Milllenials are failing at raising gen alpha || Motherhood In Progress
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#motherhoodinprogress #genalpha #millenialparent - Навчання та стиль
Overuse of daycare and technology (in my experience from working in schools) are big factors. A lot of families have both parents working so many hours that they are too tired to tackle the hard conversations
Yes absolutely, kids are going through screen withdrawal at school. Parents are on their phones all the damn time. Parents don’t spend time with their kids.
I would add that there is even less of a village. As someone who had kids with someone whose whole family lives abroad and being older, my mother who is still alive is physically and mentally unable to help at all. And then we both work and are just incapable of focusing on the constant demands of our kids. Terrible but that’s the reality. Have kids young and only if there is community and then only if
@@Pangaea83 that's a really good point. Having family nearby is so important when you have young kids.
Family or a community. People are social animals, we need each other for support. Even if it isn't blood family.
Absolutely. Very few people willing to talk about day care even though there is evidence that childcare kids do worse .
i’m sick of everyone pretending that missing 2 years of regular school hasn’t had MASSIVE CONSEQUENCES TO THESE KIDS DEVELOPMENT. like how can we expect them to be reading on grade level when they haven’t been properly taught for two years? and that they wouldn’t be emotionally and socially stunted??? there’s insane pressure for these kids to act like they haven’t missed TWO YEARS WORTH of crucial learning days.
This comment needs more likes. This topic needs more discussion.
YES! Along with the crumbling education system with rampant underfunding and the teacher shortage, it's no wonder they are struggling.
Check out the test scores for your state in 2019. It was already at crisis point before the panini. The panini is becoming a huge excuse for pre-existing problems.
In my experience, my area only closed the schools from March 2020 until August 2020, which really isn't much. I had already given up on the public school's "virtual instruction" (since they simply never got it working, so my student was getting zero instruction that spring) and transferred my 4th grader into an online public school instead.
He made incredible strides in his academic performance within 1 school year and he's still in online public school today...on the honor roll, and scoring above grade level on assessments, too.
Maybe it's time to consider that "the calls are coming from inside the house!" with public schools. 🧐
Nah. I personally am tired of COVID being blamed for kids not being able to read and acting like terrors. PARENTS were not absent for those years. Where were they? Why weren’t they helping their kids to read and helping them with e-learning? Not all parents were essential workers. Lots of parents just gave up.
Missing two years of school or being closed in ahouse with no movement or social contact?
As someone who does contract work for elementary schools, we interact with thousands per year. Kids today are weirder, less disciplined, unable to listen or follow basic instructions, way more kids with behavioural and actual mental problems. We've been doing this for 20yrs and kids today are a completely different breed than back then and it's dire. What would've been an average kid back then now stands out as exceptional because the rest are so bad.
This is so easy to prove true. We have data that shows this exact thing. It does not bode well for society moving forward. I had a I into the mix, and people don’t even have to think hard enough to compose a short essay. Creative thinking is dying.
@@AlwayslearnimgMy conspiracy brain gets suss at the fact that the generation that has augmented reality tech and Al as the tech that will be what brings them into their adulthood is the gen labelled gen alpha...
Idk, I'm being silly to think that a sub-government is planning to cybernetically augment humans and creating generation dependent on Their tech, and to think that the technology for cybernetic augmentation is on the precipice of large scale human trails and that war is an excellent premise to create public outcry for such a thing and that we are getting pushed more and more towards global war.
😅
I believe these new generations grow up too fast. With all the Internet influence and bombarding of the information age. They are exposed to adulthood concepts too easily and early in life, and so it takes away from their ability to just be a kid. New upbringing standards and ideological education, mixed with iPad nannies and drug & chemical behavioral practices, places them in a completely different world from their GenX counterparts.
Most likely due to too much screen exposure from a young age. It's even messing up the mental health of adults who first were given this level of technology in adulthood or their teenage years. So who knows how badly it's affecting children who were raised from birth with tablets in their faces almost 24/7. It's like the movie WALL-E happening before our eyes. I went to a Disney World park recently and a bunch of the kids arriving there weren't even excited to be at a theme park! I remember going for the first time as a kid in the 90s and my sister and I were so excited taking everything in. These kids barely registered where they even were because their eyes were glued to videos on their iPad. Just crazy.
A quick comment. I only have one child. 18mo she speaks sentences, follows simple tasks (pick up toys, bring objects, etc.) People say she is so advanced. I believe if every parent were able to spend as much time woth their kids, their children would be much the same
I was born in 2001 and didn't have a phone until I was 15, this was the single best parenting decision my parents made. I also had a theoretical screen time limit of one hour a day for most of my childhood but in practice it was more one and a half or two hours plus I played video games outside home with friends.
Yeah older gen z like us were lucky, didnt even have smart phones as we know them now for the first 10 years of my life, god bless being born in 1999
Older gen z here (2000) didn’t get my first real phone till 14 and I couldn’t take it everywhere lol. I either had to keep it in my locker because of our strict teachers or put it on silent. I used to work with gen alpha and they were 1st graders. I always thought I wanted to become a teacher from pre k to 4th grade. I got a teacher assistant job and worked with those children for 2 years, and I honestly don’t know how it got worse then gen z but it did! I would rather be a nurse then be a teacher today, and nursing is a very hard job and I’m stressed, but I do believe I have PTDS from working with those kids, micromanaging, teachers, and the parents!
Whew I am a millennial and had a phone around 12 but I was a latchkey kid I would have been without a ride all the time if I didn’t have a phone in middle school
Same here bro
a younger gen z here, i didn't get a phone til i was 13. tho i was handed an ipad at 7 and had unlimited access, sadly 😭 i mean sure i did get it taken away but they never properly regulated me or my brother. in fact, when apple added their screen time feature, i literally just screen recorded my mom entering her password to just cancel the feature 💀
despite all that, i still am on top of my class, i procrastinate a lot though
I’d rather not be friends with my parents and be able to read.
😂
Dont matter, theyll all hate you during puberty and come back after, just endure and youll have a great human to spend the rest of your life with
My parents are Gen Xers who are raising Gen Z(me, 14) and Alpha(my brother)
If you have free time I'd like you to pick up a book called "The Self Esteem Trap: Raising confident and compassionate kids in an age if self-importance." The first half discusses all the changes in America that led boomer parents to want to be friends with their kids instead of authority figures. And how we got here today.
@@AshleyEmbers same fucking bullshit that has been said by every older generation about every younger generation ever. Newsflash, disrespectful kids is nothing new. I am so sorry that things aren’t gonna be done the older generations way forevermore. I’m sorry you’re so consumed with your fear of change that you gotta lay all the problems of the world onto the feet of one generation. I’m sorry you think your way of disciplining and your way of rearing children didn’t turn out to be the perfect one universal way to rear children. I’m sorry you think that a generation actually exists in physical nature, and is actually not nothing more than a mathematical/statistical measurement used by businesses and sociologists to do nothing more than to find an average. I’m sorry you actually view correlation as the same thing as causation. Maybe you should learn to sit down and talk with someone to actually get an idea of the content of their own character as an individual instead bitching and whining about an entire generation, and then look down upon an entire generation for bitching and whining.
Maybe we should learn to work together instead of just demanding and
expecting that our way is the only way and forever will be the only way things should be done. Maybe we should work together with individuals of all generations to try to make this world a better place. Maybe the problems of this generation is just a build up of generations upon generations of brainwashing divide and conquer propaganda meant to dumb us all down and keep us fighting each each other so we’re easier to control so that one day they’ll get us to the point where it’s nothing but pure chaos from sea to shining sea and therefore they have no choice but to enact martial law against us all. Maybe we should think about homeschooling instead of this unconstitutional and immoral thing called the public school system that is also completely contradictory to human nature itself. Maybe before we call out the demons in other people we should first call out our own demons. Not all change is good but not all changes bad either. In fact, most change is very gray. Things change, buck it up.
“I can’t imagine parents brushing this off” EXCEPT THEY DO. You have no idea how many 4th and 5th graders have told me their parents don’t care about what they do or consume. After discussing this with the parents, the response I get is “well you’re not doing your job then…” 😅UM MAAM YOURE KID IS WITH ME 5 hours a day and with you the other 19….They’re left alone while their parents veg out on their own screens. Kids are following in example… and it’s bad
People forgot that it's not the teacher's job to raise their kids. It's the parent's job. Teachers enforce the social rules that society expects of them in a classroom environment. Without parents doing their part, teachers can't do their job (or do it with great difficulty) x.x
Exactly which is why i find her narrative problematic and essentially the problem.... Validating parents'excuses for not properly parenting and shifting accountability from the adult to do their job and allowing them to blame everything else but themselves
@@firas1938 yes exactly! We are here to help children grow and use practical thinking practices. Parents are here to teach you EVERYTHING else. Mind you, these are the parents who are also out here saying we are “indoctrinating” their kids… meanwhile their kids can’t even stay seated and pay attention.
THANK GOD YOU UNDERSTAND. I thought I was the only person who realized she was defending millenials for their bad parenting. @jfelton3583
I teach too.. my coworker caught her 5th grader cheating.. the next day after her father was called and my coworker asked what her dad said and how she felt about her cheating, she said “I cannot discuss this matter at this time.” (Dad is a lawyer)
The dad did everything to enable her.. how dare the teacher not let her peek at her notes 🤦♀️
Really? You can't imagine parents brushing this off? NEWS FLASH! They DO brush it off. Why is it that if you're a parent, you're NEVER to blame ? You ASSUME they're being taught to read. Well, teachers assume YOU, as parents, will take the time to teach your children manners, consequences and respect for authority. So your idea of parenting is trusting the random little notes that a teacher sent home. Okay, that's not parenting. Instead of giving a 10 year old a phone, why don't parents pick up a phone THEMSELVES and call the school, speak to the teachers or show up for meetings? I would have paid good money to have the parents of my students to show up for Open House - NOPE!
Whenever my father disciplined me, he would say: "Honey, I'm not raising you for myself. I will love you no matter what you do. I'm raising you to be a productive, valuable member of society and not a burden." Where is that sense of responsibility from parents now a days?
I'm sorry but if you want to be a parent - then you need to BE PRESENT. There is no substitute for the time and attention that a parent gives their child. And, if you're going to use the "my partner and I both work full time jobs, we are exhausted when we get home and barely have the time to feed ourselves much less check homework." Then you know what? Don't have kids! Reproduction isn't a mandate. It's a choice!
If Motherhood or Fatherhood is a lifelong desire then structure your life toward that goal BEFORE you start a family. You can CHOOSE what discipline or vocation to study. You can CHOOSE what field to work in. You can CHOOSE who your partner is. What you don't have a right to do is to choose to make OTHERS pay for your lack of parenting skills.
Well said! I don't understand parents wanting children they'll hardly ever see.
My brother’s teacher emailed my mother MULTIPLE TIMES about him failing,skipping class,etc. She literally laughed and brushed it off. His highest grade is a 25. 🥴🥴
@@elainealibrandi6364they fuck because it feels good. Children just become the consequence.
"Whenever my father disciplined me, he would say: "Honey, I'm not raising you for myself. I will love you no matter what you do. I'm raising you to be a productive, valuable member of society and not a burden." Where is that sense of responsibility from parents now a days?"
This is the way.
@@SomeUA-camTraveler millennial parents dont care. They fucked because its fun and they dont want the consequence of it. Theyre lazy pieces of shit.
tldr parents now didnt want to be parents
Im gen z (97) married to a millennial (95) weve already agreed if we have kids we arent raising ipad kids. We want them to have a childhood more like what we had in the late 90s and early 2000s
As someone who has been teaching for over 8 years, heres the real issue. The extreme from good to bad are much more extreme. So it feels like the whole class is bad but its not, its just that the bad is so much louder than ot used to be and the good kids are so much quieter than they used to be. Our school wven labels the good kids as ghost kids because they just do what they are supposed to do and just so often get overlooked because we are so busy dealing with the bad behaviour from the 2 or 3 really extreme bad kids 🤷🏼♀️
I relate to this so much even though I just started.
And it differs per class as well. I have a class full of children who, when they're good, they're amazing, but when they decide they don't want to do anything it is a soulsucking period for me to get through.
On the other hand I have classes with boys the same height as me (1.83m) acting like 11yo's, constantly touching each other, stealing each others' books, giggling all the while. It's so strange. It's like they're catching up on being children.
That seems to have even been a problem when I was a kid. But I think the behavior is just more spoken about and we can compare notes so much easier with people across the board that are dealing with the issue.
However I do think parents are less concerned with their children’s behavior today.
You know, this generation of children are analogous to the Silent Generation that grew up in WWII. Too young for the draft, they were subjected to the economies of wartime, and their fathers were absent fighting the war. Or if they weren't, there was some stigma to being undraftable for whatever reason.
Can you just let thd bad kids go outside and play while focusing on the good kids? Those good kids will get a better education and will remember the teacher kindly. The bad kids are invisible in my book.
@@Charvo75 Lol, this sounds like a recipe for disaster tbh. "Want to get out of class? Just act up!"
But really, 20% of permissive parenting... That's a lot! That's one in five kids not really being parented. Imagine one in five kids in your classroom not being parented, that's near impossible to manage!
And there’s another huge percentage using authoritarian! This is also not the right answer and can also lead to behavior issues, although often I see it more often leads to anxiety and depression rather than aggression. Either way, these kids are not being parented correctly.
how much percentage of kids do u think came from neglected and abusive homes for the past decades, more than 20%
They are the new latch key kids. 😂
@@cinnamonroll372 Authoritarian still produces citizens. Permissive can't even produce adults.
