The first story, No, she only held him accountable with what he wanted. We don't know what he promised her to make her fears go away. Having your kid every other weekend while paying a higher child support so they can have a good childhood is completely appropriate. It's just usually the man that gets the kids every other weekend and pays child support. He was trying to abandon the child he BEGGED for. She said, "Hold Up. Stop." She already said she didn't want to be a mom in the beginning. He convinced her and it disabled her. Then he wants to dip. She's not abandoning her. She plans on financially supporting them so he can focus on the child he BEGGED for.
Ya'll!!!! On the first story ... men all the time shrug off child raising responsibilities and do the child support thing while complaining the entire time. She's been through the wringer, had terrible health problems, and may not be able to parent a child physically or mentally. Annnnnd her husband is the one choosing to leave, automatically assuming she's going to take on the single mom/primary parent role, being all happy since he's getting to start his life over. Ideally, they would collaborate and co-parent 50/50, but she shouldn't have to take on all the burden just because she's a woman/the mom. I do feel terrible for that poor baby.
I don’t think they were implying that she SHOULD be a single mother and happy about it, but it seems like neither parents are willing to keep the kid full time or 50/50 so it seems like adoption really would be the best for the kid. She should be able to have a fresh start too! But one that doesn’t hurt the kid as well
Many men *do* shrug off the brunt parental responsibility too often, and it feels like OP had some kind of (justified, but extremely) personal anger surrounding that fact. Unfortunately, that doesn’t justify punishing Ramona for it, with both parents throwing her around like a hot potato. I feel like that’s part of the selfless aspect of parenthood they’re talking about - sometimes for the good of your kid you’ll 100% get the short end of the stick. It’s gonna be super unfair, but refusing that responsibility (with 50/50 still being the ideal goal ofc) well, that makes you unfit for that role, no matter if you’re a mother or a father. She shouldn’t be blamed for taking some time for herself given what she went through but beyond that, they both are bad parents, and the call for adoption is justified. Neither should ever have become a parent in the first place actually, since their already knew that, in the event of divorce, their first thought would be to make sure they don’t get an unfair workload (as if to get a sort of revenge on the typical divorced parents dynamic) rather than the wellbeing of the child they brought into the world.
Omg. If it the rolls were reversed everyone would tell the guy how lucky he is to only have every other weekend and then talk about how she just trying to take money for child support. She never wanted to be a single mother. He threw her away casue she didn't bounce back after birth and he had to do work. He resented her for that .
The thing for me is that this is just a terrible man. No love is in that heart. He lived with such a huge amount of resentment with a woman that just gave birth to a child he was wishing for . And she nearly died and is disabled since then. He is so without character and so weak. If she leaves the child to him his mom is eventually gonna take care. Because that is the place he runs to and leaves all his responsibilities. Such a manchild.
For the first story the man literally listened to her fears, made her feel safe and then tried to push her fear on her. She didn’t wish to be a single parent and he immediately made that happen. I kind of understand because my son’s father LITERALLY did the same thing and weaponized our son.
@@rashawnheath2469 abusers will pick a target and go out of their way to ruin their life. They seek out that information at the beginning just to turn around and use it as a weapon once their victim lets their guard down and becomes dependent. Then they feed off the suffering until they can’t anymore then go find another target; rinse and repeat. It’s a pathetic waste of the little time we have alive. I learned a tip; if you think someone may be abusive in this way, leave bait in the form of a made up insecurity to see if they’ll use it against you.
In my opinion if you don’t wanna be a single parent you shouldn’t be a parent period. Because you never know what might happen to the other parent and the child will always need you.
Funny how in the first story the man just thought he will leave his wife without a responsibility of a child. "You ruined my life" I thought you wanted a kid?? Did he think he wouldn't have to do the work?
he definitely thought he would just occasionally hang out with the kids, do yard work, and mayyyybe cook something simple like spaghetti and meatballs. he didnt wanna change diapers, feed the baby, clothe them, take care of the baby when theyre sick, didnt think he'd ever have to bring them to school, clubs, or other after school activities, etc etc
I do feel bad as she was obviously manipulated but noone should have a child unless they are ready to be thier sole carer if the worst happens. He is a massive asshole but she is also an asshole.
@@helendrew3640 I kinda agree because when I'm thinking of having children I always remember of the possibility of being a single mom, and tbh everyone should think about it no matter how amazing their partner is (yk, diseases, accidents, mental health can play a huge role too). But I think he is a much bigger a/h in this situation because he wanted to "start over" his life, leaving his child with a disabled mom all alone without help. AND he also fed her insecurities calling her a horrible mother. The overall situation is just terrifying, poor kid
First story. I remember my husband and I having this weird joke about “if the divorce happens “I get this, you get that”. I now know that it was a clear sign our divorce was imminent. He use to say that if we got divorced I would take any kids and he would just drop any kids with his mom, on his weekends, because men can’t change diapers without being considered p’s. I told him if we had kids we would do 50/50 split. He said no we won’t, you’re taking them. We never had kids and got divorced when his side piece threatened my life. He occasionally calls me to get back together and I laugh in his face. Apparently he can’t find a woman to agree to his terms of never having to care for his own child and believes he can “scare” me into coming back. His mom is awesome though. I just tell her what he is doing and she yells at him. He is a mommas boy and always does what she says. I got the ex-mother in law we all deserve.
For the college fund story: I don’t think the mother is using it as leverage I think she is just letting the daughter know what to expect. I don’t think it is the best lesson to teach the daughter she can cut someone off for everything but the benefits they give you. That is entitlement. I think it is the daughters right to cut off the mom but to continue to expect financial support gives a bit of insight into the daughter’s mindset. Do to this I agree with the idea that the daughter is taking structure as controlling. I think the daughter was relying on unconditional love from the mother and expected to be able to treat her as horribly as she wanted and always be welcome back.
Quite possibly. But I think that the daughter is potentially in an abusive situation with the bf who's trying to isolate her. It's the first thing abusers do is try to shut their victim off from friends and family. Not being able to go to college will further isolate her and make her even more vulnerable. If she ever gets away from him or wants to, she will be hindered by not feeling like her mom has her back.
@@katiehensley290 But if she does give her the money, it could also be misused by the boyfriend if he really is the manipulative kind. I think she meant it more like a wake up call - the possibility of losing out on education could lead her daughter to think harder about choosing her bf over everything else. If it doesn’t then it was unlikely she’d have had the mental fortitude to be serious and firm about her education in the first place anyway, in the event her bf tries to steer her away from that. I think what they proposed in the video is a good idea tho - using the money only to refund her if she does decide to get that education after all. But then she needs to make it clear to her daughter so she doesn’t give up.
@@dreensk.1991, I agree. I don't think she should just give it to her. She should have it go directly to the college. She should be able to work something out.
I get what you’re saying. To me, it seems like the most extreme to just cut her off financially completely when she’s still so young. I would agree the daughter is either feeling entitled or likely being influenced by the boyfriend, but I don’t think the answer is taking away all funds as she is clearly young and still maturing and learning and sometimes you need to support your kid even if you’re not sure about their decisions bc they need to be able to make their own mistakes. If the boyfriend is the issue and daughter then has no money then that could lead her to be financially dependent on said boyfriend and make it more difficult to leave him. Whether or not the bf is the issue, and no matter the reason the daughter is going no contact, having this sort of response to your kid going no contact would likely reinforce their decision in their mind. It also makes me think about where the daughter may have gotten her perspective from about making an extreme decision in the height of an emotion, it sounds like the mom is doing the same thing. If in mom’s position, I would personally take the route of financially supporting her via sending funds for the necessities and having tuition sent directly to school. I can understand limiting the daughter’s access to money, but taking it away entirely seems to me like a decision that would only lead to more drastic fallout.
Is everyone missing that this woman is BARELY in good health during the time she posted the story? He initiated the divorce and plans to start over. The absolute lack of empathy is crazy. She is not fully capable to raise that little girl. I don't think the mom is being selfish. She performed a selfless act and is suffering health-wise. He gave up on his wife and is trying to resign himself as a father now too.
She’s definitely going to need assistance until fully recovered if ever, I didn’t hear what age her daughter is, but I assume she’s still very small. It takes a lot of energy at a certain point in age and it doesn’t seem like OP has that. I don’t think she’s an AH. She said it in a way where she’s trying to punish her soon to be ex, but in reality she can’t even fully take care of her alone.
She still had the child and refusing to be a mother is still trash behavior. She said throughout the whole story that she doesn't want her daughter so idk what you're talking about about
For the first story I have to say Op clearly did not think things through. Tye moment she met the man and knew he 100% wanted kids and that she wasn't sure should have been the sign that they weren't compatible. The father is ta for pretty much hating her just cuz she got sick and had health issues and the mother is ta because she knew that she would never be a single parent yet still decided to have a kid knowing life is unpredictable. She did not think her decision to have a baby through at all. Now I do feel for her bc it sounds like she still hasn't fully recovered or only recovered recently and as she said the first year while including 9month pregnancy Ramona is probably only a few months old. All in all with the father clearly being irresponsible as it sounds like he wants 0 custody and the mother wanting barely any custody. Adoption is the best option for that baby.
The baby is 2 and she is recovered and working again she just doesn’t want to full time parent period. She was to be the father role to provide and do the minimum. Not because of her health but because she doesn’t want to be a single mother because she doesn’t want to give up her job or life
College fund mom is sooo not the asshole. I have amazing parents, they are so supportive, have always been there to help me when I need it, etc. however, I paid for my own college. I saved money, got scholarships, and took out loans. It wasn’t their responsibility to pay for my school as I was an adult making an adult decision to further my education.. they do have money, but not enough to pay for my younger siblings when they go so they didn’t. That’s totally fine. I can’t imagine being entitled enough to say “I won’t speak to you anymore, but I still expect you to pay my way through life.” If the mom did that she’d be teaching her daughter to be an entitled brat.
While I do think OP in the 1st story is stupid for letting her guard down and agreeing to have a kid (even though it seemed like she didn't want kids to begin with), I'm still on her side in this situation. That man wanted to divorce her because he couldn't handle BEING A FATHER to his child while his wife was healing from complications due to childbirth. While it's still shitty, OP is at least opting for shared custody. He wants ZERO responsibility so he can "start anew."
I largely agree with you, but OP isn't stupid either. He was her husband, and he manipulated her. She trusted him and he betrayed that trust, that doesn't make her stupid
She’s opting to be an every other weekend parent that pays child support. If you want to called that “shared “ I guess. Presumably he wants that OR LESS. Poor kid.
