I can TOTALLY relate to being a SAHM vs a single mom. My ex husband kicked me and our children out when I went to go get us some food. My children remember the arguments and I tried to talk to him about the two of us not arguing when the children were around and he didn't listen to that. While out getting all of us food, he called me upset and told me not to come back home. He had done that several times before and so at that point (after numerous times of him doing that), I decided to go ahead with a divorce. It was VERY stressful being married to him and also trying to raise our children together. While raising our children separate was hard, it was a little less stressful and I had already secured good employment. IF you're going to be a single mom, make SURE that you are making good money so that is one less worry you and the children have. When I wasn't sure about it, I definitely made sure (by the grace of God) that I had a lucrative career. That definitely made the difference.
I was married and when we had a baby, husband left one day and never came back. Baby was 3 months old. He’s now 4 years old. Although I hate how left, I agree with you that I’m raising my son in peace, laughter, and so much happiness. Still trying to figure out how to continue the journey as one that we started as a couple but definitely living in peace
Yes sis! I do see what you're saying about men wanting to be a child and are jealous of their children and not wanting them to have their mother's full attention. In fact, it's one of the biggest reasons why fathers leave. So I believe that children have a better chance of truly blossoming into someone extraordinary with a single mother. Such as the 17-year-old black girl holding a doctorate degree in behavioral science. A doctor at 17! And the 17 year old black girl who invented sutures that detect infection. And the Chinese man born with cerebral palsy, and his mom cured him with her attention and dedication. She had to divorce her son's father to concentrate on her child bcuz the father was an interference. And today, that Chinese man is a Harvard Graduate and fine attorney. The same as Rihanna who was a very sickly child suffering headaches daily until her mother moved her father out of the picture. Rihanna recovered immediately after her father was out of the picture, and became a superstar and billionaire. Single mothers who homeschool their children are kicking out college grads with no less than a bachelor's degree by age 17. I do understand the emotional argument that many people have for a need for a father to be in the home, but I just don't agree with it, bcuz I'm seeing with my own eyes that children do better alone with their mother. That is, if the mother is not distraught over being single and taking it out on them.
Really it’s nice to know that you liked being a single mom. Most single moms out here are struggling and hating it. Children from single mom households are often low achievers and some single moms don’t even get child support. My nephews get no child support money from their father because he left the country.
I agree a lot of people don’t want to have children. I think it’s cyclical as well. Like misery is expected so they accept things that make them miserable. I had to fight to get child support, and it was difficult because he tried to drain me in hopes I’d give up.
I so agree with you! I was raised by a single parent and so didn’t want that for my kids. My divorce was devastating but at the same time because 2 things can be true, my ex’s immaturity would have stunted my oldest son. He would not be as successful. My Ex was jealous of my oldest and would have made him self sabotage.
Great content, subscribed. I do believe that a 2 parent household is important even though I grew with a single mother but we had so much support from aunties, uncles and grandparents. I agree that 2 parents household is not necessarily better, there’s so many unhealthy couples raising children. I remember once I stayed in a friends home while visiting her country and she was staying somewhere else because of her wedding, her parents said they could host me, the amount of shouting that I experienced it was quite shocking, her mother tried to deflect later and excuse herself but it was just uncomfortable. Fast forward we were having tea, I said that I’m not for divorcee unless you are abused mentally or physically and the mother says that it doesn’t matter if your abused you have to stay in your marriage Nether less to say I was horrified and left wondered in which kind of household my friend grew up in, yes 2 parents are important but let’s focus on healthy parents first!
Thank you for subscribing 🫶🏾 When I read your comment it made me think about the fact we have no clue (generally speaking) what healthy parenting looks like. It has never been the focus of relationships nor raising children. We were told a 2 parent household was important but it’s never necessarily been healthy. Our grandmothers were often married off before being given a choice and men controlled the narrative of relationships up until the past decade. Women are just now putting less emphasis on what men want. Which seemingly was how healthy was described in relationships, a woman being able to do what that man wanted. What made a good woman is almost what you described with your friend’s parents. Women deflecting and coping, but staying and enduring despite themselves. We’ve been socialized in so many ways for that to be the focus. A script for 2 healthy people finding one another is still being written. At least I think.
