One of my joys in life is that several children I had in care years ago have located me through Facebook. I was able to have a young woman come for a visit and gift her pictures of her as a little girl. I provided a letter of reference for another young lady who had applied for a scholarship. I can see how some kids are doing. It’s been such a gift.
It says a lot about how good of a foster parent you were that they had interest in contacting you all those years later. Very heartwarming, thanks for sharing.
I think (uninformed opinion) that all foster families’ contact information should be mandatorily given to the child at 18-years old. I think it’s their right to their own history and adds accountability.
@@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi There are situations where that would be very unsafe for families providing care. I have cared for children with violent parents. There is no way to ensure the confidentiality of my personal information.
The more involved you are in the child’s case and care plan, the easier the transition will be. Being able to see the progress the parents have made and how happy the children are to go home can be the most meaningful part of the journey. Taking a break between cases helps too.
One thing I do, throughout the time a child is in my home, is I write them a standing letter. I put in it my feelings about accomplishments they've made, no matter how small they might be; favorite memories we've done together like go to the zoo or ride a rollercoaster; I remind them of memories they might want to remember such as birthday parties or friends they've made. When Reunification is nearing I close the letter with "I want you to know, I am eternally proud of you, and if we never meet again, please know I will always think about you". I usually include a pre-printed index card with my contact info on it. I can easily type these up on a gdoc and have it automatically save, then print it when the time comes. That way, even if there's a rapid reunification, I can still have my goodbye in a sense. And I can update the letter as things happen so I'm not searching my mind months down the line for "well what did we do at the zoo?"
When we fostered in VT, many years ago, at the time every child that came into care was purchased a new car seat by the state. I loved that they did this because then I knew they’d have a safe seat when they went home. I wish this was standard for all children that come into care.
I hated leaving my foster parents I wish I could have stayed with them it was much better I saw them a couple of years after going back and used to beg to go back to them when that wasn't allowed at my parents stop the visits.
I’m so sorry. I wish kids had more of a voice. Our foster daughter was with us over two years and was told we would stay in her life. She tried calling us but wasn’t allowed to talk to or see us after reunification. It breaks my heart to think she might think we abandoned her. That’s not the case at all. I’m sure your foster parents think of you fondly.
I love how you explain things how they are and don’t water anything down- I hope whenever i get the chance I’ll be able to be as good as a fosterparent as you xx
In my experience, how the reunification happens is often based on how much the judge knows, or does not know, about child development and trauma response. In my rural area, some counties don't even have one full-time dedicated Family Court judge. So often they have antiquated beliefs about how children's brains do or "should" work. I wish it were based on the individual needs of the child, but I don't have a lot of faith that the courts know enough about the science of what is good for young children to hold them in mind.
@@winterroses2020 An example would be the misuse of 'attachment.' Too often insecure attachment styles are used as evidence for why a child should be removed because social workers and judges don't have a good understand about what attachment is. The people who pioneered attachment were afraid it would be misused in this way.
Thank you for posting this. I’m not a foster parent, and this is one of my biggest concerns about even trying to do it. I run a day home and have had a few kids leave and sometimes it’s hard to say goodbye. We’ve had one child who was in foster care come in to the day home and my boys loved her but we eventually had to say goodbye to her… it was rough. I’m not sure I could handle it on a regular basis.
Thank you for this video we just had our first foster placement result in a surprise reunification and had a lot of emotions. Thank you for validating them here and walking through the process.
wow! I wish there was a million others just like you! the families that you have helped is astounding to me. We have heard all the bad stories but we seldom hear of anything positive, and you are the very best we have to offer that is for sure!❤ God bless you.
So so appreciate you talking about this part! This feels like I’m being dramatic, but my biggest fear about fostering is if I would have to give a child who came to me after abuse back to relatives who are going to hurt them again. Like if the child is telling me they’re afraid and I have a gut feeling they’re right, but the court says they have to reunify. Is there any way to check in and see if they’re okay? I wouldn’t be able to just watch, but what else can you do? That’s my worst nightmare and definitely has me stalling getting my license 😅
I try to remind myself of my job in the process. Keep the child safe, advocate where I can, and support the child through all of the ups and downs of foster care the best I can. If I'm concerned, I put my concerns in writing to the worker and advocate and to the judge. I try to make opportunities for the youth to express their concerns first hand. I try to lean IN to the family - offer help, support, babysitting, items they may need for their home, etc. I tell them they can call me if they need help. All we can usually offer is a bandaid to these situations - but I do wholeheartedly believe that a bandaid is meaningful to a child. Just my thoughts!! Others are welcome to chime in!!
