I just want to say- I really appreciate how inclusive you always are with your language. Of course, in this video dealing with sensitive topics it’s great to see, but in general I’ve noticed you’re always super mindful with your words and your intentions and I think that’s super important and pretty cool.
honestly one of my favorite things about her. her and john always go out of there way to be inclusive, even in the littles ways. and they make it seem like its just how they were raised or something- like its so natural to them. im trans and even I have learned a thing or 2 from them about being inclusive to my OWN community. ik we only see a few minutes out of their day, but like jeez. they just seem like such genuine people and i dont even feel like they notice how much theyre actually doing to make a positive environment for these kids. I've heard so many horror stories, im VERY skeptical of family vloggers, foster carers, and adoptive parents. but i really do trust these 2. ive been watching almost every video for years now and i havent seen a single red flag- just healthy positivity and good role modeling. theyre the only family channel ive watched more than like 2 months (doesnt usually last long bc i start noticing red flags of child exploitation, ingenuity, etc)
An idea for you - perhaps you could do an interview of the folks who started One Simple Wish? It’s empowering to see people see a need and actually take action to fill it. I’ve really loved contributing to them, as it makes something more tangible for my own bio kids to have involvement in giving to their peers.
I totally underestimated grief and loss. Our foster son hasn’t even left yet, but the thought makes my heart sink. I try not to think about it and just focus on being a blessing to him while he’s here.
So much yes to normalizing therapy for foster parents. I wish states could offer free therapy, or at least significantly reduced cost, to all foster parents. It’s okay not to be okay and your feelings are valid.
You speak so well. I was a child in care for 11 years. When I was first placed in care my little sister and I were together. One year later i was removed from that home and put into a different one 1 hour and a half away from my sister. The worst part and I dont understand this still... is they only told me the morning of when they were putting me into a new home, new school, new town etc.. that was very hard to process again, and alone. Our relationship has been broken since. I'm 26 she is 23 now. When we were taken away she was 7 I was 10. We became permanent placements and stayed in care until we aged out at 21. Normally in Manitoba,Canada where I am from the age of majority is 18, but they extended that for my 3 times while I was on idepentantly living for the last year. Anyway sorry for going on, I just wanted to share my experience with being separated from my sister, that is so hard to go through on top of being taken away from my family. I wish we got to stay together so our relationship could be better now.
Listening to you and seeing your emotion shows how invested and passionate you are about these children. You are the VERY one who should be a foster parent. I believe this is a rough season, but I think bigger and better things are headed your way. It was you that encouraged me to foster ,when it was never on my radar and have helped me along the way. Chin up! You have a whole village behind you.
As always, sending your sweet family so much love. I don't like to see you hurting at all, but I am so glad that people like you and John are there and willing to put your hearts on the line so that these kiddos can be cared for and loved so much during their time in your home. I'm sure it makes so much difference for the kids. What you said about relief makes a lot of sense. It's not about being relieved that you're not caring for the child, but having some relief from the mental load of caring for that child. You can love a child like crazy and want to care for them, but the reality is that raising kids is not easy. It's okay to feel some relief when you don't have to stress about those details. I love, love, love your empathy for the primary families. Making a mistake or not quite having the resources to parent for a period of time does not equal not loving or caring about their kiddos. They're human beings and they must just be shattered when their kids are removed. I'm sure knowing that their children are with foster parents who understand that helps even if just a little.
Whitney thank you so much for bringing attention to these issues. My cousins are in care, and their foster family is great but when they found out my grandmother was making efforts to get custody of them they went behind our family’s back and got permanent custody of the kids. It’s extremely upsetting, it’s something that we may have even agreed with at some point but it feels so wrong to have a family go behind your back and do something like that. Reunification should always be the goal and we felt like that goal was ignored in our situation. We need more advocates like you
I admire you and your family so so much. I am so sorry you had to go through this. You guys are a very safe and fun home. And for those kids to be taken away for literally no reason sucks. I hope you guys continue your great work and never give up please.
It’s helpful to hear that we’re not alone. Our little ones were reunited this weekend with bio parents. What makes it harder for me is that they didn’t want to leave. They asked if they could keep their toys at our house because they were coming back.
