How To Stop ‘Hoping’ (When There’s No Hope) -Dating Advice
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- Опубліковано 2 січ 2025
- How To Stop ‘Hoping’ (When There’s No Hope) Are you stuck wanting someone who’s lost interest? Is there hope for you? Was it real or a game? You’ll get your answers by asking these questions:
Katherine writes, “Dear Susan, I am 26 yo female, forever single. I was focused on my studies and career and started dating late. I met someone while I was abroad short term and for the first time in my life I felt wanted, desired, and this feeling was reciprocal. How to stop hoping when there is no hope for us? How to tell for a beginner if it's love-- or lust, the result of manipulation, or a seduction skill?”
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I'm someone who truly wishes to extinguish my hope for romantic love. It's so exhausting and frustrating to become a mediator between this hope and the cold-hard realism of it never happening.
My hope for love has caused me nothing but pain and tears over the years. I'm 39 now and I ask God all the time to please free me from this troublesome desire of hoping for love. Why can't it just leave me alone!? I dont want it anymore but it never goes away!!!! 😭😭😭😭
Can totally relate
Me too. I want to lose hope for ever finding love too
Oh I can so relate to this, as a natural dreamy romantic type who has only ever ended up hurt and disappointed! I wish that God would transform my romantic desires into something useful, or creatively powerful, or something that will serve people! So much of my energy I feel has been wasted on men who haven’t deserved it 😞 I hope we’ll both find quality, lasting love eventually but that it blossoms when we’ve reached a great place within ourselves 💕 Sending you hugs! 🤗
i’m 26 myself and i started to lose hope as i just got out of my first, short-time relationship (he went back to his ex immediately, long-term) felt like i wasn’t enough and unable to keep him longer too - so, this is definitely something i needed to hear. thank you so much! ❤
Don’t lose faith. I can assure you that the right person is out there for you. It might take some time to find that person but you will learn so much about yourself along the way. Keep your heart open and you’ll find your person
How t can we apply this to the older set amongst us? I am going on 66, divorced for 17 years. Nothing but disappointing dates, non starters, rejections. In all that time despite making huge efforts to meet a new man, nobody remotely suitable has entered my sphere or shown any interest. I keep myself engaged, busy, fit. Very much miss feeling wanted, cherished, which I did not in my marriage. it was a n awful mistake Miss something I never actually ever had. Rreally hard to still keep hoping for one. over the years have become more keenly aware of red flags and do no want to repeat the type of situation I had with ex ( for over two decades)...But as I have not had anything since, it's hard to keep that vision and dream alive.
I’m 26, and I relate to her.
More often than not, I’m jealous of people who have not been in romantic relationships. Either they’re looking for one or hoping that it happens some day.
But then, there are few of us who have been in failed relationships and understand the pain of things not working out.
I’m so used to the idea of being by myself that I feel uncomfortable even thinking about being with someone. My mind quickly rationalises itself every time I find a girl attractive.
“Oh, what’s the point.”
Still, the hopeless romantic in me will enjoy love stories around him regardless.
I think that's a beautiful story that you shared and I thank you for this. Sounds like you have a really healthy perspective
Sometimes those early relationships actually last too long! I know in the moment it feels awful and painful but you cannot be free to pursue something better if it did not end. I was in two horrible marriages and it wasnt until i was on the other side of that at 49 that I realized i was falling in love for the first time and all of the others were not really love. I think it was a combination of infatuation and liking to feel wanted but i did not see it at the time. It will come. It really will. Just stay open and keep learning about life and love and yourself. About what you need and want. And how those needs should be displayed and met and in what shape and in what way. Usually as women but it could be other genders too, we are taught to not miss the relationship so we forget to think about what a healthy and fulfilling relationship should look like for us. I know I did.
This is so valuable to hear, thank you! I’m 35 and still waiting to meet my ‘person’ - I’d rather wait til I was in my 40s or older than settle for someone now who is not right! But at the same time it is frustrating to have not found true mutual love yet. Your message gives me hope and comfort 🫶
finally it's here Susan. see how we love each other. mwahhhhhh
The titles of your videos are exactly the same what is in my mind 😅 Every new title represents my perplexing mind-blowing obsession. My vision is that obsession will go away when i will met someone else who will take the place. The void always needs some food.
Sounds like love addiction.
You gave her such solid, beautiful advice!
Hi Susan
Thankyou for your helpful videos
I rang him today looking for peace and closure and to wish him well but he said he can’t talk to me and hung up on me so I guess I know now that I can’t live in hope anymore and it’s definitely over .
I have closure now
Thank you for another great approach, Susan! ❤ Can you please cover a new player tactic called NEGGING? I went on a date and encountered it for the first time and it is absolutely brutal.
I love this question. Susan - would love for you to do an expanded answer to how to tell the different to all those scenarios! Love, lust, etc
Oh I thought this was just about life in general. I was really excited to click on this. I had too much hope.
Susan, I'm approaching 30 next year- currently 29, I was wondering whether you could make a video on maintaining confidence, grace, hope and healthy mindset amidst societal pressures and comments. I know I don't have to have it all together just yet, I know there isn't a deadline (not referring to biological clock), but I'm trying to fight falling into that trap. I'm not comparing myself to others. The intrusive thoughts are often triggered by questions often from strangers or acquaintances.
BC, it's not just you. It's almost any female. Society has imposed very heavy penalties for aging and for being single. Although we know these are antiquated and don't make sense, they still exist and unfortunately people tend to repeat what they've heard for centuries and that can affect our self-esteem. Additionally, it is hard to maintain confidence, grace, and hope when you are dealing with a segment of the society that lacks social protocol, manners, and emotional intelligence. So basically…It's not YOU!!