@@cinnamonroll372I think you’re confusing authoritarian with authoritative
I cannot get my head around how parents are so detached from wanting to interact with their children. There is no way I would not know my kids couldn’t read. My kids & I went to the library every week for fun & read books together every night as a going to bed ritual all through the early years. Watching my kids naturally wanting to read and gaining facility was so exciting, and those times together are some of my fondest parenting memories.
These days a lot of parents are working their hands to the bone just to keep food on the table and don’t have the luxury of getting all that fun time with their kids. They hope the teachers do their job and teach the kids to read which is how it was “back in my day” as a millennial. Our parents weren’t the ones who taught us basic stuff like reading and maths - that was the literal point of going to school. What are _teachers_ doing if kids these days can’t read?
i can. Because if i ever have a kid it'll be by accident
@@Vexarax well don't sleep with someone if you can't afford a surprise
@@tulip811 What an odd statement. The human population wouldn't survive if everyone who had to work to provide for their family decided not to have kids. And are you saying teachers should be paid _not_ to teach children to read? Because ever since school became a thing, that's been part of a teacher's job. But this is just another of the issues with the latest generation; they actually do believe they should be paid for work someone else has to do.
@@Vexaraxthat’s literally ridiculous and you’re part of the problem. Learning starts at HOME. PARENTS are the first teachers. Your child starts in kindergarten at FIVE years old. What are parents doing from 0-5?! Taking them to daycare is helpful but doesn’t cut it. Reading books with your kid is a basic thing that everyone can do no matter how busy you are! You better make time to bond with your child. Be so serious! Teachers have a job to do and can’t because your kids are disrespectful, illiterate and neglected at home. Wake up!
There really is no substitute to reading at home, both reading to a child, and having them read to you...at home.
You know it's bad when people are saying they hate preschoolers and kindergartners. People used to love how sweet preschoolers and kindergartners used to be. But now, when they open their mouths, what's coming out is not cute. It's not "Kids say the Darnedest Things", but "Who gave birth to all these effing Anti-Christs!"
actually it's because "kid only spaces" allowed adults to feel entitled to never be in a child's presence if they wanted, they got used to out of sight out of mind so now are incredibly intolerant and rude to children. look at r childfree, u think claiming u trip children cuz u think it's funny is a well rounded person? the people talking crap on gen alpha are generally horrible people irl
I feel so blessed that everyone compliments my toddlers manners. Any time we're out at a store we are told this. I guess we're doing something right lol
Yes! There are some good kids obviously (they are the reason I don’t quit), and there are some “bad” kids (those who can be good at times and bearable) but then there are those kids that are beyond “bad” that are just too much and influence the others which makes it worse, they do this everyday and it doesn’t change no matter what you do or tell the parent.
@@danniexjs8161bad kids prob a vocal minority
I was sitting in a preschool class giving one of the teachers a break and a 4 year old came up behind me and grabbed a box cutter that I had in my pocket to cut a square in a large refrigerator box for a puppet show for the grade schoolers I had later in the day. The 4 year old was in attack mode like he was going to stab us. I got the box cutter without issue...other than us teachers being freaked out for a second...needless to say, even though I hand sewed some puppets and bought some more for the kids to use...if I can't feel safe with the box cutter in my pocket, then I definitely am not going to be able to cut anything in the presence of the older students so I had to throw away the box and forget about doing a puppet show entirely. And to anyone who thinks well, you should have never brought a box cutter around children anyway...I used to have one in my pocket everyday when I worked at McDonald's, surrounded by children and sweeping and doing birthday parties for them all the time and I never had any issues for years. This child in particular was just bad most of the time and had something wrong with him that his parents knew about but wouldn't get officially diagnosed. Asbergers is what they think it was. This was a nice rich kid daycare, not some place in a violent area.
Almost all my friends have kids. I have one friend who I would call relatively strict by comparison to most parents today, and her boys are generally pretty lovely to be around. Most of my friends children are horrific to be around. No boundaries. No consequences.
Yup. Discipline is a must. When I was growing up, we got the belt if we did something bad. Now, parents just scream and send them to their room and that’s it. If the child is an introvert, it’s actually not even a punishment cuz introverts love being alone in their safe space.
Amongst my millennial aged friends most of their kids are lovely. But these are people who didn't rely on screen time and encouraged kids to read and be engaged and taught boundaries.
I also know a few who do this permissive parenting or use screens to babysit their kids. Those kids can be a nightmare. It's sad because it's not the kids fault. And one of those parents is trying and does restrict screen usage and stuff but they also are clearly not teaching boundaries in some areas and that's making it so that child faces no consequences.
@@FransceneJK98 no, getting hit with a belt or physically "disciplined" has literally been scientifically proven to cause an increase in aggression and behavioral problems. there are more effective ways to discipline children, and neither hitting or screaming has been proven effective.
@@larsargo you do you. My generation and those prior were disciplined this way and we turned out just fine. We didn’t have an uptick in criminals like they do today
Hitting kids was mostly done away with
Now we have more aggressive, unsocial children.
Study that
I'm a millennial and I have a teaching degree. I currently substitute teach at an elementary school in my local area. Part of the problem in my honest opinion is that teachers are using Chromebooks way too often in the classroom. It should be used more sparingly. Technology can sometimes be more of a distraction than a learning tool. As a generation these kids are used to playing on the internet. I think more pencil/paper tasks, and even outdoor science classes weather permitting would help.
I also want to say that taking the time to teach kids to clean up after themselves would help. There's no reason teachers should have to deal with kids leaving crap all over the classroom. Chairs tipped over on their sides, coats in the middle of the walkway, Chromebooks left on the floor, etc. I am a disabled wheelchair user. The lack of basic manners is grating more than anything else. If your kids leave crap everywhere it's harder for me to navigate the classroom in my wheelchair. Teachers and parents need to work as a team. The lack of social skills in this generation is something else.
It's interesting that you're faulting parents for students not cleaning up for themselves at school. It's the teacher's responsibility to build these routines with students. Parents can't get their kids to clean up a classroom from home.
@@lunarmoonlightgirl Parents can teach their kids how to clean their rooms at home. Knowing how to clean is a skill parents can also help build. Expecting them to pick up their toys after they play with them would be a start. It shouldn't all be on the teacher.
A lot of schools force it. My moms school is constantly harping her about not using computers in her math class when we all know writing that info down and doing the problem physcially helps you learn concepts better. It just sucks all around.
Yeah, i definitely disagree that the problem is the education system. My sister is a teacher dealing with 10 year olds vaping in the bathroom, lying straight to her face, and destroying her property in the classroom. That level of extreme behavior is 1000% on parents not disciplining or even knowing who their kid is.
I think you're looking at a very specific example (while valid what your sis is going through) and making broad assumptions- you're not taking in all the information presented. It's clearly not about blaming ONE thing here- but the education system is part of it as much as parenting is. There's also been a huge erosion in community, third places, safety, and trust. All of these things work together, and when we take a step back and look past specific examples, we can get a much better picture.
Smoking in the boys room was a song in the 80's. She isn't the first or the last teacher to experience a kid acting like a dumbass
@dainaChavez I shared one example. There are essentially examples of these types of behavior occurring every week. Literally she just had to have a substitute come in and the kids were throwing scissors at each other. They clearly find in hard to act appropriately in public places. I also didn't say that there aren't many societal factors affecting young people. However there have always been a lot of societal factors affecting young people. You still can't throw scissors at people. I also didn't say the education system was perfect, but it is NOT the cause of the behaviors many teachers, not just my sister, are seeing with today's youth.
@User-pw3pu Of course she isn't. It isn't a bad thing for kids to explore and to cause mischief either. It's part of how they learn. It is a problem when it occurs so frequently with half the children in class that the room is no longer able to function. At that point they aren't able to learn much because things are chaotic.
This is the result of "gentle parenting." And someone will respond and say that gentle parenting has consequences and when you ask what they are they say umm natural ones. Like letting their kid go for a walk in -20 weather without a coat. I'd say that's actually abusive because they don't know that they need it. Or... just simply crickets. No consequence at all. The kids know their parents will do nothing about their behaviour so they run rampant.
Adding to the reading topic: reading is something that should not just occur at school. Reading should be integrated into the childs daily life from day one. Reading to them, reading with them, having them read to you once they start learning the skill at school. A parent would not be surprised by the schools feedback about their childs reading ability, if they regularly read with their child at home. Also the child would learn to read as a normal part of life, and with all that practice their ability is usually way better than the abilities of their peers who do not read at home.
In addition I have to add; if your child
Still doesn’t know how to read by the third grade GET THEM TESTED! There could actually be a learning disability happening, and not just “neglect” by the parent or teachers. We practically
Killed ourselves trying to figure out why our kid couldn’t read (and she as a nine year old also beat herself up about it). Turns out she’s dyslexic, and needed extra help in a specialized classroom
Environment. Thankfully, she was tested, had an IEP put in place, and had wonderful elementary specialists that worked very hard with her as we were also continuing to help at home. Sometimes there’s another issue at play. Don’t just go straight to assuming neglect as an adult who is looking at a problem from the outside. Today my
Kid is nineteen, got all kinds of academic scholarships to be in one
Of the top schools in the state, and is working towards becoming a graphic designer, as she realized her love was pictures and visual arts rather than words to get the point across. It’s understandable. She works hard for every good grade she gets. Knowing how far she’s come, my pride is immeasurable.
I am late gen X and as a small child I would chase any available familiar adult and beg them to read to me until I learned to do it myself. Why are people not reading to their kids? I was with someone who had small children for several years, and I read his kids the entire Harry Potter series. What in the world is going on that people don't read to kids?
I taught high school English for years, and some of my students' parents would come contest their child's grade in my class, and there were times I legitimately had to have their child read something out loud so that they could understand why their child was failing: the vast majority of my 9th-11th grade students last year were reading at the 5th-6th grade reading level, and the parents genuinely were shocked, and I thought what you said: "If you'd been reading with them at home, this wouldn't have been surprising." I have sympathy for and a degree of tolerance for the fact that some parents genuinely can't be around because they're trying to provide for their kids, but far too many are just disengaged.
I agree with you. My kid was already reading simple books by the time he got to kindergarten at age 5. That's because I was a big library geek and we would go to the library to browse, play in the kids' section, and chill at least 2x per week starting when my son was 1 year old. I was the Mom who read at least 3 bedtime stories every night (it's the quickest way to get a kiddo to sleep!!). I'd stop and read a book to my kiddo pretty much anytime he asked me to, and I'd follow the words with my fingers as I read aloud.
Today my son is 14 with a tested reading comprehension level of a 12th grader.
@AG-iu9lv Exhaustion. Chronic stress. After the work and school day parents have to help with homework and there's grocery shopping, dinner, lunches to pack, clothes to fold, etc. At this point kids have put in a full day's work and they don't want to read because reading isn't an enjoyable task. It's a boring chore. They learned that at school.
at this point so many parents are trying to pass no parenting as gentle parenting and using their ipads as a nanny instead of taking care of their own kids
No they're not. You just love corporal punishment. Why is that? Why do you like to hit kids??
literally this.
Yep. My generation SUCKS . Raise your damn kids and enough of this FUCKING gentle parenting bullshitting! It’s a fucking big bag of crap!
in my opinion, this isnt just parents being permissive, this is an epidemic of child neglect. and we arent treating it as such.
Exactly. Capitalism forcing parents to work 9 to 18 hours a day. Barely having time for house chores. Much less to raise a whole a55 human being. Evangelicals and extreme Catholics, working as an arm of Neoliberalism, limiting and full on forbidding family planning and reproductive autonomy. And the few reckless parents who have a bit of a say over their own bodies, are under estimating child rearing and going head first with self imposed ignorance.
Truth :(
I absolutely do believe it's the parents' responsibility to ensure their kids are learning. I cant imagine my parents accepting that the only books i read were the books the school sent home. Parents need to take the ipad out of their hands and replace it with a book. These kids dont even touch grass anymore it seems like.
This is such a good overview. Adult screen time is worth emphasizing even more as an issue. When I take my 2.5 year old to the park SO many other parents are just checked out on their phones. I try not to judge (maybe they needed to find something to occupy their kid while they caught up on important messages idk), but almost every time there are kids doing something that requires intervention. Either it's a 5 or 6 year old running around injuring toddlers or a small child in distress. But even when its not a large problem its so sad to see how excited these children are just to be acknowledged.
Ex. My son tries to interact with or imitate another kid, the kid doesnt know what to do, I say something like "he saw you climbing. You went so high! Wow!". That child will vie for my approval and acknowledgment for the rest of our visit.
Like, you see kids run up to their parents "dad! Dad! [Something they want acknowledged]" the dad doesnt even look up, or says something mildly dismissive.
Even when the kid isnt getting exclusively screen time, we as parents are getting too much ourselves.
In their defense, my 2 year old *always* wants my attention. I’m a stay at home mom and my husband is works from home. She’s an only child. I’d guess she gets an above average amount of attention and she always wants our attention.
@Ksenia584 Absolutely. It's definitely a constant thing. It can be overwhelming or exhausting, but I think it's different when the child sees that it's the phone taking that attention. I think kids understand when responsibilities, activities, or even socializing take our attention (even if they still would prefer our focus be exclusively on them). Staring at a screen while they try to engage or need parental intervention is less defensible, especially if it's a pattern.
This is such a good point and so true. I feel like I always gain a couple "cling on" kids when I'm at the park playing with my little guy, simply because I acknowledge them. I always try to tell myself their parents might be working on their phones and are doing something good by getting their kids outside, but sadly, I don't think that's often the case.
I have had the same experience. I will give a child one compliment and they will imprint on me the rest of our time there. It's pretty terrifying how starved for attention children are
I’m 25, so smart phones weren’t a thing when I was a kid, but I still remember clear as day the times when my dad wouldn’t even look away from the TV when I tried to speak to him or show him something while he was watching it.