I really hope you guys land with a new agency soon and have the opportunity to open up your home again. I’ve been following quietly since your first placement and, as a future foster caregiver myself, I see in you what I know needs to exist in a great foster caregiver - compassion, empathy, wisdom, strong intuition, willingness to fight for what is right for not only the kids in your care but for kids in care writ large. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and educating us on this experience; I am forever grateful as someone who specifically wants to open my home to foster teens as soon as we can upgrade our home to have enough space. Probably 3-4 years away from it being possible, but I can’t wait, in great part because of your videos and the way you’ve lifted the veil off of the experience.
Despite everything, I always appreciate Whitney for being real and talking about these things. No sugarcoating it. You are a great advocate. I wish your agency would understand how big of a role you play in education about the foster care process and foster care in general. It hurts my heart what happened to you. We need a overhaul of the foster care system. The children suffer the most. I could say more, but you covered most of it. Thank you for ALWAYS open about your feelings and the education you provide on this channel.
A therapist told me 'grief is like bouncing a small ball in a box - when you're in the middle of grieving, it feels like the ball is large and is bouncing a lot, but over time the ball gets smaller and bounces less and less.' This idea is comforting for me.
Thank you for continually educating people on how it is to be a foster parent. You're honestly one of the best accounts out there!! There are very few foster parents who are willing to put themselves out there as much as you guys. Especially with all that you have been experiencing with the state I'm a former foster kid so I only know how it is from my perspective. I definitely want to foster once I'm able to so you're helping educate me about the foster parents perspective
How you feel is very valid. Thanks for making this video. Had a good long cry during it related to my own grief and loss in my life, and I appreciate you making a space for that.
OMG, I needed this class for my last placement of a 2 mnth. old that stayed with me till he was nearly a year old. The granny didn't want the baby but, when she found out her son was going to have to pay child support, she "demanded" that I give her the baby. Now they are not sure if he's her grandbaby but, I suggested they have the DNA done. This hurt like a knife as I bought a room full of baby furniture and clothes to last him for nearly a YEAR. But with my heart bleeding in sorrow, I took the baby to his granny. Now, she said to give her a few weeks for him to LEARN who she was before I could see him again. Well, it's been almost 2 months, and she still has not allowed me to see the baby. Now, I have clothes, shoes, toys and all from the baby but glad I came to the conclusion, I can use them for my next Foster kids and, lesson learned not to over shop for FK as well! I'm taking big notes for the preparation of my incoming Foster kids with more info under my belt and, understanding in my heart to release, let go and gear up for my next season! Thank you
Again I want to say thank you so mu j for making these videos, foster care has always been something I'm interested in so thank you for making such informative videos of things that I never knew. Thanks Whitney ❤️
So I just had a placement disrupt with a teen boy. The devastation and guilt I feel is overwhelming. I know I did the right thing, as he needed a higher level of care/supervision than I could provide. But once a kids walks through my doors, all I want is to support them until they can be reunified with family. I am so sorry your family had to go through this. You clearly love your foster kids and try to do the best for them. Not all foster parents do that. I hope they are being loved wherever they are out.
It's an awful situation! You are very strong to be able to be willing to deal with this possibility. I lost a son almost 17 years ago and it almost killed me. Even if you didnt lose your biological children, there are a lot of emotions there.
I have such respect for your selflessness. It's just an incredible gift to offer your home and love to children during the very traumatic upheaval of their lives. I wish all foster care providers felt as deeply as you do.
There should always be a good plan when the child anges out imo, like where is the child supposed to go and not just throw in the street with no one to turn to, I think they should have someone they can turn to for help/support until they feel they don't need it anymore. With their traumatic childhood and with no parents there to teach them many have no idea how to be an adult.
I think aging out has different meanings in each state and county. For me, I never want a kid to transition without an actionable plan. Ideally we would find legal permanency for them. All of those are ideal situations that we don’t always have a say in. In my state, a child of a certain age gets to decide if they are adopted (as they should). They have to sign documents in court. Many teens want a legal family, but many don’t. Also, on their 18th birthday they have the same rights as any other adult and I cannot make them stay. I sure do try because I want to vomit every time a kid walks out at midnight on their 18th birthday with no realistic plan or diploma. But as much as it upsets me I can’t deny them their right to make decisions I don’t agree with. Thankfully many call me later for help and resources and I know not every agency focuses on permanency or transition planning the way we do.
