that, but I've subjected you yo enough for now, I think.
Absolutely right - GET TO THE FINISH LINE - that's one of the most important lessons for sure!
Yeah...we're so bent on fixing people... And we do have issues with perfectionism😂 I will redo the same thing until i'm satisfied
It's the "fixing people" that can get us into a lot of trouble.
A sense of humor is good for an INJ. I love to laugh and make others laugh. Dancing makes me feel free, and doing it with no care as to how it looks is pure joy.
Me too😊
absorbing the energy of others sometimes tiring tho we think we are strong enoughto fix it but helping a depressed person for a very long time affects us too .
stop reading my soul i’m not ready (this video is amazing)
Just speaking my mind! :-) But I am glad you found it impactful!
Infj and guitar player. Have you noticed almost all the infj videos i see have a guitar in the back.
We were talking about that in another comment thread! WHY ARE INFJs GUITAR PLAYERS!? I think there's an element to the fact that music does help us with Fe. Great lyrics, or a moving piece really does scratch a certain itch for your average INFJ. Thank you for commenting!
I have a guitar and I never learn to play it well but sometimes I Just stroke it randomly while lying down, its bliss
Addictions: Yeah, to find healthy addictions is the key. When there is too much pain and I get into the Grip I have special, very emotional songs full of despair I listen to. Very loud. And then I'll dance, jump, sing, air combat, hiss, scream. I look like a mad woman when I do it. Sometimes I hit cussions. And when the grip energy is exhausted I cry and write. Journal. Sometimes I write songs. In my youth I wrote songs almost every time I was really upset. I think that helped me a lot to never get addicted to alcohol or drugs. My drug was my music. And like you told - going out to the forest, the beach, being anywhere alone out in nature is absolutely helpful for me too.
Air combat is awesome! A good workout can help, but I find I need to do something creative, not rote, in order to break from it. Thank you!
Schattensang, thanks for sharing, wonderful advice!!
OMG. You are speaking to my life. It took me close to 40 years to fully accept myself and not feel like I need to change to suit the extroverts in my life. I literally had to start telling friends that I have to have my introvert time. Love your videos. Subscribed.
Thanks so much Donna! I appreciate that!
My thing is fish/magnet fishing. I LOVE dropping a line. Doesn’t matter if I catch much, I’ll throw the fish back anyway. I’ll throw the trash away, but I get so excited over pulling railroad spikes up, or other randomness and I’ll research and try to find out why 5 railroad spikes were some place, why I found a couple of horseshoes. I’ll form stories to these things in my mind. It sucks because trying to hypothesize these things to others leads to dismissal. “Oh, I doubt there was once a rail road through here” or “it’s just a long nail, why would you think it actually means anything?” So, again, my attempt at deep discussion is dismissed. Oh the life of an INFJ 😂
Ha! You aren't kidding! I'm the same way and what a great way to describe it. Unless you've got another deep thinker or theorizer in your midst, any of those random follow-the-story muses are just going to end up getting dismissed in favor of something more surface level. I LOVE the stories that pop up in my head, I don't care if they're real or not. :-)
So true about toxic people sadly. We try and heal others without thinking of ourselves. Just remember your NOT alone, you deserve the very best hon. I like you and so do others with our personaity type never forget that.
Absolutely Donna! Thank you!
The fear of what other people think is probably the most relateable for me. That for me is very crippling.
Crippling is right, it will prevent you from doing so much!
i have struggled with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE.. except addiction... I have overcome these things mostly.. my insufferable perfectionism prevented me from creating and sharing my art for years.. i have learned to subdue that beast and the others.. I'm feeling like a much healthier INFJ these days!
That's excellent to hear! That perfectionism gets to me every single day!
Very true... Thanks so much for sharing how we INFJ are. I feel I'm not alone now. Thanks
Thank you, Crystal! I appreciate that!
Must have come in on a like I did?
Flying saucers, ooops.
This is the FIRST video I have seen talking about INFJ's and addiction. I have struggled since my early 20's and still do at 38. Does anyone else struggle?