@@shannonowens24 To be fair, it’s unclear what he wants. We do know he doesn’t want to be primary either. That is clear. She has not said that he wants nothing to do with the kid at all. I think people are assuming. A Also I’m looking at her sideways for leaving her kid with this man after he got violent. What?????? Poor baby
FIRST: Poor Ramona. Honestly I applaud Mom for being 'real' with her knowledge to admit now she doesn't want to be a full-time Mother. She only wants to be involved in her life every other weekend. Both of her Parents don't deserve Her. Truthfully both of them should never have become Parents. Putting her up for adoption would be best for them ALL. No child deserves to be raised by UNLOVING Parents. Not for 18 long misery years. It would be terrible for her to start life that way. I pray 🙏🏼 Ramona finds her forever family.
There’s also the instances when married women are also pushed into the role of single mom. I can see her fear of being left as a caregiver only bc the husband doesn’t pull their weight. And he’s proving that fear right tbh
Exactly, she didn't want to be a parent and now she doesn't want to be a parent alone, especially while still disabled and sick. I don't really like how they all jumped on her like that
In the college fund story, those are the consequences of going no contact. That’s just how that works. People cut off their rich racist grandparents, and have to go figure their life out. I think making the decision to not speak to someone ever again but still thinking they are going to give you money is a crazy thought process
The first story, I give OP some slack bc she isn’t the one who wanted to have a child so badly. He did. Like, in my relationship, my bf wasn’t sure about kids but I want one so we are going to have one. If, God forbid, things didn’t work out, I would 100% be like yep I’m the one who pushed for kids so I will take on the majority of custody if he doesn’t want it. Her husband is the one blowing everything up and he is the one who wanted the baby in the first place, he needs to put on his big boy pants and take responsibility.
Taking away the college fund won't fix the problem. OP needs to figure out WHY her daughter is talking about no contact if she actually wants to avoid it. Because the way it stands, even if the daughter caves and continues contact, it'll still end once the money is no longer a factor. OP seems to think it's the boyfriend, but it could be that this new outside perspective is opening the daughter's eyes to what she feels are real problems. And it feels especially wrong that the fund came from her late husband's life insurance. Is this really what he would have wanted?
With the health issues the op in the first story had, I think she’s seriously traumatized, plus the anger over the betrayal when he convinced her to have a baby and then went back on it. I agree adoption is the best outcome but I understand how she feels
The lady and the college fund. I would not give her the money. But I wouldn’t spend it. Save it for when the relationship is over with the boyfriend and pay her loans or give it to her later to help her another way. The kid is 18 she is young. Let her grow up a little and learn a big life lesson.
Good lord just give that baby up for adoption - nerither parent wants to be a parent. You dont get to choose to "visit" your baby if no one is willing to step up. You dont want the baby and neither does he. Give her to someone who wants to raise her, the state is better than these assholes.
Freaking Amen!!!, everyone practically calling her a saint for deciding she's not fit to be a parent while she's leaving her baby with the violent guy to bail out? Are they kidding?! couldnt she have figured that out before she got pregnant?! Children are a lifelong comittment they're not a puppy you can rehome once you're bored with it. That baby didnt ask to be born but the least they could do for her is give her a better chance with ppl who do want to be parents and arent doing it bc "everyone else is having kids". Honestly both of them suck, I've seen snakes abandoning their eggs showing more parental love towards their own offspring than these 2
Story 5 is the reason why a lot of my ethnic friends and I (we live in the US) wait until we’re financially independent before going no/ low contact. OP in that story didnt seem toxic tho
I AGREE with Brandon about the teenager and the college fund! I get the vibes that this girl has rules and "structure" in her life, and being with a boyfriend who lives differently has made her interpret the structure as controlling. She is absolutely not entitled to the college money, it still belongs to mom. So maybe she does need to see there are consequences to her actions. She was basically dumb enough to bite the hand that feeds her.
I'm with the woman in the first story 100%. She didn't WANT the kid in the first place. HE wanted the kid, HE convinced her to put her fears aside and give him what HE wanted. Now HE wants to walk away and abandon what HE wanted on her. She's just giving him exactly what he wanted: to be a father. Countless times men get to be the twice-a-month parent, so why not mom this time? As for the kid, it's better for mom to be honest and set her boundaries than try to dedicate herself to something she's not cut out for (again).
I mean for the college fund story, the kid is 17 or 18 not 7, surely she knows what no contact means. It has big consequences, and it should be treated as such. You can’t expect anything from someone who basically doesn’t exist for you anymore.
I honestly do not think the OP is the AH in the first story mainly because a lot of men will weaponize a child against a woman as a means to humble, manipulate or control them. He wanted kids from the jump, he knew her fears then *purposefully* made her a single mother. This is not the same as something happening to him, the principle is that he probably coerced her into having a child under the guise that he would be there just for him to abandon her. If he wanted a divorce because he fell out of love with her that’s fine but to try to dump the child on to someone who from the jump expressed not wanting to be a single parent is such a calculated move. 😭😭 on top of that, she stated she wasn’t even back to 100 percent health yet. So he wanted to live his best life while she’s still recovering, still trying to maintain her life and her career because he wants to start over? Yea aight 😂😂😂 that man probably wanted to humble her. And I don’t think that wanting to see the child every other weekend is equivalent to not wanting her because she would still need help regardless. She did not relinquish her rights as a parent she just knows realistically what she could handle without a spouse around. It takes a community to raise a child
I agreee!!! I was also amazed by the lack of empathy for the OP, she went through such a traumatic experience. Childbirth in itself is emotionally and physically bearing. On top of that, she experienced complications!! And she had an unsupportive partner! That’s a lot! Before having the baby, he made her feel assured that she won’t be a single parent. 😓 “What if he died” these are two completely different scenarios. You can’t compare a spouse who died to someone divorcing you and wanting to leave you with the child😭
Regarding story one. Ladies, NEVER tell a man your fears. Because they will spend years pretending to be the opposite of what they actually are. Secondly, NEVER have a child just because a man convinces you to. No matter how much they pretend that they are going to be equal partners, they never will. And they will resent you if they have to be the primary parent. Mind you, this isn’t all men but it’s most men. Don’t have a baby unless you are prepared to take care of them by yourself because anything can happen.
I agree with your second point with the caveat of people in general not letting themselves be coerced, not just women, but the beginning and end of your comment is WILD Both men and women are equally able to be manipulative/abusive especially regarding kids, not just "most men". Also, having the mindset of never opening up about your fears to your partner is an attitude which can easily implode a relationship, as they're supposed to be built on trust. Of course, don't blindly trust anyone, but living repressed or fearful is a one way ticket to never connecting with others. At the end of the day, it's about balance. Also, generalizations hurt both sides. "Not all men, but most men" is a wild statement when referring to abusive or manipulative behavior.
@@sohnoterra16 I’m talking specifically about men. I never said that women cannot be abusive or manipulative. And I was intentionally speaking to women. When it comes to sharing fears let me rephrase. You tell your partner that you are afraid of heights. Or fire ants. You don’t tell them that you don’t want children because you are afraid of being a single mother. He spent YEARS pretending that he was going to be there for her and it was all a lie to get her to allow her to place his seed within her womb. You wouldn’t believe how often that happens. Women need to protect their wombs. Period.
True, you never said women can't be abusers. I will admit, I'm rather used to people attributing general bad behavior to men or women specifically instead of focusing on speaking nonexclusively about the issue. However, my main issue is speaking about men or women doing evil things as if most do or want to do so and will given the chance. I've heard people say "most women are gold diggers" or "most women will cheat if given the chance" which is equally wrong. Even if it happens much more than it should, suggesting that someone will do something horrible based on what they are rather than who they are is often a dangerous slope that results in people making judgments of character due to someone's immutable characteristics. Also, I agree that people should be prepared for situations in which abusers will try to trap a partner. However, with the "most" wording, there's a difference between being prepared and expecting something horrible like that. Expecting things like that to happen can often cause a whole new set of problems in a relationship, and with some things can even result in a self-fulfilling prophesy.
People really wear white to weddings in different forms. I saw a group of girls who all wore skin tight white pant suits to a wedding then they acted shocked that they weren’t allowed in…
Unless the mom is leaving out something even if it’s controlling it’s a response to the daughters very unfair action. No contact for a good mom (from what we know)? That’s crazy. But this could be some form of grieving. She lost her dad very young and we know emotionally we tend to go for men and/or woman who fill in what’s missing.
In the 1st story. The man is a total AH. He wanted marriage but did not want or understand the responsibility of it. He did not understand what for better or worse meant. The wife's response is not what is graded as "womanly". Society is ok with a man walking out on kids but will flip when a woman does that. She did not say she dsnt want the child, she said, she dsnt want to be the primary caregiver. In a divorce one of them MUST be a primary caregiver. She is ok being a part time parent and paying child support. If it was the man saying this, we would be saying, "at least he is doing sth". But I agree fully.... This child should be given up for adoption. Both parents are not in the space to care for the child.
For the No Contact story: if someone goes no contact with me then I’m assuming they also go no contact with my money. The only thing I would have done differently than OP (as a mother of 7) is respect my daughter’s decision to go no contact with me quietly. I wouldn’t have mentioned my decision to not give her the money until she called asking for it.
10:56 I took it to me that she just didn’t want soul custody. Where is she’s the only one really taking care of the child at all I think she just wants to do 50-50 custody that way all of the parenting burden isn’t just on her.
It’s so weird to me when the argument “Well what if your husband died? You’d be a single parent then, wouldn’t you?” Came up. There is a major difference between circumstances. This isn’t a situation where they both wanted kids and her fear of being a single parent came true. She openly said she didn’t want kids. She openly said she refused to be a single mother. He COERCED her into having a child, one she nearly died giving him. Then he decided he wanted a do over, and she’s the bad guy for sticking to her original terms? No. Also, fathers do the every other weekend custody thing all the time. THESE GUYS even referred to her wanting to “be the dad” in the situation. She should not be held to a higher standard just because of her gender. I do feel sorry for that kid, and I hope she finds herself in a loving environment to grow up in.
What are these safe azz answers?! What if he dies? She almost died multiple times during the pregnancy and had health issues. He should be the primary parent since he took care of the child most of the time anyway. Now he knows how it feels to be a househusband. Their roles are reversed. She even took on a second job and tried talking to him over 6 MONTHS. he was cheating on her while his mom cared for the child which is why she was mad but if it was a man in this situation he would be “doing everything he was supposed to taking care of his family no harm no foul” 🤦🏽♀️ smh
14:29 just because your gender ideology , you think this woman has more of an obligation to that baby. Doesn’t actually translate to the fact that she’s a human being with her own brain. And you do not get to put your moral judgments onto her because you think that her gender is supposed to act one way. Men do the same thing they will get people pregnant and walk away. Women should be able to do the same. It’s called being human.