My parents were foster parents, (I am not a foster child, they were my biological parents). When my foster sisters and brothers left, it wasn't anything I ever understood. I as an adult, wonder what they are doing?. They were my family and my friends and one day they went home. 😔
When I was in my foster parent training, I watched a video from the UK, and there they call us foster carers I thought that’s so much more sensible than foster parent, so if they’re shifting away from that term I think foster carer is a great term. You are so incredibly brave to do this video. I feel your pain and hurt, every day it will get a little easier. 🤍 you are not alone, you are loved & supported. Take care of you & the family right now in this moment. We will wait. P.S. just found a therapist that does telehealth. I agree w counseling to process all these emotions. Friends are great, but we need ppl who get the layers of complex emotions.
I like more parent because you're supposed to be just like a parent while the kids are with you. With career I'm thinking of someone who is like caring for elderly or disabled people but don't have any parenting duties. Some might think you just have to look after the kids but don't need to show them love or treat them like your own kids (like if you buy your kids something buy them too). Of course these are just words, maybe it doesn't matter what it's actually called.
@@teijaflink2226 the term Carer reminds us that it’s temporary until it isn’t. It’s very hard to get attached and let go. It is what the child needs, but it is heavy on our hearts.
Bio parents probably also feel relief when their littles get older and are more independent or even when they move out to college or find their own apartment. Not every aspect of parenting is fun and it's okay to feel relief when you no longer need to sacrifice, even if you did it willingly.
absolutely there should be councillors avaliable to caregivers, I take more intensive care kids ( only one at a time) and they xome with a lot of things to deal with. It would be great to have a professional to talk to about how those kiddos impact my emotional state as well. Thank you for this video.
I personally never minded when a kid went home to parents who fought for them; or to a relative.... I had one boy who had to be placed apart from his sisters due to the abuse they had been through and his behavior over it.. that was sad... BUT 20 years later I am not over the 3 kids I had for 18 months who were just sent to foster care out of state to where their mom landed... it was so sad... they had a rough childhood.. and there was nothing I could do... and it devastated me ... 2 of the 3 kids are doing ok... the 3rd is not... they are of course in mid 20s now ... but they did have very sad childhoods and were split up when they were 12, 11, and 10 anyway and never lived with mom just in placements ... it is why I just adopt
Were being licensed for fostering, but also becoming a host family for exchange student. Have you ever looked into hosting while you're figuring out your foster stuff! ❤ (Just an option)
This is probably integrated into guilt but when a kid would leave the house I ran in certain circumstances stances I experienced and some of my foster families also express feelings of failure. I tried to help but wasn’t enough or the right person they needed. This is not specific to grief, but we use Circles of Support for our youth and foster parents. I identifying who your people are and what role they play in your life before you NEED them helps. For kids we want as many people as possible and put their names in layered circles. The layer closest to you are your ride or dies, the next layer are people who are not every day but important and the farthest are resources like counselors, extended family, organizations etc. for foster parents we ask them to identify the person who will tell them the truth, even if it hurts a little, the person that is their rock or emotional support, the person they just have fun with and their emergency person. The trick is they can’t be the same person. If they don’t have people for each we help them connect with other caregivers for support. If the child has done respite with another caregiver you can talk a little more openly then with the mom from softball.
Well done video! Would you be able to bring more information to what happens when children age out of the foster care system? I'm 22 and I'm still not completely independent, what other resources are there for these 18+ children?
There is extended foster care. I know I’m some states you can sign yourself back into care at 18 and they also offer independent living ie apartments and case management. I aged out and this was the route I took. I also still have something similar to an extended foster family and while I don’t live with them anymore they are still there for me and only live five minutes away from me(I live in student housing). Having support after foster care is such a necessity!!
it is the state law here in Virginia you cannot have them on at all and are not supposed to identify yourself as a foster placement ... however I do not think these guys did anything wrong
@@lorettatheibert1663 What do you mean you can’t identify yourself as a foster placement? Do you mean on social media? Or in general? Because unless you tell people you’re a foster home, aren’t they going to have a lot of questions about why you have new kids all of a sudden?
@@bethanyestes5126 yep they do all kinds of questions and comments ... you cannot answer them ... crazy right ??? DSS enrolls them in school school knows who you are
I just don’t understand the what the problem was that they would take the foster kids. I’ve never seen anything that you have done wrong. Hopefully everything will get worked out.
It sounded like it was the youtube channel and the possible privacy violation which could happen through sharing info online. They took everything about the kids down and stopped sharing anything but maybe that wasn't enough? 🤷♀️
Whitney - I am in a class for my teachers license and we had to pick a topic for a social justice project. I picked education/educators and misinformation/stereotypes about children, aka students in foster care. As soon as I have completed that project, I would love to share it with the village. I know its not grief and loss related but I think that the ideas would be helpful? I am still working on the framework and scope for it, but the goal of the assignment is for it to be a good resource!
