5 Stages of Grief (it's NOT Depression)
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- Опубліковано 4 лип 2024
- In this video, triple board certified neuropsychologist, Dr. Judy Ho, and MedCircle host, Kyle Kittleson, discuss how to identify the fives stages of grief which is not to be misdiagnosed as Depression.
Dr. Judy break's down the Kubler-ross model of the 5 stages of grief from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross:
00:00 Intro
00:22 Grief vs bereavement
00:45 1. Denial
01:03 2. Anger
03:01 3. Bargaining (& why we do it)
06:32 4. Depression (or feeling depressed)
07:21 5. Acceptance (& how we get there)
08:23 Can someone "skip" to stage 5?
09:00 Is there a wrong way to grieve?
09:13 Delayed grief
10:02 Kyle's story of grief
11:29 Spending too much time in 1 stage
12:00 What to watch next
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I hope all the Russian trolls are watching this, they will need it.
is it possible to go through all five stages of grief more than once?
DENIAL ,ANGER, BARGINING, TRYING TO MAKE IT FINAL. 😢
@@PotatoShip ❤I THINK SO?😢
Yea, I WAS GRIEVING MY MARRIAGE BEFORE I LEFT IT... SHE CHOOSE DRUGS,ALCOHOL, & CHEATING OVER BEING IN LOVE IN MARRIAGE WITH ME!
6/6/2023
I would never have known the paralysing effect of grief. Or how dismissive people can be. Or how cruel. Or selfish. We live in a world where you’re supposed to be “over it” so quickly. Life isn’t tv. I have tried everything to get through, to keep going. Now I’m finally doing it my way.
I understand, I agree with what you said and feel. This speaker is wrong, I am never going to move on from my wife of 53 years death. I do my best to stumble forward every day. Wishing you Peace and Comfort.
Everything you say is correct....and I know that I will never "move on" from my grief...I will live with it for the rest of my life, never forgetting...there is No "formula" for grief and heartbreak...
@@Apollo_Blaze absolutely agree I will never get over losing The love of my life. He was so young still too which makes it a million times worse. If we were both old we could accept it more but it would still be unbearable and heart breaking to lose someone you love at any age.
@@rabick62 was your life only 53 or you were married for 53 years? I am like you I am so lost without him and he will always be the love of my life. I can’t move on too i would feel like it’s cheating. I love him too much to even think about moving on. Worst pain someone can go through is losing their partner or child imo. Losing anyone is hard but I think those 2 are the worst.
@@NMW80 We were married 53 years, dated 2 years before marriage. So after 55 years of being together she was gone. Just doing the best I can, but I look forward to the day we will be together again in Heaven. Healing comes a drop at a time, it's been 15 months since she went to Heaven, it is a little easier day by day, time is our friend, but the grief will never go away. It is unbelievable hard, I understand, just hang in there the best you can, wishing you Peace and Comfort.
Today at work, I went to the washroom and cried like a child . Just because someone sympathised with me
1. Crying ( sadness )
2. Shocked ( you’ll be asking questions of is this really happening)
3.depression
4.depression
5. Depression
I really don't think anyone truly understands Grief over the Death of a loved one till they experience it for themselves. Grief over a Loved ones passing never goes away, it becomes a Part of us and stays with us always because of the finality of it....it's a part of how they live on within us.
I stared at the wall all day one day
I lost my Dad 11 years ago and that is a perfect explanation of it. The grief just becomes a part of you. It never goes away. We just learn to adjust and live with it.
When you are beginning to feel you have cried all the tears in your body, are beginning to welcome the next sunrise and prepared to start your new life without him, a baseball hat, a letter arrives addressed to him or his business card found in a suitcase - all the ache rushes over you and you know there’s much more that still needs releasing …
I will never stop crying....as long as I live I know I won't...this is the worse pain ever in my life...
God willing, we will reunite again. Just prepare yourself the best you can, for the reunion .
This channel is a blessing to the mental health community here on youtube.
I lost both of my brothers almost a year ago now. I feel like "the 5 stages of grief" are just too simple for what grief really is. It would be so nice to wrap it all up in these 5 stages and try to judge your progress and process against that, but it just isn't true. Why does no one talk about:
- hallucinating your loved ones? Or seeing people on the street and thinking it's them?
- the stage where you have to tell yourself 500 times a day that "no human has ever come back to life, stop thinking that it's possible for that to happen." I've talked to several people with similar losses who have all gone through this stage.
- the stage where your brain gets so exhausted where it just goes ahead and tells you "hey, it didn't happen!!" and then 500 times a day you have to break it to yourself all over again. This happens AGAINST YOUR WILL and you have to go through this process over and over and over and over
- the impact that your grief will have on all of your relationships. How can I go from being the oldest kid of 3 to being the ONLY CHILD?! Who am I to my parents now?
- the total loss of idenity
- the total loss of meaning and the discovery of the meaningless of life. "It doesn't matter that my brothers were musicians, it doesn't matter that they loved Bob Dylan or the Trailer Park Boys. They're dead. It doesn't matter."
- The amount of people you will lose as a result of this? My mom's entire family vanished. Poof. Gone. Not one word of sympathy, no offers of help. Nothing. I didn't just lose my brothers, I lost my entire maternal family. A LOT of people cannot handle other people's grief and emotions so they just simply leave. No one ever talks about this.
- Why does no one ever talk about how you're supposed to handle dreaming about your loved ones? It is so confusing to the senses.
I wish grief were as simple as these 5 stages and the casualness you talk about it. It's not. It is a full scale psychedelic journey of the soul.
I can't fully appreciate your loss, but the departed obviously meant a lot to you and they meant enough that you're devoting a lot of serious thought into it, so I'm just making a statement or two.