I see how you could have enjoyed raising your child alone. I am raising my kids with hubby who is very involved but tbh sometimes when he is away and it's just us, everything is so much smoother and for some reason even the kids are more in check. I was raised by a single mum and we literally grew up with cousins and we had aunties and uncles involved in our lives. I like to think we turned out well. Of course if the home is healthy a 2 parent home is what's ideal
I agree with people blaming single mothers. Interesting how there is no fault of the absent father. Also, the quality of character of the father is important. An unhealthy or hostile two parent household is damaging as well. You gave a great example using your sons friends. I was married and now divorced. It was how their father started to treat me after giving birth to our second son. I could not have my sons see how he was treating me, I absolutely could not allow it to get worse. After leaving their father, their transition was everything to me. Four years later, they feel loved and supported. Unfortunately, their father chose to pack two suitcases and move out the country. Although he is now absent from their life on a constant basis and only face times not even once a month on average, they still feel their life if full. I have check in’s with them. I had conversations in the past letting them know it’s not their fault and how relationships can evolve or end. I don’t date much but they have met one guy I was serious about but didn’t work out. I used that as a teaching moment. Anyways lol I do believe it is the single mothers character, love, teachings and attention that can raise a good person. There are single moms that definitely need to do better but many are doing great jobs!
Thank you for sharing this with me. You know men have managed to avoid blame for making fatherless homes, because women are made responsible for a man’s happiness. If she were doing her job as a wife why would the relationship end. It’s so convenient that for men. Society pressures women into marriage because it serves men more than women. And any failure is laid to blame on women. Women leave because of abuse and neglect, and all men say is women file for divorce more than men.. yeah to save their lives. Society acts as though marriage will save our children from men who abandon them, but it’s never been true. I’m glad that you chose yourself and your children and feel good about the children you raised. 🖤
My experience as a single mother was a struggle, the majority of black single mothers are struggling yes I said black mothers because that’s who are the majority of single mothers !!!
@@TheGiLife the biggest challenge was struggling financially that was basically the only challenge, but they are grown now both in college doing very well with opportunities I never was given or could achieve!
@@TheGiLife The biggest challenge I see (generalization - every case is different) in the black inner-city community is the lack of male involvement in the lives of black boys. This lack of involvement is turning into anger, lack of coping skills and our boys finding "community" in the wrong places. When they grow up, they have children who tend to have fewer skills........the breakdown of society involves the breakdown of the family unit. Are there strong black moms raising boys properly, yes. Are there successful well adjusted men from single family households, yes. Are there messed up kids from two parent household, yes. The condition of the black community in the 50s and 60s is markedly different than today -- for the worse. The biggest change I see is the breakdown of the family. A friend of mine used to say, "you have it easy as a single mom...I think it'll be easier to be a single mom".........then she became a single mom and is having a terrible time at it. I think the best advice to any single person out there is to choose your partner wisely. Make sure you're on the same page spiritually, emotionally, financially, politically, parentally:how to rear kids, etc -- this would eliminate multiple confrontations in the future. Best of everything raising your young ones in Italy😊
I am going to ask my son how he feels too. My son will be 20 next month. He was my only child up until 6 weeks ago sice I had a little baby boy. I was a divorced single mom for years. I got married 3 years ago and just had my second child with my husband. I am a SAHM now. I am curious how my son feels. But I may get a different response since he is an adult, working, and helping my husband with the bills so that I can be a SAHM. I take parenting classes and one subject was how to prevent child S A. The studies showed that children of single moms have the highest S A rate and I believe because it happened to my son when he was only 5 by a paternal uncle. That changed my life forever. Now with this baby I miss being a substitute teacher and making money, but I want to be a SAHM and have been crocheting things to sell for income. As far as making decisIons, that part doesn't bother me. I didn't like being a single mom (although I had my dad, family, and lots of support). I love having my husband here with me to not make decisions alone.
when a woman is a single mother there is a sense of freedom as she has full control on how child is raised. When she has another child with a partner she has to learn how to share responsibility and that can be a difficult transition but the added support and stability is always better for mom and child. Guess it depends on the partner and if they’re a decent man or not.
Definitely depends on the partner. But in most instances men add more work for women than lessen it. It’s unfortunate many men can be perceived as good fathers even if they aren’t good partners
I am going to ask my son how he feels too. My son will be 20 next month. He was my only child up until 6 weeks ago sice I had a little baby boy. I was a divorced single mom for years. I got married 3 years ago and just had my second child with my husband. I am a SAHM now. I am curious how my son feels. But I may get a different response since he is an adult, working, and helping my husband with the bills so that I can be a SAHM. I take parenting classes and one subject was how to prevent child S A. The studies showed that children of single moms have the highest S A rate and I believe because it happened to my son when he was only 5 by a paternal uncle. That changed my life forever. Now with this baby I miss being a substitute teacher and making money, but I want to be a SAHM and have been crocheting things to sell for income. As far as making decisons, that part doesn't bother me. I didn't like being a single mom (although I had my dad, family, and lots of support). I love having my husband here with me to not make decisions alone.
I can TOTALLY relate to being a SAHM vs a single mom. My ex husband kicked me and our children out when I went to go get us some food. My children remember the arguments and I tried to talk to him about the two of us not arguing when the children were around and he didn't listen to that. While out getting all of us food, he called me upset and told me not to come back home. He had done that several times before and so at that point (after numerous times of him doing that), I decided to go ahead with a divorce. It was VERY stressful being married to him and also trying to raise our children together. While raising our children separate was hard, it was a little less stressful and I had already secured good employment.