In my experience here the system does not do a great job at transitioning kids or families. We had about 12 hours notice to prepare one of our placements to move states
I'm so sorry that happened to you and to the kid(s). Kids in care already have unknowns in their life. They shouldn't be thrown such curveballs like that unless there is an INCREDIBLY good reason for it, and I can't think of a reason why more of a transition couldn't have been planned in a situation like that. (Of course, I'm not asking. Confidentiality is important.) Just saying that it seems like that could have been handled much better by those who were making the choices.
While I don’t know that situation, I would say there are kids, and adults that sit and worry if they have too much time. I work solely with teenagers and a few of them want lots of time to process things and some want it to be more like ripping a bandaid. One thing I have learned over the years is there is never one right answer.
So when the child is removed from your care you’re not allowed to express how you feel or how your kids are doing with it? Do you have “Do Nots” when it comes to rules for your daughter since she’s the one who asks questions? Specifically things you don’t want Darcy to ask the foster child. Asking because currently I volunteer at a location that grants wishes to children who are terminally ill… my daughter wants to volunteer with me but her age only allows her to do certain things and why I want to tell her what this charity is about, I fear that she’s going to bring up a subject that these families are trying to not think about and enjoy what could be a final vacation as a family. Any tips?
I wonder if the number of children you welcome has a semi-proportionate effect on the toll it takes on foster parents, and if that will influence your decision about future placements.
I recently took my friend and her 2 kiddos in, 3 months later and it's really hard I'm the primary care giver but my kids are jealous, how do I cope please help
After your experience with 3 foster kids, are you still open to groups that big? Or did it make you reevaluate what works best for you, considering you already have 2 young kids?
Are you familiar with QPI? Our state is in the process of starting an implementation of the model. They have some great ideas for transitions. Transitions are trauma for everyone involved unfortunately.
Hi, Megan! They answered in their last video that they do hope to foster in the future. They are going to look into switching counties/agencies in hopes that they find a better fit for the goals that they have as a foster family. They likely need a break for awhile now to let their hearts heal.
Hey, just thought I'd let you know they posted a video 2 weeks ago talking about it. There was a violation with the agency about the channel so the kids they were fostering are no longer with them. They are restructuring the channel to be slightly different because of it.
it is a feeling WORSE than death itself , it is a sad grieving dread beyond your worst nightmares,.. my advice is NEVER be a foster parent UNLESS you get some kind of guarantee you may see the kid again; but ,.. good luck
I really like how honest you were about the relief part after a child leaves your home. It’s totally understandable but I never thought about that.
I just want to say- I really appreciate how inclusive you always are with your language. Of course, in this video dealing with sensitive topics it’s great to see, but in general I’ve noticed you’re always super mindful with your words and your intentions and I think that’s super important and pretty cool.
This acknowledgment means more than you know 💛
honestly one of my favorite things about her. her and john always go out of there way to be inclusive, even in the littles ways. and they make it seem like its just how they were raised or something- like its so natural to them. im trans and even I have learned a thing or 2 from them about being inclusive to my OWN community. ik we only see a few minutes out of their day, but like jeez. they just seem like such genuine people and i dont even feel like they notice how much theyre actually doing to make a positive environment for these kids. I've heard so many horror stories, im VERY skeptical of family vloggers, foster carers, and adoptive parents. but i really do trust these 2. ive been watching almost every video for years now and i havent seen a single red flag- just healthy positivity and good role modeling. theyre the only family channel ive watched more than like 2 months (doesnt usually last long bc i start noticing red flags of child exploitation, ingenuity, etc)
An idea for you - perhaps you could do an interview of the folks who started One Simple Wish? It’s empowering to see people see a need and actually take action to fill it.
I’ve really loved contributing to them, as it makes something more tangible for my own bio kids to have involvement in giving to their peers.
I will definitely reach out to them, they are a great organization!
I totally underestimated grief and loss. Our foster son hasn’t even left yet, but the thought makes my heart sink. I try not to think about it and just focus on being a blessing to him while he’s here.
So much yes to normalizing therapy for foster parents. I wish states could offer free therapy, or at least significantly reduced cost, to all foster parents. It’s okay not to be okay and your feelings are valid.
You speak so well.