Corporal punishment seems to be less common now, and that’s good, but I wonder if there’s an epidemic of emotional neglect on the horizon
I’m also a 95’ millennial with a 10 month old, and I think it’s so important to be aware that there’s a difference between gentle parenting and permissive parenting is exactly what I typed before she said it!❤️
My MIL is a permissive parent and WEW did that fuck up her kids both in very diffrent ways.
They know the difference very well, they’re just playing dumb so they don’t acknowledge the failed experiment that is their parenting style and how horrible (most of) their kids are
Wow, 95 feet! You must be pretty tall.
you are gen z
@@darkvader125 Gen Z started in 1997 -- two years after the original commenter was born. They could possibly considered a "cusper" though as they are near the dividing point between the end of Millennials and the beginning of Gen Z.
the horror i would feel if i realized my nonexistent child couldnt read only when they had to stay home during the pandemic
Lots of permissive parenting? So millennials are parenting like Liane, and they're raising a bunch of Cartmans?
I see nothing wrong with gentle parenting it’s the parents who don’t discipline
their children AT ALL. to me gentle parenting just means ya know NOT physically HITTING your child and actually listing to your children’s issues and problems, but still being able to discipline their bad behaviors. But I don’t see a lot of people think of it like that they just DONT discipline at all which is the real issue and that’s not gentle parenting that’s not being a parental figure at all
This. Many people who are 'against' gentle parenting seem to think it means neglect or lack of boundaries.
Whilst in reality the kids that act as if they would 'need' their ass whooped, this behavior largely comes from a place of not being seen, so neglect.
Gentle parents say no. They take their tantruming kids out of the store back to the car and when the kid calms down they might talk a bit about what happened and feelings and expectations and try again. The biggest obstacles to doing it right are having enough time to redo things and work around the normal feelings and dysregulation kids sometimes have and the way frustrated kids sometimes trigger adults into acting badly too.
Gentle doesnt mean wothout a backbone it means honest , firm and fair.
@@hcf4kd1992 this, kids cant regulate their behaviour and emotions, instead of bending over to their demands you gotta teach them how to propelly express themselves and accept sometimes no is a hard no
Why do you think you need to discuss every thing you tell your kid to do. If you tell them not to touch something that's all that needs to be said. No discussion just don't touch that's it. If you tell them they can't go somewhere there doesn't need to be a deal made jus no you cannot go. When they get a job the boss isn't going to make deals with them hmmm no. So stop setting your kids up for failure. They don't pay the bills, they don't buy the food cloths necessity. They can't drive or buy cars. They cannot for see dangers online or outside their doors. Other people they will have in their lives won't love them like you do for example their bosses so they need to know how to deal with that. There are so many kids with depression and drug issues these days and kids that don't know how to be happy and it's because they have not learned how to strive for the best and pick themselves up after disappointment and don't know how to take responsibility for their mistakes and make things right because mommy and daddy always fixed everything and never set boundaries and made excuses for everybody else's behavior making your kids think they can do whatever they want.
I know personally my children don’t have grandparents that want to watch them weekly or aunts and uncles that visit with them all the time, they have no cousins…It’s just us, our small little family. When I was a child I spent most of my time with my grandmother…our parents are not retired they still work 40+ hours at 60 + years old and during their free time they are out enjoying themselves.
We just don’t have community or strong family relationships unfortunately and it’s showing.
This is such an important point indeed
I’m sorry. Good point about lack of community.
It’s the “ME” generation (boomers) having kids who perpetuate the “ME” generation (millennials) and we are now on the third “ME” (Alpha) generation. Each successive generation gets worse in their selfish decisions and ways.
Yes! This! Most days I'm just trying to keep my head above water with the limited parenting skills I have... The little time I do have to read and research parenting advice is done on my time the rest my 3 y/o spends with me or my husband, a few community classes, or the one relatively local friend we've made...I was a latchkey kid in daycare from day one but I had a grandma, 2 aunt's and a cousin to visit... Any family I have that's still alive now is across the country and even friends live at least 1.5 hours away... I'm not even trying to dump my kid off on anybody for a break what I really need is more safe adults and children for all of us to learn from in real world/real time experience so that my fried brain can get a different perspective with verbage and behaviors. Best of luck to you guys!
I’m sorry. Have you looked for a moms groups (usually held at churches)? That was invaluable to me when I was a new mom. I had family nearby but it was important to be with moms my own age, to talk, give each other a break and have our children play together.
Public schools suck at teaching reading. One teacher tried to say my child might have dyslexia. Had her tested. Nope! Lol it was just their methods. I had to teach my two kids to read with the Bob’s Books curriculum at home. My youngest - a kindergartener at the time learned NOTHING in school during the pandemic in 2021. They told me she was doing great lol. I taught her how to read and enrolled her in summer intervention tutoring. It took another year after that to catch her up. Ridiculous. These guinea pig curriculums are trash and should be outlawed. I work full time, but I make lots of time to work with my kids on academics (especially math) a few times per week.
Darlin, I taught for over 25 years in the American public school system. I saw this trend toward a lack of parental discipline, disintegration of the nuclear family and the negative effects on the behaviors and achievements of their children. Student behavior has been on a steady decline since the mid 90’s. I loved teaching, but I would never go back to it now, especially after I heard you say specifically that it isn’t the students fault nor their parents, but lays solely at the feet of the educational system.... ie the teachers. 😂
Then I suggest you try substitute teaching for at least 6 weeks and I am 100% certain that you would change your mind probably on day one or two.
Yeah she's coping, between shit parenting by narcissists that care more about online clout, and the endless amount of sick degenerate shit, and pedos online most of these kids are going to be really messed up...and eventually they may have power but no wisdom.
How about this. It is everyone's fault. Yours, mine, and ours. It is all our fault.
@@AngelisaHassanNope. Teachers are actually part of the solution. Parents (many of them) on the other hand, are the problem.
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with unabridged classical books.
I read The Yearling, Old Yeller, Where The Red Fern Grows, Lassie Come Home, Black Beauty, Alice In Wonderland, The Incredible Journey, The Wizard Of Oz, Tarzan of the Apes, Little Women, Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer, The Chronicles of Narnia, and many, many more.
Around age 7-12, my favorite author was Albert Payson Terhune.
His writing style was so complex and different from other classical authors that I had to re-read sentences to get the idea of what he was trying to say.
I'm a Gen Z and will not be raising kids with technology.
When I was a kid, all I had were toys, board games, cards, books of every genre, type and reading level, the outdoors, other human beings, my imagination, trips to the park, beaches, museums, and farms.
That's all I needed for entertainment, and that's all my kids will get.
I think it can be a balance too with technology. I am gen z as well so I grew up with physical toys and going out to parks with my friends and playing with water guns, and toy lightsabers and sports. I also grew up with lots of reading as well and loved Goosebumps, The Hobbit, The Lord Of The Rings, Deltora Quest, The Spiderwick Chronicles, etc all in elementary school. That being said I also grew up with video games that had a huge impact on my childhood. I swear that Pokemon got me good at reading from a young age since the games were text based. I also have fun memories of playing Mario, Sonic, Smash Bros, Star Wars Battlefront, etc with my sister, my friends, or by myself. I do think a delicate balancing act with screen time should be managed especially since back then you had to physically be in the same room to play multi-player video games and now everything is online. I think shows can be good but as a parent you should be willing to watch TV with your kids. I remember watching cartoons as a kid and wanting my parents to watch with me and my mom hated cartoons and preferred to watch reality garbage TV on Bravo, while my dad would sometimes laugh and watch cartoons with me which I still remember fondly to this day. I think also if you can get your kids into extracurricular activities; that is a good way of instilling a sense of discipline and progression in your child instead of frying their dopamine systems with iPads all day. Activities like martial arts, dancing, music, etc are all great.
@ggstatertots Absolutely! I'm not against movies and TV shows, but my family made separate times for those, so they didn't take up a huge amount of my childhood. We made popcorn and had movie nights on Saturdays and Sundays and even set time aside to play Monopoly as well.
The majority of my time was spent outside with my siblings and neighbors.
I understand the balance with technology, but it's important to give children a chance to play outdoors, read books, and do basic chores as well.
I'm seeing more and more children being given cellphones before they leave their baby carries. If you put those kids in a room with kids who were raised with limited to no technology, the difference is so obvious it's actually disturbing.
The "technology" kids have no interest in socializing and can't put down their phones and gaming systems down to respond to someone saying hi, and the majority of their parent's time is spent telling their child to "turn the volume down."
I got my first phone when I turned 18 because I had to get a job to buy it myself. I use my phone often, but I'm not addicted at all and don't like texting unless I'm planning get togethers. When in a group of people, I have no problem putting my phone down and walking away. I don't feel deprived at all and have much better communication skills and love talking to people.
This. I grew up in a similar way.
I saw this father who's kid had a tantrum in Walmart and. he took her out of the store and made her sit on the car until she calmed down. That is good parenting! That is what millennial's need to be doing! Gen Z here and I will be doing it with my kid. I'm not going to let them throw a tantrum in the store.
How do you know that parent wasn't a millennial parent? Do you know for sure that millennial parents aren't doing that with their kids. I mean, people like to bask millennials and say they are bad at everything, but it's still an overgeneralization. There are bad and good parents of every generation.
You don't have kids so you don't get it. Sometimes that's exactly what they want and taking them out of the store gives them what they want so you are perpetuating that cycle. You'll see! If you see a small kid tantruming try to understand that their parents might be working on the behaviour. My kids have to be good in the store or they do it at home. They stand in the living room for 10 minutes and say nothing. That has taught them. But they aren't 2 either!
@@t.8936I can see how that would be caving in to the kid's wants. But at the same time it's kind of unfair to burden a bunch of strangers with having to be "understanding." I think the most considerate thing to do is to take the kid out instead of forcing others to deal with something that isn't their business. Yes, you do want to avoid reinforcing bad behavior, but that CAN happen over time with additional practice without making people deal with your kid.
@@_Solmega time and place comes into play here. A nice restaurant? Take the child out. The customers have paid money to be there, they could be celebrating an event, or something. Understandable.
A walk theough Walmart? Everyone will survive. Keep walking with your cart and you'll barely hear the kid. If a grown adult can't handle shopping and hearing a screaming kid, it's a sign that they might have needed some more discipline themselves as a child. 😂
@@t.8936 By that logic everyone will survive at a restaurant, too. Plenty of parents stick it out even at nice restaurants and no one dies, true. Ultimately different parents decide that what's appropriate and what isn't. I don't believe it's a matter of "surviving" it, I wasn't being that dramatic. I just appreciate parents who understand that neither place is really appropriate, and those parents do exist.
If your kids don't sometimes say they hate you, you aren't doing your job. Children need the following things: Your love, your time, and age-appropriate limits. Your child's job is to chafe against these limits as they seek to expand their horizons. But they need the structure of limits. That isn't about beating your child or screaming or withholding love. It's about being loving but firm. A loved child is more likely to recognize it. And remember -- two-year-olds are never going to understand rational reasoning.
If a kid respects you they don’t say they hate you.
@@VexaraxLOL, kids say that shit daily. I can almost guarantee I'll be told someone hates me or that I'm mean in about 30 mins when I wake them up for school. They don't know or understand enough, so you just give them a "Good" and keep it moving
@@User-pw3pu - I'm 35 and have never once told my mother I hate her, she'd have cracked me into next week and still would, my respect came from fear. My teenaged children haven't yet told me they hate me, but because they know I'd never crack them so their respect comes from love. Maybe our family's gene-pool is just weird though 🤷♀
The kids fault? Nop
The parents fault? Nop
The teachers fault? Nop
The System.
With that you are somewhat right but it doesn’t resolve anything, “the system” is the politics, the teachers, the parents… except the kids, all of them have to do something.
If no one is at fault, you are doomed
It's a combination of issues. Economy is hard so both parents have to work, less time with kids. COVID happening set a lot of schools and kids behind. The education system is falling apart because teachers don't make enough money so nobody wants to do it. It's rough out there for kids right now
One of our big questions when we found out I was pregnant was “how do we keep our kid from becoming and iPad kid?” Our daughter is 18 months now and we definitely do screen time, but only on a TV and only programs that we have chosen. We both grew up watching loads of TV, and I don’t think screen time is inherently the problem but the fact that kids can access whatever they want whenever they want it and they’re not forced to interact with the world. When we dine out, we always see kids with their iPad and headphones and while the parents get to eat peacefully, it’s really doing a disservice to their kid. It’s almost never actually nice or fun to eat out with our toddler, but she is at least learning about her world and how to behave. When she gets upset, we take her outside or change her scenery. We don’t shove a phone in her face. The only time we’ve used an iPad as an emotional distraction was on a plane ride. We also don’t scroll on our phones while our daughter is around.
We’ve really made a lot of lifestyle changes to model the behavior we want for our child. A good example is when I feel overwhelmed or upset, I don’t get on my phone like I used to. I will go outside, go on a walk, take a shower. Learning to cope emotionally has helped me and I know it will help my child in the long run.
The biggest problem of all is that parents don’t spend time with their children. I’m extremely lucky to be a SAHM, and I think this is a huge benefit to my daughter. Our entire family’s mental health has improved because of this decision and I’m thankful we can comfortably make it work. My husband I regularly talk about how parenting has felt as stress free as possible because we do not worry financially. We recognize this is not the case for many, but we have also simplified our lives to afford this.
Became a millennial SAHM in 2020. Best decision we ever made. We’re lucky we can manage financially to do it, but it was kind of an easy decision after seeing how much we saved on childcare alone.
This should be the goal to achieve. I’m actually glad to see it’s having a bit of a resurgence. But it requires a two person household with two people who understand duties and compromises.
Many of us youngsters are so glued to our phones. Even with the new policy with our phones in my school, many students still use it. Not to mention the constant profanity in both the buses and classroom. Parents really don’t spend time with their kids.