Thank you for this question and this reply. This is the same thing holding me back, along with my youngest of 3 kids not yet being on board. We’ll get there. Thank you Laura!!!
have you ever had a situation where the biological parents are just completely hostile towards you and wants nothing to do with you during the whole process?
I respect anyone who is able to foster. I would be heartbroken at reunification. I'd be happy they're going home and can be with their parents again but I get attached easily😭
If you adopted every child/animal you fostered, you would quickly have to shut your door to others. If you are able to let go, you can help a lot of people (or pets)
Our first placement who we were planning to adopt and had practically been promised we could as their parents were MIA and no family had *supposedly* come forward in 12 months. They were very suddenly taken from us and sent to their 70 year old grandparents. We didnt get 48 hours of notice before of babies were taken from us 💔💔 i have been so heart broken
One of my good friends has been fostering siblings for a year and a half. Reunification was recently taken off the table, but quickly changed due to another family member stepping up at the last minute (literally). This was thier first foster. I want to do something special for them and looking for suggestions on what to do that would be meaningful? Or what kind of card do you buy for this kind of situation? My child and the older foster child have become great friends over this time and I know it is going to be a bit of a transition. Thank you to all who foster out there! This job is not for everyone but so needed!
Are all your foster children returning to their parents or are some going to permanent foster homes? If the latter happens, how do you deal with questions like "Why can't I stay with you? Don’t you want me?"
I am not, nor planning to be, a foster parent. But I would like to be a support to a foster family. How do I find my local foster care? Is it run by the county or private agencies?
Find your local CASA office and work with them. In our community, they organize all kinds of things for the kids and do all of their holiday gifts. They also do coats, car seats, bikes, furniture. They are a good resource.
I have a serious question. It’s just a question and not intended to hurt or traumatize anyone. In cases when children were exposed to severe violence or severe neglect, is reunification off the table? Or a situation where kids are returned and then go back into foster care multiple times to the point that their life is just a series of changes and triggers. How do they handle severe cases?
Typically the criminal court is involved in these situations - sometimes when the criminal courts are involved and parents are found guilty, there is a protective order placed or parents are incarcerated.
Mrs Dan Dare here. In my heart, I would like to have to have been a foster carer. Unfortunately, I have other carer needs I need to meet for family members. I realise that I wouldn't be able to put my time, spirit of care/love & energy into a child or young person. I wouldn't have enough of me for them 😢 That wouldn't be right for the child or person. Yet I feel I have a skill set and knowledge to help me think that being a foster carer could be my road. Realistically, it won't work now, but maybe one day.
I do pageants and one of the main parts of it is something called our community service initiative which is basically something your are passionate about and mine is fostering! It is called fostering hope and my goal is to support and help foster families and areas! You are an amazing women who are offering a safe place for a child to go!! ❤ If you have any ideas on ways to help foster families in general or things to do to raise money for them please let me know! I have donated to foster closets many times and have babysat foster kids but if you any other ideas at all please let me know!! ❤
@@hannahb7038 That's tragic. There could be something else going on there that the judge doesn't know about. Clearly if the kid doesnt want to go they don't feel as safe at home as they do at their foster's house. 😢
Fairly rare I believe, but does happen. Some bio parents want to forget that time in their lives, other are grateful for the continued support and want the kids to stay in touch
My great nephew by marriage has been with me for 7.5 years. His foster mom and grandma are on my Facebook, so they have been able to watch him grow up to the awesome 15 year old boy he is now.
One of my joys in life is that several children I had in care years ago have located me through Facebook. I was able to have a young woman come for a visit and gift her pictures of her as a little girl. I provided a letter of reference for another young lady who had applied for a scholarship. I can see how some kids are doing. It’s been such a gift.
It says a lot about how good of a foster parent you were that they had interest in contacting you all those years later. Very heartwarming, thanks for sharing.
I wish every child had someone like you around growing up. 💜
I think (uninformed opinion) that all foster families’ contact information should be mandatorily given to the child at 18-years old. I think it’s their right to their own history and adds accountability.
@@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi There are situations where that would be very unsafe for families providing care. I have cared for children with violent parents. There is no way to ensure the confidentiality of my personal information.
I had a question about reunification is there a way to ask you questions privately! Thanks!
The more involved you are in the child’s case and care plan, the easier the transition will be. Being able to see the progress the parents have made and how happy the children are to go home can be the most meaningful part of the journey. Taking a break between cases helps too.
absolutely - i've found out info from parents before the worker has told me. and it so so meaningful!!
Thank you for explaining that it’s important to support reunification and families.