I was a child in care for 11 years. When I was first placed in care my little sister and I were together. One year later i was removed from that home and put into a different one 1 hour and a half away from my sister. The worst part and I dont understand this still... is they only told me the morning of when they were putting me into a new home, new school, new town etc.. that was very hard to process again, and alone.
Our relationship has been broken since. I'm 26 she is 23 now. When we were taken away she was 7 I was 10. We became permanent placements and stayed in care until we aged out at 21.
Normally in Manitoba,Canada where I am from the age of majority is 18, but they extended that for my 3 times while I was on idepentantly living for the last year.
Anyway sorry for going on, I just wanted to share my experience with being separated from my sister, that is so hard to go through on top of being taken away from my family.
I wish we got to stay together so our relationship could be better now.
Listening to you and seeing your emotion shows how invested and passionate you are about these children. You are the VERY one who should be a foster parent. I believe this is a rough season, but I think bigger and better things are headed your way. It was you that encouraged me to foster ,when it was never on my radar and have helped me along the way.
Chin up!
You have a whole village behind you.
Never click on a UA-cam notification so fast. I was waiting for this since your Instagram post
As always, sending your sweet family so much love. I don't like to see you hurting at all, but I am so glad that people like you and John are there and willing to put your hearts on the line so that these kiddos can be cared for and loved so much during their time in your home. I'm sure it makes so much difference for the kids.
What you said about relief makes a lot of sense. It's not about being relieved that you're not caring for the child, but having some relief from the mental load of caring for that child. You can love a child like crazy and want to care for them, but the reality is that raising kids is not easy. It's okay to feel some relief when you don't have to stress about those details.
I love, love, love your empathy for the primary families. Making a mistake or not quite having the resources to parent for a period of time does not equal not loving or caring about their kiddos. They're human beings and they must just be shattered when their kids are removed. I'm sure knowing that their children are with foster parents who understand that helps even if just a little.
Appreciate your kind and understanding words ❤️❤️❤️
Whitney thank you so much for bringing attention to these issues. My cousins are in care, and their foster family is great but when they found out my grandmother was making efforts to get custody of them they went behind our family’s back and got permanent custody of the kids. It’s extremely upsetting, it’s something that we may have even agreed with at some point but it feels so wrong to have a family go behind your back and do something like that. Reunification should always be the goal and we felt like that goal was ignored in our situation. We need more advocates like you
I admire you and your family so so much. I am so sorry you had to go through this. You guys are a very safe and fun home. And for those kids to be taken away for literally no reason sucks. I hope you guys continue your great work and never give up please.
It’s helpful to hear that we’re not alone. Our little ones were reunited this weekend with bio parents. What makes it harder for me is that they didn’t want to leave. They asked if they could keep their toys at our house because they were coming back.
I really hope you guys land with a new agency soon and have the opportunity to open up your home again. I’ve been following quietly since your first placement and, as a future foster caregiver myself, I see in you what I know needs to exist in a great foster caregiver - compassion, empathy, wisdom, strong intuition, willingness to fight for what is right for not only the kids in your care but for kids in care writ large. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and educating us on this experience; I am forever grateful as someone who specifically wants to open my home to foster teens as soon as we can upgrade our home to have enough space. Probably 3-4 years away from it being possible, but I can’t wait, in great part because of your videos and the way you’ve lifted the veil off of the experience.
Thank you so much for the kind words.
Lifted the veil and seemingly being punished for it now. So frustrating.
Despite everything, I always appreciate Whitney for being real and talking about these things. No sugarcoating it. You are a great advocate. I wish your agency would understand how big of a role you play in education about the foster care process and foster care in general. It hurts my heart what happened to you. We need a overhaul of the foster care system. The children suffer the most. I could say more, but you covered most of it. Thank you for ALWAYS open about your feelings and the education you provide on this channel.
I'm sorry you had to go through that.You are such a wonderful and caring family I hope agencies are able to see that.
Thank you for making this video. Praying for you and your family.
A therapist told me 'grief is like bouncing a small ball in a box - when you're in the middle of grieving, it feels like the ball is large and is bouncing a lot, but over time the ball gets smaller and bounces less and less.' This idea is comforting for me.
Missed seeing your family ❤️ keep doing what you’re doing you and John are amazing advocates for this community
I'm so sorry u guys are going through this. U look beautiful btw :)
Thank you for continually educating people on how it is to be a foster parent. You're honestly one of the best accounts out there!! There are very few foster parents who are willing to put themselves out there as much as you guys. Especially with all that you have been experiencing with the state
I'm a former foster kid so I only know how it is from my perspective. I definitely want to foster once I'm able to so you're helping educate me about the foster parents perspective
How you feel is very valid. Thanks for making this video. Had a good long cry during it related to my own grief and loss in my life, and I appreciate you making a space for that.