Maybe I missed it. But, where did they say that with regards to a woman?Just because men walk away from their children and it has become "normal", it does not make it right. Of course there are nuances and special situations, but for most cases, it shouln't be okay. Similarly, women should be held to the same standard. People shouldn't be having children if they are not ready/or just to please others. The problem with this one is, they both planned on having the baby, meaning they decided as a team. She had a choice in the decision, and essentially they knew she would need to be involved in parenting to some degree. I don't think she should have had the baby if she wasn't sure, regardless of what the husband said. Similarly, men should not have children with women if they are not completely sure. It should be a yes-yes, not a yes-no, or even a yes-maybe. A baby is not a store bought item you can take back. Of course the husband is the biggest asshole, but I denfinately think we should not normalize having children and then giving them up when they decide they don't want them. Also, having a parent that did not want the child in the first place, may have social emotional impacts on the child. This situation is different from parents who are okay with being single parents, as it was a team decision. - this is coming from a woman, btw
@@MMCheese321I mean I missed that part too i guess? But I don't like them qualifying her not wanting to take care of a kid on her own, with not wanting her. Op is now physically disabled, she might not feel comfortable or confident that she could take care of her on her own. And that's fair. Leaving her with the dad who was adamant about wanting a kid feels like a logical conclusion. She was like ill be bread winner for her, be there for her as much as I can but not being able to do the physical side and being aware of it shouldn't be given a negative moral judgement on her.
@@jaceevens654 i think we can all agree on the fact that the dad and grandma are wrong for that. The dad sucks the most out of anyone because he insisted and now is not willing to put effort in. However, what I was saying was that OP ALREADY had reservations about having a child to begin with, even prior to her health issues. I don't think she should have had a child if she was not sure, just to appease her partner, because now the child is the one who will suffer the most. Having a child should not be taken lightly. It takes alot of sacrifice and energy to raise a child and parents should be prepared for that. We can't just be like, okay, I will just pay financially for the child and spend a some time with them. Providing for a child financially is NOT ENOUGH. I don't think that her physical disability should be the focus. Yes, the physical disability was unexpected and that sucks. I definately see how hard it must have been for her, but disability or not, she should not have had a child. There are many wonderful parents out there who have disabilities and still want a child, despite any limitation, but they are sure about the decision and commit. There are other parents who chose not to have children due to their disabilities. I think either deceision made by said parents is fine. But this is a different situation. What is key here is not as much of the physical aspect, not the financial aspect, but the EMOTIONAL aspect, the lack of commitment, and the "being there" for the child as well, which may look different for everyone. There is emotional investment involved among other things that comes with being a parent, and she should have been ready for that. This goes for dads as well, they should be providing that social / emotional aspect and it should not fall all on one parent at all. In the case of the "traditional" women and men relationships, it has become the social norm for mothers to be the main source of social/emotional learning, the nurturers, but it should be both whenever possible. It should be normalized that ALL parents share that responsibility, regardless of gender. I feel like unless a parent decides they are okay with doing it all or most of the work by themselves (regardless of gender), its probably its not a good idea to have a child because we never know what might happen in the future. Sometimes a partner might pass away. Op said in the comments that she would have placed the child in adoption if the dad would have passed away. Imagine the trauma, attachment issues, etc., that can happen due to that? It just sounded like she knew she wasn't ready and still went ahead with having a child. Do you believe people should have children when we are not completely sure? Should people have children to appease others? To keep partners? No, I feel like that is not fair to the child. Now it is the child who will suffer the most because of the parents. I don't think we as women should let anyone else pressure us into having children. Of course there are places in this world that unfortunately women aren't allowed that basic human right, like they should, but this situation doesn't seem like that case. It seems like she did have a choice prior.
@@jaceevens654 i get what you are saying with regard to leaving the child for the dad since he is the one who was insisting on a child, and there ashould be consequences to those decisions, but unfortunately it sounds like the dad sucks. It seems he doesn't want a child anymore, and wants to start all over. There should be consequences to that for sure, but when thinking about what is best for the child..like, what might be the least risky option/path? ..at this point I do agree with some of the commenters saying that the baby might have a better chance with a new family via adoption. Because imagine a child growing up with someone who does not want you? All the damage that may come from that. I heard that babies usually have higher adoption rates than older children, as more famiies seek babies. But, I do aknowledge that unfortunately the foster system is not perfect and children/babies do not always end up with caring/loving families they deserve.
@@MMCheese321 not what I was saying. just saying op being realistic and upfront about things. I'm against people having kids at all. But the kid exists now so there's no point in talking about what should've been done differently prior to the kid's birth. Should she give the kid up for adoption? maybe, but then you run the risk of screwing the kid up by them ending up with an abuser. if she has the money to pay someone to do the physical side/help her and that's an avenue she hasn't considered then that's something to bring up which is all I meant by that part. other wise I was just talking about the language difference between not wanting and not taking care of. They mean different things, and equating the two puts a lot of assumptions about her that don't really make much of a conversation if were talking in complete hypotheticals. Sure there can be a conversation about wanting a kid in different contexts, within a marriage versus not in one (single parent hood) but I'm against wanting kids in the first place so I didn't want to go into my own thoughts, more of a within the context of things sure what she did wasn't great but she did the best thing she thought she could do in those circumstances.
To the first story he ask for the baby and she said I didn't want the baby and when he didn't want the baby anymore he tried to make her a single parent so he can start over. So she gave him his baby he ask for. However I still feel adoption would be best for this child. She knows what it takes to take care of a kid. That why she didnt want it. But he made her feel safe and cared for. Then when what really it mean to be a father came he crumble.
15:38 my mom never wanted to be a mom, my bio father rped her and she was a single mom sort of (she’s had 2 husbands) and she was a terrible mom. I feel so bad for the little girl. All I wanted as a kid was a family. Now I have my own family and would never treat my kid the way I was treated and I pray for all kids going through this.
I was not feelin SJs takes this episode, if the daughter is willin to go no contact then they dont get the benefit of a parent, including saved funds Play stupid games win stupid prizes
I don’t blame the mom fully though because originally she didn’t want to be a mom and he made her think it’d be ok and then divorced her. And then got violent at the thought of taking care of his OWN child is insane. She could have died because HE wanted a kid and now he wants to start fresh? I would fight him personally.
Be pissed! All of them can miss me with that. I WISH someone would have showed up at my wedding with a white dress... no long talking, she is just not coming in. Bye!
You can’t really have a kid and decide “I won’t be a single parent” - that’s not really how it works. That’s like “we wanted this kid but not if they become disabled”
Except, you can. That's where a percentage of foster kids come from. Speaking as someone that was given up for adoption at 4 when my mom divorced for 2nd time and decided she couldn't be successful with two kids. Then the adoptive family (abusive) took me to social services at 16 and relinquished me. So, parents can give up at any time. 🙃
She only had the kid because she didnt think shed be a single parent. If she knew her husband would divorce her for having a traumatic birth, she wouldnt have been convinced to have the kid.
Yall saying don’t cut the daughter off financially is crazy. Are you going to pay for someone who doesn’t want anything to do with you BUT YOUR MONEY? Regardless of it being her kid, she would be an adult then and if she wants to make adult decisions like cutting her mother off then she can get an adult job to pay for her adult bills ???
On the No Contact story, the mother is the AH. Denying a future to your child because you have hurt feelings is abuse. The boyfriend might have just opened the daughter's eyes to how her mom has been controlling her throughout life. And if OP's friends are defending the choice by saying legally it's her money and thus her choice, that's heinous. Falling back on what you technically are within your legal right to do is an example of people enabling an abuser to show no empathy and cut off a young person's future out of spite 🤷
Your opinion on the first story is odd to me cause are we forgetting this woman is disabled and was clearly manipulated by that man into having that kid. Cause i understand we’re discussing it but she got way more backlash than she deserved compared to the dude who is the absolute worst
Was disabled. So far she hasn’t written that she is currently disabled. Her written words were WAS. She even talks about her long and arduous recovery. And she has stated that she was serious about not wanting to be a single parent. Husband is an asshole for sure. But she is too for not ensuring she wouldn’t be a single parent. She even states that if the husband had died she’d likely give the baby up for adoption as she’s serious about not wanting to be a single parent
@@tarag5077 you replying to every comment defending her to try and continue to paint her as bad is infuriating, especially when you've said twice now WAS disabled. Disabilities just don't go away, not completely if they even do. She is forever disabled in someway. She almost DIED.
That first story resonates with me. My wife didnt want kids. She worked with kids with mental illness and she had a fear that her child will be likewise and her life would be a struggle. I didnt have to convince her why I wanted a kid, I just did. I liked kids as I work with them too. We have a 2 year old now and this is much harder than I could have imagined. Granted we had our daughter at 40, we were so dug into our lifestyle. Do what we want buy what we want, etc. Our daught is perfectly healthy but when my wife goes away for work, it is a horrible week for me and vice versa. It is truly a 2 person effort. We cant fathom how single parents do it let alone with more than one child. I think if you have a child, you just have to swallow what comes as this is on you and no one else. It is just a fact of life. Even my wife who didn't want kids accepted the reaponcibility. She is a great mom although she second guesses herself all the time. I try to get her to go our with her friends as I feel like I caused this and she feel guilty about leaving me alone. I have accepted that instead of a second fun car, I have a duaghter who will potentially solve cancer...haha. I am saving the world! Despite what other parents have said to us, we have trouble finding the joy at all times. This doesnt mean our daughter isnt wonderful or that we dont want her, it just means we are pretty dug into out old life and the transition has been rough. I am sure it will get better as our daughter ages. I like teenagers much better than toddlers.
I don’t blame the mom at all in that first story. She didn’t want to have kids. He tricked her. That’s your baby sir. And I understand that’s not fair to the baby, but she made it clear she wasn’t giving her life up for it.
First story; well, there went 'in sickness and in health' out the window. That man ruined his family simply because he lacked patience, compassion, and committment. Fool
It's so sad when women allow themselves to be talked into having children they don't want. She should have followed her first mind. With that being said, I was expecting her to at least be wanting 50/50 custody! The fact that she wants less is WILD! I've heard of "married single mothers who's husbands leave all of the child responsibilities to the wives, and the wives divorcing in order to get 50/50 custody just so the ex-husband will be forced to take some responsibility! This story makes me think of my cousin, who said, "I wish I could be a baby daddy..." aluding to the fact that they get away with taking less responsibility for their kids. It's also WILD to me that the baby's grandmother doesn't seem to be telling the dad he's a POS also (I could be wrong though.) I feel SO BAD for this unwanted child! Everybody sucks!