One thing I do, throughout the time a child is in my home, is I write them a standing letter. I put in it my feelings about accomplishments they've made, no matter how small they might be; favorite memories we've done together like go to the zoo or ride a rollercoaster; I remind them of memories they might want to remember such as birthday parties or friends they've made. When Reunification is nearing I close the letter with "I want you to know, I am eternally proud of you, and if we never meet again, please know I will always think about you". I usually include a pre-printed index card with my contact info on it.
I can easily type these up on a gdoc and have it automatically save, then print it when the time comes. That way, even if there's a rapid reunification, I can still have my goodbye in a sense. And I can update the letter as things happen so I'm not searching my mind months down the line for "well what did we do at the zoo?"
When we fostered in VT, many years ago, at the time every child that came into care was purchased a new car seat by the state. I loved that they did this because then I knew they’d have a safe seat when they went home. I wish this was standard for all children that come into care.
I hated leaving my foster parents I wish I could have stayed with them it was much better I saw them a couple of years after going back and used to beg to go back to them when that wasn't allowed at my parents stop the visits.
I’m so sorry. I wish kids had more of a voice. Our foster daughter was with us over two years and was told we would stay in her life. She tried calling us but wasn’t allowed to talk to or see us after reunification. It breaks my heart to think she might think we abandoned her. That’s not the case at all. I’m sure your foster parents think of you fondly.
I love how you explain things how they are and don’t water anything down- I hope whenever i get the chance I’ll be able to be as good as a fosterparent as you xx
Wow, this is so timely! Our first placement is going to his new forever home on Friday! And this was super helpful. Thank you 💗
Thinking of you during this transition!!
In my experience, how the reunification happens is often based on how much the judge knows, or does not know, about child development and trauma response. In my rural area, some counties don't even have one full-time dedicated Family Court judge. So often they have antiquated beliefs about how children's brains do or "should" work. I wish it were based on the individual needs of the child, but I don't have a lot of faith that the courts know enough about the science of what is good for young children to hold them in mind.
Could you give an example? I am curious to understand more.
Yes, please
@@winterroses2020 An example would be the misuse of 'attachment.' Too often insecure attachment styles are used as evidence for why a child should be removed because social workers and judges don't have a good understand about what attachment is. The people who pioneered attachment were afraid it would be misused in this way.
Thank you for posting this. I’m not a foster parent, and this is one of my biggest concerns about even trying to do it. I run a day home and have had a few kids leave and sometimes it’s hard to say goodbye. We’ve had one child who was in foster care come in to the day home and my boys loved her but we eventually had to say goodbye to her… it was rough. I’m not sure I could handle it on a regular basis.
Thank you for this video we just had our first foster placement result in a surprise reunification and had a lot of emotions. Thank you for validating them here and walking through the process.
I can only hope to be as good at parenting as you are at foster-parenting! 💖
I think you are doing amazing!!! We would love to foster, but sadly I am too sick for this... And saying goodbye I think would be SO so so hard😢
wow! I wish there was a million others just like you! the families that you have helped is astounding to me. We have heard all the bad stories but we seldom hear of anything positive, and you are the very best we have to offer that is for sure!❤ God bless you.
Thank you for the great insight!
You are an angel on Earth.
I can feel how much you love kids. Thank you for everything you do!
i figured the hardest part would be if the child has to come back into foster care, knowing they were failed again.
So so appreciate you talking about this part! This feels like I’m being dramatic, but my biggest fear about fostering is if I would have to give a child who came to me after abuse back to relatives who are going to hurt them again. Like if the child is telling me they’re afraid and I have a gut feeling they’re right, but the court says they have to reunify. Is there any way to check in and see if they’re okay? I wouldn’t be able to just watch, but what else can you do? That’s my worst nightmare and definitely has me stalling getting my license 😅
I try to remind myself of my job in the process. Keep the child safe, advocate where I can, and support the child through all of the ups and downs of foster care the best I can. If I'm concerned, I put my concerns in writing to the worker and advocate and to the judge. I try to make opportunities for the youth to express their concerns first hand. I try to lean IN to the family - offer help, support, babysitting, items they may need for their home, etc. I tell them they can call me if they need help. All we can usually offer is a bandaid to these situations - but I do wholeheartedly believe that a bandaid is meaningful to a child. Just my thoughts!! Others are welcome to chime in!!
Thank you for this question and this reply. This is the same thing holding me back, along with my youngest of 3 kids not yet being on board. We’ll get there. Thank you Laura!!!
have you ever had a situation where the biological parents are just completely hostile towards you and wants nothing to do with you during the whole process?