OMG, I needed this class for my last placement of a 2 mnth. old that stayed with me till he was nearly a year old. The granny didn't want the baby but, when she found out her son was going to have to pay child support, she "demanded" that I give her the baby. Now they are not sure if he's her grandbaby but, I suggested they have the DNA done. This hurt like a knife as I bought a room full of baby furniture and clothes to last him for nearly a YEAR. But with my heart bleeding in sorrow, I took the baby to his granny. Now, she said to give her a few weeks for him to LEARN who she was before I could see him again. Well, it's been almost 2 months, and she still has not allowed me to see the baby. Now, I have clothes, shoes, toys and all from the baby but glad I came to the conclusion, I can use them for my next Foster kids and, lesson learned not to over shop for FK as well! I'm taking big notes for the preparation of my incoming Foster kids with more info under my belt and, understanding in my heart to release, let go and gear up for my next season! Thank you
Again I want to say thank you so mu j for making these videos, foster care has always been something I'm interested in so thank you for making such informative videos of things that I never knew. Thanks Whitney ❤️
So I just had a placement disrupt with a teen boy. The devastation and guilt I feel is overwhelming. I know I did the right thing, as he needed a higher level of care/supervision than I could provide. But once a kids walks through my doors, all I want is to support them until they can be reunified with family.
I am so sorry your family had to go through this. You clearly love your foster kids and try to do the best for them. Not all foster parents do that. I hope they are being loved wherever they are out.
I look forward to seeing your videos pop up x
Enjoy!
You're amazing. Really, both you and the hubby. Thanks for sharing!
It's an awful situation! You are very strong to be able to be willing to deal with this possibility. I lost a son almost 17 years ago and it almost killed me. Even if you didnt lose your biological children, there are a lot of emotions there.
so so true about the relief when a child leaves (or has a sleepover at a friends house in our case).
everyone needs a break from caring for them.
Excellent video! Very validating. Thank you.
💛
your heart is as big as your beautiful eyes love to you and your family
oh my god i thought you meant one of your past foster kiddos had passed away - i totally misread the title! thank you for this!
I have such respect for your selflessness. It's just an incredible gift to offer your home and love to children during the very traumatic upheaval of their lives. I wish all foster care providers felt as deeply as you do.
Such an important topic to tackle! Thank you for sharing
No child should every “age out”. That’s negligent on the counties part I feel like.
There should always be a good plan when the child anges out imo, like where is the child supposed to go and not just throw in the street with no one to turn to, I think they should have someone they can turn to for help/support until they feel they don't need it anymore. With their traumatic childhood and with no parents there to teach them many have no idea how to be an adult.
And then with now support maybe they make a mistake and meet the wrong person, have a child and the circle never stops.
I think aging out has different meanings in each state and county. For me, I never want a kid to transition without an actionable plan. Ideally we would find legal permanency for them. All of those are ideal situations that we don’t always have a say in. In my state, a child of a certain age gets to decide if they are adopted (as they should). They have to sign documents in court. Many teens want a legal family, but many don’t. Also, on their 18th birthday they have the same rights as any other adult and I cannot make them stay. I sure do try because I want to vomit every time a kid walks out at midnight on their 18th birthday with no realistic plan or diploma. But as much as it upsets me I can’t deny them their right to make decisions I don’t agree with. Thankfully many call me later for help and resources and I know not every agency focuses on permanency or transition planning the way we do.
My parents were foster parents, (I am not a foster child, they were my biological parents). When my foster sisters and brothers left, it wasn't anything I ever understood. I as an adult, wonder what they are doing?. They were my family and my friends and one day they went home. 😔
Thank you for talking about this!
And yes, normalize therapy for foster care givers! Normalize therapy for everyone!
Thank you so much for sharing this video I’ve been waiting for it to come out I am still really struggling
When I was in my foster parent training, I watched a video from the UK, and there they call us foster carers I thought that’s so much more sensible than foster parent, so if they’re shifting away from that term I think foster carer is a great term. You are so incredibly brave to do this video. I feel your pain and hurt, every day it will get a little easier. 🤍 you are not alone, you are loved & supported. Take care of you & the family right now in this moment. We will wait. P.S. just found a therapist that does telehealth. I agree w counseling to process all these emotions. Friends are great, but we need ppl who get the layers of complex emotions.