You all always rock the songs but the "hey now your an all star" song just hit me different. Beautifully sung and what a way to resolve conflict 😂😊 Loving the acting, Oscar's all around🎉
I truly feel bad for Ramona... she is the only innocent one and she was given 2 horrible parents... shared custody would have been my suggestion but these parents are scary and neither should be left alone with the baby
College fund story she is not the a****** she may believe that she didn't want her children to have that burden, but if a child is deciding that she's going no contact and that is her decision that's great she wants to be an adult and make adult decisions then she can find an adult way and figure out how to pay for college
Man the first story ticks me off. I was attempted at baby trapping (my ex tampered with contraceptive) I was on the pill but still got pregnant. She put her health and body on the line for their child he pushed her into having.
For the first story OP reminds me of my mom...my mom always tells my siblings and I how much she never wanted kids and it really shows. It really hurts and it explains her behavior. I'm just glad my dad wanted us and he did everything for us in terms of teaching us everything. Please don't have kids if you don't want any I don't care how much you "love" that man.
What if the wife died after childbirth? The husband would be a single parent. Vice versa if the husband died. It sounds like they both want to be a parent if the other spouse is committed, but now if one of them step away.
With a friend like Sam who needs enemies. Men are allowed to come & go… Poor Ramona but the husband is trash. What’s interesting is it is so hard for people to hear a woman say that she does not want to be the custodial parent, we are so used to men doing this and saying this. that it is almost taboo. When a woman says it, it is OK. The world is stillwhole.
Y’all seem to forget that just because men do it all the time doesn’t mean they don’t suck. Ask those single mothers if they think it’s okay. I guarantee you they don’t!
Hi parent here 👋🏻 regarding the whole tuition thing. I’m saving specifically for education for my son. And there are rules that go with this fund. I also come from being a defiant child and I’m glad my mom got in my face and withheld money from me. It taught me to get a job and work for my money. I learned a lot of discipline. Therefore, not the asshole, but if you want the money you can’t just cut me out of your life. This is a consequence and a lesson. So just keep the money until she is ready to accept the consequence.
1:08 - he’s definitely the AH. What he thinks, she thinks, is an emergency, is sometimes a vent. He said he’s at work all the time and she’s at home with a toddler. Imagine being in an isolated world with little to no adult interaction. If they agreed to this work/life relationship, HE’s her ONLY adult go-to person. Even if the milk is out. She doesn’t have a co-worker to spin her chair to vocalize her thoughts to. This IS her full time job and her one client is needy & not understanding and she doesn’t have a separate life. This is her only life. She doesn’t get a partner at her job. It’s part of the partnership aspect of the relationship. Just hearing this pisses me off.
I feel bad for Romona. These parents suck. I became a single Mum this year. I wanted kids and so did my husband. But then he became an alcoholic and after kicking him out, he drank himself to death this year. So now I’m a mum 100% of the time. I have a uni degree and masters and I worked hard on my career, but I’m having to take a break from work to take care of me and my kids. It was never my plan to be a stay at home mum and I constantly feel weird about not working. But when you have kids, you prioritise their needs over my own. We have to move house still and change schools etc and it’ll be easier if I’m not working (I’m also aware that I’m in a position of privilege to not work due to the life insurance I received and I could pay off my mortgage). But it’s still a sacrifice as I spent 6 years at uni and 16 years of working at my career as a scientist). I can go back to work eventually (even though it’ll be hard to get back in) but my priority is my kids, I love them and they’ve been through so much! I don’t understand how these people can’t even think about their own child.
For the sister story when the family said to let it slide because “she is just like that”…. She just like what? Describe how she is. Put it into 3 words 😂 I loved Brandon’s reaction to this story
These reddit shows saved my life. gaslighting is so hard to see through even when knowing. but now having so much outside perspective i call it out every time no matter if no one agrees or not. if you agree with the gaslighting youre toxic too.. BYEEE! 🤷♀
Losing the money is a consequence of no contact. If you have chosen no contact with me what sense does it make for me to pay your bills. How does that even work?
1:12:41 5 minutes by car may only a 30 minute walk. So an hour of walking isn't ridiculous if you need help and your child is in the hospital. Your child comes first, that's the choice you make as a parent.
I am not understanding some of the comments in the comment section. I think most single parents do not want to be single parents. That is a valid feeling...to not want to do it alone. So, why is this girl's story any different? Just because she discussed it prior? I think many people do, but still end up being single parents. And if you ask many single parent women, most would agree that they would like the fathers more active in their child's life. Just because OP did not want the child as much, it should not be an excuse to absolve her of responsibility. A child is not like a car purchase, it is a huge deal and how parents handle the situation will impact them for the rest of their life. Most if not all people in the comment section are on the same page that the guy sucks. What some people are missing is that this post is about OP asking if she is the AH, not the dad. He is an AH without question. He should have some responsibility, there should be some consequences for him. But, to people saying he should take primary care, at this point do you think a guy like that who lacks empathy, is violent, fake, and basically does not want a child should take custody? Do you think that is best for the baby? He should take some responsibility of course, but IDK how that would look like and idk about actual custody. Im terms of OP, I don't think she is the AH for refusing to be the primary caregiver, but she is an AH for having a baby when she was "on the fence" as we never know what could happen in the future. So, basically, what was her reason to have the baby? To please the guy? Sure he sucks and lied, but the act of having a baby should not be taken lightly and people should be sure. I don't think most parents want or plan on being single parents, it happens. Just because many men don't take what should be their responsibility, that does not mean women should start doing the same. I never liked manipulative men who do who say they want kids and then ditch their families, or whatever. But, society should but pressure on them to step up, be accoubtable, and not lower the standards for mothers. Otherwise, will okay for mothers to also reject their kids too, to do the bare minimum? Op straight up went back to work after 9 months, and said she was on the fence prior to her health issues, always wanting to follow her career. That was great that she wanted a career, but she should have followed that path if she was mentally unprepared for a baby, as it takes alot of sacrifice. I am not convinced that she had the best interest when deciding to have a child, as having a child requires alot of sacrifice. Or at least did not think it through when she had the child. Essentially, if someone, regardless of the gender, decides to have a child they should be 100% sure and mentally prepare for the unexpected because they never know what will happen-health, lack of partner support, partner passing awayt etc. Women should not be encouraged to have children regardless of being "unsure" and then change their mind later. We already have alot of kids without parents, we don't need more. Women should feel empowered to say no when they are unsure. Op said she would have given the baby up for adoption if the father died, that tells me she was not ready. Regardless of her not being sure about the baby in the first place, once it is born, it is both of their responsibility as the baby had no choice in the matter, it does not matter who wanted it more. Unfortunately, alot of the responsibility of raising a child is often left to women. But, it should be both parents raising them. I don't think financial support is enough when men do it, they should also be contributing as a parent in other ways, such as social emotional and other ways that is more equitable, so I don't think OP is in the right for that either. Everything should not be left on the mother. Again, I don't think she is the AH for not wanting full custody, that makes complete sense. She seems aware she is not fully fit to take care of the baby, and at this point i do think adoption is the best option. But I still think she is an AH for having a baby when she was "on the fence". Looks like she is considering adoption, and I feel that would be the best choice at this point.
She didn't have a baby when she was "on the fence" her ex husband manipulated her into wanting kids under the promise he wouldn't leave her. Then while she was recovering from almost dying, he got mad at her! Acting like she was still on the fence or it was her choice is absurd.
57:55 nah she’s NTA. If her daughter wants nothing to do with her, that includes her money. You can’t get all the benefits from a supportive parent while also outcasting the supportive parent.
more women should do this. let the men be single parents and pay child support. This is why I advocate for the 4B movement because women here are not empathetic to her being in not good health and then call her selfish.
The mum at the kids play is a complete narcissist. Bad mouthing her husband, making herself the centre of attention, making it all about her and playing the victim. It’s emotional abuse.
I think 1st person was very clear and was convinced that the partner had her back, and then he welshed on the promises. She is not the asshole. Poor kid...
Story 1: everyone SUCKS except Ramona. When OP CHOSE to get pregnant she committed to a raising a child, knowing damn well that that child’s father could leave or hell, even die. Now she’s saying she wants “every other weekend”? What… the… hell… And then to leave your child alone while this man is in a fit of rage, literally getting violent, because he doesn’t want to keep his kid. I really wish these people would stop having kids.
The first story, No, she only held him accountable with what he wanted. We don't know what he promised her to make her fears go away. Having your kid every other weekend while paying a higher child support so they can have a good childhood is completely appropriate. It's just usually the man that gets the kids every other weekend and pays child support. He was trying to abandon the child he BEGGED for. She said, "Hold Up. Stop."
She already said she didn't want to be a mom in the beginning. He convinced her and it disabled her. Then he wants to dip. She's not abandoning her. She plans on financially supporting them so he can focus on the child he BEGGED for.
Maddie is really going HAM with these costumes 😭 I’m obsessed
she hasn’t flopped a single time fr!
Ya'll!!!! On the first story ... men all the time shrug off child raising responsibilities and do the child support thing while complaining the entire time. She's been through the wringer, had terrible health problems, and may not be able to parent a child physically or mentally. Annnnnd her husband is the one choosing to leave, automatically assuming she's going to take on the single mom/primary parent role, being all happy since he's getting to start his life over. Ideally, they would collaborate and co-parent 50/50, but she shouldn't have to take on all the burden just because she's a woman/the mom. I do feel terrible for that poor baby.
I don’t think they were implying that she SHOULD be a single mother and happy about it, but it seems like neither parents are willing to keep the kid full time or 50/50 so it seems like adoption really would be the best for the kid. She should be able to have a fresh start too! But one that doesn’t hurt the kid as well
Many men *do* shrug off the brunt parental responsibility too often, and it feels like OP had some kind of (justified, but extremely) personal anger surrounding that fact.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t justify punishing Ramona for it, with both parents throwing her around like a hot potato. I feel like that’s part of the selfless aspect of parenthood they’re talking about - sometimes for the good of your kid you’ll 100% get the short end of the stick. It’s gonna be super unfair, but refusing that responsibility (with 50/50 still being the ideal goal ofc) well, that makes you unfit for that role, no matter if you’re a mother or a father. She shouldn’t be blamed for taking some time for herself given what she went through but beyond that, they both are bad parents, and the call for adoption is justified. Neither should ever have become a parent in the first place actually, since their already knew that, in the event of divorce, their first thought would be to make sure they don’t get an unfair workload (as if to get a sort of revenge on the typical divorced parents dynamic) rather than the wellbeing of the child they brought into the world.