Have you ever come really close to adoption through foster care? Is that something you’d want to do if it became available?
I love your videos! Thank you for sharing your experience with us ❤
Very important conversation
I respect anyone who is able to foster. I would be heartbroken at reunification. I'd be happy they're going home and can be with their parents again but I get attached easily😭
OH gosh ME TOO ❤
They are heartbroken.
Same. I think I'm better suited for adoption for this reason
Getting attached is a good thing for the kids.
If you adopted every child/animal you fostered, you would quickly have to shut your door to others. If you are able to let go, you can help a lot of people (or pets)
Our first placement who we were planning to adopt and had practically been promised we could as their parents were MIA and no family had *supposedly* come forward in 12 months. They were very suddenly taken from us and sent to their 70 year old grandparents. We didnt get 48 hours of notice before of babies were taken from us 💔💔 i have been so heart broken
I’m so sorry :( I hope they are doing okay and you find healing❤
One of my good friends has been fostering siblings for a year and a half. Reunification was recently taken off the table, but quickly changed due to another family member stepping up at the last minute (literally). This was thier first foster. I want to do something special for them and looking for suggestions on what to do that would be meaningful? Or what kind of card do you buy for this kind of situation? My child and the older foster child have become great friends over this time and I know it is going to be a bit of a transition. Thank you to all who foster out there! This job is not for everyone but so needed!
My friend is a foster parent and when her first foster girls went home she was able to keep some of the clothes people bought for them
Are there specific ways or things you do to help your own children as they adjust to foster children leaving your home?
Great question I second it
Are all your foster children returning to their parents or are some going to permanent foster homes? If the latter happens, how do you deal with questions like "Why can't I stay with you? Don’t you want me?"
How often does reunification fail with kids returning to you?
About 27% come back into care 💔 (source Casey Foundation)
Yes, adverse childhood experiences can definitely rob you of your potential and make life feel like nothing more than an unending uphill battle...
I am not, nor planning to be, a foster parent. But I would like to be a support to a foster family. How do I find my local foster care? Is it run by the county or private agencies?
Find your local CASA office and work with them. In our community, they organize all kinds of things for the kids and do all of their holiday gifts. They also do coats, car seats, bikes, furniture. They are a good resource.
@@AlanaBaker-cp4cy not all counties have CASA. Ours doesn’t
I have a serious question. It’s just a question and not intended to hurt or traumatize anyone. In cases when children were exposed to severe violence or severe neglect, is reunification off the table? Or a situation where kids are returned and then go back into foster care multiple times to the point that their life is just a series of changes and triggers. How do they handle severe cases?
Typically the criminal court is involved in these situations - sometimes when the criminal courts are involved and parents are found guilty, there is a protective order placed or parents are incarcerated.
What is the range of time that these kids are with you?
Mrs Dan Dare here. In my heart, I would like to have to have been a foster carer. Unfortunately, I have other carer needs I need to meet for family members. I realise that I wouldn't be able to put my time, spirit of care/love & energy into a child or young person. I wouldn't have enough of me for them 😢 That wouldn't be right for the child or person. Yet I feel I have a skill set and knowledge to help me think that being a foster carer could be my road. Realistically, it won't work now, but maybe one day.
I do pageants and one of the main parts of it is something called our community service initiative which is basically something your are passionate about and mine is fostering! It is called fostering hope and my goal is to support and help foster families and areas! You are an amazing women who are offering a safe place for a child to go!! ❤ If you have any ideas on ways to help foster families in general or things to do to raise money for them please let me know! I have donated to foster closets many times and have babysat foster kids but if you any other ideas at all please let me know!! ❤
What if the child/children don't want to reunite with their family, no matter how well the parents seem to be progressing?
What happens if a child *really* does not want to leave you?
Sadly, this happens a lot. If a judge decides they're leaving, they'd be forced to...Makes me feel sad how little say kids can have in these matters.
@@hannahb7038 That's tragic. There could be something else going on there that the judge doesn't know about. Clearly if the kid doesnt want to go they don't feel as safe at home as they do at their foster's house. 😢
Is it pretty rare to stay in contact after reunification?
Fairly rare I believe, but does happen. Some bio parents want to forget that time in their lives, other are grateful for the continued support and want the kids to stay in touch
How many foster kids have you had?
What online support groups do you suggest ?
Has there ever been a case where reunification with another relative?
A child may be in foster care while relatives prepare and undergo home study
My great nephew by marriage has been with me for 7.5 years. His foster mom and grandma are on my Facebook, so they have been able to watch him grow up to the awesome 15 year old boy he is now.
What do you call them and what do they call you. I just wonder.