I like more parent because you're supposed to be just like a parent while the kids are with you. With career I'm thinking of someone who is like caring for elderly or disabled people but don't have any parenting duties. Some might think you just have to look after the kids but don't need to show them love or treat them like your own kids (like if you buy your kids something buy them too). Of course these are just words, maybe it doesn't matter what it's actually called.
@@teijaflink2226 the term Carer reminds us that it’s temporary until it isn’t. It’s very hard to get attached and let go. It is what the child needs, but it is heavy on our hearts.
Keep being strong, girlie. ❤️
Great information!
Bio parents probably also feel relief when their littles get older and are more independent or even when they move out to college or find their own apartment. Not every aspect of parenting is fun and it's okay to feel relief when you no longer need to sacrifice, even if you did it willingly.
absolutely there should be councillors avaliable to caregivers, I take more intensive care kids ( only one at a time) and they xome with a lot of things to deal with. It would be great to have a professional to talk to about how those kiddos impact my emotional state as well. Thank you for this video.
Thank you for this topic. Also, your eyebrows are amazing on you. I’m getting closer to taking classes. 2022!!!
I personally never minded when a kid went home to parents who fought for them; or to a relative.... I had one boy who had to be placed apart from his sisters due to the abuse they had been through and his behavior over it.. that was sad... BUT 20 years later I am not over the 3 kids I had for 18 months who were just sent to foster care out of state to where their mom landed... it was so sad... they had a rough childhood.. and there was nothing I could do... and it devastated me ... 2 of the 3 kids are doing ok... the 3rd is not... they are of course in mid 20s now ... but they did have very sad childhoods and were split up when they were 12, 11, and 10 anyway and never lived with mom just in placements ... it is why I just adopt
Were being licensed for fostering, but also becoming a host family for exchange student. Have you ever looked into hosting while you're figuring out your foster stuff! ❤ (Just an option)
My sister family did that before the pandemic, it’s not for us… but who knows… I might change my mind lol
This is probably integrated into guilt but when a kid would leave the house I ran in certain circumstances stances I experienced and some of my foster families also express feelings of failure. I tried to help but wasn’t enough or the right person they needed.
This is not specific to grief, but we use Circles of Support for our youth and foster parents. I identifying who your people are and what role they play in your life before you NEED them helps. For kids we want as many people as possible and put their names in layered circles. The layer closest to you are your ride or dies, the next layer are people who are not every day but important and the farthest are resources like counselors, extended family, organizations etc. for foster parents we ask them to identify the person who will tell them the truth, even if it hurts a little, the person that is their rock or emotional support, the person they just have fun with and their emergency person. The trick is they can’t be the same person. If they don’t have people for each we help them connect with other caregivers for support. If the child has done respite with another caregiver you can talk a little more openly then with the mom from softball.
love you guys so much
Well done video! Would you be able to bring more information to what happens when children age out of the foster care system? I'm 22 and I'm still not completely independent, what other resources are there for these 18+ children?
I agree with this! I’ve heard it’s very abrupt and there are a complete lack of resources
Very important topic for sure. I’m not super informed on it but I can research.
@@KSMaxiefan01 oh I hope there's resources out there
@@BeTheVillageCommunity thanks☺️ I'll do my own research as well, very curious about this
There is extended foster care. I know I’m some states you can sign yourself back into care at 18 and they also offer independent living ie apartments and case management. I aged out and this was the route I took. I also still have something similar to an extended foster family and while I don’t live with them anymore they are still there for me and only live five minutes away from me(I live in student housing). Having support after foster care is such a necessity!!
Thank you 🙏💗😇👍!!!!
Do yay eventually plan on sharing the reason you lost the chiden and due to that what your next steps are.
There are plenty of agencies that do not care about pictures of children being posted. Much less with a filter.
You’re definitely not wrong.
it is the state law here in Virginia you cannot have them on at all and are not supposed to identify yourself as a foster placement ... however I do not think these guys did anything wrong
@@lorettatheibert1663 What do you mean you can’t identify yourself as a foster placement? Do you mean on social media? Or in general? Because unless you tell people you’re a foster home, aren’t they going to have a lot of questions about why you have new kids all of a sudden?
@@bethanyestes5126 yep they do all kinds of questions and comments ... you cannot answer them ... crazy right ??? DSS enrolls them in school school knows who you are
I just don’t understand the what the problem was that they would take the foster kids. I’ve never seen anything that you have done wrong. Hopefully everything will get worked out.