Omg. If it the rolls were reversed everyone would tell the guy how lucky he is to only have every other weekend and then talk about how she just trying to take money for child support.
She never wanted to be a single mother. He threw her away casue she didn't bounce back after birth and he had to do work. He resented her for that .
The thing for me is that this is just a terrible man. No love is in that heart. He lived with such a huge amount of resentment with a woman that just gave birth to a child he was wishing for . And she nearly died and is disabled since then. He is so without character and so weak. If she leaves the child to him his mom is eventually gonna take care. Because that is the place he runs to and leaves all his responsibilities. Such a manchild.
For the first story the man literally listened to her fears, made her feel safe and then tried to push her fear on her. She didn’t wish to be a single parent and he immediately made that happen. I kind of understand because my son’s father LITERALLY did the same thing and weaponized our son.
You are one of the few people in thia comment section who actually listened to the story it seems
the only person i feel or is the poor kid, i hope she grows up and never talks or forms a relationship with either parent.
@@rashawnheath2469 abusers will pick a target and go out of their way to ruin their life. They seek out that information at the beginning just to turn around and use it as a weapon once their victim lets their guard down and becomes dependent. Then they feed off the suffering until they can’t anymore then go find another target; rinse and repeat. It’s a pathetic waste of the little time we have alive.
I learned a tip; if you think someone may be abusive in this way, leave bait in the form of a made up insecurity to see if they’ll use it against you.
In my opinion if you don’t wanna be a single parent you shouldn’t be a parent period. Because you never know what might happen to the other parent and the child will always need you.
@@malaikanaomi1408 YOU LEGEND YOU! you nipped right in the bud - no has a baby wanting to become a single parent.
Funny how in the first story the man just thought he will leave his wife without a responsibility of a child. "You ruined my life" I thought you wanted a kid?? Did he think he wouldn't have to do the work?
he definitely thought he would just occasionally hang out with the kids, do yard work, and mayyyybe cook something simple like spaghetti and meatballs. he didnt wanna change diapers, feed the baby, clothe them, take care of the baby when theyre sick, didnt think he'd ever have to bring them to school, clubs, or other after school activities, etc etc
I do feel bad as she was obviously manipulated but noone should have a child unless they are ready to be thier sole carer if the worst happens. He is a massive asshole but she is also an asshole.
That's EXACTLY what he thought! He thought he would stick her with the kid.
@@helendrew3640 I kinda agree because when I'm thinking of having children I always remember of the possibility of being a single mom, and tbh everyone should think about it no matter how amazing their partner is (yk, diseases, accidents, mental health can play a huge role too). But I think he is a much bigger a/h in this situation because he wanted to "start over" his life, leaving his child with a disabled mom all alone without help. AND he also fed her insecurities calling her a horrible mother.
The overall situation is just terrifying, poor kid
First story. I remember my husband and I having this weird joke about “if the divorce happens “I get this, you get that”. I now know that it was a clear sign our divorce was imminent. He use to say that if we got divorced I would take any kids and he would just drop any kids with his mom, on his weekends, because men can’t change diapers without being considered p’s. I told him if we had kids we would do 50/50 split. He said no we won’t, you’re taking them. We never had kids and got divorced when his side piece threatened my life. He occasionally calls me to get back together and I laugh in his face. Apparently he can’t find a woman to agree to his terms of never having to care for his own child and believes he can “scare” me into coming back. His mom is awesome though. I just tell her what he is doing and she yells at him. He is a mommas boy and always does what she says. I got the ex-mother in law we all deserve.
You’re awesome I’m so glad you saw the signs before you made a life changing decision
That was the most unhinged version of “I’m a believer” I’ve ever heard 😂
Somehow it’s still a banger tho. 10/10 would blast on the freeway
For the college fund story: I don’t think the mother is using it as leverage I think she is just letting the daughter know what to expect. I don’t think it is the best lesson to teach the daughter she can cut someone off for everything but the benefits they give you. That is entitlement. I think it is the daughters right to cut off the mom but to continue to expect financial support gives a bit of insight into the daughter’s mindset. Do to this I agree with the idea that the daughter is taking structure as controlling. I think the daughter was relying on unconditional love from the mother and expected to be able to treat her as horribly as she wanted and always be welcome back.
Thank you I was thinking the same thing
Quite possibly. But I think that the daughter is potentially in an abusive situation with the bf who's trying to isolate her. It's the first thing abusers do is try to shut their victim off from friends and family. Not being able to go to college will further isolate her and make her even more vulnerable. If she ever gets away from him or wants to, she will be hindered by not feeling like her mom has her back.
@@katiehensley290 But if she does give her the money, it could also be misused by the boyfriend if he really is the manipulative kind.
I think she meant it more like a wake up call - the possibility of losing out on education could lead her daughter to think harder about choosing her bf over everything else. If it doesn’t then it was unlikely she’d have had the mental fortitude to be serious and firm about her education in the first place anyway, in the event her bf tries to steer her away from that.
I think what they proposed in the video is a good idea tho - using the money only to refund her if she does decide to get that education after all. But then she needs to make it clear to her daughter so she doesn’t give up.
@@dreensk.1991, I agree. I don't think she should just give it to her. She should have it go directly to the college. She should be able to work something out.
I get what you’re saying. To me, it seems like the most extreme to just cut her off financially completely when she’s still so young. I would agree the daughter is either feeling entitled or likely being influenced by the boyfriend, but I don’t think the answer is taking away all funds as she is clearly young and still maturing and learning and sometimes you need to support your kid even if you’re not sure about their decisions bc they need to be able to make their own mistakes. If the boyfriend is the issue and daughter then has no money then that could lead her to be financially dependent on said boyfriend and make it more difficult to leave him. Whether or not the bf is the issue, and no matter the reason the daughter is going no contact, having this sort of response to your kid going no contact would likely reinforce their decision in their mind. It also makes me think about where the daughter may have gotten her perspective from about making an extreme decision in the height of an emotion, it sounds like the mom is doing the same thing. If in mom’s position, I would personally take the route of financially supporting her via sending funds for the necessities and having tuition sent directly to school. I can understand limiting the daughter’s access to money, but taking it away entirely seems to me like a decision that would only lead to more drastic fallout.
yall bickered so long as the characters that i almost lost the plot LOL
Is everyone missing that this woman is BARELY in good health during the time she posted the story? He initiated the divorce and plans to start over. The absolute lack of empathy is crazy. She is not fully capable to raise that little girl. I don't think the mom is being selfish. She performed a selfless act and is suffering health-wise. He gave up on his wife and is trying to resign himself as a father now too.
Thank you! It feels like everyone plugged thekr ears and went "lalala" for everything except the parts where she doesnt want to have full custody.
She’s definitely going to need assistance until fully recovered if ever, I didn’t hear what age her daughter is, but I assume she’s still very small. It takes a lot of energy at a certain point in age and it doesn’t seem like OP has that. I don’t think she’s an AH. She said it in a way where she’s trying to punish her soon to be ex, but in reality she can’t even fully take care of her alone.
She still had the child and refusing to be a mother is still trash behavior. She said throughout the whole story that she doesn't want her daughter so idk what you're talking about about
For the first story I have to say Op clearly did not think things through. Tye moment she met the man and knew he 100% wanted kids and that she wasn't sure should have been the sign that they weren't compatible. The father is ta for pretty much hating her just cuz she got sick and had health issues and the mother is ta because she knew that she would never be a single parent yet still decided to have a kid knowing life is unpredictable. She did not think her decision to have a baby through at all.
Now I do feel for her bc it sounds like she still hasn't fully recovered or only recovered recently and as she said the first year while including 9month pregnancy Ramona is probably only a few months old. All in all with the father clearly being irresponsible as it sounds like he wants 0 custody and the mother wanting barely any custody. Adoption is the best option for that baby.
The baby is 2 and she is recovered and working again she just doesn’t want to full time parent period. She was to be the father role to provide and do the minimum. Not because of her health but because she doesn’t want to be a single mother because she doesn’t want to give up her job or life
College fund mom is sooo not the asshole. I have amazing parents, they are so supportive, have always been there to help me when I need it, etc. however, I paid for my own college. I saved money, got scholarships, and took out loans. It wasn’t their responsibility to pay for my school as I was an adult making an adult decision to further my education.. they do have money, but not enough to pay for my younger siblings when they go so they didn’t. That’s totally fine.
I can’t imagine being entitled enough to say “I won’t speak to you anymore, but I still expect you to pay my way through life.” If the mom did that she’d be teaching her daughter to be an entitled brat.
exactly like does the kid even know what no-contact means - her bf can pay her college.
Thank you
While I do think OP in the 1st story is stupid for letting her guard down and agreeing to have a kid (even though it seemed like she didn't want kids to begin with), I'm still on her side in this situation. That man wanted to divorce her because he couldn't handle BEING A FATHER to his child while his wife was healing from complications due to childbirth. While it's still shitty, OP is at least opting for shared custody. He wants ZERO responsibility so he can "start anew."
I largely agree with you, but OP isn't stupid either. He was her husband, and he manipulated her. She trusted him and he betrayed that trust, that doesn't make her stupid
She’s opting to be an every other weekend parent that pays child support. If you want to called that “shared “ I guess. Presumably he wants that OR LESS. Poor kid.
@tarag5077 Poor kid indeed, but that is still "shared" because it's definitely not Joint Custody. He for sure wants less, he's trying to move on.
@@shannonowens24 To be fair, it’s unclear what he wants. We do know he doesn’t want to be primary either. That is clear. She has not said that he wants nothing to do with the kid at all. I think people are assuming. A
Also I’m looking at her sideways for leaving her kid with this man after he got violent. What?????? Poor baby
@@tarag5077 "ready to start anew" "you can take YOUR child"
Seems clear to me.
i am here for the Shrek drama 😭😂.
FIRST: Poor Ramona. Honestly I applaud Mom for being 'real' with her knowledge to admit now she doesn't want to be a full-time Mother. She only wants to be involved in her life every other weekend. Both of her Parents don't deserve Her. Truthfully both of them should never have become Parents. Putting her up for adoption would be best for them ALL. No child deserves to be raised by UNLOVING Parents. Not for 18 long misery years. It would be terrible for her to start life that way. I pray 🙏🏼 Ramona finds her forever family.
There’s also the instances when married women are also pushed into the role of single mom. I can see her fear of being left as a caregiver only bc the husband doesn’t pull their weight. And he’s proving that fear right tbh
In the 1st story, everyone is going overboard. All she is saying is that she doesn't want to do it alone.