Gen Z with an alpha cusp younger brother, we both had a lot of screen time in our teens but even what we used it for was different, I was more inclined to draw, research something, read, play some video games like Minecraft the sims 4 or Roblox, granted mostly while I had music on in the background meanwhile meanwhile my brother spent most of his screentime with headphones on and screaming at his friends over video games like Minecraft, roblox and fortnite
Yes about having to simplify your lives to afford you staying home! I remember teaching 15 years ago and chatting with a student's parent about her being a SAHM: "You're lucky you get to stay home." "There's no luck involved. We planned and saved for this and make regular sacrifices so I am able to stay home. It's no walk in the park but we both agreed it was important so we make it work."
I've never forgotten that conversation and I feel the exact same way now!
I just quit my job at the local elementary school.
Something no one is talking about is how these kids KNOW they can’t read and write and they’re deeply ashamed. It’s so embarrassing not being able to read or write and it’s effecting their mental health greatly!!
Can you elaborate please? Not saying you’re lying or anything but I genuinely want to know how you can see the shame in these kids, how do they know they’re not performing up to grade level standards?
@@briannac2231 copying mechanism are easy to spot on children , they are bad at masking
@@briannac2231 Hey no problem in asking!
So,essentially, they get tested twice a year to see if they are meeting grade level requirements. About 1/3 of my students were at least 3 years below grade level last year . So my 5th graders who are reading at a 2nd grade level all get reports that show them such. They feel so upset and left behind in classrooms because they are getting zero concept reinforcement at home and have trouble remembering how to write a d vs a b. (Covid also played a huge role here) But all my kids who are struggling to meet grade level expectations are ashamed. They berate themselves and call themselves dumb/stupid for not being on grade level when it’s not their fault. It’s their parent’s responsibility to make sure they are reninforcing material they are learning in school.
I just went back to visit a few weeks ago and one of my fav students told me she’s gotten to a 4th grade reading level (she’s about to leave 5th grade in June) and she was BEAMING. This proves that kids WANT to be successful students but are getting very little help with their educations. Please let me know if I can elaborate elsewhere!
@@briannac2231 wdym how? I've seen like at least 17 different commentary videos on "gen A : the dumbest generation"
When we were younger we had to wait for our favorite shows to air on tv, which involved learning about the time so we could know when it was airing, we could only watch one episode per day and if for some reason we missed it then we missed it. Now they can watch whatever they want, whenever they want to and replay it a million times
I made my mom record stuff on the VCR so I could rewatch it lol
phone/technology addiction NEEDS to start being treated just like drug or alcohol addiction. it’s negatively effecting every part of society. i’m also trying to cut down on my screen time and i’ve shocked myself at how much im struggling to do so. it was easier to quit alcohol! until we start a movement of society recognizing this addiction, it’s only going to get worse and worse as we become more and more addicted and it’s seen as “normal” because EVERYONE is also addicted.
To add to what you said about the mental health impact on kids from the pandemic: we need to also remember that not only were kids dealing with their own personal trauma, but they were also being taken care of by people experiencing trauma from the pandemic as well. Living in a household with traumatized/depressed caretakers who don’t have access to mental health therapy also has a major effect on kids. These kids also need access to mental health care, which for a multitude of reasons, has been extremely difficult/ impossible for a lot of families.
THIS! 2020 was one of the worst years for me mentally with the pandemic just one of those stressors. I was constantly in a trauma response and pretty much dissociated and connecting with my 6 month old old was so difficult. I’m honestly just now coming out of the trenches and my now 4 year old has definitely suffered from my own short comings when my mental health was at its lowest. Talk about guilt.
Yes we absolutely can't disregard the pandemic as being a root cause of a lot of these issues. As she mentioned, adults are still trying to get over and process that trama. AND it was a solid 1-2 years of our lives. It's not something little. Even while it was happening, I was saying to myself regarding my five year old at the time- this event is going to define your generation. Hands down. This is it. This huge and will have lasting effects. Regardless of what may or may not have been handled wrong at the time. Regardless of what we did or did not know. It happened and it was big and while we want to shove it in the past and move on- it can't be discounted for anyone. Especially the little ones.
I am a 33 year old autistic adult that didn't grow up with screens and got my first flip phone at 16. Please do not give autistic children unlimited and unsupervised access to devices. They are addictive even to adults. Even though I didn't grow up with technology, now that I have it I'm just like all of the other adults that struggles to put my phone away or stop watching youtube. If adults are struggling with screen addiction it must be so much harder for the kiddos.
@retrospectivej5718
"I'm sure if a kid really wanted to not be addicted to cocaine, they would work on it and working against addiction to cocaine should start young."
This is how crazy you sound. Bill Gates didn't deny his kids cellphones for no reason. Kids cannot regulate their own behavior. Autistic children need in person therapy. Not screens. I actually doubt the credibility of that study because the autistic reported how THEY felt. They didn't ask their damn therapist if their social skills and coping was better. Hiding from the world in a screen is disassociation, not coping. The autistic cannot even read emotions so how do they know how others see them and it helps? For Pete's sake CHRIS CHAN said his Nintendo dating sim game helped his social skills!!!! That's as damn credible as that study. No one would say he has a drop of social skills. So again, proven therapy in person is the only way.
Yeah I'm autistic and I didn't have much screen time as a kid it started increasing when my father gave my brother and I iPads for Christmas but Mum still had us supervised and gave us limited time then I got a new iPad for school which definitely didn't help combat our blooming screen addictions however when I did get a phone I was the worst with paying attention to it, it would sit dead in my schoolbag for a month sometimes and even when it was charged I had it on silent with do not disturb because I really only used it for music, photos and occasionally receiving messages from my mother that I would almost never reply to and by that time my iPad was mostly being used for reading fanfiction because I didn't like the ships in a piece of media
Your 100% right i work with autistic children and one of my clients gets fixated when given an I-pad and will will enaged in tantrum behavior
No Unlimited or unsupervised I can agree with. But I don't see the issue with a solid amount of screen time, especially when it is earned. The future is technology, we type more than we write more now than ever. (This the thing you're reading right now) so being good with tech is a push in the right direction for kids. They also need to learn how to stop, accept the disappointment of wanting more, but calmly walking away. It isn't easy when on the spectrum, but it's possible. Also, pushing your kid towards their interests is a great way to get them to learn. My oldest learned how to read and type almost completely because he liked Minecraft and I refused to play it for him. He had to watch tutorials, learn, spell, etc. At 9, he can code circles around me and I have his little brother going to him for help on his game.
It's similar to how a lot of millennials first saw coding while making Xanga and MySpace pages, it's much easier to let them learn through interest than it is try and force them to learn in a way they dislike.
@@Evelyn-rb1zjSee, that's my issue with the screen time debate. Had you been born earlier, you'd be a kid in class with a book. A few years later and you were just a kid with an electric book. You were still reading, and while sure not everything is suitable for children, a kid friendly fanfic is no better or worse than any other fiction book in the library. Difference is, I can bet money no one had to tell you to read it, you wanted to.
School should teach reading and writing but I don't think schools can do it alone. I don't know about anyone else but I spent many hours with my parents and siblings learning to read and write along with school. My parents read to me before bed, they got me interested in stories that sparked my want to learn to read more advanced books. I do think parents need to be active participants in their learning especially for the basics (reading, writing, vocabulary, basic math).
One thing that I haven't heard much about is the economic stress that falls on families today. Most households do not have stay at home parents anymore, and many households have parents working multiple jobs just to afford food, housing, and necessary expenses. I would love to see some research into this area - is there just less time for parents to spend teaching their kids? We are all human and to ask a parent to work 2 jobs, cook for their families, do all the housework, and still have time to help their kids seems like a lot. There are potentially bigger issues that we need to address.
I’m 21 and my little sister was born recently. Already I’m looking into books to buy that I can read to her and books she can read in the future, as much as I trust my parents, still takes a village and I want to be a positive influence.
I'm an older millennial teacher who has taught young millennials and gen z for over a decade and there have always been kids who could not read. I was dealing with reading and behavior issues well before the pandemic. I agree that the pandemic has made it worse. I appreciate your measured take and in-depth research. My feeling is that these are just young teachers who are using social media to discuss issues teachers have been having since the beginning of time 😂
Exactly my feelings!
I wondered this as well. Since we now have social media, things that would typically stay in their own space are now being shared with millions of people. The majority of the people I see making videos are younger teachers, I'm just not sure if that's because the older generation isn't much into posting videos, so they aren't as represented?
This what I was feeling. Not to take away from the argument at all, but I was just wondering how much of the problem were other outside factors
There's also the issue of the school system itself not supporting teachers enough, treating their teachers more like customer service workers and being too quick to take the side of the parent (even when it isn't right, justified, and so on) instead of listening to the teacher. Even parents don't respect teachers as an authority figure anymore, which makes it really hard to be a teacher and address important issues that need to be addressed, but you're dealing with a Karen that's the parent of a student, and Karens in the DOE itself... You're surrounded at all sides - sometimes by malicious people, sometimes by people who mean well but literally have no time and budget to help, and sometimes? Just plain idiots...
Agreed!
Kids are overstimulated from endless media, and a lot of their favorite shows or content is hyper-stimulating from color to dialogue to pacing. I purposefully limit screen time and when we have it it has to be educational and low stimulating during weekdays, and have limited “fun” content on weekends. We also have a full hour of quiet time after the school day before turning on any screens. I’ve noticed a positive shift in behavior since trying to follow this more
Yes! I'm having my first baby in a few months, so I started looking up educational media for kids. Modern programs are insanely overstimulating compared to programs from when I was a kid. There was one show that was supposed to be teaching ABCs, but a brightly colored cartoon character would be bouncing next to each letter on the screen, distracting from the lesson. Why is this a thing?? No wonder kids today have attention span problems.
There is another factor that you may have failed to mention: the effect of books by “experts”. I think when my generation was being raised, we had both the effects of boomers leaving children at home in front of TV while they realized their career goals, mixed with Dr. Spock’s guidance for forming the child through careful discipline. When I had children 30 years later, I loaded up on “expert child raising” books on attachment parenting, cosleeping , baby-led everything, validating feelings. Fire emotional consequences were promised for not respecting the baby’s feelings and desires. I was told by preschool teachers that “negative consequences are abuse” and that only positive discipline should be used. Children were to be distracted from bad behavior by offering them something else they wanted. My parenting style became kind of a hybrid of everything I knew. I also gladly offered computer time as it seemed much more interactive than my own childhood in front of a TV screen. However, my kids are great readers. They are way too addicted to devices, but so am I. I am not sure of the best way forward from here.
It ticks me off when some "smart" person comes along and says "hey, ya know that thing that's always worked for teaching kids? Yeah, we are gonna change that because I know better. I'm smarter than the millions who came before me" 🤦♀️
Reading is a combination of phonics, sight words, vocabulary, comprehension, and making meaning of how a word fits in a sentence. Reading is freedom, as it creates knowledge, empathy, fantasy, and on and on. Parents are responsible in exposing and teaching their children to develop a desire to read and to listen to their children read.
Millennials are just exhausted. Thats why the majority of kids are terrible right now. They have parents they barely see because they both work and are just exhausted all the time. Most are raised by other people at this point and then given the screen time when they get home so parents have a moment to themselves when they get home.
There are few stay at home parents, there are few family vacation to bond, grandma and grandpas generation dont want to help. Communities are dead to help families and you have to buy them for help like daycare.
How can kids get to bond, get one on one time, go outdoors and spend time with their parents if their parents are both working? Have you tried making plans with millennials? It has to be done by calendar at this point.
Gone are the days where there is one on one time with parents. It is literally so hard to do it when society is putting a lot of financial burden on everyone.
Want to fix the problem? Maternity care. Parental assistance programs. Lower housing rates and lower cost of living.
Most of us are in survival mode and scraping by and cutting corners in parenting because we're tired.
Im not saying all millennials are this way, but all the problems brought up in the video, i think, stem from parental exhaustion.
I think another solution to the constant burnout for some could be multigenerational living again. It was a normal way of living before world war 2. It would solve lonliness for stay at home moms, and senior citizens. If a mom wanted to work part time, grandma could watch the kids and grandma could work too. With only one property to maintain and possibly only one home, time and energy could go more towards being together rather than catching up on chores. Bills would be split between dad and grandpa and possibly mom/grandma working part time or fulltime depending on the situation. We wouldnt have to rely on paid help or the government so much if we could all work together as a family to help each other out. And when grandma and grandpa get so old they cant help, the next generation takes over and grandma and grandpa no longer need to go to the local nursing home with their children, grandchildren and even great grandchildren able to help care for them.
Destruction of society
You are talking about what other countries have which is social housing for low income families, maternity leave for families. Almost every country has this benefits. Including universal healthcare and education. The problem in USA is that Americans don’t prioritize basics. All the taxpayers money is going to the Army and weapons. I can tell you right now that the infrastructure isn’t good in USA and I have no idea why schools are different depending where you live. In other countries the taxpayer money goes to schools equally distributed and every one has the same education. Teachers are well respected and strict. Is just different culture and manners.
Do you eve know that even third world countries have this benefit?. Of course isn’t as good as first world countries but at least they have help. USA is the only country that doesn’t provide anything to the citizen’s. I don’t understand where is the money going and why politicians think you need to pay more money if you want benefits. Is just absurd!!. A lot of corruption is happening. The money isn’t going where is supposed to go. American people need to ask for the receipts and make sure their money is going to cover basics and not politicians pockets. Maybe a new structure has to be put in place to make sure the money is going towards citizens. Of course before this happens people need to go out and fight because this people are snakes.
people shouldn't have kids if they don't have both the time & money to support them. it's to the detriments of both parents & kids.