Thank you for noticing that, because I think it IS something that's certainly stigmatized and people aren't happy to talk to. While not full-on addiction for me, I've certainly had my share of down moments where I leaned on unhealthy stimulation. Best to you, stay strong, and keep shining!
Try writing ...start with those witty unexpected ideas .....then when you have written enough down try to interlock them into a story .....edit it to perfectly like I know you would.......book deal ? Who knows !..…all I know is we have the greatest gifts of creativity and it's our weapon when we solve problems ...we have insights fair and just that nobody else sees ....good luck
As a religious and anxious attachment INfj i honestly have been lucky to avoid manipulation. Unfortunately I have no friends cause i have to avoid being around most of my peers so i don't get pulled into their bad habits. But I'm really healthy because of that. I just need a partner I trust now.
Me too 🙁😟😕
As an INFJ the flaw that I have found is my terrible inability to stop building people up. The fact that I see this light in them doesn't mean that they will want to take any advice that I give them. It's extremely exhausting.
I'm happy that you talked about self care.❤
It is, and some people simply don't want to be fixed anyway. Being able to accept that and move on is critical to taking care of yourself!
It's so important!
Also, thank you for watching! Appreciate you!
Some of the best advice I have ever gotten from someone who truly understands me is to "allow people to come to you for help and don't go looking for them." It helps to reserve some of my empathetic energy and allow people who truly want help or advice to seek it out on their terms without me wasting time, effort, and energy.
I am an INFJ I hit all 10 traits 💯,but I also have bipolar. My mom is a narcissist and has bipolar but she is an INFJ also me and her are almost identical in the INFJ personality. My brother is a paranoid schizophrenia. So it's been challenging for me but I have a great relationship with them both it just took some time to get a good understanding 😊
That sounds VERY complicated! But great for you all to have an understanding on things!
Hope you are fine.be positive.stay strong.keep smiling.keep focused
Not caring if people like me has been the most freeing feeling!! But starting my channel has been therapeutic! The only place I seem to still struggle is with relationships.....
Hi Jaclynn! How has starting the channel been therapeutic for you? I'm curious! Also, just gave you a sub! Hope to learn how to not kill every single plant that comes near me! :-)
@@DavidBadurina That is so kind thank you, I'm still trying to keep them alive myself lol. It's been therapeutic because it allows me to be authentic, talk about something that makes me happy, and connect with people. The plant community is full of weirdos like me, and they're very welcoming, kind people. A little understanding goes a long way. It's also nice to finally not give a damn what people might say about me on the internet, because that's what held me back from starting for a long time.
Substance abuse is what got me. Other sensory inpute are very helpful but I found working with others at things I was relatively good at was a major break thorough.
Thanks. This is soo true. As an INFJ I can relate to all of these at some point. It’s actually helpful to have someone else say them and point them out. Great video!
Thank you so much! I appreciate you!
Agreeing with your first characteristic. And now struggling to leave such manipulative people.
I hear that. Be strong and be you! Set those boundaries, you can do it!
You are SO definitely right on! Perfectionism, I stopped playing piano cause I was good enuf for myself!! I’ve got to stop that!!!
Sensory experiences... omg, I think depression doesn’t help this. Again, taking care of myself properly... but I can’t see a mountain... I MUST see a mountain!!!!
One thing that I am truly grateful for is that I never gave a crap about what others thought of me. I was lucky to have had an INFJ father and he prepared me early in life for number 3. Doesn't mean my ride was easy but it saved me a lot of grief.
Absolutely. Your brain works the way it does but life experiences form the bedrock of your principles. It's great to be able to know that and hold to it! That's balanced and healthy!
So glad you are sharing your videos on YT about this topic. Hope you do more on INFJs. I'm one and you described it well.
Thank you! Keep an eye out, more to come! Thanks for watching!
These are struggles of the INFJs for sure, really hit home, as usual. Rivers and creeks do wonders! I need to remember to chose those. Your videos are always thoughtful and well put together.