In no certain order, grief is individual. I hope nobody told you you have to follow any program to move forward; that wouldn't help.
Second, just for comparison, the 5-stage model is not the only one. There is also a 7-stage model plus one or two others. Maybe, if you're curious you can get some benefits from searching them online.
And I see that you realize that terms/stages/terminology are just that; they don't define you or your relationship to those you grieve. They are just like left/right, up/down, etc. - they're just navigational, descriptive terms to help you share.
I hope you find someone to assist you. You deserve clarity and to be unburdened.
Good luck with your journey.
@@eddierayvanlynch6133 You are a kind and thoughtful person.
@@TheLastSecretGarden
Back atcha, seriously.
Some people don't examine important life events because they say it makes them uncomfortable. You're being uncomfortable *while* you're searching for resolution.
You. Rock.
👍😎
This is exactly where my mind has been since I lost my dad in February and where my min was at when I lost my grandmother when I was a kid. I never knew other people experienced these things so thank you for this.😭
Sending you so much love and light ✨
Allow me to share my best friend's story of true hope. I pray it is a help to you.
Precious Memories-By Sonya Lakey
Family Story
Little did our family of six know that Friday evening, September 24th, 2021, would be the last night our family would be complete. We laughed together, played games, sang, and enjoyed listening as our 16-year-old son, Ethan, played the piano for us. I packed a lunch for Ethan for a church mountain hike he was going on the following day.
My mother (who was visiting from out of state) and I woke early with Ethan on Saturday morning. He hugged me and smiled, never pulling away or rushing me. He got in the car, waved, said he'd see me later and he loved me. It was hard to watch my "new driver" heading out on his own that morning. As Ethan pulled out of the gate, I turned to my mother and said, "It's just so hard letting go." Little did I know how much "letting go" I was really doing. That was the last time I saw Ethan. He did not make it home that evening.
That afternoon, a friend tried to contact my husband, leaving an urgent message to call him back. He tried several times to return the call to no avail. As we were preparing supper, an overwhelming feeling of deep concern for Ethan filled my heart. I quietly blinked back tears. I glanced out the window, half expecting to see a police officer pull up to the house, but no one arrived. However, within a few minutes, a patrol car DID pull into the driveway. In my heart, I feared the worst. My husband and I went out to meet the officer, who confirmed our fears. Hesitantly, he told us our son had fallen off of
a bluff and had succumbed to his injuries. Our hearts were crushed; they still are.
Yet, in all of our brokenness, deep, continual grief and loneliness, our family has such a blessed Hope and assurance that we will see our dear son and brother again. You see, when Ethan was a young boy, he was saved; he put his faith in Jesus alone to forgive his sins and to take him to Heaven when he died. He realized some very important truths from the Bible that he would want to share with you.
His Story
Everyone is a sinner. Sin is any violation of God’s Law. God is holy, just and righteous, and He cannot allow sin in His presence. Ethan realized that he - like all of us - had sinned; and his sin separated Him from God.
“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; ” (Romans 3:23)
“Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:” (Romans 5:12)
He understood that, because of his sin, he deserved to spend eternity in Hell.
“For the wages of sin is death;” (Romans 6:23a) [Wages: price]
“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” (Revelation 21:8)
Ethan believed that Jesus, God’s Son, paid the price for all sin when He died on the cross - because His sinless sacrifice was the only thing that could satisfy the just demands of a righteous, holy God. Jesus was buried in a borrowed tomb, but He arose the third day, triumphant over sin, death, and Hell. Jesus is alive today!
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)
Ethan was sorry for his sin, repented (turned), and received by faith the free gift that God offered to him.
“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13)
“...but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 6:23b)
Because of this great salvation, Ethan lived his life serving Jesus. He worked hard to spread this Good News to the world. He is alive in Heaven with Jesus today; and because of this great HOPE in Christ, we know we will see him again soon - not because he was a great kid, but because of his faith in the great Saviour!
“And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.” (John 10:28)
Your Story
What about you? What if you had fallen to your death that day - What if you were to die today? Where will you spend eternity - Heaven or the Lake of Fire? There will not be any parties in the Lake of Fire. It is a place of eternal torment for those who reject God's Son.
The Word of God is very clear that there is only One Way to Heaven.
“Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (John 14:6)
We did not know that Ethan would step into eternity that day; however, because he put his faith in Jesus alone for his salvation, Ethan was ready to go. Some day - perhaps today - you will take your last breath here on earth, and you will step into eternity. Where you spend eternity is determined by what you do with Jesus Christ. Will you accept Him or reject Him? You are not promised another day or another breath. Eternity begins soon - Are you ready?
“...Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved…” (Acts 16:31b)
“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13)
“(...behold, now is the day of salvation.)” (2 Corinthians 6:2c)
******************************
This testimony has been made into a tract form as well, so if you or your church are interested in having them to pass out, please go to libertyfaith.net and you will find the contact info there. God bless!
Tribute to Ethan Lakey
ua-cam.com/video/EhobcQZ6Qb8/v-deo.html
Anger was my heaviest and longest stage. I'm ready for acceptance and moving on.
It’s so hard. 😢 so many questions pending fuel that anger
I’m 72, retired, ex-military combat in Vietnam. 100%ptsd disabled. I just turned 19 and on the way to war my Father, 46 yrs old died.
I left within the week and i believe it affected me my entire life. I never grieved properly and was in combat so my focus was for my team and myself.
This has helped enlightened me, thank you!
That’s so young I’m so sorry for your loss. My daughter lost her dad at 18, he was 50 and died of a heart attack. I am so lost without him as she is too. We are both struggling so much.
@@NMW80 Thank you so much…i am so sorry about your husband…i wish the best for you and your daughter!