@nilmerg
Do you really think having a family is only for the richer families where only one parent works?
Poorer people aren't allowed to have children? Aren't allowed to have a family? It's their fault they both have to work to make ends meet and end up having to choose work over time with their family?
The problem is not the people choosing to have children. The problem is society. People are struggling living in modern society where they can have the choice to have kids without it being a huge financial and mental burden.
Having a family should not be a luxury for the rich. Should not be this difficult to have time for.
A stay at home parent should NOT be "I'm so lucky/thankful that we can afford this lifestyle". But it is. Because financial and economic struggles are making it harder and harder.
Buying a home, buying groceries, affording child care, gas, a car etc... it all adds up and we live in a society where both parents have to work now and I don't think we should be okay with it.
I am a Millennial Parent. I just became a mom 11 months ago. He is my first child. I am 32. And I don't let my child use an iPad or he won't have an iPad.
He loves Bluey we watch it together on TV for half an hour. I turn off the TV&we go to his play room we play for an hour then naptime after nap time is dinner time. No TV at dinner time. My son loves playtime & notice he watches bluey for a bit then just plays with his toys. Because I am trying for him not to grow up STUPID. Like these kids.
I don't put him "MS. RACHEL" the majority of mothers put that sh*t on and say " OMG I LOVE HER!" OR "OMG WATCHING MS. RACHEL IS PAYING OFF MY BABY CAN TALK NOW THANKS MS RACHEL! " for me that's LAZY as a parent that's is LAZY ASF. as a parent you teach your kids these first word not a "UA-cam DUMMY STAR MS. RACHEL " you do it.
Ms. RACHEL & cocomelon are banned from my household.
I am not perfect. But I am a Millennial &I am not raising my child to be an iPad kid. Not all of us are like that the majority are but I'm not one of them.
Great job!!!
I have a 19yr old and an 8yr old. The mistakes I am correcting from my oldest is that I am keeping my kid, when she enters that age, away from social media. Idk how that is going to look once she enters that age.(I'm thinking some access but it has to be on the laptop in the living areas) My eldest is, surprisingly, in agreement with me.
She will also not have a smart phone, until she's 16. I also have banned her from "owning" any tech of her own. This creates the boundary and expectation that using the tech is a privilege that needs to be respected. We have a laptop that is mostly only used by her and could be technically considered "hers" but it gets charged in my room and I can take it away at any time for any reason and it's not a punishment, it's just that time's up for using it. This has stopped many arguments that I did have with my eldest when she was younger as she felt an entitlement to it as the tablet was hers.
It will, hopefully, also help prevent the punishment feeling my eldest would feel when I would remove the tablet (or eventually phone) when the emotional distress created from social media was too much for her. I was removing it in an attempt to protect her and give her breathing space from the online beef, but she felt at the time I was punishing her.
It is really hard. And now we have to face the possibilities of Al being integrated into everything. I'm deeply concerned for our children's futures.
Best of luck mamma.
P.s. If a group of people decide to do an Amish and declare, tech to here and no further, I'd move in a heartbeat 😂
Total lack of responsibility in this video. "It's everyone else's fault but the parents'." There is a lack of parenting from parents. Parents are relying on others to parent for them when their child is behaving inappropriately. At my place of work, parents do their best to ignore their child's dusruptive behavior. They rely on employees, teachers, and bystanders to parent their children instead of doing it themselves. It should not be my job to tell your child to stop touching me without asking. To not pull a dog's tail. To stop running. Why do you allow your child to scream and run around and let everyone else suffer the consequences? It's disgusting. For anyone saying it's tiring, it's hard, I'd like to see you try. No. I won't. Because I know I would be a bad parent so I choose not to have a child. Parenting is not for everyone. Sure there are exceptions. I see fantastic parents. But those experiences are far outweighed by the parents who couldn't give less of a shit about how their child is impacting others. It doesn't matter if their issues are caused by something out of your control. It is your responsibility to remedy it. To provide the support they need. To PARENT them.
Op. You don't have kids. OK. Disqualified from having an opinion about parenting. Stay away from kids if you don't like them.
I think Gen Alpha is like 10-30% super intentionally raised kids, from parents with really strong values, people into attachment parenting, crunchy cloth diapering, limited screen time etc, and a lot of those kids go to private school or are homeschooled, and then like probably a larger majority of kids were in daycare a whole whole lot (partly because the economy has gotten so difficult and single parenthood is at an all time high) in their early years and have behavioral issues because they didn't get the connection they needed as young children, even if their parents were well intentioned. And at some point some kids become so disconnected from their parents, they become extremely irritating to the parents and it becomes a vicious cycle and it's easier to just use a LOT of screentime to control those kids.
Also the generations become less and less respectful of authority for the sake of it as time continues (somewhat for good reasons).
i think this is very true. I'm very much a 'crunchy mum' but as a single parent i eventually had to send my son to nursery at 15 months old, and i can really feel the impact it has on my parenting. even though my son only attends 3 days a week and i'm able to take several months worth of holiday a year, during the weeks he attends i find it very difficult to parent. but during holidays i feel we connect much more and everything is just easier.
I think maternity leave is such a huge factor and i'm so grateful to have experienced it because it really laid the foundations of parenting for me. so even though i struggle now when my son comes home exhausted and grumpy, i feel i have built those foundations to hold myself to my standards, and keep to my crunchy, cloth nappy, screen free ways. no matter how seriously tempting it can be sometimes! I cant imagine being able to parent without having had such a long maternity leave.
@@abigailcripps5449 yes I think in America a lot of women don't even know what they're missing or how it's affecting their child because the kid is put in daycare so so early. 😳 It makes me sad. I think it's actually leading to a lot of mental health issues for people later in life (based on what I've learned from Gabor Maté).
I think one or both parents should work from home.
i agree but i was also a stay at home mom up until earlier last year 2023, both my kids are pandemic babies and lacked so many skills from me being a first time mom and not knowing what i was doing/ getting the support/ advice i needed to just social delays because we had to stay home all the time. that sending them to daycare even though it was not what i wanted actually helped my kids develop skills they were lacking and increase social skills. I still try and let them stay home as much as i can but i also think kids just need to learn to be away from their parents and it can help them get ready for school. I do agree that too many parents are on their phones ans ignoring their kids and i sometimes struggle too with this
"If you're a gentle or responsive parent, you validate your child's emotions and de-emphasize consequences. If you're an authoritative parent, you set hard boundaries and focus on following set rules."
Okaayyy so what about the parents that use empathy and understanding of their child's feelings but simultaneously emphasizes that their feelings do not change rules or boundaries and there are consequences?
My understanding is that a gentle parent will use natural consequences instead of punishments, such as threatening to take away a toy or give a time out, to correct poor behaviour.
So, let's say a toddler has a friend over for a play date, then starts to cry and hit their friend when said friend touches their toys.
There are a number of loving ways to correct this behaviour and teach them appropriate responses. One parent might give a child a time out, while another may remove the child from the situation (in this case, the room). Realistically, it's the same thing, but it feels entirely different to the child.
@carmenjoydoucette8488 what is a "natural consequence" for the toddler hitting their friend? The only natural consequence that I can think of is allowing a toddler to touch a hot stove in order to understand that it will burn.
@@carmenjoydoucette8488 Here’s the problem: sometimes the “natural” consequence of a less optimal behavior doesn’t happen until MUCH later. If you eat candy bars for dinner every night it immediately tastes good. You might even choose to do it again for several nights…the health “consequences” won’t show up until later. If you hit your friend, after a while you will have no friends and feel the sadness of being very lonely-but then it will be too late. Whereas if there is a rule “no hitting” both kids feel safe and also the kid gets to experience the benefit of having friends.
It’s the parents job to KNOW what the consequences will be from a bad behavior (because presumably the parent KNOWS from their life experience what will be the long term damage of impulsive behavior) and to bring the long term result into the present, until the child can develop their own long-term thinking. It is lazy and uncaring to not give your kids immediate consequences for behavior that will hurt them in the long run.
@@Aetriexyall need to start using reverse psychology
Throw a pizza party for the good kids and forbid the bad kids from having any and they just gonna sit there and watch all the other kids eat and just be like you can have some if you behave and do what ur told
reward the good kids in front of the bad kids and make the bad kids watch
Is it a form of torture maybe
But if it corrects their behavior what’s the harm
if a toddler hits their friend
Then you tell the friend to hit back
Idc if ur my kid if my kid hits a kid I’m gonna encourage the other kid to hit them back
Then they’ll learn actions have consequences
Still counts as gentle parenting cuz it’s not me doing it
Don’t hurt people if u don’t wanna be hurt back
If you are kind then people will be kind back
Exactly and that 8s the best way to parent. I'm a late boomer 1964 raised by authorities parents who were also emotionally absent and not interested in my life. I raised my now 27 yr old son in the manner you described. If he got grounded for a week, a full week it was, there was no letting him off after 2 days. Some of my friends critised me asking if I thought I was being a bit harsh. But you know what, I constantly relieved compliments from teachers and strangers saying my son was a lovely outgoing friendly and polite child - this continues to this day with even new friends complimenting my sons lovely polite nature and what a great man he is. He recently changed jobs and the amount of customers and Co workers who told managementhe will be sadly missed astonished me. The local charity even sent a letter to management expressing admiration for him. I'm very proud of him and now my vindication is forth coming...the amount of people who after meeting my son tell me I did a good job raising him, well I've lost count...and I was a single mother from the time he was born and did it on my own whilst also working. It requires a good deal of effort and love, but strict boundaries and firm consequences for their actions but the pay off's are immense. My son now complains about the rude and lazy younger generations and told me I told me I was a great mum and he has no issues at all with how I raised him. generation
Love how much research you did and how you cited your sources!
Just found your content for the first time. You’re very relatable, and you broke down these big topics and statistics in such a comprehensive manner. You have a lot of valid points thank you for sharing your insights with us!
Also a younger end millennial parent with 3 kiddos 3 and under.
Another factor is daycare: how much time do children actually spend with their parents? With most millennial parents both in the workforce and away from home, they have no choice but to rely on others to teach their children boundaries and day to day skills. Most millennials' children get maybe 2-3 hours of time with their parents after work each day.
I call this out because daycare was my first job and the "teachers" hands are extremely bound on how they can discipline. Redirection is great, but not effective when you have a classroom of 5-20 kids and the teacher can't focus solely on one on one. This starts as young as 6 weeks old in the US since many millennial parents get the bare minimum for maternity leave or FMLA. These daycare directors also struggle to or don't discipline a problem child that needs to be removed from a classroom. This may not hold for every daycare, but at the one I worked at as a floating teacher, I personally saw a child frequently removed from the classroom sitting in the director's office with an iPad. How do we teach discipline if children view removal from the classroom as a reward?
My experiences firmly convinced me that no job is worth putting my children in daycare, and I'm sure several other millennial mothers are seeing that too which is why there is also a correlating, rising trend in millennial parents pushing to be SAHM and homeschooling; we actually want time with our kids and want to help them succeed academically and so are actively trying to reverse that narrative you've laid out in this video.
I’ve always wondering if there was an economic reasoning behind kids inability to read. I feel like parents aren’t able to teach the reading foundations in the toddler stages due to the massive rise in households with two working parents
I understand your point but I feel like you’re not considering the fact that lots of people literally do not have a choice to stop working due to the cost of living.
@@kaitlinbarr I am considering that point. Several families would love to live off one income but can't financially make it work. Therefore daycare is a necessity for several families. My point is you can't blame millennial parents for being poor parents when they're not even home with their kids to parent them. Add housekeeping to those 2-3 precious hours they have after work before bedtime and it's no wonder the TV or an iPad becomes a distraction just so they can get laundry or dishes done.
Every household will be different and have a different take. I personally don't like the daycare option. We will struggle by and figure out a lifestyle suitable to one income because of it; I am needed in the home and that's a decision my spouse and I have made together.
I was born in 95 so also a young millennial with an 18 month old. I really agree with this. Im a SAHM and my daughter is really advanced compared to her peers who are in daycare or who get lots of screen time. I do not believe this is solely based on our parenting. Being able to stay at home with my child has given her an advantage in my opinion. Even if I’m not dedicating my entire day to being the best parent possible, she still gets more quality play and reading time with me than if she would if she was in daycare. I have a lot more patience for her because I’m not getting burnt out by a job daily. I have time to research child development and the energy to take her to new experiences regularly. She watches me cook/clean, exercise and she’s learning so much. Im thankful to have great neighbors and a good community library for socialization. A few of my older millennial cousins who raised their kids at home and did homeschool co-ops and very little screen time have some of the most pleasant, adventurous, well emotionally regulated children (now almost adults) and I definitely have looked up to them as an example.
As a childcare educator you are spot on and very few people willing to talk about it
I teach at uni and I have a number of both Gen Z AND Millenial students who can be overtly aggressive and disrespectful towards faculty and fellow students. I've been teaching over 28 years starting in graduate school and I'm at a loss for how to deal with such overt and inappropriate decorum in thevclassroom and I don't feel supported to push back in a professional manner. But, ignoring the behavior to putit on extinction doesn't work. These folks feel emboldened. And I sadly don't feel the same as I used to about being an educator. Will now have stricter boundaries and will push back to extentthat I can. It's heartbreaking to feel differently about something I used to feel was a honor to do. It's just not the same and my colleagues say tey are experiencing it everywhere. 😢😢😢
Sadly most of these younger parents refuse to hear that their is a very real and drastic change that has happened, and that their choices played a major role in this mess. Becoming a parent means putting your children's needs before your own, but so many have mental health issues...or are straight up narcissistic.