It sounded like it was the youtube channel and the possible privacy violation which could happen through sharing info online. They took everything about the kids down and stopped sharing anything but maybe that wasn't enough? 🤷♀️
I don't think youtubers should have a channel and talk about foster care if they have children in the home.
Whitney - I am in a class for my teachers license and we had to pick a topic for a social justice project. I picked education/educators and misinformation/stereotypes about children, aka students in foster care. As soon as I have completed that project, I would love to share it with the village. I know its not grief and loss related but I think that the ideas would be helpful? I am still working on the framework and scope for it, but the goal of the assignment is for it to be a good resource!
Yes, feel free to email me!
In my experience here the system does not do a great job at transitioning kids or families. We had about 12 hours notice to prepare one of our placements to move states
That’s a huge issue :/
I'm so sorry that happened to you and to the kid(s). Kids in care already have unknowns in their life. They shouldn't be thrown such curveballs like that unless there is an INCREDIBLY good reason for it, and I can't think of a reason why more of a transition couldn't have been planned in a situation like that. (Of course, I'm not asking. Confidentiality is important.) Just saying that it seems like that could have been handled much better by those who were making the choices.
While I don’t know that situation, I would say there are kids, and adults that sit and worry if they have too much time. I work solely with teenagers and a few of them want lots of time to process things and some want it to be more like ripping a bandaid. One thing I have learned over the years is there is never one right answer.
So when the child is removed from your care you’re not allowed to express how you feel or how your kids are doing with it?
Do you have “Do Nots” when it comes to rules for your daughter since she’s the one who asks questions? Specifically things you don’t want Darcy to ask the foster child. Asking because currently I volunteer at a location that grants wishes to children who are terminally ill… my daughter wants to volunteer with me but her age only allows her to do certain things and why I want to tell her what this charity is about, I fear that she’s going to bring up a subject that these families are trying to not think about and enjoy what could be a final vacation as a family. Any tips?
I wonder if the number of children you welcome has a semi-proportionate effect on the toll it takes on foster parents, and if that will influence your decision about future placements.
I find the more kids we’ve said goodbye to, the more we compartmentalize. We’d be in a constant puddle if we didn’t.
Prayers
I recently took my friend and her 2 kiddos in, 3 months later and it's really hard I'm the primary care giver but my kids are jealous, how do I cope please help
Are you trying a different agency? I love my agency they a county agency but they are better then private ones
We are trying in every capacity.
@@BeTheVillageCommunity I’m sorry for what is happening to you . I hope you find a better agency ❤️
If you need feedback I have a couple agency in Cincinnati that I like!
After your experience with 3 foster kids, are you still open to groups that big? Or did it make you reevaluate what works best for you, considering you already have 2 young kids?
While Sawyer is so young, we'd probably limit our family to 2 siblings. Once the kids are older (especially until after potty training lol).
Woah... why are there... no videos on your channel anymore ?
Are you familiar with QPI? Our state is in the process of starting an implementation of the model. They have some great ideas for transitions. Transitions are trauma for everyone involved unfortunately.
14:3O reminds me of Amen' Ra 😭💔
Wow. Just rewatched that, and wow. You are so right. Spot on.
💗
Cute
I would only foster to adopt if I couldn't have children.
You mean adopt from foster care? Adopt children whose goal isn’t reunification?
@@BeTheVillageCommunity yes adopt from foster care.
Will you continue to foster?🥰
We are trying 🤞🏼
Hi, Megan! They answered in their last video that they do hope to foster in the future. They are going to look into switching counties/agencies in hopes that they find a better fit for the goals that they have as a foster family. They likely need a break for awhile now to let their hearts heal.
@@KM-ye9so thank you!!
@@BeTheVillageCommunity thank you for replying to me!!❤️❤️
I’ve not watched for a while don’t now what’s going on what happened to all the old videos
Hey, just thought I'd let you know they posted a video 2 weeks ago talking about it. There was a violation with the agency about the channel so the kids they were fostering are no longer with them. They are restructuring the channel to be slightly different because of it.
Thank you for the reply I’ll have a look bk and watch
it is a feeling WORSE than death itself , it is a sad grieving dread beyond your worst nightmares,.. my advice is NEVER be a foster parent UNLESS you get some kind of guarantee you may see the kid again; but ,.. good luck
❤️