@@dennissutton3767 Tysm I wish the best for you too.
My dad was 18 when he was sent to Vietnam.He never talks about it. Thank you for your service.
@@ThePortalTheory we were young…tell your Dad “welcome home brother” took me 37 years and a gun to my head…..then i learned to talk. Thank you Sir!
My dad died last April 21. I am not sure what stage of grief I am in but I think I’m still in the state of shock. I miss him tremendously. He was not only my father but my best friend. We did everything together. I am struggling with the grief as is my mom, because that was her husband. I am seeing two therapists and psychiatrist. The funeral is on Monday. Hopefully, it will be a little bit easier after that because right now, the grief is paralyzing. Rest in peace dad. We love you so much and we miss you. ❤❤❤❤❤
I like when she said that because we are not outwardly grieving, doesn’t mean that we are not struggling a lot. I think I’m in that stage. I may not show the grief that much, but the struggle in the inside is a living hell.
My dad had severe Parkinson’s, bouts of pneumonia and a broken arm. They said that Parkinson’s doesn’t kill, but it shut your body down so the body can be affected by other diseases that do kill. My dad was struggling a lot the last few years of his life and I was absolutely terrified of the fact that I will wake up one morning and dad had died during the night. I was horrified. He died on a Sunday morning while I was in church worshipping. My dad is in a much better place now. He is with God. The day before, my dad died, I leaned over his bed here at home, and I told him that it was OK for him to let go. Hardest thing I ever had to say, but it needed to be said, and, the next day, God took him home. I could not watch when the nurse came to declare my father deceased, and when they took away his body. I went into my room and closed the door because I was in such a state of shock. I have also been dealing with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder and I was diagnosed with that many years ago.
Much love and strength from Aotearoa NZ ❤ sorry for your loss, I know you pain friend
I really just cannot wrap my head around people who turn their grievances into abuse. I encountered this problem a lot.
I lost my younger sister, my one and only sibling, two years ago. We lived together all but 11 of her 63 years. She had some mental/learning disabilities and then some physical disabilities the last five years that made a skilled facility necessary. I was not only her sister, but also her legal guardian. I love Nancy so much, and miss her so much.
I am an administrative assistant at a hospice house. I am used to people dying almost every day and offering comfort to families. I had to put Nancy on hospice where she was only a week or two before she died. Everyone thought she had much longer. The rapid decline was a shock. The morning I received the call, I hurried over. My coping was to immediately go into hospice professional mode. It protected me. It mixed in with the sister part of me. I thought ok, I bet this service picks her up to transport her body, etc. I broke down and crashed after they took her and I was saying goodbye to the loving staff and her best friend.
She and I had discussed on many, many occasions doing some form of green burial. Bellefontaine Cemetery here in St. Louis offers that. One way is aquamation (a liquid, gentle alternative to standard fire cremation). All that is left are the bones and they are ground just like in regular cremation and placed in an urn. The woman there was so wonderful and comforting.
For two years I never went and selected a burial spot. I suppose it was part of a denial. I know she is gone, but I don't have to have that image of the finality of placing her remains in the ground. Finally on the second anniversary of her death I picked out the grave. They were so nice and non-judgmental about my waiting and assured me others have as well. I managed to remain calm and in control. I don't think I could have done that earlier. The date for the burial is planned. I hope I do well. I know she is in heaven and for the first time she is whole with no disabilities or limitations. My fellow hospice workers have been marvelous to help me through this.
Sorry this post is so long.
I'm sorry for your loss ❤🫂🫂
5 stages.1. Relieve ( if they suffered)
2. Shocked
3. Denial
4. Raw feelings of missing
them
5. Anger, then acceptance.
This is if a person dies.
@@sophialabrie473 Lost both my parents within a year of each other when i was 18. I'm 60 now and still remember everything like yesterday what it was like. I still miss them and took me up till i was about 40 to really get over them dying. Its hard. But life goes on.
@@pam164 omg that’s terrible I’m so sorry. May I ask how they passed? I only ask cos its very strange how your mum passed away after your father. It’s so sad to hear but it’s common for people to pass away not long after they lose their partner. People say you can die of a broken heart 💔😢
I just lost my partner a couple of weeks ago and he was only 50, our daughter is only 18. We are both so heart broken. I can’t imagine how bad she would be if she lost me at her age too. I feel like half of me died when he died too.
@@NMW80 My Dad died of a Brain Tumour he was very fit and it took him in 6 months at 52, my mother had Emphamsya and had it for years they both nearly died the same time but my Dad died first, my Mother was 46. She didn't die of a broken heart her Lungs were finished. I feel for your Daughter, I've never gotten over it, it's made me very insecure and lost all my life. Sorry about the loss of your Husband.
@@pam164 thank you 💔😭 I’m so very lost atm and so is our beautiful daughter. She was so close to her dad so it’s killing her the same as it is me.
Oh that’s terrible I’m so sorry 😢 they were both so young and you were so young to lose them both. I hope you had other family support after they passed?
Hopefully both your mum and dad are with each other in heaven looking down on you. I like to believe we will see them again one day when it’s our time to go too.
@@NMW80 Thankyou. My Brother was left at 10 an orphan my Sister had to bring him up. No my siblings were not there for me ( they were in 20s and married with kids) they said I was 18 old enough to stand on my own feet so I married the lad I was seeing at time at 19 biggest mistake if my life he was handy with his fists with me and very controlling. I was lost and alone so easy prey for his kind. All I can say is keep yourself as healthy as you can for your Daughter as she needs you more than you will ever know 💕
I have experienced quite a few losses of different kinds during my life, the last one being the loss of my beloved husband who went to be with Christ Jesus 4 months ago. So I'd like to mention that the experience(s) of grief in the past can help understanding the stages of grief in the present and help coping with esp. the fear of losing one's mind and the fear of never again being able to enjoy anything in the future.