I just can't wait until these kids end up as our Dr's 😱
I am gen z myself and boy those students of yours are way worst than me 😭 I came from an dysfunctional family ofc, with both of my parents being abusive (one is too lenient with me and gives me everything whatever I want, that's my dad. My mom on the other hand... Narcissistic, neglectful, body shame me, forces me to grow up and etc. I don't remember enjoying my childhood years at all especially playing videogames, watch tv cartoons and watching youtubers let's play's.)
The real parent of my situation are my brothers and other family relatives, they're the only one who gave me proper boundaries and discipline me. My "mom's" discipline was yelling, gaslighting, comparing me to her favorite people's children and taking my stuff away from me without any explanations
Granted, the person who suggested taking my stuff away was the first being who destroyed my identity as a whole (probably cause my mom pour their problems onto me to the point I developed adhd and it progresses to ODD after that)
I'm sorry that you have to experience the gen z and millennial students being aggressive and disrespectful. I mostly internalizes my pain, I don't like troubling other people because of that.
My advice may won't be as much as helpful (considering I am younger than those students you mentioned of) but in my case, if you feel overwhelmed to continue your teaching, it's best to start with yourself first before the students. I understand your side of view, my teachers in high school are conservative but not all of them are authoritarian.
They're the earliest gen silent and boomers, few of them are xenophobic but I don't want to talk about that topic right now. My subject teachers at school tend to tell their story as an student, they relate to their students who are the bad ones. In my country, we don't have phones back then, everyone was working outside with the hot scorching sun. Agricultural is a thing for rice farming, that's typically the women's job especially the men who have to carry, making infrastructures and building roads.
If you do still have enough time for yourself, focus on your emotions and reflect them. What do you want to do after what happened? Excessive authoritarian discipline won't help your students, they will turn against on you even further than before. Think and refresh your mind, don't yell at them, tell them what they are struggling and you accommodate their needs. If they aren't listening and still behaving like a child, tell them directly about their behavioral issues. 18-20 years old are still developing, they are considered as young adults still navigating the reality they're in. I'm bad with kids because of my ODD, I get angry easily and that's where I stay out of the line. For your students, let them be human. Not the problematic behavior, teach them where to draw the line and implement rules in your class. Don't be their therapist, tell them it's okay to get diagnose for their behavior issues from professional psychiatrist and encourage them in little steps. Journeys are going to be challenging for them, having authoritarian and authoritative discipline is good for the mindset and their heart, it allows them to be rational and have empathy at the same time, it even shapes your value as an individual being.
I hope you had read my comment, my advice can come across as risky but it's going to be worth it in your situation and the rest with your colleagues.
Best of luck ❤
As an older Millenial, I wholeheartedly agree with you. I’ve been teaching for over a decade (career changer before teaching) as a bilingual special Ed teacher, and what students have become is absolutely ridiculous at this point. I’m getting really burnt out, especially teaching at an alt Ed high. There are no consequences for these students, and this lack of disciplining them/not giving them consequences is really going against my philosophy combing education and character. If this continues, I will have no choice but to leave. I’m not going to contribute to this detriment to BOTH EDUCATION AND SOCIETY. society pays a price when children and young people aren’t disciplined/held accountable for their bad behaviors/actions/patterns. We will reap what lack of parenting sows, and we can point directly this degenerative way of raising kids by MILLENNIALS. I really have a disdain with this new parenting style.
I don’t know how elementary teachers do it to be with students all day long, and have students act like little monsters. I just know if nothing is done when they’re in elementary school, it’ll become worst in high school.
Bro, I'm 21. My Dad, would have me next to him playing a console, almost 24/7. I got a tablet at 10 or 11, and me and my friends would either be playing next to eachother, or watching tv. My issues come from my parents being fairly absent with work and just finding me overwhelming. But through using so much tv, I found out what I LIKED. I used my tablet at 12 years old to read books and write my own fanfics.
I think capping screentime isn't necessary. Engaging with your kids is. After the episode is over, ask what they liked about it, ask to talk for a while, encourage doing other things. If they want to watch tv all day, mention that won't make them feel the best. But if they binge watch a season while taking outdoor breaks, eating, and stopping occasionally to chat and reconnect with the world... I don't think it's the worst thing. It isn't the best, but I don't think it's entirely too problematic, like everyone is saying. It sounds a bit like catastrophising to me.
I watched one of my cousins be raised by a permissive parent; she's now 18 and, in my opinion, insufferable. She was raised to believe that she is untouchable and everything belongs to her. No is not an answer, and setting boundaries with them feels impossible.
I wonder when these children enter the workforce (let's be honest, they all aren't going to make it as influencers). None of them listens to authority, and believe they are entitled to everything. Poor parenting is actively creating egotistical individuals that will only harm us as time goes on.
19:31 Their reasons is Lazy Parenting- it’s basically a pacifier to keep them quiet
19:40 Actually using iPads does the OPPOSITE of this, the kids now have ZERO social skills or how to manage their emotions- plus it causes them insane levels of stress
I worked in a Canadian school board for 5 years and it made me want to homeschool my kids.
Thank you for approaching this topic with so much compassion and nuance ❤
Excellent video. Good summary, well researched, balanced point of views. Thank you!
I'm only 22 and I'm not a parent, but both of my parents are teachers (doing private tutoring atm) and so I've met a lot of other people's kids. I honestly feel like gen alpha kids are, in general, a lot sweeter and more considerate than my own generation (gen z) were growing up. A lot of gen x parents were totally absent, so a lot of my peers didn't learn right from wrong from their parents because they didn't learn anything from their parents at all. A lot of my friends growing up were surprised my parents wanted to actually spend time with me and have conversations because all they heard from their family was "Shut up and don't bother me. Go play in your room." I consider myself very lucky in this regard.
Most millennial parents I see aren't like this. Their absence is usually due to busyness rather than apathy, and because both parents usually have to work to make ends meet these days (or a single parent may need to take on multiple jobs), gen alpha are partially being parented by screens. Children and younger teens are very impressionable and gullible, and take things on UA-cam, social media, and even video games at face value when an adult has enough discernment to recognize what is acceptable and what isn't. Most of the time when I see these kids acting up or otherwise behaving improperly it can generally be attributed to the stuff they see on social media throughout the day on their tablet, phone, etc. Not everything on social media is bad, but the stuff that is bad can be very dangerous for kids to see if there isn't an adult around to explain to them why what they saw is wrong and shouldn't be emulated. Combine this with public schools that are underfunded, with teachers who are overworked and underpaid, and you get a very unpleasant environment. The modern world is also becoming more stressful than ever, with the 24 hour news cycle and what could be called "information overload" or just overstimulation in general. We know the negative effect this has on adults, but it can cause issues for kids too. When kids aren't feeling their best mentally they aren't going to act their best either. They are only human, after all.
TL;DR: Gen Alpha has it's issues for sure, but I don't think they are a uniquely bad generation of people or that all of their parents have failed.
I’m gen X and I would say it’s hard to generalize. I had my kids in my 30s and I am very much into their studies. My eldest reads above his grade level and is one of the top student in his class.
I feel like the parenting also equates to them getting screens. A proper parent would not be letting their young child do whatever they want whenever they want, and this boundary applies to screens as well as it does to everything else. That’s why I think it’s a combination of harmful ideas on social media as well as the parenting style.
Great analysis!!
Millennials were burnt out on adulthood as soon as we entered adulthood. We were the first to experience mass shootings at school enough to warrant lock down and active shooter drills. Then we graduate into 9-11 where our friends and relatives were sent off to war for the next 20 years. Then as we're graduating college and entering the workforce, the generations before us broke the economy. And then during the pandemic we're taking care of aging parents AND young kids while trying to keep ourselves healthy and housed. There's no social safety net or mental health care to help us, so sorry that we suck at everything. If you ask our emotionally and physically abusive (spanking was legal and encouraged when we were kids) boomer parents, they'll tell you we were always lazy and sucked at everything so surprise we turned out to be shell-of-human adults.
Just think of it, genX was "raised" by them when they were still young...their parenting did actually get a bit better with time. I'm late genX and I have a 11 years younger brother who is a millennial, the way he was treated compared to me was night and day. My single mother left me at 6 years old with a teenage babysitter (high-school dropout) for over two weeks, while she went on vacation to another country....and then when I wasn't sufficiently happy to see her when she came back, she shunned me and just kept chasing dick having no idea where I was most of the time. I was teased for being skinny because she didn't feed me or keep food I could feed myself with...fucking cheese was a luxury. But my brother got handed everything he wanted, she put him through an expensive college so he has a great job...I was told to forget about college because she wouldn't be paying for me to go...I was told this all through school. While parents aren't all the same, many times the same parent can treat/raise their children in very different ways...there have been many from genX that didn't survive our years of abuse, only for these same parents to turn around and pretend that they have always been the parent the younger kids grew up with...and yes I get that doesn't make them into good parents, just a bit different.
9/11 I grew up in NY and knew ppl in those towers, and when they started that war it was my cousin, friends and boyfriends that got tricked into that abomination. They don't ever really stop war, they just switch the locations up...it makes them money and the government doesn't care how many of us have to die for their agenda.
Also if you think it was genX that fucked up the economy you are sorely misinformed, genX never had the numbers to change anything that the boomers wanted pushed through. Look into the numbers, more of genX is dead than their boomer parents despite them massively outnumbering the younger gens, and being old.
@@whispersinthedark88 your story is similar to mine. I know my mom loved me but she went through her own latent "young adulthood" when I was 6+ years old. I'm an older Gen X, my sister/brother are 8-10 years older than me (boomers). They got the stay at home mom, cooked every meal, sewed their clothes, Catholic school upbringing. When my parents divorced, my mom dated and eventually remarried. I was home alone from 8 years on (latch key kid) with the stereo and t.v. They had food in the cupboard for me but I didn't see my parents until 6:00 or later at night. When I was a teenager, sometimes they didn't come home. I turned out okay but I did mess up with my own kid (a millennial). I never physically punished her but she spent more time alone than she should have. Anyway, I was not unique. Lots of kids my age were left alone for long periods of time. I thought that was the norm. When we were young, older generations called us lazy slackers. Btw - millennial don't suck. They were handed a raw deal. But there was an old song from the 80s that said "every generation blames the one before". It's so true!
@@danapb It was definitely a different time, it's amazing how drastically different things are now. Most of my childhood would probably get parents in big trouble if not the child removed if it happened nowadays. I loved just disappearing into the woods for 9+ hrs a day, and no one had any idea where I was. We got away with so much more freedom compared to later generations. One of the things that I wish I could have done differently, was not having lived raised my zoomer son in a more rural area where he could spend that sort of time out in nature. We lived in a nice area but it was a city...a smaller one that still had mostly single family homes but no real nature besides the back yard. There weren't any kids his age in the neighborhood, so he spent too much time on the Xbox...but better that than the regular internet. He got to play with his friends and make new friends, but didn't have to deal with the internet porn and other things that I preferred not to expose him to at a young age. And I am so thankful that I never got him his own computer or phone until high-school, it really made a big difference for him.
It's interesting because I really get along with some zoomers, for some reason I find we have similar values and goals for how we would like to see certain aspects of society and those in power change for the better. It's a little weird because I really didn't get along as well with many millenials, it's almost like we skip a generation after ourselves and then are good with the next one...🤔
Wow, you are a perfect example of " it's everyone and everything else's reason I am the way I am. You think the generations before you didn't have the same wars, economic struggles, culture change etc that you did. Well we did, but the difference is we sucked it up and got on with it, we didn't blame everyone else.. we grew up!
@@lt3920 I'm going to guess you're a boomer given your reaction. It's not a personal attack on you, unless you find that you are being described in these comments.
Yes there has always been this idea about the last or next generations behaving different, but usually those are not so significant, and most young ppl go through a time where they rebell against their patents.
The issues we face now are much greater on several levels than in recent history, our countries and economies are falling apart as old ppl keep plowing forward with destructive plans that are terribly out of touch with the reality that most ppl especially younger generations are not being given the same opertunities as generations before genx on down. The cheap and better schooling, being able to work a part time job and put yourself through school and a roof over your own head is unheard of now days. Most single ppl can't afford to even live alone on their wages, and gods forbid you want to have a family and to have a parent to stay home to properly raise their own children. Now unless you are rich both parents working is almost unavoidable, many having to work more than one job...and lets not forget the number of single parents who are really struggling, this was not at all the case for the vast majority of boomers. Boomers in the US were lucky enough to be born at a time of great wealth and opportunity, post WW2 the country experienced a massive financial boom as well thanks to all the money made and stolen during WW2. One man could work a single job and provide for his family, mom could stay at home, they could afford to buy homes to raise their children in, food, cars, utilities, the collages were affordable and parents often paid for their kids to go, not having to pay $1,000.+ for childcare just so they can work. There was job stability, benefits, and retirement packages for those who stayed with a company for a long time. Most younger ppl now don't have any of these opportunities, companies will lay you off just before you can retire, minimum wage has hardly moved since then and should be more than 3x what it is now if adjusted for inflation, and they will make you train your migrant replacement that can be paid next to nothing. Most young adults are so screwed financially that they have lost all hope of having their own homes or children because they can't even afford to go to a dr for themselves, let alone pay the insane prices for childbirth. I always hear old people say bullshit like "pull yourself up by your bootstraps", but boomers and their parents sold our bootstraps for cruises, casinos, and countless other shallow materialistic trash...and then they leave nothing to their kinds, unlike most boomers who got money, homes and land from their parents when they passed.