Thank you so much! I'm a huge fan of being near water - ocean, river, creek, waterfall, anything. It brings me a lot of peace!
Yes I personally come from abusive family of origin. Got into recovery process then went NO CONTACT FROM THEM forever. Whole family except me the scapegoat are NPDS and that’s being kind.
Rough indeed!
I don't have problem with substances...I have problem with shopping luxury brand things :( also I know aren't healthy things to do but I finally stopped to do it.
"Manipulative Douchebag". Made my day. I'm laughing so hard at that though(where you say that word the "Manipulative Douchebag" 1:44)
It's a thing! :-)
I was an unhealthy INFJ for a long time , finally when I went to rehab did the Cognitive Behavior Therapy , now people can't relate because I'm a flat earther, but at least I know it's them this time. On the globe lie discord server which I am a member out of the 12 main core group 7 of us are INFJ, which is pretty amazing .
INFJs everywhere! Thank you for this!
@@DavidBadurina no worries mate,yeah I struggled all my life with addictions ,always looking for something , awareness is huge , when you can make fully informed decisions because you have an awareness you didn't have before. I was wise beyond my years when I was 17 years old , work for Australian Red Cross and people tell me I'm a very healing man, but I still remember stuff that I'm not good with from childhood days. I can count on one hand the amount of days where it wouldn't of mattered what anybody did or said worry or bother me and I'm beginning to realise it was because I was present in that moment (Day) and I'm good with myself as a person, so I will endeavour to learn to be more present in the moment, because I felt so at peace on those days, that doesn't mean I don't have fun and have a good sense of humor, but I suspect you know what I mean . Thank you very much for information and work mate, the advice is really appreciated David , but if I may give you some advice , don't do anymore jigsaw puzzles , it may come as a bit of a blow , your not very good at them hey. Have a great day brother all the best from Australia .
I love your channel bro, your content is through the roof. Somehow people make it sound so great but I never understand why anyone would want to be this. Feeling blank inside and emotional at the same time. Not doing even the silly things, for example not eating in public for fear that people might find you strange. Not really caring what your clothes look like but changing multiple times just so you won’t be looked at sideways. Driving is difficult because I almost feel the urge to let people in from a stop or turn lane or a merge, I find myself doing this even when there’s no one behind me. Not wanting to go into public because you might have to talk to people. Not caring about most anything and saying it alot. This is mostly true, except for when you do care. Knowing that you’re a Chamaeleon or an actor your entire life and thinking you’re fake and not knowing why. Being cold inside and not understanding people’s emotions. Nothing on the inside emotionally but then seeing something in a movie that you can feel so deeply you start crying and no one else is. Just a few examples from my perspective being an INFJ.
Thank you William! I appreciate that and the comment. Man that's some intense stuff right there, but I feel you bigtime. The Imposter Syndrome is real with INFJs, it seems! Thank you for coming by and watching! I appreciate you!
So true ! I oftentimes wonder why would you want this ? It an be so incredibly painful . And you can't even
Tell anyone else , because vocalizing it just sounds INSANE ! And nobody wants to read it..well , except maybe me , I'm obviously here . If I could have had a choice,
I'd have preferred a less painful being .
I’m relating to you so hard right now.
Damn..I wish I couldn't relate to most of these. Have things gotten better on your end?
Thank you for putting out these post...I just started researching INFJ and am amazed. ???
If it's resonating, that's awesome! Do your research for certain!
Boy did you ever hit the nail on the head with every word!😊👍
I paused it at the 3rd one because I needed to appoint a date with a psychologist, felt so attacked internally, I need order in my life.