I lost my boyfriend in 2018 then my mom Christmas Eve 2022. I feel all these emotions, luckily I have my pets, special cousins and friends.
I lost my Mama June 7th. Now that denial is over the pain is so intense. I miss her. My best friend 😢
A friend of mine died of Covid at age 55 almost a year ago, and although I would say I’m an emotional person, I have yet to have a good cry. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a nurse and that practical thinking kicked in, or, I also know that she knew she would be in Heaven, but I’ve never broken down…I knew the inevitable wound happen about 3 weeks before she passed - maybe my mind had already started grieving?
You'll NEVER get over it.
But with God's help, you can get THROUGH it.
Very well put, I'm trying to get through it. No longer fear death, but trying to live life the best I can even though it's so very hard. Just doing the best I can 1 day at a time.
I don't have God in my side
I don't even have the energy to live.
@@shivigarg4158 hey you okay?
Unless... you're grieving the loss of your faith, because it was all a lie. 😐🤷🏻
Bargaining stage can also look like “if only I would have done this……” type of thoughts or statements. Figuring out how to undo or change things
The 5 stages of grief were Never about people grieving a loved one...they are from a study of people who were terminally ill..the stages are about that...Not about people grieving a loved one...that is why the "bargaining" step makes no sense in this situation. I wish professionals would put the message out about this.
Thank you so much Medcircle, just today we mark the first month since my sister passed away. This is really helpful for me.
Is this a remarkable coincidence or what? It's been exactly a year to the day since my mother's passing due to breast cancer which she had fought for a staggering 16 years. I anticipated her death when she entered stage 4 as it was glaringly obvious with the alarming weight loss and feebleness that the battle was now over and that her gradual death was well underway.
Surely and understandably I grieved, but I don't remember going through these stages. To tell the truth, her passing didn't get to me as much as her suffering. I was by her side and watched her suffer through the days and nights. I had convinced myself that this is a reality I had to accept and that's, to a great extent, the reason why I had an inner serenity and peace throughout that dreadful period. I can go as far as saying that I had grieved her before her actual death and was hoping for that day to come so she can finally rest.
The finality of her death and the realization that she is gone forever shook me for days, that's for sure. But I suffered more for her suffering.
My prayers go out to all the cancer-afflicted and their families and carefivers. Stay strong. The storm will pass and harmony will ultimately prevail. Death isn't a terrible thing after all. If anything, it's an ultimate peace.
There is more grieving than death, which is of course not easy. You can grieve for the end of a relationship, the los of a job, the loss of health etc. I am 73 and still haven’t got over my ex husband infidelity and lies. Divorced for 12 years, I’ve moved 50 miles away from where we lived. I’ve lost the lifestyle, and much more. I’m lonely and have had clinical depression for 14 years. 4 stages no! There are so much more. My health has been affected, the only way I get through each day is to distract myself. I’ve done talking therapy it didn’t really help long term. My whole life has changed, its not retirement years I hoped for. Mostly I miss the closeness and companionship that partnership should bring. Whatever you force your self to do, at the end of the day your still on your own!
A video on dealing with estrangement would be a blessing.
Yes, that’s another kind of death. Very painful.
This is the best information that I’ve found anywhere since losing my husband 163 days ago.
This is so helpful just to hear that those things are normal to go through
Another thing that was not mentioned was how specific days and holidays can reactivate the stages of grief. Yesterday was the 5 month anniversary of my son's sudden death. It ALSO would have been his 30th birthday. I expected it to be a trigger day and it certainly was. I cried all day. I was depressed. I mentioned to family that " it still didn't feel real" (denial). I felt angry at times that family or friends were not APPEARING to recognize or validate my feelings. This morning I had a few more tears, but the emotions are not as intense as yesterday. Those holidays and special days cannot be underestimated in the grieving process. They can completely undo a person if they are not aware of their potential impact. 😢
Also, what about multiple losses in a short period of time? How does that affect the grief process?
I’m so sorry for your loss. Special occasions and holidays are very hard the first year, so I hear. It’s been a full year since my Dad passed and only 5 months since my Mom did. The overlapping of the loss of a loved one is very strange sometimes. Sometimes I’m just thankful my Mom didn’t have to live to witness the anniversary of my Dad’s passing or us having to get rid of the childhood home.
Grief truly is not linear and I guess even with the short time in between the both of them. Our grief could be on different stages at the same time.
6 years ago I lost my dad very suddenly I switched off everything to cope. With the funeral, solicitors etc. I haven't been able to tidy the house or throw anything away for fear of throwing my dad's stuff away. I "hear" him saying leave my stuff alone. So I haven't touched it. My mum passed 21 years ago also suddenly, my dad and I haven't touched her stuff either, also my nan's stuff is here. Its so painful to even go in these rooms and I can't stay in there long, I get so upset I leave the room. I don't go in the rooms unless absolutely necessary. I have cried, shouted, screamed, yet still can't face it all this time on I don't know how to get passed this, I've seen a bereavement counsellor and they signed me off. But I am stuck and don't know what to do. I've been told tidy the rooms you will feel better, move on, get over it, your parents wouldn't want you to be sad. But I don't really feel much of anything. I'm short tempered, I get tearful, or just want to be on my own. What do I do? How do I get on with my life without feeling guilty like I'm leaving them behind, how am I supposed to happy without them here?
Hello Sar. My deepest sympathy for your profound loss. This is a bad phase of your life and you are trying to process something larger than your brain can understand. 2 months ago I lost my husband and we had been together for 30+ years. He was only just 65.