@@SusanWinter As always, thank you for your wisdom.
@@fifi2421Sending Love ❤…Are you single?
make a separate video "when I'm the red flag and that's why they leave me,how to cope up with this regret?"
Matilda, do you know that to be true? Or do you suspect it to be true?
@@SusanWinter i know It's true. I behaved bad with my partner no matter what happened but he always tried to support me. I was very possessive never wanted him to hangout with anyone else, he even accepted that but still my choice of words were very negative. I didn’t appreciate his efforts untill he left. Now i feel my mistakes and I'm in heavy regret. please make a video about it
Thank you.
Huge thanks!!
Two weeks ago I was the happiest I could be until he suddenly changed his mind. I wonder when the hope will run out.
I hope that things are better for you now.
Endured something similar. We were doing great for the first two weeks. Then a week later he bolted. Unexpected. I really was attracted to him and blindsided. He came on strong and made some future plans just to change that a week later. Granted it wasn't long but it doesn't matter. I liked him and there was too much confusion.
Susan, please, we need a specific video on how to get the gem out of a painful romantic experience. Muc needed!
Susan you are just GOLD ❤
Seduction Skill- wow. I went through that.
@Susanwinter he was a pro. I wish I had the courage to share openly about my experience.
I can say because of him I am self improving and learning to accomplish skills I never thought possible.
I'm a 40 year old gay man who due to life issues(I had agoraphobia) I only came out at 33 and started dating so I still struggle to understand how I feel when things end I never know if I miss the person,the experience,what could have been,was it lust?,attachment?, did I love the guy? that's the really tough part because I hadn't been in love before so I dont have anything to compare what I feel to, what I wouldn't give to go back to being 26 and feel like it was too late
I feel u man! I'm a gay man who's 32. I had a mild case of agoraphobia but at the same time I was just trying to survive by constantly working and keeping a roof over my head. The entirety of my 20s seem to be an uphill battle. Didn't really get to date much.
32 gay here never felt love and being loved since last year. I live the thing the situationship for 3 months and its ended abruptly. I am devastated :) being single is safer :)
Susan I think this is one of your best hairstyles.. So please carry it for a while😊
Aww you’re so sweet!!!
Love you so much Susan, you are always warm and comforting! ❤❤
Oh, I remember my first real heartbreak! I flew all the way up to Canada for someone six months after meeting. What a disaster it turned into! What we do in our early 20’s… The innocence and unaffectedness of youth.
oh if you don't mind sharing, can you tell why it turned such a disaster?
@@pripeach Feelings changed on his end!
Thank you for doing this Susan ❤ you deserve the world
Thank you so much for watching!
26???? Girl you have all of the time in the world! 😂😂😂
You are laughing but the hurt and the sorrow is real. I was 29 when my break up hit me really hard, everyone was talking i would have all the time in the world, will forget about him soon, that i deserve way better… i‘m 40 and single af.
@@cawi8450 are you really still not over a breakup that happened over a decade ago or did I dissect your response wrong?
@@UA-camUzername I‘m over it completely, but it took me over 4 years after a 7y relation and after i had no „luck“ in love.
I know!!
@@cawi8450 I know how you feel! I threw in the towel at 30 - after a row [including a miserable marriage] of failed relationships, with the last one almost getting me killed. Focused on raising a child by myself, creating and running multiple businesses and wearing myself out and down in the process. Keeping busy enough to not allow time for man to fit in. 30 years later and still single - my declining health [you know - working yourself nearly to death] - finally forced me to have a good, long, hard look at how I avoided more pain by ignoring having a relationship, my eff'd up family of origin and all that jazz. I wish I had someone like Susan back then, for the seriously good advice she is offering!!! Take it to heart and incorporate it into your daily life - dating and otherwise. There is someone out there for you too...
My first situationship was also at the age of 25-26. It was also bcz of work/education and culture.
This girl still young meanwhile i am 40 and feels like no hope!
That is how I feel exactly …
I am 57 so I do feel like I am running out of time.
I already ran out of time to have kids … will the same happen in finding love ??? 😢
@@aracelymartell4789you’re a woman. Go out there and talk to men. There is always a man who is willing to spend time with you.
You can still be desirable at 57 or 67 or more. Sharing our time with another person is what count. We might no longer look how we were in our 30 or 40 but we have so much to offer. We are the same person inside. You just need to look after yourself both mentally and physically and have fun. Go out, meet ppl. I am older and I am behaving like we only had one life…. Wait, we have only one life…. Enjoy it and let the magic come. Xx
Thank you ❤❤
You are welcome
Thank Susan ..
You’re welcome!
So, I am not supposed to HOP anymore when I'm about to lose hope?
Lewis, it depends upon the situation. If it's a person you met abroad and will not see you again, as in this case, and they don't seem willing or interested in keeping the relationship going, then you should indeed move on. Every single directive depends entirely upon the component parts that make up the story.
:)> Susan, I was making a comment on the sillyness of the English language.. the word should logically be spelled "hopeing," and not hoping around on one leg! :)>@@SusanWinter
Hopeless because the person isn't available.
Wow
Sending Love ❤…Debra…Are you single?
47 here!
❤❤❤❤
Have No Problem- simply let Go - don't dwell. Move on. Head to the nearest bar- look for a bar 🪰 fly.. Also look into F.W.B. ... Stay non committed- Non emotional- Non Feelings..