No attacking here, just tons of INFJ love I'm trying to throw out there! Thanks for checking this older video out though! :-)
Meditation is a good sensory experience, the peaceful calm your mind n body feel after just 10 mins of breathing is nuts and the benefits of daily meditation are even better so I strongly recommend it to ppl
And thats one reason why i wanna live in my own giant cinema 😼
I wasn’t sure if I was an INFP or INFJ but DANNGGGGG this video just read my mail hardcore
Haha "read my mail" love it!
adding to the fear of what other people think, for me, that is also diving into comparing myself to others. Noting, I am not good enough, I am not liked or loved, people don't like me because I am not like [insert name of someone I know]. Constantly comparing myself to others and wishing I was more like them. The whole, I am not good enough.
I have a video on Imposter Syndrome that ties in well with this, maybe check that one out, too! Thank you for these thoughts!
looking back on my unhealthy ways and seeing how i've changed makes me feel sooo good
Exactly! Growth is amazing!
WOW 🥺🥺🥺 great video.👍🏻
1. Susceptible to narcissist that have no boundary
2. Incurably perfectionism
3. Fear of what other people think plus Guilt tramp
4. External sensory addiction not able to control that
5. Taking care of everybody but not yourself
I've conquered 2 out of 5 and I'm working on keeping toxic people out of my life. I just got the perfectionism and self care left.
Im An INFJ and the other child of a malignant narcissist , currently im trapped in a situation that is not winnable . I either leave the things that are destroying me mentally emotionally and physically alone Put up with my life money and health being stolen or take everything ive ever worked for and throw it all away. . . . . . .. . Learning when to cut someone or something out of your life is of upmost importance , I learned way to late.
Thank you for sharing this!
Ah, the narcissism vulnerability. What a fun aspect of the INFJ empath life. *sigh*
It's like an amusement park ... that sucks. :-)
I learned I was a INFJ at 53 years old. I always felt on the outside of everyone else. I was always different than the crowd. When I found this out it was a oh my God moment this explains me.
That's wonderful to hear! Thank you so much!
For me, keeping healthy is a battle though. I really wish I were not full of contradictions, always putting on an extroverted face to the world, not being able to find true connections and just when you think you have they turn around and burn you (damn narcissists), craving friendships but then avoiding social situations because I’m hopeless in them, getting so overwhelmed and affected that I think my entire being is going to explode, and at the end of the day just wishing one simple thing - that I could just switch off, preferably for a few months 👍 While I accept what I am, I wouldn’t choose it. Honestly I wouldn’t wish INFJ on anyone. My advice to any young INFJs, chose your career/job very carefully.
I hear this - especially the "full of contradictions." Would things be easier if we processed them according to 5 senses and not with Ni-Fe, maybe. But knowing yourself and knowing your strengths makes INFJ life pretty awesome in my book. Also, doing things that help you develop a healthy confidence so you aren't just a doormat!
David is a true mentors’ mentor
I got so busy doing paperwork for my literacy challenged husband this morning that I forgot to brush my teeth. I worked all day on his project so I still haven’t brushed my teeth and now it’s night and I am too tired to lift a toothbrush. I married a man that needs a lot of help, so I guess that is a case in point (but no regrets since I have a lot of warm and fuzzy feelings for the helpless old man).❤️
I'm a chef 😂😂...my mantra is Ricky Nelson song called Garden Party ...pretty old song ,...as a chef you feel obligated to make sure everyone enjoys your food but some people ( only about 5%) are just used to eating crap and insist that I should lower bar .....😭🤪...so sorry they feel that way cause I make the best...I know that!!!
That's awesome, Louis! I appreciate you!
Others: watch video and learns they have it together.
Me: watches video and learns I'm probably an unhealthy INFJ
1. Toxic behavior / narcissist magnet. Yep, married one. Took 7 years to leave.
2. Perfectionism- yeeees.
Me: posts a picture on instagram.
Also me: took 3 hours getting ready, taking 47 photos, sifting through to narrow down and finally settling on one.
3. Fear of what others think- yes. Petrified. My whole life. I'm constantly worried I've done or said something that makes someone not like me. I don't speak out or talk much because of it.
4. Sensory experiences- hey!! I think I'm doing OK here. No addictions. Well, food addiction...dang.
OMG walking in a creek is my absolute favorite. I stand in awe of nature and I want to be in it or see it...if I'm not sweating or being eaten by bugs!