I think for you, as I have been doing this, journalling would help. You need to 'park' all your emotions and get them out of your brain. You don't have to judge the so just scribble diwn the first line & the rest will follow. Advive: just write x 30 minutes. I hope this you.
@@margaretvan4909 so sorry for your loss. I have two large books here that I wrote letters to both mum and dad when they passed. Telling them what was going on, how I was feeling, I basically had a conversation with them, knowing what they would say, I would say something like I know mum/dad before you say it, make sure such and such is done before whatever, you don't have to remind me. And I'd also tell them how I was feeling and what they'd say to that. None of it helped, I wrote for a couple of years. Even now and again I still do. But it doesn't help, it just upsets me or I get angry or I shut down again. I've been told I shouldn't think like this, I should have got past this by now, I should be able to move on with my life by now. But people keep telling me this doesn't make it any easier. It just makes me feel worse like why can't I is there something wrong with me. Why am I stuck. No one seems to get why I can't move on or what's stopping me, Execpt me, I am the problem, I'm the one stopping me from moving on, I shouldn't think or feel like this, yet no one can tell me why I still do or how move past it or forward. So I guess this is just how it is for me now. I hope you are able to heal, I'm here if you need to talk, I may not have the answers but I can listen xx
I lost my wife over a month ago after long battle with cancer., The last 5 months of her life she was bedridden and I took care of her myself. Although I could see it coming I could not give up the hope that things would turn around. Her health took a nose dive. She died at home in her bed with me holding her hand sitting next to her. I'm devastated. She was my best friend She was my soulmate and I don't see any way of getting over it. I have good days and bad days but she was such an integral part of my life I just find this gaping hole in the center of my soul and no matter what I tell myself no matter how I distract myself the reality is always there. We were married for 30 years.
Dear Dr. Judy Ho, dear Kyle Kittleson,
I am writing to you from Germany and English is not my native language. I watched your video last night and found it very helpful - thank you!
The people I lost, are all three still alive. They are close (narcissistic) relatives and after my return home by moving house after 50 years of absence from my heritage they devalued, humiliated me and isolated me from my friends and other relatives.
I am 73 years of age. This broke my heart and I probably got the Broken-Heart Syndrome (Takotsubo cardiomyopathy). My heart has become very weak and is not functioning properly. Does this syndrome occur very often, while people grieve? Kind regards from Anne
She is so 👍 good. I love watching her episodes.
That's true what Dr. Judy says that everybody experiences grief differently. Everyone is unique. When I experienced grief, I didn't experience all these stages. These stages make a lot of sense though.
Great content. - For me, my family of origin fell apart, when I was about 13... mom developed schizofrenia, dad started to drink too much, etc. etc. It took me about 20 years to start grieving the loss (started after I got married). Any way, listening to emotions helps me process mine. I would like to point out that the 2nd stage is the stage of NON-specific emotions (anger, but some people are anxious, scared, etc.).... using the emotion the way that emotion is usually used will not help the situation.
You are never truly prepare for the moment you lose your love of your life. You feel lost without them I’m not coping well I lost my beautiful wife of 39 years to multiple organ failure from lupus she did 31 years on dialysis. The hardest part is when you are were the caregiver for many years and I’m health care professional. I put my career on hold to care for my wife.
The truth is it does impacts your whole life mentally.
Everyone express their emotions differently in the family, while others don’t express their emotions at all and go on with their lives as normal. As for me I walk around in a deep fog of depression it’s not easy to deal with when your home alone.
Thank you very interesting and helpful thank you for sharing
My depression after a family members murder has taken everything from me & I'm having a hard time getting disability. I've had major depressive disorder for so long that now I have antidepressant resistant depression. :(
Sending virtual hug from another side of the world
@@sampadaniraula5085 thank you you're amazing. 😍
I’m sorry ❤ please hang in there ❤❤
Wow this was an amazing discussion!!!!
I don’t know what stage I’m in still feels like that very first moment when I heard the news I dropped to my knees and I have not been able to get up God I miss my brother so much!
Grief comes in waves and is a highly individual journey.
I lost my 6 day old daughter to SIDS about 6 months ago and I have been irreparably changed since. I've developed severe panic disorder and attacks, crippling depression, thanatophobia that causes panic attacks. I feel like a coward that my own death scares me so much when my sweet tiny baby already has crossed over. But I'm so scared. I'm trying to keep it together but some days I just lose it.
Your absence goes through me like a thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with it's color.
❤x
No reference to "complicated grief"??? Also, what about grieving after (and before) job loss? Extremely difficult to deal with,
I feel like I went through the stages of grief when my mom was in hospice. Because up until that point, I was in denial that she was getting worse. I held the belief that the doctors could help heal her and send her back home so I could continue taking care of her! Not soon after being in hospice, she passed away from metastatic cancer and the grief stages started over for me. It’s been about two months since she went to be with the Lord and I keep wondering if I’m depressed but it’s likely connected to my grief. I miss her everyday! We lived together before she went to the hospital and eventually hospice. She was and still is my bestfriend! 🥰💐😇 RIH Mommy! 😘🕊️🙏🏾
She is helping me with my grieving process, I was using tissues let it out
..
.
.
And then I used a whole box
I lost my daughter in a drive by in 2002 and I've died in a car crash in 1987. I was diagnosed with lung cancer 6 years ago but I've been depressed more after I got outta jail in jail. Today I shut down and been crying cause I feel death is upon me
I didn’t realise the effect of grieving till last night when my granda died , I just can’t believe he’s gone
Grieving isn't only for the dead. I lost a custody battle and rights were taken away. I grieve the loss of my children 😢
True
is it possible to go through all of five stages of grief more than once?