IF you're going to be a single mom, make SURE that you are making good money so that is one less worry you and the children have. When I wasn't sure about it, I definitely made sure (by the grace of God) that I had a lucrative career. That definitely made the difference.
I was a single mom with a village and I agree. My children are thriving ❤❤
I was married and when we had a baby, husband left one day and never came back. Baby was 3 months old. He’s now 4 years old. Although I hate how left, I agree with you that I’m raising my son in peace, laughter, and so much happiness. Still trying to figure out how to continue the journey as one that we started as a couple but definitely living in peace
It amazes me how men can just leave. But you are lucky he stopped wasting your time. You absolutely got this!
Yes sis! I do see what you're saying about men wanting to be a child and are jealous of their children and not wanting them to have their mother's full attention. In fact, it's one of the biggest reasons why fathers leave.
So I believe that children have a better chance of truly blossoming into someone extraordinary with a single mother. Such as the 17-year-old black girl holding a doctorate degree in behavioral science. A doctor at 17! And the 17 year old black girl who invented sutures that detect infection. And the Chinese man born with cerebral palsy, and his mom cured him with her attention and dedication. She had to divorce her son's father to concentrate on her child bcuz the father was an interference. And today, that Chinese man is a Harvard Graduate and fine attorney.
The same as Rihanna who was a very sickly child suffering headaches daily until her mother moved her father out of the picture. Rihanna recovered immediately after her father was out of the picture, and became a superstar and billionaire. Single mothers who homeschool their children are kicking out college grads with no less than a bachelor's degree by age 17.
I do understand the emotional argument that many people have for a need for a father to be in the home, but I just don't agree with it, bcuz I'm seeing with my own eyes that children do better alone with their mother. That is, if the mother is not distraught over being single and taking it out on them.
Really it’s nice to know that you liked being a single mom. Most single moms out here are struggling and hating it. Children from single mom households are often low achievers and some single moms don’t even get child support. My nephews get no child support money from their father because he left the country.
I agree a lot of people don’t want to have children. I think it’s cyclical as well. Like misery is expected so they accept things that make them miserable. I had to fight to get child support, and it was difficult because he tried to drain me in hopes I’d give up.
I so agree with you! I was raised by a single parent and so didn’t want that for my kids. My divorce was devastating but at the same time because 2 things can be true, my ex’s immaturity would have stunted my oldest son. He would not be as successful. My Ex was jealous of my oldest and would have made him self sabotage.
Great content, subscribed.
I do believe that a 2 parent household is important even though I grew with a single mother but we had so much support from aunties, uncles and grandparents.
I agree that 2 parents household is not necessarily better, there’s so many unhealthy couples raising children.
I remember once I stayed in a friends home while visiting her country and she was staying somewhere else because of her wedding, her parents said they could host me, the amount of shouting that I experienced it was quite shocking, her mother tried to deflect later and excuse herself but it was just uncomfortable.
Fast forward we were having tea, I said that I’m not for divorcee unless you are abused mentally or physically and the mother says that it doesn’t matter if your abused you have to stay in your marriage
Nether less to say I was horrified and left wondered in which kind of household my friend grew up in, yes 2 parents are important but let’s focus on healthy parents first!
Thank you for subscribing 🫶🏾
When I read your comment it made me think about the fact we have no clue (generally speaking) what healthy parenting looks like. It has never been the focus of relationships nor raising children. We were told a 2 parent household was important but it’s never necessarily been healthy. Our grandmothers were often married off before being given a choice and men controlled the narrative of relationships up until the past decade. Women are just now putting less emphasis on what men want. Which seemingly was how healthy was described in relationships, a woman being able to do what that man wanted. What made a good woman is almost what you described with your friend’s parents. Women deflecting and coping, but staying and enduring despite themselves.
We’ve been socialized in so many ways for that to be the focus. A script for 2 healthy people finding one another is still being written. At least I think.
I see how you could have enjoyed raising your child alone. I am raising my kids with hubby who is very involved but tbh sometimes when he is away and it's just us, everything is so much smoother and for some reason even the kids are more in check. I was raised by a single mum and we literally grew up with cousins and we had aunties and uncles involved in our lives. I like to think we turned out well. Of course if the home is healthy a 2 parent home is what's ideal
I agree with people blaming single mothers. Interesting how there is no fault of the absent father. Also, the quality of character of the father is important. An unhealthy or hostile two parent household is damaging as well. You gave a great example using your sons friends.