5. Self care- I think I do pretty good with this one. It's a teetering scale sometimes. Sometimes I feel very guilty taking "me" time, especially if there are things that need to be done. It kinda mixes with the other point of being afraid of what others think. I go back and forth feeling like I want to just skip out and do nothing but then I think that I'll be seen as lazy or something so it's hard sometimes to say, hey...that can wait.
Aww Sue! I think we all have elements of falling toward one of these behaviors or another regardless of being an INFJ or not. For me, 1: Ditto, took me 2 years. 2: Absolutely. 3: Also, absolutely. 4: No addictions, but yes (darn you, Nutella!) 5: Getting better all the time!
I couldn’t agree more. My first thought was how bad is it!
1. 12.5 years and two kids. Divorced 6 years and still have to interact with her to a certain degree. I limit my conversations with her. When my youngest turns 18, which is in a few years, I’ll be happy then I realize there’s still events that will still cause me to interact...uggghhh!
2. Yessss! Being a computer animated drafter for part of my life became cumbersome. Retail isn’t much better.
3. Fear of what others think. Definitely! To the point I overthink and analyze everything I said for hours if not days. I’m working on this little by little such as FaceBook posts. If no one likes it I’m ok with that now.
4. Sensory Experiences. I do enjoy nature, the woods, the beach, etc, but I’m ok with just staying inside and watching a movie, playing a video game, scrolling Facebook or UA-cam. Addictions: nothing bad to my body, but I can get caught up binge watching something. Spend too many hours doing something and look back saying I shouldn’t have spent all that time doing that. That’s a borderline self care though because I may have needed that time as well. I’ve found shopping to be sensory experience now. Yes I’m around people, but the true interaction is limited.
5. Self Care. I’m trying to do this more and more. Raising 2 kids on my own has made this very difficult at times. Plus the need to want or I should say obligated to help others. I do my best to stay physically healthy by eating right and going to the gym. This helps when I don’t have time for the rest of the self care I so desperately need at times.
@@ms3x79 hey, I found my clone! Lol.. Same, man, same. Except that gym thing... i just cant make myself do it. But shopping? Yas! Just wish my wallet wasn't like, "nooooo"!!! I totally get you.
Sue Carpenter Gaiennie it’s like a complete sigh moment. I’m not the only one out there. I have so many people I know, friends and family and no one comes close to what I’ve been through. It’s even harder when the roles are reversed and the narcissist is a woman.
As far as the gym thing. Yeahhh I just started that. It’s uncomfortable every time I drive up, but it’s not a choice at this point. I had some older injuries that have started to creep up on me. Turned 40 this year so I don’t want be 60 down the road and can’t do things I enjoy or need to do. I was always athletic growing up so the workout part is easy. It’s just being around the other people and the more crowded it is the worse it can feel. So I have my playlist to keep the beat going and I close my eyes if I have to concentrate on reps. This helps with the sensory overload as well.
Shopping...Yeahhh never realized it was an outlet. One thing I have realized with my shopping though is it’s a mission for me. I have it already pretty much planned out. Where I’m going and what I’m looking for. If I can’t find what I’m looking for I’m out. I’ll also go sometimes just to take pictures to be able to make a decision at home then come back if I decide to.
Side note: Too bad you’re not nearby. 😂 I could only imagine what the actual conversations would be like. Just get both at vibe right away.
@@ms3x79 same with the gym! It's like I KNOW everyone is not staring at me but I can't stop the feeling that they are. Some how shopping is different...I can walk around a mall for hours with no problem, no plan, just meandering.
You know, there's this nifty invention called "social media" now that I think you might find to be the answer to your distance issue 😂. I'm on facebook, but I don't know if you can find me by name, I've made my profile unsearchable because of certain people I need to keep out my life.
This is the 3rd video I’ve watched. I subscribed after the 1st video. All I can say is - get out of my head!!!😳😳😳😂😂😂
I'm not trying to freak you out, I promise! But ... I'm glad they're resonating and I hope they help!