Exactly, she didn't want to be a parent and now she doesn't want to be a parent alone, especially while still disabled and sick. I don't really like how they all jumped on her like that
In the college fund story, those are the consequences of going no contact. That’s just how that works. People cut off their rich racist grandparents, and have to go figure their life out. I think making the decision to not speak to someone ever again but still thinking they are going to give you money is a crazy thought process
I wish SJ was on every episode, I love their no BS takes. SJ appreciate comment!! ❤
Same ❤
this, I purposefully search "Confort level podcast SJ" to watch her in the episode. They are so hilarious to watch these four, I love them
The first story, I give OP some slack bc she isn’t the one who wanted to have a child so badly. He did. Like, in my relationship, my bf wasn’t sure about kids but I want one so we are going to have one. If, God forbid, things didn’t work out, I would 100% be like yep I’m the one who pushed for kids so I will take on the majority of custody if he doesn’t want it. Her husband is the one blowing everything up and he is the one who wanted the baby in the first place, he needs to put on his big boy pants and take responsibility.
Taking away the college fund won't fix the problem. OP needs to figure out WHY her daughter is talking about no contact if she actually wants to avoid it. Because the way it stands, even if the daughter caves and continues contact, it'll still end once the money is no longer a factor. OP seems to think it's the boyfriend, but it could be that this new outside perspective is opening the daughter's eyes to what she feels are real problems. And it feels especially wrong that the fund came from her late husband's life insurance. Is this really what he would have wanted?
With the health issues the op in the first story had, I think she’s seriously traumatized, plus the anger over the betrayal when he convinced her to have a baby and then went back on it. I agree adoption is the best outcome but I understand how she feels
I hope the lady’s daughters never get cheated on.
The lady and the college fund. I would not give her the money. But I wouldn’t spend it. Save it for when the relationship is over with the boyfriend and pay her loans or give it to her later to help her another way. The kid is 18 she is young. Let her grow up a little and learn a big life lesson.
Good lord just give that baby up for adoption - nerither parent wants to be a parent. You dont get to choose to "visit" your baby if no one is willing to step up. You dont want the baby and neither does he. Give her to someone who wants to raise her, the state is better than these assholes.
Freaking Amen!!!, everyone practically calling her a saint for deciding she's not fit to be a parent while she's leaving her baby with the violent guy to bail out? Are they kidding?! couldnt she have figured that out before she got pregnant?! Children are a lifelong comittment they're not a puppy you can rehome once you're bored with it. That baby didnt ask to be born but the least they could do for her is give her a better chance with ppl who do want to be parents and arent doing it bc "everyone else is having kids".
Honestly both of them suck, I've seen snakes abandoning their eggs showing more parental love towards their own offspring than these 2
legit! i hope all goes well with her! i also hope she never talks to either of them EVER.
Story 5 is the reason why a lot of my ethnic friends and I (we live in the US) wait until we’re financially independent before going no/ low contact. OP in that story didnt seem toxic tho
I AGREE with Brandon about the teenager and the college fund! I get the vibes that this girl has rules and "structure" in her life, and being with a boyfriend who lives differently has made her interpret the structure as controlling. She is absolutely not entitled to the college money, it still belongs to mom. So maybe she does need to see there are consequences to her actions. She was basically dumb enough to bite the hand that feeds her.
Thank you
The bf is trying to isolate her, and the mom is playing into his hand.
She may need to take a year off and get a reality check. Firm boundaries require extreme patience.
Husker joining the intro was perfection
I'm with the woman in the first story 100%. She didn't WANT the kid in the first place. HE wanted the kid, HE convinced her to put her fears aside and give him what HE wanted. Now HE wants to walk away and abandon what HE wanted on her. She's just giving him exactly what he wanted: to be a father. Countless times men get to be the twice-a-month parent, so why not mom this time? As for the kid, it's better for mom to be honest and set her boundaries than try to dedicate herself to something she's not cut out for (again).
I mean for the college fund story, the kid is 17 or 18 not 7, surely she knows what no contact means. It has big consequences, and it should be treated as such.
You can’t expect anything from someone who basically doesn’t exist for you anymore.
I honestly do not think the OP is the AH in the first story mainly because a lot of men will weaponize a child against a woman as a means to humble, manipulate or control them. He wanted kids from the jump, he knew her fears then *purposefully* made her a single mother. This is not the same as something happening to him, the principle is that he probably coerced her into having a child under the guise that he would be there just for him to abandon her. If he wanted a divorce because he fell out of love with her that’s fine but to try to dump the child on to someone who from the jump expressed not wanting to be a single parent is such a calculated move. 😭😭 on top of that, she stated she wasn’t even back to 100 percent health yet. So he wanted to live his best life while she’s still recovering, still trying to maintain her life and her career because he wants to start over? Yea aight 😂😂😂 that man probably wanted to humble her. And I don’t think that wanting to see the child every other weekend is equivalent to not wanting her because she would still need help regardless. She did not relinquish her rights as a parent she just knows realistically what she could handle without a spouse around. It takes a community to raise a child
I agreee!!! I was also amazed by the lack of empathy for the OP, she went through such a traumatic experience. Childbirth in itself is emotionally and physically bearing. On top of that, she experienced complications!! And she had an unsupportive partner! That’s a lot!
Before having the baby, he made her feel assured that she won’t be a single parent. 😓
“What if he died” these are two completely different scenarios. You can’t compare a spouse who died to someone divorcing you and wanting to leave you with the child😭
I absolutely agree.
The college fund story - if you're not talking to me, why would I pay your bills? That doesn't make any sense.
Regarding story one. Ladies, NEVER tell a man your fears. Because they will spend years pretending to be the opposite of what they actually are. Secondly, NEVER have a child just because a man convinces you to. No matter how much they pretend that they are going to be equal partners, they never will. And they will resent you if they have to be the primary parent. Mind you, this isn’t all men but it’s most men. Don’t have a baby unless you are prepared to take care of them by yourself because anything can happen.
"Never have a child just because a man convinces you" is so easy to say when youre not being manipulated.
Wish I saw this before I commented, I had almost the exact same thoughts.
I agree with your second point with the caveat of people in general not letting themselves be coerced, not just women, but the beginning and end of your comment is WILD
Both men and women are equally able to be manipulative/abusive especially regarding kids, not just "most men". Also, having the mindset of never opening up about your fears to your partner is an attitude which can easily implode a relationship, as they're supposed to be built on trust. Of course, don't blindly trust anyone, but living repressed or fearful is a one way ticket to never connecting with others. At the end of the day, it's about balance.
Also, generalizations hurt both sides. "Not all men, but most men" is a wild statement when referring to abusive or manipulative behavior.
@@sohnoterra16 I’m talking specifically about men. I never said that women cannot be abusive or manipulative. And I was intentionally speaking to women. When it comes to sharing fears let me rephrase. You tell your partner that you are afraid of heights. Or fire ants. You don’t tell them that you don’t want children because you are afraid of being a single mother. He spent YEARS pretending that he was going to be there for her and it was all a lie to get her to allow her to place his seed within her womb. You wouldn’t believe how often that happens. Women need to protect their wombs. Period.
True, you never said women can't be abusers. I will admit, I'm rather used to people attributing general bad behavior to men or women specifically instead of focusing on speaking nonexclusively about the issue.
However, my main issue is speaking about men or women doing evil things as if most do or want to do so and will given the chance. I've heard people say "most women are gold diggers" or "most women will cheat if given the chance" which is equally wrong. Even if it happens much more than it should, suggesting that someone will do something horrible based on what they are rather than who they are is often a dangerous slope that results in people making judgments of character due to someone's immutable characteristics.
Also, I agree that people should be prepared for situations in which abusers will try to trap a partner. However, with the "most" wording, there's a difference between being prepared and expecting something horrible like that. Expecting things like that to happen can often cause a whole new set of problems in a relationship, and with some things can even result in a self-fulfilling prophesy.
People really wear white to weddings in different forms. I saw a group of girls who all wore skin tight white pant suits to a wedding then they acted shocked that they weren’t allowed in…
Maddie is killing it with these costumes 😂
Unless the mom is leaving out something even if it’s controlling it’s a response to the daughters very unfair action. No contact for a good mom (from what we know)? That’s crazy. But this could be some form of grieving. She lost her dad very young and we know emotionally we tend to go for men and/or woman who fill in what’s missing.
In the 1st story. The man is a total AH. He wanted marriage but did not want or understand the responsibility of it. He did not understand what for better or worse meant.
The wife's response is not what is graded as "womanly". Society is ok with a man walking out on kids but will flip when a woman does that. She did not say she dsnt want the child, she said, she dsnt want to be the primary caregiver. In a divorce one of them MUST be a primary caregiver. She is ok being a part time parent and paying child support. If it was the man saying this, we would be saying, "at least he is doing sth".
But I agree fully.... This child should be given up for adoption. Both parents are not in the space to care for the child.
For the No Contact story: if someone goes no contact with me then I’m assuming they also go no contact with my money. The only thing I would have done differently than OP (as a mother of 7) is respect my daughter’s decision to go no contact with me quietly. I wouldn’t have mentioned my decision to not give her the money until she called asking for it.
10:56 I took it to me that she just didn’t want soul custody. Where is she’s the only one really taking care of the child at all I think she just wants to do 50-50 custody that way all of the parenting burden isn’t just on her.
She said she would visit her daughter every other weekend in the post
It’s so weird to me when the argument “Well what if your husband died? You’d be a single parent then, wouldn’t you?” Came up.
There is a major difference between circumstances. This isn’t a situation where they both wanted kids and her fear of being a single parent came true. She openly said she didn’t want kids. She openly said she refused to be a single mother. He COERCED her into having a child, one she nearly died giving him.
Then he decided he wanted a do over, and she’s the bad guy for sticking to her original terms? No.
Also, fathers do the every other weekend custody thing all the time. THESE GUYS even referred to her wanting to “be the dad” in the situation. She should not be held to a higher standard just because of her gender.
I do feel sorry for that kid, and I hope she finds herself in a loving environment to grow up in.
What are these safe azz answers?! What if he dies? She almost died multiple times during the pregnancy and had health issues. He should be the primary parent since he took care of the child most of the time anyway. Now he knows how it feels to be a househusband.