I was married and now divorced. It was how their father started to treat me after giving birth to our second son. I could not have my sons see how he was treating me, I absolutely could not allow it to get worse. After leaving their father, their transition was everything to me. Four years later, they feel loved and supported. Unfortunately, their father chose to pack two suitcases and move out the country. Although he is now absent from their life on a constant basis and only face times not even once a month on average, they still feel their life if full. I have check in’s with them. I had conversations in the past letting them know it’s not their fault and how relationships can evolve or end. I don’t date much but they have met one guy I was serious about but didn’t work out. I used that as a teaching moment. Anyways lol I do believe it is the single mothers character, love, teachings and attention that can raise a good person. There are single moms that definitely need to do better but many are doing great jobs!
Thank you for sharing this with me. You know men have managed to avoid blame for making fatherless homes, because women are made responsible for a man’s happiness. If she were doing her job as a wife why would the relationship end. It’s so convenient that for men. Society pressures women into marriage because it serves men more than women. And any failure is laid to blame on women. Women leave because of abuse and neglect, and all men say is women file for divorce more than men.. yeah to save their lives. Society acts as though marriage will save our children from men who abandon them, but it’s never been true. I’m glad that you chose yourself and your children and feel good about the children you raised. 🖤
My experience as a single mother was a struggle, the majority of black single mothers are struggling yes I said black mothers because that’s who are the majority of single mothers !!!
I know so many single mom’s struggle. Especially black single mom’s. Outside of financial struggles what would you say creates the biggest challenge?
@@TheGiLife the biggest challenge was struggling financially that was basically the only challenge, but they are grown now both in college doing very well with opportunities I never was given or could achieve!
I was married to a narcissist. Being a single mom is so much better than being a SAHM married to a narcissist. It was hell.
@@TheGiLife The biggest challenge I see (generalization - every case is different) in the black inner-city community is the lack of male involvement in the lives of black boys. This lack of involvement is turning into anger, lack of coping skills and our boys finding "community" in the wrong places. When they grow up, they have children who tend to have fewer skills........the breakdown of society involves the breakdown of the family unit.
Are there strong black moms raising boys properly, yes. Are there successful well adjusted men from single family households, yes. Are there messed up kids from two parent household, yes.
The condition of the black community in the 50s and 60s is markedly different than today -- for the worse. The biggest change I see is the breakdown of the family.
A friend of mine used to say, "you have it easy as a single mom...I think it'll be easier to be a single mom".........then she became a single mom and is having a terrible time at it.
I think the best advice to any single person out there is to choose your partner wisely. Make sure you're on the same page spiritually, emotionally, financially, politically, parentally:how to rear kids, etc -- this would eliminate multiple confrontations in the future. Best of everything raising your young ones in Italy😊
Nope white moms are the single moms since 2023
I am going to ask my son how he feels too. My son will be 20 next month. He was my only child up until 6 weeks ago sice I had a little baby boy. I was a divorced single mom for years. I got married 3 years ago and just had my second child with my husband. I am a SAHM now. I am curious how my son feels. But I may get a different response since he is an adult, working, and helping my husband with the bills so that I can be a SAHM. I take parenting classes and one subject was how to prevent child S A. The studies showed that children of single moms have the highest S A rate and I believe because it happened to my son when he was only 5 by a paternal uncle. That changed my life forever. Now with this baby I miss being a substitute teacher and making money, but I want to be a SAHM and have been crocheting things to sell for income.
As far as making decisIons, that part doesn't bother me. I didn't like being a single mom (although I had my dad, family, and lots of support). I love having my husband here with me to not make decisions alone.
when a woman is a single mother there is a sense of freedom as she has full control on how child is raised. When she has another child with a partner she has to learn how to share responsibility and that can be a difficult transition but the added support and stability is always better for mom and child. Guess it depends on the partner and if they’re a decent man or not.
Definitely depends on the partner. But in most instances men add more work for women than lessen it. It’s unfortunate many men can be perceived as good fathers even if they aren’t good partners
Interested perspective.
Married single moms exist 👋
Very true! They should definitely cut the extra baggage
I just subscribed to! Also totally agree all the problems of this world seemed to be blamed on women especially single moms lol insanity !!
Thanks for subscribing! Men run the world and blame women for everything that’s wrong
I am going to ask my son how he feels too. My son will be 20 next month. He was my only child up until 6 weeks ago sice I had a little baby boy. I was a divorced single mom for years. I got married 3 years ago and just had my second child with my husband. I am a SAHM now. I am curious how my son feels. But I may get a different response since he is an adult, working, and helping my husband with the bills so that I can be a SAHM. I take parenting classes and one subject was how to prevent child S A. The studies showed that children of single moms have the highest S A rate and I believe because it happened to my son when he was only 5 by a paternal uncle. That changed my life forever. Now with this baby I miss being a substitute teacher and making money, but I want to be a SAHM and have been crocheting things to sell for income.
As far as making decisons, that part doesn't bother me. I didn't like being a single mom (although I had my dad, family, and lots of support). I love having my husband here with me to not make decisions alone.