@@DavidBadurina they are resonating! I told a coworker, who's also an INFJ, and my husband about you. Hopefully they'll watch your videos because the information is invaluable.
What a cool ending. I grinned, then smiled, then laughed! Thanks.
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed the puppets! I have to bring 'em back!
@@DavidBadurina Amen to that!
I have this horrible habit of needing perfection in my family life because mine was so horrible. I'm trying my best to go with the flow X X X I love your videos
Thank you for the compliment! I crave that perfection too and a lot of times it prevents you from doing the things you really wish you could!
@@DavidBadurina I'm learning that! 🤗
It feels like you read my mind with ALL of the 5 examples ... they hit the nail on the head SO well.
Cheers from a european INFJ
You had me at "manipulative douchebag" lol. I work at a mine and it is difficult to say the least to interact with so many people. Most notably a narcissistic co worker. Not nice, had a nervous breakdown from all the gaslighting, been off for almost 6 months just about to go back. This time I'm saving up to gtfo of there, far far away
Holy cow JB a miner! Best to you, buddy, that seems like a tough gig. Run away from narcissists, they are especially troubling for INFJs! And gaslighting ugh it's exhausting. Best of luck, be safe, and I hope you're able to make that change! I appreciate you!
JB had the same problems if they get inside your head big trouble, but it can be reversed. Pretend there not bothering you and start saying nice things to them, sing wee hymns and pray quietly to yourself when in their presence. Trust me they go completely nuts inside their own head , because they can’t project there anger onto you, and quietly observe them they implode from the inside out big time. 👍
I love the oxygen mask example. Every time I hear that on a plane, I think to myself... I would definitely make sure others masks are on first.
Great channel. Am so relieved to know that I am not the only misunderstood soul on the planet.
Thank you, Stephen! Glad it resonated and that you enjoy what I'm throwing out there! I appreciate you!
As an ENFJ I always think I've got two hands I can put on my mask and my child's at the same time🤷🏾♀️🤣
OMG!!!!!!! Why is that? People I don’t know always open up to me about really personal issues and Then always say they don’t know why they’re telling me. I’m not kidding some people really unload. At the time it happens I can’t help it, but I tune into them like a laser so they feel they’re being listened to. Over the years I had to learn that sometimes to just listen and let them unload and not feel like I have to fix whatever is giving them such grief. Not easy seeing such pain and not wanna make it better though.
It happens to me all the time! ALL THE TIME! Maybe we're just very open and relatable people? And I agree completely. Sometimes you have to step back, listen, and not be the one to fix!
David Badurina It’s a challenge sometimes, not to try and help, but over time I have found that some people need no more than to be heard by someone and after that they will fix it themselves. 🤗
OMG you crack me up. Just found out I’m an INFJ and love this stuff. Thanks!!!
So glad you enjoyed it! :-)
Hi, my name is Vanessa and I am an unhealthy INFJ. I feel like I need some major therapy. But I don't like getting out. Very unhealthy. It sucks.
I hear that, Vanessa. One step at a time try to work out of those unhealthy habits (and find a reason to get out from time to time, it's good for you)! Best to you!
I never start a project at the last minute, because I want time to do it right. I care if I hurt someone, but I don't care if someone likes me or not. If I deal with a Narcassists, I have the confidence to rid of them. I have never been a drug addict.
you are a great presenter and yes i just went through a bout of therapy for the first time due to all aspects mentioned, ignored for a decade but help found and effective measures taken piecing myself back together . all aspects mentioned like fear, narcissist , toxic situation, emotions, being effected for days by anything,
Thank you. And it's nice to hear from someone that reached out and got the help to get themselves better. I'm proud of you!
#3 hit me hard. Always worried about what people thought of me. Working on changing that
I'm glad it resonated, we are all a work in progress! I appreciate you, Lisa!