Then there is all the negative effects of living in today's society, most boomers and even early genX grew up in a very different country than the later generations. Most older people are so out of touch with what it is like to grow up in this mess, they do not see what is happening or they don't care, they already got theirs and voted away the things that gave them a their opportunities because now that they were older they wanted that money to go to them in other ways...screw the young. And now that they have all hit retirement age they have voted to raise that, so now the rest of us will have to work until the day we die. And honestly I don't really blame zoomers for wanting the boomers to die off before they get us into yet another world war, and send the young off to die so that old rich ppl can make more money while killing millions. They hated war when it was them who faced the draft, but now they are the ones beating the war drums when it's not their lives on the line. We never had the ability to make changes on the political level because we have been totally outnumbered, and the old farts won't retire and make room for the next generations...not in the job market or politics.
The big difference that I have noticed with genZ is that they are so fed up with the way things are that they don't want to wait for boomers to die off, they actually want to put boomers down...."night of the pillow" as they call it. Given how they feel, boomers better get their shit together and do something positive for the young before things go too far that there is no going back.
Kids cannot read "I just don't think it is the parents fault." Shouldn't a parent read with their kids at night? A parent reads to their child, then the child reads to the parent. Shouldn't parents get books at their child's grade level and practice? If they did, they would see right away their own child is underperforming.
Since when was it the parents job to teach a kid to read? My mum never taught me - I learned to read in school between the ages of 5-10 by which time I could read thick books like LOTR or anything else entirely on my own. That’s what teachers are being paid for lol it’s not parents fault if modern teachers are crap at teaching 😅
@Vexarax It's definitely a parents job to teach their kids.
@amazinginmn76 It is not the parents job to teach kids how to read. I was born in 93 and I was taught how to read in a classroom. It is a parents job to gave the kids practice but my parents just read to me. Reading to a child is not teaching them how to read. I practiced with my parents but they teach me phonics. NO.
As a millennial with an 8 year old, I think there are so many factors at play here, but every generation likes to play the blame game with other generations. Millennials do it with Boomers and Boomers did it with Gen Z (many of them said the same horrible things about Z that are being said about Alpha). Families that are forced to work two or more jobs to barely make ends meet, who can’t save up for a house let alone save up to help their Alpha kids with college, who live in a society that has broken down the “village” because being successful means you can do it all yourself - all of these things play a part. As more Gen Z start having children, they will better understand that sometimes you are forced to make a choice between two bad options and sometimes you don’t have a choice at all (like being a one income family). For many reasons, we decided to homeschool our daughter so I get to spend a lot of time with her having those difficult conversations and teaching about boundaries but also respect. Not every family is as lucky.
Gentle parenting is fine but millennials are not employing consequences and calling that gentle parenting. I used to help run a day care center and would watch kids behave so different with parents versus at the day care where there were clear boundaries. The problem with permissive parenting is that it doesn’t just impact the kids who are in that environment. They are then interacting with other kids which makes it more pervasive than the statistics reflect. I think one of the biggest issues is that not doing somewhat risky things like climbing trees prevents proper neural development. Similarly food has changed dramatically and I’ve seen lots of very catastrophic results from overly processed “kid” foods.
As a teacher who has been teaching both gen z and gen alpha students, I’ve had gen z-ers that were just as bad.
I think you have a lot of good points but I think you missed a huge one - SLEEP. A lot of my students don’t get nearly enough sleep each night. Sometimes it’s because they have phones, iPads, etc. in their room and sometimes it’s because there’s not an enforced bedtime or not an early enough bedtime.
Even studies have shown people who are diagnosed with a behavioral disorder have far fewer symptoms when they get enough sleep.
The other issue with not being able to read is that sometimes parents won’t allow schools to fail their child, which means they get passed along without learning anything - this obviously wouldn’t happen to an entire generation but I have had parents tell me they won’t have their child repeat a grade, even if they can’t read in 5th grade.
Your last point is spot on, really! I am a teacher in Germany and failing a class is not really possible anymore, unless parents really insist on it (which rarely ever happens). My students know that, so not even desastrous grades/failed tests bother them. They know there won‘t be any consequences and they behave accordingly. As a teacher, I feel helpless and just try to get through the day.
i find this interesting because here in the UK we've never had the system of repeating a year if you fail. yet our education system is more advanced than the US's generally (but ours is definitely not good either). maybe there needs to be more support systems in place for the struggling children. because personally i don't see how being punished and removed from your class with all your friends and made the learn the exact same things again for an entire year is at all inspiring or encouraging for improvement. sounds to me like its just the cheapest method of scaring kids into studying, and avoiding addressing what issues they might be having.
“Want to be our kids best friend” is the #1 issue with gentle parenting. Your kids arent your friends, they’re your kids and you’re a role model and leader, not a friend first. You should be friendly and caring to your kids but not their friend.
We also have to note the issue with a lack of second/third spaces for kids to hang out in that are safe and relatively free/low cost. It's harder for kids to leave the house or play outside if they can't safely get there, exist in a space without being shooed away, etc.
I was born in 2004 and definitely remember learning phonics in kindergarten. We had little sheets with drawings representing the sounds that we posted on the walls. How in the world is a kid going to learn to read properly if you just show them a word and have them learn the phonics through memorization? English is a difficult language with lots of exceptions to grammar rules, silent letters, etc. That’s just setting kids up for illiteracy.
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I like the idea of conscious parenting rather than gentle parenting. You have a voice and you may express yourself *appropriately and at the right times.
Certain situations don't allow for expression so I'm trying to get my son to understand how to wait, 'cause what you're not going to do is talk over people or throw a tantrum while I'm on the phone. So yes, punishment. Limited screentime to start and it's revoked for the day if you refuse to cooperate.
In developmental psychology, “conscious parenting” is referred to as authoritative parenting, where the parent and child communicate, but the parent still puts down limits, boundaries, and punishments. Usually in a way where you explain to the kid why they’re being punished and why the punishment is what it is. Honestly, it’s a very good way to go about it! I have a sister with a few young kids and I wish she’d use this style instead of permissive
People confuse “authoritative” and “authoritarian” because they’re similar sounding! One is a two way conversation that involves the child in decisions that happen, the other is “my way or the highway, you’ll do it because I said so”
Wait, I’m so baffled that no one is talking about COVID? As a middle school Ed specialist, I can pinpoint with exact precision which kids were most impacted by this. Right now, my current 7th graders were in 3rd at the start of lockdown and it makes COMPLETE sense that they’re missing social and literacy skills. They were stuck at home trying to keep their little bodies sat at a computer desk for hours. And parents were traumatized by this period of time, too!
As parents we must take responsibility. Our children are a reflection of our own parenting skills. They show whether we have done our job or we have failed them. They represent us in society.
Unpopular opinion, but I think teachers complaining gen alpha is the worst is totally the same as boomers complaining about millennials back in the days. I remember my class was being called the worst ever by some teachers but I also remember we had teachers whose classroom management was just spot on. Same class, totally different behaviour from one class to the other.
I'm not saying millennials aren't making mistakes while raising their kids. They are making just as many as their parents, but the world has changed and their circumstances as parents are totally different, so their mistakes are different too
Not to mention how poor and over work the parents are... you can have the best of attentions but no help and no resources and just no band width. And the reading thing is because the public school system has been defended and does not teach phonics but instead teaches sight words.... it not just the parents fault. The teachers are in a rough spot but the village is all overworked so the kids suffer...
Then perhaps it is poor teacher training. A lot of these teachers complaining look really young and inexperienced
nah milliennials werent murdering each other in classrooms, its not the same something is very wrong
i’m sorry but as a former teacher you are deeply mistaken. if you haven’t interacted with gen alpha maybe you don’t know what’s going on, but they’re violent, don’t respond to discipline of any kind, and lack even the most basic social skills. i imagine millennials were annoying to boomers, but these kids are dangers to themselves and others, and they cannot function in society. they are quite literally feral.
Agreed, there have always been teachers running out of the classroom in tears. I distinctly remember three during my childhood. And those weren't even Title 1 schools.
But a huge part is probably that they were making a decent wage 20 years ago. Every job becomes a lot more stressful when your bills aren't being paid.
Thanks so much for making this video. You’ve covered a lot of sensitive topics - very brave of you!
I taught all my kids to read with "Bob Books". It's called "site words" but they don't expect kids to absorb reading, they definitely introduced phonics. It just introduced word sounds and parts and we would practice the sounds and theyd introduce new words made if phonics parts they'd learned. Our kids are excelling far beyond their peers now that they're in public school the last 2 years. It's really sad.
I will say behavior wise, Im not impressed with many other parents. I take my kids to family movie nights at school, and they're honestly kind of hell. The worst part is watching the totally checked out parents, just watch their kids dump popcorn on the ground, running while the adults working to organize the evening repeatedly have to tell them to stop, and generally just sit around mouth agape while their children just flail and scream. I'm attentive to my kids while not hovering, they sit with friends, but if I see behavior that I find unacceptable (not picking up after yourself, being rude to others, loud while others watch the movie, etc), im up and asking for them to switch things up. I usually end up calling them other kids out too. AND, here's the thing, those kids RESPOND. They take to parenting. I can tell tbh that they kind of appreciate it. They might be confused, but it's comforting to a child to know the adults know what is going on and have an idea of how things are supposed to be. I think it's really unfair to the kids.
Some kids are just different. My eldest is sweet as pie when we are out. My son is a terror. Just different personalities. I have done a TON of work with him, I always reprimand him and guide him, teach him. At times I will tell him to sit in a chair for 5 mins when we are at a setting like the movie night you mention, and that works but he's just a very boisterous child. They take years to learn good behaviour. Not a day.
@@t.8936 oh 💯. My partner thought he was God's gift to parenting because his son was so well mannered and behaved. When we had our first kid together he was humbled. Relatively speaking all of our kids are pretty well-behaved, friends are always complimenting how they actually like hanging out with their kids lol but they're definitely all different and behavior is learned over lots of small interactions, not just being corrected or talked to once. That being said, if you're being a mindful parent who cares about their child's behavior, it's likely you're more aware of your child's "misbehaving" or rambunctiousness than others around you, the kids that typically get a bad reputation for their behavior also often have parents who ignore that behavior. That's a huge generalization for sure but just what I've observed since my kids have started attending Public School.
Well said👏🏻 I think blaming others, pointing fingers on whos fault is not going get us anywhere. But offering solutions and educate parents, teachers, and the children.
I absolutely loved this video. Totally agree with you on all this, ESPECIALLY the pandemic effects. Soooo insightful, you have clearly done a lot of learning on all these topics. We all have so much to continuously learn around child development and proper teaching/learning of our children ❤️
Thank you for opening up a very nuanced conversation. I firmly believe that most people are doing the best that they can with the knowledge & opportunities that they have. I remind myself often that we all have an opportunity to help make the world a better place ❤. We start local and work our way up by helping our neighbors, community schools, and so on.
My dad died when I was 11, and I clearly remember soon after that my mom said she couldn't fight me on everything and gave up parenting me as they had together. I would say she switched to gentle parenting then, and while I don't blame her for it, I do recognize that my flaws from then on were my own fault, and I would have been better off if she had the strength to maintain discipline. That's the key thing missing from parenting, discipline, both of the parents' selves, and thus, of their kids.
i’m one of the older gen alphas (2011, i’m twelve and my 13th bday is next month :3) and luckily i CAN read. a lot of the kids i know, though, are very… yeah. even some of my BEST FRIENDS i’ve had to explain so much stuff to. i’ve seen the disrespect coming from us firsthand and it is terrifying! i once saw a kid nearly flip a table while a teacher was teaching! the amount of times i’ve heard kids scream stuff in class, too, is ASTOUNDING! everyone talks about how terrible it is for the teachers, which is a fair point, but nobody talks about how it is for the well-behaved kids??? this one might just be on my teacher but this year i basically skipped half a unit because almost EVERYONE failed the last one and my teacher just kept giving us back the same sheet expecting us to do better. he didn’t even explain anything more, just kept giving us the page and saying “this is due tomorrow”. also, collective punishment! i don’t even really have anything to say about that. just that the teachers tend to punish our entire class because 2/3 of us were being disrespectful. i feel like i am not learning as much as i should and i don’t know whether that is on my teacher, my class or both.
I just wanted to say how much I’m enjoying your videos like this. I know it must take a lot of research and preparation, it does not go unnoticed. They’d be amazing as a podcast too! 😉
Thank you! I’m really enjoying making them ☺️
my take based on my own experience is that the more overworked the parents are (single parents especially) the less energy they put into parenting and the more they rely on childcare and screens to raise their kids for them, which results in worse behavior. we have our priorities backwards as a culture. parenting should come before work, and yet parents seem to believe that their kids will raise themselves. i get that we need to make some huge systemic changes before single income households are the norm, but if this is your situation please take some personal responsibility and choose better for your child.
Former teacher here. This method of parenting is producing rotten children. It is a form of emotional spoiling, and if you spoil kids rotten, they become rotten kids. They have no center, no ability to self-regulate. You can play semantics with terms, but in the examples you enact of what you consider good "gentle parenting," you are MEWLING endlessly at that imaginary scenario kid, over-explaining, taking too long. You can be firm and simple and still loving. You don't have to endlessly explain to children. Once or twice is enough. More than that, and it comes across that you're trying to justify yourself, and THAT is what cues them to argue back.
Also, the notion of "natural consequences" is ridiculous. It presumes that 1) any particular thing will just "happen" for a kid if they're irresponsible or mean 2) they will be that bothered by the "natural consequence" 3) they will put two and two together (even w/ your help) about "don't to this, or this will happen) 4) they will "naturally make better choices" based on wanting a different outcome.
That is so unrealistic and age inappropriate I don't even have words for it. Kids are kids because they DON'T have that cognitive ability yet, and/or have a more complex makeup than the process gentle parents hope for. The world is also too complicate to presume anything will "just happen." It's like you expect the world or fate or something -- anything - to put the foot down with your kids. Even when things do just "happen," does NOT lead to better choices. Instead, it leads to kids getting inured to such-and-such happening (if it even does) as a "natural" consequence, deciding they "don't care anyway" b.c they don't KNOW better, acting horribly because they're upset but not changing the behaviors, and/or trying to get around dealing w/ said consequence by lying/cheating/wheedling/whining and otherwise wearing the parent down.