Their roles are reversed. She even took on a second job and tried talking to him over 6 MONTHS. he was cheating on her while his mom cared for the child which is why she was mad but if it was a man in this situation he would be “doing everything he was supposed to taking care of his family no harm no foul” 🤦🏽♀️ smh
Rage baiting
I see you Husker with the harmonizing 👀❤️
14:29 just because your gender ideology , you think this woman has more of an obligation to that baby. Doesn’t actually translate to the fact that she’s a human being with her own brain. And you do not get to put your moral judgments onto her because you think that her gender is supposed to act one way. Men do the same thing they will get people pregnant and walk away. Women should be able to do the same. It’s called being human.
Maybe I missed it. But, where did they say that with regards to a woman?Just because men walk away from their children and it has become "normal", it does not make it right. Of course there are nuances and special situations, but for most cases, it shouln't be okay. Similarly, women should be held to the same standard. People shouldn't be having children if they are not ready/or just to please others. The problem with this one is, they both planned on having the baby, meaning they decided as a team. She had a choice in the decision, and essentially they knew she would need to be involved in parenting to some degree. I don't think she should have had the baby if she wasn't sure, regardless of what the husband said. Similarly, men should not have children with women if they are not completely sure. It should be a yes-yes, not a yes-no, or even a yes-maybe. A baby is not a store bought item you can take back. Of course the husband is the biggest asshole, but I denfinately think we should not normalize having children and then giving them up when they decide they don't want them. Also, having a parent that did not want the child in the first place, may have social emotional impacts on the child. This situation is different from parents who are okay with being single parents, as it was a team decision. - this is coming from a woman, btw
@@MMCheese321I mean I missed that part too i guess? But I don't like them qualifying her not wanting to take care of a kid on her own, with not wanting her. Op is now physically disabled, she might not feel comfortable or confident that she could take care of her on her own. And that's fair. Leaving her with the dad who was adamant about wanting a kid feels like a logical conclusion. She was like ill be bread winner for her, be there for her as much as I can but not being able to do the physical side and being aware of it shouldn't be given a negative moral judgement on her.
@@jaceevens654 i think we can all agree on the fact that the dad and grandma are wrong for that. The dad sucks the most out of anyone because he insisted and now is not willing to put effort in. However, what I was saying was that OP ALREADY had reservations about having a child to begin with, even prior to her health issues. I don't think she should have had a child if she was not sure, just to appease her partner, because now the child is the one who will suffer the most. Having a child should not be taken lightly. It takes alot of sacrifice and energy to raise a child and parents should be prepared for that. We can't just be like, okay, I will just pay financially for the child and spend a some time with them. Providing for a child financially is NOT ENOUGH. I don't think that her physical disability should be the focus. Yes, the physical disability was unexpected and that sucks. I definately see how hard it must have been for her, but disability or not, she should not have had a child. There are many wonderful parents out there who have disabilities and still want a child, despite any limitation, but they are sure about the decision and commit. There are other parents who chose not to have children due to their disabilities. I think either deceision made by said parents is fine. But this is a different situation. What is key here is not as much of the physical aspect, not the financial aspect, but the EMOTIONAL aspect, the lack of commitment, and the "being there" for the child as well, which may look different for everyone. There is emotional investment involved among other things that comes with being a parent, and she should have been ready for that. This goes for dads as well, they should be providing that social / emotional aspect and it should not fall all on one parent at all. In the case of the "traditional" women and men relationships, it has become the social norm for mothers to be the main source of social/emotional learning, the nurturers, but it should be both whenever possible. It should be normalized that ALL parents share that responsibility, regardless of gender. I feel like unless a parent decides they are okay with doing it all or most of the work by themselves (regardless of gender), its probably its not a good idea to have a child because we never know what might happen in the future. Sometimes a partner might pass away. Op said in the comments that she would have placed the child in adoption if the dad would have passed away. Imagine the trauma, attachment issues, etc., that can happen due to that? It just sounded like she knew she wasn't ready and still went ahead with having a child. Do you believe people should have children when we are not completely sure? Should people have children to appease others? To keep partners? No, I feel like that is not fair to the child. Now it is the child who will suffer the most because of the parents. I don't think we as women should let anyone else pressure us into having children. Of course there are places in this world that unfortunately women aren't allowed that basic human right, like they should, but this situation doesn't seem like that case. It seems like she did have a choice prior.
@@jaceevens654 i get what you are saying with regard to leaving the child for the dad since he is the one who was insisting on a child, and there ashould be consequences to those decisions, but unfortunately it sounds like the dad sucks. It seems he doesn't want a child anymore, and wants to start all over. There should be consequences to that for sure, but when thinking about what is best for the child..like, what might be the least risky option/path? ..at this point I do agree with some of the commenters saying that the baby might have a better chance with a new family via adoption. Because imagine a child growing up with someone who does not want you? All the damage that may come from that. I heard that babies usually have higher adoption rates than older children, as more famiies seek babies. But, I do aknowledge that unfortunately the foster system is not perfect and children/babies do not always end up with caring/loving families they deserve.
@@MMCheese321 not what I was saying. just saying op being realistic and upfront about things. I'm against people having kids at all. But the kid exists now so there's no point in talking about what should've been done differently prior to the kid's birth.
Should she give the kid up for adoption? maybe, but then you run the risk of screwing the kid up by them ending up with an abuser. if she has the money to pay someone to do the physical side/help her and that's an avenue she hasn't considered then that's something to bring up which is all I meant by that part. other wise I was just talking about the language difference between not wanting and not taking care of. They mean different things, and equating the two puts a lot of assumptions about her that don't really make much of a conversation if were talking in complete hypotheticals. Sure there can be a conversation about wanting a kid in different contexts, within a marriage versus not in one (single parent hood) but I'm against wanting kids in the first place so I didn't want to go into my own thoughts, more of a within the context of things sure what she did wasn't great but she did the best thing she thought she could do in those circumstances.
28:28 I think it’s because the families have enabled the toxic siblings behavior so long that they don’t even recognize it
IM A BELIVER I COULDNT LEAVE HER IF I TRIEDDDDD
To the first story he ask for the baby and she said I didn't want the baby and when he didn't want the baby anymore he tried to make her a single parent so he can start over. So she gave him his baby he ask for. However I still feel adoption would be best for this child.
She knows what it takes to take care of a kid. That why she didnt want it. But he made her feel safe and cared for. Then when what really it mean to be a father came he crumble.
15:38 my mom never wanted to be a mom, my bio father rped her and she was a single mom sort of (she’s had 2 husbands) and she was a terrible mom. I feel so bad for the little girl. All I wanted as a kid was a family. Now I have my own family and would never treat my kid the way I was treated and I pray for all kids going through this.
I was not feelin SJs takes this episode, if the daughter is willin to go no contact then they dont get the benefit of a parent, including saved funds
Play stupid games win stupid prizes
That first dude effed around and found out. Engineer. Logical. Probably autistic with a strong sense of justice. She said. She is doing what she said.
I don’t blame the mom fully though because originally she didn’t want to be a mom and he made her think it’d be ok and then divorced her. And then got violent at the thought of taking care of his OWN child is insane. She could have died because HE wanted a kid and now he wants to start fresh? I would fight him personally.
9:35 not to him but to your daughter he doesn’t sound safe to leave her with him
Be pissed! All of them can miss me with that. I WISH someone would have showed up at my wedding with a white dress... no long talking, she is just not coming in. Bye!
You can’t really have a kid and decide “I won’t be a single parent” - that’s not really how it works. That’s like “we wanted this kid but not if they become disabled”
Except, you can. That's where a percentage of foster kids come from. Speaking as someone that was given up for adoption at 4 when my mom divorced for 2nd time and decided she couldn't be successful with two kids. Then the adoptive family (abusive) took me to social services at 16 and relinquished me. So, parents can give up at any time. 🙃
She only had the kid because she didnt think shed be a single parent. If she knew her husband would divorce her for having a traumatic birth, she wouldnt have been convinced to have the kid.
Yall saying don’t cut the daughter off financially is crazy. Are you going to pay for someone who doesn’t want anything to do with you BUT YOUR MONEY? Regardless of it being her kid, she would be an adult then and if she wants to make adult decisions like cutting her mother off then she can get an adult job to pay for her adult bills ???
“Vin Diesel wouldn’t stand for this” DESTROYED ME LMAOOO
On the No Contact story, the mother is the AH. Denying a future to your child because you have hurt feelings is abuse. The boyfriend might have just opened the daughter's eyes to how her mom has been controlling her throughout life. And if OP's friends are defending the choice by saying legally it's her money and thus her choice, that's heinous. Falling back on what you technically are within your legal right to do is an example of people enabling an abuser to show no empathy and cut off a young person's future out of spite 🤷
This might have been THE funniest episode of the pod ever 😂 This Shrek cast and the dramaaaaa, loved every second 😂
Your opinion on the first story is odd to me cause are we forgetting this woman is disabled and was clearly manipulated by that man into having that kid. Cause i understand we’re discussing it but she got way more backlash than she deserved compared to the dude who is the absolute worst
They all glossed over that she was manipulated and had a traumatic birth for sure, and so are most of the comments. It's stomach turning.
Was disabled. So far she hasn’t written that she is currently disabled. Her written words were WAS. She even talks about her long and arduous recovery. And she has stated that she was serious about not wanting to be a single parent. Husband is an asshole for sure. But she is too for not ensuring she wouldn’t be a single parent. She even states that if the husband had died she’d likely give the baby up for adoption as she’s serious about not wanting to be a single parent
@@tarag5077 you replying to every comment defending her to try and continue to paint her as bad is infuriating, especially when you've said twice now WAS disabled. Disabilities just don't go away, not completely if they even do. She is forever disabled in someway. She almost DIED.
I cant with Maddie 😂
That first story resonates with me. My wife didnt want kids. She worked with kids with mental illness and she had a fear that her child will be likewise and her life would be a struggle. I didnt have to convince her why I wanted a kid, I just did. I liked kids as I work with them too. We have a 2 year old now and this is much harder than I could have imagined. Granted we had our daughter at 40, we were so dug into our lifestyle. Do what we want buy what we want, etc. Our daught is perfectly healthy but when my wife goes away for work, it is a horrible week for me and vice versa. It is truly a 2 person effort. We cant fathom how single parents do it let alone with more than one child. I think if you have a child, you just have to swallow what comes as this is on you and no one else. It is just a fact of life. Even my wife who didn't want kids accepted the reaponcibility. She is a great mom although she second guesses herself all the time. I try to get her to go our with her friends as I feel like I caused this and she feel guilty about leaving me alone. I have accepted that instead of a second fun car, I have a duaghter who will potentially solve cancer...haha. I am saving the world! Despite what other parents have said to us, we have trouble finding the joy at all times. This doesnt mean our daughter isnt wonderful or that we dont want her, it just means we are pretty dug into out old life and the transition has been rough. I am sure it will get better as our daughter ages. I like teenagers much better than toddlers.