@@DavidBadurina just subbed. Looking forward to more videos. Helping me put pieces of the puzzle together. (Covert narc mom)
How do you only have 7k subs.. oh right way less than 2% of the population is searching for this information.. like waaaaaaaay less.
Thank you for you're insight and I'm only assuming here but tireless research. You have opened up new ideas and doorways in my mind about so many things. From who I am, to how I can help myself as well as continue to help others. Thank you
Those 7K subs came really fast, but it's a small, dedicated base of people who get it, and that's perfectly fine with me! For now, I'm enjoying being able to connect with people, if the channel gets bigger it won't always be that way!
@@DavidBadurina heard that brother!
Playing with frogs. Yes. Paralyzing perfection keeps me from doing anything but stressing until I'm sick. I despise it. In my work, I get it done. In my real life (because work isn't real life lol), I often will keep putting it off until I know I can "zone out for a solid 24 hours" to go where I need to go mentally to get it done to my liking. This sensory seeking you're talking about started a few years ago for me, but I called it "escape", though it always involves intense sensory stuffs. I had no idea it was an infj thing, I sort of just thought my mind was splitting and I feel so much guilt for feeling like I need this sensory stuff. I have started noticing over the past few years that my internal scales are off, the tough stuff in life is far outweighing the good stuff, and I know this can happen in anyone's life, so I guess my question is this: every single thing you said fits me so well, and you know in my head I'm gasping "that's me!", but how many other people going through difficult times does it also fit? How many people are not necessarily infj but can relate to all or most of what you've said? It just astounds me how you are so spot on with everything you said. And... I guess I'm unhealthy right now. Not really news to me, but still. What's my prognosis? Lol! Great content btw.
Hi Kat! Thank you so much for this comment! I hear you on the "work isn't real life" haha. That ... hits close to home.
Truth is, I don't know precisely how much of this is "an INFJ thing" or not. I would venture a guess that a lot of people tend to cope in destructive ways, so that's a similarity for sure. Procrastination, maybe.
I think the big difference is how people process/handle it as opposed to how you'd have tendencies to process/handle it as an INFJ. Remember too, your type doesn't determine the box your personality fits in - you are a unique, special individual. What it does do is show you the tendencies you have as you cognitively process outside stimulation. That's where it's really valuable in understanding how you see what is around you.
Thanks so much for a great, thought provoking comment! I appreciate you!
David Badurina :D put on your work face! (Wow I am impressed you could make sense of my response, as I reread I see there are typos and just nonsense all over the place. I'm so sorry! Thank you for taking the time to figure it out!)
Good video. Thank you for making it. I see my problem as number one. Almost every relationship either a girlfriend or someone that calls me as a friend is a narcissist. They either are a normal narcissist or have Narcissistic personality disorder. When they call they ask how I am and before I get a chance to answer they go on for the next hour talking about all of their problems. If it is a lady that calls they tell me that because I listen to them that I am too much like a woman and not a real man so they will not date me. I have recently been trying to get rid of all of these types of people. It is a little difficult because I have no family. I have hundreds of friends but few that can have good or deep conversations that I enjoy.
Thanks for watching, Kevin! I appreciate you! I have felt the same thing various times in my life and it can be pretty isolating when the people around you are either very surface level or they are only out to befriend you for their own benefit. Took awhile for me to get those toxic relationships out of my life but oh so worth it.
It's good to know that I'm growing.
“Manipulative douche bag”❤️ Wish I could seek exercise as my addiction 🏃🏻♀️Another good video David, thanks.
Thank you! :-)
Just discovered your channel, and I thank God you don't get into all that psychobabble. You explain it in simple terms and I don't have to second guess myself in the points you put across. More please.
That's a great sentiment, thank you!
I subscribed! I am glad youtube brought me here. Like a breeze. Thank you for making these🍬🍬
Thank you for watching (and subscribing)!
Many thanks (especially for your sincerity) from Greece. Had never heard about infj. Just realised i am one. Your videos are really helpfull
Hello Greece! Thank you so much!