And of course we don't have time for all that awfulness in schools. But your kids can't cope with just being part of the world. They each presume they are the most important, special and authoritative person in every room -- because that's the message you've given them.
Children are not objects or instruments for your own pleasure. It's tough, but should be raising kids not for who they are now, with you, but for who they are as soon as they step outside your door, and who they WILL be -- when everyone else has to deal w. them.
Well said! And I’m an older Millenial, bilingual special Ed teacher!
I have yet to see gentle parenting actually work in reality.
The biggest issue I’m feeling, as a teacher of small humans, is that they’re not getting quality time with family at home. And that’s not to blame parents, we are all busy, it’s the time we do have that matters. I have families who have small amounts of time but they play with the kids in the time they have, that’s huge. A lot are not able to play - they don’t know how. They can navigate an iPad, but can’t write their name. It’s a big big problem, I spend more of my day managing behaviour and keeping kids regulated so the children who are doing as expected don’t have their learning time stolen.
As a Millennial with no children, I really don't know how parents manage nowadays. What I would be most worried about is socialization. Many have already touched on this, but for some, there's an added layer. GenX was the last full generation who socialized with their peers constantly. We Millennials were often bused to different neighborhoods to attend school, or in some cases, privately educated. Because of worries about stranger danger, we didn't have a lot of opportunities for unsupervised neighborhood playtime, which would've helped us figure things out socially from an early age. I was way behind socially as a kid. Sometimes, I still struggle. How could I raise anyone to know what I didn't manage to figure out growing up? Is socialization taught in school? Can it be taught in school, when there's not enough time for everything else kids are "behind" on? I don't know. One thing I do know is that socialization doesn't happen by magic. Not any more than reading does. Reading was incredibly difficult for me to learn, but that's another story. (Also, my parents did a great job teaching me 😊)
Socialization is often so overlooked or dismissed by arguments like "I was home schooled and I turned out fine! Look at how successful I am!". It's vital for kids and teens to have some unsupervised time with peers because that's when they start to figure out who they are outside of their family and exploring the different hierarchies among peers that naturally form and how to establish their place in them - this leads to learning manners, boundaries etc.
@firas1938 true. I'm more than fine with people homeschooling if they're mindful about providing ample opportunities for socialization. But when I hear these posts about "No, I don't want my kids 'socialized'. Have you seen society recently?" Or "They can socialize with their siblings and their 3 friends from church", I see the worst part of my upbringing. It's like a forbidden experiment has just been completed, and people still refuse to believe the results 🤷♀️
(I'm speaking of the lock down when I say "forbidden experiment", not of my upbringing. I was part of the first full generation to be homeschooled, so my parents legit didn't know.)
@@TheZurheideList-rl5oo Did you just claim to be the first generation to be homeschooled ? 😂 People have been homeschooling forever, we didn't always have public schools or even local schools going back thousands of years. If you want to talk about more recently I can tell you that ppl were homeschooling back in the 70s till now. It's not a new thing, what's new is the lack of cohesive family units ...Klan/ community. Kids should be outside learning with their siblings and other kids their age from their communities.
What are you talking about? You must be a young Millenial bc as an older Millenial, socialization was normal. Going outside, playing childhood games like Manhunt, riding bicycles, going to the mall, going to the movies/arcades, talking on the phone, etc.
That must’ve been your experience, but I know for a fact socialization was a normal part of older Millenials. I hate this lumping of those born in the 80’s and those in the 90’s. Completely two different upbringings/collective childhood experiences. 😒
I'm an early Gen Z and my father was an early Gen X. I really appreciate how his single father parenting style was much better than parents today. He was really strict and had a ton of tough love. I didn't get anything electronical until I graduated 6th grade. And the type of device I had was a 1st generation iPhone. When I was 2 years old, I could read Cat and the Hat fluently. Thats because my father made me read for enjoyment, and not be on devices. I was always ahead of my class, I wasn't a nerd, but any other kid who just knew there stuff better. Whenever me and my father go to restaurants now, we see kids that look like 3 years old indulged in their iPad. I feel terrible for these kids because they might be severely delayed in reading, writing, and just school in general.
"Dont want our children to hate us at the end of the day." Doomed to be disappointed.
This was GREAT information!
I think it’s really easy for gentle parenting to become to become permissive parenting because parents are told everything else is either not effective or abusive. Especially since gentle parenting isn’t really rooted in authoritative parenting. It’s basically rebranded attachment parenting.
Agreed! I gentle parent but it's not easy. What is a natural consequence for each situation? Is a time out abusive or not (I use them but others disagree with them). It is so easy for current parents to not parent effectively while trying to do the right thing.
Old school athoratative parenting is straightforward. Your child misbehaves or crosses a boundary, you either yell and scream or spank. It may be abusive but children learnt boundaries with little thought or consideration.
I don't believe we should go back that, especially considering the research but something has to change. The right information needs to get out to new/current parents.
My experience with teaching to teens is that gen Z have kind of been raised in a permissive parenting style (in general) and with cellphones.
Agreed. I find lots of the gen z ppl making the tik toks seem very much like they were iPad kids and are now tik tok adults.
@@belovedobserver i'm a gen z 23 y/o that grew up alongside the internet even before widespread internet use.
i refuse to use tiktok as a result of my technological literacy & knowing the differences in privacy compared to other social media.
i wish i hadn't felt forced to rely on the internet for social interactions i was starved of when i was younger (poor family dynamics, ostracized by peers in school). i craved the ability to go out & have friends to hang out with, but that was not something feasible for me.
i wasn't always a great student despite the potential teachers saw in me, but i was always aware that my failings were my responsibility. only i could take accountability & make up for them. sure, i had some poor teachers, but ultimately it wasn't as though i was actually incapable.
i personally had many periods alone with my thoughts even with access to technology. while they often weren't the best moments in my life, it's important to have those moments of insight. i think many people now neglect taking time to reflect on things about themselves & in their lives, instead filling that "space" with things we can consume without engaging actively.
while i used to get yelled at for using my phone & computer a lot when i was younger (even though i used them to cope with/as an escape from my depressing home, social, & academic situation), now i find myself annoyed with my 58 y/o mom scrolling on her phone all the time. i remember being in high school when i was sitting next to her in a car, trying to confide in her with something. she just continued looking at her phone while scrolling through facebook.
so ironic.
“if it’s not parenting, then we need to find out what it could be” girl…bffr.
I feel like you're selling an idea that all a majority of millennial parents care to know about their children. They wanted privacy so they give their kids privacy, therefore removing some of the benefits of knowing what's going on in their kids life aside from what the kids tell their parents. The kids that are being raised poorly AFFECT the other children with their poor behavior. So yes, millennial parents are the problem, but it's mostly because the parents are seeing many other parents who are trying to push blame as well. I feel like the defensive attitude you are taking, whether you know it or not, presents the information you state as if the problem is not as bad as it is.
A child needs someone who knows the way. If you ask your child which path they think you should walk on to reach the destination- you're both lost! The child NEEDS to feel the parent knows what they are doing. I'm an old millennial and when this flower power hippie butterflies and rainbows gentle parenting thing started years ago, I KNEW it was a terrible idea, because it made no sense! I was raised in the other extreme by very cold parents, very strict, being beaten often and insulted, never been told that they love me, not even a hug or a hint of empathy. And so I'm able to recognize that's a terrible way to raise your child as well, since they can become very introverted, scared and without self-esteem and confidence.
Balance is the key. Your child needs to feel loved but also protected and in good hands. They need a leader they can have as an example to follow and become in the future. Someone who knows the way and what's best for them(the child), and has their best interest at heart. You make the rules, but always explain the child how the rules are made so they can understand they are fair rules and for their well-being. They are too young to make decisions, so please stop asking them to do it, let them live their childhood in peace because they will a have a full lifetime of decisions they'll have to make. Or discuss about it and help them express their opinion to practice thinking and logic. Making yourself a "welcome mat" at the feet of your child will not help them, because they will feel alone, no one is in charge so they feel like they need to grow up faster in order to take that role. If you raise your child right, you will become the voice in their mind who will guide them for the rest of their lives "no, you shouldn't do it, because this and that might happen and you will be hurt", every time they have to make a decision that might be risky or a bad idea, your voice will pop in their head and help them measure the consequences of a certain decision or act, just like you explained everything to them when they were children when YOU took a decision. Unfortunately English isn't my first language, but I hope I made myself understood. But yes, a child needs both structure, in order to become a respectable member of society(for their own and others' sake), and love so they can be confident with themselves. Balance.
I think it was pretty good! From a native Canadian English speaker who sucks at french
I appreciate this video. To add another layer, I’m a military wife. My husband likes to game during his free time. I have boys & they like gaming too. The lack of support & social life makes it harder.
To be fair to myself, I didn’t allow tablets for my kids until they were around 5 & 6 when my hubs was deployed. It was the only way I could get breaks!
As they’ve gotten older, I’ve relaxed a lot. They still understand the value of getting outside & making friends & they choose to not use the iPad on a regular basis. They still appreciate the outdoors & find outdoor activities to be a lot more rewarding.
I’m proud of my kids. I do wish they all weren’t so into games…but I’m a lady and I don’t understand the obsession with sports or video games. At the end of the day our body & our mind attempts to let us know what we need. We all have to learn to listen & respond accordingly.
Video games are like brain sports. If theyre playing with other people they know, thats effectively hanging out.
Be careful on how much you disparage your kids hobbies and things they enjoy. They will be less inclined to include you on thier future interests. Take it from a grown gamer whose parents hated my hobby too.
We havent spoke in 4 years.
I'm an Xennial and when i think back to my school days in the distant past before you were born, it only took one kid in a class to disrupt everyone else. The teacher had to make them the centre of attention to deal with their behaviour and everyone else's education suffered in the process.
If 17% of the parents of gen alpha are now using permissive parenting and not teaching their children boundaries and consequences then that means that almost a fifth of the children in modern classrooms haven't been taught how to exist in a public space with other people.
If one child can disrupt an entire lesson then what can half a dozen do?
At the end of the day, your kids can be the best behaved in the school but they aren't going to be able to learn anything if all of their teachers are spending all their lesson time dealing with a cohort of disruptive kids, even if those kids are a minority.
That's no fault of yours or reflection on you but your kids will suffer for other people's lax parenting.
And if all the teachers are quitting then that's an even bigger problem. If teaching becomes a job no one is willing to do then parents will end up having to teach their own kids. Which will mean they can't go out to work.
An education is not a human right. It's a privilege that comes with a social contract between parents and educators. If a fifth of parents are not honouring that social contract then most children will lose the privilege of education.
I was with you until you said education isn't a human right. In fact, it is. But the rest is correct.
@@indrinita - if it's a human right why do not all humans get one? And why has it only been universally available in wealthy countries for less than 200 years?
It's a privilege we who get one with minimal personal effort take for granted and thus don't really value unlike those who have to fight and sacrifice to get one (and even face death for getting one in some places).
And that's why education in the west is failing. It's become a glorified childcare service that's taken for granted by parents and children. And society in general.
@@indrinita Access can be argued as a right, but you won't get an education if you don't work for it. Even if you have the best teacher in the world.
My mom has been teaching for over 30 years. After the past few years, shes been counting the days down to retirement from a job that she used to love and be excited to go to every day.
So when I first heard of these tiktoks, I was so confused! I am in pretty traditional circles (a combo of: religious, family oriented, homeschool families, crunchy, stay at home parents, etc) and this is just not a thing.
Removing my own kids from this statement to avoid bias, this is just not how kids are that I know. I'm constantly around kids at church, homeschool groups, my neighborhood, and cub scouts... The kids are all respectful, academically ahead by YEARS, and super kind. They're kids and act out from time to time, but it's not their personalities like these videos suggest.
Same. I grew up homeschooled and go to church and Christian clubs as well and I agree with your assessment.
As a millennial, I believe we are the worst parents. So far. We are not present for our children, we are emotionally selfish, and do not have enough money to afford the things that would supplement their lives. We also have a poor work ethic, and a sense of entitlement. Yeah I think we are the worst parents, and I'm not upset to say that 🤷
Are you joking? We got kicked out of the house at sunrise and weren’t allowed back till sunset … I never saw either of my parents …. We’re constantly screamed at and belittled by adults who clearly had their own issues and chose to take it out on a child. And don’t even get me started on the complete lack of child psychology before 1995. Respectfully I really can’t agree with this any less.
@@user-vy8vh5mx9byour childhood doesn't make a difference for how you parent NOW.
@@user-qs2by5if5r I’m pretty sure it does on every subconscious level possible surely x
@@user-vy8vh5mx9b yeah, I know, it's hard to not blame our parents for our poor parenting 🤷 that's called projection and deflection. Someday you will learn to take responsibility as an adult for your own actions, instead of blaming it on someone else...
@@user-vy8vh5mx9b I had to reread your response a few times and yeah, as a millennial here, you sound like an entitled millennial 🤷
Lucy Cailkins was the single WORST thing to have happened to reading and writing...I was a reading specialist for 3 decades!
What did she do?
@@t.8936 her curriculum is very problatic and it was adopted by many districts
Brilliant video! As a millenial (1990) raising a gen alpha (2017) Just want to say my son is a year above in reading... That's honestly scary how many kids can't read. They still do phonics here in Australia. Fascinating they removed it there? I feel it's a parents responsibility to know where their child's learning is at. We use screen time. More during holidays/weekends. Definitely within reason and my kiddo still spends plenty of time outside.
maybe its because I'm Australian as well but I completely agree. Parents should do more than just "assume" their child can read because they're being sent to school.