Bereavement is forever, you never truly move on or let go of it. You just learn to deal and get on with it because, well, time carries on. My Dad & my 3 yo baby girl are gone forever and i will never get over this shit. The longer time goes on, the harder it gets for me, time dont heal shit 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
Grief is not just the actual death of a loved one( human or animal) It also can be a loss of a meaningful relationship as in the end of that relationship and going through these stages emotions feelings in all kinds of variations until the final acceptance and this can take years to move on from painful losses/endings from relationships/ people/animals and even a home or dwelling or even having to leave a country the person was attached too.
Grief is complex and varies for many people. It is ok to seek help if for some reason your grief is so complex that years and years have gone by and you are still frozen in time and haven’t moved on at all ❤
Remember that as we form attachments whether healthy or unhealthy it takes time to heal
Can we form attachments without becoming fully entangled.? Well it takes a higher awareness and consciousness to do so.
May you all be blessed and find your way and trust in the divine spirit to lead you…guide you… fully surrendering to the flow of life and the flow of the divine spirit will take you where you need to go 🙏 ❤ many many blessings to you all and remember you are loved so dearly and held so dearly by the beloved creator….hold yourself with the same love for self and spread your light and love out into this beautiful world 🌎
Ignore the media, the politics they are all distractions from living in the present now and being aware and grateful for all the small moments of our lives. A little birds 🐦 told me so 💗 💋
why am I still feeling so depressed then?? I guess it's because grief is a complex thing. A lot of times I feel depressed, a mixture of emotions or none at all (numbness and emptiness). also, there are moments when the weight of this sadness is so heavy that it’s a struggle to even get out of bed.
I always understood initially the five stages of grief was for those who had been given a terminal diagnosis. My husband had illnesses that eventually took a toll on his heart. After the 3rd heart surgery he did not survive. I suppose we should have expected the outcome but doctors made a plan of extensive rehab so that is how we prepared. I never went through the denial, anger bargaining. Yet my family decided to get me though the supposed five stages as quickly as they thought I should. Three months. So unfair. I have to this day believed they highjacked my grief. Cutting me off from even speaking & reminiscing about my funny, kind & gentle man was harsh. He fought for almost a month. I am grateful we could spend his last days on this earth being real about the situation & the life we shared. When he was ready to let go I was at peace with it. No, I do not like that so many people believe there are certain stages of grief. It gives them a sense of IDK... responsibility & even control to get you past something of which they have no idea.❤️✌️🦋
I hope you are healing. It comes in waves and goes on longer than anyone, who has not gone through it, understands.
Yes, the "5 Stages" are Not about people grieving a loved one...they are exactly about what you mentioned, the terminally ill...It is tragic that for so long this "formula" has been allowed to be wrongly used a guideline for people grieving a loved one....I am so sorry you felt pressured in your grief...Nobody should ever be told how they should grieve or for how long...it is deeply personal.....I am in grief now and it has been so unbearable ...Please everyone go through your grief in your way and at Your pace.
Agreed we Are all different and we get through it in our own time. No one should be telling us to rush to feeling better.
@@evanna369 exactly
@@Apollo_Blaze same here it’s unbearable that’s for sure 😭 I lost the love of my life and he was only 50 of a heart attack and our daughter is only 18 and now has no father. It just sucks especially when someone is still quite young.
I'm having a very difficult time right now. My cousin, Joi, passed away due to a combination of her undiagnosed disease of pbc and alcohol. That disease is common in women from 30 to 60 but she was only 25. It really sucks.
Denial: when I was fighting for my nephew's cancer. Anger: why was Death taking my loved ones? Bargaining: let me stand on my own before you take them Depression: you don't want to do anything Acceptance: there's a bigger plan for me
This is so accurate its scary
I have lost 2 children ,in the course of 11 months,I put the wrong remark on the video. 🙏🙏,for me and the healing of my soul..
After bargaining stages, there are two branching possibilities, depression or catharsis, befor acceptance
Does that happen also when you read your autobiography for the first time?😅
When an abuser dies? Despite the hardcore abuse having unconditional love for them? Lost without grief? And not happyness just the way it is??? Thank you, Blessed Be 💖🇬🇧♀️
Me too 😭
Jesus loves you! If it was you that had died, can you say you are 100% sure you would go to heaven? If your answer is based on anything other than the blood sacrifice of Jesus who died on the cross in your place, then you are not going to heaven. If you want to be saved from hell, you must be saved God's way and no other.
First, realize God loves you. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
The Bible teaches that regardless of your background, age, race, or any other factor, God loves you and desires a genuine, personal relationship with you.
Second, realize everyone is a sinner. The Bible says in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." No one is perfect. We have all broken God's commandments. This is called sin, and it separates us from God.
Third, realize sin has a price that must be paid. Romans 6:23 tells us, "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." The "wage" or payment for our sin is death, which according to the Bible is eternal separation from God in a place called Hell.
Fourth, realize Jesus Christ died to pay the price for your sin. Romans 5:8 says, "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." If we choose to accept Christ, we do not have to pay the price of death and Hell for our sins because Jesus paid for our sins when He died on the Cross and rose again three days later!
Finally, pray and ask Jesus Christ to be your Saviour, and claim His promise of eternal life. In Romans 10:13 the Bible says, "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." That is a promise directly from God that if you will pray to Him, confess that you are a sinner, ask Him to forgive your sins, and accept Him as your Saviour, He promises to save you and give you the free gift of eternal life.
Please don't put this decision off my friend. God does not promise us another day on this Earth.
It absolutely is NOT easier when your loved one dies of a terminal disease! I lost my 42 year old son who fought cancer for years. IT IS NOT EASIER!!!