Αλίκη και γω! Σε νιώθω. ♡
I will add that after you meet so many people who brag in one way or other. How good they are at certain things only to see the oppisite be true. You learn to spot the Bs and admire people who dont need to brag. This especially prevalant in the younger years.
you are making a difference for taking the initiative with your series.
Thank you! I hope to reach more and more!
Boy did you hit the nail on the head with each of your points!!...except however the addictive....
I appreciate that sentiment, Kathleen, thank you for watching and commenting! I appreciate you!
I definitely agree with a lot of these. While I don’t drink or do drugs, the sensory dependency I have had throughout my life Is probably food. I have found walking in nature and connecting with my surroundings offers me a sense of peace from the world that I can’t get elsewhere, where I don’t need to worry about my interactions and behavior with others.
Worrying What Others Think About Us
While being a community activist, I worked with the local city council. I learned from that experience how people will go ahead and do what they can, knowing that not every one will agree. At least I will do what we can to help improve things or effectively solve problems, and count on it being misunderstood.
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Perfectionisms
Like democracy is, living is naturally messy.
'Crippling perfectionism'....this hit me right in the guts ~ 'Fear of what people think'...flattened me on the ground....so much truth here :-D
Thanks Nina!
I am a 58 infj that is still learning to let go of perfection to stop my unhealthy procratination.
Thank you for this. I love seeing how I can be toxic myself by not taking care of myself. Recently I stepped out of a management position I held for almost 10 years because of the way the company would treat fellow employees and myself. I wanted to protect them and couldn't. So now I am just me as a clerk. Talk about a weight lifted. I would love to quit my job and just help people, but we all have to eat. Thank you for being so insightful and inspiring. Keep up the good work.
Hi Cathy! So great that you did the right thing for yourself! And I'm glad the video resonated for sure. Best to you!
Yes! So true. I get so involved with people and can’t tell until it’s too late that they are manipulating me. I’ve just started learning to say, nope. I love working late. I love doing a good job. I won’t ever be a “balanced” person living a “balanced” life. I’ve just started to learn to close the door completely on those people and not look back. Most of the time...sometimes...I’m working on it.
Boundaries are key! Set them up, stick by them, and when that door is closed, that door is closed!
Thanks you! I had all sings as I was young. Nice girl (guy) syndrom. After working on myself I can say at 39 I’m more healthier now. Your videos are super quality and full of insights for me! Subscribed!
Thank you so much! I appreciate you stopping by and watching!
"happy little INFJ in your hidey hole" - Yep!!
Benzodiazapines (primary for the S.A.D) Alcohol, cocaine (secondary), fully clean coming on a year now :) :)
healthier alternatives: fantasy/sci fi books, gaming, film and good TV series (usually with a sci fi or fantasy flavor)
Good on you for getting clean! For great sci-fi stuff, I heartily recommend The Expanse if you haven't already! And for gaming, you have a TON of options! No Man's Sky has been one of my favorites of late. Relaxing, and great if you're not into MMOs where a bunch of 13 year olds are cursing at you. ;-)
@@DavidBadurina I watched most of the current seasons of the expanse show, I might pick up the books but I've kind of spoiled the mystery and discovery :( My current favorite sci-fi series is the 'red rising' trilogy and subsequent books by Pierce Brown. Although I still love gaming, the older I get the shorter my attention span gets and I cant seem to allow my imagination to fully delve into the stories, not that it's going to stop me getting the new star-wars RPG though :)
congrats on your 1 year
@@michaelanderson3787 Thank you very much Michael :)
The ending made me 😂 love the music.
I would just like to take the time to give you a heartfelt thank you for producing content that I can confirm has been impactful and cautionary for myself and others.
Thank you so much! I like to think it has, I'm always hoping anything I share helps someone out there.
My mom is an INFJ! Thanks for the video.
You are so welcome!
As an unhealthy INFP, I see parallels here... . Also, the puppets at the end of the video are brilliant!
100% Accurate. Could identify to everything. This video made me very emotional. I don't feel so alone now
So glad it resonated, Catherine!