I don’t blame the mom at all in that first story. She didn’t want to have kids. He tricked her. That’s your baby sir. And I understand that’s not fair to the baby, but she made it clear she wasn’t giving her life up for it.
Is it just me or does That color red really suit SJ she looks so pretty.
First story; well, there went 'in sickness and in health' out the window. That man ruined his family simply because he lacked patience, compassion, and committment. Fool
It's so sad when women allow themselves to be talked into having children they don't want. She should have followed her first mind.
With that being said, I was expecting her to at least be wanting 50/50 custody! The fact that she wants less is WILD! I've heard of "married single mothers who's husbands leave all of the child responsibilities to the wives, and the wives divorcing in order to get 50/50 custody just so the ex-husband will be forced to take some responsibility! This story makes me think of my cousin, who said, "I wish I could be a baby daddy..." aluding to the fact that they get away with taking less responsibility for their kids. It's also WILD to me that the baby's grandmother doesn't seem to be telling the dad he's a POS also (I could be wrong though.) I feel SO BAD for this unwanted child! Everybody sucks!
Revenge plan for story two, wear white to the sister's wedding in return. See how everyone feels about "it's just a dress" then
SJ is slayyinngg in the red wig!
You all always rock the songs but the "hey now your an all star" song just hit me different. Beautifully sung and what a way to resolve conflict 😂😊 Loving the acting, Oscar's all around🎉
I truly feel bad for Ramona... she is the only innocent one and she was given 2 horrible parents... shared custody would have been my suggestion but these parents are scary and neither should be left alone with the baby
This is the only podcast that I don’t care about them getting off topic lol I really love this damn podcast😂😂😂😂😂
College fund story she is not the a****** she may believe that she didn't want her children to have that burden, but if a child is deciding that she's going no contact and that is her decision that's great she wants to be an adult and make adult decisions then she can find an adult way and figure out how to pay for college
Man the first story ticks me off. I was attempted at baby trapping (my ex tampered with contraceptive) I was on the pill but still got pregnant. She put her health and body on the line for their child he pushed her into having.
For the first story OP reminds me of my mom...my mom always tells my siblings and I how much she never wanted kids and it really shows. It really hurts and it explains her behavior. I'm just glad my dad wanted us and he did everything for us in terms of teaching us everything. Please don't have kids if you don't want any I don't care how much you "love" that man.
What if the wife died after childbirth? The husband would be a single parent. Vice versa if the husband died. It sounds like they both want to be a parent if the other spouse is committed, but now if one of them step away.
I love how you take your characters so seriously 😂
U guys are literally so funny!!
Always bring it with the jamz! I find myself singing a lot with you guys!!
“I CANT COOL ANOTHER MANS SCALP?”
“NOT BY SENSUALLY BLOWING INTO IT”
For the last story, she don't got AAA? Like, what is that man going to do for you while he is taking care of your sick child??
That shrullet got me rolling 😅😅
56:40 I don’t think she’s using it as leverage, I feel it’s more of feelings being hurt
one of y’alls top 3 episodes so far 😭
Shrek looking better these days 🙏
u guys loook amazing 😭
With a friend like Sam who needs enemies.
Men are allowed to come & go… Poor Ramona but the husband is trash. What’s interesting is it is so hard for people to hear a woman say that she does not want to be the custodial parent, we are so used to men doing this and saying this. that it is almost taboo. When a woman says it, it is OK. The world is stillwhole.
Y’all seem to forget that just because men do it all the time doesn’t mean they don’t suck. Ask those single mothers if they think it’s okay. I guarantee you they don’t!
I love the costumes! 😂
Hi parent here 👋🏻 regarding the whole tuition thing. I’m saving specifically for education for my son. And there are rules that go with this fund. I also come from being a defiant child and I’m glad my mom got in my face and withheld money from me. It taught me to get a job and work for my money. I learned a lot of discipline.
Therefore, not the asshole, but if you want the money you can’t just cut me out of your life. This is a consequence and a lesson. So just keep the money until she is ready to accept the consequence.
1:08 - he’s definitely the AH. What he thinks, she thinks, is an emergency, is sometimes a vent. He said he’s at work all the time and she’s at home with a toddler. Imagine being in an isolated world with little to no adult interaction. If they agreed to this work/life relationship, HE’s her ONLY adult go-to person. Even if the milk is out. She doesn’t have a co-worker to spin her chair to vocalize her thoughts to. This IS her full time job and her one client is needy & not understanding and she doesn’t have a separate life. This is her only life. She doesn’t get a partner at her job. It’s part of the partnership aspect of the relationship. Just hearing this pisses me off.
I feel bad for Romona. These parents suck.
I became a single Mum this year. I wanted kids and so did my husband. But then he became an alcoholic and after kicking him out, he drank himself to death this year.
So now I’m a mum 100% of the time. I have a uni degree and masters and I worked hard on my career, but I’m having to take a break from work to take care of me and my kids.
It was never my plan to be a stay at home mum and I constantly feel weird about not working. But when you have kids, you prioritise their needs over my own. We have to move house still and change schools etc and it’ll be easier if I’m not working (I’m also aware that I’m in a position of privilege to not work due to the life insurance I received and I could pay off my mortgage). But it’s still a sacrifice as I spent 6 years at uni and 16 years of working at my career as a scientist). I can go back to work eventually (even though it’ll be hard to get back in) but my priority is my kids, I love them and they’ve been through so much! I don’t understand how these people can’t even think about their own child.
For the sister story when the family said to let it slide because “she is just like that”…. She just like what? Describe how she is. Put it into 3 words 😂 I loved Brandon’s reaction to this story
These reddit shows saved my life. gaslighting is so hard to see through even when knowing. but now having so much outside perspective i call it out every time no matter if no one agrees or not. if you agree with the gaslighting youre toxic too.. BYEEE! 🤷♀
Losing the money is a consequence of no contact. If you have chosen no contact with me what sense does it make for me to pay your bills. How does that even work?
1:12:41 5 minutes by car may only a 30 minute walk. So an hour of walking isn't ridiculous if you need help and your child is in the hospital. Your child comes first, that's the choice you make as a parent.
I am not understanding some of the comments in the comment section. I think most single parents do not want to be single parents. That is a valid feeling...to not want to do it alone. So, why is this girl's story any different? Just because she discussed it prior? I think many people do, but still end up being single parents. And if you ask many single parent women, most would agree that they would like the fathers more active in their child's life. Just because OP did not want the child as much, it should not be an excuse to absolve her of responsibility. A child is not like a car purchase, it is a huge deal and how parents handle the situation will impact them for the rest of their life.
Most if not all people in the comment section are on the same page that the guy sucks. What some people are missing is that this post is about OP asking if she is the AH, not the dad. He is an AH without question. He should have some responsibility, there should be some consequences for him. But, to people saying he should take primary care, at this point do you think a guy like that who lacks empathy, is violent, fake, and basically does not want a child should take custody? Do you think that is best for the baby? He should take some responsibility of course, but IDK how that would look like and idk about actual custody. Im terms of OP, I don't think she is the AH for refusing to be the primary caregiver, but she is an AH for having a baby when she was "on the fence" as we never know what could happen in the future. So, basically, what was her reason to have the baby? To please the guy? Sure he sucks and lied, but the act of having a baby should not be taken lightly and people should be sure. I don't think most parents want or plan on being single parents, it happens. Just because many men don't take what should be their responsibility, that does not mean women should start doing the same. I never liked manipulative men who do who say they want kids and then ditch their families, or whatever. But, society should but pressure on them to step up, be accoubtable, and not lower the standards for mothers. Otherwise, will okay for mothers to also reject their kids too, to do the bare minimum? Op straight up went back to work after 9 months, and said she was on the fence prior to her health issues, always wanting to follow her career. That was great that she wanted a career, but she should have followed that path if she was mentally unprepared for a baby, as it takes alot of sacrifice. I am not convinced that she had the best interest when deciding to have a child, as having a child requires alot of sacrifice. Or at least did not think it through when she had the child. Essentially, if someone, regardless of the gender, decides to have a child they should be 100% sure and mentally prepare for the unexpected because they never know what will happen-health, lack of partner support, partner passing awayt etc. Women should not be encouraged to have children regardless of being "unsure" and then change their mind later. We already have alot of kids without parents, we don't need more. Women should feel empowered to say no when they are unsure. Op said she would have given the baby up for adoption if the father died, that tells me she was not ready. Regardless of her not being sure about the baby in the first place, once it is born, it is both of their responsibility as the baby had no choice in the matter, it does not matter who wanted it more. Unfortunately, alot of the responsibility of raising a child is often left to women. But, it should be both parents raising them. I don't think financial support is enough when men do it, they should also be contributing as a parent in other ways, such as social emotional and other ways that is more equitable, so I don't think OP is in the right for that either. Everything should not be left on the mother. Again, I don't think she is the AH for not wanting full custody, that makes complete sense. She seems aware she is not fully fit to take care of the baby, and at this point i do think adoption is the best option. But I still think she is an AH for having a baby when she was "on the fence". Looks like she is considering adoption, and I feel that would be the best choice at this point.
She didn't have a baby when she was "on the fence" her ex husband manipulated her into wanting kids under the promise he wouldn't leave her. Then while she was recovering from almost dying, he got mad at her! Acting like she was still on the fence or it was her choice is absurd.
It was the donkey at the end for me great show I’m kind of new to the videos, but I haven’t been disappointed yet. ❤😂
These costumes are 💯
SHREK SQUADDDDD Y'ALL LOOK GREAT
57:55 nah she’s NTA. If her daughter wants nothing to do with her, that includes her money. You can’t get all the benefits from a supportive parent while also outcasting the supportive parent.
more women should do this. let the men be single parents and pay child support. This is why I advocate for the 4B movement because women here are not empathetic to her being in not good health and then call her selfish.
Shrek got that soul glow goin lmao!
The mum at the kids play is a complete narcissist. Bad mouthing her husband, making herself the centre of attention, making it all about her and playing the victim. It’s emotional abuse.
I think 1st person was very clear and was convinced that the partner had her back, and then he welshed on the promises. She is not the asshole. Poor kid...
Story 1: everyone SUCKS except Ramona. When OP CHOSE to get pregnant she committed to a raising a child, knowing damn well that that child’s father could leave or hell, even die. Now she’s saying she wants “every other weekend”? What… the… hell…
And then to leave your child alone while this man is in a fit of rage, literally getting violent, because he doesn’t want to keep his kid.
I really wish these people would stop having kids.
She didn't choose it. Her husband convinced her.