I'm really sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to you and your family. I lost one of my dear cousins to an undiagnosed liver condition. She was just 25. 😢
Does this also work on break ups, divorce, accepting an illness or addiction?
What about shock? That needs to be a stage. We just had a very serious traumatic accident of 3 young boys, all brothers. Only 1 boy survived. Mom and dad are in shock. It happened 1 months ago, double funeral, numerous fundraisers to cover the critical care expenses and funerals 😢😢💔💔 Shock maybe is part of the denial stage? If not it could be a category all on its own. 😢😢
Bargaining is the what if I didn’t something different the person I lost would still be alive. Or I should of told them how I felt or if I would of helped them more they wouldn’t have died. It’s the would of should’ve of could’ve of.
I get all of these stages in one hour.
Yes, you're absolutely right. The emotions start all over again.
How do i handle dealing with abnormal grief and intense trauma? That is what my psychologist calls it. I went through more than just losing someone. I cant talk about it in detail without starting to get a panick attack because remembering it all makes me relive it all, and i have nightmares id rather spend in than my memories of that. Ive tried therapy and medication. But it doesnt help. I also just lost my best friend just recently. Youd think id be sad but reaally i just dont feel anything anymore.
Sorry if it seems out of place, but I like the coloured contacts and her hair. She's a beautiful woman. In fact, so much so I find it difficult to focus on the content.
I grief the loss of my mum. Just realised her narcissistic traits and decided to cut contacts. Nonetheless it is hard on me and I’m grieving the loss.
Great content. But MY God! The construction noise in the background 😢
👏👏💯
Denial (dad died i.e.):
"no he didn't, I just saw him last him week and he was fine, I just talked with him"
Anger: "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT IS FUCKING HAPPENING!!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU STICK AROUND, YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER"
Bargaining: "if I stop eating sweets will dad come back. I can stop fighting with my siblings and then daddy wouldn't be gone. If I could have stopped talking too loud he wouldn't have left for so long, I won't do that anymore, I'll eat more healthy, I will exercise more..."
Depression: " i feel empty without you. Were we ever real? Did we ever love? Will I ever love again, I don't want to though. No more fishing, no more camping, no more baseball, I'm nothing without you, I feel dead too"
Acceptance: " Thank you for the lessons learned and earned. I'm grateful for the time we had. I am ready; to move on. Let's do this, got this!"
These are steps in a process that are merely focal points that you touch on;
but one can in extremes get stuck. There is no 1,2,3,etc; it could be 3, 5, 1, 1, 2, 1, 5. There is no timeframe in which this happens. But there is a moment when you've healed and look back with a grin and say: damn, 😊 that was fun, let's not do that anytime soon again".
You can learn how to expedite the process for maximum efficiency. Plus, after you heal and get good at managing the process you'll learn how to embody the steps as tools to use to develop a deeper empathy and understanding. It's neat. 😀
ps: nice outfits y'all!
If you had died today, can you say you are 100% sure you would go to heaven? If your answer is based on anything other than the blood sacrifice of Jesus who died on the cross in your place, then you are not going to heaven. If you want to be saved from hell, you must be saved God's way and no other.
First, realize God loves you. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
The Bible teaches that regardless of your background, age, race, or any other factor, God loves you and desires a genuine, personal relationship with you.
Second, realize everyone is a sinner. The Bible says in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." No one is perfect. We have all broken God's commandments. This is called sin, and it separates us from God.
Third, realize sin has a price that must be paid. Romans 6:23 tells us, "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." The "wage" or payment for our sin is death, which according to the Bible is eternal separation from God in a place called Hell.
Fourth, realize Jesus Christ died to pay the price for your sin. Romans 5:8 says, "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." If we choose to accept Christ, we do not have to pay the price of death and Hell for our sins because Jesus paid for our sins when He died on the Cross and rose again three days later!
Finally, pray and ask Jesus Christ to be your Saviour, and claim His promise of eternal life. In Romans 10:13 the Bible says, "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." That is a promise directly from God that if you will pray to Him, confess that you are a sinner, ask Him to forgive your sins, and accept Him as your Saviour, He promises to save you and give you the free gift of eternal life.
Please don't put this decision off my friend. God does not promise us another day on this Earth.
I never grieved my marriage after my divorce and I can really feel the effects of the 5 stages especially during the holiday and with a small child
Is her surname Ho with "e" at the end?
You are allowed in your relationships with toxic family and friends, to walk away from people who hurt you,You don't owe EXPLANATIONS to anyone for taking care of yourself..✨️🎀
👍❤️
What about shock.
Still In the can’t believe it stage
My older sister just passed away not only was she my sister she was my best friend my rock I was her caregiver 25 yrs we moved in with younger sister and her husband mistake #1they stated I wasn't going to be her slave anymore I wasn't allowed to answer to her every beck and call BTW older sister was bedridden couldn't sit up at the hospital with her or younger sister threw a temper tantrum its ridiculous I shouldn't be up there holding her hand her Christmas was ruined BTW her last Christmas she whould get verbally abused while I was at work I'd get up the next morning shed be in tears she wanted to get out but couldn't younger sister made a comment one night good maybe you'll die so i.won't have to hear your voice well she got her wish older sister is gone God what I wouldn't give to hear her voice to see her again I am still grieving I cannot go in my younger sisters house without crying due to that's where she died they act like I'm supposed to just shut down my emotions like them I'm supposed to be all holly jolly but all I see is older sister lying in bed dying BUT I know she's no longer in that bed no longer in pain she's walking smiling she died on my brother in law her husband Bday so I know she's happy I hope I just keep beating myself cause I didn't get to say goodbye and love you and I'll see you again now im alone empty
I think because I've been there and they haven't mentioned this is... SADNESS
Denial first, Sadness second. At least how I've experienced it. Not sure why on this podcast. Sadness wasn't mentioned at all. 😢
I'm grieving a eight year relationship and I'm not coping well 😩 I'm so mad at myself
I lost my wife 2 weeks ago. It hurts so much. I have nothing 😢
Just lost the love of my life 💔😭 I feel so lost right now. It’s horrible it’s not fair. He was only 50 💔
I’m going through the same thing lost my love a week ago and she was only 40 . It still hard for me to comprehend I’ll never talk to her again 😢
@@BRIAN-kg5eo oh no I’m sorry to hear that 💔😭 I that’s far too young. I know exactly what you mean. It’s so unfair and hard to except we can’t talk to them anymore. Until it’s our time to go too at least then I hope we can see them again.
I’m so lost without him. I am only 43 , we shouldn’t have to experience this kind of loss at our age.
@@BRIAN-kg5eo your love must of passed the same time roughly as mine. He died a few days before his 51st bday. That’s how badly upset I was meant to put 50 turning 51. He passed 15 days ago now. Hope in time we can learn to cope without them. I don’t think the pain and heart ache for me will ever go away. I feel like I have lost half myself. Worst pain and grief I have ever gone through. Hope you are ok and have some support? Take care 😢💔
@@NMW80 I guess I’m doing a little better i went back to work again , still can’t look at her pictures without getting emotional, my emotions are like a roller coaster just when I feel better it goes back to sadness and grief , I hope your doing better ?
@@NMW80 she died on march 24th just a few days before my birthday I turned 51 . I do talk with some friends and family it dose help somewhat. Just can’t shake that lost and lonely feeling . Also can’t shake the if I would have done this and done that maybe she be here now 😭
No acceptance ....no 5 stages in child loss period.....unless it happens to you ...you will never understand...never ...stages ...? No not on this journey * cluless* and your lucky to be !!
Husband died, best friend killed herself. Never once did I bargain and I never felt anger, either. Likewise denial. Didn't do that. I've been Buddhist for 27 years and we don't tiptoe around death or loss. What I did feel was emotional agony and pure pain. I really wish people would ditch the whole 5 stage model. Even if the stages are fluid and rearranged, this is NOT 'everyone's 'experience of grief.
I don’t think you were paying attention when she said that griefs are different from each other. Don’t be judgmental and have some empathy.
i read another poster who said the five stages were written by kubler-ross as a map to navigate one's own death. I'm experiencing the sudden suicide of a mentally damaged abusive ex who I am still in love with and who loved me and begged me not to split. None of those stages are what I'm going through.
If you had died today, can you say you are 100% sure you would go to heaven? If your answer is based on anything other than the blood sacrifice of Jesus who died on the cross in your place, then you are not going to heaven. If you want to be saved from hell, you must be saved God's way and no other.
First, realize God loves you. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
The Bible teaches that regardless of your background, age, race, or any other factor, God loves you and desires a genuine, personal relationship with you.
Second, realize everyone is a sinner. The Bible says in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." No one is perfect. We have all broken God's commandments. This is called sin, and it separates us from God.
Third, realize sin has a price that must be paid. Romans 6:23 tells us, "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." The "wage" or payment for our sin is death, which according to the Bible is eternal separation from God in a place called Hell.
Fourth, realize Jesus Christ died to pay the price for your sin. Romans 5:8 says, "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." If we choose to accept Christ, we do not have to pay the price of death and Hell for our sins because Jesus paid for our sins when He died on the Cross and rose again three days later!
Finally, pray and ask Jesus Christ to be your Saviour, and claim His promise of eternal life. In Romans 10:13 the Bible says, "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." That is a promise directly from God that if you will pray to Him, confess that you are a sinner, ask Him to forgive your sins, and accept Him as your Saviour, He promises to save you and give you the free gift of eternal life.
Please don't put this decision off my friend. God does not promise us another day on this Earth.
Your words provide solace during this tough time.
No other moon has lightened up my heaven- no other Sun has ever shone for me.
I never put pictures out coz photos hurt too much. Nunite.
denial isnt always an outright this isnt happening. when you take a few days just trying to get through the first few days, maybe you have to work or whatever, you try to go through normally. Then it hits you when you get to the second stage. you get angry at yourself for so many reasons, from not being there at the time, to I didnt recall a happy memory sooner.
Whaaaat is that beeping in the background? It’s so distracting. I thought a truck was backing up at my house but it’s in the video.
Why is the host resting his right foot on the dog's belly......?
The 5 Stages Do Not apply to someone grieving, it was written to allow someone who is Dying accept their own end.
😮
Why is he resting his foot on the dog like that lol
When you’re talking to people who are grieving you you shouldn’t seem really happy and not a good delivery
Why is the lady snickering and smiling when she’s talking about depression sadness and grief bad video
5 stages of grief
no.1: denial
Grieving
1. Demial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4.Depression
5. Acceptance
demial
Sad to see the misinterpretation of Elizabeth Kübler Ross’s work on terminal illness (not grief) persists as an accepted truth. There aren’t 5 stages to grief, end of.
She sounds like shes repeating what shes read in a book, no real understanding of the deep emotions
There is no such thing as Five Stages of Grief.
I'm sorry. Dr. Ho is so gorgeous it's distracting.
This video feels soulless
Haha well someone is in the anger stage. 😂
The Kubler Ross model has been debunked. As someone who has experienced intense grief, I found this video unhelpful and misleading
You are 33? Bro you look at least 43.
dude.
this is the lowest
of the lows.
faking a death.
Please, there were NEVER 5 stages of grief for loosing a loved one. The 5 stages of grief were in reference to a terminal illness
No new info. Waste of time